Very true. Usually dr k videos are months old when I find them. The only other one I clicked early was the “how to be happy alone” which was uploaded 40 ish minutes before I watched it 🤣
i mean theres really no point in getting a girlfriend if you have unresolved trauma. being there for another person's problems is really emotionally taxing, now imagine if you have unresolved trauma
@@rodrigo_tmto highlight the fallacy: you are acknowledging the emotional baggage and trauma of your partner while invalidating your own. What do you think your girlfriend would say if she heard you say that? Probably hard to think of an answer to that question when you can't imagine a girlfriend (that cares). A relationship is a form of collaborative story telling, your traumas and past are just as important of a component as theirs to the whole.
Instructions unclear: I'm trying to be the very best, that noone ever was. Now battling my six girlfriends against the girlfriends of 8 Gym leaders. Uncertain how this happened.
I used to be a loser with no friends, girlfriend, or money. Then I switched from Windows 10 to Arch Linux, now I live in a mansion with a hot European wife and 2 Latin American side chicks.
That one pacient in residency asking for help with getting girlfriend really got himself a cozy place in the brain, we heard about him so many times. And here it is, Dr Chad Thundercock delivered.
0. Be in love not just liking eachother 1. Have fun together (spend time together) 2. Feel comfortable and appreciated around each other 3. Respect each other and listen to each other to a degree of point 2 > Do that in general, do not put gender roles into it. Everyone wants this and/or at the very least appreciates it.
@@Kino_Cartoonehhh isnt that the other way around? like, being in the right kind of love, just enables all of that like a switch. my expetience though. it either happens bco feelings or i dunno whats wrong.
I love how you're putting such emphasis on diagnosis. I've gone to quite a few doctors and therapists who refused to diagnose anything- it was literally their philosophy, only treating the symptoms (coughphysiatrycough), their treatments always made me significantly worse. The best doctors dig for the underlying problem, before throwing a fix at it. Not diagnosing before jumping into treatment can instantly ruin your life.
I have tried for 35 years to find a relationship with a woman. I have been mostly rejected by women for 35 years. I honestly find it very hard to see any progress when I kept on getting rejected. At 50, I accepted that I failed in finding love and decided to be kind and live the rest of my life alone.
I met my current girlfriend at the arcade. I had joined a club at my college for playing DDR, and eventually made friends through that hobby. I wasn't expecting a girlfriend, I was doing it because it was fun and was a place to go to out in public. And I guess something about me was attractive enough for her to introduce herself and eventually shoot her shot. Mind you, I never dated in high school, and had only gone on a few lackluster dating app dates before that. I'm not some super successful guy 😅
@@Navefreamo The best thing imo is to focus on enjoying life and connecting with other people. I don't make a new best friend whenever I go to bars to play pool, or go to arcades to play DDR. That would get exhausting. I just have fun with the people around me for the evening I have them in my life. I try to treat women the same way, and sometimes those women will want more than just one evening with you.
For the past few days I've been thinking about starting to go on dates/asking girls out sometime in the near future. Now this appeared in my feed. Apparently Dr. K is a psychic.
Dude you came exactly when I needed this, I have a girl that has been into me but I’m stuck at having expressed my feelings, addressing mutual feelings (not really well tho), and just chilling for now and flirting
I’ve been single for five years. I thought I had resigned myself to just stay single but just last week a girl actually approached me. Today we exchanged numbers and later tonight I’m gonna ask how her day was. I’m not trying to brag. I just wanted to say that I think I can do this. I’m gonna choose to take this video as a sign that I should try my best.
@@Steven_DunbarSL stupid drama from the internet, as usual. Basically he talked to a streamer that had been suicidal for years. After the talk, the streamer said it was helpful to him. And like a year later, he finally had a successful attempt at ending his life, and some people couldn't help but say it was because of him having talked to Dr. K Hope that clears things up.
first of all, great conclusion to the topic before the outro, that put a smile on my face but now for my actual comment: it feels so tiring having to think about all that and improving yourself so much just to have a chance to date, and for people that feel needy and deprived of romance that feels so cruel and unfair to have people naturally creating bonds with eachother, something that should be simply natural and intuitive feels now what it must feel like playing chess against magnus carlsen himself
Girl here, honestly, just accepting the fact that you have things to work on is enough to attract a lot of good hearted women. The #1 thing women consider is "are you going to be abusive?". Once you can confidently answer "not physically or verbally, and only as emotionally as any other human being would", you're a catch. Most women nowadays also have issues, and they want a man who can relate to them. And lets face it, it's impossible for anyone to not abuse their partner to some degree. All that is expected is that you don't lash out with violence or downright cruelty. We are far simpler creatures than we're given credit for. But there is a lot of us, so it still will probably take a few rejections to settle with the most compatible one
@@ghostratsarah Any amount of abuse isn't acceptable imo. But I think I have a narrower definition of abuse than you do. Arguments and heated emotions aren't emotinally abusive, it's maliciousness and excessive mistreatment.
@ghostratsarah Maybe I'm just out of luck or ain't taking enought risks, but I can see how being humble enough to acknowledge your weaknesses can be attractive I don't know, it just feels so impossible to meet someone willing to commit into a serious relationship that's not either someone I wouldn't want to live with or someone that does not care at all
I think you are mistaking one crucial part here. You don't have to have COMPLETED all of the parts before you are able to find a girlfriend. That's not the point. Working on yourself is an eternal struggle, and no one can ever be perfect, but they can strive to be the best version of themselves. Besides, you cannot have any idea how you truly look like in a relationship unless you actually get in one. Introspection and healthy appearance is something that you work towards and maintain, it's not something you get once and that's it. But that's exactly what is so liberating about the whole thing, you don't have to reach the end of your inner and outer goals before you begin dating. As long as you keep at it, you will see positive results. One solid piece of advice I can give you is to focus on learning to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex, as Dr K mentioned. It is INCREDIBLY hard to truly connect with someone you only view as potential partner material and literally nothing else.
@@tonyoik1012 I've been into a couple relationships and I've learned multiple things from them, I don't really make an effort to look better but I have self-esteem enough to not look bad. I also agree that you need to add to a relationship, not be completed by one. I'm not saying everything is wrong and I don't have problems to solve or people are just bad, I'm just expressing that it's too hard and complicated and that I feel like it shouldn't be edit: Sorry, I didn't read properly, but yeah, I agree you don't have to complete all parts of yourself before meeting someone, but it does sound tiring that you need to work on everything for something that should be natural. also, I do have woman friends and I don't meet every one with the intent of having a relationship or something, it's just that the longer you be alone, the lonier you feel, and when that happens you long for companionship
I love this video even though I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I needed to know if this video has better advice than the red pill machoism type of videos. Lots of solid things here I talk about with my friends.. I'm glad that this video exists, anyone should watch it.
This is wonderful. Brill. Very, very insightful and helpful. We want to derive pleasure from our actions, rather than outcomes. One mere example on the humor aspect here (for a priceless second): the expression on the word "desperate" is hilarious.
Question for the community: I geniuenly believe it's impossible for me to get into a new relationship. There is nothing and noone who can replace the love I feel for this one woman I fell in love with 5 years ago. We didn't work out. If I were to start a new relationship, it would feel dishonest and like a betrayal. People told me this would fade after a few months, a year, two, maybe five. Yet I'm still here and my heart, brain and soul can't let go. Can anyone relate to this feeling? Am I trapped for eternity?
How long you need to move on depends on yourself. A 1,5 year relationship took me about 3 years to get over it and sort everything out. I thought I had moved on but in hindsight I hadnt. Im sure you will become able to fall in love and truly bond again. I dont know how though. But I have a few Things that Come to my mind: -Accept that as wounderful as it was, It had an expiration date and there is nothing wrong with that. -Try Not to moan about the future you two missed out together. Instead try to ne greatful for the time you both had. -Try Not to compare. No one will be like she was and that is good. You wont get a 100% fit and there is always some wiggeling on both sides needed. And there will be bumps on the road. You will find a way❤ there is always a way. Be Patient, be Kind - to others and to yourself❤️
This depends. Why did you breakup? Is she over you, did you mess up, has she moved on? If any of these things r true you need to man tf up realize, recognize you're mistakes. Move on and find another because there r plenty of woman as good as her. You think you'll never find someone as good as her until you do then realize you fucked that one up too by not learning and moving on from the first love.. listen to this and apply it or nothing will change.
@@calacestar A new relationship is not meant to be a replacement for a past relationship. The love you experience with different people is going to be different. That's the bittersweetness of life. You are going to miss things you had with past partners, and you are going to find new things about a new partner that you didn't have in the past, that you didn't even know you were missing out on. And it's almost a catch-22 in that you will only see that once you give it an honest try. You have to go into a relationship with a mindful acceptance of knowing it will be different from the past and still fulfilling in its unique ways. I know that's easier said than done. Sounds like you are limerent or possibly still grieving your old relationship. Maybe your heart is not ready for a new one yet, and that's ok.
I wouldn’t suggest emotional bonding right away. I got into a situation ship with an avoidant woman who seemed on the level at first. Give it a month. Look at signs of immaturity and if they keep testing you it isn’t looking good. I sadly got attached and not im feeling it. Guard your heart guys
25:40 if you would have asked me what a girlfriend is about before i turned 25 then sex would have been my number one answer, but ever since i turned 25 sex is one of the last things i think about when thinking about a girlfriend. currently the number one thing is not totaly clear to me but it is something along the lines of emotional closenes, companionship and just generaly beeing around a nice person.
What a good video. Honestly, I often think to myself "I don't need a girlfriend, fuck dating", and then I go "Wait, is that my mind trying to make me avoid the uncomfort process of getting a girlfriend? Is my mind trying to supress its own desires?". I still cannot decide which one is correct though.
Sounds like you lack confidence, if you knew that you had chance you wouldnt feel that way. It sounds like your subconscious are doing wrong success estimations...
what i'm learning more and more over time is that getting into a relationship or not is not as much on my hands as it is up to chance because nowadays dating is so fucked there is not much you can do but do your own things and hope someone finds that attractive (and then hope you also find that person attractive back)
They arent black and white. There is an an anxious-avoidant type. And as you said there may be certain things that get to you. I feel like its rare to be 100% in one bucket though
Doctor K, so grateful for the videos about dysthymia and alexithymia and for all your videos actually Those two resonated with me so damn much I found the video about dysthymia the next day after my therapist and I came to the conclusion that Id been hoping that she (the therapist) would give me the life I need and desire As if it was hers responsibility not mine And I have made a huge progress after watching the dysthymia video (5 times lol) So so grateful to your team and you
Getting a boyfriend is super easy for women, it's being in a safe and healthy relationship that's hard. Women who can't get a boyfriend are missing 2 crucial revelations on men; they don't make the first move, and they don't comprehend flirting. Basically, get a boyfriend 101; tell them straight that you are interested in them. Their standards for a partner tend to be much lower than women's.
This is true for a lot of folks, but it's also true that not being able to connect with others in the first place is a real and common issue. If your walls are too thick or your social skills are too... shall we say lacking (think of incels and such), then that's an issue that needs to be resolved first. She can only carry the relationship for so long, if she's even willing to/in a position to do so in the first place.
God damn, just some weeks ago i got broken up with. And what Dr. K is describing makes sence. My girlfriend was someone who well lets say she needed A LOT of freedom. That was what finally killed the relationship. I had a bad week, i fell into a very bad mood. I opened up to her and she had a flight response. Maybe we were the "Match made in hell" you describe.
And yes, I recently realised I want a relationship and a boyfriend to fix my life, not to share That hurts so much Now I stopped chasing and I am trying to slow myself down, but I fall into such a miserable state each time I see my ex and his new girlfriend, they seem to be so in love and so mentally healthy I momentarily crash into shame and that feeling that no one on this f planet gives a shit if I live or die except оf my weed dude I am doing my best to work in therapy, but the scale of my traumas scare me so much 2 years in constant therapy now, looking forward for 5-8-15 more
Analyze the problem: 1st. What are your conditions and preferences on a girlfriend? 2nd. Do you match their conditions and preferences? 3rd. Are you able to make her feel something and talk about 2 or 3 normal topics and also listen what she has to say? 4th. Do you have something else in your life? Of course you have some details in those questions, but everything else is bs. No amount of money or muscles will get you grow. I know the real problem - but i can't solve it just by myself. And no amount of personal therapy will ever help me.
So an accounting approach,...neat, so what happens if you only qualify for 4,7 out of 6 conditions on average? Do you pursue? Yes, No? In a relationship, what happens if you only washed 7,4 dishes on average in a week and she did say 8,2? Do you make up next week? Who keeps track of all the statistics and spread sheets?
Don't become her therapist, you'll become exhausted and burnt out. Make sure you snag a girl who's as emotionally supportive as you are, and appreciates your psychoanalyzing. There are a lot of us out there, who treasure men like you, it just might take some rounds of rejection to find one. Don't settle! If she was put off by your nature, or she felt exhausting to you, she's not a safe bet.
@@ghostratsarahI 100% agree. I dealt with someone like that and eventually had a meltdown and in the end I ended up looking like the bad guy. Don't try to save anyone. Don't be anyone's therapist. There must be someone else who they can talk to about those kinds of problems
THIS WAS MARVELLOUSLY HELPFUL 😭😭😭😂😂😂❤️❤️ everything you said fit straight to the answers I needed to hear. thank you so much for your content. Big fan sir. You're my role model.
mista Kanojia i love you so much this video was exactly what i needed to realize the internal work i need and how MANY factors really are at play to date someone nowadays
I want a relationship as mature as my angel next door. I know this is anime and is unreal but I want to hope that there are people as mature as this main couple. Just respecting each other and help each other during their hard time. But of course girls want so many things in real world.
Most women really just want that stability. Mutual respect and safety. If you want the perfect example of this, look up the guy who was slated to have the first head transplant - but decided against it, after one of the most beautiful and caring women in the world fell for him. Women just ask that they not be abused, additional qualifications are usually optional. Just keep pushing, and you will find that. It is possible. You will encounter a lot of failure in search of it, but you can find it.
So, maturity + good personality + self-development + showing out. You will probably not going to get a partner in years but at least you won't be so afraid of being alone and rejected.
2:15 I'm french, in my 3 years of studying psychology, you inspired alot. I laught hard because where i'm studying (Freud / Lacan : Psychanalyse) to a certain extent it's the feeling I have during class... I feel like i'm in a cult sometimes x-p !
Hi Dr. K! I have struggled with dating my whole life, largely I think due to my extreme anxiety around the whole thing. Almost every single one of my female friends have all told me i'd make a wonderful partner, but every time I try to talk to someone, I freeze and lose any and all of my personality. I've only ever had one girlfriend, and our relationship lasted 6 months. I broke it off because I was being self destructive and I seem to have a fear of a woman who shows interest in me. I have a friend who I know is genuinely interested but my brain has sort of blocked off any idea of being the pursued. Do you have any advice?
im not dr. k but if i was in your place, i would invite her in order to cook together and play a game afterwards and while doing so i would talk to her and find out how much i like her
@@incognitosecret2377 is it even possible for two people to love each other equally? I guess its always the case that one person loves the other person, but the other person loves the love they receive from that person, so there’s always a disparity.
I'm single and suck at making irl friends because I spent my entire childhood pursuing my interests and waiting for extroverts to adopt me. It never failed for 21 years and then it never worked again.
Your comment with your pfp makes me assume you're a dog at the pound. It paints a very heart wrenching vision. This blurb doesn't mean much but I thought it was amusing enough to share with you.
if you are interested in you can still learn it. remember making friends is different when you are at school bored with 20 other people you see every day or when you are a grown up, living alone working from home
I think a lot of stuff probably applies to a lot of people, but honestly, I feel like literally nothing applied to me. Overall well explained once again
My problem is that I’m nice and girls like that. But I almost always don’t feel anything towards the girls that are attracted to me, that’s why I often need to friendzone them. I am still waiting for a girl where the attraction is mutual… I’ve had one longer relationship of four years and have gotten even more picky since then. Feels kinda hard for me too, even though I am a few steps ahead, it’s not about finding a girlfriend, it’s about finding the right one
Yes, thats absolutly true. I'm working now for 15 years on myself to get a GF (since I was 14). I was trainee in a international bank, went to Gym since I was 16, finishing law college, make my hair, changed my clothes, read many books about dating and has many dates first dates but ... I dont get anything. Still Incel.
Yeah. Though, it helps more towards maintaining a healthy relationship with men, rather than attracting them. To snag a boy, you just need to tell them, not dance around the subject by flirting, that you are interested in them. Men don't tend to make the first move, have trouble taking the hint, and have lower standards than women do.
Could we get a video on how to keep a girlfriend when you already have one? I (and maybe q lot of other people) get girlfriends but they all leave eventually, I've had a dozen failed relationships in the past few years.
Perhaps you're attracting the wrong types of girls? It starts at the beginning, if they eventually leave, that means something wasn't compatible from the start. It is best to allow things to end, lest they become far too toxic. I've noticed most men who get stuck in this cycle are the most ideal type- emotionally supportive and safe to be near, which attracts women who actually just need therapy and a teddybear. Turn down women who are going to take advantage of you, and go for women who can give you as much as they take from you.
i did not do a video about it, but if you want to keep a girlfriend, think less about yourself and instead do things that increase her comfort level. a second thing that makes her stay is if you add value to her life. a third thing is when you listen to her complains and actually do stuff so she has less to complain about
Seeing the drama that people go through, I think it's safe to say that I'm fine with being alone. No thank you. It gets worse when folks get married and have kids, then further on decide that they actually are so fed up of each other and that they can't stand the other person. It just doesn't seem worth it and stressful as heck.
@21:58 Stop describing my life. I'm a fit, athletic, young and successful guy who, when there's a woman I want to date at the gym, I COMPLETELY ignore and avoid all eye contact when they're being intentional with their desires... and then find the most unavailable and broken women (45+ old with kids for example) to date and break up constantly with, knowing they're unavailable time/emotionally. And I genuinely don't know how to help myself even though I can see the problem. I'm also avoidant attachment and tried to date an anxious attachment. Lasted 6 months lol.
I get my pleasure from the journey. Accomplishments mean the end of journey. Pleasure in the doing not the achievement for me. When I've accomplished there is sense of grief that it over now. The adventure begins though.
Put two Cartier bracelets under a big box. Prop the box up with a large stick. Tie a cord to the stick. Hide in a bush, and pull the string when she inevitably scurries over to the jewelry. Sit on the box and you got yourself a girlfriend!
18:10 I think that a rather big issue around this concept of creating identify is that it's a common tactic to berate virgin and less sexually active men for their state, as if it was one of the main aspects determining value of a male in current society. I can to a degree understand why toxic men without that problem spread this agenda, as competition is a common occurrency and driving force between men and objectification of women is sadly sometimes a part of this reality, but such rhetoric comming from women themselfs look to me like it's directly clashing with the whole societal change of desexualization and deobjectification that are one of the most universaly desired outcome shared by women as a community.
I don’t have one because I gave up and am not looking for somebody anymore. And I’m okay with this conclusion now, which is kinda scary. But a win is a win.
Smile a lot , say hi to everyone and be pretty. If it doesnt work, go approch a guy and be friendly, pretend to be interested in what he do etc. Dont flirt, otherwise you will look cheap.
Thanks Dr.K i just got a girlfriend i watched this video in 15x speed
Goat
What youre sayingkis you signed up for various dancing classes and emailed the teacher you dont have a partner
2 minute efficiency V watching :D
I watched it in 30x and got two girls accidentally what do i do
Shameful, shameful comment. Just shameful
Never clicked HealtyGG video so fast like this one!
real af
Same
Very true. Usually dr k videos are months old when I find them. The only other one I clicked early was the “how to be happy alone” which was uploaded 40 ish minutes before I watched it 🤣
Same bro
you just like me fr.
Why would I need a girlfriend,when I have Dr.k in my life
Exactly
@@DadFusis that's just borderline sad
For those who have girlfriends but don't have Dr K
>video about getting a girlfriend
>look inside
>deep psychological trauma
i mean theres really no point in getting a girlfriend if you have unresolved trauma. being there for another person's problems is really emotionally taxing, now imagine if you have unresolved trauma
@@rodrigo_tm As if that's how it ever worked
@@rodrigo_tmthat's the fallacy that stops depressed smart people from being in relationships lol
@@gothicfan52 what do you mean
@@rodrigo_tmto highlight the fallacy: you are acknowledging the emotional baggage and trauma of your partner while invalidating your own. What do you think your girlfriend would say if she heard you say that? Probably hard to think of an answer to that question when you can't imagine a girlfriend (that cares). A relationship is a form of collaborative story telling, your traumas and past are just as important of a component as theirs to the whole.
I finished this video and a wild girlfriend appeared. I threw a pokeball at her at now she is mine.
Instructions unclear: I'm trying to be the very best, that noone ever was. Now battling my six girlfriends against the girlfriends of 8 Gym leaders. Uncertain how this happened.
Would you like to give Girlfriend a nickname?
@@rincewindtwoflower3989 AAAAAAA
Name her cuddle buddy lol
You just revealed you don't see women as people 😂
Timing is always impeccable
tbf he could have posted this any time and the timing would have been impeccable for all of us
@@ddanenelastute
I used to be a loser with no friends, girlfriend, or money. Then I switched from Windows 10 to Arch Linux, now I live in a mansion with a hot European wife and 2 Latin American side chicks.
That's one way to do it 😭
You are my idol. Switching to Linux after No Nut November then❤
The ladies can't handle the power of Arch
Around the time I switched to Arch linux I met my the ngirlfriend who is now my wife... Maybe there's more to this than we thought....
sudo pacman -S girlfriend
Ain't no way Dr.K just made this 💀
@@mihajlo6489 it’s a good video
He made a video about gooning. Expect the unexpected from now on 😂
That one pacient in residency asking for help with getting girlfriend really got himself a cozy place in the brain, we heard about him so many times.
And here it is, Dr Chad Thundercock delivered.
Thank you HealthyGamer, I shall follow these steps thoroughly and fail at them miserably :3c
keep your chin up bro!!
@@Jahsicles me and u both dude
If you fail, you will fail spectacularly!
Next one: how to keep a girlfriend
0. Be in love not just liking eachother
1. Have fun together (spend time together)
2. Feel comfortable and appreciated around each other
3. Respect each other and listen to each other to a degree of point 2
> Do that in general, do not put gender roles into it. Everyone wants this and/or at the very least appreciates it.
Lock the doors and windows...
@@Kino_Cartoon oh wow. Thats a beautiful summary. Its on point, well written and you startet to count by 0. Perfekt
@@Kino_Cartoonehhh isnt that the other way around? like, being in the right kind of love, just enables all of that like a switch. my expetience though. it either happens bco feelings or i dunno whats wrong.
I love how you're putting such emphasis on diagnosis. I've gone to quite a few doctors and therapists who refused to diagnose anything- it was literally their philosophy, only treating the symptoms (coughphysiatrycough), their treatments always made me significantly worse. The best doctors dig for the underlying problem, before throwing a fix at it. Not diagnosing before jumping into treatment can instantly ruin your life.
I have tried for 35 years to find a relationship with a woman. I have been mostly rejected by women for 35 years. I honestly find it very hard to see any progress when I kept on getting rejected. At 50, I accepted that I failed in finding love and decided to be kind and live the rest of my life alone.
I gave up at the age of 25. I'm open to a relationship if it happens, but I'm no longer actively looking for it.
monkmaxx bro
Finally boys, its time, girlfriend arc in 2025
i'm looking forward to that as well bro
I met my current girlfriend at the arcade. I had joined a club at my college for playing DDR, and eventually made friends through that hobby. I wasn't expecting a girlfriend, I was doing it because it was fun and was a place to go to out in public. And I guess something about me was attractive enough for her to introduce herself and eventually shoot her shot. Mind you, I never dated in high school, and had only gone on a few lackluster dating app dates before that. I'm not some super successful guy 😅
Love to hear that, that’s literally what I would like to have in my life.
@@Navefreamo The best thing imo is to focus on enjoying life and connecting with other people. I don't make a new best friend whenever I go to bars to play pool, or go to arcades to play DDR. That would get exhausting. I just have fun with the people around me for the evening I have them in my life. I try to treat women the same way, and sometimes those women will want more than just one evening with you.
For the past few days I've been thinking about starting to go on dates/asking girls out sometime in the near future. Now this appeared in my feed.
Apparently Dr. K is a psychic.
Dude you came exactly when I needed this, I have a girl that has been into me but I’m stuck at having expressed my feelings, addressing mutual feelings (not really well tho), and just chilling for now and flirting
Demonic summoning circle with weights, piles of cash, and pickup artistry books as reagents lol
I’ve been single for five years. I thought I had resigned myself to just stay single but just last week a girl actually approached me. Today we exchanged numbers and later tonight I’m gonna ask how her day was. I’m not trying to brag. I just wanted to say that I think I can do this. I’m gonna choose to take this video as a sign that I should try my best.
wow it worked, i'm already divorced!
bro is gonna get his license reprimanded again 💀
Again?? What happened previously?
@@Steven_DunbarSL I haven't been watching for long but he seems like he knows his stuff and tries to keep up to date, I'm curious what happened too
@@Steven_DunbarSL stupid drama from the internet, as usual.
Basically he talked to a streamer that had been suicidal for years.
After the talk, the streamer said it was helpful to him.
And like a year later, he finally had a successful attempt at ending his life, and some people couldn't help but say it was because of him having talked to Dr. K
Hope that clears things up.
@@ROVERLORDD_ what do you mean ? He made him more succesful 😂😂😂
@@smiercksiazka776 not a funny remark. Its tragic what happened to him
first of all, great conclusion to the topic before the outro, that put a smile on my face
but now for my actual comment: it feels so tiring having to think about all that and improving yourself so much just to have a chance to date, and for people that feel needy and deprived of romance that feels so cruel and unfair to have people naturally creating bonds with eachother, something that should be simply natural and intuitive feels now what it must feel like playing chess against magnus carlsen himself
Girl here, honestly, just accepting the fact that you have things to work on is enough to attract a lot of good hearted women. The #1 thing women consider is "are you going to be abusive?". Once you can confidently answer "not physically or verbally, and only as emotionally as any other human being would", you're a catch. Most women nowadays also have issues, and they want a man who can relate to them.
And lets face it, it's impossible for anyone to not abuse their partner to some degree. All that is expected is that you don't lash out with violence or downright cruelty. We are far simpler creatures than we're given credit for. But there is a lot of us, so it still will probably take a few rejections to settle with the most compatible one
@@ghostratsarah Any amount of abuse isn't acceptable imo. But I think I have a narrower definition of abuse than you do. Arguments and heated emotions aren't emotinally abusive, it's maliciousness and excessive mistreatment.
@ghostratsarah Maybe I'm just out of luck or ain't taking enought risks, but I can see how being humble enough to acknowledge your weaknesses can be attractive
I don't know, it just feels so impossible to meet someone willing to commit into a serious relationship that's not either someone I wouldn't want to live with or someone that does not care at all
I think you are mistaking one crucial part here. You don't have to have COMPLETED all of the parts before you are able to find a girlfriend. That's not the point. Working on yourself is an eternal struggle, and no one can ever be perfect, but they can strive to be the best version of themselves. Besides, you cannot have any idea how you truly look like in a relationship unless you actually get in one. Introspection and healthy appearance is something that you work towards and maintain, it's not something you get once and that's it.
But that's exactly what is so liberating about the whole thing, you don't have to reach the end of your inner and outer goals before you begin dating. As long as you keep at it, you will see positive results.
One solid piece of advice I can give you is to focus on learning to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex, as Dr K mentioned. It is INCREDIBLY hard to truly connect with someone you only view as potential partner material and literally nothing else.
@@tonyoik1012 I've been into a couple relationships and I've learned multiple things from them, I don't really make an effort to look better but I have self-esteem enough to not look bad.
I also agree that you need to add to a relationship, not be completed by one.
I'm not saying everything is wrong and I don't have problems to solve or people are just bad, I'm just expressing that it's too hard and complicated and that I feel like it shouldn't be
edit: Sorry, I didn't read properly, but yeah, I agree you don't have to complete all parts of yourself before meeting someone, but it does sound tiring that you need to work on everything for something that should be natural.
also, I do have woman friends and I don't meet every one with the intent of having a relationship or something, it's just that the longer you be alone, the lonier you feel, and when that happens you long for companionship
Rarely do I click on a notif so fast
Thank GOD I'm subbed🙏🙏🙏🙏
I love this video even though I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I needed to know if this video has better advice than the red pill machoism type of videos. Lots of solid things here I talk about with my friends.. I'm glad that this video exists, anyone should watch it.
This guy is healing a generation. It's incredible
This is wonderful. Brill. Very, very insightful and helpful. We want to derive pleasure from our actions, rather than outcomes. One mere example on the humor aspect here (for a priceless second): the expression on the word "desperate" is hilarious.
Being okay with someone rejecting or questioning my identity is key
Just a mental note I made
Question for the community:
I geniuenly believe it's impossible for me to get into a new relationship. There is nothing and noone who can replace the love I feel for this one woman I fell in love with 5 years ago. We didn't work out. If I were to start a new relationship, it would feel dishonest and like a betrayal. People told me this would fade after a few months, a year, two, maybe five. Yet I'm still here and my heart, brain and soul can't let go. Can anyone relate to this feeling? Am I trapped for eternity?
How long you need to move on depends on yourself. A 1,5 year relationship took me about 3 years to get over it and sort everything out. I thought I had moved on but in hindsight I hadnt.
Im sure you will become able to fall in love and truly bond again.
I dont know how though.
But I have a few Things that Come to my mind:
-Accept that as wounderful as it was, It had an expiration date and there is nothing wrong with that.
-Try Not to moan about the future you two missed out together. Instead try to ne greatful for the time you both had.
-Try Not to compare. No one will be like she was and that is good. You wont get a 100% fit and there is always some wiggeling on both sides needed. And there will be bumps on the road.
You will find a way❤ there is always a way. Be Patient, be Kind - to others and to yourself❤️
This depends. Why did you breakup? Is she over you, did you mess up, has she moved on? If any of these things r true you need to man tf up realize, recognize you're mistakes. Move on and find another because there r plenty of woman as good as her. You think you'll never find someone as good as her until you do then realize you fucked that one up too by not learning and moving on from the first love.. listen to this and apply it or nothing will change.
I can't, and have no idea. Have you tried telling potential partners about this, and seeing how they react? What happens?
@@calacestar A new relationship is not meant to be a replacement for a past relationship. The love you experience with different people is going to be different. That's the bittersweetness of life. You are going to miss things you had with past partners, and you are going to find new things about a new partner that you didn't have in the past, that you didn't even know you were missing out on. And it's almost a catch-22 in that you will only see that once you give it an honest try. You have to go into a relationship with a mindful acceptance of knowing it will be different from the past and still fulfilling in its unique ways. I know that's easier said than done. Sounds like you are limerent or possibly still grieving your old relationship. Maybe your heart is not ready for a new one yet, and that's ok.
It will fade away, it will be even easier if you find someone else.
I wouldn’t suggest emotional bonding right away. I got into a situation ship with an avoidant woman who seemed on the level at first. Give it a month. Look at signs of immaturity and if they keep testing you it isn’t looking good. I sadly got attached and not im feeling it. Guard your heart guys
@@andrewquiroz4335 guard your heart sounds like a losing strategy, just learn your lessons and move on bruh
I was smiling so much watching this video. I love how passionate you are about this topic! Thanks for the video it was great.
Dr K I have too many girlfriends now, please make a video about reducing my excess girlfriends.
so effing me
25:40 if you would have asked me what a girlfriend is about before i turned 25 then sex would have been my number one answer, but ever since i turned 25 sex is one of the last things i think about when thinking about a girlfriend. currently the number one thing is not totaly clear to me but it is something along the lines of emotional closenes, companionship and just generaly beeing around a nice person.
What a good video.
Honestly, I often think to myself "I don't need a girlfriend, fuck dating", and then I go "Wait, is that my mind trying to make me avoid the uncomfort process of getting a girlfriend? Is my mind trying to supress its own desires?". I still cannot decide which one is correct though.
Sounds like you lack confidence, if you knew that you had chance you wouldnt feel that way. It sounds like your subconscious are doing wrong success estimations...
I just finished watching this video and I have a line of women outside my door waiting to put in their girlfriend application. Thanks Dr K.
If you’re seriously asking “how to get a girlfriend/boyfriend”, you might be too far gone, but this is a great video for the fallen soldiers
WE GETTING ROMANTIC WITH THIS ONE
what i'm learning more and more over time is that getting into a relationship or not is not as much on my hands as it is up to chance because nowadays dating is so fucked there is not much you can do but do your own things and hope someone finds that attractive (and then hope you also find that person attractive back)
most of the time i dont find them attractive back. actually all the time
@@stephanieherman2861 My strategy is to only focus on being attractive to the kinds of people that I'd find attractive.
This is the only time I clicked fast for a HealthyGamerGG video
Same, I usually get notification for them and then maybe watch after a couple of days. Here it was insta click
@@malborboss same😂,I only don't click it because it don't relate to me
Are attachment styles black and white? Or can I be like 70% healthy with 30% anxious?? How do you guys feel it is for you? Are you 100% in one bucket?
They arent black and white. There is an an anxious-avoidant type. And as you said there may be certain things that get to you. I feel like its rare to be 100% in one bucket though
It's more like a spectrum and a mixture of attachment styles
Doctor K, so grateful for the videos about dysthymia and alexithymia and for all your videos actually
Those two resonated with me so damn much
I found the video about dysthymia the next day after my therapist and I came to the conclusion that Id been hoping that she (the therapist) would give me the life I need and desire
As if it was hers responsibility not mine
And I have made a huge progress after watching the dysthymia video (5 times lol)
So so grateful to your team and you
Dr. K standing on business 😤😤😤
Can you also make a video How to Get a Boyfriend, please?
Getting a boyfriend is super easy for women, it's being in a safe and healthy relationship that's hard. Women who can't get a boyfriend are missing 2 crucial revelations on men; they don't make the first move, and they don't comprehend flirting. Basically, get a boyfriend 101; tell them straight that you are interested in them. Their standards for a partner tend to be much lower than women's.
As a divorced kid, this is extremely helpful learning the framework of what is Healthy and not Dysfunctional.
Thank you K
You got divorced as a kid? That’s rough buddy
@@ethanquinn385 pinnacle of comedy
Dont force it. Either u two connect, or u don't. Either she wants you, or she doesn't
This is true for a lot of folks, but it's also true that not being able to connect with others in the first place is a real and common issue. If your walls are too thick or your social skills are too... shall we say lacking (think of incels and such), then that's an issue that needs to be resolved first. She can only carry the relationship for so long, if she's even willing to/in a position to do so in the first place.
God damn, just some weeks ago i got broken up with. And what Dr. K is describing makes sence. My girlfriend was someone who well lets say she needed A LOT of freedom. That was what finally killed the relationship. I had a bad week, i fell into a very bad mood. I opened up to her and she had a flight response. Maybe we were the "Match made in hell" you describe.
Once you have the first 4 things ironed out then the real difficulty starts.
And yes, I recently realised I want a relationship and a boyfriend to fix my life, not to share
That hurts so much
Now I stopped chasing and I am trying to slow myself down, but I fall into such a miserable state each time I see my ex and his new girlfriend, they seem to be so in love and so mentally healthy
I momentarily crash into shame and that feeling that no one on this f planet gives a shit if I live or die except оf my weed dude
I am doing my best to work in therapy, but the scale of my traumas scare me so much
2 years in constant therapy now, looking forward for 5-8-15 more
Lol Dr.K’s energy is contagiously great 😂😂😂 thanks for the advice bro 😎
Great content G this is gonna help a lotta people
‘The parts of ourselves that we ignore are where all of our problems arise from’ KABOOM
Nah, I'm not ready for a gf yet. I couldn't handle the whole situation
Analyze the problem:
1st. What are your conditions and preferences on a girlfriend?
2nd. Do you match their conditions and preferences?
3rd. Are you able to make her feel something and talk about 2 or 3 normal topics and also listen what she has to say?
4th. Do you have something else in your life?
Of course you have some details in those questions, but everything else is bs.
No amount of money or muscles will get you grow.
I know the real problem - but i can't solve it just by myself. And no amount of personal therapy will ever help me.
So an accounting approach,...neat, so what happens if you only qualify for 4,7 out of 6 conditions on average? Do you pursue? Yes, No? In a relationship, what happens if you only washed 7,4 dishes on average in a week and she did say 8,2? Do you make up next week? Who keeps track of all the statistics and spread sheets?
That's true. I hardly emotionally connect with new people anymore.
Get a new chair lil bro
1:55 2:29 5:41 7:16 8:18 9:48 10:13 11:16 11:58 12:44 14:29
I got tired
😂😂😂
Just went home from a date in which she was talking and I was full psychologist mode, it’s literally the only thing I can do
Don't become her therapist, you'll become exhausted and burnt out. Make sure you snag a girl who's as emotionally supportive as you are, and appreciates your psychoanalyzing. There are a lot of us out there, who treasure men like you, it just might take some rounds of rejection to find one. Don't settle! If she was put off by your nature, or she felt exhausting to you, she's not a safe bet.
@@ghostratsarahI 100% agree. I dealt with someone like that and eventually had a meltdown and in the end I ended up looking like the bad guy.
Don't try to save anyone. Don't be anyone's therapist.
There must be someone else who they can talk to about those kinds of problems
THIS WAS MARVELLOUSLY HELPFUL 😭😭😭😂😂😂❤️❤️
everything you said fit straight to the answers I needed to hear.
thank you so much for your content. Big fan sir. You're my role model.
I didn’t have a girlfriend before watching this video. After watching this video I got a girlfriend and we’re playing the Halo campaigns rn
Mental health professionals reluctance to take responsibility for important outcomes in their patients lives 💯
mista Kanojia i love you so much this video was exactly what i needed to realize the internal work i need and how MANY factors really are at play to date someone nowadays
Perfect timing, I have my first date tomorrow. Lol
I want a relationship as mature as my angel next door. I know this is anime and is unreal but I want to hope that there are people as mature as this main couple. Just respecting each other and help each other during their hard time. But of course girls want so many things in real world.
Most women really just want that stability. Mutual respect and safety. If you want the perfect example of this, look up the guy who was slated to have the first head transplant - but decided against it, after one of the most beautiful and caring women in the world fell for him. Women just ask that they not be abused, additional qualifications are usually optional. Just keep pushing, and you will find that. It is possible. You will encounter a lot of failure in search of it, but you can find it.
The trending page isn't ready for this one 🗣🗣🗣
So, maturity + good personality + self-development + showing out. You will probably not going to get a partner in years but at least you won't be so afraid of being alone and rejected.
2:15 I'm french, in my 3 years of studying psychology, you inspired alot. I laught hard because where i'm studying (Freud / Lacan : Psychanalyse) to a certain extent it's the feeling I have during class... I feel like i'm in a cult sometimes x-p !
Hi Dr. K! I have struggled with dating my whole life, largely I think due to my extreme anxiety around the whole thing. Almost every single one of my female friends have all told me i'd make a wonderful partner, but every time I try to talk to someone, I freeze and lose any and all of my personality. I've only ever had one girlfriend, and our relationship lasted 6 months. I broke it off because I was being self destructive and I seem to have a fear of a woman who shows interest in me. I have a friend who I know is genuinely interested but my brain has sort of blocked off any idea of being the pursued. Do you have any advice?
im not dr. k but if i was in your place, i would invite her in order to cook together and play a game afterwards and while doing so i would talk to her and find out how much i like her
You might need a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and work with a therapist to heal yourself.
Is love even real? Or just a mutual contract between two people with fear of being alone
Too deep of a thought for me to think about right now (2 AM) but essentially true. Attachment is what some people call love these days.
Yeah, some people really love each other.
@@incognitosecret2377 is it even possible for two people to love each other equally? I guess its always the case that one person loves the other person, but the other person loves the love they receive from that person, so there’s always a disparity.
two different things
If both people are really hot and get together young it can exist
This information is spot on!
I'm single and suck at making irl friends because I spent my entire childhood pursuing my interests and waiting for extroverts to adopt me. It never failed for 21 years and then it never worked again.
Your comment with your pfp makes me assume you're a dog at the pound. It paints a very heart wrenching vision. This blurb doesn't mean much but I thought it was amusing enough to share with you.
if you are interested in you can still learn it. remember making friends is different when you are at school bored with 20 other people you see every day or when you are a grown up, living alone working from home
Literally the greatest video on UA-cam
I think a lot of stuff probably applies to a lot of people, but honestly, I feel like literally nothing applied to me. Overall well explained once again
Dr K has started his new career as a dating coach
The Dr.K video we didn't ask for but needed
My problem is that I’m nice and girls like that. But I almost always don’t feel anything towards the girls that are attracted to me, that’s why I often need to friendzone them. I am still waiting for a girl where the attraction is mutual… I’ve had one longer relationship of four years and have gotten even more picky since then. Feels kinda hard for me too, even though I am a few steps ahead, it’s not about finding a girlfriend, it’s about finding the right one
Dopest doc out here :)
Yes, thats absolutly true. I'm working now for 15 years on myself to get a GF (since I was 14). I was trainee in a international bank, went to Gym since I was 16, finishing law college, make my hair, changed my clothes, read many books about dating and has many dates first dates but ... I dont get anything. Still Incel.
This one's gonna blow up
clicked this one so fast, what a title
edit: i just watched the video, now where is she?
Will this help me get a boyfriend as well ?
No
Yeah. Though, it helps more towards maintaining a healthy relationship with men, rather than attracting them. To snag a boy, you just need to tell them, not dance around the subject by flirting, that you are interested in them. Men don't tend to make the first move, have trouble taking the hint, and have lower standards than women do.
Sorry if this might sound agressive, but I think you just need to look around the comment section.
blackpill comes to collect
Could we get a video on how to keep a girlfriend when you already have one? I (and maybe q lot of other people) get girlfriends but they all leave eventually, I've had a dozen failed relationships in the past few years.
You can't force soemone to stay bro. If you're giving a reasonable amount and that's not enough, then count it as a W and move forward.
Perhaps you're attracting the wrong types of girls? It starts at the beginning, if they eventually leave, that means something wasn't compatible from the start. It is best to allow things to end, lest they become far too toxic. I've noticed most men who get stuck in this cycle are the most ideal type- emotionally supportive and safe to be near, which attracts women who actually just need therapy and a teddybear. Turn down women who are going to take advantage of you, and go for women who can give you as much as they take from you.
i did not do a video about it, but if you want to keep a girlfriend, think less about yourself and instead do things that increase her comfort level. a second thing that makes her stay is if you add value to her life. a third thing is when you listen to her complains and actually do stuff so she has less to complain about
be attractive
Not enough.
@@capsulamental yes it is
Finally, after fixing all my addictions and insecurities, Dr. K is gonna help me get laid.
Seeing the drama that people go through, I think it's safe to say that I'm fine with being alone. No thank you. It gets worse when folks get married and have kids, then further on decide that they actually are so fed up of each other and that they can't stand the other person. It just doesn't seem worth it and stressful as heck.
didn't realise how often he adjusts his sitting position until now
Finally. We've all been waiting for this.
Action>outcome matches with the majority of the goals I have in my life
@21:58 Stop describing my life. I'm a fit, athletic, young and successful guy who, when there's a woman I want to date at the gym, I COMPLETELY ignore and avoid all eye contact when they're being intentional with their desires... and then find the most unavailable and broken women (45+ old with kids for example) to date and break up constantly with, knowing they're unavailable time/emotionally. And I genuinely don't know how to help myself even though I can see the problem. I'm also avoidant attachment and tried to date an anxious attachment. Lasted 6 months lol.
I get my pleasure from the journey. Accomplishments mean the end of journey. Pleasure in the doing not the achievement for me. When I've accomplished there is sense of grief that it over now. The adventure begins though.
Put two Cartier bracelets under a big box. Prop the box up with a large stick. Tie a cord to the stick. Hide in a bush, and pull the string when she inevitably scurries over to the jewelry. Sit on the box and you got yourself a girlfriend!
I'm not big on jewelry🥱
What else you got?😄
Can you do one for "How to get a boyfriend?"
1. Be a girl
2. Success
Getting a boyfriend is easy be a little interested in his hobbies, send memes
Win
It’s literally the same thing just change the title. He just gave you the answer
So...
at the beginning of the video, money, looks, achievements don't matter...
But by the end, they do...
Okay
18:10 I think that a rather big issue around this concept of creating identify is that it's a common tactic to berate virgin and less sexually active men for their state, as if it was one of the main aspects determining value of a male in current society.
I can to a degree understand why toxic men without that problem spread this agenda, as competition is a common occurrency and driving force between men and objectification of women is sadly sometimes a part of this reality, but such rhetoric comming from women themselfs look to me like it's directly clashing with the whole societal change of desexualization and deobjectification that are one of the most universaly desired outcome shared by women as a community.
A very practical advice: wash your butt. So many woman friends who at dating met a male date who didn't do that. The bar is on the ground.
I don’t have one because I gave up and am not looking for somebody anymore. And I’m okay with this conclusion now, which is kinda scary. But a win is a win.
Yeah pass on that stuff, it just wasn't meant to be
I really have no idea what else I can do. I feel like I've worked on both of those two things quite substantially.
Can you pls do the boyfriend version of this??😔
I'd watch that! I think a lot of this could be gender flipped tho❤
Smile a lot , say hi to everyone and be pretty.
If it doesnt work, go approch a guy and be friendly, pretend to be interested in what he do etc.
Dont flirt, otherwise you will look cheap.
dr K is back 🔥
not right after i sent a risky dm.........
Wasn't expecting this. A welcome surprise
Thanks for breaking my inner echo chamber
Watched this vid. Have house and 2 kids now ty