A friend of mine said that romantic relationships are like sleeping in a sleeping bag. At first, it's the most cozy comfortable thing ever. You feel warm and wonderful. But then you get hotter and hotter and you feel like you're going to go crazy if you don't just stick a foot outside. At which time the whole thing just falls apart. I don't know if he has a point about relationships but he sure knows about sleeping bags.
Another interesting comparison between porcupines and relationships is the fact that they could cuddle together without poking each other if they laid belly to belly, which is their most vulnerable spot. If anything, this could be viewed as the desire to protect ones own vulnerability being part of what drives people apart and in order to have a relationship that doesn't hurt the other person one must be willing to be vulnerable, which can be scary because you don't know if the other person is willing to be vulnerable as well or if they are going to poke you where it hurts the most.
"When I am with someone, I desperately wish to be alone and to disappear into my thoughts and interests and yet, When I have these true moment of solitude I yearn to experience it with others." truer words have never been said
Hey sisyphus, wanted to say I treasure your content for managing to land on that blurred line between philosophical commentary and more personal views with your topics, especially relating to love. the way you intertwine older quotes and present moments of vulnerability pulls at the heart, cause you put complex and painful emotions into fewer words, and that clarity is often therapeutic itself. I'm happy you're a voice on this platform, you make art that remedies specific pains no other channel I watch does. to quote american football: empathy takes energy, cause everyone feels just like you. I'm grateful you put the energy in to make what you do.
I remember reading something like this in a story of newspaper "the coldness of solitude freezes me, the warmth of people burns me." I can't exactly translate the feeling of it into English but it kind of hit really deep when I read it in my native language.
The issue arises with our expectation of a perfect relationship that'll be all sunshine and roses with an eternal honeymoon phase. Nothing in life is like that. When we learn that everything in life comes with its own set of pros and cons, we set realistic expectations and as a result, are a lot more at peace in life...
I'm currently in a long distance relationship and this hit painfully close to home. The ups and downs of wanting to be completely independent and dedicate to exploring oneself while also missing your partner and wishing to stay close and invested is really hard to manage. Great video.
Me too. The balance is so difficult. So scared to let it go but also always have that wonder of whether it might be worth it to do so. Hope it’ll get easier for us soon
my man, im in the same spot as you are the pain of not seeing my other half for so long at a time is so grate i woulnt be worth it if the little time we had together wasnt so wonderfull. I just miss her so much. i hope for all of us in this situation that it gets better. im with you brothers.
@@bille9611 i was in a long distance relationship once, it was terrible. the constant face time, the lack of real person warmth and how tiring it is to watch pixels dart across the screen but its better than nothing. we live together now, we don't fight much, maybe every 4 months or so, the rest is bliss. it gets better, take care.
Jus throwing my 2 cents in, I really don't think one can be "completely" independent in any relationship, especially romantic ones. It just doesn't really make sense. You gotta have some space for yur SO in your life, be that in your mind, yout time, etc. Not saying this is you but wanting to be in a reln and wanting to be completely independent sounds a bit selfish, like wanting your cake and eating it too naw'I'mean?
I just wanted to say you've gotten me through alot, my break up. My mom dying and the never ending cycle that is work and school. Every video you post helps me. Thank you ❤
The constant struggle to be enough for yourself. I can only hope that someday I will grow strong enough so that my internal flame is enough to keep me warm, maybe it won't be as hot as I would like, for that I might need the help of others, but I hope it will be warm enough to keep me going. Having said that, good video.
So far I've only been able to achieve that through speed, and unfortunately I lost my speed prescription. Weed helps too but, not quite like speed. Also speed leaves you more functional if productivity is a concern. The issue is speed will fuck you up psychology and eventually lead to self destruction if used improperly (As I often did). So I'd just stick with weed.
The final quote in the video was very relatable to me. I know it’s an “appropriate cure” but I feel as though it eats away at my psyche. Perhaps I lack the internal warmth that Schopenhauer mentions to sustain myself. Thanks for another great video!
@@ripnephils148 I am doing my best at practicing Stoicism, but I habe a problem with loving without attachments and accepting solitude. Theres this movie called "into the wild" and the quote at the end is my favourite quote existing and It perfectly describes my condition. "Happiness is only real when shared"
@@MMOplayeerr I choose to belive that happiness can be found inside you without the need of others, stoicism style. I don't know if what I believe is true but at least I know I can only relay on myself. PD: I haven't found that happiness yet and, in fact, I think I never will.
Life is just a constant struggle to balance between order and chaos. One can't exist without another. Being with someone and being alone are both important.
The answer is to simply conquer your loneliness. To understand that the purpose if life isnt to fall in love but the purpose of life is to live. To simply live and enjoy life in all its beauty and truly appreciate itm once you understand that you will eventually stop feeling lonely
This man produces some of the most meaningful content on UA-cam. I think about these videos throughout the day. Truly a treasure, thank you for sharing this with us.
"Sometimes the coldness of winter is simply too much to handle." Wow. Just wow. This makes so much sense. I hope you keep writing on love! I've been in love with your perspective and can relate a lot. Nonetheless, no matter what kind of content you make, we are here to support you
I love your security vs freedom comparison. Really sums up my trouble when it comes to love I'd like to love someone forever. At the same time, I don't want to restrict their freedom or feel like I'm bound to them either.
I think it's a matter of how one sees closeness, if the idea of a romantic (or friendly) relationship is of constant attachment and connection and presence, it becomes oppressive, but if there is acceptance of this duality from one another, then one can start to accept the compromises that comes with it, it being "I will be close to you when you need it, even when I don't want to because I know you will be close when you don't want"... I think that a true bond is not a constant presence, but a constant "readiness" to be present and sacrifice our desire of the moment to fulfill a greater need of someone else... obviously when the other person is willing to do the same.
I agree. I think that a lot of people have a very pessimistic view of relationships because their understanding of relationships is based on unhealthy examples. they are not easy, but they are worth it, and healthy relationships are possible. there is a natural ebb and flow of connectedness that it seems people don't understand, that people have to balance independence with closeness, the issue comes when people can't reconcile that dialectic and accept it, but overthink it and assume it's an impossibility. people also don't understand that the only thing essential for love and successful relationships is compassion, change, and commitment. especially a lot of the types in videos like this seem to have an almost predetermined attitude towards love, like it's something that happens to you, not something that you are actively choosing to do. that's the reality of this whole thing, loving and being loved is about a bond and a commitment between people, not necessarily about the passion (though passion is good, of course.) the attitude of believing that love is when you're just infatuated with someone is immature and inevitably leads to a long sad string of unsatisfying relationships. the only way to make them last is to accept that making them last is a choice. sorry for writing an essay. I love this channel but his romance videos just seem like a lot of overthinking relationships, and it bothers me personally because I overthink mine a lot too
I always seem to stumble on a relevant video of yours whenever I’m going through it man. Thanks for making the content you do. It’s always super great.
Your videos always appeared in my feed when I needed them, but I haven't been blessed in a while so now I have come to search for them and been binge watching quite alot because they're simply perfect, all these philosophies hit so close to home yet they also provide insight to how others feel about them.
I have this dilemma where I want a relationship but I love love love my solitude. Never been with a woman and don't have any experience, I don't even care about it or think about it. But this dilemma hits me sometimes and slips me into sleepless nights. These thoughts turn me into a Insomniac but at the same time my inner freedom shouts happiness. I don't know what to do. I just want those sleepless nights to go away.
This might sound really obvious, but have you ever thought about searching for a possible partner that feels the same? Relationships can dance on distance, presence, and absence without falling apiary or becoming toxic as long as the partners in that relationship agree with what they’re doing. It would seem you dance a different rhythm than most in that regard, but a rhythm that still exist, it’s far from impossible that others out there also prefer said rhythm
@@thevoiceinyourhead7215 I completely understood what message you want to portray. It's just that I'm too young to make any decisions, I'll be turning 20 soon. I want to get to know world better, move countries, experience stuff and most importantly study further possibly get masters degree. And when you said me being a admirer of niche, it makes sense because no one seems to get what I get. Everytime I see outside world, I see patterns of mediocrety and averageness. I just don't want to be a part of that boredom. But I know one thing for sure, I'm not settling for any sort of low values.
@@boywithoutsoul587 not sure where you got the part about Niche, but we both seem to be in quite the similar spot in life then, (albeit the other voices are always thinking of something, kinda hard to keep bored allot of the time) Here’s to the exploration of the self and life 🍻 And hoping we’ll both make the right decisions when the times come
Oh god, this whole thing is me. I’m alone most of the time, I haven’t left the house in months, and I love being alone, I feel it’s the only time I can fully let go and be myself. But while I’m alone I tend to crave others, just someone to laugh with and spend time with, either a friend or a partner. But when I try to socialise, after only an hour or so, I tend to get depressed and feel the need to be back alone again, I get incredibly upset and sometimes anxious and on the verge of an anxiety attack, it’s like I’m gonna die if I don’t get home to be alone. And it cycles like this throughout my life. This is why I have no friends, and no one apart from family. I tend to dream and fantasise about a relationship, someone from my dreams that is perfect in every way, but relationships I’ve had in the past tend to make me claustrophobic and feel like I’m trapped in a way that I don’t want, yet I still crave the idea, almost every night, as my dreams take me to that perfect me with that perfect them. I’m so upset by these cycles that I feel I’m just going to be alone forever, I wish I had friends and people I hold close but it’s so difficult for me in these ways. I’m so glad I’m not the only one that struggles with this, I prey that everyone else finds a manageable balance and can figure this weirdness out.
You can be happy alone and with others, many of these interpersonal struggles and dilemmas are not something you have to live with forever, there is a happy middle and I suggest seeing a therapist that uses dbt. That has been incredibly helpful in my journey. It's okay to have a variety of relationships with proper boundaries and communication, there can be distance and times you're too close you burn up. Keep communicating your needs (which are ever-changing for everyone) and just see how things go. When your entire social structure isn't made up of one person it's okay if they need space and you need warmth, bc other people are there to provide that warmth. Having a variety of people in your life will help a lot too!
I was thinking that this is synonymous with an anxious attachment style… where when you want to be with someone because you love them, but sometimes the things they do hurts you, making you want to move away from them, all the while becoming anxious and insecure of their love for you.
Definitely. All this video shows is fear of commitment but also fear of loss; wanting your cake and eating it too. The video seems to suggest that being emotionally hurt is a bad thing which I feel is untrue and a bad mindset to have. The only way to be happy (inside OR outside of a relationship) is to have emotional resilience, and emotional resilience is like a muscle; if you don’t use it, it wastes away. You “hurt” your muscles by exercising. You put microscopic tears in your muscles. But then the muscle grows back bigger, and stronger. The same can be said for emotional resilience. Sadness, anxiety, resentment, jealousy etc. are HEALTHY emotions (as long as they aren’t consuming your entire life).
@@jackllewellyn746 I cant truly agree about the muscle thing. You going outside your comfortzone does expand It and you can basically train your confidence, buut getting hurt to train your resilience? It can work, sometimes for some people, but also a lot of scars never truly heal and they add up. You might start to recover from one, then the next one slaps you in the face. I am gonna bring up an extreme case, would you dare to tell this muscle theory to somebody who was raped or somebody with ptsd? Emotional trauma is serious issue, even, if smaller. Time does make things better, but all these scars stay with you forever. Do they make you stronger? A big maaybe, but the price could be losing wonder for life, the joy of living. I know some people who you might call emotionally strong, but what I see in them is disconnect and not caring. Taking life too seriously can make you collapse, but imo you have to have a certain seriousness in love and friendships, Its what deepens the connection, gives it richness and meaning and if you are serious about love, then losing it will definitely hurt, if you arent on buddha level.
awesome video man. really makes me feel a little less alone and a little more oriented in this crazy world. seeing my emotional struggles are shared by others. makes me feel like everything might be alright if I have a guide
Im honestly so thankful I found your videos, everyone of them has a theme that seems to hit me at the right time in a way thats easily understood and keeps me wanting to come back for more, youre a great content creator an I appreciate what you do
Great work. Love the quote at the end, it’s very applicable to me and probably a fair amount of viewers/commenters here. Keep up your work, this channel is great even if you chose to stop creating videos now or in the future. Your video catalogue is worth quite a lot in my opinion.
My interpretation of Shopenhauers’ solution of “one selfs internal warmth” is literally ru Paul’s catch phrase: “if you can’t love yourself how the hell you’re gonna love somebody else”
The porcupine analogy reminds me of the song "Fear & Delight" by The Correspondents. My interpretation of it is loving someone despite knowing that it may be causing you pain. Wanting to run away, but still staying because you feel like you need their love.
Brother brother you are speaking to ears that long to hear such sounds. I live in a stoic philosophy and Diogenes style. Homeless on purpose, open to everything new even if it's against my present narrative. You can always grow, you can always become more. Thank you for the time you've used to make this video, stay safe stay free
as someone who grew up having no close friends in my childhood, i believe i'm less scared of being alone but more scared of someone close that might leave.
I started listening to Frank Sinatra's "In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning" after your video. It made me cry and laugh at the same time because it all just makes too much sense. Thanks for the video.
(15/10/21 5:40 pm) the title got my writing sense tingling... ive never finished anything i write and that title is a whole story prompt i would want to write.
I'm in a newer relationship right now, and it's been going great. But I'm wondering when the rose tinted glasses will melt away and I'll find myself either being loathed by my partner or finding my partner to be something I don't want. Frankly, I'm scared when one of us will see the other for what we are: fragile and clueless. It'll happen, but to suggest that my partner will love me and I to her even when we realize all the ugly bits and pieces is kind of a low probability. Yet people still manage to find a way to stay together all the time. And to finally sacrifice my facade to be my full self and not to worry my partner will leave me is amazing and exciting.
One thing I’ll say is that, it’s not that you fall out of love at some point later in the relationship, it’s the fact that you go from crushing on someone to actually loving them. Love isn’t butterflies or sparks flying. Love comes after all of that. There are stages to all relationships and most of the time the hardest stage is getting to truly know your significant other. You start to find little things that annoy you, little things to bicker about.. and if you can survive this stage and still be in a healthy relationship, that is when you’ve found love. You are no longer lovebirds, but you are partners. Partners for life. You accept every part of each other and choose to move forward. There is a lot I have to say about the specific nuances that you find in love that aren’t covered in media, but I’m sure no one has time to read all of that. Just remember that if you two truly love each other, you choose to be partners, no matter what, and there are no unhealthy patterns or types of attachment going on. You can truly be yourselves around one another. You even become inspired by your partner and become your better self when you move through life with them.
The rose tinted glasses will melt away with EVERY relationship. Every human is fragile and clueless. Every human has "ugly bits and pieces." Love is a choice. You chose to stick with your partner and accept that they are only human beings with imperfections.
What crackalackin Sisyphus if you are reading this that is. Just wanted to say before finding your UA-cam channel I knew very little about philosophy or any of this mumbo jumbo but now after watching your stuff for about a year or so I'm glad to say I know a smidge bit more then I did a year ago. One thing that's stuck with me is stoicism and it helps me from day to day so just wanted to say thanks boi keep up the good shit 👍👌
It's feels as though going into a relationship feels right, but when things are official, I'm terribly afraid and just want to run away. Not in an "afraid of commitment" kind of way... I tend to just feel terribly uncomfortable and want to hide away from everything. I always inevitably find the relationship disgusting. Maybe it's just fear of intimacy.. :/ if it is, I don't know how to fix it. I've tried to ignore it, but it ended in a trainwreck of a relationship.
Oh my god you put everything I've struggled with into words, it is such an issue. I keep telling myself maybe it's just the person and I noticed a pattern, I felt like this when the relationship was kind of rushed into- without spending a couple months getting to know the person and deciding truly "Do I want a relationship with this person?" I'm personally refraining from all relationships unless the person just feels 100% right. I think in general it is a fear of intimacy thing, but for me at least I think I would be open to intimacy if it was truly the right person I was longing for.
i remember hearing the line “i fear you close by, i love you far away” from a previous video of yours and it really stuck with me i’m so glad you made this video and elaborated more on this sentiment; your content never fails to amaze me. i adore your channel.
Whenever my partner and I discover a new way that we are fundamentally different I say “this is another quill we have to sit with”. I think for me the best remedy for this was acceptance. If I can accept my partners flaws and he can accept mine, we can experience true intimacy with each other. To me, it is without a doubt worth the pains of the relationship.
I find the self vs. other dilemma cropping up again and again for me - even though I know we are irrevocably shaped by our interactions with other people, and the self is by its very essence relational, I find it hard to be comfortable opening 'my' self ( because is it really mine to begin with? ) and letting others, to get out of that paradox where I yearn to experience fellowship alone, and solitude in fellowship. There's a book by Olga Tokarczuk called 'Drive Your Plough Over the Bones of Dead', a part of which has the main character realising how "another Person starts to irritate you without actually doing anything, but simply by being there". Now, admittedly, the protagonist is very pessimistic and this comment comes from a rather cynical place, but in a certain sense I understand. I do feel a sense of low-level, buzzing anxiety being around others, like I can never be truly 'off' or comfortable; its the discomfort in the very idea of being viewed by a subjective mind.
I currently have a crush on a girl whom I think reciprocates the feeling, and although I have come to the realization of how love is being constantly painted as this prolonged state of happiness, I feel this undeniable attraction but not to the extent that I was made to believe.
A friend of mine said that romantic relationships are like sleeping in a sleeping bag. At first, it's the most cozy comfortable thing ever. You feel warm and wonderful. But then you get hotter and hotter and you feel like you're going to go crazy if you don't just stick a foot outside. At which time the whole thing just falls apart. I don't know if he has a point about relationships but he sure knows about sleeping bags.
Lmao this is profound and funny at same time
Until your foot gets cold and you put it back in for warmth
And it’s restricting if you’re trying to do anything but sleep. Unless you get one of those wearable sleeping bags
The last line sounds like something out of Forrest Gump lol
Your friend has obviously never used a sleeping bag in the winter
Another interesting comparison between porcupines and relationships is the fact that they could cuddle together without poking each other if they laid belly to belly, which is their most vulnerable spot. If anything, this could be viewed as the desire to protect ones own vulnerability being part of what drives people apart and in order to have a relationship that doesn't hurt the other person one must be willing to be vulnerable, which can be scary because you don't know if the other person is willing to be vulnerable as well or if they are going to poke you where it hurts the most.
thank u for this
So true !
Wow
"When I am with someone, I desperately wish to be alone and to disappear into my thoughts and interests and yet, When I have these true moment of solitude I yearn to experience it with others."
truer words have never been said
Likeeeee
I feel like this all my life
@@Youllneverknow-u2b same
So something needs to be changed.. Me.. Or the people I hang out with or both
So true, maybe because the person doesn't match to the person we have imagined.
Hey sisyphus, wanted to say I treasure your content for managing to land on that blurred line between philosophical commentary and more personal views with your topics, especially relating to love. the way you intertwine older quotes and present moments of vulnerability pulls at the heart, cause you put complex and painful emotions into fewer words, and that clarity is often therapeutic itself. I'm happy you're a voice on this platform, you make art that remedies specific pains no other channel I watch does. to quote american football: empathy takes energy, cause everyone feels just like you. I'm grateful you put the energy in to make what you do.
In case you never heard of him, I thoroughly recommand TheraminTrees. His videos are very in depth
Jup
Ditto bro your the shit
@@pheonyxior_5082 doesn't that dude exclusively make atheist infographics?
@@channingcheese2 It's true that religion often comes back on the table, but each and every video has a subject of its own, treated as such.
I remember reading something like this in a story of newspaper "the coldness of solitude freezes me, the warmth of people burns me." I can't exactly translate the feeling of it into English but it kind of hit really deep when I read it in my native language.
whats your native language/original quote?
Commenting to save this comment. I love this quote
Get back in the Suffering Simulator Shinji!!
Was looking for someone to reference NGE and the Hedgehogs dilemma.
Truly a man of culture.
Guten morgen
@@omkakade69 you too
Some girl he's hooking up with: "I think we should get serious"
Him: "Lemme explain why that's a bad idea."
lost the only person i felt comfortable talking about things like this.
such is life.
"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"
"... right now there's pain inside ..and with it the joy you felt ..don't crush it
To feel nothing so as not to feel anything..what a waste. "
@@rohithpadikkal7082
But Losing loved ones is always worse than to never love.
@@QuantumQuibbles wtf
The issue arises with our expectation of a perfect relationship that'll be all sunshine and roses with an eternal honeymoon phase. Nothing in life is like that.
When we learn that everything in life comes with its own set of pros and cons, we set realistic expectations and as a result, are a lot more at peace in life...
I'm currently in a long distance relationship and this hit painfully close to home. The ups and downs of wanting to be completely independent and dedicate to exploring oneself while also missing your partner and wishing to stay close and invested is really hard to manage. Great video.
Me too. The balance is so difficult. So scared to let it go but also always have that wonder of whether it might be worth it to do so. Hope it’ll get easier for us soon
my man, im in the same spot as you are the pain of not seeing my other half for so long at a time is so grate i woulnt be worth it if the little time we had together wasnt so wonderfull. I just miss her so much. i hope for all of us in this situation that it gets better.
im with you brothers.
@@bille9611 i was in a long distance relationship once, it was terrible. the constant face time, the lack of real person warmth and how tiring it is to watch pixels dart across the screen but its better than nothing. we live together now, we don't fight much, maybe every 4 months or so, the rest is bliss. it gets better, take care.
@@bluemethbunny thx bud im staying strong shes worth it. i wish you the best brother.
Jus throwing my 2 cents in, I really don't think one can be "completely" independent in any relationship, especially romantic ones. It just doesn't really make sense. You gotta have some space for yur SO in your life, be that in your mind, yout time, etc. Not saying this is you but wanting to be in a reln and wanting to be completely independent sounds a bit selfish, like wanting your cake and eating it too naw'I'mean?
I just wanted to say you've gotten me through alot, my break up. My mom dying and the never ending cycle that is work and school. Every video you post helps me. Thank you ❤
Hope everything is fine now. Much love, keep going bro
Stay strong King/Queen. She's smiling at you from above and I know you have it in you to make her and all of us proud 🤍
Keep on going. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.
@@TheFalseShepphard lol
Touch some grass zoomer
The constant struggle to be enough for yourself. I can only hope that someday I will grow strong enough so that my internal flame is enough to keep me warm, maybe it won't be as hot as I would like, for that I might need the help of others, but I hope it will be warm enough to keep me going. Having said that, good video.
So far I've only been able to achieve that through speed, and unfortunately I lost my speed prescription.
Weed helps too but, not quite like speed. Also speed leaves you more functional if productivity is a concern. The issue is speed will fuck you up psychology and eventually lead to self destruction if used improperly (As I often did). So I'd just stick with weed.
Basically Evangelion in a nutshell
The absolute plot of evangelion
C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S
lol
what would the hospital scene mean then?
@@SammoSan thats what i was wondering
The final quote in the video was very relatable to me. I know it’s an “appropriate cure” but I feel as though it eats away at my psyche. Perhaps I lack the internal warmth that Schopenhauer mentions to sustain myself. Thanks for another great video!
Same. I try to relay on myself but the need to be with others it's like a hunger or
thirst that I cant release myself from.
@@ripnephils148 I am doing my best at practicing Stoicism, but I habe a problem with loving without attachments and accepting solitude.
Theres this movie called "into the wild" and the quote at the end is my favourite quote existing and It perfectly describes my condition.
"Happiness is only real when shared"
get therapy
@@MMOplayeerr I choose to belive that happiness can be found inside you without the need of others, stoicism style. I don't know if what I believe is true but at least I know I can only relay on myself. PD: I haven't found that happiness yet and, in fact, I think I never will.
@@ripnephils148 so you’re not happy but only rely upon yourself ? Sounds like a miserable existence
Life is just a constant struggle to balance between order and chaos. One can't exist without another. Being with someone and being alone are both important.
As someone said somewhere, "In life there will always be struggles, it's who you choose to struggle with that matters"
The answer is to simply conquer your loneliness. To understand that the purpose if life isnt to fall in love but the purpose of life is to live. To simply live and enjoy life in all its beauty and truly appreciate itm once you understand that you will eventually stop feeling lonely
You explained how I feel so well. I value my alone time so much yet I feel so lonely. It's an oxymoron.
This man produces some of the most meaningful content on UA-cam. I think about these videos throughout the day. Truly a treasure, thank you for sharing this with us.
"Sometimes the coldness of winter is simply too much to handle." Wow. Just wow.
This makes so much sense. I hope you keep writing on love! I've been in love with your perspective and can relate a lot. Nonetheless, no matter what kind of content you make, we are here to support you
I love your security vs freedom comparison. Really sums up my trouble when it comes to love I'd like to love someone forever. At the same time, I don't want to restrict their freedom or feel like I'm bound to them either.
failed opportunity to use hedgehogs dilemma from eva soundtrack
I think it's a matter of how one sees closeness, if the idea of a romantic (or friendly) relationship is of constant attachment and connection and presence, it becomes oppressive, but if there is acceptance of this duality from one another, then one can start to accept the compromises that comes with it, it being "I will be close to you when you need it, even when I don't want to because I know you will be close when you don't want"...
I think that a true bond is not a constant presence, but a constant "readiness" to be present and sacrifice our desire of the moment to fulfill a greater need of someone else... obviously when the other person is willing to do the same.
I agree. I think that a lot of people have a very pessimistic view of relationships because their understanding of relationships is based on unhealthy examples. they are not easy, but they are worth it, and healthy relationships are possible. there is a natural ebb and flow of connectedness that it seems people don't understand, that people have to balance independence with closeness, the issue comes when people can't reconcile that dialectic and accept it, but overthink it and assume it's an impossibility. people also don't understand that the only thing essential for love and successful relationships is compassion, change, and commitment. especially a lot of the types in videos like this seem to have an almost predetermined attitude towards love, like it's something that happens to you, not something that you are actively choosing to do. that's the reality of this whole thing, loving and being loved is about a bond and a commitment between people, not necessarily about the passion (though passion is good, of course.) the attitude of believing that love is when you're just infatuated with someone is immature and inevitably leads to a long sad string of unsatisfying relationships. the only way to make them last is to accept that making them last is a choice. sorry for writing an essay. I love this channel but his romance videos just seem like a lot of overthinking relationships, and it bothers me personally because I overthink mine a lot too
I always seem to stumble on a relevant video of yours whenever I’m going through it man. Thanks for making the content you do. It’s always super great.
Your videos always appeared in my feed when I needed them, but I haven't been blessed in a while so now I have come to search for them and been binge watching quite alot because they're simply perfect, all these philosophies hit so close to home yet they also provide insight to how others feel about them.
I have this dilemma where I want a relationship but I love love love my solitude. Never been with a woman and don't have any experience, I don't even care about it or think about it. But this dilemma hits me sometimes and slips me into sleepless nights. These thoughts turn me into a Insomniac but at the same time my inner freedom shouts happiness. I don't know what to do. I just want those sleepless nights to go away.
This might sound really obvious, but have you ever thought about searching for a possible partner that feels the same? Relationships can dance on distance, presence, and absence without falling apiary or becoming toxic as long as the partners in that relationship agree with what they’re doing.
It would seem you dance a different rhythm than most in that regard, but a rhythm that still exist, it’s far from impossible that others out there also prefer said rhythm
@@thevoiceinyourhead7215 I completely understood what message you want to portray. It's just that I'm too young to make any decisions, I'll be turning 20 soon. I want to get to know world better, move countries, experience stuff and most importantly study further possibly get masters degree.
And when you said me being a admirer of niche, it makes sense because no one seems to get what I get. Everytime I see outside world, I see patterns of mediocrety and averageness. I just don't want to be a part of that boredom. But I know one thing for sure, I'm not settling for any sort of low values.
@@boywithoutsoul587 not sure where you got the part about Niche, but we both seem to be in quite the similar spot in life then, (albeit the other voices are always thinking of something, kinda hard to keep bored allot of the time)
Here’s to the exploration of the self and life 🍻
And hoping we’ll both make the right decisions when the times come
@@thevoiceinyourhead7215 when I said I'm admirer of niche, it meant dancing to a different rhythm in your first response
@@boywithoutsoul587 oh, I thought you meant Niche, the guy. My mistake, that’s fair
Oh god, this whole thing is me. I’m alone most of the time, I haven’t left the house in months, and I love being alone, I feel it’s the only time I can fully let go and be myself. But while I’m alone I tend to crave others, just someone to laugh with and spend time with, either a friend or a partner. But when I try to socialise, after only an hour or so, I tend to get depressed and feel the need to be back alone again, I get incredibly upset and sometimes anxious and on the verge of an anxiety attack, it’s like I’m gonna die if I don’t get home to be alone. And it cycles like this throughout my life. This is why I have no friends, and no one apart from family. I tend to dream and fantasise about a relationship, someone from my dreams that is perfect in every way, but relationships I’ve had in the past tend to make me claustrophobic and feel like I’m trapped in a way that I don’t want, yet I still crave the idea, almost every night, as my dreams take me to that perfect me with that perfect them. I’m so upset by these cycles that I feel I’m just going to be alone forever, I wish I had friends and people I hold close but it’s so difficult for me in these ways. I’m so glad I’m not the only one that struggles with this, I prey that everyone else finds a manageable balance and can figure this weirdness out.
you're not looking for the thing in people that u actually have to.
think about it
I know that when you upload is going to be a good bittersweet day. Thank you
your videos always come out at the perfect time :')
You can be happy alone and with others, many of these interpersonal struggles and dilemmas are not something you have to live with forever, there is a happy middle and I suggest seeing a therapist that uses dbt. That has been incredibly helpful in my journey. It's okay to have a variety of relationships with proper boundaries and communication, there can be distance and times you're too close you burn up. Keep communicating your needs (which are ever-changing for everyone) and just see how things go. When your entire social structure isn't made up of one person it's okay if they need space and you need warmth, bc other people are there to provide that warmth. Having a variety of people in your life will help a lot too!
It’s almost like you know when to release the perfect video for what I needed to learn about life
I was thinking that this is synonymous with an anxious attachment style… where when you want to be with someone because you love them, but sometimes the things they do hurts you, making you want to move away from them, all the while becoming anxious and insecure of their love for you.
Definitely. All this video shows is fear of commitment but also fear of loss; wanting your cake and eating it too.
The video seems to suggest that being emotionally hurt is a bad thing which I feel is untrue and a bad mindset to have.
The only way to be happy (inside OR outside of a relationship) is to have emotional resilience, and emotional resilience is like a muscle; if you don’t use it, it wastes away. You “hurt” your muscles by exercising. You put microscopic tears in your muscles. But then the muscle grows back bigger, and stronger.
The same can be said for emotional resilience. Sadness, anxiety, resentment, jealousy etc. are HEALTHY emotions (as long as they aren’t consuming your entire life).
@@jackllewellyn746 I cant truly agree about the muscle thing. You going outside your comfortzone does expand It and you can basically train your confidence, buut getting hurt to train your resilience? It can work, sometimes for some people, but also a lot of scars never truly heal and they add up. You might start to recover from one, then the next one slaps you in the face. I am gonna bring up an extreme case, would you dare to tell this muscle theory to somebody who was raped or somebody with ptsd? Emotional trauma is serious issue, even, if smaller. Time does make things better, but all these scars stay with you forever. Do they make you stronger? A big maaybe, but the price could be losing wonder for life, the joy of living.
I know some people who you might call emotionally strong, but what I see in them is disconnect and not caring. Taking life too seriously can make you collapse, but imo you have to have a certain seriousness in love and friendships, Its what deepens the connection, gives it richness and meaning and if you are serious about love, then losing it will definitely hurt, if you arent on buddha level.
@@MMOplayeerr I love your view on this!
@@jackllewellyn746 THIS. This comment. Thank you so much, this actually gave me so much clarity.
I'm pretty sure I'm a FA (fearful avoidant) and damn this hits close to home
Sisyphus with another banger!
awesome video man. really makes me feel a little less alone and a little more oriented in this crazy world. seeing my emotional struggles are shared by others. makes me feel like everything might be alright if I have a guide
Im honestly so thankful I found your videos, everyone of them has a theme that seems to hit me at the right time in a way thats easily understood and keeps me wanting to come back for more, youre a great content creator an I appreciate what you do
these videos are truly liberating; the last quote and this video as a whole is very powerful
Great work. Love the quote at the end, it’s very applicable to me and probably a fair amount of viewers/commenters here. Keep up your work, this channel is great even if you chose to stop creating videos now or in the future. Your video catalogue is worth quite a lot in my opinion.
My interpretation of Shopenhauers’ solution of “one selfs internal warmth” is literally ru Paul’s catch phrase: “if you can’t love yourself how the hell you’re gonna love somebody else”
holy shit man this is so real and my current fav youtube video of all time! this is making so much in my life make sense wtf…
The porcupine analogy reminds me of the song "Fear & Delight" by The Correspondents. My interpretation of it is loving someone despite knowing that it may be causing you pain. Wanting to run away, but still staying because you feel like you need their love.
babe wake up, sisyphus 55 just dropped a new video
this has been somehow ironically comforting
Brother brother you are speaking to ears that long to hear such sounds.
I live in a stoic philosophy and Diogenes style. Homeless on purpose, open to everything new even if it's against my present narrative. You can always grow, you can always become more.
Thank you for the time you've used to make this video, stay safe stay free
Evangelion moment
Truly, a gurrenlagan of his time
as someone who grew up having no close friends in my childhood, i believe i'm less scared of being alone but more scared of someone close that might leave.
I started listening to Frank Sinatra's "In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning" after your video. It made me cry and laugh at the same time because it all just makes too much sense. Thanks for the video.
Agreed💓
The problem with that last quote is that people often feel warm and content right before they freeze to death.
Evangelion tought me about this one
Lmao same
It also gave me depression
@@michaelbelcher9933 welcome to the club
(15/10/21 5:40 pm)
the title got my writing sense tingling... ive never finished anything i write and that title is a whole story prompt i would want to write.
ur vids are so comforting. they never disappoint.
Thanks for making this video. Your effort is helping so many individuals make sense of what it means to be human.
I'm in a newer relationship right now, and it's been going great. But I'm wondering when the rose tinted glasses will melt away and I'll find myself either being loathed by my partner or finding my partner to be something I don't want. Frankly, I'm scared when one of us will see the other for what we are: fragile and clueless. It'll happen, but to suggest that my partner will love me and I to her even when we realize all the ugly bits and pieces is kind of a low probability. Yet people still manage to find a way to stay together all the time. And to finally sacrifice my facade to be my full self and not to worry my partner will leave me is amazing and exciting.
One thing I’ll say is that, it’s not that you fall out of love at some point later in the relationship, it’s the fact that you go from crushing on someone to actually loving them. Love isn’t butterflies or sparks flying. Love comes after all of that. There are stages to all relationships and most of the time the hardest stage is getting to truly know your significant other. You start to find little things that annoy you, little things to bicker about.. and if you can survive this stage and still be in a healthy relationship, that is when you’ve found love. You are no longer lovebirds, but you are partners. Partners for life. You accept every part of each other and choose to move forward. There is a lot I have to say about the specific nuances that you find in love that aren’t covered in media, but I’m sure no one has time to read all of that. Just remember that if you two truly love each other, you choose to be partners, no matter what, and there are no unhealthy patterns or types of attachment going on. You can truly be yourselves around one another. You even become inspired by your partner and become your better self when you move through life with them.
The rose tinted glasses will melt away with EVERY relationship. Every human is fragile and clueless. Every human has "ugly bits and pieces." Love is a choice. You chose to stick with your partner and accept that they are only human beings with imperfections.
your videos could never come at a better time, thank you for blessing us with this amazing content
* Neon Genesis Evangelion intensifies *
In the winter I love the summer, in the summer I love the winter
As always, a banger.
It's like you speak the thoughts I am never able to articulate.
i just clicked on this and clocked the father john misty quote at 2:37 - new subscriber here :)
What crackalackin Sisyphus if you are reading this that is. Just wanted to say before finding your UA-cam channel I knew very little about philosophy or any of this mumbo jumbo but now after watching your stuff for about a year or so I'm glad to say I know a smidge bit more then I did a year ago. One thing that's stuck with me is stoicism and it helps me from day to day so just wanted to say thanks boi keep up the good shit 👍👌
Thank you. I needed this.
It's feels as though going into a relationship feels right, but when things are official, I'm terribly afraid and just want to run away. Not in an "afraid of commitment" kind of way... I tend to just feel terribly uncomfortable and want to hide away from everything. I always inevitably find the relationship disgusting. Maybe it's just fear of intimacy.. :/ if it is, I don't know how to fix it. I've tried to ignore it, but it ended in a trainwreck of a relationship.
Oh my god you put everything I've struggled with into words, it is such an issue. I keep telling myself maybe it's just the person and I noticed a pattern, I felt like this when the relationship was kind of rushed into- without spending a couple months getting to know the person and deciding truly "Do I want a relationship with this person?" I'm personally refraining from all relationships unless the person just feels 100% right. I think in general it is a fear of intimacy thing, but for me at least I think I would be open to intimacy if it was truly the right person I was longing for.
that ending tho lol. Just like how you cant magically have more body heat I'll never magically start loving myself
shaking and crying rn
Wow. Your content always hits hard, it shows the raw truth and emotions and
and
glorious. byootiful.
truly, thank you!
I have to say this is particularly accurate to my situation and you helped put it into tangibility. Thank you
just looking at the title: anxious avoidant
It's the fault of our expectations. Perfection doesn't exist.
Honestly…do you love them, or do you love the thought of them? I wish it wasn’t so hard to tell.
Evangelion fans seething rn
using this in an english essay lol
Shinji moment
Damn that title hits home for me
“Long infringement with the other would leave them feeling claustrophobic” literally me...
i love this channel so much. thank you.
Wow. Loved this in general. ❤️ And it was if you were talking directly to me and in this moment in time. 🙏🏼😊🤛🏻
UR CHANNEL IS THE BEST
u are a huge inspiration in my life
hidden father john misty moment cute
This was awesome. Makes things make sense. Thank you for posting.
goddammit i keep falling asleep to your videos and i have now missed 3 of my classes
I knew it was Schopenhauer before I even clicked
Father John Misty approved
i remember hearing the line “i fear you close by, i love you far away” from a previous video of yours and it really stuck with me
i’m so glad you made this video and elaborated more on this sentiment; your content never fails to amaze me. i adore your channel.
I needed this, thanks.
But sisyphus, those look like hedgehogs.
Love is a Verb.
This week has been a rough one but i know ill find the one, thanks for the short video i love it❤️
If there were room in love for hate, then love and hate wouldn't be opposites
I needed this.
Really really appreciated this one
friends be on my ass about relos but i genuinely enjoy my alone time enough to not be beaten into a relo by any sort of motivation
You keep rocking my world.
Whenever my partner and I discover a new way that we are fundamentally different I say “this is another quill we have to sit with”. I think for me the best remedy for this was acceptance. If I can accept my partners flaws and he can accept mine, we can experience true intimacy with each other. To me, it is without a doubt worth the pains of the relationship.
Favourite Nietzsche quote
I find the self vs. other dilemma cropping up again and again for me - even though I know we are irrevocably shaped by our interactions with other people, and the self is by its very essence relational, I find it hard to be comfortable opening 'my' self ( because is it really mine to begin with? ) and letting others, to get out of that paradox where I yearn to experience fellowship alone, and solitude in fellowship. There's a book by Olga Tokarczuk called 'Drive Your Plough Over the Bones of Dead', a part of which has the main character realising how "another Person starts to irritate you without actually doing anything, but simply by being there". Now, admittedly, the protagonist is very pessimistic and this comment comes from a rather cynical place, but in a certain sense I understand. I do feel a sense of low-level, buzzing anxiety being around others, like I can never be truly 'off' or comfortable; its the discomfort in the very idea of being viewed by a subjective mind.
I currently have a crush on a girl whom I think reciprocates the feeling, and although I have come to the realization of how love is being constantly painted as this prolonged state of happiness, I feel this undeniable attraction but not to the extent that I was made to believe.
thank you sisyphus
True love is with someone whose faults you can forgive. No one is perfect.
i love this channel