As empaths, many of us are optimistic and we tend to remember the good times, rather than the bad. Even if the good times were rare. Remember that those good times were merely a reflection of your own qualities and virtues. They mirrored back to you whatever they thought was going to get you to emotionally invest in them. They thrive off your reactions and devotion.
Do not deny the fact that they were some of the people that helped us live.... They may gave us bad news but it was to prepare us for a bad future... I lost my only friend who had a lot of anger but it was very justified because everything we spoke about everything we hated and despised was actually killing us... My friend was a lifesaver no matter how much anger and narcissism he had he was always willing to go out of his way to save someone else and often did on his expense... And as much as he wanted to get rid of people that were killing us he was more willing to save a life than ask somebody to take one.... And he never did ask somebody to take a life..
Yes this happens during the holidays when I get nostalgic for the projections I made on the narcs in my life. I say projections b/c I believed my own distortions about my family relationships. Wishing peace and wholeness to all. Thank you for all you do Dr. Ramani.
I've done this and I've had it done to me so I understand completely as do you.😢❤ May God continue to bless your life with truth and the comfort from his Holy Spirit and a piece that truly does pass all understanding. That's where I'm at right now
I just go back and read the "ick list" Dr. Ramani suggested I make... nostalgia vision cured!! Never will I be treated so horribly again, no matter the few good times that were sprinkled in!! Thank you, Dr. Ramani!!!
Thank you for this, especially during the holidays, nostalgia hits and hurts like no other. This video is excellent and much needed. I feel seen. Thanks again.
I was horribly nostalgic for the past including the narcs I had in my life, but I have outgrown that now. Now I'm horrified at the thought of seeing them again. Those narcs were so horrible to me that while I realize that there were some good moments, those good moments were fake, an image in a glass house, because I was gas-lighting myself, because I was enabling them and making excuses for them. I think that if I see those narcs, I will get PTSD. No, I don't feel nostalgic.
I did this for a while, its like going into a fantasy world you wished it was. Now I sometimes do this when I attend events in unhealthy environments just to get through it. I quickly watch a video or something to take me out of the cognitive dissonance afterwards.
This 💯 explains how I feel about some people right now . I feel nostalgic yet also that somethings not right and that they’re weren’t as good of a friend as I thought, and that they are not better then me. No longer self blaming. Focusing on the healthy safe peep and giving myself permission to be discerning. I am ok on my own. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Thank you for this, Dr. Ramani, since today is my husband's birthday and I was debating if I should reach out with birthday wishes. I tossed all night fighting against myself, really trying to make my soul feel at peace about reaching out, but it feels horrible because I know he doesn't love me and has mistreated me every time I let him back in. I keep minimizing the love I should have for myself. If I reach out, it's erasing all my progress. I have to start the healing process over again. The struggle is real. I guess I just feel lonely after 3 decades in this abuse. I'm in the process of divorcing him.
Thank you for the work you do... I'm grateful to you for opening my eyes to my marriage of 25 years, 27 of being together. I'm now seeing through a different lens. Everything you say speaks to me...Ive been in a lot of therapy over the last 6 months and listening to experts on narcissism. God has revealed everything to me...the affairs, lies, manipulations, abuse..I now have the strength & resolve to move forward and divorce him. I'm no longer waffling. Lean on God. HE'S got you!
This has come at a uniquely, perfect time -vacationing with four childhood friends who I have many many fond memories The problem -2 of them extremely toxic -i’ve worked extremely hard to navigate many narcissistic relationships and have gotten so much stronger - I will have to navigate a four day trip with them….I’m working hard to get strong for this trip and appreciate this video so much to help put things in perspective
It’s almost one year I broke up with my narcissistic ex-boyfriend after several weeks of watching your videos. I am really grateful for your videos which opened my eyes after 6 years. It still triggers me so much how they all use the same gaslighting and manipulation tactics. I just finished watching the last season of US ultimatum and the guy Scotty there is a complete narcissistic copy of my ex-boyfriend. I don’t understand how I didn’t realize how awful he was for over 6 years
The problem with nostalgia I noticed qith my very nostalgic covert an able mother, is it's how she remembers the past and my childhood. It's not how I felt or how things were for me, it how a he felt and how it was for her. Last year she wanted me to look through all the old photos together, whilst having no empathy for current life difficulties, nor my past hurts. I avoided it, I don't want to look through holiday photos where we are all smiling. It was simply 2 weeks out of 52 where they were happy because we were on vacation. Parenting isn't simply vacations and photos, it's being there for your child, nurturing them, seeing them and helping them grow straight. My father destroyed my favourite photo in any case, when I was just 5 because he was in one of his rages. But let's not talk about that as my mother would say.
Rumination is real. I’ve been riding on my mental carousel for years, but now I catch myself and redirect my thoughts out of the toxic past and back to the present moment and I think of people and things that bring me joy. It works with a bit of practice. Hugs from San Diego ✨🤗✨
Are you an over the road trucker.. Alone alot?? This happens to me, as soon as I actually catch myself, it takes a little minute, I talk to myself and say that's not where you are now... Moving on... I then think of something I love to do, or enjoy.. or place I've seen, or place I know I'll go one day. I ponder on heaven and how wonderful and unimaginable compared to here it will be, no limits., mean people and most of All.. Jesus!
The horror of the way the last relationship ended keeps me from nostalgia. She was the only one (along with her mother) who were there when I was in the hospital when I was being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, nearly dying in the hospital (I walked out at 88 lbs and 5’6”). But I cannot let that open a door for her to stay in my life. She can NEVER come back.
I broke up from a malignant narc a yr ago, but I'm having dreams about my narc Ex! They say when narc can't come to you in the physical world they come into your dreams!These people are demonic. I'm happy in a new happy relationship!
Are you sure you are not reading my mind? This is exactly what I have been struggling with. As I had mentioned before, when my mother was a good mother, she was a very good mother. As time went on the good times faded and the bad times became more frequent. By the time she died going home to see her or even speaking to her on the phone became an exercise in torture. If you are familiar with the book or movie '"A Picture of Dorian Grey", it perfectly demonstrates her descent into evil. Near the end of her life she actually admitted she liked to fight. Despite all this, at 71 I still long for the "good days".
As I’ve learned about narcissism and how it has impacted my life (thanks, Dr. Ramani!), I have found my friends fit into one of three general categories. 1. General friends. These are people who were friends in a particular time and place, and we had fun and then moved on. Maybe we’re still in touch, or maybe not. Nice folks, good memories, and that’s that. This is by far the biggest group. 2. Narcissistic friends. These are people I wish I had never met. They were the ones who used me, and who, to one degree or another did to me the things this channel is all about, from highly malignant to just exploitative. 3. True friends. Not many of these, but they are the ones who I know I can count on no matter what. One of these guys literally saved my life. Now, if I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would write the names of group #2 on a list in red ink with the words “Avoid like Ebola”. Group #3 would be on a list in bright blue ink with the words “Do whatever you have to do to meet and befriend these guys”.
Yes let go of a 60 year relationship we met at 5 years old. Wonderful memories! But she was always the leader and manipulator. I saw it in full on our last texting session. Still love her! Probably check in on her again or her daughter idk Beautiful and fun memories! And then some .
I AM a great empath so some years after I had left him (I discarded him after 10 years together at year 2014!) I sometimes could felt nostalgic but not so much. Nowadays? No - not a bit. Even if he died last February 2023 I don't feel nostalgic. It is wath it was! A tragic and abusing relationship which luckily is over since many years ago. No good memories to bee nostalgic over cause it was all a fake fasad of his real personality and honestly I can say: He ruined every moment of joy or Birthdays, holidays and vaccation if he wasn't The Shining Star. And That's it! 🙏
I was, I'm not anymore, especially after being told I was a stupid bit@# more than a few times and seeing hatred and jealousy too, did it for me especially as it was coming from my backstabbing mother. No I can honestly say I don't want to see her anymore, I put up with it for 49 years, all while growing up and she never did anything for me without benefitting herself too. I can't honestly say I miss any of that and my kids are safer and happier too without her as well.
You're so awesome, Doc. I being far from my ex-narc for one year, and a few days ago (i dont know why) saw some picture of her in social media. Biggest regreat :(. Thank you so much for your words of knowledge and helpfull.
No. My new bf recently asked me what I thought if he told me this old narcissist I dated has committed suicide. And I thought that would be funny and don't care. Because I never think of that guy now that I have him. And it really made me think about how far I've come when it comes to loving myself. Because my new bf caused me to forget all about the narcissist ex. And I let him
I never felt nostalgic, if anything I only remember the horrible crap and barely remember when we actually got along and had fun. Then I think about how miserable he is living with his mommy and jobless, hustling women online to pay for his cigarettes alcohol and subscriptions for online gaming. When you get to witness karma at play, life is beautiful and there is zero nostalgia.
Yes this is so needed for this time of year for me. It is my adult daughter that only revealed or I could see NPD three months ago. We didn’t know what it was until then or failed to see it.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for this excellent advice. The 'nostalgic, distorted goggles' as you mentioned, had their place in time. However, we grow up and mature. I had certain comments that were very discouraging said to me from controlling narcissistic individuals that I do not want to have repeated. In fact, this is also true of current day comments from distortions that come from prolonged gaslighting and invalidating maneuvers unawares that are wrong.
@@Dedemorris7948 those feelings you have about the past come from words... But you allow yourself to think of it with those words based off of feelings... But at the end of the day those are just words based off the feelings you experienced after the experience... If you say to yourself those feelings come from those words you must realize that those are just words... And why should words alter anything about you unless it's for self-improvement... There's no reason to deny the truth.. the truth will set you free.
You get to rewrite your story--one where you're no longer accepting scraps of attention or affection but seeking relationships that truly honor and respect you.
Not at all. In fact, I notice at this time of year that I have feelings of anger and sadness. I am so blessed to be with a self reflective person now. Thank God Almighty I am out of that relationship.
This is me right now. A month ago I was much more ready to go but slowly I think of better days yet most were 15-23 years ago. I know it is happening though and this video hits home. THX!
Spent a day in total nostalgia here on the lovely gulf coast of Florida 🏝️ on the nature coast where we sailed a Catalina 34’⛵️ I’m lucky that I survived & know now it was meant to show me the shadow side of my subconscious 😉 truth has a way of coming out through the most unexpected things… including narcissistic people who show us where our healing journey needs to take another path forward 💔❤️🩹♥️ healing is on the far side of narcissism
Nostalgic point taken, so now I can put musicals to bed good night West Side story Brigadoon Caberet Hair sweet dreams are made of these who am I to disagree traveled the world and the 7 seas, music helps heal the world or is it disturbed silenced world. Just was a question they left me wondering about what kind of world they left us with? That was all. Thank you for listening, reading my post.
I'm kind of the queen of a dramatic breakup though. I wish I didn't absolutely need to burn those bridges, but when I'm done, you're gettin' a strongly worded letter and a block. Honestly, I feel that's what works best for me and I'm happier for it.
All my memories are laced with memories of a whole lotta narcissists wreaking havoc ☝️ That has changed the texture of my memories 🤷♂️ I have to dig into the memories and find the bright spots and good people inside of the memory Whatever the memory is, I try to allow myself not to be bitter that most of these people weren’t even there Something akin to memories of ghosts I’m kinda sick of memories, really Not mad or bitter about old memories. Just empty holograms Professor Sam Vaknin talks about nothingness. I think that’s what I’ve managed to implement ‘Nothing’ is much better than the endless painful ruminations I had for 15 years That’s over with It’s time to create new memories For God’s sake, it’s about time
If this is a clue, beware of the green brothers manipulating my identity. I am isolated, and just worried about finding a job and keeping a home. For any of the others helping, I thank you
I remember (and may have already said this, it bears repeating though) In 2020 i saw a piece of balloon art by Michael Schneider that said something to the effects of "don't use this quarantine as an excuse to text your ex" (Aka, even they looked good when we were all isolated... Hell, i almost did, if i hadn't run across that image at the exact moment i needed it)
Ive been nostalgic lately on Christmas with my ex narc last year. It was our first and last together and it was actually nice. He was his typical over the top trying to impress everyone, but I we got along and it was nice. Im 5 months out and feel lonely lately, holidays can be hard 😞
I tried to reply to a previous comment twice but it keeps getting deleted. The individual who did this to me said he had a brother in the employ of the NSA. His name as far as I know was Kevin Hsiung Gee based in Milwaukee WI. The brother’s name is Ian Gee. They are trying to silence me. He made vague threats about ruining my life. I believe he put me on some kind of watch list and I am now being subjected to harassment at the hands of the federal government. This is no joke. I even admitted myself to a psychiatric care facility (Granite Hills Hospital in West Allis WI) where I was tormented, threatened, abused and given false hormone medication. I fear for my safety every day. This is no joke. Please help. Please.
Do you have a video on how to specifically respond to a narcissistic parent with examples? I'm struggling with how to exactly handle it when she says stuff like "You never let me see my granddaughter" or ""the family" is so upset with how you are raising granddaughter" when its only her that is upset. She is really good at making you feel like you need to defend yourself.
Plzz someone give me this answer..I was in a narcissistic situationship...And at the beginning I made a mistake... Unintentionally though...I asked him whether he felt hurt and that I'm sorry...But he told me he was not hurt...So I didn't bother about it...But later in that relationship I had faced narcissistic emotional abuse...so, just because I made a mistake earlier, does that justify his behaviour?
You just got played by a master manipulator whose goal is to project his shame & blame onto someone else 😉 keep going in your journey & someday you will understand then be very angry that you let your healthy boundaries down for this preadolescent who’s not even YOURS
The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalized
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white
Please create Video about Scapegoated Mothers by their Adult Children, after she leaves her longstanding Marriage with her Narcissisic husband, their dad.
Dr Ramani can you address feeling contempt for narcissistic people in our lives? I’m not able to go no contact unfortunately. I grapple with feeling inauthentic with the yellow rocking and contempt towards them. Almost like I have gained a mask around them, like the narcissist themselves! Anyone else struggle with this?
Nostalgic you can say it may be better than it was... But we can say it was better than it is... Are mortality rate in this country ranks at 41.... We are forced fed GMOs which are labeled as a pesticide... The past may not have been great but the plans for the future and I could tell you from the words of a four-star general and the words of a president of a bank in the words of the military It ain't going to get better.... This country has created and cherished narcissism.... That's why people like you will always have job stability.... Which makes your future great... But I will continue to love the past like the people that once lived in it with me.... Give it another 10-15 years and the people you know that you cherish the most won't be there.... And nostalgic Will be something you cherish too... But at least you'll have that. Thank you for your video I've always admired your work wisdom comes from experience.. when you let go of wanting you'll see the things that you need..
Dear Ramani. May I suggest a topic for a video? If so, I would like to hear some more about scaffolding a client in therapy, before having them move on to radical acceptance. How do you create that scaffold around a client? Many greetings from Anna in Denmark
@ I have children with one and I weep for them- they didnt have to have a painful start. I don’t personally have a single happy memory with him that wasn’t underlying some catastrophic betrayal. So… yeah, it was a lie. My kids experience the collateral damage.
A little but I was never in a romantic relationship with him, more like a hole sibling. I want to make him a trophy, so he feels like a unique one-of-a-kind person God made. His dad was the idiot that wanted us to marry and we are not compatible. My trophy for him would look like this> A baby seal with a pacifier in his mouth, a baseball on his nose, backpack on his back, a baby bear in the background with a backpack too, and the Tetons in the further background. Maybe a little lake for representing Ancient Israel I was in that he wasn't. Inscription: To Boss Baby; love, Wisdom, (only because of Jesus Christ).
Your not nostalgic if you can keep on mind the pain and utter disrespect they had for you. Get out the notes you kept on all the cruelty they had no problem bestowing on you. 😮😢
I spoke to my ex husband after 3 months of no contact and he said that when he looks back all he remembers are good times, and that he hopes one day I will feel the same way 🫠
Yes this is so needed for this time of year for me. It is my adult daughter that only revealed or I could see NPD three months ago. We didn’t know what it was until then or failed to see it.
As empaths, many of us are optimistic and we tend to remember the good times, rather than the bad. Even if the good times were rare. Remember that those good times were merely a reflection of your own qualities and virtues. They mirrored back to you whatever they thought was going to get you to emotionally invest in them. They thrive off your reactions and devotion.
I have to think on this because I am nostalgic and or sentimental around my children.
I really needed this..thank you ❤
Absolutely 💯 very well said.
Do not deny the fact that they were some of the people that helped us live.... They may gave us bad news but it was to prepare us for a bad future... I lost my only friend who had a lot of anger but it was very justified because everything we spoke about everything we hated and despised was actually killing us... My friend was a lifesaver no matter how much anger and narcissism he had he was always willing to go out of his way to save someone else and often did on his expense... And as much as he wanted to get rid of people that were killing us he was more willing to save a life than ask somebody to take one.... And he never did ask somebody to take a life..
@craig265 Very good point. Even though I feel destroyed I did find healing of intimacy.
Yes this happens during the holidays when I get nostalgic for the projections I made on the narcs in my life. I say projections b/c I believed my own distortions about my family relationships. Wishing peace and wholeness to all. Thank you for all you do Dr. Ramani.
I've done this and I've had it done to me so I understand completely as do you.😢❤ May God continue to bless your life with truth and the comfort from his Holy Spirit and a piece that truly does pass all understanding. That's where I'm at right now
@@stillwaters7730 ❤
I just go back and read the "ick list" Dr. Ramani suggested I make... nostalgia vision cured!! Never will I be treated so horribly again, no matter the few good times that were sprinkled in!! Thank you, Dr. Ramani!!!
Yuck list to me
Thank you for this, especially during the holidays, nostalgia hits and hurts like no other. This video is excellent and much needed. I feel seen. Thanks again.
Nope. Finally. I now see what it was. And there was nothing real there. It took me three years to get to this place. I’m proud of me!
Me 😉 2
@@caroleminke6116me 3 😂🎉😢
In process… 4 years
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Really appreciate you
This is a good one, perfect timing before the holidays
I was horribly nostalgic for the past including the narcs I had in my life, but I have outgrown that now. Now I'm horrified at the thought of seeing them again. Those narcs were so horrible to me that while I realize that there were some good moments, those good moments were fake, an image in a glass house, because I was gas-lighting myself, because I was enabling them and making excuses for them. I think that if I see those narcs, I will get PTSD. No, I don't feel nostalgic.
I did this for a while, its like going into a fantasy world you wished it was. Now I sometimes do this when I attend events in unhealthy environments just to get through it. I quickly watch a video or something to take me out of the cognitive dissonance afterwards.
Yes, throw the "NOSTALGIA DISTORTION GOGGLES" in the garbage can. For a better life.
Remember a great future doesn't require a great past!
That's Brilliant!
I STRUGGLE WITH THIS SOOO MUCH!!!!!! Thank you so much for addressing this, I am so nostalgic for abuse... what is wrong with me... Thank you! ❤👍
You are not alone. Don’t juge yourself too harshly
God bless you Dr. Ramani for helping so many understand and hopefully heal (and avoid in the future) people that have these personality disorders ❤
Nostalgia stems from delusion AS WELL AS illusion. Reality is CLEARER.
Not anymore....almost 1 year zero contact 😂🎉
@jokerlovesyou1861 congrats!! I had 2 years and gave in cuz I needed affection ugh. Bk to 2 weeks no contact
This 💯 explains how I feel about some people right now . I feel nostalgic yet also that somethings not right and that they’re weren’t as good of a friend as I thought, and that they are not better then me. No longer self blaming. Focusing on the healthy safe peep and giving myself permission to be discerning. I am ok on my own. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Thank you for this, Dr. Ramani, since today is my husband's birthday and I was debating if I should reach out with birthday wishes. I tossed all night fighting against myself, really trying to make my soul feel at peace about reaching out, but it feels horrible because I know he doesn't love me and has mistreated me every time I let him back in. I keep minimizing the love I should have for myself. If I reach out, it's erasing all my progress. I have to start the healing process over again. The struggle is real. I guess I just feel lonely after 3 decades in this abuse. I'm in the process of divorcing him.
Thank you for the work you do... I'm grateful to you for opening my eyes to my marriage of 25 years, 27 of being together. I'm now seeing through a different lens. Everything you say speaks to me...Ive been in a lot of therapy over the last 6 months and listening to experts on narcissism. God has revealed everything to me...the affairs, lies, manipulations, abuse..I now have the strength & resolve to move forward and divorce him. I'm no longer waffling. Lean on God. HE'S got you!
Life with them is a lie. Nothing to feel nostalgic about.
They won't take everything from me. I refuse to be bitter.
This has come at a uniquely, perfect time -vacationing with four childhood friends who I have many many fond memories The problem -2 of them extremely toxic -i’ve worked extremely hard to navigate many narcissistic relationships and have gotten so much stronger - I will have to navigate a four day trip with them….I’m working hard to get strong for this trip and appreciate this video so much to help put things in perspective
It’s almost one year I broke up with my narcissistic ex-boyfriend after several weeks of watching your videos. I am really grateful for your videos which opened my eyes after 6 years. It still triggers me so much how they all use the same gaslighting and manipulation tactics. I just finished watching the last season of US ultimatum and the guy Scotty there is a complete narcissistic copy of my ex-boyfriend. I don’t understand how I didn’t realize how awful he was for over 6 years
No. I'm not nostalgic for the narcissist.
The problem with nostalgia I noticed qith my very nostalgic covert an able mother, is it's how she remembers the past and my childhood. It's not how I felt or how things were for me, it how a he felt and how it was for her. Last year she wanted me to look through all the old photos together, whilst having no empathy for current life difficulties, nor my past hurts. I avoided it, I don't want to look through holiday photos where we are all smiling. It was simply 2 weeks out of 52 where they were happy because we were on vacation. Parenting isn't simply vacations and photos, it's being there for your child, nurturing them, seeing them and helping them grow straight. My father destroyed my favourite photo in any case, when I was just 5 because he was in one of his rages. But let's not talk about that as my mother would say.
I am/was absolutely nostalgic for the narcissist. There's so much pain wrapped up in it all but I can't help but be fond of many of the good things.
I completely agree. The good memories were and still are good but the bad times trap us in a circle or cycle of confusion.
@mrspookie5377 Indeed. It makes me appreciate the good the narc had but I feel so much loss over their dysfunction.
Thank you for another great one!
Thank you for your help ❤
this is tough for me because i drive trucks i sit with my thoughts a lot
Many live this when they aren't on the road but 🫂!
@Summer_Harvest THANK YOU
Rumination is real. I’ve been riding on my mental carousel for years, but now I catch myself and redirect my thoughts out of the toxic past and back to the present moment and I think of people and things that bring me joy. It works with a bit of practice. Hugs from San Diego ✨🤗✨
@Dr.DorisTorres thank you for sharing I'm learning this as well redirect my thoughts 💭
Are you an over the road trucker.. Alone alot?? This happens to me, as soon as I actually catch myself, it takes a little minute, I talk to myself and say that's not where you are now... Moving on... I then think of something I love to do, or enjoy.. or place I've seen, or place I know I'll go one day. I ponder on heaven and how wonderful and unimaginable compared to here it will be, no limits., mean people and most of All.. Jesus!
The horror of the way the last relationship ended keeps me from nostalgia. She was the only one (along with her mother) who were there when I was in the hospital when I was being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, nearly dying in the hospital (I walked out at 88 lbs and 5’6”). But I cannot let that open a door for her to stay in my life. She can NEVER come back.
I broke up from a malignant narc a yr ago, but I'm having dreams about my narc Ex! They say when narc can't come to you in the physical world they come into your dreams!These people are demonic. I'm happy in a new happy relationship!
Are you sure you are not reading my mind? This is exactly what I have been struggling with. As I had mentioned before, when my mother was a good mother, she was a very good mother. As time went on the good times faded and the bad times became more frequent. By the time she died going home to see her or even speaking to her on the phone became an exercise in torture. If you are familiar with the book or movie '"A Picture of Dorian Grey", it perfectly demonstrates her descent into evil. Near the end of her life she actually admitted she liked to fight. Despite all this, at 71 I still long for the "good days".
As I’ve learned about narcissism and how it has impacted my life (thanks, Dr. Ramani!), I have found my friends fit into one of three general categories.
1. General friends. These are people who were friends in a particular time and place, and we had fun and then moved on. Maybe we’re still in touch, or maybe not. Nice folks, good memories, and that’s that. This is by far the biggest group.
2. Narcissistic friends. These are people I wish I had never met. They were the ones who used me, and who, to one degree or another did to me the things this channel is all about, from highly malignant to just exploitative.
3. True friends. Not many of these, but they are the ones who I know I can count on no matter what. One of these guys literally saved my life.
Now, if I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would write the names of group #2 on a list in red ink with the words “Avoid like Ebola”. Group #3 would be on a list in bright blue ink with the words “Do whatever you have to do to meet and befriend these guys”.
Happy holidays everyone ❤🎉
Yes let go of a 60 year relationship we met at 5 years old. Wonderful memories! But she was always the leader and manipulator. I saw it in full on our last texting session. Still love her! Probably check in on her again or her daughter idk Beautiful and fun memories! And then some .
Even A broken clock is right twice a day
I AM a great empath so some years after I had left him (I discarded him after 10 years together at year 2014!) I sometimes could felt nostalgic but not so much. Nowadays? No - not a bit. Even if he died last February 2023 I don't feel nostalgic.
It is wath it was! A tragic and abusing relationship which luckily is over since many years ago. No good memories to bee nostalgic over cause it was all a fake fasad of his real personality and honestly I can say: He ruined every moment of joy or Birthdays, holidays and vaccation if he wasn't The Shining Star.
And That's it! 🙏
I was, I'm not anymore, especially after being told I was a stupid bit@# more than a few times and seeing hatred and jealousy too, did it for me especially as it was coming from my backstabbing mother. No I can honestly say I don't want to see her anymore, I put up with it for 49 years, all while growing up and she never did anything for me without benefitting herself too. I can't honestly say I miss any of that and my kids are safer and happier too without her as well.
You're so awesome, Doc. I being far from my ex-narc for one year, and a few days ago (i dont know why) saw some picture of her in social media. Biggest regreat :(. Thank you so much for your words of knowledge and helpfull.
No. My new bf recently asked me what I thought if he told me this old narcissist I dated has committed suicide. And I thought that would be funny and don't care. Because I never think of that guy now that I have him. And it really made me think about how far I've come when it comes to loving myself. Because my new bf caused me to forget all about the narcissist ex. And I let him
This helped tremendously. Thank you. 😀
I never feel nostalgic. I feel peaceful.
Absolutely not. I'm using whatever memories pop up to write up artistic pieces about the past.
I never felt nostalgic, if anything I only remember the horrible crap and barely remember when we actually got along and had fun.
Then I think about how miserable he is living with his mommy and jobless, hustling women online to pay for his cigarettes alcohol and subscriptions for online gaming.
When you get to witness karma at play, life is beautiful and there is zero nostalgia.
Yes this is so needed for this time of year for me. It is my adult daughter that only revealed or I could see NPD three months ago. We didn’t know what it was until then or failed to see it.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for this excellent advice. The 'nostalgic, distorted goggles' as you mentioned, had their place in time. However, we grow up and mature. I had certain comments that were very discouraging said to me from controlling narcissistic individuals that I do not want to have repeated. In fact, this is also true of current day comments from distortions that come from prolonged gaslighting and invalidating maneuvers unawares that are wrong.
I feel like I have to delete 3 years of my life! I can’t look back now and think fondly about that time. It makes me so sad
@@Dedemorris7948 those feelings you have about the past come from words... But you allow yourself to think of it with those words based off of feelings... But at the end of the day those are just words based off the feelings you experienced after the experience... If you say to yourself those feelings come from those words you must realize that those are just words... And why should words alter anything about you unless it's for self-improvement... There's no reason to deny the truth.. the truth will set you free.
You get to rewrite your story--one where you're no longer accepting scraps of attention or affection but seeking relationships that truly honor and respect you.
No maam we cant see things same as we change, but maturity hits as we grow.
No, and no, no, no. But I listen to this anyway. I guess it is your rational voice.
YES, NOSTALGIA DISTORTS
and 'yes' we DO wonder if it is us. Stay in the moment.
Not at all. In fact, I notice at this time of year that I have feelings of anger and sadness. I am so blessed to be with a self reflective person now. Thank God Almighty I am out of that relationship.
This is me right now. A month ago I was much more ready to go but slowly I think of better days yet most were 15-23 years ago. I know it is happening though and this video hits home. THX!
Great delivery
3:13 yeah..any port in a storm
Thank You So Much Dr Ramani ♥️
I feel this relationship is going to cost me my freedom, my life, or both; but I still love her.
Spent a day in total nostalgia here on the lovely gulf coast of Florida 🏝️ on the nature coast where we sailed a Catalina 34’⛵️ I’m lucky that I survived & know now it was meant to show me the shadow side of my subconscious 😉 truth has a way of coming out through the most unexpected things… including narcissistic people who show us where our healing journey needs to take another path forward 💔❤️🩹♥️ healing is on the far side of narcissism
❤ Another Excellent and critical distinction! 😌😘
Nostalgic point taken, so now I can put musicals to bed good night West Side story Brigadoon Caberet Hair sweet dreams are made of these who am I to disagree traveled the world and the 7 seas, music helps heal the world or is it disturbed silenced world. Just was a question they left me wondering about what kind of world they left us with? That was all. Thank you for listening, reading my post.
🤔 oh ya!! The pizza from my home town. Shout out to pizza shuttle lawrence ks. ♥ 😊
I'm kind of the queen of a dramatic breakup though. I wish I didn't absolutely need to burn those bridges, but when I'm done, you're gettin' a strongly worded letter and a block. Honestly, I feel that's what works best for me and I'm happier for it.
All my memories are laced with memories of a whole lotta narcissists wreaking havoc
☝️
That has changed the texture of my memories
🤷♂️
I have to dig into the memories and find the bright spots and good people inside of the memory
Whatever the memory is, I try to allow myself not to be bitter that most of these people weren’t even there
Something akin to memories of ghosts
I’m kinda sick of memories, really
Not mad or bitter about old memories.
Just empty holograms
Professor Sam Vaknin talks about nothingness.
I think that’s what I’ve managed to implement
‘Nothing’ is much better than the endless painful ruminations I had for 15 years
That’s over with
It’s time to create new memories
For God’s sake, it’s about time
If this is a clue, beware of the green brothers manipulating my identity.
I am isolated, and just worried about finding a job and keeping a home.
For any of the others helping, I thank you
THANK YOU❤
I remember (and may have already said this, it bears repeating though)
In 2020 i saw a piece of balloon art by Michael Schneider that said something to the effects of "don't use this quarantine as an excuse to text your ex"
(Aka, even they looked good when we were all isolated... Hell, i almost did, if i hadn't run across that image at the exact moment i needed it)
Hell no...👿.....ex husband 👿...... Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🙌❤️
Ive been nostalgic lately on Christmas with my ex narc last year. It was our first and last together and it was actually nice. He was his typical over the top trying to impress everyone, but I we got along and it was nice. Im 5 months out and feel lonely lately, holidays can be hard 😞
Only for the 2-3 times trail riding my horse. Can't do that now.
What can one do when their own adult child is narcissist?
Same
@@beverlystover3987 ugh I'm sorry Beverly =( this shit is hard.
Hell no , my ex narc who I haven't spoken to in years , in the spirit of the season , sent me a nasty text . Ho ho ho
I tried to reply to a previous comment twice but it keeps getting deleted. The individual who did this to me said he had a brother in the employ of the NSA. His name as far as I know was Kevin Hsiung Gee based in Milwaukee WI. The brother’s name is Ian Gee. They are trying to silence me. He made vague threats about ruining my life. I believe he put me on some kind of watch list and I am now being subjected to harassment at the hands of the federal government. This is no joke. I even admitted myself to a psychiatric care facility (Granite Hills Hospital in West Allis WI) where I was tormented, threatened, abused and given false hormone medication. I fear for my safety every day. This is no joke. Please help. Please.
Easy answer for me. NO.
NO. NO. NO.
Do you have a video on how to specifically respond to a narcissistic parent with examples? I'm struggling with how to exactly handle it when she says stuff like "You never let me see my granddaughter" or ""the family" is so upset with how you are raising granddaughter" when its only her that is upset. She is really good at making you feel like you need to defend yourself.
Plzz someone give me this answer..I was in a narcissistic situationship...And at the beginning I made a mistake... Unintentionally though...I asked him whether he felt hurt and that I'm sorry...But he told me he was not hurt...So I didn't bother about it...But later in that relationship I had faced narcissistic emotional abuse...so, just because I made a mistake earlier, does that justify his behaviour?
No, never.
@@susanbradleyskov9179thank you for your answer..
@@susanbradleyskov9179thank you for your answer....
You just got played by a master manipulator whose goal is to project his shame & blame onto someone else 😉 keep going in your journey & someday you will understand then be very angry that you let your healthy boundaries down for this preadolescent who’s not even YOURS
The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalized
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
I’ve had a couple of old connections from 30/40 years ago pop up in my life recently. It was tough in both situations. I’m not sure it will work.
This is it, this is my problem 😭
Please create Video about Scapegoated Mothers by their Adult Children, after she leaves her longstanding Marriage with her Narcissisic husband, their dad.
Dr Ramani can you address feeling contempt for narcissistic people in our lives? I’m not able to go no contact unfortunately. I grapple with feeling inauthentic with the yellow rocking and contempt towards them. Almost like I have gained a mask around them, like the narcissist themselves! Anyone else struggle with this?
Nostalgic you can say it may be better than it was... But we can say it was better than it is... Are mortality rate in this country ranks at 41.... We are forced fed GMOs which are labeled as a pesticide... The past may not have been great but the plans for the future and I could tell you from the words of a four-star general and the words of a president of a bank in the words of the military It ain't going to get better.... This country has created and cherished narcissism.... That's why people like you will always have job stability.... Which makes your future great... But I will continue to love the past like the people that once lived in it with me.... Give it another 10-15 years and the people you know that you cherish the most won't be there.... And nostalgic Will be something you cherish too... But at least you'll have that. Thank you for your video I've always admired your work wisdom comes from experience.. when you let go of wanting you'll see the things that you need..
Dear Ramani. May I suggest a topic for a video? If so, I would like to hear some more about scaffolding a client in therapy, before having them move on to radical acceptance. How do you create that scaffold around a client? Many greetings from Anna in Denmark
It’s was all a lie.
Not if you raised children.
@ I have children with one and I weep for them- they didnt have to have a painful start.
I don’t personally have a single happy memory with him that wasn’t underlying some catastrophic betrayal. So… yeah, it was a lie. My kids experience the collateral damage.
@Mothermochi I am sorry you had that experience. ❤️🩹
@@Summer_Harvest thanks. Every year it gets a bit easier. Hope you are well too🖤
@@Mothermochi 🫂❤️🩹🌹
I am about to contact her again...
NO!!!!!
How can you feel nostalgic when you are living with an evil, 47 years living in hell
☮️
RUSH: Lakeside Park. Give a listen.
Errrrrrrrrr NO not at all
A little but I was never in a romantic relationship with him, more like a hole sibling. I want to make him a trophy, so he feels like a unique one-of-a-kind person God made. His dad was the idiot that wanted us to marry and we are not compatible. My trophy for him would look like this> A baby seal with a pacifier in his mouth, a baseball on his nose, backpack on his back, a baby bear in the background with a backpack too, and the Tetons in the further background. Maybe a little lake for representing Ancient Israel I was in that he wasn't. Inscription: To Boss Baby; love, Wisdom, (only because of Jesus Christ).
Here i come for My daily 💊 can anyone care giving me 💧...
No.
nope
Your not nostalgic if you can keep on mind the pain and utter disrespect they had for you. Get out the notes you kept on all the cruelty they had no problem bestowing on you. 😮😢
❤
✔️
26th, 19 December 2024
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ua-cam.com/video/NFYWUwgmz-k/v-deo.html
I spoke to my ex husband after 3 months of no contact and he said that when he looks back all he remembers are good times, and that he hopes one day I will feel the same way 🫠
Yes this is so needed for this time of year for me. It is my adult daughter that only revealed or I could see NPD three months ago. We didn’t know what it was until then or failed to see it.