The Beginning Point For A Narcissist's Lack Of Empathy
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- Опубліковано 18 гру 2024
- We seek relationships for the purpose of connecting, and the ingredient at the heart of close relationships is empathy. Dr. Les Carter focuses on one primary problem that hinders narcissists from developing empathy. Because of it, they make little to no effort to truly know you from your vantage point.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 125 million views.
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"Empathy is our ability to identify what someone else is thinking or feeling, and to respond to their thoughts and feelings with an appropriate emotion. People who lack empathy see others as mere objects." (Baron-Cohen)
The term “empathy” is used to describe a wide range of experiences. Emotion researchers generally define empathy as the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.
Contemporary researchers often differentiate between two types of empathy: “Affective empathy” refers to the sensations and feelings we get in response to others’ emotions; this can include mirroring what that person is feeling, or just feeling stressed when we detect another’s fear or anxiety. “Cognitive empathy,” sometimes called “perspective taking,” refers to our ability to identify and understand other people’s emotions. Studies suggest that people with autism spectrum disorders have a hard time empathizing.
Empathy seems to have deep roots in our brains and bodies, and in our evolutionary history. Elementary forms of empathy have been observed in our primate relatives, in dogs, and even in rats. Empathy has been associated with two different pathways in the brain, and scientists have speculated that some aspects of empathy can be traced to mirror neurons, cells in the brain that fire when we observe someone else perform an action in much the same way that they would fire if we performed that action ourselves. Research has also uncovered evidence of a genetic basis to empathy, though studies suggest that people can enhance (or restrict) their natural empathic abilities.
Having empathy doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll want to help someone in need, though it’s often a vital first step toward compassionate action
Empathy Impairment and Object Constancy means People are as useful or disposable as a Home Appliance or more to the point an inanimate object that exists *only* to serve or be used until it breaks or falls apart. Then chucked out into the trash when no longer of use. Never think it's anything other than....a Cheap Trick.
Totally agree ❤
First you must CARE
Narcissists lack emotional empathy but they can exhibit extraordinary cognitive empathy.
When I first met a Sociopath, I thought he would have lots of emotional empathy but later on I recognized that he was faking it and that he was just using "cold" cognitive skills to get what he wanted. - And he repeatedly asserted that he was a true opener of hearts!!!
I can relate 🙄
I had never thought that
a person could fake cry... [ meaning, crying in such real-like way ] unless they were professional actors who focused for some hours on the movie story and feelings, etc (or they put an onion in their eyes if they were in a hurry).
What some narc sociops do is... unthinkable.
I only noticed (for decades) that my narc was so quick to change her face and her voice, but I attributed it to... what she explained to me: "I have / I had to be strong for you, my children and my husband, so etc etc > so I stopped crying and go to enjoy an ice cream"
🥴
[ me, my inner dialogue was something like: my gosh, I'm so weak... I'm not able to do that in 1 minute, if I'm crying ]
@@lishmahlishmahLishmah, thanks for your respond.
While I was reading, "I stopped crying and go to enjoy an ice cream" I had to laugh. Did your mother say this? It sounds so very ridiculous.
I even do not know if I have ever met someone who could fake crying but I am very familiar with "abrupt changes" like impulsive "mood swings" within a second. Best example is my mother: when she wants supply, she sets up a big, charming smile and a tender voice to hook you. And when you ignore her, she will get immediatly furious with dark black evil eyes and a harsh voice that is insulting you with whatever comes into her mind. With age it's even getting worse and I am really glad that I went no contact with her which is not that easy because we are still living in the same house and I have to walk every day along her front door 🙄 When I feel weak myself, I tell myself when passing her door, "I am strong. I am strong. I am strong."
@roxymovie3938
Long story short, my mother likes the "abrupt changes" together with manipulation through words. When she find the suitable moment, she does the all-inclusive strategy 🥴
Now ... if youtube allows it... I'll reply more precisely.
Hope it will be visible
YES exactly - fake empathy through use of cold cognitive skills, to fit in in the moment! Oh wow can I relate to this. You are running right along with them, @roxymovie!
That is a scary fact!
Thank you so much Dr. Carter. Excellent help! As far as anger games go my number one rule is: Adult tantrums never fly. I hope everyone has a great holiday without anger games going on. Just know you are not the crazy one and adult tantrums should not happen and are never okay and not right.
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. I love your analogy of an orchestra. Empathy, compassion and kindness is part of who I am, so being in a relationship with a narcissist was confusing, disorienting and scary. Your podcasts continue to help me so very, very much.
"I'm better than you & you don't seem to appreciate that."
😂
I would never be elitist. Its beneath me.
Haha, YES!
I just wanted to thank you, Dr Carter, for all of your videos! They are wonderful and have helped me so much, not only to respond better and take care of myself, but to understand my sister and why things are the way they are. I understand her and myself so much better now. It still breaks my heart and I wish I could help her, but I realize I cannot. She must be willing to help herself. Anyway, this video was eye opening and really helped my understanding. Thank you for everything you do!
I don't think I can have empathy for a person currently hurting me
My child hurts me but I know what happened to him and how he got here. I love him and have supported him thru his trials. He was less than 2 years old so preverbal when he was harmed by someone he loved and trusted. Life is not easy ever but we are able to Intuit and imagine what someone else is experiencing when we step back and love them. I am also not talking about co- dependency. I am talking about what happened to another person.
Uniformity - Binary - OCD - Self protection - Self centeredness - Rejects anyone and anything 'selfishly' infringing on this set of patterns, and clasps onto anyone and anything connected to it.
I'm so glad not to be in a begging position with a npd. This learning has helped me understand all the folks with whom I deal. Thx
Imagine driving the wrong way on a ONE WAY street...
That is a relationship with an individual who has a narcissistic personality style in a nutshell!
Heavy on the "NUT!"
A submissive life is not for me.
I'm ecstatically going to...
Stay Healthy!!
I just want to thank you for being here this year, Doctor. You have the uncanny ability to say just the right thing at just the right time. ☮💜
So pleased to be on the path with you, Julian.
@ Merry Christmas 🎄
Thank you dr C.
Much needed topic...
Empathy is the beginning of respect. Empathy gets on the level of shared respect.
Empathy is not in the narcissist's lexicon. I think there are a few words missing.
They only show Temporary self serving empathy
So you wonder later if it is your fault when their behavior is changed
Don't personalize
That’s the point of manipulation
I got divorce papers today instead of another holiday hating game/abuse. Kinda not mad at it. Stay strong.
I can't get nothing won't budge an inch it's hell no doubt. 😮😮
Mother is their problem… always! Everyone is mommy to a narcissist, including their kids
Thank you Dr. C., Team Healthy, and Gus❤️
OMG Dr. Carter as usual you are very creditable and a counselor of substance with a beautiful spirit. Thank you for all you do. This particular video. All your videos are good, but this one brought a lot of truths to me home, and God used you to help me to understand the depth of my commitments to the core position I take as an Empath. Loyalty to the truth is the major core principle to an empath. We, as Empaths, live according to selfishlessness and love and truth. Created to see the good in others does make the gift rich but like me if we do not learn proper boundaries as a form of love towards us, it is absolutely true what you said we can or they will try to make us behave with fealty. This cannot happen to a Empath when confronted with a narcissist. EMPATHS will not bow except to the truth. I have learned that it is a true Narcissists that want uniformity and not unity. AND yes, beautifully worded that THEY WILL NOT IMMERSE INTO SOMEONE'S ELSE'S SOUL, except bring their destructive forces and therefore they stay from a distance transactionally. THEY REFUSE TO do any work to bond. They will not do the work to obtain anything but take what is not theirs. THEY will suck you dry in every way. IT HAS BEEN MY NUMBER ONE LESSON. BOUNDARIES of self -love and preservation. LEARNING TO SAY NO APPROPRIATELY. LESSON learned the hard way. BUT, the law of reciprocity does work as a universal law. What you sow you will reap. Karma will come its inevitably so because our Creator created laws for the benefit of all. ITS CALLED CHOICES .
Well stated!!
This is something I will never understand and I realize one of the things that brought me here is the true crime community,
after losing a dear friend of the family. I am thankful I am here but I will never understand why some people will carry on like nothing happened, like it's no big deal, and how people will rally around a man who admits the reprehensible and a jealous mother! I question whether it is even important that I know why or how unless anything can be done about it.
To the girl we lost Dec 2015 to the little girl missing one more Christmas without knowing the truth!
I think my reply is gone.
A big hug to you.
Hope this comment will be visible
@lishmahlishmah 🫂
Ooh. A root cause. I’m excited for this one!
I hope it meets your expectations, Aaron! See you in a bit at live feed.
Lack of authentic connection to the primary caretaker then lack of secure separation from same source @ the appropriate stages leads to arrested development around age 3, so childhood interventions between 3 & 5 are crucial to counteract the onset of narcissistic personality disorder. By age 7 most kids have got a conscience with a sense of right or wrong behavior. Narcissists may know what’s considered a socially inappropriate response but they just don’t care & deception is well established by then. They remain preadolescent thinkers without access to true empathy when others go through puberty. Emotionally stuck kids don’t understand the need for real compassion but just fake it. They’re perpetually the victims in life. It’s so important not to enable these folks! Gray rock or no contact is the best thing that can be done to prevent further abuse.
You are describing my father perfectly.
My Christmas gift was from my Narcissist husband triangulating me. I give up. For 13 years I have emptied my retirement account bailing him out of his lack of funds because he wanted to stay home & get drunk instead of working. I have ran up all my credit cards paying our mortgage, utilities, car payments and other loans. He threw me under the bus after being his sacrificial lamb. You have told me, warned me, "it can only get worse." It just did.
Stop enabling him 😉 start backing your autonomy 👍 free yourself to be you!
G'day Team Healthy
waddup!💛
have a good day! wee💛!
Ah G'day Aussie. Kiwi here cousin.
👋🏻Good day
Empathy brought me to this disturbing conflict what did I do to deserve this. 😢😢
Lack of boundaries 😉 discernment will free you from the roller coaster of narcissistic situations
I've managed to catch up on tape delay. I've nothing to add to everyone else's wonderful comments 🙏❤️✌️🕯
Hey 🖐️🌼
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Hope you are doing well.
(I've read about the doctors visits)
Here is a cup of (British) tea ☕
@lishmahlishmah Thanks pal ☕️🫖☕️💕
What would we do without tape delay?
@@SurvivingNarcissism It's brilliant!
Omg this is so real.
Blessings, thank you! ✨
Merry Christmas, Gus. ❤️
Thank you DRC
Dr. C, you are a wonderful resource. thank you, (& the incredible Dr. Ramani as well) for all this knowledge!
man i wish you would both collab hahaha you're both so wise! thanks!
Oh yes, they are!
And there's an interview / conversation dr C + Dr Ramani on this channel. Just do a research 👍
There thought is "I am the one in authority & you are not."
It’s a mother problem… began before 3
Gus ☺️💕
This will be interesting. Do they actually have empathy to begin with, or is it never there at all? My nex oftentimes seemed almost infantile.
Usually fake!
Perhaps narcissists are so preoccupied with their needs for 99.9% of the time that they simply don't have time to stop and consider others. Narcs are perhaps only interested in self-image, popularity and power. That's a lot of balls they're juggling!
Didn’t develop empathy but learned how to manipulate our emotions… narcs think our vulnerability is foolishness & we deserve whatever we get from them (used & abused) so they WIN
@caroleminke6116 I can relate to this, spit on!
@caroleminke6116 Spot on!
The very beginning point of narcissist’s lack of empathy appearance was when Eve beguiled Adam and Adam betrayed Eve.
Good point, or the serpent beguiled Eve and Adam had more nefarious reasons to not protect what he was given.
Either way, or any way it happened and here we are.
@@Summer_Harvest that s the better perspective on that for sure
Cain is the result of that sin, and narcissism is very much a Canaanite attribute. Adam was a victim. He had a Garden to tend and creatures to name. He never betrayed Eve, and was even willing to let the awful Cain remain as a family member. Cain was born bad. I think Eve got seduced by the lure of babies. She wanted one and God had other plans. Seven year intervals. She saw the other females with their young, and Satan used that as her Achilles heel.
Both fakes
✉️💌 Season Greetings Card 💌✉️
🌿
A special quote for Team Healthy >
for everyone at any step of the recovery journey, but especially for those suffering the most at this "season" of the year.
💚🌿
“ _It is true that there is a state of hope which belongs to bright prospects and the morning; but that is not the virtue of hope. The virtue of hope exists only in earthquake and eclipse_ ”
G. K. Chesterton
🌿🌼🌿🌼🌿🌼🌿
Great thanks to all the people helping other people finding the Path of Hope ✨🧡✨🧡
Great thanks to all the people finding Hope and sharing it.
✨🧡✨🌠🌿✨🌠🌟
Great thanks to all the people accepting the Gift of Hope from others
🌠🌿🧡🌠✨✨✨✨
Great thanks to all the people giving me tons of glimmers of Hope
✨🌠✨🌠✨🌠🌠✨
( thanks to all the people who are putting up with my English 😁 )
🌿🕯✨️
* Internal peace, ..... Not internal strife from Covert *. Best of more to come from you Dr. C. ☮️✌️
I’ve been the victim of a narcissist’s smear campaign that is actively still sabotaging my life. Please help. They are using harassment, third party stalking and fake online accounts to slander me and the result has translated into real world harassment and intimidation. Please help. Has anyone ever gotten through this??
I will be at a follow-up doctors appointment during the time of chat and premiere. I've been under alot of stress regarding my youngest son. Will watch on tape delay and comment later. All the best Team Healthy ❤🕯
#TeamHealthy. I really appreciate you, Amanda.
@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks Doc. I appreciate you too, Gus and Team Healthy ❤️
@@amandaliverpool3374 Thinking of you, Amanda 🙏💛 💕🤗
The follow-up appointment went well. The anti anxiety meds that I was put on last week will take time to work. 👍🤞🙏
Wishing you well and that the meds help you
There is no way to formulate a comment more neutral than I did and it still gets deleted.
Rumble is going to grow and hopefully replace this ridiculous platform
💌 *Season greetings card* 💌
🌠✨🌼🌟🌠
Happy Holidays
dr C 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Merry Christmas 🌠
to you, your wife and all your family 🌼🧡✨💚
Big hug to Gus 🐕 the Team Healthy silent healer.
Great thanks to all the people in the tech team ✨🧡🌼✨✨✨✨✨
🌿 Thank you 🌿
I thank you, and Gus thanks you!
👍