For what it's worth, 5 years ago I met a man. Aged, in the park. I wore Croccs, looked shabby...because dog, busy and 0.0 interested in menfolk. This man started talking to me about politics and was charming. Invited me for coffee. I had a very bad feeling about this man. But thought: "That's mean, the man is lonely and hey, a cup of coffee with a neighbor isn't bad after all." Long story short. After 3 months of coffee he started to conquer me and slowly treated me very badly. Feel free to say terrorize. It was after this fling that I finally discovered what Narcissism was at the age of 51. Thanks to my hero Doctor Ramani. May you be blessed and receive much love in your life, in your heart. Thank you beautiful woman.
I did that at 17. I could have had a totally different life. Now estranged from kids by there narc spouses. Geez. Now homeless . Freezing knockin on heavens door at 65
Mine all started with not having healthy boundaries, ignoring red flags, making excuses for bad behavior. It took the last horrific relationship to need to seek knowledge about the patterns. So if you’re here you are already on the right track. When you know you can start to do better.
I'm done with relationships. I was married, 20 years, and he lied/narc the whole time. Now, these men out here lying, gas lighting, trying all these tactics to get you. I'm done. It's not me, it's their lying behinds. I've gone to 2 different therapists and asked "AM I THE NARC?" Nope.
Haven’t dated anyone. I have a lot of women as friends, but I’ve never had a girlfriend. - I always prefer to take my time. That’s the way people did it before and it’s the safest way to get to know somebody. Usually, people generally show you their stripes after about a year - and there are usually multiple instances of them being terrible to people or abusing/ manipulating. Don’t ignore red flags. That’s one of the things I’ve learned.
No one is perfect, so I hope that you're not overlooking a really decent woman because of your checklist or worried that what you see is a red flag is actually that, or something of your own creation that keeps you from experiencing life with another.
Dr Ramani is being nice I would suggest 2 years! Being raised by a psychopath father picking narc was the norm. I met a friend at 5 years old let her go after 60 years a full blown narc. I was reading an old journal the other day complaining about how another narc girl was so entitled and just mean! Back then I had no clue she was a covert narc! BUT all the signs were there. At 68 I’m tired of jumping through hoops, just to be liked! Mann I tell you Dr Ramani rocks! Electric guitar hard!
but like, lets say, evil people, do they think they are doing evil? but they still do evil etc, maybe it comes from trauma, humanity is still here soo its not most people
@@SherryTomlinson-r2y really?.. well evil people dont think they do evil, maybe they think ''some people desvere it'' etc but nobody deserves evil, their human too, most people arent evil though she actually said that huh, maybe people do evil out of trauma (most times) certainly i dont think they would want the same done to them, evil solves nothing, it just makes affected people sad, people do evil for money and thats sad, but even they dont do evil 24/7 no one is completely evil, some humans just do evil but it shoud have never happend, people try the whole, is something wrong with society or is it humans in general etc for why evil (the word shoudnt even exist, but we dont live in that world) happens, most people arent though and thats good.
@ yes she would tell me she was not the nice person I thought she was. She turned out to be a covert narc. I haven’t spoken to her in 5 years and I never will. I met her in the 8th grade.
Yes. We have to learn that we are not always going to be someone else's 'cup of tea' and just keep on ploughing though. Nothing personal! (Because from a narc's perspective, it *never* is!) So, let's not take it personally and let's just keep moving on! The rearview mirror is our touchstone.
Narcs are everywhere! The risk of meeting another one is huge! The only way to avoid them is to REPEL them, and we can't do that until we project a different "aura". Relationship detox is a must. We shouldn't even date until we're comfortable being on our own. Recognizing patterns is also essential (ours + Narc awareness). I'm not sure I'll ever be Narc-proof, but I'm working very hard on making myself as unattractive as possible as a source of supply!!! The trick is to go from an aura that projects "I want to be loved/wanted" to one that screams "I'm way overqualified for you!". 😅
When you notice that most relationships(including platonic) involve some form of dismissive control(related to your own vulnerability), you are indeed a magnet but not just a magnet for narcissistic behaviour patterns. To burn bright in darkness one will inevitably attract the blood sucking mosquitoes(along with the rest of the spectrum of opportunistic insects) while walking through the swamp. One must develop their narc mosquito repellent which will taint your supply hopefully at worst poisoning the blood sucker when bitten or at best repelling them entirely.
It’s easy to blame yourself for ending up in toxic relationship after another, and it’s like we tend to miss the red flags because everything seems normal with them. But it’s not about who’s at fault but learning the patterns and to protect yourself and heal from the experiences and find growth.
We see and feel the red flags; however, our conditioning (programming) is to ignore them. We need to immediately "reprogram" our response by telling ourselves, "No, *I'm right*!" And then, quietly and graciously back away/retreat!!! We DO NOT owe anyone an excuse (or messed up apology!!!) Just, bye-bye!!! Vamoose!!!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. So sick of the victim blaming. And thank you for emphasizing a year break when coming out of a narcissistic relationship. So many people just won't do this. But it's so crucial. If not, they'll find themselves back at square one with even more baggage.
I've been since 2018 (or earlier considering I refused to intimately engage with my ex the last year of "togetherness".) I don't fell as thought I am missing *anything*. I have felt zero connection with anyone since on my own. So nobody worth pursuing. These years have given me a good amount of time, and counting, to evolve myself. Where I stand right now, I don't believe there'll ever be room for anyone new in my life. All the closets and rooms in my place are full of my stuff, haha...And, I love that my life is not complicated by someone else's (or their extended family's) b.s. I'm not bitter, but I admit maybe I need to evolve more. Or, not! Maybe I have it right, after all!
Me to. I'm narc magnet also...CPTSD, BPD, ADHD etc. Shiety childhood with father psychopath narcissist sadist and cold Mather narcisst, bleh 🤮 till now my life is broken from every single side. It's so not fear that one of us can have a normal life and another one shiet.
Yes I did! And yes, part of it was me. The more clear I became with my values, MY value and my no no no🙂↔️ ( boundaries) the healthier my relationships became. Remember early dating is wondering why someone was single and then finding out the why’s 😉
Could some of our behaviors with men, or people in general, be what we learned from our moms? Some moms are incompetent as moms, and their relationships.
@@jeanie5074Yes and dads too but it's our responsibility to do the work it takes to heal to stop the pattern of abuse. It would not be ok for someone to use their parents as an excuse to abuse someone so why would it be ok to use that as an excuse to stay in a relationship with someone who is repeatedly abusive or to keep getting into relationships with abusive people? It is a lot easier to focus on what's wrong with other people than to focus on what's wrong with ourselves but the latter is necessary if we want to stop the pattern.
How about when you've been in a narc relationship, became enlightened and left the relationship,....and became a TARGET of narcs thereafter. I don't attract narcs because I quickly identify them now. And they know it. So now......new managers at work, new coworkers....when they are narcs they quickly zero in on me and WANT ME GONE because they see me as a threat. What do you do now???
I have had this same experience! I wonder if it's because they somehow sense that we're on to them, and they see us as a challenge, and/or a threat, like you said? I'm so sick of it! It's incredibly tiring to come up against these types of people again and again. 😒
@@christinelamb1167 Hm, I just had the same experience at my last workplace. Actually the whole group was narcissistic. And I would say a half of the entire facility in which I worked. Either narcissistic or psychopathic, or both. I left after two years. Starting a new job in about a month. I am already traumatized by so many narcissists and psychopaths that I had to deal with throughout my work experience and through my romantic relationships, although the latter I didn't have many, only a few, but traumatizing. It is sooo nice to be alone. On a long term I am thinking of trying to find a job that allows me to work exclusively from home so that I can avoid co-workers. I don't wont to deal with that type of people any more, but they seem to be everywhere.
I would never date again if I was young again but spend my time on befriending myself… looking back from 66 now I can see they simply got more covert as well as sicker. Sociopathy is everywhere these sad days so learn to discern by getting to know yourself from the inside out. Then you may find that you don’t need to have a partner around because you’re finally happy with who you are
It took awhile, but I felt less lonely being alone than when I was in antagonistic relationships. I am so comfortable with solitude now that I am not all that interested in looking for another relationship. I'm not not interested but being happy with myself is empowering. I don't fear rejection or being alone and no one can leverage that against me.
They are EVERYWHERE. Ying and yang ☯️. It's 50% negative people and 50% positive. Now we call the negatives narcissistic. Beware extroverted people. They appear positive but they are generally negative inside. Keep fighting.
Beware extroverted people. They appear positive but they are generally negative inside hmm... really... arent most positive though extrovert or introvert in interaction but nc might be different
Two twenty-year marriage to people with narcissistic traits, just very different expression. The first one, I was 22 and moved to another country to be with this person. I’d never heard of a narcissist in the way Dr. Ramani lays it out, as a personality style, but I saw patterns in my first marriage and thought I knew how to avoid them. I thought I was doing that in my second marriage, but nope. Now I can see the underlying patterns, no matter what type of narcissist I’m dealing with, because of Dr. Ramani. I honestly think I’m better able to choose wisely, because I’m much more clear about what I want and need in a relationship with another person and I can be up front about it. I’m not cocky though. I know my empathy can blind me.
I discovered HG Tudor, a narcisstic psychopath here on youtube, a year or so ago, and thought he could have been an ex of mine! They sound the same. I've since decided he's not him, but he's so familiar, and fascinating, and intelligent!.... My father was a narc, and I have attracted sooo many of them in my lifetime. It's the familiarity. I normally get instant red flags when I meet them. They affect my stomach when I'm around them now. I've had 3 narc managers at work, and ended up in emergency after only being at work a few hours one day!
I hear what you’re saying!! I’ve done a lot of healing work realizing my father was a psychopath. Yes the narc was our norm. Sometimes I still question myself… because so many guys have that society ego too. Waving the White flag ! Eyes wide open!
Yeahhh love feels good, not shrinkage ... knowing myself more intimately through new frequencies. . ... major recalibration goin on with most folk it seems ❤❤❤
If people would just stop using each other the world would be so much better off. I think using another person is so deeply ingrained as conditioning, for people, that it's very difficult to shed that.
That's like saying , if everyone would just stop being toxic. It's being normalized every day. No accountability, no remorse, no guilt, no shame, no empathy, no genuineness
I was not able to evaluate who I was, sadly, until I became enmeshed with a few narcissists and learnt the hard way what I was not and never going to be 🙅🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I am a religious woman and love my practice, but what Dr. Ramani says is true. When you have a religious dynamic that is traditionally set for marriage, we tend to have an increase in narcissistic possibilities. I have expereinced at least 4 to be fair, maybe more. Now, I realize that I am becoming more equipped to seeing early warning signs especially in our community in particular. They tend to try and rush the engagement, not really give you the kind of interest and concern needed to really get to know you, they just want you to committ. They start to act standoffish when you refuse their offers and constant gifts, to the point of where you realize this whole act is all manipulation not true interest in me as a possible mate.
I was told when a person thinks they are narcissistic, they usually are….been told I’m too sensitive, I overthink and I’m imagining things that never happened or were never said…that I’m weak and these are signs of being a narcissist. I’ve come to terms I’m the narcissist. I self sabotage, have developed an autoimmune disorder and developed extreme anxiety. Lost every job in the past two 3 years from severe depression. Being a narcissist has destroyed me. And it just came about out of nowhere… wishing for a cure. But from what I read narcissist don’t get that chance 😢
@Fyh685, Please don't put a label on yourself. Consider WHO is telling you that you are too sensitive, or imagining things. Might they have an agenda?? You don't need to let other people define you. Keep watching Dr. Ramani for some clarity on your personal situation.
I had several... climaxing with a certified psychopath. Never share your past experiences- the narcissists go through a mental checkbox system, like "oh I can't do that one, oh he'll know that, oh that one will make it obvious" etc. They bring a whole new kettle of fuck to the table. I thought it was me, and those others made me feel so, but when I stepped back and saw the denominator was not me as entity, but the exploitative behaviour and scummy similarities of "stage shows" with different scripts in each relationship, it was a morose but acceptable closure.
It really depends on how you definere the terms sadist and masochist. In kink, what’s sometimes called a sadist/masochist relationship is more accurately called dominant/submissive and it’s a negotiated and re-negotiated exchange of power so both parts get something they really want and need in the relationship, usually in sexual role play and limited to to that role play. That has nothing to do with narcissists. That kind of power exchange will not work with a narcissist, because they are not conciously playing a role for mutual gratification As far as NPD and BPD go, a person with BPD would likely be more vulnerable to any kind of narcisst, not just one with NPD. Nobody in that relationship is really getting anything they want, for long in that relationship, at least not for long. As someone who really enjoys the submissive role, I’ve had to learn to be extremly careful and choosy about a dominant. It doesn’t seem to me that this conversation has anything to do with what Dr. Ramani is talking about.
Thank you! I was told enough times "well, you are the common denominator" enough times when I was just sharing how hard it was answering their question (what happened with this or that partner/friend I'm no longer with), that I began telling myself that and started to believe in the problem etc etc etc.
Men’s dating advice is to exploit off of her childhood wounds, childhood traumas, her anxious-attachment style, emotionally abuse her, misinterpret, deny, deflect. They do this because they are _energy vampires_ for women chasing them in any shape or form.
Are narcissists drawn to humble people? I am 33 years old and I have never dated anyone. I don’t have anybody to miss, so that’s good. I have never downloaded any dating apps and don’t ever want to. I am not experienced in that area AT ALL. No one wants to end up alone, though. I have been very introverted pretty much ALL MY LIFE and I don’t go out much, so that’s why I’ve always been single. I am also not on any social networks, I used to be on Twitter (X) and Facebook, that would be all, I think. Never been on Instagram. I’m on YT. I would follow Doctor Ramani. I’m just not ready to join them again. To be quite honest, I don’t see myself dating ANYTIME SOON. I won’t ignore the red flags, but dating? Not for me! God bless you all! Thank you for all your videos, Doctor Ramani! I hope people are kind and sweet to you. Kind regards from Brazil!
'' drawn to humble people'' but like woudnt it make sense to treat someone kind and not bad like soo many of these nc videos say. thats weird, some people externalize their dislike i guess, no one likes everything about someone else, not even themselves/ourselves unless your talking about god i guess, religious people say god created us cause he wanted to share life with us, but ever since the garden it all went bad, not everything is bad though ofc
I think I do it again because that’s all I’ve known. It is normal for me. It’s all I know. I’ve never had love. My mom and my ex. I don’t trust myself or others
So many at the workplace its not funny because, for me it's an environmental issue. The narcissistic environment is using the empathetic environment with ease. Good bye honesty. The search for honesty will become less by a defensive environment and the social people we are will not be happy with us keeping to ourselves.
My recent ex actually said "If everyone treated you this way, maybe it's you that's the problem." My first husband, I was stalked and threatened into marriage at gunpoint. My third husband just showed up in Kentucky from Vermont with no money to return Why I felt guilty, I can't explain. This last one was cheating on his ex, and I thought he just wasn't happy and was looking for love. They weren't married. He has 6 kids by four women, none of which he was married to. I found out after I ended it, eleven years later, he's never lived alone in his life. He's sixty!
Thanks for always providing insightful and helpful information! I stopped dating. Problem solved!😂 There are simply too many energy vampires, emotionally immature and self centered people out here to risk having emotional upheaval occur due to connecting with the wrong person. Ive decided to be very selective about where , when and to whom I share my energy. It frustrates certain types of people-which tells me those are the exact ones to avoid.😂 Im polite, kind and empathic, but Ive given up on most people for this life cycle. Ive decided to focus on helping vulnerable people ( especially seniors) and on my own spiritual development and healing so that I reduce the chances of having to repeat in another life cycle ( if there is such a thing).
Thank you such in-depth analysis of it’s not you , and providing reassurance, moreover giving us some guidelines on self evaluation n introspection and relying on that intuition or gut feeling if it feels off , to walk away. Thank as always your videos are so helpful, please do share update on workshop on guidelines required for introspection n evaluation of relationships to avoid getting trapped into it
I have to respectfully disagree that 10% is way too low, I am 65 years old and I would say the number is probably closer to 30% of the population is narcissistic.
You need to be very careful with people with a PhD. They even admit that they are problematic. Look at doctors and lawyers. Really anyone with these advanced degrees.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I like the advice of what you said in this video as we do not give ourselves a relationship physical to avoid getting into narcissistic relationships.
O.m.g., are you listening to my thoughts? I was approached last week and I realized within 15 minutes.The girl was a complete narcissist, Walking away I thought, "what is wrong with me?"
@1mikewalsh, She probably liked your looks. That might be all it was, since she wouldn't know that quickly whether or not you'd be easy for her to dominate or manipulate. Good job on your part!
I am codependent with crippling ADHD that I cant use stimulants to treat. The narcissist can take on the caretaking that keeps me dependent on their presence in my life. My covert malignant narc.. that was a disastrous thing. An overt narcissist, although sometimes unpleasant and frustrating, is like my best friend, who I have limited daily contact(seperate houses). Ill always have narcs in my life until i heal the part of me that still cant stand completely alone on my own two feet. Become self aware..you arent always a victim. Sometimes, you are the one using them as they benefit from you simultaneously
I know this community doesn’t want to hear this but this message is to all empaths: everyone who is selfless start being SELFISH to protect your self from these predators. That is the only way to protect your selves!
Some of us are autistic/ND/learning difficulties, so some of us are indeed narc magnets. I think distinctions should be made, but also to factor in neurodivergency, because our slower processing actually makes us targets. Those with boundless amounts of empathy too! I feel like some of these videos, are for specific audiences of people and while that is fine, please make that clear.
i read like, everyone's a little bit autistic, woudnt you say hobbies people have kind of are, times goes into it etc, certainly most hobbies people have are probably made by autistics like computer or TV lol those arent hobbies per se, by themselves, but time went into making it, then you might aswell say talking is autistic lol or most activities humans do
Have you heard of Erik Erikson and the “Stage” theory? I noticed that the Younge adult stage is all about “Love”. I was wondering if these stages of life take precedence over seeing narcissism (it sure seems that way)? For example, a 25-year-old is consumed with needing Love at that stage of life and no amount of narcissistic education will ever get through to them to see and admit that their partner is a narcissist bc they want LOVE…. Or, what effect do the 8 stages of life have on seeing narcissistic behavior? Could you elaborate? Thank you…👍❤❤❤
I have being out a physical contact with husband 👿. I am 21 years recovering from the disturbed nerves. Thanks Dr. Ramani for sharing and caring. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🙏🙏
Just opened this, and haven’t listened but the labeling, well it feels like we need to be careful labeling. People can be in bad places in life going through extremely hard circumstances and can be “misdiagnosed.” Of course we can feel and think because of the symptoms that someone looks like they’re a narcissist, but we have to be mindful that we can be wrong that our perception can be wrong. Although it’s good to listen and learn but diagnosing, we need to leave to professionals because we can’t be wrong.
As you stated before, 1 out of 6 people have narcissistic personality traits. So not too difficult to stumble upon one of those. And when you come from a highly narcissistic family you often have already met more than 1 early in life. By suffering from severe trauma later in life I also learned, that in our hedonistic western world probably most people have some serious narcissistic character traits since a lot of them, even closest friends and family, tend to let you down in times of distress. And those who stay often reveal their true colours by trying to take advantage from your vulnerable situation. Be it sexually, financially or otherwise. Similar to people that newly come into your life and notice your adverse life circumstances. Even studies back up that realisation: Trauma survivors are prone to be 4 times more likely to get victimised again than non-victims. This is also, why I have almost completely withdrawn from social life. I know what some people are up to and did to me or tried to do that have oh so decent manners and an oh so good reputation on the outside. And it is also, what I criticise about our today's therapy paradigms: That the therapeutical community wrongly assumes, that the victim's protection mode is some irrational post-traumatic stress disorder. No, we just know about how many predators are really out there.
I love living alone...period. I don't trust anyone because I test them out. First date: Go camping when it rains. Test their ability to handle problems.....
Dr. Ramani please please 🙏 talk about narcissistic personality and the targeting of autistic people, because I see it soooooooooo much in my community.
At this point; I'm very leary of anyone showing up being too nice, too charming, and too attentive. The every day " Good morning beautiful" text, acting like they are so into me and my life, the gifts and expensive dinners, etc...are all becoming the first red flags. And it's sad because I'm the type of person who likes to give gifts and reach out to see how you're doing and being there when needed. But I just can't trust others like this because every ex in my life like this ended up being a narc.
It took me over 2 years to detox from a nine month relationship with a narc. (I was on top of my game when I met him, he enjoyed destroying me... Almost) I'm glad I took so much time for myself. I'm now dating a wonderful man. We've been together for almost 6 months and I think I'm finally in a somewhat healthy relationship. I have to admit my eyes are still wide open and sometimes I have seen red flags that weren't there. But it's possible to stop falling into the cycle. This man hasn't tried to sweep me off my feet, he hasn't told me he loves me or we're soul mates. He has expressed an appropriate amount of affection and attention but there's no drama. I'm still waiting inside for the mask to come off because I'm damaged. But it actually seems like this guy is just a normal guy. Not perfect, but not a narc. But I have to say it's strange to not have all the emotional drama and the constant negativity. You'd think I'd say "it's great" and I'm sure I'll get there, but it's uncomfortable and weird. Idk how to act sometimes with all of this peace and just every day even tempered relationship. Lol
@DoctorRamani Theory is that 1 out of 12 people are narcissists. If this is accurate, and "It's not me," how is it that the 1 finds me? What can I do to avoid it? What question tests or discussions can be done to rule out narcissism?
I did go from malignant narcissists to vulnerable narcissists. And they cheat too. Their constant victimhood is the eaisest early red flag. But they do end up the same. Every time.
That’s simply adding insult to injury because shame is the root of the problem… narcissists show us the shame we share with them as codependents who never were seen or loved as kids
Sorry but I don’t believe that number for a second and I feel like part of this video and the toxic v narc video are a bit gaslighty to those of us who can’t unsee narcissism because we have throughly studied and digested these behaviours and how they affect us. But maybe those messages are for people new to this, so please take what I said with a pinch of salt. That being said, its definitely more than 10% of the population, I’m in the UK and it is prevalent here! Especially when you factor in how abusive “mothers” are or just women in general. Because women tend to be more covert/vulnerable, womens behaviour goes overlooked and unchecked because generally, it isn’t physical.
No, read her book, IT'S NOT YOU. Typically, a narc is not self aware enough to ever ask this question. They lack the capacity for self reflection and self awareness bc it triggers their shame and restarts the narcissistic cycle.
A lot of women only chase after the chad men who must be over 6 feet tall, have a six figure income, and be a 10 in looks. Then they wonder why they have so many problems in relationships. Taylor the Fiend explains this on his UA-cam channel...
Being a narcissist has nothing to do with being over 6 ft tall, having a six-figure income, or being a 10 in looks. My ex-husband was 5 ft 9 inches tall, average looks, and never made more than $50,000 per year. Many people don't understand the definition of narcissism...
@@merrilymunson5010I agree this is a shallow remark based off appearances only. Also a Chad is a brain dead frat boy ? Not a Narc? Lol sure I guess they could be.... but the slang doesn't fit here.
I took me 38 years to meet a normal person... 3 years later and I've had 3 times when things got a little gaslighty and baity... each time apologies and admittance and then fine... the difference being is more of the same isn't used to cover up that fact... I've now had 3 years of peace... my narcissistic ex is still very much using the daughter as a tool... abducted her to America when she was 7 and she's 15 now... wanting to see me all the time but the brainwashing and Stockholm syndrome has finally caught up... there's less that zero help if your a male under narcissistic rule... I also took so long to meet a normal person due to the fact my mother was narcissistic and my narcissistic ex got hold of me through me mother so they had decades of fun... my normal friend tells me to not say to my daughter were I am when I move and then finally have been free of people targeting my property day and night for two years... it's been peace.... peace but the worry of my daughter... she's now living in the same room as her mother in my ex's auntie's house who was the leader of a cult... now back when I went there I had spent a childhood being raped and beaten and always the truth teller around bad people so everything I heard was just another day of life so... a while back I saw these video and started to wake up... but before this I had start to stand my ground and they of course thought this meant I was woken already to everything so they went about upping the already insanely rampant smear campaign and as my mother is behind it all, at least on a enabling front, she was able to get a doctor to make false diagnosis without my knowledge... I only found out about them when I did a medical trail to test medicine for money... of course they put "paranoia" becuase how easily could anything I say be seen as a lie by making this a diagnosis?... and they did this before I have even woken up enough to start properly speaking out... but anyway... this could go on for a year just writing it all... the point is, it's not just you being a easy target... you can have al the means to protect yourself buy if they are able to have control of others around you, you will end up with another becuase they will bring them to you and they will know everything to say becuase they have all the information on you they need
The normal person I met was the first person to ask for the evidence, ask to meet my mother, and then saw everything including me being targeted... then when she told me to not tell my daughter where I am it became clear my ex was pretending to be my daughter in messages... I was run over and my friend contacted my mother to possibly help so I didn't become homeless... did mind game with her then a few weeks later came back asking for my address to send me a Christmas present... of course trying to get my address again... am 40 years old by the way... I remember after the brain injury caused by their smear campaign that ended me up in my mothers house again she would get caught out in her manipulation and turn and say "would you like some ice-cream?" to try to change the subject... I was 38 years old at this point... these people are delusional and stupid... but do not think them incapable of controlling everything
This is also a lesson that no contact doesn't always work either... even now I'm waiting on compensation on the arm injury (they sabotaged the brain injury compensation, when I came around my mother was there and I was unable to talk, she had gotten compensation lawyers herself... now she also changed a lot do to the shock of me almost dying... so went back with her while I heal, and also had the sign with these lawyers others wise I would cost her money... she changed back two weeks later... then in the end the law firm didn't care becuase she already paid them to sabotage the compensation so they would not lose) so I can move again while also changing my name... then I can go about getting to my daughter.. I'm in England... when in America their family lied to me and made out they were doing my papers but they did them as if I wasn't there already and turned out I was there legally... they did this so I could not follow my ex back as I had a 5 year ban and didn't even know it until I went to fly
Narcissistic people always make sure they have a lot of money to have power... my mother always married for money... this cult has a lot also as they took the cult money and invested it into property and then they have done a few clever things to sue big companies... I've then been kept from being about to make money by all job being sabotaged... every single one loving me as their hardest most skilled worker then suddenly turn on me... this had gone on now in full force for over a decade and know this was also happing long before I woke up... pretty sure this must have been going on since I was a kid, when going through what I was going through... although, it happened so much I was simply hardened to it... I gain unbelievable resilience which helped me survive but actually made it easier for them... I fortunately never lost my kindness or selflessness... I kept telling myself to keep it even if I keep getting used so I still have it for when I meet a normal person... I was lied to a lot but such people can not keep it up for long, this is now 3 years and simply just normal and it's a dream
What I first noticed about them is it was like reading a reply from myself... the same level of care thoughtfulness... I also realised "people were receiving this and then doing this to the person they were receiving it from?" realising that people were getting the most anyone could ask for and tormenting and abusing it
@ I have to say I’ve had the best fun in my life with narcs.,a rebel thing! I was wild as a March hare in my younger days. But their shallow ,my best bud we could sit a whole day through sipping one bottle of wine talking - he got all my heart.
No1. YES it IS YOU! Just learn to notice it fast, and not make it a relationship. The day YOU decide to take ALL responsibility for YOUR OWN life, is a game changer. STOP being VICTIMS (that's very close to covert/vulnerable narcissism). The DAY I got THIS, MY life changed 180*, at age 47. Growing up with narc/borderline dad/mom I was pre programmed codependent. Repeating same dynamics everywhere in my life. When THIS penny dropped, it ALL CHANGED. I can USE all my skills HANDLING toxic ppl, BUT I DONT need to keep them close. It's a SUPER POWER! No2. It's not WHO you attract into your life that matters, it's WHO YOU accept to KEEP & COME CLOSE. Don't blame the clown for acting like a clown, stop going to the circus. No3. Life is NOT a padded day care center, you WILL MEET all kinds of ppl, good, bad, ugly, but YOU set the BOUNDARIES for each connection: private, social or professional. It's YOUR responsibility. No4. ADULT LIFE is like a walk in a wild forest. The WEATHER will change, hot/cold, sunshine & rain - dress accordingly! You DO risk to meet ALL kinds of animals, cute rabbits, harmless butterflies AND toxic snakes and sometimes a wolf or alligator, pure predators.... That's life. If u rest your head in the crocodile's jaws...DONT complain if it bites off your head. STOP being naive, you did notice the red flags. If you walk in "high grass" (new social domains, new dates, new jobs)...put on your (mental/emotional) rubber boots...if u meet a snake it might bite you, and u cant blame a snake for biting...thats what a snake do. No 5: I completely agree with Professor Sam Vaknin on this one: The worst sort of narcissist is the COVERT/VULNERABLE NARCS, they take complaining and victimhood to another ball park. They are black holes personified. Pure darkness. You WILL go down with them, fast. The GRANDIOSE have their perks, they want success, they get it and they love a fan club to share it with, you can enjoy it for a while. The COMMUNAL might bring a little false, but good intentions to a "good cause" like human rights. The MALIGNANT, is actually a psychopath, and u can feel the chills, calculated, ice cold, controlled. No 6. Is this EASY??? Heck NO, I was pre programmed by my toxic family dynamics....BUT...why should life be so damned easy???? Learn to love the challenge. It's a life mission. Set the goal to achieve a MARATHON, and start your training daily: half a mile, one mile, two miles etc...YES u will get sore muscles, and blisters and feel blood sweat and tears when u push ur limits, BUT HELL....when u can spot a narc a mile away, and feel NO FEAR at all, only an opportunity to test your skills and actually enjoy it....NOTHING can stop you from living your best life! You have taken all your POWER BACK! No 7. One, two, three year as singel? Take all the time needed until FIRST AND FOREMOST...U LOVE YOURSELF, that's YOUR job! Nobody's but YOUR job. No one else can fill a void in another person. That is the definition of codependence and toxic relationship. Fill up your own cup. When and if it's the time, you might run into another "full cup"...and you will enjoy each other in a heathy way.
For what it's worth, 5 years ago I met a man. Aged, in the park. I wore Croccs, looked shabby...because dog, busy and 0.0 interested in menfolk. This man started talking to me about politics and was charming. Invited me for coffee. I had a very bad feeling about this man. But thought: "That's mean, the man is lonely and hey, a cup of coffee with a neighbor isn't bad after all." Long story short. After 3 months of coffee he started to conquer me and slowly treated me very badly. Feel free to say terrorize. It was after this fling that I finally discovered what Narcissism was at the age of 51. Thanks to my hero Doctor Ramani. May you be blessed and receive much love in your life, in your heart. Thank you beautiful woman.
he is gay? also are u a man or woman?
I have noticed I start out feeling sorry for them. I am going to take that as a big red flag now.
Yup
💯
I did that at 17. I could have had a totally different life. Now estranged from kids by there narc spouses. Geez. Now homeless . Freezing knockin on heavens door at 65
We keep end up being in narcissistic relationships, because we live in a very narcissistic time.
Mine all started with not having healthy boundaries, ignoring red flags, making excuses for bad behavior. It took the last horrific relationship to need to seek knowledge about the patterns. So if you’re here you are already on the right track. When you know you can start to do better.
It's my energy. They know a good source when they see one. That's why following my gut feeling Immediately is important
I'm done with relationships. I was married, 20 years, and he lied/narc the whole time. Now, these men out here lying, gas lighting, trying all these tactics to get you. I'm done. It's not me, it's their lying behinds. I've gone to 2 different therapists and asked "AM I THE NARC?" Nope.
Haven’t dated anyone.
I have a lot of women as friends, but I’ve never had a girlfriend.
- I always prefer to take my time. That’s the way people did it before and it’s the safest way to get to know somebody.
Usually, people generally show you their stripes after about a year - and there are usually multiple instances of them being terrible to people or abusing/ manipulating.
Don’t ignore red flags. That’s one of the things I’ve learned.
No one is perfect, so I hope that you're not overlooking a really decent woman because of your checklist or worried that what you see is a red flag is actually that, or something of your own creation that keeps you from experiencing life with another.
Dr Ramani is being nice I would suggest 2 years! Being raised by a psychopath father picking narc was the norm. I met a friend at 5 years old let her go after 60 years a full blown narc. I was reading an old journal the other day complaining about how another narc girl was so entitled and just mean! Back then I had no clue she was a covert narc! BUT all the signs were there. At 68 I’m tired of jumping through hoops, just to be liked! Mann I tell you Dr Ramani rocks! Electric guitar hard!
but like, lets say, evil people, do they think they are doing evil? but they still do evil etc, maybe it comes from trauma, humanity is still here soo its not most people
@@ps123fan one of the narcissist I talked to always told me she was basically evil. .. guess it depends on the narc?
@@SherryTomlinson-r2y really?.. well evil people dont think they do evil, maybe they think ''some people desvere it'' etc but nobody deserves evil, their human too, most people arent evil though she actually said that huh, maybe people do evil out of trauma (most times) certainly i dont think they would want the same done to them, evil solves nothing, it just makes affected people sad, people do evil for money and thats sad, but even they dont do evil 24/7 no one is completely evil, some humans just do evil but it shoud have never happend, people try the whole, is something wrong with society or is it humans in general etc for why evil (the word shoudnt even exist, but we dont live in that world) happens, most people arent though and thats good.
@ yes she would tell me she was not the nice person I thought she was. She turned out to be a covert narc. I haven’t spoken to her in 5 years and I never will. I met her in the 8th grade.
Yes. We have to learn that we are not always going to be someone else's 'cup of tea' and just keep on ploughing though. Nothing personal! (Because from a narc's perspective, it *never* is!) So, let's not take it personally and let's just keep moving on! The rearview mirror is our touchstone.
Narcs are everywhere! The risk of meeting another one is huge! The only way to avoid them is to REPEL them, and we can't do that until we project a different "aura". Relationship detox is a must. We shouldn't even date until we're comfortable being on our own. Recognizing patterns is also essential (ours + Narc awareness). I'm not sure I'll ever be Narc-proof, but I'm working very hard on making myself as unattractive as possible as a source of supply!!! The trick is to go from an aura that projects "I want to be loved/wanted" to one that screams "I'm way overqualified for you!". 😅
When you notice that most relationships(including platonic) involve some form of dismissive control(related to your own vulnerability), you are indeed a magnet but not just a magnet for narcissistic behaviour patterns.
To burn bright in darkness one will inevitably attract the blood sucking mosquitoes(along with the rest of the spectrum of opportunistic insects) while walking through the swamp.
One must develop their narc mosquito repellent which will taint your supply hopefully at worst poisoning the blood sucker when bitten or at best repelling them entirely.
👏 😂 love the visual metaphor ❤
It’s easy to blame yourself for ending up in toxic relationship after another, and it’s like we tend to miss the red flags because everything seems normal with them. But it’s not about who’s at fault but learning the patterns and to protect yourself and heal from the experiences and find growth.
We see and feel the red flags; however, our conditioning (programming) is to ignore them. We need to immediately "reprogram" our response by telling ourselves, "No, *I'm right*!" And then, quietly and graciously back away/retreat!!! We DO NOT owe anyone an excuse (or messed up apology!!!) Just, bye-bye!!! Vamoose!!!
This: “it feels automatic, reflexive.”
What I wouldn’t give to have had that perfect realization at that time.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. So sick of the victim blaming. And thank you for emphasizing a year break when coming out of a narcissistic relationship. So many people just won't do this. But it's so crucial. If not, they'll find themselves back at square one with even more baggage.
I've been detoxing for about 9 years now.. haha
I know that’s right lol
I've been since 2018 (or earlier considering I refused to intimately engage with my ex the last year of "togetherness".) I don't fell as thought I am missing *anything*. I have felt zero connection with anyone since on my own. So nobody worth pursuing. These years have given me a good amount of time, and counting, to evolve myself. Where I stand right now, I don't believe there'll ever be room for anyone new in my life. All the closets and rooms in my place are full of my stuff, haha...And, I love that my life is not complicated by someone else's (or their extended family's) b.s. I'm not bitter, but I admit maybe I need to evolve more. Or, not! Maybe I have it right, after all!
Dr Ramani such a wonderful professional but also adorable person
I’m a narc magnet 🧲.. staying single ❤
Me to. I'm narc magnet also...CPTSD, BPD, ADHD etc. Shiety childhood with father psychopath narcissist sadist and cold Mather narcisst, bleh 🤮 till now my life is broken from every single side. It's so not fear that one of us can have a normal life and another one shiet.
Me too
Be a narc repellent then market it & take it to the bank
Simple and straightforward. Love it.
@@Wszystko_minie please read the artists way. It really helped me. X
Yes I did!
And yes, part of it was me.
The more clear I became with my values, MY value and my no no no🙂↔️ ( boundaries) the healthier my relationships became.
Remember early dating is wondering why someone was single and then finding out the why’s 😉
Could some of our behaviors with men, or people in general, be what we learned from our moms? Some moms are incompetent as moms, and their relationships.
@@jeanie5074Yes and dads too but it's our responsibility to do the work it takes to heal to stop the pattern of abuse. It would not be ok for someone to use their parents as an excuse to abuse someone so why would it be ok to use that as an excuse to stay in a relationship with someone who is repeatedly abusive or to keep getting into relationships with abusive people? It is a lot easier to focus on what's wrong with other people than to focus on what's wrong with ourselves but the latter is necessary if we want to stop the pattern.
How about when you've been in a narc relationship, became enlightened and left the relationship,....and became a TARGET of narcs thereafter. I don't attract narcs because I quickly identify them now. And they know it. So now......new managers at work, new coworkers....when they are narcs they quickly zero in on me and WANT ME GONE because they see me as a threat. What do you do now???
I have had this same experience! I wonder if it's because they somehow sense that we're on to them, and they see us as a challenge, and/or a threat, like you said?
I'm so sick of it! It's incredibly tiring to come up against these types of people again and again. 😒
@@christinelamb1167 Hm, I just had the same experience at my last workplace. Actually the whole group was narcissistic. And I would say a half of the entire facility in which I worked. Either narcissistic or psychopathic, or both.
I left after two years. Starting a new job in about a month. I am already traumatized by so many narcissists and psychopaths that I had to deal with throughout my work experience and through my romantic relationships, although the latter I didn't have many, only a few, but traumatizing. It is sooo nice to be alone. On a long term I am thinking of trying to find a job that allows me to work exclusively from home so that I can avoid co-workers. I don't wont to deal with that type of people any more, but they seem to be everywhere.
I would never date again if I was young again but spend my time on befriending myself… looking back from 66 now I can see they simply got more covert as well as sicker. Sociopathy is everywhere these sad days so learn to discern by getting to know yourself from the inside out. Then you may find that you don’t need to have a partner around because you’re finally happy with who you are
my first goal was not to marry; but after an emotional illness I got involved with someone I wish I hadn't.
It took awhile, but I felt less lonely being alone than when I was in antagonistic relationships. I am so comfortable with solitude now that I am not all that interested in looking for another relationship. I'm not not interested but being happy with myself is empowering. I don't fear rejection or being alone and no one can leverage that against me.
Nailed it again Dr Ramani! So much truth! ❤
They are EVERYWHERE. Ying and yang ☯️.
It's 50% negative people and 50% positive. Now we call the negatives narcissistic.
Beware extroverted people. They appear positive but they are generally negative inside.
Keep fighting.
Beware extroverted people. They appear positive but they are generally negative inside hmm... really... arent most positive though extrovert or introvert in interaction but nc might be different
Because extroverts have NOTHING on the INSIDE
I have but each time was different traits. I'm getting well educated 😢
Yes they all have their MO. It is just a matter of time the monster comes out
Two twenty-year marriage to people with narcissistic traits, just very different expression. The first one, I was 22 and moved to another country to be with this person. I’d never heard of a narcissist in the way Dr. Ramani lays it out, as a personality style, but I saw patterns in my first marriage and thought I knew how to avoid them. I thought I was doing that in my second marriage, but nope. Now I can see the underlying patterns, no matter what type of narcissist I’m dealing with, because of Dr. Ramani. I honestly think I’m better able to choose wisely, because I’m much more clear about what I want and need in a relationship with another person and I can be up front about it. I’m not cocky though. I know my empathy can blind me.
I discovered HG Tudor, a narcisstic psychopath here on youtube, a year or so ago, and thought he could have been an ex of mine! They sound the same.
I've since decided he's not him, but he's so familiar, and fascinating, and intelligent!.... My father was a narc, and I have attracted sooo many of them in my lifetime. It's the familiarity. I normally get instant red flags when I meet them. They affect my stomach when I'm around them now. I've had 3 narc managers at work, and ended up in emergency after only being at work a few hours one day!
I hear what you’re saying!! I’ve done a lot of healing work realizing my father was a psychopath. Yes the narc was our norm. Sometimes I still question myself… because so many guys have that society ego too. Waving the White flag ! Eyes wide open!
I’m so glad you feel confidant in recognizing the red flags. That’s a good start.
i mean is he, he has a video ''why am i doing this'' etc, do you think a np would have that
No, it's not you!! You're my favorite person in the whole world Dr Ramani
Yeahhh love feels good, not shrinkage ... knowing myself more intimately through new frequencies. . ... major recalibration goin on with most folk it seems ❤❤❤
One is enough for a lifetime. Not again.
a resounding Yes!
If people would just stop using each other the world would be so much better off. I think using another person is so deeply ingrained as conditioning, for people, that it's very difficult to shed that.
That's like saying , if everyone would just stop being toxic. It's being normalized every day. No accountability, no remorse, no guilt, no shame, no empathy, no genuineness
I was not able to evaluate who I was, sadly, until I became enmeshed with a few narcissists and learnt the hard way what I was not and never going to be 🙅🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I am a religious woman and love my practice, but what Dr. Ramani says is true. When you have a religious dynamic that is traditionally set for marriage, we tend to have an increase in narcissistic possibilities.
I have expereinced at least 4 to be fair, maybe more.
Now, I realize that I am becoming more equipped to seeing early warning signs especially in our community in particular. They tend to try and rush the engagement, not really give you the kind of interest and concern needed to really get to know you, they just want you to committ. They start to act standoffish when you refuse their offers and constant gifts, to the point of where you realize this whole act is all manipulation not true interest in me as a possible mate.
Narcs are known for rushing you into their hidden agenda. Always expecting blind acceptance
A narcissist creates a strong toxic magnetic field and attracts things. So you don't need to blame yourself for being a narcissist magnet. 😉
I was told when a person thinks they are narcissistic, they usually are….been told I’m too sensitive, I overthink and I’m imagining things that never happened or were never said…that I’m weak and these are signs of being a narcissist. I’ve come to terms I’m the narcissist. I self sabotage, have developed an autoimmune disorder and developed extreme anxiety. Lost every job in the past two 3 years from severe depression. Being a narcissist has destroyed me. And it just came about out of nowhere… wishing for a cure. But from what I read narcissist don’t get that chance 😢
@Fyh685, Please don't put a label on yourself. Consider WHO is telling you that you are too sensitive, or imagining things. Might they have an agenda?? You don't need to let other people define you. Keep watching Dr. Ramani for some clarity on your personal situation.
Sounds to me you are being beaten down by a pretty crappy person...
@@Thedisgardedoptimist , I agree with you. @Fy685, There are two of us on here commenting to you who hope you won't let yourself be beaten down! ❤
I had several... climaxing with a certified psychopath. Never share your past experiences- the narcissists go through a mental checkbox system, like "oh I can't do that one, oh he'll know that, oh that one will make it obvious" etc. They bring a whole new kettle of fuck to the table.
I thought it was me, and those others made me feel so, but when I stepped back and saw the denominator was not me as entity, but the exploitative behaviour and scummy similarities of "stage shows" with different scripts in each relationship, it was a morose but acceptable closure.
When the Sadist and Masochist become best friends.
It's usually NPD and BPD.
I'm like that. all the men I've had in relationships have been sadists and NPD. I'm a masochist and have BPD. You're both right
It really depends on how you definere the terms sadist and masochist. In kink, what’s sometimes called a sadist/masochist relationship is more accurately called dominant/submissive and it’s a negotiated and re-negotiated exchange of power so both parts get something they really want and need in the relationship, usually in sexual role play and limited to to that role play. That has nothing to do with narcissists. That kind of power exchange will not work with a narcissist, because they are not conciously playing a role for mutual gratification
As far as NPD and BPD go, a person with BPD would likely be more vulnerable to any kind of narcisst, not just one with NPD. Nobody in that relationship is really getting anything they want, for long in that relationship, at least not for long.
As someone who really enjoys the submissive role, I’ve had to learn to be extremly careful and choosy about a dominant. It doesn’t seem to me that this conversation has anything to do with what Dr. Ramani is talking about.
I was about to raise this question tomorrow in my therapy session..
Damn sure, I'm gonna get my answers here ❤
Thank you, Dr Ramani 😊
I saw every red flag and said "oooo pretty color"
Thank you! I was told enough times "well, you are the common denominator" enough times when I was just sharing how hard it was answering their question (what happened with this or that partner/friend I'm no longer with), that I began telling myself that and started to believe in the problem etc etc etc.
Men’s dating advice is to exploit off of her childhood wounds, childhood traumas, her anxious-attachment style, emotionally abuse her, misinterpret, deny, deflect. They do this because they are _energy vampires_ for women chasing them in any shape or form.
Are narcissists drawn to humble people?
I am 33 years old and I have never dated anyone. I don’t have anybody to miss, so that’s good. I have never downloaded any dating apps and don’t ever want to. I am not experienced in that area AT ALL. No one wants to end up alone, though. I have been very introverted pretty much ALL MY LIFE and I don’t go out much, so that’s why I’ve always been single. I am also not on any social networks, I used to be on Twitter (X) and Facebook, that would be all, I think. Never been on Instagram. I’m on YT. I would follow Doctor Ramani. I’m just not ready to join them again. To be quite honest, I don’t see myself dating ANYTIME SOON. I won’t ignore the red flags, but dating? Not for me! God bless you all! Thank you for all your videos, Doctor Ramani! I hope people are kind and sweet to you. Kind regards from Brazil!
'' drawn to humble people'' but like woudnt it make sense to treat someone kind and not bad like soo many of these nc videos say. thats weird, some people externalize their dislike i guess, no one likes everything about someone else, not even themselves/ourselves unless your talking about god i guess, religious people say god created us cause he wanted to share life with us, but ever since the garden it all went bad, not everything is bad though ofc
I think I do it again because that’s all I’ve known. It is normal for me. It’s all I know. I’ve never had love. My mom and my ex. I don’t trust myself or others
So many at the workplace its not funny because, for me it's an environmental issue. The narcissistic environment is using the empathetic environment with ease. Good bye honesty. The search for honesty will become less by a defensive environment and the social people we are will not be happy with us keeping to ourselves.
My recent ex actually said "If everyone treated you this way, maybe it's you that's the problem." My first husband, I was stalked and threatened into marriage at gunpoint. My third husband just showed up in Kentucky from Vermont with no money to return
Why I felt guilty, I can't explain. This last one was cheating on his ex, and I thought he just wasn't happy and was looking for love. They weren't married. He has 6 kids by four women, none of which he was married to. I found out after I ended it, eleven years later, he's never lived alone in his life. He's sixty!
i think it said weapons got made by ''rebels'' by they really shoudnt exist in the first place, the entire species is not bad though, but some are
After narc #3, I went to therapy. I also always have issues with narcs at work, so I work from home. This video is speaking to me lol
Thank you Dr Ramani for all that you do ! ❤
I've been in 3. 1 was a typical narc, next was with a narcissistic psychopath, & last was a narc...he was the fundamental xtian variety.
Thank you ❤, I needed this
Thanks for always providing insightful and helpful information!
I stopped dating. Problem solved!😂
There are simply too many energy vampires, emotionally immature and self centered people out here to risk having emotional upheaval occur due to connecting with the wrong person.
Ive decided to be very selective about where , when and to whom I share my energy. It frustrates certain types of people-which tells me those are the exact ones to avoid.😂
Im polite, kind and empathic, but Ive given up on most people for this life cycle. Ive decided to focus on helping vulnerable people ( especially seniors) and on my own spiritual development and healing so that I reduce the chances of having to repeat in another life cycle ( if there is such a thing).
Thank you such in-depth analysis of it’s not you , and providing reassurance, moreover giving us some guidelines on self evaluation n introspection and relying on that intuition or gut feeling if it feels off , to walk away. Thank as always your videos are so helpful, please do share update on workshop on guidelines required for introspection n evaluation of relationships to avoid getting trapped into it
I have to respectfully disagree that 10% is way too low, I am 65 years old and I would say the number is probably closer to 30% of the population is narcissistic.
OH, yes! First a grandiose, then a covert. Then u get yourself a PhD in psychophatology😅
You need to be very careful with people with a PhD. They even admit that they are problematic. Look at doctors and lawyers. Really anyone with these advanced degrees.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I like the advice of what you said in this video as we do not give ourselves a relationship physical to avoid getting into narcissistic relationships.
This Helped! 😭
O.m.g., are you listening to my thoughts? I was approached last week and I realized within 15 minutes.The girl was a complete narcissist, Walking away I thought, "what is wrong with me?"
@1mikewalsh, She probably liked your looks. That might be all it was, since she wouldn't know that quickly whether or not you'd be easy for her to dominate or manipulate. Good job on your part!
I am codependent with crippling ADHD that I cant use stimulants to treat. The narcissist can take on the caretaking that keeps me dependent on their presence in my life. My covert malignant narc.. that was a disastrous thing. An overt narcissist, although sometimes unpleasant and frustrating, is like my best friend, who I have limited daily contact(seperate houses). Ill always have narcs in my life until i heal the part of me that still cant stand completely alone on my own two feet. Become self aware..you arent always a victim. Sometimes, you are the one using them as they benefit from you simultaneously
I know this community doesn’t want to hear this but this message is to all empaths: everyone who is selfless start being SELFISH to protect your self from these predators. That is the only way to protect your selves!
Unresolved childhood issues.
You find someone like your mom/dad and try and fix them…
You’re welcome: 😁
Omg thank you so much for saying that at the end doctor Ramani 🙏
Some of us are autistic/ND/learning difficulties, so some of us are indeed narc magnets. I think distinctions should be made, but also to factor in neurodivergency, because our slower processing actually makes us targets. Those with boundless amounts of empathy too! I feel like some of these videos, are for specific audiences of people and while that is fine, please make that clear.
i read like, everyone's a little bit autistic, woudnt you say hobbies people have kind of are, times goes into it etc, certainly most hobbies people have are probably made by autistics like computer or TV lol those arent hobbies per se, by themselves, but time went into making it, then you might aswell say talking is autistic lol or most activities humans do
Thanks!
Many friendships!
Have you heard of Erik Erikson and the “Stage” theory? I noticed that the Younge adult stage is all about “Love”. I was wondering if these stages of life take precedence over seeing narcissism (it sure seems that way)? For example, a 25-year-old is consumed with needing Love at that stage of life and no amount of narcissistic education will ever get through to them to see and admit that their partner is a narcissist bc they want LOVE…. Or, what effect do the 8 stages of life have on seeing narcissistic behavior? Could you elaborate? Thank you…👍❤❤❤
I have being out a physical contact with husband 👿. I am 21 years recovering from the disturbed nerves. Thanks Dr. Ramani for sharing and caring. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🙏🙏
Just opened this, and haven’t listened but the labeling, well it feels like we need to be careful labeling.
People can be in bad places in life going through extremely hard circumstances and can be “misdiagnosed.”
Of course we can feel and think because of the symptoms that someone looks like they’re a narcissist, but we have to be mindful that we can be wrong that our perception can be wrong. Although it’s good to listen and learn but diagnosing, we need to leave to professionals because we can’t be wrong.
Because I grew up with a narc dad, I thought everything was normal.
nope," it's not you."
😊
Nice lady book promoter 😂😂love it and already read it❤
As you stated before, 1 out of 6 people have narcissistic personality traits. So not too difficult to stumble upon one of those. And when you come from a highly narcissistic family you often have already met more than 1 early in life. By suffering from severe trauma later in life I also learned, that in our hedonistic western world probably most people have some serious narcissistic character traits since a lot of them, even closest friends and family, tend to let you down in times of distress. And those who stay often reveal their true colours by trying to take advantage from your vulnerable situation. Be it sexually, financially or otherwise. Similar to people that newly come into your life and notice your adverse life circumstances. Even studies back up that realisation: Trauma survivors are prone to be 4 times more likely to get victimised again than non-victims. This is also, why I have almost completely withdrawn from social life. I know what some people are up to and did to me or tried to do that have oh so decent manners and an oh so good reputation on the outside. And it is also, what I criticise about our today's therapy paradigms: That the therapeutical community wrongly assumes, that the victim's protection mode is some irrational post-traumatic stress disorder. No, we just know about how many predators are really out there.
I love living alone...period. I don't trust anyone because I test them out. First date: Go camping when it rains. Test their ability to handle problems.....
Dr. Ramani please please 🙏 talk about narcissistic personality and the targeting of autistic people, because I see it soooooooooo much in my community.
At this point; I'm very leary of anyone showing up being too nice, too charming, and too attentive. The every day " Good morning beautiful" text, acting like
they are so into me and my life, the gifts and expensive dinners, etc...are all becoming the first red flags. And it's sad because I'm the type of person who likes to give gifts and reach out to see how you're doing and being there when needed. But I just can't trust others like this because every ex in my life like this ended up being a narc.
It took me over 2 years to detox from a nine month relationship with a narc. (I was on top of my game when I met him, he enjoyed destroying me... Almost)
I'm glad I took so much time for myself.
I'm now dating a wonderful man.
We've been together for almost 6 months and I think I'm finally in a somewhat healthy relationship.
I have to admit my eyes are still wide open and sometimes I have seen red flags that weren't there.
But it's possible to stop falling into the cycle.
This man hasn't tried to sweep me off my feet, he hasn't told me he loves me or we're soul mates.
He has expressed an appropriate amount of affection and attention but there's no drama.
I'm still waiting inside for the mask to come off because I'm damaged.
But it actually seems like this guy is just a normal guy. Not perfect, but not a narc.
But I have to say it's strange to not have all the emotional drama and the constant negativity. You'd think I'd say "it's great" and I'm sure I'll get there, but it's uncomfortable and weird. Idk how to act sometimes with all of this peace and just every day even tempered relationship. Lol
I think NOW close to 40% of the men are narcissists. Narcissism is adaptive (because it works) and is increasing.
How about 💯 percent of men - don’t trust any of them!!!
Especially when they're making money online teaching each other how to be manipulative.
Single moms at the same rate and or higher but have the tendency to be more covert rather than overt like men.
@DoctorRamani Theory is that 1 out of 12 people are narcissists. If this is accurate, and "It's not me," how is it that the 1 finds me? What can I do to avoid it? What question tests or discussions can be done to rule out narcissism?
Dear doc. Durvasula may God bless you
It just means there’s more out there than a winning lottery ticket. Unfortunately.
I sure do love you 🥰
Read the book "Dating Radar" so you don't re-partner a narc.
I did go from malignant narcissists to vulnerable narcissists. And they cheat too. Their constant victimhood is the eaisest early red flag.
But they do end up the same. Every time.
I saw you on Mel Robbins podcast.
I do feel like it is me tho, I have BPD and I am only attracted to the toxic ones
What can I say? Moths are attracted to the light. 😒
Brilliant
Thanks
Yup!!
Once, shame on you. Twice, shame on me.
That’s simply adding insult to injury because shame is the root of the problem… narcissists show us the shame we share with them as codependents who never were seen or loved as kids
@@caroleminke6116 , I am speaking from my own experience. It won’t happen again.
Yes.
Sorry but I don’t believe that number for a second and I feel like part of this video and the toxic v narc video are a bit gaslighty to those of us who can’t unsee narcissism because we have throughly studied and digested these behaviours and how they affect us. But maybe those messages are for people new to this, so please take what I said with a pinch of salt. That being said, its definitely more than 10% of the population, I’m in the UK and it is prevalent here! Especially when you factor in how abusive “mothers” are or just women in general. Because women tend to be more covert/vulnerable, womens behaviour goes overlooked and unchecked because generally, it isn’t physical.
❤❤❤
Was I actually the narcissist the whole time?
Narcisception
No, read her book, IT'S NOT YOU.
Typically, a narc is not self aware enough to ever ask this question. They lack the capacity for self reflection and self awareness bc it triggers their shame and restarts the narcissistic cycle.
A lot of women only chase after the chad men who must be over 6 feet tall, have a six figure income, and be a 10 in looks. Then they wonder why they have so many problems in relationships. Taylor the Fiend explains this on his UA-cam channel...
Being a narcissist has nothing to do with being over 6 ft tall, having a six-figure income, or being a 10 in looks. My ex-husband was 5 ft 9 inches tall, average looks, and never made more than $50,000 per year. Many people don't understand the definition of narcissism...
True but there are nice rich guys out there .. and some narcissistic young thing they get married to. Slap myself in the forehead!
@@davea6314 alpha widows.
@robbisson1 narcs are extremely insecure and immature, they're the farthest thing from alpha you could be. They're all simps and sycophants.
@@merrilymunson5010I agree this is a shallow remark based off appearances only.
Also a Chad is a brain dead frat boy ? Not a Narc? Lol sure I guess they could be.... but the slang doesn't fit here.
I’m like are you speaking to me???
Jk and thank you 🙏 ❤
❤
I’m masterbating to a narcissist, is it me? 😂😂😂😂
I took me 38 years to meet a normal person... 3 years later and I've had 3 times when things got a little gaslighty and baity... each time apologies and admittance and then fine... the difference being is more of the same isn't used to cover up that fact... I've now had 3 years of peace... my narcissistic ex is still very much using the daughter as a tool... abducted her to America when she was 7 and she's 15 now... wanting to see me all the time but the brainwashing and Stockholm syndrome has finally caught up... there's less that zero help if your a male under narcissistic rule... I also took so long to meet a normal person due to the fact my mother was narcissistic and my narcissistic ex got hold of me through me mother so they had decades of fun... my normal friend tells me to not say to my daughter were I am when I move and then finally have been free of people targeting my property day and night for two years... it's been peace.... peace but the worry of my daughter... she's now living in the same room as her mother in my ex's auntie's house who was the leader of a cult... now back when I went there I had spent a childhood being raped and beaten and always the truth teller around bad people so everything I heard was just another day of life so... a while back I saw these video and started to wake up... but before this I had start to stand my ground and they of course thought this meant I was woken already to everything so they went about upping the already insanely rampant smear campaign and as my mother is behind it all, at least on a enabling front, she was able to get a doctor to make false diagnosis without my knowledge... I only found out about them when I did a medical trail to test medicine for money... of course they put "paranoia" becuase how easily could anything I say be seen as a lie by making this a diagnosis?... and they did this before I have even woken up enough to start properly speaking out... but anyway... this could go on for a year just writing it all... the point is, it's not just you being a easy target... you can have al the means to protect yourself buy if they are able to have control of others around you, you will end up with another becuase they will bring them to you and they will know everything to say becuase they have all the information on you they need
The normal person I met was the first person to ask for the evidence, ask to meet my mother, and then saw everything including me being targeted... then when she told me to not tell my daughter where I am it became clear my ex was pretending to be my daughter in messages... I was run over and my friend contacted my mother to possibly help so I didn't become homeless... did mind game with her then a few weeks later came back asking for my address to send me a Christmas present... of course trying to get my address again... am 40 years old by the way... I remember after the brain injury caused by their smear campaign that ended me up in my mothers house again she would get caught out in her manipulation and turn and say "would you like some ice-cream?" to try to change the subject... I was 38 years old at this point... these people are delusional and stupid... but do not think them incapable of controlling everything
This is also a lesson that no contact doesn't always work either... even now I'm waiting on compensation on the arm injury (they sabotaged the brain injury compensation, when I came around my mother was there and I was unable to talk, she had gotten compensation lawyers herself... now she also changed a lot do to the shock of me almost dying... so went back with her while I heal, and also had the sign with these lawyers others wise I would cost her money... she changed back two weeks later... then in the end the law firm didn't care becuase she already paid them to sabotage the compensation so they would not lose) so I can move again while also changing my name... then I can go about getting to my daughter.. I'm in England... when in America their family lied to me and made out they were doing my papers but they did them as if I wasn't there already and turned out I was there legally... they did this so I could not follow my ex back as I had a 5 year ban and didn't even know it until I went to fly
Narcissistic people always make sure they have a lot of money to have power... my mother always married for money... this cult has a lot also as they took the cult money and invested it into property and then they have done a few clever things to sue big companies... I've then been kept from being about to make money by all job being sabotaged... every single one loving me as their hardest most skilled worker then suddenly turn on me... this had gone on now in full force for over a decade and know this was also happing long before I woke up... pretty sure this must have been going on since I was a kid, when going through what I was going through... although, it happened so much I was simply hardened to it... I gain unbelievable resilience which helped me survive but actually made it easier for them... I fortunately never lost my kindness or selflessness... I kept telling myself to keep it even if I keep getting used so I still have it for when I meet a normal person... I was lied to a lot but such people can not keep it up for long, this is now 3 years and simply just normal and it's a dream
What I first noticed about them is it was like reading a reply from myself... the same level of care thoughtfulness... I also realised "people were receiving this and then doing this to the person they were receiving it from?" realising that people were getting the most anyone could ask for and tormenting and abusing it
58th, 23 November 2024
I like em like dat!!!
😂
There’s plenty out there😂
Good luck to you😂😂
Like attracts like 😂
@ I have to say I’ve had the best fun in my life with narcs.,a rebel thing! I was wild as a March hare in my younger days. But their shallow ,my best bud we could sit a whole day through sipping one bottle of wine talking - he got all my heart.
No1. YES it IS YOU! Just learn to notice it fast, and not make it a relationship. The day YOU decide to take ALL responsibility for YOUR OWN life, is a game changer. STOP being VICTIMS (that's very close to covert/vulnerable narcissism). The DAY I got THIS, MY life changed 180*, at age 47. Growing up with narc/borderline dad/mom I was pre programmed codependent. Repeating same dynamics everywhere in my life. When THIS penny dropped, it ALL CHANGED. I can USE all my skills HANDLING toxic ppl, BUT I DONT need to keep them close. It's a SUPER POWER!
No2. It's not WHO you attract into your life that matters, it's WHO YOU accept to KEEP & COME CLOSE. Don't blame the clown for acting like a clown, stop going to the circus.
No3. Life is NOT a padded day care center, you WILL MEET all kinds of ppl, good, bad, ugly, but YOU set the BOUNDARIES for each connection: private, social or professional. It's YOUR responsibility.
No4. ADULT LIFE is like a walk in a wild forest. The WEATHER will change, hot/cold, sunshine & rain - dress accordingly! You DO risk to meet ALL kinds of animals, cute rabbits, harmless butterflies AND toxic snakes and sometimes a wolf or alligator, pure predators.... That's life. If u rest your head in the crocodile's jaws...DONT complain if it bites off your head. STOP being naive, you did notice the red flags. If you walk in "high grass" (new social domains, new dates, new jobs)...put on your (mental/emotional) rubber boots...if u meet a snake it might bite you, and u cant blame a snake for biting...thats what a snake do.
No 5: I completely agree with Professor Sam Vaknin on this one: The worst sort of narcissist is the COVERT/VULNERABLE NARCS, they take complaining and victimhood to another ball park. They are black holes personified. Pure darkness. You WILL go down with them, fast. The GRANDIOSE have their perks, they want success, they get it and they love a fan club to share it with, you can enjoy it for a while. The COMMUNAL might bring a little false, but good intentions to a "good cause" like human rights. The MALIGNANT, is actually a psychopath, and u can feel the chills, calculated, ice cold, controlled.
No 6. Is this EASY??? Heck NO, I was pre programmed by my toxic family dynamics....BUT...why should life be so damned easy???? Learn to love the challenge. It's a life mission. Set the goal to achieve a MARATHON, and start your training daily: half a mile, one mile, two miles etc...YES u will get sore muscles, and blisters and feel blood sweat and tears when u push ur limits, BUT HELL....when u can spot a narc a mile away, and feel NO FEAR at all, only an opportunity to test your skills and actually enjoy it....NOTHING can stop you from living your best life! You have taken all your POWER BACK!
No 7. One, two, three year as singel? Take all the time needed until FIRST AND FOREMOST...U LOVE YOURSELF, that's YOUR job! Nobody's but YOUR job. No one else can fill a void in another person. That is the definition of codependence and toxic relationship. Fill up your own cup. When and if it's the time, you might run into another "full cup"...and you will enjoy each other in a heathy way.
Thank you