What Would Yahweh Do?
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- Опубліковано 26 січ 2009
- Lets just be thankful that people dont remind themselves to act in accordance with the answer to the question What Would Yahweh Do? (Read on...)
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website and blog: www.nonstampcollector.com
twitter: / nonstampnsc
BUY ME A COFFEE: www.buymeacoff.ee/nonstampNSC
PATREON: / nonstampcollector
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Christians can be thankful that Jesus himself didn't do that. (However, with the invention of eternal punishment in hell, one could argue that existence under Jesus is worse than under Yahweh: at least with Yahweh, once you were dead, he was finished with you!)
What's certain is that we can only pity the people who lived in a time when the law of the land was based on Yahwehs ideas about justice and love.
When biblical references are given in this video, Yahwehs eventual responses are either direct quotations from scripture, or accurate representations of the scriptural accounts of the actions he took. (eg, although he didn't say 'frigging' in the Bible, he DID cause a wall to fall, killing 27,000 people, and he DID order that children, infants, and camels be killed, etc).
I confess to an error though: Yahweh did not send his spirit to help Samson kill just 30 more people. Samson's last murderous act was a massive suicide attack, and "he killed many more when he died than while he lived" (Judges 16:30). I noticed the error when putting the finishing touches on the video, so I apologise to both Yahweh and Samson for not giving credit for so successful a massacre where it was due.
Another error pointed out Feb 8: it was Elisha, not Elijah, who was teased by the kids and on who's behalf Yahweh had the kids savagely ripped limb from limb by wild bears. I'm not sure whom to apologise to for this: I guess Elijah. I'm sure he was a sick fuck in other ways (most Old Testament characters were), but perhaps I slandered him by making him out to be the bald-headed pussy fairy-boy that Elisha actually was.
MUSIC: Mainly "Uranus" from Holst's Planets, the piano piece at the end is from the finale of Saint Saens' Carnival of the Animals.
Hint to creationists:
This video is about neither evolution nor the second law of thermodynamics. Therefore, dont talk about those topics in your responses.
_____
In German:
• Was würde Jahwe tun? V...
"You had a haircut and lost your strength? What is this a fricking Disney movie?" XD
That's exactly what it is. It is a fantasy. Something that you will never observe in reality. There is nothing wrong with fantasy stories. do enjoy, Superman, Batman, Robocop, Back tot he future.
The problem is that the majority of the world takes that to be real.
I legit died when he said that! 😂 The whole video had me lmao!!🤣
And this was made well over a full year before Tangled came out!
@@louistournas120 I know! I grew up in a household that took it all literally. It was truly all lies from antiquity to control ignorant people, so it was presented as true to original audiences. I’m turning fifty this year, and still am treated as an unthinking, willful sinner by my family, that should always have Scripture told to me or sent through text, etc., due to my inability to believe the nonsense.
@@themasteremerald5509 You legitimately died? That’s terrible! There must be an afterlife then!
This video does kind of explain why all those serial killers find God before they get executed. They will be right at home with God
Perhaps that god is real. Perhaps he was created billions of worlds in zillions of universes and he has a quitillionwilliamzillion humanoids to kill. Perhaps he enjoys his job and wants like minded people.
@@louistournas120 underated af. That’s a funny theory
Wow, you uploaded this 7 years ago? I was actually still a Christian back then. Could have used a good dose of this.
***** Funny you say that. There actually was a video (can't remember) where I was trying to "rationally" defend religion, and someone, years later, made a rebuttal in my thread. Since then, I had come to my senses and said something to the effect of "Yeah... I don't really believe that BS anymore.."
Me too mate! Wow it's just unbelievable once you take a step back and look at this insanity. I mean, God is love??! Not even close. If he does ilex it's he's a murderous psychopath that treats us in a most awful manner. Luckily for us we don't need to worry about the Abrahamic God because he doesn't exist. Now I can sleep better..
Welcome to the club ;)
Kids today are lucky.
I became an atheist back when there was no internet and most homes did not have a PC. I was 11 or 12 years old. It was about 1989. On top of that, I was in a christian school. 1 christian class per week.
What made you realize the need to deprogram?
I love your "angry Yahweh" animation! It's like the only way the scriptures fit in any context.
+Rhamsody Phage It is the word of "god". How could anyone deny that?
+Time for Fun yeah how does a stupid, impatient, death obsessed, unforgiven, narcissistic, blood thirsty, inconsequent, split personality God not fit in the mind of any rational thinking person???
ShutterGuts I hope God has mercy on you man. Just believe and trust on Jesus and live&love
Irvin Vargas brainwashed.
@@irvinlovesjesus Are we talking about the same Jesus that said to hate your family?
Top 10 NonStampCollector videos (imho):
10. Bible Slavery: TOTALLY DIFFERENT
9. What Would Jesus NOT Do?
8. Cooking with Yahweh
7. Yahweh's Amazing Test (Abraham, Genesis 22)
6. The Gospel of Luke [The Alternative Facts Gospel]
5. Jephthah (Judges 11)
4. What Would Yahweh Do? (aka this video)
3. Noah's Ark (Part 2)
2. Noah's Ark (Part 1)
Honorable mentions: literally ALL of his videos, but mainly "Jesus: The Cover-Up," "Special Investigation: Evolution," "Quiz Show: HITLER: THE ATHEIST," "ATHEIST!!!," "Yahweh's Amazing Miracle," "Yahweh's Perfect Justice" and "Yahweh's Perfect Justice (part 2)"
1. Quiz Show: Bible Contradictions (I mean, could it really be anything else? Greatest video in UA-cam history!)
I'm still waiting for when God killed 70000 innocent people because David count population of Israel/census.
Thank you kind stranger. I will definitely check out the ones I haven't watched yet.
I know it might be asking a lot but I’d love to see Nonstampcollector’s take on The Book of Revelations, as either one long video or like a series- and personally, the “High Stakes” video is way up there for me too.
Mine would be (without the walkthrough videos):
10. Jesus the cover-up
9. Noah's Ark 1
8. Noah's Ark 2
7. Yahweh's amazing miracle
6. Evolution debate
5. Hitler can't help you
4. Bible Slavery: Totally Different
3. Context
2. What would Yahweh do?
1. Quiz show: Bible Contradictions
Bible Slavery is the best one I’ve seen so far, with Game Show Contradictions next. So clever .
i have not watched it yet but im betting he kills someone
Close. He causes someone's rectum to fall out of their anus.
lol i think thats worse
Just one? Lol
Understatement of the decade
he kills everyone.
"Like father like son..." I almost fell off the chair laughing.
I think the apple fell pretty far from the tree.
@@djinnjax3274 The apple probably was yeeted from the tree at hight speed until it reached mars
Lol😭😭😭😂😂😂
5:39 "You could almost mistake you and me as being the same person." I laughed like an idiot, that was rich.
my favorite part was at 3:03
"AH, MY BOWELS FELL OUT! OH MY GOD, HE MADE MY BOWELS FALL OUT!" and Yahweh just laughs maniacally
"It's gonna have to be a friggen' massive wall but I'll manage" lmao
wow louis, that's pretty brutal and morbid.
....have you been reading the bible or sitting in church or something?
It's details like those that make these videos so great
+Guitar dog:
Yes, the bible (also koran and talmud) is a good source of violent creativity.
Churches are crap. They talk about peace and love. A lot of preachers talk about peace and love. Marshall Applewhite and Bonny Nettle from Heaven's gate. Various "gurus" from India talk about peace and love.
It makes more sense to kill your enemies, pile them in the village center, take their virgin girls like the bible says. Why not take their skulls and put it on my car hood as an ornament? If the bible was written in modern times, that's what Moses would have wanted.
totally agree LT, it's violence without any boundaries by god's Chosen people. what is amazing is how they can preach this shit with a straight face. And how the sheep sitting in church can just glance over not just the murders and the foreskin ransoms, but the eternal pain and suffering that people (who god does love) will receive if they doubt god's "love".
i know some people want answers as to why we are here, and what happens when we die - but this is ridiculous. Compassion is my religion right now.
I love how they say we cherrypick this stuff when in nearly every chapter someone is being slaughtered in the name of God, or by God himself.
When will Christians accept that Yahweh is just an Israelite war god and that the ancient Israelite people were polytheistic Canaanites? Haven't they ever watched The Bible's Buried Secrets or opened up an archaeology magazine?
Chris Nilsson No.
Blood for the blood god, skulls for the skull throne!
What is The Bible's Buried Secret. A documentary?
ihsanmb yes. It’s on Netflix now
There’s no evidence that YHWH was a war god.
All this smiting, killing, and ass kicking makes me want to buy the bible.
I found the american standard for free as a .Pdf from some Christian site, be weary of a virus.
hairyfella you can steal one anytime at any hotel...
Within the last years I have abandoned my faith in exchange for truth, but I have never really gotten into these biblical monstrosities. I'm am literally sick to my stomach. Thank you for the information!
Kai Widman I can help you reach nirvana
into deep meditation you can annihilate the ego that is annihilate the Maya or illusion
hot or cold
profit or loss
praise or criticism
accept them as the same they all illusionary
Kai Widman
Yep. It's all in there. For 30 years I've heard nothing but cherry-picked verses at church. Never once did I hear the likes of Deuteronomy 21 18-21...Wonder why, maybe because the kiddies would be screaming and running for the door in fear for their lives. Read that one, it's a real heart-warming gem....one the whole family can enjoy!!!!!.
PS: The more I studied and read, the less I "Believed"....It's the fastest way to dis-belief. Some of that shit, Jeffrey Dahmer wouldn't have even thought of...some of it is the writings of a psycho, not a loving god.
Good to hear you are free.
Another ex cultist.
"I have abandoned my faith in exchange for truth"
So your making the claim that there is no god. What is your argument in support of this claim?
Every ... single ... video .... every one on this channel CRACKS ME UP! So well done. Excellent job. Should be mandatory viewing in every church on Sundays. That'll snap those deluded congregants out of their stupors of credulity.
It's even clearer that Yahweh is an imaginary lunatic when you made this cartoon.
Nice.
This cartoon proves he's a lunatic but this cartoon doesn't prove he's imaginary
👌
@@shalomsinclair6988 unless you've got proof he exists I'll presume they're imaginary
@@shalomsinclair6988 i hope he is not real lol
"You had a haircut and lost your strength? What is this? A freakin' Disney movie?"
You know what they say, God works in delirious ways.
"woops"
that's literally what god said after he made man.
Actually, he should have said that after he made Satan????
Lol. I am a new subscriber.
I am so in love with this channel explaining the inconsistency of the bible. People need to review what God they are truly paying homage to.
I've been an atheist for about 6 months now and never in my 18 years of life has my mental state been so good and clear.❤this channel as well as The Four Horsemen and other atheist UA-camrs really got me through some dark days❤❤THANK YOU.
Damn, I've been called things by kids when I was in the middle of walking home from work. That doesn't mean they deserved to be mauled to death a two bears.
I know! One bear is enough!
(I'm kidding! They should be told that saying mean things is wrong and why, not get fucking killed!)
Infidel! The bear taketh what the bear giveth.
And then Jesus was put on a cross, because the humans were sick to death of God-related incidents...
"Why the hell would you love your enemies?" My favorite line. Thanks for all the great videos, NSC -- they're always good for a laugh. More importantly, they may get people thinking about the biblical atrocities/absurdities that their parents/pastors 'conveniently' forgot to tell them about.
NFSlugger13 I wish atheists would observe the Bible the same way one is expected to observe nature. With a little bit more tolerable for nuance and complexity ..?
Iloveapplefritters sad.
@@aymericst-louis-gabriel8314 If you ever get cancer or ebola make sure to tolerate the nuances and complexities within nature. Do not at all be upset or angry that your life is going to be cut short. Think you can manage that? No? Then we'll keep calling out atrocities when we find them. Fuck tolerating "nuance complexity".
And there's a contradicting verse telling you to love your enemies
@@aymericst-louis-gabriel8314 lol no that book doesnt deserve tolerance
lol the bald guy one was hilarious xD I also love the way you made his eyes when he all like "wuut?" xD
"You had a haircut and lost you strength? What is this, a frickin' Disney movie?" Brilliant.
this has to be one of the funniest videos i ever seen
Frfr😂😂😂
@ 4:34 You killed 100,000 Arameans? Great! But 27,000 escaped?! Ahhh! I'll kill them by causing a wall to fall on them. It's gonna be a freaking massive wall; but I'll manage!
14 years already. god dayum. Youll always be the goat!
I've got a beard but it isn't that long.
I couldn't breath, this is gold 😂
Great video as usual. You have an uncanny talent for flushing out the frigging absurdities of the bible for all to see. Thank you so much! :-)
The unforgivable sin is that this video only has 305K views.
I love how the camera kept switching back to Yahweh's frowny face as Jesus talked about love and forgiveness.. 😂😂
Jesus this has to be one of the funniest ones lol. I love all of them man. make more lol
+Dre Day me to, it's genius. i am imagining putting this stuff up on big screens in front of churches so they feel so stupid.
ShutterGuts lol ikr. Let's see what there come back would be. "But the bible says" lol
5:14 God is so disappointed that Jesus is such a good person 😂
I miss the old creative you tubers. Vids like this are timeless.
The biggest irony is that most churches urges it's members to read the Bible all day every day - you know they're not reading it because if only they did, most would become unbelievers overnight. The genocide of Egyptian first born was my turning point...funny we never ever hear much about this angel of death again throughout the rest of Bible and nobody seems to question this obsession with blood and genocidal deaths
I would agree with you, if those people did not deserve it. Since they did deserve it, I don't see anything wrong it.
@@souzajustin19d thousands of babies deserve to be killed for something that one guy did?
@@souzajustin19d ...yes, all the BABIES (whose only "crime" was being born to enemies of Israel) murdered by the Christian god "deserved it". A bunch of kids deserved to be MAULED by bears simply for laughing at a bald prophet. Whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess.
The angel of death 💀 is found multiple times in the Bible 😈
They created such a great mechanism to rule people. A mechanism where they are punished if they doubt or disbelieve. The Religious Faith Conspiracy is the greatest conspiracy I have ever seen.
The only reason I became an atheist was because of dissident allies saying funny things like "God is an atheist" "God can't create a rock he can't lift" "read the bible, there is plenty shit written" "What if the one true God is any other God?" "Don't you need your memories to be who are? Aren't they in your brain?"
What if wasn't there any dissident ally at all?
What if I was raised in a fundamentalist family? What if I became a powerful politician? Could I have committed any atrocity?
And if you are a Muslim, rejecting Allah is a death sentence.
"You can't go south of the south pole" along with "can God create a rock he can't lift" form a good case.
ua-cam.com/video/1IAhDGYlpqY/v-deo.html
What a strangely missed opportunity… surely at the end there, having been embarrassed by Jesus, Yahweh should finish off his angry killing spree by making one final phone call and ordering his death? That would be a great finale.
ohmygod
Ah what a loving caring god. He’s an inspiration to us all
Every day, I thank dog that I'm a dyslexic atheist. High stakes intelligent designing would have to be my favourite Non Stamp Collector video.
4:20 ;) “What? You had a haircut and lost your strength? What is this a freaking Disney Movie?”
i mean... Mulan had opposite results
Glad to hear. I was in my late twenties when I heard a preacher say "there is not one contradiction in the bible". Surely I thought, someone would disagree. That was the moment I started to think for myself. I'm sure you'll get a christian answer for the iron chariots if you search for it. Probably something to do with context or god's will. Never forget, they can pull answers/excuses out of their ass when faced with rational thought, evidence and logic.
I like how UA-cam recommends me these 10 years later.... after Im already an atheist lol. Of course, I doubt my believing friends or family would even watch these.
Love your work non stamp collector! Pointing out the absurdities that somehow you get brainwashed with and some luckily escape to see the craziness. Keep them coming they're gold!!!
this is so hilarious, but accurate!👌
Yes the old WWJD... As long as you don't forget that according to the Bible Jesus also threatens you with eternal torture and fire unless you pledge your unquestioning obedience to him by professing your 'belief' in him.
in 21st century, if anyone claims to be the son of god, people will treat him as a egoistic maniac; 2000 years ago, 1 person did the exact same thing, and we worship him???
How in the world did my 15 year old self read the Bible and said oh wow, Christian God is truly loving. I never forgotten the one with Elijah, the children and the she-bears. But my mind just made some excuses to make that justified. I can't believe I read all these violent stories and went on as if they're all right because it is a "holy book" that I must follow all my life.
At least you're in the know now.
"He blasphemed. We know it's a serious sin and luckily no one was hurt" hahahahahahaha my stomach fucking hurts
I should read the bible. It would be an amazing crazy fiction book.
God is a cunt
Game of throne my ass. Give the bible a go 👍
*and* it's all in the public domain, so you can rip off any of its stories without getting permission.
Don't get hung up on Old Testament details like an atheist would, OK?
Why not? It's the bedrock of this awful religion.
@@ryanimpink13 You just have to look at it in its cultural context...or something...
@@ryanimpink13 It's a quote from this video:
ua-cam.com/video/tz3EEqtcJME/v-deo.html
@@2PRO_4U_2NO Ahhhhh thanks! I earned a Whoooooooosh! 🤦♂️
@@ryanimpink13 Yeah, lol.
'What? You got a haircut and lost your strength? What is this, a frickin Disney movie?'
That line gets me everytime
It makes sense why God crucified his own son.
Here, feel THIS!!
Is that the bit when his asshole falls out of itself?
@@NonStampCollector Lmao. that is correct.
the video is uploaded a decade a go and your still checking comments.
This is my favourite video, thank you for the work
I've just learned of this channel a couple of days ago, and I have been binging them since!!!!
3:22 😂 the way he says yes is priceless
Also classic "oh nothing" at 5:06
And then Jesus thought "The Apple doesn't fall far from the Tree".
This has and will continue to age like fine wine
OMG this is too funny. Damn it I'm in stitches
For those who are wondering
The first violent song in the background is “Uranus, The Magician” by Gustav Holst
It's weird - when people call me 'baldy' I usually just take it as a compliment. I generally don't wish death on them.
why not? you can pray to God send 2 bears to kill then
just brilliant...you should honestly be the next "pastor" preaching at churches...you surely know the bible and you would be a great teacher and you would surely open their eyes...of course, u would probably be stoned to death as a result...
I'm looking for more athiest friends
Hi, i'm 30 👋
@@youtubestudiosucks978 please be my friend
@@youtubestudiosucks978hello
I love the way he portrayed the bald guy :3 just some random bald guy calls in sobbing, and then the look on the bald guy's face when he says "WHAT?"
This video is still as funny now as it was several years ago. God is definitely a bloodthirsty psychopath!
All your vedios are amazing. Love them all😁
You are absolutely amazing and a pure genius I love this content. Your videos helped me to move away from religions. It really seperates us as humans and when I actually read the Bible it's like a fairytale of contradictions, lying, murders, and even my children said it only gave them nightmares.
"No. I can't do it. Some people called you bad names and they deserve to die THOSE LITTLE BAAASTARDS!!!..."🤣😂😅👍
Could we all just PLEASE just chip in a few bucks on Patreon for NonStampCollector such that he has no choice but to produce a bunch of content again?! I just personally committed a pretty solid amount monthly to this end.
His videos are absolutely superb and freakin hilarious!
This is very kind, and I appreciate it very much but do note that my Patreon is NOT set up to accept monthly money, only when I upload.
NonStampCollector True - but if you have a large potential pot of moolah waiting you, my hope is that it will inspire and more more content creation. Your videos are brilliant- literally discussing them with someone right now!
And it's worth noting that me producing videos is a function of time, not monetary incentive. Three kids and full time work.
NonStampCollector I say ditch the job and re-direct your time! Do you realize how important these videos are for so many people? I live in the Bible Belt now and it’s crazy here.....
@@NonStampCollector i am a Muslim who Expose the Bible & you are Just Fantastic, Beside you are exposing the False teaching of the bible as We Muslims Do not think this is the teaching of a True Merciful God , May God Bless you and ur Family .
You've got to make more of these
Learn spelling and punctuation while YOU still have time.
Be specific - which parts are garbage? Spare me the threats of hellfire and explain to me what's wrong.
NonStampCollector It's weird seeing these responses from before UA-cam introduced a proper reply system. It's like finding an arrowhead under your picnic blanket.
Harry Willmore Nice analogy. Mind if I use it for my own stuff?
I liked your video. The masses of Christians don't think of god as being angry in reality, but your depiction is very much in keeping with the actual words of the bible. I like that you often come up with a very real slant that I had not thought of. It is my loss that I only came upon your videos last year (maybe the year before) and you seem to have stopped making them.
Out of context!!!! xD
The objective morals created by an unchanging god were different back then!
For those who don't get the CONTEXT!!!!!!
ua-cam.com/video/PK7P7uZFf5o/v-deo.html
This one ALWAYS leaves me in tears.
I love your channel!
I used to be one of them, a Christian who tried to justify the god of the bible. Then after seeing this and other videos my mind was freed, it was pretty awesome!
What ever happened to "Thou shall not kill"? LOL ;-)
In the Hebrew Torah it is thou shall not murder. The Torah differentiates murder from killing based on justification. So the law could also be stated as, thou shall not kill without justification. Hebrew is complicated and very hard to translate without some meaning being lost.
The Bible also says pride, wrath, and jealousy are sins. He's not setting a good example.
@@willmaud2359 was there justification for killing infants and children on several occasions?
The commandments only refer to their fellow Jews / Israelites. You must kill anyone outside of the tribes if they displease you. If a member of the tribe violates the commandments they are outside of the tribe and must be killed. This is not a universal command.
Yea, that law was broken literally minutes after it was announced.
WOW, YOU GUYS MADE A GREAT POINT OF VIEW‼️
What a scream your videos are. They never fail to have me rolling around on the floor in paroxysms of mirth, tears streaming down my face!!
I laughed so hard I was in tears.
Prior to watching this video, I already knew about most of these ridiculous passages in the Old Testament. Thank Odin that someone else found them like I did and realized how how insane they are.
Bible is great. You can kill anyone or forgive anything by quoting from the same book!
I can't wait to see the video and hopefully he responds
1:54 is my favourite joke in all of NSC’s videos. Subtle enough I didn’t even pick up on it the first few times I watched, but perfectly sums up the absurdity and backwardness of Yahweh’s ‘morality’
I want to see a god of war type game based on the bible
Itll b way too violent unfortunately
Just to be clear - Satan is the bad guy for asking Eve to eat a fresh healthy snack?
And to this day men dread the answer when asking a women what they should eat.... "anything" and look where we are now😉🤣 smh
This was the first video I saw, it was in my UA-cam recommended a while ago and I figured "a video from 10+ years ago? may as well peer back into the oh so distant era every now and then", and it spiraled into me binging through every video on the channel (save for the Sticky Side videos). Your content has further grounded and given support to my atheism, so much so that I consider myself to be an anti-theist as well.
Wherever you are or whatever you're up to nowadays NSC, I hope you are doing well, along with your kids.
@ArdenKuan Excellent point sir, with two main drawbacks: 1. No-one can spend 100+ years building something, and 2. No one can live for 900+ years. Yes, these are technically the same point, but I figured it was a big enough flaw that it warranted repeating.
Hahahaha "I'll be right down there so you can CUT HIM TO PIECES IN FRONT OF ME!!!!" Too funny.
I'll just say... there was a guy named... Marcion or something. He preached that the God of the Old Testament (which wasn't called that at the time, there was no Bible at all, he's the guy who basically made the christians invent it!) WASN'T the "father of Jesus", it was an evil God (which we don't even need to discuss, you... kinda showed us why).
He preached that the God that sent Jesus was a good one that wanted to save us from that Evil God.
Makes you wonder why those people back then couldn't see such a simple thing. Jesus said one thing, and the God of the old testament said the complete opposite. Pathetic, isn't it? I'm happy I found my way out of religion in time...
Happy new year. In 2 hours
It's good to see ArdenKuan being put in his place. Much props to you guys for having the patience.
isn't it weird that this guy probably knows tons more about this religion than most people that are a part of it?
God: What is this? A freaking Disney movie? lol
I'm glad I was already subscribed, because I don't want my bowels to fall out!
1:04 I love when a UA-camr uses Mars, the Bringer of War in their videos. I love classical music. And this is an awesome video as always!
1:43 OOOOH, it's Saturn! I love the Planets Suite!!!
If you could do a collaboration on some UA-cam project with DarkMatter2525, that would be fucking fantastic!
haha , nice . I never pictured it this way , u have a very vivid imagination .
Nah man they didn’t imagine this. STRAIGHT FROM THE SOURCE
Carnival of the Animals!!!!! I love the classical music in your videos. Thank you for these videos that helped me find my way towards logic and reason
Brilliant premise and well executed.
Yahweh really is an Israelite war god! Rofl
yup