The Narcissist's Act

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  • Опубліковано 7 лип 2023
  • In this episode, The Little Shaman discusses the false self of narcissists and the act they put on.
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 230

  • @debraanchante3661
    @debraanchante3661 Рік тому +372

    For someone who is afraid of rejection and abandonment they sure work hard at pushing people away with their horrible behavior

    • @Mrsweetheart81
      @Mrsweetheart81 Рік тому +52

      Even pushing you away is a coping mechanism for them. “See they left me like everybody else, everything they said to me was a lie! I knew it! I knew they were playing me” they are emotional psychopaths

    • @krystalMtn
      @krystalMtn Рік тому +26

      Both comments are always true, and always present at the same moment in time, in the world of narcissists.
      They have a guaranteed failure program running, and also backup failure programs running at all times. Ready for any scenario that will ensure that their personal relationships will always fail. And you will always be the source of that failure.

    • @Langolin1998
      @Langolin1998 Рік тому +8

      I say this all the time! It’s so crazy!!

    • @dancer2749
      @dancer2749 Рік тому +8

      One of you BEST! Thank you for this.

    • @eyeoftheneedle1116
      @eyeoftheneedle1116 Рік тому +20

      I think it’s a compulsion. A social suicide of sorts. As though being in control of their own rejection is better than others meting it out for them. Trouble is it happens no matter what.

  • @andrescientos
    @andrescientos Рік тому +59

    Narcissists will exploit your tolerance.

  • @SkyePhoenix
    @SkyePhoenix Рік тому +42

    I don't care about them anymore. Thank GOD.

  • @ashleynoelle7429
    @ashleynoelle7429 Рік тому +176

    “They believe everyone else is doing the same thing” just blew mind friggin mind!!!!!! They can’t bond, they are shame-based and they have no empathy so of course they’re going to project their lying and emptiness! They will never know what it’s like to love someone.

    • @TheSnedmeister
      @TheSnedmeister Рік тому +8

      💯

    • @gorillabff1003
      @gorillabff1003 Рік тому +13

      This aspect I just clued into recently. I think it’s a very important point in understanding how narcissists behave and their responses to others around them. Their assumption is everyone is the same way they are: sneaky, manipulative, ruthless, etc etc. in the same way a non narc will assume “goodness” and fair play in others as that is how they approach the world. 💯

    • @nryane
      @nryane Рік тому +8

      Your “no empathy” comment is true, from my perspective. The ex-partner latched onto “empathy” as his way into people’s lives. He even stated that he has the “empathy gene”, of which, so far, there is no empirical evidence. Empathy is “heritable”, which means that we can learn empathy, depending on our genetics and our environment.
      The ex-partner studied HOW to mimic empathy, which is called “cognitive empathy”. He knew what kinds of things to say and do, when first in relationships with people. However, he was INCAPABLE of true empathy. Once he had sucked someone into a relationship, he used his many “negative” traits to devalue and demean the person who had learned to see what wasn’t there, his empathy.

    • @great4ever845
      @great4ever845 4 місяці тому

      😂😂 that's subjective

    • @lindanorris2455
      @lindanorris2455 2 місяці тому +1

      or to be loved.

  • @katiemiller4187
    @katiemiller4187 Рік тому +60

    They have to be in control at all times.. it's all about control

    • @lindanorris2455
      @lindanorris2455 2 місяці тому

      control is a big part of their self hatred. have you not been listening to the video here?

  • @constancemiller4279
    @constancemiller4279 Рік тому +43

    To much insanity. Run away….can’t care about a monster that’s tormenting you.

  • @tracysprenger8622
    @tracysprenger8622 11 місяців тому +25

    Yes they do not know how to "get along in life" at all...in all aspects and as they age their life goes down hill.

  • @odette8905
    @odette8905 5 місяців тому +16

    "That wasn't me".... a classic denial of split self.

  • @munequa81
    @munequa81 Рік тому +68

    This is why it’s best to listen to your instincts when dealing with people. If someone feels “off” most likely they are. Being an introvert is a blessing in this case, as I like to observe and listen.

  • @serenityfields7514
    @serenityfields7514 Рік тому +19

    Well the problem with them is that they HAVE to get other people to believe their BS, with out this they are nothing. Dependent on out side validation which they are totally incapable of getting from with in themselves. They have to mirror everything they see and copy copy copy..

  • @robinchilds7492
    @robinchilds7492 7 місяців тому +5

    I gave him everything for 4 years. He turned around and accused me of stealing from him and he ended the relationship.

    • @KatWoodland
      @KatWoodland Місяць тому

      Whatever you do, do not ever allow him back into your life. He will inevitably try. If he doesn’t, count yourself lucky.

  • @winterrose9070
    @winterrose9070 6 місяців тому +9

    So much confusion and makes my head spin being around them! Just can’t understand that mindset! All I know, is I want OUT!!! I am very grateful for videos like these. They validate what I am going through. Thank you Little Shaman.

  • @nicolelevasseur9088
    @nicolelevasseur9088 Рік тому +26

    This is so interesting. He used to say what set off our arguments is that my "face would change." He read into my subtle facial expressions so much that when I subconsciously questioned him and his lies I was no longer physically reflecting what he needed to see. I wasn't "supplying" him with the look of adoration but quite the terrifying opposite - I was starting to see who he really was.

    • @faresalynch4978
      @faresalynch4978 10 місяців тому +2

      I can relate to your comment so much💯

    • @user-up8mi1cv5s
      @user-up8mi1cv5s 9 місяців тому +4

      This is my experience too. He recently said it’s easier to talk about things over the phone bc he can’t see facial expressions… this makes total sense when thinking about their issue with needing mirrors! As soon as I stop reflecting back in my face what he wants to see, it’s game over.

    • @emmarae4322
      @emmarae4322 8 місяців тому +3

      He always told me to smile. Probably because he wanted to mirror my mood.

    • @valeriesaunders8957
      @valeriesaunders8957 2 місяці тому +1

      Wow, how interesting. I was told just last week that " for us, I think texting what we're trying to say works better"...." but I know you like talking in person"...
      Now I know why he feels more comfortable texting... BUT, I'm not doing that whatsoever and told him so. Making my plans to get Free within the month!!...

  • @pelletier4432
    @pelletier4432 Рік тому +40

    It's so hard to not take personally, but in a way they make us wrestle with ourselves (our own egos) when we fight back the urge for revenge or choke back the deep seated anger for the way we're treated. A large part is the basis of the relationship was feeling sorry for them in the first place. Then the truth that it's all an act comes down like a hammer. Once it's learned though, it is freedom from a whole lot of illusions. Little Shaman keeps it real. No nonsense thinking - however long it takes to get it.

    • @danielkaiser8971
      @danielkaiser8971 Рік тому +7

      Absolutely. I have learned that good people are good precisely because they have the option to do bad things like take revenge, but instead they choose not to. But you do need to process the negativity, and it helps to do so by telling trusted friends about it (or even for example by writing comments anonymously in a supportive group) who will not get back with the narcissist about what you said. Be well, the fact you have the negative reactions when someone does you wrong is very normal and natural and is supposed to happen. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you heal.

    • @pelletier4432
      @pelletier4432 Рік тому +3

      @@danielkaiser8971 Appreciate this! Really bad probate brought me back in the fold I had already left after learning a ton. The triggering is insane. Thank you, "be well" to you too!

    • @trishf2184
      @trishf2184 Рік тому +3

      ​@pelletier4432 the triggering IS insane. And they get a real big JOLLY by watching how they flipped you out..

  • @syldoyou77
    @syldoyou77 Рік тому +56

    WOW, you said a mouth full. You just gave us the key to the narcissist deception. We need not to trust people so much, but to look deep and VERIFY!!! Thank you.

    • @kathrynhogan3387
      @kathrynhogan3387 Рік тому +3

      So true. Openly giving strangers the benefit of the doubt is downright dangerous and never should have been taught to us. So let’s not do that with our own offspring🙏🏽

  • @disappearingremedy7400
    @disappearingremedy7400 Рік тому +77

    The alligator analogy is a great example. It's not trying to look like a log. It's just what it does. It works for them.

    • @thelittleshamanhealing
      @thelittleshamanhealing  Рік тому +17

      Exactly.

    • @kathrynhogan3387
      @kathrynhogan3387 Рік тому +6

      Love the way Little Shamin incorporates examples. She rules. I always come back to LS when the dozens of UTube healers with all their accreditation-simply can’t make us understand like she can. She’s helped me navigate thru two hard cases✔️

    • @brendabadih8855
      @brendabadih8855 Рік тому +2

      Very clever analogy. Alligators disguised as long. Intelligent design.

  • @Nancy-yw1rr
    @Nancy-yw1rr Рік тому +13

    MY ex still tries to convince our grown daughter that she doesn't know "the real him". He clearly sees himself as someone different from who he truly is and has been all along. I find it sad that he would rather gaslight us than work to be a better person.

  • @CaDubya
    @CaDubya Рік тому +61

    Your ability to explain psychopathology is stunning!! How did you learn so much about Narcissism?

    • @monicamckinley7163
      @monicamckinley7163 Рік тому +6

      Yes, please explain I’d love to hear her narc experience!!

  • @lindanorris2455
    @lindanorris2455 2 місяці тому +5

    self loathing can be seen in their behaviours, in the way they dress (sometimes) , in thier hatred and racism rants, in their intra-familial relationships, in their spousal relationships and children relationships, in their intense love and hated of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$, in thie boasting about thier accomplishments and lack threof. it' s all so heartbreaking!

  • @butterfly1348
    @butterfly1348 Рік тому +11

    I experience this with 2 of my adult sons. I limit my contact with them. I have learned a lot about narcissist and hiw to identity them. You were one if the first channels i binge watched. You help so much. Im glad i saw this podcast. It affirms that i have to limit cobtact with loved ones that have this disorder in order to not be sucked dry of all my emmotions. My adult sons twist everything i say and rewrite history and tell outrageous lies. They can be so cruel. Its mind boggling and they accept no responsibilty fir their hortible behavior. They wear a mask for everyone except me their target. Its sad but i have chosen to let them go and at 58 im not taking their abuse. But i do regret nit having a loving connectiion with my sons. Im grateful for my daughter n law and grand children . She and my grandchildren are blessings. I pray my grandchildren dont become narcussist like my sons and their fathers were. These podcast do help with understanding this horrible mind disease and i believe spiritual affliction. However i no longer believe that i can save or help my narcissistic loved ones and i have to kerp my distance for my own sanity. Its not how i envisioned the future with my adult children.

    • @elderherrera2238
      @elderherrera2238 Рік тому

      My dad was my first narc. I still watch The Little Shaman out of sheer habit. He died years ago. Good going. You had 2 children , I had my dad. Narcissism is a disgusting social disease that I had to understand. Tragically so. Your awareness must draw your empathy. Sorry about your kids.

  • @ariaarulasan
    @ariaarulasan Рік тому +36

    Cannot believe that you are still doing this after all this years. God bless you. You have helped so many people around the world. When you are no longer in this Earth, people will still be benefitting from you. Thank you for healing me. Regards from the Philippines.

    • @teresarenee3829
      @teresarenee3829 Рік тому +12

      I still remember the relief when I found out about narcissism, the pieces of the puzzle fit together, and reading others posts made me understand what was going on finally. Now just learning how to live with it for now, until I can be free.

  • @JH-fy7ef
    @JH-fy7ef Рік тому +7

    The one I used to know told on himself when I had already figured him out. He said “you should see how I act when I am out alone”.

  • @muscleman369
    @muscleman369 Рік тому +10

    Insufferable is one word that describes my ex. No matter what it will be something else. I once told her she will have a complaint in heaven.

  • @gigiarmany4332
    @gigiarmany4332 Рік тому +7

    " there's a freaking bear in there" the bear analogy had me laughing so hard😂😂🤣🎉..love from Germany dear Lil Shaman👍🏾❤️🖤

  • @JackNance22
    @JackNance22 Рік тому +37

    Thank you for another wisdom packed post, I'm very grateful for your work. Nothing heals the wounds of narcissistic abuse better than understanding the why behind it all, and your deep insights bring a lot of clarity.

  • @RuCa-fv6et
    @RuCa-fv6et 8 місяців тому +7

    Don't feed them but always on your phone listening 🎧 or watching what you write or see that is sick control freaks.

  • @drakkvonboza
    @drakkvonboza Рік тому +10

    Absolute Madness in denial of denial..,

  • @zeldafedak9428
    @zeldafedak9428 Рік тому +41

    When the student is ready the teacher appears. This is so true. You nail and pound home the grisly truths in such an effectively no nonsense way. My life and countless other lives are gleaning priceless educational gems from you. Thank YOU for helping us. Cheers.

  • @barrywade8102
    @barrywade8102 Рік тому +5

    My recent ex narc constantly called me a liar. She never sd your a liar yet insinuated it w/actions or sayin bs ect. When confronted, it was always like flipping a switch! She literally couldn't accept that nothing i sd was truth to her. When i tried to explain, it instantly went to projecting, gaslighting or bringing up something from my past, which she only knew bc i was honest when asked. Its unbelievable how lost they really are!

    • @KatWoodland
      @KatWoodland Місяць тому

      Be sure to go No Contact. Do not let her back into your life when she hoovers you. Resist.

  • @stingray0033
    @stingray0033 11 днів тому +1

    This just completely left me with my mouth open bc this was my life with the ex narc. Never believed i cared and never believed when i said he was smart. It was a constant battle for me to prove to him that i believed what i was saying. In the end he did the classic injured ego narc thing and made me pay for staying so long. Truly diabolical.

  • @Jason-Moon
    @Jason-Moon Рік тому +38

    The amount of wisdom packed within each video on this channel is astonishing. This is perhaps the most helpful content I've ever found on the internet about this topic. I applaud the quality of the information and the effort put forth to share so much so clearly. I'm very thankful for this channel.

  • @marthawhite3353
    @marthawhite3353 Рік тому +4

    "... there's a freakin' BEAR in there !" laughed out loud because it was so funny, and so true

  • @carolb3869
    @carolb3869 Рік тому +44

    I became a dumping ground for HIS self-loathing.
    I didn’t understand it at the time. Made no sense to me.
    I now know he was just ‘being him’ (like the crocodile) - it’s what he does (& who he is).
    That said, (& most importantly) it was not ok and never will be.

  • @reneemeston7119
    @reneemeston7119 Рік тому +29

    You are very good at explaining how these monsters really think about themselves. There are different types of narcs. Mine is a player/ non commital sex addicted addicted to everything moron. I'm in prayer and asking God for help to get out of this situation. Thank you for your help.
    Renee from S. California

  • @geeofthenorth3260
    @geeofthenorth3260 2 місяці тому +3

    So perplexing for those involved.

  • @krystalMtn
    @krystalMtn Рік тому +17

    In the end what they are doing, is actually who they are, and who they are causes their worst fear of not being liked to become reality. Because people don't tolerate the way the narcissist treats them and also lies about what and what they are. It is a self fulfilling prophecy.

    • @nmHispana
      @nmHispana Рік тому +5

      It is very true that they are nobody and why they are always mirroring and stealing for themselves the character, quality and behavior traits of every person they interact with in whom they believe can serve their agenda, then start projecting who and what they really are onto these people.

  • @Babygirls2023
    @Babygirls2023 Рік тому +7

    Yes they do the same thing over and over even though it’s not working out of habit wasting their time

    • @Babygirls2023
      @Babygirls2023 Рік тому +2

      Yes the narcissist is pretending to still be married even though his wife has left him

    • @Babygirls2023
      @Babygirls2023 Рік тому +1

      Being treated as more important happened in young childhood

  • @eyeoftheneedle1116
    @eyeoftheneedle1116 Рік тому +17

    Mind blowing. What I often wonder is, as the offspring of a pathological narcissist who sees some of the same patterns manifest in myself- can I overcome my own toxic shame with this awareness? I feel I have some of these identity and self-worth issues in spades, and worry I won’t ever get healed and whole. It’s like being part human, part robot.

    • @thelittleshamanhealing
      @thelittleshamanhealing  Рік тому +23

      If you can see them and you can acknowledge them, it is very likely that you can address them.❤️

    • @eyeoftheneedle1116
      @eyeoftheneedle1116 Рік тому +9

      @@thelittleshamanhealing I have been aware of these things for a few years, therapy off and on for decades. Older, only sibling officially left the family over 20 years ago; I was surprised and hurt she left me with the monster, knowing I’d be eaten alive -but I was enmeshed. I felt bad for my mom, yet she still was an asshole to me. Back then I didn’t know abt narc issues. Just learning about it over last few years. Your channel is super cool and helpful in building my self respect enough to say ‘no more’. Also it’s very sad.

    • @agotahorvath
      @agotahorvath Рік тому +3

      @@eyeoftheneedle1116 Energy healing can be very empowering to help you stand up for yourself against a narc. Working on the solar plexus ( power center ) does wonders .

    • @eyeoftheneedle1116
      @eyeoftheneedle1116 Рік тому +2

      @@agotahorvath Thank you! Do you have a link pointing to the type of solar plexus work you are referring to? It is much appreciated. I def have held a lot of tension there over the course of my life, digestion broke down in my 20s and I had become rail thin and was developing an ulcer. A nutritionist help me learn how to holistically address the digestion issues and ulcer. Anyway I recognize the importance of healing that area.

    • @jimmycoco6506
      @jimmycoco6506 Рік тому

      I can tell you that the answer is no. I'm 40 and have spent my whole life knowing theres something wrong with me and have spent the last 5 years studying phychology and I found the answers.
      Knowing now that my dad is a narcissist and my mam is a sociopath made me now everything made sense own long journey

  • @bosshogg1155
    @bosshogg1155 Рік тому +8

    This is 100% perfect in every word spoken. My narcissistic person (wife) that’s divorcing me bc I’ve been exposing her over the years has acted out in all of these ways. Most noted is her being in another relationship then asking for a divorce and TELLING me how I feel about her to justify her actions. She says “you don’t even like me” or “you don’t like me anyway” and she makes herself believe that to make it ok that she is involved with someone else. What’s the most troubling part about it all is I can’t argue or reason bc there is no point. Whatever she says is what it is. Like the time I caught her in the act of FaceTiming somebody and she said she didn’t do it. Like I literally snatched her phone and saw the person. She still said she didn’t do it that they were talking 10 minutes ago and he must have called back and she didn’t know it. So that’s what the truth has to be, my word against hers and she will argue her word vs what actually happened. We separated after that and it really gave me mental issues. She never addressed it, apologized or tried to make fix it waiting on me to just let it go and crawl back. When I didn’t do that THIS time is when she eventually did the discard. I see now it’s easier to live a new lie than address the old truth and that’s what they go for.

    • @muscleman369
      @muscleman369 Рік тому +3

      Right there with you.. My ex wife swore up and down I was the narcissist even tho I sacrificed all I could for my family including my own well being and happiness. She lied about so many things it's still getting exposed. Sick to say the least. And yeah the affair she held secret was my fault. I will watch the lord handle her appropriately for her false accusations towards me. May God bless you sir because your girl sounded pretty similar to my ex.

  • @k80.82
    @k80.82 Рік тому +15

    You can definitely see it when you pay attention!! They cannot meet their own needs or communicate amongst many other things. You are bang on in this video entirely. Thank you for posting it! ❤

  • @nryane
    @nryane Рік тому +13

    The ex-partner was an “act”. He was a “victim”, a “sensitive man in a harsh world”, and he worked hard on that persona.
    If he’s still alive, I could see him attempting to maintain that act. He’ll be 70, and losing his “edge”. Probably decompensating, as his anger rages more.
    “Mr. Nice Guy” was already “losing it”, having frequent rages, when I was still with him. His health also was deteriorating when I wasn’t around to feed him properly.
    You hit another one out of the ballpark, Little Shaman! I love how you find all the nuances of this personality type, making them so easy to understand!
    Blessings!🥰

  • @shewins3775
    @shewins3775 Рік тому +5

    The bear analogy was funny, brilliant and exactly how it is.

  • @Vashti0825
    @Vashti0825 Рік тому +15

    I met my ex in a 12 step program. We were friends for years prior to our relationship and I trusted him because he put so much work into defining the program.
    Some people learn how to do something very well, yet they never do it and critique others as if they do.
    I was so naive. That was a hard life lesson.

    • @nryane
      @nryane Рік тому +4

      The ex-partner still goes to 12-step programs and is the one male who grandstands his “sensitivity” by telling his childhood abuse story - over and over and over again. He met me at ACOA, and others, as well.
      He also ran two support groups for people with chronic illness, attended by women. Always was late coming home from meetings.
      I, too, was naive. I gradually healed in EMDR trauma therapy, then left.

    • @Vashti0825
      @Vashti0825 Рік тому +4

      @nryane they are master manipulators of the most vulnerable. I was 20 years his junior as well. I ended up his caretaker, not his wife. He was also a hoarder. It wasn't until he was in assisted living until I had the opportunity to empty the house and get the hell out.
      I could use therapy. I cringe at going back to the program because I think everyone is full of shit.

    • @nryane
      @nryane Рік тому +3

      @@Vashti0825
      I get it. There are 13-steppers who latch onto the naive and confused ones attempting to heal.
      I am 11 years older than the ex-partner and stayed almost 30 years, including 10 years of “dating”, off and on.
      Because I went to EMDR trauma therapy for three years before leaving the relationship, I was able to SEE the manipulations and get out relatively easy.
      I agree that such groups can be iffy.

    • @Healinglove
      @Healinglove Рік тому +2

      ​@@nryane, would you ever date someone in program again? Same exact thing happened to me, I'm wondering if AA is filled with narcissist?

    • @nryane
      @nryane Рік тому +3

      @@Healinglove
      At 80, I don’t think I’ll date again. Certainly not someone from a 12-step program!

  • @pamelalaws3644
    @pamelalaws3644 Місяць тому +1

    Now I understand . When I told someone I needed to think of the possibility that I might be doing something to hurt a relationship I had with another they said " No dont do that. If something is wrong its not you". When I said I just need to check myself the narc replied that they knew it was not them and they believe in themselves. And they told me to never second guess myself. I thought then and now: wow, how fat headed! We can all check ourselves and improve ourselves. What if we did do or say something to hurt someone? None of us are perfect .

  • @deborahyarborough1080
    @deborahyarborough1080 Рік тому +6

    Two narcissistic I know says they hate bullying in people. But they both were bullies. Listen very carefully

  • @Ranechannel77
    @Ranechannel77 6 місяців тому +2

    I like the bear analogy, they kind of remind me of Renfield the bad actor, hiding Dracula in the house too.

  • @maIwaldron
    @maIwaldron Рік тому +4

    They hate intimacy, while masquerading they feel the contrary. All will be used against you to keep you on your feet. Keep it short and simple with such types

  • @Michael_Dominic
    @Michael_Dominic Рік тому +6

    towards the end you have a segment where you mention that the narc things less of you for liking them and it reminds me of a quote frmo my friends mother, in reference to her husband at the time "if he loves me, what does that say about him" and it really brings it all in focus.

    • @munequa81
      @munequa81 Рік тому +1

      Yikes!!! This is so true!!

  • @kathrynhogan3387
    @kathrynhogan3387 Рік тому +8

    Little Shamin has navigated me through two coverts skillfully and I’m grateful. I can’t fathom how many hours and years of torment this woman has saved thousands of us and as we share the knowledge -possibly millions. She is a GIFT🙏🏽

    • @nmHispana
      @nmHispana Рік тому +1

      Very true and had I not the knowledge and education in any of their traits and in how to deal with them, then I would not have been able to recognize nor handle myself calmly throughout an entire year with one of these exploitive and malignant predators. They are vindictive, out for revenge, run smear campaigns without proof, do absolutely anything for attention and to stay relevant. Almost a year later and even despite a victory in a civil lawsuit (with it's loud laughing, lying and nasty comments in the courtroom), still waiting for the return of what in their twisted mind they believe entitled to keep and what was never theirs to start with.

  • @us4damons
    @us4damons Рік тому +6

    That's what always bugs me about all of these narcissistic conversations. Is that a lot of them say oh they planned this. This is what they want to do they try to cause the most pain possible. My ex did not do anything on purpose, and a lot of times his constant lying , pain or trouble in our relationship. I never got the impression for one minute that he woke up everyday trying to think of how to make me miserable..He just did what he did because that's who he was

  • @lindaandersson5257
    @lindaandersson5257 Рік тому +12

    It is like a 5 year olds attempt to be around and act like a normal adult except that they have the intelligence and experience of an adult because of their age. It would be more believable if their charachter had some faults like a perfect charchter in a movie is just not relatable but they are to immature to realize that.

    • @trishf2184
      @trishf2184 Рік тому +2

      I swear, I say to him, MY god..are you 5?????? The emotional maturity of a day Lilly.

  • @elizabethlawrence-qj2dz
    @elizabethlawrence-qj2dz 11 днів тому

    The narc I used to date would tell me “you have to take the bad side with the good side.” He was a monster.

  • @sharonammirati2042
    @sharonammirati2042 Рік тому +6

    Amazing articulation..
    you have covered so many questions with solid grounded explanations, worth a second or third listen in order to catch it all. How you have acquired this understanding is a mystery and a gift. Bless you for sharing.

  • @pedroavila7199
    @pedroavila7199 Рік тому +12

    Thank you for all your wisdom. I learned alot from you. I went through a horrible relationship with a narcissist. God Bless

  • @PeteTash32
    @PeteTash32 11 місяців тому +3

    Little Shaman, you get it, and explain it in a far more realistic way than anyone else I have found before.
    You deserve so many more listeners, not comfortable listening, but better than believing these people and destroying your life.

  • @hud86
    @hud86 5 місяців тому +2

    This accurately describes my experiences

  • @noctisgamma556
    @noctisgamma556 Рік тому +3

    My husband's mother's entire life is an act. I realized not long ago that we never even have a real conversation with her. Ever. It's only ever the act. She is the "virtuous victim who did the best she could"... We never have a real conversation with her. It's always just her retelling the same stories over and over again to project a certain image. Basically the exact opposite of who she is and how she lives her life.
    I've never met someone so dishonest. And I believed her for about 6 years I think. I cried for her and felt so bad for her. Turns out everything is a giant lie. She is not the giving, loving, or sacrificing victim that she claims. Now when she talks about being so giving and helpful to someone else I see it as the cover up for how THEY are the giving helpful ones to her. The more she talks the more she tells on herself at this point because I figured out a lot of things just by paying attention.
    I honestly never would have thought someone could not even be like a person. Hard for me to explain. It's like she exists solely to preserve the false image and the act, she isn't even a person besides that. She is nobody besides that.

  • @andrewnash8139
    @andrewnash8139 8 місяців тому +3

    😂 there’s a freaking bear in there!

  • @willcool713
    @willcool713 5 місяців тому +1

    "Why does it matter if your friends understand you? Why does it matter if I understand you? Why should anyone bother? That isn't necessary. Don't share all those things with me about your past. I don't want to know. I'm certainly not going to tell you those things about myself! Are you crazy? A girl has to keep her secrets, has to keep her mystique. Get real. If you expect any woman to open up like that, you're ridiculous! You need to understand boundaries better. Just grow up!"
    She said it to my face, pretty much just like that if not verbatim, and I still had trouble thinking about the implications squarely. And her rhetoric seemed to hold together because her logic was solid, just her premise was insane. It still boggles me. She didn't even know it mattered to feel understood by the people important to you. I don't know how to wrap my head around that. She really thought she was right, I could feel that, it wasn't gaslighting. I intentionally ruminate on things like that, moments like that from others, trying to perceive, trying to find some sense to predict it. They blend so well, and violate norms so blithely, it's tough to know how to premptively weed those folks out.
    My parents were malignant and cruelly knew what they were doing, tortured me. I can spot that, because I can see the intention. When when they don't even know about themselves and just think everyone is the same, I guess, or don't even question it... Boy, I just can't spot it early. I can't find common tells at all.

  • @r.bishop1127
    @r.bishop1127 Рік тому +5

    Can you do some videos on narcissists and sexual behavior? Like they sleep with everything or cut you off? Line up new supply before you're even discarded etc?

  • @franksimmons9242
    @franksimmons9242 Місяць тому +1

    Helps understand why people stick with ridiculous political and religious cults and organizations.
    Huge relief!
    Thank you for this valuable concentrated information and for not being A I.
    Think I'll have a second helping

  • @stompthedragon4010
    @stompthedragon4010 Рік тому +2

    This gave me such a flashback. Decades ago I got mixed- up with a guy that told everyone he was a mortician. He' d go on for hours about it.

  • @brendabadih8855
    @brendabadih8855 Рік тому +3

    Greetings all. Had a text 7-18-2023 from narc sister telling me my brother has died. It started, " Here's some news, Mark is dead". She proceeded to say no one told her he was so sick". Reality, she lives next door! My father died Christmas eve 2021, she lives next door. He had cirrhosis. Both narc sisters next door that day. Neither came over. My brother was the care giver. He was the only one i trusted. My father died that night. Both showed up Christmas day prepared to kick brother out of house. Surprise surprise, my father has just made a new will. I was on the phone w brother and heard the whole confrontation. Two narcs screeching in defeat. This is my personal testimony. July 2023. Thank God i had a good brother and we escaped the narc curse. The grace of God is precious.

  • @nikteezi
    @nikteezi Рік тому +2

    Shaman, you MUST know my NEX!!! “No one GAF about me. No one gives me what I need or want. I don’t matter. I don’t shine; I’m just a guy.” I ALMOST feel bad because it’s the most obvious case I’ve ever seen. But I feel nothing. I pray he gets everything he thinks he deserves, & the accompanying consequences.

  • @linzy890
    @linzy890 Рік тому +3

    I just want to say I am so glad little shaman is still offering expertise and support bc I remember when her videos were being taken down. she helps so many people!

  • @earthdakini
    @earthdakini Рік тому +10

    I wish I could give this more than one like. Your videos helped me so much to wake up to myself & what was happening to me when I was in a relationship with a narcissistic person. Learning that their manoeuvres were innate & part of unhealthy behavioural patterns, that could not be changed ( apart from temporarily when they needed to achieve the upper hand ) was my get out of jail card.

  • @talkinfanci
    @talkinfanci Рік тому +7

    This is so sadly true. I truly loved the mask. Times the ex narc would tell me I’m blowing smoke to her ass when I would give many accolades only because she didn’t believe the accolades of herself🤦🏽‍♀️

  • @victordevonshire807
    @victordevonshire807 Рік тому +3

    I think I suffer from co-dendcy. I love your voice. Hence I love you.

  • @antheasauls692
    @antheasauls692 Рік тому +3

    Thank you dearest. You have explained it remarkably.
    Today after a struggle of a divorce 15 months ago to a narcissist. Finally God has made your video come up to give me closure of understanding why he discarded me and could not speak to me. It had nothing to do with me. I can live in peace.

  • @TylerSmith-qx6uz
    @TylerSmith-qx6uz Рік тому +6

    I’m here cause I thought they passed a narcissist law lol.

  • @trishf2184
    @trishf2184 Рік тому +3

    Cyn , we KNOW what they are. How do we get right with ourselves?

  • @apshappysobriety5414
    @apshappysobriety5414 Місяць тому +1

    Absolutely Spot-on‼️Very clear, very true 💯‼️Thank you so much for sharing ☺️👍🏻🤩

  • @User_Unknown_15
    @User_Unknown_15 Місяць тому +1

    True healing ❤️‍🩹 thank you 🙏

  • @Clevelandsteamer324
    @Clevelandsteamer324 9 місяців тому +3

    What a truth bomb

  • @MultiSenhor
    @MultiSenhor Рік тому +4

    20:22 Or that you are evil, and if you are evil and are ok with evil, you can do evil to them, it's just a matter of time and whoever strikes first has an advantage

  • @SophieBird07
    @SophieBird07 7 місяців тому +2

    Brilliant! Yet again!

  • @DD-es6qd
    @DD-es6qd Рік тому +12

    Thank you for your work!

  • @bluenetmarketing
    @bluenetmarketing Рік тому +9

    This is intense. There are some people who "pretend," not because they are narcissistic or manipulative, but because they truly don't know how to function or interact comfortably with others. So, don't throw these innocent, incapable people out with the bath water.

    • @thelittleshamanhealing
      @thelittleshamanhealing  Рік тому +14

      Definitely. As we always state on this channel, narcissists are not the only people who have many of these challenges. They have them to a degree that is extreme, totally unworkable and rigid.
      Too much information out there focuses on things that ONLY narcissists do or have or say or think, or is about how to recognize narcissists. It has trained people to look at things as if it's an either-or situation when it isn't. It isn't a narcissist's differences from others that make them so dangerous. It's their similarities and there are many of them.

    • @TheresFuckeryAfoot
      @TheresFuckeryAfoot Рік тому

      I hear what you’re saying, however, it’s still a form of manipulation to “pretend” to be something you aren’t. You’re trying to present an image to others in hopes they’ll buy it. While the intention for this may be not be malicious, it’s still an attempt to manipulate someone’s perception of you for gain (in this case social acceptance or self regulation).
      The fall out, when people find out you aren’t what you presented can end up isolating you further.

    • @bluenetmarketing
      @bluenetmarketing Рік тому +2

      @@TheresFuckeryAfoot Copying is not "pretending" anymore than learning to ride a bicycle by watching someone else ride a bike would be. Manipulative behavior is pretending to be something or someone you aren't for malicious purposes, to benefit only you at the expense of someone else without their knowledge. It all boils down to honest intent and whether there is a mutually agreeable exchange of behavior that benefits both parties equally. If you think that honest behavior only includes that which comes organically from within each person, then you're skipping the "nurture" part of "nature vs nurture." We are all products of what we are exposed to and learn from others around us. The lower our IQ, the more we are forced to copy others for simple survival. Our internal honesty compass determines how we use our instincts and learned/copied behaviors for good or bad.

    • @danielkaiser8971
      @danielkaiser8971 Рік тому +2

      @@bluenetmarketing Copying is what everyone does, for example when they are learning something new. But narcissists copy their target's behaviors in order to create a false sense of commonality, to forge an insincere connection for the purpose of getting close to the person in a hurry and gain unearned trust from the person -- and this is how narcissists are manipulative where copying is concerned. But you are correct, copying in general is not a bad thing and everyone does it.

  • @user-rn6bk6hq4g
    @user-rn6bk6hq4g Місяць тому

    I think you are brilliant on the subject of narcissists. I never met this person I know because I could not trust him. A lot of what he said just was not believable. I did tell him he is talented and funny because he is. The predicament of the narcissist is impossible to change. They will exploit you for caring about them. They cannot get help because they cannot reflect on their own, in some cases, horrible behaviors towards others. They are in a no-win situation. I do not hate him at all. I feel sad for him, but will never let him into my life. I am in no contact with him because there is obviously nowhere to go. There is no relationship because he is delusional about himself, and does not know or trust me, or anyone else. I am authentic with him and he says things like "who do you think you are pointing out things to me that I have been running away from all of my life?" That sounds like an insightful statement, but he is still running from himself. I cannot imagine the fear, frustration and pain narcissists are in, and because of how they see the world and themselves, there is no way out. He will always be in my prayers.

  • @deniseclarke8580
    @deniseclarke8580 Рік тому +3

    Absolutely true little sharman and it was bloody exhausting

  • @RatedArggg
    @RatedArggg Рік тому +2

    It's almost impossible to see what they're doing to you when they're familiy members you grew up with.

  • @jamusjones5237
    @jamusjones5237 Рік тому +2

    Shawman , your analogies , descriptions
    & explanations of narcissist is
    Remarkable & impeccable , .. .???

  • @monicamckinley7163
    @monicamckinley7163 Рік тому +3

    👏👏👏👏👏Wooooww!! Thank God for you Little Sharman!! I pray you receive every blessing God has in store for you!! Beautifully said!!!

  • @BrothaJay1b8m
    @BrothaJay1b8m 2 місяці тому +1

    Brilliant break down......!

  • @GraciousSpirit001
    @GraciousSpirit001 Рік тому +2

    This is one of the most helpful and healing explanations of NPD I've ever heard. I understand my past encounters with these people so much better now. Remember their behaviot is not personal. That helps alot. But it is so sad. These people are suffering abd they dump their pain onto innocent people. Thank you for this podcast. Love and hope to all ❤

  • @michaellminto5272
    @michaellminto5272 Рік тому +2

    Love you little shaman😊😊😊

  • @juliatamalo7916
    @juliatamalo7916 Рік тому +4

    I can't thank you enough for the insightful explanation and the revelation, Ms. Shaman. Imsgine, how long of therapy would cure a person like this?? Literally, they must be strapped and put to listen without doing anything, just to put them into reflection. Only then can you offer them the the therapy, with still another 50-50 chance. Have a wonderful weekend, Ms. Shaman. God bless you abundantly 🙏🏻🎉

  • @shadowbody
    @shadowbody Рік тому +2

    What happens when a narcissist is themselves? Has it ever happened? Do they just become a monk who has accepted the emptiness of themselves and everything around them?

    • @thelittleshamanhealing
      @thelittleshamanhealing  Рік тому +5

      They don't really HAVE a stable self, so they can't really "be themselves." There's no self to be.

    • @shadowbody
      @shadowbody Рік тому +1

      @@thelittleshamanhealing For life? There is never any recovery? No narc has ever for instance turned to the church or some help to try and do something about his or her condition?

  • @sarajack2620
    @sarajack2620 Рік тому +2

    They really are like aliens. I used to work with a covert narc. She was truly hollow and I could feel the odd facade, her emptiness. She would tell me about her online coffee dates-so weird, no EQ.😶

  • @marklewis1884
    @marklewis1884 Рік тому +2

    Little sharmen your so on point I don’t see it any outher way I which it wasn’t true but it is

  • @lilfairycupcake
    @lilfairycupcake 8 місяців тому +1

    Everyone should be made to listen to this vid.. the mindset of one of these animals is so twisted, for a normal person it's almost hard to comprehend. Knowledge is power when dealing with a narc. It is a form of mental instability for sure. 18:15 unlovable pile of human garbage/toxic sums things up well, that's exactly what they are.

  • @danovangrinnell4479
    @danovangrinnell4479 Рік тому +2

    I was warn about her b4 i even c her face it was family dynamics.I deceided to give her a shot especially focusing on her kids.N my god it was recurring destruction.

  • @Brand.on18
    @Brand.on18 Рік тому +6

    These videos always give a ton of content to reflect on. A thought-provoking summary.

  • @thegreenwoodelf8014
    @thegreenwoodelf8014 Рік тому +1

    How fitting the mythological imagery becomes when you actually encounter these beings

  • @heathersoper6923
    @heathersoper6923 Місяць тому

    He says he's done no wrongdoing and has lied and denied everything.

  • @deepviolet7982
    @deepviolet7982 Рік тому +1

    BRAVO Little Shaman👏!!!!

  • @mheiseus
    @mheiseus Місяць тому +1

    My x narc sent me a song saying she loved me. Mind you this is after she tried to destroy my life and kill me..."ill see you again,🎤" terrifying 😢

  • @Katyayanibetha
    @Katyayanibetha Рік тому +7

    Thanks for this. 😊 The way you're describing narcissists here reminds me of how even slime mold, requiring no central nervous system, still has the ability to be able to manipulate its surroundings in order to gravitate and move toward a food source it can feed off of, and away from things it finds to be poisonous for them. It's more of a reflex and instinct than a higher intelligence. For a visual of what I'm talking about, here's a short video of some slime mold in mazes experiments: ua-cam.com/video/kk1Ot67-OFc/v-deo.html . So, a narc's instinct to gravitate towards people who are good sources of supply that they can feed off of and manipulate them to be the best food source possible for them, and their instinct to stay away from those who hold them accountable isn't really a sign of greater intelligence than slime mold, scientifically speaking, of course... lol.

  • @CYellowan
    @CYellowan 28 днів тому +1

    They are barely aware. In a way. It's weird.

  • @MultiSenhor
    @MultiSenhor Рік тому +1

    Every new video as of late has been feeling like it is the most fundamental video, the one that gets nearest the core both in terms of understanding the narcissist and bridging the gap to explain it to viewers, and this one seems to have hit "it"