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The thing is, we hurt where we care. Most people with social anxiety are the ones who actually strive for deep connection. You can barely find a person with social anxiety who doesn’t want to have deep relationship with others. Our deepest desires are often hidden within our biggest fears.
This is a 100% true, people with social anxiety just want to find someone to connect too, they just want a friend who understands them, bec people with social anxiety feel misunderstood, constantly, from fear and rejection. Although they may put themselves out there and socialise, they find it difficult to act normal, Bec they struggle to express themselves around people who don’t genuinely know them.
I feel like my social anxiety developed when I was being rejected by others throughout the years. I was quite bright and talkative as a kid but not now. I honestly took the time to reflect about myself, most of the time I did not do anything wrong, I've always assumed people deemed me as someone "uninteresting" as the reason they left me. But truth to be told, sometimes what they do has nothing to do with us. I have no idea how other people constantly have the energy to socialize and hang out with a group of people daily without feeling exhausted.
People don't exhaust being socialized daily bcz they enjoy every moment of social life. Actually they get energy by being socialized. I wish I was that fortunate. I am exhausted now from trying to cope with this
That would be generalized social anxiety. I get that 100%. No place with people is "safe", and anxiety worsens around people who we see the most often (because the more time someone has spent around us, the more they have adjusted to viewing us as awkward anxious people who they want to avoid). For us generalized SA folks, social anxiety is a self-fulfilling prophesy. It can't be improved by "going out and being socially courageous, expecting rejection and being emboldened by knowing we're doing what we believe in", as the presenter suggested. In fact, that makes it WORSE, because the negative experiences that inevitably result from those "courageous" outings give us yet another proof of why we should be anxious and avoid people. The solution is a proper therapy program which is tailored to severe SA, created by a therapist who had severe generalized SA themselves. It's a unique disorder in that it can't be understood or effectively treated by someone who doesn't truly understand it...
@@FromDesertTown I may be on the spectrum; unconfirmed. I struggle to comprehend social cues. I've gotten better with casual interactions. The anxiety kicks in when I consider closer friendships or, worse, romantic interests. I get caught up in expectations that I kinda prefer rejection, or just talk myself out of it.
So...I came down here in the comments section...I began reading what people think ab this and most speak ab going thru it and how it feels. Then I realized that many of these people are actually suffering from the same thing, I realize how many people are down here commenting, it made me feel relief a little bit bc then I know m not alone, then I began to wonder if all these people were my friends bc ya'll are so many and we're going thru it all at once...it's crazy how this video gathered all of us here, imagine how it would if all of us in here knew each other 🥲🙉❤ wouldn't it be perfect!
The thing is it's possible. We can create telegram private group and can help each other forming connections reviving the life again. I am ready for it
Best explanation of what social anxiety is that I have heard. HOWEVER, the solution is what doesn't work - she essentially said "buck up" and "deal with it". That is exactly what drives socially anxious people like myself further into our holes.
Yeah, I think better solution would be to look within and ask oneself the source the anxiety. "Buck up" and "deal with it" is just treating the symptoms. Go for the cause. It may hurt to mess with that splinter but we all feel better once we take it out out of us.
CBT in this video is doing extreme psychological damage - by explaining that social anxiety is hallucination and that paranoid delusional disorder is equal to trauma, as if abuse is someone's vivid imagination and abuse never took place. This is why anti-psychiatry was invented in 1960s.
I severely lessoned my social anxiety by accepting those things about me that caused my fear of rejection. I did that by interacting with my critical internal voice differently. Before I would run away from it or try to suppress it, but I realized (with some help) that it was in its own messed up way trying to help me. By acknowledging that it was valid and that it had a place at my internal table of voices it then knew that it did not need to speak because I always had its' best interests at heart. Since then it has largely been silent when I look in the mirror and by extension going out and being in social situations has largely been anxiety free -- not zero, but very manageable.
"I severely lessoned my social anxiety by accepting those things about me that caused my fear of rejection" You never had social anxiety in the first place. Social anxiety is called social+anxiety because it is social. It is not self - anxiety. The problem is in the social, not inside ourselves. If you decide to label parts of yourself as faulty and wrong you will develop severe toxic shame, as all narcissists and belittle yourself into perfection. Then you will belittle others around you, since you treat yourself as you treat others around you. Any reaction, and idea, any nitpicking over anxiety leads to more anxiety. Jung said: What we resist, persist. Idea to ignore, reject, suppress our emotions lead to invalidation, the same trauma which caused social anxiety trauma in the first place. All emotions are valid - if we have inner critic, this means that there is trauma stuck inside our body. Charcot hysteria was studied 100 years ago - and it was not resolved by logic, since the problem is in the unconsciousness. Releasing trauma takes time, patience and self love and self validation - not explaining it away or splitting our personality in bad parts which we need to discipline and lobotomize into peacefulness of being zombie. If we are surrounded by toxic people - the problem are toxic people, not our normal reactions to toxic people. If we are not meeting Maslow needs (safety, finances, security) - we are not responsible for living in poverty, we are not responsible for the legalized crime, for mafia running the country, for toxic corporations destroying humans and enslaving them - our thoughts will not make evil people go away. Neither will our ignorance and being okay with abuse make abuse anything less - in fact it will enable the abuse. Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER: The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
I really apreciate what you are doing for people strugling with social anxiety. I heavily strugle with social anxiety and i feel like i will be like this forever. It has messed up my life in many ways but this video makes me feel better. God bless you for what you are doing.
You don't need to overcome it. The problem belongs to other people not you. You need to get over yourself in that regard and accept the fact extroverts and introverts don't = I'm OK and you're not ok. You are OK screw other people
If you switch embarrassment with rejection is is still social anxiety. I hate feeling embarrassed. All I know is I don't like talking to people I just want to be able to do it without the negative side effects. So I can be comfortable at work and not feel like I need to quit or have a breakdown because people keep asking me questions.
Seems to me like narcissism. People with social anxiety are afraid of punishment and violence, bullying. You on the other hand hate being exposed as bully. Narcissists hate truth, transparency, resolving issues, objectiveness, bringing things into the light. If you did not do anything wrong, anti-social - there would be no reason to be embarrassed about. Truly socially anxious people are afraid of embarrassment in the context of prelude to violence, putting downs and beating up.
I hate it when people say "Humans are social". They just don't get it that some of us aren't. Some of us prefer our own company. Personally, I hate parties or any kind social get together. I like to relate to other people one-to-one but never in a group. I don't consider this something wrong with me, it's just who I am. But other people cannot accept it, they want everyone to be sociable and look on me as abnormal.
And what about those people who were bullied and abused - and now they fear the same treatment. Abuse stems from toxic people. And CBT is instructing us to ignore psychopaths and allow criminals to exploit us with manipulation, control and pathological lying. CBT is not explaining how to protect ourselves and built social immunity. CBT is promoting herd immunity - where people are sent to be slaughtered if they don't have education how to fend against sharks and jackals. CBT ought to be banned.
@@cuberious1419 He is talking about ableism. Where people are expected to be chirpy, happy when their boss and co-workers abuse them in order to be "social". That is what he is talking about. Not kinder garden knowledge about functioning in society with social contract.
@@ranc1977 I don’t think that’s what the original post was intended to mean. He only mentioned his discomfort in crowd settings which is understandable.
@@ock50sify We (this thread) are actually all talking here about the same thing, we just talk in different angles and use different perspectives about the same topic. Aron makes the great point, quotes from her HSP book, that is what we are talking here: They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves. The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron Learning to see our trait as a neutral thing-useful in some situations, not in others-but our culture definitely does not see it, or any trait, as neutral. Be careful about accepting labels for yourself such as "inhibited", "introverted", "shy" The Highly Sensitive Person,E. Aron "Sooner or later everyone encounters stressful life experiences, but HSPs react more to such stimulation. If you see this reaction as part of some basic flaw, you intensify the stress already present in any life crisis. This deeper processing of subtle details causes you to consider the past or future more. You "just know" how things got to be the way they are or how they are going to turn out. It can be wrong, but your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, more conscientious, cautious and wise people. It is important not to confuse arousal with fear. And often we think that our arousal is due to fear. We do not realize that our heart may be pounding from the sheer effort of processing extra stimulation. I really suggest trying to view it as neutral. HSPs must spend far more time trying to invent solutions to human problems just because they are more sensitive to hunger, cold, insecurity, exhaustion, and illness. Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about such things, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering. Spend enough time putting yourself out there in the world - your sensitivity is not something to be feared. Carl Jung believed that when highly sensitive patients has experienced a trauma, they had been unusually affected and so developed a neurosis. Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured. HSPs differ mainly in their sensitive processing of subtle stimuli. This is your most basic quality." The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron
it's funny that i really don't fear anyone rejecting me yet i still have social anxiety. i really don't fear being rejected, i don't give a damn about what others think, yet i still have it. even if you do the stupidest thing on public, people will forget it after an hour.
I feel the same way. I struggle with processing a lot of opinions and information that sometimes feel like nonsense. It's not that I consider them stupid or anything; the people I interact with are quite brilliant. It's just that I often feel overwhelmed and anxious, and I find myself wanting to withdraw from social interactions. It's confusing, and I don't fully understand it.
How do you have it if you don’t fear what ppl think…? Not being rude I just really want to know… I think the feeling of rejection comes in many little forms.. like I don’t like ppl staring at me for long.. I struggle with telling stories because I was nvr listened to as a kid so I feel I always have to rush my story or I might sound dumb or boring…
@@jazziejazzbucketlistI can’t speak for OP, but I can provide my answer. I used to fear rejection. That transitioned to accepting that I would always be rejected in every non-work situation ever, so it’s not an uncertainty to fear but a constant to be accepted, kind of like bright sunlight during a hot desert day. What I feared became the situations where I felt socially forced to get myself rejected YET AGAIN either to get something I wanted (party food, someone to let me at least sit with the group to pretend to end the loneliness for a few minutes) or pretend I was making progress in the courage/exposure therapy department (most relevant in large group and “you should find someone in this group to date and ask them out” situations). Haven’t quite gotten over that yet.
@@aheimbig Oh I completely get it now.. so it’s like you made peace with the thought of being socially awkward or feeling unaccepted… but in order to still live life you will have to go through the triggers or uncomfortable social situations that are so fudging draining… thanks so much, I understand now.. my therapist just told me today I have to continue to sit in those uncomfortable environments until I can conquer my anxiety in that area… We must learn ourselves & love ourselves… I hope everyone on here becomes anxiety free because it’s so hindering 😣.. we can’t let it control our life/relationships
Yes, that is a regret, that I a missing out big time, yet It feels like trying to bust through a brick wall. In actuality, it is probably more like a thin layer of tissue paper to get through to the other side of social anxiety. I am also wary of medication. I think side effects might be worse than dealing with the actual problem. Why would you want to saddle yourself with more (side effects) problems?
As far as medication, it puts a bandaid on the problem. It definitely helps a lot but there are side effects of not caring about things or being able to cry or not having many emotions. These are the side effects I have noticed in myself. Having anxiety is bad bc I care too much but on meds I barely care about things I should care about and I still have the anxiety some what but it’s more manageable..
This video really has the best explanation of what social anxiety is. But the solution is the same old crap: 'Just do it.' It’s like saying, 'If you’re homeless, just buy a home.' Addressing the root of your fears would be a better solution, I think. For example, when I was a child, I had to constantly stay alert and account for the emotions of the adults in my life to avoid being yelled at or reduce the chances of my mom getting beaten by my dad. Now, my brain views every human interaction in that old way. It tries to apply the same process to almost every interaction with others making me unable to even talk to anyone.
I also think that most people with social anxiety disorders find difficult in convincing other people who may otherwise be convinced by those people who are extroverted, without social anxiety disorders and have much deep bond or familiarity with them. Also most of the time people with social anxiety have to accept and follow others orders or instructions without questioning if they may as the fear of rejection or unacceptance is ingrained so much in them. They might think that If I try to say 'no' to this person, he/she wont interact with me or leave me in a rejected state.
We generalize a lot when it comes to things we don't understand. Many people believe that those with social anxiety actually want to be alone, because they misunderstand what social anxiety is about. When you have social anxiety, it's because you want so much to have a good connection with someone that you become really afraid of the opposite. You overthink because you care too much, and then the experience itself becomes overwhelming. So the person shuts down... Moral: don't judge a person with social anxiety by how you view their behavior from your own frame of mind.
I agree so much with osaka, public speaking with a script is so much easier because I am totally prepared for it and very excited. But just talking to a few people after going off stage is nerve racking cos you don't know what they would say and what to respond
See I have the exact opposite problem, bouncing off of someone in a very topical conversation like that is fine for me, but as soon as I have to make formal speeches I fumble my words and feel like I’m just a monotone robot, and it turns into a feedback loop of not being able to focus
Think about this more deeply: "But just talking to a few people after going off stage is nerve racking cos you don't know what they would say and what to respond" You would know how to respond if you were validated and accepted and admired, as narcissists try to gain from other people on force. We with social anxiety trauma do not know what to do, how to respond, how to retort when we are invalidated. It is not issue about rejection as CBT explains it. It is invalidation , since invalidation in narcissistic abuse created social anxiety in the first place. We need education hence about toxic people, how to recognize red flags, how to handle narcissistic abuse, how to build self worth so that we do not spend our money on impressing people who wouldn't give a damn about us for a nano second.
I love this! what is very interesting is that I recently got my DNA ancestry results and it says I am most likely to be introverted which was empowering because I always thought I had a problem and that I was abnormal for having certain social anxiety. At the end of the day life is too short to not get yourself out there. I always say what's the worst thing that can happen. Usually it is our silly thinking that stops us from living life
Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships. Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs. WILLIAM GLASSER
I've always been bullied by girls since I was little because my jaw was too far in, I developed social anxiety, I literally have no friends, I can't even look girls in the eye. I'm 26 years old and I've never had a girlfriend because I'm afraid of being rejected.
She is correct. I used to have severe social anxiety, but when I played football, this was my strongest suit. I absolutely loved showing off my football skills on the field. It made me feel confident because I was so skilled. Off the field? That was a totally different story... Lol. I'd have a panic attack and nearly have a medical emergency if you put me in front of a crowd of people to give a speech. There's a big difference between performance anxiety and social anxiety.
All this social fear inhibition complex panic stems from - being exposed to relentless criticism while growing up, repeatedly over and over again being invalidated. Toxic people play huge role in creating and maintaining social anxiety in their targets of their abuse. Also not meeting Maslow needs will make us prone to feel social anxiety trauma - not having shelter, finances, safety, security - all leads to social anxiety no matter how perfect we might be or try to be. Not having safety will simply default back to PureOCD intrusive worries of social inhibitions trauma. I see important information to separate feelings of abuse and non safety away from our self worth and sense of who we are as individual. That we do not equate our mistake with our persona. That we do not equate feeling fears along with being weak, sissy, non manly, unhuman or not deserving to exist. Naomi Osaka is an example of functional social anxiety - similar to Michael Jackson who also had sever social anxiety yet in the same time he performed in front of billions of people without problems. Social anxiety is explained in this video as self pathology, as something to self blame and that is it hallucination, our own problem which we invented to get attention - which narcissists do. Narcissists use social anxiety to gain narcissistic supply: other people's sympathy and attention and admiration, even if it is negative. In reality social anxiety is reaction to much serious problem: narcissists and toxic people like Trump or Putin or Musk, psychopaths hidden and covered as leaders and "successful" individuals who are abusing and putting their targets down for them to feel good about themselves. Social anxiety is alarm, alert that we are surrounded by toxic people, that we discover and are much more aware of sick violent people who are wearing mask of empathy and altruism, charm and charisma to attract narcissistic supply. Idea that we suppress "negative" emotions and to nitpick ourselves into perfection will lead to more social anxiety. Quotes to consider: Lundy Bancroft: "Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can." Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER: The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering. Sigmund Freud | Philsopher & Neurologist ✍, TWITTER: Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways. Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about solutions, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering. Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured. The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron "Any attempt to dictate what thoughts, feelings, and sensations are proper or improper creates a breeding ground for guilt and shame" Peter Levine Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I can change.” We have this idea that what is normal is also healthy and natural. In this culture the norm is neither healthy nor it is natural. In fact, a norm is making us sick. YT Gabor Matè Tom Bilyeu
I'm so confident, very talkative, I don't mind interacting, PEOPLE ARE SUPER RUDE OUT HERE! I really tried this year and I'm not the problem, I don't think I am. I've seen n heard people be rude n mean towards others so I don like bothering people...4 days ago two girls texted in a school group asking for friends, I inboxes two if them n only one was nice, the other literally told me that she's mean as hell...n then I kept telling her to just b herself n she was just so stubborn, like she's not interested, I began to ask myself then why is she asking for friends if she's not willing to b nice...she even said she gets bored fast...my heart broke not bc of what she said buh bc of how mean she was, she didn't even try to be nice.. so I left her n spoke to the other one, she was super nice. For the first time, I ever felt like it's hard to make friends. People don want friends, its more like I see yuh today, it was fun n it's a never repeat.
Severe social anxiety person right here 🙋🏼♀️ If anyone knows UA-cam videos, websites or book recommendations that could help me please comment. I don’t think mine is ever going away. It’s ruined my life.
@@BabeiIlie Can confirm, after reading the Bible I stopped caring about what others think (because the majority of people dont care about each other) and left the church because i was there due to peer pressure and being afraid of getting punished if I didnt stick to the barbaric rules :) don't @ me
I dont have a specific book i could recommand right now but talking to myself(positive things/ affirmations) had helped me with social anxiety. Also mentally prepare If You can
@@bassrecord6139 nd yes u can read Any holy book like BIBLE OR BHAGWAD GEETA.....go to temple daily....Nd feel that High positive vibes there...U WILL START SEEING THE CHANGE WITHIN URSELF ❤️✨
Rejection is not it at all. I don't relate to that. For me, it's about wasting time with people who I can only just sit and observe, it's me being uncomfortable in a meaningless situation when I could rather give myself something to enjoy like reas a book, or watch a good series.
For me when I'm about to be in a situation with seeing many people, I get to decline it earlier because of a reason; it is by not being a eloquent speaker or not know what to talk or say, making eye contacts cos it makes me feel awkward and I feel like I'm being swallowed by making eye contact yk, I can't properly be myself, redeem myself and stay in the moment and my response when I'm in a awkward situation is always in a freeze state or flight. Now I still have those but I think it gave me half of the experience to not bothered too much, but it still keeps coming and I always have a relapse, I just don't know what to do about it. It sucks that I can't even go to therapy with this happening for 5 years....
This has good info, however I think it's limited when saying "social anxiety becomes a problem when it impacts your identity". We need to take that a step further or alter it. Because there are plenty of people who truly *are* different and aren't going to fit in. (Think autism, or just people who are eccentric). People do think they are odd - there's going to be no changing that (speaking as an autistic person myself, this isn't meant as offense). And someone then internalizing that and saying "there's something different/wrong with me" isn't necessarily the problem. The only real way to combat social anxiety is to say "you know what? I am weird and might do weird/inappropriate/embarrassing things, and some people might reject me, but that doesn't influence my self worth". And then focus on finding better company. This is challenging, but little by little it's the only way I've combated my social anxiety. That, and medication lol).
She missed the part of toxic people causing social anxiety. Instead she turned to CBT idea of self pathology, self blame and toxic shame as tools to handle social anxiety through repetition of invalidation, narcissistic abuse. CBT is therapy of ableism.
@@golden.lights.twinkle2329 She is promoting CBT. The idea of CBT is that we lobotomize ourselves into subservience, obedience, conformism, groupthink and herd mentality, one-sided thinking based on being obedient, silent, passive slave and drone to crony corporations. CBT is basically fascism.
I think like at a stage in our life we all start to become socially concious ever more than we did before and that we simply weren't ready enough, or too innocent, too kind, too sensitive, that we get hurt. Like the younger you would not know yet that you would be ignored, rejected, or made fun of and with that the absence of fear and the thought of failure didn't occur to you and then after a while you start learning to hide your emotions and not be kind anymore. I guess that's a lesson we have to learn in life that we have to experience and you know keep loving ourselves and just find out. And being more kind to yourself and being selfish for yourself, not others is okay and that we just have to keep swimming 🐟.
They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves. The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron
Change your habits and routines - Limit phone usage (Start by reducing to half) - Interact w/strangers on a regular basis (Aim for three a day) - Don't overstimulate (Let go, don't try) - Look good, feel good (Helps w/confidence) - Isolation is the dream killer (Don't be a recluse) - There is no magic pill (Process of elimination) "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - FDR
My social anxiety is kind of paradoxal because I can easily socialize and chat with a person in a individual interaction but if there are 3 or more people in a group, I just feel like I don’t have an opportunity to respond or question or whatever I will say will be irrelevant.. this social anxiety is impacting so much my life - if you’ve been through that and have any advices or recommendations, please let me know
One hundred percent. from Awareness by Anthony De Mello . . . The three most difficult things for a human being are not athletic feats or intellectual achievements. The three are: First, returning love for hate; Second, including the excluded; And third, admitting that you are wrong.
The biggest problem is that it seems impossible to find people that do accept you as the person you are. All the talk about having selfworth surely is true. But at some point you need someone to really accept you or you won't maintain the state of self-acceptance for all too long. That's my case actually. Kinda...
why do you people think that you have to tell us you doing better with socializing or it's generally better not to feel anxious about it. It's everything matter of attitude and time. There is nothing wrong with feeling anxious about socializing. Be more humble and true to yourself and anxiousness will disappear. We are all same humans with a lot of differences but still the same ashes.
I struggle with social anxiety all around. The way I handle it? I got a waitress job and I struggle everyday. I am awkward with everyone that I wait on, but I feel better about facing it instead of not socializing at all. Its so hard to do. :(
@@devriesdana I hear you Dana. I think it's normal to have such reaction. Try not to put it in a struggling process and be easy on yourself. I'm sure by time things will get smoother. I'm glad to hear that you feel better facing it than not socializing at all. I'm having a problem to get on a track of everyday routine since I've been at home mostly for 2 years. I've tried job interviews several times but none of them worked. I'm thinking to change my career and learn coding in order to be able to work remotely but I'm having trouble because I really don't want to that just for comforting myself. I want to find my place idk and I'm in my 30's.
I think one of the most important things to remember is that this happens with guys too, not just girls, if guys think they’re suffering from a woman’s problem it makes the suffering worse.
1:13 That's the norm in Japanese society xD. Goes to show how stressful it must be to grow up and live in Japan; nails that stick out get hammered down.
I don't fear being rejected. I honestly don't care. I don't want to engage because I don't want to. And it bugs me that I'm like that, but meaningless conversations irk me. I want to be ok with small talk so bad.
Why do many people equate "not interested in talking with other people to social anxiety?" They just want to spend time doing what they want rather than talking with other people
I had no friends in high school and still don’t. I’m always locked in my room and I’m scared of ending up alone, but I can’t get the courage to break the chains that SA has on me.
there are youngsters in my city who live with smartphones nailed to their head, but cannot function in a face-to-face interaction they do not know how they have never learned how
i live with this for whole my life , i am 43 years old , it is fine with me , my problem start when other hurt me because I am not like them . pully people make .y life difficult and I start believe that the problem is not about me anymore . the life full of sick people who like hurt somebody like me
i have sosial anxious, but when going out i have no issue or anxious talking to others, but i dont put everything i do ont eh internet for likes or approval
I have always been rejected, since childhood through to now, age 55. Comes with having an obvious physical disability. You might meet a couple of people who don't care about your disability, but they're part of a social group, and in that group, there are people in that group who do very much care about it. So to remain a part of that group, they fall into line with their peers and do what they have to do avoid the stigma of association. It might take some lies or a nasty rumour or two, but they'll come up with a reason why the cripple should be shunned and bully everyone else into going along with it. And because people are generally weak willed cowards who are terrified of being rejected themselves, they reluctantly, or sometime not so reluctantly, go along with it. Am I anxious? No. Just disgusted. If you were doing this because of my skin colour, you'd be cancelled. But because you're doing it because of a physical condition I was born with, that's OK. Because you convinced yourselves it's not about that at all, it's about those horrid character flaws, perversions and hateful attributes you falsely ascribe to me to excuse your ableism. You know what though? Over the decades I've grown a form of armour made of scar tissue. Your collective rejection has cauterized the emotional wounds that drive people to seek the company of others at any cost, to compromise their principals and debase themselves to abusers and become enablers just so they can feel included. Knowing I'll never fit in because you won't let me has become liberating. I don't have to even try to fit in any more, and don't people hate that. They have no leverage. Peer pressure doesn't work on me because I know I will never truly be your peer.
Wow, I'm so sorry. Just as I know that I am racist sometimes, sexist sometimes, even though I am a woman, I know I'm also ableist sometimes. But I really try not to be. I'm so sorry this happens to you, it's so unfair. But it's good you share your anger, which you have every right to have. It might remind people to try and be better.
In confirm that each time I treated a disabled person as a friend, other people around me (even those who are less good-looking) put the pressure on me to eject the "unwanted". It's sad but true and that's why I never consider these people as real friends, just relationships that I need to keep at arm. I know that, if tomorrow I got sick or got a huge scare-face, even the ugliest of them would take his distance with me. So I'm just like you, disgusted and also tired of human stupidity.
I have seen people being shunned because of their physical appearance lots and lots of times so I know what you say does happen. And it's outrageous and hypocritical in a world that talks so much about acceptance and inclusion. I really do hope that it's getting better, though, as more and more people realize how unfair that kind of treatment really is.
" And because people are generally weak willed cowards who are terrified of being rejected themselves, they reluctantly, or sometime not so reluctantly, go along with it. " With trauma experience we make other people into our gods without being aware that we are doing this trauma bonding. This is called external referencing locus of control where we place our worth in explanations and actions and definitions of other people. The opposite of that is mental health: intrinsic locus of control. People may hate us, people may love us - but we draw our self worth on our own common sense, not other people. We listen to people - without allowing them to control us. We can be nice and good and friendly and social and still say no the others without hating them. That is internal locus of control - where other people do not define our goals or what we want and desire from life.
Here's what you do about it. Stop socializing. It doesn't matter. Have you been told your whole life to be less shy, speak up, that you have a problem to overcome? That was being told to you by extroverts. They think there's a "norm" you're not conforming to. It's a norm that they invented. Forget about them. Why do we always have to play their game? How about if introverts insist that extroverts shut up, stop being so loud and making small talk that bores us? That fake how are you and have a nice day crap. Trust me, I'm happier alone it's true, number one is false. There's people I love but I don't seem to be leaning on them for my enjoyment of life. "Social anxiety disorder". Aren't the ones catering to social norms the ones with the social anxiety? I don't care about social norms, people looking down on the introverts are the ones with the problem.
I am new to the stock market. Every stock that I bought so far, I was out of luck because I bought them when they were expensive. I feel I missed out on all the stock opportunities so far for the tech stocks. I believe having 75K yearly income would be a good investment so I want to plug all my savings into the stock market. I know this sounds a bit dull but I would like to know if I should learn investing or let somebody else (more capable like a FA) do it for me? Please share your thoughts. I am kind of tired of searching for a good stock to buy and losing all the good opportunities
Even with the right technique and assets some investors would still make more than others, as an investor, you should've known that by now, nothing beats experience and that's final, personally I had to reach out to a stock expert for guidance which is how I was able to grow my account close to a million, withdraw my profit right before the correction and now I'm buying again
The broker I'm in touch with is *ASHLEY AIRAGAHI . I came across her in a Bloomberg interview and got in touch with her. You can use something else. For me, her strategy works hence my result. She provides entry and exit point for the securities I focus on
@Rh-bk8pu @Rh-bk8pu I am a Muslim and Quran teaches us to stay humble and don't fear but Allah. It's just that I could smile I front of ppl or appear rude maybe cuz of RBF which led to my severe Social anxiety!
Its real simple get off your phones. Get off the screens. No texting. Make only phone calls. The phones and screens have taken us away from real human interaction.
I heard that the British Prime Minister Goolge CEO came from the background of living in India with a daily living cost of less than two dollars... so knowledge surfers who have experienced living costs of less than two dollars have a chance for everyone but I I also read Tell the story of an American who crossed from the east coast of the United States to the devil's horn in the west without taking a dime...
I HAVE INCURRED SO MUCH LOSSES TRADING ON MY OWN...I TRADE WELL ON DEMO BUT I THINK THE REAL MARKET IS MANIPULATED... CAN ANYONE HELP ME OUT OR AT LEAST TELL ME WHAT I'M DOING WRONG ?
I dont think these online chatting platforms can do much to curb and reduce social anxiety as rejection may increase by this as most of the time, people on these platforms often skip other people frequently without interacting much or giving reasons which may increase the affect of rejection in ourselves.
why this video hasn't Japanese subtitles, I wonder an interpreter'd had assessed it'd be better not to present for some reason or not. but what the talker'd had talked with confidence should not be concealed for only certain viewers. for the first time I'd encounter a video without Japanese subtitle, but I've already grown up the advanced like a cat to become a lion(impossible). I can penetrate despite of without closed captions.
thanks to this video I've noticed I'd come to grasp the video without subtitles not only of first language but also of second. moreover I've convinced it's clear/fine without it any more. what a pleasurable incident it is to be unnecessary to chase subtitles. hereafter I could do parallel-doing anything with hearing TED video. how accelerate my progress would be. it'd be incredulous for you and incredible for me also.
I suppose correct answer doesn't exist, with what intention the talker chose and talk about this theme. in positive thinking I suppose it'd be inspiring/encouraging , in negative it'd be humiliating/shame. this'd depend viewer's mind-set. even if the talker'd had not any intention positive or negative, I believe the decision of the interpreter (definitely Japanese lady) had decided not to present Japanese subtitles would be courageous/sympathetic/correct.
you're only a gossiper. have you any method of cure? don't talk other people's mental illnesses triumphantly without any compassion. you can easily understand how this talk should make tough time for the people of mental illnesses, can you? if you want to talk anything please talk about how to cure it.
I avoid being noticed and being Around other people because most people are steaming piles of problems and emotional/mental baggage. drains on my existence. albatrosses around my neck.
Enjoying this talk? You'll love the brand new TED Radio Hour series - Mind, Body, Spirit. Hear TED speakers share their eye-opening ideas on how we think, move, and feel. ua-cam.com/play/PL2TjQf2riraLkqqFGxK65JI-leCAxm1eD.html
The thing is, we hurt where we care. Most people with social anxiety are the ones who actually strive for deep connection. You can barely find a person with social anxiety who doesn’t want to have deep relationship with others. Our deepest desires are often hidden within our biggest fears.
This is a 100% true, people with social anxiety just want to find someone to connect too, they just want a friend who understands them, bec people with social anxiety feel misunderstood, constantly, from fear and rejection. Although they may put themselves out there and socialise, they find it difficult to act normal, Bec they struggle to express themselves around people who don’t genuinely know them.
Anxious togetherness though ... not ideal.
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I feel like my social anxiety developed when I was being rejected by others throughout the years.
I was quite bright and talkative as a kid but not now. I honestly took the time to reflect about myself, most of the time I did not do anything wrong, I've always assumed people deemed me as someone "uninteresting" as the reason they left me. But truth to be told, sometimes what they do has nothing to do with us. I have no idea how other people constantly have the energy to socialize and hang out with a group of people daily without feeling exhausted.
People don't exhaust being socialized daily bcz they enjoy every moment of social life. Actually they get energy by being socialized. I wish I was that fortunate. I am exhausted now from trying to cope with this
I can completely relate. My fear of being rejected led me to not talk at all.
Well when it's really your people, you would never be exhausted❤
I've never been in a social situation where I felt I truly belonged. Even within my family I feel like an outside observer more than a member.
I can truly relate with you
Same 😞
Most people are like this.. in moments at least
That would be generalized social anxiety. I get that 100%. No place with people is "safe", and anxiety worsens around people who we see the most often (because the more time someone has spent around us, the more they have adjusted to viewing us as awkward anxious people who they want to avoid). For us generalized SA folks, social anxiety is a self-fulfilling prophesy. It can't be improved by "going out and being socially courageous, expecting rejection and being emboldened by knowing we're doing what we believe in", as the presenter suggested. In fact, that makes it WORSE, because the negative experiences that inevitably result from those "courageous" outings give us yet another proof of why we should be anxious and avoid people.
The solution is a proper therapy program which is tailored to severe SA, created by a therapist who had severe generalized SA themselves. It's a unique disorder in that it can't be understood or effectively treated by someone who doesn't truly understand it...
@@FromDesertTown I may be on the spectrum; unconfirmed. I struggle to comprehend social cues.
I've gotten better with casual interactions. The anxiety kicks in when I consider closer friendships or, worse, romantic interests. I get caught up in expectations that I kinda prefer rejection, or just talk myself out of it.
So...I came down here in the comments section...I began reading what people think ab this and most speak ab going thru it and how it feels. Then I realized that many of these people are actually suffering from the same thing, I realize how many people are down here commenting, it made me feel relief a little bit bc then I know m not alone, then I began to wonder if all these people were my friends bc ya'll are so many and we're going thru it all at once...it's crazy how this video gathered all of us here, imagine how it would if all of us in here knew each other 🥲🙉❤ wouldn't it be perfect!
The thing is it's possible. We can create telegram private group and can help each other forming connections reviving the life again. I am ready for it
Best explanation of what social anxiety is that I have heard. HOWEVER, the solution is what doesn't work - she essentially said "buck up" and "deal with it". That is exactly what drives socially anxious people like myself further into our holes.
yep. Deal with the problem or remain isolating yourself which is all you know. Hmm which one will the socially anxious person choose?
Yeah, I think better solution would be to look within and ask oneself the source the anxiety. "Buck up" and "deal with it" is just treating the symptoms. Go for the cause. It may hurt to mess with that splinter but we all feel better once we take it out out of us.
This is one of the most well put ted talks I've come across recently. social anxiety should be more and more addressed.
CBT in this video is doing extreme psychological damage - by explaining that social anxiety is hallucination and that paranoid delusional disorder is equal to trauma, as if abuse is someone's vivid imagination and abuse never took place.
This is why anti-psychiatry was invented in 1960s.
I severely lessoned my social anxiety by accepting those things about me that caused my fear of rejection. I did that by interacting with my critical internal voice differently. Before I would run away from it or try to suppress it, but I realized (with some help) that it was in its own messed up way trying to help me. By acknowledging that it was valid and that it had a place at my internal table of voices it then knew that it did not need to speak because I always had its' best interests at heart. Since then it has largely been silent when I look in the mirror and by extension going out and being in social situations has largely been anxiety free -- not zero, but very manageable.
"I severely lessoned my social anxiety by accepting those things about me that caused my fear of rejection"
You never had social anxiety in the first place.
Social anxiety is called social+anxiety because it is social. It is not self - anxiety. The problem is in the social, not inside ourselves. If you decide to label parts of yourself as faulty and wrong you will develop severe toxic shame, as all narcissists and belittle yourself into perfection. Then you will belittle others around you, since you treat yourself as you treat others around you.
Any reaction, and idea, any nitpicking over anxiety leads to more anxiety. Jung said: What we resist, persist.
Idea to ignore, reject, suppress our emotions lead to invalidation, the same trauma which caused social anxiety trauma in the first place.
All emotions are valid -
if we have inner critic, this means that there is trauma stuck inside our body. Charcot hysteria was studied 100 years ago - and it was not resolved by logic, since the problem is in the unconsciousness. Releasing trauma takes time, patience and self love and self validation - not explaining it away or splitting our personality in bad parts which we need to discipline and lobotomize into peacefulness of being zombie.
If we are surrounded by toxic people - the problem are toxic people, not our normal reactions to toxic people.
If we are not meeting Maslow needs (safety, finances, security) - we are not responsible for living in poverty, we are not responsible for the legalized crime, for mafia running the country, for toxic corporations destroying humans and enslaving them - our thoughts will not make evil people go away. Neither will our ignorance and being okay with abuse make abuse anything less - in fact it will enable the abuse.
Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER:
The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
"Don't be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart." - Roy T. Bennett
I really apreciate what you are doing for people strugling with social anxiety. I heavily strugle with social anxiety and i feel like i will be like this forever. It has messed up my life in many ways but this video makes me feel better. God bless you for what you are doing.
Surprisingly, facing my fear, doing what I feared took my fear away and made me confident.
My boyfriend once said if you do what you love then you’ll never work a day in your life
It's the insecurity and blushing that is really difficult to overcome.
You don't need to overcome it. The problem belongs to other people not you. You need to get over yourself in that regard and accept the fact extroverts and introverts don't = I'm OK and you're not ok. You are OK screw other people
If you switch embarrassment with rejection is is still social anxiety. I hate feeling embarrassed. All I know is I don't like talking to people I just want to be able to do it without the negative side effects. So I can be comfortable at work and not feel like I need to quit or have a breakdown because people keep asking me questions.
Seems to me like narcissism. People with social anxiety are afraid of punishment and violence, bullying.
You on the other hand hate being exposed as bully. Narcissists hate truth, transparency, resolving issues, objectiveness, bringing things into the light. If you did not do anything wrong, anti-social - there would be no reason to be embarrassed about.
Truly socially anxious people are afraid of embarrassment in the context of prelude to violence, putting downs and beating up.
I hate it when people say "Humans are social". They just don't get it that some of us aren't. Some of us prefer our own company. Personally, I hate parties or any kind social get together. I like to relate to other people one-to-one but never in a group. I don't consider this something wrong with me, it's just who I am. But other people cannot accept it, they want everyone to be sociable and look on me as abnormal.
And what about those people who were bullied and abused - and now they fear the same treatment. Abuse stems from toxic people.
And CBT is instructing us to ignore psychopaths and allow criminals to exploit us with manipulation, control and pathological lying.
CBT is not explaining how to protect ourselves and built social immunity. CBT is promoting herd immunity - where people are sent to be slaughtered if they don't have education how to fend against sharks and jackals.
CBT ought to be banned.
Humans are social, but not all humans are outgoing. Being social simply means we copy the behaviors of other people, e.g. language.
@@cuberious1419 He is talking about ableism.
Where people are expected to be chirpy, happy when their boss and co-workers abuse them in order to be "social".
That is what he is talking about.
Not kinder garden knowledge about functioning in society with social contract.
@@ranc1977 I don’t think that’s what the original post was intended to mean. He only mentioned his discomfort in crowd settings which is understandable.
@@ock50sify We (this thread) are actually all talking here about the same thing, we just talk in different angles and use different perspectives about the same topic.
Aron makes the great point, quotes from her HSP book, that is what we are talking here:
They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves.
The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron
Learning to see our trait as a neutral thing-useful in some situations, not in others-but our culture definitely does not see it, or any trait, as neutral.
Be careful about accepting labels for yourself such as "inhibited", "introverted", "shy"
The Highly Sensitive Person,E. Aron
"Sooner or later everyone encounters stressful life experiences, but HSPs react more to such stimulation. If you see this reaction as part of some basic flaw, you intensify the stress already present in any life crisis.
This deeper processing of subtle details causes you to consider the past or future more. You "just know" how things got to be the way they are or how they are going to turn out. It can be wrong, but your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, more conscientious, cautious and wise people.
It is important not to confuse arousal with fear.
And often we think that our arousal is due to fear. We do not realize that our heart may be pounding from the sheer effort of processing extra stimulation.
I really suggest trying to view it as neutral.
HSPs must spend far more time trying to invent solutions to human problems just because they are more sensitive to hunger, cold, insecurity, exhaustion, and illness.
Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about such things, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering.
Spend enough time putting yourself out there in the world - your sensitivity is not something to be feared.
Carl Jung believed that when highly sensitive patients has experienced a trauma, they had been unusually affected and so developed a neurosis.
Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured. HSPs differ mainly in their sensitive processing of subtle stimuli. This is your most basic quality."
The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron
it's funny that i really don't fear anyone rejecting me yet i still have social anxiety. i really don't fear being rejected, i don't give a damn about what others think, yet i still have it. even if you do the stupidest thing on public, people will forget it after an hour.
I feel the same way. I struggle with processing a lot of opinions and information that sometimes feel like nonsense. It's not that I consider them stupid or anything; the people I interact with are quite brilliant. It's just that I often feel overwhelmed and anxious, and I find myself wanting to withdraw from social interactions. It's confusing, and I don't fully understand it.
How do you have it if you don’t fear what ppl think…? Not being rude I just really want to know… I think the feeling of rejection comes in many little forms.. like I don’t like ppl staring at me for long.. I struggle with telling stories because I was nvr listened to as a kid so I feel I always have to rush my story or I might sound dumb or boring…
@@jazziejazzbucketlistI can’t speak for OP, but I can provide my answer. I used to fear rejection. That transitioned to accepting that I would always be rejected in every non-work situation ever, so it’s not an uncertainty to fear but a constant to be accepted, kind of like bright sunlight during a hot desert day. What I feared became the situations where I felt socially forced to get myself rejected YET AGAIN either to get something I wanted (party food, someone to let me at least sit with the group to pretend to end the loneliness for a few minutes) or pretend I was making progress in the courage/exposure therapy department (most relevant in large group and “you should find someone in this group to date and ask them out” situations). Haven’t quite gotten over that yet.
@@aheimbig Oh I completely get it now.. so it’s like you made peace with the thought of being socially awkward or feeling unaccepted… but in order to still live life you will have to go through the triggers or uncomfortable social situations that are so fudging draining… thanks so much, I understand now.. my therapist just told me today I have to continue to sit in those uncomfortable environments until I can conquer my anxiety in that area… We must learn ourselves & love ourselves… I hope everyone on here becomes anxiety free because it’s so hindering 😣.. we can’t let it control our life/relationships
I feel like i’m missing out on life and I have such big dreams for myself but can’t manage to over come it. I’m also scared to take medication
Yes, that is a regret, that I a missing out big time, yet It feels like trying to bust through a brick wall. In actuality, it is probably more like a thin layer of tissue paper to get through to the other side of social anxiety. I am also wary of medication. I think side effects might be worse than dealing with the actual problem. Why would you want to saddle yourself with more (side effects) problems?
As far as medication, it puts a bandaid on the problem. It definitely helps a lot but there are side effects of not caring about things or being able to cry or not having many emotions. These are the side effects I have noticed in myself. Having anxiety is bad bc I care too much but on meds I barely care about things I should care about and I still have the anxiety some what but it’s more manageable..
This video really has the best explanation of what social anxiety is. But the solution is the same old crap: 'Just do it.' It’s like saying, 'If you’re homeless, just buy a home.' Addressing the root of your fears would be a better solution, I think. For example, when I was a child, I had to constantly stay alert and account for the emotions of the adults in my life to avoid being yelled at or reduce the chances of my mom getting beaten by my dad. Now, my brain views every human interaction in that old way. It tries to apply the same process to almost every interaction with others making me unable to even talk to anyone.
I also think that most people with social anxiety disorders find difficult in convincing other people who may otherwise be convinced by those people who are extroverted, without social anxiety disorders and have much deep bond or familiarity with them.
Also most of the time people with social anxiety have to accept and follow others orders or instructions without questioning if they may as the fear of rejection or unacceptance is ingrained so much in them. They might think that If I try to say 'no' to this person, he/she wont interact with me or leave me in a rejected state.
We generalize a lot when it comes to things we don't understand. Many people believe that those with social anxiety actually want to be alone, because they misunderstand what social anxiety is about. When you have social anxiety, it's because you want so much to have a good connection with someone that you become really afraid of the opposite. You overthink because you care too much, and then the experience itself becomes overwhelming. So the person shuts down...
Moral: don't judge a person with social anxiety by how you view their behavior from your own frame of mind.
I agree so much with osaka, public speaking with a script is so much easier because I am totally prepared for it and very excited. But just talking to a few people after going off stage is nerve racking cos you don't know what they would say and what to respond
I agree
See I have the exact opposite problem, bouncing off of someone in a very topical conversation like that is fine for me, but as soon as I have to make formal speeches I fumble my words and feel like I’m just a monotone robot, and it turns into a feedback loop of not being able to focus
Think about this more deeply:
"But just talking to a few people after going off stage is nerve racking cos you don't know what they would say and what to respond"
You would know how to respond if you were validated and accepted and admired, as narcissists try to gain from other people on force.
We with social anxiety trauma do not know what to do, how to respond, how to retort when we are invalidated.
It is not issue about rejection as CBT explains it. It is invalidation , since invalidation in narcissistic abuse created social anxiety in the first place.
We need education hence about toxic people, how to recognize red flags, how to handle narcissistic abuse, how to build self worth so that we do not spend our money on impressing people who wouldn't give a damn about us for a nano second.
I love this! what is very interesting is that I recently got my DNA ancestry results and it says I am most likely to be introverted which was empowering because I always thought I had a problem and that I was abnormal for having certain social anxiety. At the end of the day life is too short to not get yourself out there. I always say what's the worst thing that can happen. Usually it is our silly thinking that stops us from living life
Recently *promoted to a manager* at work, but also have traits similar to *asperger's* ... this totally applies to me. Trying to *work with it* though
Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships.
Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs.
WILLIAM GLASSER
Im gonna be sharing this with a LOT of people
Oh.. Same here lol👍🤣
🤣🤣
Ok...
I've always been bullied by girls since I was little because my jaw was too far in, I developed social anxiety, I literally have no friends, I can't even look girls in the eye. I'm 26 years old and I've never had a girlfriend because I'm afraid of being rejected.
See if mewing works
@@cuberious1419lmao
i feel your pain friend
social anxiety is something I could relate to
Improving our relationships is improving our mental health.
William Glasser
She is correct. I used to have severe social anxiety, but when I played football, this was my strongest suit. I absolutely loved showing off my football skills on the field. It made me feel confident because I was so skilled. Off the field? That was a totally different story... Lol. I'd have a panic attack and nearly have a medical emergency if you put me in front of a crowd of people to give a speech. There's a big difference between performance anxiety and social anxiety.
All this social fear inhibition complex panic stems from - being exposed to relentless criticism while growing up, repeatedly over and over again being invalidated.
Toxic people play huge role in creating and maintaining social anxiety in their targets of their abuse.
Also not meeting Maslow needs will make us prone to feel social anxiety trauma - not having shelter, finances, safety, security - all leads to social anxiety no matter how perfect we might be or try to be. Not having safety will simply default back to PureOCD intrusive worries of social inhibitions trauma.
I see important information to separate feelings of abuse and non safety away from our self worth and sense of who we are as individual. That we do not equate our mistake with our persona. That we do not equate feeling fears along with being weak, sissy, non manly, unhuman or not deserving to exist.
Naomi Osaka is an example of functional social anxiety - similar to Michael Jackson who also had sever social anxiety yet in the same time he performed in front of billions of people without problems.
Social anxiety is explained in this video as self pathology, as something to self blame and that is it hallucination, our own problem which we invented to get attention - which narcissists do. Narcissists use social anxiety to gain narcissistic supply: other people's sympathy and attention and admiration, even if it is negative.
In reality social anxiety is reaction to much serious problem: narcissists and toxic people like Trump or Putin or Musk, psychopaths hidden and covered as leaders and "successful" individuals who are abusing and putting their targets down for them to feel good about themselves.
Social anxiety is alarm, alert that we are surrounded by toxic people, that we discover and are much more aware of sick violent people who are wearing mask of empathy and altruism, charm and charisma to attract narcissistic supply.
Idea that we suppress "negative" emotions and to nitpick ourselves into perfection will lead to more social anxiety.
Quotes to consider:
Lundy Bancroft:
"Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can."
Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER:
The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
Sigmund Freud | Philsopher & Neurologist ✍, TWITTER:
Unexpressed emotions will never die.
They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.
Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about solutions, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering.
Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured.
The Highly Sensitive Person,
Elaine N. Aron
"Any attempt to dictate what thoughts, feelings, and sensations are proper or improper creates a breeding ground for guilt and shame"
Peter Levine
Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I can change.”
We have this idea that what is normal is also healthy and natural. In this culture the norm is neither healthy nor it is natural. In fact, a norm is making us sick.
YT Gabor Matè
Tom Bilyeu
you nailed it!!!!
@@krissmith4420
I'm so confident, very talkative, I don't mind interacting, PEOPLE ARE SUPER RUDE OUT HERE! I really tried this year and I'm not the problem, I don't think I am. I've seen n heard people be rude n mean towards others so I don like bothering people...4 days ago two girls texted in a school group asking for friends, I inboxes two if them n only one was nice, the other literally told me that she's mean as hell...n then I kept telling her to just b herself n she was just so stubborn, like she's not interested, I began to ask myself then why is she asking for friends if she's not willing to b nice...she even said she gets bored fast...my heart broke not bc of what she said buh bc of how mean she was, she didn't even try to be nice.. so I left her n spoke to the other one, she was super nice. For the first time, I ever felt like it's hard to make friends. People don want friends, its more like I see yuh today, it was fun n it's a never repeat.
One of the best of TED Talks, hands down.
Severe social anxiety person right here 🙋🏼♀️ If anyone knows UA-cam videos, websites or book recommendations that could help me please comment.
I don’t think mine is ever going away. It’s ruined my life.
@hataahelpline0888 no, I don't think anyone will "chat you up"
@@BabeiIlie Can confirm, after reading the Bible I stopped caring about what others think (because the majority of people dont care about each other) and left the church because i was there due to peer pressure and being afraid of getting punished if I didnt stick to the barbaric rules :)
don't @ me
Shoot, shouldn't a therapist help you and recommend stuff?
I dont have a specific book i could recommand right now but talking to myself(positive things/ affirmations) had helped me with social anxiety. Also mentally prepare If You can
@@bassrecord6139 nd yes u can read Any holy book like BIBLE OR BHAGWAD GEETA.....go to temple daily....Nd feel that High positive vibes there...U WILL START SEEING THE CHANGE WITHIN URSELF ❤️✨
Rejection is not it at all. I don't relate to that. For me, it's about wasting time with people who I can only just sit and observe, it's me being uncomfortable in a meaningless situation when I could rather give myself something to enjoy like reas a book, or watch a good series.
Yes, I'm not afraid of rejection because I think I'm superior to most other people.
that doesnt sound at all like anxiety,
@@bilykralik885 Agree, this sounds more like introversion. If it's a choice, it's not anxiety imo.
is it meaningless or are you calling it that because you're afraid of rejection?
this isn't social anxiety, happy to clear that up for you
10:38 the possible remedies.
Thanks for the heads up, 4 mins of potential tips? Brilliant 😐
Do you have any links/websites/books that have helped you & you would recommend?
For me when I'm about to be in a situation with seeing many people, I get to decline it earlier because of a reason; it is by not being a eloquent speaker or not know what to talk or say, making eye contacts cos it makes me feel awkward and I feel like I'm being swallowed by making eye contact yk, I can't properly be myself, redeem myself and stay in the moment and my response when I'm in a awkward situation is always in a freeze state or flight. Now I still have those but I think it gave me half of the experience to not bothered too much, but it still keeps coming and I always have a relapse, I just don't know what to do about it. It sucks that I can't even go to therapy with this happening for 5 years....
This has good info, however I think it's limited when saying "social anxiety becomes a problem when it impacts your identity". We need to take that a step further or alter it. Because there are plenty of people who truly *are* different and aren't going to fit in. (Think autism, or just people who are eccentric). People do think they are odd - there's going to be no changing that (speaking as an autistic person myself, this isn't meant as offense). And someone then internalizing that and saying "there's something different/wrong with me" isn't necessarily the problem.
The only real way to combat social anxiety is to say "you know what? I am weird and might do weird/inappropriate/embarrassing things, and some people might reject me, but that doesn't influence my self worth". And then focus on finding better company. This is challenging, but little by little it's the only way I've combated my social anxiety. That, and medication lol).
As an adhd mother with general anxiety disorder who is raising an autistic child, I love and relate with every word you said here.
She nailed it, what an amazing presentation. 🔥
She missed the part of toxic people causing social anxiety.
Instead she turned to CBT idea of self pathology, self blame and toxic shame as tools to handle social anxiety through repetition of invalidation, narcissistic abuse. CBT is therapy of ableism.
She didn't 'nail it' at all!
@@golden.lights.twinkle2329 She is promoting CBT.
The idea of CBT is that we lobotomize ourselves into subservience, obedience, conformism, groupthink and herd mentality, one-sided thinking based on being obedient, silent, passive slave and drone to crony corporations.
CBT is basically fascism.
I think like at a stage in our life we all start to become socially concious ever more than we did before and that we simply weren't ready enough, or too innocent, too kind, too sensitive, that we get hurt. Like the younger you would not know yet that you would be ignored, rejected, or made fun of and with that the absence of fear and the thought of failure didn't occur to you and then after a while you start learning to hide your emotions and not be kind anymore.
I guess that's a lesson we have to learn in life that we have to experience and you know keep loving ourselves and just find out. And being more kind to yourself and being selfish for yourself, not others is okay and that we just have to keep swimming 🐟.
Very powerful. I love it. Thank you : )
Needed this❤️
They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves.
The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron
ive accepted that im a fringe dweller, to the point where i no longer am willing to be what others demand of me to fit in.
Thank you, so well said!
Came here because I was interested in the video, without realizing it I ended up liking a lot of comments
I know that I have social anxiety but I really don't know how to deal with it
2:24 we can also include unable to get into IIT
..
I love that ending
The 2nd question starts to get answered at 11:32
Change your habits and routines
- Limit phone usage (Start by reducing to half)
- Interact w/strangers on a regular basis (Aim for three a day)
- Don't overstimulate (Let go, don't try)
- Look good, feel good (Helps w/confidence)
- Isolation is the dream killer (Don't be a recluse)
- There is no magic pill (Process of elimination)
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - FDR
What am i supposed to interact with them on?
@@BiggMichael8 Life, their day or anything. Use your imagination my friend.
My social anxiety is kind of paradoxal because I can easily socialize and chat with a person in a individual interaction but if there are 3 or more people in a group, I just feel like I don’t have an opportunity to respond or question or whatever I will say will be irrelevant.. this social anxiety is impacting so much my life - if you’ve been through that and have any advices or recommendations, please let me know
I just don't like being around most people, I don't really have a fear of rejection.
It was really helpful 😇thank you so much 😊
Yeah sure
One hundred percent. from Awareness by Anthony De Mello . . . The three most difficult things for a human being are not athletic feats or intellectual achievements.
The three are:
First, returning love for hate;
Second, including the excluded;
And third, admitting that you are wrong.
Social anxious person was here :)
The biggest problem is that it seems impossible to find people that do accept you as the person you are. All the talk about having selfworth surely is true. But at some point you need someone to really accept you or you won't maintain the state of self-acceptance for all too long. That's my case actually. Kinda...
It is very interesting 👍👍
I have social anxiety
I didn't know it till now
Better not visit WebMD
Idea to self diagnose over internet is extremely dangerous and dysfunctional.
@@ranc1977
What do you suggest?
why do you people think that you have to tell us you doing better with socializing or it's generally better not to feel anxious about it. It's everything matter of attitude and time. There is nothing wrong with feeling anxious about socializing. Be more humble and true to yourself and anxiousness will disappear. We are all same humans with a lot of differences but still the same ashes.
I struggle with social anxiety all around. The way I handle it? I got a waitress job and I struggle everyday. I am awkward with everyone that I wait on, but I feel better about facing it instead of not socializing at all. Its so hard to do. :(
@@devriesdana I hear you Dana. I think it's normal to have such reaction. Try not to put it in a struggling process and be easy on yourself. I'm sure by time things will get smoother. I'm glad to hear that you feel better facing it than not socializing at all. I'm having a problem to get on a track of everyday routine since I've been at home mostly for 2 years. I've tried job interviews several times but none of them worked. I'm thinking to change my career and learn coding in order to be able to work remotely but I'm having trouble because I really don't want to that just for comforting myself. I want to find my place idk and I'm in my 30's.
I think one of the most important things to remember is that this happens with guys too, not just girls, if guys think they’re suffering from a woman’s problem it makes the suffering worse.
1:13 That's the norm in Japanese society xD. Goes to show how stressful it must be to grow up and live in Japan; nails that stick out get hammered down.
I don't fear being rejected. I honestly don't care. I don't want to engage because I don't want to. And it bugs me that I'm like that, but meaningless conversations irk me. I want to be ok with small talk so bad.
Totally would
Sometimes I wonder if it’s social anxiety or if I’m in a room that makes me not fully be myself
Why do many people equate "not interested in talking with other people to social anxiety?" They just want to spend time doing what they want rather than talking with other people
I had no friends in high school and still don’t. I’m always locked in my room and I’m scared of ending up alone, but I can’t get the courage to break the chains that SA has on me.
Okay. Can u share ur instan I'd
"and what do do about it" is not included in the video
I have social media anxiety
there are youngsters in my city who live with smartphones nailed to their head, but cannot function in a face-to-face interaction
they do not know how
they have never learned how
i live with this for whole my life , i am 43 years old , it is fine with me , my problem start when other hurt me because I am not like them .
pully people make .y life difficult and I start believe that the problem is not about me anymore . the life full of sick people who like hurt somebody like me
Extremely necessary
Interesting
I didn't have it until i moved to sweden
Great video
I love u so much
i sweat a lot and i hate it if i did not sweat i can do anything but if i sweat i get panic
Where to find innovation
I feel so seen! 😅
I have stay home without jobs and any social communication for like 2 years now, I know I am avoiding
i have sosial anxious, but when going out i have no issue or anxious talking to others, but i dont put everything i do ont eh internet for likes or approval
I have always been rejected, since childhood through to now, age 55. Comes with having an obvious physical disability. You might meet a couple of people who don't care about your disability, but they're part of a social group, and in that group, there are people in that group who do very much care about it. So to remain a part of that group, they fall into line with their peers and do what they have to do avoid the stigma of association. It might take some lies or a nasty rumour or two, but they'll come up with a reason why the cripple should be shunned and bully everyone else into going along with it. And because people are generally weak willed cowards who are terrified of being rejected themselves, they reluctantly, or sometime not so reluctantly, go along with it.
Am I anxious? No. Just disgusted. If you were doing this because of my skin colour, you'd be cancelled. But because you're doing it because of a physical condition I was born with, that's OK. Because you convinced yourselves it's not about that at all, it's about those horrid character flaws, perversions and hateful attributes you falsely ascribe to me to excuse your ableism.
You know what though? Over the decades I've grown a form of armour made of scar tissue. Your collective rejection has cauterized the emotional wounds that drive people to seek the company of others at any cost, to compromise their principals and debase themselves to abusers and become enablers just so they can feel included. Knowing I'll never fit in because you won't let me has become liberating. I don't have to even try to fit in any more, and don't people hate that. They have no leverage. Peer pressure doesn't work on me because I know I will never truly be your peer.
Wow, I'm so sorry. Just as I know that I am racist sometimes, sexist sometimes, even though I am a woman, I know I'm also ableist sometimes. But I really try not to be. I'm so sorry this happens to you, it's so unfair. But it's good you share your anger, which you have every right to have. It might remind people to try and be better.
In confirm that each time I treated a disabled person as a friend, other people around me (even those who are less good-looking) put the pressure on me to eject the "unwanted". It's sad but true and that's why I never consider these people as real friends, just relationships that I need to keep at arm. I know that, if tomorrow I got sick or got a huge scare-face, even the ugliest of them would take his distance with me.
So I'm just like you, disgusted and also tired of human stupidity.
I have seen people being shunned because of their physical appearance lots and lots of times so I know what you say does happen. And it's outrageous and hypocritical in a world that talks so much about acceptance and inclusion. I really do hope that it's getting better, though, as more and more people realize how unfair that kind of treatment really is.
Perhaps, but know that it works both ways. If you interact with people that dont seem open to you, it helps that you dont waste energy on them.
" And because people are generally weak willed cowards who are terrified of being rejected themselves, they reluctantly, or sometime not so reluctantly, go along with it. "
With trauma experience we make other people into our gods without being aware that we are doing this trauma bonding. This is called external referencing locus of control where we place our worth in explanations and actions and definitions of other people.
The opposite of that is mental health: intrinsic locus of control. People may hate us, people may love us - but we draw our self worth on our own common sense, not other people. We listen to people - without allowing them to control us. We can be nice and good and friendly and social and still say no the others without hating them. That is internal locus of control - where other people do not define our goals or what we want and desire from life.
I think its better for Ted to analyse facts instead of myths ,that way it'd be easier to understand the talk.
I just wish I could overcome my anxiety, but I just can't
I hate going to super markets that are “intimate” like Trader Joe’s
Here's what you do about it. Stop socializing. It doesn't matter. Have you been told your whole life to be less shy, speak up, that you have a problem to overcome? That was being told to you by extroverts. They think there's a "norm" you're not conforming to. It's a norm that they invented. Forget about them. Why do we always have to play their game? How about if introverts insist that extroverts shut up, stop being so loud and making small talk that bores us? That fake how are you and have a nice day crap.
Trust me, I'm happier alone it's true, number one is false. There's people I love but I don't seem to be leaning on them for my enjoyment of life.
"Social anxiety disorder". Aren't the ones catering to social norms the ones with the social anxiety? I don't care about social norms, people looking down on the introverts are the ones with the problem.
I didn’t know I had this and I let it ruin my life
I have a fear of rejection. Nice talk though would you go out with me ?
I am new to the stock market. Every stock that I bought so far, I was out of luck because I bought them when they were expensive. I feel I missed out on all the stock opportunities so far for the tech stocks. I believe having 75K yearly income would be a good investment so I want to plug all my savings into the stock market. I know this sounds a bit dull but I would like to know if I should learn investing or let somebody else (more capable like a FA) do it for me? Please share your thoughts. I am kind of tired of searching for a good stock to buy and losing all the good opportunities
Even with the right technique and assets some investors would still make more than others, as an investor, you should've known that by now, nothing beats experience and that's final, personally I had to reach out to a stock expert for guidance which is how I was able to grow my account close to a million, withdraw my profit right before the correction and now I'm buying again
Hi, please who is the expert assisting you and how do I reach out to them?
The broker I'm in touch with is
*ASHLEY AIRAGAHI . I came across her in a Bloomberg interview and got in touch with her. You can use something else. For me, her strategy works hence my result. She provides entry and exit point for the securities I focus on
Please how can I contact Mrs Ashley ? I really like what she has done for you, and I also want to benefit from it.
＋𝟏𝟕𝟎𝟐𝟗𝟗𝟕𝟓𝟓𝟖𝟔
скъпа
пчелен мед
❤️
Does anyone with social anxiety FEARS of not being able to smile and look friendly when centre of attention?
@Rh-bk8pu @Rh-bk8pu I am a Muslim and Quran teaches us to stay humble and don't fear but Allah. It's just that I could smile I front of ppl or appear rude maybe cuz of RBF which led to my severe Social anxiety!
Yes, that is one of the main things within my anxiety, but I'm too afraid
❤️❤️❤️
Its real simple get off your phones. Get off the screens. No texting. Make only phone calls. The phones and screens have taken us away from real human interaction.
I heard that the British Prime Minister Goolge CEO came from the background of living in India with a daily living cost of less than two dollars... so knowledge surfers who have experienced living costs of less than two dollars have a chance for everyone but I I also read Tell the story of an American who crossed from the east coast of the United States to the devil's horn in the west without taking a dime...
Social
Anxiety
Disorder
SAD people. 🤔
I HAVE INCURRED SO MUCH LOSSES TRADING ON MY OWN...I TRADE WELL ON DEMO BUT I THINK THE REAL MARKET IS MANIPULATED... CAN ANYONE HELP ME OUT OR AT LEAST TELL ME WHAT I'M DOING WRONG ?
Trading with an expert is the best strategy for newbies and busy investors who have little or no time to monitor trade
@Fitzgerald Austin You don't need to be shock because I'm also a huge beneficiary of expert Mrs Karen
Here in Canada Expert Mrs Karen Charles carries out the both orientation and mentorship
potentials
I stumbled upon one of her clients testimonies and decided to try her out...I'm Expecting my third cashout in 2days
Do you guys think that omegle and chatroulete could help to reduce social anxiety???
I dont think these online chatting platforms can do much to curb and reduce social anxiety as rejection may increase by this as most of the time, people on these platforms often skip other people frequently without interacting much or giving reasons which may increase the affect of rejection in ourselves.
why this video hasn't Japanese subtitles, I wonder an interpreter'd had assessed it'd be better not to present for some reason or not. but what the talker'd had talked with confidence should not be concealed for only certain viewers.
for the first time I'd encounter a video without Japanese subtitle, but I've already grown up the advanced like a cat to become a lion(impossible). I can penetrate despite of without closed captions.
thanks to this video I've noticed I'd come to grasp the video without subtitles not only of first
language but also of second. moreover I've convinced it's clear/fine without it any more. what a
pleasurable incident it is to be unnecessary to chase subtitles. hereafter I could do parallel-doing
anything with hearing TED video. how accelerate my progress would be. it'd be incredulous for you and
incredible for me also.
I suppose correct answer doesn't exist, with what intention the talker chose and talk about this theme. in positive thinking I suppose it'd be inspiring/encouraging , in negative it'd be humiliating/shame. this'd depend viewer's mind-set. even if the talker'd had not any intention positive or negative, I believe the decision of the interpreter (definitely Japanese lady) had decided not to present Japanese subtitles would be courageous/sympathetic/correct.
you're only a gossiper. have you any method of cure?
don't talk other people's mental illnesses triumphantly without any compassion.
you can easily understand how this talk should make tough time for the people of mental illnesses,
can you?
if you want to talk anything please talk about how to cure it.
I feel seen 🙏🏽🩷
I avoid being noticed and being Around other people because most people are steaming piles of problems and emotional/mental baggage. drains on my existence. albatrosses around my neck.
08/12/2022
🥃🥃
I have level 99999999999999 social anxiety
yap session
there all kinds of diagnosis and it sounds like one or a mental illness
I never knew Jerry Seinfeld transitioned God bless her! 🙌🏻
Yeah, had me wondering...