It's like a snowball rolling down a hill. The parents carry it on and on, but somewhere, someone has to snap it. They have to let the snow boulder hit a wall and break into pieces. It sucks to be that one, but their kids will be blessed
@@SwedeRacerDCI hope to be that one, I will never have children. I feel like I’m already messed up, and I hope that no one else gets hurt because of me.
@@RandomPerson-z6y I can understand the fear of having children, but breaking the cycle isn't just about ending the chain. It's about breaking the link to the past by setting boundaries for your behavior so that you can help build a better future. Whether you have kids naturally, or through adoption, or even just unofficially as a mentor and guide, we need to pour into future generations once we've put in the work on ourselves. I hope you can work through your own pain as I've been working through mine and come to a place of reversing it.
Being mentally abused is really hard to come in to terms with, I keep questioning myself and asking myself " but was I really abused though...?" It doesn't leave a mark like physical abuse, so identifying it can be extermely hard...
Sorry to read that you went to that 😔 and I hope you can some kind of peace with knowing that what happened to you wasn't your fault and doesn't make you less of a human. 💜Unfortunately, and contrary to popular believe, physical abuse often doesn't leave a mark either. Abusers know damn well what they do and often try to hide it ... 😕
@@sheilameyers152 love SHOULD be unconditional, yet wisely chosen. I'm going to put this on my favorites because my comment notifications are messed up. But I'm here for you, and not to hurt you. I hurt no one neither.
Yeah same.. although there's one that's the opposite of me. I have lack of empathy cause whenever there's a problem, I just stay quiet even though I feel sorry. They say " You think it's a joke? Say something! Don't just stand there and say nothing" that really hurts...
I’m questioning if my sister is mentally abusive, I don’t have all these symptoms. 2, 4 and 5 I definitely have, and I cannot be near her without thinking she’ll hurt me in some way. She hasn’t always been like this, so at least I do recognize when she’s being too controlling (which is always). She never listens to me, and I already have very little friends, so my self esteem has plummeted. I just wish I could get away from her.
Constant feeling of guilt. Feeling lonely or unloved. Hard time accepting help from others. Not knowing who you really are when you escape. Never being good enough. Disordered attachment…
My "friend " she is not any more was physically abused, whenever I tried to vent about being emotionally abused she would say"thats not real abuse it doesn't count " which caused me to not ask for help for 15 years. Thank you for having your videos. I have cried while watching you, and your voice is now so comforting.
Your friend has no right to say that, should have told her to quit the b's and do some research, emotionally abuse always lives with you until you can get the help if you need it.
Coming from both types of abuse in childhood and my past now I’m back in therapy I’m 38 now I have little to no memory of most of the physical abuse but the emotional and psychological abuse never left me I still struggle to heal from the trauma not from physical abuse but the mental emotional abuse as damaged me far worse ❤
I don't really know much about physical abuse in terms of mental consequences, but i do know that mental abuse does a sh*t ton of damage on you and the people around you. No doubt physical abuse does too, but the other's consequences seem more talked about
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.“ What people tend to forget is that words can be sharper than any blade you could imagine, and easily slice you to pieces. As someone currently struggling with a mentally and verbally abusive mother, I often make it a point to help people understand that.
I no longer struggle from my abusive SWEARING mother because I no longer communicate or interact with her; and what a relief it has been. I visit my father and talk to him, but I refuse to talk to my "mother".....she didn't behave like a normal mother. Here is one example: For many years, she never said, "hello" to me when I came into the house. Her back was always turned towards me while she watched t.v.. This is the silent treatment, and this was the mental abuse I had to endure. Also, there were countless times profanity exploded from her mouth. My relatives don't know (or hear) what happens behind closed doors and I have alienated myself from them. I have already planned NOT to attend her funeral when she's gone !!
Words can only hurt you if you let them is the point of that whole saying, if you refuse to let what other people say about you hurt you then it can't.
@@FelineVillain No, it’s a extremely shortsighted “saying” and to lay the responsibility of it on the victim’s shoulders is wrong. It doesn’t deserve to be treated as a “normalized” statement in any way. Listen to what you are trying to say…. I guess I didn’t have enough fortitude as a 5 year old kid, LMAO!!! 😂😢😂
@@JohnDoe-lb4nc The only person responsible for how you feel is you so yes the blame is 100% on the "victim". And yea you might just be a weak person this is perfectly possible.
"The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.” ― Lundy Bancroft
There is an anonymous saying: “It’s not happiness that brings us gratitude. It’s gratitude that brings us happiness.“ If you look around yourself right now (or look within) listen for a surge of gratitude. Or even a little trickle. Breathe in. Let your shoulders drop as you exhale. When it comes to you, note it here.
Works both ways. My sister always tattle tailed on me all the time just so I can get beaten severly with a razor strap by my mother who always sided with my sister all the time.
I think the worst part of everything we had to endure is hearing my mother deny outloud and to people who were there and witnessed plenty, that she didn't abuse us. She says she would get angry and yell a lot but she never really hurt us. That hurts more than every other thing put together. I think she truly believes it. The mental abuse still affects me every day of my life
My mother doesn’t even admit she gets angry. She just says “annoyed or maybe stressed”. She says the most hurtful things and never apologizes. She once threatened to buzz of all of my hair to make me ugly because I did my math homework later than usual in elementary. When I broke down crying and ran to my room, she’d yelled at me some more. I’ve never forgiven her for that because she’s never apologized. She turned on the razor and everything…
What's also hard with mental abuse is that many people will say "This isn't a real problem, unlike physical/sexual abuse, being threatened to death and so on. This video hit me hard and made me realise how even bigger of an impact the mental abuse I experienced has. Luckily, my parents are good, but strangers who "entered the family" aren't.
Also as a person who was mentally abused, I know what it's like to wish you *never had to be incredibly strong*. I got that way because I had to. I sure didn't want to and wouldn't wish my path on my worst enemy. The struggle never ends. Sorry. But the weight does get easier to carry.
I just finished watching the video with tears in my eyes. That's so hard to build up self confidence when you feel you're a burden to everyone around you 😢
I know that feeling. I'm nearly 60 years old, no children, never been married. I've tried to isolate myself as much as possible, my biggest fear in life, is being a burden on anyone. I've had many relationships in my past, all ended badly. Around 20 years ago I decided I was done trying to fit in a world that never wanted to fit me in. Now I feel like I'm used up, all alone, just waiting for the end.
We all need others, and others need us. We were meant to live in a community, not isolated. Although it's often not easy at all. I know it's not the popular answer or opinion, but the one thing that has kept my self esteem, worth and confidence intact, despite currently living in an abusive situation I have no power to leave, is God. I don't know how I'm still sane and in one piece. It truly is a miracle. He's my safe space, my comfort, and always tells me the truth about myself, and counteracts others words and lies about me. When no one else loves me, He still loves me, when I'm isolated I'm not alone, he's always there. He always forgives me and doesn't expect me to be perfect, and reminds me of my worth when I'm being harsh to myself. I could go on and on, but the reason I say this, is because I couldn't survive without God, and I feel for anyone who is being, or has been abused, and having to tough it out on their own. God loves you, and He wants to comfort, love and protect you if you'll let him. Sending everyone here a huge hug ❤
Let's not forget that childhood bullying is also a form of mental abuse. I endured a lot of bullying in school when I was young and I still have mental scars from it over 30 years later. Most of my relationships were marked by me bending over backwards and doing whatever I had to do in order to make my partner happy and like me, even if it meant pretending to be someone or something I wasn't. Luckily, however, I am now with someone who loves the real me and I no longer have to do all those mental gymnastics.
I was bullied very badly too as a child due to a medical difference. It's strange that most people don't think of childhood bullying as emotional and mental abuse, but it is. Bullies do the same thing as adult abusers but I was told as a child "boys will be boys" and it was dismissed as if it was nothing. I was also almost killed by a bully in kindergarten when she choked me in the bathroom and I almost passed out.
This bullies in school destroyed my entire life ... untill today i cant feel anything for people in a romantic way. I care for friends and people i like. But wont understand the concept of romance, love and having a relationship
Ah this reminds me of the time in high school when I was so desperate to make friends I joined the bullies (I've been bullied for most of my school life). For better or worse now I don't even care about having friends at all, they'll inevitably be a disappointment anyway
To everyone here who can relate, I love you guys ❤ you are all strong and eventually we'll be okay one day. This shit's really hard to deal with but we're even harder to break!! Stay strong!
I've known for awhile that I was a victim of mental abuse as a teenager but it's not until recently where I've finally begun to come to terms with it and move forward. It's hard but I know it's possible.
I'm a survivor of mental, emotional, and to a degree, physical abuse, but I still feel myself questioning "Was I _really_ abused?" because the physical aspect was the least prevalent of it. It really sucks to feel so insecure about my trauma some days. Thank you so much for this video, it's very important that people know that just because abuse might not be physical, doesn't mean it isn't still abuse, you're doing amazing work.
I think I know what you mean. I am aware I know I was abused. But I feel such resistance admitting it that it makes me question whether I actually think it's true. Lately I've been trying to admit to myself how bad it actually really was, Have always felt shame and guilty thinking of my parents in any negative way. I still love them, I still care about them, They still neglected and abused me though. It's a whole mass of conflicting emotions and feelings. Especially as I was numb to a lot of it going through.
My current employer sent me on a course about childhood trauma and abuse a couple of years before covid, and it focused on the physical/sexual aspects of abuse, with not a word said about emotional abuse. It's often overlooked, even by so-called experts.
This is called cognitive dissonance I used to have it with my abusers but now I just have it with other random ppl I'm being codependent to or have limerance with. I've seen that the cognitive dissonance can come from alters like the inner child in denial. Ppl will sometimes dissociate then another voice will say "no that's not what happened my parents will never do that".
Dissociation is huge with mental abuse. Its like you feel separated, like you get stuck between knowing what's right and allowing stuff to happen, so we can like zone out really bad or not pay attention while someone is mentally abusing someone.
Dissociation is hard to come back from, especially when you're still in the abusive situation. Why come back to reality when it's so unpleasant? Thanks for adding this one, it's a biggie. 😊
As someone who was and still is being mentally abused by parents, it is very hard. Another affect I have is the inability to stand up for myself or say what I’m really thinking, also making it very hard to talk to my parents or point out their abuse. I have chronic anxiety and occasionally have derealisation episodes doe to stress, as well as back and hip pain (didn’t realize that was linked to the abuse, but explains a lot). I match all of these, but the first step is realizing it’s abusive so I know what to avoid. This video explained a lot, thank you so much.
Spot on 💯, let’s say I had a less than perfect childhood. So I resonate with this for sure. Headaches and stomach issues are also a common sign. I have recently decided to open up and vlog about my childhood experiences in the future. I was targeted by different adults in various places in my childhood who were unhappy and unhealed themselves, and I ended up absorbing them in a way that it was hard to deprogram myself for a while. You also feel like you have no safe place and find yourself retreating. I used to be fortunate to have a creek in my backyard growing up. So I would go there to meditate. Because this kind of abuse fries the nervous system in people without a doubt. It’s amazing how much the mind and body are connected.
I think, another symptom of having been emotionally abused, manipulated, or gaslighted, is being able to do it yourself. When you’re around someone who is constantly doing this to you, you’re bound to learn exactly how it’s done and how they do it. Or is that just me? Idk, but that’s what happened to me.
Yes, you get a gut feeling and can sense it. I learned from family who were gaslighting me at young age but now I can sense it from other people who are gaslighting. American society functions by gaslighting from your workplace to shopping in the store, I have been able to sense when I am being gaslighted. Its purpose is so you can sicken yourself and become mentally ill so that they can gloat at how they were able to achieve it. American society is psychotic as gaslighting is common.
I have found that the mental abuse far surpasses and outlasts the physical. I've had both and it seems like the physical things, black eyes, broken bones, etc., those heal eventually... Mental abuse sticks around forever. There are things that have been said to me that I still "hear" twenty plus years later.
No joke, i had an abusive ex in my teens and twenties. It’s been well over a decade, my physical scars are healed, my mind is still damaged. I’m too old for this drama.
More people need to realize that. Physical wounds heal, mental ones take a long time to heal or may even never heal at all. I was bullied because I'm pretty short for my age (I'm between 11-16 and 4'11 and a half) and because I was seen as "The weird kid" for most of my life. Now I don't really deal with that but what happened before still hurts. I was told I'm useless, that I'd never amount to anything, that I could never be loved, ect. Now I have trouble believing that I am useful, important, loved, and just anything positive anyone says about me
@@thatrandomgayweirdo2062 I don't know you, but I'm pretty sure -since you are here lol- you are are beautiful honest humans who deserve to be loved, cared about and respected by other humans. We are ALL weird... Just saying. I bet your weirdness makes you pretty dang cool when it comes down to brass tacks.I love yooz!
I've been mentally and emotionally abused by pretty much my entire family my whole life. Like you need to take responsibility for everything when half the stuff that happened wasn't even my fault. I almost thought I was insane at one point. I learned to recognize the signs of it when I was younger thankfully. But it's not a fun thing to deal with. I implore anyone to go seek help from a trusted person if you feel like your being abused. The damage runs deep and sometimes never leaves.
Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. It's unfortunate that things happen to us whether we want them to or not but, as you said, it's important that we take responsibility, even if it something isn't our fault. We wanted to ask, how did you come to recognize signs of abuse? Is this something that you learned on your own? Or did you have someone who helped you identify those signs? How are you doing now?
@@lollybirdy I would take your advice if I did not have to constantly call every therapist’s school where they earned their degree from b/c some therapists forge their degrees and certificates and make it convincing/too realistic.
Completely and Totally REMOVE YOURSELF. - family - friends, work associates,whomever. GO AWAY and DON’T RETURN It’s not Easy , can be Lonely- The INNER PEACE WILL EVENTUALLY PREVAIL GIVING STRENGTH AND STRONG SATISFACTION! 🌝CHEERS !!! 👍
I've had an older brother spend the first 20 years of my life putting me down, ridiculing my physical defects and anything I showed interest in. I'm now 52, and have no idea what self esteem or confidence feel like, with the mammoth task of building both from scratch.
I feel like another sign of mental abuse is having abandonment issues. Now I'm not quite sure, but from experience, I can tell that my whole childhood I had been the left out one and this has probably pulled me to having this issue in the later years. Having abandonment issues just sucks.
@@Psych2go please make a video about "if your family is comparing us to our siblings and gas lighting us and not listening to our words how can we over come them and how can we feel mentally disturbed by them" i would really appreciate if you could make a video about it.
I think something that wasn't talked about in depth is self destructive behavior. Putting yourself in dangerous situations is one thing, but I think self sabotage is something else. Deliberately picking fights when there's nothing to fight over, questioning good intentions, overthinking, relationship hoping...eventually this puts a strain on potentially good relationships
I think the worst thing for me, is how this goes through families and generations. My grandmother had a horrific time in the third reich and the war, turning her into the abusive beast I knew her us. That in turn resulted in my mother and my aunt having horrendous childhoods and even though my mother tried her best to break the cycle with me - what she knew as normal, was neither that nor healthy. I am myself still deconstructing my “normal” in therapy. I really struggled to see my childhood as abusive for a long time, as I knew my mum loved me with all her heart - she just got really, really mad when I was being stupid or lazy (such as only bringing a 95% home). My fault really, I was the one not being perfect…exactly what she had told herself when her mother had done the same to her. That’s how you raise kids, right? There’s obviously much more to it, but beware of cycles and believing that people only abuse on purpose. It’s much more complicated.
That's a big problem I have seen-- the notion that if your childhood was dysfunctional enough to create long lasting issues, then your caregivers were irredeemable "bad people" or didn't love or care about you, and that's just not the case, especially with intergenerational trauma. It actually makes those who love their parents and didn't have a relationship that was"all bad" more likely to downplay it and less likely to heal as a result, because it ultimately feels like a betrayal of someone you love, even if your relationship was far from perfect. I've even seen this on the CPTSD subreddit, where one person said their parents did their best but they thought that "tough love" and spanking as punishment for bad behavior were effective and not traumatizing, and they got dogpiled on for saying they still loved their parents and that their parents weren't horrible people. Really made me angry.
@@Lil_Yuri Yes! Definitely true! I get the sense that a lot of people bring such harsh judgements to people that say they still love their families, even when they're dysfunctional and/or abusive, because either they're going through abuse themselves and are projecting onto others or they're looking for easy ways out of someone else's predicament(s). Even though the point about any kind of relationship is that they're not going to be easy. Humans are complicated creatures, and it's natural for relationships to be complex (even when they're not abusive).
Thank you so much! That was all me! Took me 50 years to realize it. I never knew what gaslighting is, but now I realize my mom gas lit me all the time and my brothers. Now it is effecting their own kids. I won't let my mom visit my home and tend to put aside my own needs still all these years later to make my mom happy. I thought I might have autism when someone who works with Autistic adults pointed that out to me, but now I am thinking it is more this than that. Thank you for your videos. Still trying to get a Psychiatrist, but they are lacking in my area of Canada at the moment ever since the Pandemic, and I live below the poverty line and cannot afford much. Still, your videos help me to realize it is not my fault and realize my own self-worth finally and why I have anxiety and depression and why my semi-successful brother has such a fear of failure and my other brother feels like he can never measure up. They both have very bad tempers which ruin every relationship they have with women. I have worked on my temper but still find myself being rude and insulting unintentionally. Thank you. The first step is realizing and understanding. From here I can grow and help myself. Thank you. I mean I was also physically abused as well with the belt and hairbrush and a strap of rubber, etc but ... still it never seemed "bad enough to REALLY be physical abuse" and my parents only did those things because "they love me" just like their words were because "they love me enough to tell me the things other people just think about me". Your videos are helping me come to terms with my past. Thank you.
"they love me enough to tell me the things other people just think about me" - OOF! That one hits hard! My mom does that all the time, and I'm like, Can you NOT, THOUGH?? You tell me what I'm doing wrong ALL THE TIME, can you keep your mouth shut for two seconds?! I don't want to hear it! X'D Sorry you've had to go through this, bro!
Losing the empathy over time was what made me realize how bad the situation that i was in. When I was little I was very caring and was always there for people but recently when people are upset I get nervous and don’t know what to say and honestly can’t feel what they are struggling with
As a person who was mentally abused, to others going through this phase, don't worry you'll get through. If people compare you with others, reply that your unique. Love yourself the most. Priotize yourself more. And if people pick on you, compare you, belittle you, remember your one of a kind. There's no second you. ❤️❤
Thank you for sharing this and letting the audience know that they aren't alone. Can you share with us about how you overcame your struggles and how you are feeling now?
@Psych2Go the atmosphere of toxicity has decreased in my house. Since my health kept declining due to the mental stress my mother put on me, my elder sister decided it best for us to go to therapy and talk to someone who is an expert at these stuff. That really helped my mother and me. Now we are like any other mother and daughter duo. :D
This video just made me realize that I've been mentally abused by my mother. It's been going on so long that I've became so numb to it but since I've awaken I see it and how it has effects me mentally. I'm learning to keep my distance now.
My mother been gaslighting me for years, neither she I or could id it until I decided to talk about it. Step one to solving a problem is by identifying it.
I had a conservation with my aunt a few days ago and brought up that I've felt emotionally neglected by my father for a long time and her reply was "Well, he's still a good person". He intentionally weaponized my traumas against me for years, mocked me for going to therapy, and brought me down every second he got yet took all the credit of my accomplishments as his own and still demands more. Let's just say that not every "good" person makes good parents.
For anyone who's ever been mentally/emotionally abused I'm so sorry from the deepest bottom of my heart. Nobody should ever have to endure it let alone from the ones who are supposed to make you feel safe! Others may try to convince you that you're not special but never forget that you are a gift! Just you being yourself makes you special because while there's billions of other people in the world in the end, there's only one of you!
I just left a mentally abusive relationship with the father of my 3 month old son. It's been so so hard. Thank you for this video for clarifying what I've been going through
We're so sorry that you went through an abusive relationship. We wanted to ask, which part of the video was relatable to you in your past relationship? And are you in a safer place now both physically and mentally??
@@Psych2go all of the boxes were checked in this video... I am staying at a safe place now with my son thankfully. But his father still wants custody and tries to manipulate me every day. The abuse hasn't ended yet...
Yeah I'm glad your in a safe space because when your leaving someone who abused you they don't like that. Might need to look up narcissistic behaviors to see if he is a narcissist. You got this. I'm not sure if he was good with your child before you left or do you think he's wanting custody to hurt you. Stay safe and strong for your baby.
This hit home so hard. I grew up with mental abuse shrouded in the cloak of "tough love". I am now in my 30's, dysfunctional, have a hard time saying no to ppl when they want something, I have fibromyalgia (diagnosed at 23) chronic fatigue and burnout, and often times find it hard to empathize correctly with others.... Not that I don't know how to empathize I'm a very empathetic person mostly because my abuser from when I was a child wanted me to empathize with them constantly so I had to learn to empathize constantly and be able to read their emotions and their moods very very closely, I know how to empathize and I am a very empathetic person but I don't empathize properly with certain timings. Mental abuse is a very serious thing It can cause a lot of problems that are more than just mental problems they become physical, and manifest as illnesses, disabilities, or even death. Abuse is never okay in any way shape or form. Mental abuse can really mess someone up and I couldn't even bleed into them and make them abusive too because they think it's okay and it's a way to show love because it's how they received love.
Is knowing that you've been mentally abused because all the signs the signs are there, but your mind still says "they love me though, I'm just playing victim...." And then your thoughts spiral into "stop playing victim, your just dramatic. The internet isn't trustworthy anyway. Your pathetic." A sign of mental abuse? Because that's my thoughts rn...
Same - it’s like that for me too, where I think that ”they still love me, they just had an off moment when they did such and such…” personally, (I’m not a professional by any means though) I feel like it *is* because you’re invalidating your experiences/situations with the abuser. Again, not a professional opinion, just my perspective
I relate so much to self doubting. It's so bad that I would actually google every obvious things. I also find it difficult to empathize with others and myself to.
@@Psych2go No because of my FASD I lost the love of my life. But I just keep going. Sooner or ater I will feel I'm in a better pace. Rationally, I know I'm in a better pace because I know I was used and manipulated by them. but still...
Self doubt and low self esteem are big ones for me. I already know that I've been abused mentally and emotionally by parents and past friends. This video just proved it.
3:04, I'm like that as well, unfortunately. I like to stay indoors because I feel safe and I feel like if I go out there is a possibility that someone l might try to mess with me in a negative way or grab my attention. I also don't like seeing certain things such as certain people on pavements and all that, especially if they shouldn't be there. I don't like feeling powerless and I have had times when people felt like they could do that they want with me out and about such as try to make fun of me, mess around with me like a toy and basically just being there for their amusement. In short, I like to stay indoors to avoid people in general. Unfortunately, the internet, most of the time, isn't better regarding people. I have been trying to g out more often, but that's only to get exercise and such.
The side that was missing to me is being hyper aware of social situations, words, etc etc to the point that you become reactive before it actually happens. Like when I see the signs of *insert issue* in another person, (like using a certain tone, shifting weight a certain way while talking, perhaps a buzz word/phrase, or micro facial expressions, etc.) even if that's not what's happening, I have a habit of shutting down the conversation and defaulting to defensive actions.
I think I do that with my abuser; even though they have sincerely asked for forgiveness, the second they look/sound/etc. like they are going to say something they used to, I react before they can even catch themselves, or who knows if they were even going to say what I assumed?! I may be making our healing all the more difficult by my reaction because, now, my reaction is anger…omg…🙁. TYSM for this comment. I’ve got to become intentional to not switch roles with them, as we love each other very much. I wish I knew a way to find an accountability partner of sorts.
With my so-called father Herb and all of his years of constant hollering and bitching and motivational threats of get to work or else, and especially about how he thought I knew better than to act like a kid, this has left me with an anxiety disorder that I cannot overcome or resolve. I'm age 69 and I've suffered all my life with this.
After a series of mentally abusive relationships, I found out I have Asperger’s syndrome by taking a AQ test with my counselor. I found out that we can fall into abuse because we can’t read the social cues of covert manipulation and ill intent. It blew my mind! I read a book called ‘ The highly sensitive person’s guide to dealing with toxic people.’ Now I know how the brain of these people work and their playbook. I also had a toxic upbringing so that didn’t help. It’s like I had every weakness to be abused. And boy did it happen like I was a magnet to the worst psychopaths for the past 6 years. I am healing from complex PTSD. I’m optimistic.
I was speaking to an ex-convict about things like this and asking him why those of us are magnets for abusive people? He said, "Because we can smell you". Actually saying there is an odor or something victims of abuse give off that are picked up by guys like him!
Great vid. I was physically and mentally abused heavily by my stepfather as a child and had to seek professional help at many times in my adult life to help cope with the trauma. One counselor put it eloquently: you can only be physically abused to the point your body can hold out, but there is no limit to how badly you can be mentally abused.
I survived mental abuse from teachers and other students for years due to always being labeled somehow different. I never understood why I was treated so poorly by even adults who were supposed to help me. Now that I'm older I am recognizing that I dealt with all of these symptoms and still do at times. Thanks for this video🙂
This happened to my son, and I pulled him out for homeschooling. Now, he is able to be his amazing self and has had much success. Teachers are very powerful figures in our formative years, and many of them teach students to bully particular children. I can remember losing all respect for my favorite 7th grade teacher when I realized she picked on this one boy almost every class. I still think of her on occasion, and that was 1992-93!! He had a very difficult time, but has grown into a happy and successful man.
I have also had that experience almost all my life with teachers and other kids mostly through elementary but some in middle school. I was always neglected by the teachers and easily outcasted by others students cause of my problems which made me seem weird. I was never a really bad kid but I was emotional and was dealing with a bunch of medical problems that affected me highly causing me a lot of physical and emotional issues. I never was mean to other students and I was tried to get along and be friends with them but time and time again I was mocked and belittled for being myself- for my likes, my emotions, anything that they felt like bullying me for. Teachers were no better, they belittled me for my problems, claiming I was just being 'difficult' or being 'stupid' when I didn't understand things, they even made fun of my emotional state especially when I would cry over being excluded or seen as a weirdo. It would be so bad teachers would talk about me to each other INFRONT OF ME, and even would take the side of my bullies as they were seen as 'sweet normal students', and if I would ever get upset or angry they would treat me as I was some wild animal or a threat to other students.. I never laid my hands on or wanted to lay my hands on anyone in the school- I got use to how I was treated over the years until I got to highschool which helped me understand subjects that teachers didn't even bother helping me understand like math, and started to see teachers in a better light after that since they actually spoke to me as a feeling living person and not a wild animal or freak that they just had to watch for hours. For once I was actually getting better at subjects and getting A's cause they actually took the time to teach me and teach me ways to understand things if i was confused. Also I'm so glad someone else had problems with the education system treating them this way cause whenever I talk about it people claim 'i must have done something ' or 'your being a liar, no one does that's. Also I hope your doing way better- im still dealing with these problems and I hope that if people would talk about how messed up school systems could be that this stuff won't happen to kids.
Yes, I had to toil to keep my family peaceful, but my teacher saw me fatigued and introverted, she said I was an odd, a robot. I’ve always been questioning what the true human being is
I was mentally abused as a kid. Thankfully, I was much more confident and eager to go against the world than most would. I have made my way through it. Hope others will too
Coming back to this was actually really helpful. It helped me a bunch. One part that was my main issue (or the most common tactic in my experience) was that i would be treated as more of an object to be used, and talked down to as if i knew nothing. This ended up in me despising a hobby that i loved, because i felt i wasnt good enough for it
I relate to 2, 3 and 4 a lot. I was always bullied, teased, tormented and ridiculed in school by classmates and even my sister. When I told my parents, especially my mom, they acted like I was taking things way too far, way to serious. My mom told me a couple things about my bullying: 1) their just joking around, learn to take a joke 2) They're being mean to me because I'm being mean to them. WTF? 3) She even said I deserve to be bullied. She seemed to think that high self confidence, high self esteem was the equivalent of being a self centered egotistical maniac(in me, not my sisters) I was raised that standing up for myself, showing backbone, setting boundaries and saying no was wrong(to everyone. If I acted in that manner, everyone acted like I'm starting shit, not trying to defend myself) This is mainly why I'm in therapy. I wish I started it sooner
I was abused my whole life, mentally and physically, and, I entered two *extremely* toxic, volatile and abusive relationships. I unfortunately have all the symptoms listed here, except one. Instead of being unsympathetic towards others, I'm on the opposite spectrum. I'm *extremely* empathetic, to the point I will do *anything* to help others, within my power, and I often feel extremely drained because I'm the "therapist" or "parent" friend to people. It's nice to be relied on, but, I'm rarely checked up on. At least I have a healthy relationship now, tho. It took a LOT to get me out of the toxic mindset, and I still slip and think my boyfriend will mistreat me for the smallest mistakes, but, I'm working on that. And, he's trying to help me learn to say no to people, and not take everyone else's burden, along with my own. Can't say we're entirely effective in un-learning these habits and feelings, but, I do hope one day, I'll be able to help others, while not taking a huge hit myself.
I could have written this comment, word by word. I still remember how I was kind of frozen when I realized (in my late 20s) that most of my empathy was part of a "I need to measure the energy and the mood of people around me to be something that is not annoying them even more" so that they don't unload on me.
as someone who went through both physical and mental abuse. your not alone and never feel like your alone always ask someone for help like a counselor at your school or a therapist. as there ready to help you and care about you
In my case, that's not what happened. No one actually stands up. I learned the hard way that no one would, so I honestly stopped doing so. There was no one, not even a cousin, an uncle, or whatever who'd be by my side when I've been on theirs plenty of times.
I feel like another type of mental abuse is when you are expected to do something for them, but the people that expect you to do something, dont do anything for you.
I honestly thank you for this content. It shows that what I've been through wasn't normal even though everyone else says its just me being a snowflake. The abuse and neglect I faced has ruined my ability to properly form and manage relationships. My friends like me and hang out with me even though I do nothing for them to. I'm greatful for them but I physically don't understand why they keep me around when I do nothing to earn their affection. It makes me doubt weather they actually care or if they're just tallying up everything so one day they can use this debt to make me do stuff for them. Even if they are, at least they seem nice
I really needed this! I’ve just started my journey into understanding the abuse and trauma I endured growing up. I had an alcoholic father and narcissistic (and competitive) mother. No acknowledgement of everything I accomplished came without a “but…” from my mother! I couldn’t ever win or be good enough! The parentification started when I was 7-8 years old and i see now what it did to me. I ended up in a horribly abusive codependent marriage…got out but still struggle with self-esteem.
Wow... That sounds really awful. Sometimes people think they're being constructive by adding "but". However, people don't realize that sometimes a warm affirmation is all we really need. How are you doing now? Do you have the right resources to help you process the things you went through?
I'm so glad you were able to find the courage to get out of both of those awful situations. I know that it must've been terrifying and difficult, but the fact that you did it at all shows how much strength you truly have. I wish you luck in your journey of healing, and never forget how far you've come.
Another sign I've noticed is when I try to stand up for myself, suddenly my mental abusers insult me with everything I internally insult myself with. I think what happens is I don't realize how much I'm being insulted until I start thinking of myself in the same way after years and years of hearing it.
In some cases mental and emotional abuse can result in C.P.T.S.D, and the victim can suffer flashbacks that trigger the sympathetic nervous system, resulting in a fight/flight/freeze/appease response at really inappropriate times. This can also affect self-esteem, stunt your self-actualization, and damage your ability to trust others. Remember to be kind to yourself everyone! Thanks Psych2go for the continuing fight against poor mental health!
One of my closest friends is being mentally abused each day by their parents and exes. This video helped me understand what they are actually going through. Thank you so much for this.
What's hard is when you want to walk away from your abuser but can't. My mother was recently placed into an assisted living facility in my city because she can't live by herself. Now that my father is gone, so are any remaining boundaries and the emotional abuse is intensifying. I accept she's grieving, but I feel so alone and trapped. Work isn't much better right now, but we're all in the mess together.
So... I've been in a similar situation, and I'm going to tell you what I did, but I'll say right now I can't know if it would work for you but it might be worth trying. Tell your mother in whichever way is easiest for you - in person, over the phone, in a letter - that you are no longer going to tolerate her hurtful behavior. That if she doesn't stop doing what she's doing that you'll cut contact completely. Sadly, that's the easy part. The hard part is that she's most likely going to push back to see if it's a real boundary, and you _have to stick to your ultimatum._ It doesn't have to be forever, you can just cut her off for a week or two, but you _have to_ stick to it or this won't even have a chance to work. After a week or two get back in contact - over the phone, preferably, so you can cut her off immediately if she lapses back into whatever her abusive behavior might be - and before anything else, make her understand that there won't be a third chance; if she forces you to cut her off again, it'll be permanent.
The best thing I did was to cut off contact. If she's in assistance living, let them deal with her. I did and it's been so much better. BTW, she doesn't even miss me.
@@sonjawilliams989 I agree with that. Qualified people are taking care of her, juste walk away from her. She's been abusing you for years, you do not owe her anything juste because she gave you life. You deserve to live in peace with people that treat you nicely
The strangest thing, when an abuser goes from being vile and cruel to being sweet and thoughtful. It's all too bizarre. Get away, get away a fast as you can and keep going.
I took care of my alcoholic, emotionally abusive, and manipulative father(my mom was emotionally abusive as a kid too) for 5 years and it wasn't until he passed away that I developed fibromyalgia and I didn't realize there was any correlation, but this video has completely blown my mind. Thank you for all that you do!
I can relate so much to this. The first point about empathy I never thought was related to this, and I always feel so embarressed that I don't know how to react or what to say in those situations 😔
Wow. This resonated with me exactly. I never knew why I go thru all these emotions. I've been really sensitive to this the last 6 months. I'm so tired and can't figure out why. My house is messy, I'm gaining weight, I have trouble focusing or getting anything done. This article brought me to heavy tears but woke me up to reality. Thank you for opening my mind
Being mentally abused by my familly nearly on a daily basis for so long, I have become such in a habit of hearing it and fall victim to manipulative personalities, some with devastating consequences. I have finally learnt to say "no" and it feel fantastic!
How did you do it? I'm genuinely looking for pointers at this point because this video just described me as a person and gave my childhood a real accurate summary and I want, if not need help. Thank you for any response in the future!
I did seek professional help and it was a tremendous help! See helped me recognise the signs and protect myself from it. Especially, she helped me build my confidence back up and stop accepting the shame my familly are always trying to put on me. It is not easy, but start by taking care of yourself, doing something that makes you happy, it can go a long way. 🙂
This touched me enough to comment. Everyone is carrying some sort of burden. Even those who have made your life difficult. Be strong but kind. Treat yourself as someone you want to help.
It's when it's in your own family, that's what's so hard about dealing with the inner persecutory thoughts. They've always been there because that's what you were told about yourself from when you were very little. Thank you for your compassionate videos, they really do help 💕💕
Family is always messy, isn’t it? Ten years ago, I finally cut off one side of extended family entirely, and it has helped me so much…unless I get in my head and dwell on the past. Holidays are the worst, as good memories are now tainted with knowledge …I wonder if that is why so many of us get depressed around November and into the New Year… 💙
@@SatisfyingLullabyAsmrI want to do that when I grow up. I just wanna escape them but then I feel guilty that im being absenr and not considerate abt anyone from my family. I dont know what to do. Thinking abt leaving them is the only thing which makes me wanna keep going on life. Whats wrong with me?
There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are just feeling guilty for putting yourself first. Ignore that guilt, put yourself first, and you will be happy and free. ❤@@susmitasingh3430
I never knew fatigue could be caused by the mental abuse! It makes some sense now. Also happy to see a study from a university in my country being cited! This almost never happens. K.U. Leuven is a university in Belgium, I feel kinda proud!
Been mentally abused and controlled. Even years later I still remember it a lot, and have scars on my left arm that constantly reminds me of it. It honestly sucks, and I wished I could’ve ended the relationship before it all happened. Thank you for educating and showing us all this information. To bring awareness to this.
A friend of mine had scars on her arms due to self arm she did when she was a teenager. It was a daily remember of bad memories and she was so ashamed about it that she never wear short sleeves, even in the middle of the summer. She ended up getting a nice tattoo to cover it and she said it was a very good decision. The tattoo artist took care to position the tattoo in order to hide the differents scars the best possible, and they are nearly invisible, you have to look at it very carefully to see it. Now she sees everyday a beautiful tattoo that she choosed for its beauty and positive meaning. Maybe it could work for you too, if you like tattoos ?
I'd add: Trust issues, Social Anxiety / constantly shying away from social interaction even from things they like to avoid having to 'live up to expectation', Communication issues / trouble expressing themselves
As a child I was constantly told I was selfish like my father which damaged me and made me a people pleaser towards family members and I am overly selfless now. I feel extreme guilt when I put myself first. Therapy is helping but this is deeply embedded into me.
I was just diagnosed with fibromyalgia I'm constantly tired. And I just discovered thru therapy I was emotionally neglected and emotionally abused as a child. Holy hell.
I grew up as very sensitive with sxual assault together with emotional manipulation, parental neglect, mental abuse, bullying and no reliance on my inner circle and even my closest friends, I developed borderline personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder. My family and close friends at that time, the ones who made me this way, will NEVER ever be allowed back into my life. This mixture of struggles within myself really takes a toll on me.
I was just diagnosed with fibromyalgia a couple months ago, and have a mentally abusive parent. I had no idea that being abused or neglected like this could be related with it, but it's interesting to know. It also makes a lot of sense considering the physical aspects of the mental abuse
I have been in denial for a while now that my mom has been mentally abusing us for years. Whether it was her separating us from our dad's family for a over decade or her telling us that we aren't doing enough. She constantly yells and blames us for her problems. It is so bad to the point where she will trigger my panic attacks. I have woken up many nights crying because I would dream of her yelling at me. And thanks to this video I understand why I am burnt out. I am a high school student and my parents have always told us to be well-rounded so I did exactly that (I have taken Ap and Honors classes throughout my entire high school career, I am now taking some college classes, I have maintained a perfect GPA, I play two sports, I am in the top position in my clubs.) but to her, I am just an ungrateful brat who doesn't listen to her mother. I even started working at my parent's business and I get home later than them every day. The crazy part is that I wake up at least two-three hours before them I still complete my daily tasks plus she expects me to do her job of cooking and cleaning and taking care of the household. I feel like I am losing my mind because this has gone on for so long and now that my classes are heavy and hard she blames me for not being able to keep up.
Face it: you will never be enough for your abusive mother. Sad truth. Stop exhausting yourself trying. You are already doing an impossible job. You ARE enough! I know, hard to believe that.
Yes, tough situation. Then again: you are probably hard on your way to get a burnout and that will be worse. Find a way to make yourself and your well-being a priority. Maybe find a safe spot with a friend or relative, even if it is just temporary or part-time. Don't be loyal to someone that doesn't deserve this. Don't think you owe something to your mother just because she's your mother. Motherhood comes with obligations, not with entitlement.
Thank you for understanding me. My parents basically stole my childhood because of what they did all these years. What do I do to take my life back? How do I get a childhood as an adult?
idk your situation but personally I started learning to stand up for myself and stop things before they start. I still have a lot of issues but I found one of the biggest things that helped me was changing my hair to blue! I LOVE blue, and always wanted blue hair but was never allowed (jobs also didn't help at the time) since I always had to be perfect and think of my future etc. Even when my depression, body dysmorphia, etc kicks in being able to physically look in the mirror at a change I wanted and I made always helps me ground myself and move forward. Also don't forget the "age is just a number" is a thing ( to a point obv haha) ! I'm 33, love anime, pursue hobbies I love even if my parent doesn't, am an avid gamer (which my parent LOTHES), love cosplay, and I've gotten better at being in the moment and getting out there, even if i'm scared. I hope you're able to find your way
Perhaps I'm taking your question too literally, but... Don't be afraid to indulge your inner child occasionally, like with a toy or a treat. There are plenty of people who do it, it's not weird if it's safe and makes you happy.
@theragequitgodd whatever makes you happy is the operative phrase. Whether that's like me, going outside and pretending to be a character in a story in my head, playing with g.i. Joe's or nerf guns. Of course, if you prefer lego's or dinosaurs or dress up dolls or whatever you want. At the end of the day, you're just gonna be a big kid at heart and that's OK. Just find a reason to smile.
I'm not sure if I am mentally abused or if it is something else, but I relate to having low self-esteem, self doubt, and fatigue. My parents aren't abusive in any way, stern as they might be at times and I'm thankful for that, but I know others aren't as lucky and I'm sorry to hear about what they're going/went through... All kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve kids.
I have experienced gaslighting before, and it has caused me to doubt myself, and sometimes even others. I don't trust my instincts, and it's horrible. I always think, "Wait, what if it's this and not this?" and I eventually get overwhelmed which makes me feel stupid.
You're not stupid. You might be hyper sensitive, but don't doubt yourself. If you've experienced gaslighting and emotional abuse before, it makes you very quick to recognize the signs again. You might be mistaken, but there's nothing wrong with being suspicious and thinking it through either.
I also have experienced gaslighting. I also hold a grudge against someone who lie to me about my instinct. I was feeling something wrong, I ask him if he had a problem with me he said no. Months later he told me that yes at this time he didnt like to be around because of my personality. I can understand that I can be liked by everyone but not the lying. It was hard enough to ask. Sometimes I prefer to be hurt by truth than to discover a lying (and never think your lie will never be discover, often truth find it's way)
That is what gaslighting does to you. I was gaslighted by parents in my young life so that I was always trying to avoid making decisions and would just freeze, making myself look as if I were deaf or special ed as sometimes I would experience aphasia and memory loss, but this lead me to be more perceptive of others and can sense ill intentions. It is a horrible feeling especially when it is either from family but as well as your coworkers in the workplace. I am experiencing this in my workplace because people who engage in this kind of behavior know and see your weakness and so this why they are scapegoating you, especially when having problems at home.
ive started watching these because my therapist said they can help me recognize my issues when not talking to her, it helps a ton and i like coming back to these.
I listened to my father and mother say I'm being overly dramatic. I usually doubt my mental state because of them. So thank God for videos like this to at least let me know. Helped me alot actually.
Life is too short. Here is what you need to do: You have to get out of that situation no matter how hard it is. And rather sooner than later. You can do it!
As someone who has experience mental and physical abuse, I promise that there is a better life away from those guilty of it. It may take time to get there, but it's hard to stop the healing once you start it, even if you share space with them. The more you heal, the better your surroundings and people next to you will be. Trust in that. You've never been alone on this path, and never will be 🤗
Would you share a tip or two? I find the healing to be like pushing a boulder up a mountain; I never get to the top because I get exhausted, and down I roll to start all over again.
@@SatisfyingLullabyAsmr this can be a subjective thing, but one thing that really helped me was acknowledging the points where I was the problem. That can get uncomfortable really fast, but it's manageable after a while. At the same time, you can learn where you learned those toxic behaviors from, and while the popular answer may be with family, again the answer can vary with anyone, and not just involving them. Coworkers, friends, even romantic partners can influence that. From there, you'll learn how to distance yourself from those emotions and actions, as well as people that would support it. Either because they remain unhealed and abide by the "misery loves company" line, or they see you as susceptible to their BS.
thankyou, now i know why i'm almost a week feeling tired and down, that's because there's someone i meeted online and i really attracted and interested to her and when we're always talking online and one day she becomes cold and not interested in me but that time ,i'm starting to fall with her but she's opposite to their feelings and when i'm feel invalidate i confront her and i'll stop talking to her, and after that, i'm so feeling down and always tired unlike before i'm energetic and active and after that happened, i'm always self doubt and feeling down and now i watched this video and i 'm thankful because now i know why i am like this😊❤ i can go back to myself and continuing what i'm positive before and letting go and forget that kind of person.
“Those exposed to mental abuse in their childhood may accept abusive behavior as something normal”
That hit me DEEP in my heart
Have you been exposed to mental abuse in your childhood?
It's like a snowball rolling down a hill. The parents carry it on and on, but somewhere, someone has to snap it. They have to let the snow boulder hit a wall and break into pieces. It sucks to be that one, but their kids will be blessed
@@SwedeRacerDCI hope to be that one, I will never have children. I feel like I’m already messed up, and I hope that no one else gets hurt because of me.
@@RandomPerson-z6y I can understand the fear of having children, but breaking the cycle isn't just about ending the chain. It's about breaking the link to the past by setting boundaries for your behavior so that you can help build a better future. Whether you have kids naturally, or through adoption, or even just unofficially as a mentor and guide, we need to pour into future generations once we've put in the work on ourselves. I hope you can work through your own pain as I've been working through mine and come to a place of reversing it.
@@SwedeRacerDC Thank you so much. My day was made by a random stranger.
Being mentally abused is really hard to come in to terms with, I keep questioning myself and asking myself " but was I really abused though...?" It doesn't leave a mark like physical abuse, so identifying it can be extermely hard...
Sorry to read that you went to that 😔 and I hope you can some kind of peace with knowing that what happened to you wasn't your fault and doesn't make you less of a human. 💜Unfortunately, and contrary to popular believe, physical abuse often doesn't leave a mark either. Abusers know damn well what they do and often try to hide it ... 😕
I like to love my people all the same… love is unconditional! I hurt no one!
@@sheilameyers152 love SHOULD be unconditional, yet wisely chosen. I'm going to put this on my favorites because my comment notifications are messed up. But I'm here for you, and not to hurt you. I hurt no one neither.
@@jenna_n_goodwell_art 💛💛
@@ghostwriter1415 it should be💛
1. Suicidal thoughts
2. Low self-esteem
3. Gaslighting
4. Trust issues
5. Anger issues
6. Feel empathy too much
That me! Yay!
Yeah same.. although there's one that's the opposite of me. I have lack of empathy cause whenever there's a problem, I just stay quiet even though I feel sorry. They say " You think it's a joke? Say something! Don't just stand there and say nothing" that really hurts...
You're describing me
I’m questioning if my sister is mentally abusive, I don’t have all these symptoms. 2, 4 and 5 I definitely have, and I cannot be near her without thinking she’ll hurt me in some way. She hasn’t always been like this, so at least I do recognize when she’s being too controlling (which is always). She never listens to me, and I already have very little friends, so my self esteem has plummeted. I just wish I could get away from her.
@@CreativeCats-qy6yc Have you tried telling your parents? They could help.
Constant feeling of guilt.
Feeling lonely or unloved.
Hard time accepting help from others.
Not knowing who you really are when you escape.
Never being good enough.
Disordered attachment…
💯
@@billyb4790❤
Adding to this list, seeking validation from others almost all the time
My "friend " she is not any more was physically abused, whenever I tried to vent about being emotionally abused she would say"thats not real abuse it doesn't count " which caused me to not ask for help for 15 years. Thank you for having your videos. I have cried while watching you, and your voice is now so comforting.
Get well soon bud! I am sure you will!
Your friend has no right to say that, should have told her to quit the b's and do some research, emotionally abuse always lives with you until you can get the help if you need it.
Get well soon! Ur not alone
Ur comment made me sad and shed some tears 😢
When I did my training for child protection ,I was surprised to learn that neglect and emotional neglect was considered worse than physical abuse .
Do u mind explaining why it’s worse?
I think that’s untrue and ignorant. abuse is different for everyone and everyone perceives it differently. NEITHER is worse than the other.
@@laurenboisvert7598She meabs within CPS
Coming from both types of abuse in childhood and my past now I’m back in therapy I’m 38 now I have little to no memory of most of the physical abuse but the emotional and psychological abuse never left me I still struggle to heal from the trauma not from physical abuse but the mental emotional abuse as damaged me far worse ❤
I don't really know much about physical abuse in terms of mental consequences, but i do know that mental abuse does a sh*t ton of damage on you and the people around you. No doubt physical abuse does too, but the other's consequences seem more talked about
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.“
What people tend to forget is that words can be sharper than any blade you could imagine, and easily slice you to pieces.
As someone currently struggling with a mentally and verbally abusive mother, I often make it a point to help people understand that.
It's so very, very true. Your thing about words CAN hurt I mean, not the "sticks and stones".
I no longer struggle from my abusive SWEARING mother because I no longer communicate or interact with her; and what a relief it has been. I visit my father and talk to him, but I refuse to talk to my "mother".....she didn't behave like a normal mother. Here is one example: For many years, she never said, "hello" to me when I came into the house. Her back was always turned towards me while she watched t.v.. This is the silent treatment, and this was the mental abuse I had to endure. Also, there were countless times profanity exploded from her mouth. My relatives don't know (or hear) what happens behind closed doors and I have alienated myself from them. I have already planned NOT to attend her funeral when she's gone !!
Words can only hurt you if you let them is the point of that whole saying, if you refuse to let what other people say about you hurt you then it can't.
@@FelineVillain No, it’s a extremely shortsighted “saying” and to lay the responsibility of it on the victim’s shoulders is wrong. It doesn’t deserve to be treated as a “normalized” statement in any way.
Listen to what you are trying to say….
I guess I didn’t have enough fortitude as a 5 year old kid, LMAO!!! 😂😢😂
@@JohnDoe-lb4nc The only person responsible for how you feel is you so yes the blame is 100% on the "victim". And yea you might just be a weak person this is perfectly possible.
"The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.” ― Lundy Bancroft
There is an anonymous saying: “It’s not happiness that brings us gratitude. It’s gratitude that brings us happiness.“
If you look around yourself right now (or look within) listen for a surge of gratitude. Or even a little trickle. Breathe in. Let your shoulders drop as you exhale. When it comes to you, note it here.
Yes I have experienced mental abuse in my childhood. I know the feeling
I wanna date but I am scared that the woman will suffer due to me.
@@shonamoni569 I am also indian.
Works both ways. My sister always tattle tailed on me all the time just so I can get beaten severly with a razor strap by my mother who always sided with my sister all the time.
I think the worst part of everything we had to endure is hearing my mother deny outloud and to people who were there and witnessed plenty, that she didn't abuse us. She says she would get angry and yell a lot but she never really hurt us. That hurts more than every other thing put together. I think she truly believes it. The mental abuse still affects me every day of my life
My mother doesn’t even admit she gets angry. She just says “annoyed or maybe stressed”. She says the most hurtful things and never apologizes. She once threatened to buzz of all of my hair to make me ugly because I did my math homework later than usual in elementary. When I broke down crying and ran to my room, she’d yelled at me some more. I’ve never forgiven her for that because she’s never apologized. She turned on the razor and everything…
(Air hug)😢
@@HelloKitty-iq8tt
(Air hug)
I feel like it’s always the mothers or am I wrong
@@LyssaStrunkwrong ! Both my parents were abusive both mentally and physically. Baggage I carry will never go away.
What's also hard with mental abuse is that many people will say "This isn't a real problem, unlike physical/sexual abuse, being threatened to death and so on. This video hit me hard and made me realise how even bigger of an impact the mental abuse I experienced has. Luckily, my parents are good, but strangers who "entered the family" aren't.
As a person who was mentally abused: you are not alone and you will get through this. You are so incredibly strong ❤
This is a message people need to hear and know that they aren't alone.
Also as a person who was mentally abused, I know what it's like to wish you *never had to be incredibly strong*. I got that way because I had to. I sure didn't want to and wouldn't wish my path on my worst enemy.
The struggle never ends. Sorry. But the weight does get easier to carry.
I am to a person who has been mentally abused: thank you so much
@@rikitikitavatiki I know and I completely understand. But you’re still here and we are grateful for you 🤍
I appreciate it but you are alone who you gonna turn to when nobody cares to listen
I just finished watching the video with tears in my eyes. That's so hard to build up self confidence when you feel you're a burden to everyone around you 😢
Same I’m crying too
Same. I not only feel like a burden to others but I feel like I don’t deserve anything 😢
I know that feeling. I'm nearly 60 years old, no children, never been married. I've tried to isolate myself as much as possible, my biggest fear in life, is being a burden on anyone. I've had many relationships in my past, all ended badly. Around 20 years ago I decided I was done trying to fit in a world that never wanted to fit me in. Now I feel like I'm used up, all alone, just waiting for the end.
We all need others, and others need us. We were meant to live in a community, not isolated. Although it's often not easy at all.
I know it's not the popular answer or opinion, but the one thing that has kept my self esteem, worth and confidence intact, despite currently living in an abusive situation I have no power to leave, is God.
I don't know how I'm still sane and in one piece. It truly is a miracle.
He's my safe space, my comfort, and always tells me the truth about myself, and counteracts others words and lies about me.
When no one else loves me, He still loves me, when I'm isolated I'm not alone, he's always there.
He always forgives me and doesn't expect me to be perfect, and reminds me of my worth when I'm being harsh to myself.
I could go on and on, but the reason I say this, is because I couldn't survive without God, and I feel for anyone who is being, or has been abused, and having to tough it out on their own. God loves you, and He wants to comfort, love and protect you if you'll let him.
Sending everyone here a huge hug ❤
@@steelheadstalkeri hope u feel better this broke my heart :< its never too late!! rooting for you! u are worthy of love!
Let's not forget that childhood bullying is also a form of mental abuse. I endured a lot of bullying in school when I was young and I still have mental scars from it over 30 years later. Most of my relationships were marked by me bending over backwards and doing whatever I had to do in order to make my partner happy and like me, even if it meant pretending to be someone or something I wasn't. Luckily, however, I am now with someone who loves the real me and I no longer have to do all those mental gymnastics.
I was bullied very badly too as a child due to a medical difference. It's strange that most people don't think of childhood bullying as emotional and mental abuse, but it is. Bullies do the same thing as adult abusers but I was told as a child "boys will be boys" and it was dismissed as if it was nothing. I was also almost killed by a bully in kindergarten when she choked me in the bathroom and I almost passed out.
This bullies in school destroyed my entire life ... untill today i cant feel anything for people in a romantic way. I care for friends and people i like. But wont understand the concept of romance, love and having a relationship
Ah this reminds me of the time in high school when I was so desperate to make friends I joined the bullies (I've been bullied for most of my school life). For better or worse now I don't even care about having friends at all, they'll inevitably be a disappointment anyway
That's a you problem.
Time to grow up.
@@obsidianwing you allowed that. You chose to be *ruined".
To everyone here who can relate, I love you guys ❤ you are all strong and eventually we'll be okay one day. This shit's really hard to deal with but we're even harder to break!! Stay strong!
Thank you so much. And love you to 🥹
I've known for awhile that I was a victim of mental abuse as a teenager but it's not until recently where I've finally begun to come to terms with it and move forward. It's hard but I know it's possible.
I'm a survivor of mental, emotional, and to a degree, physical abuse, but I still feel myself questioning "Was I _really_ abused?" because the physical aspect was the least prevalent of it. It really sucks to feel so insecure about my trauma some days.
Thank you so much for this video, it's very important that people know that just because abuse might not be physical, doesn't mean it isn't still abuse, you're doing amazing work.
I think I know what you mean. I am aware I know I was abused. But I feel such resistance admitting it that it makes me question whether I actually think it's true.
Lately I've been trying to admit to myself how bad it actually really was, Have always felt shame and guilty thinking of my parents in any negative way.
I still love them, I still care about them, They still neglected and abused me though.
It's a whole mass of conflicting emotions and feelings. Especially as I was numb to a lot of it going through.
My current employer sent me on a course about childhood trauma and abuse a couple of years before covid, and it focused on the physical/sexual aspects of abuse, with not a word said about emotional abuse. It's often overlooked, even by so-called experts.
This is called cognitive dissonance I used to have it with my abusers but now I just have it with other random ppl I'm being codependent to or have limerance with. I've seen that the cognitive dissonance can come from alters like the inner child in denial. Ppl will sometimes dissociate then another voice will say "no that's not what happened my parents will never do that".
Sounds like what I say to myself because I’m emotionally and verbally abused was I really abused
Doesn't help also that mental health issues are, to this day in this very 2023, stigmatized, does it?
Dissociation is huge with mental abuse. Its like you feel separated, like you get stuck between knowing what's right and allowing stuff to happen, so we can like zone out really bad or not pay attention while someone is mentally abusing someone.
Dissociation is hard to come back from, especially when you're still in the abusive situation. Why come back to reality when it's so unpleasant?
Thanks for adding this one, it's a biggie. 😊
No wonder I feel a heavy sadness after hyper fixating on a fantasy book or a show. It’s like coming down from a high and thinking, “this is reality”.
😅😅😭
Time stamps
1 / empathy error 1:31
2 / low self esteem 2:31
3 / yes to all 3:21
4 / self-doubt 4:15
5 / fatigue 4:56
Thank you 😊
Why isn’t this pinned?
Hey wait a minute
@@highsoldier420 hm?
2,3,4,5
As someone who was and still is being mentally abused by parents, it is very hard. Another affect I have is the inability to stand up for myself or say what I’m really thinking, also making it very hard to talk to my parents or point out their abuse. I have chronic anxiety and occasionally have derealisation episodes doe to stress, as well as back and hip pain (didn’t realize that was linked to the abuse, but explains a lot). I match all of these, but the first step is realizing it’s abusive so I know what to avoid. This video explained a lot, thank you so much.
Spot on 💯, let’s say I had a less than perfect childhood. So I resonate with this for sure. Headaches and stomach issues are also a common sign. I have recently decided to open up and vlog about my childhood experiences in the future. I was targeted by different adults in various places in my childhood who were unhappy and unhealed themselves, and I ended up absorbing them in a way that it was hard to deprogram myself for a while. You also feel like you have no safe place and find yourself retreating. I used to be fortunate to have a creek in my backyard growing up. So I would go there to meditate. Because this kind of abuse fries the nervous system in people without a doubt. It’s amazing how much the mind and body are connected.
I think, another symptom of having been emotionally abused, manipulated, or gaslighted, is being able to do it yourself. When you’re around someone who is constantly doing this to you, you’re bound to learn exactly how it’s done and how they do it. Or is that just me? Idk, but that’s what happened to me.
Yes, you get a gut feeling and can sense it. I learned from family who were gaslighting me at young age but now I can sense it from other people who are gaslighting. American society functions by gaslighting from your workplace to shopping in the store, I have been able to sense when I am being gaslighted. Its purpose is so you can sicken yourself and become mentally ill so that they can gloat at how they were able to achieve it. American society is psychotic as gaslighting is common.
Yeah for sure I usually see through all the manipulation tactics people use
😮😮😮
I finally realized that even if the abuser is gone, their "work" can continue for a long time to come.
Holy shit this is the most likes I’ve gotten lmao, I think? Idk I commented this on my phone on the web version so I couldn’t see notifs
I have found that the mental abuse far surpasses and outlasts the physical. I've had both and it seems like the physical things, black eyes, broken bones, etc., those heal eventually... Mental abuse sticks around forever. There are things that have been said to me that I still "hear" twenty plus years later.
No joke, i had an abusive ex in my teens and twenties. It’s been well over a decade, my physical scars are healed, my mind is still damaged. I’m too old for this drama.
More people need to realize that. Physical wounds heal, mental ones take a long time to heal or may even never heal at all. I was bullied because I'm pretty short for my age (I'm between 11-16 and 4'11 and a half) and because I was seen as "The weird kid" for most of my life. Now I don't really deal with that but what happened before still hurts. I was told I'm useless, that I'd never amount to anything, that I could never be loved, ect. Now I have trouble believing that I am useful, important, loved, and just anything positive anyone says about me
Yea my scratches from her go away but the words my mom says have never left me
Yes. I still remember my birth mother telling me I was ugly. I remember like it happened 5 mins ago.
@@thatrandomgayweirdo2062 I don't know you, but I'm pretty sure -since you are here lol- you are are beautiful honest humans who deserve to be loved, cared about and respected by other humans. We are ALL weird... Just saying. I bet your weirdness makes you pretty dang cool when it comes down to brass tacks.I love yooz!
I've been mentally and emotionally abused by pretty much my entire family my whole life. Like you need to take responsibility for everything when half the stuff that happened wasn't even my fault. I almost thought I was insane at one point. I learned to recognize the signs of it when I was younger thankfully. But it's not a fun thing to deal with. I implore anyone to go seek help from a trusted person if you feel like your being abused. The damage runs deep and sometimes never leaves.
Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. It's unfortunate that things happen to us whether we want them to or not but, as you said, it's important that we take responsibility, even if it something isn't our fault. We wanted to ask, how did you come to recognize signs of abuse? Is this something that you learned on your own? Or did you have someone who helped you identify those signs? How are you doing now?
@@Psych2go I looked up a lot on the internet and I also had a therapist. Those definitely helped me see that I was being abused.
@@lollybirdy I would take your advice if I did not have to constantly call every therapist’s school where they earned their degree from b/c some therapists forge their degrees and certificates and make it convincing/too realistic.
Completely and Totally REMOVE YOURSELF. - family - friends, work associates,whomever. GO AWAY and DON’T RETURN It’s not Easy , can be Lonely- The INNER PEACE WILL EVENTUALLY PREVAIL GIVING STRENGTH AND STRONG SATISFACTION! 🌝CHEERS !!! 👍
I can relate to this. Looks like you were the family scape goat. I would be blamed for things that broke in the family home when I wasn’t even there.
I've had an older brother spend the first 20 years of my life putting me down, ridiculing my physical defects and anything I showed interest in. I'm now 52, and have no idea what self esteem or confidence feel like, with the mammoth task of building both from scratch.
I feel like another sign of mental abuse is having abandonment issues.
Now I'm not quite sure, but from experience, I can tell that my whole childhood I had been the left out one and this has probably pulled me to having this issue in the later years. Having abandonment issues just sucks.
This channel has actually helped me a lot to identify mental problems like this, I cannot thank you enough for what you’ve helped with
We appreciate you for the kind words. Which topic/videos were helpful for you? Could you share with us?
@@Psych2go please make a video about "if your family is comparing us to our siblings and gas lighting us and not listening to our words how can we over come them and how can we feel mentally disturbed by them" i would really appreciate if you could make a video about it.
Yeah. It's a good starting point to figure out things and make steps towards a better understanding and treatment, self or professional
@@Psych2go can you make a video on how and why social media and the hub ruined Gen Z?
@@casualamber umm... This is a psychological channel...
I think something that wasn't talked about in depth is self destructive behavior. Putting yourself in dangerous situations is one thing, but I think self sabotage is something else.
Deliberately picking fights when there's nothing to fight over, questioning good intentions, overthinking, relationship hoping...eventually this puts a strain on potentially good relationships
This is very true..
Stuck in the loop now…
I think the worst thing for me, is how this goes through families and generations. My grandmother had a horrific time in the third reich and the war, turning her into the abusive beast I knew her us. That in turn resulted in my mother and my aunt having horrendous childhoods and even though my mother tried her best to break the cycle with me - what she knew as normal, was neither that nor healthy. I am myself still deconstructing my “normal” in therapy. I really struggled to see my childhood as abusive for a long time, as I knew my mum loved me with all her heart - she just got really, really mad when I was being stupid or lazy (such as only bringing a 95% home). My fault really, I was the one not being perfect…exactly what she had told herself when her mother had done the same to her. That’s how you raise kids, right? There’s obviously much more to it, but beware of cycles and believing that people only abuse on purpose. It’s much more complicated.
That's a big problem I have seen-- the notion that if your childhood was dysfunctional enough to create long lasting issues, then your caregivers were irredeemable "bad people" or didn't love or care about you, and that's just not the case, especially with intergenerational trauma. It actually makes those who love their parents and didn't have a relationship that was"all bad" more likely to downplay it and less likely to heal as a result, because it ultimately feels like a betrayal of someone you love, even if your relationship was far from perfect.
I've even seen this on the CPTSD subreddit, where one person said their parents did their best but they thought that "tough love" and spanking as punishment for bad behavior were effective and not traumatizing, and they got dogpiled on for saying they still loved their parents and that their parents weren't horrible people. Really made me angry.
Imagine how the Germans felt having their entire nation and culture degenerated by Jews
@@Lil_Yuri I realized how much I relate to the topic of this comment thread.
@@Lil_Yuri This is so true. Every single word. How do I even tell my therapist this? They can hardly understand.
@@Lil_Yuri
Yes! Definitely true!
I get the sense that a lot of people bring such harsh judgements to people that say they still love their families, even when they're dysfunctional and/or abusive, because either they're going through abuse themselves and are projecting onto others or they're looking for easy ways out of someone else's predicament(s).
Even though the point about any kind of relationship is that they're not going to be easy. Humans are complicated creatures, and it's natural for relationships to be complex (even when they're not abusive).
Thank you so much! That was all me! Took me 50 years to realize it. I never knew what gaslighting is, but now I realize my mom gas lit me all the time and my brothers. Now it is effecting their own kids. I won't let my mom visit my home and tend to put aside my own needs still all these years later to make my mom happy. I thought I might have autism when someone who works with Autistic adults pointed that out to me, but now I am thinking it is more this than that. Thank you for your videos. Still trying to get a Psychiatrist, but they are lacking in my area of Canada at the moment ever since the Pandemic, and I live below the poverty line and cannot afford much. Still, your videos help me to realize it is not my fault and realize my own self-worth finally and why I have anxiety and depression and why my semi-successful brother has such a fear of failure and my other brother feels like he can never measure up. They both have very bad tempers which ruin every relationship they have with women. I have worked on my temper but still find myself being rude and insulting unintentionally. Thank you. The first step is realizing and understanding. From here I can grow and help myself. Thank you. I mean I was also physically abused as well with the belt and hairbrush and a strap of rubber, etc but ... still it never seemed "bad enough to REALLY be physical abuse" and my parents only did those things because "they love me" just like their words were because "they love me enough to tell me the things other people just think about me". Your videos are helping me come to terms with my past. Thank you.
"they love me enough to tell me the things other people just think about me" - OOF! That one hits hard! My mom does that all the time, and I'm like, Can you NOT, THOUGH?? You tell me what I'm doing wrong ALL THE TIME, can you keep your mouth shut for two seconds?! I don't want to hear it! X'D Sorry you've had to go through this, bro!
Losing the empathy over time was what made me realize how bad the situation that i was in. When I was little I was very caring and was always there for people but recently when people are upset I get nervous and don’t know what to say and honestly can’t feel what they are struggling with
As a person who was mentally abused, to others going through this phase, don't worry you'll get through. If people compare you with others, reply that your unique. Love yourself the most. Priotize yourself more. And if people pick on you, compare you, belittle you, remember your one of a kind. There's no second you. ❤️❤
Thank you for sharing this and letting the audience know that they aren't alone. Can you share with us about how you overcame your struggles and how you are feeling now?
@Psych2Go the atmosphere of toxicity has decreased in my house. Since my health kept declining due to the mental stress my mother put on me, my elder sister decided it best for us to go to therapy and talk to someone who is an expert at these stuff. That really helped my mother and me. Now we are like any other mother and daughter duo. :D
If getting yelled at is a sign of mental abuse then everybody has been mentally abused, therefore nobody has it.
Your comment made me cry but thank you for supporting people in the same situation ^^'
Nope: I’m ruined…
Fatigue … that’s a key point for me.
I can relate to all points, but this one is a huge problem.
Me, too. Unfortunately, my fatigue has led to my neglect of my loved ones, so I have caused them pain.
me too@@SatisfyingLullabyAsmr
This video just made me realize that I've been mentally abused by my mother. It's been going on so long that I've became so numb to it but since I've awaken I see it and how it has effects me mentally. I'm learning to keep my distance now.
My mother been gaslighting me for years, neither she I or could id it until I decided to talk about it. Step one to solving a problem is by identifying it.
YES words CAN hurt! Much more than people realize.
I basically have all the symptoms and well these videos make me feel good like someone actually cares so thank you for making them
I had a conservation with my aunt a few days ago and brought up that I've felt emotionally neglected by my father for a long time and her reply was "Well, he's still a good person". He intentionally weaponized my traumas against me for years, mocked me for going to therapy, and brought me down every second he got yet took all the credit of my accomplishments as his own and still demands more. Let's just say that not every "good" person makes good parents.
For anyone who's ever been mentally/emotionally abused I'm so sorry from the deepest bottom of my heart. Nobody should ever have to endure it let alone from the ones who are supposed to make you feel safe! Others may try to convince you that you're not special but never forget that you are a gift! Just you being yourself makes you special because while there's billions of other people in the world in the end, there's only one of you!
I wish my father would have stuck 2 his original career goal...man of the cloth ..a god-damn priest.
Frankly, that doesn't sounds like a good person at all. Not to you, at least.
I know this feeling all too well. Being a ‘good person’ doesn’t make up for having some f@cked up ways. All the best to you.
Well if I would even ask I would get yelled at for asking to go to therapy
I just left a mentally abusive relationship with the father of my 3 month old son. It's been so so hard. Thank you for this video for clarifying what I've been going through
We're so sorry that you went through an abusive relationship. We wanted to ask, which part of the video was relatable to you in your past relationship? And are you in a safer place now both physically and mentally??
@@Psych2go all of the boxes were checked in this video... I am staying at a safe place now with my son thankfully. But his father still wants custody and tries to manipulate me every day. The abuse hasn't ended yet...
@@charlieiris28 You are so strong❤️
@@enyacorneliasoderberg thank you kindly. I needed the reminder. It's only been a month separated and each day is getting harder
Yeah I'm glad your in a safe space because when your leaving someone who abused you they don't like that. Might need to look up narcissistic behaviors to see if he is a narcissist. You got this. I'm not sure if he was good with your child before you left or do you think he's wanting custody to hurt you. Stay safe and strong for your baby.
This hit home so hard. I grew up with mental abuse shrouded in the cloak of "tough love". I am now in my 30's, dysfunctional, have a hard time saying no to ppl when they want something, I have fibromyalgia (diagnosed at 23) chronic fatigue and burnout, and often times find it hard to empathize correctly with others.... Not that I don't know how to empathize I'm a very empathetic person mostly because my abuser from when I was a child wanted me to empathize with them constantly so I had to learn to empathize constantly and be able to read their emotions and their moods very very closely, I know how to empathize and I am a very empathetic person but I don't empathize properly with certain timings. Mental abuse is a very serious thing It can cause a lot of problems that are more than just mental problems they become physical, and manifest as illnesses, disabilities, or even death. Abuse is never okay in any way shape or form. Mental abuse can really mess someone up and I couldn't even bleed into them and make them abusive too because they think it's okay and it's a way to show love because it's how they received love.
Is knowing that you've been mentally abused because all the signs the signs are there, but your mind still says "they love me though, I'm just playing victim...." And then your thoughts spiral into "stop playing victim, your just dramatic. The internet isn't trustworthy anyway. Your pathetic." A sign of mental abuse? Because that's my thoughts rn...
Same - it’s like that for me too, where I think that ”they still love me, they just had an off moment when they did such and such…” personally, (I’m not a professional by any means though) I feel like it *is* because you’re invalidating your experiences/situations with the abuser. Again, not a professional opinion, just my perspective
I relate so much to self doubting. It's so bad that I would actually google every obvious things. I also find it difficult to empathize with others and myself to.
Escaping from mental abusive parents is very difficult
I have PTSD from mental abuse, which lead me down a dark path. I'm doing what I can to survive the day.
I am personally proud of you
As someone who's had the same
Here's a hug Jay, bring it in. :)
I am definitely a victim of all this! It ruined my whole life 😢
It does. It really does.. It certainly ruined my life.
That sounds awful :(. How are you doing now? Do you feel like you're in a better place mentally?
This may sound bad to some people but sometimes I wish I had no family because most of them hurt you anyway
@@Psych2go No because of my FASD I lost the love of my life. But I just keep going. Sooner or ater I will feel I'm in a better pace. Rationally, I know I'm in a better pace because I know I was used and manipulated by them. but still...
@@keiron.4612 Yes me too but who needs them anyway I bet you are a amazing person!
Self doubt and low self esteem are big ones for me. I already know that I've been abused mentally and emotionally by parents and past friends. This video just proved it.
3:04, I'm like that as well, unfortunately. I like to stay indoors because I feel safe and I feel like if I go out there is a possibility that someone l might try to mess with me in a negative way or grab my attention. I also don't like seeing certain things such as certain people on pavements and all that, especially if they shouldn't be there. I don't like feeling powerless and I have had times when people felt like they could do that they want with me out and about such as try to make fun of me, mess around with me like a toy and basically just being there for their amusement.
In short, I like to stay indoors to avoid people in general. Unfortunately, the internet, most of the time, isn't better regarding people. I have been trying to g out more often, but that's only to get exercise and such.
The side that was missing to me is being hyper aware of social situations, words, etc etc to the point that you become reactive before it actually happens. Like when I see the signs of *insert issue* in another person, (like using a certain tone, shifting weight a certain way while talking, perhaps a buzz word/phrase, or micro facial expressions, etc.) even if that's not what's happening, I have a habit of shutting down the conversation and defaulting to defensive actions.
I think I do that with my abuser; even though they have sincerely asked for forgiveness, the second they look/sound/etc. like they are going to say something they used to, I react before they can even catch themselves, or who knows if they were even going to say what I assumed?! I may be making our healing all the more difficult by my reaction because, now, my reaction is anger…omg…🙁. TYSM for this comment. I’ve got to become intentional to not switch roles with them, as we love each other very much. I wish I knew a way to find an accountability partner of sorts.
same, i get angry and deffensive quickly, anxious mostly
With my so-called father Herb and all of his years of constant hollering and bitching and motivational threats of get to work or else, and especially about how he thought I knew better than to act like a kid, this has left me with an anxiety disorder that I cannot overcome or resolve. I'm age 69 and I've suffered all my life with this.
After a series of mentally abusive relationships, I found out I have Asperger’s syndrome by taking a AQ test with my counselor. I found out that we can fall into abuse because we can’t read the social cues of covert manipulation and ill intent. It blew my mind! I read a book called ‘ The highly sensitive person’s guide to dealing with toxic people.’ Now I know how the brain of these people work and their playbook. I also had a toxic upbringing so that didn’t help. It’s like I had every weakness to be abused. And boy did it happen like I was a magnet to the worst psychopaths for the past 6 years. I am healing from complex PTSD. I’m optimistic.
I was speaking to an ex-convict about things like this and asking him why those of us are magnets for abusive people? He said, "Because we can smell you". Actually saying there is an odor or something victims of abuse give off that are picked up by guys like him!
So you're saying that people can fall into abuse? WELL I CAN'T. >:)
What do you mean, exactly ? Have you learned how to avoid abuse? @@RussianTurretGuyyy
Thank you for the book recommendation!
@@RussianTurretGuyyyAnyone can.
Great vid. I was physically and mentally abused heavily by my stepfather as a child and had to seek professional help at many times in my adult life to help cope with the trauma. One counselor put it eloquently: you can only be physically abused to the point your body can hold out, but there is no limit to how badly you can be mentally abused.
The fact that when its your own parents you cant do anything,youll become the bad guy.
I survived mental abuse from teachers and other students for years due to always being labeled somehow different. I never understood why I was treated so poorly by even adults who were supposed to help me. Now that I'm older I am recognizing that I dealt with all of these symptoms and still do at times. Thanks for this video🙂
This happened to my son, and I pulled him out for homeschooling. Now, he is able to be his amazing self and has had much success. Teachers are very powerful figures in our formative years, and many of them teach students to bully particular children. I can remember losing all respect for my favorite 7th grade teacher when I realized she picked on this one boy almost every class. I still think of her on occasion, and that was 1992-93!! He had a very difficult time, but has grown into a happy and successful man.
I have also had that experience almost all my life with teachers and other kids mostly through elementary but some in middle school. I was always neglected by the teachers and easily outcasted by others students cause of my problems which made me seem weird. I was never a really bad kid but I was emotional and was dealing with a bunch of medical problems that affected me highly causing me a lot of physical and emotional issues. I never was mean to other students and I was tried to get along and be friends with them but time and time again I was mocked and belittled for being myself- for my likes, my emotions, anything that they felt like bullying me for. Teachers were no better, they belittled me for my problems, claiming I was just being 'difficult' or being 'stupid' when I didn't understand things, they even made fun of my emotional state especially when I would cry over being excluded or seen as a weirdo. It would be so bad teachers would talk about me to each other INFRONT OF ME, and even would take the side of my bullies as they were seen as 'sweet normal students', and if I would ever get upset or angry they would treat me as I was some wild animal or a threat to other students.. I never laid my hands on or wanted to lay my hands on anyone in the school- I got use to how I was treated over the years until I got to highschool which helped me understand subjects that teachers didn't even bother helping me understand like math, and started to see teachers in a better light after that since they actually spoke to me as a feeling living person and not a wild animal or freak that they just had to watch for hours. For once I was actually getting better at subjects and getting A's cause they actually took the time to teach me and teach me ways to understand things if i was confused. Also I'm so glad someone else had problems with the education system treating them this way cause whenever I talk about it people claim 'i must have done something ' or 'your being a liar, no one does that's. Also I hope your doing way better- im still dealing with these problems and I hope that if people would talk about how messed up school systems could be that this stuff won't happen to kids.
Yes, I had to toil to keep my family peaceful, but my teacher saw me fatigued and introverted, she said I was an odd, a robot. I’ve always been questioning what the true human being is
As someone whos also been mentally abused: we are all here for you and i belive its best to talk about it x
To be fair though, the world would probably
be better off without us.
Since our mere existence in western society
is slowly killing mother Nature
I was mentally abused as a kid. Thankfully, I was much more confident and eager to go against the world than most would. I have made my way through it. Hope others will too
Coming back to this was actually really helpful. It helped me a bunch. One part that was my main issue (or the most common tactic in my experience) was that i would be treated as more of an object to be used, and talked down to as if i knew nothing. This ended up in me despising a hobby that i loved, because i felt i wasnt good enough for it
I relate to 2, 3 and 4 a lot. I was always bullied, teased, tormented and ridiculed in school by classmates and even my sister. When I told my parents, especially my mom, they acted like I was taking things way too far, way to serious. My mom told me a couple things about my bullying:
1) their just joking around, learn to take a joke
2) They're being mean to me because I'm being mean to them. WTF?
3) She even said I deserve to be bullied.
She seemed to think that high self confidence, high self esteem was the equivalent of being a self centered egotistical maniac(in me, not my sisters)
I was raised that standing up for myself, showing backbone, setting boundaries and saying no was wrong(to everyone. If I acted in that manner, everyone acted like I'm starting shit, not trying to defend myself)
This is mainly why I'm in therapy. I wish I started it sooner
I was abused my whole life, mentally and physically, and, I entered two *extremely* toxic, volatile and abusive relationships. I unfortunately have all the symptoms listed here, except one. Instead of being unsympathetic towards others, I'm on the opposite spectrum. I'm *extremely* empathetic, to the point I will do *anything* to help others, within my power, and I often feel extremely drained because I'm the "therapist" or "parent" friend to people.
It's nice to be relied on, but, I'm rarely checked up on. At least I have a healthy relationship now, tho. It took a LOT to get me out of the toxic mindset, and I still slip and think my boyfriend will mistreat me for the smallest mistakes, but, I'm working on that. And, he's trying to help me learn to say no to people, and not take everyone else's burden, along with my own. Can't say we're entirely effective in un-learning these habits and feelings, but, I do hope one day, I'll be able to help others, while not taking a huge hit myself.
I NEVER identified more with a commentary in My life. Hope you are doing better.
I could have written this comment, word by word.
I still remember how I was kind of frozen when I realized (in my late 20s) that most of my empathy was part of a "I need to measure the energy and the mood of people around me to be something that is not annoying them even more" so that they don't unload on me.
1: empathy error 1:29
2: low self esteem 2:30
3: yes to all 3:19
4: self doubt 4:15
5: fatigue 4:56
Thank you for taking the time to add the timestamps!
@@Psych2go ofc
Thank you
Thanks!
as someone who went through both physical and mental abuse. your not alone and never feel like your alone always ask someone for help like a counselor at your school or a therapist. as there ready to help you and care about you
In my case, that's not what happened. No one actually stands up. I learned the hard way that no one would, so I honestly stopped doing so. There was no one, not even a cousin, an uncle, or whatever who'd be by my side when I've been on theirs plenty of times.
@@MarianaCarvalho-gu8zx I didn't either till a friend saw the abuse and reported it herself to a counselor
I am way too nice to people just because i want to be loved
i also have suicidal/running away thoughts
gaslighting
low self-esteem
and so much more
I feel like another type of mental abuse is when you are expected to do something for them, but the people that expect you to do something, dont do anything for you.
I honestly thank you for this content. It shows that what I've been through wasn't normal even though everyone else says its just me being a snowflake. The abuse and neglect I faced has ruined my ability to properly form and manage relationships.
My friends like me and hang out with me even though I do nothing for them to. I'm greatful for them but I physically don't understand why they keep me around when I do nothing to earn their affection. It makes me doubt weather they actually care or if they're just tallying up everything so one day they can use this debt to make me do stuff for them. Even if they are, at least they seem nice
I really needed this! I’ve just started my journey into understanding the abuse and trauma I endured growing up. I had an alcoholic father and narcissistic (and competitive) mother. No acknowledgement of everything I accomplished came without a “but…” from my mother! I couldn’t ever win or be good enough! The parentification started when I was 7-8 years old and i see now what it did to me. I ended up in a horribly abusive codependent marriage…got out but still struggle with self-esteem.
😮 the "but" added to everything. My mother did that constantly! She was very religious & used that against me too
Wow... That sounds really awful. Sometimes people think they're being constructive by adding "but". However, people don't realize that sometimes a warm affirmation is all we really need. How are you doing now? Do you have the right resources to help you process the things you went through?
I'm so glad you were able to find the courage to get out of both of those awful situations. I know that it must've been terrifying and difficult, but the fact that you did it at all shows how much strength you truly have. I wish you luck in your journey of healing, and never forget how far you've come.
I can relate. I have a narcissistic mother too. I graduated with honors and hold two degrees and I’m still not good enough for her.
Thank you for your amazing work. I have been mentally abused and it feels so validating to hear that it was not my fault.
I heard that a lot of times people try to hide their mental fusion by acting happy as much as they possibly can but all of these seem very relevant😢😕
Another sign I've noticed is when I try to stand up for myself, suddenly my mental abusers insult me with everything I internally insult myself with. I think what happens is I don't realize how much I'm being insulted until I start thinking of myself in the same way after years and years of hearing it.
In some cases mental and emotional abuse can result in C.P.T.S.D, and the victim can suffer flashbacks that trigger the sympathetic nervous system, resulting in a fight/flight/freeze/appease response at really inappropriate times. This can also affect self-esteem, stunt your self-actualization, and damage your ability to trust others.
Remember to be kind to yourself everyone!
Thanks Psych2go for the continuing fight against poor mental health!
One of my closest friends is being mentally abused each day by their parents and exes. This video helped me understand what they are actually going through. Thank you so much for this.
What's hard is when you want to walk away from your abuser but can't. My mother was recently placed into an assisted living facility in my city because she can't live by herself. Now that my father is gone, so are any remaining boundaries and the emotional abuse is intensifying. I accept she's grieving, but I feel so alone and trapped. Work isn't much better right now, but we're all in the mess together.
So... I've been in a similar situation, and I'm going to tell you what I did, but I'll say right now I can't know if it would work for you but it might be worth trying. Tell your mother in whichever way is easiest for you - in person, over the phone, in a letter - that you are no longer going to tolerate her hurtful behavior. That if she doesn't stop doing what she's doing that you'll cut contact completely. Sadly, that's the easy part. The hard part is that she's most likely going to push back to see if it's a real boundary, and you _have to stick to your ultimatum._ It doesn't have to be forever, you can just cut her off for a week or two, but you _have to_ stick to it or this won't even have a chance to work. After a week or two get back in contact - over the phone, preferably, so you can cut her off immediately if she lapses back into whatever her abusive behavior might be - and before anything else, make her understand that there won't be a third chance; if she forces you to cut her off again, it'll be permanent.
The best thing I did was to cut off contact.
If she's in assistance living, let them deal with her. I did and it's been so much better. BTW, she doesn't even miss me.
@@sonjawilliams989 I agree with that. Qualified people are taking care of her, juste walk away from her. She's been abusing you for years, you do not owe her anything juste because she gave you life. You deserve to live in peace with people that treat you nicely
The strangest thing, when an abuser goes from being vile and cruel to being sweet and thoughtful. It's all too bizarre. Get away, get away a fast as you can and keep going.
I took care of my alcoholic, emotionally abusive, and manipulative father(my mom was emotionally abusive as a kid too) for 5 years and it wasn't until he passed away that I developed fibromyalgia and I didn't realize there was any correlation, but this video has completely blown my mind. Thank you for all that you do!
I can relate so much to this. The first point about empathy I never thought was related to this, and I always feel so embarressed that I don't know how to react or what to say in those situations 😔
I'm sorry
I'm with you
Wow. This resonated with me exactly. I never knew why I go thru all these emotions. I've been really sensitive to this the last 6 months. I'm so tired and can't figure out why. My house is messy, I'm gaining weight, I have trouble focusing or getting anything done. This article brought me to heavy tears but woke me up to reality. Thank you for opening my mind
Being mentally abused by my familly nearly on a daily basis for so long, I have become such in a habit of hearing it and fall victim to manipulative personalities, some with devastating consequences.
I have finally learnt to say "no" and it feel fantastic!
How did you do it? I'm genuinely looking for pointers at this point because this video just described me as a person and gave my childhood a real accurate summary and I want, if not need help. Thank you for any response in the future!
I did seek professional help and it was a tremendous help! See helped me recognise the signs and protect myself from it. Especially, she helped me build my confidence back up and stop accepting the shame my familly are always trying to put on me. It is not easy, but start by taking care of yourself, doing something that makes you happy, it can go a long way. 🙂
This touched me enough to comment. Everyone is carrying some sort of burden. Even those who have made your life difficult. Be strong but kind. Treat yourself as someone you want to help.
this changes the way I look at these things I've felt especially, the last one thank you so much
It's when it's in your own family, that's what's so hard about dealing with the inner persecutory thoughts. They've always been there because that's what you were told about yourself from when you were very little. Thank you for your compassionate videos, they really do help 💕💕
Family is always messy, isn’t it? Ten years ago, I finally cut off one side of extended family entirely, and it has helped me so much…unless I get in my head and dwell on the past. Holidays are the worst, as good memories are now tainted with knowledge …I wonder if that is why so many of us get depressed around November and into the New Year… 💙
@@SatisfyingLullabyAsmrI want to do that when I grow up. I just wanna escape them but then I feel guilty that im being absenr and not considerate abt anyone from my family. I dont know what to do. Thinking abt leaving them is the only thing which makes me wanna keep going on life. Whats wrong with me?
There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are just feeling guilty for putting yourself first. Ignore that guilt, put yourself first, and you will be happy and free. ❤@@susmitasingh3430
I never knew fatigue could be caused by the mental abuse! It makes some sense now. Also happy to see a study from a university in my country being cited! This almost never happens. K.U. Leuven is a university in Belgium, I feel kinda proud!
Been mentally abused and controlled. Even years later I still remember it a lot, and have scars on my left arm that constantly reminds me of it. It honestly sucks, and I wished I could’ve ended the relationship before it all happened. Thank you for educating and showing us all this information. To bring awareness to this.
A friend of mine had scars on her arms due to self arm she did when she was a teenager. It was a daily remember of bad memories and she was so ashamed about it that she never wear short sleeves, even in the middle of the summer. She ended up getting a nice tattoo to cover it and she said it was a very good decision. The tattoo artist took care to position the tattoo in order to hide the differents scars the best possible, and they are nearly invisible, you have to look at it very carefully to see it. Now she sees everyday a beautiful tattoo that she choosed for its beauty and positive meaning. Maybe it could work for you too, if you like tattoos ?
I'd add: Trust issues, Social Anxiety / constantly shying away from social interaction even from things they like to avoid having to 'live up to expectation', Communication issues / trouble expressing themselves
As a child I was constantly told I was selfish like my father which damaged me and made me a people pleaser towards family members and I am overly selfless now. I feel extreme guilt when I put myself first. Therapy is helping but this is deeply embedded into me.
As a victim of mental & verbal abuse, it's important to recognize it, then break the cycle, as difficult as it might be.
I was just diagnosed with fibromyalgia I'm constantly tired. And I just discovered thru therapy I was emotionally neglected and emotionally abused as a child. Holy hell.
I grew up as very sensitive with sxual assault together with emotional manipulation, parental neglect, mental abuse, bullying and no reliance on my inner circle and even my closest friends, I developed borderline personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder.
My family and close friends at that time, the ones who made me this way, will NEVER ever be allowed back into my life.
This mixture of struggles within myself really takes a toll on me.
I was just diagnosed with fibromyalgia a couple months ago, and have a mentally abusive parent. I had no idea that being abused or neglected like this could be related with it, but it's interesting to know. It also makes a lot of sense considering the physical aspects of the mental abuse
DUDE literally the first thing you talk about is what I have. I have no empathy and its all due all the abuse i went through
I’ve suffered through these and I’m glad this was brought up. I know how to hopefully get better I hope. Thank you for this video
I have been in denial for a while now that my mom has been mentally abusing us for years. Whether it was her separating us from our dad's family for a over decade or her telling us that we aren't doing enough. She constantly yells and blames us for her problems. It is so bad to the point where she will trigger my panic attacks. I have woken up many nights crying because I would dream of her yelling at me. And thanks to this video I understand why I am burnt out. I am a high school student and my parents have always told us to be well-rounded so I did exactly that (I have taken Ap and Honors classes throughout my entire high school career, I am now taking some college classes, I have maintained a perfect GPA, I play two sports, I am in the top position in my clubs.) but to her, I am just an ungrateful brat who doesn't listen to her mother. I even started working at my parent's business and I get home later than them every day. The crazy part is that I wake up at least two-three hours before them I still complete my daily tasks plus she expects me to do her job of cooking and cleaning and taking care of the household. I feel like I am losing my mind because this has gone on for so long and now that my classes are heavy and hard she blames me for not being able to keep up.
Face it: you will never be enough for your abusive mother. Sad truth. Stop exhausting yourself trying. You are already doing an impossible job. You ARE enough! I know, hard to believe that.
Get out and be your own person
@@paulinepress3024 I would love to but I am still technically a minor and still have a year left in high school
Yes, tough situation. Then again: you are probably hard on your way to get a burnout and that will be worse. Find a way to make yourself and your well-being a priority. Maybe find a safe spot with a friend or relative, even if it is just temporary or part-time. Don't be loyal to someone that doesn't deserve this. Don't think you owe something to your mother just because she's your mother. Motherhood comes with obligations, not with entitlement.
this makes me realize how controlling and horrible some parents are to their children 💜🥺 every bodies parents were raised differently
Once, my mum literally said she was allowed to control everything about me.
Can yall please make a video on how to live with a mentally abusive family without having anger outbursts or how to control my emotions? ♥️
The fact that i relate to every single one of these hurts more….
I mean, it's better than never get to feel these things because that makes us somehow mature, maybe even over the rest.
Thank you for understanding me. My parents basically stole my childhood because of what they did all these years. What do I do to take my life back? How do I get a childhood as an adult?
idk your situation but personally I started learning to stand up for myself and stop things before they start. I still have a lot of issues but I found one of the biggest things that helped me was changing my hair to blue! I LOVE blue, and always wanted blue hair but was never allowed (jobs also didn't help at the time) since I always had to be perfect and think of my future etc. Even when my depression, body dysmorphia, etc kicks in being able to physically look in the mirror at a change I wanted and I made always helps me ground myself and move forward. Also don't forget the "age is just a number" is a thing ( to a point obv haha) ! I'm 33, love anime, pursue hobbies I love even if my parent doesn't, am an avid gamer (which my parent LOTHES), love cosplay, and I've gotten better at being in the moment and getting out there, even if i'm scared. I hope you're able to find your way
@@tanyavolansky5042 I’m trying to move out. But it’s hard to keep a job with my parents constantly getting me fired
Perhaps I'm taking your question too literally, but...
Don't be afraid to indulge your inner child occasionally, like with a toy or a treat.
There are plenty of people who do it, it's not weird if it's safe and makes you happy.
@@xRAINxOFxBLOODx your not taking it to seriously. If anything, I’m thinking not enough. I’m 18, though. U sure I could do that?
@theragequitgodd whatever makes you happy is the operative phrase.
Whether that's like me, going outside and pretending to be a character in a story in my head, playing with g.i. Joe's or nerf guns.
Of course, if you prefer lego's or dinosaurs or dress up dolls or whatever you want. At the end of the day, you're just gonna be a big kid at heart and that's OK. Just find a reason to smile.
I'm not sure if I am mentally abused or if it is something else, but I relate to having low self-esteem, self doubt, and fatigue. My parents aren't abusive in any way, stern as they might be at times and I'm thankful for that, but I know others aren't as lucky and I'm sorry to hear about what they're going/went through... All kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve kids.
I have experienced gaslighting before, and it has caused me to doubt myself, and sometimes even others. I don't trust my instincts, and it's horrible. I always think, "Wait, what if it's this and not this?" and I eventually get overwhelmed which makes me feel stupid.
You're not stupid. You might be hyper sensitive, but don't doubt yourself. If you've experienced gaslighting and emotional abuse before, it makes you very quick to recognize the signs again. You might be mistaken, but there's nothing wrong with being suspicious and thinking it through either.
I also have experienced gaslighting. I also hold a grudge against someone who lie to me about my instinct. I was feeling something wrong, I ask him if he had a problem with me he said no. Months later he told me that yes at this time he didnt like to be around because of my personality. I can understand that I can be liked by everyone but not the lying. It was hard enough to ask. Sometimes I prefer to be hurt by truth than to discover a lying (and never think your lie will never be discover, often truth find it's way)
That is what gaslighting does to you. I was gaslighted by parents in my young life so that I was always trying to avoid making decisions and would just freeze, making myself look as if I were deaf or special ed as sometimes I would experience aphasia and memory loss, but this lead me to be more perceptive of others and can sense ill intentions. It is a horrible feeling especially when it is either from family but as well as your coworkers in the workplace. I am experiencing this in my workplace because people who engage in this kind of behavior know and see your weakness and so this why they are scapegoating you, especially when having problems at home.
why does she have such a calming voice? Like only her videos calm me when I have a panic/anxiety attack. Thank you
ive started watching these because my therapist said they can help me recognize my issues when not talking to her, it helps a ton and i like coming back to these.
I listened to my father and mother say I'm being overly dramatic. I usually doubt my mental state because of them. So thank God for videos like this to at least let me know. Helped me alot actually.
Life is too short.
Here is what you need to do: You have to get out of that situation no matter how hard it is. And rather sooner than later. You can do it!
As someone who has experience mental and physical abuse, I promise that there is a better life away from those guilty of it. It may take time to get there, but it's hard to stop the healing once you start it, even if you share space with them. The more you heal, the better your surroundings and people next to you will be. Trust in that. You've never been alone on this path, and never will be 🤗
Would you share a tip or two? I find the healing to be like pushing a boulder up a mountain; I never get to the top because I get exhausted, and down I roll to start all over again.
@@SatisfyingLullabyAsmr this can be a subjective thing, but one thing that really helped me was acknowledging the points where I was the problem. That can get uncomfortable really fast, but it's manageable after a while. At the same time, you can learn where you learned those toxic behaviors from, and while the popular answer may be with family, again the answer can vary with anyone, and not just involving them. Coworkers, friends, even romantic partners can influence that.
From there, you'll learn how to distance yourself from those emotions and actions, as well as people that would support it. Either because they remain unhealed and abide by the "misery loves company" line, or they see you as susceptible to their BS.
Thank you ! I will try this out. @@psylentknight
True and medication 💊 doesn't always help
thankyou, now i know why i'm almost a week feeling tired and down, that's because there's someone i meeted online and i really attracted and interested to her and when we're always talking online and one day she becomes cold and not interested in me but that time ,i'm starting to fall with her but she's opposite to their feelings and when i'm feel invalidate i confront her and i'll stop talking to her, and after that, i'm so feeling down and always tired unlike before i'm energetic and active and after that happened, i'm always self doubt and feeling down and now i watched this video and i 'm thankful because now i know why i am like this😊❤ i can go back to myself and continuing what i'm positive before and letting go and forget that kind of person.