Man, I really wish Dr. K did more of these interviews with regular people. It's so much more relatable & valuable than talking to popular influencers & streamers all the time.
just a thought: it might be for you, but dr k seems to try to grow the channel, and having influencers & streamers on will do that. Also he seems to select People that are aware, which makes these interviews more in depth then with regular people. Also really like this one though, so i get what you're saying.
I'm really proud of this guy. He's so brave to open up in this interview and the effort he has done is mountainous. Unlearning all the wrong stuff must be hard. He deserve to be proud of himself and just relax.
Yeeees right? I love these! They just do something for me on levels that are more intuitive and are about body language more so than even the spoken words!
'I don't feel a romantic connection' is actually much better response than 'not doing enough eye contact' or whatever. Developing a relationship isn't a game. You may check all the boxes and the person still may not be into you, it's just there isn't any connection. Dating is more than just becoming 'a perfect product', it's about having and developing mutual connection.
True I hate the fact that dating apps promote this same thing. You have to present yourself as perfect and commodify yourself in order to attract women.
it's really hard to say. i for example, although experienced romance for a long time of 7 years, felt like i still had to fix something after it ended when my ex-partner cheated. like, should i change something in me? staying the same and relying on that connection worked for years-on-end on this one relationship, and yet it still ended. what did i do wrong? am i really going to change my entire capability to love for the next person? im in this position that thinks staying the same or changing are both wrong choices. that's why in the end i feel empathy for people who couldn't find love on the first place because im also back at start.
I share these same thoughts. Before you start going on dates, you feel like it's just about getting into shape and wearing nice clothes but then you realize that once you have your things in order you don't even want to date 90% of the population. The real difficulty is trying to find a meaningful relationship.
@@CyAA-ri2us But you're talking now about about the duration of relationship, not just entering one, and there's obviously a need work during relationship on yourself and on the connection as such. I never said don't change anything and let be carried by the connection forever, actually it's quite the opposite - relationship is a mutual work. My point was rather that you can't 'force' someone to feel attracted to you/romantically interested in the first place, sometimes you may be check all the boxes but there's just no chemistry. Or maybe there's lack of connection. Or bad timing, etc. Point is, in the end it's about building a connection, not about being a ready-made product. Another point, you can't blame yourself for the other person cheating. I mean, _maybe_ there's miniscule blame (I'm not gonna lie or sugarcoat, sometimes there is), BUT ultimately, it was their choice, their decision, their action, and it's on them not on you.
@@guitarsaremyfriendzzz7077 Yeah, though I think it's a bit of an odd question cause I don't know if anyones ever said the words "I'm proud of you" to me either. However, I know that my parents' love for me isn't conditional on achieving things so it's not like it's an issue
I've been listening for 5 minutes and already i can say - this guy is ME, 100%, literally the same struggles and self doubts, constantly fixing things in life, getting degrees, money, physique, achievements, hobbies, constantly improving to be better and yet feeling nothing.
Same, also 32 - except he seems more capable, he's taken everything even further than I managed. Almost relieving to hear it still didn't help, so I can get off this treadmill myself.
Wait until 17:58 This guy is not us. He is toying around, and can get anything he wants, just a playboy pretend trying to to be nice guy. He is basically first world guy bored out of life and trying to look for the next stimulation. "covert narcissist" if there is a term to call him. F this guy.
I am also pretty lonely, even though I have a wife. I never had struggles attracting women and finding relationships. But I don't have friends and I don't know how to make friends. I never had much friends in school only one I think, but after I got my first girlfriend I only focused on her and since then I had no other friends. I don't know why it is easy for me to attract women but hard to make friends
Reminds me of when Homer said to Bart: “son there’ll always be someone who can run faster, jump higher, or do it better than you, so you might as well not even try”.
This person looks completely normal and well groomed and has emotional depth. Completely caught me off guard as to the type of people that would spend 50k on dating advice. I hope they find love. I'm sure they will.
He's also rich (top earner as he said), so a) it might've not even been that much money to him, and b) being well off is another point of confusion 'this guy's handsome, self aware/emotional depth, AND wealthy', and still can't find happiness and inner peace - just shows money, looks & success aren't everything, that even more important things are under the surface.
@Spots Corner well tbh leaving the US just for women is a bad trend. Passport Boys seem to assume women are different in other countries lmfao. Hilariously misogynistic.
@ikilledzombie2140 women aren't different in other countries (other than being better looking and more fit than the "country gurls" where I am) but the laws and the culture are.
Add "being in therapy for years" and subtract a 0 from the money spent and I'm this guy. The amount of work and effort he is putting in is astonishing, and disheartening. You are already an amazing human being, Ish. Love, support, and open arm hugs for you brother.
@@karj_gaming aye, sounds like this guy really just needs to change his narrative instead of trying to force something physical to happen, no one is promised anything in that regard
@@therearenoshortcuts9868 agreed. Men should be looking for a life partner not body to use. Did this guy go on to sound thar way? I o ly watches the first few minutes.
This makes logical sense if you were told when your bad from a young age then you think your bad and need fixing. So now has had this belief he’s a “bad object and then acts like one. He cares about others and wants to protect them from his “bad” self. I’m thinking he’s a victim of narcissistic abuse.
Just wanted to say that I really, really like this guest. He's clearly such a deep thinker, very interesting, and extremely kind. I watched the whole video and all I could think the entire time was how likable he was. Wish him the best and hope he stops getting in his own way. Everything he wants is in his reach if he can just start seeing all the internal worth he possesses (what the rest of us see in him).
I have Complex PTSD and wow I resonated with so much of what he had to say. When Dr. K asked the question "Do you feel the need to protect people from yourself?" Internally, I was like 'yes', and then the guy was like 'yes', and I had to pause the video to realize how fucked up that is and for how long I've felt that need of protecting others from my darkness. I'm happy to say that I feel that need less and less but wow. This guy can be so proud of himself. Love these convos, always so great.
Dude, this guy is awesome. I'm a big fan. Reminds me so much of myself a couple years ago. Same stuff. Not getting anybody, going through pick up, feeling empty, etc. Good that he is doing therapy now for complex-ptsd. I have the same and am currently working through it. It gives me more than anything else. I hope he keeps it up with his trauma therapy. Good luck to you bro, you deserve it.
There's a huge inferiority complex across so many men today that is really hard to work through. I remember a time when I told my mom about this very similar feeling, and she said it was like there was a gap in my soul where something is missing. Learning internal validation is a true struggle and this guy is brave to talk about his problems publicly in this way.
@@lucasinator it's hard to say. It's usually a lot of things. In my case, social isolation and/or rejection at an early age, neglectful or absent parent figure, turbulent divorce, trauma, etc. Something about one's upbringing creates this inherent feeling of wrongness within oneself despite coming from sources outside their control, while simultaneously instilling an expectation in oneself to simply improve the self to feel better. It's a misdirection of the intellect by the ego I think, because it's hard to sit with those root issues without feeling shame and realize you can be okay with the person you are
@@the1stmetalhead it takes a lot of effort and time, and it is easy for the process to feel overwhelming. You have to start as small as possible, and you have to be patient and compassionate with yourself and others. I need to do it more, and I forget the name, but a meditation that helped was wishing happiness and peace on a close friend, a person you don't know, an enemy, and then yourself. The brain is amazing in how it can be trained to do things, even if those things are negative. Also taking extended breaks from social media helps a lot in general.
@Tim This 100%. Perfection is the enemy of peace. The times I've been the most content with myself have been the times where I'm completely absorbed in the flow of one of my passions without giving a damn about the outcome. I'm not thinking "what if I don't become a successful writer/musician, I'm only doing this to seem more interesting to women, blah blah". Screw the imposter syndrome crap and let yourself enjoy screwing up at things.
Ish is an absolute champion, he is like a mythological character going through ordeals. He doesn't deserve a single ounce of the pain he's suffered through
I'm so blessed to have found this episode, Dr. K. I'm a 23 year old on the self-improvement journey that is also always chasing that "high-value man" high and trying to fix myself. My dating life is finally plentiful these days, but the exact same issue as Ish, it's so hard to feel an emotional connection with anyone. This episode is extremely valuable.
You might wanna read robert glover no more mr nice guy. You can even find this on youtube. He describes how attachement issues can have a lasting impact on our live. Was really the missing link for me
I always feel unworthy to be loved. But when I look at myself without that emotional filter, I realize I'm a really great person and totally worthy. I wonder why this filter always comes back.
I can't relate. I don't feel that way. I know that there's something wrong with me. My family tolerates me. My friends tolerated me until they didn't. And obviously never have and never will find a romantic relationship.
Oh man. Ish. I am so sorry. The sadness in your eyes in the beginning was heartbreaking. And it was so good to see them light up towards the end. You seem so loveable, being open and vulnerable like this. It seems so hard for you to believe, but you really are. My heart goes out to you. You're a champ, you're gonna be alright.
It's very eerie how I can relate so closely to this person (apart from spending money on dating advice). Also seeing so many people relate makes me wonder why it's so difficult...
It’s difficult because the modern world is fuckin terrible for everyone. Peoples today who live lives closest to pre-history humans are on average significantly happier, less stressed, more fit, have more community, self-worth, and hope than everyone in a first-world country. Humans did not evolve to live like this. With no community, no purpose, a constant flood of new information and beliefs and contradictions and all these things. That’s why it’s so difficult. Very few people can live in a world like this and feel great about it and interact competently in it without feeling something missing.
@@SnailHatan I agree, this information overload is taking its toll on us. We are also taught to want more, be more, get more. We have no sense of purpose and no core beliefs since we are constantly bombarded with differing opinions and justifications. Plus we now have the illusion of choice and grass is greener complex when we think that maybe something better is out there and it's only a swipe away.
Omg the ending! Please can we get a whole episode on not shutting down conversations? I'm kinda autistic so when people ask "how are you?" I want to open up but IK they just want me to say "good thanks" and move on. I want more phrases like "can you help me understand that?" I need more ways to do this
Yes we definitely need an episode on the various tools and phrases we can use to expand our conversational vocabulary. I also struggle with being open and authentic to people so finding phrases or certain words than i can go to as a useful tool for having a better conversation is super helpful
@Spots Corner You hang out with the wrong women. Alright that's too shortsighted, but if you feel like you want to be able to express your feelings and you can't with a person, then that person is just not for you. Just like you are not for that person. If you are afraid of showing those feelings because you think a person might be repulsed by your feelings, and that fear is bothering you, that's above any advice I can give other than: Talk to someone :)
@Spots Corner Speaking as a woman, I'd never consider dating a guy who held all his feelings in. I want to actually feel connected to my partner, and if he's just lying and pretending that everything is okay then I'm clearly not connected with him at all. Granted, there is nuance to how you share your feelings. There are a lot of guys who treat the women they date as personal therapists, constantly dumping all of their feelings on them because they aren't in therapy and don't talk about this stuff with anyone else. That's waaay too much weight to put on just one person in your life. My bf shares his feelings with me, but is also in therapy and has friends to talk to as well. Find a balance, and you'll be good.
Your worth is inherent. It cannot be earned, and it cannot be taken away. This is what I was reminded of when hearing this, and I thought I'd share in case anyone needs to hear that.
I’d like to know where you got the idea that your worth is inherent. Not saying I disagree. I’d just like to know who taught you that, or how you came to believe it. It seems most people who come on actually don’t believe that.
1:11:00 was very healing to hear. We DO need others to help heal us. There are some problems that only become apparent when we examine them with others. For example, you cannot practice listening alone, or not interrupting alone. We need community to heal. One of my favorite online therapists (shout out to Dr. Deloney) says that most people do not need therapy, they need stronger relationships.
This man played poker, got dealt a bad hand, then went and learned how to play poker and solved every problem he found. Until he found a goal he couldn't achieve because the goal itself is the journey.
naaa man, he is socially awkward and what not, instead of reading self-help books and 'chads' cheap date tricks, he should've read up on pop culture and learned to act normie
@@omarcomming722 and yet, finding happiness and fulfillment is always a matter of perspective, not about discovering the one thing that will make you happy for the rest of your life. Sure, finding love can help, but love itself isn't really a goal you cam "achieve" since it's moreso a bond with another person, not a task to be done. At the end of all life is death, so what's wrong with enjoying the small things in life until we get there?
@@chips1752 Work on becoming less self-conscious... Become extroverted by focusing on other people and how you can provide value whilst taking care of and standing up for yourself-- without being an asshole. These days your biggest advantage is to have a spine and not be afraid to go out and accidently offend someone by being who you want to be. That will instantly boost confidence. Get over your emotions... Validate them and move on. Life's way too short to dwell on things that didn't go right for you. Get out there and take some risks as small as they might be.
I’m so thankful for this video. I can relate to this guy an extraordinary amount and it gives me so small sliver of hope, even though this guy is much further in his journey than I am in mine.
I feel connected to Ish a lot, i go through similar struggles but its only that im much earlier in my journey without the body building, without getting better on social anxiety, but im still young and have been progressing myself. But man this stream hit in the feels for me. Thanks Ish for sharing this, thanks Dr.K for providing this platform and your insightful questions you ask the people coming on to the show.
I feel this guy. I spent the last 5 years trying to fix myself to feel like I'm good enough for a job, for women, for everything... Very very exhausting and painful
@@Muhluri yeah, I still do It to a certain degree. I'm trying to overcome this "paralysis" but It's very hard and usually requires you to trust in your skills (and I usually don't).
I'm sorry Ish had parents like that. I couldn't even imagine what that would be like to have parents who berated you, told him friends can't be trusted and that he only ever got affection from when he won a big event. His parents get an F in my book.
Thanks for opening-up and sharing.. I'm in the same boat as you and know a few others who are similar. It is so exhausting and an endless treadmill to nowhere.
I think just being yourself, even if people think you’re weird or not, and trying to really connect with people is the best way to succeed. Don’t listen to all that “Alpha” stuff you see online and “try too hard”. I wish the best for Ish, it’s so sad he had to spend all that just to unlearn it. I’m sure he will find someone, and everyone else too!! I wish whoever is reading this the best 🙏🏽
Ish, I'm so impressed with how much strength and energy it must have taken out of you to put yourself in this public session. To listen to both of yall's thoughts resonated so much with me. I bet it did with a lot of watchers. I think there's a fair amount of piggy back emotional digestion happening through this video and I just wanna give a bit of recognition and appreciation for it. In me definitely some stuff moved to! I wish you aaall the energy, very well deserved lucky incidents and silly moments it takes to stumble in some form of committed companionship! And on another!! note: in my opinion there couldn't be a harsher contrast to the ongoing difficult situation with dating and gender roles in dating and desperation in young men... you're a good example ish!
im quite similar to him and im just starting to understand how disconnecting from who you are can be so damaging. im will to bet most people here saying they are similar spend a large part of there life trying to be what they thought they should be because it was the only way to be safe and/or receive love. so even the good things that happened didn't feel real because they weren't actually happening to you just the mask. All you were ever supposed to be was yourself... You weren't yourself for survival. People will still reject you and thats ok but people will love you too actually you this time. spend time exploring who you are without judgement it will be worth it
This is so heartbreaking. He seems like a really good guy. But... does he do anything for fun? For enjoyment? To be nice to himself? What a sad way to live.
Its how almost every man lives. Women would never understand because they take their easy lives where they can socialize their way tru life for granted.
I think this highlights the fact that no matter how prime a catch you are or could be, if you dont enjoy the act of going out and flirting and enjoying the process, you will be pushing a boulder uphill the entire time.
This guy is really amazing. I think he's the best man you've interviewed and the most helpful for viewers to learn from. He really knew what he was talking about too.
The problem is finding someone and being able to reciprocate enough to get to the point. I can only feel hatred and disdain for others. I feel nothing but despair. I doubt someone can change that or would even want to.
The world keeps producing more men like this and it breaks my heart. He seems like an awesome dude who never had healthy examples of how to form intimate relationships, leading him to be emotionally vulnerable to the worst corner of the Internet. We have got to do better than this and I hope everything works out for this guy. He deserves it.
I really hope you go back to regular videos from this format, Dr. K. We really love the mini lectures, but these always hit differently because we also get to see ourselves in the viewer.
I also have cptsd - listening to him makes it clearer than it's ever been that the problem for those of us with this issue is that we cannot be ourselves around others because it's not safe. Something for me to ponder.
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story Ish. I really resonated with your experiences and moving through life this way for a long time. Especially when it came to romantic relationships, as thats all I ever wanted as well. I did all the right things to "fix" and improve myself to be better. There is not many professionals that specialize in Complex PTSD and people who over compensate/ over achievers as self improvement is valued even within therapeutic practices. But true healing sometimes isnt even about doing, it can mean feeling emotions and accepting who we are. Its about letting go. You are someone to be admired by and I am wishing you the best on your journey ahead. There is alot to be proud of. You represent alot of things about men we do not often see. Thank you for being that example of showing the strength within vulnerability. This talk was powerful
The women he dates probably don't find him fun to be around. He seems pensive, weary and too earnest. If he lightened up, he'd probably have more luck, but he seems to have low self-esteem and a melancholic disposition, so it would be difficult and exhausting for him to adopt a light-hearted demeanor; and when he manages to do so it'd make him feel like he's being inauthentic.
He is not mentally well. Nobody looking for a happy relationship wants to emotionally invest in a sad, anxious man who hasn't learned how to deal with his mental health issues.
Interdependence comes natural as a child. Abuse punishes the child for it, associates those feelings and behaviors with pain... Learning interdependence requires being willing to depend on another person to meet some of your needs. This is tough to do as an adult in an individualistic society.
When Dr. K poked at the water bottle I jumped up busting out laughing and scared my cat awake. 🤣🤣 Was literally thinking that same thing at the time 🤣🥹❤️ I'm glad he came on and opened up about this. Looks like he's on a good path. I hope he finds his love for himself and finds the right person that can really appreciate him. ❤️
Geez the balls on this guy. That honesty is such a difficult thing to arrive to for people "like that" -i put myself in the category so i get what he feels-, its so hard and emotionally counter intuitive to admit that to yourself for starters, to someone else is even a level above that but broadcasting it to the internet takes an amount of courage i LITERALLY can't imagine. I would never be able to do what he did
This was an absolute tour de force, guys. I’m really happy to have watched you both talking and I feel richer and happier than 1,5 hours ago. Mad props, gentlemen 🫡
I really appreciate the last 10 minutes about how to accept gratitude. TLDR: respond to compliments with "Can you help me understand that" instead of "thanks."
I usually don't think anyone should be someone's rehab centre or a makeshift therapist in a relationship, but I feel this man virtually did everything under the sun he could do on his own and the only missing part is an emotionally stable partner (or maybe even just a friend) with whom he could have a safe intimate long term relationship. Seems like a really nice man, wish him all the best!
Yo thank you everyone who brought this video into fruition. I feel this video can help lots of ppl including me. Thank you sir for coming on and I wish you well. 🙏
I also suffer from social anxiety. But not only social, but other things too. I‘m scared of mistakes and failure to the point of getting panic attacks. This dude just fixed something like that by himself! That‘s so amazing. I hope I can fix that sometimes soon as well.
okay, this is mind-blowing. so at the "end", after all the self-help we go through, after all the meditation, the self-reflections, it is not up to us to fix ourselves. it's on those around us. i suppose we can still nudge the factors to a certain extent, if i know this is how it's gonna be, then surround myself with those that i think can help me become better mentally. in a sense, surround myself that will help to build me up. but not in a bad way. damn, okay that sounds about right.
Oh my god. This guy's me. I've been on a huge journey to understand myself and get rid of all my samskaras and untangle my mental health problems. But I've hit a wall recently. Just this constant feeling that I'm not doing as good as I was six months ago, I'm not as enlightened as I was six months ago, I'm not as clear headed, etc. It wasn't until Dr. K said Ish is always trying to fix everything but he's fixed as much as he can and now the only problem is him trying so hard that I realized that's where I am too. I'm always going to have the struggles that I have, but I've made a ton of progress. Now I just have to learn how to rest. Stop trying so hard and let life happen.
'That's just a piece of you' hit me hard... I've been trying to heal from SA. I feel so broken and I feel like I shouldn't enter a relationship until I am fixed. But it's just a piece of me, and I have so much love to offer. I'm sure someone would appreciate me with all the 'pieces' of me. I'm a good, loving, passionate person ❤
Proud brother! Bit of a different story for me but very very similar conclusions and self-awareness. Take your time! It is going to take years for people like us. This stage sucks hard and it is going to take time man. Bit by bit.. you can't eliminate everything you realised. Take one thing and just accept meanwhile other things that don't work out. It sounds damn hard.. and you can trust me sometimes it is but you will start seeing the difference day by day.
You can wrap yourself in as many comforting lies like that as you want. The truth is, as long as you are living in organized society, you must prove yourself to others. The other option is to get comfortable with isolation. Because that's where you're heading if you dont play the social game
@@inquisitionagent9052 Not always true. My closest friends were made by me being myself and not having expectations. Same thing with my relationships. I never had to prove my worth.
Chats like this are a double-edged sword because some people will come away thinking, "Looks like I am not the only one; I feel better now," but some people will go away thinking, "If he's struggling, what hope do I have cause I'm doing much worse than him.". I have seen so many black pillars point to videos like this.
Yep, can't help that people searching to validate their negative take (not even so much by choice but due to backfiring self-preservation mechanisms) will only see that negative take. It's a plain bias and the brain is just prone to applying that filter. Cause challenging one's own "functioning" integrity is an incredibly risky gamble. And falling apart completely is a very possible outcome. And when one then even looses the only "support system" by questioning the beliefs of the only "support group" a person has, then it's really really really close to life threatening. I have compassion for people like that, even if I sure don't appreciate when they project their fears onto me and fellow women. Especially not, cause it traps them, as they are looking at a self-created self-protective illusion, rather than the actual causes and solutions to their anguish. :/ It's very painful to see. And very painful to not even be able to help safely, without risking anything between "unwanted romantic attention" to "plain hate" to...... you know, the drastic stuff we don't survive. If peers like Dr. K and Ish and all the other male guest stepping up saves even one man from that scary spiral, then that's already amazing. AND if it doesn't do that, then it sure equips other men to: - not go there - keep peers from going there - help ppl who are ready to re-surface from it!!
Both of those takeaways from the video are wrong. Just because tons of other people deal with loneliness doesn’t make it ok and you shouldn’t feel better about it and take comfort in videos like this especially when UA-cam videos and the internet are a reason for social isolation l
I mean it's true tho. If this dude is successful and still can't find a relationship then what's the point in even trying if you're just an average guy?
Except that first quote doesn’t say much. Great, I’m not the only one struggling, I am still struggling tho. Why would I be happy that I’m not the only one struggling? The second part about comparing yourself can tell you something. If good looking, successful guys like him have struggled and are struggling, what chance do average guys have?
I''m a woman and I can relate to a lot of what he is going through except I kinda given up and haven't tried going out with anyone for years and still spend a lot of time developing myself and working on my own goals and healing
This man needs to learn to love himself unconditionally and his parents only gave him love if he did something wonderful and perfect. He needs to learn to love himself for just being alive even without any accomplishments……..Our parents were supposed to give us unconditional love, and if they did not it is really difficult for us to love ourselves.
This is such an awesome interview. What a beautiful soul. And I can relate to so much, like hearing about my own story in some parts. It's so hard to just let go for a bit and just be. That's been my insight aswell the past couple of years. To chill the personal and spiritual development and try harding for a bit. And of course that's when I met my last bf aswell haha. We just broke up so I didn't last but so interesting. It lasted 8 months so still a decent relationship and my healthiest by far. All because I let go for a bit, stopped trying to hard at everything. Just lived and focused on something new I learned: "Self love isn't about loving yourself. It's to love BEING yourself". And always trying to become better just means you don't love being yourself. It just hit me hard. But anyway thanks so much for this great interview, so interesting and lovely to be allowed to hear about his life, thoughts and emotions. Inspirational! 🌿🥳
Mutual talking about trauma *isn't* 'trauma bonding.' Trauma bonding is developing an attachment to the abuser (body and mind react 'weirdly' in extremely stressful/fight or flight type situations).
It doesnt matter. We understand what he was trying to say. What he was trying to get at is that they were developing a bond through trauma dumping, which isn't healthy
@@inathi1329 I'm not sure how unhealthy it really is though. Why is it unhealthy? That seems like quite the generalization. One sided trauma dumping is a weird thing but mutual sharing of traumas is... something else.
@@Dimitris_Half I think in cases when it happens like here on a first date, first time you meet someone or very early, it's kind of oversharing and may signify issue with boundaries. A first date shouldn't be really a therapy session. But when we talking a friendship etc., then being able to talk about one's wounds is great, and it's great to have someone to talk about it, or deepen the connection based on the shared experience (it's how support groups work), so then it's a good thing. It's just about boundaries, a type of connection/friendship, and a first date isn't really a great place to do that🙃.
Bruuuuuh, Doctor I discovered your channel and I cannot stop watching your videos ! I feel like I am finally finding more people like myself. I am not alone. I finally relate to someone. Based on your videos I managed to finally complete the puzzle that I am working on since few years ago. I have BPD and Narcissistc Personality disorder. Thanks for helping so much!
This idea of a high value man is so interesting to me a woman who has never looked for that. Have dated guys that didn’t have a degree, that didn’t own a car. It didn’t mean they weren’t smart or didn’t have value. Was always looking for someone to have a good conversation, chemistry, and someone who has some sort of interest in life, a hobby, often music, that we can discuss and bond over. Someone you can have a laugh with. Idk if that’s helpful to the guys 😅
I think guys should make some female friends first . This way they will become less awkward and weird with them . After that they can go after the girl they want .
@@valentingartner3793 That'll help you get comfortable around woman. Not feel so attached to an outcome. Even if they aren't interested, they might introduce you to a friend who could be.
Mindfulness practices and training yourself to be "in the moment" is literally life changing. And it's not anywhere near as time consuming as you might think to start to put yourself on the right track. "I can't meditate, I'm too distracted..." No, you can, and meditation is how you train your brain to not be too distracted and overwhelmed. If you can breathe, you can learn how to meditate. When I need to wind down my anxiety, or boost a depressive state I know that a few minutes of mindful breathing nearly always steers me in a better direction. And I can almost always make it through a few minutes now that I've trained myself to acknowledge and release thoughts during meditation. Don't push them away - it's okay they're there, just don't linger on them.
This makes me so sad. Can relate to some of his experiences. Even getting rejected after opening up and friends leaving me behind because i wouldn't get better. The point is, there ia nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with you sharing your trauma. Everyone deserves understanding and people who stay even with depression, cptsd etc. If they leave you aren't too heavy. They just don't know what to do/say/ and yes some feel repulsed but that doesn't make your worth less when you are ill and not less deserving of relationships.
when he said no one had told him that no one has told him they are proud of him before........i nearly broke into tears because as a kid i was told it a lot but ocne i got to my teen years and my mental health problems happened.......my parents were never really parents. my aunt took care of me and was the one that was there and she would say it but she always said it because i know how much she card about me and my gma who also raised me with my aunt. the word became meaningless form the people around me and i really ever heard it from anyone else.
He has balls to show his face on camera after admitting to that. Big ups 👏
Frfr... It all Start's with one ❤
Absolutely! Kudos!
Unlike ppl who slander you from behind anonymous profiles 🤮
Admitting what?
at this point:
the manosphere is basically a bunch of men giving each other props
and still get no women LOL
Man, I really wish Dr. K did more of these interviews with regular people. It's so much more relatable & valuable than talking to popular influencers & streamers all the time.
just a thought: it might be for you, but dr k seems to try to grow the channel, and having influencers & streamers on will do that. Also he seems to select People that are aware, which makes these interviews more in depth then with regular people.
Also really like this one though, so i get what you're saying.
I like both. This channel wasn't made for your personal likings. Other people watch too
@@nothenryporter81 yes way better like the one with the „incel“
I'm really proud of this guy. He's so brave to open up in this interview and the effort he has done is mountainous. Unlearning all the wrong stuff must be hard. He deserve to be proud of himself and just relax.
Whoa another viewer talk video! I really miss these and hope we get more of them.
I miss them too!
Me too man, they are so insightful
they’re usually the most helpful imo
Yeeees right? I love these! They just do something for me on levels that are more intuitive and are about body language more so than even the spoken words!
i love these, i’m glad they’re back
'I don't feel a romantic connection' is actually much better response than 'not doing enough eye contact' or whatever. Developing a relationship isn't a game. You may check all the boxes and the person still may not be into you, it's just there isn't any connection. Dating is more than just becoming 'a perfect product', it's about having and developing mutual connection.
True I hate the fact that dating apps promote this same thing. You have to present yourself as perfect and commodify yourself in order to attract women.
it's really hard to say. i for example, although experienced romance for a long time of 7 years, felt like i still had to fix something after it ended when my ex-partner cheated. like, should i change something in me? staying the same and relying on that connection worked for years-on-end on this one relationship, and yet it still ended.
what did i do wrong? am i really going to change my entire capability to love for the next person?
im in this position that thinks staying the same or changing are both wrong choices.
that's why in the end i feel empathy for people who couldn't find love on the first place because im also back at start.
I share these same thoughts. Before you start going on dates, you feel like it's just about getting into shape and wearing nice clothes but then you realize that once you have your things in order you don't even want to date 90% of the population. The real difficulty is trying to find a meaningful relationship.
@@CyAA-ri2us But you're talking now about about the duration of relationship, not just entering one, and there's obviously a need work during relationship on yourself and on the connection as such. I never said don't change anything and let be carried by the connection forever, actually it's quite the opposite - relationship is a mutual work.
My point was rather that you can't 'force' someone to feel attracted to you/romantically interested in the first place, sometimes you may be check all the boxes but there's just no chemistry. Or maybe there's lack of connection. Or bad timing, etc. Point is, in the end it's about building a connection, not about being a ready-made product.
Another point, you can't blame yourself for the other person cheating. I mean, _maybe_ there's miniscule blame (I'm not gonna lie or sugarcoat, sometimes there is), BUT ultimately, it was their choice, their decision, their action, and it's on them not on you.
It's still exhausting because the effort is often one sided
Hearing this man say, no one has ever told him their proud of him almost made me cry.
I have never really heard it either. It is not uncommon. 😂
Not everyone has a good story to tell.
it only soundedcondescending to me , You just know he manipulates people as part of his profession as shrink.
@@j.2512 Mmmkay bro
@@guitarsaremyfriendzzz7077 Yeah, though I think it's a bit of an odd question cause I don't know if anyones ever said the words "I'm proud of you" to me either. However, I know that my parents' love for me isn't conditional on achieving things so it's not like it's an issue
*They are
I've been listening for 5 minutes and already i can say - this guy is ME, 100%, literally the same struggles and self doubts, constantly fixing things in life, getting degrees, money, physique, achievements, hobbies, constantly improving to be better and yet feeling nothing.
Same
Same, also 32 - except he seems more capable, he's taken everything even further than I managed. Almost relieving to hear it still didn't help, so I can get off this treadmill myself.
Wait until 17:58 This guy is not us. He is toying around, and can get anything he wants, just a playboy pretend trying to to be nice guy. He is basically first world guy bored out of life and trying to look for the next stimulation. "covert narcissist" if there is a term to call him. F this guy.
I am also pretty lonely, even though I have a wife. I never had struggles attracting women and finding relationships. But I don't have friends and I don't know how to make friends. I never had much friends in school only one I think, but after I got my first girlfriend I only focused on her and since then I had no other friends.
I don't know why it is easy for me to attract women but hard to make friends
literally
I relate to this dude's experience so much.
That feeling of no matter what you do you'll never be worth it is quite disheartening.
Reminds me of when Homer said to Bart: “son there’ll always be someone who can run faster, jump higher, or do it better than you, so you might as well not even try”.
@@georgegray2712 Homer always spitting facts.
I love these interviews. They’re very raw and that’s what makes them nice to watch. It feels like I’m getting a free therapy session.
This person looks completely normal and well groomed and has emotional depth.
Completely caught me off guard as to the type of people that would spend 50k on dating advice.
I hope they find love. I'm sure they will.
Yeah but girls don't want guys like that. Like at the university, they wouldn't give their phone number when asked.
He's also rich (top earner as he said), so a) it might've not even been that much money to him, and b) being well off is another point of confusion 'this guy's handsome, self aware/emotional depth, AND wealthy', and still can't find happiness and inner peace - just shows money, looks & success aren't everything, that even more important things are under the surface.
@Spots Corner well tbh leaving the US just for women is a bad trend. Passport Boys seem to assume women are different in other countries lmfao. Hilariously misogynistic.
@@ikilledzombie2140 women literally are different in different countries because culture and social norms are different
@ikilledzombie2140 women aren't different in other countries (other than being better looking and more fit than the "country gurls" where I am) but the laws and the culture are.
Add "being in therapy for years" and subtract a 0 from the money spent and I'm this guy.
The amount of work and effort he is putting in is astonishing, and disheartening.
You are already an amazing human being, Ish. Love, support, and open arm hugs for you brother.
You are too man. Don’t ever forget that shit.
whether you are alone or not is not up to you
have to be comfortable with being a lone at some point
@@therearenoshortcuts9868 100%. It's the difference between veiwing the state as Solitude, or Loneliness.
@@karj_gaming
aye, sounds like this guy really just needs to change his narrative
instead of trying to force something physical to happen, no one is promised anything in that regard
@@therearenoshortcuts9868 agreed. Men should be looking for a life partner not body to use. Did this guy go on to sound thar way? I o ly watches the first few minutes.
When he talked about protecting other people from himself I felt that
Same.
When you commented that I also felt that (Reading comments before watching)
Me 2
This makes logical sense if you were told when your bad from a young age then you think your bad and need fixing.
So now has had this belief he’s a “bad object and then acts like one. He cares about others and wants to protect them from his “bad” self.
I’m thinking he’s a victim of narcissistic abuse.
Just wanted to say that I really, really like this guest. He's clearly such a deep thinker, very interesting, and extremely kind. I watched the whole video and all I could think the entire time was how likable he was. Wish him the best and hope he stops getting in his own way. Everything he wants is in his reach if he can just start seeing all the internal worth he possesses (what the rest of us see in him).
Interviews with viewers are back!? Yesss! THIS is what I'm subscribed to this channel for! Glad to see it's back!
This guy is so loveable! I’m also really proud of him. His amazingness brought tears to my eyes mutiple times during the interview.
Me too
I have Complex PTSD and wow I resonated with so much of what he had to say. When Dr. K asked the question "Do you feel the need to protect people from yourself?" Internally, I was like 'yes', and then the guy was like 'yes', and I had to pause the video to realize how fucked up that is and for how long I've felt that need of protecting others from my darkness. I'm happy to say that I feel that need less and less but wow.
This guy can be so proud of himself.
Love these convos, always so great.
HG should make t-shirts that say, “can I think for a second”
Yo I support this 100%
I’d totally wear that.
I've seen one before on this channel! Not sure if they're currently being sold
Or “This is kinda weird, but…”
Love yourself. People are temporary. We have to live with ourselves 24/7. We are the best friend we will ever have.
Dude, this guy is awesome. I'm a big fan. Reminds me so much of myself a couple years ago. Same stuff. Not getting anybody, going through pick up, feeling empty, etc.
Good that he is doing therapy now for complex-ptsd. I have the same and am currently working through it. It gives me more than anything else. I hope he keeps it up with his trauma therapy. Good luck to you bro, you deserve it.
There's a huge inferiority complex across so many men today that is really hard to work through. I remember a time when I told my mom about this very similar feeling, and she said it was like there was a gap in my soul where something is missing. Learning internal validation is a true struggle and this guy is brave to talk about his problems publicly in this way.
what is the cause though?
@@lucasinator it's hard to say. It's usually a lot of things. In my case, social isolation and/or rejection at an early age, neglectful or absent parent figure, turbulent divorce, trauma, etc. Something about one's upbringing creates this inherent feeling of wrongness within oneself despite coming from sources outside their control, while simultaneously instilling an expectation in oneself to simply improve the self to feel better. It's a misdirection of the intellect by the ego I think, because it's hard to sit with those root issues without feeling shame and realize you can be okay with the person you are
@@alfred8936 that's truly depressing. How can we fix those issues then?
@@the1stmetalhead it takes a lot of effort and time, and it is easy for the process to feel overwhelming. You have to start as small as possible, and you have to be patient and compassionate with yourself and others. I need to do it more, and I forget the name, but a meditation that helped was wishing happiness and peace on a close friend, a person you don't know, an enemy, and then yourself. The brain is amazing in how it can be trained to do things, even if those things are negative.
Also taking extended breaks from social media helps a lot in general.
@Tim This 100%. Perfection is the enemy of peace. The times I've been the most content with myself have been the times where I'm completely absorbed in the flow of one of my passions without giving a damn about the outcome. I'm not thinking "what if I don't become a successful writer/musician, I'm only doing this to seem more interesting to women, blah blah". Screw the imposter syndrome crap and let yourself enjoy screwing up at things.
I'm just like him socially. The physical symptoms I have, I thought I was the only one. Thanks for your bravery!!!❤
Ish is an absolute champion, he is like a mythological character going through ordeals. He doesn't deserve a single ounce of the pain he's suffered through
This guy - the guy who came forward is a BLESSING! And ty Dr. K for this ❤
I'm so blessed to have found this episode, Dr. K. I'm a 23 year old on the self-improvement journey that is also always chasing that "high-value man" high and trying to fix myself. My dating life is finally plentiful these days, but the exact same issue as Ish, it's so hard to feel an emotional connection with anyone. This episode is extremely valuable.
"all my life i felt like something is wrong with me" exactly what i feel.
You might wanna read robert glover no more mr nice guy. You can even find this on youtube.
He describes how attachement issues can have a lasting impact on our live. Was really the missing link for me
real
I feel the same and I think that it is true, for all of us. If we take normalcy for granted, then there is a lot wrong with us.
I always feel unworthy to be loved. But when I look at myself without that emotional filter, I realize I'm a really great person and totally worthy. I wonder why this filter always comes back.
I can't relate. I don't feel that way. I know that there's something wrong with me. My family tolerates me. My friends tolerated me until they didn't. And obviously never have and never will find a romantic relationship.
Man, your story made me feel less of an alien after a freaking ass long time. Thank you
Oh man. Ish. I am so sorry. The sadness in your eyes in the beginning was heartbreaking. And it was so good to see them light up towards the end. You seem so loveable, being open and vulnerable like this. It seems so hard for you to believe, but you really are. My heart goes out to you. You're a champ, you're gonna be alright.
It's very eerie how I can relate so closely to this person (apart from spending money on dating advice). Also seeing so many people relate makes me wonder why it's so difficult...
It’s difficult because the modern world is fuckin terrible for everyone. Peoples today who live lives closest to pre-history humans are on average significantly happier, less stressed, more fit, have more community, self-worth, and hope than everyone in a first-world country.
Humans did not evolve to live like this. With no community, no purpose, a constant flood of new information and beliefs and contradictions and all these things. That’s why it’s so difficult.
Very few people can live in a world like this and feel great about it and interact competently in it without feeling something missing.
@@SnailHatan I agree, this information overload is taking its toll on us. We are also taught to want more, be more, get more. We have no sense of purpose and no core beliefs since we are constantly bombarded with differing opinions and justifications. Plus we now have the illusion of choice and grass is greener complex when we think that maybe something better is out there and it's only a swipe away.
Literally same, felt like he was describing my own life to me
That’s really brave of him to come on the show. He’s a good guy. I hope this helps others who are similar to him to open up.
Omg the ending! Please can we get a whole episode on not shutting down conversations? I'm kinda autistic so when people ask "how are you?" I want to open up but IK they just want me to say "good thanks" and move on. I want more phrases like "can you help me understand that?" I need more ways to do this
Yes we definitely need an episode on the various tools and phrases we can use to expand our conversational vocabulary. I also struggle with being open and authentic to people so finding phrases or certain words than i can go to as a useful tool for having a better conversation is super helpful
Therapist is the person to whom you can open up. Others are just for "Oh, really great, how about *you*?"
Ngl, haven't seen it yet but guy got balls to say it openly.
@Spots Corner You hang out with the wrong women.
Alright that's too shortsighted, but if you feel like you want to be able to express your feelings and you can't with a person, then that person is just not for you. Just like you are not for that person.
If you are afraid of showing those feelings because you think a person might be repulsed by your feelings, and that fear is bothering you, that's above any advice I can give other than: Talk to someone :)
@Spots Corner Speaking as a woman, I'd never consider dating a guy who held all his feelings in. I want to actually feel connected to my partner, and if he's just lying and pretending that everything is okay then I'm clearly not connected with him at all. Granted, there is nuance to how you share your feelings. There are a lot of guys who treat the women they date as personal therapists, constantly dumping all of their feelings on them because they aren't in therapy and don't talk about this stuff with anyone else. That's waaay too much weight to put on just one person in your life. My bf shares his feelings with me, but is also in therapy and has friends to talk to as well. Find a balance, and you'll be good.
This conversation was really beautiful, I learned a lot. Thank you so much for having it Ish and Dr. K ❤
Your worth is inherent. It cannot be earned, and it cannot be taken away. This is what I was reminded of when hearing this, and I thought I'd share in case anyone needs to hear that.
I’d like to know where you got the idea that your worth is inherent. Not saying I disagree. I’d just like to know who taught you that, or how you came to believe it. It seems most people who come on actually don’t believe that.
1:11:00 was very healing to hear. We DO need others to help heal us. There are some problems that only become apparent when we examine them with others. For example, you cannot practice listening alone, or not interrupting alone. We need community to heal. One of my favorite online therapists (shout out to Dr. Deloney) says that most people do not need therapy, they need stronger relationships.
Do you actually see an actual clinician?
This man played poker, got dealt a bad hand, then went and learned how to play poker and solved every problem he found. Until he found a goal he couldn't achieve because the goal itself is the journey.
Perfectly put.
naaa man, he is socially awkward and what not, instead of reading self-help books and 'chads' cheap date tricks, he should've read up on pop culture and learned to act normie
Goal is fulfilment and happiness, the journey is a torture in this case
@@omarcomming722 and yet, finding happiness and fulfillment is always a matter of perspective, not about discovering the one thing that will make you happy for the rest of your life. Sure, finding love can help, but love itself isn't really a goal you cam "achieve" since it's moreso a bond with another person, not a task to be done.
At the end of all life is death, so what's wrong with enjoying the small things in life until we get there?
@@chips1752 Work on becoming less self-conscious... Become extroverted by focusing on other people and how you can provide value whilst taking care of and standing up for yourself-- without being an asshole.
These days your biggest advantage is to have a spine and not be afraid to go out and accidently offend someone by being who you want to be. That will instantly boost confidence. Get over your emotions... Validate them and move on.
Life's way too short to dwell on things that didn't go right for you. Get out there and take some risks as small as they might be.
I'm so glad I clicked on this, different from what I expected
so emotionally mature
I’m so thankful for this video. I can relate to this guy an extraordinary amount and it gives me so small sliver of hope, even though this guy is much further in his journey than I am in mine.
I feel connected to Ish a lot, i go through similar struggles but its only that im much earlier in my journey without the body building, without getting better on social anxiety, but im still young and have been progressing myself. But man this stream hit in the feels for me. Thanks Ish for sharing this, thanks Dr.K for providing this platform and your insightful questions you ask the people coming on to the show.
It's amazing to see how much this channel has grown. God bless you always.
I feel this guy. I spent the last 5 years trying to fix myself to feel like I'm good enough for a job, for women, for everything... Very very exhausting and painful
Btw I feel like I could connect instantly with this guy, after listening him talk I wish he was my friend LOL. Genuinely great guy vibes
I hope you get well @Neeru.
@@milesssyy thank you very much, I really appreciate your kindness
I've been holding back on doing certain things in life because I have to be "good enough" before I can start (e.g. Dating). Do you do the same?
@@Muhluri yeah, I still do It to a certain degree. I'm trying to overcome this "paralysis" but It's very hard and usually requires you to trust in your skills (and I usually don't).
I'm sorry Ish had parents like that. I couldn't even imagine what that would be like to have parents who berated you, told him friends can't be trusted and that he only ever got affection from when he won a big event. His parents get an F in my book.
That’s literally my Indian mom. I believe he’s in the same position.
Thanks for opening-up and sharing.. I'm in the same boat as you and know a few others who are similar. It is so exhausting and an endless treadmill to nowhere.
I think just being yourself, even if people think you’re weird or not, and trying to really connect with people is the best way to succeed. Don’t listen to all that “Alpha” stuff you see online and “try too hard”. I wish the best for Ish, it’s so sad he had to spend all that just to unlearn it. I’m sure he will find someone, and everyone else too!! I wish whoever is reading this the best 🙏🏽
@Some Aussie Guy from Perth agreed!!
Ish, I'm so impressed with how much strength and energy it must have taken out of you to put yourself in this public session. To listen to both of yall's thoughts resonated so much with me. I bet it did with a lot of watchers. I think there's a fair amount of piggy back emotional digestion happening through this video and I just wanna give a bit of recognition and appreciation for it. In me definitely some stuff moved to!
I wish you aaall the energy, very well deserved lucky incidents and silly moments it takes to stumble in some form of committed companionship!
And on another!! note: in my opinion there couldn't be a harsher contrast to the ongoing difficult situation with dating and gender roles in dating and desperation in young men... you're a good example ish!
im quite similar to him and im just starting to understand how disconnecting from who you are can be so damaging. im will to bet most people here saying they are similar spend a large part of there life trying to be what they thought they should be because it was the only way to be safe and/or receive love. so even the good things that happened didn't feel real because they weren't actually happening to you just the mask.
All you were ever supposed to be was yourself... You weren't yourself for survival. People will still reject you and thats ok but people will love you too actually you this time. spend time exploring who you are without judgement it will be worth it
This is so heartbreaking. He seems like a really good guy. But... does he do anything for fun? For enjoyment? To be nice to himself? What a sad way to live.
Its how almost every man lives. Women would never understand because they take their easy lives where they can socialize their way tru life for granted.
Considering I see myself in him, minus paying for courses, no he doesn't. I never do. I don't even use my vacation days
@@Ryan-wx1bilow self-esteem + red pill woo peddlers glorifying masochism is a marriage made in heaven.
I think this highlights the fact that no matter how prime a catch you are or could be, if you dont enjoy the act of going out and flirting and enjoying the process, you will be pushing a boulder uphill the entire time.
This guy is really amazing. I think he's the best man you've interviewed and the most helpful for viewers to learn from. He really knew what he was talking about too.
These interviews have always been my favorite content. It’s so easy to learn how to apply lessons from them to myself.
Someone else taught you to hate yourself, so you need to let another person teach you to love yourself.. wow 🤯
Childhood conditioning is everything 🤕
The problem is finding someone and being able to reciprocate enough to get to the point. I can only feel hatred and disdain for others. I feel nothing but despair. I doubt someone can change that or would even want to.
@Some Aussie Guy from Perth Totally agree.
I miss the viewer talks videos but a combination of the lectures/info videos and the viewer talks are my favorite
The world keeps producing more men like this and it breaks my heart. He seems like an awesome dude who never had healthy examples of how to form intimate relationships, leading him to be emotionally vulnerable to the worst corner of the Internet. We have got to do better than this and I hope everything works out for this guy. He deserves it.
I really hope you go back to regular videos from this format, Dr. K. We really love the mini lectures, but these always hit differently because we also get to see ourselves in the viewer.
I also have cptsd - listening to him makes it clearer than it's ever been that the problem for those of us with this issue is that we cannot be ourselves around others because it's not safe. Something for me to ponder.
Man y’all don’t know how much I empathizes with this man, this hit me deep
frrr
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story Ish. I really resonated with your experiences and moving through life this way for a long time. Especially when it came to romantic relationships, as thats all I ever wanted as well. I did all the right things to "fix" and improve myself to be better. There is not many professionals that specialize in Complex PTSD and people who over compensate/ over achievers as self improvement is valued even within therapeutic practices. But true healing sometimes isnt even about doing, it can mean feeling emotions and accepting who we are. Its about letting go. You are someone to be admired by and I am wishing you the best on your journey ahead. There is alot to be proud of. You represent alot of things about men we do not often see. Thank you for being that example of showing the strength within vulnerability. This talk was powerful
The women he dates probably don't find him fun to be around. He seems pensive, weary and too earnest. If he lightened up, he'd probably have more luck, but he seems to have low self-esteem and a melancholic disposition, so it would be difficult and exhausting for him to adopt a light-hearted demeanor; and when he manages to do so it'd make him feel like he's being inauthentic.
He is not mentally well. Nobody looking for a happy relationship wants to emotionally invest in a sad, anxious man who hasn't learned how to deal with his mental health issues.
Interdependence comes natural as a child. Abuse punishes the child for it, associates those feelings and behaviors with pain... Learning interdependence requires being willing to depend on another person to meet some of your needs. This is tough to do as an adult in an individualistic society.
When Dr. K poked at the water bottle I jumped up busting out laughing and scared my cat awake. 🤣🤣 Was literally thinking that same thing at the time 🤣🥹❤️
I'm glad he came on and opened up about this. Looks like he's on a good path. I hope he finds his love for himself and finds the right person that can really appreciate him. ❤️
I wish I could reach across the screen and hug you. You're such a lovely, heart-centred and warm person (emotional instability included) ❤
This was my favorite episode. Never felt so similar. This guy has my respect.
Geez the balls on this guy. That honesty is such a difficult thing to arrive to for people "like that" -i put myself in the category so i get what he feels-, its so hard and emotionally counter intuitive to admit that to yourself for starters, to someone else is even a level above that but broadcasting it to the internet takes an amount of courage i LITERALLY can't imagine. I would never be able to do what he did
This was an absolute tour de force, guys. I’m really happy to have watched you both talking and I feel richer and happier than 1,5 hours ago. Mad props, gentlemen 🫡
I really appreciate the last 10 minutes about how to accept gratitude. TLDR: respond to compliments with "Can you help me understand that" instead of "thanks."
I usually don't think anyone should be someone's rehab centre or a makeshift therapist in a relationship, but I feel this man virtually did everything under the sun he could do on his own and the only missing part is an emotionally stable partner (or maybe even just a friend) with whom he could have a safe intimate long term relationship. Seems like a really nice man, wish him all the best!
It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose in the end. That's not weakness. That is life
Yo thank you everyone who brought this video into fruition. I feel this video can help lots of ppl including me. Thank you sir for coming on and I wish you well. 🙏
Your life story is like a reflection of mines it’s insane how similar and healing this video felt for me
I also suffer from social anxiety. But not only social, but other things too. I‘m scared of mistakes and failure to the point of getting panic attacks. This dude just fixed something like that by himself! That‘s so amazing. I hope I can fix that sometimes soon as well.
Hugging this guy would be hugging myself, I can’t believe how much I can relate to him.
seriously, same here
I gotta say, this guy is a champion. I hope he finds his way.
I subbed to Dr.K during Covid for the interviews I'm glad they're back
okay, this is mind-blowing.
so at the "end", after all the self-help we go through, after all the meditation, the self-reflections, it is not up to us to fix ourselves.
it's on those around us.
i suppose we can still nudge the factors to a certain extent, if i know this is how it's gonna be, then surround myself with those that i think can help me become better mentally.
in a sense, surround myself that will help to build me up. but not in a bad way.
damn, okay that sounds about right.
We all need each other ❤
Oh my god. This guy's me. I've been on a huge journey to understand myself and get rid of all my samskaras and untangle my mental health problems. But I've hit a wall recently. Just this constant feeling that I'm not doing as good as I was six months ago, I'm not as enlightened as I was six months ago, I'm not as clear headed, etc. It wasn't until Dr. K said Ish is always trying to fix everything but he's fixed as much as he can and now the only problem is him trying so hard that I realized that's where I am too. I'm always going to have the struggles that I have, but I've made a ton of progress. Now I just have to learn how to rest. Stop trying so hard and let life happen.
'That's just a piece of you' hit me hard... I've been trying to heal from SA. I feel so broken and I feel like I shouldn't enter a relationship until I am fixed. But it's just a piece of me, and I have so much love to offer. I'm sure someone would appreciate me with all the 'pieces' of me. I'm a good, loving, passionate person ❤
You are not broken and you will find someone who appreciates all of you one day. Keep going ❤
@@NylonTwoCake thanks ❤🌹
This was the best call ever 😭 So useful. Thank you both ♥️
Proud brother! Bit of a different story for me but very very similar conclusions and self-awareness. Take your time! It is going to take years for people like us. This stage sucks hard and it is going to take time man. Bit by bit.. you can't eliminate everything you realised. Take one thing and just accept meanwhile other things that don't work out. It sounds damn hard.. and you can trust me sometimes it is but you will start seeing the difference day by day.
Im glad hes putting those interviews on youtube again
Ugh, what a good video. I want the world for Ish. I hope he gets to experience comfort and ease in himself.
You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Getting to know someone with no expectations is the key.
You can wrap yourself in as many comforting lies like that as you want. The truth is, as long as you are living in organized society, you must prove yourself to others.
The other option is to get comfortable with isolation. Because that's where you're heading if you dont play the social game
@@inquisitionagent9052 Not always true. My closest friends were made by me being myself and not having expectations. Same thing with my relationships. I never had to prove my worth.
This chat really resonated with me in so many ways and is helping me process so much. Good luck Ish!!!
Chats like this are a double-edged sword because some people will come away thinking, "Looks like I am not the only one; I feel better now," but some people will go away thinking, "If he's struggling, what hope do I have cause I'm doing much worse than him.". I have seen so many black pillars point to videos like this.
Yep, can't help that people searching to validate their negative take (not even so much by choice but due to backfiring self-preservation mechanisms) will only see that negative take. It's a plain bias and the brain is just prone to applying that filter. Cause challenging one's own "functioning" integrity is an incredibly risky gamble. And falling apart completely is a very possible outcome. And when one then even looses the only "support system" by questioning the beliefs of the only "support group" a person has, then it's really really really close to life threatening.
I have compassion for people like that, even if I sure don't appreciate when they project their fears onto me and fellow women. Especially not, cause it traps them, as they are looking at a self-created self-protective illusion, rather than the actual causes and solutions to their anguish. :/ It's very painful to see. And very painful to not even be able to help safely, without risking anything between "unwanted romantic attention" to "plain hate" to...... you know, the drastic stuff we don't survive.
If peers like Dr. K and Ish and all the other male guest stepping up saves even one man from that scary spiral, then that's already amazing. AND if it doesn't do that, then it sure equips other men to:
- not go there
- keep peers from going there
- help ppl who are ready to re-surface from it!!
Both of those takeaways from the video are wrong. Just because tons of other people deal with loneliness doesn’t make it ok and you shouldn’t feel better about it and take comfort in videos like this especially when UA-cam videos and the internet are a reason for social isolation l
I mean it's true tho. If this dude is successful and still can't find a relationship then what's the point in even trying if you're just an average guy?
Except that first quote doesn’t say much. Great, I’m not the only one struggling, I am still struggling tho. Why would I be happy that I’m not the only one struggling? The second part about comparing yourself can tell you something. If good looking, successful guys like him have struggled and are struggling, what chance do average guys have?
@@lesshuman00 Maybe because being successful is not the point - we're looking at the wrong thing in the first place.
Takes a lot to share everything, I wish him the best. It just shows you it's all mental, doesn't matter how physically healthy you are.
I''m a woman and I can relate to a lot of what he is going through except I kinda given up and haven't tried going out with anyone for years and still spend a lot of time developing myself and working on my own goals and healing
This man needs to learn to love himself unconditionally and his parents only gave him love if he did something wonderful and perfect. He needs to learn to love himself for just being alive even without any accomplishments……..Our parents were supposed to give us unconditional love, and if they did not it is really difficult for us to love ourselves.
This is such an awesome interview. What a beautiful soul. And I can relate to so much, like hearing about my own story in some parts.
It's so hard to just let go for a bit and just be. That's been my insight aswell the past couple of years. To chill the personal and spiritual development and try harding for a bit. And of course that's when I met my last bf aswell haha. We just broke up so I didn't last but so interesting. It lasted 8 months so still a decent relationship and my healthiest by far. All because I let go for a bit, stopped trying to hard at everything. Just lived and focused on something new I learned: "Self love isn't about loving yourself. It's to love BEING yourself". And always trying to become better just means you don't love being yourself. It just hit me hard.
But anyway thanks so much for this great interview, so interesting and lovely to be allowed to hear about his life, thoughts and emotions. Inspirational! 🌿🥳
"Self love isn't about loving yourself. It's to love BEING yourself". I love that.
10 minutes in and already have so much respect for the vulnerability and introspection of this man! Very great conversation
Dude in the first 10 minutes you basically described me. Thanks for being real Ish!
@@Dimitris_Half wtf 🤣🤣
I hope this man finds peace
Do humanitarian work. Take the focus off yourself and do work to help others. God will bless you. It's worked for me.
This was really relatable. The viewer seems really cool and likeable, I hope things work out for him.
Mutual talking about trauma *isn't* 'trauma bonding.' Trauma bonding is developing an attachment to the abuser (body and mind react 'weirdly' in extremely stressful/fight or flight type situations).
It doesnt matter. We understand what he was trying to say. What he was trying to get at is that they were developing a bond through trauma dumping, which isn't healthy
@@inathi1329 I understand what he meant, I pointed out that he used the term incorrectly and what it really means.
@@inathi1329 I'm not sure how unhealthy it really is though. Why is it unhealthy? That seems like quite the generalization. One sided trauma dumping is a weird thing but mutual sharing of traumas is... something else.
@@Dimitris_Half I think in cases when it happens like here on a first date, first time you meet someone or very early, it's kind of oversharing and may signify issue with boundaries. A first date shouldn't be really a therapy session.
But when we talking a friendship etc., then being able to talk about one's wounds is great, and it's great to have someone to talk about it, or deepen the connection based on the shared experience (it's how support groups work), so then it's a good thing. It's just about boundaries, a type of connection/friendship, and a first date isn't really a great place to do that🙃.
Bruuuuuh, Doctor I discovered your channel and I cannot stop watching your videos ! I feel like I am finally finding more people like myself. I am not alone. I finally relate to someone. Based on your videos I managed to finally complete the puzzle that I am working on since few years ago. I have BPD and Narcissistc Personality disorder. Thanks for helping so much!
This idea of a high value man is so interesting to me a woman who has never looked for that. Have dated guys that didn’t have a degree, that didn’t own a car. It didn’t mean they weren’t smart or didn’t have value. Was always looking for someone to have a good conversation, chemistry, and someone who has some sort of interest in life, a hobby, often music, that we can discuss and bond over. Someone you can have a laugh with. Idk if that’s helpful to the guys 😅
I think guys should make some female friends first . This way they will become less awkward and weird with them . After that they can go after the girl they want .
@@debanikgoswami4834how’s that supposed to work?
@@valentingartner3793 That'll help you get comfortable around woman. Not feel so attached to an outcome. Even if they aren't interested, they might introduce you to a friend who could be.
Mindfulness practices and training yourself to be "in the moment" is literally life changing.
And it's not anywhere near as time consuming as you might think to start to put yourself on the right track.
"I can't meditate, I'm too distracted..." No, you can, and meditation is how you train your brain to not be too distracted and overwhelmed.
If you can breathe, you can learn how to meditate.
When I need to wind down my anxiety, or boost a depressive state I know that a few minutes of mindful breathing nearly always steers me in a better direction. And I can almost always make it through a few minutes now that I've trained myself to acknowledge and release thoughts during meditation. Don't push them away - it's okay they're there, just don't linger on them.
Props to this guy for his bravery!! Wish him all the best
7:00 the honesty and vulnerability is so brave! I felt this so much! Amazing session!
He's amazing and he'll be so happy. I have lots of hope for him
This makes me so sad. Can relate to some of his experiences. Even getting rejected after opening up and friends leaving me behind because i wouldn't get better. The point is, there ia nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with you sharing your trauma. Everyone deserves understanding and people who stay even with depression, cptsd etc. If they leave you aren't too heavy. They just don't know what to do/say/ and yes some feel repulsed but that doesn't make your worth less when you are ill and not less deserving of relationships.
It's ok to say you come from trauma but trauma dumping can be tricky. Working through trauma is better in therapeutic setting.
I'm still chasing hope. Still hoping my dad will just be proud of me. Starting to let go now. Starting to feel better.
when he said no one had told him that no one has told him they are proud of him before........i nearly broke into tears because as a kid i was told it a lot but ocne i got to my teen years and my mental health problems happened.......my parents were never really parents. my aunt took care of me and was the one that was there and she would say it but she always said it because i know how much she card about me and my gma who also raised me with my aunt. the word became meaningless form the people around me and i really ever heard it from anyone else.