I know you think you miss that person - but trust me, you miss yourself even more... find yourself again, do the things you love, go on adventures, take chances... fall back in love with yourself
How do you start to love yourself? I find it so hard and I know that sounds crazy but HOW? I beat myself up for having insecurities, jealousy and not handling my words right when I’m angry. That killed my relationship.
@@kgon07 know that all that harmful self-criticism comes from a place of insecurity. You have to overcome challenging things and stop avoiding them to build yourself up and learn your strengths so you can focus on them. Find out what you love, be honest with yourself, and don't let anyone make you feel silly for feeling the way you do about those things
This may save my life. Going through the hardest break up. Before Christmas. My heart is broken. But I’ll get up tomorrow. And the next day. Until the hurt stops
“We should not be embarrassed for having any feelings we have …….we are only responsible for what we do with these feelings”. That’s one of the most loving and empowering things I heard. Thanks for the insight, this is so helpful!❤
My ex-girlfriend said to me on August 27, 2018 that she looks forward to a future with me. Then on August 28, 2018 she broke up with me and said she needs space. Which I knew meant that I was merely a toy she got bored of. It still hurts but I remind myself of these facts, she broke up with me, she didn't want to be with me, she wanted this, don't fight for someone who doesn't fight for you. Wipe your tears and move on
It happened to me 6 weeks ago after 10.5 years in relationship (believe it or not, no arguing all this years). I was told that we aren't compatible with all the crying, and saying that despite everything he still loves me, but that we need to go separate ways...I fund out later, he left me for another woman. I'm struggling and trying to find the strength to start healing.
People don't really seem to understand the severity of the breakup until it happens to them. This is so empowering If people had a friend like Guy, nobody would have turned into someone else to share their part of the story.
The length of the relationship can be a component but actually short-lived relationships can be very hard to get over because all relationships start with the honeymoon phase. Once you get to know someone better you have more information to detach with. I think more what is a huge factor in the ability to get over heartache are some of these factors… Do you have other close trusting intimate relationships? Do you have a healthy view and relationship with yourself? Do you have an abundance of stressors and issues in your home or work life? You want to get over heartache? Forage good healthy friendships. Work on a compassionate relationship with yourself. Face the issues in your life and find solutions for them. And before you back out in the dating world make sure you have those items in check. When we are vulnerable which a lack of healthy friendships a healthy self image and a healthy lifestyle make us vulnerable we become susceptible to unhealthy partnerships.
Guy is such a gift to the world. Can you imagine if this guy had decided psychology training was too difficult and quit school ? Don't ignore your calling - the world needs you !!
Guy' "losing his dog" example really hit me. I lost my dog to my ex's family in our break-up and I miss that dog everyday. My family members (who do not understand why people have pets and thus have none themselves) call me stupid for missing the dog so I really thought I was stupid, but I know that's not the case. Like Guy says, we feel what we feel and it's not wrong.
Khoa Doan you are NOT stupid. Those feelings of attachment are real, powerful and deep. They are gifts of intimacy with another living being. Honor that
Khoa Doan I lost my cat to my ex. I was sick when my ex discarded me. That cat loved me. He waited for me on the corner when I went for my walks. He raced me home through all the neighbor' s yards. My ex hurt me by forcing me to sell my house, thus taking away my cat's home. I'm still brokenhearted , and I don't even know if my cat is still alive.
I dated this guy for 2 years over long distance. We shared our first of many experiences and I just completely melded my life with his. About a week ago, he told me he didn’t love me anymore. I miss him everday, all I think about is all the time we couldnt spend together, the future we were going to have. I never got to fully experience our love except for a week when I visited. It’s really hard to move on.
My heart first broke at fourteen when my mom died. I was sure that if you took a picture of my heart it would look cracked and shattered. It took me so long to process it. I think I may have slipped into "complicated". I was an actress at the time and funneled so much of the emotions into the characters that I played. That is what I did with the emotions. It was helpful to have an outlet to let the feelings flow, but I never really acknowledged them as mine. I am sure that not owning them caused me to I repeated the abandonment until I was ready to deal and heal. Thanks for the great conversation. Shine On.
Maureen Muldoon we all eventually find our way some how ! I’m sorry about your loss at such a young age, no human should have to experience pain like that. But that pain has helped you grow and it has allowed you to get to where you are now ! You are forever growing and forever Leanring ! You’re suffering will end and that starts with being aware of our emotions and thoughts and owning them as ours 😌🙏🏽 Peace
Thanks, Lewis. The story did not break me. What it did was WAKE me from a dream that I was abandonable. It was how my heart became tenderized to the human condition. It was a catalyst, an amazing classroom that brought me blessings.
I'm in the midst of healing from a broken heart. My ex boyfriend just broke up with last night. Now I am going to heal and look for someone who is healthier and won't hurt me.
I find that trying your best to REALLY throw compassion toward the person who broke your heart is VERY empowering. It truly makes you feel elevated. Just got dumped yesterday, and while I don't feel great, I do feel like a better person in general, and just saying one compassionate thing really made me a believer. It's not a magic fix, but give it a try next time.
Thank you for saying that people are all having the same emotions!! I am not sure why so many are shocked by people of different cultures (and appearances) having similar emotions and experiences. We are all sharing the same human experience, sometimes in the same city, on the same block. We are not that different.
Its about 2 months out of a 2 year relationship I was in where I also lived with her for about 7 months. I just looked at her IG page and just set my recovery back by half a month(per say) Advice to everyone in the same boat. Stop stocking and move forward because you will just set yourself back.
I just, like an hour ago, broke up with my fiancé as well, we also had been together for 2 years and lived together for about a year. I just blocked her from all social media, deleted all pictures. I am planing on not contacting her, I hope I can do it. Right now I'm just so sad, I can't sleep and can't stop crying. This was the woman I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with.
When the perfect relationship was amazing and you loved them with all your heart. But then they were abusive and you give them so many chances but it always turns the same way. It’s much easier when you simply fall out of love. Very hard when you are still in love but have to leave because it’s unhealthy.
jeddah969 normally that change would be temporary and then after a while it will go back to how it used to be. Trust me, I’ve been through this so many times..
Cleansing yourself with the emotions that have been sitting in us for years is a difficult process. However, it is the only right thing to do. We will not be able to move forward in life if we do not forgive ourselves and others. A very powerful message!
I stumbled upon this staring at my soon to be ex-boyfriend, taking a conscious but still confused decision to take back my life. I don’t know how it’ll pan out, having a history of depression and cutting, but one day at a time, one day at a time. This video got me through staring at him right now and just going crazy. Thank you.
I recently have been broken up with. My partner disclosed to me that he has been seeing someone else for the past month. He proceeded to tell me everything she is that I am not. It's hard not to replay those words over and over again in my head. My self esteem is in the gutter at the moment. I can't wait to be able to move past this and be able to carry on with life again!
Charlotte Larcabal I'm past the initial shock and devastation. no longer in the gutter per se, but I do have moments when I have flashbacks. In these moments I may shed a few tears but I'm also able to get up and carry on. It's a work in progress. Thank you for asking btw
I find establishing my sense of self as connected to another person to be frequently distressing...much more than having my sense of self as independent of anyone else.
Videos like these help me tremendously, especially when my emotional support options are lacking. My girlfriend just broke up with me after year. During our one year anniversary in fact, which was on Friday. She was my everything, and is very, verrry dear to my heart, and her spontaneous and unexpected departure from my life brought on catastrophic levels of sorrow and dejection. I am absolutely distraught! Indescribably so. My closest person, decided to up and leave, to abandon me.. just like that! For seemingly no rhyme or reason. Everything appeared to be 100% perfect too! But alas.. all was not what it seemed. Thank you for the help, I really appreciate it. You and Guy are great.
Yeah I think that’s part of what makes heart ache so deep and prolongs it is when we don’t have other emotional connections and were over reliant on the one intimate connection. And part of detaching which is necessary when a relationship is over is to not idolize and to be able to see someone in their fullness. Things may have felt perfect but as they said in the video if it ended they certainly were not. Our feelings arise from within us and it’s very easy to idolize it is actually the brains protective process. Brain doesn’t always want healthy it wants homeostasis which can include unhealthy familiar and also idolization. I would make a list of facts and I understand this is four years but this is for anyone else reading anyways a list of facts of the relationship so you can look through a lens of truth. Facts without judgment and judgment isn’t always just negative we can judge things in an overly positive light as well. In order to move on we must grieve and detach.
My partner and I of 5 years and 2 months just broke up officially today, for many many mistakes on both ends but mostly mine and I can’t help but feel so broken and lost. Every step I take, everywhere I look everything has always reminded me of him. There isn’t a second that I don’t think about him or haven’t thought about him. There is so much love on both ends, and I really do feel that there’s so much more left to give. Unfortunately it’s over... Ran into this video searching for any sort of help on how to cope
I think it is interesting how we tend to feel a relationship is failed because it ends or changes. I have had some very perfect 3 month relationships, even a few perfect 3 day relationships. It's all about the stories we choose to tell ourselves. I do think processing grief is something we could do a better job of, culturally. So many adults are walking around bitter and unresolved over hurts from childhood.
Only because you women are not available to bond anymore after your first love, this does not mean that the same goes for us men. Of course, you women are not getting bitter after you got dumped, because you were not interested in bonding, to begin with. While men are sometimes suffering for YEARS, I do not know a single woman who was truly sad, after a breakup. It's more like "Yeah, yesterday, after we broke up, I was pretty sad, but today, I was already again shopping with my friends and was having a good time..." A week later, she has her next "boyfriend"... The fact that you yourself are reffering to a hookup of three days as a "partnership", does speak for itself, that you are not able to bond properly, anymore. If you were ever able to do so, in the past.
It's refreshing to listen to guys talking about emotional pain. I grew up with no men acknowledging those kinds of emotions - at least the brushing them under the carpet method was the one usually employed. It's as damaging for women to learn that lesson as it for men.
So sad that our relationship has ended recently. This was the biggest hit in my life. Still recovering but dont know where to start. I keep coming back on her social media accts :( it sucks when both of you have already plans in your life. Our memories keep haunting me every night :( :( :(
From all of the videos that I've seen from your channel, this one has the most empowering three truths that I've ever heard. Because it actually works that way.. Firstly, you have to focus on yourself, your physical and mental health and then you'll be able to spread love and hope for the rest of the world. By then, you'll start to perceive the love that comes from other people and the one that'll be trying to emerge from you. That's actually the thing that'll make way for the other big steps: contribution and human legacy. Hopefully a kind one. That's all ♡ Bye, Lewis. Thanks again.
Very helpful. I completely understand the point about legitimacy. Just the thought of losing my dog will make me sob, yet I know that when the day comes I will not be able to say to my boss that I need time to grieve. I am finally grieving a relationship that ended last year ... But feel I shouldn't be heartbroken as we were not married or living together. I also get told, 'you are better off', 'you need to move on', 'start living your life' etc etc... it is as if grieving is only appropriate when your relationship fits into society's norms for commitment....in which case a grieving period is considered OK.
Loved this interview - great chemistry between the two of you. I passed this video on to my boys (18 and 20)....they are just starting to experience the land of broken heart-ville. This will be very helpful!
How do I get out of the cycle of continuously thinking about what he is doing and what he is thinking and what narrative he is feeding himself and his friends? How do I shift the focus from him to me? It is so hard!
I will keep Guy's brother in my thoughts and heart so he feels better. I found this man so good. Thank you. I really appreciated your personal questions for him and his candor.
Strange as this sounds - I will actually be happier, once I get through this, than I’ve ever been. There were so many things such as grief, guilt and shame stemming from childhood that escaped the bottle when i became heartbroken
Thank YOU THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH ❤️ for such wonderful and explicit interview . I been watching this kind of “how to heal broken heart videos” on you tube and purchased some books (not read completely) BUT THIS INTERVIEW really enlightened ME. IT WAS SO CLEAR THE WAY HE EXPLAINED ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH HIS HARD SITUATION. my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me in the beginning 2018,it’s been 5 months and I was still struggling with broken heart emotions BUT THIS VIEDEO IS A BLESSING. THANK YOU AND BLESSINGS TO ALL 🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽
I can finally start to heal now. Thank goodness I found this man . He has made me take the first step to heal. And just listening to his voice is so soothing to the soul. I now have found some strength. God bless you Lewis you are a special human being. 🙏💗🙏💗🙏
AWESOME interview Lewis, thank you for introducing us to Guy!!! There is so much synchronicity in what I explored today with this podcast! We need to think about our emotional health and build that into all aspects of society!
What a great real conversation! I loved at the end when Guy Winch talked about how he prioritize his relationship with his brother and has time to write books and see clients. Would love, love a book on that. I live and love from my values but feel it is not the common choice that people make. And there aren’t that many role models making how to do this transparent. Can you write something like that?! Would be grateful!
That steak house/vegan thing resonated.Glad others also are sensitive to that. Sorry about your twin.Prayers. Great interview guys.Thank you so much for being so open and making it a bit personal.
There is always someone. They don't have to be your family. They don't have to be the friends you hang out with. They can be over the Internet. Perfect example: this wall of comments is full of people that went through emotional pain. You can connect with any of us and you know you will be understood.
Me too, I don't have significant family or friends. It was very challenging to get over my last breakup. I believe it took a lot longer. Over a year. With a few quality social connections, it would have been a lot sooner/easier.
Get out and do things you enjoy and be open to having slightly awkward conversations with new people you meet doing those same things! Find yourself and you'll find others
Lewis, I really enjoy your light approach to this topic, it's funny to see how universal heartbreak is. Love the pizza and wine therapy. I wish it worked.
Rely on friends. Remember that they dumped you for a reason. No social media stalking! Accept the reason they gave (hopefully they have one) and move on. We all reject the answer we are given. That in turn causes us to search fir the magic answer. As Guy said, our mind tricks us into thinking that a pain of this depth must be caused by a reason equally as deep. Many times it’s not. NO ANSWER YOU WILL BE GIVEN FOR THE BREAKUP WILL MAKE U FEEL BETTER. So stop looking for a magic answer.
It’s amazing how I was able to get over losing my marriage of 19 years so quickly within a few months; only to be met with an excruciating heart break that has lasted 4 years and 9 days with a lovely soul that I was only with for four months... There is not a single day, sometimes a single hour that doesn’t go by that I don’t think about her... why is that? I’ve moved on (I think) I date other women ; but the heart ache; just won’t go away. I wish It could just stop, but it just feels like an impossible task. I can still feel her, see her in my mind, taste her in my soul... it hurts sooo much.
You’re in limerence, because If you had spent 19 years with her, you would know her every flaw, every distasteful or unattractive mood or comment, know she farts weird like everyone else. At 4 months, you only saw the projected “perfect” version of her. It’s still painful of course, to end any relationship, but since you’ve been struggling so long with it, you need to remind yourself the limerence would wear off, and there’s absolutely 💯 % a bunch of stuff about her that removes her from any pedestal. Whoever she ends up with for 20 years will not be in much pain saying goodbye to her if they should choose to part ways. Sorry you’re in pain but I hope this helps in some way
@Cometcast12 - Yeah; you’re right. I have placed her on a pedestal. This comment is over 3 years old and those start still linger… though not as much. “Limerence” I gotta look up that word. Thank you ❤️
@@ralphlazio505 Absolutely! Limerence is tough. Our brains want to know the rest of the story… so we go into a loop of wondering and fantasizing what the rest of the story would’ve become. If we don’t get that opportunity to see it through (6 months - a year onward) we get stuck in limerence. But every human is just as flawed as the other. Your story with her would have become as amazing _and_ as average and underwhelming as any other connection out there. I recently had to break up with a guy I loved because I realized he was in permanent limerence over a girl from his past. Nobody dreams of committing to someone who has someone else in his/her heart forever… So try your best to kick down that pedestal, so it doesn’t sabotage your future opportunities. Good luck 💕
I broke my back years ago and I'd rather go through that every day rather than deal with the emotional pain of loss. I had to leave my first husband after 16 years once he could no longer find employment and now my boyfriend of ten years ran into the same and will leave. It is really difficult and painful.
Ask yourself the question each day. (Good for depression/anxiety,caregiving, suffering) Can i deal (live) with this today ? If you can say "yes" you will persist . But only say today, not tomorrow, not a month,year from now. Sometimes ill ask myself, "am i going to give up today? And so far its been "no" , not giving up today. Sometimes you just have to make it thru the next hour
MARY.GRACEFFA PRODUCTIONS mmm, maybe he’s confused or someone probably messed up your relationship. I know someone who can help you Jaba_raakaa on Instagram Send him a direct message for help. He’ll get your man back to you
If the grief period is in proportion to the length of the relationship I am screwed! I have been with my husband for 35 years. I started seeing him when I was 15 Years old, We have been married for 28 years. After many hurts, heartbreaks and disappointments I asked him to change 1 thing....please don't leave me when I am sick or have had a hospital procedure and was told, "I am not changing". I told him I need to be able to count on him and he said, "then I guess I am not your guy!" (We were in an argument at the time) I told him I can't live this way and asked him to leave and he did! I have stuck by him and loved him my whole life but I deserve to be loved and feel secure in my marriage.....it hurts but I need to stay the course
"Too short", "too tall", "energetically misaligned"...is what it is. Those details do often take me about three months to get in touch with, or used to when I was younger. 😀
Good discussion. Lewis you asked the question i want answered. He didnt answer it. What happens when your love is taken by death? Do you need to forget them to move on. I am a widow and its been 7 years. I have been productive but i still feel connected to my "dead" husband.
I was laughing with you at the end...hard not to with his sense of humor ;) Enjoyed the conversation. Taking nuggets of wisdom with me. Thank you both!
I think it's good to balance out the good and bad about your ex but the pressing question still remains about the future. And I think that is what trips up people.
So sad when we lost our dog, its been 6,7 months and I think we have all grieved and healed well. We have a puppy now. Definitley not the same connection but we keep moving on. :]
I used to love being in love but now I feel like people just throw the word around. I'm going to be as cold hearted as ever for her making me feel this way. For me to feel vulnerable is unacceptable.
Teddy Vibes, Yes, you can live without most people, him included. Grieve, treat yourself with love and kindness. Slowly, it gets easier, you will be fine one day, I promise. Hugs.
I thought I wanted to break up for about a year. I became quite a distant boyfriend and when she broke up with me, because of loss of attraction, I'm broken. I tried everything in the last 3 months of the relationship to get attraction back. I did my best, was there every day, hung out with her and her friends. That didn't work so I pulled away a bit. That worked more, but not enough. Finally I had to so the most difficult thing I've ever done and broke up with her, as she just couldn't get herself to do it. Haven't spoken to her since the break up 3 weeks ago, I've had to move back in with my mum, lost my pets and allot of new friends, which were her friends. I can't imagine healing from this.
Great interview ! I personally love interviewing others as well ! I like how I can dive into a little bit of another persons mind and get a new perspective on all different topics. Peace
Rebecca Zenker no, not at all. It’s just started. He’s nice and considerate. But I’m used to things falling apart. So I prepare early. Unfortunately this attitude pretty much destines the future.
I know you think you miss that person - but trust me, you miss yourself even more... find yourself again, do the things you love, go on adventures, take chances... fall back in love with yourself
Yes!
How do you start to love yourself? I find it so hard and I know that sounds crazy but HOW? I beat myself up for having insecurities, jealousy and not handling my words right when I’m angry. That killed my relationship.
@@kgon07 know that all that harmful self-criticism comes from a place of insecurity. You have to overcome challenging things and stop avoiding them to build yourself up and learn your strengths so you can focus on them. Find out what you love, be honest with yourself, and don't let anyone make you feel silly for feeling the way you do about those things
🥲
🙏🙏🙏
This may save my life. Going through the hardest break up. Before Christmas. My heart is broken. But I’ll get up tomorrow. And the next day. Until the hurt stops
All the very best for you 🙌
Hi Julie. How do feel after 8 months? Wish you well
Update. I want to know if it gets better. Please
“We should not be embarrassed for having any feelings we have …….we are only responsible for what we do with these feelings”. That’s one of the most loving and empowering things I heard. Thanks for the insight, this is so helpful!❤
My ex-girlfriend said to me on August 27, 2018 that she looks forward to a future with me. Then on August 28, 2018 she broke up with me and said she needs space. Which I knew meant that I was merely a toy she got bored of. It still hurts but I remind myself of these facts, she broke up with me, she didn't want to be with me, she wanted this, don't fight for someone who doesn't fight for you. Wipe your tears and move on
Sammy Sam same happened to me. It’s awful after believing there was a future together. I’m still trying to heal.
Sammy Sam allow the pain to heal you.......it’s there that we reach for God because nothing else could ever help
No way! Literally the exact same thing happened to me. Just days apart. Are you ok?
same thing happened to me, the sweetest gf ever and then instantly the most nonemotional evil girl ive ever seen
It happened to me 6 weeks ago after 10.5 years in relationship (believe it or not, no arguing all this years). I was told that we aren't compatible with all the crying, and saying that despite everything he still loves me, but that we need to go separate ways...I fund out later, he left me for another woman. I'm struggling and trying to find the strength to start healing.
People don't really seem to understand the severity of the breakup until it happens to them.
This is so empowering
If people had a friend like Guy, nobody would have turned into someone else to share their part of the story.
The length of the relationship can be a component but actually short-lived relationships can be very hard to get over because all relationships start with the honeymoon phase. Once you get to know someone better you have more information to detach with. I think more what is a huge factor in the ability to get over heartache are some of these factors… Do you have other close trusting intimate relationships? Do you have a healthy view and relationship with yourself? Do you have an abundance of stressors and issues in your home or work life?
You want to get over heartache? Forage good healthy friendships. Work on a compassionate relationship with yourself. Face the issues in your life and find solutions for them.
And before you back out in the dating world make sure you have those items in check. When we are vulnerable which a lack of healthy friendships a healthy self image and a healthy lifestyle make us vulnerable we become susceptible to unhealthy partnerships.
I forced myself to go out…lifted my mood, live band, dancing, meeting new ppl. Have to get out of your comfort zone
Love is the universal healing language. Caring.
Guy is such a gift to the world. Can you imagine if this guy had decided psychology training was too difficult and quit school ? Don't ignore your calling - the world needs you !!
Guy' "losing his dog" example really hit me. I lost my dog to my ex's family in our break-up and I miss that dog everyday. My family members (who do not understand why people have pets and thus have none themselves) call me stupid for missing the dog so I really thought I was stupid, but I know that's not the case. Like Guy says, we feel what we feel and it's not wrong.
Khoa Doan you are NOT stupid. Those feelings of attachment are real, powerful and deep. They are gifts of intimacy with another living being. Honor that
Khoa Doan I lost my cat to my ex. I was sick when my ex discarded me.
That cat loved me. He waited for me on the corner when I went for my walks. He raced me home through all the neighbor' s yards.
My ex hurt me by forcing me to sell my house, thus taking away my cat's home. I'm still brokenhearted , and I don't even know if my cat is still alive.
I dated this guy for 2 years over long distance. We shared our first of many experiences and I just completely melded my life with his. About a week ago, he told me he didn’t love me anymore. I miss him everday, all I think about is all the time we couldnt spend together, the future we were going to have. I never got to fully experience our love except for a week when I visited. It’s really hard to move on.
Listening to Guy talk is possibly the most relaxing and interesting thing I think I’ve found in a long time.
My heart first broke at fourteen when my mom died. I was sure that if you took a picture of my heart it would look cracked and shattered. It took me so long to process it. I think I may have slipped into "complicated". I was an actress at the time and funneled so much of the emotions into the characters that I played. That is what I did with the emotions. It was helpful to have an outlet to let the feelings flow, but I never really acknowledged them as mine. I am sure that not owning them caused me to I repeated the abandonment until I was ready to deal and heal. Thanks for the great conversation. Shine On.
Maureen Muldoon we all eventually find our way some how ! I’m sorry about your loss at such a young age, no human should have to experience pain like that. But that pain has helped you grow and it has allowed you to get to where you are now ! You are forever growing and forever Leanring ! You’re suffering will end and that starts with being aware of our emotions and thoughts and owning them as ours 😌🙏🏽
Peace
Absolutely, everything has served me to help me serve others. No question. Continued blessings in all you do.
Thanks, Lewis. The story did not break me. What it did was WAKE me from a dream that I was abandonable. It was how my heart became tenderized to the human condition. It was a catalyst, an amazing classroom that brought me blessings.
İf you want to fix your broken heart, this book writed for you
gum.co/TSgDY
I'm in the midst of healing from a broken heart. My ex boyfriend just broke up with last night. Now I am going to heal and look for someone who is healthier and won't hurt me.
🧡
Have u moved on yet?
I find that trying your best to REALLY throw compassion toward the person who broke your heart is VERY empowering. It truly makes you feel elevated. Just got dumped yesterday, and while I don't feel great, I do feel like a better person in general, and just saying one compassionate thing really made me a believer. It's not a magic fix, but give it a try next time.
How do you feel today?
Yes, update please
Thank you for saying that people are all having the same emotions!! I am not sure why so many are shocked by people of different cultures (and appearances) having similar emotions and experiences. We are all sharing the same human experience, sometimes in the same city, on the same block. We are not that different.
This guy is so good. He saved my life 🙏🙏🙏
Its about 2 months out of a 2 year relationship I was in where I also lived with her for about 7 months. I just looked at her IG page and just set my recovery back by half a month(per say) Advice to everyone in the same boat. Stop stocking and move forward because you will just set yourself back.
I just, like an hour ago, broke up with my fiancé as well, we also had been together for 2 years and lived together for about a year. I just blocked her from all social media, deleted all pictures. I am planing on not contacting her, I hope I can do it. Right now I'm just so sad, I can't sleep and can't stop crying. This was the woman I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with.
Great advice... trying to follow it!
I'm guilty of this. Trying my hardest...
@@0k0a0r0y0how are you now?
When the perfect relationship was amazing and you loved them with all your heart. But then they were abusive and you give them so many chances but it always turns the same way. It’s much easier when you simply fall out of love. Very hard when you are still in love but have to leave because it’s unhealthy.
You never have to leave! 😒😩 It’s a choice... 👋 Some are more loyal, and they have unconditional love!! They deserve the same. 💯✨❤️💕😇🙏🏼
I feel you there! I had to do the same! I still loved the person but had to walk away after 5 years of emotional abuse. We deserve much more!
@@MsRomashka1990 what would you do if your saw an amazing change in them,,everything you wanted..would you consider taking them back ?
jeddah969 normally that change would be temporary and then after a while it will go back to how it used to be. Trust me, I’ve been through this so many times..
I feel this 💯👌💔
Cleansing yourself with the emotions that have been sitting in us for years is a difficult process. However, it is the only right thing to do. We will not be able to move forward in life if we do not forgive ourselves and others. A very powerful message!
I stumbled upon this staring at my soon to be ex-boyfriend, taking a conscious but still confused decision to take back my life. I don’t know how it’ll pan out, having a history of depression and cutting, but one day at a time, one day at a time. This video got me through staring at him right now and just going crazy. Thank you.
mhykie03 how are you now?
So, you have already made the decision to dump him, but didn't had the balls to tell him?
You are so cruel to him. I hope you still suffer, today.
any update?
I recently have been broken up with. My partner disclosed to me that he has been seeing someone else for the past month. He proceeded to tell me everything she is that I am not. It's hard not to replay those words over and over again in my head. My self esteem is in the gutter at the moment. I can't wait to be able to move past this and be able to carry on with life again!
how's it going?
Charlotte Larcabal
I'm past the initial shock and devastation. no longer in the gutter per se, but I do have moments when I have flashbacks. In these moments I may shed a few tears but I'm also able to get up and carry on. It's a work in progress. Thank you for asking btw
@@DailyWear how do you feel now?
I hope your getting there
Take care, your ex was not worth your time and care. ❤️
I find establishing my sense of self as connected to another person to be frequently distressing...much more than having my sense of self as independent of anyone else.
Videos like these help me tremendously, especially when my emotional support options are lacking. My girlfriend just broke up with me after year. During our one year anniversary in fact, which was on Friday. She was my everything, and is very, verrry dear to my heart, and her spontaneous and unexpected departure from my life brought on catastrophic levels of sorrow and dejection. I am absolutely distraught! Indescribably so. My closest person, decided to up and leave, to abandon me.. just like that! For seemingly no rhyme or reason. Everything appeared to be 100% perfect too! But alas.. all was not what it seemed. Thank you for the help, I really appreciate it. You and Guy are great.
How’s it going since then?
How is it going?
Yeah I think that’s part of what makes heart ache so deep and prolongs it is when we don’t have other emotional connections and were over reliant on the one intimate connection. And part of detaching which is necessary when a relationship is over is to not idolize and to be able to see someone in their fullness. Things may have felt perfect but as they said in the video if it ended they certainly were not. Our feelings arise from within us and it’s very easy to idolize it is actually the brains protective process. Brain doesn’t always want healthy it wants homeostasis which can include unhealthy familiar and also idolization. I would make a list of facts and I understand this is four years but this is for anyone else reading anyways a list of facts of the relationship so you can look through a lens of truth. Facts without judgment and judgment isn’t always just negative we can judge things in an overly positive light as well. In order to move on we must grieve and detach.
This guy literally got me out of bed today.
Glad this was helpful!
Thanks for saying this. I'm right there today. Why get up? Two days in and broken.
My partner and I of 5 years and 2 months just broke up officially today, for many many mistakes on both ends but mostly mine and I can’t help but feel so broken and lost. Every step I take, everywhere I look everything has always reminded me of him. There isn’t a second that I don’t think about him or haven’t thought about him. There is so much love on both ends, and I really do feel that there’s so much more left to give. Unfortunately it’s over... Ran into this video searching for any sort of help on how to cope
How are you now?
Any better?
I think it is interesting how we tend to feel a relationship is failed because it ends or changes. I have had some very perfect 3 month relationships, even a few perfect 3 day relationships. It's all about the stories we choose to tell ourselves. I do think processing grief is something we could do a better job of, culturally. So many adults are walking around bitter and unresolved over hurts from childhood.
Hey I don't who you are but hits home so much thank u
3 day relationship is called a hookup smh
Only because you women are not available to bond anymore after your first love, this does not mean that the same goes for us men.
Of course, you women are not getting bitter after you got dumped, because you were not interested in bonding, to begin with.
While men are sometimes suffering for YEARS, I do not know a single woman who was truly sad, after a breakup. It's more like "Yeah, yesterday, after we broke up, I was pretty sad, but today, I was already again shopping with my friends and was having a good time..."
A week later, she has her next "boyfriend"...
The fact that you yourself are reffering to a hookup of three days as a "partnership", does speak for itself, that you are not able to bond properly, anymore. If you were ever able to do so, in the past.
@@elduderino1635 😳
I just watched Guy in TED yesterday. Such a great sharing thank you Lewis!
It's refreshing to listen to guys talking about emotional pain. I grew up with no men acknowledging those kinds of emotions - at least the brushing them under the carpet method was the one usually employed. It's as damaging for women to learn that lesson as it for men.
So sad that our relationship has ended recently. This was the biggest hit in my life. Still recovering but dont know where to start. I keep coming back on her social media accts :( it sucks when both of you have already plans in your life. Our memories keep haunting me every night :( :( :(
I'm on the same boat as you. We were together too many years and the memories won't stop haunting me.
John Wick i feel u
i think i could get over my heartbreak if Guy were single😊
lisa maxon I saw him first 😉
Thanks for this opportunity, Lewis. I needed this. I came for healing, but now, I'm certain I belong somewhere in this field of psychology.
From all of the videos that I've seen from your channel, this one has the most empowering three truths that I've ever heard. Because it actually works that way.. Firstly, you have to focus on yourself, your physical and mental health and then you'll be able to spread love and hope for the rest of the world.
By then, you'll start to perceive the love that comes from other people and the one that'll be trying to emerge from you. That's actually the thing that'll make way for the other big steps: contribution and human legacy. Hopefully a kind one.
That's all ♡
Bye, Lewis.
Thanks again.
Very helpful. I completely understand the point about legitimacy. Just the thought of losing my dog will make me sob, yet I know that when the day comes I will not be able to say to my boss that I need time to grieve. I am finally grieving a relationship that ended last year ... But feel I shouldn't be heartbroken as we were not married or living together. I also get told, 'you are better off', 'you need to move on', 'start living your life' etc etc... it is as if grieving is only appropriate when your relationship fits into society's norms for commitment....in which case a grieving period is considered OK.
Loved this interview - great chemistry between the two of you. I passed this video on to my boys (18 and 20)....they are just starting to experience the land of broken heart-ville. This will be very helpful!
How do I get out of the cycle of continuously thinking about what he is doing and what he is thinking and what narrative he is feeding himself and his friends? How do I shift the focus from him to me? It is so hard!
friends and family can break your heart too
I'm in so much pain from this grief, it's like my spirit died .. 😢
I will keep Guy's brother in my thoughts and heart so he feels better. I found this man so good. Thank you. I really appreciated your personal questions for him and his candor.
I love that you both are collaborating! I admire both of you and the inspirational wisdom you share. Rock on!
This is good content. I'm going through one right now and it is HELL.... but this has and will continue to help me a lot. Thank you Lewis.
how you feeling now? Im going through it now
@@farazsiddiqui7171 how do you feel now? I am going through a breakup right now.
If I had had this video at 19 it would have changed the entire course of my life for the better. Happy to have it now though! Thanks!
buttercrunch24 I know a powerful man who helped me and it worked message him on whatsapp +2349017632811
I just broke my heart again for the 2nd times this year, to a relationship I was so sure about...thankyou Mr. Winch
Strange as this sounds - I will actually be happier, once I get through this, than I’ve ever been. There were so many things such as grief, guilt and shame stemming from childhood that escaped the bottle when i became heartbroken
Jeffrey Chavey I know a powerful man who helped me and it worked message him on whatsapp for help +2349017632811
Absolutely powerful. Came across this when I need it the most. Thank you!
what a great energy flowing between Lewis and Guy!!!! Thanks Lewis for being so genuine and your laughter made me laugh too!!!!
Thanks !!!! I’ve downloaded the book straight away this is exactly what I needed thank you x
Thank YOU THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH ❤️ for such wonderful and explicit interview . I been watching this kind of “how to heal broken heart videos” on you tube and purchased some books (not read completely) BUT THIS INTERVIEW really enlightened ME. IT WAS SO CLEAR THE WAY HE EXPLAINED ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH HIS HARD SITUATION. my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me in the beginning 2018,it’s been 5 months and I was still struggling with broken heart emotions BUT THIS VIEDEO IS A BLESSING. THANK YOU AND BLESSINGS TO ALL 🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽
I can finally start to heal now. Thank goodness I found this man . He has made me take the first step to heal. And just listening to his voice is so soothing to the soul. I now have found some strength. God bless you Lewis you are a special human being. 🙏💗🙏💗🙏
Heartbreak is a beautiful thing to survive..
Does he ever talk about unrequited love and how to move on? And what if the person is still in your life
jessi14ef moving on from something you never had is the worst, the hope and the hopeless keep flashing back and forth all the time
AWESOME interview Lewis, thank you for introducing us to Guy!!! There is so much synchronicity in what I explored today with this podcast! We need to think about our emotional health and build that into all aspects of society!
What a great real conversation! I loved at the end when Guy Winch talked about how he prioritize his relationship with his brother and has time to write books and see clients. Would love, love a book on that. I live and love from my values but feel it is not the common choice that people make. And there aren’t that many role models making how to do this transparent. Can you write something like that?! Would be grateful!
oh Howes..you are such a good listener, that's the reason why i prefer to watch ur channel instead other....👍
Thanks for this indepth examination and explanation. Thank you
Lewis just staring at you automatically cured my broken heart 💔
Thank you so much for this episode! I needed to hear this. I’m buying the book as soon as I get home.
That steak house/vegan thing resonated.Glad others also are sensitive to that. Sorry about your twin.Prayers. Great interview guys.Thank you so much for being so open and making it a bit personal.
What if you don't have friends? or family?
Andrea Schaffer do you have anyone you could talk to?
Therapist ?
There is always someone. They don't have to be your family. They don't have to be the friends you hang out with. They can be over the Internet. Perfect example: this wall of comments is full of people that went through emotional pain. You can connect with any of us and you know you will be understood.
Me too, I don't have significant family or friends. It was very challenging to get over my last breakup. I believe it took a lot longer. Over a year. With a few quality social connections, it would have been a lot sooner/easier.
Get out and do things you enjoy and be open to having slightly awkward conversations with new people you meet doing those same things! Find yourself and you'll find others
Lewis, I really enjoy your light approach to this topic, it's funny to see how universal heartbreak is. Love the pizza and wine therapy. I wish it worked.
Rely on friends. Remember that they dumped you for a reason. No social media stalking! Accept the reason they gave (hopefully they have one) and move on. We all reject the answer we are given. That in turn causes us to search fir the magic answer. As Guy said, our mind tricks us into thinking that a pain of this depth must be caused by a reason equally as deep. Many times it’s not. NO ANSWER YOU WILL BE GIVEN FOR THE BREAKUP WILL MAKE U FEEL BETTER. So stop looking for a magic answer.
@Kate Henshaw is that his phone number? Can u tell me just a little bit about him?
@Kate Henshaw that phone number doesn’t work. Says he’s not on WhatsApp
Can you please check the phone number? The one below is too long.
@@bryandavis6416 message him on this number +2349041640320
Lewis, this was my favorite interview that you've done, and I've seen many!!! Thank you!!!!
This is amazing.
You pick the BEST guests!!
Thank you Lewis 🤗💕
Hello how are you doing please can I send you my Instagram DM?
Thank you for this. You validated me. My hurt.
Grieving over San Junipero
It’s amazing how I was able to get over losing my marriage of 19 years so quickly within a few months; only to be met with an excruciating heart break that has lasted 4 years and 9 days with a lovely soul that I was only with for four months... There is not a single day, sometimes a single hour that doesn’t go by that I don’t think about her... why is that? I’ve moved on (I think) I date other women ; but the heart ache; just won’t go away. I wish It could just stop, but it just feels like an impossible task. I can still feel her, see her in my mind, taste her in my soul... it hurts sooo much.
You’re in limerence, because If you had spent 19 years with her, you would know her every flaw, every distasteful or unattractive mood or comment, know she farts weird like everyone else. At 4 months, you only saw the projected “perfect” version of her. It’s still painful of course, to end any relationship, but since you’ve been struggling so long with it, you need to remind yourself the limerence would wear off, and there’s absolutely 💯 % a bunch of stuff about her that removes her from any pedestal. Whoever she ends up with for 20 years will not be in much pain saying goodbye to her if they should choose to part ways. Sorry you’re in pain but I hope this helps in some way
@Cometcast12 - Yeah; you’re right. I have placed her on a pedestal.
This comment is over 3 years old and those start still linger… though not as much. “Limerence” I gotta look up that word.
Thank you ❤️
@@ralphlazio505 Absolutely! Limerence is tough. Our brains want to know the rest of the story… so we go into a loop of wondering and fantasizing what the rest of the story would’ve become. If we don’t get that opportunity to see it through (6 months - a year onward) we get stuck in limerence. But every human is just as flawed as the other. Your story with her would have become as amazing _and_ as average and underwhelming as any other connection out there. I recently had to break up with a guy I loved because I realized he was in permanent limerence over a girl from his past. Nobody dreams of committing to someone who has someone else in his/her heart forever… So try your best to kick down that pedestal, so it doesn’t sabotage your future opportunities. Good luck 💕
this is the most helpful video I watched regarding heartbreaks! I really really needed this! Thank you so much!
I broke my back years ago and I'd rather go through that every day rather than deal with the emotional pain of loss. I had to leave my first husband after 16 years once he could no longer find employment and now my boyfriend of ten years ran into the same and will leave. It is really difficult and painful.
U left him bc he didn't find a job? Damn
Stay away from men with jobs or without them. You dont deserve to be with one.
Ask yourself the question each day. (Good for depression/anxiety,caregiving, suffering)
Can i deal (live) with this today ? If you can say "yes" you will persist . But only say today, not tomorrow, not a month,year from now.
Sometimes ill ask myself, "am i going to give up today? And so far its been "no" , not giving up today. Sometimes you just have to make it thru the next hour
Love you Lewis, thank you for all your guests !!
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
it just breaks my heart, because why wasnt i what he wanted after he said i was.
MARY.GRACEFFA PRODUCTIONS mmm, maybe he’s confused or someone probably messed up your relationship. I know someone who can help you
Jaba_raakaa on Instagram
Send him a direct message for help.
He’ll get your man back to you
This is very powerful information for all people of all types.
It's been 6 months.. iam stuck. 😢
How are you now??
If the grief period is in proportion to the length of the relationship I am screwed! I have been with my husband for 35 years. I started seeing him when I was 15 Years old, We have been married for 28 years. After many hurts, heartbreaks and disappointments I asked him to change 1 thing....please don't leave me when I am sick or have had a hospital procedure and was told, "I am not changing". I told him I need to be able to count on him and he said, "then I guess I am not your guy!" (We were in an argument at the time) I told him I can't live this way and asked him to leave and he did! I have stuck by him and loved him my whole life but I deserve to be loved and feel secure in my marriage.....it hurts but I need to stay the course
Stay strong Bredna! You are much loved!
A husband needs not to be controlled. It has to be his idea.
I needed that!!!
"Too short", "too tall", "energetically misaligned"...is what it is. Those details do often take me about three months to get in touch with, or used to when I was younger. 😀
I really enjoyed this interview. I didn’t know of Guy’s work.
Just bought your book.... I hope it helps me get through my heartache.
This is excellent, I judged myself so hard that It took 4 months to get over of 1 month relationship.. all because of ILLOGICAL self judgement
How are you now? I'm on month 4 of getting over a one month relationship too.
Read Guy Winch 's heartbreak book... very helpful!
Good discussion. Lewis you asked the question i want answered. He didnt answer it. What happens when your love is taken by death? Do you need to forget them to move on. I am a widow and its been 7 years. I have been productive but i still feel connected to my "dead" husband.
Deneen, check out the book "it's ok you're not ok"
Great guest and even better interviewer!
Guy Winch is amazing! 😍
I was laughing with you at the end...hard not to with his sense of humor ;) Enjoyed the conversation. Taking nuggets of wisdom with me. Thank you both!
I think it's good to balance out the good and bad about your ex but the pressing question still remains about the future. And I think that is what trips up people.
This deserves wayyyy more views
So sad when we lost our dog, its been 6,7 months and I think we have all grieved and healed well. We have a puppy now. Definitley not the same connection but we keep moving on. :]
I’m going through this and I’m the one that left. I know why I left but it’s still hard for my brain to understand and not question it
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I used to love being in love but now I feel like people just throw the word around. I'm going to be as cold hearted as ever for her making me feel this way. For me to feel vulnerable is unacceptable.
People who choose physical pain have never suffered chronic longterm pain because the reality is you will do anything to stop it.
Good advise. Was looking for something more on the topic of overcoming grief. Any suggestions on specific podcasts?
Am really heart broken i don't know wat to do because I feel can't live without him
Teddy Vibes, Yes, you can live without most people, him included. Grieve, treat yourself with love and kindness. Slowly, it gets easier, you will be fine one day, I promise. Hugs.
I have loved this and it really helped. I wish you were in Australia so you could give ME therapy!!
Hey Miss Krogey
Thank you Guy and Lewis!
I thought I wanted to break up for about a year. I became quite a distant boyfriend and when she broke up with me, because of loss of attraction, I'm broken. I tried everything in the last 3 months of the relationship to get attraction back. I did my best, was there every day, hung out with her and her friends. That didn't work so I pulled away a bit. That worked more, but not enough. Finally I had to so the most difficult thing I've ever done and broke up with her, as she just couldn't get herself to do it. Haven't spoken to her since the break up 3 weeks ago, I've had to move back in with my mum, lost my pets and allot of new friends, which were her friends. I can't imagine healing from this.
My dear I can recommend you to the powerful man of God from France who once help me get my partner back with prayers
He is really powerful and he can help you
I loved this video.. 👌
Appreciate you and your support 🧡
Great interview ! I personally love interviewing others as well ! I like how I can dive into a little bit of another persons mind and get a new perspective on all different topics.
Peace
Great interview! Thank you so much!
I love the story with the collie:P I have 12yrs old flat!!!
I’m just starting a relationship and I’ve already been planning the pain of the breakup. It’s just that insane....
Wdym? I'd the relationship bad?
Rebecca Zenker no, not at all. It’s just started. He’s nice and considerate. But I’m used to things falling apart. So I prepare early. Unfortunately this attitude pretty much destines the future.
Guess what ? IT DID END!! One thing about me, I’m consistent
@@deeprollingriver5820 you have to think positive. Change your mindset.
@@deeprollingriver5820 Look into codependency & childhood wounds. You are worthy of love.
What a perfect timing!!! Thank you :)
U r an amazing man!