'Do you truly want it to work' hit me. My answer: No, of cause not, because there it too much painful stuff... And at the same time I know that this is indispensable in order to achieve improvement in [my] everyday life. 😓
I fought against my DID horribly in the beginning..I could not understand why… fast forward 5 yrs… my alters now have their own color coded diaries. They write in them what they want, feelings, memories whatever… I also have a white board on my fridge where I can ask them a question. Sometimes they answer, sometimes they don’t. I am learning what their “jobs” are in my system and am getting a better understanding of why they are there. Trauma work is hard. My alters also trust and talk with my therapist/advocate, but only when they feel safe enough to front. My life is so much less chaotic now that my alters feel safe and can communicate with me or my advocate. But like you said, I have to be in a safe and calm place before any communication can happen.
Freaky coincidence, everyone has been really quiet lately. Yet this time last year they wouldn't shut up lol. This was really helpful. I have a fair idea why now.
I'd love some more videos around this - more practical tips on getting communication going. Two points you might follow on from this - when you can't wait until you're ready, until you really want to, because your 'others' are making life impossible! Also, when you're influenced by an 'other' who really wants to shut communication down, so you spend half your time wanting to explore this, and half denying it. Keep up the good work.
I see CTAD clinic upload I like CTAD clinic upload I watch CTAD clinic upload, ( to figure out what the brilliant content is) Edit; no one asked, but yes, in that order
Thank you for this clear message about communication. It may be worth noting that some Alters won’t reply in the form you’re expecting; some of Alters are mute or pre verbal. Some only speak a language that the Host doesn’t. So be open to different ways of communication.
What if it came instantly the moment I tried another form of communication? Is that normal? I worry I am malingering because I barely if at all hear auditory “voices” of the suspected “alters” I realized I may have literally two days ago. I realized that as an autistic person, I have always found written/typed communication to be easier for my brain, and thought if anyone else was inhabiting my noggin that could also apply to them. So, I got out a journal and started writing out a message, waiting for the urge to write a response to strike me. I thought the whole time I began writing a response, “Oh God, I’m making my hand relax zoning out and writing as someone else like some phony voodoo psychic trying to get in contact with someone’s dead relative… If there’s any evidence of faking, it’s probably this crap…” After I erased the message twice to try and redo the writing and make it neat because my OCD makes me write things multiple times until they’re “perfect”, I literally heard some thought or voice tell me to stop overthinking it and just let them write. I am not one to tell myself to stop overthinking things…at all. When I relaxed my hand, this “alter” wrote about how we needed to use ink next time so I couldn’t keep erasing. Then another alter with messy writing took over and was writing about wanting to eat something. I’m absolutely terrified because I remember all of it, and I could see my hand write the words, but it wasn’t “me” doing it? I sound like I just wrote out a roleplay on a page but it felt like I was talking to someone. Then I tried typing and it was the same story! Is that evidence of alters, or was I just writing/typing to myself? Is this level of communication this fast normal?
Oh gosh I’m in a maybe similar area right now. I’m autistic and ocd as well. I’ve had maybe-similar experiences when it comes to typing to communicate with these supposed “others.” But I feel so fake! I can’t tell if it’s just me talking to me like a lunatic or if it’s really them! 😣
This is so good! This is so true. It's difficult when you can't lie to your own system. My own alters calling me out on stuff can be so painful to acknowledge.
Thank you for another clear, honest, to the point video! It is really helpful that you break things down to their essentials, like: you cannot fool your internal parts, so make sure you only ask/tell them things that you really mean. And if you do not mean them (yet), then don't say them. I suppose it comes down to: be honest, and be aware that you need to proof yourself trustworthy to your alters. This is challenging... but has to come first.
We have to understand that like our sense of self already is working as a system and has been probably for a long time. One part can't just go and disrupt everything and start causing too much chaos and think it's going to work for the better of the whole. We have to be extra nuanced with what we do
Thank you so much for this video, as always. I have also found that my Parts need to know that trust is building between us all, they need to know that we are strong enough to hear them, which has been a big part of what happened last year. I am in between psychologists at the moment so this has meant my communication is down as my EPs keep coming forward and that gets overwhelming. Feel somewhat on hold, but so far sustaining it and these videos help that.
Thanks for this video! The work you do is amazing, you're like the one DID media comunicator I trust. Too much bs and missinformation going aroung. Keep up the amazing work!
As a child, I was taught that having a dissociative disorder, Multiple Personalities back then, was incredibly shameful and bad. It made you crazy and unlovable. They are made to protect me and have done such for decades. Now, it's difficult to overcome my inner beliefs about myself. I don't resent them. I am just still very scared of their existence.
I remember seeing DiD portrayed by an actor as a child, and watching the other identity demonized as a murderer who took over while she was sleeping. I must have been seven or so. My abuser use to ask me if I "needed a shrink" while I was crying. Getting real help didn't happen until I am now in my 40s. It is so freeing to be honest with mental health instead of trying to hide them from the world. I am grateful.
Thank you DR. Mike great video our system is working on this. Good timing we were actually talking about this with our therapist this week about how to increase our communication with our alters.
This is so true. It used to come easy to me the first few times, like 10 years ago first learning to communicate and notice things. But after multiple retraumitizations of therapists denying I dissociate or even have trauma, it became really scare to acknowledge any feelings, thoughts, parts. I'm finally getting there again and my therapist believes me and says he sees the parts so he knows it's real (I've been having awful denial coming up at times now, most likely from scared parts). Once I started feeling safe enough again, there (understandably) are parts scared of working towards communication and feeling emotions.The last retraumitization a few years ago was so hard on us (it also became to scary to feel strong and speak up/share our story), I'm working on being understand and trying to be patient and kind about all the hesitation. After all, it is justified, esp because I had worked so hard to convince them it was safe and my therapist just wasn't there yet. The other appt. when there was much more activity from parts and saying vulnerable things, a scared/protector part was trying to put a stop to things and I kept hearing, this is stupid, don't ask him that he can't accomadate us like that, it's too much to ask, etc. My therapist had a very safe, welcoming reply when I shared I was getting yelled at in my head and said this is really good because we can learn the defenses and everyone's role, esp if parts are reacting to other part's actions/words/feelings. My therapist is not a specialist, but has been reading papers and material his supervisors have suggested regarding dissociative disorders and also watches your videos that I share with him, books I recommend (like Janina Fisher), and websites. There was a time I wasn't sure if he was safe to help me, but he has worked so hard to learn and work with me the way I need.
Hey it sounds like you have had far worse therapists. It is so hard to find one you "click " with and then to find one who specializes in DID. I am so glad my friend found him. Hey had them Integrated. THen, a few years after I am not sure what happened but she started to split again. I know one day she will share that with me but she isn't ready to tell me and I am ok with that. I have never tried to force anything because I know there is no way in hell I could if she don't want me to . LOL we actually have A lot of fun together
Thank you so much for making this video!! It came at such a perfect time, I was just trying to find resources on this, it's something that we're struggling with right now.
For us every alter's voice sounds a little bit different, so it's usually easy to distinguish between your thoughts and other alter's thoughts. And there's also this feeling, 'this is my thought' vs 'this isn't my thought', you have a control over what you want to say, but not over what they're saying. Sometimes it gets blurry and you are confused about who's talking right now, but sometimes they will say something completely out of the blue and you know that you will never ever come up with this yourself.
Janina Fisher has an "unblending" technique that I found INSTANTLY helpful. She takes the CBT technique of cognitive distancing into dissociative disorders. Instant reduction in emotional storm, instant improvement in the ability to distance from part's influence w/o ignoring them in any way.
@@chocolatepancake501 Thank you. My therapist asks if it sounds like my voice or another voice. I have been diagnosed DID, but I am not yet sure I believe in it.
@@chocolatepancake501 Interesting. So can you hear all of them or do you even really know yet? just trying to get a feel for where you are without prying lol
@@wadecohagan2388 I don't know if I could hear all of them before, there's just too many of them hah. But I've talked with at least ten I believe. For now I may talk only to one of them and occasionally two others, because I was too stressed out by the amount of unknown people that was randomly starting to talk to me that our gatekeepers blocked out direct communication between me and them. But we do communicate through my headmate-friend a lot.
This was a nice video but perhaps not especially helpful for us. It would be really interesting to do a video on regaining communication after it has been lost. I remember genuinely reaching out and wanting a response, and got one. We had 2 good months of communication, but then were retraumatised. We've spent 2.5 years trying to get that communication back and we did genuinely want it. We're aware that the system knows the truths hidden in yo,ur heart. But still there was a wall up that has only just begun to come down now, and it seems that wall was there to protect everyone inside from the outside world. They want no part in it because of what happened.
I struggle constantly with admitting and acknowledging insiders. Been in therapy years and its still an ongoing battle. I just fight most of the time and dont want to remember. I know that i am sabbotaging my healing but i find it almost impossible to commit. I am so terrified of getting in touch.
When you have autistic parts I think a genuine want to communicate is even more important as we are quite moralistic and my littles can be more rigid with black and white thinking. Mine always know when people don’t really mean what they say, even with external people. Trust is a very absolute thing for them so I have to be so careful when communicating or letting them talk with others. It’s important to me that they have a healthy secure attachment to me to heal some of their past hurts.
wow that is a tough one. Do you think the disruptive one doesn't like the person you're in the relationship with or are they just trying to protect the whole system by trying to keep them out? Love the name!
I too would very much appreciate another video with more direct tips on how to❤ Right now we have communication but it’s all over the place and not with everyone. It bothers me during conversations because I get distracted and start to “drift off” when trying to sort what’s what. And I can’t always sort what’s my own thoughts and what’s an “influence”. So another question would perhaps be..: How do you create a more structured and coordinated communication internally? Where you know who’s talking and why? Thank you for doing this for us all!❤❤❤
The best communication I get right now is basically demands/commands when a horrible flashback is going to happen. Makes you feel like you’re going insane, but they’re right every time.
The word "intent" happens to be right there in the middle as the timestamp. And this is the thing, we need intent for everything we do, I mean, if you want to understand you want to communicate with your fractals, you need to have a sincere intent to do this..and stick with it. And it's probably not easy even in a therapeutic setting. I would think it takes a lot of investment, spiritually and financially "unfortunately that's the way the world works".
I just discovered I have some sort of disassociative disorder and that I was definitely showing signs of it when younger I'm going through something really rough right now (Grandparent cancer, high-stress job, college finals, etc) and it caused some undeniable this is definitely an alter stuff We were talking and having okay ish communication for a few days. but i got Obnoxious music stuck in my head and they left front and im having trouble resuming communication This video has been helpful so far
im Scared. im scared of what it means. im scared this is real. but.... i want to do this. i want them here . these past couple days where theres been Absence because my brain's been filled with overwhelming noise thats cutting of MY thoughts - i missed them. i felt horrible; i was scared i might have hurt them somehow
What to do if I ("host") have amnesia (afterwards) for internal communication things (being inside, talking to alters, seeing them/the inner world)? I mean, I know that internal communication is happening and I know people are talking with me and I do things in the inner world but afterwards I do have amnesia for it.
So… if you have amnesia after internal communication with Parts, it’s indicative of DID, or OSDD? I have CPTSD at least, but can you also have this with just CPTSD?
@@Elya08 I dont understand the question I think. I believe you need to have seperated parts who can think by themselves (something I think only alters can) to have communication, in a way like your speaking with somebody who's thougths you can't control. So I think it wouldnt make sense to have amnesia for internal communication if you have CPTSD without OSDD/DID (partial DID/DID). But thats just what I think, I'm not a professional.
@@Elya08 From my experience: one can have a very complex form DID and still have Alters, who you can communicate and experience life with them, as if you "only" have OSDD. Even though somebody has DID he/she/x can have alters that function like OSDD (without full amnesia/with good communication).
Any advice on why maybe an alter/alters always rip up notes or any evidence that I’ve been communicating with alters? Also amnesia for me after communicating with them is huge. I’ve got so many note books with ripped out pages. Even the occasional emails to my therapist from alters are always deleted. Very frustrating when I’m very aware that communication is key to DID. Hope the ducks ok??!!!
The ducks are fine, the younger ones have flown the garden so hopefully are having fun out there. Writing is what I will be discussing in the next video, so your question may get answered!
Wow you do all of that hard work, remember to write then someone deletes. That has to be very frustrating. It is a big step if all of them remember to write down anything
Man… I don’t know that I have full blown alters, but I have “Parts” of me that sabotage emails to my therapist like this. And then I realize they didn’t send or deleted the email but I have no memory of the actual sabotaging moment, so I get confused and pissed as to why my email didn’t go through. It sucks. And then I realize a “Part” of me didn’t want something sent, for whatever reason, when I’m over here trying to freaking heal from trauma crap.
Hmmm ‘I’ can’t do this yet, I’m asking myself the question you posed do i want to and I think it’s no. The reason being as soon as I try to say the words to reach out either out loud or in my head, I get overwhelmed (Shame I think maybe from showing myselves compassion) and then I switch which kinda defeats the object 🙄😬
Thanks for this video. Wow, what do you say to those of us who aren’t ready, do not have capability to be ready yet know and have tried but failed at this ??? Thanks much 👊
How do you develop communication with an alter that does not communicate? We have an alter who identifies as "dead" in our internal world. That alter does not speak or write or communicate in any way. But we think that part is holding onto some trauma and want to help relieve it. How can we though if that part can't communicate with us? It's kind of like that part is stuck in a freeze response - they can't move or speak really.
@@TheoSwinford I would get creative! Perhaps something like making a hall pass to the Underworld, signed off by the boatman on the River Styx. It would only last, say, 20 minutes, but enough time to visit that part and say hi (they might be really lonely). And no trauma-talk! I always recommend doing this kind of thing in a therapy session, though, so you have a timekeeper to bring you back if you go too deep.
Dr Lloyd, do you think that physical pain is possible when going back into sorta lost memories? I don't seem to have any reason for the pain it is almost like phantom pain I've heard about from someone that has lost a limb for instance. Thank you for all you do.
Yes I would like to increase my conversation with my alters and I am willing to be patient and learn but until I am strongly have to deal with all of my traumas they don’t want to and I want to though because I want to for me to get past all of it I have to do with my traumas is what I feel even though they say that I won’t like what I know what is traumas that would be very bad that could hurt me more than what I want to I wish I understood what they meant
That understanding can take a long time to develop, and with some it mot not happen much at all. Hopefully for some parts there is a decent enough understanding to build on.
What are these tools and techniques you mention? A self-introduction for example, are there specific things that should be included? What if I’m not sure who I am, how can I introduce myself?
is it possible that even if you want to communicate very badly, it just wont happen? im wondering if we just are incapable of it im also wondering if its because we have one stream of conciousness its just extra hard to communicate internally, it seems like systems who say they can are multiconscious
update from another alter: so i watched the plural conference presentation about polyfragmented DID, they went from around 400 to 7 through therapy they said communication was extremely difficult internally when they were severely fragmented because it came across like cafe chatter. which aligns with our experience in hearing random thoughts and broken sentences that dont seem like ’mine’ what usually we hear is 3-4 songs playing in our head at once because music and dissasociating is a big fallback coping mechanism for us
Another good video dr! Do you have any experience (maybe for future videos) about improving one-sided communication? I.e. an alter who demands communication, essentially 'shouting' to make themselves known and though the receiver can hear them and has tried open techniques and truly does wish to communicate back, cant seem to? Despite being able to communicate more easily with other alters and with a genuine wish for communication in the case of them not feeling unsafe/unwanted. I hope that made enough sense - kiara
Question I hope you can help me answer this but I am in contact with some of my altars and some have kind of gone back in the headspace but I was in complete contact with a fair amount of them but now I’m feeling at least 100 or so Walters but none of them are really talking to me I have at least four I think I’m alters to currently pop in there so often to talk with me I have one that basically she manages everything including Walters will confront and she’s also a protector protect me from anything that I don’t need to know yet that I can tell I have a fairy I have a homeless girl puppy 11 The homeless girl is about 12 maybe and she reminds me of the cartoon of the X-Men and her name is Brown and she has talk to me she is basically ran away and thrives on the street and Lesa don’t want us to protect her she is actually invited her to move in and live with her and her home and then the fairy she lives in the garden at Lisa’s home and then I have another one her name is 7-Up nine she’s a very rebellious non-emotional no-nonsense straightforward alter that basically is verbally kind of abusive and a correction and part of what I just said the teenage or preteen girl her name is rogue from X-Men she looks like her she acts like her and she trust nobody but yet Lisa has invited her to stay several times how many times when she has gone and stayed with Lesa and done well but then she just runs back off again she lives within a city in a bowl style refrigerator wood box and she’s made it very well with having traps to keep people out and also she looks out for her own safety and that’s all she cares about I have dozens of other authors I just don’t know a whole lot about them and those holders periodically talk to me and then they’ll disappear back in the headspace when my migraines kick up as well as my other mental health disorders like borderline personality disorder bipolar two PTSD generalized anxiety depression disorder major depressive disorder and yeah the ID otherwise specified disorder and that’s pretty much everything just wanna throw that past you about trying to communicate with others what would you think about me trying to communicate with many of the others that are back there which I want to but yet they don’t want to come forward yet because of hurt me they want me to heal some things first then they will come forward and start talking with me about Cindy things with my traumas but I can’t get to my traumas because it’s all blocked it’s all covered by all my halters I don’t know what to do next help
I'm wondering if this could be applied to involuntarily regression. I can regress to a 4 year old scared little who mostly none verbal very fragile and just crys. When this happens my boyfriend has no idea what to do but just leave me until I return back to my adult self. She is extremely scared and vunrable. He finds it extremely difficult to understand the difference between voluntary and involuntary regression as I use age regression as a stress relief tool. We have started to use a feeling and needs chart on a pillow when I become none verbal. And he normally puts calm music on until I come back. My question is, is it better to just none verbally communicate with a 4 year little, as she normally comes through so strong and upset.
@@thectadclinic yes he doeent physically leave me, but rather than engage he just waits till I come back round which I understand. Thankyou for your videos they are so helpfull and informative.
@@veritehunter2191 don't mean to butt in and that was a great response CTAD Clinic. I realize all systems are different but this small part of yours sounds a lot like a small part of a system i am very close with. Her husband became very very close to this little. To the point where she was like a daughter to him and he gained her trust. I really hope your boyfriend might be able to do this eventually. As CTAD clinic said do all you can for this little I have a feeling you'll one day find out why. I have to tell you this part of the story. This system that I know was able to become integrated From all of their hard work and A great therapist. Well this "little" was the last one and Right before she was integrated the little and her husband had a moment then she was gone and this woman and her husband just broke down because I am sure he felt like he lost a daughter that he will never see agian. That is sad but it is also an awesome story. Unfortunately since integration something happened( She hasn't told me what yet and may never) and she has fragmented /split/ whatever they use. Its pretty hard for me because my wife and I met those two as couples. Spent alot of time basically growing up with them as adults. All was great there for a few years. then she had some trauma they started a new system both of us got divorced and now Her (them) and I are friends.
@@wadecohagan2388 thank you for sharing this story with me. 3 months on and I am continuing to heal, I have been doing work on masculine and feminine communication and it has helped me to grow so much. The natural polarity has brought magic into our relationship. I can be a woman with the playful feminine heart a girl.A step beyond nvc, my man has grown so much too. He leads me with devotion and loving and caring heart. I express my feelings, needs, problems and permissives. I think a lot of it is really healing my father wound, he has been the only man that I have been able to open my heart to now. Learning to feel all of my emotions without dissociating from them. He is also continuing working on communicating with love and guiding me.
@@veritehunter2191 He sounds like an amazing and definitely understanding Man. I am sure you feel very blessed. Thank you for sharing a bit of your story with me. This is A great community. And I think we all understand what it takes for you all to talk about it.
These are helpful, but in a lot of your videos you emphasize the importance of getting into therapy. Given the state of availability of DID therapists, and access to mental healthcare in general, would it not be helpful to emphasize the validity of self-guided or community approaches? "Find a therapist" is great advice when therapists are available and accessible, but harmful if they're not.
Not sure it’s harmful, but we put that message on to recommend the ideal. Some techniques may cause distress if done without proper resources and support.
'Do you truly want it to work' hit me. My answer: No, of cause not, because there it too much painful stuff... And at the same time I know that this is indispensable in order to achieve improvement in [my] everyday life. 😓
Same here 😔
It can be really tough, not wanting to do this is understandable and ok, it needs gentle encouragement and confidence at times.
@@thectadclinic thank you for your understanding words. it's really good to read. i'm writing this sentence down for difficult times.
I fought against my DID horribly in the beginning..I could not understand why… fast forward 5 yrs… my alters now have their own color coded diaries. They write in them what they want, feelings, memories whatever… I also have a white board on my fridge where I can ask them a question. Sometimes they answer, sometimes they don’t. I am learning what their “jobs” are in my system and am getting a better understanding of why they are there. Trauma work is hard. My alters also trust and talk with my therapist/advocate, but only when they feel safe enough to front. My life is so much less chaotic now that my alters feel safe and can communicate with me or my advocate. But like you said, I have to be in a safe and calm place before any communication can happen.
You’ve done so much there, good for you!
Freaky coincidence, everyone has been really quiet lately. Yet this time last year they wouldn't shut up lol. This was really helpful. I have a fair idea why now.
Timing is a funny thing!
I'd love some more videos around this - more practical tips on getting communication going. Two points you might follow on from this - when you can't wait until you're ready, until you really want to, because your 'others' are making life impossible! Also, when you're influenced by an 'other' who really wants to shut communication down, so you spend half your time wanting to explore this, and half denying it. Keep up the good work.
Both very good points, and worth a deeper look into. Thank you!
I see CTAD clinic upload
I like CTAD clinic upload
I watch CTAD clinic upload,
( to figure out what the brilliant content is)
Edit; no one asked, but yes, in that order
yeah, and then again. In that order. Thank you!
So good knowing you feel like this!!
Thank you for this clear message about communication. It may be worth noting that some Alters won’t reply in the form you’re expecting; some of Alters are mute or pre verbal. Some only speak a language that the Host doesn’t. So be open to different ways of communication.
What if it came instantly the moment I tried another form of communication? Is that normal? I worry I am malingering because I barely if at all hear auditory “voices” of the suspected “alters” I realized I may have literally two days ago.
I realized that as an autistic person, I have always found written/typed communication to be easier for my brain, and thought if anyone else was inhabiting my noggin that could also apply to them. So, I got out a journal and started writing out a message, waiting for the urge to write a response to strike me.
I thought the whole time I began writing a response, “Oh God, I’m making my hand relax zoning out and writing as someone else like some phony voodoo psychic trying to get in contact with someone’s dead relative… If there’s any evidence of faking, it’s probably this crap…”
After I erased the message twice to try and redo the writing and make it neat because my OCD makes me write things multiple times until they’re “perfect”, I literally heard some thought or voice tell me to stop overthinking it and just let them write. I am not one to tell myself to stop overthinking things…at all. When I relaxed my hand, this “alter” wrote about how we needed to use ink next time so I couldn’t keep erasing.
Then another alter with messy writing took over and was writing about wanting to eat something.
I’m absolutely terrified because I remember all of it, and I could see my hand write the words, but it wasn’t “me” doing it? I sound like I just wrote out a roleplay on a page but it felt like I was talking to someone. Then I tried typing and it was the same story! Is that evidence of alters, or was I just writing/typing to myself? Is this level of communication this fast normal?
everyone is different, maybe there isn't a 'normal' to base this on?
Oh gosh I’m in a maybe similar area right now. I’m autistic and ocd as well.
I’ve had maybe-similar experiences when it comes to typing to communicate with these supposed “others.” But I feel so fake! I can’t tell if it’s just me talking to me like a lunatic or if it’s really them! 😣
This is so good! This is so true. It's difficult when you can't lie to your own system. My own alters calling me out on stuff can be so painful to acknowledge.
Ooooooh I really relate to this! Nowhere to hide.
Thank you for another clear, honest, to the point video! It is really helpful that you break things down to their essentials, like: you cannot fool your internal parts, so make sure you only ask/tell them things that you really mean. And if you do not mean them (yet), then don't say them. I suppose it comes down to: be honest, and be aware that you need to proof yourself trustworthy to your alters. This is challenging... but has to come first.
Absolutely, and thank you for being so positive and encouraging!
We have to understand that like our sense of self already is working as a system and has been probably for a long time. One part can't just go and disrupt everything and start causing too much chaos and think it's going to work for the better of the whole. We have to be extra nuanced with what we do
I agree, being honest and empathic towards the self is often the best, and only, way forward with this.
Well... some of us didn't even bother to ask if we wanted to communicate x')
Nice video
Thank you so much for this video, as always. I have also found that my Parts need to know that trust is building between us all, they need to know that we are strong enough to hear them, which has been a big part of what happened last year. I am in between psychologists at the moment so this has meant my communication is down as my EPs keep coming forward and that gets overwhelming. Feel somewhat on hold, but so far sustaining it and these videos help that.
I am really glad they help, Jazmine, thank you as ever for your positivity!
Thanks for this video! The work you do is amazing, you're like the one DID media comunicator I trust. Too much bs and missinformation going aroung. Keep up the amazing work!
Thank you, I certainly will!
I very much agree❤ Thank you so much for doing this!
As a child, I was taught that having a dissociative disorder, Multiple Personalities back then, was incredibly shameful and bad. It made you crazy and unlovable. They are made to protect me and have done such for decades. Now, it's difficult to overcome my inner beliefs about myself. I don't resent them. I am just still very scared of their existence.
That is understandable, sometimes changing those messages heard so often from way back can be really tough.
I remember seeing DiD portrayed by an actor as a child, and watching the other identity demonized as a murderer who took over while she was sleeping. I must have been seven or so. My abuser use to ask me if I "needed a shrink" while I was crying. Getting real help didn't happen until I am now in my 40s. It is so freeing to be honest with mental health instead of trying to hide them from the world. I am grateful.
Thank you DR. Mike great video our system is working on this. Good timing we were actually talking about this with our therapist this week about how to increase our communication with our alters.
That’s great, I hope it is helpful!
@@thectadclinic it was indeed helpful thank you Dr. Mike
This is so true. It used to come easy to me the first few times, like 10 years ago first learning to communicate and notice things. But after multiple retraumitizations of therapists denying I dissociate or even have trauma, it became really scare to acknowledge any feelings, thoughts, parts. I'm finally getting there again and my therapist believes me and says he sees the parts so he knows it's real (I've been having awful denial coming up at times now, most likely from scared parts). Once I started feeling safe enough again, there (understandably) are parts scared of working towards communication and feeling emotions.The last retraumitization a few years ago was so hard on us (it also became to scary to feel strong and speak up/share our story), I'm working on being understand and trying to be patient and kind about all the hesitation. After all, it is justified, esp because I had worked so hard to convince them it was safe and my therapist just wasn't there yet.
The other appt. when there was much more activity from parts and saying vulnerable things, a scared/protector part was trying to put a stop to things and I kept hearing, this is stupid, don't ask him that he can't accomadate us like that, it's too much to ask, etc. My therapist had a very safe, welcoming reply when I shared I was getting yelled at in my head and said this is really good because we can learn the defenses and everyone's role, esp if parts are reacting to other part's actions/words/feelings. My therapist is not a specialist, but has been reading papers and material his supervisors have suggested regarding dissociative disorders and also watches your videos that I share with him, books I recommend (like Janina Fisher), and websites. There was a time I wasn't sure if he was safe to help me, but he has worked so hard to learn and work with me the way I need.
Hey it sounds like you have had far worse therapists. It is so hard to find one you "click " with and then to find one who specializes in DID. I am so glad my friend found him. Hey had them Integrated. THen, a few years after I am not sure what happened but she started to split again. I know one day she will share that with me but she isn't ready to tell me and I am ok with that. I have never tried to force anything because I know there is no way in hell I could if she don't want me to . LOL we actually have A lot of fun together
Thank you so much for making this video!! It came at such a perfect time, I was just trying to find resources on this, it's something that we're struggling with right now.
It is really common to struggle with this even when replies are received, doesn’t always make things immediately easier.
How to tell the difference between an alter and our own inner voice?
Thank you for the video.... another brilliant one.
For us every alter's voice sounds a little bit different, so it's usually easy to distinguish between your thoughts and other alter's thoughts. And there's also this feeling, 'this is my thought' vs 'this isn't my thought', you have a control over what you want to say, but not over what they're saying. Sometimes it gets blurry and you are confused about who's talking right now, but sometimes they will say something completely out of the blue and you know that you will never ever come up with this yourself.
Janina Fisher has an "unblending" technique that I found INSTANTLY helpful. She takes the CBT technique of cognitive distancing into dissociative disorders. Instant reduction in emotional storm, instant improvement in the ability to distance from part's influence w/o ignoring them in any way.
@@chocolatepancake501 Thank you. My therapist asks if it sounds like my voice or another voice. I have been diagnosed DID, but I am not yet sure I believe in it.
@@chocolatepancake501 Interesting. So can you hear all of them or do you even really know yet? just trying to get a feel for where you are without prying lol
@@wadecohagan2388 I don't know if I could hear all of them before, there's just too many of them hah. But I've talked with at least ten I believe. For now I may talk only to one of them and occasionally two others, because I was too stressed out by the amount of unknown people that was randomly starting to talk to me that our gatekeepers blocked out direct communication between me and them. But we do communicate through my headmate-friend a lot.
This was a nice video but perhaps not especially helpful for us. It would be really interesting to do a video on regaining communication after it has been lost.
I remember genuinely reaching out and wanting a response, and got one.
We had 2 good months of communication, but then were retraumatised. We've spent 2.5 years trying to get that communication back and we did genuinely want it. We're aware that the system knows the truths hidden in yo,ur heart. But still there was a wall up that has only just begun to come down now, and it seems that wall was there to protect everyone inside from the outside world. They want no part in it because of what happened.
I struggle constantly with admitting and acknowledging insiders. Been in therapy years and its still an ongoing battle. I just fight most of the time and dont want to remember. I know that i am sabbotaging my healing but i find it almost impossible to commit. I am so terrified of getting in touch.
Maybe there are reasons why 'now' is not right for you, it can work like that. Perhaps when things are more peaceful and calm, you may feel different.
When you have autistic parts I think a genuine want to communicate is even more important as we are quite moralistic and my littles can be more rigid with black and white thinking. Mine always know when people don’t really mean what they say, even with external people. Trust is a very absolute thing for them so I have to be so careful when communicating or letting them talk with others. It’s important to me that they have a healthy secure attachment to me to heal some of their past hurts.
Thanks, this was perfect timing as I'm working with a part who is disrupting my relationship.
Thank you, I hope it works out well for you (all)
wow that is a tough one. Do you think the disruptive one doesn't like the person you're in the relationship with or are they just trying to protect the whole system by trying to keep them out? Love the name!
I too would very much appreciate another video with more direct tips on how to❤
Right now we have communication but it’s all over the place and not with everyone. It bothers me during conversations because I get distracted and start to “drift off” when trying to sort what’s what. And I can’t always sort what’s my own thoughts and what’s an “influence”.
So another question would perhaps be..:
How do you create a more structured and coordinated communication internally? Where you know who’s talking and why?
Thank you for doing this for us all!❤❤❤
The best communication I get right now is basically demands/commands when a horrible flashback is going to happen. Makes you feel like you’re going insane, but they’re right every time.
The word "intent" happens to be right there in the middle as the timestamp. And this is the thing, we need intent for everything we do, I mean, if you want to understand you want to communicate with your fractals, you need to have a sincere intent to do this..and stick with it. And it's probably not easy even in a therapeutic setting. I would think it takes a lot of investment, spiritually and financially "unfortunately that's the way the world works".
Your videos are always so helpful! Thank you Dr Mike 💜
Thank you, too!
This is so helpful! Especially the part about needing to stick with communicating
Thank you. Another really helpful video 🙂
I just discovered I have some sort of disassociative disorder and that I was definitely showing signs of it when younger
I'm going through something really rough right now (Grandparent cancer, high-stress job, college finals, etc) and it caused some undeniable this is definitely an alter stuff
We were talking and having okay ish communication for a few days. but i got Obnoxious music stuck in my head and they left front and im having trouble resuming communication
This video has been helpful so far
im Scared. im scared of what it means. im scared this is real. but.... i want to do this. i want them here . these past couple days where theres been Absence because my brain's been filled with overwhelming noise thats cutting of MY thoughts - i missed them. i felt horrible; i was scared i might have hurt them somehow
Cbd helps me greatly with internal communication and easing switches. Anything known about this?
What to do if I ("host") have amnesia (afterwards) for internal communication things (being inside, talking to alters, seeing them/the inner world)? I mean, I know that internal communication is happening and I know people are talking with me and I do things in the inner world but afterwards I do have amnesia for it.
Great point, and one I will be directly going through in the next video!
@@thectadclinic oh perfect :) I didn't expect that other systems also experience this
So… if you have amnesia after internal communication with Parts, it’s indicative of DID, or OSDD? I have CPTSD at least, but can you also have this with just CPTSD?
@@Elya08 I dont understand the question I think. I believe you need to have seperated parts who can think by themselves (something I think only alters can) to have communication, in a way like your speaking with somebody who's thougths you can't control. So I think it wouldnt make sense to have amnesia for internal communication if you have CPTSD without OSDD/DID (partial DID/DID). But thats just what I think, I'm not a professional.
@@Elya08 From my experience: one can have a very complex form DID and still have Alters, who you can communicate and experience life with them, as if you "only" have OSDD. Even though somebody has DID he/she/x can have alters that function like OSDD (without full amnesia/with good communication).
This was a good one. Thank you.
Any advice on why maybe an alter/alters always rip up notes or any evidence that I’ve been communicating with alters? Also amnesia for me after communicating with them is huge. I’ve got so many note books with ripped out pages. Even the occasional emails to my therapist from alters are always deleted. Very frustrating when I’m very aware that communication is key to DID. Hope the ducks ok??!!!
The ducks are fine, the younger ones have flown the garden so hopefully are having fun out there. Writing is what I will be discussing in the next video, so your question may get answered!
Wow you do all of that hard work, remember to write then someone deletes. That has to be very frustrating. It is a big step if all of them remember to write down anything
Man… I don’t know that I have full blown alters, but I have “Parts” of me that sabotage emails to my therapist like this. And then I realize they didn’t send or deleted the email but I have no memory of the actual sabotaging moment, so I get confused and pissed as to why my email didn’t go through.
It sucks. And then I realize a “Part” of me didn’t want something sent, for whatever reason, when I’m over here trying to freaking heal from trauma crap.
What about when they do try and communicate but it’s in imagery in dreams? I get those a lot but I don’t understand all of it…
Hmmm ‘I’ can’t do this yet, I’m asking myself the question you posed do i want to and I think it’s no. The reason being as soon as I try to say the words to reach out either out loud or in my head, I get overwhelmed (Shame I think maybe from showing myselves compassion) and then I switch which kinda defeats the object 🙄😬
Sounds like a few things being needed first, Amanda! Good for you to try, though, I am sure it will work when ready.
Thanks for this video. Wow, what do you say to those of us who aren’t ready, do not have capability to be ready yet know and have tried but failed at this ??? Thanks much 👊
Patience, I think. To say that you do want to, but aren’t ready and you hope ‘they’ can be patient with you as well, to wait until you are.
How do you develop communication with an alter that does not communicate? We have an alter who identifies as "dead" in our internal world. That alter does not speak or write or communicate in any way. But we think that part is holding onto some trauma and want to help relieve it. How can we though if that part can't communicate with us? It's kind of like that part is stuck in a freeze response - they can't move or speak really.
@@TheoSwinford I would get creative! Perhaps something like making a hall pass to the Underworld, signed off by the boatman on the River Styx. It would only last, say, 20 minutes, but enough time to visit that part and say hi (they might be really lonely). And no trauma-talk! I always recommend doing this kind of thing in a therapy session, though, so you have a timekeeper to bring you back if you go too deep.
Does anyone on here with DID feel lonely? I feel like no one gets me.
I’m in communication with one of my alters, but the others are silent
Loneliness can be a real problem for many people with DID and there simply aren’t enough good support services about.
Dr Lloyd, do you think that physical pain is possible when going back into sorta lost memories? I don't seem to have any reason for the pain it is almost like phantom pain I've heard about from someone that has lost a limb for instance. Thank you for all you do.
Hi Tamara, Absolutely, we see this a lot across the board. Remember...'The Body Keeps the Score'
@@thectadclinic Thank you.
Yes I would like to increase my conversation with my alters and I am willing to be patient and learn but until I am strongly have to deal with all of my traumas they don’t want to and I want to though because I want to for me to get past all of it I have to do with my traumas is what I feel even though they say that I won’t like what I know what is traumas that would be very bad that could hurt me more than what I want to I wish I understood what they meant
That understanding can take a long time to develop, and with some it mot not happen much at all. Hopefully for some parts there is a decent enough understanding to build on.
What are these tools and techniques you mention? A self-introduction for example, are there specific things that should be included? What if I’m not sure who I am, how can I introduce myself?
We have gone through some in earlier videos, and I will be describing more as I go along!
is it possible that even if you want to communicate very badly, it just wont happen?
im wondering if we just are incapable of it
im also wondering if its because we have one stream of conciousness its just extra hard to communicate internally, it seems like systems who say they can are multiconscious
update from another alter: so i watched the plural conference presentation about polyfragmented DID, they went from around 400 to 7 through therapy
they said communication was extremely difficult internally when they were severely fragmented because it came across like cafe chatter. which aligns with our experience in hearing random thoughts and broken sentences that dont seem like ’mine’
what usually we hear is 3-4 songs playing in our head at once because music and dissasociating is a big fallback coping mechanism for us
Another good video dr!
Do you have any experience (maybe for future videos) about improving one-sided communication? I.e. an alter who demands communication, essentially 'shouting' to make themselves known and though the receiver can hear them and has tried open techniques and truly does wish to communicate back, cant seem to? Despite being able to communicate more easily with other alters and with a genuine wish for communication in the case of them not feeling unsafe/unwanted.
I hope that made enough sense - kiara
Question I hope you can help me answer this but I am in contact with some of my altars and some have kind of gone back in the headspace but I was in complete contact with a fair amount of them but now I’m feeling at least 100 or so Walters but none of them are really talking to me I have at least four I think I’m alters to currently pop in there so often to talk with me I have one that basically she manages everything including Walters will confront and she’s also a protector protect me from anything that I don’t need to know yet that I can tell I have a fairy I have a homeless girl puppy 11 The homeless girl is about 12 maybe and she reminds me of the cartoon of the X-Men and her name is Brown and she has talk to me she is basically ran away and thrives on the street and Lesa don’t want us to protect her she is actually invited her to move in and live with her and her home and then the fairy she lives in the garden at Lisa’s home and then I have another one her name is 7-Up nine she’s a very rebellious non-emotional no-nonsense straightforward alter that basically is verbally kind of abusive and a correction and part of what I just said the teenage or preteen girl her name is rogue from X-Men she looks like her she acts like her and she trust nobody but yet Lisa has invited her to stay several times how many times when she has gone and stayed with Lesa and done well but then she just runs back off again she lives within a city in a bowl style refrigerator wood box and she’s made it very well with having traps to keep people out and also she looks out for her own safety and that’s all she cares about I have dozens of other authors I just don’t know a whole lot about them and those holders periodically talk to me and then they’ll disappear back in the headspace when my migraines kick up as well as my other mental health disorders like borderline personality disorder bipolar two PTSD generalized anxiety depression disorder major depressive disorder and yeah the ID otherwise specified disorder and that’s pretty much everything just wanna throw that past you about trying to communicate with others what would you think about me trying to communicate with many of the others that are back there which I want to but yet they don’t want to come forward yet because of hurt me they want me to heal some things first then they will come forward and start talking with me about Cindy things with my traumas but I can’t get to my traumas because it’s all blocked it’s all covered by all my halters I don’t know what to do next help
I'm wondering if this could be applied to involuntarily regression. I can regress to a 4 year old scared little who mostly none verbal very fragile and just crys. When this happens my boyfriend has no idea what to do but just leave me until I return back to my adult self. She is extremely scared and vunrable. He finds it extremely difficult to understand the difference between voluntary and involuntary regression as I use age regression as a stress relief tool.
We have started to use a feeling and needs chart on a pillow when I become none verbal. And he normally puts calm music on until I come back.
My question is, is it better to just none verbally communicate with a 4 year little, as she normally comes through so strong and upset.
My first thought is for all the things that could be done to help that child part rather than leave her, hopefully you can work on this together!
@@thectadclinic yes he doeent physically leave me, but rather than engage he just waits till I come back round which I understand. Thankyou for your videos they are so helpfull and informative.
@@veritehunter2191 don't mean to butt in and that was a great response CTAD Clinic. I realize all systems are different but this small part of yours sounds a lot like a small part of a system i am very close with. Her husband became very very close to this little. To the point where she was like a daughter to him and he gained her trust. I really hope your boyfriend might be able to do this eventually. As CTAD clinic said do all you can for this little I have a feeling you'll one day find out why. I have to tell you this part of the story. This system that I know was able to become integrated From all of their hard work and A great therapist. Well this "little" was the last one and Right before she was integrated the little and her husband had a moment then she was gone and this woman and her husband just broke down because I am sure he felt like he lost a daughter that he will never see agian. That is sad but it is also an awesome story. Unfortunately since integration something happened( She hasn't told me what yet and may never) and she has fragmented /split/ whatever they use. Its pretty hard for me because my wife and I met those two as couples. Spent alot of time basically growing up with them as adults. All was great there for a few years. then she had some trauma they started a new system both of us got divorced and now Her (them) and I are friends.
@@wadecohagan2388 thank you for sharing this story with me. 3 months on and I am continuing to heal, I have been doing work on masculine and feminine communication and it has helped me to grow so much. The natural polarity has brought magic into our relationship. I can be a woman with the playful feminine heart a girl.A step beyond nvc, my man has grown so much too. He leads me with devotion and loving and caring heart. I express my feelings, needs, problems and permissives. I think a lot of it is really healing my father wound, he has been the only man that I have been able to open my heart to now. Learning to feel all of my emotions without dissociating from them. He is also continuing working on communicating with love and guiding me.
@@veritehunter2191 He sounds like an amazing and definitely understanding Man. I am sure you feel very blessed. Thank you for sharing a bit of your story with me. This is A great community. And I think we all understand what it takes for you all to talk about it.
Any advice on not believing other alters? Why would I reject their communication, is it out of fear or denial?
Yep, both of those are common reasons, as well as rejecting the work that has to be done after connecting, which can be rough at times.
is it normal that i start dissociating from the moment i open videos like this?
Its cuz I wanted our therapist to help me and see me and she dont she ignores me.
These are helpful, but in a lot of your videos you emphasize the importance of getting into therapy. Given the state of availability of DID therapists, and access to mental healthcare in general, would it not be helpful to emphasize the validity of self-guided or community approaches? "Find a therapist" is great advice when therapists are available and accessible, but harmful if they're not.
Not sure it’s harmful, but we put that message on to recommend the ideal. Some techniques may cause distress if done without proper resources and support.
Industrial level photocopying 😂
Woah total dejavu moment.
😻 promosm