7 Signs You're Emotionally Abusive To Others
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- Опубліковано 8 лют 2025
- Emotional abuse is more common than physical or verbal abuse but may be reported less because it is harder to prove, this includes narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, emotional blackmail, and so on. Emotional abuse is behavioral and emotional tactics that are used to attack the target’s sense of control or sense of self. Are you wondering if emotional abuse played a role in any friendships or relationships that have been hurtful? Maybe you are looking to change a few patterns in your life. Or maybe you are wondering if you are the abuser. This video is for you.
Trigger warning & Disclaimer: If you recognize yourself in any of these examples, please know this was not posted to shame, hurt, or trigger you. Seeing yourself in these behaviors does not automatically make you a bad person or evil. Rather, seeing yourself in these behaviors means you are able to look at yourself and figure out whether you want to change how you deal with the people in your lives. If the material in this video is too triggering or painful for you, please honor yourself, even if it means not watching further.
If you want to learn more about emotional abuse specifically in relationships, you can watch this video too: • 14 Signs of Emotional ...
Writer: Spicevicious
Script Editor: Isadora Ho
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Trigger warning & Disclaimer: If you recognize yourself in any of these examples, please know this was not posted to shame, hurt, or trigger you. Seeing yourself in these behaviors does not automatically make you a bad person or evil. Rather, seeing yourself in these behaviors means you are able to look at yourself and figure out whether you want to change how you deal with the people in your lives. If the material in this video is too triggering or painful for you, please honor yourself, even if it means not watching further.
Alright
Hi
Edit
K
one day ago? :0
My mother's house was powered by gaslight.
😂Ha sorry had to laugh but same.
Aha! She must know my mother who is a group leader in the Toxic Cooperation of Judgemental Shitty Parents
@@azalia1225 SAME then she gaslights me saying I’m the abusive one this vid just proved to me that I’m literally not lmao
@@connorduker9011 I managed to get my mother stuck on the 7th one "using silence as a weapon" for nearly a year now, it honestly is the nicest thing she's ever given me xD
Cute. Same. Funny.
I clicked this video looking to improve myself and learned that I was actually on the receiving end of all of this. Thank you
Me too
Same here. Every single quality, I see in my SO. I’ve been so angry the last year because I’ve been enduring this for years. I thought I had become abu sive but I think I’ve just had enough.
#7 can be tricky.
Don't blame yourself for it if it's a defensive mechanism against someone's that's being toxic to you. I was about to blame myself for it too but I read some comments and yeah, seems shutting someone out of your life that's being horrible and harming your emotional well being as well as your friends isn't giving them a manipulative silent treatment. It's knowing when to stop, cut the toxic part of your life away, and start healing.
I think cutting someone off is a lot different to using silence as a weapon. In this case you're not using it as a weapon, you're using it to defend yourself. There's a difference. So definitely don't blame yourself for cutting someone out if it's for your own sake. If you're using it as a way to hurt someone else, to purposefully make them feel at fault even if they aren't at fault for it then I think that's wrong. But if you're doing it because you don't like and don't want to be around that person for the sake of your own mental state, then don't be afraid to do it! Please! ^^
Sometimes silence can be used to collect thoughts and not lash out on the other person because you genuinely don’t know what to say. Especially if your hurt and dealing with a toxic person
The silent treatment can be offense or defense. (I know, I have done both.)
@@saradaas7841 Exactly! I cut off a friend of 5 yrs and she says I'm a coward bc I don't argue with my friends.... No, I've (in a healthy way) argued before, I just don't argue with friends like her. She will get disrespectful if emotions get too high and she usually will cut you off constantly to defend herself before you finish speaking, I avoid doing these things.
Many times I've tried addressing certain issues over the years and it would never get past a certain point before she either dismissed or got defensive; I simply had nothing left (not even respect) to give to her.
Bless this comment
I often shutdown and stonewall because I am afraid of saying the wrong things, but it doesn't make me an abusive person. I don't use it to make the other person bend to my will, but rather I use the silence to clear my thoughts and to think before I say something I'll regret later.
Same I am autistic and go non-verbal. Like, literally cannot speak. This has definitely been used by people to frame me negatively (as unsociable or rude or “silent treatment”-ing).
To be honest, literally almost _everyone_ I meet does one or two of these things on occasion. We aren't perfect. The point is to recognize these behaviors, realize they aren't healthy, and try to better yourself. It only seriously becomes a problem if it turns into a habit and the person committing them refuses to admit they might have a problem.
Well, some of them are signs of trauma as well. Like shutting down/going silent. In most cases though, it's about intent. WHY are you going silent, is it to get a reaction or to avoid a reaction?
Thank you, I appreciate the reminder ❤️
I swear the universe is trying to give me signs. Would really like a video on how to improve, I don’t wanna continue the cycle of abuse anymore.
I respect the way you're thinking so much! That's the right thing to do for sure, this was eye-opening to me as well and I'm determined to change those behaviours even if people around me wouldn't change theirs. I hope they would post more avout this subject, but you can also check their videos they have plenty of useful stuff maybe there would be something that we can benefit from regarding this.
@@reemahmed2104 Thank you so much, the support means the world to me.
@@jamiekagemori1299 good luck and have a charming day!
It’s not easy to stop the cycle, but it is possible! I’ve used meditation and visualizations and many other therapeutic techniques to make sure what happened to me does not happen to my kids. It’s absolutely worth spending the time on!
Noone is perfect. We are all learning to take responsibility for our toxicity
I came here scared I did something like this, but I don't. Instead I learned that some family members are actually abusive and it's heartbreaking.
Same
Ditto....
Haha same, I thought let me check just in case if I'm doing anything wrong, and it turns out 90% of the things in the video were done to me, not the other way around.
It’s absolutely heartbreaking. Learn as much as you can.
Same. I was curious about #5, but there's a difference between denying someone's experiences (what my mom does) and telling someone that repeating a lie doesn't magically make it true (What I do, i.e. all evidence indicates that the Earth is not flat.) My family does all of these and claims I'm the horrible one because I call them out.
1. You 'jokingly' insult people 1:03
2. You dismiss others' feelings 1:34
3. You like to embarrass others 2:10
4. You like to push buttons 2:44
5. You tell people their version of reality is wrong 3:19
6. You use your emotions to get people to do what you want 3:51
7. You use silence as a weapon 4:26
I hope I could help! :)
Thank you
Thank you! :)
Why I feel like I actually did some of these things in my life or other people does similar things in this list toward me-
So I'm a monster then
Dam I didn't know I was abusive cuz I click keyboard buttons what's wrong with me smhhhhh
My mom used to tell me I was manipulative and abusive and this video made me finally relax and realise I'm not, thank you.
Perhaps your mother should watch this! I know mine should!
I’m 27 and watching this has just made me realize that my mom was emotionally abusive. Didn’t know this wasn’t normal. Silent treatment, dismissal of my feelings, and humiliating me in front of others. She didn’t do these things all the time, but enough times that did end up sticking with me. Freakin crazy. Kindof explains a lot of things about my mental health and self esteem issues.
I totally relate as my mom were nearly the same. Im glad to have my own house 🙏🏾
I'm really sorry. Did you eventually leave her?
Educate yourself on what a narcissistic parent, mother does to their child. You might discover your mother was a narcissist also. I wish I had learned it about my own at your age I would have gone no contact years earlier than I did. I could have started healing decades earlier.
That. Part. The sometimes and then other times being kind and caring and understanding gets overlaps by the negative. But we still have and know that there’s been times or situations that hurt us.. the fact that we even have to think about it says it all. Take care and don’t beat urself up. I know I do that alot but it’s because we’re good people so the good ones get hurt.
People arent perfect. Thats why we are thought to turn the other cheek. Also as a parent trying to foster children you make many mistakes but the love makes hyrt feelings heal and we forgive and forget.
If this video rings true for you and you feel ashamed and guilty: you’re not alone and you’re not beyond help. These things are learned behaviors, meaning they aren’t an inherent part of who you are and can be unlearned. You’re not a bad person at all. Someone in your life taught you bad behavior and didn’t give you what you needed when you were little. Now you can learn to change your behavior, give yourself the love and validation you needed as a child and find the security in yourself to be the person you really are. 💜
Idk... I’m 38... pretty set in my ways even though I see some bad traits, traits I see in my mom and experienced growing up and now that I have a little one, I catch myself doing some of those to her! Sometimes I realize when it’s too late, or I can’t help it because I’m in the moment. How can that be corrected? Can it even be corrected at this point!?
Thank you i hope i change with some help but it will not be easy
@@miriamdavis2988 no one is too old to go to therapy and stop abusing the people in their lives
@Alex Smith you are making the decision to be “set”’in your ways. You’re never too old to go to therapy and stop abusing others! And there is no excuse to behave like that, ESPECIALLY if you are aware of it
Anyone tell me how to undo this awful attitude of mine
For the 'signs that you may be ______' videos, could you also have 'ways on how to improve' type of videos related to the previous video? Just a suggestion and I'm sure the crew has been doing something related to what I gave. Love your videos btw! 😊
Edit: Ya'll are magicians. Didn't think this comment would reach this far! 😂❤
Omg that's such a good idea! I hope they see your comment :)
Agreed.
Yesss I so want these types of videos and I have asked this so many times
This is such a good idea. Great suggestion!
This would be awesome 👏🏾
"have you ever made a joke with the intention of hurting the person you're making fun of?" i live in the UK this is deadass the only way brits know how to communicate
But if you're intent is just to communicate, then it's _not_ to harm. Some people play wrestle or gently bop each other -- I know this couple at taekwondo who straight-up kick at each other -- but it's always playfully, in good humor. There's a world of difference between that and actual violence. There's even a world of difference between that and "play fighting" someone who's not also having fun. Play booping someone with a magazine is no longer okay if they're obviously startled or upset by it. The same goes for words "play fighting" with words.
Well if you need to learn study other way of expressing you self like what people call religion like Christianity is really that person surendred to the truth of love like Christ good place to start is pick up a bible and put down your own ego and just read the scriptures and you will find treasures and some things that don’t make sense. But if you commit with you heart then what would stop you John /Luke/ genesis/ Matthew
Why no one likes you
@@tiffanyciraolo5310 Nothing good has came from Religion. I advise learning about the real world we live in and philosophy instead of fairy tales.
I’m Americana and this is how my family shows each other love, but we know everyone’s boundaries and wouldn’t cross them. We also go to bat for each other at the drop of a hat.
I remember doing quite a few of these methods in the past. Usually, it's unintentional, but I still feel guilty for it. Some of them were likely to be intentional, and it took me a long time to understand it. Being emotionally neglected and abused by my family, it's no wonder why I did not see the issue until my friends and boyfriend pointed out at it. I am grateful for their input and they still stay to support me as I undergo therapy. I am glad to have them in my life as I strive to be a better person.
Emotional abuse is a way to control another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate another person. In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health
A bully also does this so they can feel powerful and superior. They have no self esteem, so they devalue others to make them feel better about themselves.
Yup
@@Barbara_Banks_1
Sometimes a bully does have self-esteem, though -- just . . . a toxic mega-dose of the stuff. If you genuinely believe the sun rises and sets on you, and that everyone else is just a second-rate loser, then you're probably going to act terribly, and treat others terribly as well.
Well said. This is exactly how it impacted me.
@@Barbara_Banks_1 so what? It's still not ok. Some people are just mean and bully bc they're degenerates and abusive. They're not all victims and even if they are I'm not taking their crap.
Number one, someone sent this video to you
They prolly sent it to YOU. I've been a fan of psych2go for a while now
no, i was the one who sent it to someone
@@StrawberryJamming i wasnt talking to you
👁️👄👁️
@@yuh771 and i wasnt talking to you, you only got a notif for my comment because you also comment here, that's how it works you get notifs for a comment thread you're in
@@StrawberryJamming oh okay lmao
“When someone is rude, keep a smile on your face. When you keep your joy, you take away their power.” 🙏🏽
I don't insult them for power. I make people feel bad shure but don't get enjoyment from it. But I have no reason to stop.
I just do it out of habbit, casually and constantly.
I've responded to insulting remarks with a thank you, and the sweetest smile I can manage. :)
Most of the time,if the person insulting you is an emotional abuser, when u smile at their insult, they will just try to insult u more until they get under your skin. Sometimes fighting back is the only way to stop them
"That's a compliment coming from you"
@@justicephoenix8094 happens to me in my family, , I always stayed quiet or agreed just to keep the peace, last week I decided to argue my.point and stand my ground. Brother began roaring at me , I walked away and when my back was turned he hit me in front of his wife and child and I nearly fell over, steadied myself and I wad so infuriated that I swung around and hit him in the face with a rolled up newspaper. I released 25 years of insults and abuse at him. Didnt feel great but I felt I took my power back.
I have come to recognize that I was emotionally abusive towards my ex husband as a result of many unresolved personal issues due to being emotionally abused by a narcissistic step parent, as well as experiencing emotional neglect from the majority of my family. I felt a lot of invalidation growing up.
It has been and continues to be a long journey of recovery and self awareness to turn these negative behaviors into healthier, healing parts of my personality.
I hate that it took so much pain, effort, time and truth seeking, but well worth it.
I am now involved in a very healthy relationship that continues to evolve and help me grow into a more well rounded human being.
However, you have to see the truth of your actions and look deeply into yourself for answers related to why you behave a certain way, and then make changes.
Forgiveness of others, including yourself, is key to transforming yourself from the inside out.
I can relate to this. I find myself often being emotionally abusive as a way to seek attention and validation from my partner, often twisting the narrative and creating an alternative reality I believe to be true. I grew up with divorced parents, with a narcissistic father living further away. I see the patterns and traps I keep falling in and want to heal and improve. I would appreciate any suggestions you might have. Thank you for sharing this.
My latest relationship was bad, really bad. He made me think that I was the bad one and I've thought I was bad since then and have been scared to get into a new relationship because I'm afraid of becoming toxic "again". After watching this video, I've come to realize that I wasn't the abuser. I was being abused. He did all of the signs in the video. I'm not saying that I'm the best person ever, obviously I could have done/handled things better too. But this made me feel better about myself, and the thought of going into another relationship isn't as scary as it was. Thank you for this video.
IMO, recognizing these behaviors means two things:
1. You are still capable of remorse.
2. You may be modeling/repeating bad behavior that your abuser taught you.
About #1, sincerely, congratulations! Lack of recognition can quickly become lack of remorse. (And I'm sure your own experience has shown you that remorse is a necessary warning sign.) When we own/admit our output, we can change our input to get better results in Life.
2. Most of the behaviors we exhibit, we learned by observation.
In fact, learning to lie & manipulate others (and knowing it's not truthful) is an important step for us as toddlers. It's when we begin to see "levels" of reality and fully recognize people around us. Wild, huh?
I (and everyone that truly cares about you) give you permission to CHANGE yourself for the better. We will try to do our best (like Psych2Go) to support you.
You Rock! 🤘😎
Stay strong.
I grew up in the 60's, 70's and early 80's when there were no cellphones etc, but my mother used every single item you mentioned to control, humiliate and silence us about what was happening in the household. One, her and my Dad didn't speak for 6 months, and we, the children were used as messengers. Gaslighting was at the order of the day, and to this day my siblings use it with me. I went no contact 25 years ago.
BEST DECISION EVER
i'm sorry, you okay now ?
I swear this was a so called "friend" and then I ended the contact to her
Even tough I liked her still
But it was just impossible to heal next to her
@@tartaglia5596 Ahh dont give me memories of the "popular" girl in elementary that treated me like a pet 💔💀
@@tartaglia5596 Nah it wasnt even that just that fact that she would literally say sum like "Omg you're so ugly who would want you- IM KIDDING IM KIDDING" then pat my head like- no luv 😃🤚🏼 I dont want your greasy looking hands on my head
@XG CE Oh my god, you just described to a T what someone I recently cut ties with was like!!! That description was literally on point!
@XG CE I’m sorry I’m so shook, you’ve literally just described her and I can’t believe how on-point your wording is, I couldn’t have worded it better myself lol
Same but she was the one who stopped talking to me, she left me in read many times till one day she did that and then blocked me from all social media. Anyways, i should be thankful she did that because i just tried to help her with her mental health issues and at the end of the day she was a toxic friend who matched some of this points like 2, 6 and 7...
I can relate to this unfortunate I grew up and a chaotic and unstable home. I still do go through this moment. I want to change for a better but the anger is so much.
Dont give up! It's a rough journey but you got this!!!
02:00 oOf, I don't like to share personal things online, but the "you have no right to be upset" hits home big time!
7 Signs you're emotional abusive to others
1. You jokingly insult people
2. You dismiss other's feelings
3. You like to embarrass others
4. You like to push buttons
5. You tell people their version of reality is wrong
6. You use your emotions to get people do what your want
7. You use silence as a weapon
Wishing you all a prosperous, blessed and a happy new year. Hope we all have a covid-free world ahead of us next year.
you too
Im none of those but i do cuss at my sister and i was emotionally unavailable to my brother and beated my dog out of anger though wich is a form of verbal/emotional and is also animal abuse but im very empathetic and shy,timid,withdrawn,depressed,Anxious and kind to people mostly
I get physically/verbally emotionally abused at home mostly by my step dad,i got it from my parents from how THEYD react or how they behave or act and etc.
I feel bad and i'm trying to get help
None of these but with my gathering being like that, it makes sense why my last boyfriend too displayed most of these.
2 and 5 might also occur if the other person in the relationship continually uses 6. So 2 and 5 might be just trying to use reasoning to avoid being controlled by another abusive person
Me who presses buttons in my ps4 on a daily basis: maybe I am emotionally abusive
"you jokingly insult people"
me towards my friends: ..ive made a severe,
For reaal.. When ur humor comes from pressing ppls buttons from time to time. I hope they dont assume negative intent...
Y'all peeps should apologise,even if it doesn't seem hurtful.
@@percolsin ..not necessarily. with people you dont speak to a lot, yeah, probably. but you shouldnt even make them in the first place cause you dont know their type of humor. but with friends that are making the exact same jokes towards you,...thats just the humor you guys like and are all okay with. otherwise we'd apologize constantly for stuff that we're all okay with
i literally text my friends to start a conversation with them by saying “hey fuckass”
If you can make the person laugh at themselves then you're just a funny guy but if your insults aren't funny to them but rather hurtful most of the time then you're not doing it right.
Emotional abuse can take a number of different forms, including: Accusations of cheating or other signs of jealousy and possessiveness. Constant checking or other attempts to control the other person's behavior. Constantly arguing or opposing.
Yes. There's not nearly enough things on this list.
Yes totally im so jealous
I recently had to do a psychological assessment and kept denying that I was abused. After some time thinking about it and after an honest talk with my sister, I accepted that I was. It's so odd to realize that I've been emotionally abused by my mother for so long since I was a kid.
It's hard to recognize abuse when it's what you know as normal.
This was actually helpful to let me know that I was experiencing blame shifting and am not the abusive one. But I love all the people recognizing their bad behaviors and working for change in the comments!
The silent treatment in my opinion, is one of the most destructive methods to deal with arguments. Your using someone's own fear of rejection to inflict pain. Which ultimately leads to low values of self worth and anxiety. Even something as simple as "I'd like a little time to collect my thoughts, we can talk about this later" makes a huge difference in letting the person know they're not being ignored.
more often its the usual reaction of someone being hurt by a person. Distance prevents new conflicts to flare up. The border that this is getting abusive is very fuzzy and almost all the time a subjective perception. I cannot agree to ur assessment that it is distructive in every case, or even "most destructive". Looks for me like u cant give other people the space to process the conflict on their own. Claiming anxiety and low self worth as a direct consequence is more scapegoating than anything else. If u are really so attached to that person ur in conflict with, u shouldve treated the other better, despite the conflict, to prevent that in the first place. If u really think that this person employs a truly abusive silent treatment, then its time for u to reconsider ur attachment and not to shift the blame.
I tend to use it as last resort to avoid more conflict. I'm pretty mean when you press my boundaries. verbally and I will gaslight you to oblivion. A part of myself that I'm slowly fixing.
@@shadesmarerik4112 no my ex used in in an emotionally abusive way. He knew I didn't like it and would just ignore me to have me bend to his will. I'll never respect the silent treatment as a means to punish someone. There is no excuse. If you need time or space after conflict just be adult enough to say it. It's not hard.
@@SR77736 so u felt that he uses this in an emotionally abusive way, and now u come here claiming that u are in the right and label him as abuser, which of course automatically validates ur point and invalidates his.... ok, got that. Go on...
@@SR77736 "There is no excuse."
btw ... why is everything that is not going according to ur rules an "excuse" and eventually "emotionally abusive"? Ur lines u wrote already give me an idea why some distance to u could be needed.
I guess this is why I chose to be alone.
Love yourself, even if you hate yourself.
Sorry, I'm just trying to cheer you up if you find this painful to watch. Even I do.
I feel that I'm much better then all other ppl after watching this.....
Yup you’re not alone. Been learning some very painfully true aspects about myself lately, especially during covid
I’ve actually been working on self love. If it takes forcing myself to love myself, then I’ll do it. I just avoid other people because I’m absolutely afraid of people. However, I do have people in my life that I can trust. Like my mom, my husband, and yes, at times, even myself. I try to not talk about how I’m feeling, and why I’m feeling that way. I try to say that I’m ok, even though I’m having intrusive thoughts or flashbacks. Just because it makes me so embarrassed to talk about it, it makes me uncomfortable to think about. Even though I’m trying so hard to let it all go, leave it all in the past, and keep on with this wonderful life. I refuse to let my intrusive thoughts and flashbacks make me depressed forever. I refuse to take my own life! I’m only 23, and I have a lot to live for, I have much work to do that has to be done before I even go. And most of all, I have some wonderful people in my family that need me, I need myself also. Even though it feels like no one would miss me if I did go, I know for a fact that that’s 100% not true. I feel like there is lots of hope for me to heal and be free!
@@siennaprice1351 same here.. I'm 18 nd facing d same thing... But I keep motivating myself to enjoy the time alone.. instead of treating it like a burden
@@adityagauba630 ye bwoi agreed
The one I’ve had to deal w/ the most is having my feelings dismissed. Every single time I’ve ever said I was mad the reaction I always got was “it doesn’t matter!”. I hate that SO MUCH!
I'm so sorry. Your feelings matter. YOU matter. I promise
@@marytank8 thanks I really appreciate that 😊
"Oh well I've been through worse." "You'll be fine I was fine, look at what I have now!" *Insert image of a whole ass tumor* I'm not sure if this counts but this just feels more like a lazy way of fixing the problem, "Tell me what happened or I'll beat your ass 😡😡😡🤬🤬"
Same like I always keeps my feelings to myself but then again they come out when I get yelled at or told to shut up because I always think of other feelings instead of my own.
Bruh every time I voice my opinions and how I feel, I end up getting a "I don't give a shit", or "I don't care", or even a "STFU" or at most a threat of violence against me or a blackmail, although the blackmailing doesn't happen very often. It's either that or I'm body shamed and have to hate myself cause if I don't they get mad at me so yeah.
Worried that I am, as I've been accused of such, so I watched only to see every single thing they did to me and I would never do any of these things. Thanks for the confirmation of their abusive behaviors.
I'm really glad you posted a video like this. I have the impression that we put a lot of good effort in realizing when we are the ones being treated unfairly and how to stop being the victim (which is obviously incredibly important) but we rarely pay attention to our own behaviour that might hurt others. Sometimes we are the toxic person or the abuser even though we don't mean to be, so a video like this is definitely a step in the right direction on working on becoming a better friend or partner
Man I gotta stop this! I unknowingly hurt people sometimes and realized it just now 😭
I finally have a new year resolution.
same, i feel so bad ;-;
I do use my emotions to get what I want, though, I believe it may be because I crave attention and affection due to a big lack of it in my life. No, I'm no excusing my actions. I know it's bad and I plan to try my best to stop.
Me to. Wishing u the best of luck
Prove it with acts, not just words. Otherwise this is just another trick up your sleeve. Being aware of your mistakes isn't enough. You actually got to put effort in it, so good luck with that, and hope you will become a better person.
YO EMMA WOODS IN DA EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE COMMENT SECTION??
Got any strategies?
@@MegaKhelditia
Be straightforward with what you want instead of using emotions- and if you don’t get what you want, openly accept it rather than trying to guilt-trip the other person or something similar.
Well I’m going to talk to my wife about some of the negative traits I see and see myself doing in the video. I’m going to ask if I’ve done damage to her by any of these means. I will discuss on a deeper level how we can identify when this is happening in the future so it’s not. I can honestly say I haven’t done all of these things but I have got in the habit of a few and I wasn’t aware of it’s effect. To change and become the best person I can be before god and for my wife. Take some time to identify the habits and make the change.
Proud of you bro.
Thank you for taking action to stop this and know that so many people are proud of you for this :)
hey u ! did u end up having this conversation with her ? can I ask what kind of solutions you two came up with?
Talk to her about it honestly and listen to what she says. This is a huge step! It can fix your relationships when you confront her out of love to discuss finding solutions. Seeing a psychologist might help. If you were abused in ANY way in your childhood, it is very likely that you might do these things. You don't have to do all for it to be abusive-- one is enough.
If only everyone thought like you...being willing to feel for others and change!
i recognized a few of these things in myself…i’ve been trying to acknowledge it and be more self aware. and trying to unlearn these behaviors. its hard and its scary, but its worth breaking this generational trauma.
Taking notes. Always room for improvement and genuinely desire to be a better person for myself and others.
My situation-ship stonewalls me when he has anxiety, fear of rejection, or knows I can read him. It’s crumbled all trust between us. Moving on and letting him grow up by himself.
All situation-ships should go in the trash where they belong tbh
This is my mother 💯 I grew up thinking something was wrong with me.
Same ;(
@@afiqahali8220 😔
Yup, something I'm trying out is making a super long detailed list of all the things they've done as they happen. I'm planning on showing it to them once it gets several pages long, other wake up calls just get me grounded or brushed off.
same :(
@@mr.bright2.038 I tried that in the past and it backfired BIG TIME!! Talk about gaslighting torture...
I found myself guilty, but I've only done this to people who had done the same to me.
We’ve all done this after certain points, it’s normal. Some are just worse than others
Potato fact: you are what you behold, and your tools shape you
@@fredericmoresmau4303 when you said the word "they", are you refering to "your friends/ only group of friends" ?
Oof same
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
If these videos keep popping up in everyone’s recommended videos, this channel could make the world a better place.
I was friends with one of these people before. They used positive affirmations and physical affection to manipulate me. I knew the whole time I was being manipulated, I wanted to help them, but I couldn’t. Eventually I gave up, but I didn’t want to hurt them so I stayed with them for 2 years. During that time they made me bend to their will, because I wanted them to happy. But they moved away, and I was finally free. It felt good. I hope they find a way to stop the cycle some day.
I grew up in a home where a lot of these were the norm. I have noticed myself doing these things sometimes and I hate it. I hope that I can become a better friend.
I thought I was the one being emotionally abusive for a long time. And questioning it made me think I was projecting or being of bad faith but, turns out abusive people are pretty good at framing their targets as abusive themselves in order to further justify their own abusive behavior.
My ex friend did all of those things... I didn’t know how toxic he was
dont judge too quick, you cant be 100% sure over all you can judge by their actions in general and not those specific things for example are they polite or so idk ust dont judge others and you will be happier
I'm so sorry to hear. I hope you're doing ok. I went through something similar. Take care of yourself
I do sometimes have problems with accepting other people's perspectives on things. Sometimes I try to dissuade people when they are feeling upset as if I could show that they have "no reason to feel bad". It's mostly done out of care and affections, but I have been told that it can actually just make everything worse.
God I do a lot of these but I never have the intention of hurting anyone
My social anxiety is gonna sky rocket now lol
It's okay, we all have a dark side that seeps out somehow. I have done everything in this video at some point in my life. I can't ignore that my actions as my responsibility, but it's helpful to look at the environment where you were raised, and what was implicitly taught to you by your caregiver (not through their words, but through their actions). Chances are we are more like than we realize.
And that is okay too -- provided one makes a real effort to change
Yeah but you can be getting gaslit by the video .. see what I did there? They aren’t trying to gaslight you to make you feel like you’re emotionally abusive. Don’t take it that way or maybe you’re trynna victimize yourself. See? Now it can be flipped all over the place lol. But no if you do it for intentionally hurting someone or people then yes look in the mirror and change the way you treat others or some people. Or that one person. If you don’t wanna change then that’s fine too not for me but you do you.
reality: I am emotionally abusive to others while other people are emotionally abusive to me
I hate myself 😊
It's understandable that you might have become an emotionally abusive person to others if you have been treated in the same way. You don't have to hate yourself for that, but you can become a better person when you have realized that some of your actions may be hurtful.
I know it's really hard sometimes, but you could talk to the people who have hurt you and tell them how you feel. I don't know about your situation, but it's possible that they haven't noticed that their actions hurt. Also you can always say sorry to the people who you have hurt.
I'm proud of you that you have realized that you may be emotionally abusive and that you admit it to yourself.
Swimming against the current sucks. Jumping helps.
Finding healthy environments to practice better skills is like an antidote. It takes continued work, but the work is more encouraging if you let failures lead to progress, and genuinely avoid harming. Many people do sense the effort and want to help, tho others *will* be triggered.
I hear meditation helps with such mindfulness.
I find music helps me, ig.
I honestly get what you’re saying. I’ve been shut down for feeling certain ways or talking about things, so I’ve just decided for one, to stop reaching out for help, I don’t talk about how I’m feeling, and I try to bottle up my feelings and suppress them and say that I’m ok, even though inside, I’m having intrusive thoughts or flashbacks, and I feel as though I’m not allowed to have feelings, and that I’m not allowed to talk about how I feel. And because I felt so shut out, I’ve started saying “no one cares! Suck it up! Get over it!” And I understand that’s always not ok. And I am trying to work on strategies to not say that so much. Music does help me, I also have a bunch of sensory items that I try to use. But I’ve just decided to avoid people altogether, and just stick with my mom, my husband, and a few other trusted people in my life, and yes, even myself.
For everyone that feel the same way, including me, I admit what I do is bad. Most of us need to change for the better, and I know that it is possible to. I feel bad and want to change. We all have to start somewhere.
Thank you guys,for telling these stuff to me.It really helps me listening to others and knowing that Im not alone.It will take some time to get rid of this behaviour,because Im a child and my parents are the one doing these.Im proud of you for telling me these too,stay safe ❤👍
A colleague once jokingly said to me "make sure that THAT (my depressive episodes, anxiety, mood swings) is gone by tomorrow". Dude, he said it like my feelings have an on/off button lol. I didn't wish to become like this. I just froze.
Feel you, I’m quite shy and I’m trying to change it, but it’s a very slow progress. Somehow other ppl don’t get that and tell me to just “go out and talk to ppl” as if it was that easy
One of my coworkers kept calling me a cunt over and over for having a bad day. I feel you.
@@DB98000 Of course that's unacceptable. Have you managed to stop it?
@@DB98000 omg. don't let them disrespect you like that. Learn how to bite back a little! These people are getting comfortable disrespecting others. One good hard-slapping will do
Public embarrassment👍 They pick fights, expose your secrets, or make fun of your shortcomings in public
I hate those kind of people.
couldve just tagged me jesus
My grandma basically lol
this is why im not friends with my high school bestie
Going back to therapy in a week or so. Not proud of my actions and I've never defined it to myself as abusive before now but I need to work through this. Beyond apologizing and having already gone to therapy before to work on myself, all that there really is to do is to get better so I never treat someone that way again.
I was emotionally abusive and was emotionally abused myself. Became very toxic, fearful, jelaous, mean and abusive in my latest relationship and feel immense guilt. I can tell everyone this: it is a choice to be abusive but it can be difficult to break your reactions because they are a result of something in your life making you unhappy. For me it was lonliness, emptiness, childhood trauma and lack of self esteem. When you realize you participated in this behaviour, you can't take it back and it WILL bite you in the but in the future. I regret it so much. The worst thing you can do is to hurt someone, because you are hurting yourself. Let others be mean, but NEVER become mean yourself!
I've invalidated my own son's feelings a few times... Now that I am aware of it, thanks to this video, I will be changing that immediately.
Thank you for this.
The amount of people I know that do all these things is disgusting.
its not really their fault, its just how theyve been brought up most likely
@@llcc1642 don't excuse them. Also if it's fault of how they've been brought up, it means it's fault of WHO they've been brought up, who are other emotionally abusive people.
I sit next to a person like this in class
@@llcc1642 most likely unconsious habits. WHICH MAKES IT WORSE....
Dude this video was supposed to help people who are emotionally abusive and trying to get better, don’t shame them.
Thank you so much , this was my ex bf I’m so glad I left him before it got worse and this video brought it more into light🧡
My congratulations to you sis. Never get stuck in these romantic relationships....... Bad for health.... Hope you're doing fine now 😎😎😎😎......
Mubeen Baig ty I’m doing amazing
@@ransxx875 Felt good to know. Well. ......Be Seeing you somewhere........Stay safe and happy☺☺
I always wonder what if the person who say this is actually the one?👀 we never know unless we know them irl or close to them🥴
Lemon • so are u saying I’m lying, why would someone lie about it that’s wrong and pathetic
I have been Emotionally abused by many people and since I don't talk to anyone about my situations, I bottle up my emotions- I really do related to all seven signs because I've been through so much with so many people that I begin to think and ask people if I'm a bad person when I do get angry at them. I wish I could start over five years and make those years more happier... 😢😊
I was abused since I was young. I found myself turning into my abusers and hurt the one person who cared for me. I apologised and left to work on myself, I'm currently taking a break from relationships, giving myself time to heal from the trauma that I've developed and I'm also learning how to confront my problems and how to become a better human being for others and myself
I have done the silent treatment to people who jokingly insulted me in various occasions inspite of telling them to stop. I don't have time for negative ppl.
Do you ignore them for the sake of protecting yourself or to manipulate their thoughts and actions? Both can be handled better in an emotionally intelligent manner but one is far more harmful than the other.
One is setting boundaries and one is manipulating. Don’t confuse them
I've been treated badly all throughout my life by my relatives, classmates, teachers, people who think they know me and people who don't know me at all. Now I simply ignore them or just don't even reply to them if they ask me something only because I want to show them that I am not available for their needs or their amusement. It is to keep myself sane. And honestly I am not even sorry about it. So people can judge me all they want. I don't give a shit.
@@Tomas_02.25 pur
Me: *Sees this vid*
Also me who is the one that might get abused: *lEmMe sEe iF Im EmOtIoNaLlY AbUsIvE oWo*
i may be being abused and think im being abusive to my friends ;-;
Lol same tho i may be abused
@steph.annie.m That's exactly what happens.. especially if its from childhood.. Its whats expected from people close to you.. at 55 Im diving deep with a therapist and research to heal myself.. Its working !!
@steph.annie.m Oh hello! Are you replying to me or someone else?
I’m kind of confused > -
Same. I was like...omg maybe I am. But no, just getting that from others hahaha :(
When I was younger I used to use the silent treatment in my relationships because I was too scared of saying something wrong if I tried to discuss what I was upset about. One day it clicked to me when I noticed my parents used silent treatment on me and eachother and it would just lead to more tension and anger, that actually discussing how you feel is a lot better than shutting it out. You just gotta focus on making sure you find a good middle ground and don't let your emotions get the best of you and say something hurtful.
I've done some of these things before. I was raised like this and I thought it was normal. I'm slowly learning how to move away from what I saw as a child as normal.
This video made me realize that almost all my school "friends" were always emotionally abusive to me and to each others. Sometimes is just hard to say if they're really my friends or they're my bullies.
I think i never really had friends.
I am guilty of a lot of these, but you know the old saying. "The apple don't fall from the Tree." My parents did this to me growing up, and still do it to this day.
I’m glad you found the root of your problem but please remember that your responsible for your actions.
It depends on context and your intentions
Sounds like a chance to break the sequence! Good luck!😁
This fueled my depression. I saw myself in some of these, but mostly in how i treat family, not passive aggressive or dismiss people as being overly sensative but i do have the silent treatment thing as a habit and i do a very good job of annoying someone into doing what i want,
I ended so many friendships this year with emotionally abusive people lol
It’s important to mark one thing. If you find some of these traits in yourself it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It’s mean that you’re trying to cooperate with your own trauma. Don’t blame yourself and try to work with professional to get rid of this distinctive behaviour 🙏 it helps me a lot, cuz lots of things in ourselves are hidden from our eyes.
I feel like we now live in a society that is just looking for an excuse to be a victim or offended. The only thing that we control, is ourselves.
I'm going to stop jokingly insulting my friends after we always laugh it off but just in case I'm going to stop
Edit: omg tysm for all the likes this means so, much this comment makes me feel famous lol
Semi Semi ~~
Same.
It’s actually pretty normal to do this amongst friends. However, sometimes it’s good to know where that line is
I think this would be a great new year resolution for both of us☺️😊
@@purviagrawal9462 yea I never thought of that thx
I relate being the victim of this and not knowing or telling myself "I can handle it cause they still have a nice side"
turns out I couldnt and had a psychiatric break
I banter and tease my friends but I'd never call them fat or stupid, I'd tease them for not saying thank you or something id be like "gosh ur rude wowie"
you described my family .. all of it .. grandparents who already died, parents, uncles, aunts .. yeah ... my family is radically fucked up!
Same bro
How cool that you are now aware + able to break the curse for the future generations ✌️
@@naomim651 yup! i already broke the CURSED future generation! by simply not getting married at all! i'll die a proud virgin! to hell with extending this cursed family line!
I've been guilty of doing these when i was younger, but i have stopped and realize that the other person was hurt. These videos will help break the generational cycles.
I’m now recovering from an emotionally abusive relationship. This video was so reassuring. After watching it though I thought about the few times that this video has appeared in my feed but I hesitated to watch it because I was convinced that I was the abusive one-it’s all I was told and was made to feel. I’m glad I finally watched this because it’s helping me move on from those experiences more mindfully. ❤️🙏🏾
I love this channel! I grew up in an extremely abusive household and wanted to “better” myself but had no clue how. I’ve learned so much from videos like this and it’s brought me such a long way from the shitty person I used to be ❤️
No matter how far life pushes you down, no matter how much you hurt, you can always bounce back.
If only it were true.
It's important for people to self-reflect. It's easy to seek out mental health when you want to be the victim, but it takes a bigger person try to figure out their own flaws.
My dad was physically and verbally abusive to me.... I catch myself being verbally abusive to my husband sometimes... I hate that I am like this, and I need to stop it. It's one of those things that I don't realize I did it till after I've done it, but unlike my dad I'm a stronger person and I can come to terms with the fact that I'm doing wrong and I want to change.
I clicked on this because i have someone in my life that says I'm emotionally abusive, but they do all of these things and I do none of them..
Thanks for clearing my head.
Thank you for even having this content available so we can reflect and be the best versions of ourselves. I know my behaviour isn't justified although my emotions are valid it doesn't forfeit my responsibility to control my actions. I know this and it pains me to say I still react in ways I shouldn't. The guilt is causing me to become self destructive again and one of the ways I try and stay on an honourable path is to digest content that brings awareness to my own faults and how to best approach situations that may arise the demons in me.
Resolution 2021 : leave these type of people.. LET THEM GOOOO
My resolution: stop being this type of person
@@stefaniporte8369 same. ❤🙏
@@stefaniporte8369 acceptance is the first step.. Atleast you are trying to be better. All the best for 2021 :)
Kinda hard to do that when their your parents :/
@@nanciee2844 yup my parents are like that.. But i am trying to focus on what they have done to make my life better in the past.. And i say i am grateful for my parents despite their controlling nature.. And try to be happy.. I know it's hard but we do it for ourselves.. I hope you have a great year.. I am sending a lot of positive energy 😊😊😊✌️😇
Halfway through the video.
"Damn, my family is quite abusive to me"
End of the video
"Oh, I'm abusive to others too... damn."
Well, I have some work to do on myself. I cant do much about my family other than limiting my contact with them. But I can at least try and fix myself.
I've done 2 and 5. My excuse is that my wife was actually being abusive by making false accusations of cheating against me so she could find an excuse to physically hurt me or manipulate me into doing something destructive. So, I said that her feelings and version of reality are wrong... Hope that doesn't make me emotionally abusive.
Not at all! That's setting healthy boundaries. She was actually trying to warp your version of the truth, from the sounds of it.
Calling things wrong when they are wrong is healthy!
It doesn’t make you abusive, but unfortunately, videos like this don’t contain the necessary caveats when they make blanket statements like “telling someone they are wrong is gaslighting.”
i wish i could’ve seen this before it was too late. i feel so guilty for hurting him. i wish i had known. i wish i could go back and change it all. i never meant to hurt the love of my life. but i did. and there’s nothing i can do to fix it. all i can do is go to therapy and try to get better
It’s easy to point and say someone else was abusive but it is SO much harder to admit you can be or even are.
I'm going to therapy because I think I may have shared my emotions in a unhealthy way and I have shouted at others before out of frustration.
If you have (re)watched this video today, and felt like you have emotionally abused someone, then I can relate. So you’re not alone.
You might feel guilty, shame and angry at yourself because you did that, but keep in mind that now you are self aware. You shouldn’t feel like the bad guy, because you’re not. Being self aware means that you’re aware of what you did. Now that you’re self aware, you should keep in mind of what to not do in the future. Personally I have been traumatized and mad at myself for 5 months after realizing. But it was the past and it’s time to move on. Accept that you did something wrong, and learn from it. Don’t blame yourself anymore. It’s time to continue walking with that knowledge.
Only the last
"Using silence as weapon"
Thank you so much for this. My wife does all but one of these things (spontaneous button pushing), and even went as far as to tell me it was all in my head when I called out her hitting on another man in front of me by stating that “everyone was having a good time, and you’re blowing it out of proportion”.
Videos like this allow me to keep my mind grounded in reality, and I’m working on an exit strategy now to get away with my daughter since she’s 11 (nearly 12) and said she wants to go live with me too.
Seeing this video proved to me that my family and friends were right about a past relationship of mine being abusive. Thank you for the clarity
I like how when the video is about being highly intelligent people everybody relates, but now that it talks about being abusive everybody's talking about the "person" they know that do this and they don't think about themselves in any way, not even one sign
Actually i watched it to check out myself......
Why do you like that? Doesn't it kind of show a lack of objective self awareness?
@@joshuasukup2488 i think she's being sarcastic
@@pdube Yeah, def sarcasm
I keep avoiding contacts with people who care about me I just don't want them to get hurt later 😭😢
I'm sorry 😔 I hope it works out
Same
@@pablog8354 thank you dear I stopped avoiding people and gave it a go feels soo good now they've understood too 😄 😊
You forgot passive aggressive people
I’m on here again because you made a great point. Don’t deny the other person‘s reality like you can say your side, but don’t make them wrong. This is gonna really help me because I work for somebody who I left because I can’t work for him he’s terrible and he just caught me back in here so he could be double abusive. I really need some advice because it’s very difficult how strong he is in his delivery. He’s an old man too. So thank you for this video because you gave me a new tool. I didn’t realize. And it’s absolutely correct. Thank you psych to go!!!!!!! little glimmer of hope in this bad house situation right here thank you again
I have used gaslighting and aggression as defense against their own abuse. It was and still is way too hard to be kind and nice to someone who is intentionally malicious.
Watching this made me feel like a better person LOL
Me too😂
same
😂 I watched to check myself, I feel the same LMAO
me too lmaoo
Me: Feelings of dread
my anxiety: click it
Nobody:
Me: realizing I was mentally abused by everyone when I was a child
Until I got sick, my panic and anxiety attacks were daily. This evil person ignored me and stopped talking to me for weeks, and when he did it was to ask me for something. I'm still struggling, but I know I'll be okay. Thank you for your videos, they are very helpful😊
NO ONE is required to speak to anyone who upsets them. And if it comes off as punishment, that's not my responsibility to fix. They are free to feel how they feel about it, and I am too. I won't talk to someone I feel has wronged me and I would prefer giving the silent treatment than not giving myself time to get over something before I continue contact. This video was very informative and not as victim-creating as many things I see which use the words "toxic" and "abusive," but the last point was either elaborated weakly or is just not true. Additionally, the word abuse is filled with serious connotations that should not be misconstrued with simply being inconsiderate or insensitive from time to time. When people watch this, they will now claim if any of these things happens just once, the other person is "abusive." The wording we use when defining problem behaviors is important. And using overly strong language is a way of minimizing the experience of people who go through repeated and severe abuse.