The Surprising Truth About the Most Common Addictions
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- Опубліковано 20 вер 2024
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First off thanks to Tim Ferriss and his podcast with Dr Gabor Mate for inspiring me to share this. Also thank you to Kurzgesagt In A Nutshell for being one of the first to introduce me to the concept of addiction as something other than to hard drugs.
So this is a topic that I've been thinking about for over a year and a half at this point and I didn't want to share because I didn't know exactly how I was gonna cover it and my thoughts in many ways are still unclear but I recently heard a podcast from Tim Ferriss with Dr. Gabor Maté and they talked about addiction and new paradigms around it so I feel like it's the right time at this point to talk about my experience and what I think might as well be your experience too.
I believe we live in a highly addicted world. I think addiction drives most people’s lives. It certainly has with me and I believe you fall into that category as well. I'll explain why
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Anyone else sitting here thinking they watch WAY too many UA-cam videos?
Yesterday I watched like 6+ hours of UA-cam videos. Now with UA-cam data I see that I'm not really in a good position...
My average time this week is like 3 hours ans an half damn
me too. and i thnik we should be genius after watching all of these but still....
oh yeah
👍
I was thinking exactly that
I was addicted to pesonal development. I spent all my hours reading self help books and watching good content and interviews in youtube. I realised that I wasn't applying anything and that I was doing that to escape my problems, with family, with girls, with unemployment, with college work groups. Since november I made a habbit to make silence and to write down my thoughts everyday. I bacame more productive and I grew much faster. I don't regret my addiction and I plan to get back on it later in my life, but quitting was some of the best things I've done in the past year, although painful. It is hard to be alone with one's thoughts and problems.
Lucas Santoro Hello I feel like I'm also watching so much of personal development videos on youtube- but to implement is so hard, I am becoming better but it's so slow :(
Thank you for sharing! I thought buying and reading expensive self help books can upturn my life but I realize the real change start from ourselves.
Info addiction is a bad one too. End of the day, you know a little more and did absolutely nothing.
lipglossary yes! Your probably right, I know that's why I'm on youtube atm
Hmm why is this bad though if you enjoy getting new info and you want more knowledge? You did do something, just not anything physical.
lipglossary That's me rn lol, your comment made me get off UA-cam and do something instead.
because its easy to get trapped into the cycle of getting this new info while enjoying getting it, but not practising applying the information to anything outside
e.g. imagine binge watching 50 videos off of this channel in a day, while watching each video they are explained in a way that's easy for you to understand and makes you think your learning valuable information, you finish off feeling like it was productive because of all of the new things that you learned
because of this when you wake up the next day you might continue to watch these videos leaving each one thinking you learned something valuable that will hopefully improve your life in a positive way,
you continue like this never really going out and applying what you have learned or using it in a proactive manner, but all the while you are doing it you still believe you are doing something important and worthwhile with your time because you are 'learning'
And because you did nothing you have no reference experience and drop 90% of it.
Just want to say that this channel was a huge reason why I started mine. It's rare to find good quality content on youtube these days, and I really admire how often you guys put it out.
I think I speak for everyone when I say thanks for sharing your thoughts, and thank you for being on this platform.
Thank you for watching! Good luck with your channel :-)
Thanks for responding, Let's collab when I hit 100k
might want to fix the typo on ur thumbnail. your video can be as high quality as you want but people wont click on something they dont trust by its lack of attention to detail on the videos main source of exposure. just letting you know incase you havnt noticed it.
Masculine Man that's awesome! Please don't sleep on it! Keep those uploads consistent!
I agree
THE AMOUNT OF VALUE THAT THIS 16 MINUTE VIDEO CONTAINS IS CRAZY. WOW. THANK YOU
Pleaaasseee Could you do a video on those ‘milder’ addictions? I’m talking constant brain stimulation for example - the constant need for a noise, a UA-cam video, a tv programme, even food. Just the constant need for something to do/occupy your mind that makes it so difficult to focus on anything, getting ready, learning new things, getting to know yourself etc. I feel like it obviously can’t be just me
Mayke Dąbek bro I have the same problem don't feel alone
I believe it's the human condition. There is part of us that hasn't resolved pain we may have experienced. And because we aren't taught how to move through that pain, we avoid it. Except it doesn't go away. So we have to turn up the volume on other distractions, because that hurt is lurking beneath the surface. It's why people spontaneously erupt into tears during prolonged meditations and why they do the same in any program designed to push through defense mechanisms
I'll definitely consider making more on the topic if this is well received :-)
I'd also be very happy to see such a video! :)
Meditation is sort of the "cure" for this. Having an extended period of time with as little as stimulation as possible will train your brain to be okay with not being stimulated
Mayke Dąbek DUUDDEEE THIS IS SO TRUE
Don't hit the like button - we are just fueling his addiction!
The problem are that cancerous people who keep asking for likes for everything they comment, some of them also know that they are just copying someone else's comments just for some likes
Can we appreciate for a moment what an amazing speaker you are? The way you explain it all so coherently, energetically, effortlessly, yet using no filler words but pauses instead - you make it so easy to listen to your ideas. This channel is great, thank you.
As someone who's had every addiction under the sun, from heroin to anorexia, I must say your advice is spot-on. The moment I started to connect to the world and people around me again, I found that I could no longer hold on to my addictions even if it wanted to.
This did resonate. Many years ago, I recognized these patterns with social media. I was younger and more influential (prone to being influenced) so I quit and it's been better without it.
When you mention how you can jump from one sort of addiction to another, that resonated with me too. It is very important to spot these patterns, the deeper meaning behind them, and to do something about it. Thank you so much for releasing this. It was well said and I think it is a conversation everyone should discuss more. It'd help get us all connected at least! Take care!
I swear, I don't know how, but every time you upload a video, the video has to do with the same situation going on in my life
Thanks Charlie 🙂
This past Valentine’s Day I put together bags with little trinkets and food (chocolate strawberry incense, stickers, fruit, candy hearts and chocolates) and gave them to my girlfriend’s apartment’s neighbors. She ended up talking to people she’s never met in 7 years of living there. Her neighbor that she though was just grumpy ended up writing a thank you a note that explained his father has been in and out of the hospital since he moved in a few months ago, and that it was his parents anniversary that they spent in the emergency department. Ever since he had been so friendly. I couldn’t agree more on talking to your neighbors. Building community is so important and makes you feel good!
This is honestly so true. My whole life. Sports was my thing. I was a three sport varsity athlete and I had devoted my entire life to training and performing physically. Everyone praised my hard work and skill so much that I had placed my entire self worth into my abilities. When I injured my shoulder and was forced to sit out, I quickly fell into depression and feeling lack of purpose.
I failed to fulfill my objectives this year. I wanted to get fit, lose weight, learn salsa, make a stellar marketing year for my business, make a movie and keep my relationships healthy and I could not manage to do it... I exhausted myself and when all fell apart I could only hate myself for being week. I’m at that point right now. The silver lining is, that I’m just like you say I’m your video. I did all these because I though I wanted it, because I didn’t think I’m worthy without those things. At this point, after falling, grieving, crying and lamenting I’m slowly learning that my only way out is accepting that I’m not all of that and that that’s ok. I’m thankful for you making this video, reminds me I’m on the good track and it came just on the right time to confirm that I’m not crazy by feeling what I feel. So thank you
Wow man, you're saying something here that I've felt strongly for a long time, so much so that I'm actually writing a novel that's about this very phenomenon. The way I look at it is this: we turn to addiction as a substitute for actual connection. It's a temporary solution we use to avoid really solving our problems. Anything that will get you another hit of easy dopamine. And that's harmful. It's avoidance of struggle. If you have a major stressor in your life and you recognize you use these habits to run from that thing: THAT IS THE THING YOU NEED TO RUN TO. That is the struggle you need to embrace, and that applies not only to people but societies as well. Don't avoid confronting your problems. It only makes things worse in the long run.
The only way out is through :-)
Charisma on Command Exactly :) You've got a gift for giving people advice. I think you could do a lot of good digging deeper into this topic in the future.
I’m realizing I’m addicted to chaos and the root seems to be an irrational fear of boredom which seems to be tied to feeling trapped and suffocated. I’m trying to identify the why, being controlled and bored at home, school, church as a child and not knowing how to deal except to escape into future fantasy thoughts which is how I notice I still deal with stress. I think ok but after today, after this weekend, after this next challenge, after, after, after will be better. I’ll be perfect in the future, these current issues will fade away. I’m noticing though there’s never a finish line. I completed your “Emotional Mastery” course and kudos, it was INCREDIBLE. I got so much out of it, and I just want to say never feel self conscious about sharing your personal experiences, I think that’s how I’ve learned best, with your real life vulnerability.
Day 35 of nofap breaking this addiction one day at a time
- Kilo- godbless
Clau007 👌🏻
Mike Gubisch Day 18
@@mrfreedom5908 almost 3 years
I think you got it spot on with connection.
We are like wobbly spinning tops. Sit still and feel the energy. Hold the space, and build your capacity to sit. If an uncomfortable thought comes up put it to one side until you have finished your meditation, but do not discard it. Contemplate it, Write about it, and when you have gone deep enough, and honest enough, you will take responsibility, and ease your mind and soul.
Keep doing this and you are a gift to the world and everyone you meet.
Probably the best video of your I've seen, great work man, you did a great job linking it to so many things giving people who unknowingly deny their addictions less room to run from them. I defiantly agree that this is one of the big problems in society and i see it with all of my friends and with myself.
This is something I´ve also been thinking a lot about. I noticed exactly the same thing; when I am connected, I have such a healthy relationship with myself. I am noticing how the sun is up earlier every morning, every chilling raindrop on my skin, how my houseplants are growing towards the sun. I choose to stay in stead of run.
I feel like we are constantly running towards or from something. Towards achievements, or from feelings (usually both). When you refuse facing your feelings you are mostly scared or ashamed of them, which builds up so you´ll end up even more anxious to feel those feelings. So, as a result you´ll stay at work until late, or fall asleep watching youtube or drink the entire bottle of wine before bed, just so you won´t feel.
This is what I feel addiction is. The anxiety to be connected with yourself.
But when connected, it all appears to be a lot less scary. To feel, to fail. When you are connecting, you are accepting, getting a proper perspective on life.
I definitely agree that addictions come from an escape mentality. Being someone that has struggled with different harmful addictions in the past, you're video is spot on about the experience and how it negatively effects your mindset and life.
Your solutions are helpful and a great way to change our mindsets! Thanks for sharing this with us! Truly appreciate it!
You have no idea how much I needed this right now. I always saw the thumb of this video around and never clicked it cuz I thought it’d be about what the general idea of addiction is: drugs and alcohol.
But I’ve been going through some experiences in my life that I totally feel like it’s a kind of addiction, and this video popped up today and I’m so grateful, Charlie!
In my own personal experience, the only way to break out of an addiction is to stop escaping from the struggles of daily life and just keep moving forward.
Charlie, You hit the nail on the head in a lot of aspects I think. It’s kinda jarring to think that we’re partly seeking validation from the outside world, even if you think you’re self confident or happy with the way things are. I didn’t look to see if this has been said already: but I’ve watched my own addiction form from grief and loss and carry me into so many dangerous situations, several of which nearly cost me my life. There are more extreme stories out there than my own, but that feeling of desperate need, like you don’t know how you’re going to go through the day without a fix of whatever if you’re hooked on, is utterly draining and depressing. I recently watched myself get that anxiety hook and depression when my instagram didn’t get as many likes as my friend, or when something I said on facebook didn’t reach anybody or gain any responses. We like to think we’re more independent than that, but very few people I know can even put their phone down when they’re physically with other people.
Are you familiar with Refuge Recovery? They’re a Buddhist based addiction recovery group across the states, and they really dig into self love, compassion and forgiveness, as well as working to experience loving kindess in yourself and for other people. They touch on process addiction like this and others as well. It’s helped me and other people I’ve met so much, and it seems to resonate with a lot of the self -compassionate talk I’ve heard from your channel~
Procrastination! Yaaaaay! Watching youtube, yaaay!!!
Haha sounds like me too
Йааай... So true man
Alright, i watched the video, thank you for drawing my attention to this topic btw. I 100% agree with how you described the problems, but your solutions seem kinda vague to me. I mean, talk to your neighbors? Walk barefoot in the woods? Though, i like the yoga/meditation part and here's why.
For me the procrastination problem was all about coming home from work (or after any activity) and whanting to just relax and do nothing. Simply spend some time not really thinking or doing anything, isn't it nice sometimes? Well, no, it turned out that the more i procrastinated (i use this word to mean a mindless activity), the harder it got to me to act thinkingly. So i would find myself anxious everytime i needed to do something what would require some attention.
And it wasn't just about complicated stuff wich would qualify as "productive work". Eventually i managed to procrastinate inside of computer games instead of playing productively. (I mean those sandboxy-simulatory games like rimworld an openttd, they are just like real life even in this respect). And thats what comes to my mind when you talk about feeling of disconnection. Its not about people or nature, i wouldn't whant to think about what am i doing.
And the solution is, as i said, mindfullness meditation. You just have to be mindfull of what you feel and do all the time, sitting with eyes closed and feeling breath is just an excercise. And its not even about changing what you do, eg it's not intrinsically bad to watch a dank memes compilation, you just have to be aware of what are you doing and why are you doing it. And if you decide to watch it after all, it's shouldn't be like "alright, let's procrastinate now", it should be the most attentive and joyfull and mindfull dank memes watching ever and you should be fully connected with it.
Works for me at least.
Long time viewer, first comment. You nailed this. 15 months sober and it took a LOT of help from AA, and the heart of what they teach is conscious contact - with others and with a higher power of your own conception. They've been teaching this for decades (it's trendy now ha ha) but they also slowly teach me this higher concept you refer to as 'emotional sobriety,' like not numbing yourself with video games, pornography, etc. I also enjoyed what you said in the beginning about how addiction can be about numbing but it can also be about chasing validation -- cumulatively it seems it's all about filling the holes we have inside with the wrong stuff, and repeatedly because in the beginning it seems to actually work. Great work on this, man!
Thanks, that was a very nice video. I think you could be less apologetic. Totally agree. A human being is an accumulation of bad habits, he's a self-surviving machine, not a self-flourishing machine. Just protecting the status quo and escaping from things that are contra to the self image. Escapist rather then taking action. Making money compulsively because I think I'm a loser. Being on social media because I'm scared of who I am. The story never ends...
While watching the video I realised that the thoughts of "If I was wealthier/fitter I'd be in a better place/feel more confident" were really bothering me in the beginningof the year. The most frustrating thing was that I couldn't stop thinking about them. But lately I've been much better for two reasons, which you have mentioned. One, I stopped being on Instagram 24/7 and two I started connecting, and by this I meantalking to the people around me about things other than the media (travelling, recipies, art). It has beem so relaxing and this video has helped me realise how many things have changed from the beginnig of the year.
So, the video was super accurate! Great Job!
I see Charisma On Command, I like
Appreciate ya!
you are seriously an angel.. Like, you literally post a video about what I'm thinking about and or struggling with. This happening more than a few times now. Thank you, angel boy..
Thank you for this video, really resonated with myself.
Clayton Smith no worries! Thank you for that. I actually had no idea
I recently went no contact with my abusive parents after I found myself sleeping away the days when I had a confrontational situation with them. (I have ptsd because of them) I literally did nothing, I stopped exercising,painting,dancing,hiking etc.. I didn't want to do things and when I finally went out of the house I felt strange,looked at..couldn't find connection with others. Since I cut ties with my parents it's like that 'habit' of taking long naps is wearing off, I feel much more joy and life within me. I'm excited for my new journey.. I guess I lifted that mask under all my bad habits like you said here.
I quit Facebook nearly two years ago. It wasn't enriching my life. That move made my family and friends angry.
ICARUSxRISING I quit ages ago :-) never regretted it. Especially now with the scandals XD
I quit, too!!! And my life is so much better
I think you are 100% right.
In retrospective, a major thing stopping me for engaging in self-growth in general has been a gut feeling of that there is something wrong in how people approach it, something distinctively destructive. This is particularly easy to see in people that turn to workout and it devours their life, to the point that they can't enjoy a snack and talk with friends because the snack would be bad for their workout.
And I definitely fall under the segment of people addicted to work and to positive results in relationships and learning. It is fascinating to discover that proper growth needs to include points in time in which you disconnect and let go even of the things that are driving you. This is not something to do all the time, but it is so important to gain perspective, and I feel is something almost nobody highlights.
I'm happy to see a reflection like this one in your channel, since overall the channel could be perceived as being all about self-growth, it is good that you take the time to point out the caveats of embarking completely in a self-growth journey, and how important is to not just try to improve but also to keep in balance while doing so.
And I think you are right in calling these type of behaviors "addictions". I think people are scared of words, sometimes due to a need to keep things positive, but when behaviors become addictive and disconnecting, it is important to use the right words, so that the proper alarm bells will ring.
Thanks for your honesty and openness, not just here but on your videos in general.
Thank you so much for your videos and everything you do. This one was especially inspiring and helped me notice some things I need to work on in my life. Keep up the good work!
You just perfectly described my situation. For a little while now I've been experiencing that realtionship addiction which you speak of. I don't really find the same joy in doing things I love, that I used to. I've always loved gaming and going to the gym, but right now I don't feel like doing any of them. And it all startet with a girl I met in the army, and fell in love with. I couldn't stand not being around her. The more we were hanging out, the happier I got, but at the same time I stopped hitting the gym, and gaming suddenly felt very boring. I haven't seen her in two months now, but I still struggle to find enjoyment in anything. I guess I just don't feel any closure, as I never told her how I really felt. I even had the perfect opportunity to do so, but I couldn't find the courage to tell her. I generally just feel terrible now.
Great topic to talk about, I admit that I'm addicted to social media, so I'm limiting it to only 2 hours a day. Thanks Charlie
Mahmoud Shatnawi sounds like a good start. Best of luck!
Mahmoud Shatnawi good luck, hope it helps!
When you want to check on social media, think about you reviewing your life on your deathbed. If you don't want to die thinking that you've wasted almost 10% of your entire existence scrolling down on other people's life (actually projections of life moments, carefully picked by the ego), be the change. 2 hours a day is a tremendous amount of time you can use for meaningful purpose! 2 hours a day can also be 2x20 min meditation (morning and evening) + 30 min of fitness + 30 min reading a great book + 15 min playing with your kids (or pets) + 5 min learning guitar! It'll change your life after a couple months. Good luck.
I eMahmoud Shatnawi
Wow, this video came out the day my good friend/roomate decided to drop out of college because he's addicted to drugs. Although I did everything I could to help but I wasn't going to let helping him get in the way of my education and overall happiness. You hit the nail on all of the characteristics that he has and it's sad to know he probably won't be last friend that i'll lose to some sort of addiction in my life time. However, thank for giving some clarity in understanding how addiction comes to be and how it influences people it's something that's really scary and i'm glad I was able to learn from your video. Enlightening content as always, keep it going!
Hey Charlie, could you please do a video on peaky blinders?!?!?
Rae YASS
A Thomas Shelby breakdown would be brilliant
I completely agree with you on the connection topic. I am addicted to sugar. And after a lot of looking inside I've realized that i overeat because i subconsciously believe that's a way to fill up a void inside... Whether its loneliness or plain boredom. I manage to stick to my nutrition much better when i am with friends and family, than when i am alone...... Working on it. I love feeding strays and i go an extra mile talking to my neighbors, who happen to be amazing. I am following your channel since a long time, and man! It has helped me become better with people.
Thank you so much for your awesome content
I truly believe this video will have a positive influence on so many people wise words best video you have done .Great life lessons 👍
Fingers crossed!
Please! make more video's like this..
Really great video, I can't really relate in Australia.There's hardly anyone who gets addicted to life-improvement here. Everyone focuses their life around pleasure and entertainment. It's all anyone ever talks about, from my teen friends to the adults I talk to. Even when I'm going really well at working hard, everyone and thing around me is pressuring me to just have fun stay comfortable instead. I completely love and agree with your opinion though XD
There definitely are self-improvement junkies in Australia. Just hang out at the gym for a bit and you'll meet some ;)
Can you be addicted to being depressed?
I would say yes. I'm a believer that any repeated behavior is "working." Not working to make us happy, but to fill some deeper psychological need. Depression could keep you from being disappointed from high expectations. It could keep you safe from being hurt by other people. It could get you connection with yourself because you're feeling sorry for yourself. Whatever the case, there are "advantages" to any cyclical behavior. I think acknowledging those is often a good first step in breaking the pattern
Another theory: Stress is a cause of depression. The complexity of your life is often very related to your stress levels, so if you slip into a depression it can be hard to get out of it because your brain doesn't want to deal with everything that comes with a normal life. Being around very few people/alone and not doing things is about as little complexity you can have in your life so that can make you want to keep doing that.
Both of these answers are great but I got one thing to add. A lot of people (including myself) are afraid to get better. We’ve been in this state for so long that we feel like we have no personality outside of it. We feel like we are “that depressed guy” instead of ourselves. A lot of people around us also (without knowing it) reinforces this, by joking about us getting better, I know sometimes my friends will be like “Omg Chia you ate today” or “Omg she slept more than two hours😱.” They can brush it off as a joke but it makes me feel like yeah maybe I wouldn’t be me anymore without my depression. So I’ll go back to bad habits and (almost intentionally) thinking bad thoughts because if I lose my depression I’m not me anymore. I know that’s not true but I can’t help myself. In that sense I would very much say that even biological depression can be addictive
Yes, am a junkie
Charisma on Command People do that all the time with depression. I say it's self-pity - it gives the same feeling and most everyone who's depressed pities themselves to an extent. Pity makes themselves feel good and it makes them want to continue being depressed. I see it all the time in the depression community.
Hey , just watched planet of the apes.Can you analyse ceasar's INSANE charisma ?my man...
i'm an introvert and i think for me it never (ever) is about being validated by others. in fact i actively try to be disliked so people leave me alone.
for me the part where you said goal driven obsession is "bad" is just wrong. i have been obsessed with my workouts, my education, my diet, my schedule, and many other things and they have brought nothing for me but positivity.
change my mind.
Clay Actively disliking people and hating social interaction is a personality disorder, not introversion.
Yet according to your videos on your channel you dropped out of college to become UA-camr stating your parents are wealthy enough and you're only twenty... Uhu. And also according to your channel description you like helping others, how does that work when you actively try to be disliked? Are you looking for validation by placing that comment :)??
He means taking those obsessions to unhealthy or unnatural levels is the negative part. Using them to keep yourself fit and keep your grades up is one of the best things you can do in my opinion.
But i see no way how being obsessed with a diet could be unhealthy.
Whatever i do, i do it for an ideal which is above me, so compared to that i’m incomplete. That ideal might be as simple as keep my room clean, or as complicated as make a whole new religion that leads people to divine unity.
And I’ve always believed the best possible solution to life is to be obsessed with that goal. Like Nietzsche put it, to long for the overman like fire and coal.
Insignificant Dood it’s only a disorder if it interferes with your life and happiness.
& this doesn’t
Damn I love this channel. I totally agree with you bro
~ Appreciate it Filip :-)
Charisma on Command Would you consider making a video on nofap, porn addiction and how to stop it? I would love to see that.
Cover Charisma Aspects of LINKIN PARK's Chester Bennington and Mike Shinoda!
Damn u just made me think......a lot
Pls charisma Lucifer (Tom Ellis)
8 minutes in and already 24 comments. Damn.
Hey Charisma, admit it, you want that girl back.
Lmao whyd u call him Charisma
Damnit Charlie! Stop stealing my video ideas!!!!
Tell your content team to stop leaking me ideas ;-)
Make your video anyway. I'm sure you've got your own, different perspective and way of telling the story
Yes add your own voice :)
On a selfish level, I believe the more people that know about Gabor Mate's work the better.
I say post those ideas anyway. Many of the things I get from Charisma On Command I have also gotten from Jordan Peterson, some of Joe Rogan's podcast guests, etc. I don't think anyone is stealing from the other. Rather, I think that truth is truth, and when we focus on connecting, and on legitimately improving our lives, we always arrive at those same truths.
It seems like you're not rly meditating huh
Damn I'm so much addicted in games and anime.
me too, but looking in another point, I don't have any social media
I don't know if I'm addicted, I mean I play everyday, and I do want to play when let's say "the power goes out" then I want to get back on the grind. Then again I've never had it interrupt my school life or used it as a procrastination tool. And not only can I but I have given myself extended times away from games. Anime? Yeah I might be a bit addicted.
KOBO addiction is something you mentally/physically need, keyword NEED. Maybe you just like it because it brings you happiness. Most things are just habits. Relax, as long as things aren’t getting in way of success or isn’t holding you back than it’s not a problem.
Hey man! I was addicted to video games... I found a UA-cam Channel called Game quitters and I quit. That lead me to go to New Zealand for 2 and a half months
skinner-box is a bitch.
I love your shoulders
Dublin Aviation I love your nose.
I love these comments.
That's... awkward.
Are you just looking at random things in the office and saying you love them?
I love the whole world. Boom-de-yah-da, boom-de-yah-da. Boom-de-yah-da, boom-de-yah-da .
How can we privately contact you
Alcohol IS a drug. Saying 'drugs and alcohol' is redundant, trendy and dishonest.
LeviathantheMighty it’s just the common language, don’t nit pick
It's a depressant, not a drug. Fool.
Mark Kamphuis Depressants can be drugs, too. Fool.
just a phrase
thorns. It's a euphemism. Alcohol is, 100%, a drug.
Not first
Nooo I thought my comment would be the first screw y'all
Sharon Noles =)
Second maybe?
Shreyash Kalushte 3rd actually
You describe The human problem. Jesus is The solution.
well he's not though is he
Harry Kelly *tips fedora*
Harry Kelly not to you
you're not wrong!
Harry Kelly instead of worrying about other people, focus on, and try and better yourself.
As a recovering alcoholic of 24 years sobriety, I am starting to have a greater grasp of this addiction thing. I agree with most of what you say here. There was even a TED Talk that discussed the importance of connection as an antidote to addiction. That is why AA seems to work where other "medical" treatments don't--it provides the suffering alcoholic with a community, a place to connect to others who share his experience.
That said, I realize now that the reason I became addicted to alcohol when I was a teenager is because it provided me the distraction I needed, and from my perspective, the pros of that distraction outweighed the cons. Many people can drink, get wasted, suffer a hangover, and say "never again" and mean it. The alcoholic, on the other hand, receives a unique beneficial response to drinking, and he craves that response more than he fears the consequences.
i recently got rejected by a girl i really really liked, and then i fell into the spiral that you just mentioned. coincidentally, i've been doing many of things you pointed out. i love doing my job, but i understand there's an emotional hole that my job can easily fill, and i'm afraid of letting myself become a workaholic as a response to my recent heartbreak. i've been hanging out a lot with all my friends, but i'm also afraid of relying too much on everyone outside of myself, and i know how important it is to give myself the me-time i need in vulnerable moments. i've been very creatively active lately and am about to tackle on a completely new project for self-interest, but similarly i'm afraid that these projects are reactive, temporary, and fleeting, and my interests in these things are not truly genuine to me.
i completely agree that our lives are filled with these not-so-obvious addictions that we practice everyday. but damaging as they may be at their worst, often times they're there to give us structure in our lives (or at least the illusion of structure). these days i've contemplating hard about this tradeoff, and where i have to stand in this tradeoff in order to live a life i'm emotionally comfortable with.
hopefully you understand my points and can provide some insight.
I completely agree about the fact that happiness is from the inside not from the successes or from acquiring things. You aren’t the first to say that but I needed a reminder so it’s good you put it in the video
I got a UA-cam addiction.. I can't live without it anymore
+1 for the point about replacing one addiction with another. When we get rid of an addiction, we're just getting rid of the symptom, and not really addressing the deeper problems regarding why that addiction got created in the first place.
I don't know if you read comments or not but I'd love to see you do more of these kind of videos!
Charlie, you are spot on. We use 'good' things to get validation from the outside and we use 'bad' things to deflect our attention of not feeling enough. It all comes down to if we truly Love ourselves. I just had cause to tell someone, "If you really Loved yourself, you would never do that to yourself." I think when we Love ourselves, on the inside, our character, our qualities, our strength, everything is in balance and flow. I thought about when I stretch out my hand to grasp something (metaphorically) I'm actually pushing the energy away from me. It's all inside of me and my reality (good or bad) is reflected back to me. I get to choose what I think. I'm proud of myself, so I validate myself. Great video. I Loved it!!!
Totally onboard with self love as the antidote!
I just thought as I woke this morning, not feeling enough is really a fear of not getting Love(d). Your video (insightful words) finally got me to the answer.
So true. We fall back into our addictions when we feel disconnected or alone. As Katy Perry’s Witness lyrics goes, “We’re all just looking for connection, yea we all want to be seen. ” Connection is so vital, and is the key to kicking our addictions! 🔥🔥🔥💯
Your most powerful video by far. During my road to self improvement, which I feel I have made so much progress in 6 months, has used tactics that you have discussed in your videos. However, this video on addiction is exactly how I have been feeling. I started going to the gym in July for the goodness of my mental health, but have found myself recently seeking validation for the body I have gained from going. I have reached a point where I just keep moving the goal posts, so I can never end up being happy. Thank you for all your videos, and especially this one, it was is powerful.
I struggle with alcoholism and am happy you did a video on this. In the support groups I go to we often talk about what other addictive behaviors we can see in our lives. In tackling an addiction self awareness goes a long way. Connection is another great way to bolster yourself against addictive behavior. Thank you for doing this video.
I love the direction this channel is going in. We are all here for help becoming the best versions of ourselves. Thank you, Charlie.
~ Awesome :-)
I have bulimia and this description is so on point. I’m going to show this video to my mum so she can finally understand and stop punishing me
reading your comment 3 years on, hope you are doing well ❤️
When I see thumbs down on a video like this, I realize that haters do in fact exist.. and that they completely don't matter. This was very inspiring and I support you my man! Keep getting it
Man you're super intelligent and know exactly how to explain everything and I do believe you are right about being disconnected is what causes addiction. I used to be an addict to pills but then turned to another thing that's not as bad but still has me in a bad place and before that it was drinking. Always trying to find something to escape with. What started it was my inability to talk to people or get in relationships like normal. Basically not being able to connect with other people. I feel bad social anxiety and have for as long as I can remember which is what turned me on the path of trying to find something to use to escape that pain. So I 100% agree with all of this. I'm trying to find better ways to get better at interacting which is how I found your channel! Thank you for the great content and sorry for the long comment lol. Keep up the great work
I identify with many of the topics covered in this video. Many of these issues are overlooked in our day-to-day lives, and this inspires me to strive for connection. This really shows how this channel strives for the best content for the subscribers, even if, unlike most channels, it constantly challenges us to improve our selves, rather than have someone else tell us what to do.
I like the thought that we are good enough as we are and that we can stop trying so hard to fight for validation.
Hey charlie,
I think this is one of the most important video’s you ever made! And please let me know when you read this.
Watching youtube video’s and also self improvement video’s... it can be addictive! And i’m glad you decided to cover this, I see it as a fair warning to all of us , to not lose sight of what self inprovement TRULY is!
It tells me you think a lot on how to make those video’s and how your work can have a positive effect on your lives if we choose to act on it
So more than ever: Thank you for making this video!
Hey Charlie, I hope you read this.
This is an amazing video. Thanks for this. Really helps.
I read the four-hour work week because you recommended it, and I saw a lot of examples that you've shared to us, from the book, which are golden nuggets. Also, I realized how you got inspired from so many parts of the book. I found out a lot of steps that improved the quality of life by a lot too.
I totally agree with so many of the things you've mentioned in this video, been through almost all of this. Specially connected with the part about social media and seeking external validation.
Connecting with myself has always been this positive experience which I got through with meditation, and also noticing the voice in my head. I also realized a lot of negative things that I was telling myself.
There is a long way to go, and you've added a lot of value in some parts of my life.
I want to really thank you for this.
With love,
Shiv
Hey Charlie and Ben!
So I actually just finished your course Emotional Mastery about 2 weeks ago and it was fantastic! I learned so much about myself and the world that I didn't know before so huuuuuuge thanks for putting out a course like that and making these types of videos.
I feel like I resonate with you on the topic of what qualifies as an addiction but I still struggle with understanding the emotions motivating my addictions. The one part of Emotional Mastery that I feel like I didn't gain a whole lot from is the meditations. I didn't experience a mind-blowing release so any content on learning how to cope and understand our addictions and the emotions that motivate them would be phenomenal! (:
Hey Bro! Im from Sweden and i really like your channel. I think your totaly right about this! I noticed the same thing when my ex-girlfriend started complaining about me spending to much time on social media and that i should stop smoking weed. Of course i got angry when she told me tose things. I felt attacked and wanted to turn the table and complain on her habits that also took pretty much time and energy from her. I then started to reflect about her daily routines and noticed that she pretty much was addicted to them. She was allways meeting up with friends (she is a huge extrovert person)almost never sat down and was allways on the move, cleaning or talking on the phone with friends, all the time. She just couldnt relax and just do nothing and maybe spend time together with me at home. I just felt that she was an adict to. When she later got pregnant and gave birth to my 3rd son she just couldnt sit down and breastfeed the baby. She had to give him a bottle with milk compensation. That is when i really thought that her behavior was bringing negative resoults to our lifes. So yeah, we are all a bounch of addicts and there is not somuch we can do about it but to change them for better ones at the right time. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. you are not alone! Stay Blessed.
thank you for posting. this may be your most honest and introspective video. we become addicted to that which fills the void of disconnect.
I'm an addiction specialist, and I love how you help to get attention to behavioral addictions (or non-chemical addictions). It is a special interest for me, and it is true, addiction is a behavioral disease as well. Congrats on this video!
There are so many different avenues for addiction. There is a Black Mirror episode that illustrates the "gamification" side of social media where people are obsessed with it. This is quite a wake up call in terms of the power that social media could have.
A while ago, I heard from a friend that her sister would take down a photo if she didn't get enough Instagram likes. I was astounded.
A few years ago, I've made the decision to create my social media for myself. If there's no likes, I don't care. If I go back to my memories in the future, I can access that photo and it has value for me.
However, people can be addicted to so many different things! Some people have more addictive personalities than others. It is important to be able to identify your personality.
I love personal development. I enjoy challenging myself and learning new things. But I know I have a type of addiction where I crave acceptance from others. So there will be times where I decline going to social events and spending time with myself. I also need to be more mindful even of my thoughts around things that happen in my life.
People can even be addicted to getting praise from their boss... they can be addicted to their pets, or shopping. There are so many different ways of addiction.
Thanks for taking a holistic approach to this, Charlie!
Have to say I agree with a lot of what your saying, an addiction in any direction whether it is deemed positive or negative, at a certain stage is so extreme it causes imbalance in your life, you have to neglect certain areas to keep feeding whatever it is that your focus and energy is invested in. This imbalance often leads to then misguided perspectives or new motives that are not testimonial to your deep values/true self, i.e rather than raising money for charity because you believe it to be morally just or a necessary change, you do it so people regard you as a good person. The imbalance takes away from your sense of self. And it is really good to see a more ‘psychology’ orientated channell or a channel based on real life tangable experiences take a step into these physiological, spiritual or more voodoo branded type practices as a practical solution; because the imbalance in our lives is often a neglect of relationships, with others or ourselves. Every decision, good or bad, has some sort of consequence it closes some type of door as such. To invest more and more into your career or alcohol or whatever the ‘addiction’ is, we sacrafice time and relationships and so we develop these imbalances that are destructive and so the solution to connect is basically to restore or repair the broken relationships with our friends or ourselves, to bring balance into our lives. Ironically, whether its meditation or meeting friends, these practices have to be an ‘addiction’ as such. We must depend on these rituals or we risk losing ourselves. They keep us rooted and grounded to who we are, for many people they are a necessary foundation of self. So thanks to Charlie and Charisma on Command for sharing this message.
the way you make me feel devotion through your perspective of life that no one else can, I'm addicted to that.
I discovered this topic like a year ago. I realized the problem wasn't my addiction, but my addictive personality. You talked about a key subject for society this time. Thanks for all the advice; it makes a lot of sense.
So my plan in life was backward. I thought to first deal with my addictions and then start to connect with people. No wonder I was stuck. Thanks man.
Oh my god I agree with you on so many levels... The social media thing is so true, but also the attitude many people have towards work and fitness... It's just sickening, it seems like many people (including me) are looking for self validation everywhere... We're all going crazy!
I used to be addicted to video games, cravings were insanely hard, i quited it 3 months from now, i am completely rehablitated, and my life dramatically changed to better...
Totally agree with you dude! I've suffered from media addiction and realized personally that its major effect on me was negative. Your take on connecting with one's self is very interesting, and I believe that if adapted properly, it might help me a lot.
I'm a recovering drug addict, with two years clean, but the addictive tendencies transfer over to other things. Working out, video games, sex- anything that made me feel good once I want to keep on doing forever, even when it doesn't make me feel good anymore.
For me it's a fear of the unknown- that if I let that thing go, I will never find something that makes me happy again. So I keep the familiar misery in the hopes that it will begin working again some day, rather than let it go and embrace the risk of finding something new.
I'll always be an addict because of these tendencies, even without the drugs. But I treat it- I let people keep me accountable, let me know when I'm taking something to excess and being self-aware of when I need to pull back on a certain area of life and focus on something else.
My goal is not to be the hardest working or the fittest or the richest person. It's to live a balanced life, and a satisfied one.
Hey Charlie, thanks for tackling this really important topic. Definitely one of your Top 3 videos ever!! Lately I’ve been wrestling with the idea myself because there are entrepreneurs that I admire who would argue that you HAVE to be utterly obsessed with your craft in order to make an impact and truly be world class. Although this may be true, it’s easy to become hyper critical of yourself as you seek to grow. So I’m trying to find a happy medium between striving to be all that I can be and knowing that I am enough right now.
Btw, my IG habits have gotten a little bit crazy. I keep find myself back on after clicking out like 30 seconds prior. Just decided I’m doing the next 7 days without it, thanks!
I massively think that the "feeling what you feel" idea is the main reason people get addicted to things: it's an attempt to avoid how they actually feel - ultimately being fear. So to fix addiction, in my opinion, is best done by fully feeling how you actually feel; letting yourself experience those emotions and feelings that you are trying to avoid, as tends to be the focus of much meditation. Read No Ordinary Moments by Dan Millman. This book goes into some good explanation of this idea.
Fantastic video. I completely agree- I used to be addicted to fitness and healthy eating and I felt completely disconnected from my community and friends. I love your perspective on addictions - it’s not just alcohol and drugs!
Great video. You took us deep into our own minds with the way you explained it. Very well done.
I agree with most points that you make.
I think it’s important to remember your goals and why you set them but I’ve found that is the most difficult thing to do and that’s why we need “pack mates” I like to call them, synergy with other people is indeed one of the best things you can have .
Also to your point at 11:10 I think this quote from the movie Summer Wars says it best: “continue to take your meals as a family, for there is nothing worse than hunger and solitude”
For the social media addiction thing, the only reason why I use it is to communicate with online friends, or find people with the same interests as me. It doesn't really control my life, as I only use it to talk about the newest thing my favorite singer/songwriter has come out with, or just something general I want to share with a community. While I understand how social media accounts that are self-centered are a different story, my own experience is a little different.
I was thinking about this, so i do not have a specific addiction, i have a weakness to addiction and my biggest addiction is lazyness, the feeling that heappens when i do nothing or just scroll facebook that is a feeling that i just embrace easyly. It’s hard to get out of my confort zone and get to work on the nasty unhealthy habbits. Thank you for your work !!!
No joke, this is the best video I've seen this year
I can't put into words on how important this video was to me. Thank you so much.