This is what I miss the most, love these long-form discussions. Hoping you bring back viewer sessions as I love to hear what is going on with the average-Joe compared to these well-known streamers. Regardless blessed for the work you do!
Interesting, I didnt really vibe with those viewer sessions cause I prefer hearing Dr. K speak more. The reddit posts are good enough, they are really similar to what i ask which shows how despite our circumstances are different all of us average joes have something in common.
@@eliriseliris I agree with you that Dr.K's perspective thinking is why we are here. I've bought his resource pack, which is basically his lecture packet, so I'm blessed from a content perspective on that. I felt more connected to an average person's story about their struggles than these popular streamers. But regardless I love this channel so I'll never not listen to all perspectives.
if you like Dr.K i think you should like Stefan Molenuexs call in shows where he surgically delves deep into stuff like for ex. actions you have in the now that are detrimental in adulthood that you envolved during childhood to survive etc.. many things Dr. K also talks about but delves into them in a slightly different way
With your help I fixed myself before entering the relationship I'm in now. I'm not perfect, and never will be, but I'm better than I was. This has been the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. 😊
@@MonkeyNeuronActivation it depends on what needs fixing. But in general, if you've diagnosed the problem and have been working on a solution, you test to see if you've fixed the problem. If the problem is still there, you've either got more work to do, or you're not working on the things that are causing the problem. For example if you have trouble opening up to people and it's preventing you from having intimate relationships, work on becoming more comfortable expressing yourself around others. Try again to build an intimate relationship with someone you connect with and see if you've fixed the problem.
It also seems that times changed that women saw so many different romantic movies and versions of love. Some women may think, he should make sexual move and kiss me on first date because I saw in movie some man doing it, it was exciting... Other woman may feel the exact opposite, she may feel I saw so many movies about the same topic, I don´t want him to get sexual and kiss me on first date as they suggest, It´s boring, I am hungry to know what his personality is, what his hobbies are to know him better, what he thinks and feels etc....before I get a chance to fall in love with him, if he kisses me on the first date, it looks unatural, boring and dishonest....It looks like every other movie I saw... 20 years old woman may have completely different preferences than 30 years old woman. Everybody has different opinion about this because television offered so many different versions of love and mindset, that women don´t know what makes them excited.. Or grown-up women think, I want a rational man, because my parents are rational, and I want him to introduce to my parents and be proud that they will feel proud of him because my cousin has a happy marriage and I want them to feel proud of me as I feel proud of their marriage etc. Every woman may have a different mindset about values but both mindsets can be very valuable in some way. and men don´t know as well, what she wants. Basically it is an experiment and you have to taste the waters, to find out.
It also seems that times changed that women saw so many different romantic movies and versions of love. Some women may think, he should make sexual move and kiss me on first date because I saw in movie some man doing it, it was exciting... Other woman may feel the exact opposite, she may feel I saw so many movies about the same topic, I don´t want him to get sexual and kiss me on first date as they suggest, It´s boring, I am hungry to know what his personality is, what his hobbies are to know him better, what he thinks and feels etc....before I get a chance to fall in love with him, if he kisses me on the first date, it looks unatural, boring and dishonest....It looks like every other movie I saw... 20 years old woman may have completely different preferences than 30 years old woman. Everybody has different opinion about this because television offered so many different versions of love and mindset, that women don´t know what makes them excited.. Or grown-up women think, I want a rational man, because my parents are rational, and I want him to introduce to my parents and be proud that they will feel proud of him because my cousin has a happy marriage and I want them to feel proud of me as I feel proud of their marriage etc. Every woman may have a different mindset about values but both mindsets can be very valuable in some way. and men don´t know as well, what she wants. Basically it is an experiment and you have to taste the waters, to find out.
26:53 "At the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, Phelps won four gold and two silver medals". "In January 2018, Phelps revealed that he has struggled both with ADHD and depression, having contemplated suicide after the 2012 Olympics." - Wikipedia
Hey Dr K i want to tell you you are actively transforming my life. Well I'm transforming my life but you give me the tools and directions, without you it wouldn't have worked as it does ❤❤❤
I was a virgin until recently when I met my GF seven months ago. Up until that point, I thought I was just gonna be alone forever and never meet someone. At first I was bitter, but came to an acceptance of it and began to work on making up for my dissatisfactions with dating by proportionately finding increased satisfaction in other areas of my life. Then, out of nowhere, I met her, we started dating, and we just recently told each other we love each other. My advice to men are in the boat I was in is to come to a healthy acceptance with the fact that it is possible that you may not meet someone soon or ever, and to work to improve your life in other ways. Make a routine of cleaning yourself and your environment, working out, find some cool ass hobbies (for me, it was skateboarding, 3D printing, and going to punk shows), and work on meeting some friends. If you're in college, go join clubs and keep attending them until you make some friends. Eventually, with the acceptance and improvement mindset, you might meet someone incredible. Just make sure you are constantly improving yourself and finding happiness in other ways and don't go down the toxic incel rabbit hole.
@@JustMeeZZ definitely worked for me to get my bf. I was romantically lonely before I met him, but just worked on myself and took a positive attitude, and it worked out! 4yrs strong as of last month
Hello dr k, i really like the longer content because it seems you have way more space to explain things deeply. I enjoy learning at that level, long and deep, almost more complicated the better. These long videos are so nice ❤❤
Do you take finasteride and mioxidil too? Also, if you're comfortable, how old are you as I starting seeing hairloss from the age of 16?@@YesIHaveManyProblemsThanks
I'm 27 and haven't had a girlfriend. In middle school I was bullied almost exclusively by girls and they'd tear apart every piece of me and criticize everything about me, so I learned to avoid girls because they don't like me and I'm unattractive. So that's exactly why I haven't had a girlfriend and am still a virgin, my self perception and my world perception got fucked up a long time ago and I don't know how to get out of it. I also, understandably, developed some pretty anti social behaviors that became habit and I'm still struggling to get rid of. Am currently under TSM therapy hoping it might give me a little bit of footing
I'm sorry that happened to you. The sad thing is is that the girl bullies were probably really insecure or uncertain of themselves so they kicked 👇 down to feel better. I m sure therapy will help you. You didn't deserve what happened to you. Good luck
@@myimperfectlife2023 "sad"? They have fundamentally scarred and broken a young boy to the point where he can't function properly as a grown adult of 27, and your concern is their supposed insecurities? Some people are just sadists. Plain and simple. Even if they were not sadists they should garner no sympathy from anyone using the "muh insecure" line. Not when the product of their actions have affected someone this deeply. Someone who would've otherwise grown to have a happy healthy relationship.
@@inquisitionagent9052 I was bullied very badly & much later in life I ran into 1 of the bullies & he apologized profusely & also explained briefly what his life was like back then. I had known he had been abused and was in foster care for awhile. Apparently the abuse lasted awhile & was worse than I thought. Yes, sad & it may be worse than insecurities. Girls have problems too and it's not surprising that bullies are commonly experiencing abuse, neglect or trauma and acting out. When I said insecurities I was thinking of stuff more serious than a bad hair day.He isn't destroyed, he may need therapy but he isn't destroyed. He's too young to make that statement.
I love these in-depth style talks. Everytime I watch one of these with full focus, I feel like I learn a lots. And every so often I implement things you talk about into my own life, which has helped me tremendously over time. Thank you Dr. K and HGG Team ❤
2:08:49 What's the difference between personality and identity? *Who are, how you interpret, react and act (personality), vs who you think you are (identity) 2:20:20 Exploration of Identity 2:27:00 parts of mind
An important thing that is ignored very often is the anxiety that one feels when thinking about "what if she wants it? She'll laugh at my performance, I'm worse than every other guy she's been with. I think I'm better off not even trying than to actually attract someone just to disappoint them."
For me, success came when I put my dating ambitions on hold to work on myself. When I started my relationship I was unsure if she was the one and I wasn't sure whether I was even ready for this, but I figured I'd go in with an open mind. Now, I'm in a wonderful relationship that's all I ever imagined and more. So yeah, it seems weird, but the advice is on point.
"There's therapeutic value to operating in whatever frame a patient considers helpful." Love that - I've gathered so much value from Christianity, Spirituality and even Fantasy writing lately. My favorite moments are when different "frames" collapse into one understanding in my mind. The perspectives marry and it makes for delightful moments of clarity. Thanks Dr. K!
The Witnesser, CPSTD as a controlling environment leading to suppression, conversation about awareness and others’ experience as the solution to any undesired social pattern, and impact existing even if you can’t perceive and the value in games/life of just communicating…these gems inspire me to take a look at my relationships and believe in just communicating. Thank you Alok.
There were a lot of topics here that I wanted to ponder and I was going to comment about but it all added up. I'm going to need time to digest it all. Thanks for being in the business of helping people!
Whether it’s the current day and age, or if it’s just me. I don’t want to live here anymore. Not as it is. Im not suicidal, just expressing my thoughts and feelings on modern day society.
Can relate, I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and just can't seem to fit into the world, it's just so different. I used to have goals and motivations but sadly those are gone, it's all pointless now. I'm also burnt out as hell
hope it gets better for you man but modern day society is a good as its gonna get for me, couldn't imagine living back when things were even more restrictive than now
@@winnershandbook1069 I actually have in it was amazing. It was a breath of fresh air living in a place that wasn’t dominated by technology. You could actually go outside and see people that aren’t staring at their phones. It made me envy them in a way. But it was refreshing to see. My parents are Ethiopian and Eritrean so that’s where I went. Can’t go back because there’s currently civil wars going on. But def going back when I have the chance. If I didn’t have obligations I would move. But currently can’t. People here in America think they have it so good. They pity other country’s when they actually have no idea. They glorify their 9-5 like they are living like Kings. While the government and corporations are actually taking advantage of them
Please please please discuss more about breakups, cheaters, people who leave you for someone else and they downgrade, monkey branchers and what makes people abandon good partners for seemingly no apparent reason.Most of the content out there just says everyone is a narcissists, but that can't be factually true. I would love your professional take and analysis on these subjects.
@@minabotieso6944 the reddit seems to prove otherwise. there’s plenty people here who have experienced relationships, but sadly most end negatively. and there are a lot of topics he speaks about that not everyone will be able to relate to, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be spoken about.
@@jkleins2869 I didn't read your comment but I'm replying leave me alone I do not consent to talk to you or reply Beyond this please respect my boundaries have a nice day
I'm 22, turning 23 in a few months, and have had zero sexual or romantic encounters whatsoever. I'm very socially isolated and my energy levels are just so low 24/7 that the opportunity has never really arisen for me. Eventually I just decided to try to simply not care, and that kinda helped, but I still find myself getting really sad about it every few weeks. It's hard wanting something like that when your so scared to open your mouth that you can't even say a word to a cashier or take a phone call from your doctor. It's like wanting to drive a motorbike when you don't even know how to work a tricycle yet
first of all, age does not matter whatsoever. As long as you take intentional steps towards your goal, you can easily catch up, if not do better than those who have had years of dating experience. With that out the way, start small. Yes it is about constantly working on yourself as the cliche goes, Remember the more you starve your insecurity, the easier it becomes to overcome it. The more you acknowledge it and discuss it, you'll get better at realising how small your insecurity is. It takes deliberation, constant small effort and time. Weeks, months, etc. But it always gets easier, as long as you try a little hard. Once you reach a certain point of confidence (lack of insecurity) you will feel ready to move up into the dating world. The same way the world punishes you each time, so does dating. So take time with it and be patient. As long as you continually reflect and be patient with yourself, you'll end up finding your person who can give you the sex and romance you're looking for.
First thing to do: make sure you are totally physically healthy. Have a complete physical exam. Fix any issues, like low thyroid, anemia, hormone imbalance, nutritional deficiencies, sleep disorders, parasites, etc. If you have any illness, no amount of forcing yourself to change behavior will work to change your circumstances. Then, and only then, begin taking small steps to change what you do. Dr. K can tell you how to do that.
Being unable to speak to a cashier or not be able to take a call from your doctor is quite serious and so it could be social anxiety generally. But as the previous commenter said get a check up, low energy levels could be indicative of an underlying condition.
I can tell you youngsters in your 20’s, as a 40 year old male, it’s so much better learning this information while you are young. I married the woman I loved. She divorced me after 7 years. We had a child. My life is so screwed up, and this man has been helping me immensely. Do not give up on yourself. You have so much time ahead of you. If I could go back 20 years and do it over, I would do it. But you are there now, and have the ability to save your next 20 years and make it the BEST next 20 years. One day, you’ll be 40. Don’t let it pass you by.
I loved and watched all of this, but i can't help but notice many things from this video could be memed. Anyway, keep up the good work Dr K. I love your work, you made me believe in the goodness of therapy again, after spending a few years with a not so good school therapist that made me hate therapy for awhile.
Thank you for another great video. It has helped me connect so many dots. I really need to start taking notes while watching these videos. There are so many great points that I kind of forget by the end because there was so much good stuff. Hence, I will probably have to re-watch it again for proper note taking.
This is very specific, but thanks for not having the promo at the beginning be overstimulating. Even though it was long I didn’t mind it so much. Not too loud, not too bright, not too many cuts, no fast talking. Sometimes ads become so overstimulating to me that I just have to stop using the internet for the day and take break.
Hey guys, i want you to know that dating often comes with challenges and disappointments, but it's important to keep trying and not give up on finding that special someone. The path to love may be filled with trials and errors, but the potential rewards are worth it. Every failure brings valuable lessons and new opportunities for growth. Remember, the outcome isn't guaranteed, but the journey of effort and resilience makes it worth pursuing. Don't let fear of failure hold you back; embrace the process and stay hopeful that the right connection will eventually find its way into your life.
I think the “ache” you read about might be envy or loneliness. Envy from seeing other people have something they want or loneliness from not having something they want. Like really wanting nourishment and feeling an ache from hunger.
I really enjoy how you dig into these topics and sort them out without a rush. A very enjoyable and informative talk today!! I also love the tidbits of Vedic practices thrown in! Thank you
I’ve kinda gone the other direction 😅 I never tried to date because I didn’t realise it was ok for me to want it. Now I’m working on letting myself be open to the possibility of relationships
@@bubblewrapfred in that same bubble. Was raised in a conservative family where it was seen as bad to date other people. Only arrange marriage was the acceptable route. Now, as an older adult. I feel lost since all the men and women around me are experienced and I feel like a loser for wasting away my best years.
That is when you figured out the difference between society vs your identity. Never to doubt love but society can be a lot of pressure if you fall into that idea
@@the1stmetalhead omg yessss. Arranged marriage wasn’t a thing I was around, but I grew up surrounded by religion and everyone else just magically found their “person” in their teens or early 20s and I didn’t 🤣 I’m not religious now and I don’t know how to date. I’m grieving the time I lost and grieving missing out on young love. People my age seem to think sex and dating is no big deal so it just feels like I’m in a totally different stage to everyone else
around 28:00 mins , yeah... I constructed a fantasy out of inexperience, and probably quite an impossible one for todays world, based on fiction quite literally. More when you at the very least have to go through quite the opposite for who knows how long. But.... what can I do? what I want is my fantasy, the "opposite" thing I experienced is not what I want and definitely not something I could be either happy nor really care enough about. I know its a fantasy what I want, more when whenever I try to progress on the matter I am reminded of it. After I start trying a bit I definitely lose my interest to keep working on it, and it is really just that, after some time I kind of crave the fantasy, I try a bit to get it, get disappointed with reality/myself, then give up or stop trying. Be it good or bad I still have way too many issues to care about and work for, other than the many impossible things I would want. And lately I have more progress on personal projects, which even though I put quite the pressure, I like to think maybe I can get my goals If I work hard enough. Or get some achievement I could be actually quite happy with, even though right now I already feel have "something" or better than nothing lol. All this to say, that these fantasies about friends and romantic relationship, seems like its gonna stay like now forever, a temporal craving that as soon as I try to get I get disappointed and go back to where I can feel I am progressing. That arguably is more important too, to survive in this world. My fantasy: Close person that you can talk to regularly about what we are doing, help each other grow, be it support or criticism and probably really needed to have some kind of fun/sarcastic humour etc. All of this without feeling like you are nuisance or that the other person lacks interest. Reason for the craving: Clearly because I dont really talk to anybody about my life since I think its boring/nuisance for others. And same for asking about their lifes, I feel like I would be nosy and a nuisance. The part about helping each other grow comes from fiction where in every relationship people really push their other one and grow together. And the good chemistry/fun together also comes from fiction were people seem to enjoy their relationships. As I said I always get disappointed with what I see after I try to create relationships, and not even talking about romantic ones lol. Though maybe I got some of that on just one, and funnily the reason why it progressed was because the other person kind of pushed it, to what it is now, else I would have kind of done the same( and I think I still probably would let it die because I have no reason to talk to him, going back to the fact I dont talk about my. life neither ask much). So its also important we had to work as a team for a project. Where I must say I carried, always I have this feeling that might be like others who only want to get help and be over, though he seems like a grateful person that tries to give something back
Dr. K says he is outside of his knowledge on his content. What I’m here and I think many of us are: We are here for your logical diagnosis and breakdown of topics related to your field, because your tactic and training in analyzing these problems are superior to an untrained individual in your field and those related to it.
In my very modest experiences, all the girlfriends I had just 'happened' to me after I decided I didn't need any. :p Save for my current one, where I was just interested in her and did some small talk. But without pushing - interesting person, so I'll get her info so we might talk some time. :-)
What you are describing is quite normal for most people with above average physical attractiveness. It is not common for those with below average physical attractiveness. The reason it seemed so effortless is because its cause was likely instinctual. If you doubt what I'm saying, I could cite you some research papers that specifically study someone's attractiveness, as rated by others, and the number of dates they get.
I really hope to see you dive into metabolic psychiatry at some point. Its a fast growing field and is working unbelievably well. Correcting hormones with diet doesn't just fix diseases or general health issues like fertility but it also fixes mental health issues across thr board. Check out the book "Change your diet change your mind" by Dr Georgia Ede.
A relationship is, a romantic relationship is when two people give affection to each others because they are in love and want to get closer. And you can get a hug if you feel stressed. And the two person have to respect each other's boundaries and care about how they make the other person feel. And also you can have sex that feels good.
A friendship is the same thing and the only difference is sometimes the sexual part, particularly if you mutually decided to keep this aspect exclusive with your romantic partner. That is, if it's a part of your life at all. That said: other than that there's few differences, if you so choose. Some ppl MAKE more differences and thus they're so desperate for romantic relationships. Noone had a chat with them, that the actual difference between romantic relationships and friendships can be reduced to a tiny tiny portion and even THAT is actually an optional thing to do. 😅
@@KxNOxUTA Meh, there's a sense of endearment and admiration that isn't present in friendship, along with the sexual aspect and the shared intimacy. I believe romantic relationships involve different parts of the brain that makes you more attached. But I do believe you can also be friend with your lover.
I was a virgin for a long time too. I'm 24 year's old now and only recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I actually moved into an apartment with her and it feels so good to be independent and free to do whatever we want. It feels good to have someone I can connect with and have so much in common with too. Weve been dating for months now and I've grown real close of her.
I am a 62 old German and I think your channel is very good. I am a social worker by profession and have not seen the problem with incels before and have been dealing with it for about a month. I am also the mother of three grown children. The oldest seems happy. He, 35 is getting married this year after 10 years of being together. The youngest has had a boyfriend for 5 years. My problem child is the middle one. 32, successful in her career from my point of view. I'm looking for answers, to help her with these issues. On the other side I see a few young men as client with these issues and the chanel helps a lot to understand. Thanks.
You should never ignore your own actions and how to improve. But never ignore how media and the entire system works against you as well, especially if you aren't rich.
54:00 - One of the best, if not the best, exemple of why people think therapy doesn't work. "Therapist : ask weird open ended question" " you : responds and deep dives in it." No, when you go therapy, go do what you want to do. Talk about you choose to.
This unathletic part is where I am right now with relationships, I have come to believe that I was just not born to be in one and since I tried so many things before and nothing worked, I just got on meditation and trying to let go of all my desires and accept myself as I am.
@@Dimitris_Half yeah this video was eye opening, I was one of those persons that put relationships and sex as the meaning and ultimate goal in life, meditating changed that. I'm an artist and I can't afford therapy, so I don't know what the diagnosis might be.
@@Dimitris_Half I've tried all of that, even people not related to me emotionally but who know me at least a little like workmates. The only thing I haven't tried is being rich, but that's a life path and you're not even guaranteed to succeed, it's not something you can try for a while. I've tried approaching, I've tried joining group activities like martial arts, I remember even asking a girl if she was single in front of everyone in the dojo... When I say I was probably not born for that I'm not pulling that out my ass. I've spent at least 10 years trying different things like cutting my hair, not dressing in black clothes all the time, a lot of things that after some introspection I think are not part of my personality. That's why I decided to become a modern world monk.
@@Dimitris_Half wtf that comment 🤣 of course I have friends!!! and they were the first people I asked for advice, best thing is most of them are female so I can get another perspective, not only the male one; one of them told me to be myself, another said to be patient that the right one will come, another told me I had to pay more attention to my appearance, which I did. Btw I also have a job where I'm my own boss, I have hobbies and I really enjoy philosophy so it's not like I don't have anything going on for me if you're wondering that as well 😂
@@Dimitris_Half that's something I haven't done, have very deep conversation about the topic with them, that's some good advice right there, thx a lot. I don't have the money part though, just the independence and fulfillment of working on my own terms, I work part time as an English tutor and I work in the garden growing food for the household, my art does not generate any income. Something I've thought is that I'm probably in the spectrum of autism and I misread people's social cues, or behave in a way that is not socially desirable, I decided to start my own landscaping company so I will have more money and will definitely go see a professional, even if I were not neurodivergent, therapy is always a win, investing in your health is the best thing you can do. Thx again for the advice and patience, you're a great example of the healthy and inclusive community Dr. K and the team have fostered.
I don't know whether I should be happy for you, since you've come to peace with the idea of never being in a loving relationship. Or whether I should feel sorry about the fact that a decade of rejection has finally beat you down into acceptance. I guess I'm really just scared more than anything else. Because I see myself heading down the same path. I don't see myself ever being in love with someone who loves me back. I did the work, I made the effort but it feels like I'm "Not born for it" as you put it. At the same time I can't see myself so seemingly at peace with it like you are. That doesn't leave me with a lot of good endings.
What if the witness (observer) is judged? For not being focused enough? Not being able to reproduce the 'enlightened' meditative experience from the past? Who is doing the judging? I'd this ego again? Is ego able to go 'beyond' the observer? I say 'beyond', because to judge I need to observe first, isn't that correct? So I got somehow stuck by judging myself for not being able to transcend my ego. What can I do to practice meditation again and not feel so useless and incompetent at it?
Thinking how our brain calibrates to the faces we're seeing online. Filters are already a problem but Generative AI can make truly super-normally attractive faces these days. It's going to get worse and worse the more of those we see.
The first story is pretty much my life. It's not just intimate relationships though. I have no friendships, struggle to hold down jobs, and am awkward around my own family. When I was a child, boys with any mental health issues at all where just labeled adhd and fed medications. I have a feeling if I was growing up today, I would have been diagnosed on the autism spectrum and would have received some treatment that would have helped me deal with people. As it is, I just suffer and have worked to build a life that doesn't require anyone else. I have my own little lawn care/handyman service where I can work alone. I live alone. All of my hobbies are solitary. I have a cat.... The upside here is, no women means no children so I won't have a chance to screw my kids up too.
2:36:49 I was just casually playing this in the background while studying and heard this question being raised. Are you kidding me? I am facing the exact same problem with my father and my grandfather (I am from a Hindu background and not Buddhist); not only that, I feel like I will become like them with time and that thought scares me. This post somehow verbalized my internal state quite well. My meditation sessions nowadays are undermined by anger. I did not face any of these issues back when I was in school and only after college, I am facing this. Were things always this way and my innocent brain just didn't pick up on them or did the people around me change or did I change in a way that I am resistant to them?
Honestly i just wanna kill my lust as i personally don't find it worth for me trying to court someone even if my body wants it. I want to go back to my original state of just being content with playing the same video game over and over and just existing in general as puberty was the worst thing that has ever happened to me as i did not care about getting to know people and i did not want to, i just simply wanted to exist before puberty then once it hit learning what hormones were was hell. My puberty was actually delayed as i have both autism and fragile x syndrome I just find it not worth trying to get with someone as like many say happiness comes from within not from others and i am not going to let someone leech off of my happiness if they only come around me AFTER i am happy. While what i just said sounds a bit misogynistic it is true that people mostly women don't wanna be around people that are not happy and they can tell so they get around people that seem happy to them, and when i am happy i honestly don't wanna be around anyone else as i don't care about the human race and never did so i don't care if the rest of humanity dies out as long as i myself continues to exist.
Regarding attractiveness, it is i correct to assume everyone finds the same stuff attractive. For some straight dudes, a large lady with curvy fewtures may be the ebst or only attractive type, for some that will be "fat" or whatever. For some gay guys a twink may be an ideal of beauty, and some may consider a hairy big buff dude to be an ideał of beauty and both groups may consider the other person totally unattractive. Its not like if gou are a 5 For someone you cant be a 3 For someone else and an 8.5 For someone else
Yeah hate to say it ive given up on finding anyone. And its not like i have a super high standards or anything. Its just not worth it anymore. Reguardless of how much i ache and yern for Affection.
Past lives, well, our ancestors probably benefited from being in relationships. Single people die faster and are less happy. They also can't reproduce. So the hunger comes from those past lives. This is why we evolved to care what people think and follow the crowd, and this is why people who can't fit in develop anxiety. It's supposed to drive you to fit in more. But, people who appear desperate are telling of themselves. They're showing that they got rejected in the past, and it's also an evolutionary advantage to reject someone who has been rejected, because there could be a good reason why they get rejected. So that's why appearing desperate is a bad idea.
This is what I miss the most, love these long-form discussions. Hoping you bring back viewer sessions as I love to hear what is going on with the average-Joe compared to these well-known streamers. Regardless blessed for the work you do!
Yup. More long discussions and panel talks with viewers please
Interesting, I didnt really vibe with those viewer sessions cause I prefer hearing Dr. K speak more. The reddit posts are good enough, they are really similar to what i ask which shows how despite our circumstances are different all of us average joes have something in common.
@@eliriseliris I agree with you that Dr.K's perspective thinking is why we are here. I've bought his resource pack, which is basically his lecture packet, so I'm blessed from a content perspective on that.
I felt more connected to an average person's story about their struggles than these popular streamers. But regardless I love this channel so I'll never not listen to all perspectives.
This!!
These are my favorite as well 😊
13:50 is when he begins talking about the discussion topics for those who want to skip the stream intro.
ty
Furst comment i always look for TY 🤙🏼
Appreciate you🗿🤝🗿
You dropped your crown here king
Hail king 🙌
Wake up babe, new three hour long Dr. K Video just dropped
😂
Sooo romantic huh 😂❤
Is it a dream?
yes, honey
if you like Dr.K i think you should like Stefan Molenuexs call in shows where he surgically delves deep into stuff like for ex. actions you have in the now that are detrimental in adulthood that you envolved during childhood to survive etc.. many things Dr. K also talks about but delves into them in a slightly different way
With your help I fixed myself before entering the relationship I'm in now. I'm not perfect, and never will be, but I'm better than I was. This has been the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. 😊
Congratulations! The same happened for me recently 😊 I hope you do fine!
You inspire me
How do you know you've fixed yourself?
@@MonkeyNeuronActivation it depends on what needs fixing. But in general, if you've diagnosed the problem and have been working on a solution, you test to see if you've fixed the problem. If the problem is still there, you've either got more work to do, or you're not working on the things that are causing the problem.
For example if you have trouble opening up to people and it's preventing you from having intimate relationships, work on becoming more comfortable expressing yourself around others. Try again to build an intimate relationship with someone you connect with and see if you've fixed the problem.
It also seems that times changed
that women saw so many different romantic movies and versions of love.
Some women may think, he should make sexual move and kiss me on first date
because I saw in movie some man doing it, it was exciting...
Other woman may feel the exact opposite,
she may feel I saw so many movies about the same topic, I don´t want him to get sexual and kiss me on first date as they suggest,
It´s boring, I am hungry to know what his personality is, what his hobbies are to know him better, what he thinks and feels etc....before I get a chance to fall in love with him,
if he kisses me on the first date, it looks unatural, boring and dishonest....It looks like every other movie I saw...
20 years old woman may have completely different preferences than 30 years old woman.
Everybody has different opinion about this because television offered so many different versions of love and mindset,
that women don´t know what makes them excited..
Or grown-up women think, I want a rational man, because my parents are rational, and I want him to introduce to my parents
and be proud that they will feel proud of him
because my cousin has a happy marriage and I want them to feel proud of me as I feel proud of their marriage etc.
Every woman may have a different mindset about values
but both mindsets can be very valuable in some way.
and men don´t know as well, what she wants.
Basically it is an experiment and you have to taste the waters, to find out.
Notes for myself -
1:21:45 about shyness
1:26:42 start about comparisions
1:28:39 how comparision works
1:38:27 start of dopamine talk
"Your biggest enemy is the virgin inside you!"
But if they're inside you doesn't that make them not a virgin?
Technically that makes you not a virgin too…
Wait. So it means you’re screwed?
😂
It also seems that times changed
that women saw so many different romantic movies and versions of love.
Some women may think, he should make sexual move and kiss me on first date
because I saw in movie some man doing it, it was exciting...
Other woman may feel the exact opposite,
she may feel I saw so many movies about the same topic, I don´t want him to get sexual and kiss me on first date as they suggest,
It´s boring, I am hungry to know what his personality is, what his hobbies are to know him better, what he thinks and feels etc....before I get a chance to fall in love with him,
if he kisses me on the first date, it looks unatural, boring and dishonest....It looks like every other movie I saw...
20 years old woman may have completely different preferences than 30 years old woman.
Everybody has different opinion about this because television offered so many different versions of love and mindset,
that women don´t know what makes them excited..
Or grown-up women think, I want a rational man, because my parents are rational, and I want him to introduce to my parents
and be proud that they will feel proud of him
because my cousin has a happy marriage and I want them to feel proud of me as I feel proud of their marriage etc.
Every woman may have a different mindset about values
but both mindsets can be very valuable in some way.
and men don´t know as well, what she wants.
Basically it is an experiment and you have to taste the waters, to find out.
1:08:00 great advice to feel good in your body
2:55:18 great social dynamic advice
Thx got my first date coming up! Was looking for this
26:53
"At the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, Phelps won four gold and two silver medals".
"In January 2018, Phelps revealed that he has struggled both with ADHD and depression, having contemplated suicide after the 2012 Olympics."
- Wikipedia
Hey Dr K i want to tell you you are actively transforming my life. Well I'm transforming my life but you give me the tools and directions, without you it wouldn't have worked as it does ❤❤❤
I was a virgin until recently when I met my GF seven months ago. Up until that point, I thought I was just gonna be alone forever and never meet someone. At first I was bitter, but came to an acceptance of it and began to work on making up for my dissatisfactions with dating by proportionately finding increased satisfaction in other areas of my life. Then, out of nowhere, I met her, we started dating, and we just recently told each other we love each other.
My advice to men are in the boat I was in is to come to a healthy acceptance with the fact that it is possible that you may not meet someone soon or ever, and to work to improve your life in other ways. Make a routine of cleaning yourself and your environment, working out, find some cool ass hobbies (for me, it was skateboarding, 3D printing, and going to punk shows), and work on meeting some friends. If you're in college, go join clubs and keep attending them until you make some friends. Eventually, with the acceptance and improvement mindset, you might meet someone incredible. Just make sure you are constantly improving yourself and finding happiness in other ways and don't go down the toxic incel rabbit hole.
I love hearing people’s stories so if it’s not too invasive, how did y’all meet?
This advice works for women, too.
@@JustMeeZZ definitely worked for me to get my bf. I was romantically lonely before I met him, but just worked on myself and took a positive attitude, and it worked out! 4yrs strong as of last month
How old are you? And how you met her?
@@JustMeeZZwomen don’t need the advice as much.
i am not even here to improve myself anymore i just love hear him talk xd
I get it. He's great to listen to. Lol.
Well done on completing life.
Hahaha 😂 it’s a combo of both. He has a great podcast-type voice to listen to while driving or cleaning and stuff.
Hello dr k, i really like the longer content because it seems you have way more space to explain things deeply. I enjoy learning at that level, long and deep, almost more complicated the better. These long videos are so nice ❤❤
Hearts? That's hella gay
@@Alexlinnk ❤
@@Alexlinnk❤❤❤
@@Alexlinnk❤❤❤❤
@@Alexlinnk❤❤❤❤❤
Dude's hair game is immaculate
I know! I'm super jealous, I'm micro needling my head right now as I listen to it. My head hurts now, but it helps me keep my hair so its worth it!
the most inmaculate haircut - Metronomy, Great song
Do you take finasteride and mioxidil too? Also, if you're comfortable, how old are you as I starting seeing hairloss from the age of 16?@@YesIHaveManyProblemsThanks
I'm 27 and haven't had a girlfriend. In middle school I was bullied almost exclusively by girls and they'd tear apart every piece of me and criticize everything about me, so I learned to avoid girls because they don't like me and I'm unattractive. So that's exactly why I haven't had a girlfriend and am still a virgin, my self perception and my world perception got fucked up a long time ago and I don't know how to get out of it. I also, understandably, developed some pretty anti social behaviors that became habit and I'm still struggling to get rid of. Am currently under TSM therapy hoping it might give me a little bit of footing
Bullies are total dicks. You didn't deserve to be torn down like that. Glad to hear you're working through things with therapy.
Similar boat man, almost 30. Hope we can pull through :)
I'm sorry that happened to you. The sad thing is is that the girl bullies were probably really insecure or uncertain of themselves so they kicked 👇 down to feel better. I m sure therapy will help you. You didn't deserve what happened to you. Good luck
@@myimperfectlife2023 "sad"?
They have fundamentally scarred and broken a young boy to the point where he can't function properly as a grown adult of 27, and your concern is their supposed insecurities?
Some people are just sadists. Plain and simple. Even if they were not sadists they should garner no sympathy from anyone using the "muh insecure" line. Not when the product of their actions have affected someone this deeply. Someone who would've otherwise grown to have a happy healthy relationship.
@@inquisitionagent9052 I was bullied very badly & much later in life I ran into 1 of the bullies & he apologized profusely & also explained briefly what his life was like back then. I had known he had been abused and was in foster care for awhile. Apparently the abuse lasted awhile & was worse than I thought. Yes, sad & it may be worse than insecurities. Girls have problems too and it's not surprising that bullies are commonly experiencing abuse, neglect or trauma and acting out. When I said insecurities I was thinking of stuff more serious than a bad hair day.He isn't destroyed, he may need therapy but he isn't destroyed. He's too young to make that statement.
I love these in-depth style talks. Everytime I watch one of these with full focus, I feel like I learn a lots. And every so often I implement things you talk about into my own life, which has helped me tremendously over time. Thank you Dr. K and HGG Team ❤
After these long videos, i can hear Dr. K questioning my motives for a a few hours after. Has been so helpful for me to navigate midlife.
2:08:49 What's the difference between personality and identity? *Who are, how you interpret, react and act (personality), vs who you think you are (identity)
2:20:20 Exploration of Identity
2:27:00 parts of mind
An important thing that is ignored very often is the anxiety that one feels when thinking about "what if she wants it? She'll laugh at my performance, I'm worse than every other guy she's been with. I think I'm better off not even trying than to actually attract someone just to disappoint them."
For me, success came when I put my dating ambitions on hold to work on myself. When I started my relationship I was unsure if she was the one and I wasn't sure whether I was even ready for this, but I figured I'd go in with an open mind. Now, I'm in a wonderful relationship that's all I ever imagined and more.
So yeah, it seems weird, but the advice is on point.
"There's therapeutic value to operating in whatever frame a patient considers helpful." Love that - I've gathered so much value from Christianity, Spirituality and even Fantasy writing lately. My favorite moments are when different "frames" collapse into one understanding in my mind. The perspectives marry and it makes for delightful moments of clarity. Thanks Dr. K!
The Witnesser, CPSTD as a controlling environment leading to suppression, conversation about awareness and others’ experience as the solution to any undesired social pattern, and impact existing even if you can’t perceive and the value in games/life of just communicating…these gems inspire me to take a look at my relationships and believe in just communicating. Thank you Alok.
Please keep doing what you are doing please. You are important to the internet.
There were a lot of topics here that I wanted to ponder and I was going to comment about but it all added up. I'm going to need time to digest it all. Thanks for being in the business of helping people!
This is how i feel about his neurology topics 😊 I'm glad he only streams once a week bc I need to reflect and rewatch!
Whether it’s the current day and age, or if it’s just me. I don’t want to live here anymore. Not as it is. Im not suicidal, just expressing my thoughts and feelings on modern day society.
Can relate, I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and just can't seem to fit into the world, it's just so different. I used to have goals and motivations but sadly those are gone, it's all pointless now. I'm also burnt out as hell
@@therealpeter2267this society wasn't made for people like us. Create your own values and live for them
hope it gets better for you man but modern day society is a good as its gonna get for me, couldn't imagine living back when things were even more restrictive than now
try going on a vacation to a poor country. you might realise how good your life actually is
@@winnershandbook1069 I actually have in it was amazing. It was a breath of fresh air living in a place that wasn’t dominated by technology. You could actually go outside and see people that aren’t staring at their phones. It made me envy them in a way. But it was refreshing to see. My parents are Ethiopian and Eritrean so that’s where I went. Can’t go back because there’s currently civil wars going on. But def going back when I have the chance. If I didn’t have obligations I would move. But currently can’t.
People here in America think they have it so good. They pity other country’s when they actually have no idea. They glorify their 9-5 like they are living like Kings. While the government and corporations are actually taking advantage of them
Please please please discuss more about breakups, cheaters, people who leave you for someone else and they downgrade, monkey branchers and what makes people abandon good partners for seemingly no apparent reason.Most of the content out there just says everyone is a narcissists, but that can't be factually true. I would love your professional take and analysis on these subjects.
None of us have experienced relationships bad or good so it doesn’t make sense to talk about that
@@minabotieso6944 the reddit seems to prove otherwise. there’s plenty people here who have experienced relationships, but sadly most end negatively. and there are a lot of topics he speaks about that not everyone will be able to relate to, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be spoken about.
Find a legit person for that not an ego streamer grifter.
@@Athetos861 why are you here if you think he’s a grifter
@@jkleins2869 I didn't read your comment but I'm replying leave me alone I do not consent to talk to you or reply Beyond this please respect my boundaries have a nice day
I'm 22, turning 23 in a few months, and have had zero sexual or romantic encounters whatsoever. I'm very socially isolated and my energy levels are just so low 24/7 that the opportunity has never really arisen for me. Eventually I just decided to try to simply not care, and that kinda helped, but I still find myself getting really sad about it every few weeks.
It's hard wanting something like that when your so scared to open your mouth that you can't even say a word to a cashier or take a phone call from your doctor. It's like wanting to drive a motorbike when you don't even know how to work a tricycle yet
first of all, age does not matter whatsoever. As long as you take intentional steps towards your goal, you can easily catch up, if not do better than those who have had years of dating experience.
With that out the way, start small. Yes it is about constantly working on yourself as the cliche goes, Remember the more you starve your insecurity, the easier it becomes to overcome it. The more you acknowledge it and discuss it, you'll get better at realising how small your insecurity is. It takes deliberation, constant small effort and time. Weeks, months, etc. But it always gets easier, as long as you try a little hard.
Once you reach a certain point of confidence (lack of insecurity) you will feel ready to move up into the dating world. The same way the world punishes you each time, so does dating. So take time with it and be patient. As long as you continually reflect and be patient with yourself, you'll end up finding your person who can give you the sex and romance you're looking for.
First thing to do: make sure you are totally physically healthy. Have a complete physical exam. Fix any issues, like low thyroid, anemia, hormone imbalance, nutritional deficiencies, sleep disorders, parasites, etc. If you have any illness, no amount of forcing yourself to change behavior will work to change your circumstances.
Then, and only then, begin taking small steps to change what you do. Dr. K can tell you how to do that.
Being unable to speak to a cashier or not be able to take a call from your doctor is quite serious and so it could be social anxiety generally. But as the previous commenter said get a check up, low energy levels could be indicative of an underlying condition.
I can tell you youngsters in your 20’s, as a 40 year old male, it’s so much better learning this information while you are young. I married the woman I loved. She divorced me after 7 years. We had a child. My life is so screwed up, and this man has been helping me immensely. Do not give up on yourself. You have so much time ahead of you. If I could go back 20 years and do it over, I would do it. But you are there now, and have the ability to save your next 20 years and make it the BEST next 20 years. One day, you’ll be 40. Don’t let it pass you by.
I loved and watched all of this, but i can't help but notice many things from this video could be memed. Anyway, keep up the good work Dr K. I love your work, you made me believe in the goodness of therapy again, after spending a few years with a not so good school therapist that made me hate therapy for awhile.
1:24:40 Dr K confidence help and comparisons beyond 1:30:00
Thank you for another great video. It has helped me connect so many dots.
I really need to start taking notes while watching these videos. There are so many great points that I kind of forget by the end because there was so much good stuff. Hence, I will probably have to re-watch it again for proper note taking.
Would it be easier to turn the subtitles on?
Would it be easier to turn the subtitles on or refer to the transcript afterwards?
I love that the increasing lengths of your videos is increasing the attention spans of your followers 👏
This is very specific, but thanks for not having the promo at the beginning be overstimulating. Even though it was long I didn’t mind it so much. Not too loud, not too bright, not too many cuts, no fast talking. Sometimes ads become so overstimulating to me that I just have to stop using the internet for the day and take break.
Taking a break from the internet is good for people.
Hey guys, i want you to know that dating often comes with challenges and disappointments, but it's important to keep trying and not give up on finding that special someone. The path to love may be filled with trials and errors, but the potential rewards are worth it. Every failure brings valuable lessons and new opportunities for growth. Remember, the outcome isn't guaranteed, but the journey of effort and resilience makes it worth pursuing. Don't let fear of failure hold you back; embrace the process and stay hopeful that the right connection will eventually find its way into your life.
I think the “ache” you read about might be envy or loneliness. Envy from seeing other people have something they want or loneliness from not having something they want. Like really wanting nourishment and feeling an ache from hunger.
I really enjoy how you dig into these topics and sort them out without a rush. A very enjoyable and informative talk today!! I also love the tidbits of Vedic practices thrown in! Thank you
Dragons Dogma is legit one of my fave games of all time 😅
I am so hyped for DD2 !!
But great video Dr K!
I gave up dating when I was 25. Now I'm 36, had no date whatsoever and I still don't care. Not caring was the biggest improvement I made in my life.
I’ve kinda gone the other direction 😅 I never tried to date because I didn’t realise it was ok for me to want it. Now I’m working on letting myself be open to the possibility of relationships
@@bubblewrapfred in that same bubble. Was raised in a conservative family where it was seen as bad to date other people. Only arrange marriage was the acceptable route. Now, as an older adult. I feel lost since all the men and women around me are experienced and I feel like a loser for wasting away my best years.
That is when you figured out the difference between society vs your identity. Never to doubt love but society can be a lot of pressure if you fall into that idea
@@the1stmetalhead omg yessss. Arranged marriage wasn’t a thing I was around, but I grew up surrounded by religion and everyone else just magically found their “person” in their teens or early 20s and I didn’t 🤣 I’m not religious now and I don’t know how to date. I’m grieving the time I lost and grieving missing out on young love. People my age seem to think sex and dating is no big deal so it just feels like I’m in a totally different stage to everyone else
I’m 23 and I want to live life with a mindset like yours. I know it’ll be easier that way. I don’t understand why I can’t truly embrace it though.
Congratulations to your team for hitting that milestone!
around 28:00 mins , yeah... I constructed a fantasy out of inexperience, and probably quite an impossible one for todays world, based on fiction quite literally. More when you at the very least have to go through quite the opposite for who knows how long. But.... what can I do? what I want is my fantasy, the "opposite" thing I experienced is not what I want and definitely not something I could be either happy nor really care enough about. I know its a fantasy what I want, more when whenever I try to progress on the matter I am reminded of it. After I start trying a bit I definitely lose my interest to keep working on it, and it is really just that, after some time I kind of crave the fantasy, I try a bit to get it, get disappointed with reality/myself, then give up or stop trying. Be it good or bad I still have way too many issues to care about and work for, other than the many impossible things I would want. And lately I have more progress on personal projects, which even though I put quite the pressure, I like to think maybe I can get my goals If I work hard enough. Or get some achievement I could be actually quite happy with, even though right now I already feel have "something" or better than nothing lol. All this to say, that these fantasies about friends and romantic relationship, seems like its gonna stay like now forever, a temporal craving that as soon as I try to get I get disappointed and go back to where I can feel I am progressing. That arguably is more important too, to survive in this world.
My fantasy: Close person that you can talk to regularly about what we are doing, help each other grow, be it support or criticism and probably really needed to have some kind of fun/sarcastic humour etc. All of this without feeling like you are nuisance or that the other person lacks interest.
Reason for the craving: Clearly because I dont really talk to anybody about my life since I think its boring/nuisance for others. And same for asking about their lifes, I feel like I would be nosy and a nuisance. The part about helping each other grow comes from fiction where in every relationship people really push their other one and grow together. And the good chemistry/fun together also comes from fiction were people seem to enjoy their relationships.
As I said I always get disappointed with what I see after I try to create relationships, and not even talking about romantic ones lol. Though maybe I got some of that on just one, and funnily the reason why it progressed was because the other person kind of pushed it, to what it is now, else I would have kind of done the same( and I think I still probably would let it die because I have no reason to talk to him, going back to the fact I dont talk about my. life neither ask much). So its also important we had to work as a team for a project. Where I must say I carried, always I have this feeling that might be like others who only want to get help and be over, though he seems like a grateful person that tries to give something back
Banger timing, i am going through all em
Not gonna lie, 100% thought that "Dragon's Dogma" was a troll, set off my ligma/sugandeese sensor HARD
When he said 'Conquer the virgin inside of you.' I just lost it. Poetry.
One Love!
Always forward, never ever backward!!
☀️☀️☀️
💚💛❤️
🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼
When you join just to see it end, glad to catch this then
Same 😂
Dr. K says he is outside of his knowledge on his content. What I’m here and I think many of us are: We are here for your logical diagnosis and breakdown of topics related to your field, because your tactic and training in analyzing these problems are superior to an untrained individual in your field and those related to it.
I can confirm it's pre-recorded now.
?
At the start someone asked if this was pre-recorded.
How can it be pre-recorded when he is reading the chat?
@@sheogoya9660 go to the start, when he first starts talking, he goes on a bit.
I got the joke
In my very modest experiences, all the girlfriends I had just 'happened' to me after I decided I didn't need any. :p
Save for my current one, where I was just interested in her and did some small talk. But without pushing - interesting person, so I'll get her info so we might talk some time. :-)
What you are describing is quite normal for most people with above average physical attractiveness. It is not common for those with below average physical attractiveness. The reason it seemed so effortless is because its cause was likely instinctual. If you doubt what I'm saying, I could cite you some research papers that specifically study someone's attractiveness, as rated by others, and the number of dates they get.
4:43 Gents
Don’t worry youtube sponsor block got me covered
Gracias
Truly doing the lord’s work
Somebody get this man a pin
Opposite, actually can someone help me find that relaxing-ass music at the start?! I shazaamed it, but it was generic spa sounds, not the actual song😭
Maybe I should post on this subreddit because I really need advice at this point in my life
I really hope to see you dive into metabolic psychiatry at some point. Its a fast growing field and is working unbelievably well. Correcting hormones with diet doesn't just fix diseases or general health issues like fertility but it also fixes mental health issues across thr board. Check out the book "Change your diet change your mind" by Dr Georgia Ede.
OMG Guide? Thank you for the spoiler cause then I'll hold back some budget to make sure I can get it if it's a good fit :D
42:34 wow the very first meeting IS the trauma bonding. Fascinating
Dr. K! Please drop your hair care routine.😮
14:52 damn I relate to this so much
1:53:07 “don’t try to beat it” yea that’s the idea lol
A relationship is, a romantic relationship is when two people give affection to each others because they are in love and want to get closer. And you can get a hug if you feel stressed. And the two person have to respect each other's boundaries and care about how they make the other person feel. And also you can have sex that feels good.
A friendship is the same thing and the only difference is sometimes the sexual part, particularly if you mutually decided to keep this aspect exclusive with your romantic partner. That is, if it's a part of your life at all.
That said: other than that there's few differences, if you so choose. Some ppl MAKE more differences and thus they're so desperate for romantic relationships. Noone had a chat with them, that the actual difference between romantic relationships and friendships can be reduced to a tiny tiny portion and even THAT is actually an optional thing to do. 😅
@@KxNOxUTA Meh, there's a sense of endearment and admiration that isn't present in friendship, along with the sexual aspect and the shared intimacy. I believe romantic relationships involve different parts of the brain that makes you more attached. But I do believe you can also be friend with your lover.
1:38:00 Lecture about brain and Corn addiction
I was a virgin for a long time too. I'm 24 year's old now and only recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I actually moved into an apartment with her and it feels so good to be independent and free to do whatever we want. It feels good to have someone I can connect with and have so much in common with too. Weve been dating for months now and I've grown real close of her.
I am a 62 old German and I think your channel is very good. I am a social worker by profession and have not seen the problem with incels before and have been dealing with it for about a month. I am also the mother of three grown children. The oldest seems happy. He, 35 is getting married this year after 10 years of being together. The youngest has had a boyfriend for 5 years.
My problem child is the middle one. 32, successful in her career from my point of view. I'm looking for answers, to help her with these issues.
On the other side I see a few young men as client with these issues and the chanel helps a lot to understand. Thanks.
More on developing a healthy romantic relationship and breakups please!
Yes!
You should never ignore your own actions and how to improve. But never ignore how media and the entire system works against you as well, especially if you aren't rich.
"That doesn't help you, it just helps you feel good" - Dr K, what a quote
54:00 - One of the best, if not the best, exemple of why people think therapy doesn't work.
"Therapist : ask weird open ended question"
" you : responds and deep dives in it."
No, when you go therapy, go do what you want to do.
Talk about you choose to.
What a great stream! Hope to see more like this in the future
great multi-topic discussion format, engaging and educational and entertaining too!
This unathletic part is where I am right now with relationships, I have come to believe that I was just not born to be in one and since I tried so many things before and nothing worked, I just got on meditation and trying to let go of all my desires and accept myself as I am.
@@Dimitris_Half yeah this video was eye opening, I was one of those persons that put relationships and sex as the meaning and ultimate goal in life, meditating changed that. I'm an artist and I can't afford therapy, so I don't know what the diagnosis might be.
@@Dimitris_Half I've tried all of that, even people not related to me emotionally but who know me at least a little like workmates.
The only thing I haven't tried is being rich, but that's a life path and you're not even guaranteed to succeed, it's not something you can try for a while. I've tried approaching, I've tried joining group activities like martial arts, I remember even asking a girl if she was single in front of everyone in the dojo... When I say I was probably not born for that I'm not pulling that out my ass.
I've spent at least 10 years trying different things like cutting my hair, not dressing in black clothes all the time, a lot of things that after some introspection I think are not part of my personality.
That's why I decided to become a modern world monk.
@@Dimitris_Half wtf that comment 🤣 of course I have friends!!! and they were the first people I asked for advice, best thing is most of them are female so I can get another perspective, not only the male one; one of them told me to be myself, another said to be patient that the right one will come, another told me I had to pay more attention to my appearance, which I did.
Btw I also have a job where I'm my own boss, I have hobbies and I really enjoy philosophy so it's not like I don't have anything going on for me if you're wondering that as well 😂
@@Dimitris_Half that's something I haven't done, have very deep conversation about the topic with them, that's some good advice right there, thx a lot.
I don't have the money part though, just the independence and fulfillment of working on my own terms, I work part time as an English tutor and I work in the garden growing food for the household, my art does not generate any income.
Something I've thought is that I'm probably in the spectrum of autism and I misread people's social cues, or behave in a way that is not socially desirable, I decided to start my own landscaping company so I will have more money and will definitely go see a professional, even if I were not neurodivergent, therapy is always a win, investing in your health is the best thing you can do.
Thx again for the advice and patience, you're a great example of the healthy and inclusive community Dr. K and the team have fostered.
I don't know whether I should be happy for you, since you've come to peace with the idea of never being in a loving relationship. Or whether I should feel sorry about the fact that a decade of rejection has finally beat you down into acceptance.
I guess I'm really just scared more than anything else. Because I see myself heading down the same path. I don't see myself ever being in love with someone who loves me back. I did the work, I made the effort but it feels like I'm "Not born for it" as you put it.
At the same time I can't see myself so seemingly at peace with it like you are. That doesn't leave me with a lot of good endings.
:O It IS prerecorded! Now.
Very enjoyable and informative. Thank you.
Any chance of these streams ending up on Spotify? Would love to be able to listen there.
Thanks for good and inspiring content!
Be aware of illusions, they have no flaws.
What if the witness (observer) is judged? For not being focused enough? Not being able to reproduce the 'enlightened' meditative experience from the past? Who is doing the judging? I'd this ego again? Is ego able to go 'beyond' the observer? I say 'beyond', because to judge I need to observe first, isn't that correct? So I got somehow stuck by judging myself for not being able to transcend my ego. What can I do to practice meditation again and not feel so useless and incompetent at it?
52:30 - "The minds operate under the assumption that my experience are mirrors of objectif reality, but that's not true.", Dr.K
"We need corrective emotional experiences" that hit so deep.
3 hours. Definetly am going to have to watch in segments. Dr.K the movie just released 😂
1:19:15 THAT GOES HARD 😤😤😤
Starts 5:00
My man
Thinking how our brain calibrates to the faces we're seeing online. Filters are already a problem but Generative AI can make truly super-normally attractive faces these days. It's going to get worse and worse the more of those we see.
The first story is pretty much my life. It's not just intimate relationships though. I have no friendships, struggle to hold down jobs, and am awkward around my own family. When I was a child, boys with any mental health issues at all where just labeled adhd and fed medications. I have a feeling if I was growing up today, I would have been diagnosed on the autism spectrum and would have received some treatment that would have helped me deal with people. As it is, I just suffer and have worked to build a life that doesn't require anyone else. I have my own little lawn care/handyman service where I can work alone. I live alone. All of my hobbies are solitary. I have a cat.... The upside here is, no women means no children so I won't have a chance to screw my kids up too.
Dr K is on the internet because he's helpful, entertaining, and pretty
1:21:46
I detest small talk1:23:42
1:26:42
2:40:00 note to self. CPTSD anger relationships etc
omg.... golden content....
2:36:49 I was just casually playing this in the background while studying and heard this question being raised. Are you kidding me? I am facing the exact same problem with my father and my grandfather (I am from a Hindu background and not Buddhist); not only that, I feel like I will become like them with time and that thought scares me. This post somehow verbalized my internal state quite well. My meditation sessions nowadays are undermined by anger. I did not face any of these issues back when I was in school and only after college, I am facing this. Were things always this way and my innocent brain just didn't pick up on them or did the people around me change or did I change in a way that I am resistant to them?
Honestly i just wanna kill my lust as i personally don't find it worth for me trying to court someone even if my body wants it. I want to go back to my original state of just being content with playing the same video game over and over and just existing in general as puberty was the worst thing that has ever happened to me as i did not care about getting to know people and i did not want to, i just simply wanted to exist before puberty then once it hit learning what hormones were was hell. My puberty was actually delayed as i have both autism and fragile x syndrome
I just find it not worth trying to get with someone as like many say happiness comes from within not from others and i am not going to let someone leech off of my happiness if they only come around me AFTER i am happy. While what i just said sounds a bit misogynistic it is true that people mostly women don't wanna be around people that are not happy and they can tell so they get around people that seem happy to them, and when i am happy i honestly don't wanna be around anyone else as i don't care about the human race and never did so i don't care if the rest of humanity dies out as long as i myself continues to exist.
You should be brought on stream
@@steelfang649 Why is that?
Regarding attractiveness, it is i correct to assume everyone finds the same stuff attractive. For some straight dudes, a large lady with curvy fewtures may be the ebst or only attractive type, for some that will be "fat" or whatever. For some gay guys a twink may be an ideal of beauty, and some may consider a hairy big buff dude to be an ideał of beauty and both groups may consider the other person totally unattractive. Its not like if gou are a 5 For someone you cant be a 3 For someone else and an 8.5 For someone else
49:49 “you can’t fix them BUT if they’ve got BPD and if you guys can cobble together a healthy-ish relationship for two years…eh…fifty-fifty.”
44:57 is a personal attack for me...
Yeah hate to say it ive given up on finding anyone. And its not like i have a super high standards or anything. Its just not worth it anymore. Reguardless of how much i ache and yern for Affection.
Quality Content
i love these kinds of videos so much
I sent over 200 applications, finally, got it!!!!!!!!!!’
Past lives, well, our ancestors probably benefited from being in relationships. Single people die faster and are less happy. They also can't reproduce. So the hunger comes from those past lives. This is why we evolved to care what people think and follow the crowd, and this is why people who can't fit in develop anxiety. It's supposed to drive you to fit in more.
But, people who appear desperate are telling of themselves. They're showing that they got rejected in the past, and it's also an evolutionary advantage to reject someone who has been rejected, because there could be a good reason why they get rejected. So that's why appearing desperate is a bad idea.
I thought these topics would not apply but damn, are the things he says applicable to all aspects of life.
4:38 start time
We love you Dr. K!
Bookmark for me: -2:11:21 aka ~ 48:00
YOOO GUYS NEW VIDEO OF LIWAY JUST DROPPED
When Dr K said "Peach pie" it reminded me of Hobo Johnson's song Peach Scone 🍑🍑🍑😂😂😂
1:12:12 "dating isn't about the outcome it's about the experience" -Dr. K
True!
I really wanted to watch it live but had errands to run.