I love the trash can analogy. I don’t know why this showed up my algorithm but it definitely gets me thinking about my husband when we first met and what has kept us so happy these last 18 years. For me, it is the simple fact that from day 1 of living together (after marriage) he always comes out the front door to great me in the driveway. He has the same look on his face today as the first time he came out to greet me all those years ago. He opens my car door, grabs my water bottle and purse, gives me a kiss and checks the trunk to see if anything needs to be brought inside. I can’t tell you how much I love and appreciate that he does this everyday. How does he still feel so excited to see me? I know I am blessed. I cherish him and our daughter with all my heart. Take care of each other, laugh a lot, have a short memory and be quick to forgive.
One thing I would like to mention - if ever you are approached by another who presents themselves as interested in you, just be kind. If you are not interested, just be kind. This advice is for everyone.
But also the 2nd half, don't be one dimensional and find a unique pairing, an "and", don't be boring and entitled, love takes work. The more being a rare bird, the more unique pairing makes them harder to lose
Towards the last quarter: Don't be needy, insecure, boring, expect a partner to fix it, and especially for too long, it's too much pressure, keep working on yourself.
I was adamantly against asking out a guy that I liked. I believed that I deserved to be pursued and that if he didn't make the first move by asking me out, or even talking to me, he wasn't doing that. I wanted a man who was assertive and manly and I didn't think he was because he hadn't talked to me in months. After watching one of Matthew's videos talking about how hard it was for men, I decided I would ask the guy I liked out for coffee. I worked up the nerve and he was delighted. We hit it off amazingly and have been inseparable since. I now know that he wanted to talk to me but would not have asked me out as he believed it would have been inappropriate because of the situation and he was tired of putting himself out there and being rejected over and over. Turns out, he is assertive, incredibly engaged and communicative, and has pursued me every step of the way. Taking the chance to ask him out and "drop my handkerchief" was the best decision I ever made, and I realized playing hard to get was actually hurting me.
Few Good Men will approach a woman unless she gives a clear signal to him. A smile, a flip of your hair while looking at him. These all give a signal to man that you are open to an approach.
I literally went thru like a near five yr period where every man I met made me make the first move!? It was like a thing. I felt like I was being taught some unknown lesson by the universe Guy would sit there the whole night ! And not make a move but want to. It drove me nuts!!
@TheArielrb That may have been initially true, but I took a lot of factors into play when making my decision. We only saw each other in a church setting (awkward place to meet someone, especially when you’re not a teen or young single) and I have 3 children who were with me on a regular basis. I thought the same thing as you which is why I refused to talk to him first, but I didn’t know him or his history. A mid thirties man going around church asking single mothers if they want to go on dates would come across as more agressive than assertive, in my opinion. (There was an older man who asked to get to know me more and I believed his approach to be assertive, which I liked at first. But it was quickly revealed that he was agressive, manipulative, and lied to me about very important information.) We were both fairly new to the church and still getting to know people, so mingling can take some time. I guess I could have simply introduced myself and initiated conversation as opposed to asking him to get coffee with me, but I knew I already had a crush, I’m in my thirties with three kids, not interested in games, and didn’t want to get to know someone at church a few minutes here or there with everyone watching us (and everyone was definitely watching us). So, as much as I have held the same belief you do, I decided to take a chance, really with the intention of just getting over my crush, and find out who he was. Thankfully, he wasn’t JUST being nice. He was actually interested in talking to me and getting to know me and had been working up the nerve for several weeks. From the moment we started talking he showed an incredible amount of interest and has never stopped. I have never been more pursued or loved more purely and passionately, and everyday I’m grateful I took that chance. The initial disinterest was about dating and being rejected or let down again, not me personally, and the diamond ring on my finger says he’s very much interested in spending his life with me and my children. He’s my best friend and the best thing that’s ever happened to us, and thankfully my children are as obsessed with him as much as I am.
I love these two guys...I could listen to them all day. "Music happens between the notes" was my favorite quote. The castle analogy was spot on. I'm not looking for a partner right now, just working on better myself and I realized that listening to them talk about love, relationships, etc is really enlightening and good advice to use on ANY relationship. At the end of the day the world functions because of the infinite relationships that ties every single organism in an invisible, intricate web of connections.
In relationships, it’s like a delicate dance, just like the wrong move, you must correct and continue on, that way there is less damage control or repercussions in the end❤
My husband chose my son over me and built an empire for him. After 38 years I’ve decided to find a new partner it won’t be easy I’ll be 65 on September 11 but I’m not invisible someone is teaching me that and I appreciate it.
I recently stopped dating a guy because we had conflicting core values (I highly value growth and new life experiences, he highly values routine, stability and security). Great guy, mature adult, but we both recognized that it we would have to compromise ourselves too greatly to have a long-term relationship. Yes, all relationships take work but I still want someone who is a proper match and who aligns reasonably enough with my values. I won’t significantly change my path for someone else, but I am willing to veer if their path is close enough to mine.
Typical. You are a victim of feminism and you probably don't even realize it. The ambition you have will lead to loneliness because you believe you can have it all right? Strong and independent powerful woman not willing to settle. You are such an idiot.
Oh my gosh...my heart when he says " its the trashcan that determines the relationship..." that is how I think!!! Choose happiness in the little moments!
31:26 Thank you for pointing that out, Matt. I was thinking this very viewpoint the other week when I tried to rationalize one of my relationships. I was still very much in love when we broke up on a whim. But then I thought about the micro moments and how alone I felt most of the time. The hormones/chemicals racing through my body told me a different story but when I felt unheard, overlooked, the small rejections-- it all added up. Constantly feeling anxiety- worry about saying the wrong thing and getting yelled at or being told my narrative. There were beautiful moments . But in the day to day life, I didn't get asked how my day was or how I was feeling. Or the decency to put down a phone and pay attention to me... even after I asked. Yawning when I was trying to talk to them. Disrespect will break down a relationship over time like water on metal-- rust will slowly appear and then erode that metal.
Ditto in my marriage…he just threw money and lifestyle at me but completely ignored me…mentally, physically and emotionally. I’m so much happier already even though I have to live on way more of a budget
Lots of great, invaluable information Matthew! You have much wisdom for a man of 27 years. I dare to disagree on one point. In this video, you gave us ladies advice that trusting our instincts might not always be a good thing. I think your concept is correct. I would rephrase to say "don't trust your insecurities". Instincts are apart from our insecurities. I learned that from someone and it stuck with me. I once didn't trust my instincts and decided to be insecure regarding my own intuition, this led me to latch on to an abusive relationship, to which I am now free from, and all the more wise when it comes to instincts 🎉
I spent 4-5 months chatting with a guy at work every time he come in. Done what I could for him, sent him off with a smile on his face every time I seen him. I dropped hints I liked him,flirted with him etc etc. I seen him write his number down on a form for drivers we had them fill out every day, so I slyly wrote his number down for future reference lol. 3 weeks after I left that job I finally got the courage up to send him a text to say Hi. He thought it was excellent I made the first move to contact him, as he had no idea what happened to me or how to contact me. STEP UP LADIES and make the first move on who and what you want, if you dont someone else will.
I happen to believe that the perfect relationship can only be found with you and yourself and even that takes daily effort........but Matthew and you are two lovely people that make this world a happier place for so many. Thank you ! xx
This guy is successful because he’s great at coming up with analogies. Anyone can have a great time at Disney World - but the themed trash cans throughout the park make it truly great. You fall in love with Space Mountain (thrill ride) but it’s the trash cans (attention to detail) that make you truly happy.
Liking a man and building a connection is wonderful. I have been chatting with a guy for two months, and we have so much in common and have build an amazing connection already. Due to COVID we have not been able to spend time together but we are very excited about the potential. He has invested time in communicating every day from day one, and the this is not how I expected to build a connection with someone. The qualities this guy has shown me is amazing, and we have had some moments when things were said that caused tension as well but we sorted that out. Never before have I met someone that I have found communicated the way I do. I am excited to see this grow, and develop into more. The important thing is to not lose myself, and invest everything. I have been there, and done that and I will never do that again. We both relate to each other so well and it feels great. Matthew you are awesome and you have helped me so much. I love everything about this guy, and he has amazing qualities, het gets overwhelmed with me expressing my self because that’s who I am. How do I not over express my feelings to extent I put him on a pedestal but still be able to express my feelings for a man.
dear friends its very healthy to be with someone but dont rush coz you wont enjoy it . all the same it is soo sweet when you get your angle or your devil live with them provided they wont heart you. remember even a devil can turn one day to be an angle while the can also turn to a devil enjoy every sweet bit and when it turns sour dont hold it release to the world he or she may be an angle to someone
This is the best dating advice: it’s the little special things that are big (eg Disney’s detailed trash cans, not the rides) and the couple needs to be mutually builders of its ‘castle’ (the home of the relationship)
Yup. Right now I’m grieving getting to the 4th stage and realizing compatibility is not there as much as it seemed to be and decided to let it go as much as stage 1, 2 and 3 were ON POINT !!! So painful.
After almost 4 yrs online and having lots of separations and getting back together etc.. he started asking too many personal questions like wanting my SS# to help me with home improvements and my Bank # for his Insurance so he could help me money wise etc. He was in the army deployed in Afghanistan and we chatted as often as possible phone chats too and planned to meet this Summer but too many little things gnawed in that gut feeling you get somethings not right...Told him long ago you have to have all your Covid shots or it's a no go! He refused so I called our local Army Reserve and yes all Soldiers must have them...That did it! 3 weeks and my ❤is healing slowly...Being a Widow of 19 yrs I'm set in my ways and I know like my sweet Dad used to say "If it sounds too good to be true it probably is! And no I never gave him any money either! Sorry so long but feel better writing all this anyway🙏⚘
The Castle analogy reminds me of the song "Being in Love" from the old Broadway muscial The Music Man where the character Marian the Librarian sings about wanting a man "who is more interested in Us, than he is interested in me." It's her anthem about learning the difference between fairy tale love vs. a real life committment.
Matthew hussey is so sincere and sweet. I have been reading and watching his stuff for a decade now and honestly, have found his advice to be the most useful. Thanks for this video! Love 💓
@@Ok-kh5qq thats pretty funny haha, yeah his advice kinda made me not accept less than what i deserve and i didnt settle for the last guy so im waiting for the right one. its about learning to value yourself! :)
@ 16:55 - 19:00 - This part is REALLY great ! It's so seldom do people talk about the difficulty between transitioning back & forth between our THALAMUS ( the seat of our emotions [ original lower part of our brain ] ) & our CORTEX. The problems are not only are they on different levels but if you get too emotional it can overload your cortex so you can't use it! But even if you are calm it takes time to transition to your cortex - known as applying a CORTICAL PAUSE. Sometimes the transition comes so easily that you're not even aware of it, other times you have to take a little time to apply it "consciously". With awareness & practice it comes more easily. But then this is yet another thing we are not taught when we are much younger so I guess it's hardly surprising there are so many people wandering around on this planet who don't have a clue as to how to even start using their cortex !
I started listening to Matt when he first started showing up online. He’s really full of great observations. All his work has certainly built up a wealth of knowledge. This was a Great conversation.
I've Been in Peace In Christ 7 Years. My, Emotions are not very strong as They used to be. Where The Purity and Clarity is Definitely My Mechanism for a Great Hearted Soul Sister Truly 🙌 😇 Blessed 🙏 Amen
Why did I guess that once he said perfect relationship everyone would only concentrate on that. He doesn't mean relationships are perfect, he means the prefect one for you! Someone who works hard at the relationship and wants to grow together. Cuz, let's face it, we have a very hard time finding one person who it works with.
I don’t think using time like 30 years is always an indicator of a good relationship and love. I’ve know people who stay together 10, 20 years because one is so codependent and one walks all over them, that isn’t healthy love where you are building a castle together.
I used to get so jealous of people’s highlight reels, but now I see it as they might be thinking “Well I’ve been through a lot of crap this week but here’s a happy snap to remind myself it’s all worth it!”
I know this is about 5 years old and Matthew Hussey is young and full of beans but he has got incredible insight for a young man, unique and sweet what a lovely guy, both of you such sweet amazing guys ❤️
My favorite part of this conversation begins after Lewis asks Matt why he thinks that people bail on relationships more than ever. What Matt has to say about love and desire is very astute. Everything he says after that is golden.
@@ShawnaMarieQueenBee he pretty much said there has to be desire Desire is there in the very beginning bc there was space As the relationship progresses, create space to maintain desire
Absolutely, Life can be a great bucket of beautiful Flowers, if we seek and if we see. Even in the smallest home. I‘m 81 😂, and have much fun with you both talking about how life can be if we think, And love looking for new experiences. Thank you! Good luck!
“A relationship is a variable reality. It is not an absolute reality. In trying to punish somebody, you would only punish yourself,”. “Every person who gets a little romantic believes that this is going to be an absolute relationship, there is no such thing about it.
I think you have to be open to learning each other….have no expectations or if you have, don’t hide them, share it with your partner so they understand you. Communication us a must….
Relationships are difficult, Jim and i been together for 16yrs and been married 1yr now. We been through so much. But he is my soul mate and treats me like a queen.
What a delightful conversation between 2 friends that brought tons of great info! Many statements here, took my breath away, literally. 12 years old, the sensitivity and his ability of observation it is really special! The trashcan analogy is pure gold!
I think this interview is great. It unearthed a lot of unique insights that I don't usually hear about. Although Lewis asked really good questions, I think perhaps he could let Matthew elaborate on what he want to say rather than cutting him off abruptly and going off on a tangent right then and there. Maybe Matthew's elaboration could open up to more interesting questions insights. In terms of tangents, I think it could explored later in the interview, perhaps writing a note about it and then going back into it after Matthew has fully elaborated on it or in the later parts of the interview. I think this would make the interview really awesome overall. But I overall I still did enjoy the interview, and thank you for asking really good questions.
We need to stop this rat race, work less leave more, have funn, be more in nature, find who we really are, have time for anything we want to have time, introduce quality...
Lewis, I love your videos not just because the people you interview are great people with great insight into their fields, but your questions are always so neat!! congrats on your fantastic job.
Rejection for a woman is close to impossible to recover from. Smile and look friendly if you are interested in a guy. If he approaches, great, if not, you still have your heart intact.
I actually think it's fun to approach a guy I find interesting every now and then. I think it's refreshing, it feels natural, and I mean, who cares about etiquette? I think it's better to just go with your gut and have fun. As long as you're being yourself, it's okay.
Loved the section on discernment between Love and Desire and how it is cultivated... (and the antithesis mentioned many times which is boredom) Love to introduce Ecstasy which is the dance between both Love and Desire. It can be cultivated and is also discovered in an innate state of deep presence (intrinsic and extrinsic.) Hello, infinite attraction - thanks to curiosity. Curiosity can be circumstantial as in using distance, to create desire but also can be created deliberately no matter the circumstance, asserting that you don't know your partner and then delight in discovering them. Also known as the Art of the Question that leads to the Art of the Meow-time that follows :D
Matthew and Lewis should do a newer version of this conversation in 2024 where most people don't interact face to face any longer. Everyone has their face in their phone and most people are in a downward spiral of online dating apps. How to approach and retract without ghosting, what are the indicators of someone who is genuinely available vs. isn't wanting something more. The list goes on there is an entire rabbit hole with this topic. I would love to hear this discussion between these two.
The best teacher is through experience. And there's no perfect relationship you can find (fairytale vs reality) because we can only tell it at the end, if that is a perfect relationship.
True my experience alone already taught me what they are saying so when they say it now it resonates with me..it's not rocket science for me I thank God I will I allowed myself to go the experience route
Thanks to u and Hussey for sharing valuable information! Trash cans was a first one for me! I was thinking 💭 somebody has to pick up the stinky trash. Respect for them!
I love your starting questions, Lewis! They're so open and honest. It makes me so sad that Matthew got mauled by high-school girls because there were so many kind others just waiting for him. I was one of those shy awkward girls, I always watched these guys getting mauled because they went for the game-players.
isoooL💛VE the commenter who jot down the summary of the content so i won’t be finishing the video when am rushing! thanksoooMUCH to you who did that and GODBLESSus #allGLORYtoLORDJESUS
200 years ago, a woman would purposely drop her handkerchief. Omg, Matthew just told the same story as i was typing this. Hilarious 😂 Bottom line, she has to help him out. ❤️❤️ 2 of my favourite guys here. Adore you both.
It does give him some insight and he probably has experienced some what he is talking about but coming from a 61 year old woman everything he has said so far on the videos I've listened two are so far very straightforward and to the point and some of it has the same point of view as a woman would have like the clingy aspect of somebody trying to push a relationship when they just started to meet each other that's scary because they're still strangers. Your mother was right about how you should behave however you shouldn't behave that way with everyone it's too confusing for those who do like you from those who could care less
Yah all anxiety anxious Pain bcoz of love Long time i don't open my heart after someone come into my life and accept him but I'm having depression bcoz of to much love i giving this crazy i rather stay single than have a relationship again
So you never let go of that and put yourself in the moment of being with your woman. You have to learn to compartmentalize or as some people say let it go and enjoy what you're doing in that moment and when you go back to work let let it go and get fully engaged in the moment
No bodys life is great , and if it is it is very fleeting based on what ? The sooner we all stop wanting a great and perfect life , the better off we all will be.
I only just started listening to you and I’m sure you already know why haha … but I love your story about the two builders …I feel so much more optimistic already … there is a lot to still learn but well … when better than now … better late than never 🥰
Cant wait till you do it , your advice is incredibly insigtful based on the feedback from us who have done it , what you may underestimate is the damage done to people , and the massive complications from that damage interpersonal from one damaged person to another , it gets very hard as time goes by.
Lewis you did a great job of as an interviewer in reading your guest and just letting the guest go on and on and keeping a neutral response (especially during the trash cans part).
Spot on guys! Such a great breakdown on this whole topic. And Lewis also always does the perfect job on questioning exactly what we're all thinking haha coupled with the perfect answers!
one thing i have learnt about men is they get attracted every moment they meet an attractive girl so at some point they must break your heart and they thing that you dont have the same feeling as a woman
I’m glad I found him like over 7 yrs ago. It helped and he is correct on some things, I remember when he said watch out, what I tell you is dangerous Use what I say on good terms, or evil or something like that Haha I would love to see him in Australia. I learned to say hello to everyone or ask what time is it, directions somewhere, ask for their help or their opinion, show interest ask questions so many times someone has said why don’t you google it. I say I like asking people I learn more, I would never do long distance unless someone can move ASAP.
This was so helpful. I wanted to understand and relate to some of these things and concepts but had nothing to draw from. I do now. Thank you so so much.
I love the trash can analogy. I don’t know why this showed up my algorithm but it definitely gets me thinking about my husband when we first met and what has kept us so happy these last 18 years. For me, it is the simple fact that from day 1 of living together (after marriage) he always comes out the front door to great me in the driveway. He has the same look on his face today as the first time he came out to greet me all those years ago. He opens my car door, grabs my water bottle and purse, gives me a kiss and checks the trunk to see if anything needs to be brought inside. I can’t tell you how much I love and appreciate that he does this everyday. How does he still feel so excited to see me? I know I am blessed. I cherish him and our daughter with all my heart. Take care of each other, laugh a lot, have a short memory and be quick to forgive.
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You’re a lucky lady! 🥰
I love that
Feeling good to know such things do exist🙏
I love this!
One thing I would like to mention - if ever you are approached by another who presents themselves as interested in you, just be kind. If you are not interested, just be kind. This advice is for everyone.
Excellent recommendation 👌
Four components to a successful relationship (about an hour and 21 minutes in:) 1. Admiration 2. Connection 3. Commitment 4. Compatibility
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But also the 2nd half, don't be one dimensional and find a unique pairing, an "and", don't be boring and entitled, love takes work. The more being a rare bird, the more unique pairing makes them harder to lose
Towards the last quarter: Don't be needy, insecure, boring, expect a partner to fix it, and especially for too long, it's too much pressure, keep working on yourself.
Also check out the "Mel Robbins" guest talk on UA-cam on "compatibility" the 11 mins is gold.
My
I was adamantly against asking out a guy that I liked. I believed that I deserved to be pursued and that if he didn't make the first move by asking me out, or even talking to me, he wasn't doing that. I wanted a man who was assertive and manly and I didn't think he was because he hadn't talked to me in months. After watching one of Matthew's videos talking about how hard it was for men, I decided I would ask the guy I liked out for coffee. I worked up the nerve and he was delighted. We hit it off amazingly and have been inseparable since. I now know that he wanted to talk to me but would not have asked me out as he believed it would have been inappropriate because of the situation and he was tired of putting himself out there and being rejected over and over. Turns out, he is assertive, incredibly engaged and communicative, and has pursued me every step of the way. Taking the chance to ask him out and "drop my handkerchief" was the best decision I ever made, and I realized playing hard to get was actually hurting me.
Few Good Men will approach a woman unless she gives a clear signal to him. A smile, a flip of your hair while looking at him. These all give a signal to man that you are open to an approach.
I literally went thru like a near five yr period where every man I met made me make the first move!? It was like a thing. I felt like I was being taught some unknown lesson by the universe
Guy would sit there the whole night ! And not make a move but want to. It drove me nuts!!
@TheArielrb That may have been initially true, but I took a lot of factors into play when making my decision. We only saw each other in a church setting (awkward place to meet someone, especially when you’re not a teen or young single) and I have 3 children who were with me on a regular basis. I thought the same thing as you which is why I refused to talk to him first, but I didn’t know him or his history. A mid thirties man going around church asking single mothers if they want to go on dates would come across as more agressive than assertive, in my opinion. (There was an older man who asked to get to know me more and I believed his approach to be assertive, which I liked at first. But it was quickly revealed that he was agressive, manipulative, and lied to me about very important information.) We were both fairly new to the church and still getting to know people, so mingling can take some time. I guess I could have simply introduced myself and initiated conversation as opposed to asking him to get coffee with me, but I knew I already had a crush, I’m in my thirties with three kids, not interested in games, and didn’t want to get to know someone at church a few minutes here or there with everyone watching us (and everyone was definitely watching us). So, as much as I have held the same belief you do, I decided to take a chance, really with the intention of just getting over my crush, and find out who he was. Thankfully, he wasn’t JUST being nice. He was actually interested in talking to me and getting to know me and had been working up the nerve for several weeks. From the moment we started talking he showed an incredible amount of interest and has never stopped. I have never been more pursued or loved more purely and passionately, and everyday I’m grateful I took that chance. The initial disinterest was about dating and being rejected or let down again, not me personally, and the diamond ring on my finger says he’s very much interested in spending his life with me and my children. He’s my best friend and the best thing that’s ever happened to us, and thankfully my children are as obsessed with him as much as I am.
I was blown away when he said he was 27 years old. Very mature for that age.
I think this was shot 5years ago
He is 33
Abbie Alverez And....is he still single???
Looks 43
My ex is 27 years old but acting like 17
I love these two guys...I could listen to them all day. "Music happens between the notes" was my favorite quote. The castle analogy was spot on. I'm not looking for a partner right now, just working on better myself and I realized that listening to them talk about love, relationships, etc is really enlightening and good advice to use on ANY relationship. At the end of the day the world functions because of the infinite relationships that ties every single organism in an invisible, intricate web of connections.
That last sentence though wow
👌👌👌
Well it doesn't hurt that they both look easy on the eyes 🤗
Well said
Well said, INDEED.
In relationships, it’s like a delicate dance, just like the wrong move, you must correct and continue on, that way there is less damage control or repercussions in the end❤
My husband chose my son over me and built an empire for him. After 38 years I’ve decided to find a new partner it won’t be easy I’ll be 65 on September 11 but I’m not invisible someone is teaching me that and I appreciate it.
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I recently stopped dating a guy because we had conflicting core values (I highly value growth and new life experiences, he highly values routine, stability and security). Great guy, mature adult, but we both recognized that it we would have to compromise ourselves too greatly to have a long-term relationship. Yes, all relationships take work but I still want someone who is a proper match and who aligns reasonably enough with my values. I won’t significantly change my path for someone else, but I am willing to veer if their path is close enough to mine.
yeah, absolutely right decision ;-)
Typical. You are a victim of feminism and you probably don't even realize it. The ambition you have will lead to loneliness because you believe you can have it all right? Strong and independent powerful woman not willing to settle. You are such an idiot.
@@unlucky7s561 lol and you have issues.
@@emp9413 WOW! Such an insightful comment. Just because you can speak doesnt mean you should. Especially when you have nothing to say.
@@unlucky7s561 ditto.
"How good is it day to day?" This is so useful to ask ourselves when in a relationship.
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Oh my gosh...my heart when he says " its the trashcan that determines the relationship..." that is how I think!!! Choose happiness in the little moments!
31:26 Thank you for pointing that out, Matt. I was thinking this very viewpoint the other week when I tried to rationalize one of my relationships. I was still very much in love when we broke up on a whim. But then I thought about the micro moments and how alone I felt most of the time. The hormones/chemicals racing through my body told me a different story but when I felt unheard, overlooked, the small rejections-- it all added up. Constantly feeling anxiety- worry about saying the wrong thing and getting yelled at or being told my narrative. There were beautiful moments . But in the day to day life, I didn't get asked how my day was or how I was feeling. Or the decency to put down a phone and pay attention to me... even after I asked. Yawning when I was trying to talk to them. Disrespect will break down a relationship over time like water on metal-- rust will slowly appear and then erode that metal.
so sad this happened to you.
@@redrumax and to almost everyone. But amazing to recognize what's happening and to decide it's not enough.
Wow I am glad you moved on. This was clealry abusive from his part.
You deserve better.
Ditto in my marriage…he just threw money and lifestyle at me but completely ignored me…mentally, physically and emotionally. I’m so much happier already even though I have to live on way more of a budget
The more i listen to this man Mathew Hussey, the more i find him more attractive not just by his looks but he's substance 💕
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I used to listen to him but honestly I find Stephan Labossiere so much better..check him out..Lewis interviews him too.
Love his content as well!
Lots of great, invaluable information Matthew! You have much wisdom for a man of 27 years.
I dare to disagree on one point. In this video, you gave us ladies advice that trusting our instincts might not always be a good thing. I think your concept is correct. I would rephrase to say "don't trust your insecurities". Instincts are apart from our insecurities. I learned that from someone and it stuck with me.
I once didn't trust my instincts and decided to be insecure regarding my own intuition, this led me to latch on to an abusive relationship, to which I am now free from, and all the more wise when it comes to instincts 🎉
I spent 4-5 months chatting with a guy at work every time he come in. Done what I could for him, sent him off with a smile on his face every time I seen him. I dropped hints I liked him,flirted with him etc etc. I seen him write his number down on a form for drivers we had them fill out every day, so I slyly wrote his number down for future reference lol. 3 weeks after I left that job I finally got the courage up to send him a text to say Hi. He thought it was excellent I made the first move to contact him, as he had no idea what happened to me or how to contact me. STEP UP LADIES and make the first move on who and what you want, if you dont someone else will.
The Castle is ALWAYS the best advice to rate a potential connection by.
I happen to believe that the perfect relationship can only be found with you and yourself and even that takes daily effort........but Matthew and you are two lovely people that make this world a happier place for so many. Thank you ! xx
As a woman who dates women, Mathew hussy's content is still very relevant and helpful cuz at the end of the day it's human behavior and relating
BIG FACTS
Good grief 😔
@@blvckqueer7477 t
@Agnes Simon yi
@@blvckqueer7477 tyyuit
This guy is successful because he’s great at coming up with analogies. Anyone can have a great time at Disney World - but the themed trash cans throughout the park make it truly great. You fall in love with Space Mountain (thrill ride) but it’s the trash cans (attention to detail) that make you truly happy.
Liking a man and building a connection is wonderful. I have been chatting with a guy for two months, and we have so much in common and have build an amazing connection already. Due to COVID we have not been able to spend time together but we are very excited about the potential. He has invested time in communicating every day from day one, and the this is not how I expected to build a connection with someone. The qualities this guy has shown me is amazing, and we have had some moments when things were said that caused tension as well but we sorted that out. Never before have I met someone that I have found communicated the way I do.
I am excited to see this grow, and develop into more. The important thing is to not lose myself, and invest everything. I have been there, and done that and I will never do that again. We both relate to each other so well and it feels great. Matthew you are awesome and you have helped me so much.
I love everything about this guy, and he has amazing qualities, het gets overwhelmed with me expressing my self because that’s who I am. How do I not over express my feelings to extent I put him on a pedestal but still be able to express my feelings for a man.
dear friends its very healthy to be with someone but dont rush coz you wont enjoy it . all the same it is soo sweet when you get your angle or your devil live with them provided they wont heart you. remember even a devil can turn one day to be an angle while the can also turn to a devil enjoy every sweet bit and when it turns sour dont hold it release to the world he or she may be an angle to someone
OMG!!!! 🤔🤔🤔
That's brilliant...
The difference between "being in love and being happy...."
You can be in love and be unhappy...😔
This is the best dating advice: it’s the little special things that are big (eg Disney’s detailed trash cans, not the rides) and the couple needs to be mutually builders of its ‘castle’ (the home of the relationship)
Yup. Right now I’m grieving getting to the 4th stage and realizing compatibility is not there as much as it seemed to be and decided to let it go as much as stage 1, 2 and 3 were ON POINT !!! So painful.
After almost 4 yrs online and having lots of separations and getting back together etc.. he started asking too many personal questions like wanting my SS# to help me with home improvements and my Bank # for his Insurance so he could help me money wise etc. He was in the army deployed in Afghanistan and we chatted as often as possible phone chats too and planned to meet this Summer but too many little things gnawed in that gut feeling you get somethings not right...Told him long ago you have to have all your Covid shots or it's a no go! He refused so I called our local Army Reserve and yes all Soldiers must have them...That did it! 3 weeks and my ❤is healing slowly...Being a Widow of 19 yrs I'm set in my ways and I know like my sweet Dad used to say "If it sounds too good to be true it probably is! And no I never gave him any money either! Sorry so long but feel better writing all this anyway🙏⚘
"Being a genuine team" ...I love that...ah, such a crucial aspect in a good relationship...
The Castle analogy reminds me of the song "Being in Love" from the old Broadway muscial The Music Man where the character Marian the Librarian sings about wanting a man "who is more interested in Us, than he is interested in me." It's her anthem about learning the difference between fairy tale love vs. a real life committment.
Matthew hussey is so sincere and sweet. I have been reading and watching his stuff for a decade now and honestly, have found his advice to be the most useful. Thanks for this video! Love 💓
Are you in a relationship?
Awatif Ana I’m not anymore :)
If you been watching it for a decade did it work yet? 😅
@@Ok-kh5qq thats pretty funny haha, yeah his advice kinda made me not accept less than what i deserve and i didnt settle for the last guy so im waiting for the right one. its about learning to value yourself! :)
@@samsimpleton Good point, thanks for sharing👌
@ 16:55 - 19:00 - This part is REALLY great ! It's so seldom do people talk about the difficulty between transitioning back & forth between our THALAMUS ( the seat of our emotions [ original lower part of our brain ] ) & our CORTEX. The problems are not only are they on different levels but if you get too emotional it can overload your cortex so you can't use it! But even if you are calm it takes time to transition to your cortex - known as applying a CORTICAL PAUSE. Sometimes the transition comes so easily that you're not even aware of it, other times you have to take a little time to apply it "consciously". With awareness & practice it comes more easily.
But then this is yet another thing we are not taught when we are much younger so I guess it's hardly surprising there are so many people wandering around on this planet who don't have a clue as to how to even start using their cortex !
Men don’t think with their Thalmus or their Cortex, love!
I started listening to Matt when he first started showing up online. He’s really full of great observations. All his work has certainly built up a wealth of knowledge. This was a Great conversation.
i did too!
Jess_Inspirez :) ❤️✨🙏🏼
I've Been in Peace In Christ 7 Years. My, Emotions are not very strong as They used to be. Where The Purity and Clarity is Definitely My Mechanism for a Great Hearted Soul Sister Truly 🙌 😇 Blessed 🙏 Amen
Why did I guess that once he said perfect relationship everyone would only concentrate on that. He doesn't mean relationships are perfect, he means the prefect one for you! Someone who works hard at the relationship and wants to grow together. Cuz, let's face it, we have a very hard time finding one person who it works with.
Yes!! Women get locked in on words! This statement has helped me so much. Your actions speak so loud that I can't hear a word you say !
Lol thank you. Geeez ppl are sensitive...
@@nidzaboricua3294 huh? I was saying ppl sure are sensitive about using the word perfect. I was thanking u for clarifying.
@@emp9413 oooohhh sorry about that
I don’t think using time like 30 years is always an indicator of a good relationship and love. I’ve know people who stay together 10, 20 years because one is so codependent and one walks all over them, that isn’t healthy love where you are building a castle together.
I used to get so jealous of people’s highlight reels, but now I see it as they might be thinking “Well I’ve been through a lot of crap this week but here’s a happy snap to remind myself it’s all worth it!”
I know this is about 5 years old and Matthew Hussey is young and full of beans but he has got incredible insight for a young man, unique and sweet what a lovely guy, both of you such sweet amazing guys ❤️
No one says trust your instinct. People say trust your intuition and it is true. Instinct and intuition are not the same thing at all !!
My favorite part of this conversation begins after Lewis asks Matt why he thinks that people bail on relationships more than ever. What Matt has to say about love and desire is very astute. Everything he says after that is golden.
Where is that time wise in this video?
@@ShawnaMarieQueenBee a little past midway
@@ShawnaMarieQueenBee he pretty much said there has to be desire
Desire is there in the very beginning bc there was space As the relationship progresses, create space to maintain desire
Absolutely, Life can be a great bucket of beautiful Flowers, if we seek and if we see. Even in the smallest home. I‘m 81 😂, and have much fun with you both talking about how life can be if we think, And love looking for new experiences. Thank you! Good luck!
How has he not found it? He’s adorable!!🥰
Self development is really our responsibility before our partner helps us.
“A relationship is a variable reality. It is not an absolute reality. In trying to punish somebody, you would only punish yourself,”. “Every person who gets a little romantic believes that this is going to be an absolute relationship, there is no such thing about it.
I think you have to be open to learning each other….have no expectations or if you have, don’t hide them, share it with your partner so they understand you. Communication us a must….
🙌
@Shukuat Abiola I have mine
Please...Nothing makes a guy addicted to you. Nothing you wear, say, do or how you behave can make him fall for you. It is either there or not.
100% agree
Addiction = lust
You nailed it about how we need space to even decide if there's potential. 😂 So true- I never noticed that before 🤔
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TRUE When surfing I was drawn in by a currant, I stayed calm and that current took me back safely to shore!
My take is, why commit before u find out if u are compatible. Suppose after commiting, you find out you are not compatible. That can be VERY painful
Relationships are difficult, Jim and i been together for 16yrs and been married 1yr now. We been through so much. But he is my soul mate and treats me like a queen.
What a delightful conversation between 2 friends that brought tons of great info!
Many statements here, took my breath away, literally.
12 years old, the sensitivity and his ability of observation it is really special! The trashcan analogy is pure gold!
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I think this interview is great. It unearthed a lot of unique insights that I don't usually hear about. Although Lewis asked really good questions, I think perhaps he could let Matthew elaborate on what he want to say rather than cutting him off abruptly and going off on a tangent right then and there. Maybe Matthew's elaboration could open up to more interesting questions insights. In terms of tangents, I think it could explored later in the interview, perhaps writing a note about it and then going back into it after Matthew has fully elaborated on it or in the later parts of the interview. I think this would make the interview really awesome overall. But I overall I still did enjoy the interview, and thank you for asking really good questions.
"Being a genuine team" ...I love that.
It is the quality of time that you spend with someone rather than the quantity of time. This also applies to raising children.
🙌
I totally agree with Mathew, love at first sight doesn't exist,if you want a lasting relationship you have to invest on it. It never happens over time
I fell in love at first sight with my husband. We were married for 40 years till he passed away.
We need to stop this rat race, work less leave more, have funn, be more in nature, find who we really are, have time for anything we want to have time, introduce quality...
Yessss
You are absolutely right, Arzu Cowie :-)
Amen to that
Lewis, I love your videos not just because the people you interview are great people with great insight into their fields, but your questions are always so neat!! congrats on your fantastic job.
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Rejection for a woman is close to impossible to recover from. Smile and look friendly if you are interested in a guy. If he approaches, great, if not, you still have your heart intact.
I actually think it's fun to approach a guy I find interesting every now and then. I think it's refreshing, it feels natural, and I mean, who cares about etiquette? I think it's better to just go with your gut and have fun. As long as you're being yourself, it's okay.
Lewis u have a nice smile ☺. You're face is glowing with energy all the time. You're so bubbly when you talk. Thanks!
Appreciate you! 🧡
Loved the section on discernment between Love and Desire and how it is cultivated... (and the antithesis mentioned many times which is boredom) Love to introduce Ecstasy which is the dance between both Love and Desire. It can be cultivated and is also discovered in an innate state of deep presence (intrinsic and extrinsic.) Hello, infinite attraction - thanks to curiosity. Curiosity can be circumstantial as in using distance, to create desire but also can be created deliberately no matter the circumstance, asserting that you don't know your partner and then delight in discovering them. Also known as the Art of the Question that leads to the Art of the Meow-time that follows :D
Matthew and Lewis should do a newer version of this conversation in 2024 where most people don't interact face to face any longer. Everyone has their face in their phone and most people are in a downward spiral of online dating apps. How to approach and retract without ghosting, what are the indicators of someone who is genuinely available vs. isn't wanting something more. The list goes on there is an entire rabbit hole with this topic. I would love to hear this discussion between these two.
...keeping it flowy and organic plus allowing the flat part to be the meaningful connection which is the intangible part...
🙌
Matthew always dropping gems. Please make a video on how to flirt with men without over stepping or appearing weird or awkward.
2 lovely blokes talking shit for 90 minutes ... I'm in.
Thank you both for the window to the conversation
You work so well together. Thanks Lewis and Matthew. You always give highly valuable information.
The best teacher is through experience. And there's no perfect relationship you can find (fairytale vs reality) because we can only tell it at the end, if that is a perfect relationship.
True my experience alone already taught me what they are saying so when they say it now it resonates with me..it's not rocket science for me I thank God I will I allowed myself to go the experience route
Thanks to u and Hussey for sharing valuable information! Trash cans was a first one for me! I was thinking 💭 somebody has to pick up the stinky trash. Respect for them!
I wouldn’t necessary say finding the “perfect” relationship but a “compatible” one :) but I know what you meant Lewis :)
Perfect for you *
I was just about to say that. Perfect for you.
Thank you I always enjoy listening to your points.
Ps I'm single 😄👌🤗
@@GadgetsGearCoffee 22222222222222
@@GadgetsGearCoffee 2
I love your starting questions, Lewis! They're so open and honest.
It makes me so sad that Matthew got mauled by high-school girls because there were so many kind others just waiting for him. I was one of those shy awkward girls, I always watched these guys getting mauled because they went for the game-players.
I focused on friendship and Became a buddy. It certainly
Paid off in later years!
Your analogy of the castle was absolutely beautiful !!!!
isoooL💛VE the commenter who jot down the summary of the content so i won’t be finishing the video when am rushing!
thanksoooMUCH to you who did that and GODBLESSus
#allGLORYtoLORDJESUS
i love the castle building analogy and the drop the handkerchief hack, thanks!
Valadation of Love is the Teaching process of Who U-R= If You Wasn't Validated as a Child You Look for it as an Adult. Be 🙌 😇 Blessed
What does that mean
I give them a big warm smile , and they usually come over
I love Lewis making notes :)) Keep talking guys! It gives me hope for some better days to come in relationship department.
200 years ago, a woman would purposely drop her handkerchief. Omg, Matthew just told the same story as i was typing this. Hilarious 😂
Bottom line, she has to help him out. ❤️❤️
2 of my favourite guys here. Adore you both.
Appreciate you! 🙏
It does give him some insight and he probably has experienced some what he is talking about but coming from a 61 year old woman everything he has said so far on the videos I've listened two are so far very straightforward and to the point and some of it has the same point of view as a woman would have like the clingy aspect of somebody trying to push a relationship when they just started to meet each other that's scary because they're still strangers.
Your mother was right about how you should behave however you shouldn't behave that way with everyone it's too confusing for those who do like you from those who could care less
Yah all anxiety anxious
Pain bcoz of love
Long time i don't open my heart after someone come into my life and accept him but I'm having depression bcoz of to much love i giving
this crazy i rather stay single than have a relationship again
So you never let go of that and put yourself in the moment of being with your woman. You have to learn to compartmentalize or as some people say let it go and enjoy what you're doing in that moment and when you go back to work let let it go and get fully engaged in the moment
Who thinks these guys are amazing? 😊😉
Love. Love, Love this video! So insightful, helpful, and enlightening!
Lewis Howes and Matthew Hussey together are a breath of fresh air!
Great interviews! Thank you, Lewis and Matthew! Love your interviews! Learned a lot! God bless you for your hard and deep work!
The frustrating thing about putting in the effort and doing all these things is not doing it it's guys not putting in the same level of effort
Thank you Matt for making this crystal clear with the castle analology. I needed to hear this.
No bodys life is great , and if it is it is very fleeting based on what ? The sooner we all stop wanting a great and perfect life , the better off we all will be.
Why is love so difficult??? Its hurting 💔 try to be together and make someone happy and interesting in you is almost not possible in these days
I only just started listening to you and I’m sure you already know why haha … but I love your story about the two builders …I feel so much more optimistic already … there is a lot to still learn but well … when better than now … better late than never 🥰
5:05
Drop the handkerchief
Good reminder. Thank you fr !!!
The castle and trash can analogies! 🤯 wow! Loved this thanks
I've heard people said:
"Nobody is perfect!
My sweetheart is perfect!
Yeah, everything about him is perfect to me,
Your dad story reminds me of my beloved husband. ❤ Very smart 🎉
VALIDATION of 《WHO U ARE》U KNOW U
Cant wait till you do it , your advice is incredibly insigtful based on the feedback from us who have done it , what you may underestimate is the damage done to people , and the massive complications from that damage interpersonal from one damaged person to another , it gets very hard as time goes by.
I love the concept of the castle, building together. That's very true.
I love this intelligent man!!
Contact him on whatsaap...
Lewis you did a great job of as an interviewer in reading your guest and just letting the guest go on and on and keeping a neutral response (especially during the trash cans part).
🧡
Spot on guys! Such a great breakdown on this whole topic. And Lewis also always does the perfect job on questioning exactly what we're all thinking haha coupled with the perfect answers!
one thing i have learnt about men is they get attracted every moment they meet an attractive girl so at some point they must break your heart and they thing that you dont have the same feeling as a woman
I just really salute you both ..Creativity and Caring in relationship work
Thank you Mathew and Lewis! Happy thanksgiving ‼️‼️I'm thankful for you both and what you talk about ❣️😊
Happy Thanksgiving too! 🧡
❤I would rather live in faith and marry for love and fidelity than date and living in sin my energy is way to important to mix with the wrong person ❤
It’s all games but true chemistry is king
I’m glad I found him like over 7 yrs ago. It helped and he is correct on some things, I remember when he said watch out, what I tell you is dangerous Use what I say on good terms, or evil or something like that Haha I would love to see him in Australia. I learned to say hello to everyone or ask what time is it, directions somewhere, ask for their help or their opinion, show interest ask questions so many times someone has said why don’t you google it. I say I like asking people I learn more, I would never do long distance unless someone can move ASAP.
This was so helpful. I wanted to understand and relate to some of these things and concepts but had nothing to draw from. I do now. Thank you so so much.
"Dropping the handkerchief": this is great! How could I forget it? :-)