They jump in the water, scream I'm drowning, ask you to save them, then blame you for being wet, the water and the fact they can't swim, save themselves by drowning you, then, once on shore, ask why you're in the water.
We were over the road trucking and when we stopped at a truck stop, another trucker who we had passed on the interstate, told my HEX husband "your wife has a thousand watt smile". My hex said in a nasty tone of voice ; "Do You Want to BUY her ?...she's for Sale". ---Embarrased me and the kind trucker.
@@AvecPoesie The Bible states: "A wicked man listens to lying lips; a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue." - Proverbs 17:4 Those who blindly listen to toxic gossipers & slanderers only reveal their own natures!! Many times they are 'benefitting' from such narcissists!!
I have openly asked my Nar, what does he do for me? That shuts him up. Almost came close to broken down fully, up until I came across Dr. Carter and Dr Ramani:)
He said the reason he was discarding me was because I'd been complaining too much about his behaviour! 🤣🤣 So it was my fault for wanting the abuse to stop! Narcissists behave exactly as they want to, and then play the victim to maintain their image. It's all about facade management and avoiding their shame.
Narcissists infer that you have to earn their love and or respect; but never provide a real pathway for that to ever happen. No matter what you do for them, you can never build up any reserve of goodwill with them. Ever.
Exactly I fall in the cycle for 1.5 yrs. Now, I am in no contact. But I am thinking about my worth, trust issues & rejection trauma. I was extremely manipulated over n over again.
Do it! Then Deny it!! What a smart game! That was my Mother. If ever called on anything--she could and would immediately transform herself into the innocent victim with sad pitiful eyes that begged for empathy. And it worked every time.
These narcissistic individuals piss me off to all levels, they are relentless in their OWN direction. I can't say how SORRY I am for your stolen innocence. I am glad you're here getting her back. I am So Proud of You for finding the way home
@@unconversantcallowincandes1540 They piss us ALL off to ALL levels. Well, well. The world's ABUSERS that claim VICTIM STATUS the moment they're backed into a corner or simply caught with proof too!!! Sounds like our politicians! Oh, the world we live in! The Word of God says a toxic person's own hate and envy will eventually consume them. I'm paraphrasing but it's sure in there. It's the same ending for all of them. It's where the CHOICE to be toxic and cause any type of suffering to other living beings ends them up! Then they have to provide an account for themselves as we all will one day. Wow. I wouldn't want to be one of them. There's only two choices to make. Choose wisely. I see many wise people that comment on these A+ rated narcissism awareness channels. Not all narc channels are equal. Great job as usual Dr. C. Blessings today everyone!
This kind of abuse puts a person in a very low place. Once the narcs are removed you’re left feeling beat down, unliked, alone, and worthless. It hurts your healthy relationships. Building confidence and self respect after narcissistic abuse has been the hardest part 😢
I fell into extreme loneliness, confusion, sadness, panic attacks, anxiety, shaking, loss of sleep, then when i found out she cheated the entire marriage and decieved me so strongly, i loss sleep, ruminations, extremely messed up dreams, loss of control, impulsive. I felt borderline. Even suicidal ideations like i wished i would just have a heartattack or get hit by a car. But once i found out the truth of this behavior and lies, even though that closure made me feel worse it also streamlined me back to sanity. I still cant let go of some of the messages like," ill never take you back, we need extreme counseling" before i found out she was gaslighting me. Or ," im sorry you feel this way" and not once her taking any accountability and shifting every guilt and blame onto me while she is monkey branching and sleeping with anyone down at the bars whike i was paying for marriage counseling getting torn apart by a counselor and her whike shes lying and the counselor is eating the act up. Once i found the truth i exposed her in counseling and said both of you are horrible for doing this to me, i said the game is over and presented evidence of her affairs and how im not the problem. I dont cut myself, i didnt cheat, i didnt lie, i didnt abuse her emotionally, and i will own reacting to the pain she caused me, so sorry but i no longer love you anymore for what you have projected this last couple months, and ive been victimized for months!
Same I feel hopeless,helpless,lonely,confused I ruminate and disassociate a lot I am hoping That I will be able to get me and my siblings out of here before I even turn 16.
“This egotistical lying bully is disqualified from pronouncing any kind of judgment over you.” Rewind that and listen to that as many times needed whenever needed. Thx Dr.C!!!
1000%! That line rang out like audio neon for me! Now iit look quite some time to get to that point, but just keep going, you will feel light and free again if you cut them out of your life (if no kids).
@@christar9527 Wow. You must be going through what I'm feeling right now. God bless you and let's be our best selves. Meditation and going outside in nature helps me a lot. And pay more attention to the people who love us. I just took some ibuprofen to a friend that has a toothache. That's what I want to do more of. I know that will make that person even angrier, but that's his problem. We are good people. We know what it means to be a mature human being. Sorry I had to get that out for myself and you.
Narcissists are like crying babies. They always complain, blame and comdemn firstly you then other people or life itself. They cannot handle truth in a reasonable way. Thank you Dr. Carter🙏❤
Tell a child repeatedly that "The world would be a better place without you" and then wonder why the child is depressed with suicidal tendencies? Such a mystery......
It’s that sort of thing which creates narcissists. They develop false selves in order to survive. At least it did with my extremely narcissistic ex wife.
I found myself saying things like "I feel like an animal in a cage being poked by a stick until it's out of its mind." "I feel like giving to you is pouring money down a rat hole, it's never enough, you always want more." "You think I'll never leave." "No one in my life treats me this way." If they provoke you until you are a screaming banshee, and the rest of the time in your life you're a sane and rational human being, maybe it's not you that's the problem.
I feel for all of those going through narcissistic abuse and actually don’t know it. I was one of those people. Constant silence, threatening to break up the relationship every time I brought up his misbehaving. He would treat me like crap, then when I brought it up he would say at least I’m not complaining, you’re always complaining. He was doing stuff behind my back, traveling alone, silence until his trips were over..: then pretending like nothing happened. These people are monsters.
Yes they are. The only joy or goodness they make themselves feel derives from destroying others. They get off on hurting and inflicting pain in somebody else, yet whine that everyone else is doing it to them. Its all smoke~n~mirrors(deception), which Jesus said it would exactly be this way in the end of days. God bless you all. ❤🙏☺👍
Idk if it is a coincidence my mom never answers when i speak to her it is not uncommon on its worst days to say something thirty times by then i am-being louder /but get called things or shamed bc i am then yelling. Its so annoying.
True Real Monsters and I have nightmares at night and because I'm living with a narcissist now, I have remember he don't care about me so Im silent until I'm out of this place.
It sounds as if you got out of the situation. Which is awesome! After we wake up to reality with the narcissists, We often have a choice & so why stay and subject ourselves to more ? ? ?
"Rejection trauma", this is the first time I learned this term and the many examples. My mother used to set me up for failure just to yell and scream which included a lot of rejection trauma. As an adult I can recognize it and deal with it, but I couldn't as a child. Interestingly, after years of healing, I am surprised at how I have surrounded myself with uplifting friends. Toxic behaviors have become severely intolerable to me anymore. Now I need to continue working on my reactions to them.
Laura, DR. Carter coach us, Im listening, applying every single aspect. please know, youtube gave me loads of resources to apply. therapy and case mgmt let me go. I talked with them about my trauma and said they are unequipped to help me. OKC Sooner Care age 41 committed to change. Listen, learn, change. if there any clinicians that treat complex trauma with art, music and CBT NOT meds I need the help. Im doing ok with meds.
Narcissists think you don't deserve anything including basic human rights.They think you should be okay with inhumane treatment because they think it's right for you.
@@dipalibandodkar8483 it so true, even if you have genuinely told them your feelings, feelings are NEVER HEARD. Its about what they want. Taking my time to heal now. But its hard.. .
@@jengable4888 Exactly, and then they list everything they've ever done for you, which at the time was "out of the goodness of their hearts" and meant they were such good people, and now how dare you throw it back in their face, and it's a list used to guilt trip, control, manipulate, so that you don't think like a sovereign individual with your own boundaries, but obey them even more because [insert list].
@@DarthShadie ..I would agree, and it depends what it is you are referring to. For example, a narcissist parent may state, "See we provided medical care" when _____ happened. Well, if you did not, then that is considered medical neglect. Another tactic may be to use religion as a weapon to guilt, shame, or to justify blatant abuse. They may take a religious passage out of context, and apply it toward a very dysfunctional situation, to justify the controlling behavior/abuse, or deflect taking any responsibility for their actions. While I personally have religious beliefs, I would never use those beliefs to justify abusing someone. Another situation may involve landlord/tenant abuse, whereas, the landlord who is also a narcissist, may circumvent the responsibilities of the rental unit, and when confronted by someone in a position of authority regarding the legitimate complaint, may lash out at the individual who filed the complaint. The problem with this is instead of realizing that there are actual legitimate issues, they would rather gaslight, manipulate, lie about, and harass the tenant who had a legitimate complaint. While none of us are perfect, I believe the difference lies in the fact that functioning individuals have introspection. They can contemplate a situation and try to figure out, the best course of action at the time, (forethought), what their role was of a past event (if any at all), to learn from past mistakes, learn from others, and be mindful.
@@jengable4888 I agree. Sometimes someone realises what they said comes off as manipulation and make amends and never do it again. But I've had bosses, a parent, exes, repeatedly do this. And that's the key. A one off, we can talk about and get past it. Repeated manipulation, constantly every time they want something, and never admitting guilt or fault, that's abuse. And with the parent, even just because this person was unhappy with a life choice or I said no and set boundaries, they did the list thing. Ugh. It gets old.
The "I'm a victim" game is particularly dangerous when played in a group situation - such as a church. The crocodile tears act in the midst of a group of friends/fellow Christians whilst studying the bible is manipulative and destructive for the true victim. Whilst the "pretend " victim, shedding copious tears, gets understanding and sympathy for being treated so badly, the genuine victim is no longer trusted and if a Pastor is present, may be reprimanded and asked to leave the church, which is traumatizing. Why the narcissist is believed and the victim is not believed, will always remain a mystery to me. Some Pastors seem to lack knowledge about these things, which is why Dr Carter's videos are so precious and necessary.....Thank you and keep revealing these sins, Dr Carter....the church needs you. The world needs you!
A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul. Proverbs 18:7 A wicked man listens to evil lips; a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue. -Proverbs 17:4 Narcs and verbal & emotional abusers are supported by other toxic people, many times benefitting from the narc..money, favors...or join the narcs as they are jealous of the one they have targetted. May the Lord punish the abusers, and protect the innocent from all evil. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. James 1:26
Sadly this is correct. I love our Creator. But have been slandered by an older sibling etc. For years now. Only to find that I am still being spoken of so badly. I just don't need to be hurt anymore. I pictured this...Joseph in a deep dark prison I Egypt after what Potifar's wife lied and accused him of. I knew how Joseph got through all of that. He knew his truth.And even though others including his family what he suffered...BUT he knew his truth and so did his Creator. That got him through. That is the only thing that did. Eventually things were set straight as it were. However I just realized a few weeks ago that this is still going on...I did no such thing as was alluded to in a conversation with a member of the faith we share(?) Who I had not spoken to in sometime. I just called to offer condolences of a mutual spiritual member and elder. I am so dismayed. I truly hope they all can square this with God one-day. I can never reach out to them again. I am not putting myself through this again.
@@sudhakhristmukti1930 yes Sudha......jealousy of the target is the cause of all this toxicity......as you correctly discerned. The abuser however, would never be able to see this and would be horrified to realise that their toxic jealousy is the underlying cause/ problem. Jealousy, however, must be hard to admit to in a Christian.
@@teresadexter9965 Dear one, they DO know they are jealous...but it is their very intention to be jealous, envious...and they also cannot bear someone living in peace! So they provoke directly,(verbal & emotional abuse) indirectly ( by setting up others against the target-person, by spreading lies, vicious untruths to isolate the target... ) They know what they are doing...it is a deliberate act...but they won't admit it due to extreme arrogance. Also, they do not wish to change. Its a power game..they want to dominate the target.
This is exactly what happened when I went no contact with my narc mother. Since then she has told people horrible (and untrue) things about me to make herself the perpetual victim. I'm glad I walked away.
Fantastic that you walked away. Staying with abusers if a mammoth regret, since it’s been 20 years. It took me forever to figure out what all the ghosting, drama, emotional attacks, etc were about.
I remember thinking so often how is it possible for one human being to talk to someone like this and to treat someone like this. It drives you crazy to the point, can I really be hearing this? For so long I didn’t trust my own thoughts or my own reality.
I think we all did this. When meeting thus said, "toxic person", aka "narc". They have a sob story ready to go. Whether it's real or perceived. It's like bait on a hook to "catch" the next supply. Truly weird, negative, hurtful, evil beings we have in this world. I'm not one of them, and don't play by their game rules anymore. They're players who have "got game" alright. Sick, sick, people. I'll be sticking with board games from here on out. My life, my feelings and my soul are to be taken seriously.
EXACTLY! “Truly weird, negative, hurtful….” So true. There is no logic or figuring it out, …. they - narcs - are a pit of unhappiness & they aim to take others with them ….. into misery
The particular narcissist I was stuck with blamed me for failing, then shamed me for succeeding, keeping me in a state of perpetual confusion for not being able to do anything right. It has taken me years to figure out that all this person really wanted to do was to find clever, cunning ways in which to hurt people. Once we realize this, the whole relationship starts to unravel. Everything they do or say is false, meaningless, null and void. Everything they proclaim is a lie and everything they appear to stand up for is an empty hollow gesture, because they have no standards at all. Now they have completely lost their credibility and we can no longer take them seriously, and this frees us up to be exactly who we have always wanted to be and do exactly what we have always wanted to do. We are ready to reach for the stars.
This egotistical lying bully is completely disqualified from pronouncing judgment over you. You have to generate distance from the narcissist to make room for the emotional rehab. Let’s practice self care and self preservation, self love and self trust far away from the narcisistic bullies. Thank you dr Carter 😊❤
This egotistical, lying bully is completely not qualified from pronouncing any kind of judgment over me. Well said! This is one of the best quotes Dr. C!
The egotistical lying narcissistic bully is disqualified from pronouncing any judgement over me or you. We don’t engage with evil. On any level. Thank you 🙏 dr Carter. God bless you ❤
My covert narcist ex partner was very good in that in the beginning when we started to talk with eachother. I did not know anything about narcissism and the way covert narcissists behave, which tactics they use. When she told me her stories about her younger years, her marriage, divorce, her children, her family and how she was treated by her colleagues I really felt sad for her. Not knowing this was part of her plan and way to get me on her side. That is so sad that people do this.
My exiting husband was very similar to your ex. He was an amazing man, un the beginning! Told me his trauma from Nutty parents & i am sure there was truth in it, just not the whole truth so I couldn’t see him & them for who they all are.
Same with my ex. Everything was about how people mistreated her. After the idealization phase and then her devaluing me, and never taking any accountability for herself or her actions I see how she will most likely talk about me, in the future too.
For me “I’m the victim” was used to evoke empathy from supplier( me) and it also fits with NPD being superior… but others are to blame for any (apparent) lack of success.
I got hooked and trapped by the "I'm so misunderstood. So betrayed." Two months later it was I who got labeled "Judas" for doing nothing but tolerating the abuse and the flying monkeys for the sake of being a good loyal friend. Alas, good loyal friendship is a two-way street and abuse is never a part of it.
This hit the nail on the head! The bully is disqualified from passing judgement, rejection, and trauma on another human being. I am my own leader. I do not accept judgement from narcissistic persons who have not done the inside work to become mature.
My aunt once sent me a sympathy card and wrote in it "Sorry you have so many problems" when I started setting boundaries with my parents. I still crack up over that.
So true my parent who has narcissistic traits is "disappointed" and disgusted" by almost everyone! This includes their partner children, grandchildren or random relatives and neighbors. When you spend a few more minuets you understand it is projection and orchestration ! The hollow shell !
Happily mine was so shocked when I called her out for her behaviour, specifically having abused me for years by engaging in spiteful tit-for-tat petty actions out of revenge for me not having met expectations, she’s been silent for over two months. 🥳 not out of the woods yet, but healing daily!
@@evonne315 interesting. I’ve had no contact for 70 days since she attacked me in the street, and got a full unload about her narcissistic abuse from her mother and of me - ships that pass in the night now… no eye contact, and I cross the street if I see her coming… but I think the words landed…
Thank you Dr. C. This sounds similar to the " drama triangle". The perpetrator always ends up being the victim, especially when we don't engage. To me, their behavior is so predictable. Sometimes, I laugh quietly to myself and think " we are right on schedule" . Humor is a great coping mechanism for me, but was not possible until I detached emotionally. ☮️
The scariest thing to me is the man I was with for 11 years was a therapist. I'll spare you the horror stories but I finally stood up to him and left. I've been in therapy for 18 months and am slowly beginning to feel like I am someone who has value and worth. These videos make me cry sometimes but they also give me hope. Thank you Dr. Carter for helping so many people. I hope that one day I will feel whole again.
Yep, it's been exhausting being rejected until I appear to be useful again - over and over again. All my life. My favorite was when I was rejected for being pregnant, and had decided that I had enough of lies and death, and I wanted to keep my baby and be a mother when I was 30. I was single. A grown adult woman. Neither my malignant narcissist father nor my minion mother (who was mainly preoccupied with hypochondria and pleasing my father), spoke with me or saw the baby for several years after rejecting pregnant me because I was a single parent and did not abort my baby. My baby is 33 years old now. The only reason my mother called me one time when I was pregnant (around 3 months or so) and at work, was to tell me to get an abortion. My mother was more concerned with what everyone else would think than with my happiness. My brother had not been dead for a year yet when all these shenanigans and rejections were going on... I could tell so much more. A lifetime to untangle. If you are married to a malignant narcissist and you have small children. Be brave, get help, and get yourself and your children to mental and physical safety. My mother was not always what she became. I have brief memories from when I was very small, remembering my mother still trying to be a genuinely loving and healthy mother to my brother and me.
Why were you single? What happened to the father ? Pre 1965s (hormonal birth control) being a single mother was a social stigma. Your father/mother would have been raised with that mentality.
@@bolt-dbtfg The father left me when I was 3 months pregnant. He wanted me to abort the baby. Are you trying to fault my situation in some way or question my life. It's really none of your business to judge that I chose to have my baby and she was born in 1988. You seem to be a know it all. I have a beautiful daughter. The only child I have and she is now an engineer and research scientist in a very happy relationship with another engineer. She owns her own home and is quite successful in her engineering career. If I had listened to her father who left us while I was still pregnant and NEVER paid any child support, I would not have had the lifetime joy of being a mother to a beautiful and brilliant daughter. I raised her by myself while I worked fulltime to support us both. I suggest you worry about how you lead your own life instead of trying to peg how my life is and should have gone like I am just a cog in a time machine and societal wheel.
How awful. My covert narcissistic mother tried to force me to abort when I became pregnant as a teen but my boyfriend threatened to sue her for killing our baby when he'd be old enough, and she let us marry. She ignored us for a year or so but later decided she wanted our daughter and set about brainwashing her against us. I didn't know, so let her babysit and take our little girl on holiday when I was working. Before she died at 80 she wrote her "story of my life" blaming everyone else for her mistakes, taking credit for her sister's accomplishments etc and made out that she was the heroine who rescued our baby from us. My daughter thinks it's wonderful and believes they were soul mates.
Your daughter is lucky to have a Mom who broke the cycle of abuse so she didn't have to suffer it too. Don't ever let anyone make you believe otherwise.
There's this one narcissistic woman in my life no one can unmask because the picture she paints of herself as the eternal victim. She is a well established, financially independent woman and yet such low self esteem and portrayal of cognitive dissonance.
Well established and financially independent. Unfortunately, this evil fallen world evolves around money & beauty. People show favoritism towards the wealthy (and sexy). Jezebel was like that. She was very prominent, wealthy & sexy. The evil demonic spirit narcissistic people are overtaken with is called the Jezebel Spirit. The Pharisees had this same evil spirit. They ultimately nailed God (Jesus) to a cross, because He tried to removed their mask. The good news is, God overcame evil when He rose from the dead (Isaiah 53 & Psalm 110:1).
@@jsf8145 evil spirits are no joke. I guess there's knowledge of Narcs and strategies and spiritual rejuvenation to save us from this hell of evil spirits
@@d3l3tes00n Emotionally underdeveloped people. It's Good vs Evil (Jeremiah 17:9-10). God is Good (Psalm 14:1). Narcissists are evil in need of repentance & giving their life over to God (Psalm 51:5). God defeated the evil spirits (evil religious Pharisees) that nailed Him to a cross and He (Jesus) rose from it (Psalm 110:1). Daniel 7:13,14 Matthew 5:17
No spirits involved. The reality of these people is scary enough without terrifying ourselves with make-believe superstitions about evil spirits. Thankfully, there's nothing supernaturally bad about them, just a monstrously distorted and toxic human psyche that needs to be studied by experts and avoided by the rest of us.
Oh yes! I lost all confidence in myself. The constant gaslighting, and turning everybody against me made me wonder why i was even alive if i was that worthless. Thanks to Dr Carter making me understand that it was not about me I found my sense of self-worth and peace. Thank you Dr C!
I think what Bill W. was to AA Dr. C is for us who find ourselves in the clutches of abusive narcs. There are not enough likes to all those who share the reality of their lives and the power it floods the lies we all suffer from. Thanks Dr C for being a caring facilitator to get the meeting started...
When I was about 14 I asked my father why he always spoke to me so disrespectfully. He said that respect has to be earned and I'd never done anything worth respecting.
That’s some bullshit I respect everyone they don’t have to “work for it” or “earn it” respect is the the first step in building a relationship with anyone. My father always spoke to me with respect.
It always requires some degree of courage and confidence to make ourselves vulnerable, which is essential for intimacy, in our relationships, especially our intimate, romantic relationships and/or with family and/or friends who know us so well. It's key to remember that the discard or silent treatment happen because of the narcissist's needs, wants and limitations far moreso than because of something about us.
My mother has told me TWICE that she is never going to approve of me. You have described my life!! God help these people because they inflict so much pain.
The biggest problem I had with leaving my Narcissistic Ex was the fact that I felt so bad that he lived in this fake reality of anger and hate that I felt like I was leaving a broken person to the wolves if I did leave.
instead of the statement: "The world would be a better place without you" , I got statements that he would be better off without me, such as I would be liberated, I wouldn't be so lonely, i would be happier.... if you weren't in my life. After 35 years of this simmering in the background of our marriage, i can now see how damaging these statements were to my self esteem. I lived in this marriage feeling so strongly that I wasn't good enough and this amounted to years of insidious rejection. I am out of this marriage for four years now but healing from the rejection trauma is taking the most time.
They do want to minimize pouring the kerosene and lighting the match. THANK YOU! I have said this almost verbatim to a narcissist in my life. I told them, You are like a person that sets a house on fire and then comes back with a fire extinguisher to try to put it out and expects to be praised. Unreal. 🙁 The sad part is they actually believe they are the victim.
Thank you so much for your compassion and gentle presence Dr C - it means the world to me, and I presume to many of us traumatised people. This one was SO spot for me. These narcissists are an example of how ugly & pathetic human beings can be. And to think, the main one I have dealt with for decades came out of a charmed (spoilt brat) childhood - total entitlement and self grandiosity. Sickening.
My neighbor is my narcissist and he told me flat out I'm making him do what he's doing to me he's harassing me he poisoned my grass he does all kinds of petty crap to harass me but it's my fault I'm making him do it because I won't do what I'm told.. so there lol
Wow. This video is so true. I was actually called "disgusting and a no skill-set" in front of my entire family by my older narcissistic brother. Thanks for your words, Dr. C. "It's inexcusable for one human being to speak words of rejection and trauma into another." "This egotistical, lying bully is completely disqualified from pronouncing any kind of judgements over you!" Steady on! Team Healthy!
I dealt this with grown men who masqueraded as strong, attractive people that every woman wanted and they could pick and choose which women they’d keep around, but as soon as I caught onto their games of rejection and discarding, they go into a rabbit hole of how trauma and rejection from other women makes them more sympathetic than me, the actual victim of their malignant behavior. And they would basically tell me if I criticize or discard them, then I was just like the women they hated growing up…
This is all true and has happened over a long span of time. Unfortunately cutting off the source is the successful path to my healing and it is working. Allowing myself to disqualify their judgement of me gets easier every day. Just started counseling. 🙏Namaste
I've had this play out where I tried to be friends with people, got all the rejection constantly, but occasionally they'll be nice so that you think that they are friends, even though your gut instinct is telling you otherwise. You are confused as hell so you keep them in your circle, but one day you find out that they are responsible for something that happened to you that really hurt you. When you find that out, you finally see them for what they are - so you decide that it's time to cut them out completely because there is no longer any conflict between your gut feeling about the person(s) involved, and the confusing nicety that they sometimes project and when that happens, they, and only they are the victim! It has got to the point where you no longer want to discuss it with them and work things out to try and make it better (you tired to do that along, long time ago with them when there was a 'perceived' misunderstanding and you wanted to mend the friendship, but all they did was make you feel like you were abusing them.) For you it's ended, but twist - they now want to try and work things out with you and if you don't you are the big bad bully! I hope this makes sense, but there was a situation I was in with some people where this happened. It bothered me for a long time and I find it very difficult to trust new people because of it to the point where I become more reclusive than I was before. If you are an introvert, making friends with people is very difficult so you will hold on to the 'friends' that you do make even if they aren't ideal, so you end up with lots of baggage afterwards.
This may sound strange, but most introverts have quiet hobbies they enjoy, like books, crafts, etc. You can usually find similar introvert friends in clubs for those hobbies. Introverts can be great friends with other introverts.
there is nothing worse than loving someone and being told all the time how worthless you are. I am so disregarded that I try not to believe it but I can't help but believe it anymore. Sometimes it's hard to choose between losing your home, your insurance, your healthcare, and hearing these rejection words over and over. I can't figure out anymore what is what.
Good point: there is nothing like loving someone while they tell you that you are a piece of trash, garbage, that your whole life is a waste, and you ruined their life.
Dr. C, I struggle between showing compassion and feeling angry. A lot of Narcs and “damaged” people have been victims at some point in their life. Is it normal to feel sorry for them, but also think they’re a piece of turd???
People like that I have decided to think of like rabid dogs. I’m sorry they got bit an now have rabies, but they are too dangerous for my own safety and health to get too close to.
Yes, I feel compassion for the two narcissists in my life because I understand that their sickness originated from early childhood traumas and that they are harming those closest to them and losing out on potentially loving, supportive relationships because of their toxicity. I also recognize, however, that they can't be trusted with my heart....grey rock.
Normal person: "The situation is this, and here are the facts to corroborate that." Narcissist: "Wrong, because I have alternate facts!" (where have we heard that term before...?)
My sister has been stuck in this for 18 years and we have been stuck in it with her. I have come to the conclusion the games will go on until the day she dies, hard reality, she has had therapy etc. but doesn't see him for the devil that he is. He has abused her in every way but she still feels sorry for him. I give up.
I can't breathe around you is what he said! And I cannot believe that I prayed for you when you had cancer and this is what I get as a treatment to me! This is what flipped it for me as I decided that after 38 years it was time to think of my own mental health and wellbeing.
It doesn't hurt when it comes from the blatantly transparent. When you realise they're ill, you'll always have the upper hand that they wish they could have.
Thank you Dr Carter! This was very comfortable and reassuring. My sister played this game with her teenage daughter and myself. We never knew when she was gonna erupt on one of us. We just made ourselves small to avoid being targeted. Her latest rampage targeted me. She became enraged at a small thing that happened and escalated until she was screaming at me nose to nose. I just said “you aren’t going to intimidate me “. That made her insanely enraged and out of nowhere she punched me in the face. As I tried to regain my composure; she began choking me screaming “die!”. I was in shock. All I could do was call out to her daughter to help me. As I was about to lose consciousness, her daughter pulled her away from me. By that time, the neighbors had called the police. As soon as my sister saw them she purposely grabbed MY cell phone and cowered in a corner so the officers could see that she was the victim. No charges were pressed even though there were obvious bruises on my neck. Since it was her apartment; I was given 10 minutes to gather as much as I could and leave. She has since flipped the script and told my family that I had assaulted her. I’m so worried about her 14 year old daughter and 2 year old son…they don’t deserve to live with this!!
Thank you so much Wes! Your consistent message has helped me to rebuild my life. I can not say enough to let you know my gratitude. I am practicing self-care, self-validation, and validation from people that I trust and what a difference it makes. I feel as though I am waking up from a life-long nightmare. So much appreciation!
As always you help me so much..My dad died last April & my mom moved in with us in June..Have a sister and brother who have “control” issues but do not want to help Mom.. Long story short..Went through months of attempted manipulation because they were no longer in charge..I finally broke when Mom broke her arm..It hit me hard that my sister could legally take her away and put her in a home because she was given power of attorney by my dad..I literally broke and told mom all that was being said about her going to a home and that I wouldn’t be able to do anything..She confronted my sister and made it known she wanted to live with me…Now the narcissist is coming out with both my sister and brother..They now are playing “victim” as if I had done something..I’m truly trying to stay out of it..They don’t call mom and cancel any lunches she tries to set up..I am “No Contact” with my sister because EVERYTIME I talk with her the manipulation starts..I only text her because I think that would be allowed in court if that ever happened..She wants verbal conversations only so I have said “Enough and no more”..It is very sad because mom really needs all her kids but I don’t know what else to do..When mom is gone the no contact will become permanent..Life is too short for this type of drama, manipulation, and “poor me” antics..Thanks Dr. c!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks..It makes one feel crazy to even “think” someone can be this disturbed,,My first inclination is to think it’s all me but I’m learning..Still shocked that all this can be true but learning..
Yes, they make out that you’ve caused all the trouble, and they’re the ones who are the victim. They sneakily twist the whole situation around as if you’re the perpetrator . Sick !
That's something I have a bit of trouble understanding. Just because a person doesn't tolerate something another person does, this doesn't mean the person themselves is being rejected. It's the behavior which is being rejected.
Yes, that is how it should be, in a healthy relationship. BUT the narcissist makes it personal. They do things to you, then when you resist, they make YOU the problem, it's all your fault, and nothing you do is ever good enough. I lived with it for almost 20 years. I KNOW it was not my behavior that was so bad, but he just could not allow me to have any success, as it would overshadow his. He told me over and over, any success I had was because of him. Even after we divorced, and I lost my home to a house fire, and rebuilt without his help, he came by to see our daughter. I mentioned how a disaster turned into a blessing, and he even said THAT was because of him. And anything bad that happened to him was my fault. You see, they have to have a scapegoat, so they can be the perpetual victim.
@@realhealing7802 I just Thank God for guiding me to these videos, I was so lost before I found out what I was dealing with, makes total sense now...and I REFUSE.
I totally agree with the doctor on his above remarks and comments on the matter. Narcissists always blame others about everything, not because they are to be blamed, but because it is the way they use most to show that since you did not succumb to my controlfreakiness and you did not do what I demanded from you , or since you did not give what I wanted exactly as I wanted when I wanted it, then you will suffer for your decision and stance to stand up for yourself. It is one of their most usual techniques on their victims. A healthy person that receives a narcissistic attack, becomes the victim, and he/she is the only true victim here. I will add a personal experience to what I already typed. I was personally attacked physically by two people in a gym while I was speaking to someone else. These two people broke my jaw, and caused me a lot of pain and suffering for almost a year. They were put up to it, by certain narcissistic people who I dared to stand up to, and reject their narcissistic demands. These two were harassing me for almost 3 weeks while I was training at the gym, but I did not gave them the opportunity to start a fight, until one day I told them to stop harassing me and back off, which they did for a little while, but when they got the chance a bit later on that night they attacked me and hit from behind while I was conversing with another person which I believe he was also involved in this. Their actions were planned and intentional as they were put up to this by certain people. Other attempts were also made by these certain people to cause physical and psychological harm. The best advice I have is educate yourselves on narcissism , learn how to deal with them, and how to protect yourself. Cut them out of your life, and do not deal with or let them in ever again. The best way for anyone who is uneducated on narcissism to categorize any other person as a narcissist, is their explicit demanding behavior to abide by their desires and way of thinking, and their total lack of humanity and kindness. Stay safe!
Hearing this great articulation of this concept, helped me be more understanding to myself, being raised in a family system that this is the mantra. I feel more patience for the process it is to heal, as much as I want it to be over. Seeing the perspective that these very damaging games being continually played on an infant, into a toddler, into a kid, into a child, into a teenager, into a man and now being middle aged going back to heal that lie I had to tell myself, everything is my fault, this is how life is, no matter how wrong it feels. I currently have no compassion or remorse for anyone that plays these games. Especially on children, for those children to unknowingly carry this curse, for the rest of their lives, that is the Legacy of abuse and brutality.
When my dignity was stripped, even after I genuinely let him know how i felt. He would say the actions that were done upon me was what I wanted, I like that sort of stuff. Apparently he never listened or heard my crys. And now he blames me for my insecurities. Its my fault. Well after 28 years, I just left last Sunday. I need to HEAL ME BREAK FREE!! THEY ARE MONSTERS, ONLY WORRIED about THEMSELVES.
This is what ended a 20 year friendship for me. When I got stronger and stood up to her and said no, she got mad and started attacking me saying I was hurting her and a bad friend cause I wouldn’t do exactly what she wanted. I got so tired of it and left the friendship for my well being as I it was exhausting trying to reason with her and I realized it was a no win situation with her for sure. ❤️
Thank you. My 76 yr old father, who lived overseas, begged me to travel there and bring him back to th UK. I decided to help him, organised all his medical care. His response? Lying to family members behind my back, twisting the whole story to all medical staff looking after him, saying I am a liar and have mistrreated him, took him against his will(!). And more. The shocking thing has been how 'sweet' he played to all medical staff, while when alone with me he would unleash all his bitter, hateful words of rejection, false accusations and insults. I feel I've been so attacked and slandered and yet I genuinely wanted to help him. I had cut contact with him 20 years ago because of his physical, verbal and emotional abuse. But recontacted him during the pandamic almost 2 years ago, with forgiveness. He's taken that, thrown it in my face with a barage of even more abuse. I feel so so disrespected. The worse part was yesterday, sat in a meeting with nurses, a Psychiatric Consultant who my dad was her patient and my dad infront of everyone not only lied and lied, but then started accusing me falsely, to the point the Consultant too his side!! And I felt so unheard and invalidated by those medical professionals who seemed to believe his lies!!!!!
I sincerely want to thank you for all the insightful videos you post here, it's been 6 rough months for me after a broken friendship, she disappeared after sending me on a guilt trip and recovering from it is been the hardest thing to do. #teamhealthy
I'm related to a person like this. I don't really speak to her anymore, both for my own sake and hers, because I suffered the same trauma that she did. "You can't reason with an unreasonable person." Exactly. There's no point even talking to them.
My ex played me like a violin playing the victim after she inflicted emotional abuse in my direction. I should have left the first time it happened but it took me 3 years. 2 years too long, lesson learned.
@@anon4549 thank you. Having lost my wonderful wife to cancer prior to establishing a romantic relationship with this toxic woman my emotional recovery is moving pretty quickly. I realize just how strong I truly am.
I put up with my covert narcissist mother's false accusations, insinuations and yelling for a year after my dad died, because I knew if I defended myself or said anything, it would be the trigger she was waiting for so she could accuse me of arguing with her and she would tell everyone else that I was mistreating her. She tried and tried to get a reaction out of me but it didn't work, until the year was up (a deadline I set for myself). After that, one day she was trying to tell me what I think and feel as if she had strutted into my mind and took over and knew what I was thinking while I didn't, so I finally informed her what I was thinking. I told her she wasn't going to take out her negative emotions on me, she used to do it to Dad but now as her next-closest relative she was using me to dump her negative emotions on, and she is not going to treat me like that. She knew it was true so she flew into a rage and said "How dare you!" It sounded like a growl through gritted teeth.
Wow...! I have been subjected to this kind of trauma for half my life. They tried double downing You disgust me...wow You have so many problems You exist becoz of me. You will never ever leave up to my expectations and you would be nothing without me. No one really likes you. Jokes at my expense. Huff when i expressed an idea..wow I'm doing well now with this kind of videos....This been my best year. Thank you and peace and love always.🙏🌿💫
Thank you Dr C...really kind of you. Peace and love always.😃🙏🌿💫 The funny thing is i never knew such bad behaviour had a name narcissism! You have always blown my mind with such in depth clarity on the subject matter that is mostly misunderstood. Thank you again for the peace you've brought me thro your videos.🙏
They jump in the water, scream I'm drowning, ask you to save them, then blame you for being wet, the water and the fact they can't swim, save themselves by drowning you, then, once on shore, ask why you're in the water.
That summarizes it!
Ain’t that the truth!
We were over the road trucking and when we stopped at a truck stop, another trucker who we had passed on the interstate, told my HEX husband "your wife has a thousand watt smile". My hex said in a nasty tone of voice ; "Do You Want to BUY her ?...she's for Sale". ---Embarrased me and the kind trucker.
The slander of a narcissist is truly demonic.
Yes, and other people so readily believe every word. 😔
@@AvecPoesie The Bible states: "A wicked man listens to lying lips; a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue." - Proverbs 17:4
Those who blindly listen to toxic gossipers & slanderers only reveal their own natures!! Many times they are 'benefitting' from such narcissists!!
Another comforting Bible verse: "A man of perverse heart does not prosper; he whose tongue is deceitful falls into trouble."
Proverbs 17:20
@@sudhakhristmukti1930 well said.
Lying and slander. Satanic is what it is.
I have openly asked my Nar, what does he do for me? That shuts him up. Almost came close to broken down fully, up until I came across Dr. Carter and Dr Ramani:)
Let’s walk away from evil and immerse ourselves in love, peace, joy , truth, dignity, respect and civility. Thank you 🙏 dr Carter. God bless you ❤
He said the reason he was discarding me was because I'd been complaining too much about his behaviour! 🤣🤣 So it was my fault for wanting the abuse to stop! Narcissists behave exactly as they want to, and then play the victim to maintain their image. It's all about facade management and avoiding their shame.
I was discarded because I told him I was no longer afraid of him.
@@donna6368 Ditto here.
Amen to that! Narcissists are abusing hypocrites. It's all about appearances and nothing else matters.
@mountain blue so true
Mine always threatened me with “let’s break up” every time I brought up his misbehaving and mistreatment.
Narcissists infer that you have to earn their love and or respect; but never provide a real pathway for that to ever happen. No matter what you do for them, you can never build up any reserve of goodwill with them. Ever.
So true. And they'll resent you all the more for trying.
Thank you so much for these videos. They have been a life saver ❤
Can't please my mother,
Can't satisfy, certainly cannot produce happiness in her. Nothing is good enough, she complains 24/7.
Exactly I fall in the cycle for 1.5 yrs. Now, I am in no contact.
But I am thinking about my worth, trust issues & rejection trauma. I was extremely manipulated over n over again.
I love it when Dr Carter stated this egotistical lying bully is not qualified to have judgement over you!!!
Good! And I meant it! Dr. C
These words really stuck with me, too. I appreciate that Dr. Carter repeated these words again.
Do it! Then Deny it!! What a smart game! That was my Mother. If ever called on anything--she could and would immediately transform herself into the innocent victim with sad pitiful eyes that begged for empathy. And it worked every time.
You're onto it. Dr. C
Mine been saying for my whole life I don’t remember and guess what she has dementia now! Lol
These narcissistic individuals piss me off to all levels, they are relentless in their OWN direction.
I can't say how SORRY I am for your stolen innocence. I am glad you're here getting her back.
I am So Proud of You for finding the way home
@@unconversantcallowincandes1540 They piss us ALL off to ALL levels. Well, well. The world's ABUSERS that claim VICTIM STATUS the moment they're backed into a corner or simply caught with proof too!!! Sounds like our politicians! Oh, the world we live in! The Word of God says a toxic person's own hate and envy will eventually consume them. I'm paraphrasing but it's sure in there. It's the same ending for all of them. It's where the CHOICE to be toxic and cause any type of suffering to other living beings ends them up! Then they have to provide an account for themselves as we all will one day. Wow. I wouldn't want to be one of them. There's only two choices to make. Choose wisely. I see many wise people that comment on these A+ rated narcissism awareness channels. Not all narc channels are equal. Great job as usual Dr. C. Blessings today everyone!
LOL so true
This kind of abuse puts a person in a very low place. Once the narcs are removed you’re left feeling beat down, unliked, alone, and worthless. It hurts your healthy relationships. Building confidence and self respect after narcissistic abuse has been the hardest part 😢
I know how you feel. Like a shell of your former self.😞
I fell into extreme loneliness, confusion, sadness, panic attacks, anxiety, shaking, loss of sleep, then when i found out she cheated the entire marriage and decieved me so strongly, i loss sleep, ruminations, extremely messed up dreams, loss of control, impulsive. I felt borderline. Even suicidal ideations like i wished i would just have a heartattack or get hit by a car. But once i found out the truth of this behavior and lies, even though that closure made me feel worse it also streamlined me back to sanity. I still cant let go of some of the messages like," ill never take you back, we need extreme counseling" before i found out she was gaslighting me. Or ," im sorry you feel this way" and not once her taking any accountability and shifting every guilt and blame onto me while she is monkey branching and sleeping with anyone down at the bars whike i was paying for marriage counseling getting torn apart by a counselor and her whike shes lying and the counselor is eating the act up. Once i found the truth i exposed her in counseling and said both of you are horrible for doing this to me, i said the game is over and presented evidence of her affairs and how im not the problem. I dont cut myself, i didnt cheat, i didnt lie, i didnt abuse her emotionally, and i will own reacting to the pain she caused me, so sorry but i no longer love you anymore for what you have projected this last couple months, and ive been victimized for months!
Going through that now.
One step at a time takes you away from them & puts you on the high path to self love ❤️🩹
Same I feel hopeless,helpless,lonely,confused I ruminate and disassociate a lot I am hoping That I will be able to get me and my siblings out of here before I even turn 16.
“This egotistical lying bully is disqualified from pronouncing any kind of judgment over you.”
Rewind that and listen to that as many times needed whenever needed.
Thx Dr.C!!!
He totally validated us.
1000%! That line rang out like audio neon for me! Now iit look quite some time to get to that point, but just keep going, you will feel light and free again if you cut them out of your life (if no kids).
Yes, that part got me to stop shaking. Dr. Carter is so helpful!
@@christar9527 Wow. You must be going through what I'm feeling right now. God bless you and let's be our best selves. Meditation and going outside in nature helps me a lot. And pay more attention to the people who love us. I just took some ibuprofen to a friend that has a toothache. That's what I want to do more of. I know that will make that person even angrier, but that's his problem. We are good people. We know what it means to be a mature human being. Sorry I had to get that out for myself and you.
Yes! My favorite line! I added as a note in my phone! Thanks Dr C☺️🤗🤗
Narcissists are like crying babies. They always complain, blame and comdemn firstly you then other people or life itself. They cannot handle truth in a reasonable way. Thank you Dr. Carter🙏❤
Narcissists live for the lies.
@@realhealing7802 and live a lie :(
@@rbnutwood4659 They live in a self deception mode..
Let's not insult toddlers please. I personally know toddlers that behave better than narcs.
@@godswillm575 😂😂😂
Tell a child repeatedly that "The world would be a better place without you" and then wonder why the child is depressed with suicidal tendencies? Such a mystery......
It’s horrible it child abuse words hurt . I got told every time I wanted to do something like go to school I got told how it wouldn’t work
@@aliceroberts1980 ☹️💜
🤍
Smh … sending u love and light
It’s that sort of thing which creates narcissists. They develop false selves in order to survive. At least it did with my extremely narcissistic ex wife.
I found myself saying things like "I feel like an animal in a cage being poked by a stick until it's out of its mind." "I feel like giving to you is pouring money down a rat hole, it's never enough, you always want more." "You think I'll never leave." "No one in my life treats me this way." If they provoke you until you are a screaming banshee, and the rest of the time in your life you're a sane and rational human being, maybe it's not you that's the problem.
I feel for all of those going through narcissistic abuse and actually don’t know it. I was one of those people.
Constant silence, threatening to break up the relationship every time I brought up his misbehaving.
He would treat me like crap, then when I brought it up he would say at least I’m not complaining, you’re always complaining.
He was doing stuff behind my back, traveling alone, silence until his trips were over..: then pretending like nothing happened.
These people are monsters.
I didn't know! Until he ended it for the umpteenth time.
Yes they are. The only joy or goodness they make themselves feel derives from destroying others. They get off on hurting and inflicting pain in somebody else, yet whine that everyone else is doing it to them. Its all smoke~n~mirrors(deception), which Jesus said it would exactly be this way in the end of days. God bless you all. ❤🙏☺👍
Idk if it is a coincidence my mom never answers when i speak to her it is not uncommon on its worst days to say something thirty times by then i am-being louder /but get called things or shamed bc i am then yelling. Its so annoying.
True Real Monsters and I have nightmares at night and because I'm living with a narcissist now, I have remember he don't care about me so Im silent until I'm out of this place.
A relative vocally TRASHED me at so many church functions,... I CHANGED CHURCHES! Now i am Joy- Full.
At the end his distainful looks, intentional neglect & devaluation were the worst things I have ever experienced.
It sounds as if you got out of the situation. Which is awesome! After we wake up to reality with the narcissists, We often have a choice & so why stay and subject ourselves to more ? ? ?
So much yes
I know all about it. I lived it. It all makes sense now but it didn't then and I suffered.
"Rejection trauma", this is the first time I learned this term and the many examples. My mother used to set me up for failure just to yell and scream which included a lot of rejection trauma. As an adult I can recognize it and deal with it, but I couldn't as a child. Interestingly, after years of healing, I am surprised at how I have surrounded myself with uplifting friends. Toxic behaviors have become severely intolerable to me anymore. Now I need to continue working on my reactions to them.
You get it. Best wishes as you continue moving forward, Daniel. I'm pleased to be on your journey with you. Dr. C
When dealing with narcisists everything is invented. What is right is left and vice versa.
Dr. C. You truly are a LIFE COACH.
We are so BLESSED to have you in our lives. 🌅 Thank you.
And so say all of us. ✔️
Heh, a verbal vaccination.
Laura, DR. Carter coach us, Im listening, applying every single aspect. please know, youtube gave me loads of resources to apply. therapy and case mgmt let me go. I talked with them about my trauma and said they are unequipped to help me. OKC Sooner Care age 41 committed to change. Listen, learn, change. if there any clinicians that treat complex trauma with art, music and CBT NOT meds I need the help. Im doing ok with meds.
true
Narcissists think you don't deserve anything including basic human rights.They think you should be okay with inhumane treatment because they think it's right for you.
Exactly! Evil, pure Evil! But i just don't understand why. Its an AWFUL way to be.😢😢
@@dipalibandodkar8483 it so true, even if you have genuinely told them your feelings, feelings are NEVER HEARD. Its about what they want. Taking my time to heal now. But its hard..
.
"You exist therefore you owe me." That was a very present one in a few people in my life.
Yes !! Because don't you know that you are suppose to wrap your world around me, while I live a life of BLATANT irresponsibility ?!? Right !!
@@jengable4888 Exactly, and then they list everything they've ever done for you, which at the time was "out of the goodness of their hearts" and meant they were such good people, and now how dare you throw it back in their face, and it's a list used to guilt trip, control, manipulate, so that you don't think like a sovereign individual with your own boundaries, but obey them even more because [insert list].
@@DarthShadie ..I would agree, and it depends what it is you are referring to. For example, a narcissist parent may state, "See we provided medical care" when _____ happened. Well, if you did not, then that is considered medical neglect. Another tactic may be to use religion as a weapon to guilt, shame, or to justify blatant abuse. They may take a religious passage out of context, and apply it toward a very dysfunctional situation, to justify the controlling behavior/abuse, or deflect taking any responsibility for their actions. While I personally have religious beliefs, I would never use those beliefs to justify abusing someone.
Another situation may involve landlord/tenant abuse, whereas, the landlord who is also a narcissist, may circumvent the responsibilities of the rental unit, and when confronted by someone in a position of authority regarding the legitimate complaint, may lash out at the individual who filed the complaint. The problem with this is instead of realizing that there are actual legitimate issues, they would rather gaslight, manipulate, lie about, and harass the tenant who had a legitimate complaint.
While none of us are perfect, I believe the difference lies in the fact that functioning individuals have introspection. They can contemplate a situation and try to figure out, the best course of action at the time, (forethought), what their role was of a past event (if any at all), to learn from past mistakes, learn from others, and be mindful.
@@jengable4888 I agree. Sometimes someone realises what they said comes off as manipulation and make amends and never do it again. But I've had bosses, a parent, exes, repeatedly do this. And that's the key. A one off, we can talk about and get past it. Repeated manipulation, constantly every time they want something, and never admitting guilt or fault, that's abuse. And with the parent, even just because this person was unhappy with a life choice or I said no and set boundaries, they did the list thing. Ugh. It gets old.
The message was, "You piece of garbage!" Contemptuously inferred. 😢
The "I'm a victim" game is particularly dangerous when played in a group situation - such as a church.
The crocodile tears act in the midst of a group of friends/fellow Christians whilst studying the bible is manipulative and destructive for the true victim. Whilst the "pretend " victim, shedding copious tears, gets understanding and sympathy for being treated so badly, the genuine victim is no longer trusted and if a Pastor is present, may be reprimanded and asked to leave the church, which is traumatizing.
Why the narcissist is believed and the victim is not believed, will always remain a mystery to me.
Some Pastors seem to lack knowledge about these things, which is why Dr Carter's videos are so precious and necessary.....Thank you and keep revealing these sins, Dr Carter....the church needs you. The world needs you!
A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul. Proverbs 18:7
A wicked man listens to evil lips; a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue. -Proverbs 17:4
Narcs and verbal & emotional abusers are supported by other toxic people, many times benefitting from the narc..money, favors...or join the narcs as they are jealous of the one they have targetted. May the Lord punish the abusers, and protect the innocent from all evil.
If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. James 1:26
Sadly this is correct. I love our Creator. But have been slandered by an older sibling etc. For years now. Only to find that I am still being spoken of so badly. I just don't need to be hurt anymore. I pictured this...Joseph in a deep dark prison I Egypt after what Potifar's wife lied and accused him of. I knew how Joseph got through all of that. He knew his truth.And even though others including his family what he suffered...BUT he knew his truth and so did his Creator. That got him through. That is the only thing that did. Eventually things were set straight as it were. However I just realized a few weeks ago that this is still going on...I did no such thing as was alluded to in a conversation with a member of the faith we share(?) Who I had not spoken to in sometime. I just called to offer condolences of a mutual spiritual member and elder. I am so dismayed. I truly hope they all can square this with God one-day. I can never reach out to them again. I am not putting myself through this again.
@@sudhakhristmukti1930 yes Sudha......jealousy of the target is the cause of all this toxicity......as you correctly discerned.
The abuser however, would never be able to see this and would be horrified to realise that their toxic jealousy is the underlying cause/ problem. Jealousy, however, must be hard to admit to in a Christian.
@@teresadexter9965 Dear one, they DO know they are jealous...but it is their very intention to be jealous, envious...and they also cannot bear someone living in peace! So they provoke directly,(verbal & emotional abuse) indirectly ( by setting up others against the target-person, by spreading lies, vicious untruths to isolate the target... )
They know what they are doing...it is a deliberate act...but they won't admit it due to extreme arrogance. Also, they do not wish to change.
Its a power game..they want to dominate the target.
This is exactly what happened when I went no contact with my narc mother. Since then she has told people horrible (and untrue) things about me to make herself the perpetual victim. I'm glad I walked away.
I’m there with you. They make sure everyone around them hates you too. Good luck moving forward 😎
Sounds JUST like my narcissistic sister.
So sorry. Yes, one of the things to try to get over is caring about what they tell other people about us.
Fantastic that you walked away. Staying with abusers if a mammoth regret, since it’s been 20 years. It took me forever to figure out what all the ghosting, drama, emotional attacks, etc were about.
This describes my wretched AUNT, whom I've had the misfortune to room with.
He said I was repulsive. But that didn't stop him from hoovering.
Cognitive dissonance at its finest: when actions contradicts beliefs. smh
I remember thinking so often how is it possible for one human being to talk to someone like this and to treat someone like this. It drives you crazy to the point, can I really be hearing this? For so long I didn’t trust my own thoughts or my own reality.
EXACTLY! I’ve wondered the same thing, how can family be so so nasty? And over nothing. Because they want to beat you - me down, for better control.
I think we all did this. When meeting thus said, "toxic person", aka "narc". They have a sob story ready to go. Whether it's real or perceived. It's like bait on a hook to "catch" the next supply. Truly weird, negative, hurtful, evil beings we have in this world. I'm not one of them, and don't play by their game rules anymore. They're players who have "got game" alright. Sick, sick, people. I'll be sticking with board games from here on out. My life, my feelings and my soul are to be taken seriously.
They are not reasonable. That is the problem. No one is perfect, but they take no responsibility for their contribution to the situation.
EXACTLY! “Truly weird, negative, hurtful….” So true. There is no logic or figuring it out, …. they - narcs - are a pit of unhappiness & they aim to take others with them ….. into misery
Someone gave this a big "thumbs down" at least 37 hours BEFORE it premiered. Who would do that?
Someone who saw this in their feed, who felt it hit a tad close to home perhaps.
@@kellydrodgers8957 That's what I suspected.
A narcissist would! U bet they troll all the Narc counseling sites!
@@hawaiigirl8089 I've just watched The Narc Alert's new video and she had a single downvote too!
Someone who isn't coming well not doing life well... gee someone under the influence of a malignant narcissistic
The particular narcissist I was stuck with blamed me for failing, then shamed me for succeeding, keeping me in a state of perpetual confusion for not being able to do anything right. It has taken me years to figure out that all this person really wanted to do was to find clever, cunning ways in which to hurt people. Once we realize this, the whole relationship starts to unravel. Everything they do or say is false, meaningless, null and void. Everything they proclaim is a lie and everything they appear to stand up for is an empty hollow gesture, because they have no standards at all. Now they have completely lost their credibility and we can no longer take them seriously, and this frees us up to be exactly who we have always wanted to be and do exactly what we have always wanted to do. We are ready to reach for the stars.
So true!
I can so relate! My 1st husband was that way.
EXCELLENT! So well said!
I m taking a Screenshot to save this and read it over and over again. Thank you ❤
This egotistical lying bully is completely disqualified from pronouncing judgment over you. You have to generate distance from the narcissist to make room for the emotional rehab. Let’s practice self care and self preservation, self love and self trust far away from the narcisistic bullies. Thank you dr Carter 😊❤
This egotistical, lying bully is completely not qualified from pronouncing any kind of judgment over me. Well said! This is one of the best quotes Dr. C!
It should be Not Qualified. Disqualified implies that they were a valid contender, in the first place.
The egotistical lying narcissistic bully is disqualified from pronouncing any judgement over me or you. We don’t engage with evil. On any level. Thank you 🙏 dr Carter. God bless you ❤
My covert narcist ex partner was very good in that in the beginning when we started to talk with eachother. I did not know anything about narcissism and the way covert narcissists behave, which tactics they use. When she told me her stories about her younger years, her marriage, divorce, her children, her family and how she was treated by her colleagues I really felt sad for her. Not knowing this was part of her plan and way to get me on her side. That is so sad that people do this.
The same happened to me with my ex husband… sad sad sad.
My exiting husband was very similar to your ex. He was an amazing man, un the beginning! Told me his trauma from Nutty parents & i am sure there was truth in it, just not the whole truth so I couldn’t see him & them for who they all are.
Liars!
Same with my ex. Everything was about how people mistreated her. After the idealization phase and then her devaluing me, and never taking any accountability for herself or her actions I see how she will most likely talk about me, in the future too.
For me “I’m the victim” was used to evoke empathy from supplier( me) and it also fits with NPD being superior… but others are to blame for any (apparent) lack of success.
I got hooked and trapped by the "I'm so misunderstood. So betrayed." Two months later it was I who got labeled "Judas" for doing nothing but tolerating the abuse and the flying monkeys for the sake of being a good loyal friend. Alas, good loyal friendship is a two-way street and abuse is never a part of it.
Your videos are part of my healing journey. I just want to say Thank You. Nothing but the best to you and everyone on this journey.
Thanks so much, Marisa. Dr. C
8:45 "You can't reason with an unreasonable person"-isn't that the truth!!
Don’t take the bait. Don’t walk, run! Cut the cord.
Learning to trust your gut feelings is the most important thing. Thank you so much, Dr.Carter!
Make sure you watch the video, Your Ultimate Superpower When Dealing With A Narcissist. It echos what you're saying here. Dr. C
My sister legit said on a family talk, ' i just feel like the victim in all this'. She was a straight DEMON growing up.
This hit the nail on the head! The bully is disqualified from passing judgement, rejection, and trauma on another human being. I am my own leader. I do not accept judgement from narcissistic persons who have not done the inside work to become mature.
My aunt once sent me a sympathy card and wrote in it "Sorry you have so many problems" when I started setting boundaries with my parents. I still crack up over that.
That's an eye roller. Dr. C
😂 omg, infuriating! I get this from mother and sister
Implications, insinuations, and indications.... all very subtle and sometimes very sly. All forms of gaslighting. Thank you Dr. Carter!
So true and well said
So true my parent who has narcissistic traits is "disappointed" and disgusted" by almost everyone! This includes their partner children, grandchildren or random relatives and neighbors. When you spend a few more minuets you understand it is projection and orchestration ! The hollow shell !
Happily mine was so shocked when I called her out for her behaviour, specifically having abused me for years by engaging in spiteful tit-for-tat petty actions out of revenge for me not having met expectations, she’s been silent for over two months. 🥳 not out of the woods yet, but healing daily!
Mine was shocked for me finally calling him out as abusive. How dare I!? But it did get him off my back bc he didn't want me telling anyone else.
@@evonne315 interesting. I’ve had no contact for 70 days since she attacked me in the street, and got a full unload about her narcissistic abuse from her mother and of me - ships that pass in the night now… no eye contact, and I cross the street if I see her coming… but I think the words landed…
Thank you Dr. C. This sounds similar to the " drama triangle". The perpetrator always ends up being the victim, especially when we don't engage. To me, their behavior is so predictable. Sometimes, I laugh quietly to myself and think " we are right on schedule" . Humor is a great coping mechanism for me, but was not possible until I detached emotionally. ☮️
The Nex always felt sorry for himself. I tried to build him up. It worked so well he had lots more energy to tear me down.
That feeling sorry for himself is a manipulation ploy
@@tranquility9325Right!
My husband called me an old lady.. I’m 70 years old and disabled.. he’s so abusive.
Denise O,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....
The scariest thing to me is the man I was with for 11 years was a therapist. I'll spare you the horror stories but I finally stood up to him and left. I've been in therapy for 18 months and am slowly beginning to feel like I am someone who has value and worth. These videos make me cry sometimes but they also give me hope. Thank you Dr. Carter for helping so many people. I hope that one day I will feel whole again.
It breaks my heart to hear that, but they exist inside my profession, just as in any other. I wish you the best. Dr. C
I feel sorry that guy's clients. This man clearly should never be allowed to become a therapist.
Yep, it's been exhausting being rejected until I appear to be useful again - over and over again. All my life. My favorite was when I was rejected for being pregnant, and had decided that I had enough of lies and death, and I wanted to keep my baby and be a mother when I was 30. I was single. A grown adult woman. Neither my malignant narcissist father nor my minion mother (who was mainly preoccupied with hypochondria and pleasing my father), spoke with me or saw the baby for several years after rejecting pregnant me because I was a single parent and did not abort my baby. My baby is 33 years old now. The only reason my mother called me one time when I was pregnant (around 3 months or so) and at work, was to tell me to get an abortion. My mother was more concerned with what everyone else would think than with my happiness. My brother had not been dead for a year yet when all these shenanigans and rejections were going on... I could tell so much more. A lifetime to untangle. If you are married to a malignant narcissist and you have small children. Be brave, get help, and get yourself and your children to mental and physical safety. My mother was not always what she became. I have brief memories from when I was very small, remembering my mother still trying to be a genuinely loving and healthy mother to my brother and me.
Bless you for choosing life for your baby despite being persecuted by the narc parents.
Why were you single? What happened to the father ? Pre 1965s (hormonal birth control) being a single mother was a social stigma. Your father/mother would have been raised with that mentality.
@@bolt-dbtfg The father left me when I was 3 months pregnant. He wanted me to abort the baby. Are you trying to fault my situation in some way or question my life. It's really none of your business to judge that I chose to have my baby and she was born in 1988. You seem to be a know it all. I have a beautiful daughter. The only child I have and she is now an engineer and research scientist in a very happy relationship with another engineer. She owns her own home and is quite successful in her engineering career. If I had listened to her father who left us while I was still pregnant and NEVER paid any child support, I would not have had the lifetime joy of being a mother to a beautiful and brilliant daughter. I raised her by myself while I worked fulltime to support us both. I suggest you worry about how you lead your own life instead of trying to peg how my life is and should have gone like I am just a cog in a time machine and societal wheel.
How awful. My covert narcissistic mother tried to force me to abort when I became pregnant as a teen but my boyfriend threatened to sue her for killing our baby when he'd be old enough, and she let us marry. She ignored us for a year or so but later decided she wanted our daughter and set about brainwashing her against us. I didn't know, so let her babysit and take our little girl on holiday when I was working. Before she died at 80 she wrote her "story of my life" blaming everyone else for her mistakes, taking credit for her sister's accomplishments etc and made out that she was the heroine who rescued our baby from us. My daughter thinks it's wonderful and believes they were soul mates.
Your daughter is lucky to have a Mom who broke the cycle of abuse so she didn't have to suffer it too. Don't ever let anyone make you believe otherwise.
I told him you can be pitiful or powerful choose one , he hasn’t done it since.
These videos are part of my self care. 👍👍 Helped me realize im not insane. This person who should love me is ACTUALLY THIS HATEFUL!!!
I feel the same way.
There's this one narcissistic woman in my life no one can unmask because the picture she paints of herself as the eternal victim. She is a well established, financially independent woman and yet such low self esteem and portrayal of cognitive dissonance.
Well established and financially independent. Unfortunately, this evil fallen world evolves around money & beauty. People show favoritism towards the wealthy (and sexy). Jezebel was like that. She was very prominent, wealthy & sexy.
The evil demonic spirit narcissistic people are overtaken with is called the Jezebel Spirit. The Pharisees had this same evil spirit. They ultimately nailed God (Jesus) to a cross, because He tried to removed their mask. The good news is, God overcame evil when He rose from the dead (Isaiah 53 & Psalm 110:1).
@@jsf8145 evil spirits are no joke. I guess there's knowledge of Narcs and strategies and spiritual rejuvenation to save us from this hell of evil spirits
@@jsf8145 It's a personality disorder due to unresolved childhood trauma.. not spirits.
@@d3l3tes00n
Emotionally underdeveloped people.
It's Good vs Evil (Jeremiah 17:9-10).
God is Good (Psalm 14:1). Narcissists are evil in need of repentance & giving their life over to God (Psalm 51:5).
God defeated the evil spirits (evil religious Pharisees) that nailed Him to a cross and He (Jesus) rose from it (Psalm 110:1).
Daniel 7:13,14
Matthew 5:17
No spirits involved. The reality of these people is scary enough without terrifying ourselves with make-believe superstitions about evil spirits. Thankfully, there's nothing supernaturally bad about them, just a monstrously distorted and toxic human psyche that needs to be studied by experts and avoided by the rest of us.
Oh yes! I lost all confidence in myself. The constant gaslighting, and turning everybody against me made me wonder why i was even alive if i was that worthless. Thanks to Dr Carter making me understand that it was not about me I found my sense of self-worth and peace. Thank you Dr C!
I think what Bill W. was to AA Dr. C is for us who find ourselves in the clutches of abusive narcs. There are not enough likes to all those who share the reality of their lives and the power it floods the lies we all suffer from. Thanks Dr C for being a caring facilitator to get the meeting started...
When I was about 14 I asked my father why he always spoke to me so disrespectfully. He said that respect has to be earned and I'd never done anything worth respecting.
That’s some bullshit I respect everyone they don’t have to “work for it” or “earn it” respect is the the first step in building a relationship with anyone. My father always spoke to me with respect.
My father said something similar to me. I told him while I didn't think a person had to earn my respect, they most certainly could lose it.
@@andrearush6209 great response
It always requires some degree of courage and confidence to make ourselves vulnerable, which is essential for intimacy, in our relationships, especially our intimate, romantic relationships and/or with family and/or friends who know us so well. It's key to remember that the discard or silent treatment happen because of the narcissist's needs, wants and limitations far moreso than because of something about us.
My mother has told me TWICE that she is never going to approve of me. You have described my life!! God help these people because they inflict so much pain.
The biggest problem I had with leaving my Narcissistic Ex was the fact that I felt so bad that he lived in this fake reality of anger and hate that I felt like I was leaving a broken person to the wolves if I did leave.
instead of the statement: "The world would be a better place without you" , I got statements that he would be better off without me, such as I would be liberated, I wouldn't be so lonely, i would be happier.... if you weren't in my life. After 35 years of this simmering in the background of our marriage, i can now see how damaging these statements were to my self esteem. I lived in this marriage feeling so strongly that I wasn't good enough and this amounted to years of insidious rejection. I am out of this marriage for four years now but healing from the rejection trauma is taking the most time.
They do want to minimize pouring the kerosene and lighting the match. THANK YOU! I have said this almost verbatim to a narcissist in my life. I told them, You are like a person that sets a house on fire and then comes back with a fire extinguisher to try to put it out and expects to be praised. Unreal. 🙁 The sad part is they actually believe they are the victim.
Thank you so much for your compassion and gentle presence Dr C - it means the world to me, and I presume to many of us traumatised people.
This one was SO spot for me. These narcissists are an example of how ugly & pathetic human beings can be.
And to think, the main one I have dealt with for decades came out of a charmed (spoilt brat) childhood - total entitlement and self grandiosity. Sickening.
My neighbor is my narcissist and he told me flat out I'm making him do what he's doing to me he's harassing me he poisoned my grass he does all kinds of petty crap to harass me but it's my fault I'm making him do it because I won't do what I'm told.. so there lol
Wow. This video is so true. I was actually called "disgusting and a no skill-set" in front of my entire family by my older narcissistic brother. Thanks for your words, Dr. C. "It's inexcusable for one human being to speak words of rejection and trauma into another." "This egotistical, lying bully is completely disqualified from pronouncing any kind of judgements over you!" Steady on! Team Healthy!
I dealt this with grown men who masqueraded as strong, attractive people that every woman wanted and they could pick and choose which women they’d keep around, but as soon as I caught onto their games of rejection and discarding, they go into a rabbit hole of how trauma and rejection from other women makes them more sympathetic than me, the actual victim of their malignant behavior. And they would basically tell me if I criticize or discard them, then I was just like the women they hated growing up…
Stated perfectly! Thank You! You wrote this so well that the constant circle effect of it all is obvious.
This is all true and has happened over a long span of time. Unfortunately cutting off the source is the successful path to my healing and it is working. Allowing myself to disqualify their judgement of me gets easier every day. Just started counseling. 🙏Namaste
I've had this play out where I tried to be friends with people, got all the rejection constantly, but occasionally they'll be nice so that you think that they are friends, even though your gut instinct is telling you otherwise. You are confused as hell so you keep them in your circle, but one day you find out that they are responsible for something that happened to you that really hurt you. When you find that out, you finally see them for what they are - so you decide that it's time to cut them out completely because there is no longer any conflict between your gut feeling about the person(s) involved, and the confusing nicety that they sometimes project and when that happens, they, and only they are the victim!
It has got to the point where you no longer want to discuss it with them and work things out to try and make it better (you tired to do that along, long time ago with them when there was a 'perceived' misunderstanding and you wanted to mend the friendship, but all they did was make you feel like you were abusing them.)
For you it's ended, but twist - they now want to try and work things out with you and if you don't you are the big bad bully! I hope this makes sense, but there was a situation I was in with some people where this happened. It bothered me for a long time and I find it very difficult to trust new people because of it to the point where I become more reclusive than I was before. If you are an introvert, making friends with people is very difficult so you will hold on to the 'friends' that you do make even if they aren't ideal, so you end up with lots of baggage afterwards.
I get it and have experienced the occasional sugar coating which serves to maintain their "nice guy/girl image. Pure b.s.
This may sound strange, but most introverts have quiet hobbies they enjoy, like books, crafts, etc. You can usually find similar introvert friends in clubs for those hobbies. Introverts can be great friends with other introverts.
I have lived that turn " bully.. saying I'm the victim. You are the evil and I am all righteous saying. " lived it.
there is nothing worse than loving someone and being told all the time how worthless you are. I am so disregarded that I try not to believe it but I can't help but believe it anymore. Sometimes it's hard to choose between losing your home, your insurance, your healthcare, and hearing these rejection words over and over. I can't figure out anymore what is what.
Good point: there is nothing like loving someone while they tell you that you are a piece of trash, garbage, that your whole life is a waste, and you ruined their life.
Outside look like they care behind closed doors ignore dismiss you are relevant 'they are the king of the castle and your the dirty rascal '.
Dr. C, I struggle between showing compassion and feeling angry. A lot of Narcs and “damaged” people have been victims at some point in their life. Is it normal to feel sorry for them, but also think they’re a piece of turd???
Same. I think it's from being groomed to take care of OTHERS' feelings ( over our own)
People like that I have decided to think of like rabid dogs. I’m sorry they got bit an now have rabies, but they are too dangerous for my own safety and health to get too close to.
@@karenannmcmillan2206 I've used that analogy too!
Yes, I feel compassion for the two narcissists in my life because I understand that their sickness originated from early childhood traumas and that they are harming those closest to them and losing out on potentially loving, supportive relationships because of their toxicity. I also recognize, however, that they can't be trusted with my heart....grey rock.
I appreciate you so much for these types of videos. My father is a narcissist and it can be very confusing. Your videos help me a lot
Normal person: "The situation is this, and here are the facts to corroborate that."
Narcissist: "Wrong, because I have alternate facts!" (where have we heard that term before...?)
It is exhausting beyond measure. Any back and forth with a malignant narcissist is never worth it.
Fake news
My sister has been stuck in this for 18 years and we have been stuck in it with her. I have come to the conclusion the games will go on until the day she dies, hard reality, she has had therapy etc. but doesn't see him for the devil that he is. He has abused her in every way but she still feels sorry for him. I give up.
I can't breathe around you is what he said! And I cannot believe that I prayed for you when you had cancer and this is what I get as a treatment to me! This is what flipped it for me as I decided that after 38 years it was time to think of my own mental health and wellbeing.
It doesn't hurt when it comes from the blatantly transparent. When you realise they're ill, you'll always have the upper hand that they wish they could have.
Thank you Dr Carter! This was very comfortable and reassuring.
My sister played this game with her teenage daughter and myself. We never knew when she was gonna erupt on one of us. We just made ourselves small to avoid being targeted.
Her latest rampage targeted me. She became enraged at a small thing that happened and escalated until she was screaming at me nose to nose. I just said “you aren’t going to intimidate
me “. That made her insanely enraged and out of nowhere she punched me in the face. As I tried to regain my composure; she began choking me screaming “die!”. I was in shock. All I could do was call out to her daughter to help me. As I was about to lose consciousness, her daughter pulled her away from me. By that time, the neighbors had called the police. As soon as my sister saw them she purposely grabbed MY cell phone and cowered in a corner so the officers could see that she was the victim. No charges were pressed even though there were obvious bruises on my neck. Since it was her apartment; I was given 10 minutes to gather as much as I could and leave. She has since flipped the script and told my family that I had assaulted her. I’m so worried about her 14 year old daughter and 2 year old son…they don’t deserve to live with this!!
You're right, they deserve better. Dr. C
He has told me that: You're nothing without me. You're nothing.
Thank you so much Wes! Your consistent message has helped me to rebuild my life. I can not say enough to let you know my gratitude. I am practicing self-care, self-validation, and validation from people that I trust and what a difference it makes. I feel as though I am waking up from a life-long nightmare. So much appreciation!
As always you help me so much..My dad died last April & my mom moved in with us in June..Have a sister and brother who have “control” issues but do not want to help Mom.. Long story short..Went through months of attempted manipulation because they were no longer in charge..I finally broke when Mom broke her arm..It hit me hard that my sister could legally take her away and put her in a home because she was given power of attorney by my dad..I literally broke and told mom all that was being said about her going to a home and that I wouldn’t be able to do anything..She confronted my sister and made it known she wanted to live with me…Now the narcissist is coming out with both my sister and brother..They now are playing “victim” as if I had done something..I’m truly trying to stay out of it..They don’t call mom and cancel any lunches she tries to set up..I am “No Contact” with my sister because EVERYTIME I talk with her the manipulation starts..I only text her because I think that would be allowed in court if that ever happened..She wants verbal conversations only so I have said “Enough and no more”..It is very sad because mom really needs all her kids but I don’t know what else to do..When mom is gone the no contact will become permanent..Life is too short for this type of drama, manipulation, and “poor me” antics..Thanks Dr. c!
So sorry you are having to endure all this, but it sounds like you are taking the right path. Thanks for sharing this. Best wishes. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks..It makes one feel crazy to even “think” someone can be this disturbed,,My first inclination is to think it’s all me but I’m learning..Still shocked that all this can be true but learning..
So True!! Thank you Les!!! May God Bless you!!! Hope and prayers for all who have had to deal with these sick people!!
The "victimization" act goes on forever! And gets pretty old rather quickly !!😋 And most reasonable people see through it pretty quickly.
Yes, they make out that you’ve caused all the trouble, and they’re the ones who are the victim. They sneakily twist the whole situation around as if you’re the perpetrator . Sick !
@@Ski7440 why do they do that? Sooner or later everyone will catch on.
Thanks again for pointing out the glaring obvious points about these difficult folks we share our life with. You rock doc 😘
Whether family. Or those we work with, socialize with, or go to church with.
That's something I have a bit of trouble understanding. Just because a person doesn't tolerate something another person does, this doesn't mean the person themselves is being rejected.
It's the behavior which is being rejected.
Yes, that is how it should be, in a healthy relationship. BUT the narcissist makes it personal. They do things to you, then when you resist, they make YOU the problem, it's all your fault, and nothing you do is ever good enough. I lived with it for almost 20 years. I KNOW it was not my behavior that was so bad, but he just could not allow me to have any success, as it would overshadow his. He told me over and over, any success I had was because of him. Even after we divorced, and I lost my home to a house fire, and rebuilt without his help, he came by to see our daughter. I mentioned how a disaster turned into a blessing, and he even said THAT was because of him. And anything bad that happened to him was my fault. You see, they have to have a scapegoat, so they can be the perpetual victim.
Exactly...but they think they should be able to act however they want, and you will take it and shut up if you love them...
@@jeanene72 Narcissists make me sick!!!
@@teresarenee3829 You have to take abuse to prove you love them and they have to do nothing. Narcissists want to be worship.
@@realhealing7802 I just Thank God for guiding me to these videos, I was so lost before I found out what I was dealing with, makes total sense now...and I REFUSE.
I totally agree with the doctor on his above remarks and comments on the matter. Narcissists always blame others about everything, not because they are to be blamed, but because it is the way they use most to show that since you did not succumb to my controlfreakiness and you did not do what I demanded from you , or since you did not give what I wanted exactly as I wanted when I wanted it, then you will suffer for your decision and stance to stand up for yourself. It is one of their most usual techniques on their victims. A healthy person that receives a narcissistic attack, becomes the victim, and he/she is the only true victim here. I will add a personal experience to what I already typed. I was personally attacked physically by two people in a gym while I was speaking to someone else. These two people broke my jaw, and caused me a lot of pain and suffering for almost a year. They were put up to it, by certain narcissistic people who I dared to stand up to, and reject their narcissistic demands. These two were harassing me for almost 3 weeks while I was training at the gym, but I did not gave them the opportunity to start a fight, until one day I told them to stop harassing me and back off, which they did for a little while, but when they got the chance a bit later on that night they attacked me and hit from behind while I was conversing with another person which I believe he was also involved in this. Their actions were planned and intentional as they were put up to this by certain people. Other attempts were also made by these certain people to cause physical and psychological harm. The best advice I have is educate yourselves on narcissism , learn how to deal with them, and how to protect yourself. Cut them out of your life, and do not deal with or let them in ever again. The best way for anyone who is uneducated on narcissism to categorize any other person as a narcissist, is their explicit demanding behavior to abide by their desires and way of thinking, and their total lack of humanity and kindness. Stay safe!
Are you from bk?
“You were messed up way before you met me.”
Thank you for posting this. Even if you think you're strong, it's still difficult to maintain dignity in the face of constant criticism, etc.
In sculpting sometimes I stop, step back, and look more objectively.
Great point
Hearing this great articulation of this concept, helped me be more understanding to myself, being raised in a family system that this is the mantra. I feel more patience for the process it is to heal, as much as I want it to be over. Seeing the perspective that these very damaging games being continually played on an infant, into a toddler, into a kid, into a child, into a teenager, into a man and now being middle aged going back to heal that lie I had to tell myself, everything is my fault, this is how life is, no matter how wrong it feels. I currently have no compassion or remorse for anyone that plays these games. Especially on children, for those children to unknowingly carry this curse, for the rest of their lives, that is the Legacy of abuse and brutality.
When my dignity was stripped, even after I genuinely let him know how i felt. He would say the actions that were done upon me was what I wanted, I like that sort of stuff. Apparently he never listened or heard my crys. And now he blames me for my insecurities. Its my fault. Well after 28 years, I just left last Sunday. I need to HEAL ME
BREAK FREE!! THEY ARE MONSTERS, ONLY WORRIED about THEMSELVES.
This is what ended a 20 year friendship for me. When I got stronger and stood up to her and said no, she got mad and started attacking me saying I was hurting her and a bad friend cause I wouldn’t do exactly what she wanted. I got so tired of it and left the friendship for my well being as I it was exhausting trying to reason with her and I realized it was a no win situation with her for sure. ❤️
Thank you. My 76 yr old father, who lived overseas, begged me to travel there and bring him back to th UK. I decided to help him, organised all his medical care. His response?
Lying to family members behind my back, twisting the whole story to all medical staff looking after him, saying I am a liar and have mistrreated him, took him against his will(!). And more. The shocking thing has been how 'sweet' he played to all medical staff, while when alone with me he would unleash all his bitter, hateful words of rejection, false accusations and insults. I feel I've been so attacked and slandered and yet I genuinely wanted to help him. I had cut contact with him 20 years ago because of his physical, verbal and emotional abuse. But recontacted him during the pandamic almost 2 years ago, with forgiveness. He's taken that, thrown it in my face with a barage of even more abuse. I feel so so disrespected.
The worse part was yesterday, sat in a meeting with nurses, a Psychiatric Consultant who my dad was her patient and my dad infront of everyone not only lied and lied, but then started accusing me falsely, to the point the Consultant too his side!! And I felt so unheard and invalidated by those medical professionals who seemed to believe his lies!!!!!
This video left me in tears. Thank you always for your gentle validation of us victims. I’m so grateful for your presence and guidance.
He nailed it, again. When you call their hand or say "enough" it's victim time. They are not worth your time.
I sincerely want to thank you for all the insightful videos you post here, it's been 6 rough months for me after a broken friendship, she disappeared after sending me on a guilt trip and recovering from it is been the hardest thing to do.
#teamhealthy
I'm related to a person like this. I don't really speak to her anymore, both for my own sake and hers, because I suffered the same trauma that she did.
"You can't reason with an unreasonable person." Exactly. There's no point even talking to them.
My ex played me like a violin playing the victim after she inflicted emotional abuse in my direction. I should have left the first time it happened but it took me 3 years. 2 years too long, lesson learned.
I can understand exactly how you feel ,I have lived through Hell for ten years,Best of luck to you
@@anon4549 thank you. Having lost my wonderful wife to cancer prior to establishing a romantic relationship with this toxic woman my emotional recovery is moving pretty quickly. I realize just how strong I truly am.
I put up with my covert narcissist mother's false accusations, insinuations and yelling for a year after my dad died, because I knew if I defended myself or said anything, it would be the trigger she was waiting for so she could accuse me of arguing with her and she would tell everyone else that I was mistreating her. She tried and tried to get a reaction out of me but it didn't work, until the year was up (a deadline I set for myself). After that, one day she was trying to tell me what I think and feel as if she had strutted into my mind and took over and knew what I was thinking while I didn't, so I finally informed her what I was thinking. I told her she wasn't going to take out her negative emotions on me, she used to do it to Dad but now as her next-closest relative she was using me to dump her negative emotions on, and she is not going to treat me like that. She knew it was true so she flew into a rage and said "How dare you!" It sounded like a growl through gritted teeth.
Wow...! I have been subjected to this kind of trauma for half my life.
They tried double downing
You disgust me...wow
You have so many problems
You exist becoz of me.
You will never ever leave up to my expectations and you would be nothing without me.
No one really likes you.
Jokes at my expense.
Huff when i expressed an idea..wow
I'm doing well now with this kind of videos....This been my best year.
Thank you and peace and love always.🙏🌿💫
So pleased the video resonated. Keep learning, Lile! Dr. C
Thank you Dr C...really kind of you.
Peace and love always.😃🙏🌿💫
The funny thing is i never knew such bad behaviour had a name narcissism!
You have always blown my mind with such in depth clarity on the subject matter that is mostly misunderstood.
Thank you again for the peace you've brought me thro your videos.🙏
DR Les, thankyou. Playing the victim is what my husband does and it is so disabling. Thankyou for explaining it so clearly.