Looking forward the Unbound series to delve more deeply into my work for recovery and healing. Discerning between trauma bonds and being healthily unbound is crucial. I believe I still have a lot of blind spots. I need to see more wide... Thank you so much 💚
Merry Christmas! Thank you for all your advice love your videos! The sound of your voice is consoling for those of who find ourselves in chaotic and damaging experiences. Thank you!
I feel the narc's infected all social connections but in a way that's more indirect. She went into overdrive saying she was "worried" about me. So many people were manipulated into this entire false narrative where she looks superior and like she's being nice. She's anything but. She violates my boundaries publicly whenever she can and yes, I'm being 8nvalidated, but its not really a thing I can address. This invalidation 8s extremely painful. I think she's trying to force me to conform. I refuse. I have to go no contact.
I had the first scenario happen to me recently. I stated "Really? I wasn't aware there was a problem - but I would hope they would bring any concerns to me directly." And that was the end of it. Not that it didn't bother me, it did and does -but that's how I handled it.
Thank you so much Les for all your wise advice and help, offered so freely. May you enjoy a peaceful and blessed time with your family as we celebrate the birth of our Saviour. Have a safe and love-filled Christmas. And best wishes for the new year, from sunny Australia.
I needed to hear this so bad, thank you 🙏🙏 Dealing with textbook covert narc brother and enabling, on the narc spectrum parents, expecting me and my fam (spouse, child, me) to show up holiday /fam vacations after being treated so cruelly like me & my family are so inferior or don’t exist. Won’t put my child in this again
Oh Yes Dr. C, I'm always the "bad and crazy one", silent treatment, with holding everything from me. (affection, touch, talking, ect.) Married for 31 yrs. This Year and Y E S barely now bare minimum. I'm in therapy again and have my daughter in therapy too now. Thanks to My Therapist ,You &Dr. Ramani I'm learning sooo much, I hope You and Your Family have a Wonderful Blessed Holidays. Thank You again so much for Everything You do, I Appreciate it more than You know
Right on. I’ve been married to my c-narc 38 years now. So you know the cycles & behaviors pretty well now. I’m so glad you have become aware. The awareness can seem scary but it will set you free. I’ve been close to a year now of not saying a word to my narc. It totally disarms them after some anger & threats. That’s why they intimidate, because they know how effective it is against their nasty tactics. Hang in there. You are choosing wisely in the guidance of counselors. Another good option is Professor Sam Vaknin. He is an actual narcissist himself so he brings a clinical perspective from inside the realm. A word of warning though, he can be quite cold & dark so guard yourself in knowledge that narcissism is real & he is a narcissist. Well as Dr.C says “stay strong” & keep your interactions with Team Healthy here. I look forward to your comments.☮️
I get so many strange comments when first meeting people in my son’s fiancé’s family. “People have been telling us about you & it’s not good!”. I figure I’ll hear about it sooner or later and don’t play into their sheepish superiority. I just tell them “I hope it didn’t hurt their ears.”. I was caught off guard so many times over the years in terrible ways by my narcs antics. Being aware now (TY DRC & TH) has brought a great empowerment to march on in a knowing manner. It’s like even if they pull off a successful act of harm against me, I can’t be hurt knowing that they come from a cold false self. The poor things aren’t even real. Pitiful.
I think kindness does put you in a sort of 'helped' role, which implies you had a deficit you needed help with...and we often do have something we are missing and it'd be good to get help with. It'd be so odd to feel that is being made to be subservient? Is this what they do when they lovebomb? They are making their target be 'subservient'? When the lovebomb target falls in love with them/falls further in love, do they see it as falling further into subservience? That'd be a putrid way of seeing something beautiful? But back to better things; merry Christmas, thanks for the video!
Learning that I am not obliged to give an answer, and certainly not immediately, has been helpful. Simarly, I was surprised to learn that I, an adult, do not have to stay in my parent's company. Conflict resolution is only possible with a small number of people, I have found. I had a bad habit of giving a backstory when asked a question, or making a request, for fear of being misunderstood. Learning better ways with tranquility.
That has what I have learned. I’m on high alert when I am vulnerable around people now. Unfortunately I am getting colder and that is not my true personality.
I have a number of Associates…but 4 Friends who have been with me through the Fires… it’s ok to keep a distance… we aren’t who we were… but we deserve Respect Dignity and Caring
It’s so great that you are aware of the affects of narcissists upon yourself. I’ve been dealing with it myself for quite awhile. It is very insidious how the narc uses techniques to turn us against ourselves. That’s why it was very helpful that Dr.C promoted developing our desired good characteristics. If we focus on this then it tends to counter the narc’s ability to isolate us into their bitter world. Awareness is the key to our cage.
Thank you Dr. C. I was wondering why I get gifts from this Lady, now I know it is for validation for her. I honestly did not know this. Thanks for all that you do for us. Hope you have a good Christmas holiday and look forward to your videos in the future.
I couldn’t figure out why my husband rebukes compliments. He gets hostile! Wow. So I learned no more of that. Your new format sounds great. You work so diligently. His bless you and you family. Merry Christmas 🎁🙏🏽💕🫶🏼
My mother, instead of thanking whoever & keeping it moving, she'd start bragging.😅😂 Main phrase would be - "well if I didn't do it. It wouldn't have got done."
I never understood why the narcissists in my life took compliments in such an odd way. The results were so bad I finally stopped giving them. Thank you for answering that question!
Merry Christmas Dr Les Carter to you, your Family including Gus who is a part of our Family on your website, and Happy New Year! Thank you so much for all of your videos, help and advice that you shared with me and others during 2024 that helped me in dealing with my situation. I greatly appreciate it so much! I hope you have a Wonderful Holiday Season and a Healthy, Happy 2025!
Dr Carter, Would it be beneficial to have a Team Healthy channel? People would be able to reach out at times when they have no live chat but when all of it is coming together for them to reach out and share their thoughts and to help them process withing the Team Healthy community.
Someone in my family dont show any appreciation if i organised anything like a get together or anything... she doesn't really listen to me and my husband but she talks so much about her and her life... we are distancing ourselves as we feel its pointless, shes very draining... thank you so much for your videos, they are very helpful
Interesting about the two kinds of abuse. My sister, her husband and one of my nephews justify their overt abuse of me by accusing me of being passive aggressive. What they call passive aggressive I see as self protection, for instance not having anything to do with my brother in law because he is verbally abusive and patronising towards me.
Character arises from the indestructible soul which cannot be subdued or invalidated. Try explaining that basic concept to a narcissist and you will be met with a deer in the headlights look that could kill.
I think you will like what my 15 year old son wrote in his paper for school, Walt Disney: How to Shape Failure into Success: In conclusion, the story of Walter Elias Disney is one that shows us the true nature of success and failure: they’re not opposites that directly contrast each other, at least not always. They’re both ultimately stones that pave the path of life for everyone here on this planet. In the end, you can’t choose what stones that path is paved with; you can’t change how rough or smooth it is, but that doesn’t mean there is no choice involved. You can choose what you learn from each experience, with what eagerness you tread the path, in what direction you roam. I wish narcissists could understand this.
My wishes to all people in Team Healthy for good relaxing holidays (at least, not too hurtful would be ok). This is a wish for myself and for everyone still "in contact" with severely narcissistic individuals and/or on the difficult recovery path from complex traumas. From Italy 🌿🌼💚🇮🇹🇮🇹🧡🇮🇹💚💚💚🌼🌼🌼🌼💚💚💚💚💚💚
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. I'm looking forward to your new format this coming January. I have a request rather than a question. Have you ever had a podcast regarding shame? Being married for 40 years to a malignant narcissist, this has left me with a lot of painful shame because of what my ex-husband said and did. I thought I would ask if this is something you might have some advice on. I'm working with a domestic violence therapist and this is one of my most painful issues.
There are not enough hours in a lifetime to satisfy THEIR demands and "requirements!" Who wants that job??!!? Definitely ZERO benefits and perpetual subservience! Just NO! Stay Healthy!! Happy Holidays and an UNBOUND New Year! Greater Blessings to all! 🎄🦌🎁 🕊️
@ Charlie Brown's Christmas is a MUST watch each year I am also a huge "Elf" nerd! I think C.B. because it's from a less narcissisticly aware state of mind and Elf because, well, come on, a giant ELF, Bob Newhart 🧡🧡🧡🧡, Great Christmas themes ...
A Christmas Story, is my all time favorite. So many great and funny scenes in this movie. Got to love when the family goes to the Asian restaurant and the waiter sings the Christmas song "Tis the Season," with his thick accent "Faw raw, raw ,raw, raw...raw, raw, raw" 😂
Thank you thank you thank you ❤ your replying to my question (I’m almost 💯 certain it was my question) was an unexpectedly cathartic experience for me this morning 💞🥹😌thank you again for your dedication to what you do for others and Happy Holidays 🎄 to you and Gus and your family! ❤
My sister is 64 and after listening to you I believe she is a narcissist. She also professes to be a Christian, but I see no grace or forgiveness with her. Will she outgrow the narcissism?
Happy Holidays Season dr C 💚✨🌼 Merry Christmas 🌠 to you, your wife and all your family 🌼🧡✨💚 Big hug to Gus 🐕 the silent healer. Great thanks to all your tech team people ✨🧡🌼 Thank you from Italy 🌿
Merry Christmas, Dr. Carter! God bless you and your family in the coming new year! Appreciate your wisdom, experience and insights, and enjoy your sense of humor! We love you too, from Team Healthy! 🎄♥️🙂
Same here. 😓 The undiagnosed Malignant Narcissistic with Sociopathic tendencies 76-year-old father has personally certified me as being CRAZY; i.e. having Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia. Anyone who dares to think and say differently from him, oppose him openly, and stand up for oneself against him and be assertive is being labelled as CRAZY. Hence, all of us, who have been marked/targeted as his enemies in his disordered mind, MUST and NEED to go and see Psychiatrists / Psychologists, and take medications till we die. All the while when he's The One, who's emotionally dysregulated, shouting, intimidating, threatening to cause injuries and even death, banging stuff till damaged or broken into pieces, throwing away stuff during some of his "Episodes of Rage", talking in his usual circuitous manner with the "word salad" style added, and etc. The REAL Mentally Disordered DEMON accusing others of being CRAZY. 🤦 💩💩💩💩💩
I had the first scenario happen to me recently. I stated "Really? I wasn't aware there was a problem - but I would hope they would bring any concerns to me directly." And that was the end of it. Not that it didn't bother me, it did and does -but that's how I handled it.
Looking forward the Unbound series
to delve more deeply into my work for recovery and healing.
Discerning between trauma bonds and being healthily unbound is crucial. I believe I still have a lot of blind spots. I need to see more wide...
Thank you so much 💚
Thanks!! Merry Christmas!! ❤️
Merry Christmas! Thank you for all your advice love your videos! The sound of your voice is consoling for those of who find ourselves in chaotic and damaging experiences. Thank you!
Merry Christmas, Dr. C. Have a wonderful holiday.
Thank you, Linda.
I feel the narc's infected all social connections but in a way that's more indirect. She went into overdrive saying she was "worried" about me. So many people were manipulated into this entire false narrative where she looks superior and like she's being nice. She's anything but.
She violates my boundaries publicly whenever she can and yes, I'm being 8nvalidated, but its not really a thing I can address.
This invalidation 8s extremely painful. I think she's trying to force me to conform.
I refuse. I have to go no contact.
I love u, Dr. C 💓🙏🕊! So grateful for u and Team Healthy🙌💓❤!
I had the first scenario happen to me recently. I stated "Really? I wasn't aware there was a problem - but I would hope they would bring any concerns to me directly." And that was the end of it. Not that it didn't bother me, it did and does -but that's how I handled it.
Looking forward to the new format Dr C. Love this community and am deeply grateful for it ❤
Thank you so much Les for all your wise advice and help, offered so freely.
May you enjoy a peaceful and blessed time with your family as we celebrate the birth of our Saviour. Have a safe and love-filled Christmas. And best wishes for the new year, from sunny Australia.
I needed to hear this so bad, thank you 🙏🙏
Dealing with textbook covert narc brother and enabling, on the narc spectrum parents, expecting me and my fam (spouse, child, me) to show up holiday /fam vacations after being treated so cruelly like me & my family are so inferior or don’t exist. Won’t put my child in this again
Powerful and spot on evaluations of the narc personality. ❤️
Oh Yes Dr. C, I'm always the "bad and crazy one", silent treatment, with holding everything from me. (affection, touch, talking, ect.) Married for 31 yrs. This Year and Y E S barely now bare minimum.
I'm in therapy again and have my daughter in therapy too now. Thanks to My Therapist ,You &Dr. Ramani I'm learning sooo much, I hope You and Your Family have a Wonderful Blessed Holidays.
Thank You again so much for Everything You do, I Appreciate it more than You know
Right on. I’ve been married to my c-narc 38 years now. So you know the cycles & behaviors pretty well now. I’m so glad you have become aware. The awareness can seem scary but it will set you free. I’ve been close to a year now of not saying a word to my narc. It totally disarms them after some anger & threats. That’s why they intimidate, because they know how effective it is against their nasty tactics. Hang in there. You are choosing wisely in the guidance of counselors. Another good option is Professor Sam Vaknin. He is an actual narcissist himself so he brings a clinical perspective from inside the realm. A word of warning though, he can be quite cold & dark so guard yourself in knowledge that narcissism is real & he is a narcissist. Well as Dr.C says “stay strong” & keep your interactions with Team Healthy here. I look forward to your comments.☮️
I get so many strange comments when first meeting people in my son’s fiancé’s family. “People have been telling us about you & it’s not good!”. I figure I’ll hear about it sooner or later and don’t play into their sheepish superiority. I just tell them “I hope it didn’t hurt their ears.”. I was caught off guard so many times over the years in terrible ways by my narcs antics. Being aware now (TY DRC & TH) has brought a great empowerment to march on in a knowing manner. It’s like even if they pull off a successful act of harm against me, I can’t be hurt knowing that they come from a cold false self. The poor things aren’t even real. Pitiful.
I think kindness does put you in a sort of 'helped' role, which implies you had a deficit you needed help with...and we often do have something we are missing and it'd be good to get help with. It'd be so odd to feel that is being made to be subservient? Is this what they do when they lovebomb? They are making their target be 'subservient'? When the lovebomb target falls in love with them/falls further in love, do they see it as falling further into subservience? That'd be a putrid way of seeing something beautiful?
But back to better things; merry Christmas, thanks for the video!
Learning that I am not obliged to give an answer, and certainly not immediately, has been helpful. Simarly, I was surprised to learn that I, an adult, do not have to stay in my parent's company. Conflict resolution is only possible with a small number of people, I have found. I had a bad habit of giving a backstory when asked a question, or making a request, for fear of being misunderstood. Learning better ways with tranquility.
That has what I have learned. I’m on high alert when I am vulnerable around people now. Unfortunately I am getting colder and that is not my true personality.
I have changed too but I’ve decided to be okay with it. I can still be kind to people even when I don’t feel anything.
I have a number of Associates…but 4 Friends who have been with me through the Fires… it’s ok to keep a distance… we aren’t who we were… but we deserve Respect Dignity and Caring
It’s so great that you are aware of the affects of narcissists upon yourself. I’ve been dealing with it myself for quite awhile. It is very insidious how the narc uses techniques to turn us against ourselves. That’s why it was very helpful that Dr.C promoted developing our desired good characteristics. If we focus on this then it tends to counter the narc’s ability to isolate us into their bitter world. Awareness is the key to our cage.
Peace be.Happy Holidays to all. 46:10
Hoppy holidays Dr.C! May you & yours feel the same relief & peace that you’ve brought to so many of us.🕊️☮️
Thanks so much.
Thank you Dr. C. I was wondering why I get gifts from this Lady, now I know it is for validation for her. I honestly did not know this. Thanks for all that you do for us. Hope you have a good Christmas holiday and look forward to your videos in the future.
I couldn’t figure out why my husband rebukes compliments. He gets hostile! Wow. So I learned no more of that. Your new format sounds great. You work so diligently. His bless you and you family. Merry Christmas 🎁🙏🏽💕🫶🏼
I thought I was the only one dealing with that.
My mother, instead of thanking whoever & keeping it moving, she'd start bragging.😅😂 Main phrase would be - "well if I didn't do it. It wouldn't have got done."
Man man, we rule, go team healthy,
🙌🏼
🏆
I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas Dr Carter and all the best and health for 2025🌲🌲🌲and thank you for all the wise lessons
You're kind. Thank you.
Thank you! Spot on!
U will be missed ty for all inside. I have a merry Christmas and a happy new year.🎉
These videos are so helpful, so clear. Thank you!
So funny...that question about the narc reaction to a sincere expression of appreciation....I have often wondered that too
I never understood why the narcissists in my life took compliments in such an odd way. The results were so bad I finally stopped giving them. Thank you for answering that question!
Dr.C wishing you very merry Christmas and happy new year and many years to come to you and your family!
Thanks Fred. Nice pic!
Merry Christmas Dr Les Carter to you, your Family including Gus who is a part of our Family on your website, and Happy New Year! Thank you so much for all of your videos, help and advice that you shared with me and others during 2024 that helped me in dealing with my situation. I greatly appreciate it so much! I hope you have a Wonderful Holiday Season and a Healthy, Happy 2025!
You are so kind. Thank you.
Have a good holiday dr c. ✌ the unbound sounds like it will mean more questions can be covered, that will be great, thank you.
Merry Christmas, Dr. C. 🎄
Thank you, Debbie.
Dr Carter,
Would it be beneficial to have a Team Healthy channel?
People would be able to reach out at times when they have no live chat but when all of it is coming together for them to reach out and share their thoughts and to help them process withing the Team Healthy community.
That's a great idea.
In reference to the UA-cam equivalent of tape recording; it's typically referred to as "VOD" which is Video On Demand.
Yeah, I need to upgrade my vocabulary!
Merry Christmas! God bless you and your families! ❤
Thanks!
Someone in my family dont show any appreciation if i organised anything like a get together or anything... she doesn't really listen to me and my husband but she talks so much about her and her life... we are distancing ourselves as we feel its pointless, shes very draining... thank you so much for your videos, they are very helpful
Interesting about the two kinds of abuse. My sister, her husband and one of my nephews justify their overt abuse of me by accusing me of being passive aggressive.
What they call passive aggressive I see as self protection, for instance not having anything to do with my brother in law because he is verbally abusive and patronising towards me.
How do you shut them off!!
Character arises from the indestructible soul which cannot be subdued or invalidated. Try explaining that basic concept to a narcissist and you will be met with a deer in the headlights look that could kill.
Sorry I missed gorup today, I was at Doctors office.
@@joannajohnson696 First things first: be healthy. Glad you are catching up.
I think you will like what my 15 year old son wrote in his paper for school, Walt Disney: How to Shape Failure into Success:
In conclusion, the story of Walter Elias Disney is one that shows us the true nature of success and failure: they’re not opposites that directly contrast each other, at least not always. They’re both ultimately stones that pave the path of life for everyone here on this planet. In the end, you can’t choose what stones that path is paved with; you can’t change how rough or smooth it is, but that doesn’t mean there is no choice involved. You can choose what you learn from each experience, with what eagerness you tread the path, in what direction you roam.
I wish narcissists could understand this.
This is beautiful and I really need these words right now. Thank-you for sharing this.
How do you deal with these people!!
Thank you so much dr Carter ❤ Merry Christmas ❤❤❤
Thank you, Izabela.
My wishes to all people in Team Healthy for good relaxing holidays
(at least, not too hurtful would be ok).
This is a wish for myself and for everyone still "in contact" with severely narcissistic individuals and/or on the difficult recovery path from complex traumas.
From Italy 🌿🌼💚🇮🇹🇮🇹🧡🇮🇹💚💚💚🌼🌼🌼🌼💚💚💚💚💚💚
Same to you @lishmahlishmah 🎄🕯✨️🫂Blessings 🙌🏼
This is the main thing that triggers my c-ptsd. Then again its what created it in the first place 🤷🏻♂️
Yep !!!!....me too !
Yes.
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. I'm looking forward to your new format this coming January. I have a request rather than a question. Have you ever had a podcast regarding shame? Being married for 40 years to a malignant narcissist, this has left me with a lot of painful shame because of what my ex-husband said and did. I thought I would ask if this is something you might have some advice on. I'm working with a domestic violence therapist and this is one of my most painful issues.
There are not enough hours in a lifetime to satisfy THEIR demands and "requirements!"
Who wants that job??!!?
Definitely ZERO benefits and perpetual subservience!
Just NO!
Stay Healthy!!
Happy Holidays and an UNBOUND New Year! Greater Blessings to all!
🎄🦌🎁 🕊️
✨🧡🌠✨🧡✨🧡✨🌠🧡✨🧡✨🧡🌠✨🧡✨🧡✨🧡✨🧡✨🧡✨🌠
Oh my goodness Y E S ❣️ Happy Holidays and Blessings to you
How do you submit questions? Will you let us know in advance what the topic will be?
Put the questions in the comment section of any video, just like you did here.
@@triciadreas9835 He collects the questions, and ones that fall in a group topic get addressed in that stream.
This was timely!!!
UNBOUND🎯👍🏼
When the Narc Does give Something Why die it come with this sense of “Aren’t I a Great Guy?? Now you owe me… ( a Pound of Flesh)???
They can be overwhelmingly insecure.
Ok, A week before Christmas is last live, so... what is your go-to Christmas movie? And "why" if you can.
My annual Holiday "classic" is "Meet Me In St. Louis." Although it is a musical, I enjoy the year-long storyline that culminates at Christmas.
@ Charlie Brown's Christmas is a MUST watch each year
I am also a huge "Elf" nerd!
I think C.B. because it's from a less narcissisticly aware state of mind and Elf because, well, come on, a giant ELF, Bob Newhart 🧡🧡🧡🧡, Great Christmas themes ...
@@aaronkwolfeI love Judy!! 🧡
A Christmas Story, is my all time favorite. So many great and funny scenes in this movie. Got to love when the family goes to the Asian restaurant and the waiter sings the Christmas song "Tis the Season," with his thick accent "Faw raw, raw ,raw, raw...raw, raw, raw" 😂
@ Judy Garland was my Dad’s celebrity crush, so I got to see so many of her movies.
Thank you thank you thank you ❤ your replying to my question (I’m almost 💯 certain it was my question) was an unexpectedly cathartic experience for me this morning 💞🥹😌thank you again for your dedication to what you do for others and Happy Holidays 🎄 to you and Gus and your family! ❤
You are so welcome!
So true about vulnerabilities
My sister is 64 and after listening to you I believe she is a narcissist. She also professes to be a Christian, but I see no grace or forgiveness with her. Will she outgrow the narcissism?
Is there a way to tap back into missing memories. I have 5 years of memories missing.
Completely understand Doctor 👍
Bless you and thank you, Dr C. Merry Xmas to you, Gus, your family and Michaela x
Thanks, Anne Marie!
Very big mistake to make yourself vulnerable to a narc. Ammo to use against you when they feel like it.
Mahalo
Mahalo Plenty
Happy Holidays Season dr C 💚✨🌼
Merry Christmas 🌠 to you, your wife and all your family 🌼🧡✨💚
Big hug to Gus 🐕 the silent healer.
Great thanks to all your tech team people ✨🧡🌼
Thank you from Italy 🌿
Merry Christmas, Dr. Carter! God bless you and your family in the coming new year! Appreciate your wisdom, experience and insights, and enjoy your sense of humor! We love you too, from Team Healthy! 🎄♥️🙂
Thank you, Christine
"You're unstable and insane" - my favorite phrase to hear when confronting someone who hurts you over and over.
Same here. 😓
The undiagnosed Malignant Narcissistic with Sociopathic tendencies 76-year-old father has personally certified me as being CRAZY; i.e. having Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia.
Anyone who dares to think and say differently from him, oppose him openly, and stand up for oneself against him and be assertive is being labelled as CRAZY.
Hence, all of us, who have been marked/targeted as his enemies in his disordered mind, MUST and NEED to go and see Psychiatrists / Psychologists, and take medications till we die.
All the while when he's The One, who's emotionally dysregulated, shouting, intimidating, threatening to cause injuries and even death, banging stuff till damaged or broken into pieces, throwing away stuff during some of his "Episodes of Rage", talking in his usual circuitous manner with the "word salad" style added, and etc.
The REAL Mentally Disordered DEMON accusing others of being CRAZY. 🤦
💩💩💩💩💩
I had the first scenario happen to me recently. I stated "Really? I wasn't aware there was a problem - but I would hope they would bring any concerns to me directly." And that was the end of it. Not that it didn't bother me, it did and does -but that's how I handled it.
@@dawntreader815 ooh I love that. Thanks for sharing
I like this. I'm going to use it.
I haven't gotten.'wind' of it. Their body language and nonverbal screams it