I communicated to him calmly, numerous times, that he stopped reciprocating my efforts. He let me down for the last time & I broke up with him today. I can move on easily, knowing I tried everything to love him. Life is too short to fight alone for a relationship to work. Even as I'm writing this comment, he's texting me, but I'm done.
Yes, you are right to move on. I did as well. I made sure to contribute as much as I could, you can not make the other half contribute. His minimal effort meant I needed to move on. I deserve better. So do you! A rock doesn’t bleed nor love you! Blessings are on the way.
@@TheCoolgirl188 Probably not because, if they were emotionally mature we all wouldn’t be in this situation. It’s not our loss, it’s our gain to share love with someone who knows “the work” of being in a relationship of mutual respect.
He doesn't care about you. I was in a relationship similar to what you describe. He just wants you to think he cares. It's a game. Get out and change your number.
Exactly!!! If you see a problem and they see they have a problem... give them room to fix it or make room for someone that can love them and help them. We are here to see each other through not to see through each other.
5 signs you were not the problem: 1. If your relationship ended because of betrayal or abuse. 2. You left if there were promises that were not kept on deal breakers. 3. You had to choose between your growth or their comfort zone. 4. You are single, you run at the first sign of toxicity. 5. You are just unimpressed. (Always me :/) Side note: sit down with yourself and evaluate your actions and theirs. You will see what the problem is whether it be you, them or the both of you. Just remember we are all beautiful and a work in progress.
-Raise, don’t coddle your sons -Stop normalizing the bare minimum expectations for men -Don’t be the kind of man that you protect your daughter from! 👍🏼👏🏻😊👍🏼💪🏻
This was helpful. I’m not perfect but looking at by past relationship...I left cuz of 1, 3, and 4. Society’s outlook on single women will have you questioning yourself deeper. I’m at a place now that I’m standing in my power, this confirms a lot.
You're supposed to grow through what you go thorough. Where you stay doesn't have to be where you live. It's up to us to move on and become better as people; men and women
Anyone who thinks they are never a part of the problem will always try to gaslight you. If you tell a person you are dating what your expectations are and they don't, can't, or won't live up to them is not worth wasting your time.
I used to tell my ex I would rather see you happy with someone else than faking it with me. It hurts but ultimately if someone doesn’t change the way you need them to let it go, don’t force em.
A person shouldnt have to change. Grow, yes...but change? Hell no. If a person has to change to be with anyone that means you are INCOMPATIBLE!!! That goes for you too. If you have to change your values and needs to be with someone, you shouldnt be with them. You need to move on and try to find a person who is more aligned to your values. Thats the problem... too many women waiting around for a guy to change when they should just say "Nice knowing you, I don't think this works for me." And move on
Add to that...immature boys who prey on weak minded women. The moment they come across a STRONG minded woman such as you and I all of a sudden WE become the problem because they either don't want, or they just don't know how to deal with "us" .
Yes me too. Everytime we get mad at each other he only tell my side like I'm the cause. I only act out when I'm hurt or get pissed off. I act according to how I'm treated
I agree, I just recently left the guy I was seeing because he just know told me he didn't want to have anymore kids nor does he want to get married. I didn't understand this cause I laid out the cards in the beginning. I told him I wanted to have another kis cause I only have one and I also told him I wanted to get married. I thought he was the one for me but it turns out he's not. Please tell me what am doing wrong?
@@elaineellerbee9795 NOT A DAMN THING!!!!!! Stop thinking that shit IMMEDIATELY! What happened was you told him what you wanted upfront. He told you what you wanted to hear to GET WHAT HE WANTED!!!!!!!
People always want women to settle! It’s just astounding how triggered folks are when women have the audacity to have standards. I’ve seen videos pop up on my UA-cam from people who literally make videos about how Derrick is a problem because he “only tells women what they wanna hear”. Like society just hates women having high self esteem, high standards and not being complacent because then they’re a problem and aren’t seeing there “wrongs”. This little narrative is exactly why men get away with entitled behavior.
Girl you never lied. Same here. And even if Derrick is doing it for profit or fame or whatever they claim he is, he's really giving good structured advise so what's the problem 🤷🤷🤷
Yup the angry pushback is from the users, abusers, manipulators and predators who *know* they don't have a snowball's chance in hell when women start raising their standards and knowing their worth.
@@pinkbouquet1955 Exactly! I just look at these people sideways. Like how are you going to get angry at women bettering themselves and boosting their self worth. I love how Derrick addresses the fact that too many parents coddle there sons but want to put all these expectations and boundaries on their daughters. It’s no wonder women grow up feeling like they’re worth less then their male counterparts and settle for substandard treatment.
I will go you one better....there is a video on UA-cam with the title "Black Woman Reject Good Men Because They Overvalue Themselves".......I kid you not.
"...all you're doing whenever you run at the first sign of toxicity while dating, you're doing what a lot of people who got their heart broken in a relationship wished they had done. You're being wise. That's what your doing." Run!!!!!!!!!!!
I have recently learn after putting my ex out. He was the problem and pointed the finger at me. This guy was a sociopath, narcissist, with spinkle of being bipolar. I was on a roller coaster ride with him and I am so glad I am away from him. The most selfish man I've even seen in my life. This guy was a real piece of work. I was verbally, mentally and physically abused. The last time was the last straw when he attacked me. I wish I would have never picked him up. Nevertheless, I learned to never lower my standards.
Glad you are strong and have self respect, a lot of women stay even after being beaten, it's so sad. Sometimes the single life is paradise, glad you're safe now x
I am very happy you are no longer in this situation. I would have waited until old boy went to sleep and returned the favor (that's just me). That fact that you recognized what and who he is and did not try to fix him says a lot about your strength and character. GOOD FOR YOU!!!
@@sandrasmith6430 I have done what you said in the pass;however, I wasn't gonna stand for it. I have never been anyone's victim and I wasn't going to start. I never looked at myself as a domestic violence victim. I always said what I would do. Its just really hard to walk away when you're heart is involved. You just have to love yourself more. I can write a book on what I went through with this loser. Now he is back living with his mother SMH.
Sometimes...Im really believing single and peace is just the way to go...lol...at a certain aged men should just be tired of games...especially 40s...50s...
Yeah, it seems that a lot of older men are acting like younger men now. If all older men are offering is a hard D and bubblegum, I'll stick to younger ones. If they wanna come with respect and substance, great! If not, nope.
@@SKOLAH This is what my 29 yr old daughter told me....She said that the older men nowadays see what the younger men are getting away with and they want in on the nonsense too!
Rarely do people take account for their failure in a relationship. I believe the key to healthy relationships are the one’s where people are willing to grow from their past mistakes
some people take time to review situations objectively to I'd what went wrong. its a whole nother talent communicating about the past. i have found, it is easier to share a pic or song to jog a person's memory about that time.....then ask open questions to listen where the person is at. sometimes, I see a chance to offer the perspective of correction. sometimes, I do not.
Infidelity is a deal breaker. Abuse is even more of a deal breaker....mental, emotional, and/or physical. These are characteristic crushers that you cannot love away or change about a person. Women more than men want to fix their partner. At some point you have to realize that a person will grow and change on their own time. You cannot fix them. They already had parents that raised them. You cannot raise a man!
Every Single Time. The entire message was extremely accurate and thorough, but it was the last line that solidified it for me. Even though you’re not the problem that caused the ending, sometimes it’s better to let him go ahead and see you as the problem if he wants, instead of spending a lifetime inheriting his problems because you’re trying to be his solution. Life changing freedom in that line. The ones that need to hear ain’t listening though.
Lol!! I have a recent ex who blames me only cause I quit out of the circular problems. It wasnt working. Two years later he's still bad mouthing me to people. I just go about my business, always have. I know the truth. People who know me well know the truth. Ive got nothing to prove. I have noticed people who believed him at the start are now changing their minds tho. Still not my concern. I go about my business same as always.
You have men out there who will blame you for everything from the weather to all past, present and future World Wars, while making your mistakes bigger than what they were and originally are. These are the same men who will not take responsibility for their own actions...henceforth making you out to be the reason why things go wrong in their lives. THOSE are the men you have to avoid at all costs and also for the sake of your emotional well being and sanity.
His unkept promises, my growth and his comfort zone, his toxicity 😔. I thought I was the problem, I thought my standards were too high and that I should just settle. I even prayed to break free from the relationship. It took me a long time but I ended it.
@@kimcampbell8680 there's a difference between a woman who's a life companion and cum dumpster. Btw if the solution always suggests it's the other person fault then you need to revisit the solution.
Wow!! I needed this 23 years ago. Younger women please don’t waste your youth chasing a man that don’t want to be caught. I did everything to tsave,love, build,the father of my children. He did everything but love and respect me. Am 48 now almost empty nestand alone. So now am fighting to love me after all the abuse. Thank you Derrick your channel has helped me threw my healing process. ❤️
The last 2 dates I have been on the men EXPECTED me to go to bed with them. What ever happened to getting to know a person? What happened to romance? What happened to respect? I am very discouraged by this.
I hear ya on that one. It baffled me to until I remembered that there are plenty of women that are more than willing to do so. The problem is men are horrible at figuring out who is who, and they don't believe you when you say you're not the one.
@@Ashsams well they seemed quite offended when I was very blunt and serious about saying no. Plus my very large very protective half weimaraner and half great pyrenees dog situated himself between myself and them. Never meet someone new without my very large dog to protect me.
When my relationships didn't work out, the guys I dated blamed me for them cheating and my mom's side of the family blamed me for my failed relationships for not doing something to keep them for cheating. My aunt on my dad's side had a talk with me and I told her everything and she said I'm not to blame for them cheating, they cheated because they're a cheater, nobody makes no one cheat. And not to listen to maternal family members, it's like their number one priority is to not be single and do whatever in the relationship, even take abuse from men so you won't be single. Love yourself and have self worth first and foremost.
One of my friends told me that I would never have a relationship because my tolerance is low and my standards are too high. This is the same woman who told me that if we were scheduled to hang out and a man called and wanted to get together she would dump me in a minute to hang out with that man.
I remember telling him I wanted a man who will buy me flowers every now and again. Who will love me flaws and all and be vulnerable with me.. and he told me it was fairytale high school shit and no "real" man would do that... it hurt me to my soul hearing the person I loved saying that to me. Now I see it was too much for him
It was not "too much." It just didn't fit who he _already was when you showed interest in him in the first place_ . And you already knew how he was. If you really don't want him as he is, then you really don't want HIM. He saw manipulation, which _no man likes_ .
@@TejubescDM --You are just proving how willing women are to see and hear what they want, no matter what is right in front of them. It is why men are starting to not even talk to women, anymore, SMH.
Sis, same story. I begged for flowers; I was desperate. Then I got my doctorate and he was like this is too much. And blamed the whole relationship on me.
You get no argument from me!!! And FYI-We Needed This because far to often we leave a relationship feeling inadequate and more insecurities than we entered it with! It’s easy not to make repeat mistakes yet hard to shield our hearts at times! This is a great video and excellent advice for many!!! I pulled a few gems from it!
"You had to CHOOSE between YOUR growth and his comfort zoned!" PREACH!!! I have been dealing with this for a very long time. He made me feel bad bc I was looking for new ways each and everyday to be a better mom, a better person, a better employee. And instead of supporting me he broke me down and pointed out ALL my flaws and labeled me as an over achiever. I asked practically begged for support and I never got it. I had to make up my mind and realize I needed to love myself more and invest in ME not a person who's not on my level. And spread the word to these "fathers" preaching to their daughters about the type of men to avoid when YOU ARE THAT MAN. Look in the mirror men. You have to face those demons head on if you're trying to be someone's Father not just a dad.
My last two relationships ended, One with abuse I swore it would never happen again. The second with betrayal.... deep deep betrayal. Now I am intentionally single and plan to keep it that way for a very long time. I can take responsibility in putting out the wrong types of energy to attract these men to me and also take responsibility for not understanding and then ignoring red flags. It is my job to grow so I can avoid ever being in these situations again. I have two kids to raise by myself and too much at stake to allow anyone to jeopardize my shit.
" Inheriting someone else's problem because you are trying to be there solution " you just perfectly summed up my turbulent marriage I actually kind of have peace now knowing that it's better that I am seen as a " difficult woman " than a pushover.
@@Coolness18304 She’s not wrong. The lack of quality men is so sad. All these single, successful, women, that are fun, great cooks, loving and so on, but the men don’t measure up to at least the same level is sad. Then guys will say, “Well no one is perfect. Sometimes you have to work with a brotha” blah blah. No! NO! I took the time to get my life together (emotionally and financially). What’s your problem?
@@kimberly329 There are people like you've described on both sides. It's not a gender thing, it's just people and there personalities. I've seen many men and women both do wrong and be done wrong by someone. Quality men are out there, trust me. Just like there are quality women! But you have to remember that quality wouldn't exist without the opposite, low quality. I hope you find who you're looking for out there.
if I was attracted to women (I am not) I would have my pick of oodles and oodles of AMAZING, ACCOMPLISHED, HEALTHY, people. At this point it seems so lopsided that there is no coming back.
You’re stunning . Maintain that energy but don’t block your own blessings . You’ll get all you deserve in this life with those strong boundaries. I felt impelled to say this to you so I did . 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
I just bought your book the other day and just finished it today. Your transparency and the way you touched on all the subjects to weed out the BS thinking was awesome. Your book was an answer to a prayer and a confirmation of me not being crazy. I absolutely loved the Relationship Membrane chapter. I’m a very private person and surely don’t let social media be the platform to air out my laundry definitely not that on a need to know basis. You and your wife nailed that part. Thanks again
Once again your facts are on point. The finger pointing will never end. I’m trying to self evaluate and take accountability for my actions; but, I also have enough sense to realize when I’m not or wasn’t the problem. Thanks Mr. Jaxn
Love this! It’s so validating to know when you may not be where you want to be, but.....you have always known that fact is why your choosing the type of people your choosing back to back. Thus, your apart of the issue, but your not the problem. This is when we must STOP, do the work and, even if we attract what’s not good for us, because we’ve raised our bar on ourselves and others, we now won’t be someone’s years of a doormat while trying to make it work! We will now understand and truly come into agreement with the fact that this is unacceptable period! And yes, we all do fall short, but like he said we are not the problem why this needs to end and be ok with walking away! We can get so caught up not wanting to look like the problem because we’ve had so many failed attempts at a quality mutual loving experience. But when people are sick themselves, there are cycles of choosing and staying that will be repeated. However, it doesn’t mean your the problem. I have found sicknesses and issues play out very differently. Some issues make us more of a doormat, while others choose to hurt and inflict pain. It is my experience, the doormat is not the problem, their issues are a problem that should be worked on and through, but their not causing deliberate hurt and abuse. It’s such an amazement to me when people literally say no one is perfect, we all do something. That’s not the issue nor is it the point, somethings are just unacceptable!!! This is not about it takes two or 50/50! And people literally can’t wrap their head around he/she doesn’t have to be a pimp slapping you around for the behaviors to be unacceptable and it doesn’t always make both parties the reason it didn’t work. So I appreciate your take on this and hopefully, as we move forward, more dialogue will develop that will cause people to adjust their perspective towards this subject.🙏🏾👊🏽
@@wanderingsoul2931 Thank you. I appreciate your words of encouragement. I was tired of asking myself what is it that I’m doing wrong, and everything, literally everything that he mentioned was the situations I was dealing with...been single and celibate since 2016 because I just tired of the bs.... I am not settling for less any longer, and hopefully soon the right one will come along. Thank you again🙏🏽
I did end a relationship with a long-time friend. We had very similar interests, habits, and personalities that we bonded over as friends, but when I realised he simply couldn't offer what I needed emotionally and didn't seem invested, I decided it was better to just go back to being friends. He agreed, and there are no hard feelings between us.
I used to think it was overthinking. Turns out it was just me invalidating my own instincts because it had been done to me by adults in my childhood. I don't do that anymore. I trust that my body KNOWS when something is off.
I cannot begin to thank you enough for your Wisdom coming from a Man’s Point of View . This is why I watch you videos. To become Educated about M E N ! ✌️
That was brave of you to say, Ragdoll Planting--Big respect and love to you! But remember that if you have TWO sinners in the relationship, there is no such thing as one person being THE problem. Both are bringing and causing problems, the whole time. You were just willing to confront one of yours, head-on; something that GROWING people do. You are more attractive, already!
OMG.. I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH. I needed to hear this. I thought maybe something was wrong with me because I have been single for 6 years. It’s NICE to be reminded that I am doing everything right. I want a relationship/marriage that’s going to last.
If you have your purpose, all this doesn't affect you as badly... I have learned that sometimes the way people treat us has nothing to do with us, it is a rather a reflection of their inner state. If you value peace, you will only accept a man that brings peace into your life and nothing less. Derrick always says like it is!!! :)
Derrick thank you for stepping forward, with the RIGHT LOGIC!!! KEEP IT FORTH COMING, Thank you for being in fair. PLEASE CONTINUE TO BE THE VOICE THAT MAKES SENSE!!! I SPEAK BLESSINGS OVER YOUR LIFE!!
Yes, Derrick. We would like you to make a video in which you describe when we are the problem and how to improve. We want to grow in every way and I would like to learn how to never, ever, ever end up doing to someone else what was done to me in the past inadvertently (it goes without saying I would not do that willingly). So please, open our eyes and help us make sure that we are not the problem. I would rather learn it from you than in a relationship with someone. Can we hope for that video in the future? Thank you! 🙏🏻
This is so good. 🙌🏼✨ #3 is literally why I’m getting a divorce now. For so long I felt that I was going crazy because he was deflecting the facts that you just mentioned. This video was so on point. 💯
You are so correct and on point! I set boundaries and he crossed them all and tried to be slick when I tried to hold him accountable. He began gaslighting and trying to make me feel like I was mistreating him with my standards. So I tried to adjust the boundaries and raised the standards and again he crossed those too. I blocked him and cut him off...yesterday! Hope he takes that as "Good Bye" and moves on. Queens don't have time for someone else's dreams; especially when he's not on the right team.
Thank you so much for this!! I just went through this..... trying to continuously better myself and then meeting guys who down you for trying to be better, saying you think you better than them. I move on....
![ЛЕБЕДЕВ у ДУДЯ: муху не обманешь 😁 [Пародия]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/E74h5fvVrqs/mqdefault.jpg)
I communicated to him calmly, numerous times, that he stopped reciprocating my efforts. He let me down for the last time & I broke up with him today. I can move on easily, knowing I tried everything to love him. Life is too short to fight alone for a relationship to work. Even as I'm writing this comment, he's texting me, but I'm done.
Yes, you are right to move on. I did as well. I made sure to contribute as much as I could, you can not make the other half contribute. His minimal effort meant I needed to move on. I deserve better. So do you! A rock doesn’t bleed nor love you! Blessings are on the way.
@LADY T Wtf I got to lie about? Obviously we're looking to Derrick for insight, not to contradict his advice. Go troll your ass elsewhere.
Do these types of men ever regret what they lost?
@@TheCoolgirl188 Probably not because, if they were emotionally mature we all wouldn’t be in this situation. It’s not our loss, it’s our gain to share love with someone who knows “the work” of being in a relationship of mutual respect.
He doesn't care about you. I was in a relationship similar to what you describe. He just wants you to think he cares. It's a game. Get out and change your number.
RUN as fast as you can because you can't fix another person...don't waste time and energy!
💥🎯💥🎯💥🎯
Exactlyyyy can’t fix and will not fix that’s for god to do and he has to be willing to fix himself!
So true!!! Waste of time waste of energy. Lesson learned.
Exactly!!! If you see a problem and they see they have a problem... give them room to fix it or make room for someone that can love them and help them. We are here to see each other through not to see through each other.
5 signs you were not the problem:
1. If your relationship ended because of betrayal or abuse.
2. You left if there were promises that were not kept on deal breakers.
3. You had to choose between your growth or their comfort zone.
4. You are single, you run at the first sign of toxicity.
5. You are just unimpressed. (Always me :/)
Side note: sit down with yourself and evaluate your actions and theirs. You will see what the problem is whether it be you, them or the both of you. Just remember we are all beautiful and a work in progress.
-Raise, don’t coddle your sons
-Stop normalizing the bare minimum expectations for men
-Don’t be the kind of man that you protect your daughter from!
👍🏼👏🏻😊👍🏼💪🏻
Vulnerable Living Yass! 👏🏽
@@1GR8LMFT this!!
If you're attracted to men that behave that way then yes! *YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.*
This was helpful. I’m not perfect but looking at by past relationship...I left cuz of 1, 3, and 4. Society’s outlook on single women will have you questioning yourself deeper. I’m at a place now that I’m standing in my power, this confirms a lot.
You never know what someone has been through in there life. I'll never respect anyone who plays with people emotions for any reason.
Thank you. It's just not called for. Just leave. Some people really do get off on hurt others.
Some people are just sadistic . Your mom hurt you so your going to hurt me ? What sense does that make ?
You're supposed to grow through what you go thorough. Where you stay doesn't have to be where you live. It's up to us to move on and become better as people; men and women
@@briannarichardson1596 exactly smh
Anyone who thinks they are never a part of the problem will always try to gaslight you. If you tell a person you are dating what your expectations are and they don't, can't, or won't live up to them is not worth wasting your time.
So , I just learned
Very true.
💥🎯
Exactly!
Some people love to be in toxic relationships. If you want to fix a problem, you need to know there's one.
People create their own storms then get mad when it rains🤷🏾♂️
@Kiri N congratulations to you for making your standards higher and waiting for the right man
@@kimsmith819 Yeap
@@Jdp_1597 Exactly
@Kiri N I'm glad you were able to run before it's too late.
Whoever is reading this May God bless you abundantly in the name of Jesus Amen!
Peace and blessings to you as well
Same to you!!
Same to you, amen
& In Jesus Name, the Blessing you gave me return back to you 100 fold❤
Thank you 🥰
Too many have raised their daughters and hugged their sons! Brilliant
He said coddled their sons, not hugged. Big difference.
@@Thaywood79 That's even worse🙄
Straight truth!!
So true
I used to tell my ex I would rather see you happy with someone else than faking it with me. It hurts but ultimately if someone doesn’t change the way you need them to let it go, don’t force em.
💥🎯💥🎯💥🎯
Or hold yourself back waiting and hoping, stop lying and denying yourself accept the truth
@@p_tiffanii That's GOOD!!!!!!!
@@p_tiffanii ❤️, I love you, lol!!😄✊🏽..something I would say.
A person shouldnt have to change. Grow, yes...but change? Hell no. If a person has to change to be with anyone that means you are INCOMPATIBLE!!! That goes for you too. If you have to change your values and needs to be with someone, you shouldnt be with them. You need to move on and try to find a person who is more aligned to your values. Thats the problem... too many women waiting around for a guy to change when they should just say "Nice knowing you, I don't think this works for me." And move on
@@dimmyslife I completely agree with this. Very enlightening !
I’m only a problem to immature man boys who want to play games.
Bingo, could work both ways cause some women need to be single, tbh
Add to that...immature boys who prey on weak minded women. The moment they come across a STRONG minded woman such as you and I all of a sudden WE become the problem because they either don't want, or they just don't know how to deal with "us" .
@@marieowens4943 indeed they can't handle it at all
Yas! 🙌
Yes me too. Everytime we get mad at each other he only tell my side like I'm the cause. I only act out when I'm hurt or get pissed off. I act according to how I'm treated
Finally...it's not always the woman
Haha so true..we always get the blame
I agree, I just recently left the guy I was seeing because he just know told me he didn't want to have anymore kids nor does he want to get married. I didn't understand this cause I laid out the cards in the beginning. I told him I wanted to have another kis cause I only have one and I also told him I wanted to get married. I thought he was the one for me but it turns out he's not. Please tell me what am doing wrong?
@@elaineellerbee9795 don't wait as long as I did. He never marry me and I didn't have another kid. The signs are there run. Blessings to you
@@elaineellerbee9795 NOT A DAMN THING!!!!!! Stop thinking that shit IMMEDIATELY! What happened was you told him what you wanted upfront. He told you what you wanted to hear to GET WHAT HE WANTED!!!!!!!
@@elaineellerbee9795 nothing but living.
I wish I knew to walk away at the first sign of toxicity and red flags. I learned that the very hard way with my last relationship! Preach! 🙌
Echoing your "PREACH!" Oh, hindsight is 20-20. Grateful that I dodged a bullet.
People always want women to settle! It’s just astounding how triggered folks are when women have the audacity to have standards. I’ve seen videos pop up on my UA-cam from people who literally make videos about how Derrick is a problem because he “only tells women what they wanna hear”. Like society just hates women having high self esteem, high standards and not being complacent because then they’re a problem and aren’t seeing there “wrongs”. This little narrative is exactly why men get away with entitled behavior.
Girl you never lied. Same here. And even if Derrick is doing it for profit or fame or whatever they claim he is, he's really giving good structured advise so what's the problem 🤷🤷🤷
Yup the angry pushback is from the users, abusers, manipulators and predators who *know* they don't have a snowball's chance in hell when women start raising their standards and knowing their worth.
@@pinkbouquet1955 Exactly! I just look at these people sideways. Like how are you going to get angry at women bettering themselves and boosting their self worth. I love how Derrick addresses the fact that too many parents coddle there sons but want to put all these expectations and boundaries on their daughters. It’s no wonder women grow up feeling like they’re worth less then their male counterparts and settle for substandard treatment.
Yes! Thank you!
I will go you one better....there is a video on UA-cam with the title "Black Woman Reject Good Men Because They Overvalue Themselves".......I kid you not.
"...all you're doing whenever you run at the first sign of toxicity while dating, you're doing what a lot of people who got their heart broken in a relationship wished they had done. You're being wise. That's what your doing." Run!!!!!!!!!!!
I have recently learn after putting my ex out. He was the problem and pointed the finger at me. This guy was a sociopath, narcissist, with spinkle of being bipolar. I was on a roller coaster ride with him and I am so glad I am away from him. The most selfish man I've even seen in my life. This guy was a real piece of work. I was verbally, mentally and physically abused. The last time was the last straw when he attacked me. I wish I would have never picked him up. Nevertheless, I learned to never lower my standards.
Glad you are strong and have self respect, a lot of women stay even after being beaten, it's so sad. Sometimes the single life is paradise, glad you're safe now x
KEEP SAFE!! Some guys who fit your description force you to take extreme measures to be rid of them.KEEP SAFE!
Glad you left. You got your power back! Ayyyyeeeee!
I am very happy you are no longer in this situation. I would have waited until old boy went to sleep and returned the favor (that's just me). That fact that you recognized what and who he is and did not try to fix him says a lot about your strength and character. GOOD FOR YOU!!!
@@sandrasmith6430 I have done what you said in the pass;however, I wasn't gonna stand for it. I have never been anyone's victim and I wasn't going to start. I never looked at myself as a domestic violence victim. I always said what I would do. Its just really hard to walk away when you're heart is involved. You just have to love yourself more. I can write a book on what I went through with this loser. Now he is back living with his mother SMH.
Sometimes...Im really believing single and peace is just the way to go...lol...at a certain aged men should just be tired of games...especially 40s...50s...
Unfortunately, they’re kicking the BS up a notch in 40s-50s because they are off child support and the selfishness is at an all time high!
I'm with you. Being single is so much more peaceful.
Single is the way to go, I never been Sadd for Settling or Lonely
Yeah, it seems that a lot of older men are acting like younger men now. If all older men are offering is a hard D and bubblegum, I'll stick to younger ones. If they wanna come with respect and substance, great! If not, nope.
@@SKOLAH This is what my 29 yr old daughter told me....She said that the older men nowadays see what the younger men are getting away with and they want in on the nonsense too!
Rarely do people take account for their failure in a relationship. I believe the key to healthy relationships are the one’s where people are willing to grow from their past mistakes
some people take time to review situations objectively to I'd what went wrong. its a whole nother talent communicating about the past. i have found, it is easier to share a pic or song to jog a person's memory about that time.....then ask open questions to listen where the person is at. sometimes, I see a chance to offer the perspective of correction. sometimes, I do not.
This is truth on so many levels.
Preach Derrick . This is especially true about men who call themselves high value who do not behave high value.
RIGHT!! BE Felons! but got a temp job and think they "on level" with the supervisor! SMH
If you need to call yourself anything its likely you arent. Character speaks for itself. Only fools need to announce.
Never put up with Abuse and betrayal ,Cheating lies and Toxicity life is too short for unhappiness....
FACTS!!
@@TT-th1gb ✌
Infidelity is a deal breaker. Abuse is even more of a deal breaker....mental, emotional, and/or physical. These are characteristic crushers that you cannot love away or change about a person. Women more than men want to fix their partner. At some point you have to realize that a person will grow and change on their own time. You cannot fix them. They already had parents that raised them. You cannot raise a man!
Amen
I'd like to add Drug and Alcohol abuse to the list.
Every Single Time. The entire message was extremely accurate and thorough, but it was the last line that solidified it for me. Even though you’re not the problem that caused the ending, sometimes it’s better to let him go ahead and see you as the problem if he wants, instead of spending a lifetime inheriting his problems because you’re trying to be his solution. Life changing freedom in that line.
The ones that need to hear ain’t listening though.
Lol!! I have a recent ex who blames me only cause I quit out of the circular problems. It wasnt working. Two years later he's still bad mouthing me to people. I just go about my business, always have. I know the truth. People who know me well know the truth. Ive got nothing to prove. I have noticed people who believed him at the start are now changing their minds tho. Still not my concern. I go about my business same as always.
You have men out there who will blame you for everything from the weather to all past, present and future World Wars, while making your mistakes bigger than what they were and originally are. These are the same men who will not take responsibility for their own actions...henceforth making you out to be the reason why things go wrong in their lives. THOSE are the men you have to avoid at all costs and also for the sake of your emotional well being and sanity.
YES!!!!!!
Currently with a man like this 😣
I'm sick of always being a man's Occupational Therapist FOR FREE
So am I
Hell fire 🔥... me too!!
Trueeeeeee!!!
Right! Men call women gold-diggers. We need a name for men who mine us for therapy, basically.
So dont do it. Or make them pay for the sessions, lol.
His unkept promises, my growth and his comfort zone, his toxicity 😔. I thought I was the problem, I thought my standards were too high and that I should just settle. I even prayed to break free from the relationship.
It took me a long time but I ended it.
NEVER SETTLE AND NEVER LOWER YOUR STANDARDS FOR ANYONE.....ESPECIALLY A MAN. THEY KNOW WHEN YOU DO AND THAT'S WHEN THE ACT OUT THE MOST.
Sorry you were just a meat bag lol if it were serious he'd get his act together.
@@1868triniify I do'nt understand what you are trying to say.
@@kimcampbell8680 there's a difference between a woman who's a life companion and cum dumpster. Btw if the solution always suggests it's the other person fault then you need to revisit the solution.
Good for you!! 💙💙💙
Wow!! I needed this 23 years ago. Younger women please don’t waste your youth chasing a man that don’t want to be caught. I did everything to tsave,love, build,the father of my children. He did everything but love and respect me. Am 48 now almost empty nestand alone. So now am fighting to love me after all the abuse. Thank you Derrick your channel has helped me threw my healing process. ❤️
A friend of the family huh 🤔 😂😂😂😂😂😂
@ 😂😂😂
I said the same thing 😆
The last 2 dates I have been on the men EXPECTED me to go to bed with them. What ever happened to getting to know a person? What happened to romance? What happened to respect? I am very discouraged by this.
I hear ya on that one. It baffled me to until I remembered that there are plenty of women that are more than willing to do so. The problem is men are horrible at figuring out who is who, and they don't believe you when you say you're not the one.
I would have laughed in their face. Ridiculous.
@@Ashsams well they seemed quite offended when I was very blunt and serious about saying no. Plus my very large very protective half weimaraner and half great pyrenees dog situated himself between myself and them. Never meet someone new without my very large dog to protect me.
Me too it is so frustrating and scary too.
they ALWAYS game! keep being you. if the guy is interested in your PERSON, he will continue to stay in touch WITHOUT sex.
When my relationships didn't work out, the guys I dated blamed me for them cheating and my mom's side of the family blamed me for my failed relationships for not doing something to keep them for cheating. My aunt on my dad's side had a talk with me and I told her everything and she said I'm not to blame for them cheating, they cheated because they're a cheater, nobody makes no one cheat. And not to listen to maternal family members, it's like their number one priority is to not be single and do whatever in the relationship, even take abuse from men so you won't be single. Love yourself and have self worth first and foremost.
One of my friends told me that I would never have a relationship because my tolerance is low and my standards are too high. This is the same woman who told me that if we were scheduled to hang out and a man called and wanted to get together she would dump me in a minute to hang out with that man.
ChicagoQueen: I believe us women are victimized over and over by society in these situations.
Exactly🙌🏼 I’m not about to give a fish credit for swimming 🅿️
I Agree with all of these 5 things. All Facts!
Hey you giving all this advice... are you in a relationship???
@@cleopatradawn7821 Lol. No, I'm not. I just could be pretty picky myself...so maybe that's why I'm still single. Lol. Idk
I haven’t been the problem in the last two relationships I’ve been in. I can’t deal with Alcoholics that crap turns toxic fast
that's what it be!! alcoholism! smh.keep safe and happy!
yep done with Al-Anon and trying to live with that crap....
I still expect/miss the, “Team Jaxn whats happenin’?”
💪 It MUST BE SAID, LOL
I remember telling him I wanted a man who will buy me flowers every now and again. Who will love me flaws and all and be vulnerable with me.. and he told me it was fairytale high school shit and no "real" man would do that... it hurt me to my soul hearing the person I loved saying that to me. Now I see it was too much for him
It is a fairy tale. Watch Sheraseven1. Men do not love. They only lust.
It was not "too much." It just didn't fit who he _already was when you showed interest in him in the first place_ . And you already knew how he was. If you really don't want him as he is, then you really don't want HIM. He saw manipulation, which _no man likes_ .
@@TejubescDM --You are just proving how willing women are to see and hear what they want, no matter what is right in front of them. It is why men are starting to not even talk to women, anymore, SMH.
@@TejubescDM preach!
Sis, same story. I begged for flowers; I was desperate. Then I got my doctorate and he was like this is too much. And blamed the whole relationship on me.
You get no argument from me!!! And FYI-We Needed This because far to often we leave a relationship feeling inadequate and more insecurities than we entered it with! It’s easy not to make repeat mistakes yet hard to shield our hearts at times! This is a great video and excellent advice for many!!! I pulled a few gems from it!
I somehow either get with manipulative men or guys who are emotionally unavailable
Ugh, my situation(s)...
Beucase you love it.....
This is on yall at this point
That’s good to let them know you’re not into them, not waste their time.
"You had to CHOOSE between YOUR growth and his comfort zoned!" PREACH!!! I have been dealing with this for a very long time. He made me feel bad bc I was looking for new ways each and everyday to be a better mom, a better person, a better employee. And instead of supporting me he broke me down and pointed out ALL my flaws and labeled me as an over achiever. I asked practically begged for support and I never got it. I had to make up my mind and realize I needed to love myself more and invest in ME not a person who's not on my level. And spread the word to these "fathers" preaching to their daughters about the type of men to avoid when YOU ARE THAT MAN. Look in the mirror men. You have to face those demons head on if you're trying to be someone's Father not just a dad.
My last two relationships ended, One with abuse I swore it would never happen again. The second with betrayal.... deep deep betrayal. Now I am intentionally single and plan to keep it that way for a very long time. I can take responsibility in putting out the wrong types of energy to attract these men to me and also take responsibility for not understanding and then ignoring red flags. It is my job to grow so I can avoid ever being in these situations again. I have two kids to raise by myself and too much at stake to allow anyone to jeopardize my shit.
Don't be the MAN, you don't want your daughters to date! 👊
PERIOD, end of story!
Agreed 🧡 Team Jaxn
" Inheriting someone else's problem because you are trying to be there solution " you just perfectly summed up my turbulent marriage
I actually kind of have peace now knowing that it's better that I am seen as a " difficult woman " than a pushover.
I am sobbing! I walked away from a serial cheater. I needed to hear this. Thank you.
🙏🏽🙏🏽❤️
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
The problem is YOU Sir need to clone yourself from head to toe and put that on your website!
Yes girl🤭☺️🤪
Agreed
This is it...this the one right here. lol. 💯
🤦 silly
But remember, you would be competing with much better looking and younger women.
Hey Mr. Jaxn
Yes, sometimes we are the problem that's the part of taking the accountability of our actions to reevaluate ourselves.
There are so many slim pickings out there. Men need to level up to women now.
Or expand your dating options 🤷🏾♀️
With rhetoric like that, I can guarantee you are the problem
@@Coolness18304 She’s not wrong. The lack of quality men is so sad. All these single, successful, women, that are fun, great cooks, loving and so on, but the men don’t measure up to at least the same level is sad. Then guys will say, “Well no one is perfect. Sometimes you have to work with a brotha” blah blah. No! NO! I took the time to get my life together (emotionally and financially). What’s your problem?
@@kimberly329 There are people like you've described on both sides. It's not a gender thing, it's just people and there personalities. I've seen many men and women both do wrong and be done wrong by someone. Quality men are out there, trust me. Just like there are quality women! But you have to remember that quality wouldn't exist without the opposite, low quality. I hope you find who you're looking for out there.
if I was attracted to women (I am not) I would have my pick of oodles and oodles of AMAZING, ACCOMPLISHED, HEALTHY, people. At this point it seems so lopsided that there is no coming back.
👌 I'll take it im wise but I'm hurt. I really thought he was the one
@@jumely3833 yes.
@@jumely3833 Amen 😩
Same here. I was lead on and fell in love. But unfortunately it was fake..💔
Me. Unimpressed, thoroughly. I be honest as hell though.
You’re stunning .
Maintain that energy but don’t block your own blessings .
You’ll get all you deserve in this life with those strong boundaries.
I felt impelled to say this to you so I did .
💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
@@Glo_up576 Received. Thank you for sharing a message that you were compelled to share 💞
I just bought your book the other day and just finished it today. Your transparency and the way you touched on all the subjects to weed out the BS thinking was awesome. Your book was an answer to a prayer and a confirmation of me not being crazy. I absolutely loved the Relationship Membrane chapter. I’m a very private person and surely don’t let social media be the platform to air out my laundry definitely not that on a need to know basis. You and your wife nailed that part. Thanks again
Some women always the blame until God finally expose he was the problem
Once again your facts are on point. The finger pointing will never end. I’m trying to self evaluate and take accountability for my actions; but, I also have enough sense to realize when I’m not or wasn’t the problem. Thanks Mr. Jaxn
Love this! It’s so validating to know when you may not be where you want to be, but.....you have always known that fact is why your choosing the type of people your choosing back to back. Thus, your apart of the issue, but your not the problem.
This is when we must STOP, do the work and, even if we attract what’s not good for us, because we’ve raised our bar on ourselves and others, we now won’t be someone’s years of a doormat while trying to make it work!
We will now understand and truly come into agreement with the fact that this is unacceptable period! And yes, we all do fall short, but like he said we are not the problem why this needs to end and be ok with walking away!
We can get so caught up not wanting to look like the problem because we’ve had so many failed attempts at a quality mutual loving experience. But when people are sick themselves, there are cycles of choosing and staying that will be repeated. However, it doesn’t mean your the problem. I have found sicknesses and issues play out very differently.
Some issues make us more of a doormat, while others choose to hurt and inflict pain. It is my experience, the doormat is not the problem, their issues are a problem that should be worked on and through, but their not causing deliberate hurt and abuse.
It’s such an amazement to me when people literally say no one is perfect, we all do something. That’s not the issue nor is it the point, somethings are just unacceptable!!! This is not about it takes two or 50/50! And people literally can’t wrap their head around he/she doesn’t have to be a pimp slapping you around for the behaviors to be unacceptable and it doesn’t always make both parties the reason it didn’t work.
So I appreciate your take on this and hopefully, as we move forward, more dialogue will develop that will cause people to adjust their perspective towards this subject.🙏🏾👊🏽
So very grateful for your good counsel!
Every reason I’m single🙄 at least I can feel better now.
You’re really pretty. Keep working on your spiritual and personal growth and the right and perfect man will come to you. Trust me
@@wanderingsoul2931 Thank you. I appreciate your words of encouragement. I was tired of asking myself what is it that I’m doing wrong, and everything, literally everything that he mentioned was the situations I was dealing with...been single and celibate since 2016 because I just tired of the bs.... I am not settling for less any longer, and hopefully soon the right one will come along. Thank you again🙏🏽
Me too
When he said "raising daughters and coddling sons". I felt that. Followed up by his elaboration....... 🤧
I did end a relationship with a long-time friend. We had very similar interests, habits, and personalities that we bonded over as friends, but when I realised he simply couldn't offer what I needed emotionally and didn't seem invested, I decided it was better to just go back to being friends.
He agreed, and there are no hard feelings between us.
I love to overthink but never really see myself as a problem 🤷🏾♀️
I used to think it was overthinking. Turns out it was just me invalidating my own instincts because it had been done to me by adults in my childhood. I don't do that anymore. I trust that my body KNOWS when something is off.
Very good sound doctrine! 🙏🏾
Your growth versus his comfort zone 💥
Never let em hold you back or dull your shine 👑
I cannot begin to thank you enough for your Wisdom coming from a Man’s Point of View . This is why I watch you videos. To become Educated about M E N ! ✌️
Yess.... Unimpressed, I love it.... I'm not the problem but the situation is the problem. So I have 🏃🏾♀️.
I was the problem..I want MORE..
That was brave of you to say, Ragdoll Planting--Big respect and love to you! But remember that if you have TWO sinners in the relationship, there is no such thing as one person being THE problem. Both are bringing and causing problems, the whole time. You were just willing to confront one of yours, head-on; something that GROWING people do. You are more attractive, already!
Big Ups to you sis!!😍
Yes! We need more videos about high valued men! Like how to spot them or where to find them💖👍🏽
Couldn't have said it better! much support!
OMG.. I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH. I needed to hear this. I thought maybe something was wrong with me because I have been single for 6 years. It’s NICE to be reminded that I am doing everything right. I want a relationship/marriage that’s going to last.
Contact a great man from Africa that can help you do that on WhatsApp at +2349030188023
This is very great advice. Thanks so much!
Wow thanks. I needed this one.
If you have your purpose, all this doesn't affect you as badly... I have learned that sometimes the way people treat us has nothing to do with us, it is a rather a reflection of their inner state. If you value peace, you will only accept a man that brings peace into your life and nothing less. Derrick always says like it is!!! :)
I needed to hear this today, thanks Derrick 🙌
Derrick thank you for stepping forward, with the RIGHT LOGIC!!! KEEP IT FORTH COMING, Thank you for being in fair. PLEASE CONTINUE TO BE THE VOICE THAT MAKES SENSE!!! I SPEAK BLESSINGS OVER YOUR LIFE!!
Some are undercover during dating. You can be with him for years and only when married do you see the real him.
Points taken and very much appreciated.
Where are the good women at that watch this video and ready for a serious love?
Your book made me cry, that was some good catharsis. Thank you Mr. Jaxn.
You ain't never lied, now I see that I'm not the problem. Thank you always!
Yes, Derrick. We would like you to make a video in which you describe when we are the problem and how to improve. We want to grow in every way and I would like to learn how to never, ever, ever end up doing to someone else what was done to me in the past inadvertently (it goes without saying I would not do that willingly). So please, open our eyes and help us make sure that we are not the problem. I would rather learn it from you than in a relationship with someone. Can we hope for that video in the future? Thank you! 🙏🏻
Lol yeah right.
I knew I wasn't the problem!! Thanks for sharing this!😊👍🏽👍🏽
Great video Derrick. 👏🏾
Always dropping knowledge. ALWAYS. Thank you Mr. Jaxn.
So true!! Thank you for this message 🙏🏾
Knew it all along. This is just confirmation! ❤️
So helpful! Thank you!
Thanks for the eye opener
Damn. So true and so on point! Thank you D! xoxo
I totally agree. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for the validation and confirmation!
Great points
Amen! Yesss do a video on “high valued” men
Thank you so much, it makes much more sense now...
Spot on! Thank you for this video.
I love how my angels guide me in this crazy world I live in.
You Better Preach! Thank you for your wisdom!
I absolutely LOVE these videos because he's right and to the point💖
Thank you for your advice
This is so good. 🙌🏼✨ #3 is literally why I’m getting a divorce now. For so long I felt that I was going crazy because he was deflecting the facts that you just mentioned. This video was so on point. 💯
You are so correct and on point! I set boundaries and he crossed them all and tried to be slick when I tried to hold him accountable. He began gaslighting and trying to make me feel like I was mistreating him with my standards. So I tried to adjust the boundaries and raised the standards and again he crossed those too. I blocked him and cut him off...yesterday! Hope he takes that as "Good Bye" and moves on. Queens don't have time for someone else's dreams; especially when he's not on the right team.
Thanks for the confirmation 🕊
🙌🏻 much needed. Thanks i took the right decision
Thank you so much for this!! I just went through this..... trying to continuously better myself and then meeting guys who down you for trying to be better, saying you think you better than them. I move on....
Looking at the comments, I just see a bunch of broken women who lack accountability. No wonder this clown had yall fooled.
precisely!! I don't blame him for finessing them..they love the dudes that lie to them anyways
Thank you Derrick for sharing this great video and message. 🧚🏻♀️
He was clearly the problem. 👍🏼