How To Be A Better Parent Without Yelling
Вставка
- Опубліковано 14 тра 2024
- Sometimes parenting can be so tough that we lose our temper over out kids. Tune into this episode as I share with you 5 tips to become a better parent without having to yell.
1. Be clear about what you control and what you do not control.
2. Focus on maintaining a calm voice, calm face and calm body.
3. Remember that children always have choices.
4. Separate the emotion from the discipline.
5. Remember your job as a parent.
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
For a FREE digital copy of my mini-book, Portable Positivity, visit this link:
bit.ly/2PoIDam
LINKS & RESOURCES:
========================
Website: www.drpauljenkins.com/
Books & CD’s: drpauljenkins.com/products/
The Parenting Power-up Audio Course: parentingpowerup.com/
Free digital copy of Portable Positivity: bit.ly/2PoIDam
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#LiveOnPurpose
#PositiveParenting
1. Be clear on what you control and what you don’t control.
2. Calm voice, Calm face, Calm body
3. Give them two choices
4. Separate the emotion from the discipline
5. Remember your job...love them!
Excellent advice I just shared it with my favorite people! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Infinite Value, thank you for sharing, honored to be on your team.
Thank you a thousand times. I could cry. I was abused as a child and am trying so hard to be a good parent without yelling and falling apart. This helps. I wrote it down to remind myself.
Brooke Daley, please come back whenever you think you need a refresher.
I’m really sorry you went through that
same 😢
Me too.
❤🙏🏼 same here
“Separate emotion from the discipline” brilliant! 👌
And so necessary to truly have discipline and not punishment, Eu Avalos.
Yes! But easier said than done sometimes!
My eyes are watering. I watched this about a year ago when my daughter was turning 2. Now she’s turning 3 and holy hell, I needed this now more than ever 😩😩 “remember your job…” “your job is to love them” broke my heart…. Absolutely true.
Oh wow! I am glad you came back to the channel.
- Don't let them see that they can control your emotions.
- When parents are smiling, kids are thinking.
- Give them a solid, stable presence.
Super helpful. Thank you!
Derek J Fiedler, you are welcome. Thanks for being in our community.
"Maintaining a calm face, a calm voice, a calm body" ,I love this. Thanks for sharing.
You are so welcome!
I can relate 100%
Kids went into a fight. I stormed in to break the fight. I am looking at myself shouting in there, them shouting, thinking wth am i doing?! And a blissful moment of enlightenment came upon me: this situation needs at least one calm rational adult. Which one am i?
I also wanna brag now about one situation i handled successfully. The kids were, again, fighting over something. Both of them were yelling .. i was in the kitchen. Cooking i guess.. i took a chair from the kitchen and came into their room, put the chair down and sat on it. When i sat down they quit fighting and asked me what i was doing. Like, what are you doing mom here with that chair? I just told them to go on with fighting, i only came to watch... i didnt tell them anything else. They were completely thrown aback. They even forgot what the fight was about. I was glowing. Ha!! Told them, it's ok... go on... dont let yourselves get distracted by me.. ..........this was the funniest situation i ever had with my kids. They all of a sudden shifted their attitudes into more 'mature' boys, who think their mom was NUTS. They were 9 and 7.. i still laught every time i remember that.. the looks on their faces when they saw me break a routine
I could go on and on... the tricks they've tried to pull on me... but i was always a sneaky mom and got myself a leg up because of it.
Two boys. 10 and 12. Together in their room. I was, again, doing chores in the house. Silence... ? Then i heared a loud bang and a faint moan coming from their room. I didnt react immediately. But then i heard another one, and another. So i came very quietly to their door to sneak a peek at what was happening in there. You wont believe this! They were both relaxing, each on their bed, one was reading, or at least he was looking into a book, and the other was watching something on a tablet. Communicating only by the sounds they were making. One of them would make a banging sound another would go ooouch... all very convincing. And i saw it. They never saw me seeing it. I had to keep myself very hard from laughing. Went back to my routine.. if i reacted they way they expected me to react, they would make a fool out of me right there
Every day they think up and try to pull pranks on me.. some are funny some are not... but.. at the end of the day if you ask me, could i ever choose btw a life of leisure and pleasure and them, i just couldnt pick the leisure.. bc i would worry too much about them ..it would not be pleasure.. so until they can take care of themselves alone i can not be at ease anywhere.. even in heaven
Love of music, I love the creativity. Sometimes kids just need a diversion and remember, when mom is smiling, kids are thinking. Thank you for sharing.
Learning to separate emotion from discipline is a big one for me! 👍
It is a huge one for almost everyone, Julia Kaltenbock. Thanks for watching.
I am really having a difficult time with yelling and defiance. I have been listening to your videos and reading books and nothing is helping. It was definitely ingrained from childhood. It's so stressful!
Spokenwisdom01, see my reply to Irene. 🙂 Good luck, fellow parent.
spokenwisdom01 ingrained in my childhood too. Scary.
I am sorry but i kinda feel relieved that i am not alone. It definitely is ingrained from my own childhood. And i have been trying every single day, every hour to overcome it. Or even to be a happy parent for at least sometime every week.
spokenwisdom01, thank you for watching and trying out.
I know this comment is a year old but I’m going thru same thing.
Thank you so much Dr. Paul! I'm a new subscriber, binge watching your videos. They have already made a tremendous impact on my parenting and my children's behavior. I'm hoping my husband(who grew up without a dad- and was mostly raised by his older sister while mom worked hard to provide) will soon be on board with watching and discussing the tips you give. I've read some harsh, petty, somewhat crazy comments on your videos, but when you come across those, I want you to remember that you REALLY are making a difference in thousands of little lives and I for one pray God's richest blessings on your ministry!
Glad you are member of the Live On Purpose Family, Gina McGrew. I don't mind people who disagree, but I prefer civility. Honored to be on your team.
Thank you sooooo much Dr. Paul!!! So spot on, and yes our job is to love them♡♡♡
Yes Kitty Walker, if we could all agree on that we would have better relationships with our children.
What living legend you are! Thank you tremendously.
Glad you are enjoying the channel, Linards Berzins. Honored to be on your team.
Dr.Paul always waiting for this kind of video,thank you for sharing with us.😊😊😊
I am happy to share what I have learned, Jessica Ilano. Thanks for watching.
Thank you Dr.
Your advice is very touching and realistic.
I appreciate it.
I’ll be applying these tips!
Glad Ra, so glad to hear you are giving it a try. Honored to be on your team.
Dr. Paul, thank you for this video.
This is amazing.
Glad you enjoyed the video, margarita Ziababian. Honored to be on your team.
Thank you for these wonderful videos! From the bottom of my heart!
Gisell Seguin, honored to be on your team.
I absolutely love these tips and I so appreciate your videos! Thank you Dr Paul!!!
Jolene Snowball, honored to be on your team.
I so needed this video. My 5 year old son makes me loose control daily. I am going to put your tips in practice. Thank you 🙏
Beatriz Sandoval, better days are ahead.
Hey Beatriz, check out Tiger Claw Karate Dojo on youtube for your kid if you want something for him to do. It's free.
How did it go? Are you still able to stay calm and collective? It’s so hard for me...
I’m the same way Beatriz!
Brilliant! Thank you Dr.Paul.!
You are welcome, Farida Russel. Honored to be on your team.
I love all of your videos. This one in particular brought tears to my eyes at the end... where you thanked me for being a loving parent. I truly do love my children and I am so grateful for them. Thanks for your kind words and great tips!
Honored to be on your team.
My husband and I are oh so grateful for you're "choices" teachings! We've used them for awhile now and it transformed our kiddo.
Honored to be on your team.
Just have to say, this channel has helped so much on my parenting! Sure, I would have figured it out without, but now I have new ways to view situations and handle them, I can see it affecting our daily life! The one with giving a choice I picked up from another video and it really works (well, most of the time at least). Every parent should be presented with this!
I am so glad our videos are helping you, Maria Lorentza. Feel free to share with other parents who could use it.
thank you very much Dr. Paul for another valuable directions you gave us within this video.
Glad you enjoyed the video, Lousin Sarkisian Ghazelian . Honored to be on your team.
My eight year old is (was) completely controlling my emotions. Thanking God for reminding me of the wisdom contained in these videos.
Honored to be on your team, Christi Lee.
Listening to this on first day of school! thanks Dr.Paul
BY D, I wish you the best.
Brilliant talk! I’ve got many points which I need to apply to my daily behaviour with my kids. I’m glad I came across this video.
I am glad our paths crossed. Check out the playlist, so many videos there.
Dr. Paul thanks for the videos. I was talking with my husband and telling him about ,,calm face, calm voice, calm body,, and my daughter was around. And after a few days i get nervous about something and start to raise my voice on her. And she just say it calmly: mom, please, calm face, calm voice, calm body. Hahahah i couldn't stop laughing. It was like i listen some of your videos 😊
Too funny, Elena Mitrevska. Thank you for watching.
Thank you alwayz 😀 Stay amazing Dr. Paul 👍. Have a phenomenal day everyone filled with lots of unconditional lovez, light, and laughter 😊😘👍👍👍💖💕❤💙💝💫🌠🌟✨🔥🍀🌈☀🌈🌹🌼🌻🌸🎊🎉🎆🎶💰💵💰💵#BESTLIFEEVER
Thank you, Deseree Kjersem. More to come.
This video really hit me down in my heart. I lose control constantly. This video reminds me that I can face these problems without losing control and also reminds me how much I love my kids.
Love them no matter what and even if...
OMG Dr Paul! I just stumbled upon your channel. Thank you so much!!! 🥰🥰🥰
Honored to have you join our Live On Purpose family, My Bewitched Life!
THANK YOU FOR JUST BEING YOU! Your personality is a gift and it's so powerful to " Live on Purpose " ❤ your work has helped so many parents and Families. You are uplifting and inspiring. Your videos short sweet. GOD BLESS. THANKS AGAIN. Have a Happy Day!
Wow, thank you! Appreciate your support.
Excellent, just what I needed...
I'm honored to be on your positive parenting journey with you, Viktòria Bànszki. Thank you for watching.
I am not alone being such a parent with the similar problem but feel bad each time after yelling or saying something bad to kids. I almost forget that my first job is to love my kid. Thanks for this great video.
Later my son would ask me： mon, may I ask you something, but please firstly promise that you won't reply to me loudly. At that moment, I feel shame about myself.
I am happy to grow up with a better parent with my son too.
Thank you all
Thanks for sharing!! Discover Cha, when we know better, we do better.
Thank you for this video Dr. Paul. I love my daughter even when she hates and pushes me away. I still take care of her even though I'm depressed of our situation. Thanks. I hope someday things will work out and will be okay.
Glanda Lissa Guevara, I hope so too. Keep moving forward.
So much wisdom ❤️
Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV, shayleen webb!
Thanks for your words…
Dvent Craft, you are welcome.
Thank you so much! That’s was a big help. I feel so bad when I yell at my 7 year old daughter just to get her to get dressed, pick up after herself, etc.... yes my job is to love her no matter what or even if. And yes keeping the emotion out of the discipline. Thanks again!
Glad to have you at Live On Purpose, Cerelle Barnes. I hope the videos are helpful for your family.
This dude is on point amen God bless this man
Thank you, Joey.
Very good talk. Thank you so much from this mom who has a second grader who is my fifth child but so different from the others and so much harder to figure out. 😊
Glad it was helpful!
i absolutley enjoy and use every video and advice. and to be honest it works as is should. thanks Doc
Thanks, honored to be on your team.
5 suggestions that make families better. Thank you
Honored to be on your team.
Thank you for helping!
You are welcome, Kirra Lorenz. I hope others will find the principles helpful.
Thank you for the tips.
No problem!
Hi Dr.Paul! Thanks for another great video! The examples really help. I struggle the most with finding appropriate consequences that work. Does your parenting power up cover more of that? I admit to yelling sometimes and I always feel guilty because I wish I could have handled it better. I want to be a better example for them.
The parenting powerup has more examples and different categories of child development. I am able to go into the principles more so once you have a handle on the principles, it become easier to apply the consequences.
Thanks for your videos. Really helpful stuff! I've never even once yelled at my 5 year old. My wife thinks I'm too soft with him but I never believed that yelling at him helps in the long run. Great advice with the 2 choices also. Cheers!
Thanks for sharing! LimB0ng0, honored to be on your team.
Such a wonderful video Dr Paul ... love from Australia
Thanks, Pooja Chugh. I love connecting with people around the world.
Good and practical and sensible strategies! Thanks !
You are welcome!
im so blessed to encounter your video tonight, as i felt really bad for putting my kid in immense pressure to excel in her school interviews, too much emotions tears, yelling, you can imagine.....i feel terrible i lost it.....i hope tomorrow i can wake up and be a better parent, hope the damage is not irreversible....im terrible.....thank you....may God bless you
Samson Lo, ask your daughter for a do-0ver. You got this.
Thank you so much!!
queenSummerKeli, you are welcome.
Yes, yes! Finally!
Random Guy that exists. Thanks for watching!
Thank you so much 🌹
You are welcome, glad you found the channel, chrischouest uzo.
This is power!
Thanks, Mavery.
Thank you for the reminder that our job is to love them, no matter what.
Happy to spread the message.
I love your videos, thank you.
You are welcome, rose fragale. Thanks for watching.
That is so true If love is not the basic of what we do it will never work
Pure wisdom, Marie Savannah.
Thank you I'll put that into practice
Shannika's Ideas, awesome.
Thank you for giving me hope and patience for my little ones. They deserve it. ❤
You are so welcome, remember, you are the parent they need.
Thank you so much for this video.. had a bad time with my 5 year old. Will try to be more calmer
amrita bhatia, that is why I am grateful for tomorrows. Learn from today and do it differently tomorrow.
Excellent
Thank you so much 😀
Thank you for this video it really made my day after a gloomy day with my kids 💞💞💞
Hang in there. There will be brighter days.
Your priceless gift have been guiding to be a better parent🙏🙏🙏🙏
Soyeta, thank you, what a nice comment.
Really Sir Your way teaching is awesome..... Really examples are so practical 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I am Lucky to have you as a guide 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank u so much Dr Paul .it's really help me to make us better as parents. And I think we should teach ourselves before we teach our kids. It's like mould. Mould ourselves before we mould our kids.
Wonderful! Zhav's Brain, thanks for being here.
Thank you
You are very welcome.
I needed this.
Thank you! I am glad you are here.
Tank you very very much! Regards from Poland. 😊
Hi, Maxi Emme, glad you found the channel and joined the Live On Purpose Family.
Great video. Thank you.
Glad you liked it, Stephen Barela. Honored to be on your team.
Came here again for a reminder.
I am not a parent but I am a teacher of 2-3 year - old - kids. I would say you help me a lot. Thank you for sharing.
KAEWKLAO KAEWBUNJONG, Welcome to our channel. Invite your teacher friends along for the ride. Welcome to all.
Got the getting dressed scenario happened this morning and then your video showed up on my feed. Thank you so very much
Glad I could help!
Thx you great vedio
Joanne Douglas, honored to be on your team.
Thank you so much Dr. Paul, I love these videos. I think we would all LOVE (beg) for a video focusing on the topic of options for "renting out parental services" and some examples of appropriate "charges"... and most importantly how to implement and enforce those "charges" in a positive way.
I will think about it for a video, thanks.
Thank you so much Dr Paul! I'm not a parent yet but currently babysitting my nephew. Sometimes he just dont listen to me and starts crying when i dont do as he want.
Farha Muhammad, welcome to the channel, great to have you here.
Thank you for the video, very helpful, however I have a request, can you make a video on activities that siblings do together to encourage teamwork?
Great suggestion! Cat making a come back, I will add the topic suggestion to our list.
yes
Glad it was helpful.
I have been struggling with my 6, 7, 11 year old. This was exactly what I needed 👩👩👦👦
Glad we could connect.
I am trying so hard to put this to practice. Sometimes I start up so well but end up yelling when I become frustrated 🙈Thanks so much Dr Paul, your videos have been life changing for me. You are indeed a Godsent! Will keep striving to do better🤗
Keep trying girl! I am ashamed to say that I have been yelling at my children for too long. But with the help of Dr. Paul's videos, his free Portable Positivity e-book, & the Parental Power-up course (available for purchase), I am slooowly learning how to handle situations better & not yelling so much. A commenter on another video cleverly labeled us "recovering yellers". 😁 We're trying, & that's why we're here! 💛
@@tecumseha Awww thanks for the encouragement. Lol @ "recovering yellers" Keep up the good work too🤗😍
Irene Ifere Ohia, You are recognizing what is causing the yelling and that is the first step. Deal with the frustration and you will be on a more positive path. Glad you are enjoying the videos.
Thanks, Tecumseh A., for supporting other parents. We are in this together.
You will never fail if you never give up. Remember to reflect and forgive yourself during life.
Love this!
Oh boy... I like Dr. Paul phrase love them no matter if. Of course every parent loves their kids and in other words it takes a lot of patience. I need that because every parents loves their kids when they listen and they still love their kids when they don't listen it's like a challenge love. My daughter 5 starts comparing herself with her little brother which is 2 like why I don't yell at him. That's what she sees.
Glad to have you at the channel, Affanaman H.
Genius dude
Juan carlos Beltran, thanks.
Just thank you. You've been so helpful on this days on my 3 years old doughter 🙏
20Dalady, Glad the videos help. Thanks for watching.
Thank you so much I feel a lot because I was yelling so much at my kids today because I was overwhelmed and stressed out. I feel like I failed as a parent. I’m so so tired because feel like I’m not getting much help from my partner. And most of the time I feel like it’s not my kids it’s me. I feel like they don’t listen to me and I get very overwhelmed. I want to be better. Calm voice, calm face calm body.
Thoo family, love them no matter what and even if and we are here for you.
True
Thank you, jucy jay83. I appreciate you being at Live On Purpose TV.
"Be careful who you trust" 🍁🍁🍁
Wise words.
So thankful for this. Almost falling apart over here
Glad the video is helpful.
Ty
You are welcome, Annabelle.
I am going to practice calm voice calm face calm body,,,,I can do this,I want to be a good mom,I really do,being a good mom is my biggest dream,the first thing to control is to stop yelling.
Eve Kingstone, you got this and we are here for you.
That’s really great! You can do it! We were both big yellers and we use similar strategies and it worked.
Wow! My husband Abbachio could really use this guide, he’s always yelling at our youngest son Giorno.
Bruno Bucciarati, please feel free to share this video with your husband. We have many more videos on this subject and similar ones on our Positive Parenting playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. We even had a "How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling Challenge" a few months ago: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPAcEW3S3spSI62Xx0mEZwVS.html. Hope something can help. Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.
Live On Purpose TV I showed him the video and now our marriage is falling apart. Do you have a video on how to save a marriage?
Bruno Bucciarati wow I can’t really belive you trust some shady company online with our marriage more then you trust me. That’s it we are done I’m taking Narancia.
Why do you not wear black clothes and listen to my chemical romance like I and Abbacchio? Yelling at the kids is a waste of time.
Bruno what did you do to your husband Abbacchio? He came running into our apartment at 4:20 AM crying that his marrige was over. Should I be concerned? He said that he would take all the children for the divorce. I had to stop educating Pesci and started providing therapy for Abbacchio. Now he is taking up the entire couch in our apartment while devouring all of our ice cream. PLEASE PICK HIM UP ASAP!
I found a big help was when I led and directed my kids day. I allowed them choice where appropriate. But, instead of giving an instruction and walking off, I was present and if necessary hands on with the task at hand. The moment I stopped directing or leading, chaos insued. Or if they weren't cleaning up their room, I would say, 'oh, I see you're having trouble cleaning up you're room how about you pick up 5 pieces of trash for me and put them in the bin? Then 5 toys, then 5 pieces of dirty clothes etc. 1or, I'd turn it into a race. Whoever gets their part of the room tidied up first, wins. So much less streß and the kids love it. ☺️
Megan Molesworth, this is gold. You didn't turn it into a negative situation, but made it fun. Great parenting.
This is really awesome. Good tips. Thank you and keep up the good work🙂
When you said that about the child thinking about the power they have over the adult, it made me wonder if that could lead to narcissism.
It might be a factor if the personality had that tendency, Darloonie. I don't think that every child will develop into a narcissist if unchecked. Many other factors involved.
"Meta-cognition is a made up word. We make up words in psychology because it makes us feel smart."
I majored in Cognitive Science and I've never heard a more accurate description of literally everything I studied.
chriserony, have to translate it to help in everyday life.
Hi! I really learn a lot from you, thank you! Unfortunally I have a very clever son at 6 and a half who will copy everything that I do. He also gives me 2 choices now, to try make me do what HE wants. That makes me angry again and feeling helpless. What to do?
M.J., so he thinks he can take charge? Guess you will have to show him that is not how it works.
For the choice part, what would be an example for the control choice regarding putting away toys (I have a 5 yo and a 2 yo)? Thanks for your great content!
Good question! Whatever works for your children. An idea could be that if they put away the toys with you they get to keep the toys. If you put them away without them, they go in your room and the kids don't have access to them until they show they can put them away. Some moms play a song when it is clean up time, check out UA-cam, there are tons of clean up songs and with continual use, the kids know this is the signal to clean. Some moms give a reward if the toys are cleaned up before the song ends.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you so much, this is really helpful!
Can you make more videos anchored toward kids/teens?
Yes, yourestupid. If you have any specific ideas, let me know.
Can u explain your technique for discipline in public. I don’t know if it’s a sensory issue but my 4 yr old always acts up in public but rarely at home. I feel helpless because obviously I don’t wanna yell or seem like a monster who is dragging her kid and all that ...
So how do respond in public when everyone is looking? And I can’t just leave like the doctors office etc
Oh my goodness, YES. A video on this would be so helpful! 👍👍
I will add it to the list, ANGELCHRISTIANSTONE. It is obviously a topic many parents want help with.
Live On Purpose TV Thank You so much !!
Tecumseh A. Yesssss!
Grew up an a abusive household just trynna figure out how I can be the best father as possible
Macnchedda, you are in the right place. You may want to consider a membership to go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
Been there with the financial incentive and what happened with the ones that didn't do things is that they got so in debt that it didn't mean anything to them any more.
Thanks for watching and commenting, Rachel Nise.
To be a good parent (especially for kids during their adolescence) you need to put yourself in their shoes. Teens are like miniature adults, they aren’t like kids who blindly follow their parents no questions asked. Kids that age don’t know any better, but teens possibly do. If you want them to obey you, then you must give good reason for everything you want them to do and for what you do to them. If you give them some valid reasons it’s likely they’ll listen to you, and trust me the "I’m your mother/father" never works. What you also need to know is to never yell. Yelling gets you no where and your child will just end up wanting to ignore you more or even yell back. It won’t make what your saying anymore clear. Now something to keep in mind for if you have more than one kids is that if they ever get into a fight, blaming or yelling at the one who you think is in the wrong won’t solve the problem. Instead think about how you can help the one harmed rather than shaming the one at fault. That’s about all I have to say.
name, thank you for taking the time to comment and give us some things to think about.
THAT is my hardest thing to do. Separating the emotion from the discipline. That, and knowing how to discipline in the first place.
It is difficult, but worth the struggle.
Hi dr Paul! Thank you for your great advice! I have a question though… what if when you give them a choice, they choose door 3, I go and do the default but then they start running away/hitting/throwing a tantrum?
Nesa Dances, you follow through with what you gave them for a choice. You may have to wait out a tantrum so they can be talked with.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you! I’ve been doing that, it just seems like a huge battle and I have been feeling really defeated. I’ll keep implementing your tools and hopefully in time it’ll get better. Thank you again!
I had trouble getting my first grader to take an afternoon nap, now i tell him would you like to take a nap or shall we go over your books again and revise. Works most afternoons, he's sleeping in 5 minutes
test test, choices. Thanks for sharing.
Do you have a video for setting up children for success. Setting up Task so they can successfully accomplish them correctly and they don't fail.
ser whit, I will have to think on this. I don't think we have the ability to guarantee success, it is up to the child if they are going to try.