I need to watch this at least once a week to not blow up on my kids . It’s so hard and I do loose focus with other responsibilities. When I have large projects to complete or too much work I tend to end up taking it out on my kids because they’re not “behaving “ and I can’t do what I need to. My kids are 2 and 3.5 . It’s irrational I expect anything other than exactly what they are but in those moments I forget :(
It's also easier to get mad at your child when everything's not status quo in one's life.I can relate exactly to how you feel and it hurts me so much because I love my son more than life itself so the guilt builds up and I feel myself imploding as I beat myself up over it.
You have no idea how relieved I am to see your comment. I'm a new dad with a 4/7 yr old's (they're technically my step kids, but I'm trying to adopt) and this is my first summer being a full time parent. It's been so much harder than I thought it would be. Controlling my emotions, especially when the kids are behaving horribly, is getting harder.
Angelo Nicassio, that is why I love UA-cam for dispensing the information, we get to watch when we want again and again. Please share with others you think it could help.
I definitely need to lower my expectations with my little boy. I get mad every time he does or doesn’t the thing I want. Sometimes is something so simple like saying hi or bye. It bothers me because it’s something so basic and I feel like he does it in purpose to get me mad. Perhaps I should start thinking like you said here doctor “things are the way they should be” and be happy no matter what. I love him. He is perfect and I stress daily for no valid reason.
Thank you for the nice message. I was raised in a very abusive family and having children has proven to be a very triggering and life altering event. Trying to do differently than what I was taught, but it is very difficult to break out of the cycle. I guess I didn't realize how ingrained some of those thought patterns and behaviours were until I had children of my own.
Replying to your second comment, I too was raised in a very abusive environment and it's a daily challenge to try to be better than what was. I often find myself depleted, completely exhausted, but I know that I was placed on this earth to learn from my experiences and to try to be better for myself and for my family. Sending positive vibes your way 💞
@@damladamla5554 You help yourself by asking for help, theirs parenting classes, therapy. You are doing it by searching u-tube channels to help you learn and be aware on how to become a better parent. Trust me I've felt low and still do at times thinking am a bad mother, but am not giving up ! You got this Mama show up positive and you will be positive if you show up negative you will be negative. Best wishes, hang in there!
Thank you so much! Here's a recap: 1. Understand anger 2. Take care of you 3. Take care of your team 4. Adjust your expectations 5. Try on a new believe, e.g. 'things are exactly as they should be' 6. Enjoy your kids, e.g. change the way you think, like distancing yourself 7. Positivity, e.g. gratitude 8. Remember who they are = we don't own them, they're actual people 9. Remember your job: To love them no matter what and even if.. 10. Remember who you are, and your strengths
Thank you so much for this. Simplified. I know I’m a loving parent, but I know my patience is not always good and is based on anxiety. I really need to work on « expectations » and the rest will flow. When I feel calmer, everything else comes easily, like enjoying them, positivity, gratitude and remembering who they are. It’s when I feel under pressure from the day to day whirlwind that I get frazzled and therefore am more snappy and less patient. My trick is trying to prep as much of the routines, setting up the night before, going to bed early and waking up before them. Gives me a chance to have more peace. But thank you for the reminder. Your way of communicating feels genuine and compassionate.
I am a mother of 2.5 year old boy. And it’s maddening sometimes.Thank you for this lovely video, it bought tears in my eyes ( in a good way) . Touching & inspiring 🙏🏻
I am so glad it helped you, babita paul. Thank you for letting me know! We have more videos like this and a variety of other topics on our Positive Parenting playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
Emotional intelligence, gratitude and perspective are game changers!! Parenting is a gift, try to always remind yourself of the joy and meaning behind it daily.
Thank you for making this video. I am having a hard time managing my anger with my 5 yr old and I don’t like being the “bad guy” all the time. I feel like my wife always disagrees with me in front of him and now he uses us against one another because he knows how to use the system. I end up getting angry and yelling and I don’t want to be that guy. I love my little buddy more than anything in this world and it breaks me when I know I scared him or I hurt his feeling because I yelled. I’m working on my anger management but it’s so hard when I feel attacked by all sides. It’s too the point my son wants his mom to do everything for him and not me. In fact, he will go to his mom to get around coming to me for something. I get so bogged down in the emotions of it all I forget that he’s just being a 5 yr old. I am trying though, I recognize I have a problem…now it’s all about changing it.
If it is at all possible in your situation, try to come to the agreement with your wife that any debates between you two happen when the child doesn't see or hear you. That would mean not sorting your issues out in front of the child, but to also keep your voices low when you eventually get to it. It can be hard, especially when you feel you are being triangualated, but please stick to the agreement, even if stuff happens around you.
Wow. This are the best words I’ve heard about our children. You almost made me cry because it resonated so hard in my mind about the job we have to do as a parent and why we had the chance to be responsible for our kids. Thank you so much for this one!
How to want to control my anger? Because I realized that I myself am like a 3 yo child, and I don't really want to control myself. I want to yell and express my anger. That makes me sad. Because I want to be this wise and calm parent, but at the same time I don't. I am confused. Can you help me? Where to dig to start wanting to control myself?
Diana Snigur I was the same way. I had the same question for my anger management coach. She talked about learning to stop getting a kind of high from screaming. It takes time and effort. But it can be done.
Your feelings are never wrong, Diana Snigur. I think that is a trap some people think. Own the feelings, but what you do with them is where we pick something more constructive than yelling. Try journaling your feelings. It won't always happen in the moment, but I have had some success with people with this approach. They can then deal with the feelings. The other thing that has helped is when people have tried to and been able to remain calm, the situation ends up better and they can see controlling their emotions will be more beneficial in the long run.
1. Is your child a real threat? 2. Take care of yourself 3. Remember who they are. We don't own them. Sacred stewardship 4. Stay positive. Be grateful about what things are right now. Be intentional in upgrades 5. Choose to enjoy them 6. Try a new belief "Things are exactly as they should be" 7. Adjust your expectations (anger is a secondary emotion) "whatever my kid does is perfect with me" 8. Take care of your parenting team 9. Remember your job is to love them 10. Remember who you are. Loving generous benevolent parent
Your message is the antidote to my frustration with my son. Thanks, Dr. Paul you are such a wonderful person; some of your words pop up in my head when I lose my sanity, and I turn back to a responsible adult.
I'm crying because a have a beautiful, thoughtful, and supremely empathetic child but I'm so angry around her ALL THE TIME. I've gotten so frustrated and agitated by her that I've even sworn at her a few times. I apologise afterwards but it's so not good enough. We have a lot of drama/tension in our extended family that I would usually lean on a lot for support so I've been looking after her mostly alone. Time is passing so quick and I know I'm going to lose her eventually but it's been irrationally hard. I'm so over being a monster mother.
Oh my god watching this I was already in tears then I read your comment and cried so hard I feel the same wayyy I call my self a toxic mom I’m in therapy and slowly getting better but I’m a mom of three two girls and boy ages 10,7, and 5 the girls are the oldest and it’s so hard smh this video really got to me I’m going to work on all of this 🥹😩 I’m praying for you as well we got this ❤
As a full time stay at home Dad I often times lose sight of who I am and what that means to my son. I tend to beat myself up and hold myself to high standards I feel like society has set for me. I am glad to have the support regularly to help keep my head screwed on straight and my compass always pointed in the right direction. I'd be lost without all the help. Thanks for these videos and sharing them with the world.
I notice there was a couple of reasons that you spoke of that I was not doing that has helped me alot I was not managing my anger with my son that has ADHD and I didnt know. I didnt adjust my expectations with him not knowing about ADHD and I was expecting him to do things that his ADHD will affect. I didnt use my team which is my sis and mom afraid of his impulses they wont be able to watch out for and he get hurt. I was not taking care of myself there was times I was so tired I pass out. I am a single parent so I was overwhelm and was taking it out on him by getting angry when he didnt do what kids his age should be able to do. I realized about the ADHD and felt so bad and told him I am sorry . He looked at me and smiled mommy its ok we all make mistakes and gave me a hug. After listen to you I notice I was not handling things in a effective manner. I have to take care of myself so I can be a good mom for him.
The best of us make mistakes but as long as we correct them and better ourselves, we all win! And it can be hard to be honest but when we are absolutely honest we can prevail! Be the best momma you can xoxo
I love this so much. I agree with all of it and it’s exactly how I feel - my spouse however, is always angry and blows up regularly at me and my child. I try to show her these types of things but I feel like she just doesn’t have a feeling to be good inside and outside unconditionally.
Crying as I watch this. I got angry at my 10 year old this morning because he couldn’t swallow a pill. I feel so horrible. He’s at school now & i feel awful. I NEED so much to change w/in me.
It's such a amazing video.i came to your video as i got tired of yelling at my 7 year-old boy n feeling guilty the next moment.. thanks a ton..you made me feel like you are talking to me..brought smiles n tears at the same time..parenting is tough job n i m glad I found this channel..thanks again
This was soooo helpful and beautiful. And I was all over internet without feeling I hear something workable. I really think I can work with these approaches. THANK YOU!
I don't know if it is a reason. But I always think that my anger will shape my children, as you said, I'm the steward for them before they became full-grown people. But, I saved your video as my watch list because the many points you list, give me a reason to reduce my anger to a T. Thank you.
Thank u sooooo much 4 ur great tips.. it is really affected me and it touchs my heart..I have to change with my 3 kids ..and stop yelling on them ..cause it is such an awful way .....ur amazing ..
Dr. Paul I absolutely believe that God put u in my path. I thank you from the bottom of my heart because I need it these tips soooooo much! Keep it up please, I am listening 🙏🙏🙏 💙
This was like a HELLO moment for me. I may have to watch this a couple times throughout my kids early childhood shenanigans but all in all .. the kids and I are going to have a great day ♥️. Thank you 🙏🏼
Literally, thank you so much for this channel, I always come back to it. Feeling terrible after flipping out this evening at my four year old. No excuse, I'm triggered by mess and too many toys. I can change that. Been a bit misaligned lately but these videos are immense 🌟👌
Gratitude for what is!!! Yes, thank you, Dr. Paul! And remember who they are! Our church kid’s ministry made the kids name tags ( like those at a seminar with a lanyard), and it said “VIP: Very Important Person to Jesus” He changes our perspective.
I'm back to watch this video to help me manage my anger with my kids. It's getting harder when my son is getting older as he is more vocal and argues all the time.
Thank you, I needed this today. Can't take their words personally. #7 Bridging the gap of expectations w/homework will involve me helping them bridge a gap to bring them higher and have success- I see that now. "Things are exactly as they should be!" ❤
Dear, Dr. Paul, thanks a lot! These series of videos help me a lot! And now I can understand myself, so I’m able to stay calm and friendly ☀️ Thanks to you, I’m on the way to positive parenting 👍
Your speeches are all mind blowing.. so true of what you said. Shared with my friends. Grateful for your videos. I hope that I can really apply those rules into my life and can't wait to see the changes after all. Thank you very much.
I'm not a parent (I'm actually just a teenager) but I have a 4 year old cousin who likes to be very naughty when he doesn't get his way. He says he will do violent things when he's having a tantrum and just stares off into the distance when I ask him to do things like "Please come back inside it's cold." or "Don't play in the kitchen, there's a hot pan." He likes to hit us and say swear words. My aunt bribes him to behave like giving him the phone to watch videos or giving him candy and snacks. But I find that's just teaching him that if he misbehaves, instead of being disciplined he gets rewarded. The other members of my family living in my house right now aren't exactly as strict as the other aunt I was living with before as she always believed in putting her foot down the second you meet a child. Did I like the strictness? No! But it taught me how to not be irritating towards the people around me and still allowed me to have fun. How can I let my little cousin know he needs to respect me just like the other adults in the house while not being too hard on him? How do I encourage him to follow the rules without bribing him?
Mr Procrastination, (nice screen name), I applaud you trying to help your cousin. It would work best if everyone were on the same page and did the same thing. Get the adults together and explain why it is important. Spend time with him showing him the way to play and how to behave. When he misbehaves, don't give him any attention. He is probably acting out for the attention it gets him. Good luck.
Same I'm not a parent just a teenager and I have a baby sister, only 2 years old (however quite active and smart for her age) and I often get angry at her for the way she behaves or let's say, treats me. She often hits me, pulls my hair to the point that some fall off meanwhile my fam in distance try to just hold their laugh about it and then act like scolding her once I acknowledge. This has happened so many times that I've had breakdowns because of it and I even hit her back many times and she starts crying and I am left with nothing but guilt because I know well that SHE CANT UNDERSTAND how to behave YET because she is just a baby but what do I do I'm annoyed. She doesn't let me work, draw, learn new things, study, watch a movie, or do anything peacefully that now I seek for times when she's not awake to get my work done to simply sometimes TO GET SOME PEACE or alone time. And if I do try to provide myself a peaceful environment who's dealing with her most of the time, my mom only ( another guilt reason). Now I just a person who is annoyed most of the times and explodes once in a while (at her sister) and the cycle goes on. Each time I promise myself to never yell at her again or never hit her . But here I am breaking that promise once again cuz I couldn't control myself. Making me family kind of hate me for being so I harsh ...I didn't want this. I'm the eldest sibling In the house my feelings are often neglected but that doesn't make up the excuse for hitting her. I never wanted to hit children I've never hit my cousins or yelled at them cuz they're not here with me 24/7 but she is and I can't bear to be with anyone at this point just want to distant myself I hate myself for that it's not like I enjoy yelling at a baby but what about me . All this is just making me do things I don't like it's making me the bad guy which I never wanted to be guilt , anger , regret everyday it's just giving me a reason to hate myself everyday
Good day Dr.Paul. I just purchased your Positive Pathology as well as the Book Bundle. I’m a mother of 3 boys ages 13-12-11 years old. I am excited to receive it so I can be the effective/efficient/empowered mother to my kids and to be a good team to my husband.
I am so honored to be on your team, Len Bads! Thank you for getting the books. I want to make sure you also know about Live On Purpose Central. To learn more about it, please go here: liveonpurposecentral.com/order-form1590696228507. Have a great week!
I’m an au pair, and I can’t help but get frustrated with the 6 year old who doesn’t listen to me. He could be an undiagnosed autistic kid (since his mother had late diagnosis) but also is quite explosive with anger issues and can be quite cheeky when he wants to be. As a nanny and not their parent, it’s extremely frustrating and i get too angry sometimes, especially since I know they would listen to their parents in a second. But since I’m in a parent position i do feel guilty for getting frustrated. Thanks for this video
Your videos are my textbooks in parenting. Please do a video on building confidence in kids with no confidence. I have two girls, 6 and 4 years old kids. My elder one finds it quite hard to interact and her body posture is always very inwardly and shy. She's scared of communicating. She speaks with a very low voice. My younger kid is extremely smart so often people compare. Please help me how to help my elder kid?
Thank you, I watched this after I felt very angry due to my toddler always throwing tantrums at the worst times and feeling angry and embarrassed..this helped bring me down from hulk mode back to human mode. 😅
Now who in their right mind would give this a thumbs down, that's what's wrong with the world these days. Confused , caring parents come here for advice and help but some troll dislikes the video.
Dr. Paul, I love the way the way you pointed out that there is a spiritual element to psychology, because I have always known the two are inextricably linked. There's a 'knowing' in each and every one of us, that seems to get buried in the complexities of everyday life. I feel that we need to reconnect with nature and non materialistic values in order to 'see' our way through this tangle of stress that presents itself to us especially when we feel at a loss of how to tackle a particular problem that weighs us down with emotion. When our emotions take control of us, that is when we feel out of control, I love how grounding and illuminating your words are, yet deeply spiritual, whilst remaining practical. In a nutshell, I think what we all need to realise, is that we are all spirits within a body, not just a body and brain. We start as a spirit, we return to spirit, we are still 'us', and along the way we must always look for the light (positivity) in everything we do. That is what guides us through life, I'm not talking religion, as I am atheist, I am talking about the purity of love and acceptance of what we are, as energetic beings, solving problems, finding solutions and growing spiritually along the way. Number 3 actually made me cry, like an epiphany, pointing out the fact that children aren't a threat, they feel what we feel, and we are their guides to illuminate their way. Thank you for your wise words x
Hi Dr. Thanks for the video! I am from India. I have a son who will turn 4. I do get angry when he is not writing or doing what is required. I think I am having too much of expectations. I really don't want to get mad.thanks for sharing this
Such an eye opener. Thanks so much. Glad i came across your channel. My son is having anger issues and although he is being racially bullied i decided to explore all triggers to ensure my son has holistic ❤. Thank you once again
Take care of yourself,your team. Ajust your expectations Gratitude st in that situation,and intentionally upgrade. Remeber your job ,not about make sure that they're safe.
Thank you for this. I had a bad temper this past few days maybe because of stress and my children won't stop doing children things... I know I don't want to feel this. I'm afraid it might transfer to my child.
Thank you I needed this I get so frustrated with my poor baby she's 4 and I loose my marbles when she can't do her 2 right and I just feel horrible afterwards after the damage is already done
m cs, understanding what is age appropriate is a big help in reducing the frustration. Most 4 and 5 year olds have problems with 2's. Accept it and applaud her efforts.
This is amazing, I’m trying to manage my anger with my pet rabbit when he chews on the baseboards…it’s what rabbits do but I get angry because I think he knows he’s not supposed to
Vitamin Head, time to come up with a fix, cover them, or find something that makes him stay away. I hope other people who have had this problem chime in, I have not had a pet rabbit indoors before.
I did... and I've changed my mindset on everything. Just in this little my relationship with my son and my wife had been better. He even has gotten better potty training. I kept him by myself for a weekend while she was away on a trip and used your techniques. The weekend was smooth sailing and he listened better. Wasn't so emotional. Just everything has been better. You are heaven sent. Thank you sooo much. I'm looking at the fact that it's only been 11 days and for so much to change in that time period let's me know how doing the small things add up quickly. Plus I am more optimistic on how to handle the toucher situations as they come along.
Thank you for your comment. There may be a different discussion here. We do offer a free 30-minute coaching session that may serve you. Here is the link: calendly.com/liveonpurpose-team/free
Lots of love from Pakistan, Really helpful and motivational to do parenting job in best way. I too get harsh for no reason, unable to control my anger. Start shouting, misbehaving and behave in disrespectful way to youngers. You are doing good job may you be blessed with right here and here after. Looking for your video on anger control.
I need to watch this at least once a week to not blow up on my kids . It’s so hard and I do loose focus with other responsibilities. When I have large projects to complete or too much work I tend to end up taking it out on my kids because they’re not “behaving “ and I can’t do what I need to. My kids are 2 and 3.5 . It’s irrational I expect anything other than exactly what they are but in those moments I forget :(
Liliana Quintero, find some ways to remind yourself when you begin to feel you are losing control. You can do this and we are here for you.
me too!! need to watch few times a day! lol
Thank you for your honesty! I struggle too, especially raising my kids alone and trying to multitask
It's also easier to get mad at your child when everything's not status quo in one's life.I can relate exactly to how you feel and it hurts me so much because I love my son more than life itself so the guilt builds up and I feel myself imploding as I beat myself up over it.
You have no idea how relieved I am to see your comment. I'm a new dad with a 4/7 yr old's (they're technically my step kids, but I'm trying to adopt) and this is my first summer being a full time parent. It's been so much harder than I thought it would be. Controlling my emotions, especially when the kids are behaving horribly, is getting harder.
Whew, I think I am going to watch this again and again.
Angelo Nicassio, that is why I love UA-cam for dispensing the information, we get to watch when we want again and again. Please share with others you think it could help.
Tap on a clip to paste it in the text box.Use the edit icon to pin, add or delete clips. Hi
Try it at 1.25 speed
Try it at 1.5 speed
Same... my heart hurts and I needed to hear this.
I definitely need to lower my expectations with my little boy. I get mad every time he does or doesn’t the thing I want. Sometimes is something so simple like saying hi or bye. It bothers me because it’s something so basic and I feel like he does it in purpose to get me mad. Perhaps I should start thinking like you said here doctor “things are the way they should be” and be happy no matter what. I love him. He is perfect and I stress daily for no valid reason.
Beatriz Sandoval, I think you will be much happier in the long-run with changing your expectations.
I do the same thing and after I get mad and yell I feel like complete garbage afterwards :( it’s good to know I’m not alone
Same 😕
@@camisnyder3460 yes exactly. But they know what they are expected to do. But don't want to obey. That makes us mad
@@cyberbink same with my little sister.
I cried. Difficult week and feeling extremely low. Top 3 are really good.
Natural Vegan Mom, sorry you are having a tough week, glad the video helps, please watch a few others on the playlists, We are here for you.
Thank you for the nice message. I was raised in a very abusive family and having children has proven to be a very triggering and life altering event. Trying to do differently than what I was taught, but it is very difficult to break out of the cycle. I guess I didn't realize how ingrained some of those thought patterns and behaviours were until I had children of my own.
Replying to your second comment, I too was raised in a very abusive environment and it's a daily challenge to try to be better than what was. I often find myself depleted, completely exhausted, but I know that I was placed on this earth to learn from my experiences and to try to be better for myself and for my family. Sending positive vibes your way 💞
i m crying now too. i think i need help but who will help me? me??
@@damladamla5554 You help yourself by asking for help, theirs parenting classes, therapy. You are doing it by searching u-tube channels to help you learn and be aware on how to become a better parent. Trust me I've felt low and still do at times thinking am a bad mother, but am not giving up ! You got this Mama show up positive and you will be positive if you show up negative you will be negative. Best wishes, hang in there!
Thank you so much! Here's a recap:
1. Understand anger
2. Take care of you
3. Take care of your team
4. Adjust your expectations
5. Try on a new believe, e.g. 'things are exactly as they should be'
6. Enjoy your kids, e.g. change the way you think, like distancing yourself
7. Positivity, e.g. gratitude
8. Remember who they are = we don't own them, they're actual people
9. Remember your job: To love them no matter what and even if..
10. Remember who you are, and your strengths
Thank you!
Thanks for taking such good notes 😀
Thank you so much for this. Simplified. I know I’m a loving parent, but I know my patience is not always good and is based on anxiety. I really need to work on « expectations » and the rest will flow. When I feel calmer, everything else comes easily, like enjoying them, positivity, gratitude and remembering who they are. It’s when I feel under pressure from the day to day whirlwind that I get frazzled and therefore am more snappy and less patient. My trick is trying to prep as much of the routines, setting up the night before, going to bed early and waking up before them. Gives me a chance to have more peace. But thank you for the reminder. Your way of communicating feels genuine and compassionate.
I am a mother of 2.5 year old boy. And it’s maddening sometimes.Thank you for this lovely video, it bought tears in my eyes ( in a good way) . Touching & inspiring 🙏🏻
I am so glad it helped you, babita paul. Thank you for letting me know! We have more videos like this and a variety of other topics on our Positive Parenting playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
Yep I have expectations a lot, this got me in tears "your job is to love them, no matter what" 😭😭 Got me crying
We are honored to be on your team.
Emotional intelligence, gratitude and perspective are game changers!! Parenting is a gift, try to always remind yourself of the joy and meaning behind it daily.
renae gray, well said.
Thank you for making this video. I am having a hard time managing my anger with my 5 yr old and I don’t like being the “bad guy” all the time. I feel like my wife always disagrees with me in front of him and now he uses us against one another because he knows how to use the system. I end up getting angry and yelling and I don’t want to be that guy. I love my little buddy more than anything in this world and it breaks me when I know I scared him or I hurt his feeling because I yelled. I’m working on my anger management but it’s so hard when I feel attacked by all sides. It’s too the point my son wants his mom to do everything for him and not me. In fact, he will go to his mom to get around coming to me for something. I get so bogged down in the emotions of it all I forget that he’s just being a 5 yr old. I am trying though, I recognize I have a problem…now it’s all about changing it.
AlphaAchilles, you can do this. Start by getting on the same page with your wife. Some counseling might help.
If it is at all possible in your situation, try to come to the agreement with your wife that any debates between you two happen when the child doesn't see or hear you. That would mean not sorting your issues out in front of the child, but to also keep your voices low when you eventually get to it. It can be hard, especially when you feel you are being triangualated, but please stick to the agreement, even if stuff happens around you.
Wow. This are the best words I’ve heard about our children. You almost made me cry because it resonated so hard in my mind about the job we have to do as a parent and why we had the chance to be responsible for our kids. Thank you so much for this one!
Thank you for watching and commenting, Gabriel Depallens.
Gabriel Depallens
to baby Ashley cry head about our children Nevi have job
I have baby called Ashley and seeing people had a chance and kids
How to want to control my anger?
Because I realized that I myself am like a 3 yo child, and I don't really want to control myself. I want to yell and express my anger.
That makes me sad. Because I want to be this wise and calm parent, but at the same time I don't.
I am confused. Can you help me?
Where to dig to start wanting to control myself?
If you were a 3 years old child, how would you feel if your parents responder like that? That could be a good starting point.
Diana Snigur I was the same way. I had the same question for my anger management coach. She talked about learning to stop getting a kind of high from screaming. It takes time and effort. But it can be done.
Your feelings are never wrong, Diana Snigur. I think that is a trap some people think. Own the feelings, but what you do with them is where we pick something more constructive than yelling. Try journaling your feelings. It won't always happen in the moment, but I have had some success with people with this approach. They can then deal with the feelings. The other thing that has helped is when people have tried to and been able to remain calm, the situation ends up better and they can see controlling their emotions will be more beneficial in the long run.
Thanks for being supportive, Sara M.
It is a great thought to have, Canti TT. I like it because it gets us to think outside of ourselves.
1. Is your child a real threat?
2. Take care of yourself
3. Remember who they are. We don't own them. Sacred stewardship
4. Stay positive. Be grateful about what things are right now. Be intentional in upgrades
5. Choose to enjoy them
6. Try a new belief "Things are exactly as they should be"
7. Adjust your expectations (anger is a secondary emotion) "whatever my kid does is perfect with me"
8. Take care of your parenting team
9. Remember your job is to love them
10. Remember who you are. Loving generous benevolent parent
Zoe W, great recap.
Thank you! So helpful
Thank u
Your message is the antidote to my frustration with my son. Thanks, Dr. Paul you are such a wonderful person; some of your words pop up in my head when I lose my sanity, and I turn back to a responsible adult.
Yay! I love it when I hear about people stopping themselves and using their brain to figure out how to respond, Haweyo Rashid.
The first video that I’ve actually found helpful
Wonderful! Glad we can connect.
I'm crying because a have a beautiful, thoughtful, and supremely empathetic child but I'm so angry around her ALL THE TIME. I've gotten so frustrated and agitated by her that I've even sworn at her a few times. I apologise afterwards but it's so not good enough. We have a lot of drama/tension in our extended family that I would usually lean on a lot for support so I've been looking after her mostly alone. Time is passing so quick and I know I'm going to lose her eventually but it's been irrationally hard. I'm so over being a monster mother.
Consider some therapy for you to work through your feelings. It can help your relationship.
Oh my god watching this I was already in tears then I read your comment and cried so hard I feel the same wayyy I call my self a toxic mom I’m in therapy and slowly getting better but I’m a mom of three two girls and boy ages 10,7, and 5 the girls are the oldest and it’s so hard smh this video really got to me I’m going to work on all of this 🥹😩 I’m praying for you as well we got this ❤
This presentation style is so perfect that my mind is getting everything so smoothly.
Honored to be on your team, thank you.
Thank you for beeing on my team! 💚
Lara Satine, anytime! :)
Things are exactly the way they’re supposed to be. WOW!
It is a game changer and can lead to some great changes for the future.
All of these things can be challenging at times
As a full time stay at home Dad I often times lose sight of who I am and what that means to my son. I tend to beat myself up and hold myself to high standards I feel like society has set for me. I am glad to have the support regularly to help keep my head screwed on straight and my compass always pointed in the right direction. I'd be lost without all the help. Thanks for these videos and sharing them with the world.
Honored to be on your team, UnfilteredHues.
Omg, me too! I'm a stay at home dad (this summer at least) with two kids. It's been so much harder than I thought it would be
I just found your channel. I really get frustrated with my kids and this is so helpful. Please keep doing what you do. You do such a great job
Thank you, honored to be on your team. Please share with anyone who you think could benefit.
I notice there was a couple of reasons that you spoke of that I was not doing that has helped me alot I was not managing my anger with my son that has ADHD and I didnt know. I didnt adjust my expectations with him not knowing about ADHD and I was expecting him to do things that his ADHD will affect. I didnt use my team which is my sis and mom afraid of his impulses they wont be able to watch out for and he get hurt. I was not taking care of myself there was times I was so tired I pass out. I am a single parent so I was overwhelm and was taking it out on him by getting angry when he didnt do what kids his age should be able to do. I realized about the ADHD and felt so bad and told him I am sorry . He looked at me and smiled mommy its ok we all make mistakes and gave me a hug. After listen to you I notice I was not handling things in a effective manner. I have to take care of myself so I can be a good mom for him.
What a powerful post, Foxy Lady. Honored to be on your team.
The best of us make mistakes but as long as we correct them and better ourselves, we all win! And it can be hard to be honest but when we are absolutely honest we can prevail! Be the best momma you can xoxo
I love this so much. I agree with all of it and it’s exactly how I feel - my spouse however, is always angry and blows up regularly at me and my child. I try to show her these types of things but I feel like she just doesn’t have a feeling to be good inside and outside unconditionally.
Try some counseling and hopefully she can see the consequences of her behavior and that there is another way.
Crying as I watch this. I got angry at my 10 year old this morning because he couldn’t swallow a pill. I feel so horrible. He’s at school now & i feel awful. I NEED so much to change w/in me.
Jessica Sibrian, ask for a do-over, it is very powerful.
It's such a amazing video.i came to your video as i got tired of yelling at my 7 year-old boy n feeling guilty the next moment.. thanks a ton..you made me feel like you are talking to me..brought smiles n tears at the same time..parenting is tough job n i m glad I found this channel..thanks again
It is tough, and you are up for the challenge. Glad to be on your journey with you.
The world needs more people like you
TK, thanks.
This video helped me come face to face with my own ego. Uncomfortable but I felt some real growth thank you
Honored to be on your team.
Thank so much, I've seen my self in every single counts. I'll allways keep in mind "No matter what and even if ". Great video.
tigrottomiciato, you are on your way to calmer days. Thanks for watching.
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Brilliant video! Got me in tears! You are great, and I'm so thankful for your life!
Thank you for watching and commenting, awaken.
literally just cried watching this. needed this after a bad couple of days
So glad we could connect.
This was soooo helpful and beautiful. And I was all over internet without feeling I hear something workable. I really think I can work with these approaches. THANK YOU!
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks it helps me a lot. I don't why I'm always angry with my 5yrs old son. But when I saw your video it really helps me a lot ☺️
Wonderful, thank you for letting me know it is helping.
I can not say thank you enough!!! I am so glad I found you and have you on my team!! I really needed this reminder today!
queenSummerKeli, Thank you for being a part of our Live On Purpose Community.
Thanks for the video! I want you to know that you've saved me from loosing my sanity. First time parent and the advices helped me a lot. Thank you!
Glad to have you at Live On Purpose, My Opinion. Honored to be on your team.
I don't know if it is a reason. But I always think that my anger will shape my children, as you said, I'm the steward for them before they became full-grown people. But, I saved your video as my watch list because the many points you list, give me a reason to reduce my anger to a T. Thank you.
neo7864, I am glad we have this platform where you can return to a video again and again. You are the mother your children need.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I'm the father my children need, or so I thought. IDK.
I just got so emotional as I watch this video....thank you very much
Aisha Hussein, honored to be on your team.
This is gold.
Thank you, 0Judio) Bartel.
Thank u sooooo much 4 ur great tips.. it is really affected me and it touchs my heart..I have to change with my 3 kids ..and stop yelling on them ..cause it is such an awful way .....ur amazing ..
So glad you are willing to try some of the ideas in the video, gufrantulip, Glad to have you at the channel.
Dr. Paul I absolutely believe that God put u in my path. I thank you from the bottom of my heart because I need it these tips soooooo much! Keep it up please, I am listening 🙏🙏🙏 💙
ROSIE112109 I plan to keep it up for a long time, keep watching.
This was like a HELLO moment for me. I may have to watch this a couple times throughout my kids early childhood shenanigans but all in all .. the kids and I are going to have a great day ♥️.
Thank you 🙏🏼
Don't you love those moments, Emily Everett. I hope you have a great day and then another, and another...
Take care of yourself
Take care of your team
Golden words.
I so much needed to hear this today after I lost my temper with my kids that they don't listen to me.
Alondra Silva, Glad we could connect.
Thank you, for mentions to changing expectations. Sole mother of a 2.5 years old girl.
Literally, thank you so much for this channel, I always come back to it. Feeling terrible after flipping out this evening at my four year old. No excuse, I'm triggered by mess and too many toys. I can change that. Been a bit misaligned lately but these videos are immense 🌟👌
Happy to help and honored to be on your team.
Gratitude for what is!!! Yes, thank you, Dr. Paul! And remember who they are!
Our church kid’s ministry made the kids name tags ( like those at a seminar with a lanyard), and it said “VIP: Very Important Person to Jesus” He changes our perspective.
Love it. Thanks for sharing.
I'm back to watch this video to help me manage my anger with my kids. It's getting harder when my son is getting older as he is more vocal and argues all the time.
Great video well needed..
Glad you enjoyed the video, Coach Brian Macleans Otieno. Thanks for watching.
Thank you, I needed this today. Can't take their words personally. #7 Bridging the gap of expectations w/homework will involve me helping them bridge a gap to bring them higher and have success- I see that now.
"Things are exactly as they should be!" ❤
Yes, Dana Johnson, and you are right where you should be.
I watch a few of your videos every day to transform my parenting style. Thank you for the rich content!
It is such an honor to be on your team, Sara Michael. Glad the videos are helping. Thanks for being a part of the Live On Purpose family!
Thank you so much for this video. Tips 1,2 and 3 made me tear up, well needed messages❤
You are so welcome
Thank you Sir. I have to
rewatch your video all the time❤️
You are a gift to us all and help us be our best for our kids! Thank you so very much!
You are so kind
#2 has me crying so much.. thank you
Daniella Perez, you are welcome.
Dear, Dr. Paul, thanks a lot! These series of videos help me a lot! And now I can understand myself, so I’m able to stay calm and friendly ☀️ Thanks to you, I’m on the way to positive parenting 👍
You rock, Good Wife. Thanks for putting these ideas into practice, that is the tough job.
Thank you so much this is powerful stuff that I am definitely going to use
Danny Kraeger, honored to be on your team.
I needed this this week. Thanks ❤
Your speeches are all mind blowing.. so true of what you said. Shared with my friends. Grateful for your videos. I hope that I can really apply those rules into my life and can't wait to see the changes after all. Thank you very much.
Honored to be on your team.
A lot of wisdom in your words reminds me so much of my parents 😍
Ibaa Qasem, honored to be on your team.
I'm not a parent (I'm actually just a teenager) but I have a 4 year old cousin who likes to be very naughty when he doesn't get his way. He says he will do violent things when he's having a tantrum and just stares off into the distance when I ask him to do things like "Please come back inside it's cold." or "Don't play in the kitchen, there's a hot pan." He likes to hit us and say swear words. My aunt bribes him to behave like giving him the phone to watch videos or giving him candy and snacks. But I find that's just teaching him that if he misbehaves, instead of being disciplined he gets rewarded. The other members of my family living in my house right now aren't exactly as strict as the other aunt I was living with before as she always believed in putting her foot down the second you meet a child. Did I like the strictness? No! But it taught me how to not be irritating towards the people around me and still allowed me to have fun. How can I let my little cousin know he needs to respect me just like the other adults in the house while not being too hard on him? How do I encourage him to follow the rules without bribing him?
Mr Procrastination, (nice screen name), I applaud you trying to help your cousin. It would work best if everyone were on the same page and did the same thing. Get the adults together and explain why it is important. Spend time with him showing him the way to play and how to behave. When he misbehaves, don't give him any attention. He is probably acting out for the attention it gets him. Good luck.
Same I'm not a parent just a teenager and I have a baby sister, only 2 years old (however quite active and smart for her age) and I often get angry at her for the way she behaves or let's say, treats me. She often hits me, pulls my hair to the point that some fall off meanwhile my fam in distance try to just hold their laugh about it and then act like scolding her once I acknowledge. This has happened so many times that I've had breakdowns because of it and I even hit her back many times and she starts crying and I am left with nothing but guilt because I know well that SHE CANT UNDERSTAND how to behave YET because she is just a baby but what do I do I'm annoyed. She doesn't let me work, draw, learn new things, study, watch a movie, or do anything peacefully that now I seek for times when she's not awake to get my work done to simply sometimes TO GET SOME PEACE or alone time. And if I do try to provide myself a peaceful environment who's dealing with her most of the time, my mom only ( another guilt reason). Now I just a person who is annoyed most of the times and explodes once in a while (at her sister) and the cycle goes on. Each time I promise myself to never yell at her again or never hit her . But here I am breaking that promise once again cuz I couldn't control myself. Making me family kind of hate me for being so I harsh ...I didn't want this. I'm the eldest sibling In the house my feelings are often neglected but that doesn't make up the excuse for hitting her. I never wanted to hit children I've never hit my cousins or yelled at them cuz they're not here with me 24/7 but she is and I can't bear to be with anyone at this point just want to distant myself I hate myself for that it's not like I enjoy yelling at a baby but what about me . All this is just making me do things I don't like it's making me the bad guy which I never wanted to be guilt , anger , regret everyday it's just giving me a reason to hate myself everyday
Thank you I needed guidance...I'm struggling
I wish you well. I hope the video is helpful for you.
Excellent video!! Thank you, I felt instantly better. Watching your video , completely changed my day for the better. Thank you 🙏
Terri Mac, honored to be on your team.
I watch this every morning. I just want to say... thank you.
ARIEL PHEARSON, you are welcome.
I can't even tell you how helpful this video has been
Donny, that is great to hear. Thank you for being here.
Good day Dr.Paul. I just purchased your Positive Pathology as well as the Book Bundle. I’m a mother of 3 boys ages 13-12-11 years old. I am excited to receive it so I can be the effective/efficient/empowered mother to my kids and to be a good team to my husband.
I am so honored to be on your team, Len Bads! Thank you for getting the books. I want to make sure you also know about Live On Purpose Central. To learn more about it, please go here: liveonpurposecentral.com/order-form1590696228507. Have a great week!
Thank you ..right away I felt calmer.
Wonderful!
Thank you so much for this valuable information about parenting... It's really amazing 🎉
I’m an au pair, and I can’t help but get frustrated with the 6 year old who doesn’t listen to me. He could be an undiagnosed autistic kid (since his mother had late diagnosis) but also is quite explosive with anger issues and can be quite cheeky when he wants to be. As a nanny and not their parent, it’s extremely frustrating and i get too angry sometimes, especially since I know they would listen to their parents in a second. But since I’m in a parent position i do feel guilty for getting frustrated. Thanks for this video
I hope it helps, Louise, I appreciate you tuning in.
Your videos are my textbooks in parenting. Please do a video on building confidence in kids with no confidence. I have two girls, 6 and 4 years old kids. My elder one finds it quite hard to interact and her body posture is always very inwardly and shy. She's scared of communicating. She speaks with a very low voice. My younger kid is extremely smart so often people compare. Please help me how to help my elder kid?
There are 8 videos about confidence on the playlist. Search with the word confidence. Here is one: ua-cam.com/video/XedVSyL8-iw/v-deo.html
This was life changing thank you
Xavier, you are welcome.
Thank you, I watched this after I felt very angry due to my toddler always throwing tantrums at the worst times and feeling angry and embarrassed..this helped bring me down from hulk mode back to human mode. 😅
Yes! That is where your child needs you I am glad you are back to human.
Excellent video! I will watch and rewatch!
Beautiful! Thank you. That landed in my psyche.
You are so welcome
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful advice. I'm sure you are making a big difference in humanity. Thank you.
Bilingual Channel, I hope I am helping parents make a difference in this world. :)
One of your best videos Dr. Paul - thank you 💙
Glad you enjoyed it!
Now who in their right mind would give this a thumbs down, that's what's wrong with the world these days. Confused , caring parents come here for advice and help but some troll dislikes the video.
Thank you, Jhulan Myers. I appreciate your kindness. I don't worry too much about the thumb downs. It's you and others like you that I care about.
Dr. Paul, I love the way the way you pointed out that there is a spiritual element to psychology, because I have always known the two are inextricably linked. There's a 'knowing' in each and every one of us, that seems to get buried in the complexities of everyday life. I feel that we need to reconnect with nature and non materialistic values in order to 'see' our way through this tangle of stress that presents itself to us especially when we feel at a loss of how to tackle a particular problem that weighs us down with emotion. When our emotions take control of us, that is when we feel out of control, I love how grounding and illuminating your words are, yet deeply spiritual, whilst remaining practical. In a nutshell, I think what we all need to realise, is that we are all spirits within a body, not just a body and brain. We start as a spirit, we return to spirit, we are still 'us', and along the way we must always look for the light (positivity) in everything we do. That is what guides us through life, I'm not talking religion, as I am atheist, I am talking about the purity of love and acceptance of what we are, as energetic beings, solving problems, finding solutions and growing spiritually along the way. Number 3 actually made me cry, like an epiphany, pointing out the fact that children aren't a threat, they feel what we feel, and we are their guides to illuminate their way. Thank you for your wise words x
Love your comment, Venus77x, thank you.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV 🥰
I really enjoys watching your videos and listening to your advises .. great advisers.
Thank you. Christina. Honored to be on your team.
Hi Dr. Thanks for the video! I am from India. I have a son who will turn 4. I do get angry when he is not writing or doing what is required. I think I am having too much of expectations. I really don't want to get mad.thanks for sharing this
My pleasure.
Thank you so much again Dr.Paul,i always need this kind of video,really helps me a lot.
Glad the message is getting out, Jessica Ilano. Have a great day.
Such an eye opener. Thanks so much. Glad i came across your channel. My son is having anger issues and although he is being racially bullied i decided to explore all triggers to ensure my son has holistic ❤. Thank you once again
You are so welcome!
Beautiful!!! Thank you! 🥹🥺❤️
You’re welcome 😊
Thank you so much! Needed to hear this
You are so welcome!
Take care of yourself,your team.
Ajust your expectations
Gratitude st in that situation,and intentionally upgrade.
Remeber your job ,not about make sure that they're safe.
Thank you for watching.
Thank you for this. I had a bad temper this past few days maybe because of stress and my children won't stop doing children things... I know I don't want to feel this. I'm afraid it might transfer to my child.
kookie rolle, sometimes we need a reset button. You got yours.
Thank you it's help alot i will watch other video ..
Yay! That is good to hear.
Wow you are amazing, the way you explain
Thank you!
Thanks a million . Just what I need right now .
mingyun weng, that is great!
Thank you I needed this I get so frustrated with my poor baby she's 4 and I loose my marbles when she can't do her 2 right and I just feel horrible afterwards after the damage is already done
m cs, understanding what is age appropriate is a big help in reducing the frustration. Most 4 and 5 year olds have problems with 2's. Accept it and applaud her efforts.
This is amazing, I’m trying to manage my anger with my pet rabbit when he chews on the baseboards…it’s what rabbits do but I get angry because I think he knows he’s not supposed to
Vitamin Head, time to come up with a fix, cover them, or find something that makes him stay away. I hope other people who have had this problem chime in, I have not had a pet rabbit indoors before.
I'm over here finna cry because just yesterday I flipped out and I feel soooo bad idk how to come back from it.
Ask for a do over.
I did... and I've changed my mindset on everything. Just in this little my relationship with my son and my wife had been better. He even has gotten better potty training. I kept him by myself for a weekend while she was away on a trip and used your techniques. The weekend was smooth sailing and he listened better. Wasn't so emotional. Just everything has been better. You are heaven sent. Thank you sooo much. I'm looking at the fact that it's only been 11 days and for so much to change in that time period let's me know how doing the small things add up quickly. Plus I am more optimistic on how to handle the toucher situations as they come along.
Wow this was so powerful. #1 hit home....thank you.🙏🏽❤️
Alyssia Razor, you are welcome.
You are absolutely AMAZING! I love your channel!
Thank you so much!
Great advice, I think I’m going to have to watch this at least once a day
You should, People tell me they start their day with a dose of positivity.
Totally understand this and love it but my daughter trying to drop out of school😢. Trying to respect her decision but it's pretty heartbreaking
That is a very hard one. Trust that there are many paths in life.
Dear Dr. Paul,
Your videos are working like a brain food for me.
Thanks 👌🏻
Hey, binge away, Neelima Joshi. Thanks for watching.
Thank you so much for this video. 💗 I really learned alot from it
Brenda Mejia, You are welcome.
bookmarked the video to get back to it from time to time.
Awesome! I love it when people return to videos and share. We all need a refresher.
I struggle with this- thank you ❤
Thank you for your comment. There may be a different discussion here. We do offer a free 30-minute coaching session that may serve you. Here is the link: calendly.com/liveonpurpose-team/free
Lots of love from Pakistan,
Really helpful and motivational to do parenting job in best way.
I too get harsh for no reason, unable to control my anger. Start shouting, misbehaving and behave in disrespectful way to youngers.
You are doing good job may you be blessed with right here and here after.
Looking for your video on anger control.
Check the playlist for other videos on anger management or irritability.
Thanks very much. Please do one spouse towards spouse also? Perception towards our spouse is also a choice we make!
You are right, thank you.