How to Ask Someone Out On a Date
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- Опубліковано 23 лют 2014
- In which we discuss strategies and best practices for asking someone out. "How to Adult" is a new "life skills" edutainment channel executive produced by Hank Green and John Green. Subscribe for new videos every week!
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How to Adult is Hosted and Co-written by:
Emma Mills
/ elmify
Directed, Edited, and Co-written by:
T. Michael (Mike) Martin
/ tmikemartin
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Executive Produced by:
Hank and John Green
/ vlogbrothers
Asking out a stranger (in my experience as a non-adult) is way less terrifying than someone you've known for 4 years
I was best friends with this guy for a while, and I was crushing on him pretty hard. One day after I slipped up and said something about how pretty his eyes were he said "You're losing your mystery", I started blushing hardcore, but then he saved me from embarrassment and said "let's go get ice cream." and that's how we started dating. Moral of the story, crushes don't have to stay secret like they did in middle school.
Dammit, I AM the bomb-diggity!
One time a cute girl asked me out. She said, "Hey, We should date!" and I was so shy and awkward that I said "I think there is a wall over here.." then scuttled away and hid behind the wall until she left...
Whenever I'm nervous about asking someone out I usually say something like "In honor of the life motto 'you miss all the shots you don't take' I'm going to go ahead and say that I find you really interesting, and was wondering if you'd like to go out for coffee sometime." And sometimes they say no. And then I follow up with. "Okay, I still would really like to get to know you, would you perhaps be interested in a platonic friend date?" And usually they say yes to that. But if they don't then I end with the old "Well it was really great talking to you, hope you have fun with your (insert something from conversation I learned)." And move on.
When you say platonic friend date, do you actually just want a friendship or is that just another strategy?
In the past when I've seen a cute guy I just write down my number with a note saying "Hey, I'm Tori and I think you're cute. If you're interested in getting coffee sometime I'd love to" and my number. You get coffee and find out if it works. If he's not interested/has a girlfriend he doesn't respond, but two important things still happened: he feels good because some chick gave him her number, and I got practice doing it.
Also, BOOKSTORES! Similar interests, similar people. I've made so many good friends and gone on awesome dates just talking to people in my favorite sections.
How do you start a convo with someone at a bookstore without sounding/appearing like some psycho-weirdo-stalker who's invading someone's personal space?
John Smith most book people are open to talking about any books, but especially their favorites. So if some one grabs a book you like say "Thats one of my favorites. Have you read anything else by them?" Right away you'll know if they're open to continuing the conversation. If they act weird, like they're not just say "Well I'd definitely recommend it!" and walk away. Just act like it didn't phase you because you're a pleasant, kind, trying to be helpful person lol.
Alternatively you could ask for a recommendation from someone. "Have you read these?" or "I'm trying to find something new, any favorites of yours?" Theres always a weird figuring it out moment where both parties are uncomfortable ish, but keep your body language relaxed and stay turned toward the shelves until they engage you back. That way you're not in their space and you're non-threatening because you're not pushing it. just be confident and act not like a weirdo (lol hard for all of us!) and you'll be good!
Bookstores!!! Oh my god. Best. Idea. EVER. Sheer genius, it's worth a shot!
YOU ARE THE BOMB-DIGGITY!
No, you probably are not.
Rasgonras oh but you are
I also think it's important to keep in mind that, even though we all fear rejection, it's not always so bad! I remember last Valentine's Day I asked out a cute guy who worked in a food truck that I had been going to every week for months. He turned me down, but it was the most gracious, complimentary rejection I've ever received. He said something like, "I'm actually seeing someone else right now, but I'm so glad you asked, because I've definitely been noticing you, too. You seem totally amazing and I'd love to go out with you if I weren't already in a relationship." Honestly, I felt like ten times better about myself after I asked than before, even though I got rejected. So yeah, just go for it!
Man that's super smooth! What a kind way to let someone down.
Thanks for sharing!
I've found that the telepathic method does not work.
Movie and a meal is a classic for a reason - you watch the movie, then you're guaranteed to have something to talk about over the meal.
A good video. Still, though, I feel like the concept of "dating" as a discrete activity separate from "hanging out" or "being friends" is just backwards, psychotic, and damaging. Here's some advice, for anyone interested: When on a date, don't do anything you wouldn't normally do for fun with your friends. Find someone interesting? Invite them into your circle of friends. Ask them to come hang out with your group! This can help them feel more at ease and less pressured - remember, it's not just you who feels pressured on a date, the other person may as well! Joining a group is less stressful because, being the newbie, they can either grab the spotlight or hug the wallpaper *as they choose*, thus managing their own level of exposure to new people and situations. And meeting you in the company of your friends provides *context* - it shows them how you behave with your friends and what sort of person you are, not just *what sort of perfect person you fake being on a date*. If they like what they see, they'll be more amenable to going out somewhere romantic for just-the-two-of-you time later. And if not, well, it never would have been a good relationship anyway, would it? So you both dodged a bullet and avoided awkwardness doing so.
Save yourself the stress and worry. Quit separating dating and "being friends". Tear down that imaginary wall. If you like someone, *befriend them first*. It's the best way to build a foundation that can grow into something more later. Be patient, it takes time for that growth to happen. Trying to jump from acquaintances to being in someone's bed, well, either you're going to get shot down or you're going to get a ONS that probably won't ever be anything more. Not trying to be shaming or sex-neg - if you like ONS's and they do, knock yourselves out. But don't treat people you are really romantically interested in (like, for long-term) like a quick one-liner and exchanging astrological signs is sufficient basis for putting your tongue in their mouth.
Full disclosure: extremely shy nerdboy, happily married to extremely shy nerdgirl. If we had had to rely on some stupid scheme involving a bar and hackneyed one-liners, we'd have both most likely died alone. :-P
So things go okay even if both the boy and the girl is shy??
@@j.pachelbel It can, yes. A youtuber I follow had a great point on this - they said trying to fake confidence doesn't work because you'll just look sketchy and weird. Instead you should focus on just being the best, most happy version of yourself that you can be. People are drawn to people who seem happy, secure, who are moving towards their goals and getting what they want out of life. People will care that you care about something, even if it's not something they personally care about. And that is what gives you confidence, not some nonsense about posture or handshake strength. Focus less on impressing a potential romantic partner, and more on just being the best version of you. :)
Yes. Your self worth is not tied to whether or not the person accepts your offer. It's terrifying and crushing, but it doesn't make you less of a person.
The first time my husband asked me out (we had known each other for months prior to the asking), he specified it was a date. I thought it was super sweet of him and very helpful to know that this was not another hanging out, thing.
Even if it looks like a date and feels like a date, you should still try to be clear and make sure that the other person is on the same page.
I was hanging out with a guy and we became good friends. But after awhile he started calling me honey, and I soon realized that he thought we were dating. I HAD NO IDEA!
So maybe after you've had one looks-like-feels-like date, then for the second one, properly ask if they want to go on a *date* with you.
I mean, you didn't get the picture from the kissing? The "omg it was all a charade, I was on dates I didn't know were dates" has a small time frame until it becomes a bit obvious.
No, we weren't kissing.
I had a situation a bit like that where someone asked me out, and I said no - because I didn't realise they were asking me out. I thought it was just a "do you want to see ____ at some point" and I said "no, I'm really not a fan of ___". And I mentioned how much I like this guy some weeks later to a friend, and they suggested me asking him to see this film. I repeated our conversation and she went "You moron - he asked you out already and you rejected him!"
I felt so stupid XD And embarrassed
Any tips for making this less terrifying? I went on one looks like a date and feels like a date with a girl I've been friends with for a while and I'm not sure if she knows I want to be in a relationship with her.
My best story: A couple years ago I had some goldfish that were sick (yes, yes, laugh away) and went to Petsmart to get medicine. An employee asked me if I needed help after I hovered for a bit and I said yes, because A) I did need help and B) He was super cute. He asked me to explain the situation which I did and then he kept asking me more about my fishes, so I ended up telling him their life story (which was kind of long, they were 5 years old!) Anyway, we talked for a good 10 mins or so and when I was leaving he asked me my name, and after I said it, he said "That's a beautiful name!" I said thanks and awkwardly left.
I may or may not have returned 2 more times in the span of a week (I did) to get other things for my fish. I saw him both times and he remembered me and struck up conversation. When I left the second time I got in my car, thought about it for a minute, then went back in and confidently gave him my card with my number on it. He told me that while he was flattered, he had a girlfriend, but if he "didn't he totally would have asked for [my] number [himself]". Wah wah wahhhhh.
I'm still trying to figure out how you can tell a goldfish is sick. Was he coughing a lot? or maybe made a little sick noise?
They start shedding scales, their fins get tattered, there coloring fades, they don't swim as quickly or move as much.
Zazeezoo lol that's so cute. not the goldfish shedding scales but how you notice these things
When you keep a fish alive for 5 years you start to care for it way too much haha
My worst experience with asking someone out was when the guy said "I'm not looking to date anyone right now," and within the same 10 minute hall break, he asked someone else out. My unsolicited advice is that if you are the askee and you don't want to date someone, be honest. You don't have to be rude or direct if confrontation isn't your thing. You can be honest and vague without being a liar.
Huge props on the Magic Eye book on the bookshelf. And the awesome doughboy protecting said book. I love this channel! The videos are hilarious.
Never have asked someone out, never will. I have this image in my head that if I ever did they would have a disgusted look on their face and say 'no' like it was a stupid question to begin with.
Anyone else get that? No, just me? Probably.
If you're young, then it's probably not just you. Remember that confidence is the key to success. If you can't seem to muster the confidence, fake the confidence. Another good idea is to get into sales. Go do door-to-door sales and get used to rejection. As this video pointed out, learn that it's okay to get rejected.
Derek Bade Depends what you define as 'young' as I don't know how old you are :p
But I'm 21, ye the 'okay to get rejected' thing seems good in theory, but I think it depends how extreme the rejection lol. Might just be my imagination getting the better of me.
I am 26 and assure you it is your imagination. It will never be as extreme as you imagine. In the event that it is, realize that you'd never be interested in someone who'd behave in such a fashion anyway.
On the contrary to your expectations, you'll find most people will try to let you down easy.
Derek Bade Ye, maybe I'll have to test it on some random person I meet at pub, see how it goes lol.
I know where you're coming from but don't be afraid of being rejected
Already this is one of my favorite channels! Absolutely love!
"just strike up a conversation" yeah ok because that is just so easy to do.
So good to see Elmify in HD! Really loving this channel.
Hey thanks! ;D
I'm so excited for this series. So far it's awesome and helpful!
YAYS I'm glad to hear you think so! :)
What a brilliant channel idea! I have just officially reached the age where I am legally considered an adult but there is still so much I don't know about the world and often feel embarrassed to ask. This is perfect guys. Keep doing what you're doing!
My personal method for success is to say and do nothing but be a good friend while she's dating another guy, not be home with family when they break up, continue to be a good friend after that, while being too shy to do anything, believing she's too good for me, then have her ask me out, while sitting at the foot of my bed one Sunday morning in her pajamas, chatting about our weekend.
That was 13 years ago. We've been married for 5 years. Every morning I remember how lucky we are to have found each other.
She's still too good for me, though. :P
That's the XKCD Method. Only, you managed to successfully pull it off.
I saw his comment when he posted it. 3 years later I can confirm that it works. Thank you Denis.
Can I just say, I really enjoy Emma and this series in general. Thank you for making it!
"Okay yay" this just made me smile so much. Great video!
This is such a lovely channel I'm glad it exists.
You guys are nailing it! Super easy and enjoyable to watch. :)
Thank you so much! :D
- Mike
the worst dates are when you have no idea it was supposed to be a date. seriously, i once got introduced as a 'girlfriend' to guys family while on a 'date' when i thought i was just hanging with this guy i used know. he caled me saying he was bored and i had nothing else to do and we went for some icecream or something and then bam turns out he thought we were dating and thought i was just shy and i'm trying to explain things to his family :D i'm much for being clear about what's going on :D
These videos are just adorable... I'm so excited for this channel!
Thank you so much! :D
- Mike
I only ever asked out someone who had already told me she liked me... and I still got rejected.
hope you're doing well now dude
I do the thing where I kind of trick the other person into asking me out. I'll be all, "Man, I can't believe I STILL haven't seen the new Hunger Games movie." And then he's like, "Oh yeah, me neither. We should go together this weekend."
WOAH WHAT A GREAT IDEA! :P
That would only work if the other guy is confident enough to ask you out XD If a girl I was interested in tried that, my brain would be yelling, "ask her out!", but my lips would be saying, "yeah... you should.... check out the movie." >_
IceMetalPunk Yeah, this isn't fool proof. I once tried to ask someone out with this plan to just wait and pretend to text on my phone until he walked in my direction. I was so focused on trying to act cool that I didn't even notice he walked right past me.
Haha I'll have to remember that one, pretty subtle :p
See, this reminds me of an XKCD comic (doesn't everything?). Sadly, the guy in this is imagining the same things I do when I'm attracted to someone.
xkcd.com/642/
Lmao! Never seen that before, but ye it's exactly like that haha
thanks for this channel. building up the tube community with positivity!!!
this was the most useful dating video I have ever seen. thank you!!
This is great, especially considering many people from the internet like us don't have what many would call typical experiences asking people out.
I already love this channel so much!
'Just roll on through...' haha excellent advice. I tried LaserQuest once, but it didn't work out so well - lots of energy, but little conversation.
I love you guys already. So excited for this channel!
DFTBA and Frozen?!? My two favorites! Definitely a new subscriber, this was great!
I'm so glad this channel now exists.
That makes me HAPPY! :D
I like this already! Great host, great advice, and great presentation. :D
Thank you, Joe!
- Mike
Something that's worked for me:
If you're really nervous about dates, sign up for a dating site, chat with some people, and ask out someone you connect with to a fun activity. There's absolutely no pressure, you get to do something fun with a new person, and (assuming you're safe and careful - exercise reasonable caution, obviously) there's only three possible outcomes - a second date, a fun night with no spark at all and no more chatting, or a fun night and a friendship afterwards! I've personally never had a dating website relationship work out for long, but I've still had some great times on those dates, and they've made me a lot more confident and comfortable with dating in general.
Last semester I asked this guy in my calculus class who I had only spoken to maybe once before out for ice cream and he said yes. And then this semester after we've gotten to know each other better I decided to give him a pear with a note that said "we'd make a great 'pear'." It was terrifying but he said he'd be willing to go on more dates with me, so that's a thing.
THAT IS SO CUTE. PUNS ARE THE BEST. YOU ARE THE BEST.
One of my most terrifying issues is that I make stupid puns all the time, and I always assume I sound like a total dork. If a girl showed interest in me via silly puns.... love at first joke.
My favorite rejection ever (yeah, I have one) was from a girl, I asked her "Would you like to grab a drink dometime?" She said "No, not really." I said "Fair enough" And that was it. Why can't all girls be this straight? It was so simple.
Ahhh! :D I love elmify and I've MISSED her. Thank you for producing this channel. I just found out about it through the nerdfighter census this year! Yay for everyone!
Superfun video! As someone who is almost thirty yet rarely feel like an adult, this channel is much appreciated.
Fantastic advice. I wish I could send this to myself about 10 years ago.
This is some pretty good advice, I've kind of done the "indirect date" thing a few times but I stopped because of One: I felt like I wasn't being fair to the person I was asking, and Two: I felt like I was being very cowardly. I realized that just the (brave) act of asking someone out (even if they don't say yes) is something that can really boost your confidence and feeling of self worth. :)
(also, Emma your laugh at 3:14 is really cute. ^_^)
My worst getting asked out story was in the eighth grade. It was the first time I had ever been asked out. It all started when a girl in my english class gave me her phone number and I shit you not, I was so shocked that I legitimately forgot that she gave it to me. It was some crazy short term memory loss where the second I walked out of the classroom, I had no idea what had just happened. I looked down and saw a slip of paper in my hand with someone's phone number on it. It looked vaguely like the girl's handwriting, but when I figured that out I thought 'Oh, so she meant to give it to someone else but accidentally dropped it on my desk.' I was fairly confident with this explanation. Throughout the week this girl kept looking at me different and I couldn't figure out why. The next week, she finally went up to me in the hallway and asked why I hadn't texted her. I then responded with the fact that I didn't have her number. She reminded me that she gave me her number the week before. I was extremely embarrassed but she somehow shrugged all this off and asked me out to the ice skating rink. I said yes, but I was extremely nervous because I had never been on a real date before, let alone had I ever been asked. I was so nervous that on the car ride there, I felt like I was going to throw up so I told my parents to turn around. I got back home and was sick all night. The worst part was that at the time, I had a major crush on this girls sister. Needless to say, I have never gone on a date with this girl or her sister. Moral of the story, it's okay to turn people down. You shouldn't feel like you have to say yes because, as evidenced by my experience, saying yes when you don't want to is WAY worse than saying no.
I could have really used this when I was 13...
...and I might still be taking notes.
First of your vids I've seen... very vlog brothers, I like it!
asking someone out can be a high pressure situation, especially when it happens to girl ask boy out. but instead of hesitating and over-thinking and constant regretting afterwards, make the first step is not a bad thing as long as the invitation is open, friendly and comfortable, definitely agree with it.
This was so great! The hardest part for me is always the texting and planning of the dates. I'm terrible with texting communication, I never know how to keep a conversation going. This guy and I have gone on a few dates, but there's always these weird silences in between because we both suck at texting. Gahh how do people communicate?
This video is fantastic. Entertaining and informative. I swear I didn't copy off of you even though I said many of the same things. I totally agree with everything you said and wish more people were this direct about dating! :-)
I love your energy.
This channel offers great parenting. Thank you :)
I'm going to have Emma's voice in my head saying "You ARE the bomb diggity!" in my head every time in high pressure situations forever (I can only hope).
Well, this is just terrific!!!
Holy crow, thanks so much, Nicholas! (Srsly, we're huge fans. Very grateful for the kind words.)
- Mike
Oh, you're very welcome. I'm enjoying this channel a bunch :D
Perf. Everything about this is perf.
I have learned so much from this. Regards. Also can you do a video on how to not trip and fall while walking on ice while carrying four cups of starbucks to your 9-5 job as an intern for a local business right out of college but then you get fired because you fell on ice and you were late to work and now you're out of a job and your butt hurts?
I asked a girl in high school if she wanted to go out on a date with me and she replied, "I only go out with people I know." For years I thought that was the most ridiculous thing to say, until maybe age 26. Then I finally realized how efficient that technique is. She was many years ahead of her time. Thinking back, maybe I could have asked her if I could be in her friendzone. Except the term "friendzone" hadn't been invented yet. (this was after all, 65535 years ago)
That's how I've always been. Why date someone if we're not even friends yet? The idea of doing anything else is what sounds ridiculous to ME! Haha.
2**16 - 1. Nice.
***** I figured someone would like that number, it gives away the fact that I like the olde "8 bit" computers. Commodore 64, Atari 800XL, that kinda stuff. JSR $FFD2 if you know what I mean.....
This is exactly my tactic! I don't think I could ever just randomly hang out with someone I've never spent more than 5 minutes with. (Plus, I feel I am sparing the poor guy of being stuck on a date with a weirdo because he mistook me for a normal person :) ) This also makes it easier for my "friendzoned" friends to move up a level. I make it clear that I only date my friends and it might just give them the confidence to ask me out themselves. (well...you know...if this was an alternate universe)
Wow you are such a nerd, 2**16 omg XDXD
Fuck off.
I almost forgot, I would like it you asked for viewer submissions or links to videos that tie into each week's topics so they could be made into a playlist.
That's a great idea, thank you!
Elmify's expression at 4:10 gives me life. Heck, Elmify's expressions in general give me life. She is a boss lady, and an excellent choice for this.
Love the channel, hate the background music.
Anyone with me on this or should I just shut up?
Yesssss. Great advice, and love the Frozen references! BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY: Where did you find the Dr. Bunsen Honeydew that is in the bookcase? Or is it homemade? Regardless, that is awesome!
I can't believe how appropriately timed this video is to my life right now. Too bad I didn't watch it before I asked someone out. Darn.
This is solid advice, but have you tried these techniques on Benedict Cumberbatch, Emma? I suspect he'd be powerless to resist, paintball or no.
Oh how I've needed this series in life! I'm 21 and I've still never dated anyone, it's probably because I haven't had a clue on how to show someone I'm interested or actually suggest we go on a casual date.
I know the feeling. I've only had one girlfriend in my life, and SHE asked me out. Now that we're done, I'm pretty sure I'll be forever alone because of my awkward, unconfident approach to asking someone out... which is to say, never being able to ask anyone out.
My advice is asking the person out to lunch. It's a good chance for conversation and isn't as "date-y" as dinner.
To add to Emma's Scenario about watching Frozen. Just because you "person of interest" brings friends does not mean this is an automatic "game over" the person you invited may not be interested but this doesn't mean one of their friends isn't. Start chatting one of them up, the fact that you have a mutual friend makes for an automatic conversation starter. Also something that wasn't covered in this episode, in situations like night clubs or anywhere where there is music, dancing, and conversation is ether difficult or impossible because of the noise. The general etiquette behind meeting new people in this scenario is to simply ask the person of interest if they want to dance. It's an easy yes or no answer if they say yes you dance a bit and this leaves things open to starting a conversation later when it's easier to hear. If they say no, simply cut your losses and move on.
I am writing my senior thesis on Frozen
Greenie369 A ton of studies have been done on the 'princess narrative' that Disney has for all of their princess movies. So I am conducting a thematic analysis of previous princesses and applying the generally seen characteristics and themes to Frozen to see whether or not (as well as outline how) Frozen really breaks the mold or if they fall back into the narrative (Personally, I think they do both).
Basically, it's a long-winded excuse to spend my senior semester of college watching the Disney princess movies over and over again :D
Greenie369 Why thank you Greenie369!
She's adorable! Love the vid. Vlogbrothers produce great stuff. Thanks for the great advice! Dftba!
'Nothing will explode if you get turned down'...except my heart
This is fantastic. Hopefully at some point there will also be a companion video on gracefully rejecting people?
That is a fantastic idea! Noted for the future!
I usually start out with something low-key and casual. Most of my "first dates" have been at coffee shops or a bar. It's a great way to be relaxed and hopefully get rid of some anxiety jitters. After one or two, then I would move on to movie or dinner (fast food / non-fancy) or an activity (bowling!)
Groups aren't terrible, per say. It's a great way to subtly get to know someone without the sometimes intimidating one-on-one scenario.
WHY WOULD YOU ASK OUT A STRANGER?!?
I have _never_ been able to understand how some people can decide that someone they don't know at all is a good candidate for a romantic relationship.
nickynak3 cause not everyone's looking for a romantic relationship. Also if you never ask a stranger out, you'll most likely be very limited in your interactions.
Ellie Moscati So people who do that only want sex? Or do they not have ways of making new friends? I find it hard to believe either are true. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude - it just genuinely confuses me.
No, I understand, I had the same questions! Well as a homeschooler I really did rely on going up to strangers and striking the conversation to either get potential friends or dates. My interactions are limited. When I ask a stranger out, or when a stranger asks me out, it's not right away (normally) its after a good conversation. And you think to yourself, I may never see this person again and I like them, might as well at the very least get some contact info so I can keep in touch with this person. Yes, sometimes, it is just for sex or for friends with maybe a little more, maybe you just want to date people, and not really be in a relationship. Dating has a lot of factors. But strangers doesn't have to be so scary. Online dating works for a reason. :)
nickynak3 Here's the thought process: "This person is at the same place I am, enjoying the same or similar things, and I find this person physically attractive in some way. Perhaps we may be romantically compatible." Whether it's the band that's playing, the beer they're drinking, the fruit they're considering in the grocery store, or the appetizer they just ordered at the restaurant, there is likely *something* that says "This person likes similar things to what I like."There's also body language - the way a person holds themselves, interacts with other people, or interacts with whatever situation they happen to find themselves in. Yes, it is *less likely* that you'll randomly find a stranger with whom you are romantically compatible, but it's not impossible.
At times, the rythm of her speech matches the beat of the background music (2:09, for example). Somehow, that tickles my brain... It makes the video so much more enjoyable to watch. Is that on purpose ?
Aaahhh! Another Frozen fan! I think that's a great idea to ask someone out.
I'd be more than willing to watch that awesome movie again. After all, ... "you can't hold it back anymore..."
I, the bomb diggity love this video and channel.
One thing you can do is invite someone over to watch a movie you both know or play videogames, and just see how it goes. I think especially for lgbt people, it's good to not just introduce the date idea right away and to see if there's chemistry and if the other person is interested. if not, you still get to have a good time with a cool person :)
This is how I operate! I befriend the person in question, ask them over to hang out, kick some virtual booty with me and then see if he has what it takes to be my p2 :)
Tried the old wanna watch a movie Friday thing. But she was busy. And I know she was actually pretty busy because I was too. So after all that effort building up the courage to ask her out I did it so indirectly that I didn't even know wherever she rejected me or not. Sigh.
One time I asked a guy out by writing a note for him. On the note it said will you go out with me? with four options of yes, no, dragon, toaster. He did end up rejecting me but he said he picked toaster and we got a good laugh out of it and became pretty good friends. My advice for dating is to ask out the person before you become too attached. It will hurt less if rejected, make it easier to get over, and if person says yes the feelings can grow together at a relatively same speed
oh GAWD! Its Elmify in HIGH RES.
Right? MY EYES WILL PIERCE DEEP INTO YOUR SOUL
"You ARE the bomb diggity." XD Awesome.
The entire concept of asking a stranger on a date seems so entirely strange to me. But hey, who am I to judge? All I ever seem to do is fuck up perfectly good friendships by turning them into relationships. Gee, that seemed overly self-negative. I should... stop that.
As someone who's been in the same place; I happens. It felt like a good idea at first, but hey, sometimes we discover it was better just as friends. friendships are bruised. Some lost. Just don't blame yourself entirely for it, and move on. If they were your friends, the'll move on as well.
I actually used the indirect method on my ex to ask him out. Worked like a charm!
along with the "I hope he/she feels like this is a date cuz i never said 'date,'" at the end of it, actually ask if it was. not saying date at first makes the possibility of hanging out with that person one-on-one more likely, but they need to know where you stand before they see your Facebook relationship status has included them.
I had a paintball first-date haha! It actually went really well!
Something that's worked for me to conquer the face-to-face asking out anxiety is to come up with a "prep phrase" that's not ACTUALLY asking them out, but then would make it super weird for you to back out after you've said it. "Can I ask you something," for example. Then, even if you are quaking in your boots, you have to do it anyway.
I'm a big fan if the 'Really like a person, spend 6 months becoming best friends with the person then ultimately ask them out very subtly, date for 6 months then break up and be super awkward for a little while then become best friends again' method. It's worked for me at least :3 that being said the one time I haven't used this is with the guy I've been dating for now a year and a half (my longest ever relationship) and have been living happily with for 6 months (the first person I've lived with that isn't my family)... Actually I take back my original method.
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This was awesome! Made me feel much better after having been completely rejected. Haha
I enjoy Josh Sundquist's infallible line: "We should hang out sometime." I haven't been able to try it out yet but I feel like it's got the makings of true genius.
Just go for it guys. At first the fear of rejection is pretty scary but when you finally manage to ask him/her out you feel a lot better, life goes on and they will be other options for you to choose.
Okay, sure, but what about when you're an idiot and don't realize the person is trying to flirt with/hit on you and awkwardness ensues? I can't be alone here. There has to be someone else who has this problem, right?
I have this problem. I'm pretty dumb about realising whether guys like me or not - subtle hints really do not work on me. I am obtuse at times (often) and need people to be explicitly blunt because flirting and I do not mix well (it's a storm of awkward and embarrassment and confusion).
Wait did she ask me out?
Did I say no?!?!
SHIT!!!!!!!
Hey Emma Mills, I heard you like making How To UA-cam videos! I have a great idea for a video on How to Go On a Date, but I could use some help. Would you mind helping me out with it?
Did I do it right?!?
I could write allot about this subject, but I'll keep it for my book. One thing is for certain though, appearance is key.
I know you're talking about relationships this month but PLEASE do something on taxes ASAP!
I told my now boyfriend about how i used to have a crush on him and he started asking me about why I didn't tell him and that I should've. That gave me the hint and I asked him out and we have been dating for almost 2 years now. It is not the end of the world to let someone know you like them. For all you know, it could go great.
I have to say, having used and been the recipient of the "indirect method," the "direct method," in my opinion, is just better. That way there is no confusion and you get all possible humiliation out of the way. And the nice thing about being an adult is that most of the people that you might date have been rejected enough to have learned to at least be nice when rejecting someone else.
Oooooh, I really can't agree with the "looks like a date feels like a date but don't verbalize it" advice, especially given that this channel is called "How To Adult". I think this might be decent advice (but pushing the boundaries of honesty) when you're in high school, but if we're trying to adult, I think we should also try being honest...ask them if they want to go on a date, and if you don't do that, don't assume it is.