Narcissists never forgive. They hold grudges for life. They may wait a while, but eventually they will seek vengeance. Be very careful if you ever break a narcissist’s rules. However, they will break all of your rules and they won’t think anything of it. They will expect you to forget about immediately.
Re "they'll never forgive": not always true. It is much more nuanced than you think. I have known and grown up with narcissists, they have needs like everybody else, they will easily forgive - IF they can get their narcissistic supply back. Whatever is useful to them, they will do or cultivate it.
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail. com
1/ The Silent Treatment Treating You Like You Don't Exist 2/ Gas lightning 3/ Treatments Of Being Belittled Bullying Calling Horrible Names. 4/ Trying To Make The Victim Jealous I Went Through Horrific Emotional And Psychological Abuse. I Currently have 2 Months Of No Contact Narcissitic Abuse Is Brutal.
They accept only subservience. They get a chocolate for it.If you tell no and buy your own chocolate they want revenge as you can get a chocolate only by subservience but you bought your own...how could you did this to them.They have not much to do with freedom mentally.
Although my mother, as an alcaholic, drug addict, had her Own problems, she was often heard to say " beware the man who puts you on a pedestal , then treats you like a footstool ! " Later on, as time wore on, I saw how this advice could apply to Any manipulative controller in society, including abusive bosses, or co-workers, manipulative roomates, etc.
Same. She was very sick, and twisted, but she was smart and it made her dangerous. They lead you to the plank, shame you into walking it and pushing ya off when they are ready. Best wishes
The combination of good and bad things happening at the same time contaminates Joy with a sense of sadness and loss and bad memories. How do you find joy without that connection if you spent years in it?
I am a man married to one of 12 years. I am beaten down to almost nothing. Tired, drained, confused. Thank you for you videos, it helps give me clarity.
Once the confusion clears, the path becomes clear. Keep educating yourself. Journal to gather "emotional evidence". Remember they will NEVER change (this, is as good as it gets). Make a decision about HOW you want to spend the rest of your life. Leaving isn't much easier than staying, but there isn't a single narcissistic abuse survivor that says "I wish I'd stay longer". ❤
Leave. I was married to one for 23 years and thought I could outlive him. They live to 100. It is not worth it. The abuse gets worse as they age. I am grateful to have gotten out with my life.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient...
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things.
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white...
It is I have left hand full of times now and each time I leave the pain becomes so unbearable for me I end up turning to drinking to deal with it which spirals out of control and makes things worse I end up coming back each time At least I'm sober when I'm here 😢but ughhh
Proud of you! Remain strong among weak, bitter people who want to manipulate your behavior for their shallow self interest and misguided prioritization of personal comfort over rightness.
I’m invisible and silent by choice and the way he treats me. Later I appear and am heard when he needs something, usually praise, attention or sex. I love ignoring. It makes me feel powerful. # 1 😉
I made the mistake of dropping the restraining order & coming to an agreement with him through the courts. He has violated this agreement every single chance he gets. Narcs & ASPD’s will not follow rules because they believe they are above the rules. Unfortunately, the legal system takes too long & he has found ways to skirt & defy any court order. I don’t feel like I will ever be free of this man or get justice. His behavior will likely kill me before this happens.
My narcissistic husband was just home ( on vacation) for 10 days. Most miserable 10 days ever. Screaming at me one day, silent treatment the next, then tried to be nice for a day. On and on. I feel like I have whiplash. Thankfully, he's back to work tomorrow where he can get his supply needs met.
You’re fueling the fire by staying in it for the money and the family. Get your confidence together and a plan in place then get out safely , you’ll be surprised how light you’ll feel. Best wishes
Thank You for Your unique significant contribution on helping in depth the survivors of narcissistic abuse. Best Wishes from someone in Greece 😊😊❤😊 Thank You truly! 😊🙏⭐️✨💫
I knew it was the final discard, the first time around and I discarded my mother, instead. Once I came to radical acceptance of what was going on and what she was attempting to do, I entirely robbed her of the negative supply, of me crawling back on my knees. I never came back. From what I can tell, that turned into a disaster and it isn’t because I’m trying to pay myself on the back. But, I knew my covert mother and malignant sister, would likely kill one another and, with their exception of mom being older and just dying of natural causes (I think), I wasn’t gettin in the middle of that. Once I offer to take you to receive professional help and you choose utter destruction and discarding, as manipulation, we’re done.
The only connection I can think of is that both are based on the perpetrator’s undue emphasis of his/her own thoughts/emotions. In narcissistic abuse, perpetrators usually expresses the attitude that everything centers around them. They may object to that description and even insist that they don’t believe that; but, their actions say otherwise. Virtually everything you do/don’t do gets tied back to the perpetrator as a person. You’re either doing something right b/c you’re smart, capable, etc., or you’re intentionally doing it wrong in order to hurt/anger the perpetrator in some way. You are also likely to be accused of doing it wrong, even if you’re doing it right-again b/c of the perpetrator’s thoughts/emotions. Toxic positivity is generally not perpetrated with the intention to hurt anyone, and most wouldn’t even recognize it as being toxic/hurtful; but, in most cases, the perpetrator is still oblivious to the effect it has on others, and to the value of that effect. Narcissism is a psychological disorder and, with few exceptions, abuse is perpetrated with the tangible intention of causing harm. In contrast, toxic positivity is a behavioral flaw that is essentially an extreme version of selfishness, based in denial, and is generally perpetrated with the intention of maintaining and creating happiness. Most people are selfish, in some way or another. Toxic positivity is a subtle expression of selfishness-so subtle that even the perpetrator may not realize why it’s wrong b/c, after all, s/he is only seeking to encourage/uplift people. This is where denial comes in. Most people struggle/suffer, at some point or another. I believe that most people are also aware that there are people who experience more pain than they are aware of from their own lives. Denial allows people to look at someone who reminds them of themselves and assume that they cannot be justified in their suffering b/c the observer is not suffering. Denial also allows people who have suffered to deny the significance of other people’s suffering b/c it is notably different from their own, or b/c they perceive it as being notably different. From here, there are 2 extremes: One is for them to be semi-consciously abusive-meaning that they are generally aware that their actions are hurtful; but, they rationalize it as being justified. The other is to perpetrate toxic positivity-in which they are completely unaware that their actions are hurtful and it’s difficult for them to identify why they would be. Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
I’ve learnt one thing ; this relationship with miss entitled was over as soon as it started . Wish I was a wombat . (Eats roots and leaves ) . Am ever so grateful for Dr Ramani ‘s insights .
Yeah, my ex told me that one of our kids would do anything for you, and I said no, he will do anything for you, I don't ask certain things of our kids.
The problem is the Narc's untold rules. At the beginning, you never know what is going to set them off or bring retaliation. After a while, you realize breathing and existing is breaking the rules. Stopping to exist is the only way to "make things work". Peace, growth and healing to all. ❤
I broke my mother's rule by reaching the age of puberty. After the age of 8, Mom didn't know how to relate to me of know what to do with me. She equated puberty with evil. (I think there was a history surrounding her own life at this time but she would never talk). By the time I reached 20 I was hospitalized with severe stomach hemorrhage due to stress of abuse. I did not want to live because I knew she didn't want me to live.
This captivating video triggers a flood of painful memories from the end of my 6-year relationship just three months ago. The woman I loved with all my heart chose to walk away, leaving me grappling with an insurmountable sense of loss. Despite my relentless efforts to salvage what we had , I'm left feeling disillusioned and unable to imagine a future without her. Despite my attempts to move on , I'm drawn to express my deep-seated longing for her here .
The struggle to release someone dear to your heart is undeniably arduous. I empathize, having experienced a similar circumstance when my 8 year relationship concluded. Refusing to accept defeat, I pursued every conceivable avenue to reclaim his affection. Eventually, I sought the assistance of a spiritual counselor, whose wisdom and intervention played a pivotal role in reuniting us.
You have described my daughter's relationship with her father perfectly at the beginning of this video. Only she doesn't realize it yet. She's 28 & still thinks he's the best! She's got him up on a pedestal for sure. She's his supply & in return, she's got him doing stuff at her house, 2 hour drive each way, that she would have to pay someone otherwise, like painting or tree trimming. Her brother has gone no contact, so they are not on good terms. Idk if she'll ever see the truth. She learned early on that it benefitted her greatly to stay in her daddy's good graces. While I understand she did what she needed to survive, it hurts that she thinks I'm the one who's just too weak to deal her father & his constant angry tirades when things aren't exactly as he wants them to be.
I filed for divorce from a Covert narc & ASPD a few months ago. He has since moved out & uses the kids as his constant supply while also using any situation involving the kids to punish me, to do the exact opposite of what I tell him or I thought we agreed to & to inflict the most damage possible onto me. The rules will never apply to him & he acts like a spoiled, selfish, cruel petulant child. His every thought & motivation is about revenge & contempt. As long as he can legally spend time with our kids, he will continue to use this arrangement to inflict pain & damage onto me. Schedules & plans are opportunities for him to show me that the rules do not apply to him & to declare how weak & easily manipulated I am. He has destroyed my health. This man belongs behind bars.
Unfortunately I know exactly what you are going through. My daughter is also in the middle of this nightmare. Twi years since she walked away from her narcissistic husband and his venom and anger is even stronger. Keep strong, at least you don't have to see him every single day. Try to find a support network. Sending you love and hugs ❤
We still have to honour ourselves to live with integrity,that is how we can win. The hardest is the unfairness,the alighting if ones character. However to live life the way they do isn't a life it is just a world they created for themselves to live in.
My narc mother often said that she lived in a world of her own. This way when you confronted her with something she said/did, she could say that in her world that did not occur. I think she thought her world was better than the one God created.....
Fascinating and helpful information. I was on a pedestal with my mother. In adulthood, I thought that it was equal to love. (Big mistake). Occurred at work too for decades, then later switched to group abuse and bullying. As my skills and competency increased, envy & jealousy increased.
Yes I can say that when I was involved with narcissist spectrum partners. I can clearly see some common denominators in them. And some of my own co dependent tendencies. The partners tended to be raised in performance driven narcissistic, materialist childhoods. And they then lacked basic cores of human empathy. They simply didn't wire up their minds with empathy in early development. I was very vulnerable to them. Maybe I still am in ways I haven't seen yet. One thing fir sure. This seems like a horrible waste of life, love and resources.
Can say it was easy to know she is over me ; cognitive dissonance, anxiety , depression , brain fog ( didn’t help none ) DARN . OK it wasn’t that easy . Thankyou for sharing your wisdom , it is most helpful .😊
That happens a lot, sadly, in the teacher-student dynamics. Wether the teacher or student being a narcissist, it is exhausting and effects so much the authentic learning that should be creating a learning , professional and safe environment
I had to get an order of protection but he has left me alone for over a month and guess what…my health has been good this whole month. He still lives out back and has pure hate in his eyes when we cross paths but I put up security cameras on my front and back doors and now my sleep is starting to be the effective healing tool it’s supposed to be. My recommendation is not to tell the narcissist how bad his behavior is affecting your health because my ex weaponized it immediately. His behavior escalated to triple the rages but only when I was seized up and I unable to protect myself. It was calculated. He tried to blame it on a demon in the end. How about you take some responsibility for your own evil schemes?!?! Nope, never so get a protection order the moment you can or the abuse will never stop!!
If only there was focus ourselves away from the " instant gratification model", to "instant gratification by the act of unconditional giving. More cognisant with Skinnets positive reinforcement principles in learning.❤
The top of the ivory, golden gilt praise-pedestal may look wide, and feel good to be on...at first. I begins to erode...almost right away, and it grows a layer of eggshell, and broken glass, and rusty nails... ...as erosion continues, and it gets smaller, you find less and less ground to stand on, and eventually end up on your one foot, then your toes. Then just one toe. Even remaining motionless won't help, neither will swaying in the narcissists endless storm swirling around you... The pedestal eventually becomes a spike, impaling you on the desires of your narcissist...in agony...right where they want you. Fully controlled, and immobile, unable to escape... A fine prize, in their mind. Perfect.
After leaving a narc marriage, and educating myself, my workplace hired a new manager. I could tell early on she was a narc. She came up to me and said "You are so smart. That's why you are my favourite" (pedestal) I immediately turned to her and stated "You should not have favourites" (Refused pedestal). Thereafter I was a target for her bullying. I got a better job elsewhere.
The part about liking being placed on a pedestal hit home. In order to feel good about what little I get from them I have to give up who I am to become the person they think I am or want me to be. I understand that, yes, it is a position of safety and that they are trying to reinforce this terrible dynamic as well as their agenda, but what they keep forgetting (and probably want me to, as well) is that I am who I am, I know myself better than they do. I also have good logic and critical thinking skills under my belt. I’ve passed ALL of the required tests in order to be an autonomous, thinking individual with a mind of his own. The narcs can’t even crank out a coherent sentence, let alone a believable one and I am not so easily fooled anymore.
We know narcissists never take accountability. They are basically always hiding from seeing their bad behavior. Is this "hiding" the same as being unconscious of their behavior and what is meant by the shadow (Carl Jung)? Is that what the "shadow" is? Are narcissists just living 100% in their shadow? Are these terms the same? Thank you!👍❤❤❤
I think is very important to say: narcisistic rules are a simulacrum of the laws of reality, the laws of creativity and love. They want to be in the highest position without responsability or a mastered self. But you have to respect God and the way that you found the light of thuth. For some people, narcisists were very good sparring.
I raised 75k and Maria Luisa Clare is to be thanked. I got my self my dream car 🚗 just last weekend, My journey with her started after my best friend came back from New York and saw me suffering in dept then told me about her and how to change my life through her. Maria L. Clare is the kind of person one needs in his or her life! I got a home, a good wife, and a beautiful daughter. Note!:: this is not a promotion but me trying to make a point that no matter what happens, always have faith and keep living!!
Dr. Ramani - I would appreciate your insights on the “stolen youth” series on Hulu, especially episode 3. TW for abusive, manipulative relationships. I found it astoundingly cathartic to hear the actual recorded manipulative conversations & to see how such intelligent, kind people could be manipulated - to see how the manipulations magnified & broke each survivor’s sense of reality.
When they're grabbing your hand with the baby, I love you or other tbings they say; not everyone believes that. I think sometimes we give them more credit than they deserve.
I have a narcissist colleague at work. I did not enable him, ignored him from time to time. I messed around with his supply because he was annoying. I recorded what he said and his actions. Eventually he was out of line with getting work done. And I won the battle through HR. We talk every now (as if nothing ever happened) because we do have to work together. He told me that he wanted to be a psychiatrist. Have you ever met a psychiatrist with personality disorders such as NPD and what happens when they realize that they are the problem?
I think it would be easy for a narcissist to put a Christian or someone religiously minded to be put on a pedestal because the Christian is trying to reach an ideal. It's two sides of a coin: the image of God and the image of the narcissist.
But a Christian has already realized they fall well short of the ideal. I would question the validity of a Christian's faith who actually thought they could reach that status.We do the best we can, ask forgiveness when we fail, More likely it is the narcissist who has replaced the image of God with an image of themselves. They are their own God.
@ the ideal is the union with God in all aspects of life including after physical death. Union can look like this: if Jesus is betrayed by someone close to Him; gets to know Him; and doesn’t change (repent), then we would understand what it is to be a scapegoat for others projections. If Jesus was called Beelzebub (the prince of the devil), for doing good, then we understand what gaslighting is in our life. An ideal is a vision and a vision is your reason. Some people have no ideal or that goal in life and so are more reactive to situations instead of thinking; this has gone of course, let’s get back on course.
Yes I was either the Virgin Mary perfect person for him in every way, and could do no wrong--- or I was his mother and a bitch and cunt or whatever name he called me that night. I finally realise that I just couldn't win and I was fighting with a phantom.
I think I've been in the status of the situation if you do it myself even a feeble attempt at a girlfriend. Once I made a mistake I was "Canceled," So I think I mainly experienced a with my father. I was able to have enough sanity trying to be the family hero so I feel short of it.
I have put girlfriends on pedestals and a wife on one, and it has done nothing but wreck lives, including my own. It's high time to get real. But that ALSO means not projecting who I am not, nor NOT cutting through projections thrown towards ME. Two people casting their projections onto each other: a recipe for disaster. ("Ya THINK?"). "Pedestal creation" by either you or the other on to each other includes psychological projection as a factor (within the whole idea/reality of putting somebody on a pedestal).
What about when the Narc is an adult child. The Abuse is astonishing. An old lady Christian has become the object of the demands to accept and permit any immoral bad behavior or else.
Would you do a podcast on mothers who have narcissistic daughters? I have two daughters, one has bipolar disorder and one has borderline personality disorder. They have very set standards for who they think I should be and if I do not comply they do not speak to me for long periods of time. They want me to stop being political, they've actually told me they wish I were younger because they think I used to be a cool mom and now I'm just older. I could use some guidance on this.
Idk if my child actually realizes this at 34 that this is how her father manipulated her with the pedestal being a tool. I feel if she doesn’t by now, she never will 💔
I'm told by the narc that I'm the bad person because I stood up for myself and said no. The narc would look for ways to jerk me around and pull the rug out from under me just for their own entertainment. Until I started standing up for myself and saying no, just a quiet no. I haven't heard from them in months.😂😂😂
You have to learn how to extract the thuth of demons, let me use these words. Thats the cure. But the process is very complex. Sometimes they are doing this to teach you someting in a wicked way to participate in your story. Because they hate the fact that you are capable of be a good person. And if you defeat them you will get there. Not the pedestal, but at the top of a mountain, not vulnerable anymore.
Hi doctor Ramani. I have a question. I am currently going through divorce with my husband who from every indication he is one of the most dangerous narcissist. It took me 14 years of marriage to find out. And thanks to you Dr Ramani for making me understand what I was going through, I almost commented suicide due to forstration and depression. I am currently separated from my narcissistic husband. I get to see him once a week during drop-off and pick-up of our children. Now my question is; why does my heart skip and race in fear whenever I think or remember them or any kind of thought about my narcissistic husband. I have this sence of great anxiety in my body and in my chest, at that moment I feel scared. What is going on with my body. I need answers please 🙏
Modern psychology was made by narcisists. Like Freud and his infantile trauma trap. Psychologist like to play this game os superiority. Sometimes they just don't know better.
@renatamayumikobata One can have a true ego which is based in one self and nothing exterior. In this process "death of ego" one can and will create empathy at his fifth house so to speak. If there is work to be done in one self ego, one self will accept challenges of the mere presences of others. This is inevitable and must be resolved before you go out in search for creative partners. So people playing these games of youth have to accept and face the truth and it is a good thing if they get someone to help the healing of their wounds. The perfect ego knows how to expand and get big like the universe itself and also knows how to disappear to nothingness. To have this ability, the heart must to detach at the same time that everything need his precence, a balance between the fifth and eleventh house. Detachment is a conection with your trancendant self, which is the biggest score and proffit of human life. Everybody knows thursday, the abundamce day, in a seven day week, but this you will find at the eleventh day in a subtle way beacause society are stuck at the seventh day. It is like that game: seven days to die; a game of zombies.
@renatamayumikobata One can have a true ego which is based in one self and nothing exterior. In this process "death of ego" one can and will create empathy at his fifth house so to speak. If there is work to be done in one self ego, one self will accept challenges of the mere presences of others. This is inevitable and must be resolved before you go out in search for creative partners. So people playing these games of youth have to accept and face the truth and it is a good thing if they get someone to help the healing of their wounds. The perfect ego knows how to expand and get big like the universe itself and also knows how to disappear to nothingness. To have this ability, the heart must to detach at the same time that everything need his precence, a balance between the fifth and eleventh house. Detachment is a conection with your trancendant self, which is the biggest score and proffit of human life. Everybody knows thursday, the abundamce day, in a seven day week, but this you will find at the eleventh day in a subtle way beacause society are stuck at the seventh day. It is like that game: seven days to die; a game of zombies.
2 words - I did. this just happened in my head. when u r feeling don on yourself because of the narc, start asking yourself: who got u thru high school? I DID who passed all your tests in college? I DID who got you your job? I DID who taught you how to draw (or whatever)? I DID. who raised those kds? I DID who survived? I DID who bought that bedspread? I DID. who who who i bet you can do this for an hour. DO IT. I DID.
من الآن وحتى نهاية الأيام سأظل مقتنعًا بأن الحب الصادق يظهر في وقت الانهيار، الحب هو تلك الأيدي التي تقبض على ساعدك وتعيدك للوقوف عندما تهدمك الحياة، الأحبة هم الذين يرممون ما يتلف من ابتسامتك وقلبك، الذين ينحازون لصفك ولا يتنازلون عنك أبدا، ليس الذين تأتي وتذهب بهم كلمة مغشوشة - كاتب و مؤلف و مترجم مصري، احمد خالد توفيق Ahmed Khaled Tawfik
With all the great videos here, not that I've seen them all, I can't seem to find anything anywhere (here or on UA-cam) that helps me with the unraveling I experience when I see him. I can't afford to move right now and the fact is, I do see him from time to time, and I always know if he's home or not. And every time I see him, even though we don't speak--because I broke the rules--same reason my narc parents hated me and I was the scapegoat, I lust over him like no one else. I may as well be addicted to crack.
He texted Im one of the best humans he ever met. 3 days later, he said I almost broke his fingers while holding hands. ABSURD. I cant wrap my brain around it.
Narcissists never forgive. They hold grudges for life. They may wait a while, but eventually they will seek vengeance. Be very careful if you ever break a narcissist’s rules. However, they will break all of your rules and they won’t think anything of it. They will expect you to forget about immediately.
There it is! Just like I predicted
They think of it quickly enough if they get permanently damaged physically.
@mooop348 that's why I don't comment anymore. They want to give advice even though I didn't ask for any.🫤
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Re "they'll never forgive": not always true. It is much more nuanced than you think. I have known and grown up with narcissists, they have needs like everybody else, they will easily forgive - IF they can get their narcissistic supply back. Whatever is useful to them, they will do or cultivate it.
When a narcissist puts you on a pedestal, you think you're standing tall but you're really on your knees.
Oooof! Beautifully put. ❤
that's so accurate. and very sad
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there.
They will promise to do it, but never follow through.
If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction.
An argument will ensue
The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character.
The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved.
At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction
They give you what you asked for, BUT
There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail. com
Perfect description of 40 years of my life with my CN STBX.
This is the perfect explanation-example ratio I’ve ever read about narcisism. Well done 👍🏼
1/ The Silent Treatment Treating You Like You Don't Exist
2/ Gas lightning
3/ Treatments Of Being Belittled Bullying Calling Horrible Names.
4/ Trying To Make The Victim Jealous
I Went Through Horrific Emotional And Psychological Abuse. I Currently have 2 Months Of No Contact Narcissitic Abuse Is Brutal.
Keep up the NO CONTACT. I was once two months also, now it’s been 6 yrs! There is NO other way to go but NC!
Every single thing you said in that order is happening to me!
They accept only subservience.
They get a chocolate for it.If you tell no and buy your own chocolate they want revenge as you can get a chocolate only by subservience but you bought your own...how could you did this to them.They have not much to do with freedom mentally.
Yes on 1/ 2. Not applicable to 3/4 Dad(narc) blames me instead of himself. I don't bother with him anymore; what a relief!
Although my mother, as an alcaholic, drug addict, had her Own problems, she was often heard to say " beware the man who puts you on a pedestal , then treats you like a footstool ! " Later on, as time wore on, I saw how this advice could apply to Any manipulative controller in society, including abusive bosses, or co-workers, manipulative roomates, etc.
Everytime I watch one of these videos I realise more and more about my mothers relationship with me
Same. She was very sick, and twisted, but she was smart and it made her dangerous. They lead you to the plank, shame you into walking it and pushing ya off when they are ready. Best wishes
The combination of good and bad things happening at the same time contaminates Joy with a sense of sadness and loss and bad memories. How do you find joy without that connection if you spent years in it?
I am a man married to one of 12 years. I am beaten down to almost nothing. Tired, drained, confused.
Thank you for you videos, it helps give me clarity.
Once the confusion clears, the path becomes clear. Keep educating yourself. Journal to gather "emotional evidence". Remember they will NEVER change (this, is as good as it gets). Make a decision about HOW you want to spend the rest of your life. Leaving isn't much easier than staying, but there isn't a single narcissistic abuse survivor that says "I wish I'd stay longer". ❤
🥰
Leave. I was married to one for 23 years and thought I could outlive him. They live to 100. It is not worth it. The abuse gets worse as they age. I am grateful to have gotten out with my life.
Thank you for all you do Dr Ramani!
Thank you for your consistent reminders.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient...
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things.
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white...
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks..
You wont regret it.
Good for you. You're not dealing with a real narcissist then.
The concept of splitting, as in this context, was new to me. Thank you so much for this new lens.
9 months of no contact
Rejected all his hovering
Feeling bit better
Recovery is slow very slow
It is
I have left hand full of times now and each time I leave the pain becomes so unbearable for me I end up turning to drinking to deal with it which spirals out of control and makes things worse
I end up coming back each time
At least I'm sober when I'm here 😢but ughhh
I love this so much. Growing through this hasn’t been easy at all. But I am glad to be growing and moving past what I was settling for.
Proud of you! Remain strong among weak, bitter people who want to manipulate your behavior for their shallow self interest and misguided prioritization of personal comfort over rightness.
"beware of the pedestal, the air is very thin up there..."
And it hurts worse to fall down that high
Thank you, Dr Ramani, for all your words of validation and wisdom ❤ you are a blessing to so many!
I’m invisible and silent by choice and the way he treats me. Later I appear and am heard when he needs something, usually praise, attention or sex. I love ignoring. It makes me feel powerful. # 1 😉
I made the mistake of dropping the restraining order & coming to an agreement with him through the courts. He has violated this agreement every single chance he gets. Narcs & ASPD’s will not follow rules because they believe they are above the rules. Unfortunately, the legal system takes too long & he has found ways to skirt & defy any court order. I don’t feel like I will ever be free of this man or get justice. His behavior will likely kill me before this happens.
@ Stephaniehelple...keep going back to court of law, you will get justice...don't give up so easily
My narcissistic husband was just home ( on vacation) for 10 days. Most miserable 10 days ever. Screaming at me one day, silent treatment the next, then tried to be nice for a day. On and on. I feel like I have whiplash. Thankfully, he's back to work tomorrow where he can get his supply needs met.
You’re fueling the fire by staying in it for the money and the family.
Get your confidence together and a plan in place then get out safely , you’ll be surprised how light you’ll feel.
Best wishes
Glad for you 😊 Ask him to stay in the workplace forever 😜
Gosh after 10 days away on VACATION and he's already back at it.he is miserable and that's no fair to you
Thank You for Your unique significant contribution on helping in depth the survivors of narcissistic abuse. Best Wishes from someone in Greece 😊😊❤😊 Thank You truly! 😊🙏⭐️✨💫
I knew it was the final discard, the first time around and I discarded my mother, instead. Once I came to radical acceptance of what was going on and what she was attempting to do, I entirely robbed her of the negative supply, of me crawling back on my knees. I never came back. From what I can tell, that turned into a disaster and it isn’t because I’m trying to pay myself on the back. But, I knew my covert mother and malignant sister, would likely kill one another and, with their exception of mom being older and just dying of natural causes (I think), I wasn’t gettin in the middle of that. Once I offer to take you to receive professional help and you choose utter destruction and discarding, as manipulation, we’re done.
The only connection I can think of is that both are based on the perpetrator’s undue emphasis of his/her own thoughts/emotions. In narcissistic abuse, perpetrators usually expresses the attitude that everything centers around them. They may object to that description and even insist that they don’t believe that; but, their actions say otherwise. Virtually everything you do/don’t do gets tied back to the perpetrator as a person. You’re either doing something right b/c you’re smart, capable, etc., or you’re intentionally doing it wrong in order to hurt/anger the perpetrator in some way.
You are also likely to be accused of doing it wrong, even if you’re doing it right-again b/c of the perpetrator’s thoughts/emotions. Toxic positivity is generally not perpetrated with the intention to hurt anyone, and most wouldn’t even recognize it as being toxic/hurtful; but, in most cases, the perpetrator is still oblivious to the effect it has on others, and to the value of that effect. Narcissism is a psychological disorder and, with few exceptions, abuse is perpetrated with the tangible intention of causing harm. In contrast, toxic positivity is a behavioral flaw that is essentially an extreme version of selfishness, based in denial, and is generally perpetrated with the intention of maintaining and creating happiness. Most people are selfish, in some way or another. Toxic positivity is a subtle expression of selfishness-so subtle that even the perpetrator may not realize why it’s wrong b/c, after all, s/he is only seeking to encourage/uplift people. This is where denial comes in. Most people struggle/suffer, at some point or another. I believe that most people are also aware that there are people who experience more pain than they are aware of from their own lives.
Denial allows people to look at someone who reminds them of themselves and assume that they cannot be justified in their suffering b/c the observer is not suffering. Denial also allows people who have suffered to deny the significance of other people’s suffering b/c it is notably different from their own, or b/c they perceive it as being notably different. From here, there are 2 extremes: One is for them to be semi-consciously abusive-meaning that they are generally aware that their actions are hurtful; but, they rationalize it as being justified. The other is to perpetrate toxic positivity-in which they are completely unaware that their actions are hurtful and it’s difficult for them to identify why they would be.
Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
You wrote a book😣
A Narcissist is exactly aware of the effects their actions have. That's how they manage to manipulate do well.
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tailgating narcissists gas light drivers who are observing the speed limit into thinking they are doing something wrong
My narcissistic mother in law even blamed a building to be at fault that she drove into despite being warned beforehand.
I’ve learnt one thing ; this relationship with miss entitled was over as soon as it started . Wish I was a wombat . (Eats roots and leaves ) . Am ever so grateful for Dr Ramani ‘s insights .
Yeah, my ex told me that one of our kids would do anything for you, and I said no, he will do anything for you, I don't ask certain things of our kids.
Thank you Dr. Ramani, you are truly an angel to me. 💯🙏♥♥♥♥♥♥🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹😎
The problem is the Narc's untold rules. At the beginning, you never know what is going to set them off or bring retaliation. After a while, you realize breathing and existing is breaking the rules. Stopping to exist is the only way to "make things work". Peace, growth and healing to all. ❤
I broke my mother's rule by reaching the age of puberty. After the age of 8, Mom didn't know how to relate to me of know what to do with me. She equated puberty with evil. (I think there was a history surrounding her own life at this time but she would never talk). By the time I reached 20 I was hospitalized with severe stomach hemorrhage due to stress of abuse. I did not want to live because I knew she didn't want me to live.
The Discard is final when we Victims say it is. 🍒
This captivating video triggers a flood of painful memories from the end of my 6-year relationship just three months ago. The woman I loved with all my heart chose to walk away, leaving me grappling with an insurmountable sense of loss. Despite my relentless efforts to salvage what we had , I'm left feeling disillusioned and unable to imagine a future without her. Despite my attempts to move on , I'm drawn to express my deep-seated longing for her here .
The struggle to release someone dear to your heart is undeniably arduous. I empathize, having experienced a similar circumstance when my 8 year relationship concluded. Refusing to accept defeat, I pursued every conceivable avenue to reclaim his affection. Eventually, I sought the assistance of a spiritual counselor, whose wisdom and intervention played a pivotal role in reuniting us.
Where did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with her?
Suzanne Ann Walters is the name of an exceptional spiritual counselor renowned for her ability to reunite you with your former partner.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online.
You have described my daughter's relationship with her father perfectly at the beginning of this video. Only she doesn't realize it yet. She's 28 & still thinks he's the best! She's got him up on a pedestal for sure. She's his supply & in return, she's got him doing stuff at her house, 2 hour drive each way, that she would have to pay someone otherwise, like painting or tree trimming. Her brother has gone no contact, so they are not on good terms. Idk if she'll ever see the truth. She learned early on that it benefitted her greatly to stay in her daddy's good graces. While I understand she did what she needed to survive, it hurts that she thinks I'm the one who's just too weak to deal her father & his constant angry tirades when things aren't exactly as he wants them to be.
So comforting, especially the last five minutes. Thanks, Dr. Ramani!
Thanks for all the info! Always great
Expect being called a narcissist if you have any solid non-negotiable boundaries 😂
I filed for divorce from a Covert narc & ASPD a few months ago. He has since moved out & uses the kids as his constant supply while also using any situation involving the kids to punish me, to do the exact opposite of what I tell him or I thought we agreed to & to inflict the most damage possible onto me. The rules will never apply to him & he acts like a spoiled, selfish, cruel petulant child. His every thought & motivation is about revenge & contempt. As long as he can legally spend time with our kids, he will continue to use this arrangement to inflict pain & damage onto me. Schedules & plans are opportunities for him to show me that the rules do not apply to him & to declare how weak & easily manipulated I am. He has destroyed my health.
This man belongs behind bars.
Unfortunately I know exactly what you are going through. My daughter is also in the middle of this nightmare. Twi years since she walked away from her narcissistic husband and his venom and anger is even stronger. Keep strong, at least you don't have to see him every single day. Try to find a support network. Sending you love and hugs ❤
im so sorry this is happening. i pray things get better for you, because that’s horrible & disgusting to do to anyone. bless you.❤️
The taller you stand, the harder or further you fall 🙃
Exactly. ⤵
We still have to honour ourselves to live with integrity,that is how we can win. The hardest is the unfairness,the alighting if ones character. However to live life the way they do isn't a life it is just a world they created for themselves to live in.
My narc mother often said that she lived in a world of her own. This way when you confronted her with something she said/did, she could say that in her world that did not occur. I think she thought her world was better than the one God created.....
You have no idea how much this video helped me, thank you.
Waiting for Narc Survivor to comment first and talk on the subject before listening to Dr ❤️
Fascinating and helpful information. I was on a pedestal with my mother. In adulthood, I thought that it was equal to love. (Big mistake). Occurred at work too for decades, then later switched to group abuse and bullying. As my skills and competency increased, envy & jealousy increased.
I am grateful for your wisdom and your accessible manner of teaching, Dr. Ramani.
Why ?!? Do you think Dr. Ramani doesn't know what she's talking about ?!? Just curious.
@@wandamundy1759 you misunderstood:) Narc comments before listening to Dr Ramanis video, I'm saying he should listen to her first for once
I pulled back - finally- from the narcissists. I decided to walk away. Sometimes it's what you have to do once and for all.
It feels like the whole needs to be bombarded with lessons about dangerous narcissists.
No contact that opens the door to positivity and moment of joy realising the "😅😊phoenix is already in flight c🎉❤
You are the best Dr. Ramani! ❤️
Yes I can say that when I was involved with narcissist spectrum partners. I can clearly see some common denominators in them. And some of my own co dependent tendencies. The partners tended to be raised in performance driven narcissistic, materialist childhoods. And they then lacked basic cores of human empathy. They simply didn't wire up their minds with empathy in early development. I was very vulnerable to them. Maybe I still am in ways I haven't seen yet. One thing fir sure. This seems like a horrible waste of life, love and resources.
He has plenty of supply, he's sadistic, and gets off tormenting me, thats all.
Can say it was easy to know she is over me ; cognitive dissonance, anxiety , depression , brain fog ( didn’t help none ) DARN . OK it wasn’t that easy . Thankyou for sharing your wisdom , it is most helpful .😊
That happens a lot, sadly, in the teacher-student dynamics. Wether the teacher or student being a narcissist, it is exhausting and effects so much the authentic learning that should be creating a learning , professional and safe environment
I had to get an order of protection but he has left me alone for over a month and guess what…my health has been good this whole month. He still lives out back and has pure hate in his eyes when we cross paths but I put up security cameras on my front and back doors and now my sleep is starting to be the effective healing tool it’s supposed to be. My recommendation is not to tell the narcissist how bad his behavior is affecting your health because my ex weaponized it immediately. His behavior escalated to triple the rages but only when I was seized up and I unable to protect myself. It was calculated. He tried to blame it on a demon in the end. How about you take some responsibility for your own evil schemes?!?! Nope, never so get a protection order the moment you can or the abuse will never stop!!
If only there was focus ourselves away from the " instant gratification model", to "instant gratification by the act of unconditional giving. More cognisant with Skinnets positive reinforcement principles in learning.❤
😂😂😂how do you know when a narcissist is lying? Their lips are moving 😅😂😅😂
I believe Im going through the final discard cuz he’s able to be back with the chick he cheated on me with. I hate that i still want him back.
He's put you in a hell of misery
That's so far from love it is sickening
I know hun I have been there and still in this relationship myself 😢😢😢😢
An amoeba has a more definable shape than an empath after a narc is finished with them.
The top of the ivory, golden gilt praise-pedestal may look wide, and feel good to be on...at first.
I begins to erode...almost right away, and it grows a layer of eggshell, and broken glass, and rusty nails...
...as erosion continues, and it gets smaller, you find less and less ground to stand on, and eventually end up on your one foot, then your toes.
Then just one toe.
Even remaining motionless won't help, neither will swaying in the narcissists endless storm swirling around you...
The pedestal eventually becomes a spike, impaling you on the desires of your narcissist...in agony...right where they want you.
Fully controlled, and immobile, unable to escape...
A fine prize, in their mind.
Perfect.
Well said!
Great way to put it .couldn't of said it better myself beautiful painfully said
After leaving a narc marriage, and educating myself, my workplace hired a new manager. I could tell early on she was a narc. She came up to me and said "You are so smart. That's why you are my favourite" (pedestal) I immediately turned to her and stated "You should not have favourites" (Refused pedestal). Thereafter I was a target for her bullying. I got a better job elsewhere.
They aren’t “my narcissist”. I don’t take ownership of anyone. ESPECIALLY the narcissist. Words matter. 💜
The part about liking being placed on a pedestal hit home. In order to feel good about what little I get from them I have to give up who I am to become the person they think I am or want me to be. I understand that, yes, it is a position of safety and that they are trying to reinforce this terrible dynamic as well as their agenda, but what they keep forgetting (and probably want me to, as well) is that I am who I am, I know myself better than they do. I also have good logic and critical thinking skills under my belt. I’ve passed ALL of the required tests in order to be an autonomous, thinking individual with a mind of his own. The narcs can’t even crank out a coherent sentence, let alone a believable one and I am not so easily fooled anymore.
Dr RamMini you look so beautiful in that color blouse .
watch how he treats his mom while u r on the pedestal. after he has u, marries u, she will get your pedestal.
And also how his mom treats his new wife also is very telling she puts her son on a pedestal and feels that his new wife is not good enough for him.
We know narcissists never take accountability. They are basically always hiding from seeing their bad behavior. Is this "hiding" the same as being unconscious of their behavior and what is meant by the shadow (Carl Jung)? Is that what the "shadow" is? Are narcissists just living 100% in their shadow? Are these terms the same? Thank you!👍❤❤❤
SPOT ON 😊
I could never reach the pedestal. I am not male.
I think is very important to say: narcisistic rules are a simulacrum of the laws of reality, the laws of creativity and love. They want to be in the highest position without responsability or a mastered self. But you have to respect God and the way that you found the light of thuth. For some people, narcisists were very good sparring.
$75k biweekly changed my mindset and behavior, my goals, my family and I've to say this video has inspired me a lot!!!!❤️
I'm feeling really motivated.
Could you share some details about the bi-weekly topic you brought up?
I raised 75k and Maria Luisa Clare is to be thanked. I got my self my dream car 🚗 just last weekend, My journey with her started after my best friend came back from New York and saw me suffering in dept then told me about her and how to change my life through her. Maria L. Clare is the kind of person one needs in his or her life! I got a home, a good wife, and a beautiful daughter. Note!:: this is not a promotion but me trying to make a point that no matter what happens, always have faith and keep living!!
Wow 😱 I know her too!
Miss Maria Luisa Clare is a remarkable individual whom has brought immense positivity and inspiration into my life.
I started with a miserly $1500. The results have been mind blowing I must say TBH
Dr. Ramani - I would appreciate your insights on the “stolen youth” series on Hulu, especially episode 3. TW for abusive, manipulative relationships.
I found it astoundingly cathartic to hear the actual recorded manipulative conversations & to see how such intelligent, kind people could be manipulated - to see how the manipulations magnified & broke each survivor’s sense of reality.
Dang your on point
Borderlines do splitting too. Common in Cluster B's
Sometimes I feel bad when I share a different opinion. I think because of how it's gone.
When they're grabbing your hand with the baby, I love you or other tbings they say; not everyone believes that. I think sometimes we give them more credit than they deserve.
The pedestal can go beyond the parent and supply can come from other family. At some point they decide to give in more fully.
I liked the Santa Barbara trips 🎉
10:10 you are not holistically viewed, you are viewed what you serve
until 11:50
I have a narcissist colleague at work. I did not enable him, ignored him from time to time. I messed around with his supply because he was annoying. I recorded what he said and his actions. Eventually he was out of line with getting work done. And I won the battle through HR. We talk every now (as if nothing ever happened) because we do have to work together. He told me that he wanted to be a psychiatrist. Have you ever met a psychiatrist with personality disorders such as NPD and what happens when they realize that they are the problem?
I think it would be easy for a narcissist to put a Christian or someone religiously minded to be put on a pedestal because the Christian is trying to reach an ideal.
It's two sides of a coin: the image of God and the image of the narcissist.
Exactly ! Apparently what a Lot of toxic Church Leaders do and a Lot of Cult Leaders Do !
But a Christian has already realized they fall well short of the ideal. I would question the validity of a Christian's faith who actually thought they could reach that status.We do the best we can, ask forgiveness when we fail, More likely it is the narcissist who has replaced the image of God with an image of themselves. They are their own God.
@ the ideal is the union with God in all aspects of life including after physical death. Union can look like this: if Jesus is betrayed by someone close to Him; gets to know Him; and doesn’t change (repent), then we would understand what it is to be a scapegoat for others projections. If Jesus was called Beelzebub (the prince of the devil), for doing good, then we understand what gaslighting is in our life.
An ideal is a vision and a vision is your reason. Some people have no ideal or that goal in life and so are more reactive to situations instead of thinking; this has gone of course, let’s get back on course.
@@rossanderson5243 Okay. you're theology is not the same as mine and that is fine. I stand by my original post.
Yes I was either the Virgin Mary perfect person for him in every way, and could do no wrong--- or I was his mother and a bitch and cunt or whatever name he called me that night. I finally realise that I just couldn't win and I was fighting with a phantom.
I think I've been in the status of the situation if you do it myself even a feeble attempt at a girlfriend. Once I made a mistake I was "Canceled,"
So I think I mainly experienced a with my father. I was able to have enough sanity trying to be the family hero so I feel short of it.
26:42 is the part I like the most
26:00 -28:00
I have put girlfriends on pedestals and a wife on one, and it has done nothing but wreck lives, including my own.
It's high time to get real.
But that ALSO means not projecting who I am not, nor NOT cutting through projections thrown towards ME.
Two people casting their projections onto each other: a recipe for disaster. ("Ya THINK?").
"Pedestal creation" by either you or the other on to each other includes psychological projection as a factor (within the whole idea/reality of putting somebody on a pedestal).
Last 5 minutes exactly my ex friend😅
She just kept playing the victim telling the same story about her ex boyfriend to others after I corrected her so many times😢
What about when the Narc is an adult child. The Abuse is astonishing. An old lady Christian has become the object of the demands to accept and permit any immoral bad behavior or else.
Would you do a podcast on mothers who have narcissistic daughters? I have two daughters, one has bipolar disorder and one has borderline personality disorder. They have very set standards for who they think I should be and if I do not comply they do not speak to me for long periods of time. They want me to stop being political, they've actually told me they wish I were younger because they think I used to be a cool mom and now I'm just older. I could use some guidance on this.
Hell!
What's the difference between having boundaries and having personal "rules"/preferences?🤷
Too many people lost any touch with reality ☝️
Child parent pedestal analogy confused me from getting the point. Maybe the title confused me
Please...Greek subtitles!!❤❤❤🫶🫶🫶
Idk if my child actually realizes this at 34 that this is how her father manipulated her with the pedestal being a tool. I feel if she doesn’t by now, she never will 💔
Many people never will.
I'm told by the narc that I'm the bad person because I stood up for myself and said no. The narc would look for ways to jerk me around and pull the rug out from under me just for their own entertainment. Until I started standing up for myself and saying no, just a quiet no. I haven't heard from them in months.😂😂😂
Or they could go live their lives.
You have to learn how to extract the thuth of demons, let me use these words. Thats the cure. But the process is very complex.
Sometimes they are doing this to teach you someting in a wicked way to participate in your story. Because they hate the fact that you are capable of be a good person. And if you defeat them you will get there. Not the pedestal, but at the top of a mountain, not vulnerable anymore.
Hi doctor Ramani. I have a question. I am currently going through divorce with my husband who from every indication he is one of the most dangerous narcissist. It took me 14 years of marriage to find out. And thanks to you Dr Ramani for making me understand what I was going through, I almost commented suicide due to forstration and depression.
I am currently separated from my narcissistic husband. I get to see him once a week during drop-off and pick-up of our children.
Now my question is;
why does my heart skip and race in fear whenever I think or remember them or any kind of thought about my narcissistic husband. I have this sence of great anxiety in my body and in my chest, at that moment I feel scared. What is going on with my body. I need answers please 🙏
Narcissism is like a virus 😂
💜💜💜💜🤍🤍💜💜🤍🤍
Just support them because they are true.
❤
Modern psychology was made by narcisists. Like Freud and his infantile trauma trap. Psychologist like to play this game os superiority. Sometimes they just don't know better.
@renatamayumikobata One can have a true ego which is based in one self and nothing exterior. In this process "death of ego" one can and will create empathy at his fifth house so to speak. If there is work to be done in one self ego, one self will accept challenges of the mere presences of others. This is inevitable and must be resolved before you go out in search for creative partners. So people playing these games of youth have to accept and face the truth and it is a good thing if they get someone to help the healing of their wounds. The perfect ego knows how to expand and get big like the universe itself and also knows how to disappear to nothingness. To have this ability, the heart must to detach at the same time that everything need his precence, a balance between the fifth and eleventh house. Detachment is a conection with your trancendant self, which is the biggest score and proffit of human life. Everybody knows thursday, the abundamce day, in a seven day week, but this you will find at the eleventh day in a subtle way beacause society are stuck at the seventh day. It is like that game: seven days to die; a game of zombies.
@renatamayumikobata One can have a true ego which is based in one self and nothing exterior. In this process "death of ego" one can and will create empathy at his fifth house so to speak. If there is work to be done in one self ego, one self will accept challenges of the mere presences of others. This is inevitable and must be resolved before you go out in search for creative partners. So people playing these games of youth have to accept and face the truth and it is a good thing if they get someone to help the healing of their wounds. The perfect ego knows how to expand and get big like the universe itself and also knows how to disappear to nothingness. To have this ability, the heart must to detach at the same time that everything need his precence, a balance between the fifth and eleventh house. Detachment is a conection with your trancendant self, which is the biggest score and proffit of human life. Everybody knows thursday, the abundamce day, in a seven day week, but this you will find at the eleventh day in a subtle way beacause society are stuck at the seventh day. It is like that game: seven days to die; a game of zombies.
Thanks
2 words - I did.
this just happened in my head. when u r feeling don on yourself because of the narc, start asking yourself:
who got u thru high school? I DID
who passed all your tests in college? I DID
who got you your job? I DID
who taught you how to draw (or whatever)? I DID.
who raised those kds? I DID
who survived? I DID
who bought that bedspread? I DID.
who who who
i bet you can do this for an hour.
DO IT.
I DID.
Do you have any input on a narcissist parent/family which has a child that is proven to be gifted/genius?
@MarleyLeMar A different perspective of the dynamic.
من الآن وحتى نهاية الأيام سأظل مقتنعًا بأن الحب الصادق يظهر في وقت الانهيار، الحب هو تلك الأيدي التي تقبض على ساعدك وتعيدك للوقوف عندما تهدمك الحياة، الأحبة هم الذين يرممون ما يتلف من ابتسامتك وقلبك، الذين ينحازون لصفك ولا يتنازلون عنك أبدا، ليس الذين تأتي وتذهب بهم كلمة مغشوشة - كاتب و مؤلف و مترجم مصري، احمد خالد توفيق Ahmed Khaled Tawfik
4th, 17 November 2024
With all the great videos here, not that I've seen them all, I can't seem to find anything anywhere (here or on UA-cam) that helps me with the unraveling I experience when I see him. I can't afford to move right now and the fact is, I do see him from time to time, and I always know if he's home or not. And every time I see him, even though we don't speak--because I broke the rules--same reason my narc parents hated me and I was the scapegoat, I lust over him like no one else. I may as well be addicted to crack.
He texted Im one of the best humans he ever met. 3 days later, he said I almost broke his fingers while holding hands. ABSURD.
I cant wrap my brain around it.
I get tired of watching everyones videos, yours or whoever specializes in this. It is my own forgetfulness that causes it though, nobody else's fault.
I have to say thank you 💕 your videos have really helped me better understand what I have been through. And you look wonderful in Pink 🩷