Therapist Shows HOW To Set Boundaries & Protect Yourself From TOXIC People! | Nedra Glover Tawwab
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
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On Today's Episode:
Learning how to deal with your family as an adult is an ongoing struggle many of us still haven’t figured out. When unhealthy family dynamics make it difficult to visit your grandparents and the thought of visiting your parents brings on dread and anxiety, there’s definitely issues you’ll want to address.
If you’re finding yourself trapped in a turbulent family relationship you don’t know how to escape, Nedra Glover Tawwab, world renowned clinical psychologist, relationship expert and queen of boundaries, is sharing everything you need to know to set important boundaries, become who you want to be, or cut ties if needed.
Nedra’s latest book, Drama Free, is all about better managing unhealthy relationships and no longer accepting the dysfunction within families that keeps people tied to misery, dishonesty, disrespect and abuse long after they have the power and ability to say enough is enough.
This episode is about:
Breaking up with the dysfunction that started in your childhood
Having the strength to walk away from even your family if needed
Being able to have difficult conversations if you choose
Check out Nedra’s Latest Book, Drama Free: www.amazon.com...
QUOTES:
“Do we need to go to the people who are causing the harm for validation of the harm?”
“I’m loyal to love, I’m not loyal to abuse, I’m not loyal to abandonment…”
“How do you change your role in the relationship when you’re not ready to leave? Because not every relationship is to be discarded.”
“We have to believe in who we’re becoming.”
“People don’t have to be in relationship with you after you’ve offended them.”
“The confidence I have now is practiced.”
“I can live with not knowing, and it’s much harder to live with blaming myself.”
“We have to get into the practice of understanding that our job in this relationship is not to control it, it’s not to change the culture, it is to be in community with people…”
“We have to look at the intensity of our emotions because the intensity tells us there may be some history to what is happening.”
“‘Just how we are’ could be dysfunctional. What's normal doesn’t mean it’s natural, it’s healthy, it’s the way things should be. Normal can be chaos, normal can be a high level of dysfunction.”
“Sometimes with family it’s almost as if there’s an expectation of you lowering your expectations.”
“It’s not about changing everyone else and how they show up with you, it's about changing you and how you show up with them.”
Follow Nedra Glover Tawwab:
Website: www.nedratawwa...
Instagram: / nedratawwab
Facebook: / nedratawwab
Pinterest: / _created
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
Love your kicks they are always an interesting part of your show ❤
The camera zoomed back to a wide lens and the kicks came into view just as I opened up this comment😂😂😂
That hit home 🙌
Women of Impact, thx Lisa for warning people that you’re asking for their contact info. Some people are [too] trusting, somwhat gullible, and not aware that not all online people are “nice”. Those people are therefore vulnerable to scams. Thanks again,Lisa !
that sucks that you was impersonated shame on them
It's difficult to set boundaries, especially if you are an empathetic person. Sometimes you can't help but feel like 'helping' in an emotional moment, even to your own detriment. That's why empaths are more vulnerable targets for narcissistic people. I pray we all master the art of self control and get closer to God, rather than allow people get closer to us more than necessary.
Bless
That’s not true for all empaths. It starts in the womb… Manipulating and being an empath R different
Yup, that’s me. But I’m slowly learning to say no and not feeling guilty.
@Doppelgänger thank you! Brilliant!
Empaths attract energy vampires! U are one of the most beautiful gifted souls on a unique journey to transcend generational trauma ! There are many resources in the description on my channel u can use. The one that may be helpful for u is by an author named Dr. Northrop. The survival guide for empaths is a great book to read❤ May love and peace forever unveil for u🕉️🪬🧿🌀
I'm an intuitive empath and found it hard not helping family members. I've grown and started setting boundaries.
I've been practicing since I was in my 20's and have been accused of being cold or holding on to the past. It's lonely and so painful to have experiences that have affected you negatively be minimized.
More power to you. It is a struggle but worth it.
You should watch the video with Sarah Jake Roberts and Lisa, they speak on how to deal with this issue.
Me too
💗
100%❤
My aunt and sister: You only have one mother.
Me: Well, she only has one me. And I’m not going to submit myself to abuse anymore.
I love that come back. I'm going to use this next time someone says that to me. 🙌🏾💪🏾
Manipulation and guilt tripping
Good for you!
👏👏👏
👏 👏 ❤
Once I started putting up my boundaries and let my friends know that they can not use me as their doormat anymore whenever they are down and feeling shitty, they were shocked. One of my oldest friends actually told me: 'you have changed.' She repeated this several times and I always replied with a 'Yes.' I know she saw that as a negative thing, but I have to put my mental health and well-being first. It is not easy but even my emotionally abusive family is starting to feel the change and they are treating me much better now and with more respect.
👏👍
👍
I need to get here😢
Love this ❤
When you set boundaries be aware that the ppl who benefitted from you having none are going to get angry, upset, gaslight you & even discard you. Thus is the main reason ppl fold & go back to their own tendencies. If you set new boundaries know the universe will test them to help you strengthen them. Becoming comfortable with unpleasant feelings is very important.
My favorite quote of your first guest: " I am loyal to Love". I love this. I am NOT loyal to abuse, mean behavior, even if you are my mother.
That was a brilliant statement. Very powerful. Something to live .😊
❤👏👍
When invited to something you don’t want to do, simply say, “thank you for the invite but I won’t be able to attend.” Nothing more. Without having to add a reason or excuse. It is freeing. At first it feels odd but when you see people don’t usually push more than that, you will see the upside of simply saying, “I will not be able to go, but thank you for thinking of me.” ❤
My only regret is that it took me into my 30s to take a stand and set boundaries. My feelings with degraded, disrespected and minimized so I then cut ties and have had a more peace of mind. This resonated so much with me.
Try 40's almost 50's still dealing in your 60's. Be grateful you got out when you did.
40’s and implementing unapologetically.
Girllll here in my 40's dealing with it.😒... Thank God you recognize it still young and continue to take a stand if they dont here you....
Cause im still struggling with it in my 40"s....
Forgive yourself ! There should be no regrets you needed all those lessons . Yes things can make or break you but if you reclaim that inner fighter and tell yourself nothing can break you .. watch yourself make a way ! Believe it ! Never question your ability to fight for your needs and desires ❤🎉
I was in my early 40 I was confused all the time by the treatment overall
It's okay to walk away without explaining and being understood because life is too short, and so much to discover and experience. For this reason, don't stay in the same merry-go-round and expect the scenery to change.
The Merry GO Round of PAIN..
We don’t own an explanation to those who disrespect us! They know what they r doing
Love this 🎯
@@evka24 Good point! Lots of times they just try and ensure us more
Life is too short to be unhappy, I have been unhappy for a while because of one person. I had to counsel myself to walk away, I prayed. Its difficult but I am doing it, I get anxiety attack when he says he is coming to visit the kids but doesn't pitch up makes the kids wait all day for him. I dont question him anymore, its more complicated to cut off a toxic person when u share small kids
I'm always open to discuss relationship issues with family members, but what I usually get from them is either they refuse to discuss things outright or they are offended and start a huge fight.
It's the offense that bothers me the most and lead me to find out why...and I found this video. I try to express to my father my feelings or experience and he wants to argue about how I feel. Then when i point out he is being judgemental he gets more upset and argues more about how he can do what he wants and to stop telling him how to treat me.
@@healthychick9450 My mom behavior right here. When I try to tell her a few years ago how her words damage my spirit. The woman went up in a strom and curse me out. From that day i vow to move forward and work on me and let her be... 6 years later i put boundaries and i live my life.
They know what they have done, the problem is admitting they're wrongs is what they dont want to do, in the name of parenting "when its actually proud"!
I went and got help my mom was not Happy about it and keep saying i needed to let go of the pas. I let her know respectfully it's my life and whatever help i needed to get heal, so i can be free im going to do it
If your Father don't want to LISTERN move forward in your maturity. One day he would see your growth and have no choice but to speak to you differently!...
Then he would see your not a kid anymore.
Shalom and God bless you🙏🏾
Same here
Cycle breakers .. (underdogs of the family ) initially struggle with boundaries as we are the inventors of boundaries ( in our family ) the key is finding resources such as this video.. support groups.. a therapist or practice that can validate your feelings in an understanding and optimistic way . Please don’t go through life alone if you can find your people ❤ life can be so much better once you walk away and find your voice 🎉
it is never easy to cut a toxic family member out of your life. but it most certainly can be done!! and it is so much healthier than trying to set boundaries when toxic people have broken hearing. they will push you no matter what you say or do.
👍👏
Yes ! There is no one fix for all .. some can create boundaries and get respected others … need to move away .. get away and ignore family members that just don’t have the capacity to change or understand! Where are you on your path ?
Most of them won't change for themselves let alone someone else
@@edb5922 sadly very true 🥹
@@MissNamaSlay most of us are on different levels, so that should give us patience and understanding for others. God bless your mind life and heart.
This reminds me of a relationship that I had with a cousin. She and I were close for many years, with so much shared history. At some point, I started to get my life in order, getting a college degree, landing a great job and moving into a really nice neighborhood. She was used to me being in crisis, and things always falling apart. She was critical, and would always give unsolicited advice based on a previous version of myself, while really struggling herself to make the same strides. Minimizing my efforts and the things that I was achieving was strange to me...she would always find a way to downplay what I had going on, like, "Well you really don't need a degree to get a good job", or "Are you renting or buying a house", or "Leave that guy, he doesn't even like you". When I finally spoke up for myself and said, "My life is going really well, and it's only going to keep getting better" she blocked me and never talked to me again. This was someone that I used to speak to several times per week.
people are jealous - sometimes mothers can be jealous of their own daughters - be careful.
She did you a huge favor. Be thankful she is out of your life. I never regretted kicking toxic people out of my life. I was only sorry I let them in, in the first place. Keep up the good work 😊
She is so down to earth and clear and rational about psychological issues - she's amazing!
Yes she is🔥
Yes her name is Nedra Tawab
I went no contact with my mother 12 years ago. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done and the best thing I’ve ever done. It saved my life. Today the hardest aspect of this decision is trying to explain it to other people - sometimes I just want other people to understand what I went through, and that doesn’t always happen.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Accept the fact that not everyone will understand your decision and that’s ok.
God knows your heart ❤️ and at the end of the day and end of our lives, He’s the only one we have to answer to. Take heart and have peace in Him. God Bless you!
I am so grateful to have found Dr. Nedra. I have created clear boundaries with people, especially with family in the last 6 months or so. At first, it bothered me, but I was shown over and over again that it was not where the love was, so I left. And I am ok with that.
This woman is FULL of wisdom and experience! I am buying this book!!
"Set boundaries, find peace". Her book is EXCEPTIONALLLLLL
It's amazing how your own family can gaslight you. I said long time ago that it felt like some people were trying to drive me crazy, making me feel like I was always the problem while they think they are innocent nuns.
Same thing I'm going thru rn
Families dynamics are messy
People see the boundaries I set with a close relative and ask me why am I mad. I kindly say that I’m not mad but I will not tolerate their behavior and treatment. Not mad at all 😊
They r the mad one 😅
Whats crazy is that once u set the boundaries, they associate that behavior with being evil, mean, demonic...but what they are describing is actually a reflection of themself and how they acted that entire time to lead up to a response of a boundary in the first place
This resonates so very much, especially when it comes to abuse within the family! Even when you try to build boundaries to protect your energy, somehow you are the bad person.😔
I laughed when she said that certain someone not talking to her for a year was a RELIEF. YAAAS!😪😌😎
"A Gift" 😂😉💯
I really like Nedra's insight. I hope she writes a similar book about boundaries in the workplace.
Great idea...there are many similarities
I need her insight on the workplace. I've had the worst experiences there and its been challenging working with women.
Yes! I am a teacher and surrounded by bitter boomer women who can't stop attacking me. The elderly male colleagues sexualize me even tho I clearly told them I don't like being reduced on my looks and talked to like that! Something is seriously wrong with the boomer generation. Just a few more years till they retire 🙄
She has a chapter about work boundaries in her first book- Set Boundaries, Find Peace. It helped me with talking to my manager and sending emails!
@@ohsocrafty that's good to know, I'll check it out because I need some insight for sure.
I'm done dealing with others. My reality is fine. I don't have to justify my reality, my abuse. I'm done.
Forgive and walk away
Me too
Amen
I haven't spoke to mother for 17 years and I totally feel happy and free. But I have had the guilt thing from people over the years and over time that's made me stronger in the since that I know who I am and being more true to who I am and mot getting validation from others
👍👏❤️
It may be useful to find out about her childhood and what happened that may have led to her behaviour.
@rebeccaevison9538-- Thank you for your message , it made me feel better . I cut ties with my mum in 2021 because I realised that my mum was so toxic and nobody would believe me as she was so down to earth with outsider's.
@Sam Stone I know her childhood and she is still abusing people in my family which is unfortunate. She is a narcissist
@J. M thank you for your message. I totally understand what you are saying. You need to put yourself first and have those around you that value and love you. It's freeing when we release toxic people from our life's. I have learnt massive lessons and grown from her hate and hurt. I wish you all the best
Oh my goodness this video WAS SO IMPORTANT to me. The family issues and setting boundaries is exactly what I am dealing with right now and this video was extremely helpful with solidifying what I was just taught about letting go. Thank you for this very lovely conversation and video!
Really comforting and supportive advice. Affirming decisions I’ve made to detach from harmful family dynamics. I’m queer and my family is Christian Baptists. Can’t bridge that gap much.
I don’t enjoy speaking to the vast majority of them. Major guilting, boundary crossing. Feeling much better having my space from them, living in a different city.
It’s still insanely hard. Sometimes I dread awful things like “what if one of my parents passes away soon and I have to decide whether to show up to a funeral?” An example of the fear projection you mention. It doesn’t serve me…..
I grew up in a very toxic family system . I was pit into foster care at 10, because of my mom’s crack addiction. I suffered more abuse. My mom never regained custody of me. I grew up feeling unloved and honestly growing up I felt like a ghost. The only time I got noticed and paid attention to was when I was being sexually abused. That set me up to deal with men who only saw me as sex but I went in trying to be loved. This has been my pattern of relationships all my life. I gave up on men. They only seem to want one thing from me. What really sucks is I’ve never had a relationship with my mom. It’s like she sees me as competition and all she has for me is put downs and comparisons. I literally just isolate myself from people.
I’m so sorry! There is hope! I grew up having to forgive my parents sometimes. And the way I grew up shaped my other relationships. A lot of it I’ve unpacked recently that I didn’t even realize. But I had to forgive because anger only hurts me and not them. And I started praying for them too and they’re growing and getting closer to God.
I’m proud of myself because I’ve created a life for myself where I can communicate with my immediate family and my husband listens and helps me when I’m not being a healer in a given situation. I only have a few close friends and I trust all of them and can retreat to my husband if it gets too overwhelming. Jesus loves all of us and there is hope. ❤
@@laceandribbonsviolin no. She does not have to forgive them to heal. She doesn’t have to forgive anyone if she doesn’t want to
@Anum Kashif there's no such thing as being bitter and healing. Yes, you absolutely MUST forgive to heal. Period! Forgiveness is not for them; it's for her. And just becally.use she forgive, it doesn't mean that she had to trust them again. She can forgive them peacegud go her separate way
@Anum Kashif no such thing as being bitter and healing. Yes, you absolutely MUST forgive to heal. Period! Forgiveness is not for them; it's for her. And just because she forgives, it doesn't mean that she had to trust them again. She can forgive them peacefully and go her separate way.
@Gone Girl, I am Praying for your healing 🙏🏽
@Anum Kashif there's no such thing as being bitter and healing. Yes, you absolutely MUST forgive to heal. Period! Forgiveness is not for them; it's for her. And just becally.use she forgive, it doesn't mean that she had to trust them again. She can forgive them peacegud go her separate way
I think a human must true itself. We have to start to work inside instead of outside. When we learn the difference between selfish and self first the journey begins. We concentrate on love thy neighbor as we love ourselves, but we don't take the time to love ourselves. So love yourself your worth it I promise ♥️
I don't even know where to start. My father is and has always been extremely verbally abusive to my mother, and physically and verbally abusive to my sister and I. Fast forward, I now live with my parents because they're elderly and my mother, who is a Saint, needs my assistants. To this day, he is still verbally abusive, but he's also very manipulative. He is a textbook narcissist, and at times, tries to be very charming as if we don't know the real person. At this point, I am constantly setting boundaries, so much so that I had to call the police on him because he still thinks that he can put his hands on me. Calling the police has sent a clear signal that no, that is not OK, and I'm not going to tolerate it anymore. My sister fortunately has her own place and doesn't have to deal with him, so she has been able to keep her distance for years now!! This whole situation is too much to unpack, but I have been very good at keeping boundaries and keeping to myself even though I stay under the same roof with him.
@Heaven Jones Unfortunately, my mother grew up in an era where she doesn't want a divorce on her resume. She's also a very religious Christian woman, so she does not believe in divorce. It's only abuse if you believe it to be. Otherwise, it's just normal behavior. She's actually grown to ignore this behavior and happens to be one of the most happiest, most pleasant, positive, humans 💜💜
Me on the other hand....not at all, so all I can do is buffer this behavior. If I wasn't there, it would be much worse.
@@ardenmariemccray7700 please be safe. Narcissists are historically homicidal. If he’s physically able why do you believe he won’t? Especially after “exposing” him by involving law enforcement. Move smart & safe plz 🤎🙏🏾
@Ya Gerr he's 88 yrs old. Personally, I could take him if I had to, but only because of the tiny amount of respect I have for him as a human, I haven't physically retaliated. Some narcissistic people also like to front. He doesn't want a police car to show up at his home again (because what will the neighbors think 🥺?), he has learned to curb his behavior. He's the type of person who needs a line drawn for him. Now he knows not to cross it.
@@ardenmariemccray7700 okay if he’s 88 you’re safe 🤎 lol it’s just really scary out here especially for us calling out narcissistic abuse. & thank you for your response, my message came from a good but concerned place and I think you received that ✨
@@yagerr4279I appreciate your concern 💜💜
Netra Tawwab did her thang and all of her advice was very helpful and easily understanding.
My mother was very abusive to me until I finally left at 17 years old- never went back. I am in my 50s now- she is in her 70s and still trying to abuse me- mentally. I think I just need to cut her off COMPLETELY. I HAVE A HEART CONDITION THAT SHE IS AWARE OF TOO....SMH.
Some ppl dont care that ppl have health issues. They will still try you. Just release the offense and move on
I should not be pushed around. None of my family members should be pushed around. Amen.
She is all positive, even when dealing with negative people and abuse and I LOVE THAT SO MUCH. Checking expectations is such a valuable tool.
Both women gave me things to think about. The second made me realize I’m disconnected, due to stress in my childhood. Now I know some things I want to work on.
Me too. Eye opening.
One of the best things I ever did was to stop talking to my dad. The rest of my extended family is pissed about it. The relief is so wonderful that I find I don't give one good fuck about their feelings.
I am creating a club on my university campus inspired by this amazing melanated woman. I’m so happy to watch this video it’s comforting in my battle against oppression to uphold my boundaries.
Oh my word, I'm replaying this as soon as it's over. I need to drink in every detail. You are putting words to my truth that I haven't really been able to articulate, I've just been feeling and experiencing it. Oh my God.
It's the @40:00 mark for me! Sometimes, family members thinks that they get a open pass on bad behavior. Sad
This woman is blessed! So graceful and full of wisdom! Definitely getting her book. 👌🏾
This is amazing conversation and I am grateful for this message!❤
Wow - this women is utterly amazing, first time I've ever watched her. I will be seeking out more stuff. You don't know the full story - hallelluyah!
Thank you so much! I was talking to my therapist about the boundaries that I put in place because family and friends were being very abusive in a moment that I was more vulnerable and this video just appeared. It’s helping me understand better this new stage in my life ❤ god bless you ladies ❤
After decades of living, I've thought and even said some of the things Nedra is saying...but she's so much better at packaging the message than I could ever be. After an hour into the interview she's already dropped so many good lines that I'm buying the audible book before the video ends.
Wonderful!!! Change you and for your benefit... Healthy boundaries protect self... and that's the newness folks must pivot and adjust to. Ultimately, you are showing love to yourself, and demanding that folks adhere to these ways. So good!!!
I love when she said, I'm not loyal to abuse or persecution. I'm only loyal to love. Yes!
It is difficult to deal with toxic people. Most of the time is people near you, people you have trusted for years and then they betray you. It is our decision if we want them in our lives anymore. And the answer is simply no, because people do not change.
My family members try their best to push me around and when I don’t allow it I’m the toxic one whew
That's how it be
@@ceceprincess4758 hmmm it’s sad, now I’m the difficult one because I’m not letting them push me around just because I’m the youngest (even though there are others younger than I am). I didn’t have a problem with it when I was 18, 19, 20. But at 22 I realized they would never respect me. I’m 24 now, I don’t go for family gatherings anymore because all it takes is for my toxic Aunt to try to push me around and everyone else thinks it’s okay to treat me the same. I’m supposed to cater to everyone.
I just came across this video, and I have only gotten 11 mins in, but I must say that I was meant to see this today at this point in my life. Every word Nedra has said has spoken so powerfully to my soul. It feels very personal, and I love that. During this period of growth, I need that.
Okay, let me continue.
I’m literally just floored that I landed onto this video! It’s right where I need to be . God bless you 😢
Damn this is good! I had so many moments where I agreed out loud, and I work in quiet office lol. I LOVED this, I learned so much and reflected so much on my toxic family. I am saving this one and will refer back to it. Thanks to both you Ladies!!
I love what she said about the relationship with the in-laws! That was so deep and powerful.
When my cousin came to me for support I didn’t support her because I had BLOCKED it out. I thought my denial was the truth. It wasn’t until years later when I started to do the work that I remembered and I had to deeply and truly apologize to her for not backing her on her claims.
I absolutely love this therapist.
This just popped up on my feed after other videos on narcissistic killers who are parents. So glad I have discovered this channel and these wonderful ladies. Finally a therapist who understands and helping others on internet where a lot of people are learning from this.
If you're looking for channels on narcissism you may also enjoy Dr Ramani, Narc con, Narcdaily, Little Shaman, Les Carter, Danielle Radin, Crappy childhood fairy. That's ones that come to mind.
To all the people who have been ghosted with no explanation, may you find peace in your heart & enjoy pizza in the sunshine.
Realizing that people rudely removing themselves from our lives is actually a blessing is completely liberating.
Thank you all for sitting down and having this in-depth discussion about setting boundaries and not being pushed around. Because of this video, I have reached out to two people who are near and dear to me and have wronged me to inform them of some boundaries that were abused in the past and to let them know that I won’t tolerate it anymore in the future. One person did apologize but she missed the whole message and even though I reached out to her, I did tell her I’m not ready to come around her yet and she basically asked me to come see her when she gets back in town next week or she can come see me. So I feel as if she missed the end of my message to her.
The other person completely understood where I was coming from and has vowed to not do it again. And there is the difference; some people really hear you and some just give lip service.
Unbelievably good- worked so hard to get to where I am- mostly alone but also with the most amazing husband- the validation this podcast brings to my story and work is freeing! Thank you x
OMG GOLD!!! Thank you, this value is relevant for toxic workplace environments filled with insecure bullies also.
I'm so sorry Lisa for your loss of your pup of 17 years. I wanted to virtually hug you from Australia. xx
Really great conversation, very intelligent. I think it is good to be honest with yourself and I like humble examination of self and personal course correction by following through with actions. The old adage "do unto others as you'd do unto yourself" goes a long way when you decide how to "show up" around others. If someone is toxic, then have that conversation and do it respectfully but if they cannot connect on the subject, then give them the time and space. Don't "push" someone to do something they don't want to do.
This is fantastic. So much gr8 knowledge, and wisdom shared here. My relationship with my adoptive dad has been a tough one and it bleeds into my relationship with my fiance. I have been wanting to heal the "father wound" for so long, but haven't been able to find the best approach. I think, through watching this video, that I have touched on the path
Im so appreciative listening to this woman speak.
More of Nedra Tawwab! I really think it is such a good topic about boundaries with all people, not just about love relationships🙏🏽🌼
Wow. To minimize a person's harm ...... that says a lot to me.
Yes, thank you for not throwing the "other" under the bus but how to help ourselves and stop blaming! Solution rather than problem focused - God bless you and your work.
Thank you so much for having this incredibly empatheic, not to mention insightful, woman as a guest and I've only been listening for about ten minutes! ❤
I love Nedra she is able to speak straight to me via her book it is so good!!
I can’t watch all 😭. But spot on. Amazing to hear someone say it, when even with decades of therapy, a life of pain but still you try and get knocked down again (and again). Though you swore that it would never reach the next generation, it’s reached through the next too. Shine a light 💡 stop the ongoing generational horrors
The one thing that my Mom taught me is that you teach people how to treat you. After leaving an abusive marriage. I have done a lot of looking inward looking, spiritual work, and learned that I get to decide when, if, and how I act or react to others. As an adult, I have to tell people in my life at times that it's best to rest on issues when it began feels like my negative marriage and it's no longer productive, loving and kind. As young children we absolutely learn how to treat others and how to be treated. However, we can reinvent and shift our thinking to be more of 1 Corinthians 16:14. Let all that you do be done in love. Boundaries states I am not okay with this action, interaction, or whatever.
Recently started a relationship with my ex- husband's new girlfriend and set boundaries right out the gate. I let her know that if it no longer is positive, respectful, or something that is uplifting my son I will discontinue the relationship. I don't want to be part of any mess or messiness. I am about my kids and positivity.
Some ppl love toxicity they enjoy the toxic ppl n relationship that's how they accept love care n upliftment they r comfortable being in that environment so how bout we let them stay there but for those who wanna get out u can take the leap b confident b bold ur Blessed n favored n beautiful inside n out
It's not only for sanity it's for survival.
Yes
This video is so powerful and has helped me with what 'ive been wrestling through for a few years up until now-today. I finally get it now! Seesh, all ideas of my mom, brothers, sister, and finding My father alone.. It is rewarding to believe in what I have become,.THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I have changed! only great things come my way.
I am in my 40’s and my mom tried to hit me the other day and she is constantly putting me down telling that I am basically not lovable and telling me that my divorce from my narc ex is my fault. What’s worst is that she gets my sister in on it ,and they attack me together. As you can imagine this is very difficult , I have to live with her at this time due to financial issues. At this point I don’t want a relationship with my sister because her of lack empathy for me is amazing
Mama is toxic, maybe psychopath, best get out asap. My mother tried to destroy me on many levels. She was very abusive when we were young and thought things had changed being away from her for years while raising babies. But NO. Still wants to kill me if she could get away with it. I don’t trust that she wouldn’t get away with it, after a lifetime of witnessing all the abuses, not only in me.
It’s toxic and we can’t mend being near them.
Yes I know am trying my best to find a job to get out
If she raises her hand to you again, knock her teeth out. You have the power
@@cicithatzme132 😂 👏
@@cicithatzme132 I understand this is about respect and if I want respect, I have to respect her as well so I will not be hitting her, she is elderly
Manipulation is not love! Controlling others is not love!
Do we need to go to the people who caused the harm to validate the harm❤️🔥
You will never get the validation you want from the person who caused the hurt .sad but true .you just have to get it through yourself
I tried to get validation from my cult like family.. they about faced and went on radio silence like I didn’t exist… I was so lost without all that I knew.. but now my block game sever ties no matter the time game or relation game boundary game.. it’s so awesome where I am now… the peace😊
Such a relief! I'm tired of trying to find the ending.
To have love infused with abuse and neglect is very confusing.
You have no idea how bad I needed this. Sometimes I start questioning myself, been doing that the past few days. The timing is perfect. Thank you ❤
28:18 OMG! To hear a professional acknowledge this and truly, everything these two amazing women are discussing is exactly the content on this subject that I have been looking for! Way to go UA-cam Algorithm 😂- finally! Thank you for sharing this information. Grateful 🙏💜✨
"But it's your mom" how many times have I heard that? Way too many😡 If they could only see how my mom treats me behind closed doors😥
I actually understand! We are not alone but sometimes it feels that way 💞
My sister in law opened my mail and her husband said she did nothing wrong. That's more than enough for me.
Throughout my twenties i held uncountable 'conversations of progress' with negative projectors (family, friends, intimate partners, work) desperately trying to heal their negative energy. I will be 30 this year and have truly discovered during this decade that time will always hold you where you need to be and that's life.. today I independently continue to evolve towards the comfort of a healthy future to run back to because "When projectors are in their world of denial and causing unintentional harm - They still struggle to acknowledge, communicate and take responsibility for the fact that.. they still caused harm." and that is time i no longer have to waste.
Wow love this 👏🏾 my current issue is actually taking that step day by day. I've come far by God's grace, but I still have moments where I freeze up and assume the "child role", especially with my husband's family. I feel like I should just sit quietly as someone who married into the family but I want to speak up for myself and for my husband
Words are powerful. But mostly our words affects us, not the other person
I had to watch this episode. This woman’s insight is amazing and so much what I need during this time of life.
Ms Tawwab, you come across soooo well on camera. You are great at this! You are calm, collected and professional. And you sound incredibly intelligent.
Wow! Such great advice! Great interview.I totally have to buy the book
I love you both!❤ I'm getting better at drawing lines after my whole life of not. I'm 66 now. Spent 50 yrs with narc nex. Catered to my narc mother. It's empowering! Thank you!!
She is very pretty and smart. No guy gonna be able to take advantage of her in Any shape or form.
Speak, speak, speak the truth!
Learning how to set boundaries, realistic expectations, and tolerance skills to deal with those unavoidable people who more difficult to deal with.
Needed this today. 😊 thank you!!
This has me in tears!! I struggle with being "loyal" to my sibs & mother.
This was an incredibly helpful interview. Thank you both so much. I've learnt so much, and my life is now changed x
I have changed and I believe it is for my better or own good. Thank you for noticing this change. Greatly worded.
This has been one of the most impactful episodes for me! Thank you both for sharing your words and wisdom 💜💜👏
It's such a healthy conversation my soul and mind needed this 🙌🏾🙏🏾
I needed this,came at the right time
I’m not loyal to abandonment yes! I’m loyal to love love myself first !