Is your inner child building a case right now?
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- Опубліковано 4 лют 2024
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Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
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I can relate. I was criticized so much as a child that I’m expecting my partner to criticize me. I am so quick to defend myself and then, I realize that’s not even what he said at all. I’m always expecting put downs. I am always quick to put myself down too. 😢
Yep 😢
Hard relate 🫂
Gosh, I just realized today I was seeing my brother-in-law as an asshole like my father and casting him in that role. When he was being nice! It was totally me expecting a man to be my father. And really, I am realizing my father - now gone - deserves a less black and white view because I am really much recovered and healed. I always learn so much from this channel, from Patrick and from those who comment. Thank you.
👋
"See? It's happening again!" or "here we go again!" has been my immediate response to basically everything that doesn't go well.
Yup! Thought I was the only one.
Same. It's been really difficult lately because I've had so many disappointments , my inner child is like "when is it ever gonna get better?" trying to make up stories based on past outcomes, and that's not helping me feel better.
Me too! It's an inner auto-monologue that gets activated if I'm feeling: disliked, disrespected or ignored. Being disregarded is the biggest trigger. I think there's a lot of panic in it.
What are you supposed to tell or do with the inner child voice if you've always ignored it?
Sounds familiar.. 🤔
I find myself splitting into three - my 'adult' self, my inner 'son' (moody teenager) and my inner child. Each approaches the world very differently, and I've found getting in touch with those separate elements of myself and communicating across them, really helpful.
My adult self needs to feel useful, my inner teenager needs to feel validated and my inner child needs to feel safe and loved.
It's been really interesting to see myself spread across those different identities.
Yes!! 😊
I was thinking when he was talking about the world not being a safe or good place: I'd argue that while, as an adult, I'm aware of the dangers and sufferings of the world, a child should not, for the most part. They should only learn about imminent dangers in an age appropriate way, such as traffic safety... The same way I'll assure my kid/-s they're safe (when I can guarantee it in that setting) and shield them from certain things because it's not their burden to bear. 😅😊
I like this! So useful! I am going to try allowing an inner teenager to join the mix. That sounds like it will really add to my healing journey. Someone inside me has a major chip on her shoulder and I bet she’s my teenage self.
What a succinct analysis of the parts. Love this, thanks!
Are you familiar with plurality? It sounds like a concept that might be useful for you, especially when it comes to building a good internal family and supportive internal relationships.
@@lauragrolla5916Ohhh yeah. I'm also finding that teen me can be very down to earth and see solutions sometimes for which I can only say,"thanks!".
Yup that little lawyer says "See! no body loves me" it always comes back to that for me
I build the case and then I’m resentful, instead of seeing red flags and taking care of myself by getting away or advocating for my self.
The Body Keeps the Score
“See, I don’t matter to others” was one that showed up this week!
Yeah, I've been building a "no-one likes me, I'm always ignored" case for a week now.
In the end it always turns into, "They hate me! And I hate them too!"
I'll work on it. Thank you.
How is Everything you say 100% spot on and desperately needed? I am SO LUCKY I FOUND YOU. THANK YOU FOR THIS. THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤
Story of my life and its still the same at 58. Finding you is healing me.
Thank you....from someone whos been ostracized all my 57 yrs.
This yr i rise
"I knew this would happen again" is common for me.
This is the perfect description of exactly what I am doing right now to prove that people are untrustworthy etc. I am embarrassed I am so committed to proving this, but at the same time really don't want to give up on this quest. Being a grown up is so hard.
Never though of it like they're building a case, interesting. For me, I seem to always wait for the moment someone will snap at me for doing something the wrong way/being too slow.
I'm not sure what to do about it. Maybe try to tell myself that if it ever happens, it's their problem and not mine. And also that it was my dad's problem for being impatient, not mine.
OMG!! Absolutely spot on! Didn't know it was 'a thing'. I was just doing that! Ugh! I have a very difficult time turning those loops off.
As a child I used to idealize my older self as a very successful person, in college, with a lot of friends etc. But as soon as I started to realize I wasn't going the way I planned my inner child just despises me, I know it. I am exactly what I didn't want to be and despised the most... lazy, I don't study anymore, unemployed.
So, who are you trying to prove what to ? Does that entity really exist that is so accusatory or why are there this standards you measure yourself against? And then holding you down and back.
Questions I asked myself
I relate to this feeling. I came to the conclusion that I don't agree with my inner child. I do not want the things I was taught to want. I do not desire wealth or status, I was conditioned to desire bs I never really cared about. Of course I like financial stability and comfort, but it is not the driving force of my existence.
I had to create a person from the ground up. Not even reparenting, but parenting for the very first time. Finding what I actually wanted. Escaping my all or nothing mindset was really challenging. I am a little bit what my inner child wanted and I am a lot of what I hated as a kid. That doesnt mean I am bad, it means that I changed my opinion on what I wanted from life.
When that realization happened, I was more able to function in society without all that pressure on my back.
You are allowed to change your mind about anything you want.
I do a variation of this where I’m sort of on alert watching for the stuff that happened before to happen again with the people around me. It always reminded me of those trash cans in ghost busters that would randomly morph into monsters when you least expected it.
Love this!
Yes, and there are these situations that do seem similar or a continuation of the dark stuff we had to endure as kids - But we are not so powerless now as we were then and CAN take action to help ourselves and that is truly strengthening - but we have to actually DO it .
If we don' t ,
we' ll get more of the same until we value ourselves enough to not abandon us ( like our parents did ) - and also there might be some obstacles in the way when this is new behavior for us , like our voice being not loud or clear enough in the beginning, but it gets easier with practice and effort.
Don' t give up ( even if this road feels uncomfortable and challenging at first ) - it is worth it !! 💜
Thanks so much for this positive perspective! It feels so good to read an optimistic outlook on life for people with childhood trauma, even my psychologist is of the opinion that there is not that much hope, that we can only learn to accept and live with these dark feelings that immobilise us or drive our behaviour in unwanted ways. But I do hope for more, that practice actually makes progress! Thanks, and have a wonderful day
This has been happening a lot today and throwing me into a sort of "Overdrive". Life has been stressful for me recently and I feel like I don't get a break. Everything is frustrating and overwhelming. I don't know what to do about it other than some mindfulness and lavender oil to bring myself out of it and remind myself I'm okay and it's not happening anymore. Hey, it's a good thing therapy is coming up again soon.
The title has a typo. 'CASE' is 'CARE'. I was puzzled for moment. lol
Thanks for these, Patrick.
@siriusfun I see how you could think it’s CARE. Patrick is referring to building a “legal defense CASE” in your head,”here’s the evidence that shows I’m hopeless” or whatever is your internal defense of status quo.
I wanna build a care instead of a case! Thank you for this ❤
Yes, I'm 60 and still do this.
This is completely accurate to my experiences. 😢
Yes. This makes so much sense. Thank you.
For me it's more subtle, subconscious, emotional. Like emotions come up, and I needed to figure out why that happens in the first place. Why I react so extreme to some behaviour of people around me. I don't really let it have any space in my mind, my thoughts. I am generally good at pushing stuff away, because I probably could only function that way. So when stuff comes up I was confused at first what it is and how I deal with that.
I get confused at first too. That’s become my clue that I am afraid to feel whatever it is. That I don’t have permission to feel it. I wasn’t allowed to feel much and even good feeling were “selfish,” so I even get confused when I am happy or proud of me. Confused hides me from shame.
Oh do I hear what you're both saying! It's a gradual process and I am finally figuring out I don't have to be perfect or always get it right.
I so; so; so; sooo needed this right now. I’ve been working through so much this month. Trying to relearn/unlearn this stuff and figure it out. I heard a criticism where there was simply a concern, and over reacted emotionally. Then I felt shame. Then I retreated and hid in my room? I’m over 30. I dozed off and woke up to intrusive thoughts. In the voices of people I know. An ex blaming our breakup entirely on me. A friend telling me “You’re not as far along as you think.” I see now that some inner parenting is required.
I just told my new therapist I want to start working on that. She's qualified.
This video struck a chord. I’m building multiple cases. I don’t think that I’m wrong about all of them, but maybe some of them.
Dang right on! My problem though is I did an inner child meditation and at one part it says to tell your inner child you did well and it got better. Thing is it didn't get better in some aspects and it shows im holding on to some of the mistakes I made growing up. I can't seem to let the mistakes go to continue the work. Really sucks because I didn't quite notice it as clear as it was in the meditation before.
There's a saying: "Perception is reality." That's not a good thing when you're always on the lookout for snipers!
Well said!
@@lauragrolla5916Thanx! 😁
I have bipolar disorder. I have spent all my time in therapy reminding myself that perception IS DEFINITELY NOT reality.
Ignored or ‘love bombed’ 😂 with stuff” a Feast or famine of affections that were veiled ugly. Probably why Roxanne one of my fav movies with the ability to self depreciate and call someone out long before they say what’s on their minds. My inner kid and parent busy taking care of each other. Love in the form of possessions being gifted with strings is our most infuriating to deal with. It is why we prefer ‘pauper’ life. Has nothing to do with being worthy of more. More isn’t held in ‘things’ for us. Anything that tries to take away the truth from being lived, is a cost far too great.
This is awesome. ❤ Building a case.😂 So true!!
I realize I had this happen a couple times this week. I need to listen and respond before it gets bad.
If my energy is up I can see the different parts of me at work and observe them, with the adult very much in charge. But the minute I’m tired or stressed the dynamics change and my little victim doesn’t feel safe, my inner teenager is really passive aggressive and they gang up on each other and especially the adult. Unless I am really unwell or very exhausted I can take myself off to a quiet space so that they/i can sort things out but if I can’t it’s fireworks and even my adult doesn’t feel safe standing on its own two feet! 😂
Wow sounds like the inner child in me 😭 and her case is some of the best 😮💨 it’s hard to fight her
I can't take it. I build cases ALL THE TIME!! Regardless if it's my inner adult or teenage self I have to stop 🛑. We have a small conference with our inner child. We aren't there and we don't have to do this. You're not alone and those people don't matter 💚🤍
Thank you, Patrick.
for me there's also a component of 'see! it exists! I wasn't crazy like my parents, teachers, church leaders, aunts, uncles, neighbors all said. I'm just autistic, thats all. (just born with a 'kick me' sign; a universal feature of the 'tism)
Yes
Thanks, that made something click into place! Thanks!
oh, ya. my think way too often is "see I AM cursed"
sir the way my jaw dropped. this explains how i'm climbing out of a platonic limerent episode i just fell into.
Looking to confirm something- that sums it up- I love it.
Mine's more of...
*_"I demand karma to be delivered, or I will never be happy again."_*
Yeah, sounds like that... or the pessimistic.
my problem is that it’s not only childhood trauma 33 yeas old i been financially abused mentally abused sometime fisicallg abused by my family to the point i had developed social phohy
My parent kept a roof and clothes and food. How could i even re-parent myself when i did not have one. Things spiral back
Absolutely agree! 👍🏼
Great point 🎉
Hi Patrick 👋, I don't see the webinar link in the description.
I literally did this an hour ago..😢
How can I sue my family for FSA? It has destroyed my childhood and now my golden years. They have caused me to lose my financial security and my own sons, the defamation has literally run me out of town. I can't find a lawyer to help me? Can anyone help me? I want to write a book but don't know where to start?
The building a case thing feel accurate, but what if everything really is the same? What if nothing is changing no matter much I try to make it change?
Ask yourself : is that really true ?
Is it exactly the same ?
-Take every tiny possibility / opening that is there to help yourself, take your own side , to stir things in a new direction.
Yes, if the patterns and behaviors are very long established, it will probably take
a lot of repetition and continued effort to break through and the change might not appear to be much seen from the outside, but the importance lies in your choice : do you really support yourself now ( even if your caretakers have abandoned you and that leaves the feeling of " I am not worth the effort " ) and hold the inner conviction that you deserve it, that you can claim it.
#innerchild
No, it's fair and makes sense. The world feels like a very fear inducing place all the time.
What’s the alternative? What’s the solution to this? I know it’s “reparenting”. But what is “reparenting”?
Did you post the webinar from October?
Yep
Masterclass in October?
What is the defusion technique?
Oh snap! I do that. Building cases up the wazoo. If I was a real lawyer, I'd need a million paralegals to help me with this crap.😮
I was watching one of the Healthy Gamer videos, in this one he was saying that we sacrifice something today for someone(yourself) tomorrow when you love this person, this was about discipline. Then I thought "So I keep doing sacrifices, I take time to care about myself, neglecting temporary desires in order to fix my life. I don't feel loved tho." For that I think that I should love myself first, then the actions come along. But how am I going to love myself without taking any actions? That's confusing....
"You see, if these people who hurt me so bad, don't want me to hurt them back in return, either it's best for them to stay away, or they will pay me millions to not ruin their lives in return."
My inner child is not a lawyer. It became the judge, the jury and if things go south, the executioner. They didn't only fled the city for me. They fled the country and even the continent to start their bullshit all over again.
See!!! EVERYONE IS out to get me! 🙄
Patrick, what does your family make of what you're doing now?
Don't I have any new input going into my subconscious mind? It only pulls up crap from 60 years ago?
You do once the old stuff is delt with. If the inner child isn't took care of then your world is being lived through the eyes of that scared kid.
Need to fix the past and go from there.
You said this Saturday October 15, but it's February.
Hey Patrick 👋
what's your approach in therapy?
#slay
Uh ya, since forever
See? I can't take care of myself. That's what dad told me (I'd always need HIM, him, and only him) and it's truuuuuue.
Not.
I know.
😔
😁
'Inner child' and 'inner parent' sounds dissociative. In a healthy mind, here's only one person per brain.
Well, yes. That's kind of the point of this channel. Dissociating and other responses were a healthy response to trauma that don't serve us well now. That's why we are learning and practicing reparenting our inner child, to give it what it didn't get or to tell it what it needs to know so that it doesn't run us anymore. When that unconscious part of us is addressed, its hurts and thinking, and we understand why we are having these unhealthy responses in present day, we can start to integrate and let the adult take over. He has a lot of videos on trauma response.
You don' t have to use this proposed imagery if it doesn' t feel right for you, just do the sane thing that helps you.
Maybe the existence of a person/personality is questionable in its egocentristic way - as it leads a distorted perception of the world