The Deceptive Nature of Malingering
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- Опубліковано 16 тра 2024
- Malingering is neither a medical or psychological condition, nor is it a symptom of a condition. It is a behaviour aimed at manipulating others. It is the intentional exaggeration of, or pretending to have physical or psychological symptoms for a specific purpose or gain.
This video looks at the different kinds of malingering, how it differs from factitious disorder, the motivations behind it and the impact it can have on those who genuinely suffer and struggle.
#malingering #manipulation #mentalhealth
I have had a friend who is like that. She constantly talks about herself and how she's suffering. She works a lot and constantly talks about how high her workload is and how she suffers from it, and she also constantly complains about her health - she is basically healthy - but she exaggerates every tiny ailment she has as if it was a horrible disease. At the same time she is downplaying everybody elses health problems, even if they are serious diseases, as if it were nothing or just imagined or pretended. It has taken me a while to understand this as a form of covert narcissism, because it contradicts my prejudice that narcissists try to appear as strong, goodlooking and healthy as possible, so why would a narcissist try to appear weaker than they really are?
The subtext behind this behaviour is
1. nobody suffers like I do
2. ergo I have to be constantly at the center of everybody's attention, the whole world centers around me
3. ergo everybody else has to be there for me, everybody has to care for me and help me and do my bidding
4. if anybody else is in trouble and needs help, it can't be me (the narcissist), who helps, because I (the narcissist) am suffering like nobody else, so don't expect me to even move a finger for you
It is basically a scheme to constantly manipulate others and emotionally blackmail them.
When they say, "hindsight is 20/20", they are absolutely correct. You perfectly described someone who I am so thankful to have out of my life.🤮
Imagine having kids with a monster like that
I was blamed for malingering when I was struggling to set routines to manage my health due to home life trauma by my workplace. Then discriminated against quietly by my employer.
This is what I fear I'm sorry this happened to you. I would never accuse anyone of this it's so hurtful.
I'm in the same boat
I had an ex boyfriend who pretended he had chronic depression so he could claim income protection insurance. He received a huge annual payment for over fourteen years before I knew him and during the 2 years we were together. But strangely he never told me he even had depression and I only found out by accident after 5 months after he moved in to my home ( I was recently divorced and very vulnerable) Then I researched chronic depression and realised there was no way he was depressed. As part of his insurance claim he had to keep seeing a psychiatrist every month. I was so upset that he was doing this! And basically we broke up over it. But he was also very entitled and I realised later how he expected that people should give him accomodation etc. etc.
Off topic - your paint color is gorgeous! Do you know the name?
I've been accuse of malingering so many times, but I just have a rare neurological disorder. I deal with it quietly on my own now and avoid doctors whenever I can, which is the opposite of malingering. That's never enough to convince them, tho. You can't change the mind of someone who's dedicated to misunderstanding you.
Those Who Need Feel Shame Asking For the Healthcare 💞
Much Compassion & Respect
Thanks Darren. I used to work in health diagnostics, and while it was common to see people with psychological disorders present as physical disorders (e.g. seizure-like events), true malingering was very uncommon. I think I saw it once in over 2 decades. The man was in a wheelchair, and it crossed my mind that if there was a fire he be the first to run away from it.
I’m almost surprised at how many people I know that have done this.
I dated someone who faked a broken ankle so they didn’t have to go to their part time job out of town that they said became full time employment. So grateful when I called out their shit and they moved out that night.
Malingering can be confusing, even dealing with one narcissist.
My neighbor wanted me to be her free caregiver. However, it became obvious to me, when I started picking up red flags, that she was likely an entitled person, who felt she should entitle herself to my life, since I lived above her and was single, with no children. She didn’t even want help from other neighbors who offered and I wasn’t even sure if she contacted the senior center - directly across the street, for resources. She had a few maneuvers to get me to comply, but it never worked. She arrived at a time in my life, when I’d just gone no contact with my own family, to avoid narcissistic abuse. Not that I could’ve ever been the 24/7 dedicated caregiver she likely wanted. But I wasn’t going to allow a repeat of my family, all over again. She did become very ill and died 3 years later and a woman said her family never came to help her, because she was too demanding. It’s possible that her own malingering and narcissistic behavior cheated her out of help she might’ve otherwise gotten and shortened her life.
@@Eet_Mia you have the opinion of most people and that is OK as, I am the agent of my own life.
This neighbor was the 2ND neighbor who thought she made decisions for me to be her free caregiver and she was getting along fine, when she brought up the topic in casual conversation. I guess she thought I lived in her attic, rather than a paid apartment above her. The 1st neighbor and her 3 adult children about my age (50s) wanted to lure me into caring for their 90 year old mother - with one of those adult children literally living around the corner. At the time, I was working for 2 major corporations, for over 100 hours/week and commuting 4 hours/day. But they didn’t want to hear anything about that - like I care. And the reason why they don’t want to come out and ask, is because they’re devaluing your life, think you should do it for free and are likely skirting labor laws. Essentially, I’d have become like a slave migrant, working like an illegal alien with no US rights, when I’ve been an American Citizen all of my life. And these people want free 24/7 care, with a smile, when they may have decided to retire early, to putz around in their bathrobe. I wasn’t even SUPPOSED to do anything about their entitlement. I WASN’T SUPPOSED to step in for their families. I WASN’T SUPPOSED to give up the long term care I’ve earned from my employer, to someone who decided to retire early without financial and medical plans, in a free fall, when they stated they knew they might incur a hereditary disease, because they thought they’d snatch up the nearest warm body for themselves. Particularly as they “could not seem to see” other neighbors, who were unemployed, underemployed, retired or early retired and healthy, not sure if it had to do with race. Narcissism and racism are close cousins - but then, that’s really their problem.
A person isn’t being cruel to protect themselves, from people who see them as an appliance. From people who seem to “overlook” the availability of others, who may even be offering help. From people who THINK, “No, I’ve ‘chosen’ the ‘girl’ upstairs to be my free caregiver. She’ll ‘have’ to do it.” Didn’t consult with me about it. Why would I care about some lateral person’s opinion, that I should step out of my life and sub in for their family, so their family can get on with their “important” lives? Never said I was running a free caregiver facility, at my own expense, for everyone and I do not pay any “tax” to live here, even as the longest resident in my building and no one tells me I do. I also don’t give up the care of my own pets, because someone who adopts a pet they can’t care for, thinks they assign me that, as well.
So, yes, all of THEM were entitled and - cruel. I feel sorry those women died. I feel sorry that their circumstances did not provide them the care they may have needed. But, I’m also aware enough of their situations to know that one of the things that ended their lives was ignorance. Perhaps, what might be cruel is telling a family member that, if they can’t snatch up or trick someone into providing free care, they won’t get any. Perhaps, at least one of those women were cruel to their own family and like I was with my own, they didn’t have to prove their love, against abuse. A few perspectives.
Two other things:
The 2nd neighbor living beneath me asked if I planned to get a newer car. Perhaps, during the “interview” she was trying to vet me, to see whether she’d be able to ride around in comfort and style - of course at my expense.
Second, I was at least glad, when she started stealing my packages, when I reported her to the police and let them know that there had been tension, because she told me she took care of her mother and I could take care of her (like I didn’t already have a nut narcissist for a mother), the officer looked at me like, “WTH!?” He spoke to her sternly and let her know that taking packages stops that day. He smelled a rat and he was right.
Private~ I understood exactly what you were conveying with your first comment. Eet hasn’t experienced that when a person lives an inauthentic life, real people don’t show up when actually needed.
@@privateprivate8366 You sound like a person who has been taken advantage of in the past. I'll bet you look caring and giving and they have misused you. Some good boundaries are needed for you to put in place. Don't let all of this turn into anger. Get a list of social services have it copied and hand it to the people who make requests of you. ❤️❤️❤️🙏
Whether physically sick or healthy, some people are parasitic. Discernment and boundaries are required. We learn this the hard way. Sounds like you helped that neighbor until you saw the parasitic pattern emerge. You made the right decision, imo.
It seems to me in my experience that people who actually do malinger are narcissists. I know someone with borderline who is often suspected of it but it’s more that she is overwhelmed by life and can’t cope and complains a lot. She’s not intentionally manipulating. I have a long list of rare diagnoses, many that people don’t understand, so I have been often accused of this and repeatedly been denied medical care in life-threatening situations because of it. I know a lot of other people with these same conditions who all deal with this. The irony is that the people suspect are never the ones doing it, and the people who actually do it always get away with it.
Not only Narcissists do this but others also on the cluster b spectrum
But they’re all on the spectrum, as well. If you reflect on their behaviors, wouldn’t you say they’re all narcissistically-driven?
@@MoPoppins agreed
I didn't know that there was a name for this...until now.
I asked my husband once why he didn't take me out. He said, "I'm dying." *Boing!* Twenty-five years later...*crickets chirping*🙄
Mine has never taken me on a real romantic nice date. Any time we’ve been to a nice-ish place (Outback Steakhouse was the nicest one idk if they still exist lol) it’s always with his friends or business partners along.
Why would you marry such a type…? And why stay? I don‘t get it.
Conan O'Brien just posted an interview with Larry David who tells the story of feigning insanity to get out of military service during the Vietnam War. How Larry David Lied His Way Out of the Army Reserve, on the Team Coco youtube channel.
“Secondary Benefits.”
This is when a person has an illness and gets help to the point that when actually healed they hang on to their symptoms so they don’t lose that help. Could even be practiced by a lonely elderly person as a way to get company, or someone to talk to once in a while.
The later can be dangerous for a senior, as if they don’t do a task themselves, they may lose the ability to do the task, even if they wanted to. Muscle conditioning.
Great topic. Happy valentines day!
Thank you, and to you as well
Hi Darren! Thx so much from Sweden for your informative channel. I was wondering, have you done any videos on how some narcissists "make" other people mentally ill? My father have seen me as "mentally ill" for the bigger part of my life. It was only when my best friend became a psychologist that I realized I actually wasn't...
I’ve made videos on the affects of abuse and neglect if you’d find those interesting?
Revisit "Linger" by the Cranberries. 😁
Darren, I just notied your enterprise Model in the case.. The reboot Start Trek movie back in 2009 with Chris Pine as Kirk was the only movie in my entire Life That I watched on Opening NIght in a sold out theater... and yes the crowd went wild.
great video
My brother, who’s a narc, has been doing this since he was a little kid. Miraculously, he was always well enough to do the things he enjoyed, even while he was “injured.” 😂
My ex was a germophobe,touched nothing,
but only in the house.😂
So he was not a germaphobe, just lazy.
After decades of trying to make sense if the insanity was my life .. after multiple gaslit therapists .. I had finally found a book that clicked.. In Sheep’s Clothing By Dr George Simon
.. eventually it was Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft which was given to me at Dv counseling
Boy, does THIS sound familiar.
Procrastination
Not really...
What the other disorders that can be seen as malingering whilest they are not
Narcissist triad
Please lose the lid from your tower..it is blocking the energy flow 😆😍
☹️ Promo-SM
Seems like politics in a nutshell.