Another well made video from this group. However, healing from real "trauma" (sexual and emotional in my case) demands the admission of the role of our parents/siblings/relatives/etc., whether we call it "blame" or not, but moving beyond the victim role and resentments further demands that we understand the trauma experienced by our abusers that explains their abusive behavior. I resented the hell out of my emotionally abandoning father, until I realized that he had been abandoned by his father, likely a multigenerational phenomenon. Parents in our workaholic highly stressful "toxic culture" are no longer capable of raising healthy children, through no fault of theirs. Any potential parent today must face the fact that another child born into our dying world among the 206,000 others already being born today will have a very difficult time of his/her life. And for that, parents must hold ourselves responsible, "blamed". We are 3,000 times more numerous today than were our Hunter-Gatherer ancestors just a few thousands of years ago. We need to face the truth. Take it from a published stress expert and retired physician, the majority of potential parents today are too stressed to bring another healthy innocent life into this world at the late date. Stress R Us
thank you so much again, for sharing your wonderful insights and honesty, highly appreciated. thanks for helping us spreading awareness, bless you always dear.
Thx for sharing your experience. I think it’s the best time ever to be born. So much to learn and experience. But I used to believe more along your view. I was more impolitic. & It’s kinda embarrassing now… I never wanted children or to even be near any lol.) But having my girls changed me and opened my heart to a whole new dimension of life. And it’s beautiful… even in the slum I live in .) 〰️➿➰😘
@@annapalcic9762 Thanks for your reply and the very best to you and your girls. What I'm asking of prospective parents today is a hard, honest look into the future prospects for any new child struggling to find a place in our current 8B, with 206,000 newcomers being born just today. The music has stopped and all the chairs are taken, unless you're "blessed" with unusual time and money to properly raise a healthy child. Stress R Us
@@StressRUs That’s a very solid idea that needs immediate attention. Children are not accessories. Being a parent is the most important job anyone can have. It needs to become more normal for everyone to believe that. Instead of what I’m seeing.. which is parents asking and expecting teachers to tell them what to do. That just makes me cringe. But anyway 🤗 I’m rambling. Haha it’s nice to do that sometimes.) Thanks for the freedback!! 〰️➿➰😘
I was always shut in my room when I was angered. Every fucking time. And now at 35 its an issue. And I remember I was angry about clear injustices at home, so I have serious trust issues as well. Gabor, Jung, selectively JP's teachings have been incredibly helpful. UA-cam has healed me better than a year of therapy and that's not to the detriment of the therapist, I have had the wrong diagnosis for over 15 years. What they think is anxiety, is toxic shame. Took me long enough myself to realize what it was.
💯 blaming my parents kept me in addiction as an adult . My mother was bipolar paranoid schizophrenic and a drug user who when in a mental breakdown . She became another person and i was her target called me ugly names and earliest child hood memory i was about 2 or 3 . She came into the bathroom started shaving her hair seen me looking at her and walked over to me after locking the bathroom door and tried to drown me i was taking a bath . 1 of 3 times my grandfather is my true life hero . Everytime she had a breakdown . I was harassed nonstop day and night . Until in my 30s .. my dad was an alcoholic who didn't care for us .my grandparents raised us . When i learned accountability and it was my job to heal me . I learned understanding and forgiveness brought me freedom and i was able to love them for trying .
I'm very inspired and my tears falling while reading your story and your determination to overcome this kind of hardship. Your journey to healing and self-discovery is truly inspirational. It takes huge bravery to break free from the cycle of addiction and sorrow that was ingrained in your upbringing. Being capable of to gain understanding and forgiveness without apologizing demonstrates your own growth as an individual. 💖 It's nice to hear that your grandparents were important in your life, providing the support and care you needed during those difficult moments. 👪 Your grandparents seemed to be an inspirational person, and it's wonderful that you have such a positive influence in your life. Remember that sharing your story not only helps you heal, but it also has the power to touch and inspire others who are experiencing the same challenges as you. Your courage and journey toward self-love and forgiveness demonstrate the power of the human spirit. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story; your strength shines brightly! I have so much respect and I salute you beautuiful soul 💫💕🙏✨
Whatttr???!!! Your mother tried to freakin DROWN YOU AS A BABY. Oh my Lord, I pray for peace and many blessings to come to you and healing for both you and your mom.
I blamed my parents for my misfortunes for a long time, for - as Dr. maté says - not giving the acceptance, love and affection that I so badly needed as a child, that resulted in many bad decisions by me, my whole life craving that love, that acceptance, that warmth. My mother once confided that she herself had never received love and affection from her parents. It was all hard work from a very young age. However, they fed, clothed, and financially helped her til the very end, as my parents have done with me. I only had to understand their way of loving me to let anger, sadness and resentment transmute into gratefulness and respect. ❤
I really appreciate your honesty and openness while sharing your own experience. Reflecting on our past and the impact it has had on our life takes lots of bravery. It's clear that you've achieved a huge breakthrough by knowing your parents' love language. It's often a cycle passed down through generations, and it's heartening to see how you've chosen to break that cycle by transforming your anger, sadness, and resentment into gratitude and respect. This is a significant change that not only benefits you but also sets a good example for others. Thank you for sharing your story; I hope it inspires others to find their own way to healing and understanding. ❤️
as Gabor says, not having your developmental needs met by your caregivers (love, attention, acceptance...to name a few) leads to various adaptations of maladaptive nature that interferes with your healthy approach to life. So when the parents get annoyed at at their adult children for using these adaptations in adult life with the phrases like "why cant u just get a trip on life?" is toxic and re-traumatizing. Yes, i understand they could only give what they were given, but you cant berate your child for the quality of your given, over and over again. Where is the accountability on their behalf?
I just found out I have always carried the trauma of disfonctional parents, domestic violences and finally genocide regime. Somehow, I didn't have the courage to admitted it. Im still alive, so no complain, no whining, no mourning are allowed to come out. The danger is that those sufferings passed to my children involonterily, caused them emotional damages. My generation doesn't express internal sufferings. We are too busy to work for our living, have actually no material possibilities for councelling. Putting a smile on your face and working hard is the motto. Its now too late. Im 77. Merci docteur pour votre eclairage.
Thank you so much for taking the time to tell us about your experience. It takes a lot of courage to talk about our old scars, and you're not alone in feeling the impacts of childhood experiences as an adult. Remember that healing is a process, and it is never too late to begin working on your wounds. Our community is available for you if you ever want to discuss or share more. On your healing journey, Sending you lots of positive thoughts and virtual hugs,💖🌻💕🤗
@@robynhope219: Agree with you - it never goes away - there are days which are simply just a heavy load to bear - and days where you try to forget that whole bs.
I was taking my oldest son to school one day. Thinking 6th grade , had issues with a staff member , my son had asthma and I also worked with Head Start , long story short 😕 , I saw the horror how he was treated , I not only had seen through his eyes but also heard , SO I PULLED HIM OUT OF THAT OF THAT SCHOOL , BEST DECISION I MADE , ALSO CHILDREN MUST NOT ONLY TO BE SEEN BUT NEED TO BE HEARD TOO 🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤😊😊😊
Every time I obeyed the experts=chaos and disaster. When I finally ignored them and did it "my way", trusted my instincts healing and progress was possible.
Thank you for taking the time to tell us about your journey. It's wonderful to hear how you trusted your intuition and found healing and growth. Our own intuition can be our best guide at times. Continue to believe in yourself, and may your future path be filled with even more happiness and growth.🌟
I agree with Dr Mate…. I picked and cuddled my child every time she cried, I did not do sleep training, I breastfed for 2.5y , etc…. She is very emotionally secure now and her emotional intelligence is high. Love you Dr. Maté
I remember my Parents had a huge fight and I came home to my Mom bleeding and her arm was just ripped open almost from her elbow to her wrist when my Dad kicked her out of the car and then almost ran her over, he took her home and left for the bar! I was 12 years old and I had to call the bar 3 times and I finally threatened him with calling Grandpa or the cops, but she needs to get to the ER. I was so afraid of him beating me for that, but he didn't, and he did take her. I still have dreams of her arm. I am going to get some help and heal now. Thank you and God bless you for everything 🙏 ❤ 🙌 ♥ 💕
I'm deeply sorry to learn about your truly challenging and traumatic experience at such a young age. It takes tremendous guts to tell such a personal experience, and I salute yours. I'm happy to hear you're seeking the care and healing you need. Remember that you are not alone in your healing path, and there are others who care about your well-being. Your courage is impressive, and I wish you the best on your journey to recovery. You are in my prayers, and if you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to reach out to us. I'm sending you my love and support. 💕🙏✨💖
My sister was abused as a little girl (5 years old) by the principle of her primary school. Now aged 46 her long time clinical depression is truly heartbreaking to witness. We never knew I am so heartbroken we never knew. It seems she will never be happy and content and I won’t leave her whilst this wretched thing lingers. The loneliness, the sense of shame and the anguish … I pray daily for change and can hardly write for crying
Your comment has touched me, and I would like to express my heartfelt sympathy for what your sister has been through. Learning about her long-term pain is heartbreaking. Please know that you are not alone in this, and your support for your sister is truly admirable. I can't imagine what it takes to be there for someone you care about during such a difficult time. Your kindness radiates through, and I'm sending you and your sister all the good vibes and strength I can. If there is anything we can do for you or if you need someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to reach out. I wish you and your sister strength, healing, and comfort, which you both deserve.
I had been using the word trauma for years before it even became a thing. My experience showed me that no one cared about my experience in the professional world. When i heard Gabor Mate for the first time not too long ago, I was in shock that someone actually voiced the exact type of thoughts i had had all my life and were never validated. Gabor helped me believe that there us help out there. Shortly after, synchronicity led me to trauma-informed therapy, which i had never heard of, and for the first time in my life, I am rid of depression after a few short months! A miracle? I don’t think so. It’s so easy once you know what to address. Gabor Mate deserves a Nobel prize.
In Gabor Mate’s book : When the Body Says No - he clarifies this point further . If I confront my perpetrator or the parent that harmed me ; and want something satisfying from them ( sincere apology and desire to make amends ) - I do take a risk in that present moment : Of being hurt again - if they cannot respond to my desire /need . From my experience it is important as an adult - has been for me - to begin to Feel the emotions that my parents’ shortcomings or limitations made happen within me and the ways this hurt and limited my human development as the sensitive ; talented and creative human being that I am . I go to “blame “ when triggered , but then I need to focus on identifying the emotions I am feeling and about what - because that is coming back home to myself - and who I am - instead of focusing on “trying to get something - from the outside of me “ - I have experienced first hand ; what it has meant to my adult son , when he finally felt heard and seen around some painful experiences in his young childhood . But it is a step by step ; moment by moment process that a good trauma informed therapist ( which we had ) can help with.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences and views, which are surely valuable and relatable to many. "When the Body Says No," by Gabor Mate, provides great clarity on the problem you mentioned. Confronting a perpetrator or a parent who has inflicted harm is a risky effort because it opens the door to being wounded again if they are unable to meet our requirements for a genuine apology and a desire to make apologies. Your adult perspective resonates strongly, pointing out the significance of addressing the feelings caused by our parents' flaws or limitations. By turning inward and recognizing the impact on our own human development, we shift the focus from seeking external validation to reclaiming our true selves. It's encouraging to learn about your firsthand experience with your adult son, who found relief and healing by feeling heard and seen about his traumatic childhood memories. This transforming process frequently necessitates a step-by-step, moment-by-moment approach, and the help of a trauma-informed therapist can be helpful in this journey. Thank you for sharing your wisdom once more, and may your ongoing exploration and self-discovery lead to much more progress and healing.
i agree that the best way forward is to not oursource the support, Yet i feel we are social creatures and evolved in tribes, which means we had a village to meet a child's needs as well as adults needs. With this in mind if your parents refuse to honour your needs for love, safety and boundaries as well as making you seen by apologising and acklnowledging the impact of their parenting then they dont deserve to be in your presence any longer. The abuser more than likely will never have accountability so the best route maybe the legal route, if you feel seeing the justice served is what can help the healing.
If you think it's a risk you don't have to confront them. But either way, the perpetrator is the perpetrator ! You must blame where the blame lies. At least in your mind and heart. If the parents are at fault then they are at fault. Don't bend the truth for them.
@@Polina-hn7hu Thank you for sharing your viewpoint. It's clear that you've given great thought to the value of support and the influence of one's upbringing. Your point of view about the need for love, safety, and boundaries is right on, and your comment regarding accountability is interesting. Everyone's journey to recovery is different, and going after justice through legal means can indeed be one of those paths. Remember, you deserve to be in a place where your needs are taken care of and you may heal. Take care.🌻💕🤗
Even when being legitimately traumatized the most transformative freeing process without question is self validation, being in life giving relationships and dedicating your life to meaning. Obsessing about and giving power to toxic family by teaching people to indulge in victimhood is financially advantageous to helpers but completely diminishing and destructive to agency and autonomy of individuals. It renders vulnerable individuals incapacitated under the guise of compassion. What a person needs is to take space from the story and localize the sensation, focus on it and breathe. Facilitating Self Efficacy is love
This is the first time I found your channel . Thank you so much for your work . Gabor Mate is incredible and his words are like gold . I felt uncomfortable with some of the images so just listening to it rather than watching was better.
"live a life that ... has its core value the genuine needs and well-being of your children" "I'm not either criticising myself or defending myself, I'm just saying, this is how it was"
I really like the love and logic parenting program that offers child-centered training with a method to reduce stress for all including the parents. Teaches to sympathize with a child's upset and disappointment, and offer choices calmly. It takes practice!
Dr Gabor this is the real need for the world to know about it "food,. shelter, emotions", It's kind of pandemic, more and more broken minds, relationships.. This may be needed to include in our education system, how to deal with emotions?. Thanks for video.
The most important thing any human can do in life is to bring another life into this world...and it is probably the only thing that does not require any training/license/certificate of competency.
I learned so much about my sad lonely childhood and what it did to me. EXAMPLE : A child put in a dog cage that is tourtured but that child uses loving self talk and finds ways to be resilient may do better in his health than a child that did not recieve love or was able to express emotions and then became chronically ill with colds,flues and infections and poor self worth.
This is what my mother told. That her heart was breaking when I cried but she had been told by her sister, maybe others, not to pick me up. She told me she regretted it so much and that she should not have listened. It was my job to tell my mother it was all fine and that I did not blame her at all (and i don't) , but I grew up knowing that my feelings didn't matter and it started there. I don't even know what feelings are. I am so disconnected.
Yes. I understand this. I'm in the same situation as you. Only I'm in rehab for addiction issues. For the last two and half years I've been here learning about healing from Dr.Mate and others. He is helping me alot.
Thank you for sharing the perspective you have. It is true that we can break the cycle of abuse by instead choosing love and understanding. It's a brave step forward toward healing and making the world a better place🌻💕🤗
@@robynhope219 I hear you, but it most certainly was not easy. I've had a lifetime of pain and continue to have that pain to deal with, I was talking about how because we were treated like shit we can choose not to treat others that way.
For me it's annoying that not just the interview is showed... those pictures put into it are so distracting .. it's so wonderful what Dr Mate says, this is totally enough, no pictures needed. ❤
I feel very honored and delighted that Dr. Mate chose to share his family and himself as a child and young man with us. People who attached as children find, or imagine, a lot of communication and meaning in faces, probably because they read their mother's, and maybe father's, face. Perhaps you are tired of faces because of celebrity culture, or some other reason, but some of us who consider Dr. Mate a friend, if perhaps an imaginary one, enjoyed them very much.
I was able to move on without bitterness or blame thanks to two things that occurred recently...not saying i'm cured, but definitely on the right track.
This is v true. My mother never accepted my brother's behavior in his childhood which led to daily fights ... Ultimately making him feel isolated resulting in extreme depression and yrs later ending of life
I'm very sorry to hear about your family's painful experiences. It serves as a reminder of the need of instilling understanding and acceptance in our families. My heart and prayers are with you and your brother. Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope it can raise awareness and encourage more open conversations. Sending you and your family my best wishes. 💔🕊️ If anyone is going through something similar, please know that there is help and support available. 🙏
Thank you for taking the time to share your views and insights. You are correct; it can be very challenging for a mother to deal with her own trauma while still insuring the well-being of her children. It's a challenging path that demands a lot of courage and self-awareness. I'm sending you my support and understanding.💕.
Thank you Dr Gabor Mate, I'm going to go buy your book right now, thank you so much. I was extremely abused physically and emotionally by my parents, and unfortunately I was somewhat physically and emotionally abusive to myself, schoolmates, staff, friends, and my own children! Though, because I worked so hard from such an early age to correct the deficiencies I was raised with, I was a much better, more sensitive, friend, spouse, boss, parent than I might have been. Early on I recognized that while my parents did things to me that I'm sure they knew were wrong, they were also culturally and societally conditioned, reinforced and encouraged to do some of the bad things they did, as I was myself encouraged to do negative things by other people within my company or in my community. Whew! And now we see these traumas being acted out on the world stage.
How does it feel inside when you do that? You are both explaining away and excusing both of yours and your parents bad behaviour. Take account and own your mistakes as it's the only way through. Gabor is wrong here.
Its not about focusing on blaming.. but for me is more of a process of discovery in understanding social groups and the affects of good or bad influence.
There is a difference between "blame" and "assigning responsibility." Parents are responsible for how there actions affect their children... However, adult children are responsible to taking action to heal for how their childhod trauma affected them. Remaining in a state of "blame" will less likely lead to healing and wholeness.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It's so important to acknowledge the impact of parents' actions on their children, while also recognizing the responsibility of adult children to heal and overcome childhood trauma. Your comment adds valuable insight to the discussion. thanks again
You are absolutely correct. The intuitive sense of a mother can be very powerful, and it is important to trust it above all else. The pressures of society can be overpowering at times, but a mother knows what is best for her child. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us❤️💖
There are so many instances, when I’m too tired to think and see my self re-enacting what my parents would have done telling myself « This is what I’m supposed to do ». No to forget, that, as in most interactions with my 5 year old I’m a better parent and I do make efforts, it gives me the Right at 9 in the evening to say« THAT’S ENOUGH! IS TIME TO SLEEP! NO I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE! » because I’ve been a good parent all day, so I deserve sleep… it is hard, being a good parent, even when you know what to do and not to do. Good luck to everyone.
It's not that they had no reason to reject me. I abandoned them both...it isn't something you get over. They're stuck with that knowledge, as I am stuck with mine...and there is nothing I can do, but understand and have no expectations. And I hope they can come to terms with the fact I couldn't be their mother.
If acknowledging who did what to us and how it affected our adult functioning lives is blame - then so be it. Better out than in, in my opinion. First it's an acknowledgement to ourselves that it happened, before we can even begin to heal.
Although I'm dealing with topics of needs and being authentic and inner child for quite some time, this video really impressed me, because it puts things so clear... Especially the the point when Gabor admitted, that he hit his son because he wanted to feel loved through his son... touched me deeply. (Felt quite compassionate for the pain of both - so sad...) Now a request: I'd love to recommend this to some friends who are not English natives and would need the subtitles. But it seems, that some parts are not quite right (e.g. 14:14 ... he wouldn't sing (not think!) happy birthday to me...) Would it be possible for you to correct it respectively check them again? I'd really appreciate this, because I think this video should be seen from many more people from any countries !
I do love Dr. Mate and agree with him 99% of the time, but not on this one! Sadly, there are genuinely evil parents who have inflicted great harm on their children. Denial and downplaying the harm is a tactic of the wrongdoers... Healing is about accountability and validation, so if someone has harmed you, and this caused injury - mentally or physically... then yes, the harmer is to blame. Justice - legally and ethically, is actually about "blame" - one party is the harmed, the other, the harmer. Not placing blame frees the wrongdoer of responsibility.
Focusing on blame and where it must be placed is a problem in itself. Not everyone focuses on that aspect. It is people who WANT someone to blame. People who haven't yet decided to let go.
Believing evil parents excist means you believing evil humans exist? I feel as if i have been wronged alot by my parents. Not because of evil intent, but because their own human and nurtured inability for love and connection. Being evil implies deep purpusefull directed harm. If i where to believe that was the intent of my parents it would imply me being a result of evil too. Imo no one is specifically against another, one is just looking out for themselves. Forgaving them helps me live my life more comfortably within my own skin and be accountable for my own unintended wrongdoings with the people i hold dear.
Agreed...my own parents never took responsibility for any harm they inflicted, nor did they ever apologize. Both chose to die when the shit hit the fan, and left me alone and struggling. In spite of that, I found peace bc I understand why they did what they did. I don't need to forgive.
I wonder if we think to much? I remember being on a bus in the UK,behind me was what would be described as a working class mum+ dad. They had two or three kids. The kids were really we behaved( in my eyes). What I thought was the parents seemed really loving and listened and talked to their kids( pre- cell phone) and cuddled them. Today we were in a cafe and there was a lady with four daughters. There seemed to be a lot of love in the family. The mum appeared Filipina to me . The kids ranged in age from ten or eleven down to two or three. Again we’ll behaved, no crying or pouting etc. Seems to me again lots of affection and communicating in this family. This is my superficial observation,but some families seem happy and affectionate and it doesn’t seem to have a lot to do with social standing or education.
I think a distinction needs to be made between trauma and abuse. Kids growing up in average, well-intentioned homes can and do incur trauma, but this is markedly different to a dysfunctional household where abusive dynamics inflict major damage to an individual and interrupt their development. Unlike what Gabor experienced during the Holocaust, for some of us the perpetrators are not to be found outside of the home but within it, and recognising and naming the dysfunction is an important step in extricating ourselves from the situation and ending our abuse, because abusers almost never alter their behaviour. Acknowledging your own experience with the exclusive intention of self-healing, especially when gaslighting and attacks on your personhood are so often par for the course, is distinct from blame. Blame puts the focus on them and does nothing to diminish our personal responsibility to work on ourselves now, as adults, to get our own houses in order.
I am feeling vindicated. Latest research shows we do not have free will, or a lot less than previously thought. In his latest book Determined, Robert Sapolsky says that our successes or failures are determined in the womb in which nine months were spent, and the many generations of epigenetic consequences of that. So, it seems we are all blameless.
Also look it like this, each generation had access to limited knowledge and didn't recognise different learning styles. They truely didn't know they wasn't given the tools to know
My two estranged adult sons have all sorts of assumptions about me based on what their father told them: good for nothing, not worth knowing. They jumped to conclusions based on ideas, preset notions, and prejudices. They couldn't care less about the whys and wherefores of my actions. That they're incapable of self reflection is NOT an assumption. I feel sorry for them.
I'm truly sorry to hear that you're dealing with such a challenging problem with your sons. It's painful when misunderstandings and misconceptions force a division between family members. Your empathy and willingness to fully understand them despite their assumptions demonstrate the depth of your love. Stay strong, and I hope that time and open communication can help you overcome the gap between you. 🌟❤️
@@steffenirgens7022I’m also in a similar situation except my parents have my kids in their lives through contact with my ex. I can’t escape the anger/resentment that this distance my heart longing for maternal/paternal protection, love and understanding it’s as if I’m mourning the death of everyone Ive ever loved and what kills me the most is my kids (2 & 3) are the ones suffering as a result. Their complete lack of accountability and absence in the role they’ve played in my trauma has me undeniably hopeless.
If I blame anybody it’s me for having children...I had no business having them. Nothing but misery and pain to this day, which led to debilitating fatigue.
I'm very sorry to hear you've been having such a difficult time. Parenting may be really difficult, and it's normal to have moments of doubt and difficulty. I wish you strength and better days ahead.
@@yourinnerchildmatters oh, but not moments...we are talking YEARS. No love, no connection, no empathy. I gave birth to someone else’s kids...they’re just like my sociopathic ex.😢
Wow the first time I hear this , and I actually thought it was my problem that my x husband divorced me and our three kids. Yes it does affect them I have three and the girls still want there dad.
Nescience: to not know because knowledge was absent or unattainable. Ignorance: to not not know even though necessary information is present, that information has been willfully disregarded or refused.
My question is, When does one, parent, take responsibility for “childhood trauma”? When does the “child” stop blaming the parent or parents? Blame for breakdown in communication is causing more and more conflict within families. Sister against mother, father against son etc. conflict seems to be loaded with guilt for most.
I think this is a case of Gabor Mate trying to soothe his own guilt for neglecting (possibly abusing?) his children. My parents were abusive, toxic narcissists who absolutely deserve blame and responsibility. And people say "oh, but it's a cycle. They had terrible parents too." I find that even worse. When someone has had horrible parents, then they know exactly what that experience does to the mind and wellbeing of a child (it destroys them.) It's really simple - if you have serious issues, don't have children. At least not until you've healed to a good degree. If you have serious issues and choose to have children, that is child abuse.
Agreed...alas, I was only 19 and no one told me I shouldn't have children..it was an irresponsible accident...wasn't aware what happened to me, or didn't connect it to offspring...these things happen, and I am deeply sorry about it. I created deep pain in my two sons, and myself, which cannot be healed...only understood.
O, I am certain G was abusive to his children. Hungary is not a child loving place. He didn't mean to, I'm sure...on top of that, children can be extremely annoying to be around.
correct! It's never too late to make positive changes and improve our relationships with our children. Every small action and word can make a big difference in building stronger connections.
The starts in the womb already . We can heal. Tomorrow holds what today doesn't . So hold on to the what. Not the why. I believe the why will just reinforce the bad emotions. Not easy. What is?
When parents divorce and one parent is trashing the other, it has a huge, lifelong effect on the kid(s). The child will hate the parent trashed by the ex. It's what happened to me and is irreconcilable in my case bc my ex had custody since son was 6...he is now 57.
I think i am almost there. What slowed my progress is the fact my father's abuse was sadistic and it feels as if he enjoyed abusing me, but when i realize how badly both parents suffered at the end of their lives, they got what they had coming.
I disagree...when parents ruin their children's lives, they're to blame. Why should children care about reasons for their abuses? I didn't do anything to deserve it. I think I'm speaking for many ppl.
I think this is a case of Gabor Mate trying to soothe his own guilt for neglecting (possibly abusing?) his children. My parents were abusive, toxic narcissists who absolutely deserve blame and responsibility. And people say "oh, but it's a cycle. They had terrible parents too." I find that even worse. When someone has had horrible parents, then they know exactly what that experience does to the mind and wellbeing of a child (it destroys them.) It's really simple - if you have serious issues, don't have children. At least not until you've healed to a good degree. If you have serious issues and choose to have children, that is child abuse.
Exactly. Blaming is part of the grief cycle, part of...so at some point in healing we move from blame to understanding and forgiveness. @@Thisisbailie
You are completely correct. Trauma may affect anyone, at any age, and it is important to understand that the experiences of 'cool kids' do not define our worth. Your point of view is important as is your voice. 💙
No one really addresses how different the "cool kids" (of any age) think than everyone else, (would they ever watch a video like this?) (would you want to be one if you had a choice?) nor how early children are aware of exactly where everyone stands on the status ladder. And yes I think peers provide at least as much of the trauma today as parents do. My only question would be, "Are only already traumatized kids victimized by peer pressure?"
my single mother with whom i live with has refused to greet and hug me for my birthday. During 3 days she had me begging her to acknowledge that and how important was for me. In that requesting she has called me whore, for a third year in a row, because she denies me every birthday. I think she is passing me two things, the humiliation and shame, she felt when she was pregnant, while totally unsupported by her environment, and the rerun of fear she experience before my crying for attention when she didn't know what to do.
Thank you for bringing up such an important issue! Time-outs have been a hot topic in parenting, and there are alternatives that focus on nourishing a child's emotional development while addressing challenging behavior. It is not enough to simply leave the child alone; it is also necessary to discover positive ways to teach them. One option is 'Time-In.' This entails remaining with your child during difficult times and offering comfort and direction. It's an opportunity to assist them understand their emotions and learn to control them. You may help children develop important coping skills by offering support and addressing their emotions. Another method is 'Positive Discipline,' which promotes conversation, problem-solving, and clearly defined boundaries. It promotes open discussion with children, giving them the opportunity to express themselves while at the same time educating them about consequences and responsibility. Remember that each child is different, and what works best for them may differ. It is important that you match your parenting style to your child's specific needs and age. If your child's behavior is problematic, you should seek help from a pediatrician or a child psychologist. Parenting is a journey, and learning alongside our children is an is a part of that beautiful journey💕🙏✨💖
Funny thing is that when I was pregnant my mom told me not to be stressed because it's bad for the baby, while she's the one who's stressing me out. Five years later, I'm actually traumatized being pregnant again. I love that my daughter is five now. If I want another kid I would maybe adopt. And yeah, my relationship with my mom "repaired", though sometimes I still do need to set boundaries. I'm the one who's in therapy anyway, I have the responsibility to myself to deal with my own emotions.
I was very interested to watch this based on it's title - healing your painful past. However, that title is not quite accurate because the host got focused on how not to wound children in the present. Not to say that this is not a helpful interaction (I love Dr Gabor Mate's content), just that the title is misleading to some extent
I had a Specialist respitory dr appointment, well i sat down ready but he never wsrned when he was going to touch me, he put his hand on my back, well it was freezing, i nearly put the 2 of us through the ceiling , 0oor doctor must have got trauma from the appointment , when i get a fright , i start laughing hysterically, and yes its embarrassing but it must be a coping mechanism for me, its got me to the here and now, years qfter that appointment, i read that touching some1,s back and bring out a trauma response , the drs hands were FREEZING , i still have to laugh though it was funny for me, poor dr was definitely traumatised, but i was able to explain my response , because i was shocked to at my response , just as well, i can stop myself, the body never forgets, i was not aeare he was going tp touch my back , and never seen him move to do it, when he done it we both learned to fly lol , now im sure he would have always told his patients his movement after tgat appointment. ❤
I'm sorry to hear about your experience at the specialist respiratory doctor's appointment, but it's wonderful that you were able to find humor in it despite the first shock. True, our bodies sometimes react in unexpected ways, and you seem to have handled it with grace and understanding. Thank you for sharing your experience, and I hope your future medical appointments go much more smoothly and comfortably. ❤️
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thank you, my therapist, said I have dark humour, I said I only have cold hard facts, if I don't make it humorous, I would end up probably in some hospital, we have to laugh , I'm sure that's what keeps me sane . Keep lifted
My two sons will blame me for the rest of their lives...and thats just how it is...i accepted it bc neither one is interested in understanding the whys and wherefores of the past. I had given birth to my ex's children...they look and behave like him. They regard me as not worth their time...and I accept that bc it's irreversible.
I'm very sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. You've gone through a lot, and I admire your determination for accepting the past, even when it's difficult. Keep in mind that healing takes time and is a very personal experience. While it may appear to be an uphill struggle right now, there is always hope that bridges may be built through time, understanding, and communication. Remember that people change, and there may come a moment when your sons are more open to hearing your point of view. Meanwhile, focus on self-care and surround yourself with people who love you for who you are today. You deserve happiness and peacefulness in your life, and I wish you the best of luck as you continue on your healing journey. I am Praying for you and your sons💫💕🙏
Well, it better not be irreversible, unless they've inherited his logic also. I pray the kids wise up or life teaches them a bit of wisdom one day. You must respect yourself and all your efforts - you deserve better and to hold your head up high! You are doing your best for them, bless you!
@@Blue24Osprey I'm old now and both are in their 50s. My best was abandoning both sons. I had to do it to survive, thus, don't regret it. It's a long and convoluted story linked to generational trauma.
Like being children of the Holocaust, or even the Grandchildren. It can be generational trauma, passed down from one generation to the next. I share that with Dr. Mate, though a generation removed but just the knowledge that my Great Grandparents and my Grandfather's siblings were murdered was enough to affect my Dad horribly and then us, his kids. We have a psychosis that manifests as anxiety and inability to be completely present and authentic to our own emotions. I became the caregiver in home health and a "Yes" person. Just now I am beginning to understand the power of saying "No" in my life as a way of gaining control in my life.
I think he is brilliant … but I also have thoughts … it seems as if he almost speaks of utopia … which isn’t possible in this world… I’d rather have someone acknowledge the struggles … and instead of saying why those things shouldn’t exist … instead say how to find beauty and fight within said things … our struggles … also make us more empathetic … can make us stronger … if we were to never encounter trials … we wouldn’t know the difference between light and dark … idk
I agree. Instead of an utopic world where every women get all the support they need when expecting the baby, how about just empowering people to admit their faults, recognize the damage they made, and seek repairing with the ones they hurt? Maybe it is a more realistic solution
When you marry into a bad family, your fate is sealed. Most of my troubles in my adult life are linked to sons with a sociopath. It isn’t something you heal from. Only to tell myself I didn’t know any better at 20 yrs of age...and I had no parental support.
we need to blame the parents when they take the doctor's preference over the child's obvious needs. "Don't feed them when they're hungry, don't breast-feed them when we want to sell you infant formula"... etc..etc
@@yourinnerchildmatters I hate to say it, but Mate is typical of parents who learn when they reach old age. Yet, it's still better late than never. He repeated the cycle of abuse and then as he got older realized what was happening.
The world would look a lot different if only happy and well balanced ppl had children...just a thought...and we wouldn’t have an overpopulation to deal with.
Thank you for sharing your viewpoint. It's an interesting point of view when considering the impact of happy and well-balanced people on the world as a whole. Overpopulation is a difficult subject, and your perspective adds an additional aspect to the discussion. Let us continue learning about these concepts together. 😊
I agree. it is incredible how the solution of not having children still is such a taboo. It seems like anyone sugesting people not to have babies would be robbing them of their only right/power that no one should be able to take away... as if in todays society, having babies is the only true freedom a human being can have, and god forbid someone comes and sugests people have less babies...
I believe if they saw this, it would be like talking to the wind. They will continue to bame me for the rest of their lives, which is hurting them, not me. Tragic!
Licensing parenting wouldn't help bc you could pass the tests and still turn out to be a lousy parent because you won't know in advance of having them how you will be triggered to do badly. Nature doesn't care as long as you breed.😢The smart ones don't have children, imo.
"Parents struggle to be present" because of all the pressures they are under. Well PERHAPS they ought NOT to become parents. Just sayin'. If you are not able or are unwilling to parent they for God's sake don't have children. As a small "t" trauma survivor my parents (five of us) were completely incapable of parenting and yet there were FIVE of us all suffering to one degree or another in adulthood. Geez.
in any discussion about parenting and trauma, the solution of simply not having children is never spoken. it is such a taboo since forever! I share the same feeling as you do
Another well made video from this group. However, healing from real "trauma" (sexual and emotional in my case) demands the admission of the role of our parents/siblings/relatives/etc., whether we call it "blame" or not, but moving beyond the victim role and resentments further demands that we understand the trauma experienced by our abusers that explains their abusive behavior. I resented the hell out of my emotionally abandoning father, until I realized that he had been abandoned by his father, likely a multigenerational phenomenon. Parents in our workaholic highly stressful "toxic culture" are no longer capable of raising healthy children, through no fault of theirs. Any potential parent today must face the fact that another child born into our dying world among the 206,000 others already being born today will have a very difficult time of his/her life. And for that, parents must hold ourselves responsible, "blamed". We are 3,000 times more numerous today than were our Hunter-Gatherer ancestors just a few thousands of years ago. We need to face the truth. Take it from a published stress expert and retired physician, the majority of potential parents today are too stressed to bring another healthy innocent life into this world at the late date. Stress R Us
thank you so much again, for sharing your wonderful insights and honesty, highly appreciated. thanks for helping us spreading awareness, bless you always dear.
Thx for sharing your experience.
I think it’s the best time ever to be born. So much to learn and experience.
But I used to believe more along your view. I was more impolitic. & It’s kinda embarrassing now… I never wanted children or to even be near any lol.) But having my girls changed me and opened my heart to a whole new dimension of life. And it’s beautiful… even in the slum I live in .)
〰️➿➰😘
@@annapalcic9762 thank you for sharing your thoughts.
@@annapalcic9762 Thanks for your reply and the very best to you and your girls. What I'm asking of prospective parents today is a hard, honest look into the future prospects for any new child struggling to find a place in our current 8B, with 206,000 newcomers being born just today. The music has stopped and all the chairs are taken, unless you're "blessed" with unusual time and money to properly raise a healthy child. Stress R Us
@@StressRUs That’s a very solid idea that needs immediate attention.
Children are not accessories. Being a parent is the most important job anyone can have. It needs to become more normal for everyone to believe that. Instead of what I’m seeing.. which is parents asking and expecting teachers to tell them what to do.
That just makes me cringe.
But anyway 🤗
I’m rambling. Haha it’s nice to do that sometimes.)
Thanks for the freedback!!
〰️➿➰😘
I was always shut in my room when I was angered. Every fucking time. And now at 35 its an issue. And I remember I was angry about clear injustices at home, so I have serious trust issues as well. Gabor, Jung, selectively JP's teachings have been incredibly helpful. UA-cam has healed me better than a year of therapy and that's not to the detriment of the therapist, I have had the wrong diagnosis for over 15 years. What they think is anxiety, is toxic shame. Took me long enough myself to realize what it was.
💯 blaming my parents kept me in addiction as an adult . My mother was bipolar paranoid schizophrenic and a drug user who when in a mental breakdown . She became another person and i was her target called me ugly names and earliest child hood memory i was about 2 or 3 . She came into the bathroom started shaving her hair seen me looking at her and walked over to me after locking the bathroom door and tried to drown me i was taking a bath . 1 of 3 times my grandfather is my true life hero . Everytime she had a breakdown . I was harassed nonstop day and night . Until in my 30s .. my dad was an alcoholic who didn't care for us .my grandparents raised us . When i learned accountability and it was my job to heal me . I learned understanding and forgiveness brought me freedom and i was able to love them for trying .
I was able to do this without an apology from either of my parents .
I'm very inspired and my tears falling while reading your story and your determination to overcome this kind of hardship. Your journey to healing and self-discovery is truly inspirational. It takes huge bravery to break free from the cycle of addiction and sorrow that was ingrained in your upbringing. Being capable of to gain understanding and forgiveness without apologizing demonstrates your own growth as an individual. 💖
It's nice to hear that your grandparents were important in your life, providing the support and care you needed during those difficult moments. 👪 Your grandparents seemed to be an inspirational person, and it's wonderful that you have such a positive influence in your life.
Remember that sharing your story not only helps you heal, but it also has the power to touch and inspire others who are experiencing the same challenges as you. Your courage and journey toward self-love and forgiveness demonstrate the power of the human spirit. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story; your strength shines brightly! I have so much respect and I salute you beautuiful soul 💫💕🙏✨
Whatttr???!!! Your mother tried to freakin DROWN YOU AS A BABY. Oh my Lord, I pray for peace and many blessings to come to you and healing for both you and your mom.
I blamed my parents for my misfortunes for a long time, for - as Dr. maté says - not giving the acceptance, love and affection that I so badly needed as a child, that resulted in many bad decisions by me, my whole life craving that love, that acceptance, that warmth. My mother once confided that she herself had never received love and affection from her parents. It was all hard work from a very young age. However, they fed, clothed, and financially helped her til the very end, as my parents have done with me. I only had to understand their way of loving me to let anger, sadness and resentment transmute into gratefulness and respect. ❤
I really appreciate your honesty and openness while sharing your own experience. Reflecting on our past and the impact it has had on our life takes lots of bravery. It's clear that you've achieved a huge breakthrough by knowing your parents' love language.
It's often a cycle passed down through generations, and it's heartening to see how you've chosen to break that cycle by transforming your anger, sadness, and resentment into gratitude and respect. This is a significant change that not only benefits you but also sets a good example for others.
Thank you for sharing your story; I hope it inspires others to find their own way to healing and understanding. ❤️
Well done!
@@robynhope219 thanks as always 🙏✨💖
Providing parents, what they have learnt to be.
as Gabor says, not having your developmental needs met by your caregivers (love, attention, acceptance...to name a few) leads to various adaptations of maladaptive nature that interferes with your healthy approach to life. So when the parents get annoyed at at their adult children for using these adaptations in adult life with the phrases like "why cant u just get a trip on life?" is toxic and re-traumatizing. Yes, i understand they could only give what they were given, but you cant berate your child for the quality of your given, over and over again. Where is the accountability on their behalf?
I just found out I have always carried the trauma of disfonctional parents, domestic violences and finally genocide regime. Somehow, I didn't have the courage to admitted it. Im still alive, so no complain, no whining, no mourning are allowed to come out. The danger is that those sufferings passed to my children involonterily, caused them emotional damages. My generation doesn't express internal sufferings. We are too busy to work for our living, have actually no material possibilities for councelling. Putting a smile on your face and working hard is the motto. Its now too late. Im 77. Merci docteur pour votre eclairage.
God sent some angels in this planet to help us and dr. Gabor Mate for sure is one of them 😇🧡💫
Thank you so much for your kind words and for for taking the time watching the video! ❤️💖
"The past is never dead, its not even past". William Faulkner.
There are still people ignorant enough to tell you "forget the past, its gone."
Thank you for covering this topic. At 48, I’m still dealing with the wounds of my childhood…did not think it would haunt me as an adult.
Thank you so much for taking the time to tell us about your experience. It takes a lot of courage to talk about our old scars, and you're not alone in feeling the impacts of childhood experiences as an adult. Remember that healing is a process, and it is never too late to begin working on your wounds. Our community is available for you if you ever want to discuss or share more. On your healing journey, Sending you lots of positive thoughts and virtual hugs,💖🌻💕🤗
@@yourinnerchildmatters wow. How kind of you to take the time to encourage.💞💞💞
Thank you for making this a place not only to learn but to share.🫶🏻
Julia- I’m the same. Dad died when I was 13 from colon cancer and there was NO discussion before, during or after.
Still haunted in my 70s...it never goes away, but the burdens get lighter.
@@robynhope219: Agree with you - it never goes away - there are days which are simply just a heavy load to bear - and days where you try to forget that whole bs.
Gabor Mate at his best 💕
thank you for watching ✨💖
I was taking my oldest son to school one day. Thinking 6th grade , had issues with a staff member , my son had asthma and I also worked with Head Start , long story short 😕 , I saw the horror how he was treated , I not only had seen through his eyes but also heard , SO I PULLED HIM OUT OF THAT OF THAT SCHOOL , BEST DECISION I MADE , ALSO CHILDREN MUST NOT ONLY TO BE SEEN BUT NEED TO BE HEARD TOO 🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤😊😊😊
Thank you for sharing your story and highlighting the importance of listening to children. Your son is lucky to have you as his advocate.
Every time I obeyed the experts=chaos and disaster. When I finally ignored them and did it "my way", trusted my instincts healing and progress was possible.
Thank you for taking the time to tell us about your journey. It's wonderful to hear how you trusted your intuition and found healing and growth. Our own intuition can be our best guide at times. Continue to believe in yourself, and may your future path be filled with even more happiness and growth.🌟
I agree with Dr Mate…. I picked and cuddled my child every time she cried, I did not do sleep training, I breastfed for 2.5y , etc…. She is very emotionally secure now and her emotional intelligence is high.
Love you Dr. Maté
Thank you so much for your kind words and for for taking the time watching the video! ❤️💖
I remember my Parents had a huge fight and I came home to my Mom bleeding and her arm was just ripped open almost from her elbow to her wrist when my Dad kicked her out of the car and then almost ran her over, he took her home and left for the bar! I was 12 years old and I had to call the bar 3 times and I finally threatened him with calling Grandpa or the cops, but she needs to get to the ER. I was so afraid of him beating me for that, but he didn't, and he did take her. I still have dreams of her arm. I am going to get some help and heal now. Thank you and God bless you for everything 🙏 ❤ 🙌 ♥ 💕
I'm deeply sorry to learn about your truly challenging and traumatic experience at such a young age. It takes tremendous guts to tell such a personal experience, and I salute yours.
I'm happy to hear you're seeking the care and healing you need. Remember that you are not alone in your healing path, and there are others who care about your well-being. Your courage is impressive, and I wish you the best on your journey to recovery. You are in my prayers, and if you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to reach out to us.
I'm sending you my love and support. 💕🙏✨💖
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thank you very much. I'm so looking forward to it. 🫂🥰🌹
@@kellyhiggins1691 thank you so much too 💕🙏✨💖
I now realize my parents did the best they knew how with what they had and knew at the time, just as myself.
Thank you so much for taking the time watching the video! ✨💖🙏
My sister was abused as a little girl (5 years old) by the principle of her primary school. Now aged 46 her long time clinical depression is truly heartbreaking to witness. We never knew I am so heartbroken we never knew. It seems she will never be happy and content and I won’t leave her whilst this wretched thing lingers. The loneliness, the sense of shame and the anguish … I pray daily for change and can hardly write for crying
Your comment has touched me, and I would like to express my heartfelt sympathy for what your sister has been through. Learning about her long-term pain is heartbreaking. Please know that you are not alone in this, and your support for your sister is truly admirable. I can't imagine what it takes to be there for someone you care about during such a difficult time. Your kindness radiates through, and I'm sending you and your sister all the good vibes and strength I can. If there is anything we can do for you or if you need someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to reach out. I wish you and your sister strength, healing, and comfort, which you both deserve.
I had been using the word trauma for years before it even became a thing. My experience showed me that no one cared about my experience in the professional world. When i heard Gabor Mate for the first time not too long ago, I was in shock that someone actually voiced the exact type of thoughts i had had all my life and were never validated. Gabor helped me believe that there us help out there. Shortly after, synchronicity led me to trauma-informed therapy, which i had never heard of, and for the first time in my life, I am rid of depression after a few short months! A miracle? I don’t think so. It’s so easy once you know what to address. Gabor Mate deserves a Nobel prize.
Your honesty about you is refreshing, that shows that we all make mistakes that we can repair ASAP.
That is Wisdom
To know the difference 👍
This man this creation of God! Thank you Dr. Gabor...
thanks for watching
In Gabor Mate’s book : When the Body Says No - he clarifies this point further .
If I confront my perpetrator or the parent that harmed me ; and want something satisfying from them ( sincere apology and desire to make amends ) - I do take a risk in that present moment : Of being hurt again - if they cannot respond to my desire /need .
From my experience it is important as an adult - has been for me - to begin to Feel the emotions that my parents’ shortcomings or limitations made happen within me and the ways this hurt and limited my human development as the sensitive ; talented and creative human being that I am .
I go to “blame “ when triggered , but then I need to focus on identifying the emotions I am feeling and about what - because that is coming back home to myself - and who I am - instead of focusing on “trying to get something - from the outside of me “ -
I have experienced first hand ; what it has meant to my adult son , when he finally felt heard and seen around some painful experiences in his young childhood . But it is a step by step ; moment by moment process that a good trauma informed therapist ( which we had ) can help with.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences and views, which are surely valuable and relatable to many. "When the Body Says No," by Gabor Mate, provides great clarity on the problem you mentioned. Confronting a perpetrator or a parent who has inflicted harm is a risky effort because it opens the door to being wounded again if they are unable to meet our requirements for a genuine apology and a desire to make apologies.
Your adult perspective resonates strongly, pointing out the significance of addressing the feelings caused by our parents' flaws or limitations. By turning inward and recognizing the impact on our own human development, we shift the focus from seeking external validation to reclaiming our true selves.
It's encouraging to learn about your firsthand experience with your adult son, who found relief and healing by feeling heard and seen about his traumatic childhood memories. This transforming process frequently necessitates a step-by-step, moment-by-moment approach, and the help of a trauma-informed therapist can be helpful in this journey.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom once more, and may your ongoing exploration and self-discovery lead to much more progress and healing.
i agree that the best way forward is to not oursource the support, Yet i feel we are social creatures and evolved in tribes, which means we had a village to meet a child's needs as well as adults needs. With this in mind if your parents refuse to honour your needs for love, safety and boundaries as well as making you seen by apologising and acklnowledging the impact of their parenting then they dont deserve to be in your presence any longer. The abuser more than likely will never have accountability so the best route maybe the legal route, if you feel seeing the justice served is what can help the healing.
@@yourinnerchildmatters I could approach my dad, who apologized, but not my mother. It's a case by case.
If you think it's a risk you don't have to confront them. But either way, the perpetrator is the perpetrator ! You must blame where the blame lies. At least in your mind and heart. If the parents are at fault then they are at fault. Don't bend the truth for them.
@@Polina-hn7hu Thank you for sharing your viewpoint. It's clear that you've given great thought to the value of support and the influence of one's upbringing. Your point of view about the need for love, safety, and boundaries is right on, and your comment regarding accountability is interesting. Everyone's journey to recovery is different, and going after justice through legal means can indeed be one of those paths. Remember, you deserve to be in a place where your needs are taken care of and you may heal. Take care.🌻💕🤗
We were to be seen but not heard growing up.
Thank you so much for taking the time watching the video and for sharing your insights! ✨💖🙏
Even when being legitimately traumatized the most transformative freeing process without question is self validation, being in life giving relationships and dedicating your life to meaning. Obsessing about and giving power to toxic family by teaching people to indulge in victimhood is financially advantageous to helpers but completely diminishing and destructive to agency and autonomy of individuals. It renders vulnerable individuals incapacitated under the guise of compassion. What a person needs is to take space from the story and localize the sensation, focus on it and breathe. Facilitating Self Efficacy is love
This is the first time I found your channel . Thank you so much for your work . Gabor Mate is incredible and his words are like gold . I felt uncomfortable with some of the images so just listening to it rather than watching was better.
Briliant and emotional mind,Gabor Matte❤️
thank you so much for watching !💕🤗
❤ am so proud of this man. He is so open and truthful
"live a life that ... has its core value the genuine needs and well-being of your children"
"I'm not either criticising myself or defending myself, I'm just saying, this is how it was"
❤️💖🙏
I really like the love and logic parenting program that offers child-centered training with a method to reduce stress for all including the parents. Teaches to sympathize with a child's upset and disappointment, and offer choices calmly. It takes practice!
Dr Gabor this is the real need for the world to know about it "food,. shelter, emotions", It's kind of pandemic, more and more broken minds, relationships.. This may be needed to include in our education system, how to deal with emotions?. Thanks for video.
Great insights, I'm always gaining a new perspective through Dr Gabor and his work. Thank you ❤
My pleasure!
The most important thing any human can do in life is to bring another life into this world...and it is probably the only thing that does not require any training/license/certificate of competency.
💕🙏✨ thanks for sharing your thoughts 💕🙏✨
Thank you for posting these. They are very helpful and insightful.
Thank you very much for watching, thanks for your kind words, appreciated.
I learned so much about my sad lonely childhood and what it did to me.
EXAMPLE : A child put in a dog cage that is tourtured but that child uses loving self talk and finds ways to be resilient may do better in his health than a child that did not recieve love or was able to express emotions and then became chronically ill with colds,flues and infections and poor self worth.
This is what my mother told. That her heart was breaking when I cried but she had been told by her sister, maybe others, not to pick me up. She told me she regretted it so much and that she should not have listened. It was my job to tell my mother it was all fine and that I did not blame her at all (and i don't) , but I grew up knowing that my feelings didn't matter and it started there. I don't even know what feelings are. I am so disconnected.
Yes. I understand this. I'm in the same situation as you. Only I'm in rehab for addiction issues. For the last two and half years I've been here learning about healing from Dr.Mate and others. He is helping me alot.
We have the right to blame for either physical/ emotional/mental abuse, but we can choose to be the child who isn't a hurt person who hurts others
Thank you for sharing the perspective you have. It is true that we can break the cycle of abuse by instead choosing love and understanding. It's a brave step forward toward healing and making the world a better place🌻💕🤗
@@yourinnerchildmatters that's sounds too idealistic...in most cases undoable... resentments are often hidden and will surface unexpectedly.
Wait...what? Such a "choice" is possible only if u had a lot of therapy and healing. You made that sound way too easy.
@@robynhope219 I hear you, but it most certainly was not easy. I've had a lifetime of pain and continue to have that pain to deal with, I was talking about how because we were treated like shit we can choose not to treat others that way.
For me it's annoying that not just the interview is showed... those pictures put into it are so distracting .. it's so wonderful what Dr Mate says, this is totally enough, no pictures needed. ❤
I feel very honored and delighted that Dr. Mate chose to share his family and himself as a child and young man with us. People who attached as children find, or imagine, a lot of communication and meaning in faces, probably because they read their mother's, and maybe father's, face. Perhaps you are tired of faces because of celebrity culture, or some other reason, but some of us who consider Dr. Mate a friend, if perhaps an imaginary one, enjoyed them very much.
“We are all deterministic, biochemical puppets “...Robert Sapolsky. So, no blaming! Can’t wait to get my hands on his book DETERMINED.
I was able to move on without bitterness or blame thanks to two things that occurred recently...not saying i'm cured, but definitely on the right track.
💖🙏
This is v true. My mother never accepted my brother's behavior in his childhood which led to daily fights ... Ultimately making him feel isolated resulting in extreme depression and yrs later ending of life
I'm very sorry to hear about your family's painful experiences. It serves as a reminder of the need of instilling understanding and acceptance in our families. My heart and prayers are with you and your brother. Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope it can raise awareness and encourage more open conversations. Sending you and your family my best wishes. 💔🕊️ If anyone is going through something similar, please know that there is help and support available. 🙏
Yes very hard for the mother who does not want to let her trauma of not being seen, affect her children
Thank you for taking the time to share your views and insights. You are correct; it can be very challenging for a mother to deal with her own trauma while still insuring the well-being of her children. It's a challenging path that demands a lot of courage and self-awareness. I'm sending you my support and understanding.💕.
I think it's healthy to bame parents when they're blameworthy. What isnt healthy is staying stuck there.
Thank you Dr Gabor Mate, I'm going to go buy your book right now, thank you so much. I was extremely abused physically and emotionally by my parents, and unfortunately I was somewhat physically and emotionally abusive to myself, schoolmates, staff, friends, and my own children! Though, because I worked so hard from such an early age to correct the deficiencies I was raised with, I was a much better, more sensitive, friend, spouse, boss, parent than I might have been. Early on I recognized that while my parents did things to me that I'm sure they knew were wrong, they were also culturally and societally conditioned, reinforced and encouraged to do some of the bad things they did, as I was myself encouraged to do negative things by other people within my company or in my community. Whew! And now we see these traumas being acted out on the world stage.
How does it feel inside when you do that? You are both explaining away and excusing both of yours and your parents bad behaviour. Take account and own your mistakes as it's the only way through. Gabor is wrong here.
Its not about focusing on blaming.. but for me is more of a process of discovery in understanding social groups and the affects of good or bad influence.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about this topic and for taking the time watching the video!💖🙏
There is a difference between "blame" and "assigning responsibility." Parents are responsible for how there actions affect their children... However, adult children are responsible to taking action to heal for how their childhod trauma affected them. Remaining in a state of "blame" will less likely lead to healing and wholeness.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It's so important to acknowledge the impact of parents' actions on their children, while also recognizing the responsibility of adult children to heal and overcome childhood trauma. Your comment adds valuable insight to the discussion. thanks again
A mother cannot ignore her intuition and listen to society
You are absolutely correct. The intuitive sense of a mother can be very powerful, and it is important to trust it above all else. The pressures of society can be overpowering at times, but a mother knows what is best for her child. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us❤️💖
Thank you for your replies, and thank you once again for your informative thought provoking messages in your great videos.
There are so many instances, when I’m too tired to think and see my self re-enacting what my parents would have done telling myself « This is what I’m supposed to do ». No to forget, that, as in most interactions with my 5 year old I’m a better parent and I do make efforts, it gives me the Right at 9 in the evening to say« THAT’S ENOUGH! IS TIME TO SLEEP! NO I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE! » because I’ve been a good parent all day, so I deserve sleep… it is hard, being a good parent, even when you know what to do and not to do.
Good luck to everyone.
It's not that they had no reason to reject me. I abandoned them both...it isn't something you get over. They're stuck with that knowledge, as I am stuck with mine...and there is nothing I can do, but understand and have no expectations. And I hope they can come to terms with the fact I couldn't be their mother.
Deep.. I rly want that book!!!
Daniel sounds delightful.)
Thx for sharing. This gave me much to ponder over.
Thanks again!!!
〰️➿➰😘
Glad you enjoyed it!
If acknowledging who did what to us and how it affected our adult functioning lives is blame - then so be it. Better out than in, in my opinion. First it's an acknowledgement to ourselves that it happened, before we can even begin to heal.
Thank you so much for taking the time watching the video and for sharing your insights! ✨💖🙏
Another amazing interview
Although I'm dealing with topics of needs and being authentic and inner child for quite some time, this video really impressed me, because it puts things so clear...
Especially the the point when Gabor admitted, that he hit his son because he wanted to feel loved through his son... touched me deeply. (Felt quite compassionate for the pain of both - so sad...)
Now a request:
I'd love to recommend this to some friends who are not English natives and would need the subtitles. But it seems, that some parts are not quite right (e.g. 14:14 ... he wouldn't sing (not think!) happy birthday to me...) Would it be possible for you to correct it respectively check
them again? I'd really appreciate this, because I think this video should be seen from many more people from any countries !
Wow, this one is incredibly powerful. Thank you SO much for sharing.
Thank you so much for watching, glad to hear it helps. ❤
Ahhhh my North Star ⭐️ 🙏❤️
Very insightful, thanks for sharing ❤
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you. I learned something.
Glad it was helpful! thank you too
I do love Dr. Mate and agree with him 99% of the time, but not on this one! Sadly, there are genuinely evil parents who have inflicted great harm on their children. Denial and downplaying the harm is a tactic of the wrongdoers... Healing is about accountability and validation, so if someone has harmed you, and this caused injury - mentally or physically... then yes, the harmer is to blame. Justice - legally and ethically, is actually about "blame" - one party is the harmed, the other, the harmer. Not placing blame frees the wrongdoer of responsibility.
thank you for sharing your insight about this topic, we appreciate it.
Focusing on blame and where it must be placed is a problem in itself. Not everyone focuses on that aspect. It is people who WANT someone to blame. People who haven't yet decided to let go.
Hurt people, hurt people (?)
Though, I am really sorry for anything you might have suffered growing up.
Believing evil parents excist means you believing evil humans exist?
I feel as if i have been wronged alot by my parents. Not because of evil intent, but because their own human and nurtured inability for love and connection.
Being evil implies deep purpusefull directed harm.
If i where to believe that was the intent of my parents it would imply me being a result of evil too.
Imo no one is specifically against another, one is just looking out for themselves.
Forgaving them helps me live my life more comfortably within my own skin and be accountable for my own unintended wrongdoings with the people i hold dear.
Agreed...my own parents never took responsibility for any harm they inflicted, nor did they ever apologize. Both chose to die when the shit hit the fan, and left me alone and struggling. In spite of that, I found peace bc I understand why they did what they did. I don't need to forgive.
I wonder if we think to much? I remember being on a bus in the UK,behind me was what would be described as a working class mum+ dad. They had two or three kids. The kids were really we behaved( in my eyes). What I thought was the parents seemed really loving and listened and talked to their kids( pre- cell phone) and cuddled them. Today we were in a cafe and there was a lady with four daughters. There seemed to be a lot of love in the family. The mum appeared Filipina to me . The kids ranged in age from ten or eleven down to two or three. Again we’ll behaved, no crying or pouting etc. Seems to me again lots of affection and communicating in this family. This is my superficial observation,but some families seem happy and affectionate and it doesn’t seem to have a lot to do with social standing or education.
I think a distinction needs to be made between trauma and abuse. Kids growing up in average, well-intentioned homes can and do incur trauma, but this is markedly different to a dysfunctional household where abusive dynamics inflict major damage to an individual and interrupt their development. Unlike what Gabor experienced during the Holocaust, for some of us the perpetrators are not to be found outside of the home but within it, and recognising and naming the dysfunction is an important step in extricating ourselves from the situation and ending our abuse, because abusers almost never alter their behaviour. Acknowledging your own experience with the exclusive intention of self-healing, especially when gaslighting and attacks on your personhood are so often par for the course, is distinct from blame. Blame puts the focus on them and does nothing to diminish our personal responsibility to work on ourselves now, as adults, to get our own houses in order.
thx for the these insights
I am feeling vindicated. Latest research shows we do not have free will, or a lot less than previously thought. In his latest book Determined, Robert Sapolsky says that our successes or failures are determined in the womb in which nine months were spent, and the many generations of epigenetic consequences of that. So, it seems we are all blameless.
Also look it like this, each generation had access to limited knowledge and didn't recognise different learning styles. They truely didn't know they wasn't given the tools to know
My two estranged adult sons have all sorts of assumptions about me based on what their father told them: good for nothing, not worth knowing. They jumped to conclusions based on ideas, preset notions, and prejudices. They couldn't care less about the whys and wherefores of my actions. That they're incapable of self reflection is NOT an assumption. I feel sorry for them.
@@steffenirgens7022 lovely post...thank you for sharing and caring.
I'm truly sorry to hear that you're dealing with such a challenging problem with your sons. It's painful when misunderstandings and misconceptions force a division between family members. Your empathy and willingness to fully understand them despite their assumptions demonstrate the depth of your love. Stay strong, and I hope that time and open communication can help you overcome the gap between you. 🌟❤️
thank you so much for sharing your advise, bless you
@@yourinnerchildmatters my drive to fully understand is not to their benefit...they couldn't care less what I think.
@@steffenirgens7022I’m also in a similar situation except my parents have my kids in their lives through contact with my ex. I can’t escape the anger/resentment that this distance my heart longing for maternal/paternal protection, love and understanding it’s as if I’m mourning the death of everyone Ive ever loved and what kills me the most is my kids (2 & 3) are the ones suffering as a result. Their complete lack of accountability and absence in the role they’ve played in my trauma has me undeniably hopeless.
This is so beautiful ❤
Great interview. Edit could have been cleaner.
If I blame anybody it’s me for having children...I had no business having them. Nothing but misery and pain to this day, which led to debilitating fatigue.
I'm very sorry to hear you've been having such a difficult time. Parenting may be really difficult, and it's normal to have moments of doubt and difficulty. I wish you strength and better days ahead.
@@yourinnerchildmatters oh, but not moments...we are talking YEARS. No love, no connection, no empathy. I gave birth to someone else’s kids...they’re just like my sociopathic ex.😢
I felt I had no conyrol of my life as a child. Now I am trying to stop being a control freak at 53.
💖🙏
A lot of these conditional norms are like a socialisation reinforced over generations with serious underlying implications.
Very good video
thank you so much❤️💖
Wow the first time I hear this , and I actually thought it was my problem that my x husband divorced me and our three kids. Yes it does affect them I have three and the girls still want there dad.
Nescience: to not know because knowledge was absent or unattainable.
Ignorance: to not not know even though necessary information is present, that information has been willfully disregarded or refused.
Motherhood is slavery...there isn't a mother alive that escapes blame or retribution. The nature of the beast!
My question is, When does one, parent, take responsibility for “childhood trauma”? When does the “child” stop blaming the parent or parents? Blame for breakdown in communication is causing more and more conflict within families. Sister against mother, father against son etc. conflict seems to be loaded with guilt for most.
We must blame where it's due...just dont get stuck in it.
💕
I think this is a case of Gabor Mate trying to soothe his own guilt for neglecting (possibly abusing?) his children. My parents were abusive, toxic narcissists who absolutely deserve blame and responsibility. And people say "oh, but it's a cycle. They had terrible parents too." I find that even worse. When someone has had horrible parents, then they know exactly what that experience does to the mind and wellbeing of a child (it destroys them.) It's really simple - if you have serious issues, don't have children. At least not until you've healed to a good degree. If you have serious issues and choose to have children, that is child abuse.
thanks for sharing your thoughts, appreciated much 💕🙏✨💖
Agreed...alas, I was only 19 and no one told me I shouldn't have children..it was an irresponsible accident...wasn't aware what happened to me, or didn't connect it to offspring...these things happen, and I am deeply sorry about it. I created deep pain in my two sons, and myself, which cannot be healed...only understood.
O, I am certain G was abusive to his children. Hungary is not a child loving place. He didn't mean to, I'm sure...on top of that, children can be extremely annoying to be around.
Why should I be held guilty? What for?
Sorry, question asked to @steffenirgens.
❤ Gabor Mate MD PhD ❤
We could all do better nowxwe understand more, is never too late, even if your children are adults now. Every word and act counts
correct! It's never too late to make positive changes and improve our relationships with our children. Every small action and word can make a big difference in building stronger connections.
The starts in the womb already . We can heal. Tomorrow holds what today doesn't . So hold on to the what. Not the why. I believe the why will just reinforce the bad emotions. Not easy. What is?
When parents divorce and one parent is trashing the other, it has a huge, lifelong effect on the kid(s). The child will hate the parent trashed by the ex. It's what happened to me and is irreconcilable in my case bc my ex had custody since son was 6...he is now 57.
💖
I think i am almost there. What slowed my progress is the fact my father's abuse was sadistic and it feels as if he enjoyed abusing me, but when i realize how badly both parents suffered at the end of their lives, they got what they had coming.
Is the canadian psychologist who advised "time out" for misbehaving kids who I think it is?
Gabor is a parent, too. He tells us not to blame to let himself off the hook, lol..
🙏✨💖
I disagree...when parents ruin their children's lives, they're to blame. Why should children care about reasons for their abuses? I didn't do anything to deserve it. I think I'm speaking for many ppl.
thank you for sharing your thoughts. 🙏✨💖
I think this is a case of Gabor Mate trying to soothe his own guilt for neglecting (possibly abusing?) his children. My parents were abusive, toxic narcissists who absolutely deserve blame and responsibility. And people say "oh, but it's a cycle. They had terrible parents too." I find that even worse. When someone has had horrible parents, then they know exactly what that experience does to the mind and wellbeing of a child (it destroys them.) It's really simple - if you have serious issues, don't have children. At least not until you've healed to a good degree. If you have serious issues and choose to have children, that is child abuse.
@@charlottetaylor4471 totally on the money! alas, ppl are too narcissistic and self serving.
@@charlottetaylor4471what good has blaming your parents done for you?
Exactly. Blaming is part of the grief cycle, part of...so at some point in healing we move from blame to understanding and forgiveness. @@Thisisbailie
I think trauma can even be seen in elementary school because not all of us are the cool kids.
You are completely correct. Trauma may affect anyone, at any age, and it is important to understand that the experiences of 'cool kids' do not define our worth. Your point of view is important as is your voice. 💙
No one really addresses how different the "cool kids" (of any age) think than everyone else, (would they ever watch a video like this?) (would you want to be one if you had a choice?) nor how early children are aware of exactly where everyone stands on the status ladder.
And yes I think peers provide at least as much of the trauma today as parents do.
My only question would be, "Are only already traumatized kids victimized by peer pressure?"
my single mother with whom i live with has refused to greet and hug me for my birthday. During 3 days she had me begging her to acknowledge that and how important was for me. In that requesting she has called me whore, for a third year in a row, because she denies me every birthday. I think she is passing me two things, the humiliation and shame, she felt when she was pregnant, while totally unsupported by her environment, and the rerun of fear she experience before my crying for attention when she didn't know what to do.
I didn't hear any link with the title.
so what's the alternative to time out? just let the child be?
Thank you for bringing up such an important issue! Time-outs have been a hot topic in parenting, and there are alternatives that focus on nourishing a child's emotional development while addressing challenging behavior. It is not enough to simply leave the child alone; it is also necessary to discover positive ways to teach them.
One option is 'Time-In.' This entails remaining with your child during difficult times and offering comfort and direction. It's an opportunity to assist them understand their emotions and learn to control them. You may help children develop important coping skills by offering support and addressing their emotions. Another method is 'Positive Discipline,' which promotes conversation, problem-solving, and clearly defined boundaries. It promotes open discussion with children, giving them the opportunity to express themselves while at the same time educating them about consequences and responsibility.
Remember that each child is different, and what works best for them may differ. It is important that you match your parenting style to your child's specific needs and age. If your child's behavior is problematic, you should seek help from a pediatrician or a child psychologist. Parenting is a journey, and learning alongside our children is an is a part of that beautiful journey💕🙏✨💖
Funny thing is that when I was pregnant my mom told me not to be stressed because it's bad for the baby, while she's the one who's stressing me out. Five years later, I'm actually traumatized being pregnant again. I love that my daughter is five now. If I want another kid I would maybe adopt.
And yeah, my relationship with my mom "repaired", though sometimes I still do need to set boundaries. I'm the one who's in therapy anyway, I have the responsibility to myself to deal with my own emotions.
I was very interested to watch this based on it's title - healing your painful past. However, that title is not quite accurate because the host got focused on how not to wound children in the present. Not to say that this is not a helpful interaction (I love Dr Gabor Mate's content), just that the title is misleading to some extent
I had a Specialist respitory dr appointment, well i sat down ready but he never wsrned when he was going to touch me, he put his hand on my back, well it was freezing, i nearly put the 2 of us through the ceiling , 0oor doctor must have got trauma from the appointment , when i get a fright , i start laughing hysterically, and yes its embarrassing but it must be a coping mechanism for me, its got me to the here and now, years qfter that appointment, i read that touching some1,s back and bring out a trauma response , the drs hands were FREEZING , i still have to laugh though it was funny for me, poor dr was definitely traumatised, but i was able to explain my response , because i was shocked to at my response , just as well, i can stop myself, the body never forgets, i was not aeare he was going tp touch my back , and never seen him move to do it, when he done it we both learned to fly lol , now im sure he would have always told his patients his movement after tgat appointment. ❤
I'm sorry to hear about your experience at the specialist respiratory doctor's appointment, but it's wonderful that you were able to find humor in it despite the first shock. True, our bodies sometimes react in unexpected ways, and you seem to have handled it with grace and understanding. Thank you for sharing your experience, and I hope your future medical appointments go much more smoothly and comfortably. ❤️
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thank you, my therapist, said I have dark humour, I said I only have cold hard facts, if I don't make it humorous, I would end up probably in some hospital, we have to laugh , I'm sure that's what keeps me sane . Keep lifted
My two sons will blame me for the rest of their lives...and thats just how it is...i accepted it bc neither one is interested in understanding the whys and wherefores of the past. I had given birth to my ex's children...they look and behave like him. They regard me as not worth their time...and I accept that bc it's irreversible.
I'm very sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. You've gone through a lot, and I admire your determination for accepting the past, even when it's difficult. Keep in mind that healing takes time and is a very personal experience. While it may appear to be an uphill struggle right now, there is always hope that bridges may be built through time, understanding, and communication. Remember that people change, and there may come a moment when your sons are more open to hearing your point of view. Meanwhile, focus on self-care and surround yourself with people who love you for who you are today. You deserve happiness and peacefulness in your life, and I wish you the best of luck as you continue on your healing journey. I am Praying for you and your sons💫💕🙏
@@yourinnerchildmatters I am not a big believer in people changing...the brains of adults are pretty fixed. I am actually ok with the status quo.
Well, it better not be irreversible, unless they've inherited his logic also. I pray the kids wise up or life teaches them a bit of wisdom one day. You must respect yourself and all your efforts - you deserve better and to hold your head up high! You are doing your best for them, bless you!
@@Blue24Osprey I'm old now and both are in their 50s. My best was abandoning both sons. I had to do it to survive, thus, don't regret it. It's a long and convoluted story linked to generational trauma.
It can be passed on from one generation to the next
thanks for watching!
Like being children of the Holocaust, or even the Grandchildren. It can be generational trauma, passed down from one generation to the next. I share that with Dr. Mate, though a generation removed but just the knowledge that my Great Grandparents and my Grandfather's siblings were murdered was enough to affect my Dad horribly and then us, his kids. We have a psychosis that manifests as anxiety and inability to be completely present and authentic to our own emotions. I became the caregiver in home health and a "Yes" person. Just now I am beginning to understand the power of saying "No" in my life as a way of gaining control in my life.
If you don't think about it, it wasn't painful at all.
I hear you! Sometimes the moments we don't focus on are the ones that help us go forward.💪🌟
I think he is brilliant … but I also have thoughts … it seems as if he almost speaks of utopia … which isn’t possible in this world… I’d rather have someone acknowledge the struggles … and instead of saying why those things shouldn’t exist … instead say how to find beauty and fight within said things … our struggles … also make us more empathetic … can make us stronger … if we were to never encounter trials … we wouldn’t know the difference between light and dark … idk
I agree. Instead of an utopic world where every women get all the support they need when expecting the baby, how about just empowering people to admit their faults, recognize the damage they made, and seek repairing with the ones they hurt? Maybe it is a more realistic solution
I feel like this throws a lot of Dr. Phil’s theories on its ear
thanks for shring your thoughts 🙏✨💖
Gabor you’ve been traumatized and lost your compass. Heal brother so you can be in tune with the real world
When you marry into a bad family, your fate is sealed. Most of my troubles in my adult life are linked to sons with a sociopath. It isn’t something you heal from. Only to tell myself I didn’t know any better at 20 yrs of age...and I had no parental support.
Is this the original video - ua-cam.com/video/kPfQCQX30vw/v-deo.htmlsi=HTi3sfqthIr3uXsj - where you got this clip from?
we need to blame the parents when they take the doctor's preference over the child's obvious needs. "Don't feed them when they're hungry, don't breast-feed them when we want to sell you infant formula"... etc..etc
thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about this topic🌻💕
@@yourinnerchildmatters I hate to say it, but Mate is typical of parents who learn when they reach old age. Yet, it's still better late than never. He repeated the cycle of abuse and then as he got older realized what was happening.
@@gg_ingy of course!
The world would look a lot different if only happy and well balanced ppl had children...just a thought...and we wouldn’t have an overpopulation to deal with.
Thank you for sharing your viewpoint. It's an interesting point of view when considering the impact of happy and well-balanced people on the world as a whole. Overpopulation is a difficult subject, and your perspective adds an additional aspect to the discussion. Let us continue learning about these concepts together. 😊
I agree. it is incredible how the solution of not having children still is such a taboo. It seems like anyone sugesting people not to have babies would be robbing them of their only right/power that no one should be able to take away... as if in todays society, having babies is the only true freedom a human being can have, and god forbid someone comes and sugests people have less babies...
@@manuelaborges9532 Elon Musk has 10 children and thinks we are facing a population deficit. The smartest man on earth...go figure!!
I believe if they saw this, it would be like talking to the wind. They will continue to bame me for the rest of their lives, which is hurting them, not me. Tragic!
Why do we become so selfish?
I think parents should have do you have a license before having a kid. Sloppy parenting açcounts for so many of our problems as people
thanks for watching and sharing your insights
Licensing parenting wouldn't help bc you could pass the tests and still turn out to be a lousy parent because you won't know in advance of having them how you will be triggered to do badly. Nature doesn't care as long as you breed.😢The smart ones don't have children, imo.
"Parents struggle to be present" because of all the pressures they are under. Well PERHAPS they ought NOT to become parents. Just sayin'. If you are not able or are unwilling to parent they for God's sake don't have children. As a small "t" trauma survivor my parents (five of us) were completely incapable of parenting and yet there were FIVE of us all suffering to one degree or another in adulthood. Geez.
in any discussion about parenting and trauma, the solution of simply not having children is never spoken. it is such a taboo since forever! I share the same feeling as you do