"Spiritual Bypassing" Means Justifying Giving 10x More Than You Get

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  • Опубліковано 21 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 120

  • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
    @CrappyChildhoodFairy  16 днів тому

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  • @williampatchen
    @williampatchen 19 днів тому +19

    I relate to your story
    and I was eventually discarded and replaced .
    so for now I have no desire to be close to anyone .
    I just live for myself.
    We want to be loved
    but if we aren’t loved the next option is to be needed .
    So we do things for people That help them then they accept the help and we feel needed.
    But needs are just an empty container.
    Love is what should fill the container.
    You’ve got to notice if someone enjoys making you feel loved .
    I am now left alone and empty . But I can slowly fill my own container .

  • @lunagrace8717
    @lunagrace8717 18 днів тому +5

    When you are not loved , you are not loved .... but being starved of real connection can make you see what you wanna see 💔💔💔

  • @lillianbarker4292
    @lillianbarker4292 20 днів тому +49

    Girl, he’s using you!

    • @2bNot
      @2bNot 17 днів тому

      Not sure why I cannot make my own comment but only add on to other comments ?

  • @TA-ln8qs
    @TA-ln8qs 20 днів тому +73

    To the letter writer, please get out of this non-relationship before it makes you sick. Life can be so good, but sometimes we have to walk away from people. I know it's hard.

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +3

      ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

    • @Muck-qy2oo
      @Muck-qy2oo 19 днів тому +3

      The writer is held hostage by emotional priates on a relation ship!
      Please call the coast guard!

  • @asan1050
    @asan1050 20 днів тому +25

    Sometimes we need HARD LOVE. Thank you!

  • @karlareadstheclassics217
    @karlareadstheclassics217 20 днів тому +28

    He found a mother for both himself & his daughter. He isn't in good enough shape mentally for a healthy relationship. He may never be. Codependency is hell.

  • @Leoo117
    @Leoo117 20 днів тому +29

    In another words, fully accept this man for who he is and know that it will always be this way with him. So all she has to do is decide if she is ok with living this way forever with him or not.

  • @santafilipina9020
    @santafilipina9020 20 днів тому +69

    The level of self deception is astounding. If this guy who is a burden & a walking red flag is my only option then I’d rather be solo.

    • @333angeleyes
      @333angeleyes 20 днів тому +11

      Do not quote me on this. But I'm almost certain that I once read a research study that said that the feelings of severe loneliness can cause the body to show symptoms as if it is literally dying; at least to some people.
      My point is that it is easy to say that we will all easily walk away from a relationship like that. But depending on how lonely you are statements like "it'd rather be alone" are easier said than done. So if anything I think this woman deserves our sympathy.

    • @santafilipina9020
      @santafilipina9020 19 днів тому +5

      @ Sorry but this is all low frequency stuff. Sympathy won’t spur her into action. What she needs now is courage and boldness. No one is coming to save her.

    • @RoadRunnergarage8570
      @RoadRunnergarage8570 10 днів тому

      You can't get love out of a stone..

  • @onetuliptree
    @onetuliptree 20 днів тому +29

    She's been a great friend sticking with him during his hospitalization, then giving him a place to live and a place for his daughter. But she expects romance back and she is never going to get it from this man. She said he's loving and devoted to his daughter, but she also said she is the bridge between them, so does that mean he never acts loving and devoted and she is doing it for him?

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +4

      The more she wants it, the less he is willing to give it?

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +3

      My heart ♥️ 😢 cries for her. Why does she know she Deserves SO MUCH BETTER!!

  • @NikkiEdmunds
    @NikkiEdmunds 20 днів тому +13

    We can love someone deeply but that doesn’t mean we have to become enmeshed or wrapped up in other people’s drama. We must come to a point where we are able to protect ourselves wrll enough to keep our hearts safe. Some people want certain things from others but aren’t able to reciprocate. Very often, this leaves the person on the receiving end most burned out, resentful, distant, etc. A relationship is supposed to be a two way street. Anything other than that can become way too complicated and undesirable.

  • @pluton1263
    @pluton1263 20 днів тому +41

    Whenever I hear a woman say "He's a good man." It's a red flag. 🚩
    If you ask what makes the man so good. They go silent. 🦗🦗🦗

    • @christinelamb1167
      @christinelamb1167 20 днів тому +4

      Exactly! How is he a "good" man? What does he do that's so good?!

    • @missshannonsunshine
      @missshannonsunshine 20 днів тому +1

      That’s weird. I always have many reasons. My mother as well

    • @pluton1263
      @pluton1263 20 днів тому +8

      @@missshannonsunshine Good for you and your mother. Truly good and decent men do not need people trying to convince others they are good and decent. It just simply is. No convincing needed

  • @rturney6376
    @rturney6376 20 днів тому +13

    The comments here are extraordinary!!!! ❤❤❤❤😮😮😮😮

  • @fly_ona_wall729
    @fly_ona_wall729 20 днів тому +34

    😮😮 OUR BODIES DO KEEP THE SCORE

  • @Muchaspass
    @Muchaspass 20 днів тому +16

    Anna well spoken
    An if this lady doesn't leave
    Him ,shes gonna have some hardships

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +3

      And deserves 😢so much more out of life. ❤❤❤❤

  • @marcydelgenio8169
    @marcydelgenio8169 19 днів тому +4

    Oh my goodness..finally..someone who spoke truth to my situation.
    Im pursuing divorce..its uncontested. He is only really sad about losing the material things we gained together..a dismissive avoidant, who at times displays narcissism ..no empathy, but most of all can't admit anything wrong with himself.
    Im co dependent from a vulnerable narcissistic mother. My life is falling apart, but my God will heal, repair, mend it. Takes time..its a process.
    Thank you, Anna. God bless to all those who suffer.. May your eyes be opened and your heart be strengthened to do what is right for you, first. Be willing to reparent yourself. Then you have the relationships that will edify, bless, and be blessed!🙏❣️

    • @Leyatisme
      @Leyatisme 19 днів тому

      🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

  • @peach411
    @peach411 20 днів тому +9

    Wow that letter writer wrote that whole long letter about every single thing about this guys life.

  • @ireefree2024
    @ireefree2024 20 днів тому +31

    She's codependent and also just a caretaker. There's no partnership or progress. Also you can't fill love into an empty person and expect that they will change 😢

    • @月亮-g5f
      @月亮-g5f 20 днів тому +3

      Wow, such amazing words in the end, i will remember it

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +1

      I always hoped my mom 😢would change.

  • @thecommonsensecapricorn
    @thecommonsensecapricorn 18 днів тому +7

    A heart attack out of nowhere a year ago, even though he’s a healthy, fairly young guy. I think Anna is secretly thinking what I’m thinking too… but I digress..

    • @Captain_MonsterFart
      @Captain_MonsterFart 14 днів тому

      Indeed. Nobody seems to notice...nobody seems to care....what changed in the last few years, why are there so many strange heart issues, cancers, deaths all of a sudden?

    • @crumbe909
      @crumbe909 9 днів тому

      What do you mean??

  • @lawrencedavis5459
    @lawrencedavis5459 20 днів тому +51

    You can't save anyone but yourself

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +4

      ❤❤❤❤❤🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
      My biggest issue with religion is “Jesus will save you” - we all need to save ourselves!!!!

  • @2bNot
    @2bNot 17 днів тому +3

    Amazing how these videos keep on being so relevant and accurate !!
    Sure is difficult.
    Thanks for being some company 😊🙋

  • @kellygreenii
    @kellygreenii 20 днів тому +32

    It also means attempting to use spirituality as a way of avoiding the hard, painful work is dealing with past traumas and unresolved emotional business.
    Henc the saying, “The only way out is through.”

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +1

      Yes 🙌, thank you 🙏 for addressing. I personally think religion was created by narcissists. “Turn the other cheek”. Lack of accountability.
      Making it so easy to spiritually bypass. 😢😢😢😢

    • @sarahstone1957
      @sarahstone1957 20 днів тому +2

      Unresolved emotional business...
      Woah
      Thank you for that

    • @kellygreenii
      @kellygreenii 19 днів тому

      @ Uh. No. I’m afraid you’ve got that backwards. Spirituality is about the pinnacle of human emotional development. How people interact with the world when they master their emotions and their desires.
      Jesus spoke of turning the other cheek as an act of compassion for the person out of control. Just like walking away from someone itching for an argument and you see the drama for what it is and choose not to play the role they are trying to assign you. Remember, Jesus admonished Peter for drawing blood at Gethsemane in effort to prevent His arrest. When we master our Fear we move with loving kindness. We don’t wish to see others harmed even to help ourselves. Because that goes against who we are at our core, once we calm our fears.
      Narcissism is pure fear. Someone is so damaged and feels so badly about themselves that they try to convince the world that they are perfect in order to hide it. But there is no foundation or substance to the masquerade…and underneath is the panicky self-absorption of a traumatized child. Regardless of the outward age.
      Spiritual bypass is a misguided but genuine effort to master one’s emotions. But it doesn’t understand that the only way to do that is to (at first) embrace them. That mistake is understandable because those prone to spiritual bypass grow up in environments where their emotional being was abused and neglected. Their survival demanded that they reject and suppress that part of themselves. So they try to fix a problem with the only tool they have. Not knowing it’s the wrong tool for the job.

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 19 днів тому

      @ Kelly, the Bible was written by the Illuminati to control the masses. You are among the asses for believing it. Don’t believe everything you read. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. I hate stupid people.

  • @fiction589
    @fiction589 20 днів тому +16

    My mum is draining me a ton right now. Both emotionally and financially. So i feel what the woman writes. Please protect yourself ! I need to take care of my terminally ill father right now, so I cant really avoid my mum. But I do shield myself internally from her. And stopped paying for everything. I make it harder for her to be so demanding. By the way, 3 days ago, she said to my brother "do not forget: I am an angel." 😂 truly hilarious . I would love to have her self image 🤪

    • @ireefree2024
      @ireefree2024 20 днів тому +3

      I'm sorry, normally shouldn't judge but sounds like a narcissistic mother, so sorry 😢

  • @kat_roses
    @kat_roses 20 днів тому +6

    Wishing her well with kicking him out, it's going to be really hard but I hope she follows through

  • @DarcieRobertson
    @DarcieRobertson 19 днів тому +5

    My first thought was, how does someone with such a healthy childhood see this guy as a good and healthy match for her? Could be more of a person in denial of their own pain, so they’re drawn to someone with an abundance of pain, enough for two people situation.

  • @buddyneher9359
    @buddyneher9359 20 днів тому +17

    0:22 "a way to dress up big mistakes as amazing and purposeful accomplishments." What a different world we would have if our culture taught us how to acknowledge and admit mistakes, and let go of them EARLY!
    15:09 "You have to look at relationships for what they are and what they make you feel like right now. That's where your answer is."

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +1

      Excellent ❤❤❤

    • @jordansjul
      @jordansjul 19 днів тому +1

      But what if it goes back and forth? Some days it’s great and makes happy enough but other days it’s deeply distressing

  • @michelle5131
    @michelle5131 19 днів тому +12

    She’s basically his mother.

  • @thecommonsensecapricorn
    @thecommonsensecapricorn 18 днів тому +1

    I’ve been here. Most of my friends are still there. The new age spiritual ones fixate on “he’s wounded, I can’t just abandon him, he needs grace”, while my non spiritual friends just go “I’m in love with him” even when it’s clear they’re not getting anything from the man, they just can’t walk away. New age spirituality can really confuse things for people with trauma, and I think it makes it harder for those friends than the non spiritual ones, to get out of these bad relationships. I’m so glad I’m single and working on myself right now and that I’m not in a terrible relationship.

  • @musica4567
    @musica4567 19 днів тому +5

    This is what happens when we empathic types find someone who wants a mom. I wonder what would happen if she cut down to just dealing with him 3 days a week, on her terms. I highly suspect she has work to do to develop more of her own interests and do things that energize her each day. We Empathic types were trained to caretake others. Gotta unbrainwash that shit at some point.
    With healthy boundaries around her time and energy, she could feel less depleted by him. And eventually realize he is not doing his own work. She's deep into the healing fantasy. Break the trauma bond!! Cut down how much you do for him by half!!! And see what happens.

  • @ladeedaa1419
    @ladeedaa1419 20 днів тому +25

    The universe isn’t playing around today.
    You’re channel is so invaluable 🤍

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  20 днів тому +1

      Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

    • @dementorsfirstkiss7289
      @dementorsfirstkiss7289 19 днів тому +1

      I'm so glad that you said that the universe isn't playing around today, because I hope the universe cares about all of us!

  • @mellmoi7571
    @mellmoi7571 17 днів тому +1

    Great, reality checking advice!👏🏾👏🏾

  • @lisadunkle4112
    @lisadunkle4112 19 днів тому +7

    Sounds like a man who had an event and decided that he needed a nurse and a purse. And there you were. I’m not judging - I’ve been that person. You need to get out. I did. You can, too. ❤

  • @333angeleyes
    @333angeleyes 20 днів тому +17

    I would like some advice from anyone in the comments based off of this video.
    I don't know this woman, but it appears to me that she's allowing this because she is probably very lonely and feels like she has no better options... Most people who feel like they have no better options usually do so not because of lack of trying, but because no one that they desire wants them back. The user or parasite is usually a person that the lonely person does desire.
    Yet, they do not want them back. However, they are willing to at least give them attention. Which to a lonely person is like hope when you're drowning.
    When it comes to limerance, Anna's solution is usually have a happy life Full of friends, fun activities, and purpose, but what do you do when you have all that and you're trying to date, yet, You still have no good options?
    How do we keep ourselves from attaching to a person that doesn't want us (but strings us along), or that is clearly using us? All because we're so lonely and can't find anyone else?

    • @月亮-g5f
      @月亮-g5f 20 днів тому +4

      I would upvote this comment

    • @Marlena5227
      @Marlena5227 20 днів тому +8

      Listen to the video with an open heart and mind. Motivation is one thing but underlying need for self worth is the root of her problem. Anna has it right ☆

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +6

      She bonded to this guy - maybe through sex - spending time with him. Anna is right she needs a break from him to get perspective.
      Also the idea 💡 of being needed 😢😢. “You can save this person “.
      My mom didn’t show up for me. She didn’t have my back. Her favorite 😍 daughter moved away and left her 😢later in life. I showed up. I hoped she would change. She could have a loving 🥰 relationship. Nope 👎. She is still loyal to her favorites 😍

    • @pinoniks
      @pinoniks 20 днів тому +5

      It will sound terrible.. but that's how I dealt with this, I accepted painful feelings and not running from uncomfortable sensations. Also understanding my relationships with parents. Bad partners, people who don't care are quick fix for present discomfort. You are not drowning, you are going to be alright.
      People you like don't like you is most common dynamic. Learn dating advices, how to spot emotionaly unavable, don't open up to those people, it draws them in, but they are usless partners, better drop them ASAP ec.
      Sorry but it is what it is. No one is going to save you, but you. People can give only advices based on their experience. Take it or find your own way

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +2

      @ nice 👍 😊

  • @coachkimsiegel
    @coachkimsiegel 18 днів тому +2

    Run!!!!!

  • @rturney6376
    @rturney6376 20 днів тому +11

    Codependency- Dianna wants to do his work.

  • @helenpauline7
    @helenpauline7 20 днів тому +6

    By allowing avoidants to keep doing what they're doing- we're just enabling them. Dysfunctional patterns need attention and a lot of hard inner work and noone can do it for another. They won't change unless they want to and if you're ok with being miserable for a long time keep the insanity cycle going

  • @himmatbariya5414
    @himmatbariya5414 19 днів тому +63

    its hard to put into words, but the book Magnetic Aura from Talesio completely changed my life and it's not new age bs

  • @forgiven5919
    @forgiven5919 20 днів тому +14

    When a person tells you who they are believe them. I pretended through a avoidant man loved me too at one time. Wasted 15 years of precious time. Get away sister.

  • @JadeWasHere987
    @JadeWasHere987 20 днів тому +16

    "Anxious leaning secure attachment" - I don't mean to be rude but there is nothing secure here.

    • @Marlena5227
      @Marlena5227 20 днів тому +1

      A parasite can have a secure attachment and not provide beneficial results for both parties. Symbiosis is mutually beneficial.

  • @connieguenter5253
    @connieguenter5253 20 днів тому +3

    So good advice

  • @BuddhaofBlackpool
    @BuddhaofBlackpool 14 днів тому

    John sounds great 😂 scaling the heights there 🎉

  • @rturney6376
    @rturney6376 20 днів тому +2

    Great 👍 video!!! This is what people get from Alan on. Yet, you can feed it to people. “If you know, you know”. ❤❤❤😅😅😅😊😊😊😊🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

  • @Leyatisme
    @Leyatisme 19 днів тому

    This was so helpful. Thank you.

  • @Dobermanmomma
    @Dobermanmomma 15 днів тому

    Lol this is so true! Some spiritual people turn everything around and it is not accurate.

  • @TheLove1Makes
    @TheLove1Makes 17 днів тому

    Thanks for sharing

  • @teralecole316
    @teralecole316 15 днів тому +1

    He using her for room and board. He was looking for a “nurse with a personal”. If he was healthy, he would’ve breadcrumbed her and discarded her. He’s not the man she’s looking for, they’re not equal yolked. She is seeing the real him.

  • @INFJMalePsychology
    @INFJMalePsychology 18 днів тому

    Hi Anna, what do you mean by 'some people's calling is to love people that can't love back'? 9:44 Thanks for the great video once again!

  • @oksanar914
    @oksanar914 17 днів тому +1

    It’s so sad that we can’t see it ourselves and need someone else to tell that it is codependency..

  • @ShayB-w3x
    @ShayB-w3x 14 днів тому

    The need to save him is so strong, she's not saving herself. Sad.

  • @barbo1106
    @barbo1106 19 днів тому +2

    This woman is a codependent. Her pride and desire for an authentic, lasting relationship has blinded her from all the red flags. She is delusional. She has created in her mind her perfect mate and has tagged this guy as him. 😑
    She has savior/martyr syndrome.

  • @nourNOURI-p7q
    @nourNOURI-p7q 16 днів тому

    This is not a relationship... this man didn't wanna be with "only" her at his prime, got health problems was vulnerable and found someone who rushed to take care of him. Didnt do anything to get this woman, promised her nothing and there she is so he let things be And he got used to that he get everything and the only thing he has to do is stick around. When things get itchy all he has to do is play the sick, traumatized and avoident card. He is a leecher. I hope this video talk sense to her and I really hope she works on herself and learn to love herself more 😢

  • @mth9267
    @mth9267 17 днів тому +1

    Denial

  • @fly_ona_wall729
    @fly_ona_wall729 20 днів тому +2

    He was in prison😮

  • @marenernst1841
    @marenernst1841 5 днів тому

    This sounds like a social work internship. OMG!!!

  • @TheBaba1920
    @TheBaba1920 20 днів тому

    Did Ashley write this? #loveisblind

  • @ShayB-w3x
    @ShayB-w3x 14 днів тому

  • @Thavar91
    @Thavar91 19 днів тому

    My unhinged rant:
    I very important man in my life had a

  • @RoadRunnergarage8570
    @RoadRunnergarage8570 10 днів тому

    You can't get love out of a stone..

  • @rubylace9963
    @rubylace9963 16 днів тому

    I'm just going to say it so excuse my tough love.. he's using you. He doesn't care about you. He's only with you because you provide for him. If you stopped paying for everything, he would leave. And this part will especially hurt.. if he does eventually heal, he will leave you for someone with a little more self respect. You will be shocked at all the things he does for the new women that he didn't do for you and it will hurt a lot. Please leave him so you don't waste any more of your precious time with this man.

  • @ISIHIA23
    @ISIHIA23 19 днів тому +1

    sounds like the guy might be on a horrible anti depressant too

  • @HolyGround777
    @HolyGround777 17 днів тому

    Like trying to extract love from a stone, girl it is not coming, I understand he is hurting but this savior complex of yours is not helping you or him, you need to get out and work on you. Sending love from Sweden❤

  • @ChildofGod98765
    @ChildofGod98765 20 днів тому +4

    Jesus you are my King. I have complete trust in you. But I’m fearful because being a single mom with two children with special needs is overwhelming at times. Every month is a struggle to get by the cost of everything is rising. Lord Jesus as I struggle to pay rent, and as I struggle to buy groceries give me strength.😊

    • @月亮-g5f
      @月亮-g5f 20 днів тому +1

      I wish you strength and abundance 🙏✨💞

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому

      Sending you love 💝 and Light 🌞 🌻🙏🥹😘💙🌻🥹🥹😘💙🌻🥹🥹😘💙🌻🙏🥹😘🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
      You got this!!!! ❤❤❤

    • @christinelamb1167
      @christinelamb1167 20 днів тому +1

      Here you are again, spamming every single UA-cam channel! This person cuts and pastes the same identical comment on videos all across YT. Don't be fooled by this scammer!

    • @claudiacalderon5683
      @claudiacalderon5683 19 днів тому +2

      Good on you for calling her out! I see her everywhere, too! Shame on those that exploit people’s good hearts and vulnerabilities in channels like this. Must be profitable otherwise we would stop seeing this.

  • @sammavacaist
    @sammavacaist 10 днів тому

    Omg the # of women I know who do this! I call it "gilding a turd" (sorry if language offends anyone) 😂

  • @agp38
    @agp38 19 днів тому

    Tow adults who are old enough to know better but aren't consider ing the child at all. This is awful. When she walks away, and she will, she's already halfway out the door, it's going to harm the poor child much more than it does these self-centered supposed/alleged adults. Just so sad.

  • @melaniefowler8841
    @melaniefowler8841 20 днів тому

    Don't like the letters

    • @333angeleyes
      @333angeleyes 20 днів тому +5

      I'm The opposite the videos where she reads a letter are more helpful to me than the ones where she just talks. Because with the letters I have a visualized context of her message VS when she just talks about her message. Remember we are all at different stages and levels of trama, life, and our journey of healing-so it's hard for me to conceptualize what she is saying on a personal level if I've never experienced it without the letters to give me reference.

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +2

      I love ❤️ the letters because they are like case studies. I am fascinated by people like you and my mom who can’t learn from and lack empathy 😮for other people’s life experiences/situations.

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому

      I love ❤️ the letters because they are like case studies. I am fascinated by people like you and my mom who can’t learn from and lack empathy 😮for other people’s life experiences/situations.

    • @Thavar91
      @Thavar91 19 днів тому

      I disagree with your comment. The letters are so important

  • @thethreadedtarot777
    @thethreadedtarot777 20 днів тому +20

    Giiiiirl just RUN. Or, in this case, make him leave your house. I am rn separating from my avoidant ex. There is NO fixing them. It's a dead end. Focus on your wounds instead of focusing on his to steer away from your pain. You can do it! 🙏🏻🫂🙏🏻

    • @rturney6376
      @rturney6376 20 днів тому +1

      😢😢😢🙌🙌🙌🥹🥹🥹🥹🌻🌻🌻🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😘😘😘😘

  • @brokeheartwolf3733
    @brokeheartwolf3733 20 днів тому +2

    🙏🙏🙏🪷🕊️🐛⛩️🦋

  • @fly_ona_wall729
    @fly_ona_wall729 20 днів тому +10

    😮😮 OUR BODIES DO KEEP THE SCORE