Matthew Hussey: “I Wish I Knew THIS When I Was Single” - How To HEAL The #1 Pattern BLOCKING LOVE

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  • Опубліковано 21 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 585

  • @lewishowes
    @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +209

    Thanks to Matthew for sharing his wisdom with us! Leave a “YES” if you enjoyed this and share the biggest moment for you. And make sure to subscribe to never miss out on inspiring content like this again UA-cam.com/lewishowes

    • @thematthewhussey
      @thematthewhussey 8 місяців тому

      Thanks brother! Amazing conversation!
      For anyone who wants to grab a copy of the new book, you can find it at www.LoveLifeBook.com ❤️🙏

    • @NaNa-vx1ey
      @NaNa-vx1ey 8 місяців тому +13

      To be honest, this is the most enlightening podcast in recent months, seriously and I watch podcast everyday, especially the last part, it truly touched my heart, thanks for having him here

    • @elenadumitrov8896
      @elenadumitrov8896 8 місяців тому +6

      Yes!
      I found Matthew on UA-cam 10 years ago. After I divorced my husband of 25 years I needed dating advice. He is genuine, respectful and sweet.
      I realised that if you start not liking yourself, you are not in the right relationship. For about. ‘5 minutes’ I tried online dating and my profile said: ‘I’m not perfect and you are not perfect but are we perfect for each other?’ Thank you both for sharing your wisdom and being vulnerable. 🙏❤️

    • @christinamarti4441
      @christinamarti4441 8 місяців тому +2

      Thank you both ! I’m very happy you both found love ❤️

    • @christinamarti4441
      @christinamarti4441 8 місяців тому +5

      Lewis you and Martha make a beautiful couple una pareja muy linda llena de amor bendiciones 🙏💕

  • @queenprotein
    @queenprotein 7 місяців тому +158

    Women with boundaries, self love, self awareness, self reflection, self worth and humility will be ready and receptive to the man who presents calm, considerate, inquisitive and receptive behavior.

    • @penniroyal4398
      @penniroyal4398 6 місяців тому +16

      Until you find out that you are his “other woman” not the forever woman. It takes years and decades to be able to claim that your person is faithful. It doesn’t matter how perfect you think your relationship is. The test of time is so important and most of these “relationship coaches have just gotten married let alone stayed married for 40 years and have raised children and grandchildren. It’s so much easier to talk the talk than to walk the walk. Look to see if these coaches are living the lives they are teaching you that you can achieve themselves. I was married for 40 years to one man. I have granddaughters that are going to college next fall. It’s a long haul staying married for 40 years and raising multiple generations. Just saying that it’s much easier telling people what to do than doing it yourself.

    • @tinayip1220
      @tinayip1220 5 місяців тому +4

      I think the key to this is to not confuse nonchalance with emotional health and regulation tbh w u 😂 id rather just wish these amazing men the bestest life possible in glorious relationships that they are preparing so enthusiastically to have.

  • @thematthewhussey
    @thematthewhussey 8 місяців тому +591

    Thank you for having me on man! I so appreciated this conversation! Literally one of my favorite shows in the world to do.
    And thank you to all of you here for your beautiful comments. They mean so very much! ❤

    • @brendamoran3954
      @brendamoran3954 8 місяців тому +6

      🙏❤

    • @myhappyvibe
      @myhappyvibe 8 місяців тому +10

      And it s great how you transformed yourself Matthew over all these years. It s amazing ❤

    • @scarletwilson2562
      @scarletwilson2562 8 місяців тому +4

      This is so great! Especially the last part when answering what you would tell yourself. I needed to hear that. Also, your energy seems so much more calm and peaceful.

    • @Mads4tahoe
      @Mads4tahoe 8 місяців тому +6

      So happy you found your person Matthew! Had me wondering there for a while 😊

    • @cynthiaars8140
      @cynthiaars8140 8 місяців тому +4

      Thank you for your wisdom!! ❤

  • @barbarawhiteside9562
    @barbarawhiteside9562 8 місяців тому +729

    Well, he just answered the million-dollar question of my life, "Why are you single?" Because my whole life, I have chosen people who activate my nervous system into fight or flight mode thinking that it was love. I have never been able to answer that question with so few words . But it's the truth, thank you

    • @Gringavaitecontar
      @Gringavaitecontar 8 місяців тому +14

      I have the same experience

    • @kattell5183
      @kattell5183 8 місяців тому +10

      same

    • @hellooogirlss
      @hellooogirlss 8 місяців тому +16

      omg same and i think this also is something which is really empowering in a sense that this person is not per se a bad person we are just incompatible

    • @besapeposhi3864
      @besapeposhi3864 7 місяців тому +1

      What was the answer?

    • @NeeNHassan
      @NeeNHassan 7 місяців тому +7

      Thanks for making it clear and bold to be read and understood

  • @NaeK188
    @NaeK188 8 місяців тому +98

    I’m really proud of how far I’ve come in voicing my needs, however, the recent experience of having my needs labelled “too high expectations” or “sensitive” or “you shouldn’t need that” and invalidated and denied really shook me. It’s been 2 months and I’m already healing well, but I wish I walked away once my needs were denied. They were as simple as cuddles after intimacy, going on a date, asking for an apology… basic things. I was always the one going “how can I love you better? What can I do? What do you need?” And he asked it once towards the end of our relationship, made the change I requested, then blew up when he couldn’t keep up the “act” as he called it. Man, I’m ready to work on myself and take this time to heal, and when I date again, I’m being authentically me and not being afraid to say no to the wrong person…

    • @therealsandraweise
      @therealsandraweise 7 місяців тому +6

      That's not your person. You can speak up. People get to still say no.

    • @Bee_willder
      @Bee_willder 7 місяців тому +6

      I feel this. My current partner is very open to discussion on needs and feelings but every time I have a conversation I’m scared. It’s wild he’s never given me a reason to be but that’s my healing to work through

    • @bhdlbounds
      @bhdlbounds 24 дні тому

      I felt like your partner that I was always expected to be giving in a way he expected which was constant attention, constant validation, needing what I considered way too much affection time and touch like he just literally could not be happy with a “normal” amount of energy towards a relationship vs an all consuming amount of attention. With the kindest intentions, I would suggest that you may need to heal from having an anxious attachment style. I pray for your healing journey to be successful! We are all on a healing journey.

  • @LoveAndLightForEveryone
    @LoveAndLightForEveryone 8 місяців тому +130

    I am sending love and light to those people who are addicted to toxicity. You are worthy of a healthy relationships, even if you don’t see it yet! Good luck🕊

  • @thecommonsensecapricorn
    @thecommonsensecapricorn 8 місяців тому +266

    @34:47
    The guy I most recently dated told me about the last girl he was with & how she was really cold and never acknowledged him or how he cared for her, but he still wrote sad songs about her. I tried to end it when I realized he was hung up on someone, but he insisted he was as healing and he saw dating me as moving forward from that. Yet of course, he wasn’t showing up in the way I know I deserve, and I experienced HIM as being unavailable emotionally. I could tell he enjoyed how nurturing, sweet, and open I was to him, but he took it for granted. And I understand, because I’ve been in his position. It’s what you guys are talking about - we only recognize love when we are trying to earn it. I was doing it with him and he wasn’t as into me as the last girl because he didn’t have to earn my love/attention. Clearly we’re both wounded. It woke me up to the work I still have to do personally. No regrets.

    • @PlutosMoon22
      @PlutosMoon22 8 місяців тому +11

      Thank you for this! I've been watching Lewis for a while now and Ive heard him speak generally on the past relationship that helped send him on this journey. While its always nice to be in a healthy/ easy relationship (especially after a challenging one) I hope he's genuinely moving on. Too much time being introspective can mess up the future of his current relationship even if that trama is making money now.

    • @InspireFreedomForever
      @InspireFreedomForever 7 місяців тому +10

      This must be common. I experienced something very similar in my last relationship. It made me question if love really exists or if it's all just one big game. 😢

    • @cyndigooch1162
      @cyndigooch1162 6 місяців тому +2

      ​@@PlutosMoon22 I'm not sure if you know about Lewis Howes' extreme childhood trauma issue, which takes a lot of work and a long time to heal from. It's totally worth it in the end though. ❤

    • @jackhubert
      @jackhubert 6 місяців тому +5

      This is exactly what just happened to me. Except I’m the guy. It sucks but it all hit me like a ton of bricks and it needed to happen. I don’t think she regrets breaking it off. I hope she finds peace and joy.

    • @maddiesohappy9631
      @maddiesohappy9631 6 місяців тому +3

      These convos are very interesting but I find myself super grateful that my dating took place in a time when we didn't psychoanalyze virtually every moment.
      On my first date with my husband of 27 years (we met for dinner at a family restaurant) I found a single peach-coloured rose by my place setting.
      I thought to myself "Oh how thoughtful" and the rest is history. I had met someone who did life in a similar way to me.

  • @MahasSaham79
    @MahasSaham79 8 місяців тому +153

    Not every woman is whole, healed, and able to receive Love. We have to stop grouping all women and men into the same category....and start evaluating each person on their own journey and where they are, emotionally, psychologically etc.❤

    • @Topsnap_Podcast
      @Topsnap_Podcast 7 місяців тому +10

      This is so true🎉... My person left. She needed to fix herself.. I needed to fix myself. We were in ❤ , but. A lot of family crap got in Our way. I will always care for her and Love her. I hope she is healing. I want what's best for her in her life. #laurennicolemills

  • @Ldalton39
    @Ldalton39 4 місяці тому +51

    Every woman needs a Matthew Hussey in her life

    • @swurvling
      @swurvling 3 місяці тому +1

      ​@Enavor😂lol so true. Just gonna make them insanely insecure

    • @Marina-wi3rs
      @Marina-wi3rs 2 місяці тому +1

      As a Therapist? Or a frined?

    • @gracesthill8175
      @gracesthill8175 2 місяці тому +2

      Agreed. And every man, too!

    • @CiMcM135
      @CiMcM135 7 днів тому

      He is an avoidant btw 👀😮

  • @4787fhjjk
    @4787fhjjk 8 місяців тому +58

    You can see how much Matthew likes Lewis in the intro. I love his warmth. His insight into the human experience catches me off guard every time. He is so good.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +5

      So glad you enjoy the channel! Thanks for being here!

  • @soapyfankatie
    @soapyfankatie 8 місяців тому +80

    "Who do I feel the most at home with and who do I feel most like myself" Needed to hear this today, great advice

    • @hummingbird4934
      @hummingbird4934 4 місяці тому +1

      My ex. I felt this way with him. I will never feel this way for anyone else I truly believe that

  • @thecommonsensecapricorn
    @thecommonsensecapricorn 8 місяців тому +102

    Matthew Hussey is the absolute OG. Such a wise man.

    • @digital_intel
      @digital_intel 8 місяців тому +1

      OG 100

    • @legalservices8856
      @legalservices8856 7 місяців тому

      @@digital_intel what is OG please?

    • @digital_intel
      @digital_intel 7 місяців тому

      Ogondi Gertrapaturtle@@legalservices8856

    • @Sunshine78200
      @Sunshine78200 5 місяців тому +1

      Yes!!! 💯 he is!

    • @digital_intel
      @digital_intel 5 місяців тому +1

      @@legalservices8856 Original Gangsta. Just another way of saying he's the best.

  • @emmyemmy8669
    @emmyemmy8669 8 місяців тому +77

    the authenticity in this episode is what makes it so attractive. both of you are sharing and being vulnerable and - ah ha, a human. and happy birthday lewis!

  • @bpassion4fashion581
    @bpassion4fashion581 8 місяців тому +48

    32:40 That’s spot on about the nervous system ! … ANDDDD a lot of the times childhood unhealed trauma around not having father figures that protected them as little girls tend to gravitate towards “ bad boys “ and so they misread and confuse the power control and fake confidence they portray, with a man that has the potential to provide protection. I believe that women intrinsically want a good, gentle man that can also make her feel protected.

    • @Moon_Fire_Water
      @Moon_Fire_Water 8 місяців тому +1

      That part

    • @Kathy-qu8zj
      @Kathy-qu8zj 7 місяців тому +2

      Hand raise..🙋‍♀️been there, still there.

    • @Yasmin-dw5pl
      @Yasmin-dw5pl 7 місяців тому

      @@Kathy-qu8zjYep same. However it’s destroyed me.

    • @pixie3458
      @pixie3458 6 місяців тому +1

      This is so true and familiar. It's really hard to understand why you attract and are attracted to the wrong people if the rejection, lack of attention or lack of protection happened when you were little more than a baby. I felt I 'lost' my relationship with my father when my sister was born. He enjoyed babies and was the only one who could soothe me as a little one. All that stopped when I was a 'grown up girl' at 2 1/2!

  • @tammywegener5203
    @tammywegener5203 8 місяців тому +92

    I'll take "too nice" over "narcissism" ANY day!!!

    • @tammywegener5203
      @tammywegener5203 8 місяців тому +8

      I'm an Empath. My soul gets drained my Narcissists. 😪

    • @tammywegener5203
      @tammywegener5203 8 місяців тому +3

      I totally relate to you Matthew! Since I was little. 😔

    • @Anniepat2340
      @Anniepat2340 6 місяців тому +1

      I used to think if a guy was too nice then I was going to eventually take that for granted and take advantage of him. (So dumb…). Everyone knows “those guys” in high school. you don’t want a puppy dog but sometimes what you think is a puppy dog is just someone who adores you and wants to spend time with you. Now I wish I married one of them!
      But now I am the “too nice” one in a relationship and I don’t like being on this end.
      Looking for that “nice guy” again.

    • @ninagagne7602
      @ninagagne7602 3 місяці тому +2

      I thought the same. 1st relationship was with a narc and my 2nd was with the nicest guy I have ever met. Both ended up having addiction issues, avoidant parenting styles to say it kindly and both loved my nurturing ways and empathetic heart. Both were abusive, in different ways and when I could not be controlled, both projected all of their issues on me and both refused to do any inner work. Single 10 years now and I have never been more in love....with myself😊

  • @Katwren
    @Katwren 3 місяці тому +12

    I am so grateful for the insights.
    I'm one of the trauma-bonded types, biting my tongue, feeling responsible for everyone's feelings, needing to "fix" things, abandoning myself...

  • @DominionAnako-bb7ry
    @DominionAnako-bb7ry 8 місяців тому +135

    Toxic love can be emotionally draining and harmful to your overall well-being. It's important to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship, such as constant criticism, manipulation, or lack of respect. Remember, you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, and respect. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and consider seeking professional help if needed. Take care of yourself and prioritize your happiness. You deserve a healthy and fulfilling love. ❤️

    • @sharronchep
      @sharronchep 8 місяців тому +2

      The constant critism part is terrible

    • @craigosterberg5045
      @craigosterberg5045 8 місяців тому +1

      Thanks

    • @shilparathore3181
      @shilparathore3181 7 місяців тому

      Two sensitive men with intelligent conversation! Thank you for this.
      You both provided a lot of insight on many issues with relationships.

    • @DominionAnako-bb7ry
      @DominionAnako-bb7ry 7 місяців тому

      @@shilparathore3181 Welcome

  • @Reteet123
    @Reteet123 8 місяців тому +135

    My husband of almost 20 years said to me, “I would do things for you, but I don’t know what you like”. Funny, I knew everything that he liked and loved… he’s my ex husband now. It boggled my mind, how can you be with someone for 20 years, yet, you don’t know them.

    • @Yasmin-dw5pl
      @Yasmin-dw5pl 7 місяців тому +11

      This seriously resonates! 😮

    • @jag28co
      @jag28co 7 місяців тому +22

      Did you ever tell him what your needs were?

    • @GUITARTIME2024
      @GUITARTIME2024 7 місяців тому +21

      Lol. Im a dude, married many yrs now. Be CLEAR with men. AlWAYS. We arent women.

    • @renette0506
      @renette0506 7 місяців тому +13

      ​@@jag28co, constantly. He didn't ever hear me, I wasn't important.

    • @nataliastrom2020
      @nataliastrom2020 6 місяців тому +19

      I know the feeling, you tell them what you like, want and need and they don't listen and then get defensive and mad that you never told them any of it. Irresponsible people blame others for their own flaws.

  • @NattAram
    @NattAram 8 місяців тому +33

    Matthew is one of the people I really feel is connected to his heart space.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +4

      Appreciate you for being here 🧡

    • @NattAram
      @NattAram 7 місяців тому +1

      @@lewishowes appreciate you too!

    • @tessg4799
      @tessg4799 5 місяців тому +2

      Yeah, it seems he is connected to his heart.

  • @c.schuster7353
    @c.schuster7353 8 місяців тому +23

    Matthew is such a wise and compassionate man. So thankful for his advice.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +1

      Thank you so much for watching!

  • @cyndijohnson5473
    @cyndijohnson5473 8 місяців тому +71

    I can attest to dropping the thing we normally use to attract people. I’m huge into pole fitness & I have a ton of fantastic pictures…but putting them on the dating app profile gets me nothing but superficial men chasing thrills. Once I started posting my average every day pictures, I began getting better matches

    • @Bee_willder
      @Bee_willder 7 місяців тому +6

      Same!!! I can’t post any pole or even bikini pics without getting bombarded by creeps

    • @AoibheannDoyle-SoulTherapist
      @AoibheannDoyle-SoulTherapist 7 місяців тому +2

      💯

    • @miss_whipps
      @miss_whipps 6 місяців тому +4

      Great example of his point! Hope you're finding people who appreciate all of you!❤

  • @lilibethnieto55
    @lilibethnieto55 8 місяців тому +29

    Self compassion is a beautiful gift to ourselves. This podcast is so raw and full of human softness, definitely the reason why we all attract the people that we create relationships with because we do see our brokenness in them. Being truly authentic and naked emotionally takes courage. Nobody wants to be judged and not like because we are who we are. The feeling of being safe and home with someone is truly amazing yet it takes vulnerability and compassionate acceptance to arrive home. I appreciate both your openness and vulnerability as the leaders and authority navigating this topic. I feel that both your life experiences creates volumes impacting us today ❤️. Grateful to both of you. Gracias!🙏

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +2

      Thank you! Appreciate you for watching. 🧡

  • @HumanityRisingNow
    @HumanityRisingNow 8 місяців тому +21

    The two definitions of commitment were quite the eye opener: 1. A condition that restricts action 2. A dedication to a cause.
    Which one you choose can really determine how you feel in a relationship.

    • @MaggieC21
      @MaggieC21 8 місяців тому +1

      I think what you share is particularly poignant for men. Women tend to romanticize commitment, yet both rarely see commitment as a dedication to personal growth and advancing one's maturity and fulfillment via a shared contribution to mutual well-being.

  • @anaissolotraveler
    @anaissolotraveler 8 місяців тому +29

    I am very grateful to listen that kind of conversation 😊 It changed my whole life! I am 30 during my 20s I didn't know about self love, having boudaries and it turned out when I became aware I was surrouding with toxic relationship included friends 😅 I am single since 8 years don't have close friends since 2 years. I am rebuilding and recreate a new life 😃 It been 2 years I focus on myself and the love I am worthy about 😊 It people like you who change my life game ❤ My deepest gratitude 😇

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +3

      Thank you! Appreciate you for watching.

    • @sharonkitalei
      @sharonkitalei 8 місяців тому +3

      I relate to your story gal

  • @nancysaflarski1780
    @nancysaflarski1780 3 місяці тому +3

    Matthew is one of the best relationship coaches I’ve ever listened to. His level of communication is so compassionate and hits all of the places I feel in starting new relationships.
    Great advice Matthew.

  • @isabellakarner7403
    @isabellakarner7403 8 місяців тому +23

    You two have such a special friendship! you truly see each other, this is beautiful! I am happy for you! there is something magical about turning 40... I guess at some point you are done with suffering and truly understand the importance of being truthful to your heart and thats when all the great people start showing up- friendships, love life etc everything improves...

  • @v9b23j
    @v9b23j 8 місяців тому +17

    What a beautiful conversation. I am touched by Matthew's vulnerability and gratitude for the relationship and connection he has build and nurtured with himself, Audrey and his life 🥰

  • @lenkaa.9955
    @lenkaa.9955 8 місяців тому +8

    When we start to become better person (whole life journey) we still attract same amount of people, just different sort. But its true it's you loose a lot people around you. You have changed, so you don't click anymore. my circle is smaller since I am doing personal development. They say it's a lonely path, the self actualization. You are not fuzzing around with majority ppl who simply have other beliefs and standards, I guess. Lovely podcast, thank you guys. Following both of you for years now ❤

  • @tianyiwang2049
    @tianyiwang2049 8 місяців тому +9

    I have followed both of you for years. And remember watching Matthew's videos 10 years ago as a shy high schooler. This was one of the most vulnerable, insightful, resonant interviews I have ever listened to. And a video I plan to re-watch when I need a reminder of what true peace within myself and relationships can be like during my own journey. Thank you both so much.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому

      So happy to hear my content was helpful for you! 🧡

  • @karentyndall7948
    @karentyndall7948 7 місяців тому +5

    I wish I knew this 15 years ago after my divorce. However I have been conflict averse all my life. People pleasing and in a trauma bond for 31 years. I feel seen and heard now thank you! Maybe I can learn to love again in a beautiful relationship! Watch this space! Regulating my nervous system and showing up as the real me is a great start! You are both amazing men well done! Thanks for sharing your vulnerability and your strength! ❤❤❤❤❤

  • @ElephantPatronus
    @ElephantPatronus 7 місяців тому +8

    I think flowers on the first date would make me feel uncomfortable. It’s too much too soon. If, after the date, I don’t feel chemistry with him, then it’s going to feel even more awkward. I agree, I’d rather him wait until he knows me better and we are clicking. Then flowers are absolutely lovely to receive. 💐

  • @msfifi8669
    @msfifi8669 Місяць тому +3

    My advice “Always” listen to your gut. Be observant and take your time to study the person before you give out your whole authentic self.. I once experienced- my friends thought we were a perfect match , but my gut on the other hand was warning me I deserve better.. He turned out to be pathological lier. ❤ Remember: when you have a Gold of heart and pure intentions , you don’t lose people, people lose you. ❤

  • @olee457
    @olee457 7 місяців тому +1

    Healing to listen to two kind, growth-minded men show up with authenticity, love, and bravery ❤

  • @annreilly7925
    @annreilly7925 Місяць тому +9

    A "nice guy" doesn't equate to Good man!!! Nice guys often are manipulative and inauthentic and have ulterior and/or self-serving motives. A good man does things because it's a part of who he is and it's just in his nature, not because there's a payoff or to get something in return.

  • @myjourney73
    @myjourney73 8 місяців тому +15

    Two awesome people who live what they preach.living examples of change and success!

  • @michellerobert_mindfulme
    @michellerobert_mindfulme 8 місяців тому +5

    This is one of the best podcasts I've ever heard. Mat has grown so much n changed so much from when I first watched his videos. So proud of you 🤗 🤗

  • @dnmp4632
    @dnmp4632 8 місяців тому +4

    It’s not easy to leave situations we know aren’t healthy, the recognition of that struggle in this conversation makes it relatable and easier to digest. It’s extremely motivating and uplifting when examining our dark chapters in life❤

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +1

      Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching!

  • @carolinepostlethwaite4861
    @carolinepostlethwaite4861 8 місяців тому +12

    Beautiful interaction. I can see how both of you have grown into yourselves & relaxed. A absolute joy to see & be with you😊❤

  • @verpul165
    @verpul165 8 місяців тому +4

    Two great men! I have been following you @Lewis Howes since 2014, you helped me to go trough the darkest and most painful part of my life then, thanks your amazing interviews. Every interview that I see from you, I can see you continually growing! you get better and better interviewing but specially as a human being. And you @Matthew Hussey, I found you 2015 and I was at one of your retreats 2015 or 2016 (San Diego). I have to say that you are a 180° different person today than then... I see now the softer-loving-compasionate and the real MATTHEW, THIS IS MATTHEW. Live is hard in how it changes us, but seeing it from the illuminated side of the tunnel, it is the greatest gift we could have ever received. You both made a wonderful interview here. I appreciate you both and thank you for being here.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @Bee-lp3wj
    @Bee-lp3wj 8 місяців тому +12

    I appreciate Matthew's content. He can give dating advice without being misogynistic. Choosing people who are toxic for us isn't exclusive to women. The whole women don't like nice guys trope needs to go. It has to do with attachment style issues. Both genders can choose people who are toxic as partners.

  • @LoveAngel333
    @LoveAngel333 8 місяців тому +11

    I so long for a partner that will allow me in. I want to know my partner so I can give to them and love and encourage them based on who they truly are. Someone who lives in their authentic self. People don’t know how to be their true-selves. Fear has them so trapped.
    I love to see people do what they love to do authentically. The happiness you see in them, the genuine happiness is so beautiful to see in another person. People don’t know how to be happy truly happy and it so sad it makes me cry when I see someone trapped and stuck from true happiness

  • @christinamarti4441
    @christinamarti4441 8 місяців тому +5

    Long before I ever heard of attachment style I knew I had an issue with self love I needed constant validation it’s so clear to me thank you

  • @jens8223
    @jens8223 6 місяців тому +5

    I’m not going to lie. What Mathew said regarding someone being in their selfish era and being in a relationship where they’re just taking from you and you’re not questioning anything. That really hit my soul cause that’s the situation I was in last year with my “situationship” and when I finally tried to speak up regarding what we were doing his response was that he was in his selfish era but taking everything from me wasn’t a problem just the commitment

  • @Sunshine78200
    @Sunshine78200 5 місяців тому +2

    Matthew is who anyone wanting to learn about themselves , life and love NEED to listen to! So insightful, knowledgeable and relatable. Best advice ever and his books are fantastic. Helped me see things so differently and change in the best way. Thank you 🙏 . Never stop helping and sharing. The world needs to hear what you have to say.

  • @kathrynbrown7392
    @kathrynbrown7392 7 місяців тому +3

    This is great life advice in general! I’ve been feeling like people see me as useful but not valuable, especially at work but also in friendships. I just realized that I think that if I don’t show how helpful I am, people won’t be interested in me. This is so helpful! Thank you!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 місяців тому

      Glad this was helpful for you. 🧡

  • @chiaracris84
    @chiaracris84 7 місяців тому +2

    Matthew is the best on this topic- also because of how clearly he presents his answers. It’s literally impossible not to get him. Amazing episode!!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 місяців тому

      So glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for tuning in.

  • @AngelEyes-xm7el
    @AngelEyes-xm7el 8 місяців тому +9

    I don't try to impress, take me as I am. Down to earth. Thank you fella's .

  • @tracysmith4878
    @tracysmith4878 8 місяців тому +13

    Lewis has brought light, wisdom, depth and genuine spirit to the surface

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +1

      Thank you so much for your kind words 🧡

  • @erael540
    @erael540 8 місяців тому +8

    I can 100% can relate to this. Learning my patterns has helped me. Learning to move and recognize things is life changing.

  • @cindydiamond3215
    @cindydiamond3215 8 місяців тому +9

    Probably the best interview I’ve ever seen of Matthew. Thank you.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +2

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @linamartinez2552
    @linamartinez2552 7 місяців тому +12

    Flowers on a first date is great. If there is a future in that relationship, then you have great memories to reflect the first gift, etc. it’s always good to be generous.

    • @MichaelGCypher
      @MichaelGCypher 4 місяці тому

      I think maybe he may have been reading too much into the flower giver story or he has been coaching undatable women for so long he has either been too influenced by them or is just communicating the “majority” of women’s POV . It’s the first thing I’ve heard him say that I am questioning.

  • @katapultleadgen
    @katapultleadgen 7 місяців тому +2

    I learn so much from Matthew hussey in personal development every time I listen to him!! Thank you Matthew for helping me see other perspectives and how I show up in relationships

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 місяців тому +1

      Thank you for being here!

  • @DustFreeZone
    @DustFreeZone 8 місяців тому +4

    I love the clarification about "nice guys" being a turn-off at about minute 28. Thank you for bringing up this topic, and giving the perfect answer! Bravo!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @wimvankempen8458
    @wimvankempen8458 8 місяців тому +13

    I recently gave myself 5 years based on solid advice to find my perfect love or SP or soulmate of my dreams. I feel this will give me a lot of space to work on myself first

    • @sunnygirl9691
      @sunnygirl9691 4 дні тому

      The fact that you’re looking for your “perfect love” means you have a lot more work to do.

  • @Pixeleen77
    @Pixeleen77 7 місяців тому +5

    Some of which Matthew speaks of is called Limerence. It's an incredibly painful state of relationship toxicity. It was coined by the psychologist Dorothy Tennov. He's just got better and better over the years, and his vulnerability is so refreshing. Well done to you both.👍🏾

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 місяців тому +1

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @yupisaidit-mx4is
    @yupisaidit-mx4is 26 днів тому

    Matthew Hussey has helped me so much by listening to him, I was able to open my mind to be free & truly happy.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  26 днів тому +1

      Thank you for tuning in! 🙂

  • @denel6
    @denel6 7 місяців тому +7

    I love the challenge to the first question…when you become the person you want to attract, the dating pool can become very small. I consider this very positive.

  • @theplanetruth
    @theplanetruth 8 місяців тому +17

    1:13
    1. Love and accept yourself
    2. Love… others
    3. Repeat
    If you want to be loved, love someone else. If you want to be adored, adore someone else. If you want to be served, serve someone else.

    • @CeciledeLuire
      @CeciledeLuire 8 місяців тому +3

      plus
      4. have values (that really matter to you) and boundaries and stick to them!

  • @gabrielacruceanu9922
    @gabrielacruceanu9922 8 місяців тому +84

    If it s toxic then it is not love ... so let it go anyway.

  • @lindajohnson2177
    @lindajohnson2177 6 місяців тому +6

    Lewis, I love your vulnerability. So happy that you found your person 💗

  • @beatrisurukova1337
    @beatrisurukova1337 4 місяці тому +2

    love matthew hussey and as someone who's watched him for a while i definitely see how much he's grown. love that for him. And same for lewis tbh.. this was such a helpful video

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  4 місяці тому +2

      Thank you so much for watching! 🧡

  • @OhGodGirl
    @OhGodGirl 8 місяців тому +5

    Really appreciate the openness and vulnerabilty from both of you.

  • @lisanathan7336
    @lisanathan7336 7 місяців тому +1

    These two ❤❤. I’ve been watching Mr Hussey for nearly a decade and the growth in this Man is exponential with the way he connects, leads and inspires. I’m loving this journey with him and his book arrived yesterday. So looking forward to my best cup of Chai Latte and snuggling with my dog for a good read. Wishing whoever is reading this to find the courage and unconditional love within to find the perfect harmonious match for you 💓🙏🏻🎶

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  6 місяців тому

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @janespitfire9884
    @janespitfire9884 8 місяців тому +18

    I enjoy listening to both of you intelligent men. Thank you!!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +4

      Thank you! Your support means a lot🧡

  • @americangirl4299
    @americangirl4299 8 місяців тому +7

    As I watch this video, I can sense the passion you both have on this topic. This interview has been so enlightening and informative. Thank you guys for the insight!!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому

      You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡

  • @PEM5861
    @PEM5861 5 місяців тому +1

    I can relate entirely to what Lewis is saying about not being able to ask the hard questions.

  • @bpassion4fashion581
    @bpassion4fashion581 8 місяців тому +2

    Oh Wao! I am glad I stuck to the end of this interview. I have had that same “ Self-Hate-Talk” and it’s so healing and validating that you shared this Mathew!

  • @dianna6884
    @dianna6884 5 місяців тому

    These two men are my favorite. Also, I am deeply moved by this conversation. This is probably one of the BEST interviews ever with Matthew Hussey. His wisdom, knowledge, vulnerability and growth oriented perspective is mind blowing. I've listened to Matthew for years. This is such a heart warming conversation... and at the end ... listen to Matthew's response to Louis's questions. I'm sure we can all relate ❤
    I can't wait for the second interview.
    Yes, get the book also, it's great "Love Life" by Matthew Hussey
    I've read it :-)

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  5 місяців тому

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @Africanbeautyy93
    @Africanbeautyy93 7 місяців тому

    One of my favorite people on the internet. So real and so much truth! Love Mathew Hussey!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 місяців тому

      Appreciate you and your support🧡

  • @frankG335
    @frankG335 3 місяці тому

    Thank you Matthew, for explaining the difference between "nice" and just "controlling."

  • @lindafano491
    @lindafano491 8 місяців тому +13

    Every man should listen to this podcast!

  • @janelupo6023
    @janelupo6023 5 місяців тому

    Thanks to Matthew for putting the words to what I was feeling when a fellow I met for the first time in person brought flowers, and insisted on providing me with the best date experience he could imagine in other ways. It was a 'meet and greet', for me, and I felt SO uncomfortable. Some of my friends mentioned that I might be over-reacting, and were surprised at how I felt. Good to know that my radar still works!

  • @gabriellaluzpm
    @gabriellaluzpm 8 місяців тому +8

    I love you both. Thanks for existing.

  • @mariaandres2422
    @mariaandres2422 8 місяців тому +11

    I enjoy day to day being single 😊

  • @marilynantonucci3843
    @marilynantonucci3843 8 місяців тому +10

    Omg! Caught The Live!
    My FAV Matthew Hussey & Lewis! 💙🖤💙

  • @dcooper2664
    @dcooper2664 8 місяців тому +3

    @matthewhussey when you were explaining the girl having a hard time expressing herself to her dad relating to a date, it brought to mind my struggles with speaking up.. but I’ve discovered that as I grow older, it’s not even worth speaking up to say anything and instead, just moving on. I’ve grown emotionless

    • @Bella.45.2.47
      @Bella.45.2.47 8 місяців тому +2

      Then you’ll end up alone

    • @tarawiselove
      @tarawiselove 8 місяців тому

      ​@@Bella.45.2.47Best to be helpful, not hurtful

  • @ilianahernandezb1850
    @ilianahernandezb1850 7 місяців тому

    This interview is too much! Matthew’s videos help me a lot years ago and still. Lewis school of greatness is amazing too. Thank you!!!🙏🏼

  • @cathybinder1111
    @cathybinder1111 7 місяців тому +2

    I’m feeling like it’s never about the giving or offering it’s more about the WHO is doing the offering. If it’s someone who is fulfilled within themselves they give for the joy of giving. When I personally am not feeling whole I realize I’m really offering from more of a place of need . So it’s in the intention. Intention is powerful and offers the information that the nervous system of the “other” is searching for. 😁

  • @mariahhelm5488
    @mariahhelm5488 8 місяців тому +2

    I LOVED this conversation. So many incredible insights, especially from the nervous system level and attracting what may not be familiar.
    However, I most certainly do not agree with the "find someone who makes you feel like home" mentality for this EXACT reason. Home was chaotic and with too many moments of emotional abuse.
    I need someone who makes me feel like the OPPOSITE of home.
    With that said, thank you both so so much for this conversation.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +1

      Glad to hear that you loved it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @ullanoonan3023
    @ullanoonan3023 7 місяців тому +2

    Listening to your conversation was a breath of fresh air!! Thank-you

  • @randomfun3845
    @randomfun3845 8 місяців тому +11

    Women don't like when you are afraid to be yourself. Be authentic!! We don't like to carry the conversations & be the only one real.

    • @ShivaShaktification
      @ShivaShaktification 8 місяців тому

      Sure, every single thing is always the man's fault and the man's responsibility. I'm so sick of it

    • @luchiayoung
      @luchiayoung 7 місяців тому

      Realize that when you say “women” you are including all women and your statement is then not true. The women that are trying to learn, and that are in therapy or listening to podcasts like this one are different than most of the women out there that think they’ve got it all together. The reason women can’t find men anymore or decent men is because they’re not decent women. Speak for yourself and not all women.

  • @jvincy32
    @jvincy32 Місяць тому +1

    This is what I needed to watch 💙💙🙏🏽 So many things resonate with me on here .

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  Місяць тому

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @Holly-d1n
    @Holly-d1n 7 місяців тому

    You can just tell how happy Lewis is because he did the work!

  • @anikaray4192
    @anikaray4192 7 місяців тому

    This interview is EVERYTHING!!! So raw, honest, authentic and targeted so many deep core issues and challenges in relationships.I could relate to so much of it.I appreciate both of your wisdom and this exchange, I felt it and I'm going to apply it in my life.🙏♥️

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 місяців тому +1

      Thank you for taking the time out of your day to check out the interview! So glad you enjoyed it🧡

  • @michellemorkel5956
    @michellemorkel5956 4 місяці тому +1

    Such a great conversation thank you Lewis & Matthew, you both are such amazing humans. I have learned so much about myself, life and love from the phenomenal work that you do ❤❤

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  4 місяці тому +2

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @XZ858XZ
    @XZ858XZ 8 місяців тому +4

    Love Matthew! Always enjoy hearing him speak

  • @MariaMetallica
    @MariaMetallica 3 місяці тому +1

    Am I the only one nearly crying after realizing how wounded my inner child was? Thank you for the awareness.

  • @deecool6327
    @deecool6327 6 місяців тому

    This guy...really speaks to me. I wish him well in life.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  6 місяців тому +1

      Thank you! Appreciate you for tuning in!

  • @SamRey91
    @SamRey91 5 місяців тому +1

    46:51 that is exactly what I do….i lose myself in an attempt to be there, love, support, and hope they like me then I lose myself and no longer like myself as I did before I met them

  • @divyanshusayal
    @divyanshusayal 8 місяців тому +1

    Just two geniunely nice men talking about the important stuff! I love how their faces light up when they talk about their partners!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому

      Thank you! Appreciate you for tuning in!

  • @lianaa4401
    @lianaa4401 8 місяців тому +1

    This was great! I can hear how much Matthew has really put in the work to reflect on himself on a personal level and for that now he can see it in others where we truly need help. Your amazing Mathew thank you 🙏🏽💛💛💛 and always thank you Lewis for the great interviews! 💛💛💛🙏🏽

  • @paulcurto3111
    @paulcurto3111 8 місяців тому +5

    Love all the knowledge bombs here thanks for this gentleman feeling very blessed to run across this and so very timely for me and multiple people in my life.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +1

      Appreciate you for watching! 🧡

  • @Kimmypooh2627
    @Kimmypooh2627 4 місяці тому

    I am so glad I pickup unhealthy toxic relationships within 6 months. I can’t justify and not overlook my needs aren’t being met most of the time while I’m giving more. It was so mentally and emotionally exhausting. I wish him the best but omg I felt at peace and happier now 😅

  • @yudanaim6849
    @yudanaim6849 8 місяців тому +13

    When you are inside a toxic relationship you can't just go out of it.
    There is an emotional chain that is very strong around the victim.
    Like an anaconda.
    So whatever people say is not effective enough.

    • @MaggieC21
      @MaggieC21 8 місяців тому +7

      It’s why leaving is often preceded by significant health impairments and growing levels of helpless/hopeless feelings and depression with anxiety.
      The victim has to finally see that saving their life is worth facing the outcomes of their life as their own responsibility.
      Victimhood can only be overcome when you stop allowing it.
      I know after having gone through this and being gut wrenched by it more than once. Each time, speaking up and suffering the consequences was a cycle until I knew I must leave everything I cared about to reclaim my life.
      In the end… I discovered that this is a process of learning how to love myself. I had to care more about my own wellbeing than anyone else. Love like that makes aware and courageous decisions to put the quality of one’s life in one’s own hands. As long as you give that away to others, you will remain in toxic trauma bonds.

    • @ViagensGringa
      @ViagensGringa 8 місяців тому +4

      Excellent points, I relate so hard, transitioning out of a toxic one now. The plot was thickened this time around bc he wasn’t intentionally toxic, but on the spectrum and sweet but so emotionally absent 😔 Feeling relieved to leave tho

    • @Gringavaitecontar
      @Gringavaitecontar 8 місяців тому +1

      I know what you are taking about

    • @perfectlyimperfect7373
      @perfectlyimperfect7373 8 місяців тому +4

      ⁠​⁠@@MaggieC21so true! It took me years of cycling thru those same types of relationship mistakes, until I ended up in a DV situation. Thankfully that one DV experience is what I finally needed to let go of those old habits/beliefs/etc. and truly learn what I needed to heal. It’s been quite a journey, one I’m still traveling, but at almost 40 I can finally say I have a healthy relationship with a man who is willing to travel this journey with me, as we support each other in our continued growth. We recently celebrated our 1 year anniversary, and both look forward to many more years of this wonderful partnership. I hope you are continuing with your growth too. 😀

  • @genesisnin293
    @genesisnin293 7 місяців тому +1

    Love this podcast so much! 🤍 how people can be vulnerable here is just GOLD. ☺️

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 місяців тому +1

      So glad you loved it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @marcesplay5472
    @marcesplay5472 19 днів тому

    Most inspiring interview ever, thank you Matthew and Lewis for this fantastic conversation that made realize the actions I have to take today to heal my hidden shadows, and align myself with my new future💖

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  19 днів тому

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @Onlyrd4
    @Onlyrd4 8 місяців тому +4

    Matthew and Lewis ❤️ 2 bros in one frame..., it's so good 👍😊 truly inspiring ❤

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому

      Thank you for being here 🧡

  • @winterkai12
    @winterkai12 2 місяці тому

    Ohmygosh, you just pinpointed what I am going through. I always end up with my ex who treated me poorly in the later part of our relationship because he triggers my fight or flight mode, and my nervous system is unregulated every time we have a little argument, it becomes explosive on his end. I didn't know better and the attachment was so bad. I met really nice and gentle guys, but my younger self is seeking the thrill of getting someone's attention whom I thought I could change (or maybe I always believe in the goodness of people and see their good side). I did truly love him but he's no good to my nervous system at all. I'm always on fight or flight mode with him. It also came with his toxic past relationships that he's acting this way.

  • @rachelsnewlife
    @rachelsnewlife 8 місяців тому +1

    Sooo raw and real and soulful 💜 Love you two sooo much!! Thank you for the deep insight that we all share sooo many similar human insecurities and qualities!!

  • @dalerich6747
    @dalerich6747 8 місяців тому +1

    Thank you so much Lewis & Matthew, i really enjoyed this indepth conversation. I've had much work to do on myself & it gave me a chance to re-check so many areas. Much appreciated🙏🏻💖

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  8 місяців тому +1

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for tuning in. 🧡