How to Appear Less Narcissistic
Вставка
- Опубліковано 16 тра 2024
- This video answers the question: How can someone appear less narcissistic? Sometimes it can be difficult to change trait narcissism, but there are a few basic behaviors that may help to alter the appearance of narcissism.
Narcissism can be divided into two factors: grandiose (sometimes referred to as overt), and vulnerable (sometimes referred to as covert or hypersensitive). Grandiose narcissism has characteristics like arrogance, a sense of entitlement, and being socially bold. It's associated with a high level of extraversion. Vulnerable narcissism has characteristics like being resentful, hypersensitive, having social insecurity, being defensive, and being avoidant. It's associated with a low level of extraversion. Vulnerable narcissism seems to have a lot in common with borderline personality disorder, but the overlap is limited.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) also has nine symptom criteria in the DSM: a grandiose sense of self-importance; fantasies about wealth and power, believing oneself to be special or unique, requiring excessive admiration from others, a sense of entitlement, a tendency to exploit other people interpersonally, a lack of empathy, envy, and arrogance.
These are probably good practices for everyone. I think even ppl that aren't narcissistic can just get caught up in their own world and forget to be pleasant.
Agreed!
Agreed!
I agree, too. We should remind ourselves to acknowledge and appreciate "Other People," especially in public, in the service sector; at least be civil, at best be friendly. Things work better and feel better. The older I get, the more I appreciate the value of good manners.
For various reasons, common sense can be elusive, at times, for "Many People."
Couldn't agree more 😃
Act as though all the people you talk to know something you don't and can benefit learning from them.
My dad always drove the point home to me as a kid that there was no one from whom you couldn't learn something.... 😊
@@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098 aw love it!
@@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098 that's so sweet 😊 you have a cool dad
Jordan Peterson said the same thing🔥
Yes, I appreciated many things about my Dad 😊. (I'd think Jordan Peterson reminds me of him, except we are age peers, and I have more a sense that we could have come from similar families....) One of my favorite quotes of his: "It might be useful to listen to people that annoy you on the off chance that they know something that, if they tell you, you can use -- instead of dying." 🤣🤣🤣
Notice and overtly recognize talents in others that you don't have.
I agree I do this but then I somehow always end with that so great your so talented I could never do that..... then it's pivoted back about me lol.
@@allisonroehm4663 you used 4 I's and 1 me.
@@saurabh.shringarpure I'm a narcicist bro lol
@@allisonroehm4663 lol ok. Hope you get better I guess.
This is true
Out of all the mental health professionals on this platform that I know of, you have the most interesting topics.
That is so kind, thank you!
I'm quite a fan of Dr Grande too! Always thought provoking topics not to mention his pleasant voice too 😊
@@DrGrande hello, what do you think about Dr Ramani?
And i have to als agree with that statement that you have really some interesting topics, but even more is that you are so in dept with these topics every time
Congratulations to the narcissist who wrote to you wanting to get better. That was a big step forward. Well done!
Excellent video! Listening I became aware that I don't do many of these things. I'm not a narcissist but I lack social skills. This was great advise. Thank you.
Not to get better. To appear less narcissistic. To fool people in a way and to make them think this person is not a narcissist.
It’s scary to know narcissists have the tools to appear less narcissistic to be honest!
🌸 narcissist don’t want to get better
They just want to get better at hiding themselves to trap more vulnerable victims 😞
@@katiejka3438 🌸 exactly
I unsubscribed after seeing this. When I was much younger an older narcissist love bombed & I was engaged sadly after years of abuse I tried killing myself to end the abuse both verbal & physical. I was helped, it took me years to rebuild my self esteem. He stole my life savings & my family by charming his way etc. Now this video is designed to help a narcissist conceal themselves better
They will never change for no one, they don’t even love their own offspring
@@sunitafisher4758 This is a very unfair comment to make. I'm a self aware narcissist. I recognise I have a problem but I'm doing everything I can to change. If that means I have to pretend, so be it. I'd rather be fake and kind, than genuine and selfish.
I feel so called out by this video rn
If we have been raised by a narcissist parent, poor communication practices are modelled for us. It's good to receive information about what is normal so we can check ourselves. It's so helpful. Thank you.
Sounds like good advice for anyone! 😊
I found this very helpful. Although many people have told me I'm not, I am always afraid that I am a covert or vulnerable narcissist and just not aware. So these tips are really useful for me to avoid some of those behaviors and hopefully help me focus on others. I think, as a lot of others have said, these are really useful to everyone. It's easy to get trapped in our own heads and not realize how much we have to be grateful for and to forget the depth that others present.
Ironically, I think these tips could be good for people with social anxiety or maybe just bad social skills in general. I often forget to or are scared to make eye contact or give compliments or maybe get so hyper vigilant and self conscious, I stop listening. These methods seem good to avoid that, especially when you have clear guidelines like you gave. So again, thank you.
Dr. Grande, you forgot a few points: 1. Stop lying. Always speak the truth. 2. When caught lying, stop blame shifting. Own up to the mistake and never repeat the hurtful act. 3. Stop gaslighting loved ones. 4. Stop love bombing people. 5. Stop calling every romantic partner your soulmate when you don’t even know them. 6. Stop telling people that they need therapy. Go get therapy yourself. 7. Match up your flowery words with actions or shut up. 8. You’re not the victim so stop calling your exes evil. 9. Stop cheating. Be faithful to the one you claim to love. 10. Stop ghosting your love ones. Come home. 11. Stop copying others’ personality and preferences. Get a personality yourself. 12. Stop wasting time on social media or video games Or watching TV. Develop some long-term hobbies like learn a foreign language. 13. Stop triangulating people. Promote healthy relationships. 14. Stop isolating people. Work together with everyone.
Powerful!
Not trying to be rude, but I think you missed the point. It is how to look less Narcissistic, not how to stop being a narcissist.
He also words/worded things relatively neutral rather than stating things in a negative way.
The video is about narcissism not NPD (narcissism at the extreme pathological end of the spectrum). We all have narcissistic traits, deal with it.
I've struggled with a lot of introverted narcism not because I am that naturally but because I taught myself to do everything alone and not reach out or be involved with other people -- the past 10 years I've really applied these tips a lot -- but I do it like overcoming my own fears of eye contact and contact with other people. I'm slowly getting a lot better at being social with people!
Remember, you might be introverted and not narcissistic. Unless you've been diagnosed by a professional, don't assume because you are introverted or have other characteristics that you meet the diagnosis. Doing what you've been doing is good for anyone, but make sure you aren't labeling yourself with something you might not be. One thing about personality disorders (and specifically NPD) is that diagnosed people lack the self-awareness/insight to know the problem getting along with others lies with them, or at least they play a role. They think it's always everyone else's fault whenever something doesn't work out. They get a DUI, not their fault, even though they were drunk and they were driving. The fact that you identify traits in yourself tells me you might not have NPD. Something to consider, but the things you're doing are always helpful
@@KRitzmanCounselor No I don't I just have traits of it. I have been diagnosed with Avpd a while back.
@@RosalieLubart What is Avpd? Also when you stay away from people for a long time you get more shy, and less used to them. They make you tired, they make you exhausted, they make you want to run away from them, they give you anxiety and headaches. I have been there, and it takes time to come back, and being semi social again. Best of luck.
@@babycakes8434 Its short for an avoidant personality disorder.
Another thing I find helpful, is laughing at myself and I enjoy it when others playfully tease me, and I can do the same for them....it seems to break through the ego.
Hi everyone commenting. If we have cluster B , BPD, or narcissistic traits, and we strive to improve them, people don't trust us. What Dr Grande says at 13:30-14:00 is VERY important. He talks about building skills that people need in order to treat each other decently. There is nothing wrong with trying to improve. if we villainize the diagnosis so much nobody will admit to having these traits , then who will try to change? Dr Grande is talking about long term practices, not just mimicry. It is already hard to get treatment for cluster B. The stigma and outright hatred, while understandable, just makes the "epidemic" worse, IMHO.
Worthy advice for us all, we can all forget to mind our manners. 😊
Excellent video. This feels like real advice from a therapy session and shows genuine compassion
Thank you for those kind words!
@@recoveringsoul755 I'm fairly certain this video was directed towards dealing with TRAITS of narcissism! Not NPD.
✌🏻
Could you also cover: how to steal a wallet and not to get caught? ;-) Jokes aside, this video may indeed be helpful to some, thank you!
Lol, you are most welcome!
Can I just say, I think I tend towards the vulnerable narcissistic traits and this video is so refreshing.
It's taking me years to try to improve myself and expressing gratitude has been so helpful to me.
I would like to remember to some people commenting harshly on people with narcissistic traits that not all people with narcissistic traits are serial killers! Some of us just lack self awareness. When I realised I had these traits I can't even begin to tell you how heart broken I was.
I also come from a broken family (I'm the middle child) and I moved from Italy to the UK when I was 25 y.o. on my own. It's not easy to feel at home here when you've grown up in such a different country and I do believe that being alone didn't really help.
I think it takes a lot of courage and hurt to admit being narcissistic, but it's possible to overcome it! :)
I just try and be my best self and thoughtful at work and that is helping me so much.
Yes, thoughtfulness and gratitude are more self learned rather that innate traits for us but, if you're trying to do and be better it's already half the battle won! :)
I'm also happy to say that, since I started my journey 8 years ago, I found a wonderful partner and I've never been in such a stable relationship before :)
So, to all the narcissistic people out there, get help and take responsibility. Nobody is perfect but we can all improve and be happier.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder, I find whenever I'm doing a job or on a course there is usually 1 or 2 individuals that talk about me being cocky/full of it. So learning these social skills will be a big step in the right direction.
@@deeskers1 I understand, I'm still looking for a counselor/therapist that can teach me social skills.
@@LauraTeAhoWhite God bless you in your continued search for answers/care/resolutions. :)
BPD patients get labelled as narcissistic all the time. It's a spectrum and I am so sick of the witch hunt. These habits are good and I'm not trying to hurt anyone by listening to them, as earlier commentators seem to think we are.
@@LauraTeAhoWhite Did you find a counselor? It is really great that you are self aware, and you wanted to learn new skills and looking to change. I would love in my adult life to learn how to behave differently in certain situations. Also how to protect myself from nosy people, or how to set healthy boundaries. I hope you found someone to help you.
@@babycakes8434 Yes, I have worked with counselors and will continue to do so depending what is occurring in my personal life. I have found the best way to manage my BPD is through stress management e.g. medication, therapy, partaking in community activities and having a strong support network such as family. Its very important to manage stress (not avoid it completely but learn how to manage it) because that's when things can start to slide backwards. Therapy is great for that and there is always room to learn new things and to practice old things. Good luck on your own personal journey on learning to set healthy boundaries, I know its not easy but it is a skill you can learn with a therapist.
this is by far one of my favorites.Thank you Dr Todd.
I can't stop watching your videos, dr grande. Your scientific approach to things is admirable and very entertaining
Can you do video on how to challenge delusional thinking please 😚
Oh that's a good one
Great suggestion
I really appreciate your logic. Truly logical.
On not diagnosing others under any circumstances;. But it's important to understand other people either to help them or relate well for yourself.
Isn't that why you make these videos?
I'm really sorry some get stigmatized, hadn't been thinking of that. But what to do?
"Narcissistic" is a category word. Most people take it to mean more than one behavior. So it's a useful word. How do we not use it?
"Bad" is a much bigger category. I actually would easily mean both about Trump. But his supporters need to hear smaller category words. I've tried "He lies.". The response is all politicians lie. What would be helpful?
Thank you, Dr. Grande, for sharing your scientific knowledge of mental health topics. I find your videos helpful for both personal growth AND for how to understand and navigate others' personalities or mental challenges. VERY valuable for what I've been dealing with--family dynamics.
Excellent video with some really good points, thank you for making it
Your advice is golden. So glad to have subscribed.
These narcs especially the covert one will do all the things you mentioned..he or she has to appear like a martyr or the good samaritan. That's their weapon ..politeness
Yes, politeness as their weapon or tool to blind you to what they're trying to
line up to benefit themselves, usually at your expense. Real politeness is linked to honest kindness, and consistency is part of it. It's important to be able to see the difference. Fake politeness comes and goes with whatever scheme they've got going, but don't want you to figure it out. Image management.
Thank you for this excellent document that we all need to watch regularly, not only to appear less narcissistic, but to be coached into acquiring a better knowledge of our true self by being attentive to our behaviour so as to becoming more human and empathetic.
Good tips for everyone! Thank you 🙏🏻 so much!
Great information in this video for anyone. Makes me grateful for my upbringing because this sounds very natural to me. A beautiful example of how to ask how someone feels is to ask ‘how are you feeling inside’. I hope you’re feeling good, Dr Grande. This was a very interesting vlog! Happy Sunday ☺️
I appreciate you, thank you for this. Your other videos too, you do really convey your points well... allow me to understand myself better in the process which is something I’ve struggled with.
Your videos are eye openers and revelations. I wish they would teach such social skills in schools. It also gives hope that we can change for the better and not give up on ourselves as hopeless cases.
Dr. Grande, I appreciate your hard work that brought to me the knowledge I'm not familiar with; I'm impressed also by your logical comparison. You respect people as they are human being. You truly demonstrated what you believe. Thank you!
Much needed information. Thanks a lot
Dr. Grande, I absolutely find your videos so informative and helpful. I believe my ex to be a boarder,I expect. Keep your good work up and thank you.
I wish I had Dr. Grande captive every morning to talk to, before I go off to work. Dr. Grande, you have a great voice for therapy. Or you could also be the 'Good Cop' and interrogate people. You'd get a confession. Every time, lol.
This was super helpful. Thank you.
This was interesting! I think this advice is something anyone who tends to live inside their own head a bit much can really use as well!
Very insightful and inspiring video. These tips are good for everyone really.
Thank you for doing what you do, there is nothing greater than helping people to better themselves. You are awesome Dr. Grande!🌹
Thank you, Dr. Grande, for sharing your scientific knowledge of mental health topics. I find your videos helpful for both personal growth AND for how to understand and navigate others' personalities or mental challenges. VERY valuable for what I've been dealing with--family dynamics.
Smart tips. Thank you!
Wow! I’m amazed by your deep studies. You open my eyes to a new way of interpret the world.
This is the most edifying video yet, because I can use it to judge myself for the purpose of understanding how empathy works.
helping narcs is helping the victims by proxy and preventing more damage. Keep the good work Doc. and THANK YOU
Great video! 🤗 Thanks, Dr. Grande!
always talk about yourself in the third person
Haha
Is that fashionable cause it's not comfortable hearing or using to certain people. Is that how it works? For example.
@dergeraet342 Surely one would move from sub-clinical to clinical in SOME DSM category with that one! 🤣 Something involving delusions, I imagine....
@dergeraet342 ROFL!
kungfujoe good lord please do not do this 🤣
The empathy tip reminded me that I often experience the bad-listening aspect of my own narcissism as sort of a social laziness. I don't respond when others express their feelings because I wouldn't care, but because it takes me a lot of effort to follow them. Interestingly, now that I have finally learned to manage my procrastination and be more productive at work, it is also easier for me to respond with empathy to others. It is really a bit like being industrious on a social level.
These tips remind me of Dr. George Simon's behavioral therapy approach for working with narcissists. Your tips really focus on behavior first and then, over time, a change in oneself's mindset is possibly following. And what a nice way to work on one's own character. Such a valuable contribution to the "online narc community". 👍👍👍
Hey, I am having fun learning and listening to your videos Dr. Grande
I have delusional disorder (jealousy/somatic subtype) - very little is on the internet about this illness and I have recently watched your video about people not knowing themselves that they have an illness which is often the case for my illness!
I would love if you could maybe make a video about your experience with this disorder (if any) and/or could point me in the direction of a video you may have done before about this subject matter, that would of course be greatly appreciated. I am a coherent and a moderate to high functioning sufferer (battling apathy right now however) who is reasonably well educated; so stigma is less of an issue for me because I can explain what my issue is and have great support around me whilst also hiding my suspicions. You're doing a great service for those that may not have the capacity to explain their illness, so thank you for providing all this information!
Meditation can actually make you less narcissistic or at least make you appear less narcissistic. But after appearing less narcissistic and becoming several times happier, I’d say the narcissism is likely to fall away especially with high levels of meditation skill where your ego basically just completely dissolves and preferences are seen through.
Awesome instruction! Your example of Parroting made me laugh. I’m definitely on the right track with your help. Thank you! Empathy is key to resolving my issues as long as I don’t expect it back.
This seems like great advice for anyone.
Thank you for your work!
I just love how proffessional you are Dr Grande! ❤
The subjects you bring up, and your attitude for the klients.
How you don't let stigma affekt your professional work.
Thank you!
That is so kind - thank you so much :)
Very good advice. I have used all of these techniques with excellent results. Regarding empathy, especially in the workplace, when asking someone for help, it is important to realize the request may need to be prioritized with their existing work. It is important to follow-up with the person without being a pest, and if you find the answer somewhere else, to let the person know you no longer need their help. Also, you did not mention unsolicited advice. A grandiose narcissist may try to tell someone else how to do their job uninvited. To appear less narcissistic, you can offer advice or assistance upon request, or drop a subtle hint you are willing to help if they ask. Another way, is to write specific tips on how to do things, or to schedule short training classes on specific topics to a group on a voluntary basis.
In my 50 years life never drink or smoke but I can say Todd the big I'm learning a lot from you
As someone with autism, I find these tips extremely beneficial... It's hard for me to understand others
Thanks, great tips.
Great video as always.
Have you thought about doing a channel review on HG tudor's channel, or possibly an interview with him?
Dr Grande this video it is very helpful, you are very thoughtful, thank you.
You are quite welcome :)
This is timely and helpful -- I'm sure there's a reason you get this question! At a time when a seemingly near-universal subclinical level of (what I think of as leftover or developmental) narcissism is emerging from a couple of generations of tech-bound culture (marked by instant gratification + my favorite twins, voyeurism & exhibitionism...), the UA-cam viewing audience will need to finish parenting itself in the general direction of fuller adulthood. I loved your recognition that we are all born as baby-narcissists who outgrow this condition (to varying degrees) as we mature -- here's to "faking it 'til you make it" in the 21st century....😉
Thank you!
Me, myself and I , we Iike this comment very much! Because it is based on good observation, not because I want to appear less.... 😉 you know it!
Again, another insightful video, Dr. Grande!! Narcissism can be a healthy trait for self-awareness instead of self-indulgence. 😊
Thank you :)
Appreciate what your doing for the mental health community. Godbless.
Using praise of others to compliment yourself can be helpful sometimes. I’ll explain what I mean. Once I’d started a new job and it was a bit intimidating at first. I had a project to complete and I wasn’t sure if the finished product was very good or not. When I showed my boss, he had said it was good, but he added that he’s done a lot of these and knows they’re not easy to do and it took him time to get used to the system etc. like “I mean I can do this so I know it takes time to perfect this craft and I’m very pleased with what you’ve done so far”
I appreciated that because it kind of helped illustrate that I was on the right track. Like it helps to be compared to someone who is an expert because then you can identify what you’re doing right vs where you need to improve. And how that particular team or company does things. I don’t know if this falls into what you’re talking about. He wasn’t bragging either. He was just sort of being a good mentor, I thought.
I know a very high-functioning narcissist that has managed to do exactly this from an early age. He has internalized all sorts of "rules" for what to say and what not to say kind of like we learn table manners and etiquette. It's fascinating. It took me quite a while to even notice he was a narcissist.
Great tips Dr!
These are great tips, very good for healthy socializing... These are great tips to teach kids and teenagers as well to help them develop good social skills! These are great too for socially awkward people also ☺️ Thank you Dr!
These are good tips, but in my opinion, they would be useful only if applying these behaviors is either preceded or followed by some inner reflection or emotion to notice and acknowledge to oneself that acting like that makes one feel better in some way. If, on the the other hand, these behaviors are applied purely mechanically, especially by someone pathologically narcissistic, then these behaviors would be counter-productive because the typical inner resentment and envy of a narcissist would only increase along the lines "How unfair it is that I need to stoop to the level of these idiots just to fit in within their miserable world!" After a while, such accumulated additional resentment would burst out with even worse outcome than would result from a habitual narcissistic pattern of "letting off steam" of inner aggression little by little. So, with great respect, I would suggest that if a pathological narcissist just applied these behaviors without at least some inner emotional or thought resonance, that may be counter-productive. Regardless of my amateur opinion, this is a very interesting topic. Thanks, Dr. Grande!
You're welcome!
Dr. Grande, I would very much like to hear your response to this comment because this guy actually brings up a good point. I have to hide my nature every day at school, work, and with my friends. My wife understands me, so Im able to drop the mask when Im around her. But I am resentful of the fact that our society tells people to "Be yourself" and "accept yourself", but if people were aware of my narcissistic tendencies, they wouldn't want to interact with me. And in fact, when people do come to know me enough to figure it out they usually cease contact. Most of my friendships last less than 3 years. Why shouldn't I just be able to be myself so long as Im not hurting anyone?
@@recoveringsoul755 The intention was to get "better" not manipulate (get along more easily with ppl ) .
Why should N be excluded from getting help if there is ways to help them and they have been traumatised ? Many of us victims of N abuse are on the spectrum of N so where should the mental help professionals draw the line of NOT helping ?
Wow, so many good advice!
Thank you for these insightful videos. Could you comment on the interactions between bipolar disorder and cluster b personality disorders in one of your future videos? I have bipolar disorder comorbid with bpd and vulnerable narcissism. I've been in therapy (schematics group sessions) for 5 years and have made very little progress. I feel particularly misunderstood about my bipolar symptoms.
Thanks for the video dr grande ;)
This was very helpful. Thank you.
You are most welcome!
This would be great advice for HFA too!
Thanks Dr. Grande.
Your videos are great 👍🏽 thanks very much
Thank you👍🏻
So basically tips on how narcs can go from overt to covert. 🤔
No at least not automatically. For some yes, but those would include some level of sociopathy at that point. I’m a narcissist. This helps me learn better social skills and try to be more healthy with others. These things help teach empathy.
Steps in observation are a good practice for change on levels with the people around you.
Thank you for this video. This is certainly a struggle. Also, I have not been diagnosed with narcissism (I haven't sought in-person help though) but I will say that I exhibite both grandiosity and vulnerability, usually depending on the situation and if I feel threatened in some way or not. The question I have is can someone develop narcissism when they were absolutely not just years prior? Through honest introspection I recognize that I'm a mess, but it wasn't always this way. I used to be humble and caring, but now it's all just so different.
this is excellent thank you so much doc!!!!
also i realize the longer in therapy that i have been overcompensating my entire life by using kindness, interest in, and caring for others as a way to make myself feel less awful about the way others have made me feel, and this widely recognized sensitivity to others has been both a validating and self-harming tactic because it's actually just me feeling sorry for myself and it permits me to feel at fault on a fundamental personality level when they don't reciprocate ayyyyy do i thank my childhood bullies for this one too or????????
You are quite welcome!
Finally a ray of hope
Thank you...
These simple tips were really helpful. Could you some similar videos in the future?
Yes, do you have any specific areas of interest?
Dr. Grande, could you do a video about phrases or signs to look out for when talking to someone you suspect may be manipulating you?
I will add it to the production list - thank you for the idea!
Hi Dr. Grande, another great video. Can you do a video on managing relations with narcissistic friends? UA-cam tends to have a lot of videos on romantic relationships, families, and coworkers but not that many on common friendships. This topic seems to be particularly lacking from mental health professionals.
I will add it to my production list, thank you for the idea!
@@recoveringsoul755 While I'm certainly inclined to agree, this is precisely the kind of advice that I'd love to hear Dr. Grande weigh in on. :) Friendships are a bit unique because generally it IS possible to control the amount of interaction, as well as the circumstances. Otherwise, consider the situation where there is circle of friends only to discover that a member is a narcissist. Should one cut out the entire circle? Tell the rest of the group? Does this change if one is specifically a target of abuse? These situations can be difficult for sure.
Thank you Doc,yours is the best psych site on the web.
Thank you!
This is excellent, and a behavioral approach to narcissism which hopes that actual personality traits over time will be improved that are associated with narcissistic personality disorder. And by describing it as "appear" less narcissistic, you appeal to the narcissist's love of trying to appear to be what he is not. Very clever if somewhat manipulative way to get these demons to try to change, although I give it slim chances of achieving that except for increasing the illusion when they have on their usual "nice guy" mask.
You are doing a great public service
My mother and i spent hours last night talking about Dr Grandes videos. It was actually really interesting because my mother studied psychology in her younger years and said that she feels alot of the information the dr talks about is very accurate and his advice is sound and she said she thinks its good for me to hear them because i am a bit socially naive even as a grown adult 😅
Thanks Todd the big
I'm an LPC-MH and I agree with Dr. Grande. (since he asked for comments)
These are wonderful tips. I would love more resources, even a book, on how to appear less narcissistic and more empathetic. I would like resources that help the individual actually become more empathetic, not just appear that way.
@David Griffin I think there needs to be balance. If you are too narcissistic, people won't like you, but if you are too empathic people will walk all over you. You don't want to be too much of either one.
I would request more videos on autism. Not that I am really obsessed with that topic in particular, but I really appreciate the way you communicate. You have such a clear and straightforward style in communication and it is very easy to follow you in your educational videos. I have autism, and my partner has it (undiagnosed, but he definitely has it)
I would want to know why some males refuse to accept and acknowledge being on the spectrum due to it not fitting into their self image. Why autism is such an embarrassment to some humans and they want absolutely nothing to do with it and refuses to admit or even recognize themselves as someone being on the spectrum.
My partner exhibits way more autistic traits than me. Way more. Yet I have been diagnosed and he refuses to acknowledge being on the spectrum (yet he used to in the beginning and recognized himself. Now he totally wants absolutely nothing to do with it unless it is about me)
Why is that? I find it weird but I try not to bother with it. I do realize that some humans would rather just remain without a label and are fine with that, whereas I needed to find out why I differ from others to the extent that I do.
Wow, so applicable.
Very helpful video. Would love to see you in person.
Are all shy and introverted people with low self-esteem vulnerable narcissists, then? Is it possible to be shy and introverted with low self-esteem and not be a narcissist?
Yes it's called an empath ...there are empaths who appear to be this way but they are trying to protect themselves
I think we cant know ppl intentions until we observe...you'll be surprised what ppl do and what character traits they take on to land their goal
This man makes me wanna tell him all my problems haha.
Absolutely! I wish I had Dr. Grande captive every morning to talk to, before I go off to work. Dr. Grande, you have a great voice for therapy. Or you could also be the 'Good Cop' and interrogate people. You'd get a confession every time, lol.
Haha... we inadvertently do, I guess 🙃
@@serendipitous_synchronicity Lol, well that's true Donna. :)
The biggest drawback I believe that I find is that ; if the person is seeking help how soon will they feel the need for change or recognize that there’s anything wrong,?again I am not a Doctor but my experienced(being an Empathetic person )has taught me that unless they are seeking something, they never look for change;most Cluster Bs world rather look for other ways rather than admit that they can not do anything about what they want to accomplish. Thanks again for keeping us thinking.🌈💐👍🏽❤️🙏🏼✅
Hey Dr. Grande, wondering if you've made a video about the differences in training for social workers and counselors and maybe strengths and weaknesses of both. I'm on my second clinical internship (MSW) and have been kind of surprised by the "clique-iness" in both agencies- backhanded comments from both sides about the others' training/degree and closer relationships among folks with the same. I wonder if that is typical?
What a great question! I will add this to the production list - thank you!
You’re a genius 👏😏
I strongly disagree with the main focus on behavior modification. Its the context of the environment that brings out narcissistic behavior. All people including so called narcissist are simply trying to fulfill needs in a healthy or unhealthy way. My view is context is everything. Behavior is simply a conditioned outcome or response to a particular context.
I am not sure what planet I am on but I have never experienced the workplace or world you are describing. People in my world do not care that much about each other (my limited perception). Maybe that's a good thing.
I like listening to you Dr Grande you obviously take mental heath very very seriously and I really respect people like yourself who practice there craft to such a very high level.
This advise can also be looked at in the inverse as to what red flags to look out for. Interesting video. The one thing that can not be faked is empathy. I have seen someone try and they failed miserably.
How to smooth sharp angles. I think I'm going to be listening to this video every evening until the end of 2020!
I'm perplexed by this approach. Being authentic is something that is consistent and natural but to practice a false persona may cause distrust for it is presenting self as someone else and many can see through such performances that often lead to slips thus inconsistencies with personality.
I remember many years at sea in the southern oceans and came across a skipper who was a right cold bastard and Narcissistic but he did not hide what he was and had the respect of the crew for when times were real rough we knew he'd get us through... It is far better the devil you know than one you don't...
When using the I statement it is taking ownership of an opinion... I think... I feel... I wonder... It is not NPD in its use but more by how it is used or twisted within the body of the expression.
Narcissism comes with many cognitive deficits .this is not a plus .think of these tactics as an exercises to correct the effects of being a narcissist not a false presence. It help the narcissist see the real in other ppl not just what in others makes him look good. Narcissist can be taken by ppl who play in to their scenes of grandiosety or be come lonely be cause they don't really know ppl they just use them .
@@kathrinjohnson2582 Thank you for reply. I respect your opinion but I also need to honour my beliefs from my experience unless convinced otherwise.
When a NPD attaches there are two people involved.
I am HSP INFJ 5W4 Empath (4/7 Schizoid) and my experience is that from a dysfunctional family environment of origin. I’m three years into intense research and self development. I have had this ability throughout my life to pick up intuitively false personalities and identify various personas (masks). [The purpose of personas is to create reliable and realistic representations for a key audience or individual]. The purpose and motive of the NPD is to initially gain personal information by fishing in what appears innocent interest at the time and that the NPD can use to provoke discomfort later or induce a reactive stimulus response in the target so as to feel superior and thus the release of dopamine. It is this dopamine release that the NPD is addicted to.
When a person stands up to a NPD or ignores the NPD will often move away to an easier target.
When we witness someone behaving badly we are in fact observing their false persona that is covering an immature essence of who they are. They can be better than that behaviour but so might we. Therefore when compassion is applied with firmness towards the other it is in fact acknowledging the other at a level of maturity we see within ourselves.
Personally I would much rather a person be open and honest with me (straight) for I can handle honesty and I am immune largely to the effects of 'Cluster B's'.
I read an article a while back of the importance of the evolutionary importance of the psychopath. Basically, like you said, you need a fearless person to usher a team to safety (think tribe or clan member telling their members to calm down and row their asses off cus the volcano is about to burst).