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Christian Kerr has hdmfjdxjktifhdsame It feels like it's taking all of my will to look them in their eyes so there's none left over to pay attention to what they're saying
I feel the most akward when I'm listening to someone. I have a slightly hard time focusing on what their saying already because I feel like its usually not truly grabbing my interest but when I try to make enough eye contact to make it seem like I'm truly interested and present I have an even harder time focusing on what their saying...then I feel like they can totally tell that I'm not that interested in what they're saying even though I am trying to be and like they can tell I'm feeling akward and the snowball just rolls on lol
BRO THIS IS MEEEE!! i noticed tho that that little uncomfortable feeling that comes up when trying to go eye contact, it actually comes up for a reason. it calls for your attention. so as much as you ‘try’ and be present this’ll continue to happen, until it gets its attention
Yeah I get extremely uncomfortable around people and sometimes when I'm making eye contact while talking to someone around other people, my eyes start to blink uncontrollably and I feel extremely awkward and I have to look away or put my head down. Social anxiety has literally ruined my life. When I know company is coming over the house, I get extremely nervous and I try to stay in my room to avoid them. What the fuck is wrong with me why can't I just be normal.
TFL Man, bro this is exactly how I felt for such a long time! I felt COMPLETELY Alienated, I felt less bcs I couldn't do this simple fukn eye contact, I just wanted to be like everyone else!! I had this going for.. Iguess I wanna say 4 years w today. But today I am in a different place. There's answers bro, question it until ur answers get solved. U'll soon come to find out why you go thru what you go thru &find answers to ur problems
That's possible. It's also possible they appreciate it. Or that they think nothing of it. Or that they're attracted to you. Or that you get their attention. Or that they're curious. Or etc.. It has a lot to do with what you expect. And how you feel. If you don't feel safe making eye contact and feel the other person is a potential threat to you (because he/she can reject you/make fun of you/hurt you/etc) you might as a defense take on a more aggressive look. Which may indeed intimidate. I used to want to look as tough as possible in my teens, so no one would dare mess with me. Some of this is conscious, most of it is subconscious.
same tho, I've been trying to work on looking people in the eye because i've never really done it, i never had friends as a kid and i was really isolated but anyway when i do it i feel like im doing it wrong or making myself seem creepy af
That is the opposite for me. I feel intimidated with some people that have prominent gazes and I feel confortable with other kind of people. I feel this so intensely that I want to explode or disappear. Afortunately I only make eye contact to people that I know they make me feel comfortable, they will never judge me and I can be 100% myself in front of them. The ironic thing is that this kind of people that make me feel confortable are the 50% of the people who I know.
i feel weird and i think that the person that's looking at me could see what i'm thinking through my eyes (weeeird right?) and i try not to make eye contact. i feel like im the only one
So glad I found this! I've been so afraid to even verbalize this but this is exactly how I feel. It's gets worse the more I think about it and then I don't know where to look.
You're not the only one. Its not a desired way to feel. No answers though. Keep asking questions and let me know if someone has good advice. I can't concentrate on the guy in the video.
Exactly! I afraid if they look at me too long they'll notice how ugly I am or how drawn on my eyebrows are but in reality whether we make eye contact with them or not they're still going to look at us.
@@mercedezbenz5831 While looking at others, do you think they're ugly or their eyebrows are drawn out? No not really, you just look at them as for communication purpose, it's normal... If you don't see anything wrong with them, then they would have the same view as you too, 80% chance they wouldn't really judge you! And that's the problem with having social anxiety. You must look at people, it's you conversation, control it, they're talking to you, not anybody else, speak up and be assertive!!
You are no less than anybody, neither you gonna prove to anyone you worth it, you know you worth it... so go with the flow of life and eliminate those NEGATIVE thoughts!! Think POSITIVE!! Also of anybody say anything bad to you, smile and go on with life, you're no shorter, you are no lesser than that person neither that person is high or lesser than you. We're all humans, we're equal and that should be our view on life, if others thinks otherwise
i've alway been afraid to look anyone in the eyes, even with my family. it just felt scary and i have no idea how to get rid of it. it's very difficult to even try and approach my crush because if you don't look her in the eyes, she might think you're not interested
Oh my God, I thought I was the only one that felt anxious even with family. I'm planning on telling them how I really feel because I'm tired of hiding it from my close family.
For me, it’s not that I can’t make the eye contact. It’s that I don’t know how long to hold it for! Too short, and I feels like a flirty glance. Too long and it feels like you’re a creep! I can’t find that happy medium, so that’s why I avoid it as much as a I can.
This is exactly how I feel and I notice that days I’m just in complete autopilot I sometimes forget and become better able to hold a non-awkward conversation. DONT GET ME STARTED ON TALKING TO CUTE GIRLS THO I REACT LIKE A SITCOM NERD
I am actually experiencing this right now and having difficulties talking even to close family and friends. It suddenly popped out in my mind and now it became anxiety every time when having a conversation with someone. It's affecting my social life. I tried fighting it by looking into only the left or right eye alone and tried listening because I am really interested in the topic or subject. But I know that the person I am talking with noticed that. I also looked for tips and reasons like 70% listening and 30% eye contact. I tried. Even I am so interested in the conversation or topic.. every time I'm talking to someone; there is a sudden spark that will trigger this problem of having eye contact even though I am very confident in myself...I want to be fixed...Damn..
I have eye contact problems with everyone not just girls. It’s like when I stare at any person it gets awkward... at least to me. I feel like when you stare at people for too long it gets uncomfortable. How long is much eye contact? I really can agree with some of the comments I’ve seen under the video as well as agree with the video itself. I believe the key to being able to look someone in the eye is having self-confidence in yourself, developing yourself, and being confident in yourself. The main cause of by some people may have eye contact problems is 1; they have something to hide. In other words they are either insecure about something about themselves and doubt themselves and drown themselves in negative thoughts. When you think positive about yourself and you’re confident about yourself you have nothing to hide. 2 is lack of social skills. Again this all implies with the self confidence I mentioned earlier, also 3 something that is the main cause is pornography. Let’s face it porn does more bad than good when it comes to socializing with people. When you fill these images in your head with all these pornographic images and videos it makes it awkward to socialize with anyone because your thoughts even though you may not actually feel sexually towards a person the lack of eye contact is due to wanting to avoid any type of sexual awkwardness with anybody even if you’re not actually attracted to the person. Additionally what porn does is it takes away the social feel of relationships and your thoughts are clouded with sex making it had to socialize or make eye contact with anyone. Porn does more harm than good. Instead you need to drop the porn and discipline yourself and challenge yourself to build relationships with women you are attracted to along with people in your daily lives.
I feel like a reason for the fear of eye contact may be like this fear of intimacy as well because even when it is a stranger you are creating a connection through eye contact..
So true. I’m finding this to be the case as I get better at eye contact /self Esteem and a new fear comes up that my intense blue eyes make them think I like them or whatever ugh
To me, eye contact with other people is to intimidate or to seduce. emotional connection isn't all that it's cracked up to be. People relate it to some happily ever after fairy tale. All it really is, is looking for someone who will support you instead of threaten or harm you. In essence, life is about using things and people, and being used by things and people. These relate to survival and living. Survival deals with needs. Living deals with wants. You don't need emotional connection with others, especially if you've establish that connection with yourself. We are loved to learn how to love ourselves. We are taught so we can learn how to teach ourselves. Etc... It's really all about you. The problem is people work from the outside in, instead of the inside out. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else, genuinely, so it is unconditional and unjudgemental. If you love yourself, it will overflow into how you interact with the world, and it will be genuine, rather than trying to fulfill someone else's expectations and standards they have for you.
What a materialistic cold dead philosophy you have. Do you really think life is just one big chemical reaction and accident? There is a higher purpose to life, beyond just survival.
I think it is something quite primeval, i.e. if a dog thinks it has done something wrong, it will look away from you. In some disorders where you constantly think negatively of yourself or think you have done something wrong you thus look away constantly.
I work in customer service so I’m constantly looking at different faces, people, eyes every day. I try to focus on the conversation more than the eye contact and it really helps. Now and then I’ll look at them in the eyes to reassure them of my good intentions but sometimes it becomes too much to handle. Like someone will say “hi what’s specials do you have today?” And in my head I say “idk don’t look at me” 😂
I used to be afraid of making eye contact until I found something out about myself. Usually when my mom or anyone makes a small conversation I wouldn’t really look them I the eyes (just quick glances). One day my mom started talking to me about something I was really really interested in and we had a whole conversation with eye contact and I didn’t even realize it. Now I’ve learned that I’m not hiding anything and I just practice with friends and it gets better.
This is the kind of video I've been looking for. For a long long long long long long time. I've been going through this exact thing for over 20 some odd years. And no one has explained this condition as well as you have. Thank you sir may God bless you. I could go on and on about how this has affected my life but basically I'm in a constant Battle of gluing a shattered vase back together again and again and again after it keeps shattering over and over. That's the best way I could explain it.
I was very confident in making eye contact before but because ive transfered to another country and i felt isolated i couldnt even makr eye contact even to my HUSBAND! It terrifies me alot to look at him for far too long and it depresses me a lot and its giving us problem. Everything seem so unreal.
I felt you on this one, I get sad when I know my boyfriend wants to keep eye contact and I am unable to sometimes because I overthink so much and get nervous about what he’s thinking about me.
tuna - Same, drugs made me aware of how much i was looking at someone, then i became aware of how normal or not it was, now i cant tell the difference. I maintain eye contact so they look away and then we both clap eyes on each other and it speeds up the process until they glance at me and look away. Its the same the other way around if i dont look at them and then they look at me and i look away first then so do they and eventually eye contact is avoided.....WTF is this???
Ngl I love tripping but I feel like keeping eye contact has gotten harder for me after experimenting with psychedelics. I just feel like people can see through me a little more or like I get uncomfortable knowing they have their own conscious and are perceiving me in their own minds. Kind of weirds me out
you look so ease when speaking, I mean ur eyes contact. It's so inspirational that you share what you've been through. I wish I can get rid this social phobia (eyes contact problem particularly).
You can. I have a free starter kit showing you how, teaching you EFT, guiding you through some experiences. Here's what a guy said about it "Hello Sebastian. Thanks to your advices and free stuff on website.I was able to reduce my SAD from 9/10 or sometimes 11/10 to about 4-5 on daily basis. I made some deeper work on my own and it helped me." You can get it here, which is a great first step: www.social-anxiety-solutions.com/social-anxiety-starter-kit/
Sebastiaan van der Schrier I've listened to your mp3 there in starter kit. it's a long journey and exhausting struggle. But it's so inspiring. thank you for your openness to share your experience and your encouraging talk. I will learn it.
It was scary because the first job interview I was at my boss was having a conversation with one of the other coworkers aswell, and I was very anxious and nervous to look them in the eye and then they asked if I was still interested and wanted to be there. Which scares me maybe people really thought I was not interested in what they had to say or I was bored which isn't the case.
I know people say it's awkward and how they hate making eye contact with people but I actually *can't*. Like I haven't made eye contact with someone for more than 30 seconds at the most. Today my instructor for a course told me to watch him do something to learn how to do it and then noticed how I wasn't really watching so he told me to look him in the eyes for 30 sec to show that I can listen but I *couldn't* do it. I couldn't look in his eyes and kept having to look away. I really hate this because now he probably thinks that I can't listen when really I just can't make eye contact.
Great video so far. For me, it's that I'm worried people will take my eye contact in the wrong way. Like aggressive or something. But a lot of this video still applies to me.
Hey, my story is very similar, as you mentioned how you felt around girls which you were attracted to, I had the same problems from age 16(I am now 21) and suffered so much thanks to my own negative beliefs which come from my past, childhodd, being bullied, not accepted by others, ashamed in front of other people, my dad didnt accept me as a child and I felt unacceptable for the reason that i am being just myself, I grew up thinking that other people are more worthy tham me, cause naturally something is wrong with me... I got to the point where I literally hated myself and it just got worse and worse...I had even suicidal thoughts.my so called friends made joke from me and i got more and more anxious...I knew(thought) that something is wrong with me and i tried almost everything...it began by the pua, what you are talking about... i was working days on myself to force these energies and make myself more acceptable by the mass... watching videos all the day and learning ankward pickup-lines....also visited psychologists more times and even took drugs becouse it was necessary... I am working on myself I think 5 years long, and the anxiety is still there. I got a supporting girlfriend who I know from the university what I started this year and we are together almost 8 months. I am so happy for that, but my confidence and self-esteem is so low becouse of my past... I always have the feelings of this "i am not worthy or good enough for other people and others are better than me" and I am so jealous in front of my girlfriend and I feel so much guilt, shame and distress among people in social interractions, which I almost completely avoid... I have no friends just a girlfriend to talk to... I am so lonely and I feel so much anger looking back to my past... I feel angry with these people who injured me and made me insecure... I don't know where to begin.. I feel lost...at home my mother is always makes me feel guilty and angry and self destructive... I tried eft but i am a Christian and I am confused about this method. Is there any other method which can change my beliefs and cure the anxiety and the other bad feelings? I want to get rid of them becouse i want to live a full life, I think I suffered enough... My subconscious mind is that is telling me that i am not as worthy as others... I cant get rid of these feelings and beliefs and feel so confused now... I somehow trust you becouse we went trough similar things in our lives what i know of reading your story on your website. I feel so lost and powerless...where should I begin?
You should meditate on the Word and verses that speak of God's love for you and confess it out loud whenever these thoughts occur to you. Don't give up even if it looks like it hasn't worked. Categorically refuse to accept that you are not good enough. These thoughts must be silent and you must take authority over them. Insist and persist, God loves you and you have your place on this earth. No one can do what you are placed on earth to, except you. That's why you're so special. You have to accept that you are loved. Hope this message can help someone. God bless you❤️❤️❤️
thank you so much for making such amazing videos. i never realised all these things about my self before. You have helped me alot discovering my inner problems .keep making such amazing videos .great job!!!!!
sometime i start getting headache while making eye contact and i look away .when i try to make eye contact while the other person is talking i have no idea what the other person is saying at that moment
Glad to hear it. You're not alone - millions experience the same. You're experiencing the aftermath of trauma and conditioning, and you can rewire things with tapping and tools like it. Invest the time studying what's going on, you'll not only find relief in the info, you'll discover tools to change your life and -over time- put an end to your social anxiety. Start here for free bit.ly/socialconfidencenow
I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my UA-cam channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates. 💙❤
Man I’ve been feeling so confident like an alpha when I stare at people right in the eye, most of them looked down after few seconds but few of the people kept looking at me back without looking away so I had to look away
I have been stuck with this eye contact fear for a long time over 18 years. Frigging nightmare. If I get caught unawares I look like a deer in headlights. So I am always conscious of eye contact to cope and control. It's so exhausting.
You are not alone in this. I hope you are doing better now. It's 3 years later. Eye contact is merely a side effect/symptoms of limiting thoughts and beliefs.
Hi Sena, This is Mae from Team Social Anxiety Solutions. Yes, I agree with you. You are not alone! We are here to help you :) Please let us know if you have any questions by sending them to our email at socialanxietysolutionsva@gmail.com Looking forward to hearing from you soon! Thanks, Mae (Team SAS)
Thank you so much. I watched your video this week. I have felt all of the things you mentioned. I am so happy you listed the reasons that eye contact has been so hard for me. I used your techniques. You changed my life practically overnight.
I absolutely hate making eye contact with people, It for me it is something that gives me major anxiety. The longest I can look at some one in the eye is about 3 seconds then I either look at there mouth or some random place infront of me for maybe 20 seconds then it’s just a cycle. Honestly I didn’t think it was a problem until some one asked me why I wouldn’t look at them.
I'm comfortable making eye contact with family members and close friends, but I can't master it well with teachers, strangers, etc. It's embarrassing because I'm 18. I haven't even scheduled an appointment yet over the phone. 😌
I'm 18 too and I have this problem. My guess is that I feel like they are going to think I am weird or something if I stare at them too long and also I went through some things in my life that made me have social anxiety. I guess it takes therapy to fix social anxiety and eye contact issues which I should be starting soon. I hope it works.
Same thing happens to me I am 15, it started happening out of the blue whenever I make eye contact with any teacher during lectures I feel uncomfortable, I would blink thousand time in the matter of a few seconds if i make eye contact, i would stare at the table and listen to the lectures. It is just popping in my mind that the teachers would think me I am weirdo or something like that
seems like you don't know how big phobia may be eye contact. when your face start to blush as a beet, just because someone glance at you(even a child!!), and you feel so big terrible shame that you even hear a blood preasure comming up, and only one wish - to escape, to run or to die. - you really dont know about eye-contact phobia (( and there is NO explanatio WHY it happens. no reason to blush, but you blush. and I dont know how to get rid of it.
You are blushing because you are afraid to blush. That is the reason. If you didn't care if you blushed, you wouldn't. You have attached a negative meaning to your blush that you are inferior or people can see who you really are ect...Ask yourself WHY am I inferior, what happened in my past that I am so ashamed of? why is it not okay for me to blush? Why am I not okay?Once you get your answers tap on the events and your blushing won't be painful anymore.
Bro you really really really help me to change my life you are the first one who help me to diagnose my problem to the point and I over come my problem brother I have no other thing to do but thanks with big respect.
I just hate it when I'm wondering my eyes off to the ceiling, I sigh, I look to the ground, and all of a sudden, once I look forward, someone across the room turns towards me and I just look gay when I see them for one second. I turn away almost immediately and completely awkwardly but that makes me look like I like the person I just took one tiny ass glance at. It's WEIRD. Like, no! No! What else am I supposed to do!? Look at them for another three seconds!?
I am ULTRA confident. ULTRA skilled at manipulating. ULTRA skilled in sales. In making women like me. In being a sweetheart. In being a douchebag. In being threatening. I look all over the place for information on why I dont make eye contact with people.... and I cant fucking find it. Everything I find says the OPPOSITE of what I am. It says I'm nervous or intimidated. I am NOT. It means I will easily be tricked. I am NOT. It means I won't be able to know what the other person is thinking. I'm GREAT at that. I'm viciously good at tricking people because I know whats going through their head. When I look someone in the eye... very quickly they glance away. And I take that as a sign I am being "weird" and to be nice to them I choose to look away. Typically I look at their mouth and every now and then look just near their eyes to make it seem like I'm making eye contact. What this does for them I think.... makes them free to look at my eyes and investigate me as much as possible without me ever knowing they are doing it. And they are all right. I have no idea if they are looking at my eyes and investigating me. So that makes it seem like I'm an easy target.... but in reality I'm reading what they are saying and picking apart individual words and phrases.... and trying to find out their motive. Basically I've got a knife to their neck.... but it looks like they have the upper hand. That is my self diagnosis. SORRY for all the egotistical statements here.... I'd just like someone to psychoanalyze me please.
Aya Maya judging by your profile picture you're beautiful so why do you struggle with eye contact? Not like you have any flaws to hide? Or maybe when you look at people they feel seduced?
I have a staring problem and I feel like I’m seen as a creep. I’m always looking everywhere like if I’m paranoid. I think Im paranoid that some is judging me and I’m trying to look at their facial expression for signs, but I’m not surr
I have a kind of weird eye contact problem still, for example i did a dating bootcamp, and we were to sit at a table, with 5 people or something, and i first noticed feeling very very anxious, i was sweating very intensely, and i could only hold eyecontact, for a short period, and if there was more than one looking at me at the time, i didn't know what to do, and so i kept looking people in the eyes shortly, and then i looked away, and the next day, because there was this guy, who actually confronted me with my problem, and he was kind of annoyed in a way, and he told that i had to learn how to keep eyecontact with other people, and i thought i had been staring at him or something, and he was like " what the fuck you barely had eyecontact with me" hehe that is my experience with it really weird and frustrating as hell. hehe
I do suffer from social anxiety... I didn't even know about it! People mentioned one or twice My weird behavior of nervousness... But at that time I didn't know it was an actual issue or illness! It hit Me years later! Now I know that behavior was due to social anxiety! But the reason I don't look at people in the eyes is not because I feel intimidated... Rather I don't want to intimidate them...
It just totally freaks me out to a stage my anxiety kicks in it feels personal to me to hold eye contact and feels like you are looking deep into my soul, because when I look someone in the eyes I can have a good reading on that person weather they are evil,peaceful, or a all round nutcase, I just don’t know how people do it
I can't make eye contact with anyone because I'm uncomfortable with having emotional connection. I'd like to have it but it's so scary and feels kind of like my personal space is going to be violated or something.
For me lately its been more ( i think) my teeth, i have a few missing and when i try to talk to people i feel their whole attention is on it. Also i tend to focus on peoples teeth too and then i look away even tho there's a convo going on.
i have this problem from probably 8-9 years old and i went to an acting class that helped me a little with this problem but i still have this weird feeling whenever i talk to someone like i’m afraid to look them in the eyes .I still can’t understand why i have this problem so i hope i’ll someday overcame this
I really feel that they think I'm week that's because i can't look into their eyes, like they feel superior through my "weakness" and can say or do whatever they want to me cause of my shyness
When i talk with people, i stare for like 5-10 seconds then without noticing i just look somewhere else while talking. And when people stare at me to make eye contact i just look for like 3 seconds then dont. Because i just can't, it's hard.
Eseosa Osagiede I live near London and I'm having this issue. It came from abandonment and scapegoating by my family. While I'm thriving, I look good and live a pretty good life, I still struggle with looking people in the eye because I'm afraid they'll see that I'm 'unlovable' and abandon me too. Pretty messy, but I've finally figured it out.
This feels like hell. You feel people are noticing all your mistakes, errors and defects. You think people will blame you and will laugh at everything you say. I feel this so intensely that I want to explode or disappear. Afortunately I only make eye contact to people that I know they make me feel comfortable, they will never judge me and I can be 100% myself in front of them. The ironic thing is that this kind of people that make me feel confortable are the 50% of the people who I know.
FREE Masterclass: How To Stop Your Social Anxiety (available for a limited time only!) Join the waiting list here: bit.ly/socialconfidencemasterclass ---- It's a three-part video series and each video is about 20-25 minutes long. In the first video, I share “How To Stop Your Brain From Triggering Anxiety”. You can find it here: In the second video, I talk about “The Three Main Keys To Effortless Social Ease”. In the last video, I talked about “The Five Stages To Go From Social Anxiety To Effortless Social Ease”. I break down each action step that leads you from one stage to the next, to the next. I talk about how you feel at each stage and I share video testimonials of people who are at the various stages. It's super inspiring. You're going to love this. Join the waiting list here: bit.ly/socialconfidencemasterclass
Hi Jobie, Sam here from Team Social Anxiety Solutions. Sebastiaan frequently receives this concern and so he prepared a response for me to send. Here it goes: -- Question: I find it hard to maintain eye contact while anxious. Why is that? Answer: Eye contact issues often have to do with shame and feeling that you have to hide particular parts of yourself that you don’t want other people to see. After all, if they really look in your eyes, they could see what you’re trying to hide.
You can ask yourself:
“What am I trying to hide?” “What is it that I don’t want others to find out about me?”
There might be something going on in your life right now that you’re ashamed of.
Or, there might be something when you were younger that caused you shame.
It might be from right now, or when you’re age 5 or 10. It could also be both. --- Hope this helps. If not, feel free to reply back and I will be happy to have Seb address any clarifying questions you have. Thank you! Sam (Team SAS)
MY EYE CONTACT PHOBIA T_T My problem is that I am unable to directly look into people's eyes when I am trying to converse with them. Embarrassingly, I find my eyes tend to indirectly look at people's sexual parts. This condition occurs with whoever I am having a conversation with, i.e., men, women, young, old, classmates, friends and relatives I have no real control over this and I have suffered from this condition ever since I had this shitty phobia I feel weird and i think that the person that's looking at me could see what i'm thinking trough my eyes (weeeird right?) And i try not to make eye contact. I feel like Im the only one I've always been afraid to look anyone in the eyes, even with my family. It just felt scary and i have no idea how to get rid of it. I feel like people get intimidated when you make eye contact and making myself seem creepy af For me, it’s not that I can’t make the eye contact. It’s that I don’t know how long to hold it for! Too short, and I feels like a flirty glance. Too long and it feels like you’re a creep! I can’t find that happy medium, so that’s why I avoid it as much as a I can. I feel one of the reason is we feel that if they look into us and we into them, they would see every single flaw that we see in the mirror everyday. I know people say it's awkward and how they hate making eye contact with people but I actually can't. Like I haven't made eye contact with someone for more than 30 seconds at the most. Every day I’m in a situation where I look at someone and they look back a second later and I instinctively look away immediately. It looks like I was staring at them even tho I wasn’t and it’s awkward. Mines at the point where I can't stare at people with sunglasses my problem is that my eyes go dry and my eyes feel like there super wide and Im staring strangely I can't even look my mom and dad in the eye I can only look my friends in the eye but not for very long :( Just because someone glance at you (even a child!!), and you feel so big terrible shame that you even hear a blood pressure coming up And only one wish - To ESCAPE, To RUN, or To DIE!!! I think that the eye contact are somethings unexplainable it's like magic in the world!
I was raised to hide everything I thought was negative, such as the desire for sex, or when I was bothered by anything. Now I feel like I'm unable to hide anything so I have to show what I'm feeling all the time, and it's awkward.
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You should meditate on the Word and verses that speak of God's love for you and confess it out loud whenever these thoughts occur to you. Don't give up even if it looks like it hasn't worked. Categorically refuse to accept that you are not good enough. These thoughts must be silent and you must take authority over them. Insist and persist, God loves you and you have your place on this earth. No one can do what you have to do except you. That's why you're so special. You have to accept that you are loved as you are. Hope this can help someone. God is with you❤️❤️❤️
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The reason why I have a problem with eye contact, especially looking at women in the eyes is because I feel like I would come across as creepy or weird when looking into someone’s eyes
Hi J_17_7, Thank you for reaching out. This is Sam from Team Social Anxiety Solutions. Sorry to hear that. You can check out these other videos about difficulty making eye contact that might help you. - ua-cam.com/video/oOV8spnPSp0/v-deo.html - ua-cam.com/video/kZSVO90zEGI/v-deo.html If there’s anything else that we can help you with, let us know. Thank you, Sam (Team Social Anxiety Solutions)
Lol, are we like at the bottom of the food chain? lol... I tell you, we have great ideas in mind, we're leaders, but we have this thing call social anxiety. And, oh hey brothers and sisters with the same problem...
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Hi Jo, Thank you for posting here. 😊This is Lia from Team Social Anxiety Solutions. If you're interested to know more, you can watch this video as Sebastiaan shares how he overcame his own social anxiety: ua-cam.com/video/BH4kU_BBY1Y/v-deo.html In the video, he mentioned the main technique he used, which is "EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique - also called tapping". And in the upcoming free 30 Day Social Confidence Challenge (which will start on January 2, 2022), he will provide guidance on how you can use this to overcome your own social anxiety. Each day, you will bit-by-bit reduce the layers of your own social anxiety and eventually feel relief. If you're interested in that, go to: bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge Hope to see you inside, Team Social Anxiety Solutions
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I feel like I can’t make eye contact and focus on what they’re saying at the same time
Christian Kerr has hdmfjdxjktifhdsame
It feels like it's taking all of my will to look them in their eyes so there's none left over to pay attention to what they're saying
That’s what i felt 😭
That is so true
Same, I usually just look down
You guy are so lamentable, i love you GUYS*loudly saying*
I feel the most akward when I'm listening to someone. I have a slightly hard time focusing on what their saying already because I feel like its usually not truly grabbing my interest but when I try to make enough eye contact to make it seem like I'm truly interested and present I have an even harder time focusing on what their saying...then I feel like they can totally tell that I'm not that interested in what they're saying even though I am trying to be and like they can tell I'm feeling akward and the snowball just rolls on lol
immerse yourself so much into the present moment that you don't allow your mind to like or dislike anything.
BRO THIS IS MEEEE!! i noticed tho that that little uncomfortable feeling that comes up when trying to go eye contact, it actually comes up for a reason. it calls for your attention. so as much as you ‘try’ and be present this’ll continue to happen, until it gets its attention
Michael Brown same problem 😪
Yeah I get extremely uncomfortable around people and sometimes when I'm making eye contact while talking to someone around other people, my eyes start to blink uncontrollably and I feel extremely awkward and I have to look away or put my head down. Social anxiety has literally ruined my life. When I know company is coming over the house, I get extremely nervous and I try to stay in my room to avoid them. What the fuck is wrong with me why can't I just be normal.
TFL Man, bro this is exactly how I felt for such a long time! I felt COMPLETELY Alienated, I felt less bcs I couldn't do this simple fukn eye contact, I just wanted to be like everyone else!! I had this going for.. Iguess I wanna say 4 years w today. But today I am in a different place. There's answers bro, question it until ur answers get solved. U'll soon come to find out why you go thru what you go thru &find answers to ur problems
I feel like people get intimidated when you make eye contact
That's possible. It's also possible they appreciate it. Or that they think nothing of it. Or that they're attracted to you. Or that you get their attention. Or that they're curious. Or etc.. It has a lot to do with what you expect. And how you feel. If you don't feel safe making eye contact and feel the other person is a potential threat to you (because he/she can reject you/make fun of you/hurt you/etc) you might as a defense take on a more aggressive look. Which may indeed intimidate. I used to want to look as tough as possible in my teens, so no one would dare mess with me. Some of this is conscious, most of it is subconscious.
same tho, I've been trying to work on looking people in the eye because i've never really done it, i never had friends as a kid and i was really isolated but anyway when i do it i feel like im doing it wrong or making myself seem creepy af
That is the opposite for me. I feel intimidated with some people that have prominent gazes and I feel confortable with other kind of people. I feel this so intensely that I want to explode or disappear. Afortunately I only make eye contact to people that I know they make me feel comfortable, they will never judge me and I can be 100% myself in front of them. The ironic thing is that this kind of people that make me feel confortable are the 50% of the people who I know.
@@alextint5987 prominent gazes
I feel like they are scared
i feel weird and i think that the person that's looking at me could see what i'm thinking through my eyes (weeeird right?) and i try not to make eye contact. i feel like im the only one
ღ Monnatic ღ nope, you're not the only one. I always looked away when I talk to people and then they never talked to me again😅
You are not the only one
I think the same and it's with nearly everyone
So glad I found this! I've been so afraid to even verbalize this but this is exactly how I feel. It's gets worse the more I think about it and then I don't know where to look.
You're not the only one. Its not a desired way to feel. No answers though. Keep asking questions and let me know if someone has good advice. I can't concentrate on the guy in the video.
people always say "lack of confidence low self worth etc" nope...I just don't like it..not because Im awkward..because they get awkward
Definitely is because i have like 0 confidence and 0 eye contact because i feel intimidated.
Or stop lying and making excuses for yourself.
@@kraniumdranium1364 i dnt think its a confidence thing tho
You think to much thats why
exactly
I feel one of the reason is we feel that if they look into us and we into them, they would see every single flaw that we see in the mirror everyday.
Look inbetween the eyes, it works for me
Exactly! I afraid if they look at me too long they'll notice how ugly I am or how drawn on my eyebrows are but in reality whether we make eye contact with them or not they're still going to look at us.
@@mercedezbenz5831 While looking at others, do you think they're ugly or their eyebrows are drawn out? No not really, you just look at them as for communication purpose, it's normal... If you don't see anything wrong with them, then they would have the same view as you too, 80% chance they wouldn't really judge you! And that's the problem with having social anxiety. You must look at people, it's you conversation, control it, they're talking to you, not anybody else, speak up and be assertive!!
You are no less than anybody, neither you gonna prove to anyone you worth it, you know you worth it... so go with the flow of life and eliminate those NEGATIVE thoughts!! Think POSITIVE!! Also of anybody say anything bad to you, smile and go on with life, you're no shorter, you are no lesser than that person neither that person is high or lesser than you. We're all humans, we're equal and that should be our view on life, if others thinks otherwise
i've alway been afraid to look anyone in the eyes, even with my family. it just felt scary and i have no idea how to get rid of it. it's very difficult to even try and approach my crush because if you don't look her in the eyes, she might think you're not interested
Oh my God, I thought I was the only one that felt anxious even with family. I'm planning on telling them how I really feel because I'm tired of hiding it from my close family.
Though I'm afraid what they'll think of me after I get everything out of my chest..
Mr. Swooprah I feel like I can see the evil side of them when I try to do eye contact, and I also don’t like doing eye contact with my family
So do I !!!
Same problem
fear of critism
For me, it’s not that I can’t make the eye contact. It’s that I don’t know how long to hold it for! Too short, and I feels like a flirty glance. Too long and it feels like you’re a creep! I can’t find that happy medium, so that’s why I avoid it as much as a I can.
That's exactly what I feel
This is exactly how I feel and I notice that days I’m just in complete autopilot I sometimes forget and become better able to hold a non-awkward conversation. DONT GET ME STARTED ON TALKING TO CUTE GIRLS THO I REACT LIKE A SITCOM NERD
Bro same situation myself .when i saw your comment i feel like i am in heaven
When you're having a conversation with someone maintain eye contact with them for around 3 seconds or so then look away for a second or 2 and repeat
I am actually experiencing this right now and having difficulties talking even to close family and friends. It suddenly popped out in my mind and now it became anxiety every time when having a conversation with someone. It's affecting my social life. I tried fighting it by looking into only the left or right eye alone and tried listening because I am really interested in the topic or subject. But I know that the person I am talking with noticed that.
I also looked for tips and reasons like 70% listening and 30% eye contact. I tried. Even I am so interested in the conversation or topic.. every time I'm talking to someone; there is a sudden spark that will trigger this problem of having eye contact even though I am very confident in myself...I want to be fixed...Damn..
Same thing is happening with me now
I have eye contact problems with everyone not just girls. It’s like when I stare at any person it gets awkward... at least to me. I feel like when you stare at people for too long it gets uncomfortable. How long is much eye contact? I really can agree with some of the comments I’ve seen under the video as well as agree with the video itself. I believe the key to being able to look someone in the eye is having self-confidence in yourself, developing yourself, and being confident in yourself. The main cause of by some people may have eye contact problems is 1; they have something to hide. In other words they are either insecure about something about themselves and doubt themselves and drown themselves in negative thoughts. When you think positive about yourself and you’re confident about yourself you have nothing to hide. 2 is lack of social skills. Again this all implies with the self confidence I mentioned earlier, also 3 something that is the main cause is pornography. Let’s face it porn does more bad than good when it comes to socializing with people. When you fill these images in your head with all these pornographic images and videos it makes it awkward to socialize with anyone because your thoughts even though you may not actually feel sexually towards a person the lack of eye contact is due to wanting to avoid any type of sexual awkwardness with anybody even if you’re not actually attracted to the person. Additionally what porn does is it takes away the social feel of relationships and your thoughts are clouded with sex making it had to socialize or make eye contact with anyone. Porn does more harm than good. Instead you need to drop the porn and discipline yourself and challenge yourself to build relationships with women you are attracted to along with people in your daily lives.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi.... Stop at three Mississippi
I'm so glad you post this
I feel like a reason for the fear of eye contact may be like this fear of intimacy as well because even when it is a stranger you are creating a connection through eye contact..
Oh wow that explains my situation so well😂😂😂
So true. I’m finding this to be the case as I get better at eye contact /self
Esteem and a new fear comes up that my intense blue eyes make them think I like them or whatever ugh
To me, eye contact with other people is to intimidate or to seduce. emotional connection isn't all that it's cracked up to be. People relate it to some happily ever after fairy tale. All it really is, is looking for someone who will support you instead of threaten or harm you. In essence, life is about using things and people, and being used by things and people. These relate to survival and living. Survival deals with needs. Living deals with wants. You don't need emotional connection with others, especially if you've establish that connection with yourself. We are loved to learn how to love ourselves. We are taught so we can learn how to teach ourselves. Etc... It's really all about you. The problem is people work from the outside in, instead of the inside out. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else, genuinely, so it is unconditional and unjudgemental. If you love yourself, it will overflow into how you interact with the world, and it will be genuine, rather than trying to fulfill someone else's expectations and standards they have for you.
What a materialistic cold dead philosophy you have. Do you really think life is just one big chemical reaction and accident? There is a higher purpose to life, beyond just survival.
Lol. Your post isn't helpful at all. Although it did provide me with a good laugh. Cheers Mate.
I think it is something quite primeval, i.e. if a dog thinks it has done something wrong, it will look away from you. In some disorders where you constantly think negatively of yourself or think you have done something wrong you thus look away constantly.
the greatest info that i've ever had was with the Seans Shy Program (just google it) - I found it the no.1 idea i've followed.
You have no idea how much I needed to watch this.
Good to hear that, glad it's helpful :)
@@Social-anxiety-solutions Thank you so much ❤️ 2024 has been rough for a recently social aware with ptsd. God bless
@@DibbzTV Sorry to hear that. Studies have shown that tapping is very effective for PTSD. Take care 🙏
I work in customer service so I’m constantly looking at different faces, people, eyes every day. I try to focus on the conversation more than the eye contact and it really helps. Now and then I’ll look at them in the eyes to reassure them of my good intentions but sometimes it becomes too much to handle. Like someone will say “hi what’s specials do you have today?” And in my head I say “idk don’t look at me” 😂
You are 16 and are figuring this thing out now??? You are blessed! Some of us 50 year olds are still learning!!!
I used to be afraid of making eye contact until I found something out about myself. Usually when my mom or anyone makes a small conversation I wouldn’t really look them I the eyes (just quick glances). One day my mom started talking to me about something I was really really interested in and we had a whole conversation with eye contact and I didn’t even realize it. Now I’ve learned that I’m not hiding anything and I just practice with friends and it gets better.
Same thing. When something really interesting topic comes (very rarely tho) you just immediately look the person in the eyes
This is the kind of video I've been looking for. For a long long long long long long time. I've been going through this exact thing for over 20 some odd years. And no one has explained this condition as well as you have. Thank you sir may God bless you. I could go on and on about how this has affected my life but basically I'm in a constant Battle of gluing a shattered vase back together again and again and again after it keeps shattering over and over. That's the best way I could explain it.
🙏💪
I still don't like making eye contact, I've found that looking at the tops of peoples noses makes them think that I'm making eye contact.
lalaladoom That reminds me three years ago my teacher said he liked to look at people's hairlines instead of looking them in the eyes 😂
I approve.
Ohhh that's my words😂😂😂😂😂
Thank you, will try)
The tapping thing worked! Thank you!
@Thunder 5 2 years late but worked for me
Hi, would you please share your testimonies. It would be of great help for a lot of us! Thanks!
It's awkward and I start to cringe when it happens
This is extremely useful❤ thanks a lot!
I also facing the same problem even with my family members 😢.
Plz can we talk on this.
I was very confident in making eye contact before but because ive transfered to another country and i felt isolated i couldnt even makr eye contact even to my HUSBAND! It terrifies me alot to look at him for far too long and it depresses me a lot and its giving us problem. Everything seem so unreal.
I felt you on this one, I get sad when I know my boyfriend wants to keep eye contact and I am unable to sometimes because I overthink so much and get nervous about what he’s thinking about me.
I am sorry for you I hope everything happen good in the future
I got this from all the drugs i took. Now im overthinking where im looking how im standing everything when talking to people.
tuna - Same, drugs made me aware of how much i was looking at someone, then i became aware of how normal or not it was, now i cant tell the difference. I maintain eye contact so they look away and then we both clap eyes on each other and it speeds up the process until they glance at me and look away. Its the same the other way around if i dont look at them and then they look at me and i look away first then so do they and eventually eye contact is avoided.....WTF is this???
I dont know where to look either that's my issue!
Cassandra King what you mean u don’t know where to look if you don’t mind me asking
Ngl I love tripping but I feel like keeping eye contact has gotten harder for me after experimenting with psychedelics. I just feel like people can see through me a little more or like I get uncomfortable knowing they have their own conscious and are perceiving me in their own minds. Kind of weirds me out
@@liddoliddo1326 I feel like this being sober lol
I honestly dont know why it ' s such a big deal for me. Im generally just insecure about my eyes and thats why i can't look at people
you look so ease when speaking, I mean ur eyes contact. It's so inspirational that you share what you've been through. I wish I can get rid this social phobia (eyes contact problem particularly).
You can. I have a free starter kit showing you how, teaching you EFT, guiding you through some experiences. Here's what a guy said about it "Hello Sebastian. Thanks to your advices and free stuff on website.I was able to reduce my SAD from 9/10 or sometimes 11/10 to about 4-5 on daily basis. I made some deeper work on my own and it helped me." You can get it here, which is a great first step: www.social-anxiety-solutions.com/social-anxiety-starter-kit/
Sebastiaan van der Schrier I've listened to your mp3 there in starter kit. it's a long journey and exhausting struggle. But it's so inspiring. thank you for your openness to share your experience and your encouraging talk. I will learn it.
Enjoy the journey, it gets better from here on forward, enjoy each little improvement :-)
It was scary because the first job interview I was at my boss was having a conversation with one of the other coworkers aswell, and I was very anxious and nervous to look them in the eye and then they asked if I was still interested and wanted to be there. Which scares me maybe people really thought I was not interested in what they had to say or I was bored which isn't the case.
I know people say it's awkward and how they hate making eye contact with people but I actually *can't*. Like I haven't made eye contact with someone for more than 30 seconds at the most. Today my instructor for a course told me to watch him do something to learn how to do it and then noticed how I wasn't really watching so he told me to look him in the eyes for 30 sec to show that I can listen but I *couldn't* do it. I couldn't look in his eyes and kept having to look away. I really hate this because now he probably thinks that I can't listen when really I just can't make eye contact.
Great video so far. For me, it's that I'm worried people will take my eye contact in the wrong way. Like aggressive or something. But a lot of this video still applies to me.
Hey, my story is very similar, as you mentioned how you felt around girls which you were attracted to, I had the same problems from age 16(I am now 21) and suffered so much thanks to my own negative beliefs which come from my past, childhodd, being bullied, not accepted by others, ashamed in front of other people, my dad didnt accept me as a child and I felt unacceptable for the reason that i am being just myself, I grew up thinking that other people are more worthy tham me, cause naturally something is wrong with me... I got to the point where I literally hated myself and it just got worse and worse...I had even suicidal thoughts.my so called friends made joke from me and i got more and more anxious...I knew(thought) that something is wrong with me and i tried almost everything...it began by the pua, what you are talking about... i was working days on myself to force these energies and make myself more acceptable by the mass... watching videos all the day and learning ankward pickup-lines....also visited psychologists more times and even took drugs becouse it was necessary... I am working on myself I think 5 years long, and the anxiety is still there. I got a supporting girlfriend who I know from the university what I started this year and we are together almost 8 months. I am so happy for that, but my confidence and self-esteem is so low becouse of my past... I always have the feelings of this "i am not worthy or good enough for other people and others are better than me" and I am so jealous in front of my girlfriend and I feel so much guilt, shame and distress among people in social interractions, which I almost completely avoid... I have no friends just a girlfriend to talk to... I am so lonely and I feel so much anger looking back to my past... I feel angry with these people who injured me and made me insecure... I don't know where to begin.. I feel lost...at home my mother is always makes me feel guilty and angry and self destructive... I tried eft but i am a Christian and I am confused about this method. Is there any other method which can change my beliefs and cure the anxiety and the other bad feelings? I want to get rid of them becouse i want to live a full life, I think I suffered enough... My subconscious mind is that is telling me that i am not as worthy as others... I cant get rid of these feelings and beliefs and feel so confused now... I somehow trust you becouse we went trough similar things in our lives what i know of reading your story on your website. I feel so lost and powerless...where should I begin?
CBT :)
Wise Man Hey, im 18 and looking really similar to you.. did you overcome it? Thank you.
Charisma on command will help
You should meditate on the Word and verses that speak of God's love for you and confess it out loud whenever these thoughts occur to you. Don't give up even if it looks like it hasn't worked. Categorically refuse to accept that you are not good enough. These thoughts must be silent and you must take authority over them. Insist and persist, God loves you and you have your place on this earth. No one can do what you are placed on earth to, except you. That's why you're so special. You have to accept that you are loved.
Hope this message can help someone. God bless you❤️❤️❤️
thank you so much for making such amazing videos. i never realised all these things about my self before. You have helped me alot discovering my inner problems .keep making such amazing videos .great job!!!!!
The only time I make eye contact is when someone is staring at me all I do is stare back at them with a monotone face until they look away
Lol
Swear I do the same thing 😭
sometime i start getting headache while making eye contact and i look away .when i try to make eye contact while the other person is talking i have no idea what the other person is saying at that moment
Whenever I make eye contact with someone even if it was for a millisecond I feel like a forever of awkwardness
I somehow forgot I have no problem in doing this, but thanks for reminding me I don't have trouble in making eye contact
U are a different teacher. I am a univerisity student. I found my ideal in u . I have no words for u.
❤ thank you for sharing your story and the insight information. It also helps me feel less alone and weird ;)
Glad to hear it. You're not alone - millions experience the same. You're experiencing the aftermath of trauma and conditioning, and you can rewire things with tapping and tools like it. Invest the time studying what's going on, you'll not only find relief in the info, you'll discover tools to change your life and -over time- put an end to your social anxiety. Start here for free bit.ly/socialconfidencenow
"I got that angry look soo i cant, people think i wanna fight them".
I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my UA-cam channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates. 💙❤
Man I’ve been feeling so confident like an alpha when I stare at people right in the eye, most of them looked down after few seconds but few of the people kept looking at me back without looking away so I had to look away
I feel awkward because I feel like I'm looking into their soul. Especially when they're coming across me on the road or the tube.
I have been stuck with this eye contact fear for a long time over 18 years. Frigging nightmare. If I get caught unawares I look like a deer in headlights. So I am always conscious of eye contact to cope and control. It's so exhausting.
You are not alone in this. I hope you are doing better now. It's 3 years later. Eye contact is merely a side effect/symptoms of limiting thoughts and beliefs.
I thought it is just me but now I realize that a lot of people have same problem so I am so happy to find this video I feel more normal now
Hi Sena,
This is Mae from Team Social Anxiety Solutions.
Yes, I agree with you. You are not alone! We are here to help you :)
Please let us know if you have any questions by sending them to our email at socialanxietysolutionsva@gmail.com
Looking forward to hearing from you soon!
Thanks,
Mae (Team SAS)
Same
Thank you so much. I watched your video this week. I have felt all of the things you mentioned. I am so happy you listed the reasons that eye contact has been so hard for me. I used your techniques. You changed my life practically overnight.
Nice to hear it Thomas, you're putting in the effort you're getting the results. Keep up the good work
I absolutely hate making eye contact with people, It for me it is something that gives me major anxiety. The longest I can look at some one in the eye is about 3 seconds then I either look at there mouth or some random place infront of me for maybe 20 seconds then it’s just a cycle. Honestly I didn’t think it was a problem until some one asked me why I wouldn’t look at them.
I'm comfortable making eye contact with family members and close friends, but I can't master it well with teachers, strangers, etc. It's embarrassing because I'm 18. I haven't even scheduled an appointment yet over the phone. 😌
I'm 18 too and I have this problem. My guess is that I feel like they are going to think I am weird or something if I stare at them too long and also I went through some things in my life that made me have social anxiety. I guess it takes therapy to fix social anxiety and eye contact issues which I should be starting soon. I hope it works.
Same thing happens to me I am 15, it started happening out of the blue whenever I make eye contact with any teacher during lectures I feel uncomfortable, I would blink thousand time in the matter of a few seconds if i make eye contact, i would stare at the table and listen to the lectures. It is just popping in my mind that the teachers would think me I am weirdo or something like that
You’re so awesome, keep up the good work.
seems like you don't know how big phobia may be eye contact. when your face start to blush as a beet, just because someone glance at you(even a child!!), and you feel so big terrible shame that you even hear a blood preasure comming up, and only one wish - to escape, to run or to die. - you really dont know about eye-contact phobia (( and there is NO explanatio WHY it happens. no reason to blush, but you blush. and I dont know how to get rid of it.
You are blushing because you are afraid to blush. That is the reason. If you didn't care if you blushed, you wouldn't. You have attached a negative meaning to your blush that you are inferior or people can see who you really are ect...Ask yourself WHY am I inferior, what happened in my past that I am so ashamed of? why is it not okay for me to blush? Why am I not okay?Once you get your answers tap on the events and your blushing won't be painful anymore.
easy to say!!!!!!!!!!!!
missybutcher this happens to me
missybutcher same with me
missybutcher I have the same problem. Its getting worse day by day
Bro you really really really help me to change my life you are the first one who help me to diagnose my problem to the point and I over come my problem brother I have no other thing to do but thanks with big respect.
How brother help me
Would you share your testimony please!
@@Health_Fitness805 brother do you have the same problem?
@@goodvibes1088 Hey! I'm so glad you replied brother! Yes I do 😐
@@Health_Fitness805 same brother this sucks
I just hate it when I'm wondering my eyes off to the ceiling, I sigh, I look to the ground, and all of a sudden, once I look forward, someone across the room turns towards me and I just look gay when I see them for one second. I turn away almost immediately and completely awkwardly but that makes me look like I like the person I just took one tiny ass glance at. It's WEIRD. Like, no! No! What else am I supposed to do!? Look at them for another three seconds!?
I am ULTRA confident. ULTRA skilled at manipulating. ULTRA skilled in sales. In making women like me. In being a sweetheart. In being a douchebag. In being threatening.
I look all over the place for information on why I dont make eye contact with people.... and I cant fucking find it. Everything I find says the OPPOSITE of what I am.
It says I'm nervous or intimidated. I am NOT.
It means I will easily be tricked. I am NOT.
It means I won't be able to know what the other person is thinking. I'm GREAT at that. I'm viciously good at tricking people because I know whats going through their head.
When I look someone in the eye... very quickly they glance away. And I take that as a sign I am being "weird" and to be nice to them I choose to look away. Typically I look at their mouth and every now and then look just near their eyes to make it seem like I'm making eye contact.
What this does for them I think.... makes them free to look at my eyes and investigate me as much as possible without me ever knowing they are doing it. And they are all right. I have no idea if they are looking at my eyes and investigating me. So that makes it seem like I'm an easy target.... but in reality I'm reading what they are saying and picking apart individual words and phrases.... and trying to find out their motive.
Basically I've got a knife to their neck.... but it looks like they have the upper hand. That is my self diagnosis.
SORRY for all the egotistical statements here.... I'd just like someone to psychoanalyze me please.
super helpful..omg this is like master video about treating it at home on a cool clever way..thnx soo so much
Aya Maya judging by your profile picture you're beautiful so why do you struggle with eye contact? Not like you have any flaws to hide? Or maybe when you look at people they feel seduced?
I have a staring problem and I feel like I’m seen as a creep. I’m always looking everywhere like if I’m paranoid. I think Im paranoid that some is judging me and I’m trying to look at their facial expression for signs, but I’m not surr
Do you have OCD ?
I tend to automatically look at the mouth area making people uncomfortable and making me look more awkward
I have a kind of weird eye contact problem still, for example i did a dating bootcamp, and we were to sit at a table, with 5 people or something, and i first noticed feeling very very anxious, i was sweating very intensely, and i could only hold eyecontact, for a short period, and if there was more than one looking at me at the time, i didn't know what to do, and so i kept looking people in the eyes shortly, and then i looked away, and the next day, because there was this guy, who actually confronted me with my problem, and he was kind of annoyed in a way, and he told that i had to learn how to keep eyecontact with other people, and i thought i had been staring at him or something, and he was like " what the fuck you barely had eyecontact with me" hehe that is my experience with it really weird and frustrating as hell.
hehe
+Troels Lychau :(
+Lucy Alice Whitten ...
Troels Lychau Iknow that feelings n I’ve been going through that soul sucking stuff for a couple of years now
"You have something to hide "
Pulls a gun from my sweater.
😭
I've a another problem i generally look into people's leaps while talking
I do suffer from social anxiety... I didn't even know about it! People mentioned one or twice My weird behavior of nervousness... But at that time I didn't know it was an actual issue or illness! It hit Me years later! Now I know that behavior was due to social anxiety! But the reason I don't look at people in the eyes is not because I feel intimidated... Rather I don't want to intimidate them...
It just totally freaks me out to a stage my anxiety kicks in it feels personal to me to hold eye contact and feels like you are looking deep into my soul, because when I look someone in the eyes I can have a good reading on that person weather they are evil,peaceful, or a all round nutcase, I just don’t know how people do it
I just feel like eye contact is when im in love or do freaky stuff not in regular conversations
I feel awkward when two people look in my eyes at the same time and make eyes contact for more of 10seconds
I can't make eye contact with anyone because I'm uncomfortable with having emotional connection. I'd like to have it but it's so scary and feels kind of like my personal space is going to be violated or something.
Yes, one part of you want to connect, another doesn't feel safe with it. Very common.
For me lately its been more ( i think) my teeth, i have a few missing and when i try to talk to people i feel their whole attention is on it. Also i tend to focus on peoples teeth too and then i look away even tho there's a convo going on.
i have this problem from probably 8-9 years old and i went to an acting class that helped me a little with this problem but i still have this weird feeling whenever i talk to someone like i’m afraid to look them in the eyes .I still can’t understand why i have this problem so i hope i’ll someday overcame this
did u ?
I really feel that they think I'm week that's because i can't look into their eyes, like they feel superior through my "weakness" and can say or do whatever they want to me cause of my shyness
When i talk with people, i stare for like 5-10 seconds then without noticing i just look somewhere else while talking. And when people stare at me to make eye contact i just look for like 3 seconds then dont. Because i just can't, it's hard.
That's completely normal, lol.
@@Romeo-le2ez
Yeah, 2 years later i figured that out.
Shoot, don’t look at me in the eyes, people disgust me
If anyone lives in London and is going through this I really want to see you face to face and have a conversion!!
Eseosa Osagiede I live near London and I'm having this issue. It came from abandonment and scapegoating by my family. While I'm thriving, I look good and live a pretty good life, I still struggle with looking people in the eye because I'm afraid they'll see that I'm 'unlovable' and abandon me too. Pretty messy, but I've finally figured it out.
@@side-eyewarrior823 where about do you live?
@NordicOnur Honca east London (canning town)
This feels like hell. You feel people are noticing all your mistakes, errors and defects. You think people will blame you and will laugh at everything you say. I feel this so intensely that I want to explode or disappear. Afortunately I only make eye contact to people that I know they make me feel comfortable, they will never judge me and I can be 100% myself in front of them. The ironic thing is that this kind of people that make me feel confortable are the 50% of the people who I know.
Thanks a million for these videos Sebastiaan.
I am not able to look at other's eyes. I always escape from others and is afraid to talk to others. I does meditatio, yoga but no results.
I also facing the same problem even with my family members 😢.
Plz can we talk on this.
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Whenever I lock eyes with someone while I’m speaking, I completely lose my train of thought and my mind goes blank.
Hi Jobie,
Sam here from Team Social Anxiety Solutions.
Sebastiaan frequently receives this concern and so he prepared a response for me to send.
Here it goes:
--
Question: I find it hard to maintain eye contact while anxious. Why is that?
Answer: Eye contact issues often have to do with shame and feeling that you have to hide particular parts of yourself that you don’t want
other people to see.
After all, if they really look in your eyes, they could see what you’re trying to hide.
You can ask yourself:
“What am I trying to hide?”
“What is it that I don’t want others to find out about me?”
There might be something going on in your life right now that you’re ashamed of.
Or, there might be something when you were younger that caused you shame.
It might be from right now, or when you’re age 5 or 10. It could also be both.
---
Hope this helps.
If not, feel free to reply back and I will be happy to have Seb address any clarifying questions you have.
Thank you!
Sam (Team SAS)
MY EYE CONTACT PHOBIA
T_T
My problem is that I am unable to directly look into people's eyes when I am trying to converse with them.
Embarrassingly, I find my eyes tend to indirectly look at people's sexual parts.
This condition occurs with whoever I am having a conversation with, i.e., men, women, young, old, classmates, friends and relatives
I have no real control over this and I have suffered from this condition ever since I had this shitty phobia
I feel weird and i think that the person that's looking at me could see what i'm thinking trough my eyes (weeeird right?)
And i try not to make eye contact. I feel like Im the only one
I've always been afraid to look anyone in the eyes, even with my family. It just felt scary and i have no idea how to get rid of it.
I feel like people get intimidated when you make eye contact and making myself seem creepy af
For me, it’s not that I can’t make the eye contact. It’s that I don’t know how long to hold it for! Too short, and I feels like a flirty glance.
Too long and it feels like you’re a creep! I can’t find that happy medium, so that’s why I avoid it as much as a I can.
I feel one of the reason is we feel that if they look into us and we into them, they would see every single flaw that we see in the mirror everyday.
I know people say it's awkward and how they hate making eye contact with people but I actually can't.
Like I haven't made eye contact with someone for more than 30 seconds at the most.
Every day I’m in a situation where I look at someone and they look back a second later and I instinctively look away immediately.
It looks like I was staring at them even tho I wasn’t and it’s awkward.
Mines at the point where I can't stare at people with sunglasses my problem is that my eyes go dry and my eyes feel like there super wide and Im staring strangely
I can't even look my mom and dad in the eye I can only look my friends in the eye but not for very long :(
Just because someone glance at you (even a child!!), and you feel so big terrible shame that you even hear a blood pressure coming up
And only one wish - To ESCAPE, To RUN, or To DIE!!!
I think that the eye contact are somethings unexplainable it's like magic in the world!
I always make deep eye to eye contact, ppl said it's seductive
I have the same problem
Mery Sunartha Same here I look so intensely and sometimes I can see they feel awkward dunno how to stop it's so stressful
Mery Sunartha make eye contact for 5-7 secs at max look somewhere else and repeat yourself.
Fuck you i cant
Good vid thanks
When I was growing up, I received angry/ judgemental looks in response to my eye contact.
I dont know why when i look at peoples faces i feel there is sensation of disgust that i am thinking they are having on me
I want to laugh if i make eye contact with someone😂 I CANT CONTROL IT
U know when he stare at you u know its over
Who else started tapping their face when he mentioned the acupuncture thing
I was raised to hide everything I thought was negative, such as the desire for sex, or when I was bothered by anything. Now I feel like I'm unable to hide anything so I have to show what I'm feeling all the time, and it's awkward.
i run out of words... feels weired having nothing to say
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I just feel like I’m rather looking for too long or not at all then I worry I get scared look away and look and I feel it makes people not like me
Thank you for helping me with this.
You should meditate on the Word and verses that speak of God's love for you and confess it out loud whenever these thoughts occur to you. Don't give up even if it looks like it hasn't worked. Categorically refuse to accept that you are not good enough. These thoughts must be silent and you must take authority over them. Insist and persist, God loves you and you have your place on this earth. No one can do what you have to do except you. That's why you're so special.
You have to accept that you are loved as you are.
Hope this can help someone.
God is with you❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this video.
you are so right
Thank you so much this is so helpful!
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Mine is a mixture of not trusting and not having self esteem.
No, I can't think when I look at their eyes. So I need to look away to listen and think... So now what?
Also my eye colour is very light, almost yellow green so very intimidating like a predator looking
I feel attacked. 😂✨
The reason why I have a problem with eye contact, especially looking at women in the eyes is because I feel like I would come across as creepy or weird when looking into someone’s eyes
Hi J_17_7,
Thank you for reaching out. This is Sam from Team Social Anxiety Solutions.
Sorry to hear that.
You can check out these other videos about difficulty making eye contact that might help you.
- ua-cam.com/video/oOV8spnPSp0/v-deo.html
- ua-cam.com/video/kZSVO90zEGI/v-deo.html
If there’s anything else that we can help you with, let us know.
Thank you,
Sam (Team Social Anxiety Solutions)
Lol, are we like at the bottom of the food chain? lol... I tell you, we have great ideas in mind, we're leaders, but we have this thing call social anxiety. And, oh hey brothers and sisters with the same problem...
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
@@rezjxjs7548 Amen true say
@@rezjxjs7548 Jesus christ is the way the truth and the life
@@Kingdomchild_5367 👍👍
Honestly would of never have thought you had anxiety
Hi Jo,
Thank you for posting here. 😊This is Lia from Team Social Anxiety Solutions.
If you're interested to know more, you can watch this video as Sebastiaan shares how he overcame his own social anxiety:
ua-cam.com/video/BH4kU_BBY1Y/v-deo.html
In the video, he mentioned the main technique he used, which is "EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique - also called tapping".
And in the upcoming free 30 Day Social Confidence Challenge (which will start on January 2, 2022), he will provide guidance on how you can use this to overcome your own social anxiety. Each day, you will bit-by-bit reduce the layers of your own social anxiety and eventually feel relief.
If you're interested in that, go to:
bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge
Hope to see you inside,
Team Social Anxiety Solutions
Litteraly same problem sir i am having and loooking for answers many palces thx for ending my journey 🤗🧡 thx a lot
Glad that you liked the video, Trishnan! We are happy to help you on your journey 💪🏻
- Mae (Team Social Anxiety Solutions)
Lol job interviews are the worst 😂