Yeah same.. although there's one that's the opposite of me. I have lack of empathy cause whenever there's a problem, I just stay quiet even though I feel sorry. They say " You think it's a joke? Say something! Don't just stand there and say nothing" that really hurts...
I’m questioning if my sister is mentally abusive, I don’t have all these symptoms. 2, 4 and 5 I definitely have, and I cannot be near her without thinking she’ll hurt me in some way. She hasn’t always been like this, so at least I do recognize when she’s being too controlling (which is always). She never listens to me, and I already have very little friends, so my self esteem has plummeted. I just wish I could get away from her.
It's like a snowball rolling down a hill. The parents carry it on and on, but somewhere, someone has to snap it. They have to let the snow boulder hit a wall and break into pieces. It sucks to be that one, but their kids will be blessed
@@david-chadsvenson6960I hope to be that one, I will never have children. I feel like I’m already messed up, and I hope that no one else gets hurt because of me.
@@BeixuanSun-cg7nh I can understand the fear of having children, but breaking the cycle isn't just about ending the chain. It's about breaking the link to the past by setting boundaries for your behavior so that you can help build a better future. Whether you have kids naturally, or through adoption, or even just unofficially as a mentor and guide, we need to pour into future generations once we've put in the work on ourselves. I hope you can work through your own pain as I've been working through mine and come to a place of reversing it.
I think the worst part of everything we had to endure is hearing my mother deny outloud and to people who were there and witnessed plenty, that she didn't abuse us. She says she would get angry and yell a lot but she never really hurt us. That hurts more than every other thing put together. I think she truly believes it. The mental abuse still affects me every day of my life
My mother doesn’t even admit she gets angry. She just says “annoyed or maybe stressed”. She says the most hurtful things and never apologizes. She once threatened to buzz of all of my hair to make me ugly because I did my math homework later than usual in elementary. When I broke down crying and ran to my room, she’d yelled at me some more. I’ve never forgiven her for that because she’s never apologized. She turned on the razor and everything…
My "friend " she is not any more was physically abused, whenever I tried to vent about being emotionally abused she would say"thats not real abuse it doesn't count " which caused me to not ask for help for 15 years. Thank you for having your videos. I have cried while watching you, and your voice is now so comforting.
Your friend has no right to say that, should have told her to quit the b's and do some research, emotionally abuse always lives with you until you can get the help if you need it.
Being mentally abused is really hard to come in to terms with, I keep questioning myself and asking myself " but was I really abused though...?" It doesn't leave a mark like physical abuse, so identifying it can be extermely hard...
Sorry to read that you went to that 😔 and I hope you can some kind of peace with knowing that what happened to you wasn't your fault and doesn't make you less of a human. 💜Unfortunately, and contrary to popular believe, physical abuse often doesn't leave a mark either. Abusers know damn well what they do and often try to hide it ... 😕
@@sheilameyers152 love SHOULD be unconditional, yet wisely chosen. I'm going to put this on my favorites because my comment notifications are messed up. But I'm here for you, and not to hurt you. I hurt no one neither.
Coming from both types of abuse in childhood and my past now I’m back in therapy I’m 38 now I have little to no memory of most of the physical abuse but the emotional and psychological abuse never left me I still struggle to heal from the trauma not from physical abuse but the mental emotional abuse as damaged me far worse ❤
I don't really know much about physical abuse in terms of mental consequences, but i do know that mental abuse does a sh*t ton of damage on you and the people around you. No doubt physical abuse does too, but the other's consequences seem more talked about
What's also hard with mental abuse is that many people will say "This isn't a real problem, unlike physical/sexual abuse, being threatened to death and so on. This video hit me hard and made me realise how even bigger of an impact the mental abuse I experienced has. Luckily, my parents are good, but strangers who "entered the family" aren't.
Constant feeling of guilt. Feeling lonely or unloved. Hard time accepting help from others. Not knowing who you really are when you escape. Never being good enough. Disordered attachment…
"The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.” ― Lundy Bancroft
There is an anonymous saying: “It’s not happiness that brings us gratitude. It’s gratitude that brings us happiness.“ If you look around yourself right now (or look within) listen for a surge of gratitude. Or even a little trickle. Breathe in. Let your shoulders drop as you exhale. When it comes to you, note it here.
Works both ways. My sister always tattle tailed on me all the time just so I can get beaten severly with a razor strap by my mother who always sided with my sister all the time.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.“ What people tend to forget is that words can be sharper than any blade you could imagine, and easily slice you to pieces. As someone currently struggling with a mentally and verbally abusive mother, I often make it a point to help people understand that.
I no longer struggle from my abusive SWEARING mother because I no longer communicate or interact with her; and what a relief it has been. I visit my father and talk to him, but I refuse to talk to my "mother".....she didn't behave like a normal mother. Here is one example: For many years, she never said, "hello" to me when I came into the house. Her back was always turned towards me while she watched t.v.. This is the silent treatment, and this was the mental abuse I had to endure. Also, there were countless times profanity exploded from her mouth. My relatives don't know (or hear) what happens behind closed doors and I have alienated myself from them. I have already planned NOT to attend her funeral when she's gone !!
Words can only hurt you if you let them is the point of that whole saying, if you refuse to let what other people say about you hurt you then it can't.
@@FelineVillain No, it’s a extremely shortsighted “saying” and to lay the responsibility of it on the victim’s shoulders is wrong. It doesn’t deserve to be treated as a “normalized” statement in any way. Listen to what you are trying to say…. I guess I didn’t have enough fortitude as a 5 year old kid, LMAO!!! 😂😢😂
@@JohnDoe-lb4nc The only person responsible for how you feel is you so yes the blame is 100% on the "victim". And yea you might just be a weak person this is perfectly possible.
I've had an older brother spend the first 20 years of my life putting me down, ridiculing my physical defects and anything I showed interest in. I'm now 52, and have no idea what self esteem or confidence feel like, with the mammoth task of building both from scratch.
I've known for awhile that I was a victim of mental abuse as a teenager but it's not until recently where I've finally begun to come to terms with it and move forward. It's hard but I know it's possible.
Also as a person who was mentally abused, I know what it's like to wish you *never had to be incredibly strong*. I got that way because I had to. I sure didn't want to and wouldn't wish my path on my worst enemy. The struggle never ends. Sorry. But the weight does get easier to carry.
Let's not forget that childhood bullying is also a form of mental abuse. I endured a lot of bullying in school when I was young and I still have mental scars from it over 30 years later. Most of my relationships were marked by me bending over backwards and doing whatever I had to do in order to make my partner happy and like me, even if it meant pretending to be someone or something I wasn't. Luckily, however, I am now with someone who loves the real me and I no longer have to do all those mental gymnastics.
I was bullied very badly too as a child due to a medical difference. It's strange that most people don't think of childhood bullying as emotional and mental abuse, but it is. Bullies do the same thing as adult abusers but I was told as a child "boys will be boys" and it was dismissed as if it was nothing. I was also almost killed by a bully in kindergarten when she choked me in the bathroom and I almost passed out.
This bullies in school destroyed my entire life ... untill today i cant feel anything for people in a romantic way. I care for friends and people i like. But wont understand the concept of romance, love and having a relationship
Ah this reminds me of the time in high school when I was so desperate to make friends I joined the bullies (I've been bullied for most of my school life). For better or worse now I don't even care about having friends at all, they'll inevitably be a disappointment anyway
To everyone here who can relate, I love you guys ❤ you are all strong and eventually we'll be okay one day. This shit's really hard to deal with but we're even harder to break!! Stay strong!
I think, another symptom of having been emotionally abused, manipulated, or gaslighted, is being able to do it yourself. When you’re around someone who is constantly doing this to you, you’re bound to learn exactly how it’s done and how they do it. Or is that just me? Idk, but that’s what happened to me.
Yes, you get a gut feeling and can sense it. I learned from family who were gaslighting me at young age but now I can sense it from other people who are gaslighting. American society functions by gaslighting from your workplace to shopping in the store, I have been able to sense when I am being gaslighted. Its purpose is so you can sicken yourself and become mentally ill so that they can gloat at how they were able to achieve it. American society is psychotic as gaslighting is common.
I just finished watching the video with tears in my eyes. That's so hard to build up self confidence when you feel you're a burden to everyone around you 😢
I know that feeling. I'm nearly 60 years old, no children, never been married. I've tried to isolate myself as much as possible, my biggest fear in life, is being a burden on anyone. I've had many relationships in my past, all ended badly. Around 20 years ago I decided I was done trying to fit in a world that never wanted to fit me in. Now I feel like I'm used up, all alone, just waiting for the end.
We all need others, and others need us. We were meant to live in a community, not isolated. Although it's often not easy at all. I know it's not the popular answer or opinion, but the one thing that has kept my self esteem, worth and confidence intact, despite currently living in an abusive situation I have no power to leave, is God. I don't know how I'm still sane and in one piece. It truly is a miracle. He's my safe space, my comfort, and always tells me the truth about myself, and counteracts others words and lies about me. When no one else loves me, He still loves me, when I'm isolated I'm not alone, he's always there. He always forgives me and doesn't expect me to be perfect, and reminds me of my worth when I'm being harsh to myself. I could go on and on, but the reason I say this, is because I couldn't survive without God, and I feel for anyone who is being, or has been abused, and having to tough it out on their own. God loves you, and He wants to comfort, love and protect you if you'll let him. Sending everyone here a huge hug ❤
Spot on 💯, let’s say I had a less than perfect childhood. So I resonate with this for sure. Headaches and stomach issues are also a common sign. I have recently decided to open up and vlog about my childhood experiences in the future. I was targeted by different adults in various places in my childhood who were unhappy and unhealed themselves, and I ended up absorbing them in a way that it was hard to deprogram myself for a while. You also feel like you have no safe place and find yourself retreating. I used to be fortunate to have a creek in my backyard growing up. So I would go there to meditate. Because this kind of abuse fries the nervous system in people without a doubt. It’s amazing how much the mind and body are connected.
As someone who was and still is being mentally abused by parents, it is very hard. Another affect I have is the inability to stand up for myself or say what I’m really thinking, also making it very hard to talk to my parents or point out their abuse. I have chronic anxiety and occasionally have derealisation episodes doe to stress, as well as back and hip pain (didn’t realize that was linked to the abuse, but explains a lot). I match all of these, but the first step is realizing it’s abusive so I know what to avoid. This video explained a lot, thank you so much.
Dissociation is huge with mental abuse. Its like you feel separated, like you get stuck between knowing what's right and allowing stuff to happen, so we can like zone out really bad or not pay attention while someone is mentally abusing someone.
Dissociation is hard to come back from, especially when you're still in the abusive situation. Why come back to reality when it's so unpleasant? Thanks for adding this one, it's a biggie. 😊
I have found that the mental abuse far surpasses and outlasts the physical. I've had both and it seems like the physical things, black eyes, broken bones, etc., those heal eventually... Mental abuse sticks around forever. There are things that have been said to me that I still "hear" twenty plus years later.
No joke, i had an abusive ex in my teens and twenties. It’s been well over a decade, my physical scars are healed, my mind is still damaged. I’m too old for this drama.
More people need to realize that. Physical wounds heal, mental ones take a long time to heal or may even never heal at all. I was bullied because I'm pretty short for my age (I'm between 11-16 and 4'11 and a half) and because I was seen as "The weird kid" for most of my life. Now I don't really deal with that but what happened before still hurts. I was told I'm useless, that I'd never amount to anything, that I could never be loved, ect. Now I have trouble believing that I am useful, important, loved, and just anything positive anyone says about me
@@thatrandomgayweirdo2062 I don't know you, but I'm pretty sure -since you are here lol- you are are beautiful honest humans who deserve to be loved, cared about and respected by other humans. We are ALL weird... Just saying. I bet your weirdness makes you pretty dang cool when it comes down to brass tacks.I love yooz!
I feel like another sign of mental abuse is having abandonment issues. Now I'm not quite sure, but from experience, I can tell that my whole childhood I had been the left out one and this has probably pulled me to having this issue in the later years. Having abandonment issues just sucks.
Thank you so much! That was all me! Took me 50 years to realize it. I never knew what gaslighting is, but now I realize my mom gas lit me all the time and my brothers. Now it is effecting their own kids. I won't let my mom visit my home and tend to put aside my own needs still all these years later to make my mom happy. I thought I might have autism when someone who works with Autistic adults pointed that out to me, but now I am thinking it is more this than that. Thank you for your videos. Still trying to get a Psychiatrist, but they are lacking in my area of Canada at the moment ever since the Pandemic, and I live below the poverty line and cannot afford much. Still, your videos help me to realize it is not my fault and realize my own self-worth finally and why I have anxiety and depression and why my semi-successful brother has such a fear of failure and my other brother feels like he can never measure up. They both have very bad tempers which ruin every relationship they have with women. I have worked on my temper but still find myself being rude and insulting unintentionally. Thank you. The first step is realizing and understanding. From here I can grow and help myself. Thank you. I mean I was also physically abused as well with the belt and hairbrush and a strap of rubber, etc but ... still it never seemed "bad enough to REALLY be physical abuse" and my parents only did those things because "they love me" just like their words were because "they love me enough to tell me the things other people just think about me". Your videos are helping me come to terms with my past. Thank you.
"they love me enough to tell me the things other people just think about me" - OOF! That one hits hard! My mom does that all the time, and I'm like, Can you NOT, THOUGH?? You tell me what I'm doing wrong ALL THE TIME, can you keep your mouth shut for two seconds?! I don't want to hear it! X'D Sorry you've had to go through this, bro!
I'm a survivor of mental, emotional, and to a degree, physical abuse, but I still feel myself questioning "Was I _really_ abused?" because the physical aspect was the least prevalent of it. It really sucks to feel so insecure about my trauma some days. Thank you so much for this video, it's very important that people know that just because abuse might not be physical, doesn't mean it isn't still abuse, you're doing amazing work.
I think I know what you mean. I am aware I know I was abused. But I feel such resistance admitting it that it makes me question whether I actually think it's true. Lately I've been trying to admit to myself how bad it actually really was, Have always felt shame and guilty thinking of my parents in any negative way. I still love them, I still care about them, They still neglected and abused me though. It's a whole mass of conflicting emotions and feelings. Especially as I was numb to a lot of it going through.
My current employer sent me on a course about childhood trauma and abuse a couple of years before covid, and it focused on the physical/sexual aspects of abuse, with not a word said about emotional abuse. It's often overlooked, even by so-called experts.
This is called cognitive dissonance I used to have it with my abusers but now I just have it with other random ppl I'm being codependent to or have limerance with. I've seen that the cognitive dissonance can come from alters like the inner child in denial. Ppl will sometimes dissociate then another voice will say "no that's not what happened my parents will never do that".
I feel like another type of mental abuse is when you are expected to do something for them, but the people that expect you to do something, dont do anything for you.
3:04, I'm like that as well, unfortunately. I like to stay indoors because I feel safe and I feel like if I go out there is a possibility that someone l might try to mess with me in a negative way or grab my attention. I also don't like seeing certain things such as certain people on pavements and all that, especially if they shouldn't be there. I don't like feeling powerless and I have had times when people felt like they could do that they want with me out and about such as try to make fun of me, mess around with me like a toy and basically just being there for their amusement. In short, I like to stay indoors to avoid people in general. Unfortunately, the internet, most of the time, isn't better regarding people. I have been trying to g out more often, but that's only to get exercise and such.
I've been mentally and emotionally abused by pretty much my entire family my whole life. Like you need to take responsibility for everything when half the stuff that happened wasn't even my fault. I almost thought I was insane at one point. I learned to recognize the signs of it when I was younger thankfully. But it's not a fun thing to deal with. I implore anyone to go seek help from a trusted person if you feel like your being abused. The damage runs deep and sometimes never leaves.
Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. It's unfortunate that things happen to us whether we want them to or not but, as you said, it's important that we take responsibility, even if it something isn't our fault. We wanted to ask, how did you come to recognize signs of abuse? Is this something that you learned on your own? Or did you have someone who helped you identify those signs? How are you doing now?
@@lollybirdy I would take your advice if I did not have to constantly call every therapist’s school where they earned their degree from b/c some therapists forge their degrees and certificates and make it convincing/too realistic.
Completely and Totally REMOVE YOURSELF. - family - friends, work associates,whomever. GO AWAY and DON’T RETURN It’s not Easy , can be Lonely- The INNER PEACE WILL EVENTUALLY PREVAIL GIVING STRENGTH AND STRONG SATISFACTION! 🌝CHEERS !!! 👍
I think the worst thing for me, is how this goes through families and generations. My grandmother had a horrific time in the third reich and the war, turning her into the abusive beast I knew her us. That in turn resulted in my mother and my aunt having horrendous childhoods and even though my mother tried her best to break the cycle with me - what she knew as normal, was neither that nor healthy. I am myself still deconstructing my “normal” in therapy. I really struggled to see my childhood as abusive for a long time, as I knew my mum loved me with all her heart - she just got really, really mad when I was being stupid or lazy (such as only bringing a 95% home). My fault really, I was the one not being perfect…exactly what she had told herself when her mother had done the same to her. That’s how you raise kids, right? There’s obviously much more to it, but beware of cycles and believing that people only abuse on purpose. It’s much more complicated.
That's a big problem I have seen-- the notion that if your childhood was dysfunctional enough to create long lasting issues, then your caregivers were irredeemable "bad people" or didn't love or care about you, and that's just not the case, especially with intergenerational trauma. It actually makes those who love their parents and didn't have a relationship that was"all bad" more likely to downplay it and less likely to heal as a result, because it ultimately feels like a betrayal of someone you love, even if your relationship was far from perfect. I've even seen this on the CPTSD subreddit, where one person said their parents did their best but they thought that "tough love" and spanking as punishment for bad behavior were effective and not traumatizing, and they got dogpiled on for saying they still loved their parents and that their parents weren't horrible people. Really made me angry.
@@Lil_Yuri Yes! Definitely true! I get the sense that a lot of people bring such harsh judgements to people that say they still love their families, even when they're dysfunctional and/or abusive, because either they're going through abuse themselves and are projecting onto others or they're looking for easy ways out of someone else's predicament(s). Even though the point about any kind of relationship is that they're not going to be easy. Humans are complicated creatures, and it's natural for relationships to be complex (even when they're not abusive).
Coming back to this was actually really helpful. It helped me a bunch. One part that was my main issue (or the most common tactic in my experience) was that i would be treated as more of an object to be used, and talked down to as if i knew nothing. This ended up in me despising a hobby that i loved, because i felt i wasnt good enough for it
I had a conservation with my aunt a few days ago and brought up that I've felt emotionally neglected by my father for a long time and her reply was "Well, he's still a good person". He intentionally weaponized my traumas against me for years, mocked me for going to therapy, and brought me down every second he got yet took all the credit of my accomplishments as his own and still demands more. Let's just say that not every "good" person makes good parents.
For anyone who's ever been mentally/emotionally abused I'm so sorry from the deepest bottom of my heart. Nobody should ever have to endure it let alone from the ones who are supposed to make you feel safe! Others may try to convince you that you're not special but never forget that you are a gift! Just you being yourself makes you special because while there's billions of other people in the world in the end, there's only one of you!
Relatives😢My father, grandparents, both sides, my sister, aunts and even cousins had this unspoken arrangement that my Mother, who is bipolar, very arrogant, manipulative, controlling and generally everyone I know sais "the craziest person in the world" can do anything to me, just as long as she doesn't bother them. From a young age she used to harass me, she would wake me up in the middle of the night to see if I had pubic hair or to tell me I did something wrong in her dreams. My father hated me cause he stayed with her bc of me although she had a miscarriage and was childless 1-2 years before me. He loved my sister, she did worse in school, got into trouble, I thought it was my fault cause living with the thought the people whom you totally depend on don't wish you well is not what you can live with. Only too late in my life I realised he just couldn't stand the sight of me, cause my sister looks like him, and I take after my mother. The rest were: you should not make you mother angry cause she would get sick(her parents), or make your father angry and sick(his parents). It was my fault when the house was a mess or we had no money, sometimes I thought they would blame on me even the wars in Iraq😢 Just because they could. And every single one of them was a "good person". Covering up is not good.
What really stresses me out out of these 5 symptoms - it’s fatigue. I somehow got used to living with other 4, but constantly not have enough energy to simply live is devastating 😢
Self doubt and low self esteem are big ones for me. I already know that I've been abused mentally and emotionally by parents and past friends. This video just proved it.
As a person who was mentally abused, to others going through this phase, don't worry you'll get through. If people compare you with others, reply that your unique. Love yourself the most. Priotize yourself more. And if people pick on you, compare you, belittle you, remember your one of a kind. There's no second you. ❤️❤
Thank you for sharing this and letting the audience know that they aren't alone. Can you share with us about how you overcame your struggles and how you are feeling now?
@Psych2Go the atmosphere of toxicity has decreased in my house. Since my health kept declining due to the mental stress my mother put on me, my elder sister decided it best for us to go to therapy and talk to someone who is an expert at these stuff. That really helped my mother and me. Now we are like any other mother and daughter duo. :D
@@Psych2go please make a video about "if your family is comparing us to our siblings and gas lighting us and not listening to our words how can we over come them and how can we feel mentally disturbed by them" i would really appreciate if you could make a video about it.
I relate to 2, 3 and 4 a lot. I was always bullied, teased, tormented and ridiculed in school by classmates and even my sister. When I told my parents, especially my mom, they acted like I was taking things way too far, way to serious. My mom told me a couple things about my bullying: 1) their just joking around, learn to take a joke 2) They're being mean to me because I'm being mean to them. WTF? 3) She even said I deserve to be bullied. She seemed to think that high self confidence, high self esteem was the equivalent of being a self centered egotistical maniac(in me, not my sisters) I was raised that standing up for myself, showing backbone, setting boundaries and saying no was wrong(to everyone. If I acted in that manner, everyone acted like I'm starting shit, not trying to defend myself) This is mainly why I'm in therapy. I wish I started it sooner
@@Psych2go No because of my FASD I lost the love of my life. But I just keep going. Sooner or ater I will feel I'm in a better pace. Rationally, I know I'm in a better pace because I know I was used and manipulated by them. but still...
I think something that wasn't talked about in depth is self destructive behavior. Putting yourself in dangerous situations is one thing, but I think self sabotage is something else. Deliberately picking fights when there's nothing to fight over, questioning good intentions, overthinking, relationship hoping...eventually this puts a strain on potentially good relationships
Great vid. I was physically and mentally abused heavily by my stepfather as a child and had to seek professional help at many times in my adult life to help cope with the trauma. One counselor put it eloquently: you can only be physically abused to the point your body can hold out, but there is no limit to how badly you can be mentally abused.
This video just made me realize that I've been mentally abused by my mother. It's been going on so long that I've became so numb to it but since I've awaken I see it and how it has effects me mentally. I'm learning to keep my distance now.
My mother been gaslighting me for years, neither she I or could id it until I decided to talk about it. Step one to solving a problem is by identifying it.
After a series of mentally abusive relationships, I found out I have Asperger’s syndrome by taking a AQ test with my counselor. I found out that we can fall into abuse because we can’t read the social cues of covert manipulation and ill intent. It blew my mind! I read a book called ‘ The highly sensitive person’s guide to dealing with toxic people.’ Now I know how the brain of these people work and their playbook. I also had a toxic upbringing so that didn’t help. It’s like I had every weakness to be abused. And boy did it happen like I was a magnet to the worst psychopaths for the past 6 years. I am healing from complex PTSD. I’m optimistic.
I was speaking to an ex-convict about things like this and asking him why those of us are magnets for abusive people? He said, "Because we can smell you". Actually saying there is an odor or something victims of abuse give off that are picked up by guys like him!
I just left a mentally abusive relationship with the father of my 3 month old son. It's been so so hard. Thank you for this video for clarifying what I've been going through
We're so sorry that you went through an abusive relationship. We wanted to ask, which part of the video was relatable to you in your past relationship? And are you in a safer place now both physically and mentally??
@@Psych2go all of the boxes were checked in this video... I am staying at a safe place now with my son thankfully. But his father still wants custody and tries to manipulate me every day. The abuse hasn't ended yet...
Yeah I'm glad your in a safe space because when your leaving someone who abused you they don't like that. Might need to look up narcissistic behaviors to see if he is a narcissist. You got this. I'm not sure if he was good with your child before you left or do you think he's wanting custody to hurt you. Stay safe and strong for your baby.
The side that was missing to me is being hyper aware of social situations, words, etc etc to the point that you become reactive before it actually happens. Like when I see the signs of *insert issue* in another person, (like using a certain tone, shifting weight a certain way while talking, perhaps a buzz word/phrase, or micro facial expressions, etc.) even if that's not what's happening, I have a habit of shutting down the conversation and defaulting to defensive actions.
I think I do that with my abuser; even though they have sincerely asked for forgiveness, the second they look/sound/etc. like they are going to say something they used to, I react before they can even catch themselves, or who knows if they were even going to say what I assumed?! I may be making our healing all the more difficult by my reaction because, now, my reaction is anger…omg…🙁. TYSM for this comment. I’ve got to become intentional to not switch roles with them, as we love each other very much. I wish I knew a way to find an accountability partner of sorts.
What's hard is when you want to walk away from your abuser but can't. My mother was recently placed into an assisted living facility in my city because she can't live by herself. Now that my father is gone, so are any remaining boundaries and the emotional abuse is intensifying. I accept she's grieving, but I feel so alone and trapped. Work isn't much better right now, but we're all in the mess together.
So... I've been in a similar situation, and I'm going to tell you what I did, but I'll say right now I can't know if it would work for you but it might be worth trying. Tell your mother in whichever way is easiest for you - in person, over the phone, in a letter - that you are no longer going to tolerate her hurtful behavior. That if she doesn't stop doing what she's doing that you'll cut contact completely. Sadly, that's the easy part. The hard part is that she's most likely going to push back to see if it's a real boundary, and you _have to stick to your ultimatum._ It doesn't have to be forever, you can just cut her off for a week or two, but you _have to_ stick to it or this won't even have a chance to work. After a week or two get back in contact - over the phone, preferably, so you can cut her off immediately if she lapses back into whatever her abusive behavior might be - and before anything else, make her understand that there won't be a third chance; if she forces you to cut her off again, it'll be permanent.
The best thing I did was to cut off contact. If she's in assistance living, let them deal with her. I did and it's been so much better. BTW, she doesn't even miss me.
@@sonjawilliams989 I agree with that. Qualified people are taking care of her, juste walk away from her. She's been abusing you for years, you do not owe her anything juste because she gave you life. You deserve to live in peace with people that treat you nicely
With my so-called father Herb and all of his years of constant hollering and bitching and motivational threats of get to work or else, and especially about how he thought I knew better than to act like a kid, this has left me with an anxiety disorder that I cannot overcome or resolve. I'm age 69 and I've suffered all my life with this.
There is a famous poster at my VA clinic that says "Not every wound shows on the outside." That refers to PTSD, but can refer to any mental abuse situation, too.
In some cases mental and emotional abuse can result in C.P.T.S.D, and the victim can suffer flashbacks that trigger the sympathetic nervous system, resulting in a fight/flight/freeze/appease response at really inappropriate times. This can also affect self-esteem, stunt your self-actualization, and damage your ability to trust others. Remember to be kind to yourself everyone! Thanks Psych2go for the continuing fight against poor mental health!
as someone who went through both physical and mental abuse. your not alone and never feel like your alone always ask someone for help like a counselor at your school or a therapist. as there ready to help you and care about you
In my case, that's not what happened. No one actually stands up. I learned the hard way that no one would, so I honestly stopped doing so. There was no one, not even a cousin, an uncle, or whatever who'd be by my side when I've been on theirs plenty of times.
I took care of my alcoholic, emotionally abusive, and manipulative father(my mom was emotionally abusive as a kid too) for 5 years and it wasn't until he passed away that I developed fibromyalgia and I didn't realize there was any correlation, but this video has completely blown my mind. Thank you for all that you do!
This hit home so hard. I grew up with mental abuse shrouded in the cloak of "tough love". I am now in my 30's, dysfunctional, have a hard time saying no to ppl when they want something, I have fibromyalgia (diagnosed at 23) chronic fatigue and burnout, and often times find it hard to empathize correctly with others.... Not that I don't know how to empathize I'm a very empathetic person mostly because my abuser from when I was a child wanted me to empathize with them constantly so I had to learn to empathize constantly and be able to read their emotions and their moods very very closely, I know how to empathize and I am a very empathetic person but I don't empathize properly with certain timings. Mental abuse is a very serious thing It can cause a lot of problems that are more than just mental problems they become physical, and manifest as illnesses, disabilities, or even death. Abuse is never okay in any way shape or form. Mental abuse can really mess someone up and I couldn't even bleed into them and make them abusive too because they think it's okay and it's a way to show love because it's how they received love.
I survived mental abuse from teachers and other students for years due to always being labeled somehow different. I never understood why I was treated so poorly by even adults who were supposed to help me. Now that I'm older I am recognizing that I dealt with all of these symptoms and still do at times. Thanks for this video🙂
This happened to my son, and I pulled him out for homeschooling. Now, he is able to be his amazing self and has had much success. Teachers are very powerful figures in our formative years, and many of them teach students to bully particular children. I can remember losing all respect for my favorite 7th grade teacher when I realized she picked on this one boy almost every class. I still think of her on occasion, and that was 1992-93!! He had a very difficult time, but has grown into a happy and successful man.
I have also had that experience almost all my life with teachers and other kids mostly through elementary but some in middle school. I was always neglected by the teachers and easily outcasted by others students cause of my problems which made me seem weird. I was never a really bad kid but I was emotional and was dealing with a bunch of medical problems that affected me highly causing me a lot of physical and emotional issues. I never was mean to other students and I was tried to get along and be friends with them but time and time again I was mocked and belittled for being myself- for my likes, my emotions, anything that they felt like bullying me for. Teachers were no better, they belittled me for my problems, claiming I was just being 'difficult' or being 'stupid' when I didn't understand things, they even made fun of my emotional state especially when I would cry over being excluded or seen as a weirdo. It would be so bad teachers would talk about me to each other INFRONT OF ME, and even would take the side of my bullies as they were seen as 'sweet normal students', and if I would ever get upset or angry they would treat me as I was some wild animal or a threat to other students.. I never laid my hands on or wanted to lay my hands on anyone in the school- I got use to how I was treated over the years until I got to highschool which helped me understand subjects that teachers didn't even bother helping me understand like math, and started to see teachers in a better light after that since they actually spoke to me as a feeling living person and not a wild animal or freak that they just had to watch for hours. For once I was actually getting better at subjects and getting A's cause they actually took the time to teach me and teach me ways to understand things if i was confused. Also I'm so glad someone else had problems with the education system treating them this way cause whenever I talk about it people claim 'i must have done something ' or 'your being a liar, no one does that's. Also I hope your doing way better- im still dealing with these problems and I hope that if people would talk about how messed up school systems could be that this stuff won't happen to kids.
I want to thankyou for making these kinds of vidios, it feels like someone out there know what we are going through. Thankyou for the knowledge. May god bless all😊
I relate so much to self doubting. It's so bad that I would actually google every obvious things. I also find it difficult to empathize with others and myself to.
I was mentally abused as a kid. Thankfully, I was much more confident and eager to go against the world than most would. I have made my way through it. Hope others will too
I was abused my whole life, mentally and physically, and, I entered two *extremely* toxic, volatile and abusive relationships. I unfortunately have all the symptoms listed here, except one. Instead of being unsympathetic towards others, I'm on the opposite spectrum. I'm *extremely* empathetic, to the point I will do *anything* to help others, within my power, and I often feel extremely drained because I'm the "therapist" or "parent" friend to people. It's nice to be relied on, but, I'm rarely checked up on. At least I have a healthy relationship now, tho. It took a LOT to get me out of the toxic mindset, and I still slip and think my boyfriend will mistreat me for the smallest mistakes, but, I'm working on that. And, he's trying to help me learn to say no to people, and not take everyone else's burden, along with my own. Can't say we're entirely effective in un-learning these habits and feelings, but, I do hope one day, I'll be able to help others, while not taking a huge hit myself.
I could have written this comment, word by word. I still remember how I was kind of frozen when I realized (in my late 20s) that most of my empathy was part of a "I need to measure the energy and the mood of people around me to be something that is not annoying them even more" so that they don't unload on me.
Another symptom of mental abuse is over apologizing. Some abusers will never take blame and will twist everything to make it your fault, so you may feel the need to apologize for your very existence. Source: personal experience
@@user-lw3ri8us4w You're definitely not alone, even if it feels lonely. Someone once said to me "If you say sorry when it's not your fault, you're wasting your sorry's." It made me realize I always apologized like it was a reflex, and that it made me feel slightly isolated from everyone else, even my close friends. Eventually I was able to start unlearning my symptoms of abuse, and I'm still working on it. Healing takes time. You're not alone in this.
This touched me enough to comment. Everyone is carrying some sort of burden. Even those who have made your life difficult. Be strong but kind. Treat yourself as someone you want to help.
I really needed this! I’ve just started my journey into understanding the abuse and trauma I endured growing up. I had an alcoholic father and narcissistic (and competitive) mother. No acknowledgement of everything I accomplished came without a “but…” from my mother! I couldn’t ever win or be good enough! The parentification started when I was 7-8 years old and i see now what it did to me. I ended up in a horribly abusive codependent marriage…got out but still struggle with self-esteem.
Wow... That sounds really awful. Sometimes people think they're being constructive by adding "but". However, people don't realize that sometimes a warm affirmation is all we really need. How are you doing now? Do you have the right resources to help you process the things you went through?
I'm so glad you were able to find the courage to get out of both of those awful situations. I know that it must've been terrifying and difficult, but the fact that you did it at all shows how much strength you truly have. I wish you luck in your journey of healing, and never forget how far you've come.
There was TWO PEOPLE in fourth grade. They hated me because they were richer than me. After watching this, I realized what I’m going through is real, and others go through it.
The paranoia, man, it's real. When you grow up being abused, you learn to expect it, and when you expect abuse, some of the behaviors you engage in to be ready for it can come off as unhinged.
You said it right on the money. It's almost like you're bracing for a punch that rarely ever comes. It's hard when you lose relationships because of it, because if the person leaves due to your behavior, they think you're something that you're actually not. They dont know any better if they never experienced abuse. We're still working it out ourselves- meanwhile they have no clue what's going on.
I have experienced gaslighting before, and it has caused me to doubt myself, and sometimes even others. I don't trust my instincts, and it's horrible. I always think, "Wait, what if it's this and not this?" and I eventually get overwhelmed which makes me feel stupid.
You're not stupid. You might be hyper sensitive, but don't doubt yourself. If you've experienced gaslighting and emotional abuse before, it makes you very quick to recognize the signs again. You might be mistaken, but there's nothing wrong with being suspicious and thinking it through either.
I also have experienced gaslighting. I also hold a grudge against someone who lie to me about my instinct. I was feeling something wrong, I ask him if he had a problem with me he said no. Months later he told me that yes at this time he didnt like to be around because of my personality. I can understand that I can be liked by everyone but not the lying. It was hard enough to ask. Sometimes I prefer to be hurt by truth than to discover a lying (and never think your lie will never be discover, often truth find it's way)
That is what gaslighting does to you. I was gaslighted by parents in my young life so that I was always trying to avoid making decisions and would just freeze, making myself look as if I were deaf or special ed as sometimes I would experience aphasia and memory loss, but this lead me to be more perceptive of others and can sense ill intentions. It is a horrible feeling especially when it is either from family but as well as your coworkers in the workplace. I am experiencing this in my workplace because people who engage in this kind of behavior know and see your weakness and so this why they are scapegoating you, especially when having problems at home.
I was mentally abused by my narcissistic mother and now my siblings are trying to do the same to me. I walked away with nothing but my FAITH in God for a better life and a peaceful life now. 🙏
6:01 this made me remember a moment I had with my English teacher, I’ve always had excellent notes in English, and k mean 9 and 10s (basically all A) that was until recently I got so mentally tired that k couldn’t do anything at all, and I’d just sit in class looking out the window, and dropped down on my grades bad. I had always tried my best to make sure to never let anyone know when I am feeling down, not for any special reason it just makes me feel awkward, or like I’m doing it for attention in some way. I can’t explain it but point is I do my best to not worry others and not seem sad around them, not even my parents had stopped for a second to ask me if I wasn’t doing alright which technically is what I wanted, but when one day after class that same English teacher walked up to me asking me if I was alright and mentioning I looked very tired recently, it made me realize how much I really wanted recognition from someone. She made my week after asking about me because it made me feel like there was someone who cared, I still told her I was fine, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I wasn’t. But it really made me think about how something so small can change someone’s day so much. I still appreciate that teacher very much, I found it funny how she has the same haircut as the teacher in the video too !
Thats so sweet! That scene also reminded me how my class teacher asked me "Are you alright, u look so scared" When I was having one of the worst days of my life in school. I felt so loved and touched by that ❤
I've been mentally abused by my parents, former teachers, "friends" & acquaintances, workmates and several strangers. People abusing me is one of the main reasons why I'm depressed and anxious. My insecurity stems from perfectionism and I've been lonely my entire life. Not only that, but my self-esteem just keep getting lower and lower every day. It's like... why can't I be at peace for once?!
ive found peace in the small things, a song, the weather, my favourite food. I think a bigger sense of peace comes in time when we find ourseleves with people we trust and further away from abusers. It's a work in progress unfortunately. I'm currently struggling too trust people and I keep avoiding being social/trusting people. It's hard because some people are abusive but theres lots of people who are kind-hearted and will be your friend. It's just finding those people that's hard. Good Luck!
I can only speak from experience, but you won't find peace until you look at your flawed self in the mirror and accept how damaged you were by the actions/voices of parents/ relatives/friends, even if they didn't mean it, and know that it's not your fault - I mean really 'know', deep down, and forgive yourself for not being perfect. I won't bore you with the details of my childhood, but a pattern in my life was to make friends who also abused/took advantage of me, until I recognized that. There is no easy fix, but Katie Victoria makes a good point.
The general public stigmatized everything with toxic "good vibes" It's not okay when there's no place for you to even let loose or tell. Especially in the USA. That isn't a therapist being paid to listen. Many don't need therapy. We need a warm home and good people to hear us out.
As a child I was constantly told I was selfish like my father which damaged me and made me a people pleaser towards family members and I am overly selfless now. I feel extreme guilt when I put myself first. Therapy is helping but this is deeply embedded into me.
Being mentally abused by my familly nearly on a daily basis for so long, I have become such in a habit of hearing it and fall victim to manipulative personalities, some with devastating consequences. I have finally learnt to say "no" and it feel fantastic!
How did you do it? I'm genuinely looking for pointers at this point because this video just described me as a person and gave my childhood a real accurate summary and I want, if not need help. Thank you for any response in the future!
I did seek professional help and it was a tremendous help! See helped me recognise the signs and protect myself from it. Especially, she helped me build my confidence back up and stop accepting the shame my familly are always trying to put on me. It is not easy, but start by taking care of yourself, doing something that makes you happy, it can go a long way. 🙂
As someone who has spent a great deal of his life emotionally and mentally exhausted, I will say that there is a big difference between physical exhaustion and mental/emotional exhaustion. Being truly physically exhausted can feel really good after being m/e exhausted for a long period of time.
Life is too short. Here is what you need to do: You have to get out of that situation no matter how hard it is. And rather sooner than later. You can do it!
ive started watching these because my therapist said they can help me recognize my issues when not talking to her, it helps a ton and i like coming back to these.
I'd add: Trust issues, Social Anxiety / constantly shying away from social interaction even from things they like to avoid having to 'live up to expectation', Communication issues / trouble expressing themselves
I can relate so much to this. The first point about empathy I never thought was related to this, and I always feel so embarressed that I don't know how to react or what to say in those situations 😔
I honestly thank you for this content. It shows that what I've been through wasn't normal even though everyone else says its just me being a snowflake. The abuse and neglect I faced has ruined my ability to properly form and manage relationships. My friends like me and hang out with me even though I do nothing for them to. I'm greatful for them but I physically don't understand why they keep me around when I do nothing to earn their affection. It makes me doubt weather they actually care or if they're just tallying up everything so one day they can use this debt to make me do stuff for them. Even if they are, at least they seem nice
I learned these things pretty early and tbh i found a workaround for a lot of these things i remember struggling with a lot of the things mentioned but with a bit of therapy and some self induced motivation i think i came out stronger then ever
I have been in denial for a while now that my mom has been mentally abusing us for years. Whether it was her separating us from our dad's family for a over decade or her telling us that we aren't doing enough. She constantly yells and blames us for her problems. It is so bad to the point where she will trigger my panic attacks. I have woken up many nights crying because I would dream of her yelling at me. And thanks to this video I understand why I am burnt out. I am a high school student and my parents have always told us to be well-rounded so I did exactly that (I have taken Ap and Honors classes throughout my entire high school career, I am now taking some college classes, I have maintained a perfect GPA, I play two sports, I am in the top position in my clubs.) but to her, I am just an ungrateful brat who doesn't listen to her mother. I even started working at my parent's business and I get home later than them every day. The crazy part is that I wake up at least two-three hours before them I still complete my daily tasks plus she expects me to do her job of cooking and cleaning and taking care of the household. I feel like I am losing my mind because this has gone on for so long and now that my classes are heavy and hard she blames me for not being able to keep up.
Face it: you will never be enough for your abusive mother. Sad truth. Stop exhausting yourself trying. You are already doing an impossible job. You ARE enough! I know, hard to believe that.
Yes, tough situation. Then again: you are probably hard on your way to get a burnout and that will be worse. Find a way to make yourself and your well-being a priority. Maybe find a safe spot with a friend or relative, even if it is just temporary or part-time. Don't be loyal to someone that doesn't deserve this. Don't think you owe something to your mother just because she's your mother. Motherhood comes with obligations, not with entitlement.
1. Suicidal thoughts
2. Low self-esteem
3. Gaslighting
4. Trust issues
5. Anger issues
6. Feel empathy too much
That me! Yay!
Yeah same.. although there's one that's the opposite of me. I have lack of empathy cause whenever there's a problem, I just stay quiet even though I feel sorry. They say " You think it's a joke? Say something! Don't just stand there and say nothing" that really hurts...
You're describing me
I’m questioning if my sister is mentally abusive, I don’t have all these symptoms. 2, 4 and 5 I definitely have, and I cannot be near her without thinking she’ll hurt me in some way. She hasn’t always been like this, so at least I do recognize when she’s being too controlling (which is always). She never listens to me, and I already have very little friends, so my self esteem has plummeted. I just wish I could get away from her.
@@CreativeCats-qy6yc Have you tried telling your parents? They could help.
“Those exposed to mental abuse in their childhood may accept abusive behavior as something normal”
That hit me DEEP in my heart
Have you been exposed to mental abuse in your childhood?
It's like a snowball rolling down a hill. The parents carry it on and on, but somewhere, someone has to snap it. They have to let the snow boulder hit a wall and break into pieces. It sucks to be that one, but their kids will be blessed
@@david-chadsvenson6960I hope to be that one, I will never have children. I feel like I’m already messed up, and I hope that no one else gets hurt because of me.
@@BeixuanSun-cg7nh I can understand the fear of having children, but breaking the cycle isn't just about ending the chain. It's about breaking the link to the past by setting boundaries for your behavior so that you can help build a better future. Whether you have kids naturally, or through adoption, or even just unofficially as a mentor and guide, we need to pour into future generations once we've put in the work on ourselves. I hope you can work through your own pain as I've been working through mine and come to a place of reversing it.
@@david-chadsvenson6960 Thank you so much. My day was made by a random stranger.
I think the worst part of everything we had to endure is hearing my mother deny outloud and to people who were there and witnessed plenty, that she didn't abuse us. She says she would get angry and yell a lot but she never really hurt us. That hurts more than every other thing put together. I think she truly believes it. The mental abuse still affects me every day of my life
My mother doesn’t even admit she gets angry. She just says “annoyed or maybe stressed”. She says the most hurtful things and never apologizes. She once threatened to buzz of all of my hair to make me ugly because I did my math homework later than usual in elementary. When I broke down crying and ran to my room, she’d yelled at me some more. I’ve never forgiven her for that because she’s never apologized. She turned on the razor and everything…
(Air hug)😢
@@HelloKitty-iq8tt
(Air hug)
I feel like it’s always the mothers or am I wrong
@@user-js8ws6et6dwrong ! Both my parents were abusive both mentally and physically. Baggage I carry will never go away.
My "friend " she is not any more was physically abused, whenever I tried to vent about being emotionally abused she would say"thats not real abuse it doesn't count " which caused me to not ask for help for 15 years. Thank you for having your videos. I have cried while watching you, and your voice is now so comforting.
Get well soon bud! I am sure you will!
Your friend has no right to say that, should have told her to quit the b's and do some research, emotionally abuse always lives with you until you can get the help if you need it.
Being mentally abused is really hard to come in to terms with, I keep questioning myself and asking myself " but was I really abused though...?" It doesn't leave a mark like physical abuse, so identifying it can be extermely hard...
Sorry to read that you went to that 😔 and I hope you can some kind of peace with knowing that what happened to you wasn't your fault and doesn't make you less of a human. 💜Unfortunately, and contrary to popular believe, physical abuse often doesn't leave a mark either. Abusers know damn well what they do and often try to hide it ... 😕
I like to love my people all the same… love is unconditional! I hurt no one!
@@sheilameyers152 love SHOULD be unconditional, yet wisely chosen. I'm going to put this on my favorites because my comment notifications are messed up. But I'm here for you, and not to hurt you. I hurt no one neither.
@@jenna_n_goodwell_art 💛💛
@@ghostwriter1415 it should be💛
When I did my training for child protection ,I was surprised to learn that neglect and emotional neglect was considered worse than physical abuse .
Do u mind explaining why it’s worse?
I think that’s untrue and ignorant. abuse is different for everyone and everyone perceives it differently. NEITHER is worse than the other.
@@laurenboisvert7598She meabs within CPS
Coming from both types of abuse in childhood and my past now I’m back in therapy I’m 38 now I have little to no memory of most of the physical abuse but the emotional and psychological abuse never left me I still struggle to heal from the trauma not from physical abuse but the mental emotional abuse as damaged me far worse ❤
I don't really know much about physical abuse in terms of mental consequences, but i do know that mental abuse does a sh*t ton of damage on you and the people around you. No doubt physical abuse does too, but the other's consequences seem more talked about
What's also hard with mental abuse is that many people will say "This isn't a real problem, unlike physical/sexual abuse, being threatened to death and so on. This video hit me hard and made me realise how even bigger of an impact the mental abuse I experienced has. Luckily, my parents are good, but strangers who "entered the family" aren't.
Constant feeling of guilt.
Feeling lonely or unloved.
Hard time accepting help from others.
Not knowing who you really are when you escape.
Never being good enough.
Disordered attachment…
"The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.” ― Lundy Bancroft
There is an anonymous saying: “It’s not happiness that brings us gratitude. It’s gratitude that brings us happiness.“
If you look around yourself right now (or look within) listen for a surge of gratitude. Or even a little trickle. Breathe in. Let your shoulders drop as you exhale. When it comes to you, note it here.
Yes I have experienced mental abuse in my childhood. I know the feeling
I wanna date but I am scared that the woman will suffer due to me.
@@shonamoni569 I am also indian.
Works both ways. My sister always tattle tailed on me all the time just so I can get beaten severly with a razor strap by my mother who always sided with my sister all the time.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.“
What people tend to forget is that words can be sharper than any blade you could imagine, and easily slice you to pieces.
As someone currently struggling with a mentally and verbally abusive mother, I often make it a point to help people understand that.
It's so very, very true. Your thing about words CAN hurt I mean, not the "sticks and stones".
I no longer struggle from my abusive SWEARING mother because I no longer communicate or interact with her; and what a relief it has been. I visit my father and talk to him, but I refuse to talk to my "mother".....she didn't behave like a normal mother. Here is one example: For many years, she never said, "hello" to me when I came into the house. Her back was always turned towards me while she watched t.v.. This is the silent treatment, and this was the mental abuse I had to endure. Also, there were countless times profanity exploded from her mouth. My relatives don't know (or hear) what happens behind closed doors and I have alienated myself from them. I have already planned NOT to attend her funeral when she's gone !!
Words can only hurt you if you let them is the point of that whole saying, if you refuse to let what other people say about you hurt you then it can't.
@@FelineVillain No, it’s a extremely shortsighted “saying” and to lay the responsibility of it on the victim’s shoulders is wrong. It doesn’t deserve to be treated as a “normalized” statement in any way.
Listen to what you are trying to say….
I guess I didn’t have enough fortitude as a 5 year old kid, LMAO!!! 😂😢😂
@@JohnDoe-lb4nc The only person responsible for how you feel is you so yes the blame is 100% on the "victim". And yea you might just be a weak person this is perfectly possible.
I've had an older brother spend the first 20 years of my life putting me down, ridiculing my physical defects and anything I showed interest in. I'm now 52, and have no idea what self esteem or confidence feel like, with the mammoth task of building both from scratch.
I've known for awhile that I was a victim of mental abuse as a teenager but it's not until recently where I've finally begun to come to terms with it and move forward. It's hard but I know it's possible.
As a person who was mentally abused: you are not alone and you will get through this. You are so incredibly strong ❤
This is a message people need to hear and know that they aren't alone.
Also as a person who was mentally abused, I know what it's like to wish you *never had to be incredibly strong*. I got that way because I had to. I sure didn't want to and wouldn't wish my path on my worst enemy.
The struggle never ends. Sorry. But the weight does get easier to carry.
I am to a person who has been mentally abused: thank you so much
@@rikitikitavatiki I know and I completely understand. But you’re still here and we are grateful for you 🤍
I appreciate it but you are alone who you gonna turn to when nobody cares to listen
Let's not forget that childhood bullying is also a form of mental abuse. I endured a lot of bullying in school when I was young and I still have mental scars from it over 30 years later. Most of my relationships were marked by me bending over backwards and doing whatever I had to do in order to make my partner happy and like me, even if it meant pretending to be someone or something I wasn't. Luckily, however, I am now with someone who loves the real me and I no longer have to do all those mental gymnastics.
I was bullied very badly too as a child due to a medical difference. It's strange that most people don't think of childhood bullying as emotional and mental abuse, but it is. Bullies do the same thing as adult abusers but I was told as a child "boys will be boys" and it was dismissed as if it was nothing. I was also almost killed by a bully in kindergarten when she choked me in the bathroom and I almost passed out.
This bullies in school destroyed my entire life ... untill today i cant feel anything for people in a romantic way. I care for friends and people i like. But wont understand the concept of romance, love and having a relationship
Ah this reminds me of the time in high school when I was so desperate to make friends I joined the bullies (I've been bullied for most of my school life). For better or worse now I don't even care about having friends at all, they'll inevitably be a disappointment anyway
That's a you problem.
Time to grow up.
@@obsidianwing you allowed that. You chose to be *ruined".
As kids- We loved heroes.
As adults- we understand villains..
To everyone here who can relate, I love you guys ❤ you are all strong and eventually we'll be okay one day. This shit's really hard to deal with but we're even harder to break!! Stay strong!
Thank you so much. And love you to 🥹
I think, another symptom of having been emotionally abused, manipulated, or gaslighted, is being able to do it yourself. When you’re around someone who is constantly doing this to you, you’re bound to learn exactly how it’s done and how they do it. Or is that just me? Idk, but that’s what happened to me.
Yes, you get a gut feeling and can sense it. I learned from family who were gaslighting me at young age but now I can sense it from other people who are gaslighting. American society functions by gaslighting from your workplace to shopping in the store, I have been able to sense when I am being gaslighted. Its purpose is so you can sicken yourself and become mentally ill so that they can gloat at how they were able to achieve it. American society is psychotic as gaslighting is common.
Yeah for sure I usually see through all the manipulation tactics people use
😮😮😮
I finally realized that even if the abuser is gone, their "work" can continue for a long time to come.
Holy shit this is the most likes I’ve gotten lmao, I think? Idk I commented this on my phone on the web version so I couldn’t see notifs
I just finished watching the video with tears in my eyes. That's so hard to build up self confidence when you feel you're a burden to everyone around you 😢
Same I’m crying too
Same. I not only feel like a burden to others but I feel like I don’t deserve anything 😢
I know that feeling. I'm nearly 60 years old, no children, never been married. I've tried to isolate myself as much as possible, my biggest fear in life, is being a burden on anyone. I've had many relationships in my past, all ended badly. Around 20 years ago I decided I was done trying to fit in a world that never wanted to fit me in. Now I feel like I'm used up, all alone, just waiting for the end.
We all need others, and others need us. We were meant to live in a community, not isolated. Although it's often not easy at all.
I know it's not the popular answer or opinion, but the one thing that has kept my self esteem, worth and confidence intact, despite currently living in an abusive situation I have no power to leave, is God.
I don't know how I'm still sane and in one piece. It truly is a miracle.
He's my safe space, my comfort, and always tells me the truth about myself, and counteracts others words and lies about me.
When no one else loves me, He still loves me, when I'm isolated I'm not alone, he's always there.
He always forgives me and doesn't expect me to be perfect, and reminds me of my worth when I'm being harsh to myself.
I could go on and on, but the reason I say this, is because I couldn't survive without God, and I feel for anyone who is being, or has been abused, and having to tough it out on their own. God loves you, and He wants to comfort, love and protect you if you'll let him.
Sending everyone here a huge hug ❤
@@steelheadstalkeri hope u feel better this broke my heart :< its never too late!! rooting for you! u are worthy of love!
Spot on 💯, let’s say I had a less than perfect childhood. So I resonate with this for sure. Headaches and stomach issues are also a common sign. I have recently decided to open up and vlog about my childhood experiences in the future. I was targeted by different adults in various places in my childhood who were unhappy and unhealed themselves, and I ended up absorbing them in a way that it was hard to deprogram myself for a while. You also feel like you have no safe place and find yourself retreating. I used to be fortunate to have a creek in my backyard growing up. So I would go there to meditate. Because this kind of abuse fries the nervous system in people without a doubt. It’s amazing how much the mind and body are connected.
As someone who was and still is being mentally abused by parents, it is very hard. Another affect I have is the inability to stand up for myself or say what I’m really thinking, also making it very hard to talk to my parents or point out their abuse. I have chronic anxiety and occasionally have derealisation episodes doe to stress, as well as back and hip pain (didn’t realize that was linked to the abuse, but explains a lot). I match all of these, but the first step is realizing it’s abusive so I know what to avoid. This video explained a lot, thank you so much.
Dissociation is huge with mental abuse. Its like you feel separated, like you get stuck between knowing what's right and allowing stuff to happen, so we can like zone out really bad or not pay attention while someone is mentally abusing someone.
Dissociation is hard to come back from, especially when you're still in the abusive situation. Why come back to reality when it's so unpleasant?
Thanks for adding this one, it's a biggie. 😊
No wonder I feel a heavy sadness after hyper fixating on a fantasy book or a show. It’s like coming down from a high and thinking, “this is reality”.
😅😅😭
I have found that the mental abuse far surpasses and outlasts the physical. I've had both and it seems like the physical things, black eyes, broken bones, etc., those heal eventually... Mental abuse sticks around forever. There are things that have been said to me that I still "hear" twenty plus years later.
No joke, i had an abusive ex in my teens and twenties. It’s been well over a decade, my physical scars are healed, my mind is still damaged. I’m too old for this drama.
More people need to realize that. Physical wounds heal, mental ones take a long time to heal or may even never heal at all. I was bullied because I'm pretty short for my age (I'm between 11-16 and 4'11 and a half) and because I was seen as "The weird kid" for most of my life. Now I don't really deal with that but what happened before still hurts. I was told I'm useless, that I'd never amount to anything, that I could never be loved, ect. Now I have trouble believing that I am useful, important, loved, and just anything positive anyone says about me
Yea my scratches from her go away but the words my mom says have never left me
Yes. I still remember my birth mother telling me I was ugly. I remember like it happened 5 mins ago.
@@thatrandomgayweirdo2062 I don't know you, but I'm pretty sure -since you are here lol- you are are beautiful honest humans who deserve to be loved, cared about and respected by other humans. We are ALL weird... Just saying. I bet your weirdness makes you pretty dang cool when it comes down to brass tacks.I love yooz!
I feel like another sign of mental abuse is having abandonment issues.
Now I'm not quite sure, but from experience, I can tell that my whole childhood I had been the left out one and this has probably pulled me to having this issue in the later years. Having abandonment issues just sucks.
Thank you so much! That was all me! Took me 50 years to realize it. I never knew what gaslighting is, but now I realize my mom gas lit me all the time and my brothers. Now it is effecting their own kids. I won't let my mom visit my home and tend to put aside my own needs still all these years later to make my mom happy. I thought I might have autism when someone who works with Autistic adults pointed that out to me, but now I am thinking it is more this than that. Thank you for your videos. Still trying to get a Psychiatrist, but they are lacking in my area of Canada at the moment ever since the Pandemic, and I live below the poverty line and cannot afford much. Still, your videos help me to realize it is not my fault and realize my own self-worth finally and why I have anxiety and depression and why my semi-successful brother has such a fear of failure and my other brother feels like he can never measure up. They both have very bad tempers which ruin every relationship they have with women. I have worked on my temper but still find myself being rude and insulting unintentionally. Thank you. The first step is realizing and understanding. From here I can grow and help myself. Thank you. I mean I was also physically abused as well with the belt and hairbrush and a strap of rubber, etc but ... still it never seemed "bad enough to REALLY be physical abuse" and my parents only did those things because "they love me" just like their words were because "they love me enough to tell me the things other people just think about me". Your videos are helping me come to terms with my past. Thank you.
"they love me enough to tell me the things other people just think about me" - OOF! That one hits hard! My mom does that all the time, and I'm like, Can you NOT, THOUGH?? You tell me what I'm doing wrong ALL THE TIME, can you keep your mouth shut for two seconds?! I don't want to hear it! X'D Sorry you've had to go through this, bro!
Time stamps
1 / empathy error 1:31
2 / low self esteem 2:31
3 / yes to all 3:21
4 / self-doubt 4:15
5 / fatigue 4:56
Thank you 😊
Why isn’t this pinned?
Hey wait a minute
@@highsoldier420 hm?
2,3,4,5
I'm a survivor of mental, emotional, and to a degree, physical abuse, but I still feel myself questioning "Was I _really_ abused?" because the physical aspect was the least prevalent of it. It really sucks to feel so insecure about my trauma some days.
Thank you so much for this video, it's very important that people know that just because abuse might not be physical, doesn't mean it isn't still abuse, you're doing amazing work.
I think I know what you mean. I am aware I know I was abused. But I feel such resistance admitting it that it makes me question whether I actually think it's true.
Lately I've been trying to admit to myself how bad it actually really was, Have always felt shame and guilty thinking of my parents in any negative way.
I still love them, I still care about them, They still neglected and abused me though.
It's a whole mass of conflicting emotions and feelings. Especially as I was numb to a lot of it going through.
My current employer sent me on a course about childhood trauma and abuse a couple of years before covid, and it focused on the physical/sexual aspects of abuse, with not a word said about emotional abuse. It's often overlooked, even by so-called experts.
This is called cognitive dissonance I used to have it with my abusers but now I just have it with other random ppl I'm being codependent to or have limerance with. I've seen that the cognitive dissonance can come from alters like the inner child in denial. Ppl will sometimes dissociate then another voice will say "no that's not what happened my parents will never do that".
Sounds like what I say to myself because I’m emotionally and verbally abused was I really abused
Doesn't help also that mental health issues are, to this day in this very 2023, stigmatized, does it?
I feel like another type of mental abuse is when you are expected to do something for them, but the people that expect you to do something, dont do anything for you.
3:04, I'm like that as well, unfortunately. I like to stay indoors because I feel safe and I feel like if I go out there is a possibility that someone l might try to mess with me in a negative way or grab my attention. I also don't like seeing certain things such as certain people on pavements and all that, especially if they shouldn't be there. I don't like feeling powerless and I have had times when people felt like they could do that they want with me out and about such as try to make fun of me, mess around with me like a toy and basically just being there for their amusement.
In short, I like to stay indoors to avoid people in general. Unfortunately, the internet, most of the time, isn't better regarding people. I have been trying to g out more often, but that's only to get exercise and such.
I've been mentally and emotionally abused by pretty much my entire family my whole life. Like you need to take responsibility for everything when half the stuff that happened wasn't even my fault. I almost thought I was insane at one point. I learned to recognize the signs of it when I was younger thankfully. But it's not a fun thing to deal with. I implore anyone to go seek help from a trusted person if you feel like your being abused. The damage runs deep and sometimes never leaves.
Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. It's unfortunate that things happen to us whether we want them to or not but, as you said, it's important that we take responsibility, even if it something isn't our fault. We wanted to ask, how did you come to recognize signs of abuse? Is this something that you learned on your own? Or did you have someone who helped you identify those signs? How are you doing now?
@@Psych2go I looked up a lot on the internet and I also had a therapist. Those definitely helped me see that I was being abused.
@@lollybirdy I would take your advice if I did not have to constantly call every therapist’s school where they earned their degree from b/c some therapists forge their degrees and certificates and make it convincing/too realistic.
Completely and Totally REMOVE YOURSELF. - family - friends, work associates,whomever. GO AWAY and DON’T RETURN It’s not Easy , can be Lonely- The INNER PEACE WILL EVENTUALLY PREVAIL GIVING STRENGTH AND STRONG SATISFACTION! 🌝CHEERS !!! 👍
I can relate to this. Looks like you were the family scape goat. I would be blamed for things that broke in the family home when I wasn’t even there.
I think the worst thing for me, is how this goes through families and generations. My grandmother had a horrific time in the third reich and the war, turning her into the abusive beast I knew her us. That in turn resulted in my mother and my aunt having horrendous childhoods and even though my mother tried her best to break the cycle with me - what she knew as normal, was neither that nor healthy. I am myself still deconstructing my “normal” in therapy. I really struggled to see my childhood as abusive for a long time, as I knew my mum loved me with all her heart - she just got really, really mad when I was being stupid or lazy (such as only bringing a 95% home). My fault really, I was the one not being perfect…exactly what she had told herself when her mother had done the same to her. That’s how you raise kids, right? There’s obviously much more to it, but beware of cycles and believing that people only abuse on purpose. It’s much more complicated.
That's a big problem I have seen-- the notion that if your childhood was dysfunctional enough to create long lasting issues, then your caregivers were irredeemable "bad people" or didn't love or care about you, and that's just not the case, especially with intergenerational trauma. It actually makes those who love their parents and didn't have a relationship that was"all bad" more likely to downplay it and less likely to heal as a result, because it ultimately feels like a betrayal of someone you love, even if your relationship was far from perfect.
I've even seen this on the CPTSD subreddit, where one person said their parents did their best but they thought that "tough love" and spanking as punishment for bad behavior were effective and not traumatizing, and they got dogpiled on for saying they still loved their parents and that their parents weren't horrible people. Really made me angry.
Imagine how the Germans felt having their entire nation and culture degenerated by Jews
@@Lil_Yuri I realized how much I relate to the topic of this comment thread.
@@Lil_Yuri This is so true. Every single word. How do I even tell my therapist this? They can hardly understand.
@@Lil_Yuri
Yes! Definitely true!
I get the sense that a lot of people bring such harsh judgements to people that say they still love their families, even when they're dysfunctional and/or abusive, because either they're going through abuse themselves and are projecting onto others or they're looking for easy ways out of someone else's predicament(s).
Even though the point about any kind of relationship is that they're not going to be easy. Humans are complicated creatures, and it's natural for relationships to be complex (even when they're not abusive).
I basically have all the symptoms and well these videos make me feel good like someone actually cares so thank you for making them
Coming back to this was actually really helpful. It helped me a bunch. One part that was my main issue (or the most common tactic in my experience) was that i would be treated as more of an object to be used, and talked down to as if i knew nothing. This ended up in me despising a hobby that i loved, because i felt i wasnt good enough for it
I had a conservation with my aunt a few days ago and brought up that I've felt emotionally neglected by my father for a long time and her reply was "Well, he's still a good person". He intentionally weaponized my traumas against me for years, mocked me for going to therapy, and brought me down every second he got yet took all the credit of my accomplishments as his own and still demands more. Let's just say that not every "good" person makes good parents.
For anyone who's ever been mentally/emotionally abused I'm so sorry from the deepest bottom of my heart. Nobody should ever have to endure it let alone from the ones who are supposed to make you feel safe! Others may try to convince you that you're not special but never forget that you are a gift! Just you being yourself makes you special because while there's billions of other people in the world in the end, there's only one of you!
I wish my father would have stuck 2 his original career goal...man of the cloth ..a god-damn priest.
Frankly, that doesn't sounds like a good person at all. Not to you, at least.
Relatives😢My father, grandparents, both sides, my sister, aunts and even cousins had this unspoken arrangement that my Mother, who is bipolar, very arrogant, manipulative, controlling and generally everyone I know sais "the craziest person in the world" can do anything to me, just as long as she doesn't bother them.
From a young age she used to harass me, she would wake me up in the middle of the night to see if I had pubic hair or to tell me I did something wrong in her dreams.
My father hated me cause he stayed with her bc of me although she had a miscarriage and was childless 1-2 years before me. He loved my sister, she did worse in school, got into trouble, I thought it was my fault cause living with the thought the people whom you totally depend on don't wish you well is not what you can live with. Only too late in my life I realised he just couldn't stand the sight of me, cause my sister looks like him, and I take after my mother.
The rest were: you should not make you mother angry cause she would get sick(her parents), or make your father angry and sick(his parents).
It was my fault when the house was a mess or we had no money, sometimes I thought they would blame on me even the wars in Iraq😢 Just because they could. And every single one of them was a "good person". Covering up is not good.
I know this feeling all too well. Being a ‘good person’ doesn’t make up for having some f@cked up ways. All the best to you.
1: empathy error 1:29
2: low self esteem 2:30
3: yes to all 3:19
4: self doubt 4:15
5: fatigue 4:56
Thank you for taking the time to add the timestamps!
@@Psych2go ofc
Thank you
Thanks!
What really stresses me out out of these 5 symptoms - it’s fatigue. I somehow got used to living with other 4, but constantly not have enough energy to simply live is devastating 😢
Self doubt and low self esteem are big ones for me. I already know that I've been abused mentally and emotionally by parents and past friends. This video just proved it.
As a person who was mentally abused, to others going through this phase, don't worry you'll get through. If people compare you with others, reply that your unique. Love yourself the most. Priotize yourself more. And if people pick on you, compare you, belittle you, remember your one of a kind. There's no second you. ❤️❤
Thank you for sharing this and letting the audience know that they aren't alone. Can you share with us about how you overcame your struggles and how you are feeling now?
@Psych2Go the atmosphere of toxicity has decreased in my house. Since my health kept declining due to the mental stress my mother put on me, my elder sister decided it best for us to go to therapy and talk to someone who is an expert at these stuff. That really helped my mother and me. Now we are like any other mother and daughter duo. :D
If getting yelled at is a sign of mental abuse then everybody has been mentally abused, therefore nobody has it.
Your comment made me cry but thank you for supporting people in the same situation ^^'
Nope: I’m ruined…
This channel has actually helped me a lot to identify mental problems like this, I cannot thank you enough for what you’ve helped with
We appreciate you for the kind words. Which topic/videos were helpful for you? Could you share with us?
@@Psych2go please make a video about "if your family is comparing us to our siblings and gas lighting us and not listening to our words how can we over come them and how can we feel mentally disturbed by them" i would really appreciate if you could make a video about it.
Yeah. It's a good starting point to figure out things and make steps towards a better understanding and treatment, self or professional
@@Psych2go can you make a video on how and why social media and the hub ruined Gen Z?
@@casualamber umm... This is a psychological channel...
I relate to 2, 3 and 4 a lot. I was always bullied, teased, tormented and ridiculed in school by classmates and even my sister. When I told my parents, especially my mom, they acted like I was taking things way too far, way to serious. My mom told me a couple things about my bullying:
1) their just joking around, learn to take a joke
2) They're being mean to me because I'm being mean to them. WTF?
3) She even said I deserve to be bullied.
She seemed to think that high self confidence, high self esteem was the equivalent of being a self centered egotistical maniac(in me, not my sisters)
I was raised that standing up for myself, showing backbone, setting boundaries and saying no was wrong(to everyone. If I acted in that manner, everyone acted like I'm starting shit, not trying to defend myself)
This is mainly why I'm in therapy. I wish I started it sooner
You have trouble setting boundaries. You say sorry for almost everything.
I am definitely a victim of all this! It ruined my whole life 😢
It does. It really does.. It certainly ruined my life.
That sounds awful :(. How are you doing now? Do you feel like you're in a better place mentally?
This may sound bad to some people but sometimes I wish I had no family because most of them hurt you anyway
@@Psych2go No because of my FASD I lost the love of my life. But I just keep going. Sooner or ater I will feel I'm in a better pace. Rationally, I know I'm in a better pace because I know I was used and manipulated by them. but still...
@@keiron.4612 Yes me too but who needs them anyway I bet you are a amazing person!
I think something that wasn't talked about in depth is self destructive behavior. Putting yourself in dangerous situations is one thing, but I think self sabotage is something else.
Deliberately picking fights when there's nothing to fight over, questioning good intentions, overthinking, relationship hoping...eventually this puts a strain on potentially good relationships
This is very true..
This really hit me. Thank you for making this.
this changes the way I look at these things I've felt especially, the last one thank you so much
I have PTSD from mental abuse, which lead me down a dark path. I'm doing what I can to survive the day.
I am personally proud of you
As someone who's had the same
Here's a hug Jay, bring it in. :)
Fatigue … that’s a key point for me.
I can relate to all points, but this one is a huge problem.
Me, too. Unfortunately, my fatigue has led to my neglect of my loved ones, so I have caused them pain.
me too@@SatisfyingLullabyAsmr
Great vid. I was physically and mentally abused heavily by my stepfather as a child and had to seek professional help at many times in my adult life to help cope with the trauma. One counselor put it eloquently: you can only be physically abused to the point your body can hold out, but there is no limit to how badly you can be mentally abused.
I clicked on this one without any thoughts in my mind but I ended up crying how everything is so relatable !
Escaping from mental abusive parents is very difficult
This video just made me realize that I've been mentally abused by my mother. It's been going on so long that I've became so numb to it but since I've awaken I see it and how it has effects me mentally. I'm learning to keep my distance now.
My mother been gaslighting me for years, neither she I or could id it until I decided to talk about it. Step one to solving a problem is by identifying it.
why does she have such a calming voice? Like only her videos calm me when I have a panic/anxiety attack. Thank you
This hit me really hard… thank you so much for making this video.
After a series of mentally abusive relationships, I found out I have Asperger’s syndrome by taking a AQ test with my counselor. I found out that we can fall into abuse because we can’t read the social cues of covert manipulation and ill intent. It blew my mind! I read a book called ‘ The highly sensitive person’s guide to dealing with toxic people.’ Now I know how the brain of these people work and their playbook. I also had a toxic upbringing so that didn’t help. It’s like I had every weakness to be abused. And boy did it happen like I was a magnet to the worst psychopaths for the past 6 years. I am healing from complex PTSD. I’m optimistic.
I was speaking to an ex-convict about things like this and asking him why those of us are magnets for abusive people? He said, "Because we can smell you". Actually saying there is an odor or something victims of abuse give off that are picked up by guys like him!
So you're saying that people can fall into abuse? WELL I CAN'T. >:)
What do you mean, exactly ? Have you learned how to avoid abuse? @@RussianTurretGuyyy
Thank you for the book recommendation!
@@RussianTurretGuyyyAnyone can.
I just left a mentally abusive relationship with the father of my 3 month old son. It's been so so hard. Thank you for this video for clarifying what I've been going through
We're so sorry that you went through an abusive relationship. We wanted to ask, which part of the video was relatable to you in your past relationship? And are you in a safer place now both physically and mentally??
@@Psych2go all of the boxes were checked in this video... I am staying at a safe place now with my son thankfully. But his father still wants custody and tries to manipulate me every day. The abuse hasn't ended yet...
@@charlieiris28 You are so strong❤️
@@enyacorneliasoderberg thank you kindly. I needed the reminder. It's only been a month separated and each day is getting harder
Yeah I'm glad your in a safe space because when your leaving someone who abused you they don't like that. Might need to look up narcissistic behaviors to see if he is a narcissist. You got this. I'm not sure if he was good with your child before you left or do you think he's wanting custody to hurt you. Stay safe and strong for your baby.
The fact that when its your own parents you cant do anything,youll become the bad guy.
Watching these videos and recognizing that I used to, but recovered, from these issues, makes me feel very well.
The side that was missing to me is being hyper aware of social situations, words, etc etc to the point that you become reactive before it actually happens. Like when I see the signs of *insert issue* in another person, (like using a certain tone, shifting weight a certain way while talking, perhaps a buzz word/phrase, or micro facial expressions, etc.) even if that's not what's happening, I have a habit of shutting down the conversation and defaulting to defensive actions.
I think I do that with my abuser; even though they have sincerely asked for forgiveness, the second they look/sound/etc. like they are going to say something they used to, I react before they can even catch themselves, or who knows if they were even going to say what I assumed?! I may be making our healing all the more difficult by my reaction because, now, my reaction is anger…omg…🙁. TYSM for this comment. I’ve got to become intentional to not switch roles with them, as we love each other very much. I wish I knew a way to find an accountability partner of sorts.
What's hard is when you want to walk away from your abuser but can't. My mother was recently placed into an assisted living facility in my city because she can't live by herself. Now that my father is gone, so are any remaining boundaries and the emotional abuse is intensifying. I accept she's grieving, but I feel so alone and trapped. Work isn't much better right now, but we're all in the mess together.
So... I've been in a similar situation, and I'm going to tell you what I did, but I'll say right now I can't know if it would work for you but it might be worth trying. Tell your mother in whichever way is easiest for you - in person, over the phone, in a letter - that you are no longer going to tolerate her hurtful behavior. That if she doesn't stop doing what she's doing that you'll cut contact completely. Sadly, that's the easy part. The hard part is that she's most likely going to push back to see if it's a real boundary, and you _have to stick to your ultimatum._ It doesn't have to be forever, you can just cut her off for a week or two, but you _have to_ stick to it or this won't even have a chance to work. After a week or two get back in contact - over the phone, preferably, so you can cut her off immediately if she lapses back into whatever her abusive behavior might be - and before anything else, make her understand that there won't be a third chance; if she forces you to cut her off again, it'll be permanent.
The best thing I did was to cut off contact.
If she's in assistance living, let them deal with her. I did and it's been so much better. BTW, she doesn't even miss me.
@@sonjawilliams989 I agree with that. Qualified people are taking care of her, juste walk away from her. She's been abusing you for years, you do not owe her anything juste because she gave you life. You deserve to live in peace with people that treat you nicely
2:05
You: "I can't imagine how you feel"
Also you: "You're letting your friend know you understand how they feel"
this makes me realize how controlling and horrible some parents are to their children 💜🥺 every bodies parents were raised differently
With my so-called father Herb and all of his years of constant hollering and bitching and motivational threats of get to work or else, and especially about how he thought I knew better than to act like a kid, this has left me with an anxiety disorder that I cannot overcome or resolve. I'm age 69 and I've suffered all my life with this.
Sadly I'm all five, now what?
Getting help, I know it’s hard, but you can do it,
Stay safe, know that someone loves you.
There is a famous poster at my VA clinic that says "Not every wound shows on the outside." That refers to PTSD, but can refer to any mental abuse situation, too.
In some cases mental and emotional abuse can result in C.P.T.S.D, and the victim can suffer flashbacks that trigger the sympathetic nervous system, resulting in a fight/flight/freeze/appease response at really inappropriate times. This can also affect self-esteem, stunt your self-actualization, and damage your ability to trust others.
Remember to be kind to yourself everyone!
Thanks Psych2go for the continuing fight against poor mental health!
as someone who went through both physical and mental abuse. your not alone and never feel like your alone always ask someone for help like a counselor at your school or a therapist. as there ready to help you and care about you
In my case, that's not what happened. No one actually stands up. I learned the hard way that no one would, so I honestly stopped doing so. There was no one, not even a cousin, an uncle, or whatever who'd be by my side when I've been on theirs plenty of times.
@@MarianaCarvalho-gu8zx I didn't either till a friend saw the abuse and reported it herself to a counselor
thank you so much i never new i was mentally abused and i love watching your videos it helps me to understand life
I took care of my alcoholic, emotionally abusive, and manipulative father(my mom was emotionally abusive as a kid too) for 5 years and it wasn't until he passed away that I developed fibromyalgia and I didn't realize there was any correlation, but this video has completely blown my mind. Thank you for all that you do!
This hit home so hard. I grew up with mental abuse shrouded in the cloak of "tough love". I am now in my 30's, dysfunctional, have a hard time saying no to ppl when they want something, I have fibromyalgia (diagnosed at 23) chronic fatigue and burnout, and often times find it hard to empathize correctly with others.... Not that I don't know how to empathize I'm a very empathetic person mostly because my abuser from when I was a child wanted me to empathize with them constantly so I had to learn to empathize constantly and be able to read their emotions and their moods very very closely, I know how to empathize and I am a very empathetic person but I don't empathize properly with certain timings. Mental abuse is a very serious thing It can cause a lot of problems that are more than just mental problems they become physical, and manifest as illnesses, disabilities, or even death. Abuse is never okay in any way shape or form. Mental abuse can really mess someone up and I couldn't even bleed into them and make them abusive too because they think it's okay and it's a way to show love because it's how they received love.
I survived mental abuse from teachers and other students for years due to always being labeled somehow different. I never understood why I was treated so poorly by even adults who were supposed to help me. Now that I'm older I am recognizing that I dealt with all of these symptoms and still do at times. Thanks for this video🙂
This happened to my son, and I pulled him out for homeschooling. Now, he is able to be his amazing self and has had much success. Teachers are very powerful figures in our formative years, and many of them teach students to bully particular children. I can remember losing all respect for my favorite 7th grade teacher when I realized she picked on this one boy almost every class. I still think of her on occasion, and that was 1992-93!! He had a very difficult time, but has grown into a happy and successful man.
I have also had that experience almost all my life with teachers and other kids mostly through elementary but some in middle school. I was always neglected by the teachers and easily outcasted by others students cause of my problems which made me seem weird. I was never a really bad kid but I was emotional and was dealing with a bunch of medical problems that affected me highly causing me a lot of physical and emotional issues. I never was mean to other students and I was tried to get along and be friends with them but time and time again I was mocked and belittled for being myself- for my likes, my emotions, anything that they felt like bullying me for. Teachers were no better, they belittled me for my problems, claiming I was just being 'difficult' or being 'stupid' when I didn't understand things, they even made fun of my emotional state especially when I would cry over being excluded or seen as a weirdo. It would be so bad teachers would talk about me to each other INFRONT OF ME, and even would take the side of my bullies as they were seen as 'sweet normal students', and if I would ever get upset or angry they would treat me as I was some wild animal or a threat to other students.. I never laid my hands on or wanted to lay my hands on anyone in the school- I got use to how I was treated over the years until I got to highschool which helped me understand subjects that teachers didn't even bother helping me understand like math, and started to see teachers in a better light after that since they actually spoke to me as a feeling living person and not a wild animal or freak that they just had to watch for hours. For once I was actually getting better at subjects and getting A's cause they actually took the time to teach me and teach me ways to understand things if i was confused. Also I'm so glad someone else had problems with the education system treating them this way cause whenever I talk about it people claim 'i must have done something ' or 'your being a liar, no one does that's. Also I hope your doing way better- im still dealing with these problems and I hope that if people would talk about how messed up school systems could be that this stuff won't happen to kids.
I want to thankyou for making these kinds of vidios, it feels like someone out there know what we are going through. Thankyou for the knowledge.
May god bless all😊
I relate so much to self doubting. It's so bad that I would actually google every obvious things. I also find it difficult to empathize with others and myself to.
I was mentally abused as a kid. Thankfully, I was much more confident and eager to go against the world than most would. I have made my way through it. Hope others will too
I was abused my whole life, mentally and physically, and, I entered two *extremely* toxic, volatile and abusive relationships. I unfortunately have all the symptoms listed here, except one. Instead of being unsympathetic towards others, I'm on the opposite spectrum. I'm *extremely* empathetic, to the point I will do *anything* to help others, within my power, and I often feel extremely drained because I'm the "therapist" or "parent" friend to people.
It's nice to be relied on, but, I'm rarely checked up on. At least I have a healthy relationship now, tho. It took a LOT to get me out of the toxic mindset, and I still slip and think my boyfriend will mistreat me for the smallest mistakes, but, I'm working on that. And, he's trying to help me learn to say no to people, and not take everyone else's burden, along with my own. Can't say we're entirely effective in un-learning these habits and feelings, but, I do hope one day, I'll be able to help others, while not taking a huge hit myself.
I NEVER identified more with a commentary in My life. Hope you are doing better.
I could have written this comment, word by word.
I still remember how I was kind of frozen when I realized (in my late 20s) that most of my empathy was part of a "I need to measure the energy and the mood of people around me to be something that is not annoying them even more" so that they don't unload on me.
Another symptom of mental abuse is over apologizing.
Some abusers will never take blame and will twist everything to make it your fault, so you may feel the need to apologize for your very existence.
Source: personal experience
literally this. i can relate to that so much i’m glad i’m not alone.
@@user-lw3ri8us4w You're definitely not alone, even if it feels lonely. Someone once said to me "If you say sorry when it's not your fault, you're wasting your sorry's." It made me realize I always apologized like it was a reflex, and that it made me feel slightly isolated from everyone else, even my close friends. Eventually I was able to start unlearning my symptoms of abuse, and I'm still working on it.
Healing takes time. You're not alone in this.
This touched me enough to comment. Everyone is carrying some sort of burden. Even those who have made your life difficult. Be strong but kind. Treat yourself as someone you want to help.
As someone whos also been mentally abused: we are all here for you and i belive its best to talk about it x
To be fair though, the world would probably
be better off without us.
Since our mere existence in western society
is slowly killing mother Nature
I really needed this! I’ve just started my journey into understanding the abuse and trauma I endured growing up. I had an alcoholic father and narcissistic (and competitive) mother. No acknowledgement of everything I accomplished came without a “but…” from my mother! I couldn’t ever win or be good enough! The parentification started when I was 7-8 years old and i see now what it did to me. I ended up in a horribly abusive codependent marriage…got out but still struggle with self-esteem.
😮 the "but" added to everything. My mother did that constantly! She was very religious & used that against me too
Wow... That sounds really awful. Sometimes people think they're being constructive by adding "but". However, people don't realize that sometimes a warm affirmation is all we really need. How are you doing now? Do you have the right resources to help you process the things you went through?
I'm so glad you were able to find the courage to get out of both of those awful situations. I know that it must've been terrifying and difficult, but the fact that you did it at all shows how much strength you truly have. I wish you luck in your journey of healing, and never forget how far you've come.
I can relate. I have a narcissistic mother too. I graduated with honors and hold two degrees and I’m still not good enough for her.
Thank you for this video. It made me realise that this may actually be happening to me.
There was TWO PEOPLE in fourth grade. They hated me because they were richer than me. After watching this, I realized what I’m going through is real, and others go through it.
The paranoia, man, it's real. When you grow up being abused, you learn to expect it, and when you expect abuse, some of the behaviors you engage in to be ready for it can come off as unhinged.
Oh wow, well put. This happens to me quite often
You said it right on the money. It's almost like you're bracing for a punch that rarely ever comes. It's hard when you lose relationships because of it, because if the person leaves due to your behavior, they think you're something that you're actually not. They dont know any better if they never experienced abuse. We're still working it out ourselves- meanwhile they have no clue what's going on.
I have experienced gaslighting before, and it has caused me to doubt myself, and sometimes even others. I don't trust my instincts, and it's horrible. I always think, "Wait, what if it's this and not this?" and I eventually get overwhelmed which makes me feel stupid.
You're not stupid. You might be hyper sensitive, but don't doubt yourself. If you've experienced gaslighting and emotional abuse before, it makes you very quick to recognize the signs again. You might be mistaken, but there's nothing wrong with being suspicious and thinking it through either.
I also have experienced gaslighting. I also hold a grudge against someone who lie to me about my instinct. I was feeling something wrong, I ask him if he had a problem with me he said no. Months later he told me that yes at this time he didnt like to be around because of my personality. I can understand that I can be liked by everyone but not the lying. It was hard enough to ask. Sometimes I prefer to be hurt by truth than to discover a lying (and never think your lie will never be discover, often truth find it's way)
That is what gaslighting does to you. I was gaslighted by parents in my young life so that I was always trying to avoid making decisions and would just freeze, making myself look as if I were deaf or special ed as sometimes I would experience aphasia and memory loss, but this lead me to be more perceptive of others and can sense ill intentions. It is a horrible feeling especially when it is either from family but as well as your coworkers in the workplace. I am experiencing this in my workplace because people who engage in this kind of behavior know and see your weakness and so this why they are scapegoating you, especially when having problems at home.
I was mentally abused by my narcissistic mother and now my siblings are trying to do the same to me. I walked away with nothing but my FAITH in God for a better life and a peaceful life now. 🙏
6:01 this made me remember a moment I had with my English teacher, I’ve always had excellent notes in English, and k mean 9 and 10s (basically all A) that was until recently I got so mentally tired that k couldn’t do anything at all, and I’d just sit in class looking out the window, and dropped down on my grades bad. I had always tried my best to make sure to never let anyone know when I am feeling down, not for any special reason it just makes me feel awkward, or like I’m doing it for attention in some way. I can’t explain it but point is I do my best to not worry others and not seem sad around them, not even my parents had stopped for a second to ask me if I wasn’t doing alright which technically is what I wanted, but when one day after class that same English teacher walked up to me asking me if I was alright and mentioning I looked very tired recently, it made me realize how much I really wanted recognition from someone. She made my week after asking about me because it made me feel like there was someone who cared, I still told her I was fine, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I wasn’t. But it really made me think about how something so small can change someone’s day so much. I still appreciate that teacher very much, I found it funny how she has the same haircut as the teacher in the video too !
Thats so sweet! That scene also reminded me how my class teacher asked me "Are you alright, u look so scared" When I was having one of the worst days of my life in school. I felt so loved and touched by that ❤
I've been mentally abused by my parents, former teachers, "friends" & acquaintances, workmates and several strangers. People abusing me is one of the main reasons why I'm depressed and anxious. My insecurity stems from perfectionism and I've been lonely my entire life. Not only that, but my self-esteem just keep getting lower and lower every day. It's like... why can't I be at peace for once?!
ive found peace in the small things, a song, the weather, my favourite food. I think a bigger sense of peace comes in time when we find ourseleves with people we trust and further away from abusers. It's a work in progress unfortunately. I'm currently struggling too trust people and I keep avoiding being social/trusting people. It's hard because some people are abusive but theres lots of people who are kind-hearted and will be your friend. It's just finding those people that's hard. Good Luck!
I can only speak from experience, but you won't find peace until you look at your flawed self in the mirror and accept how damaged you were by the actions/voices of parents/ relatives/friends, even if they didn't mean it, and know that it's not your fault - I mean really 'know', deep down, and forgive yourself for not being perfect. I won't bore you with the details of my childhood, but a pattern in my life was to make friends who also abused/took advantage of me, until I recognized that. There is no easy fix, but Katie Victoria makes a good point.
@@dexine4723 ok I see. Thanks.
The general public stigmatized everything with toxic "good vibes" It's not okay when there's no place for you to even let loose or tell.
Especially in the USA.
That isn't a therapist being paid to listen.
Many don't need therapy.
We need a warm home and good people to hear us out.
As a child I was constantly told I was selfish like my father which damaged me and made me a people pleaser towards family members and I am overly selfless now. I feel extreme guilt when I put myself first. Therapy is helping but this is deeply embedded into me.
Aww this is really sad!! People like this don't believe they deserve REAL LOVE 💕
Being mentally abused by my familly nearly on a daily basis for so long, I have become such in a habit of hearing it and fall victim to manipulative personalities, some with devastating consequences.
I have finally learnt to say "no" and it feel fantastic!
How did you do it? I'm genuinely looking for pointers at this point because this video just described me as a person and gave my childhood a real accurate summary and I want, if not need help. Thank you for any response in the future!
I did seek professional help and it was a tremendous help! See helped me recognise the signs and protect myself from it. Especially, she helped me build my confidence back up and stop accepting the shame my familly are always trying to put on me. It is not easy, but start by taking care of yourself, doing something that makes you happy, it can go a long way. 🙂
As someone who has spent a great deal of his life emotionally and mentally exhausted, I will say that there is a big difference between physical exhaustion and mental/emotional exhaustion. Being truly physically exhausted can feel really good after being m/e exhausted for a long period of time.
I already know that I have been mentally abused but it helps to hear that I’m not just making up stuff and that what I’m feeling is valid
I Could listen to your voice for hours it's so calming :)
Life is too short.
Here is what you need to do: You have to get out of that situation no matter how hard it is. And rather sooner than later. You can do it!
As a victim of mental & verbal abuse, it's important to recognize it, then break the cycle, as difficult as it might be.
ive started watching these because my therapist said they can help me recognize my issues when not talking to her, it helps a ton and i like coming back to these.
I'd add: Trust issues, Social Anxiety / constantly shying away from social interaction even from things they like to avoid having to 'live up to expectation', Communication issues / trouble expressing themselves
I can relate so much to this. The first point about empathy I never thought was related to this, and I always feel so embarressed that I don't know how to react or what to say in those situations 😔
I'm sorry
I'm with you
I honestly thank you for this content. It shows that what I've been through wasn't normal even though everyone else says its just me being a snowflake. The abuse and neglect I faced has ruined my ability to properly form and manage relationships.
My friends like me and hang out with me even though I do nothing for them to. I'm greatful for them but I physically don't understand why they keep me around when I do nothing to earn their affection. It makes me doubt weather they actually care or if they're just tallying up everything so one day they can use this debt to make me do stuff for them. Even if they are, at least they seem nice
Wow. You hit home for me. I was just like Cinderella when I was younger, and all of these points hit me at my core. Wow
I learned these things pretty early and tbh i found a workaround for a lot of these things i remember struggling with a lot of the things mentioned but with a bit of therapy and some self induced motivation i think i came out stronger then ever
I have been in denial for a while now that my mom has been mentally abusing us for years. Whether it was her separating us from our dad's family for a over decade or her telling us that we aren't doing enough. She constantly yells and blames us for her problems. It is so bad to the point where she will trigger my panic attacks. I have woken up many nights crying because I would dream of her yelling at me. And thanks to this video I understand why I am burnt out. I am a high school student and my parents have always told us to be well-rounded so I did exactly that (I have taken Ap and Honors classes throughout my entire high school career, I am now taking some college classes, I have maintained a perfect GPA, I play two sports, I am in the top position in my clubs.) but to her, I am just an ungrateful brat who doesn't listen to her mother. I even started working at my parent's business and I get home later than them every day. The crazy part is that I wake up at least two-three hours before them I still complete my daily tasks plus she expects me to do her job of cooking and cleaning and taking care of the household. I feel like I am losing my mind because this has gone on for so long and now that my classes are heavy and hard she blames me for not being able to keep up.
Face it: you will never be enough for your abusive mother. Sad truth. Stop exhausting yourself trying. You are already doing an impossible job. You ARE enough! I know, hard to believe that.
Get out and be your own person
@@paulinepress3024 I would love to but I am still technically a minor and still have a year left in high school
Yes, tough situation. Then again: you are probably hard on your way to get a burnout and that will be worse. Find a way to make yourself and your well-being a priority. Maybe find a safe spot with a friend or relative, even if it is just temporary or part-time. Don't be loyal to someone that doesn't deserve this. Don't think you owe something to your mother just because she's your mother. Motherhood comes with obligations, not with entitlement.