Can NO CONTACT Make Things Worse?
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- Опубліковано 8 лип 2024
- No Contact is not speaking to your EX post-breakup. If you're going through a breakup it is generally said not to speak with your EX and to spend that time focusing on yourself instead. Is it possible that No Contact Rule can make things worse in your relationship or breakup? This video will discuss if the No-Contact rule can backfire.
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#nocontact #breakup #relationship - Навчання та стиль
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The worst feeling is when you are starting to feel that you are moving on but then tye next morning you wake up with pain in your chest and sitting there thinking about how she could sleep with other guy. When you still care
Most people are trash. Focus on you!
The one thing woman and men have different, is that woman have a lot more options then men do. Don't blame her or hold anger that she is doing this. I'm not going to speak on your behalf, but if you had woman throwing themselves at you in a time of weakness you would be doing the same thing. The thing is, you get your satisfaction out of this, because alot of girls are in a emotional state hoping to replace the feeling they had with you with this new person, and these guys end up just showing her the real positives you brought.
@@ryguy108 I know, it's just very heartbreaking for me. It's already 2nd month of no contact and I doubt that she will ever reach out. Pride won't allow it
@@igor_rybovic Her loss bro
@@igor_rybovic she will man. if it were me I wouldn't let her back in after that
It's been around 2 months. I still miss my ex from time to time but the intensity and frequency of the intrusive thoughts has gotten a lot less. Your content is keeping me level headed. Thank you.
My story - Please ready. It would mean the world to me if I could get some insights on what is the best I could do in this situation.
We were together for about three years. Officially only one year. 5 1/2 months ago she told me she didn't feel a spark for me anymore. She wasn't excited to see me. Even though she loved me, and was very important in her life (she said), she was not in love. She said maybe we could try to spend some time apart to see if her feelings came back. I asked if she thought they would come back and she said she didn't know. I asked her what was the reason for her losing feelings and she didn't know. I asked her if she wanted to breakup and she said that she really didn't know. All that was in person. I told her I didn't know what my decision was and that I would tell her later once I get home. I got home that night and texted her that even though I loved her a lot, I thought the best decision was to breakup, since she didn't feel anything for me. She agreed with it. Very early the day after she texted me saying she didn't agree and that maybe she was just still attached. I told "Ok" and that we would talk about it later that day. During the night I had soccer game and she called me for me to answer my phone. I answered and told her I would be home later. Once we talked, she told me she actually thought the breakup was the right decision. I told her I respected her decision and discussed how we would handle one-one encounters since we worked together. 5 days later I call her to ask her if she thought there was any chance of getting back together (dumb me for breaking no contact). She said she didn't know and seem to be doing pretty well. I then went no contact for 2 weeks and she texted me things about how she was doing at work. I took long to reply and was the one to end the conversation after about one hour. I then went into no contact again and she reached out about 3 days later saying something random. I replied the next day and she didn't say anything. That same day I sent her a video I found to be funny. She laughed and that was it. We then went no contact. Two weeks after I asked her out for lunch during which she seem to be a bit defensive and distracted with her phone. She seemed to be a bit resented because of the fact I had deleted our chat together (I told her this 5 days after our breakup). She texted me maybe twice after this and then Christmas and New Years Eve went by with no contact. and then I texted her about 10 days into January. I asked her out and we went for lunch. Even though she was reserved at first, I think we got to have a good time afterwards. Days after this (she also asked for help a few times through chat) I asked her if she wanted to go grab some drinks on Saturday night and she said she didn't want to go out that weekend and she had already rejected going out with her friends. I got a bit restless and didn't keep the conversation going naturally. The next morning I texted her telling her I didn't want to keep talking as I didn't want our conversations to interfere with new potential partners. A week or two after this, she texted me asking for help and since I took so long to reply, she apologized for reaching out, that she knew I wanted to move on and that that would not happen again. I then told her it was ok, that she could talk to me. She didn't reply. 3 days later I told her that she really could talk to me and that if she needed help I could help her. She didn't belive me and I said it was true. She asked me for some classes with something and we met that day (virtually) for about an hour. The day after she asked me a question about something else. She said "Thanks", I said "Anytime" and that was the last interaction we had 1 1/2 ago now (besides some random accidental bump-ins at works).
What could I do better in the future? What could I do if I want a second shot at the relationship? I feel bad because I proposed breaking up when she was initially asking for time apart.
I feel like its a lose lose situation. You go no contact, you come off like you never cared or your ex will be like see? I was right he doesnt care or ever loved me. If you try to stay in contact, you come off as desperate, needy and weak.
Regardless. Focus on yourself. Take the loss and move on.
No contact doesn't make them think u don't care. Well it can but that's not a bad thing. No contact makes them think about you and focus on you more as they try to figure out why you're not contacting them. This works very well on women as women are used to men giving them free attention.
So by doing no contact on a woman specifically you become a mystery to her and seperate yourself from every other guy in her life that's chasing her. Which raises your value and she thinks about you more until she decides to reach out.
I am going through this at the time, my 4.5 y gf asked me for some "time" I don't even know what that means I told her that I'm not a believer in that but that I respect her decision. I contacted her some days later casually, and she responded well we ended up having some kind of date, we had fun, we drank maybe a bit too much, and at the end, she got mad and left.
I have been in no contact since, I have been doing a lot of reflection I don't want to use NC to manipulate her or anything I recognize my flaws and have decided to work on them. But change doesn't happen overnight, so I will stick with these changes get back the frame that was attractive to her in the first place, and casually contact her again. Worst case scenario, she thinks I just don't care and moves on, but I have already made the best I could for myself and the relationship if there was a chance. How long will this take, maybe one more week, maybe a month, depending on me and how I feel. I think the video has that great point if you use NC not as a manipulation tool but to actually improve and end up making things "worse" I was not going to work anyway. In the best case scenario, we had some time apart to heal and think over stuff to improve if needed, and we can give the relationship another chance with a new attitude and perspective. Best wishes to all, never sacrifice your mental health or happiness for nobody.
I tell them, I am giving then space and acknowledge the break up. Best of both. I feel comfortable with this as a moral person. They can do whatever.
Mines WAS toxic. I did no contact and was only met with resentment, anger, and a need for revenge, which was funny considering they left me. NC worked wonders for me in terms of healing and moving on, but my ex's behavior only worsened. I look back now and just laugh
Newly broken up with! I was here 3 years ago and im back lol. I'm hoping things get better over time for me (regardless they come back or not). I'm very glad I came back here when the break up was happening. Too many people come here too late.
Hey guys, just wanted to give everyone assurance. I broke up with my ex 2 years ago. I found out that she was cheating on me a few months before the break-up. Suffice to say, it was very hard to get over it and I broke no contact for the first 2 weeks after the break-up, multitple times. A few months later of working-out, going for walks, listeing to Rory and other youtube channels, I started forgetting about her and realize that I love myself more than her. After that, I met someone at work and ironically found out that we both were in the same situation. We both had a 4 yr relationship and got cheated on. We became friends and started hanging out. She's the best blessing I could have ever received. 2 yrs later, we now have a 11 month old baby and are very happy and very much still in love. Although, I did have something change in me. I realized that I'm happy with myself, who I am, even without my current partner. That break-up helped me grow emotionally and I'm very thankful it happened. Here's some parting words. Everything will make sense in the end. I promise.
Essentially, my ex dumped me and put our adopted cat to sleep behind my back shortly after. So I pulled a UNO-reverse card and imposed no contact on her by telling her to never contact me for any reason. I meant what I said, I don't regret anything, and I think she got the message because neither of us have reached out to one another for nearly a year. I have no idea how she's doing, frankly I don't care, though I've heard through the grapevine she was furious because she expected me to chase her like a lovesick puppy. All of this exposed her true colours and I couldn't be happier being given the opportunity to have dedicated this past year to rebuilding myself both physically and mentally. I've moved on long ago, started dating properly again, and generally feel great.
I still watch the videos to fill my knowledge gaps, and I'd like to throw in a motivational comment: it's going to be fine, guys. It's just a breakup and there's other people out there for you, not just "the one".
Great video Rory, and thanks for your time on the call
Glad to speak with you, Omar!
Its been a while since my last time visiting this channel..,for me no contact is the scariest way to choose at first...but it turn out its the best decision i've made after my breakup...
Comment for the algorithm. Awesome channel and content!
Thank you for acknowledging the anxiety after a breakup. I really want to message her and tell her I love her, I miss her etc. I ruminate on what if she's moved on and is looking to date someone else. all I can thing about is the good times. Maybe you could do a video about rumination? Another great video, very helpful as I sit here in my emotional distress. Thanks .
i had such a messy break up after a long term relationship. i reached out too early, causing the other party to say really heartless things that he may or may not mean. it's hard. ever since then, i've been doing NC. i think it's been 5 days of NC. today i no longer feel the morning anxiety if they called or texted me, NC is a blessing in disguise.
Did he ever reach out?
Finally my fav notif: new video from you!🥺
Can you make a video about is it too late to do no contact when u were in frequent contact with the ex for months since the breakup
I will try!
No contact is first and foremost for yourself. It's a time to reflect on yourself and grow. Funny how much i've learned about myself after every breakup where i was dumped.
Probably because of your Rory, because you've taught me how to reflect on myself and my behavior.
My first ex, 4 years ago never reached out. But that's okay, i don't really care now and i wish her the best. I've learned to not be too codependent and have things going on in my life.
The most recent one reached out last night, after one month, telling me she was missing me. And that breakup made me going sober. I have a problem with alcohol, and i must do something about it.
That's funny she actually reached out while i was on a date. I had a weird feeling that it would happen. I don't know, it's probably just a coincidence. Anyway people, trust NC. Don't hope for anything but you getting better and growing. If you go into NC thinking your ex will reach out soon, you're going to be disappointed.
Now i just don't know what to do. The date i had was really great and i had fun (and without alcohol !). But i do miss my ex sometimes, although i was getting used to it. I'll see.
Hope you're doing well! It's been a couple weeks now. How have things progressed for you?
I love you
@@gonroz608 Hi dude. I told my ex to only contact me if she wanted to try again. She just whined saying that i should contact her when i'm fixed with my problems. Nope, not gonna happen. To be honest i don't really care. Listen to Rory and don't wait for them.
I have missed to write that she came back. November, December and she came back. The second time. The thing is I got to mention, she has got very unstable image of what she wants. It corresponds all the things psychologists say about avoidants, narcissists or whatever those people are. She created this general anxiety disorder in me 2,5 years ago. Now I constantly feel the pain not only in the chest, but in my stomach as well. I write it to those who wish to get your ex back! They come back! If you are a good one or a bad one, they come back, when they start to think whom they had lost. It is stupid, because what I tell you is that we either take them back and try to repair everything or we know that we can have even worse things.
She is better now. But sometimes her inner child goes out and runs away. She doesn't want to go to counsellor, though she talks about it. Yes, you feel correctly as I don't know what to do next. But I am from Ukraine and now have to consult myself about my own problems as I have a degree in Psychology and kind of can use my knowledge, but it doesn't help. No contact doesn't make it worse. It won't make them hate you. It makes them hate themselves as they realize their dumbness.
The meme part had me dying. “Thanks. For the meme… At 2 in the morning… Its not even a good meme” AHAHGA I love your personality Rory! Thank you so very much for never failing to reassure us and make us smile! You’re awesome!!
I'm one of the 2 or 3%....no contact was met with spiteful FB posts.
I did everything wrong 😔 He also wanted to try a new start but I got scared again and put a lot of pressure on him. I wanted everything to be like a relationship again right away and blamed him when it wasn't like that. Now it's finally over, 6 weeks ago we ended the relationship and 4 weeks ago he got his things - Since then no contact. I have probably lost all chances with that 😔
hi rory thank you for the videos! i have another video idea: is it possible for an ex to gain feelings during NC if the reason for the break up was due to them losing feelings/romantic love?
i watched your ”feelings can change” videos but in my situation he lost feelings after i made a mistake (not cheating or neglect or anything like that) and he felt like he was forcing himself to try in the relationship. we were going to meet to discuss fixing things but he said it didn’t feel right to try more and he wasn’t happy. but the rest of the 1.5 year relationship was really healthy and happy.
he said he already missed me before we started the NC while relieved so idk what that means about the dumper phases.
anyway i know i need to focus on growing and healing but it helps to have hope. sorry for the long comment lol thank you again for all the videos it’s better than a lot of other breakup content out there
Rory, we need new videos from you. Its been a whileeee! :(
Actually - very soon!
Hey Rory, been watching a bunch of your videos recently and I had a question: You say to "strike when the iron is hot" which you give an example of saying to meet up or something along those lines, giving them 10%, etc. but I'm curious, how would this work for long distance where meeting up semi-casually isn't possible? (I apologize if you've covered it in a video I haven't seen yet)
Rory, would you consider making a video on friendships with people from the opposite sex while in a relationship? Would you be okay with your girlfriend having male friends? I would be curious to hear your thoughts given how those situations can sometimes lend themselves to emotional and physical affairs.
Yes, coming this week. Thanks for the idea!
3 years NC and not a peep. We were together 4 years.
Either u reach out or move on! 3 years is too much don't wait around!
Any update? I think I would stick with NC and continue to move on.
Hey! Can you do a video about second break ups/no contact?
No contact is the best option in 99% of breakups. You will learn to not care. And why should you care? You broke up for a reason, stop romanticizing them. You can be just as good if not even better without them, so why care?
Rory the Love Chad!!
After we broke up in February. I didn’t talk to him until 4 months later to see how he’s doing. Found out he moved away in June without telling me. I sent him email telling him I was disappointed about him moving away and wanted to schedule a meeting. Then I went back to NC for another 6 months when he contacted me early December to tell me he’ll be back to be visiting his parents for Christmas, but never said wanted to meet up with me. I wanted to meet up with him but I really wasn’t ready and was very busy…and can meet up next time(don’t really care if he comes back again).
I think you can call and suggest a meeting, life's too short, but you shouldn't do this a second time, you took your worth back, if you have enough reason to call, call the ex, but if you have enough reason not to call like me, then don't
What are you talking about? I wasn’t ready the first time because I didn’t want to act emotional in front of him and didn’t know what to say.
Now I’m really ready to talk to him..but ONLY if he agrees to meet up again.
I’m not going to be friends with him but if he still wants a second chance at the r’ship, I may go for it.
0:36 thought I was in a fever dream for a second
What happened to the twitch streams..?
How do you break up with someone who cheated on you? I feel like I’ve been forced into a role I never wanted to be in
My ex reached out and called me 2 days of no contact saying she loves me and misses me. I told her I messed her and I did ask her if she wanted to talk about us she said she
Wants to do it in person did I mess it up.
Your chillin bro. My ex is wants nothing to do with me.
A big fan of your videos. I want to join your discord. But all the links don't work. How can I join?
Here you are: discord.gg/P4jQ3KQx
Hey Rory, what if she never asked me to stop contacting her? And agreed to meet for lunch twice after the breakup but said no to going out for drinks one night?
They aren’t gonna ask you for no contact you just have to do it and if you keep trying to hang out with her and she says no it just comes off as needy she has to be the one to initiate it if she keeps saying no there’s nothing you can do unfortunately hope this helped a bit sorry my gf just ended it 2 days before my b day
@@Dontcare523 Sorry to hear that. But well, it does get better. Right now I don't even know why I suffered so much. Let me know if you'd like to talk.
I hope i can do it also.. sucks
What if I was the one who screwed up and took her for granted and didn’t show affection. She gave me a few chances but I still blew it, should I still go no contact
This video may help: ua-cam.com/video/yk0waxXE-xY/v-deo.html
If you're looking for more support we have opened our Discord Community. Here is the link: discord.gg/KUCeXX3uzS
My ex wished me happy birthday after asking for space, should I wait for her to reach out again or should I reach out?
Just says thanks and keep moving man if she reaches out again don’t ignore her but make your intentions clear
In bed at 11 telling me I will be a good dad after planning it for months, sending me messages at 3 that I better be ready before 7 because she can't wait to see me, message at 5 that she met a guy at the gym and we're done after almost a 4 year relationship where she seemed to worship me until the end. The guy she met is not handsome, smaller than her, chubby, doesn't have a car, stays in a staff house, barely works, no education, is a foreigner and they both speak about 50% english.. Wtf!?😅
Rory, do you still do coaching? Are you still active in coaching?
You bet!
@TheLoveChat Catch up with you soon over skype then! Can't wait to discuss my situation haha 😆
My story - Please ready. It would mean the world to me if I could get some insights on what is the best I could do in this situation.
We were together for about three years. Officially only one year. 5 1/2 months ago she told me she didn't feel a spark for me anymore. She wasn't excited to see me. Even though she loved me, and was very important in her life (she said), she was not in love. She said maybe we could try to spend some time apart to see if her feelings came back. I asked if she thought they would come back and she said she didn't know. I asked her what was the reason for her losing feelings and she didn't know. I asked her if she wanted to breakup and she said that she really didn't know. All that was in person. I told her I didn't know what my decision was and that I would tell her later once I get home. I got home that night and texted her that even though I loved her a lot, I thought the best decision was to breakup, since she didn't feel anything for me. She agreed with it. Very early the day after she texted me saying she didn't agree and that maybe she was just still attached. I told "Ok" and that we would talk about it later that day. During the night I had soccer game and she called me for me to answer my phone. I answered and told her I would be home later. Once we talked, she told me she actually thought the breakup was the right decision. I told her I respected her decision and discussed how we would handle one-one encounters since we worked together. 5 days later I call her to ask her if she thought there was any chance of getting back together (dumb me for breaking no contact). She said she didn't know and seem to be doing pretty well. I then went no contact for 2 weeks and she texted me things about how she was doing at work. I took long to reply and was the one to end the conversation after about one hour. I then went into no contact again and she reached out about 3 days later saying something random. I replied the next day and she didn't say anything. That same day I sent her a video I found to be funny. She laughed and that was it. We then went no contact. Two weeks after I asked her out for lunch during which she seem to be a bit defensive and distracted with her phone. She seemed to be a bit resented because of the fact I had deleted our chat together (I told her this 5 days after our breakup). She texted me maybe twice after this and then Christmas and New Years Eve went by with no contact. and then I texted her about 10 days into January. I asked her out and we went for lunch. Even though she was reserved at first, I think we got to have a good time afterwards. Days after this (she also asked for help a few times through chat) I asked her if she wanted to go grab some drinks on Saturday night and she said she didn't want to go out that weekend and she had already rejected going out with her friends. I got a bit restless and didn't keep the conversation going naturally. The next morning I texted her telling her I didn't want to keep talking as I didn't want our conversations to interfere with new potential partners. A week or two after this, she texted me asking for help and since I took so long to reply, she apologized for reaching out, that she knew I wanted to move on and that that would not happen again. I then told her it was ok, that she could talk to me. She didn't reply. 3 days later I told her that she really could talk to me and that if she needed help I could help her. She didn't belive me and I said it was true. She asked me for some classes with something and we met that day (virtually) for about an hour. The day after she asked me a question about something else. She said "Thanks", I said "Anytime" and that was the last interaction we had 1 1/2 ago now (besides some random accidental bump-ins at works).
What could I do better in the future? What could I do if I want a second shot at the relationship? I feel bad because I proposed breaking up when she was initially asking for time apart.
What can be done better next time is to stop the begging and chasing an leave things to take it's time an sink in an settle.
@@kurtlee41 Hey, I never begged. I did ask her out though. But well, I never tried to stop her from breaking up with me.
Hello, is the discord still active?
The link is here! ua-cam.com/video/yk0waxXE-xY/v-deo.html
Just move on from the ex
It’s been 5 years 😢, I think she has moved on..