Should I call the police, have them arrested and lock up these cowardly lazy bullies who are so miserable and super jealous of top workers, jealous that i own a condo, got money. Bums will always be bums. Bums only attract losers like them. Working 40 years as a top worker. Never let these fools ever win. 56 here trying to destroy my reputation with defamation of character. Saying I go harassing's women , stalking them, drinking, I'm crazy, insecure, unstable. All 100% pure bs. My managers all know who I am. Never been suspended. Gaslight me, using flying monkeys, gang stalking me. Been doing this to me for the last 16 years. This is criminal? But they never get fired. I need solid proof. No one wants to investigate. Maybe I should hire an investigator. lol Get them to do a lie detector test. My managers want to go nothing to be afraid of the bullies. Huge red flag. Gang stalking in my condo to have people be scared of me and to hate me thinking that they will kick me out. I'm very respectful and have owned my condo for 14 years. Bullies at work are so jealous. I just ignore it at work and in my condo or should i do something about it since it will never stop trying to destroy me?
Hello, I understand you are a lawyer and that what you bring to people who cross paths with manipulators / narcissists/ liars are tools to not engage or not get caught up with them and that is Amazing! Having a father that always gaslighted, belittled and lied, I always (I do mean it always) confronted manipulators in my life and work place. You are offering a position of keeping our truth and not getting caught in their webs of lies. You are invaluable in my eyes for these tools. Thank you 😊
I agree, also, that this is valuable insight for somebody who absolutely has to deal with a narcissist. However, I want to say that most of us don't have to, and the best plan is to avoid spending much time with these people. More to the point, giving advice on how to function in a relationship with a narcissistic significant other isn't probably the kindest thing to do.
"That's what i heard", "i don't imagine facts" , "i need someone who's helpful" , "I understand you disagree with me" "I see/remember things differently" "I'm here to listen/help me understand what you heard" Stick with what you've already said The Less you say, the less gaslighter can control.
Response I’ve gotten to such statements have been “Well, you heard wrong” or “You couldn’t have heard that because I never said it.” “You have your facts wrong. That’s not what happened.” “I disagree with you because you’re wrong.” I haven’t found a statement that can’t be refuted. Sigh.
@@ruthfeiertagSo true Ruth! My gaslighter just wants me to shut up. At all times, he is never wrong or accountable. I am accused of making stuff up and he is blameless. There genuinely is no hope 😢😢😢 He has destroyed our family and I have to take my daughter out of this. Please pray for me 💔
@@ruthfeiertagI know what you mean. Do you think that this then shows you what kind of person you are dealing with and the futility of a deep relationship with them?
my mother and now my sister is using the same torture . In her case I see she is terribly insecure and competitive and needs to be top dog . Enjoys bullying me . If I allow it , but I stay the fuck away anymore . She has built up herself as being all great and me being not ok .exactly like her / my mom. She must be popular . She must have her support system i n place . So she invents a storyline of lies about me . She and my mother are the most sneaky manipulators , the covert narcissist s of the family .
Hey @@jeffersonfisherthe links to pre-order your book, and the one to subscribe to your newsletter are showing up as "not found". Thanks again for your content.
Maybe what we are hearing are two different things. What he is saying is to SIT THERE and deal with this person, instead of getting up and walking out.
Hey there! I love learning from you. I am a therapist and as part of my sessions I often encourage my patients to listen to you. The feedback is incredible. Thank you for sharing you gift of communication with us.
For a year I’ve listen to you every day. Encouraging me. I’m setting boundaries and limits. Husband is narcissistic and sex Addict with intimacy anorexia. Because of all the losses I am constantly in grief. I am a very confident strong woman but I am tired and deserves to be not abused by him with invalidating my communications who I am. My only strength is with God and I know who I am. He’s not able to change who I am which means he escalates his efforts to abuse. He withhold sex, he psychologically doesn’t hear me. I am an object to him. He pushes me away. I would love to hear your narrative about this these subjects I mentioned. I appreciate you and I’m grateful Carla
What do you do when it's a group of people gaslighting you, and some of those people you really care about. I believe I'm the victim of coordinated gaslighting that has resulted in psychosis. People have screwed with my head for about 15 years and their gaslighting seemes to be coordinated and very specific. It has worn me down so badly it has resulted in multiple hospitalizations. And im starting to give in because I'm the crazy one. I can't escape these people because some of them are family and who ever is coordinating this finds out ware I work and they covertly interact with my associates steering there opinion and instructing them on how to interact with me. And like you say in this video I KNOW WHAT I Heard. And I know while I was working at Domino's I heard some of my co workers talking about murder. And I quote "all the little bitches are dead and this Chris is not going anywhere, my manger picked up the phone on a recorded line and said, "fuck no we're killing all these little bitches. And every job I have gotten I have heard talk of cannibalism and murder. Most d Recently I was working at KFC and I heard my co worker say that my sister was causing problems for them so they killed her. Either there's a cult stalking me around killing people. A legal dispute depends on there ability to convince everyone I'm crazy. Or I'm just insane. And my life is ruined I'm really depressed I don't know who to trust. And I KNOW THE FACTS. I'm dealing with professional gas lighters some of whom get aggressive and abusive when I try to stand my ground. Am I a schizophrenic or do I know to much
I have been accused of gaslighting but I realized the person doing that was actually gaslighting me, which is completely confusing! "Help me understand what you remember." A perfect response to this. Thank you, Jefferson! Your wisdom has helped me so much!
Except that in a domestic abuse situation that response will be used to prove you are the one not understanding or remembering. In a business situation this may be effective but in a relationship setting the person is already trying to convince you that you are not understanding...even when you have the proof right in front of their eyes. It is murder to a soul.
@@chosen-q8c If you are in a domestic abuse situation, don't put any energy in trying to figure out how better to communicate. Or prove their lies to them. Totally futile AND totally exhausting! Use every ounce of your energy to find a way to get the hell out of Dodge. Otherwise you play into the hands of the abuser, whatever you do. You are worth living a good life. Period. Go get it. All the best for you! It will get better, once you're outta there. It always does, no matter what all the other circumstances may be. Even having to eat grass is better than having your soul eaten on a daily basis.
I've recently had a similar experience; my sister accused me of accusing her of gaslighting me... and she did so in a session with a therapist. The thing is, we had only been communicating via text messaging at the time, so it was easy for me to check and confirm that I never made any such accusation. It's weird for someone to try to gaslight you about accusing them of gaslighting you, isn't it?
I know someone whose husband used gaslighting from day one of their marriage (and other behavours) to control, denigrate and humiliate her while insisting he loved her. 60 yrs later, having been recently widowed, she is working hard to restore some confidence and belief that she is a worthwhile person. Having these talks available is a huge support in this endeavour. Thank you so much.❤
When you live with a family member functioning (gaslighting) like the person you described, it’s trauma. An insecure entitled, superior, and power family member will breakdown all relationships. That’s different than being in the courtroom. It’s abuse. It’s abandonment. It’s loneliness. I say this because a child growing up does not have the ability to apply the techniques you articulated so well. Growing up in a healthy environment is truly a gift. I listen to you hoping the wounded child now an adult can receive your helpful words. My belief as an adult is … I am always working on me! Good message, thank you!
I totally relate with you. Had a broken and dysfunctional childhood due to emotional and mental abuse. Took me decades to recover after hitting rock bottom. God rescued and saved me. I can honestly say I am healed and set free. PS: I love my family and pray for them but no longer part of their toxic behavior and life.
I have a narcissist in my life. I have used several of your communcation techniques and they have been surprisingly effective! Thank you for what you do.
Hi Jefferson. I enjoy your podcast. Here is my scenario: At work, I am being harrassed by a co-worker, who is a full-on Narcicist, who continuously gaslights me. She targets me at every moment possible out loud in front of everyone. Once I started listening to your podcast, I have learned to not react to her. Luckily, my State has made GASLIGHTING a criminal offense related to Domestic VIOLENCE. So now, whenever she starts stuff, first I ignore her and move on. There are times she keeps coming anyways, I call her out for gaslighting in front of everyone and move on. YES, it is wearing down everyone in my work group and we cannot wait for her to retire.
Narcissistic people gaslight. It’s their favorite thing to do to others, because they have no conscience and they are weak. Since you’ll never win with a narcissist, it’s crucial to learn how to maneuver through their gaslighting BS. Thanks for another great video!
I totally agree with your statement that you never win with a narcissist. I have a similar situation where the past is always brought up in a current argument and the current argument never gets resolved because the other person holds onto the past issues and dwells sonit becomes a circular conversation, which is frustrating
Myself I just call them out right to their face for trying to Gaslight me and tell that person to get somewhere for good. Besides Who wants people like that in your life.
@@veronicalagor4771 Maybe it made it worse for you, I don't understand why you would want to have toxic people in your life. Myself I say F*** them, Stay away. I just had to put somebody in their place and it made me feel better and my life is much better.
A friend of mine suggested your podcasts to me 24 hours ago, knowing that I was prepping for a potentially contentious meeting with high school staff regarding some violations of policy their staff has committed this year. The meeting started well, and I was able to make my points professionally and have them received fairly well. Once we got to a point where I had to bring up something they in fact said and other people witnessed them say, they started the gas light. Immediately they gave the "That's not what I said, I......" and I took your advice. "I'm Sorry, but that is what we heard". Her expression instantly changed, and she followed up with "Well, that's not what I was trying to convey, what I meant was........."
I am having a lot of frustration when talking to my husband because he gaslights me a lot. It’s very hard to communicate with him because he denies anything that I try to bring up about him or about me or about the family and our home. It is hard to teach my son with this husband and my son is imitating his father as well. I will try your tips, though. But remaining silent is very hard for me.
Eye rolling while and after you speak. My well-known ex-husband litigator was the worst. I had no idea who I was, thought or whether I belonged on the earth. One cruel dude.
Dam...don't do that again to yourself.... Fix your broken picker. Lol.... I read that over. And seriously, it sounds like I'm twisting it. I'm not believing you words are so weird. No, but seriously. I do mean for you to make better choices in your relationships. I call them broken pickers. I have beautiful girlfriends and gentlemen, friends, and they always pick the worst people for themselves. And I tell them they had broken pickers. Anyway, be well always stand in the light
I find silence is my best way of dealing with someone who gas lights or tries to egg me into an argument. It’s interesting how quickly they go silent and stop. Thanks for your helpful tips, Jefferson!
Thank you so much for this video. I stumbled upon it and so glad I did. My narc makes me "fill in the hole" !! I never had words to describe what he does before your explanation. For years, I've picked up that shovel and filled it for him. Now that I know what he is doing, NO MORE!!
Thank you for these valuable lessons. I am in Africa- Uganda and getting to understand what gaslighting is will protect me from questioning my own reality when its under attack.
Wish I’d seen you years ago Jefferson, when I was in my narcissistic marriage. Your gaslighting responses are so simple, but so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing your essential life skill.
The narc and her enabler gaslight in church with their lies. Very delusional and always project their chaos. Not having the light of christ like they claim so hard. Narcs church playground
Oh my gosh, I had a family member do that to me continuously last year until I thought that I was losing my mind. They would verbally browbeat me, and, later deny it. I finally started recording them. The next time that they told me, "I didn't say that," I asked them if they would like to hear the recording. As I waited for their response, all I heard was crickets. Distancing also helps.
To save your sanity, walk away, they don't change ... they enjoy the chaos.. it feeds their ego, but they don't understand ego doesn't feed self-worth, self-love. 🙏🏼💫
@@marylindsey3774 I'm so glad for you. I swear,with people like that you have to protect your sanity- recording,keeping a diary ...you have to make the truth tangible or else they'll keep on lying and denying
My response to my narcissistic ex when he stated why would I say something like that was I don't know why you would I just know that you did, he had nothing else to say after that.
Thank you!! I have a brother who is an expert gaslighter and has a PhD in passive aggressive behavior. We have a large inheritance in our future. These phrases and advice will help me prepare to face an onslaught of this when probate arrives.
Good advice on the Gaslighting. I wish I had known this information years ago when I was married to a drug addict. Gaslighting was served daily by this man. Sadly, I engaged and our arguments were very heated. He had me questioning just about everything in my life. I have since healed and am a much stronger, more controlled person now. I don't react... I respond. Since I found your podcasts, I have been even better at responding less, saying a few phrases, and then being okay with silence. Thank You so much, Jefferson.
I've only in recent years come across the word Narcissistic and boy did it hit home about how many of those characters have been in my life ..work, home and social ..you truly believe it's you that's at fault...not anymore !! so Thank you Jefferson
The issue I have with the term is that people use it when two people have slightly different memories of how a conversation went down. And they say that I'm gaslighting. But I understand this term to be that you intend to make someone feel crazy.
I appreciate that you clarify what gaslighting is and how people can overuse the term. People also overuse the term narcissist. Misusing the terms lessens the significance of the actual behavior. Same with OCD; people will refer to someone who is organized or regimented as OCD when that’s not accurate and makes light of how detrimental actual OCD is. I really appreciate your videos for differentiating and for encouraging us to see behaviors for what they are and not minimize what we shouldn’t and not mistaking behaviors for what they aren’t 🙏🏼
When I encountered gaslighters before I knew the term, I just assumed they were stupid or crazy because I was confident enough in my own belief about events. These people need an unconfidemt victim to feed off of. But even if you are confident enough to see through the game, it simply isn't worth having these people in your life because they're a dramatic pain in the ass, and it's unlikely they will be cured of their vampiric tendencies.
I really hate this for you. If it's generally when you try to defend yourself against those trying to be hurtful then I had a very similar problem when I was young. It's a hard thing to deal with and I never found a psychological trick to stop it. I did however find a solution which you may or may not like but I swear it eliminated this problem completely. Get physically stronger. Commit to doing this. For some reason once I was able to physically project force if needed that part of my mind no longer got in the way. I came to see it as a self protection mechanism to keep me from pushing back in a situation where i may be physically vulnerable possibly leading to serious injury from the altercation getting violent. The confidence of knowing that you can physically defend yourself makes many social interactions easier. Keep in mind im not advocating violence as a solution but that if that is actually an option it allows you to stay calmer as your limbic system doesn't so easily drop into panic mode.
@@shadowwolf225I agree with you. When I started doing martial arts I got more confidence and less afraid of being hurt both physically and mentally. It really helped with dealing with my ex.
Thank you so helpful in respecting others while rebuilding or maintaining confidence and integrity in ourselves in relationships. So helpful thank you 💕
I have never had someone try to gaslight me. However, I've seen several of your other presentations on how to improve responses during difficult conversations, and I've been impressed each time. It has let me examine my own behavior so I won't behave in ways I don't respect after the fact. It has also given me new ways to respond when I get uncomfortable. Thank you.
hi Jefferson, the way you teach is so helpful! I think my relationships will be much healthier, moving forward because of your clear, practical instruction on communication.
This is a great further explanation I’ve heard on gaslighting since I’ve been learning about it!! 😮 that’s exactly it - then digging holes and expecting others to fill it.
I wish I could say I don’t deal with this in my personal relationship. It's a challenge. Evading a question or subject by bringing up the past. Attempting to create the reality they want you to believe. I could go on. Your content has helped me greatly. Please know that you have made a pisitive difference in my life and the lives of others. One of the phrases that I've turned to that's been effective is "We'll have to agree to disagree." Jefferson, Thans for helping me to become a stronger person. I really appreciate you pointing out the difference between respectfully disagreeing(which is ok) and gaslighting. People grab onto catch words without clearly understanding the definition.
Thank you, Jefferson, from Germany. I try to translate your helpful phrases into German for difficult situations I encounter here. Also, you are a role model with your self confident attitude 'I will not be manipulated/gaslighted etc'.
Thank you 🙏🏽. This is going to help me with my ex who enjoys gaslighting me. I’ve always took the long narrative route. I like your short statements. I appreciate you. I look forward to listening to your book on audible
I enjoy listening to you ❤ Thank you so much. I have shared you with my kids and kids needs to listen to you. So grateful to you and thank you ❤️ ❤❤🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you. Lots of great suggestions and alternatives. Sometimes the office is like trying to skate through the challenging folks to get to the goal of making your boss actually smile. One tool I have found is to smile with God in your heart. Best defense ❤
Jefferson, I can’t thank you enough for the clarity and support your podcasts provide on topics like gaslighting and narcissism. Having dealt with these challenges myself, your practical, free guidance has been nothing short of gold. Your insights have brought much-needed stability and empowerment into my life, and I’m deeply grateful for the difference you make with every episode.
I find your channel very helpful when having to deal with narcissistic behavior constantly. It has taught me the proper responses so I don't feel so overwhelmed with the chaos and confusion that comes when someone constantly communicates in this manner. All of your videos in this series has taught me how to be able to communicate with the person like this in my life from a place of power and civility, so thanks again! ❤🙏
I am a ESL teacher ,I recommend you to adult students all the time for self growth .They love your channel so do I. I specifically pass it on to women who I believe need to be stronger . Thank you.
To anyone who hasn't dealt with a gaslighter before: you will never feel like you won the argument. If they change the subject without you submitting then thats a win. They will still manipulate you into feeling like you didn't make your point.
Thanks so much for sharing this information. I have found that your suggestions on responding to gaslighting are effective! Its helping me in ways I just wish I had known sooner. Its greatly satisfying to be able to stop this sort of nonsense with some individuals. It has made me actually laugh too. Not in front of the gaslighter but later. Lol.😉👍♥️
Great videos and thanks so much for taking the time to educate us! I have a question, If you know that someone is giving out false information about you to benefit themselves, is it against the law to purposely give them wrong information or answers?
I just wait for your book in march 2025. Im again grateful that you speak so slow so people like me who has difficult by inner fokus can follow what you say. Thank you❤❤❤
Very helpful advice, you are right a lot of people use that word lightly. It seems like less is more when it comes to this, key words from a sense of curiosity not getting into the he said you said. Thanks 🎉
Jefferson i love your podcast. I think you are a very emotionally intelligent person. I have been working on being mindful with my words and podcast has been very helpful. Thank you, kerri
I had a gaslighter as a manager. Every time I would go downna pathway, often based on previous advice or instruction, he would challenge it and make me feel stupid, and do it in front of the team. He would "forget" agreements we made with regard to taking annual leave, and in general conversation he would always have to be seen to know more than anyone else. It was very frustrating. This would happen in front of his manager, and Executive, and she protected him. It was a running joke in the team that there was an a special option on the employee feedback line to make a complaint about him, and when called, you would be 4000th in the queue. The behaviour was so blatantly obvious but no one would do anything about it.
The thing about saying well grounded statements to a callous gaslighter is that our tongue gets eaten up by our feelings and nothing comes out in an actual gaslighting episode!! To get around that, practise grounded statements while we are calm and untriggered, before any future encounter. Like actors practising their lines to perfection, imagine the scene in your head, delivering your simple lines to the gaslighter, your voice and emotions in perfect control. Words framed in the right voice and cadence delivers the perfect punch as we've heard coach Jefferson demo here. We just gotta be better actors to take control back! Good sentences worth practising!
As always, Jefferson, your content is GOLD!! I appreciate you and your sage conversational advice!!! ESPECIALLY the part about someone denying what they, in fact, DID. ❤🙏🥰
My partner does this sometimes - at the end of our conversation I usually say: Recollections may vary, as the late Queen said. This lets him know I don’t believe him but I won’t continue to argue. All of us in the UK know what the Queen meant.
Thank you Jefferson for the examples you give. It helps us to grasp when and how we are gaslighted. My son has done this and now he and his wife have closed the door for my husband and I to their family. *I love Cozy Earth sheets.
One employer and some family members would bring up the past with me and would try to drag me down the rabbit hole. I would feel helpless because I knew what happened and they would push me down. I had no skills to communicate back. Great advice. Thanks.
Thankyou for your message I am today, single and happier, and more myself and more at ease and at peace in my life because I chose to leave someone in my life that was very much the same way
Amen. Me too. I am NOT crazy. I fell for the crap everytime. I was WORN OUT and on the precipice of thinking I wasen't worth living! Thanks be to God for saving me! And Jefferson your solutions are awesome when dealing with mean/bad people! I love you and I'm so grateful for you podcasts. Bless you. Keep up your fantastic work/service!❤❤❤❤❤😮
Why do they target certain people and gaslight? Does if stem from resentment, hurt, anger or something that the target did to them? Or can it just be the gaslighter’s personality and find easy targets to play with? Thanks for your hard work!!😊
You’ve just thrown me a communication life line in my almost 50 year marriage! Where have you been for my last 49 years? By the looks of it you weren’t born yet!😆
I love this to use *** i can not imagine facts*** i use myself ***we perceive things differently tell me your point of view perspective. And remain open to listen ❤ think feel you're helpfully amazing
"I need someone helpful." 🎯 Sir, best suggested video the YT algorithm ever put on my radar! 🏹 Thank you for sharing these powerful shutdown nonsense responses. Immediate sub 🔔
I, this is very helpful. I often wonder why the person being gaslighted doesn't challenge the person by saying "if you don't recall these events which happened, maybe you need some medical help for that early onset dementia problem"
Visit cozyearth.com/jefferson and use my 40% off code: JEFFERSON
I've been married to one of those for 55 years. It isn't easy to deal with it.
I’m trying to go to your link but this Cozy Earth doesn’t have your book, which is what I’m looking for, not the products they are showing me
Are the sheets made out of
cotton?
Should I call the police, have them arrested and lock up these cowardly lazy bullies who are so miserable and super jealous of top workers, jealous that i own a condo, got money. Bums will always be bums. Bums only attract losers like them. Working 40 years as a top worker. Never let these fools ever win. 56 here trying to destroy my reputation with defamation of character. Saying I go harassing's women , stalking them, drinking, I'm crazy, insecure, unstable. All 100% pure bs. My managers all know who I am. Never been suspended. Gaslight me, using flying monkeys, gang stalking me. Been doing this to me for the last 16 years. This is criminal?
But they never get fired. I need solid proof. No one wants to investigate. Maybe I should hire an investigator. lol Get them to do a lie detector test. My managers want to go nothing to be afraid of the bullies. Huge red flag. Gang stalking in my condo to have people be scared of me and to hate me thinking that they will kick me out. I'm very respectful and have owned my condo for 14 years. Bullies at work are so jealous. I just ignore it at work and in my condo or should i do something about it since it will never stop trying to destroy me?
@@stories2lifei think his book is on his website. Cozy Earth is a sponsor that sells sheets and pajamas
Hello, I understand you are a lawyer and that what you bring to people who cross paths with manipulators / narcissists/ liars are tools to not engage or not get caught up with them and that is Amazing! Having a father that always gaslighted, belittled and lied, I always (I do mean it always) confronted manipulators in my life and work place. You are offering a position of keeping our truth and not getting caught in their webs of lies. You are invaluable in my eyes for these tools. Thank you 😊
I completely agree!! 😊
Totally agree
I'm there also 😞
I agree, also, that this is valuable insight for somebody who absolutely has to deal with a narcissist. However, I want to say that most of us don't have to, and the best plan is to avoid spending much time with these people. More to the point, giving advice on how to function in a relationship with a narcissistic significant other isn't probably the kindest thing to do.
Thank you, Sophie. I'm glad you're here.
"That's what i heard",
"i don't imagine facts" ,
"i need someone who's helpful" ,
"I understand you disagree with me"
"I see/remember things differently"
"I'm here to listen/help me understand what you heard"
Stick with what you've already said
The Less you say, the less gaslighter can control.
Response I’ve gotten to such statements have been
“Well, you heard wrong” or “You couldn’t have heard that because I never said it.”
“You have your facts wrong. That’s not what happened.”
“I disagree with you because you’re wrong.”
I haven’t found a statement that can’t be refuted. Sigh.
@@ruthfeiertagSo true Ruth! My gaslighter just wants me to shut up. At all times, he is never wrong or accountable. I am accused of making stuff up and he is blameless. There genuinely is no hope 😢😢😢 He has destroyed our family and I have to take my daughter out of this. Please pray for me 💔
@@ruthfeiertag“No.“ i found that to be rather effective.
@@nicolebenson4517 How are you doing now?
@@ruthfeiertagI know what you mean. Do you think that this then shows you what kind of person you are dealing with and the futility of a deep relationship with them?
These people are exhausting to deal with. They twist your words and make you feel crazy.
Silence is golden..they hate it..
Remember who pays your bills
@@sbrazwell42 yes! So difficult to do but empowering when you can master it
Yes and we all have this one own in our biological sensor.
It happen automatical.❤
my mother and now my sister is using the same torture . In her case I see she is terribly insecure and competitive and needs to be top dog . Enjoys bullying me . If I allow it , but I stay the fuck away anymore . She has built up herself as being all great and me being not ok .exactly like her / my mom. She must be popular . She must have her support system i n place . So she invents a storyline of lies about me . She and my mother are the most sneaky manipulators , the covert narcissist s of the family .
@@sbrazwell42 NO leaving is golden. Its not worth dealing with these demons for bills.
I’m a psychotherapist and I always learn genuinely valuable communication skills from watching your channel. Thank you!
I'm so happy to hear this, Stephanie. Thanks for being here.
Hey @@jeffersonfisherthe links to pre-order your book, and the one to subscribe to your newsletter are showing up as "not found". Thanks again for your content.
Yikes
Maybe what we are hearing are two different things. What he is saying is to SIT THERE and deal with this person, instead of getting up and walking out.
I love to tell them: "Don't ask me questions that you already know the answer to!" 😁 That just stops them in their tracks!
Hey there! I love learning from you. I am a therapist and as part of my sessions I often encourage my patients to listen to you. The feedback is incredible. Thank you for sharing you gift of communication with us.
I’m happy to help. Thank you for being here. :)
For a year I’ve listen to you every day. Encouraging me. I’m setting boundaries and limits. Husband is narcissistic and sex Addict with intimacy anorexia. Because of all the losses I am constantly in grief.
I am a very confident strong woman but I am tired and deserves to be not abused by him with invalidating my communications who I am. My only strength is with God and I know who I am. He’s not able to change who I am which means he escalates his efforts to abuse. He withhold sex, he psychologically doesn’t hear me. I am an object to him.
He pushes me away. I would love to hear your narrative about this these subjects I mentioned. I appreciate you and I’m grateful Carla
What do you do when it's a group of people gaslighting you, and some of those people you really care about. I believe I'm the victim of coordinated gaslighting that has resulted in psychosis. People have screwed with my head for about 15 years and their gaslighting seemes to be coordinated and very specific. It has worn me down so badly it has resulted in multiple hospitalizations. And im starting to give in because I'm the crazy one. I can't escape these people because some of them are family and who ever is coordinating this finds out ware I work and they covertly interact with my associates steering there opinion and instructing them on how to interact with me. And like you say in this video I KNOW WHAT I Heard. And I know while I was working at Domino's I heard some of my co workers talking about murder. And I quote "all the little bitches are dead and this Chris is not going anywhere, my manger picked up the phone on a recorded line and said, "fuck no we're killing all these little bitches. And every job I have gotten I have heard talk of cannibalism and murder. Most d
Recently I was working at KFC and I heard my co worker say that my sister was causing problems for them so they killed her. Either there's a cult stalking me around killing people. A legal dispute depends on there ability to convince everyone I'm crazy. Or I'm just insane. And my life is ruined I'm really depressed I don't know who to trust. And I KNOW THE FACTS. I'm dealing with professional gas lighters some of whom get aggressive and abusive when I try to stand my ground. Am I a schizophrenic or do I know to much
I have been accused of gaslighting but I realized the person doing that was actually gaslighting me, which is completely confusing! "Help me understand what you remember." A perfect response to this. Thank you, Jefferson! Your wisdom has helped me so much!
Except that in a domestic abuse situation that response will be used to prove you are the one not understanding or remembering. In a business situation this may be effective but in a relationship setting the person is already trying to convince you that you are not understanding...even when you have the proof right in front of their eyes. It is murder to a soul.
@@chosen-q8c100% accurate.
@@chosen-q8c If you are in a domestic abuse situation, don't put any energy in trying to figure out how better to communicate. Or prove their lies to them. Totally futile AND totally exhausting! Use every ounce of your energy to find a way to get the hell out of Dodge. Otherwise you play into the hands of the abuser, whatever you do. You are worth living a good life. Period. Go get it.
All the best for you! It will get better, once you're outta there. It always does, no matter what all the other circumstances may be. Even having to eat grass is better than having your soul eaten on a daily basis.
I've recently had a similar experience; my sister accused me of accusing her of gaslighting me... and she did so in a session with a therapist.
The thing is, we had only been communicating via text messaging at the time, so it was easy for me to check and confirm that I never made any such accusation.
It's weird for someone to try to gaslight you about accusing them of gaslighting you, isn't it?
"I don't imagine facts"... perfect! Thank you
I am experiencing this as well as someone wayy close to me that talks/ mumbles all the time!
The struggle is real!
I know someone whose husband used gaslighting from day one of their marriage (and other behavours) to control, denigrate and humiliate her while insisting he loved her.
60 yrs later, having been recently widowed, she is working hard to restore some confidence and belief that she is a worthwhile person.
Having these talks available is a huge support in this endeavour.
Thank you so much.❤
" Keep telling yourself that." Worked for me.
When you live with a family member functioning (gaslighting) like the person you described, it’s trauma. An insecure entitled, superior, and power family member will breakdown all relationships. That’s different than being in the courtroom. It’s abuse. It’s abandonment. It’s loneliness. I say this because a child growing up does not have the ability to apply the techniques you articulated so well. Growing up in a healthy environment is truly a gift. I listen to you hoping the wounded child now an adult can receive your helpful words. My belief as an adult is … I am always working on me! Good message, thank you!
Your comment touches my heart. Prayers for your healing.
I totally relate with you. Had a broken and dysfunctional childhood due to emotional and mental abuse.
Took me decades to recover after hitting rock bottom. God rescued and saved me. I can honestly say I am healed and set free.
PS: I love my family and pray for them but no longer part of their toxic behavior and life.
Those of us that grew up with this type of abuse, were betrayed by your caregivers. This happened to me as well.
I have a narcissist in my life. I have used several of your communcation techniques and they have been surprisingly effective! Thank you for what you do.
I'm so glad the tips have been helpful, Sharon!
Hi Jefferson. I enjoy your podcast. Here is my scenario: At work, I am being harrassed by a co-worker, who is a full-on Narcicist, who continuously gaslights me. She targets me at every moment possible out loud in front of everyone. Once I started listening to your podcast, I have learned to not react to her. Luckily, my State has made GASLIGHTING a criminal offense related to Domestic VIOLENCE. So now, whenever she starts stuff, first I ignore her and move on. There are times she keeps coming anyways, I call her out for gaslighting in front of everyone and move on. YES, it is wearing down everyone in my work group and we cannot wait for her to retire.
Narcissistic people gaslight. It’s their favorite thing to do to others, because they have no conscience and they are weak. Since you’ll never win with a narcissist, it’s crucial to learn how to maneuver through their gaslighting BS. Thanks for another great video!
I totally agree with your statement that you never win with a narcissist. I have a similar situation where the past is always brought up in a current argument and the current argument never gets resolved because the other person holds onto the past issues and dwells sonit becomes a circular conversation, which is frustrating
@judy. Grey 🪨 rock. Works very well.
Myself I just call them out right to their face for trying to Gaslight me and tell that person to get somewhere for good. Besides Who wants people like that in your life.
@@Fallguy615IntoitThis will make things worse for you. Learned that mistake the hard way.
@@veronicalagor4771 Maybe it made it worse for you, I don't understand why you would want to have toxic people in your life.
Myself I say F*** them, Stay away. I just had to put somebody in their place and it made me feel better and my life is much better.
A friend of mine suggested your podcasts to me 24 hours ago, knowing that I was prepping for a potentially contentious meeting with high school staff regarding some violations of policy their staff has committed this year. The meeting started well, and I was able to make my points professionally and have them received fairly well. Once we got to a point where I had to bring up something they in fact said and other people witnessed them say, they started the gas light. Immediately they gave the "That's not what I said, I......" and I took your advice. "I'm Sorry, but that is what we heard". Her expression instantly changed, and she followed up with "Well, that's not what I was trying to convey, what I meant was........."
You are such a lovey person trying to help people I just want you to know I appreciate you
I am having a lot of frustration when talking to my husband because he gaslights me a lot. It’s very hard to communicate with him because he denies anything that I try to bring up about him or about me or about the family and our home. It is hard to teach my son with this husband and my son is imitating his father as well. I will try your tips, though. But remaining silent is very hard for me.
Some classics that many people experience: “That didn’t hurt!” “You just can’t take a joke!” “You’re too sensitive!”
Eye rolling while and after you speak. My well-known ex-husband litigator was the worst. I had no idea who I was, thought or whether I belonged on the earth. One cruel dude.
Dam...don't do that again to yourself.... Fix your broken picker.
Lol.... I read that over. And seriously, it sounds like I'm twisting it. I'm not believing you words are so weird. No, but seriously. I do mean for you to make better choices in your relationships. I call them broken pickers. I have beautiful girlfriends and gentlemen, friends, and they always pick the worst people for themselves. And I tell them they had broken pickers.
Anyway, be well always stand in the light
I find silence is my best way of dealing with someone who gas lights or tries to egg me into an argument. It’s interesting how quickly they go silent and stop. Thanks for your helpful tips, Jefferson!
Thank you so much for this video. I stumbled upon it and so glad I did. My narc makes me "fill in the hole" !! I never had words to describe what he does before your explanation. For years, I've picked up that shovel and filled it for him. Now that I know what he is doing, NO MORE!!
“I could agree with you but then we would both be wrong” 😙👌🏻
Jefferson, your advice is hugely helpful, in clear language and common sense that anyone can follow. Thank you very much!
Thank you for these valuable lessons. I am in Africa- Uganda and getting to understand what gaslighting is will protect me from questioning my own reality when its under attack.
Wish I’d seen you years ago Jefferson, when I was in my narcissistic marriage. Your gaslighting responses are so simple, but so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing your essential life skill.
Thank you for explaining this so succinctly. I was a victim of gaslighting. Thanks so much
I learned what gaslighting is a couple years ago. Opened my eyes!
The narc and her enabler gaslight in church with their lies. Very delusional and always project their chaos. Not having the light of christ like they claim so hard. Narcs church playground
When you feel like you're going nuts,you've been gaslit
My family do this to me
The best thing is to record them
Oh my gosh, I had a family member do that to me continuously last year until I thought that I was losing my mind. They would verbally browbeat me, and, later deny it. I finally started recording them. The next time that they told me, "I didn't say that," I asked them if they would like to hear the recording. As I waited for their response, all I heard was crickets. Distancing also helps.
It’s terrible when your family does this.
To save your sanity, walk away, they don't change ... they enjoy the chaos.. it feeds their ego, but they don't understand ego doesn't feed self-worth, self-love. 🙏🏼💫
~Its one of the advantages of texting & email!~
@@marylindsey3774 I'm so glad for you.
I swear,with people like that you have to protect your sanity- recording,keeping a diary ...you have to make the truth tangible or else they'll keep on lying and denying
Good advice " I understand you disagree with me ." Thank you , Jeff.❤
My response to my narcissistic ex when he stated why would I say something like that was I don't know why you would I just know that you did, he had nothing else to say after that.
Thank you!! I have a brother who is an expert gaslighter and has a PhD in passive aggressive behavior. We have a large inheritance in our future. These phrases and advice will help me prepare to face an onslaught of this when probate arrives.
Gaslighting is cruel.
Thank you for the tips!!
🙏
Good advice on the Gaslighting. I wish I had known this information years ago when I was married to a drug addict. Gaslighting was served daily by this man. Sadly, I engaged and our arguments were very heated. He had me questioning just about everything in my life. I have since healed and am a much stronger, more controlled person now. I don't react... I respond. Since I found your podcasts, I have been even better at responding less, saying a few phrases, and then being okay with silence. Thank You so much, Jefferson.
This SO describes my daughter's ex. He's a narcissist who thinks he is never wrong. These videos are very helpful.
Jefferson, your advice is absolute gold! Thank you so much!!!
Amen👍😇💯💯💯
This is so empowering thank you I was gaslighted or attempted to by Matt graham.
I've only in recent years come across the word Narcissistic and boy did it hit home about how many of those characters have been in my life ..work, home and social ..you truly believe it's you that's at fault...not anymore !!
so Thank you Jefferson
The issue I have with the term is that people use it when two people have slightly different memories of how a conversation went down. And they say that I'm gaslighting. But I understand this term to be that you intend to make someone feel crazy.
It’s official. You’re my favorite UA-cam channel. Thanks for all you do for your viewers
Ayyye! Thank you!
I appreciate that you clarify what gaslighting is and how people can overuse the term. People also overuse the term narcissist. Misusing the terms lessens the significance of the actual behavior. Same with OCD; people will refer to someone who is organized or regimented as OCD when that’s not accurate and makes light of how detrimental actual OCD is. I really appreciate your videos for differentiating and for encouraging us to see behaviors for what they are and not minimize what we shouldn’t and not mistaking behaviors for what they aren’t 🙏🏼
I’m so grateful that you got that last question in. Whew!
When I encountered gaslighters before I knew the term, I just assumed they were stupid or crazy because I was confident enough in my own belief about events. These people need an unconfidemt victim to feed off of. But even if you are confident enough to see through the game, it simply isn't worth having these people in your life because they're a dramatic pain in the ass, and it's unlikely they will be cured of their vampiric tendencies.
I'm bad at having conversations. I always start crying when I want to say something, and it's very hard to control myself
I really hate this for you. If it's generally when you try to defend yourself against those trying to be hurtful then I had a very similar problem when I was young. It's a hard thing to deal with and I never found a psychological trick to stop it.
I did however find a solution which you may or may not like but I swear it eliminated this problem completely.
Get physically stronger. Commit to doing this.
For some reason once I was able to physically project force if needed that part of my mind no longer got in the way. I came to see it as a self protection mechanism to keep me from pushing back in a situation where i may be physically vulnerable possibly leading to serious injury from the altercation getting violent.
The confidence of knowing that you can physically defend yourself makes many social interactions easier.
Keep in mind im not advocating violence as a solution but that if that is actually an option it allows you to stay calmer as your limbic system doesn't so easily drop into panic mode.
@@shadowwolf225I agree with you. When I started doing martial arts I got more confidence and less afraid of being hurt both physically and mentally. It really helped with dealing with my ex.
Thank you so helpful in respecting others while rebuilding or maintaining confidence and integrity in ourselves in relationships. So helpful thank you 💕
I have never had someone try to gaslight me. However, I've seen several of your other presentations on how to improve responses during difficult conversations, and I've been impressed each time.
It has let me examine my own behavior so I won't behave in ways I don't respect after the fact. It has also given me new ways to respond when I get uncomfortable. Thank you.
Move. Don't put up with it all. It's evil. Run the other way...away from them.❤
hi Jefferson, the way you teach is so helpful! I think my relationships will be much healthier, moving forward because of your clear, practical instruction on communication.
crucial take away phrases:
“I do not imagine facts”
“Thats what i heard”
Jefferson. This is an AmAzInG podcast. Thank you 🙏🏽
Excellent guidance on what it is, and what it isn't!
This is a great further explanation I’ve heard on gaslighting since I’ve been learning about it!! 😮 that’s exactly it - then digging holes and expecting others to fill it.
Move. Don't be sucked in, sister or not! 🎉
I wish I could say I don’t deal with this in my personal relationship. It's a challenge. Evading a question or subject by bringing up the past. Attempting to create the reality they want you to believe. I could go on. Your content has helped me greatly. Please know that you have made a pisitive difference in my life and the lives of others. One of the phrases that I've turned to that's been effective is "We'll have to agree to disagree." Jefferson, Thans for helping me to become a stronger person. I really appreciate you pointing out the difference between respectfully disagreeing(which is ok) and gaslighting. People grab onto catch words without clearly understanding the definition.
Thank you, Jefferson, from Germany. I try to translate your helpful phrases into German for difficult situations I encounter here. Also, you are a role model with your self confident attitude 'I will not be manipulated/gaslighted etc'.
Thank you 🙏🏽. This is going to help me with my ex who enjoys gaslighting me. I’ve always took the long narrative route. I like your short statements. I appreciate you. I look forward to listening to your book on audible
Underrated channel. Constructive information. High marks.
Great tips on how to say less and get your point across. Thank you Jefferson!
I enjoy listening to you ❤
Thank you so much. I have shared you with my kids and kids needs to listen to you. So grateful to you and thank you ❤️ ❤❤🙏🙏🙏🙏
"I can
't imagine facts"... perfect! Thank you
Thank you for this Podcast Jefferson. I am right in the middle of a Gaslighting situation, and you have given me coping skills, I am so thankful. ❤
Thank you! You have helped me so much with people I encounter in my job. It works. Blessings to you and yours.
Thank you. Lots of great suggestions and alternatives. Sometimes the office is like trying to skate through the challenging folks to get to the goal of making your boss actually smile.
One tool I have found is to smile with God in your heart. Best defense ❤
Helpful input in a potentially very difficult conversation with personal or professional relationships. Thank you 🙏🏼
Thank you. This was an excellent breakdown of what it means to be a gaslighter.🐦🔥
Thank you for helping me understand. That's what I heard. I do not imagine facts. ❤
Jefferson,
I can’t thank you enough for the clarity and support your podcasts provide on topics like gaslighting and narcissism. Having dealt with these challenges myself, your practical, free guidance has been nothing short of gold. Your insights have brought much-needed stability and empowerment into my life, and I’m deeply grateful for the difference you make with every episode.
Wow, thank you. That means the world. Thanks for being here.
I find your channel very helpful when having to deal with narcissistic behavior constantly. It has taught me the proper responses so I don't feel so overwhelmed with the chaos and confusion that comes when someone constantly communicates in this manner. All of your videos in this series has taught me how to be able to communicate with the person like this in my life from a place of power and civility, so thanks again! ❤🙏
I am a ESL teacher ,I recommend you to adult students all the time for self growth .They love your channel so do I.
I specifically pass it on to women who I believe need to be stronger .
Thank you.
To anyone who hasn't dealt with a gaslighter before: you will never feel like you won the argument. If they change the subject without you submitting then thats a win. They will still manipulate you into feeling like you didn't make your point.
Thanks so much for sharing this information. I have found that your suggestions on responding to gaslighting are effective! Its helping me in ways I just wish I had known sooner. Its greatly satisfying to be able to stop this sort of nonsense with some individuals. It has made me actually laugh too. Not in front of the gaslighter but later. Lol.😉👍♥️
“Gaslighting is made to question your reality”… Jefferson Fisher
They blame u that they won’t have to deal with seeing the ugly in them
👍
This phrase is 50yo
I need a video like this but for being a patient!
Great videos and thanks so much for taking the time to educate us! I have a question, If you know that someone is giving out false information about you to benefit themselves, is it against the law to purposely give them wrong information or answers?
I just wait for your book in march 2025.
Im again grateful that you speak so slow so people like me who has difficult by inner fokus can follow what you say.
Thank you❤❤❤
Very helpful advice, you are right a lot of people use that word lightly. It seems like less is more when it comes to this, key words from a sense of curiosity not getting into the he said you said. Thanks 🎉
So true!
Jefferson i love your podcast. I think you are a very emotionally intelligent person. I have been working on being mindful with my words and podcast has been very helpful. Thank you, kerri
Thank you, Kerri!
I had a gaslighter as a manager. Every time I would go downna pathway, often based on previous advice or instruction, he would challenge it and make me feel stupid, and do it in front of the team. He would "forget" agreements we made with regard to taking annual leave, and in general conversation he would always have to be seen to know more than anyone else. It was very frustrating.
This would happen in front of his manager, and Executive, and she protected him. It was a running joke in the team that there was an a special option on the employee feedback line to make a complaint about him, and when called, you would be 4000th in the queue.
The behaviour was so blatantly obvious but no one would do anything about it.
Keep it up Jefferson. You are killing it with your content and helping SO many people doing it so well.
Rehashing the past equals rabbit hole! 😮
The thing about saying well grounded statements to a callous gaslighter is that our tongue gets eaten up by our feelings and nothing comes out in an actual gaslighting episode!!
To get around that, practise grounded statements while we are calm and untriggered, before any future encounter.
Like actors practising their lines to perfection, imagine the scene in your head, delivering your simple lines to the gaslighter, your voice and emotions in perfect control. Words framed in the right voice and cadence delivers the perfect punch as we've heard coach Jefferson demo here. We just gotta be better actors to take control back! Good sentences worth practising!
I wish i had heard this earlier when i had someone gaslighting me. You're making a difference and helping people. Im a senior.
Very insightful, Sir... Loved your narrative and action plan... Thanks a bunch...
As always, Jefferson, your content is GOLD!! I appreciate you and your sage conversational advice!!! ESPECIALLY the part about someone denying what they, in fact, DID. ❤🙏🥰
You are a blessing to this world. Thank you for sharing your helpful tips!
My partner does this sometimes - at the end of our conversation I usually say: Recollections may vary, as the late Queen said. This lets him know I don’t believe him but I won’t continue to argue. All of us in the UK know what the Queen meant.
Such a wise and intelligent woman!
Thank you Jefferson for the examples you give. It helps us to grasp when and how we are gaslighted. My son has done this and now he and his wife have closed the door for my husband and I to their family. *I love Cozy Earth sheets.
I really enjoy your car chats in the car! It's so engaging and friendly. Please don't go into a boring studio/office. Hugs Sallxxx
One employer and some family members would bring up the past with me and would try to drag me down the rabbit hole. I would feel helpless because I knew what happened and they would push me down. I had no skills to communicate back. Great advice. Thanks.
Thankyou for your message I am today, single and happier, and more myself and more at ease and at peace in my life because I chose to leave someone in my life that was very much the same way
Amen. Me too. I am NOT crazy. I fell for the crap everytime. I was WORN OUT and on the precipice of thinking I wasen't worth living! Thanks be to God for saving me! And Jefferson your solutions are awesome when dealing with mean/bad people! I love you and I'm so grateful for you podcasts. Bless you. Keep up your fantastic work/service!❤❤❤❤❤😮
Why do they target certain people and gaslight? Does if stem from resentment, hurt, anger or something that the target did to them? Or can it just be the gaslighter’s personality and find easy targets to play with?
Thanks for your hard work!!😊
They are extremely very sick people, but no one locks them in prison.
This segment is very helpful. Thank you so much! I was unclear exactly what gaslighting is and how to recognize it. 👍
You're so genius! Much respect! thank you for your work.
You’ve just thrown me a communication life line in my almost 50 year marriage! Where have you been for my last 49 years? By the looks of it you weren’t born yet!😆
I love this to use *** i can not imagine facts*** i use myself ***we perceive things differently tell me your point of view perspective. And remain open to listen ❤ think feel you're helpfully amazing
My husband has done exactly the same things you're describing to me exactly
You're awesome ,Thank you , and I truly appreciate you .
I’ve been seeing your videos and shorts for a while . I don’t know why but you are my favorite !
Yay! Thank you!
"I need someone helpful." 🎯
Sir, best suggested video the YT algorithm ever put on my radar! 🏹 Thank you for sharing these powerful shutdown nonsense responses. Immediate sub 🔔
Glad it was helpful!
I, this is very helpful. I often wonder why the person being gaslighted doesn't challenge the person by saying "if you don't recall these events which happened, maybe you need some medical help for that early onset dementia problem"