BEWARE This Is How The Narcissist SUCKS YOU IN I Dr Ramani
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I was so shy insecure and awkward growing up, having been in an abusive repressed home, that I was super vulnerable to being wanted and desired by someone. I thought I was ugly and unattractive. And that’s how I got sucked in to my first narcissist relationship. He totally pushed my physically limits and it was awful. Grateful I’ve learned to see my value and protect my ‘beauty’, knowing that I am more than my looks and my physically body. ❤
💚💙💜❤️
This is my story too.
@@silvio.r8443 me too
Mine too! I was working out like an athlete!
❤
When a woman says he’s so nice he bought me…the list goes on.
My response is, he’s buying you.
Thankyou, so when a partner tells you to sell the things you enjoy doing, they are selling you off. 💜
Exactly!
My narcissist told me he didn’t have to be romantic anymore because he already had me hooked. It was what taught me to believe people when they tell or show me who they are.
lol dude just said the quiet part out loud
Same. As soon as we got married, he said he didn't have to win me anymore and it all went downhill
I think a lot of guys just do this unfortunately
Before I knew that my husband is a Narcissist, I experience this love bombing and withdrawal. I tried to explain it that he just love to be the hunter, but as soon as he caught the prey, the fun was over. So I held back as long as possible, so stretch out the love bombing. I realised if I ignore and give him very little validation, he stays in the game. But that leaves you lonely and out of character.
Intuitively (not knowing he is a narcissist) I used the same approach. By time it killed me. While I was missing closeness and depth so much he was probably enjoying that hunting game.
Theathre
Those gender roles are truly damaging. Men in our society are described as naturally narcissistic, and women go along with this narrative, ending up victimized.
Same
The more I think about it … maybe it’s a kind of natural behavior of super empaths to tune in what the other person wants. So when I realized that he kind of needs this on-off / distance-closeness game I kind of adapted because I wanted the relationship to work. I have put his needs before mine.
Yes! My gut was telling me not to move forward with the marriage but friends and family dismissed those feelings...13.5 yrs of brutal emotional abuse before i left.This is so spot on.
Dr Ramani deserves a Nobel Prize for helping millions to heal , and an Oscar for her accurate narcissist impersonations & sketches, what a wonderful woman she is, her children & family are very lucky
Definitely!
She is a wonderful lady. 😍
Absolutely 💯
It’s a con 😢 victims are always lacking in some ways , like financially, self esteemed , lack of family support , lack of social interactions, too trusting , etc I’m trying to heal after 15yrs of living in the dark
Cherished, loved hearing about this. I want it to be on my life. I finally have a chance now that the narcissists are gone from my life 🙂
You just explained my last relationship! I’ve always attracted narcissists because my mother is one! I’m working on me now! 🙏🏽
Thank you, Dr. Ramani!❤️
Yeah, being raised by a narcissist Mother has a deep impact. I use to be a homing beacon for Narcissists, but no more. Even if I crave the love, I now have a healthy distance to the one deliver it and how they deliver it. Don't make the same mistake over and over again. Once you get THAT its almost like a sign on your forehead and they leave you alone or at least they will not approach you as often.
The same for me too
Rhonda, i feel you ♥️ Story for me is the same, but narc father. Wish you happiness and peace going forward, you deserve it.
I met the narc when a close friend announced that she had met a foreign guy at the beach and asked me to translate for them. He brough a wingman along and I brought another friend. He dropped his jaw when he saw me, but for months I thought he was simply infatuated and told him so repeatedly. I was 30 years old already, street savvy, well traveled, not naïve and never believed in Hollywood romances, but he ended up winning me over with his persistency. With him being the covert type, it was impossible to notice the red flags had I known them as I do now. Also, it didn’t help that the courtship happened half a world apart, while he was deployed to the Gulf War and I still living in Europe. With 2-3 letters a week asking for a chance and showy gifts of flowers, I started thinking that maybe this was ‘The One’ and I should give it a try, so when he came back to the US and called me asking to visit (at his parents home in upstate NY, of course, and after receiving a letter from his mother to my mother so that she realized it was legit), I flew to America and he did everything he needed to keep me here.
He abandoned the family 22 years later, when I had been depressed for 12 years due to the massive stress, our teenagers were being difficult and I was begging him for his involvement. He didn’t want to deal with ‘family problems’ after being away from us for a total of 16 years due to his naval career, not having to worry about a thing…
I’ve been separated for 10 years and still going through a painful divorce. And at the age of 62, still attractive and trim, I’ve also become asexual. The though of intimacy or caressing make me sick to the stomach and I cannot trust anyone. That’s the kind of damage a narcissist can do.
Biggest, healthiest lesson I have learned on the subject is to let them go..focus on your needs and life and
Seriously, forget it..life's too short..make plans to enjoy yourself somehow.Good luck.
The real *emotional intimacy* and *depth* of this relationship is the most important thing. Narcissists always hide their deeper self, because it’s either so ugly you would run if you were to see it, or there just isn’t any actual depth there. Also note, they will frequently take you out to fancy events with parents or long term friends who distract attention away from their inability to connect with you. It will always be their friends and family, not your friends you go out with. It’s confusing. That’s deliberate. They don’t want to have your friends unmask them or raise concerns.
Love bombing is like a vacation, destined to end. I recognize this in advance now and find it amusing, tragic and bizarre.... Raise your self esteem and set the bar high, then it's easy to walk away, unless you've connected with a psychotic...very dangerous. Walk don't run towards it in the beginning. And don't put yourself in the vulnerable position of not being able to make a swift exit.
Your work has been life changing Dr. Ramani. Thank you for clearing up the confusion. I wished you'd been my therapist 30 years ago, a lifetime full of pain could been avoided. I am immune now and don't take much of it personally, I can see them for what they are. I see "fawning" and "love bombing" under the same lens. I see it happen in "Senior world", not all aged people gain wisdom. To remain a bit detached and observe is key! I think love bombing breaks up what can seem like monotony at times. It's a self-esteem booster, like a quick fix, but I think it leaves you feeling anti climactic. I think because if you're aware it makes you realize you used them. But also because you didn't build yourself up, you got lazy and fell into the false narrative of their crap which they never meant to begin with. I think all of us were a bit lonely, bored, insecure, and just decided so see where it would go, and yes brain washed by societie's ideas of happy endings, and prince charming. I whole, healthy, happy, motivated, adventurous, and finally at peace am my own happy ending....thanks to your teaching and my work.
I agree with all of that ...apart from the narcists being with you all the time.....The Narcissist tend to disappear to meet all their other Lovers to get their bottomless narcissistic supply met and then come back and give you hell for not keeping the place perfect for their arrival back home..
Yep. My first boyfriend took any little issue or opportunity to turn me against friends and family to isolate me from everyone and undermine/gaslight me. I didn’t understand nor realize what was happening until it was too late. I totally was trapped. Thankfully I got out and away from him. Thankful for this community to learn heal and grow. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
my mother did this to my Dad for over 60 years....He died hoping that she would finally love him....my mother was a tyrant and had many people fooled. Yet I loved her but finally gave up on ever having her love me back, while I never abandoned her I learned to let all of the other narcissists in my associations go...I cut them off. Finally I have peace and you Dr. Ramani have been the beginning of that peace. Thank You.
I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person. It was so painful growing up in an unstable household with both parents screaming at each other constantly. Never knowing if or when they would get divorced again. I've been single my whole life and people think I'm strange because of that, but I think they're strange for being willing to put themselves through emotional hell.
I got rid of all my narcissistic men. The sad, scary thing is that they are a big part of society! I just had a date after 19 yrs of not dating. I spent a whole week worrying about my skin looking too old. I did look good, but it took so much energy out to worry. I was going to cancel the date then he contacted me. It's a victory for me to know I was prepared to cancel. I got big piece of myself back!
Women would come up to us and 'compliment' us because he held my hand, he would put his hands on my shoulders to push me in the direction he wanted, hold my hand in the grocery store. Women would see him doing this and say to him sometimes us how wonderful that he shows affection and closeness publicly, they Never saw that it was controlling, a physical emotional prison and I felt trapped. I thought there was something wrong with how trapped I felt because others saw me and said I was 'lucky', and he was wonderful to be so publicly affectionate, no one ever knew how it was behind the closed doors the loneliness and how insignificant I became once no one complimented him on what a wonderful guy he was
I was being Suffocated. I felt slimed.
My ex husband showered me with attention during our brief courtship. Constant love letters, pouring out his heart and soul. Constant gifts and tokens and sweet little romantic gestures. Tons of cuddles and hours and hours of just holding me. Playing his guitar and singing to me. Dancing with me in my living room. Surprising me with dates to my favorite places.
Fast forward 8 years and he was living separately from me in our house, like we were distant roommates. I sometimes didn't see him for more than 5 minutes a day. He was a chronic liar. He broke the law. He ruined me financially. He didn't look after his health. He stopped keeping himself clean. When I told him how miserable I was, he acted clueless and dumbfounded. When I moved out, he showed almost no emotion. When I filed for divorce, he said nothing. Unless it was to ask me for money. To this day he has never had a conversation with me about why our marriage failed, what happened, or what part he played in it. He acts like we're old friends anytime we happen to exchange messages.
I was the same person he married. But, boy, did he do a 180.
Schizoid personality or antisocial personality or both? They can manage for a little while , months etc to seem normalish but they can't sustain it long term.
@@soniachambers6460 I'll probably never know. We married just 8 months after our first meeting. The man I saw during our courtship is a completely different person than the man I ended up divorcing. So I have very little knowledge of who he was before I met him, or who he is when I'm not around him. The person he painted himself to be when we met was someone who was very sociable and engaging and charming, with lots of friends. Now, I don't think he has any friends at all. I expected him to move back to his hometown where he had all his old connections and some relatives, but he didn't. He's just living in an apartment somewhere and spends 24 hours a day indoors, far as I know. It's almost like trying to be married showed him just how broken and messed up he really is, so he's not even trying anymore. I don't know.
It happened almost the same with me. This time was a 6 month relationship. At the end a had a break down and when I tried to have a conversation he was like a cold wall.
Don't feel too bad, mine didn't seem like a narcissist to me until I got pregnant, 2 years after we got married and 5 years into our relationship. All of a sudden, he wasn't happy at all, and it has been more and more of that ever since. It's been stupid tantrums and devaluing and moving the goal on promises instead. 🙄
when we put all of your lessons together it has things getting clearer when watching you.
Now I can see it very clearly. My ex insisted that I call him every night after work even if we had nothing to talk about. I couldn't do anything else, read, watch tv or meet friends. He said he needs me and misses me. This was every time he was away even after 20 years of marriage. He was argumentative and impulsive, verbally abusive during the whole marriage. So glad I am on my own now. Peace and quiet is what I need, don't trust men anymore to get into any relationship.
I was lucky. Adults in both sides of my family taught me from about the age of 14 to be very wary of a man who wants to "sweep me off my feet" - any displays of attention that is too much too soon etc. They were too strict and old fashioned , but when I look back at my 20's and 30's ,I am so glad this point was instilled into me along with other sound and sensible words of advice concerning my future young adult choices in my world of friends and dating .
Wow! Thanks for sharing. I come from a Narcissistic family dynamic where I've been the scapegoat from birth. I was the youngest and only female sibling. All I've ever known was Narcissism. It's nice to hear from my people, Narcissistic survivors.
Helpful to know how to wanting to be desired can get us stuck. Prioritizing the simple healthy view of being cherished. Feels much better. Thank you ❤
Gm, Dr. Ramani thank so much for these timely videos!! 🤗 I was in one of these toxic relationships for 5 loooooonnngggg years it seemed like 20 because of all the craziness and so much I went through in such a short period of time. I got out back in 2011 before I really had an opportunity to understand these type of individuals and their behaviors. I just knew while and after leaving I felt confused I mean every emotion you could think of smh 🤦But coming across your video's about 2-2 1/2 years now I've learned so much about these predators and I'm glad I had the experience to recognize what this looks like so I won't fall prey to this type of person again. Don't get me wrong it hurt me deeply but you have to experience it to understand how deeply these relationships effect everything about you. Thank God he help to survive and gave me the strength to run away ✌ I feel for the woman he's with now 😔
Thank you so much for teaching us! I block them so fast that it is such a relaxing feeling knowing I choose to be in peace!
My therapist recommend your channel after we talked about my scary relationship. I should’ve told her about him BEFORE I was choked out and passed out from being choked and yelled at. I had SO many brusises. Enough to put him in jail. PLEASE listen to this lovely woman!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay strong girls and boys!
Definitely the push pull method thank you for explaining, this video is the best! I felt physically and emotionally that this was abusive bad behavior and I kept leaving a lot. He would go silent. I finally sent text good bye and block. He didn’t like my boundaries red flag. Love bombing is grooming exactly what my family did in my childhood. First few conversations were great then it rapidly devolved to silence. He chased me wanted engagement asap etc…. I’m lucky I got out after four months I would have left sooner but he had bladder cancer I was driving him to treatment, finally woke up I need to put myself first.
I never thought someone asking what you were up to was akin to narcissism just somebody interested.
No longer sucked in . I look forward to a better 2023!
Has anyone else considered that engaging with the narcissist is a form of self-harm? I’ve struggled with self-harm and the urge to text the narcissist is a similar compulsion
My ex would love bomb me and then all of a sudden he would change and start criticizing everything about me and in my life and then break up with me and then sometimes it would be a week sometimes it would be longer at one point it was 4 months he would text me and start love bombing me again and I would get suckered in again and it was a repetitive cycle for 5 years before I finally realized that was all the relationship was ever going to be and I walked away, two years free and happier than I've been in a long time
Yes, then it is back to the love bombing. The arguments and provocations and drama never ends with these people.
It’s a fog it’s a facade it’s a plot not a real thing after all that abuse I don’t like anything to much to soon anymore
Thank you for your time and your precious ways to make people see behind the false scenes 🙏🏻
For me love bombing and sudden discarding it’s the most painful part of their circle
It was the fact that she had to win every time, no matter what it was that started turning me away. I was always the loser and her the winner. Everything was competition to her, even the love of our children. Now that I've left her I don't miss it at all. It did my head in. She is a Covert Narcissist.
If you are born into an abusive family dynamic you will go through your whole life thinking this is how life is and you just have to suffer through it. I knew something wasn't right but couldn't think my way out of it until it fell apart...the shocking thing is realizing this is how society functions and you just want to vomit all that poison out.
They always spend time with you either in phone,text...reason might be either they don't want us to have any time to have second thoughts regarding them or they can develop this neediness in us towards them..jst like an addict is being hooked to drugs and it's high
And check upon you.
Now i know someone who texts all day is not a healthy person.
I became so addicted that after the discard i still was checking my phone for 8 months. Wth was that.
Changed my number.
This has been my life for 2 years... Last month I was leaving.. had a bunch of stuff packed... He lovebombed me back but I was smart enough not to unpack everything.... It's finally over and I felt myself become truly indifferent.... These last 3 days have been hell, but I'm almost fully packed and hope to be out within a week
How is everything?
@@tinkersyd I am renting a U-Haul tomorrow and hope to get most everything out .. I am done, he has been horrible and then tries to hoover me back in... I won't fall for it and he goes into a baiting rage ... It's like a yo yo from rage to hoover. I have finally broken free and will never go back to that ever again
I’m so proud of you. Keep going no matter how bad it hurts. Keep pushing. I’ve been though this and didn’t leave. Biggest regret so far. Go please and live for you and you only. You got this! I would love to chat and support you ❤️
@@tinkersyd it has taken me 2 years to get to this point... Right now I'm playing everything by ear and don't know from I e minute to the next what is going to happen to me but it's better than knowing every three weeks I will be going through hell
All I can say is WOW…. This is amazing… you saved me years ago… but you never cease to amaze me… your messages get more powerful with time…❤
I had a neglectful narcissistic mother. My husband love bombed me. By the time I met him I knew nothing but malignant narcissistic love. So I spent a decade with him completely not understanding why he turned on me, and trying to get the love back. Then I spent another few years trying to get out, since I had little kids by then, and no money. Then I fell for an alcoholic, and I decided I just can't do men. Recently I've been love bombed by a new man, and I find myself making all of those old mistakes again: "Wow. He really loves me!" The high is fantastic. The mapping is hard to undo when you were raised by a malignant narcissist.
OMG! I so needed to hear this right now. Went on a date with someone which lasted a few hours of sharing of woes, mostly from the date who went on to discuss past relationships. I felt so connected that here is this man opening up. But then, cricket cricket. And I’ve been trying to wreck my brain trying to figure out what it is I did wrong and why after such openness and connection for hours - nothing.
They did you a favor. Do not pursue this person. Red flags everywhere.
I'll never forget, I had a friend in high school who had this attractive super rich guy buying her all kinds of things. She thought it was weird and dumped him. Looking back, I bet he was love bombing her, and she was healthy.
So true it sucks to be discarded and the messed up part is that blame it on your reaction to all the hurtful behavior wise they do to you also just when you believe they were trying to be present in the relationship you find out that they have been trying to replace you just about the entire time… all the love bombing leaves you in confusion I can’t even grocery shop or function the depression is dreadful they always love bomb with a hidden agenda it’s hard to determine what’s real from the lies and manipulation.
I finished this video and I can only call you genius, doctor. You have such an insight into human psychology. It's absolutely incredible.
I don’t like love bombing. It gets so over the top I get antsy and feel I can’t breath. At first I thought it was great but as years go on I realized I’ve sacrificed my emotional health for a little bit of high. In the end I feel depleted and used. So I broke it off.
You can get a lot more done with a difficult truth than with an easy lie!
From a crone who had never seen a healthy marriage (3 in my entire life), and had never had men relatives, I was in my 50s before a man who cherished me showed up. Until then, I had fallen for narcissists, accepted crumbs and abuse, which shattered my family of origin and the family I created. I am on my own now, and whole.
Flirting is like that so it seems harmless at first but lovely like a feather sweeping across your skin - it feels happy and glad and good.
Learn to be wary of instant gratification. Overwhelming bombardment of perceived love should be dually noted.
This is such a great video on love bombing. Super accurate and insightful. How I wish I'd educated myself earlier on this topic.
Thank you for that compilation Dr Ramani, I am stuck myself trying to get out of that addiction, it is hard but with videos like that I can keep strong and validated
My lease is up...yep heard that. Many times we should move in together. Never happened. Wayyyy to soon for that amount of trust to be formed.
It would be nice to avoid being sucked in in the first place. This is where i blow it. Not seeing the red flags in the beginning.
Hi Dr R. I don’t know if you’ve seen this, about the psychology of the “man child.” Sure sounds like a narcissistic personality type to me, especially as far as everything and everyone in the person’s life being a “place holder” for the REAL THING which obviously never comes, because their fantasies are always better than real life.
Thank you for all you do to help educate others❤️
This is so clarifying and relatable. I’m going to watch for red flags if my reunion with my narcissistic ex is the beginning of another abuse cycle. Keeping a healthier distance and pace this time. Staying with my boundaries to never allow manipulative treatment. He 😼 creates drama triangles where I’m scapegoated with his so called friends and his family. I have to be diligent to spot the mistreatment and be healed enough to walk away immediately- knowing truly the fact he was an ex (several times over 🙄😣) for good reason.
It’s very covert and elusive. Very easy to doubt myself, my intuition and gut feeling. Leaning into Self-love and mindfulness is so important right now.
Oh my gosh YOU ARE ON POINT ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't fall off my pedestal. I was pushed.
Dr. Ramani could you make a version of this for teens. Please ❤
I remember when I exhaled and felt safe. I was all in. The shift in him was almost immediate and the cutting comments slowly started and then intensified to all the time. I tried and tried to get back to where we were in the beginning.
You are calling out every step of what happened in my relationship with him... How is it so predictable? How is it that narcissists all use the same playbook? Is there some dark training program out there that these people go to to learn how to mess with people? Your podcast has been so helpful in my understanding what the hell happened and explaining why it was so much more terrible and painful than any other relationship I've had.
I’m an adult child of a vulnerable narc mother who is not “mean” to me but manipulating. Her main goal is to keep me around because I buy into her victim mentality. I am empathetic naturally because my mantra in life is “me too”. I get so much out of life by listening to other peoples struggles and joys. I’m realizing that my mom uses me #DUH
Anyway, I have to change the language to apply to my mom as opposed to a lover. I never realized it but “love bombing” is what I call “best behavior”.
I was told, You are so smart!"" You are so unique and special. " We love each other, right!"
it just really makes me question reality that someone can be getting abused by a narcissist and everyone around them says " thats between you and them". Why is gaslighting so easily ignored.
Love bombing eventually becomes bread-crumbing.
100
I love the "cherish" vs "desire" I've never heard it this way before, I think I named this "harmony" and "passion" quite young. No one I ever met was interested in harmony. They wanted passion, I said passion means pain, like the passion of Christ. I had passion. It was intensely destructive. I would love to be cherished and have harmony.
My childhood escapist fantasy was that the Green Hornet and Kato would whisk me away from my dysfunctional childhood home and Britt Reid would adopt me. In my 50s I was able to connect with Van Zandt Williams who played the Britt Reid/Green Hornet roe on the tv series and he helped me through being a caregiver to my mother with dementia and how to deal with my NPD brother while surviving mentally and emotionally.
Hi Dr Ramani. When I met him, I was at a "Singles Social" with 2 of my gfriends. He asked me to dance, and we got along GREAT! The Love Bombing went on for months. After a while, that feeling came over me, like "he's too good to be true," then the gut feelings followed, and said GET AWAY FROM HIM. Long story short, yes,he was a narcissist!
I don't know WHY I stayed with him except that I really loved him. I ALWAYS tell people to FOLLOW YOUR GUT FEELING. I should have done that years ago! I'm fine now, and much happier! 👍
Knowledge is power!!! -
It's true, we have almost NO good highly visual models for a successful courtship with a successful afterstory.
Thank you Dr. Ramani
Mine put me on a pedestal. I told him not to because I'd only disappoint him. The words are ringing in my ears now. He persistently crossed my boundaries, refused to accept it was over, kept coming back time and time again then he swapped me very quickly for someone else. It was exhausting the entire year and a half. I'm resting now and looking after me.
I've spent months on reflecting if I have lovebombed my dating partner. I never wanted to controll her emotionally, I never wanted to overreact or be impulsive with gestures. I didn't want to seem like I was needy or anxious. I always respected her boundaries and safe spaces and didn't want her to feel like I was breaking into her life. I loved her criticism about me or how I can adapt to her better I loved to listen to her. We didn't meet often or too much, maybe once, every one and a half week, but we dated a lot, and I felt like making small and sweet gestures like flowers I thought she would like for example, fresh spring flowers wich can help to prevent stress or even a portrait after the 5th date (drawing is my hobby). I always tried to be transparent and to reasure that it wasn't to much. I said to her that I could understand it if it was too much too soon, but we could share so many things, that I thought it was appropriate. I just wanted her to feel valued. She told me about her hard time growing up wich led me to beleave that maybe she didn't get alot of appreciation from others. Now I think I never could do things right, dispite beeing very sensitive, understanding, very open to criticism and. I said to her that I like the soft pacing and the time we gave each other to get to know us / her. But in the end, after she ghosted me, wich aggain could be my fault, I reflected intensely on my actions. It got to the point where I couldn't breathe properly, because I thought my actions were lovebombing and when I would cry because I thought I had manipulated her I told myself, see now you're crying and playing the victim role. Wich after a few weeks of more evaluation and the help of a few outside perspectives turned out to be false. Even more others would say that I never could have done anything right.
For example: I wanted to adapt, listen, criticise myself - it would get interpreted as emotional manipulation
I honestly wanted to be sorry, embrace her boundaries or safe spaces or to change myself - gets interpreted as playing the victim
I wanted to give her a simple but sweet gesture in the from of flowers or a portrait (not often. Right ammount. In safe environments). - lovebombing
Changing my behaviour - borderline personality dissorder
List goes on. I should stop now. I get it I'm an overthinker, easy. But sometimes other people can lead you to act that way. Like giving very mixed or even bipolar (traits) signals or indications. I wanted her to feel safe and always reasure if she was okay or if she would like the idea of something we could do or go to (not asking too much of course, I knew you would throw that at me ;) anxiously attached,...). I tried to be nice. Calm... but even If I would just be like a mannequin doing nothing, it seems like I was at wrong, and would get wiered looks or get raged at. I also wasn't a codependent. I tried to be as neutral and respectfuly distand as possible.
Thank you Dr Ramani. I live in Africa, my ex narcissistic is using dark magic/love spells to hoover and to controll me I can't sleep because I have bad dreams, weird things are happening to me, I have passionate feelings for him that come out of nowhere and dissappear the next day. I ve tried praying sometimes I feel it's working sometimes I feel like it's not. It's painfull and exhausting. I know alot of people don't believe in this stuff but it exists. At this point I don't know what to do, I feel stuck and helpless
Hi Dr. Ramani, thank you for your time and input, I like when you use the term how many narcissists are so well put together. And my immediate thought was I wonder how many people and lives that are now thrown on the trash heap already just so the narcissist can be self regulated enough, and put together enough at the point when the new person encounters them.
It’s kind of creepy to think of it that way, and it turns my stomach. And thus the cycle continues and continues and continues. Love bombing isn’t quite so enticing for me anymore, and in fact, it now does quite the opposite, it tells me to run and run hard!
When I first met my ex I remember thinking "I don't wanna be another gem on her crown. I don't wanna be used like a tissue and tossed away."
Now in hindsight I realized that my gut was giving me that image so I would stay away.
It is natural and understandable, the wish to be happy and content, it is also a Nemesis
I broke and gave back into mine a few days ago and he literally Saif "I took off work in hopes to have a carefree loving inner child day with you if you will allow me to I'd love to plan something really fun for us ❤️" I've been so depressed I gave in 😭 not even a day later he was doing a workout at my place and I said oh be careful with arching your back too much on that specific workout because it's easy to pull your back with that one common mistake and he flipped out on me and said "I don't control him!" Then continued to devalue me, tell me I'm a horrible person who is out to get him and I'll never have the pleasure of being his future because he's cutting my "abusive self" off. I feel like such a weak idiot for falling for this again and now I'm watching this crying trying to get out again mentally.
You're addicted to the abusive Rollercoaster yes it's an addiction
@@pearlperlitavenegas2023 yes I'm aware of that thanks
It took me 11 years to realize my marriage had no salvation and even after that it took me another 3 years to understand he is a narcissist. And one year fighting to scape it. But worse part is trying to re-build my life met someone and turns out that 6 weeks into my new relationship I realize he is another narcissist. And now I am trying to end it up and thinking, why am I attracted to this kind of people? I better not open up to nobody else ever again.
Then there's the double gaslight of the same people that said "oh you're so lucky don't be so analytical" are the same people that say "omg how did you fall for that!" Leaves you with your mouth agape!!!
I am now burned out from relationships. It is too complicated and draining to go through these emotions just to get abused and used.
I am a recent widow, and successfully avoided a lovebomber. He tried and was persistent. Unfortunately there is a family connection so I had to be polite. I gray rocked after saying a hard NO. I'm proud i did it.
OH MY GOODNESS...Childhood fantasy weak spots. I never thought about that. Makes sense now.
Ha! Exactly!!!!! I RAN. A little ashamed I didn't get it at first, but now im an expert on this!!!!!
I love this video!
Give me sweats, chicken soup, loving days & being cherished any day over being desired!
I'm going to go with what you said and add a little: staying with my ex and trying so hard truly was 'falling for the same stupid joke over and over again'. Yep. 💯
Was vulnerable after Dad’s life cut short by some bad people, we had a very special bond due to life history, perhaps could say unique, otherwise would have been more alert. The love bombing was calculated yet in the end heartless. It was in financial and property aspects that there were the more significant effects so that made the situation clear. Cut off the “friendships”.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for all that you do for others 🤍
I really needed this one!
Dr Ramani. You are an angel to listen to
You described my friend full relationship story without knowing her. Eventhough I told her he was a narcissist person on her first brake up.thank you Dr
That’s me but pretty early I felt micromanaged because he would argue with me I didn’t want anyone buying stuff that I had to buy anyway, very annoying and controlling.
I can see narssistic traits within myself through hearing you . ❤️
Narcissism should be taught as a Module at Colleges, I've learnt so much from this video Dr Ramani, THANK YOU. I was once a victim of grandiosity I actually missed it when it stopped😮. I get it now that it's far from being love but just manipulation & control.
A huge number of people are never going to have a fighting chance to know the difference. It takes some of us decades to figure out that something's wrong....
You can't avoid it. Just grow as you can. Don't hold onto bitterness. Learn better boundaries. And find your own strength. We got this 💚
Had the love bombing in the beginning and it was wonderful. I've never been treated like that before. Such a high. Then as you said, around the 12 week mark, he was actively flirting with other women. Whereas before it was "I will do anything you want, anything, just tell me" to "so what it is just flirting." Twice we separated for a month or two and upon getting back the love bombing started but never to the extreme as it was the first time. Could def feel him holding back a bit and it ended after a week or two.
Wow. I had very similar childhood experiences and fantasies. My comic book-fantasy was the dollar bill maker. I thought it would really make money. I had so much hope in that thing. 😂 Never got it, of course. My other fantasies were running away and finding gold in California (I had some little book that had a map that showed where gold had been found), and then being rich and famous living my glamorous life out in L.A. Sans parents, of course. I was always fantasizing some way to run away and be independent and rich and famous, even as a small kid. I always had a bag packed in my closet, ready to go.
Eventually I did run away, I dropped out of school at 14 and left home. My best friend’s parents died in an accident when we were 12, and she moved away, so I lost my life boat and gave in to rebellion. If people didn’t like me, I could at least make them fear me. That was my protection. A big facade that somehow worked. (One little fight sure can gain you a new reputation.)
Life wasn’t as glamorous as I hoped for, but somehow independence and rebellion satisfied something in me for years after I ran away. No one knew I was secretly terrified. Somehow, I had people believing I was way tougher that I really was.
It was difficult to repair life after that. I’m in my 40s now and I feel like I’m still climbing out of the hole I dug myself. Broken marriages, abusive relationships, and some very scary situations. But I have 4 amazing, super smart, incredibly sweet kids, a bachelor’s degree, a career, 18 years of military service, and finally, the ability to take care of myself and my kids independently. But, i very much suffer emotionally, and I’m absolutely terrified of losing my financial stability and independence. It’s a deep, daily struggle in my head and my heart.
Out of all of the people I know, all but two of the people are toxic, and out of those two it's questionable. Out of the 14 houses surrounding my house, there are toxic people living in all of them. Toxic seems to be the norm. One can only try to protect oneself to the best of their ability.
My parents had a relationship like this in parts, but it mutated into something like the Karpman Drama Triangle. Both of them taking turns to suck the life out of each other in a kind of awful codependency.
Exactly where im at. Thank Dr Ramani
Dr Ramani, thanks. I married a narcissistic husband (neglectful) for 15 yrs. Now I found a new man at first I thought he was just love bombing but looking back there are lots of differences. 2 months now and he is still the most kind guy Ive been with
Wait... it depends on what is important to you. I value honesty, and that is how he got me. Also, I was raised to share everything. I don't give for hope of gratefulness, but because the other person has a need. It doesn't come up unless he says I am trying to buy him, or such thought. It doesn't stop him from taking, and asking for more. Even when it's something he asked for, and promised to repay, he later turns it into my trying to manipulate and control. But when he runs out of ANYTHING (toilet paper, toothpaste, anything), he says it's my OBLIGATION to supply them. And instead of replacing or paying, he says, "gift! Bye!"
30:31 “healing is all about not shaming yourself”
I felt born-again and then was devastated and humiliated when it ended. I had a nervous breakdown and lost 35 lbs. in two months by virtually stopping eating.
Even though the relationship aspect doesn't really apply to me, I can translate it into other relationships I've been in, especially on my job.
If anyone has heard the old 80s song by Karyn White called "Superwoman" I can see this teaching can fit the theme of the song. Check out the song and the lyrics.