How to Drive a Narcissist Crazy
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- Опубліковано 21 вер 2024
- Narcissists expect you to lose who you are and become like them. There are certain things you can do that will drive them crazy.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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Arguments with them get nowhere. It's a huge waste of time and energy.
I can vouch for that. You'll just go in circles with them always trying to unsuccessfully defend yourself.
@@Hatbox948 So true. You will just get into an infinite loop.
That is the truth for sure 👍
Omg Yes all the logic and patience in the world is no match for the delusion that their viewpoint and demands are right and correct. It is never anything but.
@@alabaster253exactly. i wish someone confirmed to me as a child that my experience of them was not my fault for not saying the right thing or being smart enough. it was just that they had a fucking personality disorder and were horrible parents.
“Beyond that, there’s no need for you to justify who you are, they’re NOT listening anyway”
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 thank you Dr. C ❤
So true too!
@@Hatbox948 I wish I knew this a decade ago!
So grateful for Dr. C ❤️
Commonsense I love it, thankyou🙂
@@mallorykreiger Me too! I thought narcissism was just an over inflated ego. When I finally learned what it really is, it explained everything I was going through.
Amén! Amén! Amén! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
"The wrong one will find you in peace and leave you in pieces.
The right one will find you in pieces and lead you to peace."
Excellent advice. Also, be that right one for your partner. If both of you are the right one, you have gold.
@@karenk2409 Not if they’re a narcissist I won’t!
@@elcee7800 Absolutely not! I had one of those - being loving to them is delivering yourself to slaughter.
@@karenk2409 Thank you, Karen, for your kind response 🙏 And yes, that would be gold but therefore both have to be quite healthy and mature.
@@elcee7800 When they are a Narc, they will leave you in pieces, so they will never be the right one.
"Don't jump into their mudhole" Words of wisdom.
Based, sexually as well 😂
“I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” G. B. Shaw
😂😂😅😅😊 ❤️ ❤️❤️🌹🙏🏾 AMEN
How true, thank you for the reminder.
😮😮😮 SO GOOD!
“They’re not listening anyway.” 💯
No except for anything they can use.
I came to say this! I’m making a sign.
Thank you!!
Its your character they will try to damage and destroy.
Your value is not based on their inability to recognize your worth.
Double negative ,, should read “…based on their ability….”
Encompasses the fact they have little ability to judge your worth.
Yes, I got grammatical issues😅
Truth!
Another aspect to this is just not giving them any personal information to weaponize against you. It makes what he's saying so much easier. And not caring what other people think is a superpower.
I totally agree. My mantra is 'your opinion of me is none of my buisness' 😊
They don’t need any personal information about you.
My own personal experience with them, is they make up lies about you anyway.
@@juliewhyte122 100%. With my narc mom, now I'm cold, distant, evasive, bad social skills, etc. They trash you behind your back, smear campaigns. Can't win with a narcissist. But at least I'm not giving any fodder.
@@juliewhyte122 don't worry. God will protect you from malicious people like narcs and their little games they play to stay in control, and their character assassinations of others. No matter what they do, they won't win at the end.
My Mother was same way. I did not know that she was not happy to see me, ever. We hope narcissists do better in the spirit world than they did alive with us. In the afterlife they will be on equal footing as everyone else. Makes me sad for them.
It really feels like the more you try to move on and be happy, the more they try to shove you back down
Of course! That is why the only solution to sanity, safety, and peace is NO CONTACT FOREVER!
Yes, they will say " I don't care how you feel , just do it my way ".
@salmon
Narcs have malicious envy.
@d0v3Tai1
AGREED.
Never give up regaining your joy!
God bless you! ❤️🙏🏼❤️
NEVER LET A NARCISSIST STEAL YOUR JOY! YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD AND HE HAS THE BEST PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE!!
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 This is SO hard to remember
When they keep provoking, won't leave you alone to have any peace, keep crossing boundaries...I have prayed until I am blue and it doesn't change them. One right now going at it.
This is great advice provided you don't live with them. When you live with a true narcissist, they will find a way to get to you. If you're human you will break and that's a fact. Narcissists know that you will break eventually and it's almost impossible to go on under their pressure without giving in. The only real solution is to get out before it destroys you completely. It's not easy, but there's usually a way and it comes about, especially if you've got a loved one who cares about you. I got out 2 years ago, and I'm doing well one day at a time.
They most certainly are “task masters.” Like they’re the parent figure & you’re the child. Perfect description.
They will even admit that.
I think sometimes for sure but also some people are just lazy and force people to be task masters as they just don’t pull their weight.
@@lijohnyoutube101 Naw, we're talking about bullying and overlording, that's always unacceptable.
Spot on dr Carter. Be your authentic self, live your life as a free person, don’t be intimidated by their crazy BS. Walk away from their narcissistic nonsense.
Thankyou, Your a wonderful Dr. Better than my Dr. PLEASE CONTINUE HELPING ME AS MUCH AS YOU CARE TO.I HAVE NO ONE NO ONE LEFT TO CONSULT!!! THE BOYFRIEND I HAD WHO PROPOSED MARRIAGE AND THEN WITOUT EXPLANATION MOVED OUT OF MY PLACE.TELLING ME LATER,HE COULDN'T DEAL WITH MY NEGATIVITY!!! NOW
Now , he's in love with me AGAIN AND IS TRYING FOR FRIENDSHIP. IT'S EASY TO GO FROM FRIENDS TO A COUPLE,THAN COUPLE BACK TO FRIENDS!!!
Thanks so much.....and leaving that person, I feel great. Mieke van de Molen
Get up early and spend time centering yourself with your goals and a healthy self care plan …for the day.
"They're not the ultimate arbitrators of truth" 💯
It took me a long, long time to figure out why my mother was so hostile to and about any friendships I formed, especially after I left home and was living on my own. She became visibly irritated and agitated any time I would talk about them. For years, I thought I was just talking too much about myself. Today, as a parent of 2 almost-30 year olds, I'm so happy and proud that my children's friends welcome us "old folks" to their celebrations and enjoy coming to our home when they're in town.
Love expands your world exponentially.
That last sentence...precisely!
Driving a narcissist crazy is a very short trip.
Classic ‼️
Yep! From his house to mine.😊
@@kathismith2865 LOL
Good advice
It’s kinda funny once you see.
These are all excellent takeaways. To to me fear the the narcissists intills in you is the most destructive to ones quality of life. You become afraid of the narcissist, you become afraid of the life, you become afraid of going out on your own. Fear, it is a killer.
And, we are worth the time we need to heal and grow. We are worth every effort we take for ourselves. Be you. 🧡
Exactly. Well put.
Yes, the fear they instill is huge. Got to learn to not be intimidated.
Something I find funny now that I’ve gone no contact for a few months and I’m learning about the games he played is when I was grey rocking him or just not arguing with him he would try and guilt trip me by saying I don’t care about him or anything since I’m not willing to talk about things. He actually wanted me to feel bad for not letting him criticize me and call me names and yell at me for anything and everything he could come up with. I don’t care about anything because I don’t want to argue. Now that I know what he was doing to me I can clearly see the manipulation at play. He’s gone and I’m so grateful. I give all the credit to the LORD because He saved me from that closet monster on top of saving my soul.
By don’t speak too quick from a person that knows they always come back they never leave and just when you think they did to come back
What I meant was they’ll come back when you think they’re gone. They show up when you least expect it.
So glad you're out of that situation. So toxic, damages self esteem & makes you question your memory & reasoning skills, principles, & even sanity. I've been there. He went Jeckyll/Hyde after posing as a friend & good person for 10+ yrs.
I'm not saying this was the case here, but sometimes the one who refuses to argue is the narcissist. An argument to one person is sharing their feelings and seeking resolution to another. You have to be willing to let people have feelings in front of you sometimes. I hear my mom say "I wasn't going to talk about it because I wasn't going to argue" and accuse others of calling her names, and she is unarguably the narc playing the victim.
SUperb advice, and so true! I REFUSED to play a friend's bullshit game. He went mental. I kept challenging his dillusional reality
Yes! To All of what this lovely helpful man says! She Coerced and lied to me, I made the mistake of TRUSTING HER. NOW, I have only A FRACTION OF MY LIFE SAVINGS LEFT! YES. IT'S ALL ABOUT DECEIT. MY NEXT STEP IS INFORMING ALL OF THE AUTHORITIES AND SUING HER ASS!
They are already nuts , get the hell away from them
"Don't jump into their MUDHOLE, ok?"
"Don't buy into their BS!"
"Your character is everything!"
"Be you."
Don't lose who you are and meld into who they are or their delusions.
Each and every direction....a live saving mantra....repeat, repeat, loop this one and you'll avoid going loopie!!😂❤ Thank you, Dr. C. You are fire! Keep burning for us. Such warmth, love it.
One word about what to do with a narcissist: RUN!
You're a lovely person doctor and a great educator
Thank you.
Thankyou so much for clarifying what I have been going through!!! It would have been easier for me if I didn't actually have feelings for him!!!
mother never forgave me for living where I live; she couldn't drive by and keep tabs on me. She kept me from every funeral in the family, and Im the last one standing. I would like to have gone to my 'real' mother's funeral, but I wasn't told about it until it was over...thanks, ma.
Divorce is a wonderful place to be.🌹
it is so exhausting when you’re forced to live with them in the same house 😔
I want to have meaningful separate relationships, but the covert narc invades them.
Wanna have meaningful separate relationships. Have few good dear friends. Problem i spot a narc from far now. No longer ignoring red flags.
"Invading your meaningful relationships"?
How are they trying to invade your relationships?
(If they are trying to turn them against you, like by saying really bad things about you..... 'cut the line and run super fast'. (Is my short answer.)
Best of luck ❤️
❤️🩹
Oh I have cut the line. The narc ran a smear campaign and will manipulate people's perceptions to isolate me. She is really good at it.
@@lancea1470 It's an insidious thing. They listen to your conversations a little too carefully and you can see the sneer or smirk on their face. They will hone in on a piece of info that could even remotely be negative or give them a portal to something gossip-worthy or otherwise sensitive or negative. You'll be able to feel it and anticipate the very elements of your convo that they'll latch onto, including pieces of sentences, tone, your expression, etc. If there's joy involved, you just handed it over. If there's something negative or unhappy, they will make it into a weapon. It is dangerous to your well-being to let them hear any of your conversations. Keep. Them. Away.
I don't usually listen to shorts because they're a waste of time but for Dr. C I'll bend that rule. Some great nuggets of info here.
That makes me smile.
Both of my parents were over the top narcissists and I was just another piece of "equipment" at their disposal, to generate income and status in the community. What I wanted to do, how I wanted to live my life, were simply irrelevant to them. I knew at a very early age that I needed to disappear and never go back. Even with that knowledge, it took me decades to scrape them off.
same oh my god. took me till 22 to run away and still came back at 28. now trying to get back out at 30.
@@こなた-m1o It's a nightmare. Just have a plan and make it happen. There's going to be damage all over the place. People are going to hate and shun you. Your goal is to preserve your mental health and to gain your freedom. You should not be doing anything that doesn't lead to those two things.
If they're not listening. You stop talking!!!
Why should you start open your mouth when their ears are closed in the first place?!!😉
@@roxymovie3938 True 👍
The reverse is also true. If they are talking, I stop listening to them. It's just a meaningless self-talk. 😁
@@yukio_saito ha ha 😂 yes
Yep, and if they are listening it's with evil ears. They will twist what you say and weaponize it. They are not your friend. They are toxic and their agenda is to spread that toxin far and wide in YOUR life.
GET AWAY FROM THEM altogether, forever, if possible!
I’ve watched a lot of your videos Dr. C and this short by far has been FOR ME… the absolute BEST one considering my circumstances in which I am in a place that I don’t have many choices to completely get out of the relationship but it is the absolute best advice on have to survive and even eventually thrive IN the situation! ❤❤❤
Your going to be ok but what I would say is, once you know, you go but if that's not possible at the moment, don't let them know you've worked them out and begin making plans for yourself. You, now, are the priority and if you have children it's important you remain strong and well
I don't want to argue but he drives me nuts i lashed out and he calls me nuts 😂😅
About 50 years of living in this insanity with the narcissist, I one day said to God oh God help me he causes me to lose my peace and it just seemed like overnight things changed. It’s been wonderful.
In what way did things change.
Thank you, Dr Carter ☀️ I needed to hear “Your character is everything, so hold onto that.” 💥 My family of origin is gone now (some members figuratively, others literally). I’m left with my good character. I’m going to “lean into that.” 🙏 ❤️ ☮️ 🐕
After 46 years, and 2 years of court to get free, I have a very clear conscience.
Yes! A million times Yes!
These words are so wise. Thank you Dr C.
When you are with a narcissistic individual, the only freedom you have is to follow THEIR commands! Know Better, Live Better, Stay Healthy! Thank you Dr C!
Absolutely true
He’s not wrong. Best piece of advice ever!
I have lived with this for years. It is almost enough to drive the person dealing with this crazy.
“Your character is everything so hold on to that” thank you!
Hey Doc, this one actually made me chuckle a few times, as I think back to my very short marriage to a covert narcissist. I've been out for 4 months, and I'm very thankful that I can laugh about it already! I have watched 20+ of your 14-minute videos, and your information has been extremely helpful to me, since I'd never heard of narcissism before I married last year, so I was quite confused about his strange, evil and mean behaviors. I'm very grateful to you because your no-nonsense information has helped me recover quickly although I was struggling to understand what had just happened. I must have driven him crazy because he kicked me out after only ~3 months LOL. God bless you, sir!
Sorry to know you've gone through this, but we'll chalk it up as "live and learn." Best wishes as you move forward, and I'm pleased to be on the path with you.
Thank you Dr.C for being there for us 🙏
My honor, Fred.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I just discovered you a few days ago and everything I've listened to is so spot on and helpful and validating. This one just cuts to the chase. Your teaching is very clear and to the point, which I appreciate. I'll be continuing to listen and watch for your videos. Thank you.
They love to instill instability in all ways... plant seeds of doubt in your mind, gaslight you into believing your peace, comfort and boundaries are pointless and weak. Genuine happiness and contentment in others always leads to rage for a Narcissist. They have too much trauma in their maladaptive ways, it must be dispersed among those close.
oh my god yes
Superb 😊
I was always accused of starting fights. It took me years to realize that he considered a fight anytime I held a different opinion or wanted something different than he did. He’s told my kids and everyone around that I started all the fights. Now, when I hear this I proudly say yes I did. I wasn’t his slave and I had my own opinions. It’s not a fight to think for yourself.
Daddy's words he would tell his daughter hugs Mr
I'm thoroughly enjoying your content. Thank you!
Whenever I execute tactful exits and disengagement, I get an onslaught of the narcissists attempts to get back in and regain manipulative dominance. Its exhausting having to deflect that incessantly.
more golden advice from Dr. C. listen to this man people, he speaks the truth!
I just had a full meltdown trying to explain to my mother that I have the right to feel sad because we're moving to a different city, I'm twenty five yo and I swear I had to beg her to let me be sad and stop telling me that my sadness was a shame I shoul keep to myself because as she said " It’s not like you are married and leaving a husband behind." I swear it's hard trying to survive them
I love your wisdom! I listened to your advice, and I got out of his life. I am free from his BS!❤
Pleased for you!
Been there done that, trued walking away saying i wiuld talk when they are sober, she grabbwd my arm, i jerked away and kept going, she followed me so i took off running and literally hid from her in some bushes, i was not going to argue with a drunk narcissist
I agree with the best advice, don’t jump into their mud hole. It doesn’t take long and they lose interest in you.
“They’re not the ultimate arbitrator of truth”
ALSO WHEN WALKING AWAY FROM THEIR RANTS, AND THEY SAY "ARE YOU IGNORING ME?" SIMPLY SAY "I'M TRYING." 😊 (PERSONAL EXPERIENCE) 😊
@@richardlandis793 Also, if on the receiving end of the silent treatment, ignore them for a little while and then say " If you've got a throat infection, there's some aspirin in the cupboard".
These guidelines are so pressious. You helped me, understanding my Situation I‘m in and how to live with it without loosing myself or my health… thank you Mr. Carter. God bless you.
We have one in our house of 6 people, 5 normal and 1 narcissit, who is a control freak. She screamed she hated me over dinner. I said "Well, l must be doing someting right." Just leave me alone until you need me to get you out of trouble again.
Living like a free person has made them so enraged that they have evicted me from my apartment.
True....great advice, but when you're MARRIED to one, and aren't allowed to be yourself OR have any friends it's REALLY DIFFICULT to survive...😮
You are so on Target with this counsel. These words are actually life saving!❤
"That's a delusion that you don't have to play along with."
Thank you Dr. I thought I was the crazy one. Turns out, after gathering the facts, and examining them close up, I was being manipulated. Joyfully, he decided I'd disrespected him one last time and he cut me off. He thought he'd harm me one last time by trying to alienate family & friends. Forewarned is forearmed. Funny all I really feel is a sense of relief he is gone. You've helped me. Thank you.
It would be great if every parent who finds this in their feed could share with their kids. if 25 years ago, someone had explained this to me - I would have got out of a seriously messed up abusive relationship within a couple of months - not the years I stayed, and as you say, got completely lost in who I was. This is a conversation topic for all teens and adults alike. Thank you :-)
One of the most helpful, enlightening vids on the internet. More clarity every day. Thank you, Dr Carter. And to anyone suffering a narcissist, save this vid and look at it in the morning and at night.
I think I need to save this video so I can refer to it again and again. After 18 years of marriage to a narcissist, I let him know I was on to him and demanded that we have complete autonomy. He does what he wants and I do what I want, and because he doesn’t wanna lose me through a divorce, (the house) things are going pretty well. We are cordial now and have an arrangement for expenses.
Truth. 👍❤️😉
Staying strong for yourself and don't fall in their trap's they're look for every time to try to dominate and control you / others.
THX.
This is really astute and great advice. Unfortunately you sometimes have to deal with narcissists on a long term basis, and this technique may cause them to physically assault you. Domestic abuse, family arrangements with no practical escape, etc. It sucks sometimes.
It's a family member. Four times, on separate occasions, I've told her, "I have nothing to say to you. I wish you well, " yet she keeps it up. I've "Unfriended" her, she sent another friend request, I blocked her, I obtained a new phone number.
My mother was a narcissist and I was always running away from her when the put downs got too much and it made her so angry. But I finally stayed away from her.
Block, filter, no contact, DONE!
This helps reduce this feeling if revenge. I want to go low and annoy back because they took so much and discarded me. But I don't want to be cruel. This helps me move on
This.... Happy enough for this to happen to be honest
Factz....I won't allow my character to be destroyed
You are by far my favorite person on this platform. And I love food! Thankyou for talking to me about my Relationship with my Dad. You’re bang on. I love him like a Marine biologist loves sharks.
With boundaries
Tell them to calm down when they’re emotionally disregulated. It burns them up. Funny to watch too. I told a covert narcissist that she better lower her voice and talk calmly or I’ll end the conversation. She went ballistic and stormed out the room knowing I got her to react instead of the other way around.
When I was an older teen, I still had No Idea that I could have left!
I didn't know how to be a kid, never mind being an adult!
They keep us isolated so we cannot learn.
If we learn, we leave, then they have to find a new supply.
Sad it took 60+ years to learn/figure all this out. Now, a long road of learning how to be me.. ..😢
Thank you for sharing this and educating of all on surviving the narc. Appreciate you. Never give up!
I grew up with my Aunt being a narcissist, and now I’ve realized I’ve been dating one. My Aunt didn’t isolate, that’s the difference. I’m going to try with my supposed partner the way I do with my Aunt. I give her compliments every time I see her, keep the visits brief while on eggshells in her controlling positive energy, that will quickly turn negative if in her presence over a hour, that she’s itching from the beginning to do to me, but trying to keep her composure, deal with her judgmental criticism she must involve at least 3+ times in every visit, but the goal is to keep her expressing it without yelling it at you, so it’s a bit of a relief. Stay smiling, hug her upon arrival, and during departure, tell her I love her, and see her soon! ❤ 🎉 (Never disagree with her traps when she says off the wall rebellious things to get you to disagree with her, unless you want a week of something loud and beyond hell).
Every time your videos come up it 100% explains my brother!!
This is what I do, be me. Big Respect to you Dr. ❤
Thanks!
I mean, my jaw hit the floor before you finished your 1st sentence & literally remained that way. My God, if only I'd seen this 5-6 yrs ago before learning about it the hard way. The whole "stop trying to convince them, they're not paying attention anyway" comment is particularly heartbreaking bc of so many yrs wasted. Lost much more than I was prepared for. Still having issues coping, forgiving, letting go.
Yesssssssssss absolutely true! Also very well said, thank you very much for sharing! ~ Note to self: Get out! 🙏😌
You are so very right! Thank you and Thank you for verifying my thoughts and actions for my better good.
Listening to your videos educated me, saved what was left of my sanity, and helped bring me enough strength to leave. On the other side now and get to be me. Its such a treasure. Love it!
Thank you, Dr. C. I wish I had this short in 2017...it would have saved me so much time, energy, tears, and heartache.
Give Gus a hug for me.
Good One 😊. Unfortunately sometimes they will become Dangerous, and say you Made me do it.
💯 true that they're not listening anyway !!
I'm not a scapegoat anymore. I am my own person. I've removed myself from the more I have seen them recently, but as you said, I don't listen to their BS are just simply smile and don't jump into the snake pit
So pleased for you!!
Thank you, Dr. Carter! You have helped me change my life for the better. God bless you! 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
I’ve always appreciated your, “ daily news” on the narcissist.. I feel your channel is very important to me. It has helped me tremendously to understand all games included to jolt the mind to be confused. I feel my covert narcissist husband is starting to see that I am becoming way more distant and non-believing of his jackassed personality. I am gaining so much strength and dealing with the weakness he put me in. Always having God with me and learning his word as well. This combination has improved me tremendously. Thank you so much.❤❤❤❤❤
Right!! I'm not!!!!!!!!! That's their delusional 😂😂 I love this ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thanks! I went through devaluation and then was discarded once a new supply was hooked. We have two kids & were married for 12 years. He said he just wants someone that can be whatever he wants them to be. I was shattered. I’m still picking up the pieces. I will be better than before. Thank you for your eye opening and encouraging videos.
Thanks
Good message and yes they never listen to anything you say or feel
Thankyou for clarifying Narcissist!!! Better than my psychiatrist!!!
There used to be a pretty simple solution to people like this. You challenge them to a legal duel. When your life is on the line people behave. We’ll be back to that point sooner than you think. Enjoy.
Freedom. Alone😊
IT'S HARD when its your baby boy @52😢
Precisely, or the abusive live in (44yo) brother of your dying mother.
It must be done, conflict avoided turns into conflict delayed and magnified. J Peterson
@@worldupsidedown1 that's not really true though, a nice excuse for being confrontational I guess though. G. Dooby.
Absolutely powerful and Profound!