This book is some really deep stuff and I’m really considering buying it. These narcissistic people are everywhere and it’s shocking how comfortable and easy it is for them to hide behind religion. You can’t even call them out because they’ll gaslight you and everyone’s gonna start quoting verses saying that *negative assumptions* about other Muslims is bad. Or they’ll say that I’m just *holding grudges* against other Muslims and they’ll quote hadiths. Or the importance of *maintaining family ties* and *respecting elders.* And then bam, I become the unrighteous Muslim for calling them out. It’s incredibly frustrating how unaware people are about this mental issue (within the Muslim world). Because I’m expected to act like these narcissistic people are just regular Muslims and that I’m the one who’s not positive or loving enough to be around them, and that my behavior is evil. Despite the uncertainty of what to do, I always knew that there is no way that Islam is as shallow as the narcissists make it seem. Allah has perfect knowledge. He’s not unaware of the overall pattern of abuse that that these individualizing people inflict on others.
Thank you for this precious information. Tears welled up in my eyes because it just hits home. May Allah reward you for your exceptional work. ♥️ please keep those pod casts coming! We are waiting for more!
Thank you so much for shedding light on this important issue that is plaguing the Muslim community. Too many homes are breaking due to narcissistic abuse within family dynamics and children are suffering as a result of this. The sad reality is that this topic is under discussed and many sheikhs fail to acknowledge the repercussions of narcissistic abuse on children . Your interpretation and knowledge of Islamic psychology and the links made within Quran and sunnah are commendable and refreshing to hear. Please could you make a video specifically on narcissistic mothers and the oppression that their daughters go through from childhood to adulthood . May Allah reward you in this life and the next ameen . ❤
My mom was selfish to the core and jealous of me. Ignores my triumphs and jubilant in my mishaps. Extremely critical of me but becomes extremely mild when she needs something. Extremely nice when my friends are present. So everyone remembers her as kind and loving. My dad treated me as a trophy child. I was good in school and when I had good grades was the only time I was lovable. I was engaged for 8 years and at 22 it was time for me to get married. Meanwhile my fiancé has spent a lot of money on me and them. They did not want their gravy train to end or relinquish their control over me. They ruined the engagement and blame it all on me. I was a scorned person. You wonder why I did not revolt. They would have called me a promiscuous and in a hurry to be intimate with a man. Am a shy and obedient person due to the chronic public shaming, beating and gaslighting I received from my mom over the years. I am never heard, listened to and I am never right. I am now 44 and single, will probably never be a mom. I will never forgive my parents. They are both ☠️ dead. My mom even died being very mean. She ask me when i was getting married and I yelled how could I when no one is interested in me. That angered her. She was sick and never spoke to me. I felt guilty for over ten years until recently when I ask one of my sister if mom was so sick that she couldn’t speak. She said no, she was pouting and angry and refused to speak to anyone in the family except her nurse. Gaslighting to the grave. I was the work horse and scapegoat and her light skinned beautiful kids where the golden kids. I was such a coward, I didn’t fight back like one of my sisters. I was a very compliant coward all my life. Am hurting now because I can’t confront them. Like I said, I want my portion of reward in the Akhira for their abuse. I can’t forgive, I won’t. The people who bore me hated me the most😭😭😭
I feel for you. Allah does not forget any of our deeds... The patience you showed and the goodness you have in you. The horrible deeds they had towards you, the breaking of your mind and soul. If that is done by a close relative then it is even more despicable than if it was done to you by a stranger. Don't worry everything is written even things you might not have even noticed. A lot of us are not brave enough to call them out. All people have different abilities. Some of us don't like troubles. Some of us are scared. Some of us have been trained to obey even if our intellect knows we shouldn't. Allah will have mercy on us.
may Allah grant you so much peace and love that you are able to let go of the toxicity which one day , might make you ill....for every person we forgive , we heal a wound of our own...sending you light and unconditional love , my dear
Definitely. Empaths and codependents seek loving relationships, but because of their lack of boundaries and unawareness of codependency, they are drawn in by narcs. I'm going to do a podcast about this too, because people don't know they're codependent until they're in the relationship or when they're finally out of it.
MashaAllah sister. Your are analysis on the codependent and empathic person after healing from the abuse is spot and true. Please, inshaAllah in the future do a podcast explaining whether the narcissist inflicted harm towards other's is intentional or unintentional. Thank you.
I also have a sister who loves her son and is abusive to her daughter and always shouting at her 12 year old. I have told her not to treat her daughter like that and i was told off for putting her down infront of her. When I told her in private my sister told me to butt out since it was her daughter and she could do and say what she pleased. Thankfully she is not physical but I can see what this is doing to her daughter. He daughter is always tired, wakes up very late on holidays, speaks to people on her ipad almost all day long and God knows what this is doing her self esteem, soon I worry that she will not feel loved that she will find it in haram ways, Her father passed away 2 years ago.
Every child needs someone who thinks their world revolves around that child. You can be that person to your niece. You can call her on a daily basis to ask how her day is and whether she needs help with her homework. Wish her on special days such as birthday, eid, new year, etc. Attend her activities and events at school. Gift her great books that inspire imagination and good values where she can safely 'escape' from hell at home. This will last a lifetime. Later, when she's a grownup, she will know there's a halal outlet to deal with life challenges, such as reading great books, writing and gardening. I know these are effective because they worked for me well. In other words, your niece will have you to compensate the mother role that your sister somehow failed to fulfill. Your sister needs counselling. Or you can send her this video and other videos by Dr. Muna and other scholars so that your sister can get help that she needs.
Mashallah this was really good and I am so glad that i have come across these podcasts. I cried as there were parts that got me emotional. There were a few things I wanted to comment on perhaps want feedback on. I had that narcissistic parent and I would say I am an empath and a codependent - i feel low about myself because my being kind feels like it got me no where in life. I don't know how to navigate my life as an over 40's woman with no children or job. My parents got married in another country and in an era where the families decided their partners - so it wasn't my dads fault (or was it ) for marrying my Mum back in the early 1970's. I feel like that innocent child - still in the grips of my Mum, still running around her to make sure she has everything she needs - she has a mortgage free house and 2 children including me who make sure she is never alone. I am 45 with no home of my own - i fear I will pass with no one as I have no children and only one sibling is fairly close but is vulnerable with health issues and i wont have a place of my mine (well thats what it looks like now) and i don't know how to be hopeful and how i can turn things around.
Hi how are you? I am firstly dealing with the most narcissistic parents you can imagine but I wouldn't even be that bothered with just that mental and emotional abuse i have endured but the worst of it is that I'm unfortunately disabled and have cerebral palsy and the worst thing right now is that I have been the only person who could actually get out of the house and actually be self sufficient and strangely even that was too much of a problem for especially my dad that he actually literally did everything to make everything difficult for me despite telling me to leave his house even though I wanted to get divorced from thankfully now my ex but I am literally so alone to the point that the ex husband got the ideology that he could do anything to the point that he actually thinks he has no responsibility towards the baby financially and even though I was always the main person who brought him everything mainly and now he even thinks he literally doesn't want to even help with doing anything especially now that as a person who is with cerebral palsy there's only so much you can do let alone the fact that I am literally having to ask strangers to just go to the shop for me and now I am so physically exhausted that I can't do anything I mean I financially do everything and physically, my lord even a person who is physically able can't do everything alone but here i am doing everything and worst the so called Muslims around me literally turn a blind eye let alone actually doing anything about whoever i have approached that right now genuinely I'm so done that I don't even know what to even say anymore because the very parents are actually thinking they are justified in their actions and the siblings that i have well at least only my brother has the companion to be helpful when I am short on money and he is actually the one who is being used as the person who is supposed to be doing what the parents are supposed to because he is supposed to be in college right now and my sister who is married and she can at least talk to them i mean i stood up for them but today she can't even though she knows everything ☹😪 unfortunately I have no one where I am currently because I am only here in this city to do certain paperwork otherwise I would have been in places where I have friends even though I haven't been blessed with a family alhamdulilah I have good friends but right now I am physically in a place where I am hurting to even walk and no one is betting an eye otherwise lord knows that i have been gifted with the ability to be resourceful and with intellectual ability to do anything but just not the strength and i genuinely can't believe that I have people who really hate me so that they were just waiting for this opportunity to actually take advantage of my vulnerability💔 wasn't the whole childhood and traumas i had been through enough to actually satisfy whatever hatred they have towards me that they really actually conspired and did everything to sabotage my way forward in life really that was the worst shock i genuinely got when I realized what was happening when they were all of a sudden so supportive and actually trying to gaslight me whenever I was complaining about my ex someone who was never liked or even spoken to in all of the years we have been together and suddenly they are best friends and to make things worse he is actually suddenly doing nothing wrong when its so clear and strange thing is that i actually got out of the place they thought i would actually be stuck in and actually told the proper authorities about them and the distant family who actually really care about me strangely and the fact that their facade of actually who they have been pretending to be around the people is off but now they are being more evil and ridiculous just because I took a stand towards the abuse but only problem is that I need to leave this current city because I have no one and they actually know most people which is weird that the so called Muslims and sheikhs actually stopped trying to help because apparently my dad probably made up something and how messed up is that I mean really now they genuinely think that they are Muslims or following the words of Allah if you are simply so weak and twisted to actually ignore someone who is in clean need of your help but you don't want to because of what someone else said i mean people are so concerned about impressing people that they have forgotten who they are going to be answering to in the end. Iike you said about people ignoring children being abused because they don't want to get involved weirdly i actually have a neighbor who is so disgusting that she is hurting her 2 year old every night like late and no one does anything so actually last week I was talking to someone who strangely misunderstood the situation i was in but at least he was a good enough person to actually help out even though we still had different mindset about certain things so that time i here this neighbor beating the child and i was so angry and had to get out of my place and call out her name then she stopped so i mentioned to the friend that I actually forgot that I was going to call child services on this woman and he says that I should start problems with neighbors and I was like you are not serious because I am not going to be questioned one day why I did nothing just to please humans that are going to be in the same boat like i genuinely can't believe how people are really these days it's like they have forgotten about who is their creator and who is going to be the judge of everything subhanallah.
I am 39 years old and I am mentally disabled living with narcissistic parents. They never give or show love, they belittle me and place shame and guilt on me for their own problems. My mom keeps telling me to leave but I have nowhere to go. I can’t afford to live by myself financially and I can’t cope well when I’m alone. I lived alone once and all I felt was fear and I didn’t feed myself or bathe or clean my apartment. My mom would come and pay rent with my money and take my dirty clothes home to wash them and bring them back. I felt so lonely and lost and ended up meeting a man who I became romantically involved with who ended up moving in with me without my permission. He was controlling and abusive and wouldn’t leave and ended up getting me evicted. I became homeless. I don’t know what to do. My mom denies being cruel to me when I try talking to her and my dad either ignores me or screams at me.
Assalamu alaikum dr mona i would know what should a heavy codependent know that he/she is codependent... How to get out of this codependency and be super nova empath... Plz explain?
5:45 What if your narcissistic mother forced you into a marriage with a narcissistic man? What is her fault in all of this? As a daughter, she was only being obedient to her parent.
Forced marriage in Islam is forbidden. There is no obedience to the parents in Islam, if they are pressurising/forcing their sons and daughters to do things that they don't want to do. If men and women are accepting of this it means they're codependent and need to work with their self esteem and boundaries. This type of obedience has been programmed into children by their parents.
Anyone good advice please? For of wich i think is narcism, what do yall think? I would apreciate it very much. I have narcist parents and tryna distance myself from them nowadays to not sicken myself any further anymore but i find it very difficult at times like when i get lonely or when my parents stalk me again.etc.May Allah reward you inshaAllah for helping this sister out. :Ive went trough sexual abuse done by my sibling and my parents putted it away as if nothing happened, even putted me after that in the same room to sleep in same room of this abusing sibling for two years on a couch. My youth was never the same again. I always was depressed and confused of whats happening on young age. I was also never allowed to have friends cuz my parents and siblings would always interfere with it tryna have controle over éverything, so i never enjoyed friendships cuz of their overcontrolling behaviour that i didnt want friendships at all anymore cuz of the negative vibes they gave me. They would have always things to say about any of my friends behaviour and even the clothes they wear when they are with me.They told me i couldnt hang out with this friend anymore and i should thell em that untill they changed their clothed they are not allowed to hang out with me. Meanwhile my brothers were allowed to behave and do anything they liked and go out with any kinds of friends anywhere even if they are convicted criminals, they still were allowed. The opposite of what i and friends wear,behave and location of going was all monitored and controlled and discussed or insulted anytime. My mum would always come in between whenever we had visit of famly or relative, she never allowed me to talk, when i talked she would punish me afterwards instead by insults and arguing of discouraging communication with family or friends. Or had to put me on some kind of pedestal, instead of just be normal. Overeating was also a big thing, she forced me always to eat more than i could every meal, every day, gets angry when i say no i already have enough on my plate thank u. so i was always overweight to just keep the sanity at home. Once a relative noticed and told my mum it is abuse to keep your kid overweight indulging them with to much food instead of letting them just be kids and make them happy or communicate their needs. mum never changed and was always overweight herself too. i was only allowed to go to home or school. All my succeses or wants were either or put away or fully openly told to their relatives, they never kept anything between me and them as an amana,all my personal stuff was always put out there weirdly enough. My brother was even laughing in a bullying way with my father about my first new job and said like gerarrahere,we dont care about you and your job etc.my first job wich i was so proud and happy about.My brothers always would stalk me sometime unto my workplace or school, they would suddenly just show up out of nothing there. I could never keep a job because i never had a stable emotional growth cuz of them and anxieties everytime of the day. i always felt sick on the inside as i had to always keep strong outside. Always felt afraid to connect with people cuz i wasnt able to keep healthy relationships/communication, afraid telling anyone what i went trough as they wouldnt understand as i didnt even understand what was happening sometimes, cuz thats what narcists do, they attack you in very viscious ways,you almost cant even describe what just even happened. They are untill this day agressive and rage unto a point they are pushing me with their hands or even sometimes my mum hitted me when i was in a depressed and sick era after all this struggeling on my own with all this mental abuse when i was in my early twenties, my body just gave up,mentally. My mum was never allowed to work by my father,not allowed to have her own money troughout her whole life, so she relies untill this day on us the children. All the normal kids i knew always got a lil amount of money to buy little stuff but i never got it, not even the childcare money by law meant for the kids. My parents argue and yell at eachother exactly évery time they are talking with eachother,évery meal when together. My father has no compasion or imediate understanding when talking with him about anything whatsoever, hes narcistic and my mum eventually more so too. My mum got breastcancer eventually, and knee replacement surgery, cuz her body couldnt even stand all the damage of her being married to my dad, he was way more narcistic than her and anyone can ever handle. So thats why im very traumatised and wont settle for anyone to be married with cuz i get agatated or anxieties dealing with people who seem to have same narcistic traits. Im im my thirties now, i dont think ill ever marry (happily) cuz of all the traumas and i keep atracting toxic people, my parents and siblings always wanted a arranged marriage for me. Mum has some narcistic traits as well as she never had a mum in her upbringing herself, her mum died at an early age of 7 and is traumatised ever since, cuz she got abused as well by her stepmothers, and eventually fell in the arms of my narcistic father to marry him on a early age of around 16,and got her first kid this young, so it was an escape for her to marry him growing up in poor conditions without her biological mother. She seemed never really happy in her marriage with my dad cuz he isolated her fully of everything and everyone. I dont think mum has much more to live after her last surgery. I am only thankfull for her to have cared for me as she brought me up even if she did it mostly in a narcistic way by love bombing and after that attacking every action and word with my siblings or father but she did it whole heartedly with all she could and had. So im the one in very much pain right now cuz they are all i have left in my life even after all the narcistic abuse. And for my dad even he narcistic, he always tried to teach me about islam. Ive diceded for my own sanity and health when i was around 27 years to became more and more distant with them cuz i dont want to end up all sick to the point as like my mum but its also impossible to fully avoid your parents whom were with you your whole life and not having any other (good) people around as we mentioned above. I always think like, if i were a other kid, they wouldve left lóng time ago when the abuse began around 12 years old, but i probly wouldve ended on the streets, worse than i am now, cuz the help is very bad overhere for (muslim) children, grownups as well.
Salam alaikum sister, how are you doing? The abuse you have been through is horrible, I dont even know what to say. I have a malignant narc father as well (I am 29 y.o.), it is not nearly as bad as what you have been through but I grew up very isolated as well. For a long time I guess I didnt want to see it for what it is. But Allah has given me a lesson and I realized I myself was putting up obstacles. Actually there were none, it was all imagination/learned helplessness, call it what you want. I said but he is family but I have to finish my studies first but but but. All whispers from shaytan to keep me close. To the point that my health got bad and my iman got shaken. Alhamdulillah my faith is now stronger than ever but what I am trying to say is: it is not worth it, it really is not worth it. I was getting so bitter and started to become like my father without even noticing it (Mona explains this on her podcasts as well). My first priority now is just to move out and try to "rescue" the rest of my family as well. Please dont think you dont have anyone else. That is shaytan trying to keep you closer to a narcissist in order to destroy your iman. Mona talks about qareen, i think there are also whole podcasts on this. The narcissist is serving their qareen and want you to do that as well. Try to change that mindset/subconcious belief. I always take Nuh as's son and Ibrahim as's father as examples; He said, "O Noah, indeed he is not of your family; indeed, he is [one whose] work was other than righteous, so ask Me not for that about which you have no knowledge. Indeed, I advise you, lest you be among the ignorant." Surah Hud - ayah 11 May Allah make it easy for you and give you the best in this dunya and the next my sister
It is possible yes, sihir can make some very angry and irritable. However, you will only know it's sihir if someone suddenly has a drastic change of character. So, if they were pleasant, calm, wonderful people for many years and all of a sudden they turn into a raging narcissist are are very disrespectful towards parents, wife, husband etc then it's a high chance it's sihir, as something is abnormally wrong with him or her. If someone has always been narcissistic in their character since teenage years then no, it's who they are.
This book is some really deep stuff and I’m really considering buying it. These narcissistic people are everywhere and it’s shocking how comfortable and easy it is for them to hide behind religion.
You can’t even call them out because they’ll gaslight you and everyone’s gonna start quoting verses saying that *negative assumptions* about other Muslims is bad. Or they’ll say that I’m just *holding grudges* against other Muslims and they’ll quote hadiths. Or the importance of *maintaining family ties* and *respecting elders.*
And then bam, I become the unrighteous Muslim for calling them out. It’s incredibly frustrating how unaware people are about this mental issue (within the Muslim world). Because I’m expected to act like these narcissistic people are just regular Muslims and that I’m the one who’s not positive or loving enough to be around them, and that my behavior is evil.
Despite the uncertainty of what to do, I always knew that there is no way that Islam is as shallow as the narcissists make it seem. Allah has perfect knowledge. He’s not unaware of the overall pattern of abuse that that these individualizing people inflict on others.
Thank you for this precious information. Tears welled up in my eyes because it just hits home. May Allah reward you for your exceptional work. ♥️ please keep those pod casts coming! We are waiting for more!
You're most welcome
Thank you so much for shedding light on this important issue that is plaguing the Muslim community. Too many homes are breaking due to narcissistic abuse within family dynamics and children are suffering as a result of this.
The sad reality is that this topic is under discussed and many sheikhs fail to acknowledge the repercussions of narcissistic abuse on children . Your interpretation and knowledge of Islamic psychology and the links made within Quran and sunnah are commendable and refreshing to hear. Please could you make a video specifically on narcissistic mothers and the oppression that their daughters go through from childhood to adulthood . May Allah reward you in this life and the next ameen . ❤
My mom was selfish to the core and jealous of me. Ignores my triumphs and jubilant in my mishaps. Extremely critical of me but becomes extremely mild when she needs something. Extremely nice when my friends are present. So everyone remembers her as kind and loving. My dad treated me as a trophy child. I was good in school and when I had good grades was the only time I was lovable. I was engaged for 8 years and at 22 it was time for me to get married. Meanwhile my fiancé has spent a lot of money on me and them. They did not want their gravy train to end or relinquish their control over me. They ruined the engagement and blame it all on me. I was a scorned person. You wonder why I did not revolt. They would have called me a promiscuous and in a hurry to be intimate with a man. Am a shy and obedient person due to the chronic public shaming, beating and gaslighting I received from my mom over the years. I am never heard, listened to and I am never right. I am now 44 and single, will probably never be a mom. I will never forgive my parents. They are both ☠️ dead. My mom even died being very mean. She ask me when i was getting married and I yelled how could I when no one is interested in me. That angered her. She was sick and never spoke to me. I felt guilty for over ten years until recently when I ask one of my sister if mom was so sick that she couldn’t speak. She said no, she was pouting and angry and refused to speak to anyone in the family except her nurse. Gaslighting to the grave. I was the work horse and scapegoat and her light skinned beautiful kids where the golden kids. I was such a coward, I didn’t fight back like one of my sisters. I was a very compliant coward all my life. Am hurting now because I can’t confront them. Like I said, I want my portion of reward in the Akhira for their abuse. I can’t forgive, I won’t. The people who bore me hated me the most😭😭😭
I feel for you. Allah does not forget any of our deeds... The patience you showed and the goodness you have in you. The horrible deeds they had towards you, the breaking of your mind and soul. If that is done by a close relative then it is even more despicable than if it was done to you by a stranger. Don't worry everything is written even things you might not have even noticed.
A lot of us are not brave enough to call them out. All people have different abilities. Some of us don't like troubles. Some of us are scared. Some of us have been trained to obey even if our intellect knows we shouldn't. Allah will have mercy on us.
may Allah grant you so much peace and love that you are able to let go of the toxicity which one day , might make you ill....for every person we forgive , we heal a wound of our own...sending you light and unconditional love , my dear
Nobody purposely marry a narcissist and then purposely have kids with them. Yes it for sure comes from codependency or being emphatic
Definitely. Empaths and codependents seek loving relationships, but because of their lack of boundaries and unawareness of codependency, they are drawn in by narcs. I'm going to do a podcast about this too, because people don't know they're codependent until they're in the relationship or when they're finally out of it.
MashaAllah sister. Your are analysis on the codependent and empathic person after healing from the abuse is spot and true.
Please, inshaAllah in the future do a podcast explaining whether the narcissist inflicted harm towards other's is intentional or unintentional. Thank you.
Subhan’Allah 😢 May Allah increase my iman and hidayah aameen 🤲
Ameen
I also have a sister who loves her son and is abusive to her daughter and always shouting at her 12 year old. I have told her not to treat her daughter like that and i was told off for putting her down infront of her. When I told her in private my sister told me to butt out since it was her daughter and she could do and say what she pleased. Thankfully she is not physical but I can see what this is doing to her daughter. He daughter is always tired, wakes up very late on holidays, speaks to people on her ipad almost all day long and God knows what this is doing her self esteem, soon I worry that she will not feel loved that she will find it in haram ways, Her father passed away 2 years ago.
I understand....completely. I feel so powerless. It is so heartbreaking to witness.😢😢😢
Every child needs someone who thinks their world revolves around that child. You can be that person to your niece.
You can call her on a daily basis to ask how her day is and whether she needs help with her homework. Wish her on special days such as birthday, eid, new year, etc. Attend her activities and events at school. Gift her great books that inspire imagination and good values where she can safely 'escape' from hell at home. This will last a lifetime. Later, when she's a grownup, she will know there's a halal outlet to deal with life challenges, such as reading great books, writing and gardening. I know these are effective because they worked for me well.
In other words, your niece will have you to compensate the mother role that your sister somehow failed to fulfill.
Your sister needs counselling. Or you can send her this video and other videos by Dr. Muna and other scholars so that your sister can get help that she needs.
Mashallah this was really good and I am so glad that i have come across these podcasts. I cried as there were parts that got me emotional. There were a few things I wanted to comment on perhaps want feedback on. I had that narcissistic parent and I would say I am an empath and a codependent - i feel low about myself because my being kind feels like it got me no where in life. I don't know how to navigate my life as an over 40's woman with no children or job. My parents got married in another country and in an era where the families decided their partners - so it wasn't my dads fault (or was it ) for marrying my Mum back in the early 1970's. I feel like that innocent child - still in the grips of my Mum, still running around her to make sure she has everything she needs - she has a mortgage free house and 2 children including me who make sure she is never alone. I am 45 with no home of my own - i fear I will pass with no one as I have no children and only one sibling is fairly close but is vulnerable with health issues and i wont have a place of my mine (well thats what it looks like now) and i don't know how to be hopeful and how i can turn things around.
Hi how are you? I am firstly dealing with the most narcissistic parents you can imagine but I wouldn't even be that bothered with just that mental and emotional abuse i have endured but the worst of it is that I'm unfortunately disabled and have cerebral palsy and the worst thing right now is that I have been the only person who could actually get out of the house and actually be self sufficient and strangely even that was too much of a problem for especially my dad that he actually literally did everything to make everything difficult for me despite telling me to leave his house even though I wanted to get divorced from thankfully now my ex but I am literally so alone to the point that the ex husband got the ideology that he could do anything to the point that he actually thinks he has no responsibility towards the baby financially and even though I was always the main person who brought him everything mainly and now he even thinks he literally doesn't want to even help with doing anything especially now that as a person who is with cerebral palsy there's only so much you can do let alone the fact that I am literally having to ask strangers to just go to the shop for me and now I am so physically exhausted that I can't do anything I mean I financially do everything and physically, my lord even a person who is physically able can't do everything alone but here i am doing everything and worst the so called Muslims around me literally turn a blind eye let alone actually doing anything about whoever i have approached that right now genuinely I'm so done that I don't even know what to even say anymore because the very parents are actually thinking they are justified in their actions and the siblings that i have well at least only my brother has the companion to be helpful when I am short on money and he is actually the one who is being used as the person who is supposed to be doing what the parents are supposed to because he is supposed to be in college right now and my sister who is married and she can at least talk to them i mean i stood up for them but today she can't even though she knows everything ☹😪 unfortunately I have no one where I am currently because I am only here in this city to do certain paperwork otherwise I would have been in places where I have friends even though I haven't been blessed with a family alhamdulilah I have good friends but right now I am physically in a place where I am hurting to even walk and no one is betting an eye otherwise lord knows that i have been gifted with the ability to be resourceful and with intellectual ability to do anything but just not the strength and i genuinely can't believe that I have people who really hate me so that they were just waiting for this opportunity to actually take advantage of my vulnerability💔 wasn't the whole childhood and traumas i had been through enough to actually satisfy whatever hatred they have towards me that they really actually conspired and did everything to sabotage my way forward in life really that was the worst shock i genuinely got when I realized what was happening when they were all of a sudden so supportive and actually trying to gaslight me whenever I was complaining about my ex someone who was never liked or even spoken to in all of the years we have been together and suddenly they are best friends and to make things worse he is actually suddenly doing nothing wrong when its so clear and strange thing is that i actually got out of the place they thought i would actually be stuck in and actually told the proper authorities about them and the distant family who actually really care about me strangely and the fact that their facade of actually who they have been pretending to be around the people is off but now they are being more evil and ridiculous just because I took a stand towards the abuse but only problem is that I need to leave this current city because I have no one and they actually know most people which is weird that the so called Muslims and sheikhs actually stopped trying to help because apparently my dad probably made up something and how messed up is that I mean really now they genuinely think that they are Muslims or following the words of Allah if you are simply so weak and twisted to actually ignore someone who is in clean need of your help but you don't want to because of what someone else said i mean people are so concerned about impressing people that they have forgotten who they are going to be answering to in the end.
Iike you said about people ignoring children being abused because they don't want to get involved weirdly i actually have a neighbor who is so disgusting that she is hurting her 2 year old every night like late and no one does anything so actually last week I was talking to someone who strangely misunderstood the situation i was in but at least he was a good enough person to actually help out even though we still had different mindset about certain things so that time i here this neighbor beating the child and i was so angry and had to get out of my place and call out her name then she stopped so i mentioned to the friend that I actually forgot that I was going to call child services on this woman and he says that I should start problems with neighbors and I was like you are not serious because I am not going to be questioned one day why I did nothing just to please humans that are going to be in the same boat like i genuinely can't believe how people are really these days it's like they have forgotten about who is their creator and who is going to be the judge of everything subhanallah.
I am 39 years old and I am mentally disabled living with narcissistic parents. They never give or show love, they belittle me and place shame and guilt on me for their own problems. My mom keeps telling me to leave but I have nowhere to go. I can’t afford to live by myself financially and I can’t cope well when I’m alone. I lived alone once and all I felt was fear and I didn’t feed myself or bathe or clean my apartment. My mom would come and pay rent with my money and take my dirty clothes home to wash them and bring them back. I felt so lonely and lost and ended up meeting a man who I became romantically involved with who ended up moving in with me without my permission. He was controlling and abusive and wouldn’t leave and ended up getting me evicted. I became homeless. I don’t know what to do. My mom denies being cruel to me when I try talking to her and my dad either ignores me or screams at me.
Assalamu alaikum dr mona i would know what should a heavy codependent know that he/she is codependent... How to get out of this codependency and be super nova empath... Plz explain?
Wsalaam, please see my other podcasts about empaths
5:45 What if your narcissistic mother forced you into a marriage with a narcissistic man? What is her fault in all of this? As a daughter, she was only being obedient to her parent.
Forced marriage in Islam is forbidden. There is no obedience to the parents in Islam, if they are pressurising/forcing their sons and daughters to do things that they don't want to do. If men and women are accepting of this it means they're codependent and need to work with their self esteem and boundaries. This type of obedience has been programmed into children by their parents.
Assalamu alaikum... 😢
Anyone good advice please? For of wich i think is narcism, what do yall think?
I would apreciate it very much.
I have narcist parents and tryna distance myself from them nowadays to not sicken myself any further anymore but i find it very difficult at times like when i get lonely or when my parents stalk me again.etc.May Allah reward you inshaAllah for helping this sister out.
:Ive went trough sexual abuse done by my sibling and my parents putted it away as if nothing happened, even putted me after that in the same room to sleep in same room of this abusing sibling for two years on a couch. My youth was never the same again. I always was depressed and confused of whats happening on young age. I was also never allowed to have friends cuz my parents and siblings would always interfere with it tryna have controle over éverything, so i never enjoyed friendships cuz of their overcontrolling behaviour that i didnt want friendships at all anymore cuz of the negative vibes they gave me. They would have always things to say about any of my friends behaviour and even the clothes they wear when they are with me.They told me i couldnt hang out with this friend anymore and i should thell em that untill they changed their clothed they are not allowed to hang out with me. Meanwhile my brothers were allowed to behave and do anything they liked and go out with any kinds of friends anywhere even if they are convicted criminals, they still were allowed. The opposite of what i and friends wear,behave and location of going was all monitored and controlled and discussed or insulted anytime.
My mum would always come in between whenever we had visit of famly or relative, she never allowed me to talk, when i talked she would punish me afterwards instead by insults and arguing of discouraging communication with family or friends. Or had to put me on some kind of pedestal, instead of just be normal.
Overeating was also a big thing, she forced me always to eat more than i could every meal, every day, gets angry when i say no i already have enough on my plate thank u. so i was always overweight to just keep the sanity at home. Once a relative noticed and told my mum it is abuse to keep your kid overweight indulging them with to much food instead of letting them just be kids and make them happy or communicate their needs. mum never changed and was always overweight herself too.
i was only allowed to go to home or school. All my succeses or wants were either or put away or fully openly told to their relatives, they never kept anything between me and them as an amana,all my personal stuff was always put out there weirdly enough. My brother was even laughing in a bullying way with my father about my first new job and said like gerarrahere,we dont care about you and your job etc.my first job wich i was so proud and happy about.My brothers always would stalk me sometime unto my workplace or school, they would suddenly just show up out of nothing there. I could never keep a job because i never had a stable emotional growth cuz of them and anxieties everytime of the day. i always felt sick on the inside as i had to always keep strong outside. Always felt afraid to connect with people cuz i wasnt able to keep healthy relationships/communication, afraid telling anyone what i went trough as they wouldnt understand as i didnt even understand what was happening sometimes, cuz thats what narcists do, they attack you in very viscious ways,you almost cant even describe what just even happened.
They are untill this day agressive and rage unto a point they are pushing me with their hands or even sometimes my mum hitted me when i was in a depressed and sick era after all this struggeling on my own with all this mental abuse when i was in my early twenties, my body just gave up,mentally.
My mum was never allowed to work by my father,not allowed to have her own money troughout her whole life, so she relies untill this day on us the children. All the normal kids i knew always got a lil amount of money to buy little stuff but i never got it, not even the childcare money by law meant for the kids.
My parents argue and yell at eachother exactly évery time they are talking with eachother,évery meal when together. My father has no compasion or imediate understanding when talking with him about anything whatsoever, hes narcistic and my mum eventually more so too. My mum got breastcancer eventually, and knee replacement surgery, cuz her body couldnt even stand all the damage of her being married to my dad, he was way more narcistic than her and anyone can ever handle. So thats why im very traumatised and wont settle for anyone to be married with cuz i get agatated or anxieties dealing with people who seem to have same narcistic traits. Im im my thirties now, i dont think ill ever marry (happily) cuz of all the traumas and i keep atracting toxic people, my parents and siblings always wanted a arranged marriage for me.
Mum has some narcistic traits as well as she never had a mum in her upbringing herself, her mum died at an early age of 7 and is traumatised ever since, cuz she got abused as well by her stepmothers, and eventually fell in the arms of my narcistic father to marry him on a early age of around 16,and got her first kid this young, so it was an escape for her to marry him growing up in poor conditions without her biological mother. She seemed never really happy in her marriage with my dad cuz he isolated her fully of everything and everyone. I dont think mum has much more to live after her last surgery. I am only thankfull for her to have cared for me as she brought me up even if she did it mostly in a narcistic way by love bombing and after that attacking every action and word with my siblings or father but she did it whole heartedly with all she could and had.
So im the one in very much pain right now cuz they are all i have left in my life even after all the narcistic abuse. And for my dad even he narcistic, he always tried to teach me about islam.
Ive diceded for my own sanity and health when i was around 27 years to became more and more distant with them cuz i dont want to end up all sick to the point as like my mum but its also impossible to fully avoid your parents whom were with you your whole life and not having any other (good) people around as we mentioned above. I always think like, if i were a other kid, they wouldve left lóng time ago when the abuse began around 12 years old, but i probly wouldve ended on the streets, worse than i am now, cuz the help is very bad overhere for (muslim) children, grownups as well.
Salam alaikum sister, how are you doing? The abuse you have been through is horrible, I dont even know what to say.
I have a malignant narc father as well (I am 29 y.o.), it is not nearly as bad as what you have been through but I grew up very isolated as well. For a long time I guess I didnt want to see it for what it is. But Allah has given me a lesson and I realized I myself was putting up obstacles. Actually there were none, it was all imagination/learned helplessness, call it what you want. I said but he is family but I have to finish my studies first but but but. All whispers from shaytan to keep me close. To the point that my health got bad and my iman got shaken. Alhamdulillah my faith is now stronger than ever but what I am trying to say is: it is not worth it, it really is not worth it. I was getting so bitter and started to become like my father without even noticing it (Mona explains this on her podcasts as well). My first priority now is just to move out and try to "rescue" the rest of my family as well. Please dont think you dont have anyone else. That is shaytan trying to keep you closer to a narcissist in order to destroy your iman. Mona talks about qareen, i think there are also whole podcasts on this. The narcissist is serving their qareen and want you to do that as well. Try to change that mindset/subconcious belief. I always take Nuh as's son and Ibrahim as's father as examples; He said, "O Noah, indeed he is not of your family; indeed, he is [one whose] work was other than righteous, so ask Me not for that about which you have no knowledge. Indeed, I advise you, lest you be among the ignorant." Surah Hud - ayah 11
May Allah make it easy for you and give you the best in this dunya and the next my sister
If v r being raised in narc families marital relations r not good
But once you try and distance yourself, it gets better with the will and help of Allah, I promise
assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakthu can narcissism be a symptom of sihir ?
It is possible yes, sihir can make some very angry and irritable. However, you will only know it's sihir if someone suddenly has a drastic change of character. So, if they were pleasant, calm, wonderful people for many years and all of a sudden they turn into a raging narcissist are are very disrespectful towards parents, wife, husband etc then it's a high chance it's sihir, as something is abnormally wrong with him or her. If someone has always been narcissistic in their character since teenage years then no, it's who they are.
I left my narcissist husband 3 times but we kept reconciling. What is happening?
He's hoovering you back into the relationship and using bait or love-bombing to get you to take him back
But please remember that Allah SWT has made men masters of women. That's the divine truth as per the Holy Qur'an. JazakaAllah
What about two narcissists marrying each other? Then whats the explanation
Podcast is coming soon about this.
do you give online therapy?one on one