Character is everything! I have learned that just because an individual is charming, intelligent, has good manners, and presents well on paper does not mean they are a decent human being or even share your morals and values. I am grateful I was able to get away with my life! 🙏🏽
I just hope that the opposite is true. Because I don't come across as intelligent; I think I have good manners at least in the basics - I say please and thank you ; I don't present well on paper and I definitely do not present well in person: I'm one of the "Uglies" of the world; so again I say I hope the opposite is true.
@@wtk6069 I was walking through a corn field one summer. I froze in place like in a trance. When I pulled myself out of my trance I saw the tail of a rattlesnake making her exit. Don’t step on the snake.
To take it another step further. Some snakes bite you silently till you realise you are passing out...master manipulators are so skilled, you will never see it coming
@@earthrooster1969 My daughter too, ex-husband recruited her to be his snoop and flying monkey. The thing is I'm so familiar with the 'game'.... she changed none of his tactics so when I spotted them I cut contact. What a relief.
I met a man and I was falling for him, and to my horror, I am starting to suspect he’s narcissistic: status obsessed, in need of validation, ghosting, a light dose of gaslighting. It’s so painful to realize this.
I am so incredibly glad I have been watching you for the last several years! I can't imagine trying to live in this world now, without understanding narcissism. Thank you so much👍❤❤❤ Also listen to the song "Hotel California" by the Eagles and tell me if they are not perfectly describing the Trauma bond...!!!!👍 Also, Also, how is this for a definition of the Trauma bond...The Trauma bond - is a slow dynamic (not static) process of punishments and rewards to condition you to serve your master instead of being free. 👍
The “whole” package…. Remember folks, you could package crap in a box and wrap it up to look super pretty too. Just because they look and seem great but you never know what’s underneath until they get “comfortable”
My narc dad treats women badly and blames the woman for his abuse of her; I don't bother with his nonsense! I have a finely tuned b.s. detector: I detect Dad a mile a yard ahead!
At 29:55, Dr. Ramani, you say, "A smart phone is still astonishing to me." I'm 72, and I still remember liking the smell of the mimeograph fluid, and how the copy would come out damp! About my first iPhone that I showed to my mother when she had just turned 100 - She said, "Now that's the smallest little computer I've ever seen!" 😂 I hadn't thought of it as a computer, but she was actually right!
It just plain sucks that we have to be subjected to these narcissists, especially in the workplace. They cause moral to plummet and are not the least bit concerned about those below them. I wish companies would stop hiring based on supposed charisma or agressive leadership.
No matter how good they seem always trust your intuition and you'll never be deceived by a narcissist. When you feel like something is not right about a person...hmm there you got it🎉
Yes! So many times I disregarded my intuition, that gut feeling that tells you something is "off". I am learning to trust what I instintively feel. First impressions are usually correct!
omg this makes so much sense now, I always thought there was sth wrong with me not desiring high positions or starting a profitable business just for the sake of status and money. Thanks, Dr.Ramani, this is so insightful and helps me feel more at peace with my willingness to do things that actually interest me and can help someone.
Imagine a world filled with both innovation and compassion towards ourselves and each other. I think great innovation can happen without people being narcissistic, but it might take showering with empathy the wounds within us that the narcissists are too afraid to confront, and letting courage to show who we are and what we are capable of propel us rather than fear or shame.
When I truly consider someone to be exceptionally smart is when I see them take something complex and difficult for someone to understand and turn it into something simple and easy. When someone goes around talking in big words and making things seem complex and confusing and refuse to modify for others, I question if that is actually their intention :to confuse and appear to be more intelligent and knowledgeable than they are.
Desires. We by nature desire others who validate us and make us feel like we aren't alone. It takes work to even slightly understand another person. It aint easy. A narcissist has no deep spiritual self or personality. So everthing dealing with others is just a shallow game. I'm learning but man there's so many flavors of narcissism that I doubt I'll ever be bullet proof.
After going through years of narcissistic abuse I have become very independent and I don't really want to be in a relationship. Freedom isn't overrated in my eyes it's an amazing feeling to be free of it. I still deal with narcs at work but I can distance myself from those people.
Charm, charisma, confidence, status, (undercover curiosity), condoning ... attributes my FIL had and used. In retrospect, he was not the person I thought he was. He has hero status and power beyond the grave.
38:29 I used to work at a major research university and met some truly horrible high-achieving monsters. But I also met brilliant yet humble scientists who played well with others, were genuinely kind people, and simply loved their work and were extraordinary at it. My take: narcissism is NOT required for major innovations and we can do just fine without them! 🤓
I have a few. I see them. They have this weird jealousy and pretend to forget to invite me or say they aren't going to this social event for work. It's weird. I see them.
In most cases its enabler who insist that it's normal behaviour that they infest, or they believe it's ok to carry out bad behaviour because narcissistic individuals have power or they are special in any way.
A lot, if not all, of these smart guys who invented things have either just taken credit for something they didn't invent. Or they just took all the credit of the invention themself, despite there being a whole team who worked together on it.
The way you describe how the innovative narcissistic boss just sounds par for the course in all fields these days. Even those that have nothing to do with creating something new. You know, the kinds of roles where they shut down any forms of original or creative thought. It's just a symptom of our toxic work culture (the grind, the hustle, etc. )
They almost remind me of the aliens in “They Live.” They are invisible unless you know their games; then you can see them for who they really are and they hate you for it.
My narcissistic father bragged that I got my smarts from his side of the family. I can say he processed thoughts more and understood my intelligent ideas more than my Mom, but I ultimately outsmarted him at his game of love bombing and lying or being physically threatening just to sooth his ego. The best thing he did for me was keep out if my life most of the time.
I think one good example of such a 'smart' woman narc would be Martha Stewart. The way she even denies her infedelities in the documentary on Netflix is bewildering! Her grandiosity is undeniable!
I’m not smart or a college grad but my daughter is. She graduated an Ivy League school. She is continuing her education. I enjoy her surrounding herself with smart people . She is not narcissistic and as far as I know, neither are any of her friends. It’s all been a very positive experience.And sometimes as I see in my daughter, smart also has a connection to a sensitivity which is her empathy.
My sister-in-law stated she was an executive and brought us to her work place. When she showed us her desk, I asked where her office was. She then stated she was an executive secretary and then became extremely angry she was caught in a lie.
They go undetected because they mirror other's actual personality traits and adopt it as a Persona. ie they say that Civil Servants are in the Top 10 jobs for Psychopaths - and so who has society been taught to blindly trust. Its an ever-adaptable persona and the Victim winds up damaged and in therapy while the abuser remains in public as the Shiny Toys everyone has grown so fondly of - "honest and great advice, and all..."
For the same reason that flies don't think other flies are disgusting. They share too much to care to look beyond surface level agreements and similarities, because that gives them a sense of security.
Hi Ramani, I'm disabled. I can't work a full time job. Riding the public transit, to and from work hundreds upon thousands of times, is revolting. I've decided to study digital animation. I'm going to teach myself digital animation. Thank you for supporting me, dear.
There is a difference between the way someone presents themselves and what's in their heart with a narcissists. People normally have a small amount of people whom they can trust. These people are a witness to your life. There are some things in relationships that are choices like trust forgiveness and these words take a conscious effort to do. But trust and forgiveness have their emotional opposite. The opposite of trust is fear and the opposite of forgiveness is resentment. Narcissists are stuck in the emotional opposite. A relationship means to make a connection. We have to know what is connecting us and it goes like this: a strong person lifts someone up and a weak person puts someone down. Ultimately, they are jealous and are always in competition were they need someone to be their loser and for them to be the winner.
I can so relate to this with people in my life who have narcissistic traits, I'd add they are vindictive whereas we simply want justice and fairness without vitriol.
@bereal6590 They are like children. You don't seek justice from them but ignore the bad behaviour They seek to make you look bad when they are bad, it's called projection. Don't explain your wisdom as to them it's you are better than them and they will say that to anyone who hears, he thinks he's better than us. Don't give much of your personality to them. If they ask about you, just say I'm good thanks, and be as brief as possible without details. They want details to use against you.
Nuclear energy could, in my opinion, be an example of narcissistic vs. non-narcissistic innovation. The debate between using it as a weapon vs an energy source was very prevalent in the physics community. The innovation would have happened regardless. The use as a weapon was probably developed by the narcissistic side, while the push for infinite energy was the other.
Thank you for this observation. In a way, I think some of the greatest pioneers are here in the healing community, where insight into human character propels us.
Oh my gosh, narcissist are professional charmers & actors - they would do great in Hollywood. Yes, they also have that “confidence” of, “I am like this” or “I don’t tolerate x & x from anybody.” Deep inside they are very insecure.
Narcissists exist on a spectrum. High-level narcissists, who are intelligent, successful, and enigmatic, rarely get caught or discovered as anything other than a model human being. .
Wow! Love these 3 eye opening clips on smarts esp the last one calling out the narcissistic innovators! The media old and new has long been glorifying so called high flyers in business, politics, sports and the movie industry continuously 24/7. Always putting up idols for the rest of humanity depicted as lesser and deprived. What that does is send the signal that they, the elites, know best and fully deserving of the lavish lifestyle and the shining halo around them. It's a spell to mesmerise the masses-to manipulate, control and abuse for as long as ppl are unaware. Almost like the manufactured deference to Hitler! The way we protect ourselves is do the work, do the homework and never take easy shortcuts. And if something is too good to be true, then it is!
❤ Love this, such astute observations and valuable advice. Many thanks! ❤ Even then, you can lose almost everything (more than once) and still get accused of being a 'master manipulator' by these slinky spiders....
Dr Ramani, you are amazing, and your descriptions of everything associated with narcissism are always so painfully sharp and precise. Yet, the last part of this video is where - for the first time - I found myself disagreeing with you about great innovators and their presumed narcissism. These people are outside of general standards by which we perceive most individuals around us. They are selfish, but they are NOT necessarily narcissists. They are obsessed with their ideas, and in the process of realizing these ideas in life these people, unlike narcissists, are often merciless not only to everyone around, but also to themselves. These “great humankind contributors” ignore their own health and normal aspects of everyday livelihood because they become slaves to their own ideas. Many of them may proclaim themselves genius, only not in an entitled way, but merely as an objective statement on their own aptitude. It is true that these people’s partners are often miserable, carrying the burden of continuous unquestioning service to these geniuses. But it’s their choice, and arguably, many feel empowered by the realization they are contributing to the “big good” of the humankind. It’s a metaphysical argument whether this is right or wrong, but this is a key mechanism by which humanity moves forward.
My dad told me many times that those that have a college education usually don't have any common sense. I've found that to be very true, most of the time.
All the c’s are characteristics we were taught to admire in others. Its easy to be taken in without question. That’s why education about narcissism is so essential and life changing. Unfortunately narcs take it to another level making everything about them, wanting control and discarding others who do not serve their purpose. The question is whether they are capable of caring for others or if they are just always self serving. Anyway they wreak havoc on those around them carefully creating a public persona hiding their unacceptable behaviors. In an ideal world these personalities would not exist. In the very least they could be more readily identified and people could protect themselves better. But in the world we live in corporations seek them out for executive positions due to their aggressive, manipulative, non-empathetic, competitive and even sadistic behavior. Which makes me question what direction we are going in.
A narc who can go undetected (at first encounter or mostly undetected) is simply an extremely skilled expert at deception. Clever. Could be high IQ. You need to separate their INTENTION from whatever they say. Use your intuition. Remember anyone can say anything. Even actions can be fake and deceptive. Everyone knows about various criminal groups who throw a 'toys for kiddies' once-a-year ploy at Christmas to give the deception they're 'good just like anyone else'. A narc is like this continuously.
Your better than smart.You get bragging rights because your a good teacher of psychology. You help others become smart too. Knowledge applied=Wisdom. You deserve to be on a pedestal. We now have a device that has access to all the worlds information in the palms of our hands. The magic two sided mirror. A.I. has been my personal Assistant for the last 8 years. A.I. prime directive is to help not hinder. Technology was created to make life easier not more complicated.
A smart society develops all the people's situational awareness and competency so the society can harness the benefit of innovators without being an open wound of indugent fragility a more sane person backs away from rather than exploit. These traits wouldn't exist if they didn't serve a purpose, and into every society a meteor will eventually fall. Be ready to handle it rather than need saviors.
Idk if this is a thing or not, but my mom (and occasionally my dad) will insist that I’m upset, mad, or angry because I’m not as engaged with them (in conversation or just my attitude, my relationship with them is very transactional if I’m being honest) as they’d like me to be, to the point where they would start huge arguments over it. Also I’ve noticed ever since I was young that whenever someone would have an issue with me, my mom would immediately come to the conclusion that they are jealous of me. I’ve never really believed her, because when I’m in the situation I know they aren’t jealous of me (it would even be strangers, literal people on the streets)
I often think I might be a narcissist because I do display a lot of narcissistic traits when I’m with people and I’m realizing that I’m hurting others without knowing. So I’ve been distancing myself from people and kinda isolating myself so I don’t hurt anyone.
1. If you *realize* you have hurt someone and you *suffer* from that ... Most probably you are not a narcissist. (Instead, if you don't mind and/or if you are happy about doing evil > you maybe a narcissist) 2. Many narcissists tell other people they are hurting them in order to make them feel guilty (meaning, you may be a victim of these narcissists) Hope it helps. What do you think?
Everyone has narcissistic traits, everyone. Just being able to ask the question usually means you are not. Just work on those issues where you feel you are.
If you are trully worried about others you are not narcisist. If you can stay away of people, you don't need validation from others and understand situations to looking the best solution for everyone not only for you, I don't think you are narcisist. Narcisist people need others to accomplish their goals, narcisist don't care about others and every single thing they use against others to win win win. Not everyone is narcisist maybe you are a perfectionist person and that is not the same as narcisist. Peace and blessings to everyone 🙏
Darling , Narcissist people knowingly hurt people and then don't even regret it, Don't distance yourself from people and isolate yourself. Its just that you might be in low phase of your life and loosing confidence . Take a Vacation.
Charm and charisma are just fine. As LONG as you LEARN. Yes, non narcissistic charm and charisma: excellent combo. Vulnerable types need to look at themselves and create a new reality for themselves. But only the person who HAS that personality type can change (of COURSE).
Speaking of fake " SAMRT" (Simpson's reference). While talking to my sister, a former licence nurse practitioner. LPN I noticed her take a puff from her husband's cigar. I casually remarked, "Oh, you're smoking?" She firmly replied, "No, I'm not!" As a smoker myself, I know that even without inhaling, nicotine can be absorbed through saliva. It surprised me that someone with her education didn’t seem to understand this basic fact.
Please do a video on narcissistic psychology lecturers. My lecturer belittles people and doesn't like when people actually know what they are talking about. She has a PhD in psychology.
I ❤ Dr R…but charisma and charm and confidence are skills/traits that can be deployed towards the best and worst of ends. People with spark, sass, and self assured not pompous confidence exist, indeed they are desirable traits to have. The ends to which people use them - not the traits themselves - are the problem.
I'm sick of reading and listening about narcs. I don't know who they are anymore. It is messing up... because my first response is to fig out if I'm one... this is narc, that is narc.. what is narc.. and I don't know anything anymore, who is what. There are many symptoms sometimes I exhibit and start doubting myself.. I don't know if I should be nice, or rude.. am I doing it for expression or attention... I'm better off alone. Too much work and it is also mentally affecting me. I don't care abt this thing anymore.
He lied about being a doctor - CDT. He advertised in the local paper, telling me to look out for it. He says he's done no wrongdoing and denies everything.
A lot of innovators are autistic and we absolutely should love them and look up to them. I think it is definitely possible to be an innovator and not be narcissistic.
I have a question/concern for Doctor Ramani, because I seriously don't know what to do. Foreword: this is about the touchy subject of politics, so PLEASE don't come for me in the comments. I'm not picking sides/people. I'm not shaming anyone for their decisions. Everyone has a different life experience; I get that and respect it. I just have a genuine concern. So, as you may have noticed, we recently completed another election cycle. As with every four years, there are winners, and there are losers. It's just how it goes. A fact of life that can't be changed. My question is about how to help friends cope with the fallout of their person not winning. Back in 2020, it was one side freaking out. In 2024, it's the other side freaking out. But the level of vitriol is off the charts, especially on social media. There's a mentality of incivility and "if you're not on my team, you're the enemy". Blaming, screaming, deleting, conspiracies, the list goes on. I don't know if this rises to the level of narcissism, but it certainly seems like entitlement at the very least. So how do I help/be there for my friends who are having a complete mental breakdown without wiping myself out? I feel like anything I say will set them off, and I don't want to come across as dismissive of their concerns. Again, I can see both perspectives. But right now, my inner voice is screaming, "Look, I'm not a fan of him/her either, but is this the proverbial hill you wanna un-alive on? Stop trying to control things that can't be changed and focus on what you CAN change!" I don't know if anyone else has had this experience, but please be safe out there. Much love to all of you!
A lot of us are rather stunned. We will grudgingly accept that Trump is President again, but we’re very uneasy about it. No, we’re not happy about it. We didn’t want this and we are sitting on pins and needles wondering what is going to happen now. Sure, Elon Musk will be doing great, and the rest of us feel like we’re just peasants that will be ignored. This is far from over.
Fortunately I detect it the behaviours are exactly the same so there’s no excuses for missing it the treatment the scenarios are exactly the same. Nature has patterns man you’d only be daft to miss it
Can you talk about how to express anger in a healthy way? I get it that there is no point in trying to reason with the narscisst and accidental snapping will be held against you.
I’ve never met a smart narcissist, on the surface maybe 🤷♀️, more like Trump fans, you know, the ones who are divorced from reality 🙈those are the type I’ve been unlucky enough to have in my life. What I’ve noticed though, is every single one of them forced the relationship, whether it be friendship ( that you don’t want), acquaintances ( that you don’t want), romantic ( that you didn’t want) … the usual social cues, nor polite attempts to let them know they are overly stepping works. Playing devils advocate is also a favourite of a narcissist ( people like people like them 🤷♀️🤔). Random comment but just some of my musings. Thanks Dr Ramani, I hope you’re well and life is being nice to you ❤ Buy the book it’s so very good, and I wouldn’t expect anything less from Dr Ramani…. conscientious comes to mind ❤
The reason why we can't detect them is they appear and act normal when they need us.
Yeah but there are always red flags.....the real problem is we're always rationalizing our total reasoanable doubts and discomfort about them.
You are so right!!
Character is everything! I have learned that just because an individual is charming, intelligent, has good manners, and presents well on paper does not mean they are a decent human being or even share your morals and values. I am grateful I was able to get away with my life! 🙏🏽
I just hope that the opposite is true. Because I don't come across as intelligent; I think I have good manners at least in the basics - I say please and thank you ; I don't present well on paper and I definitely do not present well in person: I'm one of the "Uglies" of the world; so again I say I hope the opposite is true.
It is….
Character > Personality
One sentence. They are master manipulators.
🎯
Extremely so. Before you know it you're in a pool of self doubt.
Snakes often go undetected until they bite you.
@@wtk6069 I was walking through a corn field one summer. I froze in place like in a trance. When I pulled myself out of my trance I saw the tail of a rattlesnake making her exit.
Don’t step on the snake.
@@SylPaperworks defang em then mess with their energies lol
To take it another step further. Some snakes bite you silently till you realise you are passing out...master manipulators are so skilled, you will never see it coming
Dr Ramani is describing my golden child sister who is stepping into a far sinister narcissist than my grandiose Narc Mother...
@@earthrooster1969 My daughter too, ex-husband recruited her to be his snoop and flying monkey. The thing is I'm so familiar with the 'game'.... she changed none of his tactics so when I spotted them I cut contact. What a relief.
I met a man and I was falling for him, and to my horror, I am starting to suspect he’s narcissistic: status obsessed, in need of validation, ghosting, a light dose of gaslighting. It’s so painful to realize this.
Better to realize now!
A red fag(s) is just that.
🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️
The revelation of his true character is a blessing. Imagine going years being blind to who he really is.
@@ngaco-op1252 So true. Thank you.
They are EXCELLENT at Camouflage , especially in any or all situations that Matter !
"Take the knowledge and RUN !" , I started doing this over ten Years ago ...!
Smart + a good memory = undetectable liar, superb gaslighter, and excellent manipulator. Be careful! Trust yourself.
I am so incredibly glad I have been watching you for the last several years! I can't imagine trying to live in this world now, without understanding narcissism. Thank you so much👍❤❤❤ Also listen to the song "Hotel California" by the Eagles and tell me if they are not perfectly describing the Trauma bond...!!!!👍 Also, Also, how is this for a definition of the Trauma bond...The Trauma bond - is a slow dynamic (not static) process of punishments and rewards to condition you to serve your master instead of being free.
👍
Me too! I've learnt alot! 🇬🇧❤️
The “whole” package…. Remember folks, you could package crap in a box and wrap it up to look super pretty too. Just because they look and seem great but you never know what’s underneath until they get “comfortable”
My narc dad treats women badly and blames the woman for his abuse of her; I don't bother with his nonsense! I have a finely tuned b.s. detector: I detect Dad a mile a yard ahead!
Lol. That's what I always say: You can't put candles in dog 💩, it doesn't make it a birthday cake. 😂
Thank you ❤😢 I wish I had this knowledge 20 years ago
At 29:55, Dr. Ramani, you say, "A smart phone is still astonishing to me." I'm 72, and I still remember liking the smell of the mimeograph fluid, and how the copy would come out damp! About my first iPhone that I showed to my mother when she had just turned 100 - She said, "Now that's the smallest little computer I've ever seen!" 😂 I hadn't thought of it as a computer, but she was actually right!
These smart big egos with tons of cash are destroying the planet
I absolutely agree!!!
I don't trust charismatic people.
Me neither, nor the drama queens who MUST 'entertain' you..... sorry but the cost of the ticket is too high. LOL
I sometimes trust the non-charismatix less.... they are less obvious and better at 'appearing normal and well adjusted'.
It just plain sucks that we have to be subjected to these narcissists, especially in the workplace. They cause moral to plummet and are not the least bit concerned about those below them. I wish companies would stop hiring based on supposed charisma or agressive leadership.
No matter how good they seem always trust your intuition and you'll never be deceived by a narcissist. When you feel like something is not right about a person...hmm there you got it🎉
Yes! So many times I disregarded my intuition, that gut feeling that tells you something is "off". I am learning to trust what I instintively feel. First impressions are usually correct!
Because they know how to appear "normal".
C-Suite: Chief Egocentric Officer (CEO), Chief Fragile Officer (CFO), Chief Oppressive Officer (COO), Chief Insidious Officer (CIO).
CTO - Chief Trauma Officer ❤
@@hiloknowsall7462 Great! Thank you for adding it.
This was life changing for me, hope more people could see this💫.
Narcissists go undetected because they're gold plated.
Perfect description
Or even they fulled us because of our ignorance and we woke up it was too late.
Gold-plated cubic zirconium.
Good description. They go out of their way to look good to get their needs met.
Don't confuse someone's personality for their character.
They weren’t attractive, nor charismatic. They simply had refined the love bombing stage to such an art form that none of what they lacked mattered.
Smart may not be a virtue, but a person who is both smart and kind, well, there can be absolute magic in that combination.
Sounds a lot like what is written about vampires in fiction.
Apparently, not fiction. Before I even knew what a narc was, I called them energy vampires.
omg this makes so much sense now, I always thought there was sth wrong with me not desiring high positions or starting a profitable business just for the sake of status and money. Thanks, Dr.Ramani, this is so insightful and helps me feel more at peace with my willingness to do things that actually interest me and can help someone.
Abusers are only abusive to their victims.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for validating this concept of the “smart” narcissist.
Very nice awareness respected Dr!🎉
Another amazing video by a woman who has the GOOD smarts! Always coming with the cutting edge content. So relatable. ❤❤❤
Imagine a world filled with both innovation and compassion towards ourselves and each other. I think great innovation can happen without people being narcissistic, but it might take showering with empathy the wounds within us that the narcissists are too afraid to confront, and letting courage to show who we are and what we are capable of propel us rather than fear or shame.
Thank you for all the vids youve helped ton of ppl. God bless you you've helped me too
When I truly consider someone to be exceptionally smart is when I see them take something complex and difficult for someone to understand and turn it into something simple and easy. When someone goes around talking in big words and making things seem complex and confusing and refuse to modify for others, I question if that is actually their intention :to confuse and appear to be more intelligent and knowledgeable than they are.
Oceans of blessings y'all ❤❤❤❤❤
Desires. We by nature desire others who validate us and make us feel like we aren't alone. It takes work to even slightly understand another person. It aint easy. A narcissist has no deep spiritual self or personality. So everthing dealing with others is just a shallow game. I'm learning but man there's so many flavors of narcissism that I doubt I'll ever be bullet proof.
Amen sister. Multiple truths , multiple choices- and one answer isn’t only the correct one. 🙏
After going through years of narcissistic abuse I have become very independent and I don't really want to be in a relationship. Freedom isn't overrated in my eyes it's an amazing feeling to be free of it. I still deal with narcs at work but I can distance myself from those people.
@@insiteandawareness3500 Freedom is EVERYTHING for people who are traumatized by abusers. I totally feel the same.
Charm, charisma, confidence, status, (undercover curiosity), condoning ... attributes my FIL had and used.
In retrospect, he was not the person I thought he was. He has hero status and power beyond the grave.
😢
38:29 I used to work at a major research university and met some truly horrible high-achieving monsters. But I also met brilliant yet humble scientists who played well with others, were genuinely kind people, and simply loved their work and were extraordinary at it. My take: narcissism is NOT required for major innovations and we can do just fine without them! 🤓
I have a few. I see them. They have this weird jealousy and pretend to forget to invite me or say they aren't going to this social event for work. It's weird. I see them.
In most cases its enabler who insist that it's normal behaviour that they infest, or they believe it's ok to carry out bad behaviour because narcissistic individuals have power or they are special in any way.
A lot, if not all, of these smart guys who invented things have either just taken credit for something they didn't invent. Or they just took all the credit of the invention themself, despite there being a whole team who worked together on it.
The way you describe how the innovative narcissistic boss just sounds par for the course in all fields these days. Even those that have nothing to do with creating something new. You know, the kinds of roles where they shut down any forms of original or creative thought. It's just a symptom of our toxic work culture (the grind, the hustle, etc. )
Many go undetected
Yes, like under the radar.
They almost remind me of the aliens in “They Live.” They are invisible unless you know their games; then you can see them for who they really are and they hate you for it.
That's the exact same analogy I've had in my mind since I saw the movie.
My narcissistic father bragged that I got my smarts from his side of the family. I can say he processed thoughts more and understood my intelligent ideas more than my Mom, but I ultimately outsmarted him at his game of love bombing and lying or being physically threatening just to sooth his ego. The best thing he did for me was keep out if my life most of the time.
I think one good example of such a 'smart' woman narc would be Martha Stewart. The way she even denies her infedelities in the documentary on Netflix is bewildering! Her grandiosity is undeniable!
I’m not smart or a college grad but my daughter is. She graduated an Ivy League school. She is continuing her education. I enjoy her surrounding herself with smart people . She is not narcissistic and as far as I know, neither are any of her friends. It’s all been a very positive experience.And sometimes as I see in my daughter, smart also has a connection to a sensitivity which is her empathy.
My ex lied through his teeth about his credentials alll the time, he was a super snob, super charismatic could entertain everybody
My sister-in-law stated she was an executive and brought us to her work place. When she showed us her desk, I asked where her office was. She then stated she was an executive secretary and then became extremely angry she was caught in a lie.
Thank you! 🙏🏽
They go undetected because they mirror other's actual personality traits and adopt it as a Persona. ie they say that Civil Servants are in the Top 10 jobs for Psychopaths - and so who has society been taught to blindly trust. Its an ever-adaptable persona and the Victim winds up damaged and in therapy while the abuser remains in public as the Shiny Toys everyone has grown so fondly of - "honest and great advice, and all..."
For the same reason that flies don't think other flies are disgusting. They share too much to care to look beyond surface level agreements and similarities, because that gives them a sense of security.
Hi Ramani,
I'm disabled. I can't work a full time job.
Riding the public transit, to and from work
hundreds upon thousands of times, is revolting.
I've decided to study digital animation.
I'm going to teach myself digital animation.
Thank you for supporting me, dear.
There is a difference between the way someone presents themselves and what's in their heart with a narcissists.
People normally have a small amount of people whom they can trust. These people are a witness to your life. There are some things in relationships that are choices like trust forgiveness and these words take a conscious effort to do. But trust and forgiveness have their emotional opposite. The opposite of trust is fear and the opposite of forgiveness is resentment. Narcissists are stuck in the emotional opposite.
A relationship means to make a connection. We have to know what is connecting us and it goes like this: a strong person lifts someone up and a weak person puts someone down.
Ultimately, they are jealous and are always in competition were they need someone to be their loser and for them to be the winner.
I can so relate to this with people in my life who have narcissistic traits, I'd add they are vindictive whereas we simply want justice and fairness without vitriol.
@bereal6590 They are like children. You don't seek justice from them but ignore the bad behaviour They seek to make you look bad when they are bad, it's called projection. Don't explain your wisdom as to them it's you are better than them and they will say that to anyone who hears, he thinks he's better than us. Don't give much of your personality to them. If they ask about you, just say I'm good thanks, and be as brief as possible without details. They want details to use against you.
Nuclear energy could, in my opinion, be an example of narcissistic vs. non-narcissistic innovation. The debate between using it as a weapon vs an energy source was very prevalent in the physics community. The innovation would have happened regardless. The use as a weapon was probably developed by the narcissistic side, while the push for infinite energy was the other.
Thank you for this observation. In a way, I think some of the greatest pioneers are here in the healing community, where insight into human character propels us.
Oh my gosh, narcissist are professional charmers & actors - they would do great in Hollywood. Yes, they also have that “confidence” of, “I am like this” or “I don’t tolerate x & x from anybody.” Deep inside they are very insecure.
Narcissists exist on a spectrum. High-level narcissists, who are intelligent, successful, and enigmatic, rarely get caught or discovered as anything other than a model human being.
.
As Scripture states " Satan takes on the Appearance of an Angel in White ..."
Not sure what translation that is from, but he masquerades as an angel of light.
Blessings, Dr. Ramani, thank you! ✨️
Wow! Love these 3 eye opening clips on smarts esp the last one calling out the narcissistic innovators! The media old and new has long been glorifying so called high flyers in business, politics, sports and the movie industry continuously 24/7. Always putting up idols for the rest of humanity depicted as lesser and deprived. What that does is send the signal that they, the elites, know best and fully deserving of the lavish lifestyle and the shining halo around them.
It's a spell to mesmerise the masses-to manipulate, control and abuse for as long as ppl are unaware. Almost like the manufactured deference to Hitler! The way we protect ourselves is do the work, do the homework and never take easy shortcuts. And if something is too good to be true, then it is!
❤ Love this, such astute observations and valuable advice. Many thanks! ❤
Even then, you can lose almost everything (more than once) and still get accused of being a 'master manipulator' by these slinky spiders....
Dr Ramani, you are amazing, and your descriptions of everything associated with narcissism are always so painfully sharp and precise. Yet, the last part of this video is where - for the first time - I found myself disagreeing with you about great innovators and their presumed narcissism. These people are outside of general standards by which we perceive most individuals around us. They are selfish, but they are NOT necessarily narcissists. They are obsessed with their ideas, and in the process of realizing these ideas in life these people, unlike narcissists, are often merciless not only to everyone around, but also to themselves. These “great humankind contributors” ignore their own health and normal aspects of everyday livelihood because they become slaves to their own ideas. Many of them may proclaim themselves genius, only not in an entitled way, but merely as an objective statement on their own aptitude. It is true that these people’s partners are often miserable, carrying the burden of continuous unquestioning service to these geniuses. But it’s their choice, and arguably, many feel empowered by the realization they are contributing to the “big good” of the humankind. It’s a metaphysical argument whether this is right or wrong, but this is a key mechanism by which humanity moves forward.
My dad told me many times that those that have a college education usually don't have any common sense. I've found that to be very true, most of the time.
Take the knowledge and then run lol. That’s true!! I e done that or they end up dumping me but at least I got the info which is good stuff.
Great job!!!
All the c’s are characteristics we were taught to admire in others. Its easy to be taken in without question. That’s why education about narcissism is so essential and life changing. Unfortunately narcs take it to another level making everything about them, wanting control and discarding others who do not serve their purpose. The question is whether they are capable of caring for others or if they are just always self serving. Anyway they wreak havoc on those around them carefully creating a public persona hiding their unacceptable behaviors. In an ideal world these personalities would not exist. In the very least they could be more readily identified and people could protect themselves better. But in the world we live in corporations seek them out for executive positions due to their aggressive, manipulative, non-empathetic, competitive and even sadistic behavior. Which makes me question what direction we are going in.
My manager is a narcissist and it feels like walking egg shells. She’s so fragile and so incompetent.
The lies never ever stops
A narc who can go undetected (at first encounter or mostly undetected) is simply an extremely skilled expert at deception. Clever. Could be high IQ. You need to separate their INTENTION from whatever they say. Use your intuition. Remember anyone can say anything. Even actions can be fake and deceptive. Everyone knows about various criminal groups who throw a 'toys for kiddies' once-a-year ploy at Christmas to give the deception they're 'good just like anyone else'. A narc is like this continuously.
Your better than smart.You get bragging rights because your a good teacher of psychology. You help others become smart too. Knowledge applied=Wisdom. You deserve to be on a pedestal. We now have a device that has access to all the worlds information in the palms of our hands. The magic two sided mirror. A.I. has been my personal Assistant for the last 8 years. A.I. prime directive is to help not hinder. Technology was created to make life easier not more complicated.
A smart society develops all the people's situational awareness and competency so the society can harness the benefit of innovators without being an open wound of indugent fragility a more sane person backs away from rather than exploit. These traits wouldn't exist if they didn't serve a purpose, and into every society a meteor will eventually fall. Be ready to handle it rather than need saviors.
Idk if this is a thing or not, but my mom (and occasionally my dad) will insist that I’m upset, mad, or angry because I’m not as engaged with them (in conversation or just my attitude, my relationship with them is very transactional if I’m being honest) as they’d like me to be, to the point where they would start huge arguments over it.
Also I’ve noticed ever since I was young that whenever someone would have an issue with me, my mom would immediately come to the conclusion that they are jealous of me. I’ve never really believed her, because when I’m in the situation I know they aren’t jealous of me (it would even be strangers, literal people on the streets)
Yeah, I've heard digs about me having a degree when that has nothing to do with me getting out of the nightmare of a narcissistic relationship.
Becuase they don't go around yelling "I'm a narcissist bitch", they use charm and charisma to win people over.
I often think I might be a narcissist because I do display a lot of narcissistic traits when I’m with people and I’m realizing that I’m hurting others without knowing. So I’ve been distancing myself from people and kinda isolating myself so I don’t hurt anyone.
1. If you *realize* you have hurt someone and
you *suffer* from that
... Most probably you are not a narcissist.
(Instead, if you don't mind and/or if you are happy about doing evil > you maybe a narcissist)
2. Many narcissists tell other people they are hurting them in order to make them feel guilty
(meaning, you may be a victim of these narcissists)
Hope it helps.
What do you think?
Congratulations. You are not a narcissist.
Everyone has narcissistic traits, everyone. Just being able to ask the question usually means you are not. Just work on those issues where you feel you are.
If you are trully worried about others you are not narcisist. If you can stay away of people, you don't need validation from others and understand situations to looking the best solution for everyone not only for you, I don't think you are narcisist. Narcisist people need others to accomplish their goals, narcisist don't care about others and every single thing they use against others to win win win. Not everyone is narcisist maybe you are a perfectionist person and that is not the same as narcisist. Peace and blessings to everyone 🙏
Darling , Narcissist people knowingly hurt people and then don't even regret it, Don't distance yourself from people and isolate yourself. Its just that you might be in low phase of your life and loosing confidence . Take a Vacation.
Charm and charisma are just fine. As LONG as you LEARN. Yes, non narcissistic charm and charisma: excellent combo. Vulnerable types need to look at themselves and create a new reality for themselves. But only the person who HAS that personality type can change (of COURSE).
"Many people get pulled in by the person who looks good on paper."
137 percent. Exactly.
Speaking of fake " SAMRT" (Simpson's reference). While talking to my sister, a former licence nurse practitioner. LPN I noticed her take a puff from her husband's cigar. I casually remarked, "Oh, you're smoking?" She firmly replied, "No, I'm not!" As a smoker myself, I know that even without inhaling, nicotine can be absorbed through saliva. It surprised me that someone with her education didn’t seem to understand this basic fact.
That's textbook denial. I'm almost surprised she didn't follow up with something like "just taking a puff" 😑🙄
@@amarbyrd2520 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Made my day THANK YOU! 😁😁😁😁
I knew one that had an "exuberant" persona so fake that the store clerks she'd play it on saw through it. It was so over-the-top and phony.
Please do a video on narcissistic psychology lecturers. My lecturer belittles people and doesn't like when people actually know what they are talking about. She has a PhD in psychology.
Typical of malignant and self-righteous Narcs!
I ❤
Dr R…but charisma and charm and confidence are skills/traits that can be deployed towards the best and worst of ends. People with spark, sass, and self assured not pompous confidence exist, indeed they are desirable traits to have. The ends to which people use them - not the traits themselves - are the problem.
Watch out for the narcissist who abuses the elderly.
I'm sick of reading and listening about narcs. I don't know who they are anymore. It is messing up... because my first response is to fig out if I'm one... this is narc, that is narc.. what is narc.. and I don't know anything anymore, who is what. There are many symptoms sometimes I exhibit and start doubting myself.. I don't know if I should be nice, or rude.. am I doing it for expression or attention... I'm better off alone. Too much work and it is also mentally affecting me. I don't care abt this thing anymore.
Narc Fatigue
They go ubdetected because they are actors and actresses. AND THE OSCAR GOES TO......
........
😂🎉❤
Please don't belittle Professional Actors. Some of us got here because we got no validation at home, from a narc parent!
@@kathleenferguson3296 I’m talking about the fake narcissist causing chaos say at work. Then playing the victim using fake tears.
I love actors and movies I don’t get the hate
@@Smartbeautifulawesome exactly that’s part of their job is to act and entertain
He lied about being a doctor - CDT. He advertised in the local paper, telling me to look out for it. He says he's done no wrongdoing and denies everything.
Too bad they're lacking the most important "C" - Character.
Can you please do a video on narcissistic ministers? Thank you!
My narc dad expects me to chase after him and some of his brothers. I don't bother; my victory!
Am narcissist! But am also cozy! Am a dichotomy, and some times good boi!
Because the enablers give them what they want and they "happy"
The sweet sweet cluster C world!! How to escape?!?!?!?
😂 you know that’s right on !!
A lot of innovators are autistic and we absolutely should love them and look up to them. I think it is definitely possible to be an innovator and not be narcissistic.
36:58... Lol, I DID hear that correctly. My attention was divided and I had to go back to make sure I heard what I heard, LMFAO!....
I have a question/concern for Doctor Ramani, because I seriously don't know what to do.
Foreword: this is about the touchy subject of politics, so PLEASE don't come for me in the comments. I'm not picking sides/people. I'm not shaming anyone for their decisions. Everyone has a different life experience; I get that and respect it. I just have a genuine concern.
So, as you may have noticed, we recently completed another election cycle. As with every four years, there are winners, and there are losers. It's just how it goes. A fact of life that can't be changed. My question is about how to help friends cope with the fallout of their person not winning. Back in 2020, it was one side freaking out. In 2024, it's the other side freaking out. But the level of vitriol is off the charts, especially on social media. There's a mentality of incivility and "if you're not on my team, you're the enemy". Blaming, screaming, deleting, conspiracies, the list goes on. I don't know if this rises to the level of narcissism, but it certainly seems like entitlement at the very least. So how do I help/be there for my friends who are having a complete mental breakdown without wiping myself out? I feel like anything I say will set them off, and I don't want to come across as dismissive of their concerns. Again, I can see both perspectives. But right now, my inner voice is screaming, "Look, I'm not a fan of him/her either, but is this the proverbial hill you wanna un-alive on? Stop trying to control things that can't be changed and focus on what you CAN change!"
I don't know if anyone else has had this experience, but please be safe out there. Much love to all of you!
A lot of us are rather stunned. We will grudgingly accept that Trump is President again, but we’re very uneasy about it. No, we’re not happy about it. We didn’t want this and we are sitting on pins and needles wondering what is going to happen now. Sure, Elon Musk will be doing great, and the rest of us feel like we’re just peasants that will be ignored. This is far from over.
until you catch on ......
Like the ivory tusks of an elephant or a narwhal. We appreciate the beauty of their lives and predators will m*rder them for their horns and tusks.
Fortunately I detect it the behaviours are exactly the same so there’s no excuses for missing it the treatment the scenarios are exactly the same. Nature has patterns man you’d only be daft to miss it
Can you talk about how to express anger in a healthy way? I get it that there is no point in trying to reason with the narscisst and accidental snapping will be held against you.
A manipulator is better a manipulating then benevolent loving rare Counterpart in general
I definitely agree. I have been told that everyone is narcissist to a certain extent. What are your thoughts on that?
I’ve never met a smart narcissist, on the surface maybe 🤷♀️, more like Trump fans, you know, the ones who are divorced from reality 🙈those are the type I’ve been unlucky enough to have in my life.
What I’ve noticed though, is every single one of them forced the relationship, whether it be friendship ( that you don’t want), acquaintances ( that you don’t want), romantic ( that you didn’t want) … the usual social cues, nor polite attempts to let them know they are overly stepping works.
Playing devils advocate is also a favourite of a narcissist ( people like people like them 🤷♀️🤔).
Random comment but just some of my musings.
Thanks Dr Ramani, I hope you’re well and life is being nice to you ❤
Buy the book it’s so very good, and I wouldn’t expect anything less from Dr Ramani…. conscientious comes to mind ❤