How Narcissists Dehumanize You
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- Опубліковано 26 вер 2021
- Because narcissists are desperate to control you, establishing dominance, it is in their vested interest not to know about your humanity. Dr. Les Carter describes how they rationalize their manipulations by viewing you in non-human ways. They don't care about your feelings, your needs, or your back story. You are just someone to be used. While this is disheartening, as you understand their dehumanizing ways, you can avoid some of the hurt associated with their attitudes toward you.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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Or... "Narcissistic personality disorder is the only mental condition where the patient is left alone but everyone else needs treatment"
And Convid is the only physical condition where everyone else needs treatment or else the protection won't work.
"Everyone has to drink the Kool-Aid for it to work" - Anthony Fraudci, 2021
Internet comment of the day! This is so true. You've got to turn this into a meme.
@@dakoderii4221 Fouci is the one who MADE that covid. Gave to wuhan to finish WHY IS HE WORKING ON DEATH he did maximum pain to beagles experiments. 50 years from now they will look back and see us just like the Germans The had Guehring Dr DEATH Fouci is the same damn way and we have China pulling joes strings hes supposed to collapse our economy and put everyone on welfare.
@Ren Scorpio - Good one! 👍
@@curiousone6435 already is🤣
My experience with a dehumanizing narcissist : One of the worst things is when you shared information with certain narcissists out of a pure place (good, trusting intentions) only for them to subtly as well as directly twist the information later. And then you get confused, damned if you do, damned if you don't. Confusion is one of their weapons in dehumanizing victims. Anyone else relates?
Yes, that's their gaslighting and it illustrates that communication is not a means of knowing each other better, but a ploy for one-upmanship. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism "a ploy for one-upmanship" you articulated it perfectly thank you
Have been dealing with a few narcissists at present and have learnt more and more how narcissists like to use dehumanization as well as information as weapons. I learnt to be more discreet and more cautious. Thanks again for your comment
It hurts 💔 I suppose there is a good side. You learned what kind of person they are by the fruit they bear. A lot of people don't bear good fruits. 😕
Yep!
"Never ending criticism" !! Never-ending! Constant correction! Even when the "correction" itself is wrong!
Lots of unsolicited " advice" too. Is what I got on even the smallest thing I did . I would reply with .." who asked you , or I don't remember asking for your advice or opinion " it was constant and extremely annoying.
@@deborraholiveri6202 oh, for sure! They just can't imagine other people being able to live with being told by them how to live!
Mommy Dearest :(
“Micro management style!”
Never ending criticism and never ending hypocrisy. Epitome of double standards!
Narcs are becoming more common- especially among the under 30
I think it has a lot to do with so many kids growing up in single parent households: They miss out on the different things they need from both parents, which leads to a lot of emotional and mental frustration, which leads to the entrance of demonic spirits.
I taught secondary education for 30 years. I agree that they are more prevalent. Much, much worse in the last 10 years.
Im exhausted 😩
In dehumanizing others they show their lack of humanity. It must be difficult to be so empty and devoid of empathy.
What I'd give to have you as my Dr.!!! But being able to watch and listen to your videos have been such a blessing. So insightful and have helped me understand my relationship with my narcissist immensely. Thank you 💗
so true. Dr. C
inhumanity > inhumane human, is that not an oxymoron, a walking contradiction? As such, they are bent on destruction, and seeing as how they can't escape themselves, they are their own victim. (keyword > bent, as in hell-bent, bent out of shape, twisted, malignant, self-opposed, also malformed in terms of their mental framework.)
The best way to counter and pretty much CANCEL their dehumanization effort is to make them IRRELEVANT in other words don’t give them or what they say or what they think of you any importance - they are not God and so they have no authority to assign VALUE to you or any other created thing so don’t let it bother you. Their words are as worthless and inconsequential as they have made themselves to be and their miserable life is NOT your fault or your problem.
Amen!
That was awesome to read thanks !
👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Exactly on point.
We are not responsible for their actions or outcomes
Helped me enormously to
Narcissistic relationships have happy beginnings, but never happy endings.
Children of narcissists don't get the happy beginning either. It's all just confusion and pain
@@joykraft1175 So sad, children are born into it, where a romance has to be faked first, hence the ahppy beginning.
This is so true Evan 😬😅
@@joykraft1175 That's EXACTLY right and I'm still dealing with the trauma 62 years later, which would've started when I was born. 😥
"There may be no 'i' in team but there are three in 'narcissist" 😂😂 love it! Had to post
Well, two. But you still make a good point! Dr. C
Lol😂😂🤣
Lmao!
👍💖
That was great Ren. I love it! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Unfazed by the pain they generate." YES. That is my new definition of narcissists and narcissism. That is EXACTLY what they are. Can you imagine being raised to be unfazed at the pain you generate, maybe even to take pleasure in the pain you generate??!!! I would never, ever want to be one of these people no matter how much money or material possessions or land or homes or vacations or whatever they acquire. Yuck!
Same here... its not in my nature 😊
You're onto it. It shows how underdeveloped they are...on so many levels. Dr. C
unphased... Yes! nothing made my Brother happier than to take me to Chi-CCHI's and humiliate me in front OF servers; and make me ( all dressed up!)) cry IN PUBLIC- what Fun he had.
What never ceases to amaze me is how they absolve themselves from their crimes against God and humanity instantly and walk right up to you and say, "Hi, how's it going?"
@@divingduck1970
That's also how they look themselves in the mirror. Their break with Reality and Truth is a form of dissociation.
No wonder the narcissist is unfazed by the pain they cause you. They're so self-centered they have no conscience.
That is why you see the same patterns of behavior over and over and over......No Conscience. They can't LOVE you because they are too busy LOVING themselves.
@@barryparks2286narcs do not love themselves. People that love themselves treat others with kindness, care and love.
My dad ignores my existence, his loss!
The narcissist does not want to do self-examination or realize they might be wrong about something.
Makes it easy to have no accountability, remorse or guilt.....
@@Suzu52 so true.
@@Suzu52 yes so true
They dont want to because they cant. And they cant...because they have no self. Scary, but true. There is nothing to introspect into...
Curiously, though, they present different faces to different people, which allows them to perpetuate their narcissism. They are intentionally non-logical. Their sole aim is to get what they want, no matter the damage or pain they inflict. And they are determined not to ever be satisfied, because that keeps them in control. My mother, my mother, my mother. She is now thoroughly disgusted that I have cut contact.
They do make it a point to find out about your past abuse, so they can treat u the same exact way, they use ur own abuse against you
*It is written, Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you ~ Matthew 7:6!*
*The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him ~ Psalms 37:32!*
N-creatures are soul-murderers or worse.
@@cacatr4495
That gives them too much credit. Keep your head up and know that they’ll reap what they sow.
@@CodyCole80
Of course, they'll reap what they sow, but if you don't know what they work to do, then you need to learn more. If they didn't strive to kill the souls around them, while leaving their bodies intact, these channels wouldn't exist. Then there is the furthest on the spectrum of them, the sociopaths and psychopaths that *are capable of killing the body as well. All murderers are those.
@@cacatr4495 yes- they are murderers
Enlightening but sad . My family of origin is narcissistic.
My family seems to be too. So frustrating and so sad!
Me too, both parents.
Mine too. Two parents and two sisters. They both married toxic narcissists too and they were all flying monkeys. I married a sociopath alcoholic who had a narcissistic mother. I attracted them everywhere. I’m free as a birdie now though!
@@ruthstirrat7677 same....I wanted to die, I almost did, but fuck it, I escaped so now I found out I have chronic illnesses ...life is hell
@@WhiteAngelLovesEarth take care and love yourself,you are not alone🙏
After 20 years I could no longer let myself be treated that way. "You've changed, " she said.
Thank goodness for that change. It took a lot of work and difficult self- honesty to change.
Congratulations on setting yourself free. :)
Well done. I wish my father had the strength and awareness to do the same. Our relationship as father and eldest daughter has totally dissolved not because we've had a falling out, but because the woman he married and birthed me resents us for having it to begin with.
Good for you
@Transplanted1 I stayed until she dumped me. When I started standing by my own values she became less responsive and then she went no-contac.
That gave me the space to re-evaluate myself and the "relationship" (which I later learned was more accurately an "arrangement), and to find my self.
When, after three months of silence she sent an e-mail out of the blue asking if I wanted to ride bikes with her again, I said no.
@Transplanted1 thank you
Oh and also: They seem to only want to receive narcissistic supply from negative emotions, like fear, guilt, anger, frustration, etc. While an empath is happy to make another person feel happy, safe, joyful, loved, cared for.....as far as I can see: They seem to get angry and jealous when someone is successful or happy and then get their supply by destroying the positive emotions... very sad, and interesting...
I really like how you explain this. You are spot on. Dr. C
Oh we come to the same conclusions. I feel called out whenever I feel positive at home living with family. I had once live with my mouth shut tight. Only humming a reply, nodding and always appear as miserable as I can be to keep them away (or happy really). Since that's what they want I give it to them. But it only works for 3 months long and I learned a lot. Not all things end up in vain. So I'm grateful for the experience.
Constant mocking. No communication. Projecting their faults on you. Gaslighting your reality.
Sick people.
My narc dad repeatedly told me how he is too busy with others, than me. I deserve a better father. I gave up on him; no-contact wins!
Dr. Carter is a comforting voice of sanity, this channel lowers my blood pressure beyond providing priceless information about how to navigate life around those who lack the ability to love. #grateful
Thank you, Kira. Dr. C
I'm sorry but we're not playing 'pin the tail on the scapegoat' any more!!!
We're not pinatas!
What a kind and caring person Dr Carter is helping us get our life’s back together again! Contrasting with The narcissist sad and empty selfishness. Okay Team Healthy let’s all have a great day being grateful for all the caring people out there 👍
Hi Susan! I have been writing as a "human being" for 21 years now, on the Internet. I try to share backstory because context is essential in a human life. A narcissist does not enjoy sharing, or receiving the human story. I have a long history of being ignore or attacked. 😁
It is very difficult to find anyone willing to share backstory.
Please share of yourself.
_wildflowers survive where soils are harsh; avoiding alligator shoes and careless hearts._ 🌾🌻
Thanks for being an inspiring person, Susan! Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism aww, thank you ☺️
Agreed! Without his guidance I don't know the depths I would've sunken to. Thank you, Dr. C!
I did!!!
My narcissistic in-laws call me a dog and a bug. This is a reflection of their character. They are evil people.
"Give yourself permission to be what you are and realize that if that person won't and can't access that's their loss."- Dr. Les Carter
Thank you doctor.
this is good to hear, but the process of waking up from the legacy of long term narcissistic abuse at the hands of a variety of people is still an absolute nightmare.
My 18 year old said about her father many years ago. "He treats me like I am not a person". It tears me up that I didn't understand that he was using this on her. Crying.
Beth, my then 15 year old daughter tried to commit suicide because of her father and I was the one having to deal with it, it's soul crushing. She's better now, but on prozac with 18. My 20 year old son is them as well. My 16 year old daughter has anxiety 24/7 (from us all walking on eggshells around the narc). My reason for pulling out of this "situationship" are my 13 year old daughter and my 12 year old son. They've seen enough so far and I'm not letting them go through what my other kids had to go through as teens. My kids are my No. 1 priority, he's become irrelevant to me. Sad, but true.
@@christinaanderson3316 Hoping you have severed those ties for your sake and your children. My Mom got away from my Dad after my sister and I had moved out but my younger brother was just 12 years old. He has and has had a much saner life than my sister and I. Wishing you good luck building a new life for you and your kids.
Now you know. We all believe the best of others. These are such painful lessons to learn.
Don't ever tell a narcissist of your success. Keep it to yourself
About three months after my mother's funeral, someone who was there contacted me out of the blue and wanted to meet up, saying he was going to be in the area (we live some distance apart). I agreed to meet him.
Early on in our conversation, I remarked that it was nice to meet again under happier circumstances, alluding to the funeral. He kind of sneered, didn't respond, just changed the subject. I felt a shock of embarrassment go through me - I guess that was my reaction to being dehumanised.
Later, as we were parting, I asked him if he still played guitar. He got almost angry, as if I'd accused him of not playing anymore. I find this a lot with narcs, they think you're attacking them when you're not.
After he'd gone, I came to the conclusion that he'd come by in the hope of getting me into bed whilst I was in a low state after my mother's death. He realised I was not in a low state and that it wasn't going to happen and I never heard from him again.
Charming man. Not!
Taking advantage ...oh so devious! What a creep.
So sorry for the loss of your dear mother, and sorry your integrity was so underestimated .
@@elizabethash4720 Thanks, but it was 20 years ago.
@@janb5177 wow, I hope you find a way to get over the guy you spoke about.
@@elizabethash4720 You seem not to understand. It was 20 years ago, there isn't - and never was - anything to get over.
Now I see why he never showed much interest in my life BEFORE I married him - it’s like my past, my roots, my history didn’t matter & only his wants & desires needed to be center stage. I was always curious to know about him, his childhood, his family history EVERYTHING but he showed as little interest in sharing about himself as he did in learning about me. That’s an unbearably miserable life. How does anyone even live like that?!
They use people as props.
Hadn't thought of that. True!
Yes, they see you as a nuisance when you go into your personal space if it does not fit their image of you they created. Their image is a false self that does not percieve the real me.
Lightbulb words >> " Their image is a false self that does not percieve the real me." Thank you for sharing that. *perceive
Nailed it
Their attitude, their problem!
Married over 20 years. I was wondering why I kept buying things with my initials on them....wall plaques, jewelry, etc. Then I realized my husband NEVER used my name. I couldn't remember the last time he called me by my name. I was an 'it'. I needed to remember I had a name. I divorced him. (many reasons other than the name thing...)
Thats very brave. i was 52 when a FLUKE happened and I saw those narcissist videos and I got dizzy thinking THATS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS>>>>>>i didnt know the antagonize and provoke you to anger. FOR FUN they still look down on me but i am out of that toxic place Pensacola sounds nice because I can use a vacation forthe rest of my life.
My dad used to call for us kids by yelling “where’s the kid?!?!”
What a bastard.....glad you got out of that
I felt this too, I always felt happy if someone used my name. I'd feel a little excited. I even thought to myself why do I feel happy when someone uses my name, then I saw a video about narcs not using our names...
@@mptajo That's awful, what a lot you had to put up with. Glad you're free of that creep
Dehumanize is the perfect discription. I can't believe these find someone to marry them.
I’ve heard several examples when they continue to love bomb and it’s like the day after they marry everything changes.
@@LinYouToo yes happened to my sister
@@LinYouToo happened to me long ago, he was great the first year we lived together, lots of laughter and patience and kindness. 4 months after the marriage it was like a light switch flipped. When we divorced he said in a rare moment of candor that one morning he woke up and realized he owned me now and didn't have to try anymore, and he didn't.
@@joywebster2678 oh my goodness, I’m so sorry that happened to you. That would make you lose faith in humanity but I hope that wasn’t the case for you and that you have found a better truer love.
@@LinYouToo thank you.
It’s so much worse with female covert/malignant narcs. They will continue to play nice and sweet and rarely act out with harsh words. Everything they do is insidious and corrosive. The way they speak about you behind your back and the things they do with others is far worse than it seems.
Exactly.
Do not personalize, start detaching ourselves from the narc if not possible physically then at least mentally. We will then get peace!
Amen🐒
Absolutely Daniella, *It is written, Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you ~ Matthew 7:6!*
Knowing what I now know about narcissists (,through these videos) and also finally divorced from one, and taking the bull by the horn and receiving healing and wholeness,
I was able to run fast away from one who wanted to date me .
I just bought a home, small and cozy, and I'm beside myself with joy!
My journey has been rugged, but my God is bigger ! 💕
Shonna May,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....
Proud of you and enjoy your new refuge.
This was very helpful to me. I did feel dehumanized and don’t want to ever go through that again. Being away from this person has given me peace ☮️
Deborah Morgan,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist....
Yes, I feel the same way. I have not been in contact with my narcissistic dad for 113 days now, I don't plan to change that!
I was Married to one for 40yrs. Now I’m free of him.” Thank the Lord” But everyone thinks he’s wonderful. They don’t know what a Narcissist is, nor did I at 19 when I married him. Now he’s 79 and married to a 25 yr old ( poor her)
That’s almost laughable. He must have money? Does he really think it’s love?
Oh my gosh! No way can he keep up with her.
My dad(narc) is the same way. I am done with him (no-contact) for my own well-being and not being nitpicked at, judged(unfairly) by his unreasonable standards, I exorcised him from my life via no-contact. It is difficult, but the rewards are fabulous!
Ultimately the only constructive way to deal with an abusive narcissist is to dump them permanently
In my covert narc mother's relentless attempts to break me I actually remember her screaming at me a couple of times - 'you're NOT EVEN HUMAN '. She was the single most negative influence in my life . Rotten to the core - as she called me with such delight . RIP you 'rotten good for nothing' . I'm fortunate to be well rid of her .
My mother was the same- I feel your pain-may they pay in hell, cause they never pay on earth
Reason, logic, commonsense, respect, honesty and all the other ways we use to respond to others don't exist with a Narcissist.
So today, at work, I asked the ugly coworker a question.she explained something to me which had no connection to my question.
I said, "no that's not what I meant " she shushed me. I then asked, *are you really listening to me?" And she said, "your getting too loud.".
It's dehumanizing for someone to behave this way. At work, in most any workplace, the most appropriate relationship there should cause one or two workplace responses.
Yes, no, thank you or your welcome. Anything more or added, indicates a problem. And when management does not recognize this,and there's no I fradyrucyuue fir the problem, then essentially this problem "don't exist."
This is what determine is a toxic environment. And it's amazing that all it takes is one demon to cause the toxicity.
Try to avoid her. Also, secretly record your conversations. I had one of those and the manager took her side. The one at work, I completely ignore, make no eye contact. And show zero emotion. They are empty shells, soulless demons in meat suits.
"The ugly co-worker"?
@@shebakali6 our instinct is to want to hurt them because they are in fact evil
One demon unacknowledged and unchallenged.
gamer Guy
A lot of them show up on videos like these to play victim and/or wise hero.
Yes. The dehumanizing attribute is emotionally paralyzing.
This needs taught as mandatory subject 4 years in HS!
Rachel Cronin, You are absolutely gorgeous,hope you are not with a narcissist....
@@jamesarmstrong4179 You are a creep!
“That horse has INDEED left the barn”…..from the start! Love your metaphors, Dr Les! 👏👏👏
they always have a replacement lined up. harri mutka in finland always does.
Warrior Mom Or the horse was never in the barn, so to speak, in the first place! 🐎
"Reason? That horse left the barn a long time ago." I love Dr Carter, because he makes me smile. The whole narc saga can feel so tragic, right? Well, sometimes I just resonate with how ridiculous these people are. My narc WAS superficial. He WAS illogical. If was all a scam.
Narcissists are living inside their own psychosis bubbles and not congruent to reality.
@@sirphil13 Absolutely!
Saga is a great descriptor.
Unfortunately it's your tragedy while they laugh. They'll only care again if they need you or can use you.
Thank you, Dr. Carter. I am in recovery from a witchy mother. If I mentioned to her that she often hurt my feelings, she would scream, "Your feelings? Your FEELINGS?!!!! I. DON'T. CARE. ABOUT. YOUR. FEELINGS!!!"
She's a tortured soul. Dr. C
I remember asking my wife to talk to me with love and respect they way I try and talk to her and her comment was "it's just not that easy."
In other words: "You want me to be healthy? That's foreign to me." Dr. C
I remember in the last years of my marriage i asked my husband- tell me 3 things i have done this week. And he had no response because he didn’t have a clue. Were you in our house all those years? You nailed it. He would also get mad at me for getting mad at him.
I remember not asking, but her TELLING me in what felt like a moment of deep connection, "I love you SO MUCH. You love me like a fairytale! I've never had anyone treat me so supportive of me and make me feel safe and make sure I never go without anything I need. It's the best sex I've ever had and your touch makes me feel electric"....and so on and so on. Only now do I realize that she didn't love ME. She loved the way I made her feel. She knew just how to destroy me with a word or 1 action, and she did.
I once asked my (now ex) boyfriend of 11 years to tell me what he loved about me, why was he attracted to me? He looked flustered. He said, "Um, well you're just awesome, sweety." I said, "Wow, not one thing you can list? I have at least a dozen things I love about you." That was one of the earliest red flags. Dozens would follow until I started to get stronger and he saw I was on to him. He groomed his poor Plan B girlfriend while I was recovering from heart surgery. Bet he tells her she's "just awesome," too.
I recently closed my eyes and asked my husband of 46 years what color my eyes are. He said “well that’s a stupid question, your eyes are blue!” I have brown eyes. 46 years married, and he never cared enough about me to even notice the color of my eyes. I still can’t deal with this…
Mine would leave me home for 16 hours a day without a vehicle or phone and I would use the tablet and was lucky to hear back from him. I have no idea what he was doing all that time.
@@PuzzlerDeb Wow!
You won't get let down if you stop lying to yourself that you see potential they don't have. Just give up on them and stop being cordial. Stop trying to understand them and give no second chances.
Yes, yes, yes! Don't bother with them!
Any more!!!!
We really have to do the hard self-analysis of why we continue to interact when it's so useless.
I've learned I'll still bitchslap them verbally sometimes, for my own sake, not because it has any effect on them. But mostly I avoid them.
OMG all of these are spot on! They have no reason. You can’t talk to them. They don’t care. There is simply no reaching them. So glad to be out. It’s going to take so much time and therapy to get back to my normal self. But I’m free from this vile and hateful being. Your videos have been so helpful. Thank you for making them and opening our eyes and also reminding us that we can make it out alive and heal.
Totally agree about the narcs behaviour. It's terrible...not human.
You can fight the battle when you finally see the enemy.
Wise words.
My narc dad is the enemy. I win now that I am no-contact with him!
The narcissist always cries to charge themselves up to get strength to bully. Notice that they always cry for themselves and will then talk about another to regain confidence. Look for that too
They also think like babies in how they think their toxic insults to mock someone is just playing. Those are traits that can't be fixed and that's why they are sure in their delusional minds they're not evil
The happiest time in my life was working in a job where I helped people. The Elderly and developmentally folks I transported around my county taught me more about myself and humanity than any other experience I’ve ever had; and although it was a demanding job, everyday felt like an adventure.
I’m guessing Dr. C keeps his cup running over with that same warm fuzzy feeling giving; and receiving so much more than money can buy; that the overwhelming amount of pain he hears about just propels him to do more.
I know I felt as though I had found my true passion in life doing that work.
I bet Gus helps too!
Dehumanizing def sums up the whole narc scenario! Mine loves to mock me nonstop like a child, so tiring to hear it all the time as he is ALWAYS talking, even in the shower!! Planning my new life away from this madness!! Great video Dr. C, should help those new to this torment of what to expect and start their exit strategy immediately.
Sounds like you've heard incessant trash-talk. Congratulations on your upcoming departure to peace.
I am trying to get rid a narc girlfriend I met a few months ago to unfriend her. After a few months with her I figured out she is a full blown narc through and through. It has been hard trying to get away from her. She has been emotionally blackmailing me and threatening me if I don't do what she wants. She borrows money (NO MORE) from me and expect me to drive her anywhere she wants anytime (very late at night) night or day. At first she was a great friend then the first time I said "NO" to her she started being controlling, nasty, and constantly criticizing me, and putting down my job as a Caregiver. She is a CNA and tells me she is in nursing. She does more on the job than I do in Healthcare. That is true in some aspects of our job. I work one on one with client's, she take care of 18 patients at a time in a nursing home. I enjoy the one on one more than working in a nursing home. I am 64 years old, thats too close for comfort now.
@@susanbissell6319 I’m glad you see her for what she truly is!! There is no reasoning with them and like you, I have a caregiver’s heart and want to help but they’ll just use you up and make YOU feel bad when the overload breaks you down. Please ignore her now, you owe yourself more than she could ever give you and the abuse will never end. I’m 65 and know too how precious our time is, narcs do NOT deserve our time or caring, stay strong❣️
@@2Bcreative888 I just hope she stays away. I was amazed and pissed how many ways she was trying to get in contact with me that I didn't know existed. She would either guilt me or emotionally blackmail me in a text or voice mail. I just got a new job and stupidly I used her as a reference. She got my job to call her mother. Her mother lied and said I was a great Caregiver to her.
She would constantly say to me she had her mother lie for me. I didn't want her mother to do this, but she went ahead and did it. I told her the other day I told work all about it. That shut her up on that, but now she is going after a close friend of mine in the military by trying to get him in trouble. God, I wish I never met her!!! My God, did she talk and talk and talk... all about herself, I never got a word in edge wise. If I did say something she would butt in and go back to talking about herself!!!
I swear a narc magnet.
@@susanbissell6319 Yes to us empaths being a narc magnet. And yes their lies and nonstop talk, mostly about themselves, goes on ad nauseum!! Sounds like she has her hooks in good into your inner circle and is thoroughly enjoying the hell she is putting you through. Try not to show her how upset she is making you or trying to reason with her, it’s exhausting to you and gratifying to her that she actually got to you! Resembles pure evil intent to cause such pain when we are trying to help them avoid pain, it bounces right back in our faces!! My ultimate coping mechanism is staying in gray rock mode and answering “whatever” with as much disinterest that I can muster to shut them up!! Try it, your lack of emotional responses may keep her away finally. Sending you prayers to stay strong and value YOUR well being over any narcs badgering, they’re not worth our time❣️ 🦋 🙏🏻
So how are you today? Wait. Let me tell you how i am first.
(Head in hands.)
They ask questions and might let you get two words of the answer out before they begin talking over you. They don’t really want your answer. Asking you the question sets them up to be able to interrupt you as you answer (which dehumanizes you) so that they can let you know who’s really in control of the conversation.
Kelly, you are spot on! Dr. C
@@dcg31free OM the answering questions for us! Infuriating! I literally told the narcissist i deal with not to talk for me when others ask me questions, my son standing right there witnessed my asking, and as soon as someone at the event asked me a questions- boom the man answered FOR me. My son was infuriated (which was nice to have that validation but dang wish it hadn’t happened at all!) Glad to be on the healing journey with ya :)
Sad, sad people...that turn us into much sadder...clinically depressed in fact, people😔.
They are the sorrow that keeps -giving- dumping.
@@cacatr4495 I've seen house cats with more loyalty😏
@@vincec.202
Indeed!
EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATION: that's a great term
When you see them become a mean girl after they feel insecure then you have to never talk to that thing again. It's not a person. Think about it
Never, ever good enough.
They compartmentalize in the most amazing way. Got money from this person, a couch to sleep on from this person, sex from this person, borrow a car from these people...everyone's a function. And you can't move from one to the other unless it suits them.
Damn, this is… yes.
Yes. Just like clergy as I am, we honor and protect those who expose their vulnerabilities to us.
This is exactly how l lived definitely had no rights at all with my children
The origin of them is simple. They 1. Can not figure out how to fit in. 2. They copy cat behaviors 3. They get friends from the mimicry 4. They target and bully threats to expose their facade just to keep their friends (Basically, someone thinks they're a person by mistake and the narcissist never let's that go and have to bring sacrifices to the friends to keep respect. It's no different than a dog chasing a rabbit or squirrel for the owner. So the friends are the enablers who let them hurt you people)
During the 3 month + Covid lock down , I realized just how toxic my daughter is .. she accused me of cheating on my husband of 40 yrs , was trying to throw her grandma& me out of my home that I raised my other kids in and own , called me disgusting names .Im 60 yrs old , I need this in my old age 😵💫 . I went no contact 2 months ago . Wonderful not walking on eggshells anymore .
I got a toxic one please pray for me kindly wish you well am very sad of her accusations and abuses please advise me help me out am.in East Africa an orphaned mom and humble
Hold your ground. She's horrible.
Exactly what they did to me....I blocked them recently. I'm tired of being run over....even when it's not their business. They decide THEY OWN MY LIFE. They are horrible to be around.
I am in no-contact with my narc dad and his flying monkey girlfriend. My life has improved over the last 113 days!
I grew up with this.
Me too 😔
My former narc, humiliated me by putting our intimacy public. He would say demeaning, humiliating, and dehumanizing talk with his family and only friend (a infidel and all around misogynist. His first wife completed suicide. His friend was in the picture then as well. The sexual talk these people engaged in was constant, relentless, and the norm. His whole family system was toxic, led by his mother, enabled by his father. They had no boundaries whatsoever. In hindsight I was involved in a toxic web of sexual narcs although my ex was very covert. He was the family scapegoat and acted out the families dysfunction by sexually harassing his younger sisters, to being inappropriate with his daughter. His inappropriateness included giving adults access to his daughter including when she was in her private space, (the bathroom and bedroom). I stayed too long in the marriage, twenty-three years. I was worried about my spiritual daughter who was vulnerable to the trash he brought into the home. Once she left, I went back to school got a masters and doctoral degree, because i knew my marriage was doomed.
That sexual business is so degrading. It was tried on me. I was beyond humiliated.
Last night my husband, adult children & their spouses, and my 2 grand children, took me to dinner for my birthday. My husband said as we got to the restaurant, “ these are the people who love you most.” Meaning, he wanted me to forget about my family of origin and dwell in the moment. Yes, I am so grateful for my husband and children. 🙏🏼❤️🕊
🥰 Awwww...how sweet!
Happy for you that you are Loved. :)
@@michellefarris3961 thank you, Dear One. 😘🙏🏼
@@cacatr4495 Many Blessings to You, as well. 😘🙏🏼❤️
Your husband is so true! It pays to keep your mind and focus on those that love you the most. 👍🏾
A narcissist’s “respect” for you today will turn into complete disdain three days from now. What is fantastic today will turn into “what have you done for me lately?” three days from now. That is another aspect of their black and white thinking.
OMG this is my Father all the way around, he has been dehumanizing me 99% of all of my life,and multiple years later, he is still doing it.
you nailed it when you said "they dont want to deal with you in your human dimension," so well said thankn you.
I prefer your videos to other coaches, because of the overall Love-Dignity, Respect, Civility. Although you teach us so much (borders, assertiveness, etc.), I think of you as "Dr. Love". Thank you!
@ Cheryl - yes, I think he's the best, followed by Dr. Ramani, but Dr. C is my #1 go to for knowledge. Plus, he has a great, kind community. Trolls get called & called out & shunned.
Narcissistic likes to also use financial against you
All this! Don’t want to know you, can’t connect to their feelings . Show no emotion but anger is no problem. Superficial .. no respect . Calloused .
Can we get pizza whilst we're here? Why do you want pizza from here when we have pizza at home? Uhhh because I asked if we can get pizza from here? The hell?
I had this exact convo with my narc !! It’s like they have to take the lead for everything why can’t they just go with the flow like most normal people would do.
When they try to show heavy emotion to get another chance you're just seeing 'the agony of hell' in them. They're not sincere even though that's real pain. It's just a glimpse of hell. They don't go there, they die and stop existing but you're accepting hell when you accept their empty apologies with empty but real looking emotion
lets turn this around to more of a human factor , these entities are dehumanizing themselves , they are ruining their own selves & lives
And the 'thumbs down' are all Narcissists. 👍
Anyone who tries to throw salt on something they're weak to do is an unfixable narcissist too. So protect yourself for factoring in of someone gets sassy and disagree because they're too weak to do what they're disagreeing with
This made me realize.. I have narc in-laws that are obsessed with what profession my 4 year old will do when she grows up. They talk more about that than anything else.. they don’t try to form a relationship with her, but always make comments like “oh wow your good at ____, maybe you will grow up to be ____.”
They also comment on her looks, like they’re having a private conversation about her, instead of speaking to her when she’s right in front of them.
@Transplanted1 yes I do, I’ve learned I have to tell her what behavior is not ok each time... no matter who does it it’s not ok. They have also sometimes done things like cuss in front of her and use the words stupid and shut up. I’ve had way too conversations with her about it.. really my conversation should be with them but they don’t care, and don’t think they’re doing anything wrong.
@Transplanted1 thank you 🥰
@@Julie-ns3vh
Wouldn't it be wise to not subject the child to such people?
@@cacatr4495 it’s a long story, I have no support so I’m alone with my daughter 99% of the time.. my husband left us in December, I rarely visit them but I have disk degenerative disease and need help sometimes. He’s threatening to get 50 50 custody so if that happens she will be with them all the time alone, so I’m trying my best, but I don’t know what to do.
@@Julie-ns3vh
I see.
Narcs do every thing to make sure your story is never heard , if anyone does hear. Your story they will correct your story
Unphased by your (or my) pain, uncaring if it actually exists, but mainly UNAWARE because it does hurt THEM!
Thank you Dr C!
Emotionally shallow, unable to cope with someone who is not emotionally shallow so works to negate that, and as a result the actions and words in response dehumanises the other. An excellent explanation that helps so much. It gives value and rehumanises. My body literally relaxed when I heard that explanation!
So pleased! Dr. C
Lightbulb words > "unable to cope with someone who is not emotionally shallow so works to negate that."
Once again, Dr. Les Carter hits the nail on the head! Before I could leave my ex-husband (I was fighting a near fatal illness), he was shooting small animals in the backyard with a BB gun. At that same time, he said that I was subhuman. My therapist was concerned that he might want to kill me and dehumanized me in order to find it easier to kill me. He had threatened my life many times, and getting away from him was the hardest thing I ever did.
Omg I get it - mine was shooting a real gun in the house at small animals and had a deer stand in the back yard in our subdivision!
I actually realized this recently. The narcissists I’ve been involved with would always project their insecurities onto me. Like one girl I knew who was overweight and didn’t take care of herself always tried to act like my dating experience was the same as hers. I’m not saying I’m a supermodel but I take care of myself and keep slip and fit. But she always project and expect me to have the same dating experiences as her. When that didn’t happen and I found my now husband she got furious
This is my sister Mary Riley. She is always ways harmful toward me . She uses our late mother like a crutch. She hates holidays and celebrations because it costs money. She has attacked me for buying
Biggest fan here to say that this is so tragically truthful! You have explained this truth quietly and so clearly. Just learning about the Dehumanization process and how it works is pretty much a "Mic-drop" moment for you because it is completely summed up.
♥️You really rock Doc!
I get dehumanized daily by my narc H. He doesn't even call me by my actual name. He calls me "PEGGY SUE." How dehumanizing can you get after 10 years? On a 1-10 scale, it's a 10 to me. I feel like I am in de-humanizing hell. Looking for my peace.
Johanna, *It is written, Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you ~ Matthew 7:6!*
This is THE major reason I wanted the divorce finally after 25 yrs..and he would never even listen to or care to ask about this very thing regarding our non-existent "relationship."
This explains the gaslighting where they pretend they can’t hear you, i’m always so surprised when someone else can hear me… they just pull up the draw bridge when you’re talking nothing gets in, at least nothing they’re gonna let you know about
dont talk to most of them about anything they find a way to manipulate decieve isolate control and deny the lack of integrity and truth only twist it all for there benefit and associate with same , if you stay away from it you can see them devour each other in the future with cowardly and wicked ways many.
good job doctor c
Videos like these have really helped my healing journey after decades of narcissistic abuse
It’s mind boggling how someone can treat another person this way. It makes me wonder how they sleep at night. I’m sure they sleep just fine, their sense of entitlement, control and lack of awareness keeps them safe. 😵💫
Waw, im just sayin how sh*t it is that I didn't even know what a narcissist was untill I started researching my now ex bf's behavious.. iv stumbled across this wee video by chance & it's taught me another early red flag trait. I'v now got 'dehumanizing' to add to the seemingly never ending list, & that was happening right from the start.🙈 gosh I feel so stupid.😢
I have an Aunt who is a Narcissist, she has been controlling to my mother and my siblings since I was a child, she has her sons and family carry out her control. very sick sitiuation, feel bad for anyone who experiences this in families.
“Emotional constipation” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. So funny but that is exactly how it is!
The word narcist itself is dehumanizing.
It's a bit scary & quite daunting that you never run out of topics to help educate us on the damage that Narcassists (of all types) inflict on unsuspecting nice people. Thank you to the moon & back for helping us safely remove our rose colored glasses! Unfortunately, I happened to have a fairly opaque pair 😁🕶