#265

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  • Опубліковано 23 гру 2024

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  • @OurBlackFriend
    @OurBlackFriend 3 роки тому +1437

    In such trying times of turmoil and injustice, the Polo Pig is truly a shining, guiding light. I wish him well.

  • @rachisinspace
    @rachisinspace 3 роки тому +338

    Tim always talks about how he used to listen to Alex Jones at night to fall asleep, and he’s that person for me. When I hear that opening line I get so happy lol

    • @Xr3737
      @Xr3737 3 роки тому +9

      infowars will always be the ultimate bedtime lullaby

    • @rachisinspace
      @rachisinspace 3 роки тому +5

      @@Xr3737 I love hearing about supplements and food supplies to drift off

    • @JUANO510
      @JUANO510 3 роки тому

      Marry me beautiful would u mind being with a Puerto Rican?

    • @FlippyHambone
      @FlippyHambone 3 роки тому +10

      Alex Jones should be the exclusive muzak for all elevators and lobbies.

    • @caseylainhart9445
      @caseylainhart9445 3 роки тому

      Same

  • @comebackseason8384
    @comebackseason8384 3 роки тому +1133

    Call her daddy being banned in Afghanistan is the biggest act of charity possible

    • @letsgojake.4078
      @letsgojake.4078 3 роки тому +82

      Akscuse may? Im over here in Kabble teaching Ofgonnis about trans rights and sex positivity. I need the positivity of my sisters in audio form. How dare you.

    • @Boardermelodies
      @Boardermelodies 3 роки тому +13

      As a sales person I endorse this message

    • @SleeplessSpecter
      @SleeplessSpecter 3 роки тому +29

      If that was the end result, maybe it was all worth it.

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +13

      @@letsgojake.4078 Your village must not have gotten word...RUN.

    • @haskunka
      @haskunka 3 роки тому +4

      So much truth in this podcast it’s scary 😧

  • @polricart5650
    @polricart5650 3 роки тому +123

    Tim reading Ads is funnier than Jimmy Fallon's monologue

    • @whitexchina
      @whitexchina 3 роки тому +2

      Fact!

    • @hershyworlds8041
      @hershyworlds8041 3 роки тому +10

      Tim breathing in a deep sleep may be funnier than Jimmy Fallon saying anything

    • @blastbeatindustries3191
      @blastbeatindustries3191 3 роки тому +4

      The death rattle of my only child is funnier that Jimmy Fallon's monologue.

    • @DeckofLies
      @DeckofLies 7 місяців тому

      People confuse Fallon and Kimmel, Fallon is whatever but it’s Kimmel who’s far worse

  • @peppino1961
    @peppino1961 3 роки тому +1347

    Hearing Tim’s voice at the beginning of the show is so comforting. I have never enjoyed a comic as much as this guy, he’s truly gifted.

    • @topdhen
      @topdhen 3 роки тому +57

      It’s a real cock fight out there

    • @Jonathan_Guice
      @Jonathan_Guice 3 роки тому +7

      @Ken McMullen he's got a dog as his pfp, so I'd say so

    • @yanquiufo7113
      @yanquiufo7113 3 роки тому +4

      You mean he's truly grifted?

    • @mattkirby994
      @mattkirby994 3 роки тому +29

      @@Jonathan_Guice Come to the comments for thoughtful, measured analysis... End up discovering I'm gay.

    • @curefan99
      @curefan99 3 роки тому +3

      Truly!

  • @Evan03Grimes
    @Evan03Grimes 3 роки тому +127

    Tim trying to hold back shitting on his sponsors is next level funny.

    • @eoinoconnell185
      @eoinoconnell185 3 роки тому +1

      Problem is, Burr has done the ''shitting on the sponsors'' schtick already.

    • @famousbastard5344
      @famousbastard5344 3 роки тому +7

      @@eoinoconnell185 its not a schtick its more just seething rage against them. also like bill burr isnt funny and has never been. Atleast Fim is like actually funny and has things such as talent, wit and an understanding of comedy. bill burr is a hack

    • @kevinsmoon3257
      @kevinsmoon3257 3 роки тому +1

      @@famousbastard5344 agreed, and burr sometimes just screams into a microphone in hopes of a laugh it can be irritating sometimes

  • @codycole722
    @codycole722 3 роки тому +454

    Tim Dillon is the only American who could make the Taliban laugh

    • @kellanriley1074
      @kellanriley1074 3 роки тому +47

      Tim Dillon is the Taliban

    • @imemberberry
      @imemberberry 3 роки тому +8

      Tim Dillon, and Sebastian.

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +20

      no one goes after feminists harder

    • @DarnThatDragon
      @DarnThatDragon 3 роки тому +4

      Taliban got BÉTA BACK

    • @jamesbael6255
      @jamesbael6255 3 роки тому +2

      Not the only one...ever heard the story about the young 'bul and the old 'bul?

  • @jacobmcclain6503
    @jacobmcclain6503 3 роки тому +37

    Ben is funny. He said the sound track to his life is the sound track to no country for old men, a movie that has no music

  • @Blake_.Dryden
    @Blake_.Dryden 3 роки тому +226

    I use Ben's general reaction to determine whether the ads are worth not skipping

    • @CrashRacknShoot
      @CrashRacknShoot 3 роки тому +20

      "HOLD. A KNIFE. TO THE THE THROAT. OF A SALMON. Boxofawesome code TimDillon."

    • @MeeN905
      @MeeN905 3 роки тому +3

      @@MrCecil Better Help is the best :)

    • @aaroneusjames2342
      @aaroneusjames2342 3 роки тому +2

      I love when he pauses during an ad rant to say "Cut the Shit!"

  • @BrandonGallemore
    @BrandonGallemore 3 роки тому +144

    Tim Dillon is my favorite podcaster now. He pays attention to the world too. How is he the only one saying all of this?

    • @B-RaDD
      @B-RaDD 3 роки тому +10

      Tim and Flagrant 2, do it for me

    • @ko349
      @ko349 3 роки тому +11

      He’s a fearless entity

    • @ko349
      @ko349 3 роки тому +25

      russel brand is alsooo going off

    • @BrandonGallemore
      @BrandonGallemore 3 роки тому +6

      @@ko349 you're right about Russell Brand too.

    • @ThsBehaviorsNtUnique
      @ThsBehaviorsNtUnique 3 роки тому +4

      Ryan Long

  • @kellanriley1074
    @kellanriley1074 3 роки тому +231

    After watching this whole episode in 5 minutes I proceeded to single handedly disarm and disband the Taliban from all the knowledge I absorbed from our lord and saviour, Tim Dillon. Thank you for showing us the true path to enlightenment.

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +4

      then who are these men in the tunnels holding me hostage?

    • @hurrifanc.3434
      @hurrifanc.3434 3 роки тому +8

      @@ShatterNWO IDF you're going to Epstein island...cheers!

    • @radcow
      @radcow 3 роки тому

      Why really you beat the Taliban all by yourself very impressive

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +1

      @@hurrifanc.3434 Is the island also in Afghanistan, like the DC tunnels?

    • @robhargreaves9285
      @robhargreaves9285 3 роки тому +6

      Tim Dillon fans post the best comments🤣👍

  • @DomT0311
    @DomT0311 3 роки тому +44

    Being a veteran who was there the same time as the person who wrote that thread, it hits home hard. It's 100% true. Shameful

    • @thomasledwidge8538
      @thomasledwidge8538 3 роки тому +1

      Did he say the name of the person? I’m trying to find it online but I cant

    • @Filiolus
      @Filiolus 3 роки тому +1

      @@thomasledwidge8538 Laura jedeed

    • @Ekdrink
      @Ekdrink 8 місяців тому +1

      Animals are animals even if you try to help em

    • @CollaborativeDataAccounts
      @CollaborativeDataAccounts 6 місяців тому

      I want to understand White Rage.

    • @nicksonnier5895
      @nicksonnier5895 4 місяці тому

      @@CollaborativeDataAccounts first step is play in traffic

  • @Harpoquondrax
    @Harpoquondrax 3 роки тому +364

    I was having a terrible day and about to just call it quits and go to bed, now a reason to stay up.

    • @derekladyga1716
      @derekladyga1716 3 роки тому +28

      Due to the fact I thought you said some suicidal shit after "call it quits" I liked your staus then retracted said like

    • @MrAnthonyshmanthony
      @MrAnthonyshmanthony 3 роки тому +4

      Sad

    • @dabu3
      @dabu3 3 роки тому +11

      Harpoquondrax I hope you have a good day this Sunday 🥰

    • @JDVmusicSound
      @JDVmusicSound 3 роки тому +8

      Same lol

    • @asfandyaralam7180
      @asfandyaralam7180 3 роки тому +6

      Take care man, God bless!

  • @jacktomala4561
    @jacktomala4561 3 роки тому +73

    I love when Tim is by himself ranting while Ben cracks up.

  • @lazylion420
    @lazylion420 3 роки тому +270

    Tim is a physical amalgamation of all professional TV poker players circa 2009

    • @michaeltrout9590
      @michaeltrout9590 3 роки тому +15

      Lots of high quality food from eating out 365/24/7 yet dressing like he is in witness protection

    • @DailyNugget
      @DailyNugget 3 роки тому +7

      This is such a hilarious observation

    • @charwest5892
      @charwest5892 3 роки тому +3

      He is like Daniel Nagreneu mixed with Chris Moneymaker mixed with Phil Helmuth mixed with Rush Limbaugh, RIP Rush

    • @PretENDOgolf
      @PretENDOgolf 3 роки тому

      Hahaha spot on!

    • @greenpilltheory6649
      @greenpilltheory6649 3 роки тому +1

      well played

  • @todd.howard
    @todd.howard 3 роки тому +14

    I like Ben being in the shadows with his eyes covered. Dehumanizing him makes the show better

  • @nate2435
    @nate2435 3 роки тому +138

    I really look forward to Tim putting the week in perspective every Saturday night

    • @BEERBOMB113
      @BEERBOMB113 3 роки тому +9

      Its definitely a coping mechanism for me amongst the worlds chaotic and stressful times. Helps remind me there's always a laugh to be had

    • @Muwop762x39
      @Muwop762x39 3 роки тому +1

      You mean Sunday morning

    • @sublimelove23
      @sublimelove23 3 роки тому

      @@Muwop762x39 Saturday night on the West Coast

    • @Rctdcttecededtef
      @Rctdcttecededtef 3 роки тому

      @@Muwop762x39 amen

  • @tastelesstouch
    @tastelesstouch 3 роки тому +77

    Tim speaking about post 9/11 America: “It was such a beautiful thing because we had just attacked ourselves…” lol

    • @Nixi8989
      @Nixi8989 3 роки тому +7

      Best quote of all time no doubt

  • @larryjohnson3087
    @larryjohnson3087 3 роки тому +361

    "After many years of reading books and rehab I found out I was wrong" More people need to be like Tim.

    • @Abitflippant
      @Abitflippant 3 роки тому +6

      Most are genetically predisposed dumb af

    • @jacksonbrown2692
      @jacksonbrown2692 3 роки тому +3

      @@Abitflippant Genetically…😂 What are you even saying

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +12

      and that book Tim read....The Quran.

    • @colinorton4791
      @colinorton4791 3 роки тому +1

      Yeah, I'm happy to admit I was wrong once.

    • @Abitflippant
      @Abitflippant 3 роки тому

      @@jacksonbrown2692 combine the bell curve of average intelligence with the rate of people having natural motivation in putting the effort to learn and most people are dumb af.

  • @cez04
    @cez04 3 роки тому +92

    Ben said he wanted his life’s theme music to be the soundtrack to No Country For Old Men. That movie doesn’t have one lmao 😂😂😂

    • @tarico4436
      @tarico4436 3 роки тому +13

      If I recall correctly, there's literally no music in that movie.

    • @ArturoSenni1257
      @ArturoSenni1257 3 роки тому +19

      Mmmmm... Yeah. If you thought about it, liiiiike for a sec, that might be _the point_ - if you catch my drift there, champ.

    • @cez04
      @cez04 3 роки тому

      @@ArturoSenni1257 I'll give him the benefit of the doubt lmao

    • @ArturoSenni1257
      @ArturoSenni1257 3 роки тому +11

      @@cez04 It just so happens to be one of the most well known aspects of the said movie, so giving a "benefit of the doubt" - as you "state it" would be more than feasible, yes. All the best there, champ.

    • @Psyplus
      @Psyplus 3 роки тому +3

      @@cez04 you think ben doesn’t understand comedy when he produces one of the biggest comedy podcasts?

  • @Quarresttazer
    @Quarresttazer 3 роки тому +97

    Tim Dillon is the most dangerous comedian working today. He must be protected.

    • @jakehopgood7446
      @jakehopgood7446 3 роки тому +1

      his surname has been accepted and approved.

  • @AntiSaffron
    @AntiSaffron 3 роки тому +65

    When Tim throws out the 'BUT..' after acknowledging a delicate topic

  • @velocitor3792
    @velocitor3792 3 роки тому +104

    "You don't want to tell your friends from Vassar that you're helping people from Ohio; you want to tell them you're helping people in Afghanistan."
    Damn, that's a truth bomb. No joke.

    • @vanivari359
      @vanivari359 3 роки тому +3

      no it's not. I bet you aren't helping anyone and i know i don't, so maybe we should not question other peoples motives. And maybe helping people in Afghanistan has much more impact than helping someone from Ohio, which even at the wirst place has a better life than 80-90% of the people in the world? Maybe some people feel responsible for the chaos the US created in the area and therefore want to help? Not everyone is in Tims country club bragging about helping people in Afghanistan.

    • @BassGoThump
      @BassGoThump 3 роки тому +13

      @@vanivari359
      Are you here to be miserable?

    • @fatguybob2778
      @fatguybob2778 3 роки тому +12

      @@BassGoThump some people have no happiness in life, just let them have the UA-cam comments section. It’s the only meaning and purpose they have; to spread negativity

    • @mightymodo
      @mightymodo 3 роки тому +7

      @@vanivari359 well, even those people got a reality check, now didnt they? Doing something moronic because you have good intentions doesn't magically make it less moronic. Good intentions are worthless if they arent tempered with wisdom.

    • @DelandaBaudLacanian
      @DelandaBaudLacanian 3 роки тому +2

      Where do I donate to the Afghan translators who fled to Ohio? Is there a GoFundMe?

  • @Inf3rnoBlaze
    @Inf3rnoBlaze 3 роки тому +15

    Currently listening to this after my job from delivering pizzas. Thanks Tim for showing me your footsteps.

  • @kristinradams7109
    @kristinradams7109 3 роки тому +78

    "We laugh because it's funny, and we laugh because it's true." -- quote by somebody I wish I could remember. Thank you for this, Tim and Ben. Y'all have been my heroes for a long time. Please stay safe and stay awesome . Don't EVER change!! Love from Texas :)

    • @rosharma7443
      @rosharma7443 3 роки тому +9

      Thats nice.
      Patrice o'neal once said, "The case is I talk for a living, so I should be able to say anything I want to say regardless of how you feel. What we're starting to deal with now is your opinion matters, but to be quite honest, your opinion means nothing.".

    • @jamesbael6255
      @jamesbael6255 3 роки тому

      They're not going to do gay sex together, stop trying to encourage it, Kristin, Ben is married.

    • @MrAhuraMazda
      @MrAhuraMazda 3 роки тому +2

      I think that was Zack Morris' graduation speech before they sing Did We Ever Have a Chance #kabulforever

    • @MrAhuraMazda
      @MrAhuraMazda 3 роки тому +2

      We'll Always Have Kabul 💔❤

    • @kristinradams7109
      @kristinradams7109 3 роки тому +2

      @@MrAhuraMazda Seriously? One of my favorite quotes ever, and it's from Saved by the Bell? LMAO!

  • @xmidge3851
    @xmidge3851 3 роки тому +6

    Tim is the goat when it comes to pointing out the absurdities in life and these situations

  • @hello9GAG
    @hello9GAG 3 роки тому +164

    You know Biden kept going on about "The Kabul airlift being the most dangerous airlift in history" and I'm thinking to myself; this man doesn't even know about the 2007 Applebees airlift with my aunt Belinda. The woman could drink, God rest her soul.

  • @thanosprime6603
    @thanosprime6603 3 роки тому +7

    GAWD DAMN Tim Dillon. You have no idea the joy and laughter that you bring to my life !

  • @VoteNixon
    @VoteNixon 3 роки тому +46

    I miss the old ad reads, but I also understand Tim securing the bag 💰

    • @tarico4436
      @tarico4436 3 роки тому +3

      It's almost to the point of skipping Tim's ad reads. Almost. If he keeps this up, it will be to the point. Srsly, I would never even consider buying a $35 box of cereal, but if I win the lotto, I will buy a box or seven. Just because of Tim Dillon.

  • @StarBellySneetch
    @StarBellySneetch 3 роки тому +2

    Trying to explain Tim Dillon show to people, “he’s a comedian but actually he just rattled on about what is on his mind”…people roll their eyes.. this is a god!

  • @Quarresttazer
    @Quarresttazer 3 роки тому +273

    Tim Dillonn… the body positive Sultan of satire.

    • @justincase5583
      @justincase5583 3 роки тому +1

      Dillon*

    • @Dvncvn
      @Dvncvn 3 роки тому +1

      An old burger king cup filled with box wine is all he can afford

    • @Xr3737
      @Xr3737 3 роки тому +3

      @Matthew Burks dude's sober. you'd be smoking a pack of ciggy liggys.

    • @roymakescomics
      @roymakescomics 3 роки тому

      @@Xr3737 it's crazy to me the number of fans that choose to overlook that fact, just plain ignore it, or think it's a bit.. Tim started comedy to help himself get sober, saying you want to see him get fucked up is basically saying you want him to quit comedy. It's not allowed!

    • @Quarresttazer
      @Quarresttazer 3 роки тому +1

      @@justincase5583 thanks comrade

  • @mrunpopularopinion334
    @mrunpopularopinion334 3 роки тому +48

    The fact Tim is just fine after COVID, is all the proof I need.

  • @robertsmith8520
    @robertsmith8520 3 роки тому +21

    The Sunday sermon is delivered!

  • @jon-michaelsmith8187
    @jon-michaelsmith8187 3 роки тому +18

    Mixing in intelligent views on current topics and being hilarious. Tim is way more talented than any of the late night hosts

  • @ibiza1290
    @ibiza1290 3 роки тому +290

    "This young man's life is over because he trusted the United States." So just like many citizens that live in America then.

    • @peppino1961
      @peppino1961 3 роки тому +21

      Yeah, it’s pretty sad. It looks like governments everywhere everywhere are scum but the US is pretty good at being evil.

    • @wallytangofoxtrot4721
      @wallytangofoxtrot4721 3 роки тому +5

      It’s the criminals that have highjacked the US. No longer the people’s country. Like most ‘democratic’ countries these days.

    • @peppino1961
      @peppino1961 3 роки тому +9

      @@jamesbael6255 I have respect and will always admire anyone who served for their country. Unfortunately they serve the needs of corrupt people in power. There is an old saying that says; when old white men have meetings about foreign policy, young people go to war. It’s really tragic.

    • @collinrubert3512
      @collinrubert3512 3 роки тому

      @@peppino1961 ]

    • @100Mmore
      @100Mmore 3 роки тому +4

      @@peppino1961 the idea that all governments are shitty is a libertarian-cuck fantasy to say 'well yes ours are a bunch satanic pedophile imperialists bu-but they're all bad!'

  • @jacobferguson4358
    @jacobferguson4358 3 роки тому +40

    Tim dillon interrupting his own stories with stories of his high school lunches is a whole vibe. 17:10

  • @1stblackpm
    @1stblackpm 3 роки тому +34

    "Ladies & Gentleman Welcome To The Tim Dillon Show" ~ Never happier to hear these words

    • @bluev7427
      @bluev7427 3 роки тому +2

      I’m so glad my patriotic PM the honourable brown face has the guts to chime in.

  • @patrickwillingham8153
    @patrickwillingham8153 2 роки тому +5

    Back to see the pre break up days. Rip Ben

  • @MilahanPhilosophersCorner
    @MilahanPhilosophersCorner 3 роки тому +86

    Tim's charity point was perfect.

  • @sunnsnowmussoorie3557
    @sunnsnowmussoorie3557 3 роки тому +3

    Tim's show is the best thing on UA-cam by light years. I hope this continues for decades so that in my old age I will have something to listen to again and someday just die laughing

  • @ShatterNWO
    @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +82

    Last week you dressed like an undercover FBI agent at a water park. This Week: Undercover FbI agent at a mini golf course. Keep the kids safe.

    • @ocaptainmycaptain6079
      @ocaptainmycaptain6079 3 роки тому +1

      😂

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +1

      @@ocaptainmycaptain6079 I did not make the original water park remark.

    • @d_hurl
      @d_hurl 3 роки тому

      Hello fellow kids- what's your handicap?

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +1

      @@d_hurl autism is not a handicap

    • @milosuric9719
      @milosuric9719 3 роки тому

      Shooting range instructor was my first thought

  • @SnakeHandler-g7u
    @SnakeHandler-g7u 3 роки тому +8

    The “Mrs. Marino, you owe us money” bit made me have to pull off the road to not crash from laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe.

  • @JMU365
    @JMU365 3 роки тому +43

    General Miley, "You see, it was white rage that caused this whole Afghanistan debacle."

    • @sillygoose4472
      @sillygoose4472 3 роки тому +3

      Satire for now, the narrative in a week
      😬

  • @philipebanks2125
    @philipebanks2125 3 роки тому +60

    I hope Alex Jones is proud, this is what America needs. Thank you for your service and perspective Tim “yes or yes” Dillon. Your great bud.

  • @dalkurd1
    @dalkurd1 3 роки тому +10

    It’s 6 AM here in Stockholm, Sweden, I can’t sleep because chronic depression causes insomnia. Thank God Tim uploaded!

    • @Maximustard
      @Maximustard 3 роки тому +2

      Drugs and alcohol can help with that

    • @dalkurd1
      @dalkurd1 3 роки тому +2

      @@Maximustard Haha hell no. Depression is enough, don’t want to experiment on my brain and make it worse

    • @InappropriateShorts
      @InappropriateShorts 3 роки тому

      Which god do you serve dalkurd

    • @SkatePvP10
      @SkatePvP10 3 роки тому

      Cannabis

    • @ibiza1290
      @ibiza1290 3 роки тому

      Wow you're so deep. Tell me more

  • @dylankhenry
    @dylankhenry 3 роки тому +19

    I feel sorry for Tim's cohost, the poor bugger is holding back gut-wrenching laughter for a whole hour!

  • @lamasu
    @lamasu 3 роки тому +24

    Those bodies falling from that plane will go down as one of the iconic images in the history of the U.S. involvement in Afghanistan

    • @bobsmudger3979
      @bobsmudger3979 3 роки тому +9

      Seems somewhat ironic - all started with 'Falling Man' in 2001

  • @angeliquew69
    @angeliquew69 3 роки тому +97

    The level of comedic genius that you are is beyond astonishing 🙃you are truly impeccable!! Your comedic skills and everything about you is just totally flawless, you're absolutely perfect!! I could be having the worst day/ week and once I hear your podcast it makes me realize that there's too much in this world to laugh about then for me to allow the miniscule b******* in my life to get me so down an out. I want to Truly Thank you for making me laugh and putting me in a good mood when I literally feel like I am at my lowest point at tyms🤪🙏🏼😊 you are Truly a force to be reckoned with Mr. Tim Dillon 💕🤗👍🏽👍🏽I got nothing but love for you baby 💕💕💕

    • @JA-re8gi
      @JA-re8gi 3 роки тому +4

      Looks like somebody's on the rag.

    • @dallasskipper3895
      @dallasskipper3895 3 роки тому

      Dude what’s on the rag mean 😭😂 why would you say this

    • @wiremotherclothmother
      @wiremotherclothmother 3 роки тому +3

      @@JA-re8gi It just sounded like regular drunk talk to me

    • @TalesfromtheRick
      @TalesfromtheRick 3 роки тому

      Gotta respect the troll lol

    • @angeliquew69
      @angeliquew69 3 роки тому +9

      @@TalesfromtheRick first of all yes I did have a couple drinks but what does that have to do with anything?? I absolutely love Tim Dillion so me being on the rag which is so funny cuz I actually am on my period lmfao and I actually did have a couple drinks 🍾💃💃 however that has nothing to do with me loving the f*** out of Tim Dillion 😊💗so enjoy your day you bunch of assholes🙃👍🏽

  • @cloudbloom
    @cloudbloom 3 роки тому +67

    Tim looks like he's about to team up with William Montgomery to sell me self-storage units rented by people who died from a fentanyl overdose

  • @domja9389
    @domja9389 3 роки тому +14

    So glad Ben could finally show up to work for once.

  • @Loveinthemist11
    @Loveinthemist11 3 роки тому +59

    I wanted to join the French Foreign Legion high on coke once. Tim’s life is painfully relatable. Full send.

    • @sebastianbratu1502
      @sebastianbratu1502 3 роки тому +4

      Me too, and I wasn't even high.

    • @Pentagathusosaurus
      @Pentagathusosaurus 3 роки тому +1

      Did they take you?

    • @sublimelove23
      @sublimelove23 3 роки тому +2

      I’ve considered it high and sober

    • @BlekJamal
      @BlekJamal 3 роки тому +6

      @@sublimelove23 Both high and sober, I have never considered this.

    • @JohnANimo-me4br
      @JohnANimo-me4br 3 роки тому +3

      Five year contract and then you have a new identity.

  • @jermberm2788
    @jermberm2788 3 роки тому +8

    Tim may be the real world equivalent of Futurama’s Bender.

    • @nabtv-88
      @nabtv-88 2 роки тому +1

      Got the voice too

  • @fatguybob2778
    @fatguybob2778 3 роки тому +78

    ISIS is like the girl at the party in the background everyone kinda remembered but wasn’t really in any of the photos and didnt have a cool story to tell.

    • @leeannatweed8811
      @leeannatweed8811 3 роки тому +3

      😭

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +21

      but boy did she give up a lot of head

    • @chetbuxton764
      @chetbuxton764 3 роки тому +1

      @@ShatterNWO just had to give her the slightest attention, and she’d do anything

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +4

      @@chetbuxton764 and it was usually explosive

    • @ivywoodxrecords
      @ivywoodxrecords 3 роки тому +3

      But she got really fucked up on vodka early on and starting pulling knives out of the kitchen drawers

  • @blackasinc
    @blackasinc 3 роки тому +75

    "Distribute iPads to women in Afghanistan to listen to the Call Her daddy podcast..."
    "The Soho House in Kabul is closed..."
    He is a fucking genius...I'm dead💀💀💀💀💀🤣😂🤣🤣

  • @ryanpacitto4195
    @ryanpacitto4195 3 роки тому +33

    Never clicked on a link so fast

  • @iFish12
    @iFish12 3 роки тому +2

    Tim is shedding light on the situation playing out in Austin Texas and I wish more people would be covering this. Where are all the journalists?!

    • @BettyWhite2171
      @BettyWhite2171 3 роки тому

      What's going on? California and Afghanistan moving in?
      I live in Florida, and that's what I'm afraid of.

  • @portlandsamber
    @portlandsamber 3 роки тому +44

    All Timmy D needs is a cute tennis skirt to complete his look.

    • @blackhawk5903
      @blackhawk5903 3 роки тому +4

      I imagined him in a pink tennis skirt 😂😂

  • @bidask123
    @bidask123 3 роки тому +9

    If I was still in college and trying to figure out my dissertation for my Doctorate, this podcast would be the ticket that leads to life on Mars.

  • @shadbakht
    @shadbakht 3 роки тому +24

    That’s the fundamental difference between getting involved in Afghanistan and defending Taiwan from an imminent Communist invasion. Most Afghans didn’t want US involved, whereas most Taiwanese don’t want to be a province of the communist party’s China and would welcome aid.

    • @fortusvictus8297
      @fortusvictus8297 3 роки тому +1

      Yeah, but thats hard...ain't nobody got time for that drama

    • @bluev7427
      @bluev7427 3 роки тому +5

      True man. It hinges on the population of the country in question. I think Taiwan is a whole other cause which deserves the defence that we can provide

    • @SuperSmith
      @SuperSmith 3 роки тому +1

      @le jones Japan and Vietnam aren't going to like China going around claiming territories, they know they are next if one is allowed to go.
      Vietnam was also invaded by China just a few years after the US left.

    • @SuperSmith
      @SuperSmith 3 роки тому

      @le jones yes they can realign, but that doesn't necessarily mean with the Chicoms.
      I think any future defensive plans they would develop would be in cooperation with other Asian nations, and without consideration of the US.

  • @TheBrandonbates
    @TheBrandonbates 3 роки тому +1

    I did detainee operations in Bagram in 2009 in a facility called BTIF. It was horrible and gave me a high level of ptsd.

  • @ronaldyodersr
    @ronaldyodersr 3 роки тому +62

    Tim, there is no greater feeling than successfully teaching a woman how to read. I did it with my wife and she just finish her first Harry Potter books! She is thrill with Harry's adventures!

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +16

      Careful. Keep her away from any readings that have to do with divorce law.

    • @bluev7427
      @bluev7427 3 роки тому +4

      @@ShatterNWO 😆

    • @barfyman-dm6zx
      @barfyman-dm6zx 3 роки тому +20

      Piece of advise? Point her to the cook books

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +4

      @@barfyman-dm6zx kama sutra

    • @jamesbael6255
      @jamesbael6255 3 роки тому +2

      You make it sound like unsuccessfully teaching a woman to read is a problem.

  • @MichaelTheChairman
    @MichaelTheChairman 3 роки тому +49

    Tim’s about get Talibanned from UA-cam if he keeps being this funny 😂

    • @tarico4436
      @tarico4436 3 роки тому +4

      Towlie, over at South Park, once got...
      towlie-banned. (Sorry. I'll let myself out.)

    • @AG-gy7qq
      @AG-gy7qq 3 роки тому +5

      You mean he’s about to take over completely control?

    • @MichaelTheChairman
      @MichaelTheChairman 3 роки тому +1

      @@AG-gy7qq 😂

  • @jamesbael6255
    @jamesbael6255 3 роки тому +43

    Only fans is removing adult content. What this means to you, is in about 2 weeks, your favorite servers will be back at the restaurants you love. (This bit has probably been stolen 160 times, not mine originally)

    • @OurBlackFriend
      @OurBlackFriend 3 роки тому +5

      Gonna be a lot of substitute teachers heading back to work...

    • @kylerwin
      @kylerwin 3 роки тому +2

      @@OurBlackFriend Sleeping their way into the lower middle class. Just trying to score some blow.

    • @jamesbael6255
      @jamesbael6255 3 роки тому +2

      @@kylerwin hey, when my stepsister who was a substitute teacher got stuck in the dryer, the solution didn't involve my penis. Shame upon you.

    • @kylerwin
      @kylerwin 3 роки тому +1

      @@jamesbael6255 Correct, it was mine. Shame on you for watching.

    • @tarico4436
      @tarico4436 3 роки тому

      Yeah, well, in October is when OnlyFans is due to enact their proposed changes. Like Johnny Cooper said, they'll move to another platform.

  • @neomatrix6160
    @neomatrix6160 2 роки тому +1

    The VOICE…of the 21st century. His recorded stand up doesn’t even scratch the surface of this man’s comedic abilities. Love seeing him riff in video podcasts with other comedians. And Whitney C and Tim need to have a reality show where they live in a house and rip each other.

  • @rickgraham7641
    @rickgraham7641 3 роки тому +7

    Who holds onto a planes landing gear? Never been in that situation but was that really the only move left to play? Can you even breathe up there? It's not like a building was on fire.

    • @headfullofacid8088
      @headfullofacid8088 3 роки тому +1

      A dum dum does that’s who

    • @billjohnson2081
      @billjohnson2081 3 роки тому

      Everybody is crying about this guy, but really, is someone who is stupid enough to try to climb into a jet's landing gear someone we really want to mourn?

  • @TakashiAmanoOriginal
    @TakashiAmanoOriginal 3 роки тому +5

    Tim is in fact a national treasure

  • @CptCupcake5
    @CptCupcake5 3 роки тому +15

    Good on Timothy for going two months without smoking. Proud of you baby boy.

  • @lst9701
    @lst9701 3 роки тому +1

    Finally a comedian that critiques the things i do without realizing it, and makes me think of the world differently! Fresh perspectives dont come from twitter, they come from great people like Tim.

  • @brentbarrus9754
    @brentbarrus9754 3 роки тому +90

    Tim thinks glasses can obscure the blatant reading of his "Q" cards.

    • @dimftillon
      @dimftillon 3 роки тому +5

      You can see the foam collecting around his mouth, he'll have to be put down like the rest.

    • @herbythechef7624
      @herbythechef7624 3 роки тому +5

      He has to talk for an hour. Sometimes he needs to be reminded of the topics he wants to address. It's not a big deal

    • @Daniel-dl3tf
      @Daniel-dl3tf 3 роки тому +1

      @Sarah Sanders just relax bro he’s going through a phase rn

    • @penningtonlovesyou
      @penningtonlovesyou 3 роки тому +1

      @Sarah Sanders honey most podcasts and UA-cam videos are scripted or at least have outlines. It’s not live and is 100% edited too.

    • @penningtonlovesyou
      @penningtonlovesyou 3 роки тому

      @Sarah Sanders k

  • @roberttrue2700
    @roberttrue2700 3 роки тому +2

    Woke at 5am to take a piss, saw this, and now I'm up I guess. Well worth it as always

  • @kidswiguns
    @kidswiguns 3 роки тому +5

    "This is a scene of people leaving Austin, Texas." Hilarious

  • @c.h.2392
    @c.h.2392 10 місяців тому +1

    25 minute setup about the Afghanistan war for the punchline to be about Austin, Texas. For me this is up there with Norm's moth joke

  • @greencrayonsss
    @greencrayonsss 3 роки тому +28

    Tim Dillon is a genius intelllectual philosopher king who should have a cult.

  • @AnxietyTuesdays
    @AnxietyTuesdays 2 роки тому +2

    Tim has an excellent moral compass, and I love him for it.

  • @JustAReminder
    @JustAReminder 3 роки тому +9

    No Country for Old Men has almost no music in it. Intentionally or not that may be one of funniest things Ben’s ever said.

  • @sillysissyphus4877
    @sillysissyphus4877 3 роки тому

    “The sound track to ‘No Country for Old Men’”. Nice answer Ben

  • @lifesajoke6965
    @lifesajoke6965 3 роки тому +3

    I popped three E hits or "beans" as we called them while sitting in my homeroom in 11th grade because I reeked like the weed I smoked before going into the school and a teacher said something about it. As soon as she walked over to the phone to call someone to escort me to the main office, I just threw them in my mouth crunched them up and swallowed because I knew I was gonna get searched. After they didn't find anything on me and I blamed the smell on my brother by saying he borrowed my hoodie and he must've smoked while wearing it, they told me to take it off and go to class. By third period my pupils were the size of quarters, I couldn't sit still, and I was pouring sweat. It made for a crazy day.

  • @babylonhasfallen5338
    @babylonhasfallen5338 3 роки тому +12

    “The Dream of Q is alive in Palm Beach”

  • @sithlorddarthbong4959
    @sithlorddarthbong4959 3 роки тому +7

    Timothy Dillon is the comedian that we don't deserve 👏🤣

  • @williiamcutter9482
    @williiamcutter9482 3 роки тому

    this rant about Katrina and COVID is some of the most inspiring and truthful advice I have EVER HEARD IN MY PROCASTINATION RIDDLED LIFE....thank you Tim

  • @elzorritoable
    @elzorritoable 3 роки тому +7

    💯☀️ great episode, buddy. As a veteran, thanks man.

  • @dinosaurizedanarmystore8629
    @dinosaurizedanarmystore8629 2 роки тому +2

    This is the funniest podcaster I've listened too. You superrr funyy Tim Thank you so much!

  • @djyua9157
    @djyua9157 3 роки тому +40

    Bens Hat makes him look like a male stripper whose costume is Train conductor

    • @Gouthamedara
      @Gouthamedara 3 роки тому

      Train conductor 🙄
      Woman, you have fetish. isn’t it?

    • @Cunch
      @Cunch 3 роки тому

      Go and ride that caboose, Ben 😂

    • @johnnycomelately9400
      @johnnycomelately9400 3 роки тому +1

      There's something a bit Freudian about this.

  • @SAINTzenxp
    @SAINTzenxp 3 роки тому +19

    “It’s probably because they have nothing going on in their lives that brings them any enjoyment” would be true if it weren’t for you, Miss Dillon

  • @tombystander
    @tombystander 3 роки тому +6

    Got the bowl packed and ordered dominos. AND THEN THIS POPS UP. Am i in heaven

    • @tarico4436
      @tarico4436 3 роки тому

      Going bowling, eh? I'd be too cognizant that the see eye aye might be using Timmy to get to people to go bowling while watching Tim's podcast. Back in my day, I could never watch TV while bowling, or after bowling. Just something about all those subliminals.

    • @josef2012
      @josef2012 3 роки тому

      If it's Domino's, you ain't in heaven...

  • @CoolAdam247
    @CoolAdam247 3 роки тому +9

    Tim looking like a Poker shark at a Royal Caribbean Cruise ship casino having a drunk conversation with an undercover IRS agent looking to bust Timmy for tax evasion.
    #LifeInTheBigCasino 🤣😅

  • @bluev7427
    @bluev7427 3 роки тому +7

    I for one are thankful that someone is putting these charity workers in their place. Someone needed to say it

  • @Bukulmus
    @Bukulmus 3 роки тому +1

    Instead of just dropping the video, you should schedule it as a premiere so we can all have a live chat shit posting session. It would be great for the community friendship. Either way, thanks for coming in today 🤝

  • @ABNMPmama
    @ABNMPmama 3 роки тому +12

    First impressions:
    The Twins will likely take me to a decent restaurant and show me a subpar time, only for me to wake up in a bathtub full of ice and perhaps missing an organ. Yes or yes?

  • @derekjohnson6527
    @derekjohnson6527 3 роки тому +1

    The soundtrack for No Country was literally wind blowing in an open window

  • @kim-jong-poon
    @kim-jong-poon 3 роки тому +13

    I'm honestly impressed those people falling from the planes were able to hold on long enough to get to an altitude where falling is fatal. I mean, did they think they were going to be able to just ride it like a magic carpet?

    • @fullmentalalchemist3922
      @fullmentalalchemist3922 3 роки тому +2

      You're hot

    • @mcnally211
      @mcnally211 3 роки тому +11

      Did you see mission impossible? Its possible if youre a scientologist 🤷‍♂️

    • @anarmyoftigers
      @anarmyoftigers 3 роки тому +2

      Cool name dude 🤙

    • @ShatterNWO
      @ShatterNWO 3 роки тому +2

      did you see mission impossible 6 or 5?

    • @fortusvictus8297
      @fortusvictus8297 3 роки тому +2

      They found body parts in the landing gear...they fell when the gear was raised...
      But yeah, they were hanging on. To be fair though, some people HAVE survived stowing away on airliners undercarriage before but this isn't that.

  • @b23beatz
    @b23beatz 3 роки тому +2

    44:24 this one joke just change my whole mindset I lost my job over covid as an assistant manager (20) and I feel like that was my biggest opportunity but at this point it’s up to me to step up and get back to where I was at a new job

  • @insidethedoors6998
    @insidethedoors6998 3 роки тому +17

    Tim: Politics are boring
    Tim: Does almost every podcast about Politics

  • @Officialmryuck
    @Officialmryuck 3 роки тому

    No intro. No b.s. Straight to the point.

  • @madelinehall6750
    @madelinehall6750 3 роки тому +23

    I can't wait until box of awesome is no longer a sponsor and Tim can say what he really thinks of it. There's no way he has ever ordered a box😂

    • @tarico4436
      @tarico4436 3 роки тому +1

      Box of random junk that sat on Wal~Mart's shelves for a year or better without being sold.

    • @hey_its_travis
      @hey_its_travis 3 роки тому

      Like he did with ridge wallet on kill Tony show.

  • @PhilDGomersall
    @PhilDGomersall 3 роки тому

    “This is the wrong footage. this is a scene of Austin Texas” 😂😂

  • @donnyjames71
    @donnyjames71 3 роки тому +7

    As a native Long Islander who lived through sandy, I'm dying laughing

  • @LeethLee1
    @LeethLee1 3 роки тому

    I just want Tim Dillon to not stop and keep doing this level of comedy. It is soooo satisfying

  • @richardwaller4223
    @richardwaller4223 3 роки тому +5

    It feels soooooo good to hear Tim's voice in my ear again while I'm at work. This man's a gentleman and a scholar, and amateurs can f*ckin suck it! 👌

  • @j0sh707
    @j0sh707 3 місяці тому +1

    Time for my bedtime stories!