GUYS: find your UGLY DUCKLING, or: how to find a good woman
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- Опубліковано 27 тра 2022
- And this one's for the guys! In this episode, I'm going to discuss a useful mate selection strategy for straight men. Rather than give your attention to the smokeshows (who can be very challenging to relate to), a better approach is to find your ugly duckling: a late-bloomer who passed through a period of self-development and character building. These women typically have more to offer and are significantly easier to have relationships with.
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available on Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#dating #relationships #uglyduckling
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
If you haven't read the story, here's a link to the full text: hca.gilead.org.il/ugly_duc.html
And this one's for the guys! In this episode, I'm going to discuss a useful mate selection strategy for straight men. Rather than give your attention to the smokeshows (who can be very challenging to relate to), a better approach is to find your ugly duckling: a late-bloomer who passed through a period of self-development and character building. These women typically have more to offer and are significantly easier to have relationships with.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available on Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#dating #relationships #uglyduckling
cope, uglycel
The UG are probably not stupid….they eventually think after watching a brainwashing television shows that
You wouldnt even want them long term, if she doesnt feel attractive enough, she rarely can expect that a guy would fall in love easily longerm, if he is not acting.
As a pretty girl, this really shallow and not nice to women who were born looking a certain way.
Why do men think there's a correlation between looks, the way a woman dresses, and morality? That's the problem with your thinking. It's shallow and very surface level.
I'm fine with a guy who's average looking. I actually actually hardly ever get attention, because every single guy has your philosophy. You're just reinforcing it.
I can't help that I was born looking a certain way. Sorry I'm not the average looking brunette girl. What do I do about it? I'm a good person. Society treats beautiful women like they're evil. It's actually crushing.
Inb4 "I'm a unicorn". Absolutely not. I don't know any attractive women who are uppity. Sorry to destroy your narrative. It's shallow.
@@Poodle_Gun There are actually multiple studies that show that attractive women are more committed in their relationships. The researchers believed that it's because attractive women are more sexually selective. The same studies reported that it's the reverse for men.
But a lot of people have a vested interest in making beautiful women look terrible. Ugly women are jealous and there isn't enough highly attractive women for every man. Other than that, you have OnlyFans and other porn stars which represent a minor of attractive women, but have much more visibility than most.
@psychacks supremely legit advice..... today finding an attractive woman with a team player mentality is almost none! And you are spot on the fact that the 'ugly ducklings' are more likely to have created value which makes them that much more special.
Advice from an old timer.
Don't be blinded by beauty. Search for a woman that can offer peace of mind in times of hardship( and there will be plenty)
Don't listen to what a woman says. Watch how she behaves in various situations.
🎯
Bingo, thank you pops
Haven't met one that behaves honorably.
Thank you pops, your advice is gold, is there any chance we can connect? I would love a mentor
Getting older myself and through my life have been with many types of woman what you say is exactly true. What I've found now I'm not interested in relationships is when a woman will show her interest in me I won't shut it down but won't pursue either but watching from a distance you really see how non interested they are in you and really just see opportunities. On the other hand the woman who you could really build something with will probably not show you or anyone else interest not that said woman is not.
I just lost my second wife to cancer after 38 years of total bliss. We were inseparable. When I lost her, I lost a big part of me. When I first met her, I thought she was attractive but not as beautiful as my first wife. But that was short lived, as over time she became the most beautiful woman in the world as she was so beautiful through and through. Smart, talented, giving, and fun to be with always. It struck in my latter years with her, that if I happened to see her when I didn’t expect to see her, my heart would leap. I know that sounds so corny but I don’t how else to say it. We loved each with our whole beings.
❤️
I wish there were more men like you who knows how to truly appreciate and love a woman for all her beauties inside and out. I’m sorry for your loss.
oh no now you gonna have to cook food and do laundry on your own, without a live in maid. How will a male like you possibly survive that?
@@kristinej.4182 that's crazy talk. Lots of men are like that. To the author who wrote this: that's amazing and I know I will never experience such a love. I truly am envious of you.
@@samjohnson4846 Are there?? lol I beg to differ. Maybe 38 years ago but not these days. Men have changed for the worse. Lol
Remember this: Good looks fade, but a good heart doesn’t. ❤
Yea but if she is fat then most likely she's lazy.
Legendary.
A good heart can definitely fade under certain conditions
A good heart just gets more gooder.
@@SharpBalisong 💯💯💯
I'm an ugly duckling type and this is true. I was convinced as a kid that I would never be beautiful so I should be smart. And because back then I wasnt preoccupied with looking good I cultivated my interests and read a lot of books. Also, I feel this ugly duckling phase made me more empathetic too.
Do you think you are good at romantic relationships?
@treeghettox True but reading does help to enlarge your scope of knowledge, you'll naturally build your personal opinion and reflect on what you've read.
Forget the "Ugly duckling", I'm looking for a "Cinderella".
Yup. A young girl or young women constantly told she's atttactive or beautiful STUNTS her psychological growth.
I met this chick who I would have rated a 4. When I got to know her and her intellect and irreverent humour, she became in my eyes more physically beautiful than Miss America. We went out for ten years. She eventually split with me. I'm still not over her.
100% Just gone through this now. Came out of a relationship with who I thought was an incredibly attractive woman, I had liked her for years but never thought I had a chance. Ended up getting together and I worshipped the ground she walked on, every morning I woke up and I couldn't believe I was with her. It made it very easy to want to be with her, in spite of all of their narcissistic traits and character flaws. It turned out she had a very sporadic work schedule, mountains of debt, no prospects for a future. All the while, there were many plan B's lined up for her, and she would never allow me to ask so much as a question about another dude without taking a 4 days break from eachother.
Met a different woman afterward, I had more affection in the first 2 weeks than in all of that previous relationship. First thing she did was be open and transparent, cut off any of the dating residuals, she has a career, we have been away and done more in this time. She can't do enough for me, and I would never dream of making the same mistake again.
I can relate brother
I dated a girl, I worshipped the ground she walked on. . .
It just sounds like you settled for the other woman because she does more for you or makes you feel more special. Imagine she read this where you gush about how much you liked the other chick and how easy you made things for her.
@The Zu who cares....he found a better deal. he took it. Whats the problem? You live and you learn.
@T J Unless we are talking about a short-term relationship, attraction fades. It just does. Connection, love, and commitment can strengthen if you do it right. I was married to a woman who gained 100 pounds in a short period of time, like a year. My attraction for her changed very greatly in that time, but I still enjoyed sex with her and loved her and treated her the same as when she was thin. If a man is willing to get into a committed relationship, he is attracted enough.
You will live with woman's beauty for a few months , but you will live with her personality for the rest of you life .
Choose carefully and don't let the beauty deceive you .
Their beauty disappears 3 months after they get a boyfriend?
yes , men will start losing attraction for the physical beauty and will be attracted to non-physical beauty, that's why you find a man who still have love and feelings for his 70 years old wife , it is the personality .
@@canelareina3795
Damn they get ugly that fast wtf
@@canelareina3795when they have a shitty personality their beauty fades in 1 minute.
Shout out to the late bloomers, we got the best of both worlds. Nothing is more attractive than a beautiful woman with humility… *incoming projection below*
You're literally tooting your own horn and being the opposite of humble... the irony. Get over yourself. Stop telling, start showing.
@@CY3ER ur reaching, bless ur heart
Here's to those of us trying to catch one of y'all 😭
Facts
@@CY3ER Someone simply stating what happened to them is not tooting their horn. Get over yourself and let that jealousy go
Like my father used to say: "beauty vanishes but stupidity remains".
Pick a loving and good character over beauty.
yeah, it remains on tinder 😂
I married my husband at 21. I had 1 boyfriend in high school but that was the extent of male interest I got in my youth. I didn't feel ugly but I was tomboyish and acted more masculine back then, and so it didn't attract guys. I really wanted to find my person before graduating college, so I tried to be more feminine and eventually found my husband online.
10 years of marriage later we are very happy, and he tells me I am "aging like fine wine." And that "I keep getting hotter." I always felt desired by him but it's a whole new level in my 30s and it's made me feel amazing and lucky to have a husband who tells me those things.
That's such a sweet story. Dating outside of college nowadays feels like navigating a city after a war recently ended. Everyone is hungry and desperate but mistrusting. You guys are really lucky to have each other!
Ikr! I also tend to be a tomboy!
I married an ugly duckling. She blossomed into a beautiful swan, then adopted woke philosophy and "don't need no man" anymore... So good luck everyone.
Lol We’ll ain’t that a 3itch
Lol
Fuck we are losing everywhere 😂
Hypergamy kick in nothing more nothing less that the problem of the whole just date 4s and 5s if you're a 6 and she a 4 either 2 things are going to happen one she going to believe she deserves better than you because she believes she look way better than she thought since she got you to stick around or 2 she knows you can do better which will give her Competition-anxiety up the ass and will leave you anyway
@treeghettox nothing to elaborate honestly, she got someone who started giving her attention, opened social media, probably started getting DMs and thought i settled for this idiot lol
I married my wife at 56 and she could be what many men would consider to be an "Ugly Duckling". However, after being married to her for 18+ years which have been the 18 most stable years of my life, I will agree with the premise of finding an ugly duckling. If I were a young guy, and knew what I know now, in my mid 70's, I would avoid "Beauty Queens" like the plague.
So you settled?
@@PlaywithDaisy it’s not settling. Unless you mean settling for a better life, peace etc compared to a headache
Ouch, does your wife know you call her an ugly duckling? Yikes
@@samanthachildress1091 a lot of y’all are too sensitive. It’s same way women openly say their husbands aren’t the most handsome men they’ve seen, but they are proud it’s their man.
Or I’ve heard women say how the “bad boys” did them dirty for years, so they re-evaluated their type and found a husband.
It is what it is.
@@themarathoncontinues4211 because most women date for resources and a man’s mental and physical strength not looks. Looks matter but not as much as a woman’s looks are important to men for biological reasons. Women look for men who can provide and protect. You settled
Find a 5 or 6 that you are attracted to sexually. If you like boobs, butts, smiles, long blond hair, whatever the case may be. Choose a woman with that attribute and forget the full package. Don't date the hottest girl possible to try to signal status to other men. Be exceptional by yourself. You know you don't need that 10 to be attracted to your woman. That's not for your sexual desire, it's for status.
Well said.
Very well said Sir...
This is so accurate. The woman I am currently in a relationship with is not the most attractive one, but one of the most humble and giving ones I met in my life. Full of love, transparent, caring and giving.
I hope you are worthy enough to reciprocate what that woman does for you.
@@marte1376 absolutely
ffs you are dating a woman you think is unattractive?
This got me hard not gonna lie. 💯
@@marte1376 The whole point is that the women don't matter. They're just there to serve. These guys would do better with AI girlfriends. Reciprocity is irrelevant then.
Unironically this is my entire dating strategy, because I think these are the only women I'm truly capable of loving. I love beautiful women, but if she's not more beautiful on the inside than outside, the juice is not worth the squeeze. For her to be beautiful in both ways, she probably was once an ugly duckling. I've met very few women who have been beautiful their whole lives and cultivated any virtue in themselves beyond what disposition they were born with.
One reason beautiful women can be entitled and shallow is that they are constantly getting attention and approval just because of their looks rather than their character. It often starts during childhood, always being told they're pretty and not getting recognized for anything else. Had an acquaintance like that. No matter where we were, some complete stranger would come up to her and compliment her on her looks and engage her in conversation which she reveled in, in fact if this did not happen she would start getting nervous and prickly. It was as though she was addicted to the attention. Sad, ended up in abusive relationships with men.
We're not shallow or entitled. It's actually more common in a girl who's normal looking. Why does everyone hate pretty girls and make conjectures that we're evil. We never even get a chance.
@@Poodle_Gunbeautiful women get all the chances. Many men are blinded by beauty for quite some time in their lives, cant see the beauty inside
@@Poodle_GunI think is because those men find your beauty intimidating. Some might think “She’s so beautiful but I’ll never have a chance with her” and other might resort to coping by saying “she’s probably vain and superficial and only dates with Chads. She’s for the streets.” Which couldn’t be further from the truth. Just for you to know that it’s not a you problem it’s a men’s confidence and self esteem issue. And I say this as a young man.
@@Poodle_GunIt could be in anyone tbh- that is attention starved. Nothing to do with face but yes too much attention based on beauty makes people narcissistic. Or either "Ik you approached me based on my looks. You aint real" and close down walls. That also makes people less attractive
@@Poodle_Gun a beautiful woman can get any man she wants so it is 100% up to the woman if she is in a bad relationship or not. if she waits like a duck and the worst man approaches, then she will have a bad relationship. she can also make the first move on the man she likes.
It is not my experience that less pretty girls are easier to get, it’s actually quite the opposite. They have more reservations, complexes, fears, uncertainties and bad experiences than pretty girls and are thus (much) more difficult to convince. U don’t have to convince a beautiful girl that u like her, that u will treat her good, that u will stick around after getting sex etc. she knows all that even before u open your mouth. She is only concerned about what u can offer compared to all the other guys who are after her.
Excellent points. Probably more often correct than the alternative schema of hot chick behavior. A good character is genetic and hardly learned at all. The psychometric literature proves this conclusively.
I agree they are sometimes very insecure and accuse you of playing them etc
Exactly many ugly and fatties are just as “hard to get” and oftentimes even full of themselves as 10s, so why not put the effort in for the 10s.
Its like how making dude friends can generally be as hard as getting a gf no kidding.
Alternatively if you really want an ugly duckling, just go for the one that not only likes you on a dating app but goes as far as to message you first.
@@matrices3987’A good character is a genetic and hardly learned at all.’
I would love to see this conclusive pyschometric literature because on it’s face that is one of the most absurd things I’ve ever heard, both in premise and conclusion.
@@vincer7824 twins studies. It's also obvious from human experience which shows just how much beliefs are shaped by propaganda rather than the evidence all around you. Character on the other hand is overwhelmingly genetic.
100% true. I wouldn't call my wife an ugly duckling, but she was shy and I don't think anyone noticed how gorgeous she was. I was lucky to find her and genuinely think she got better with age.
Great points. I would replace "ugly duckling" with "sleeper" as most men tend to fall for the makeup, hair, wardrobe and post production elements of a woman. To pursue a female who is physically unhealthy but driven is just as awful. A man marries a body and a woman marries a lifestyle. Love the vids!
And now the message is out why would women subject themselves. I guess the genders are different men are shallow not worth it if they think like you
@@bunnyboo6295 women are way more shallow lol.
@@TW-ih5hg have you compared their relationship criteria.
MEN only one thing female must be hot.
WOMEN a huge list of different traits describing the Personity values they are looking for varies from women-to-women depending on their interests and what type of partner would match them long term.
A women might be upfront over preference in looks but it's not a deal breaker. A man can be ugly but if he has the right Personity traits shared interests values its fine.
Back to the men personality not important she only need to be hot they will take the worst person if their outside is appealing. They will ignore a woman with the heart of gold talented if she has extra weight or not flawless on the outside.
These "post production" women aren't turned into wives, but are used to fulfill S'xual urges. No sensible guy with option would marry them as they scream DISASTER in bold neon lights.
@@TookAHikeNowWhat That is on both genders we all need money for survival
A+++ Doc! I agree that everyone (men and women) would benefit from dating and putting less emphasis on physical attraction. However, this lesson is learned when people are mature enough. If you try telling a young kid this 😂
*The Doc is completely overlooking the reality of the situation - 90% of women out there as you will discover are genetically-predisposed to having a low IQ - that means if you get with most women you find attractive, you will get screwed over, and if you get with most women you consider ugly ducklings, you will get screwed over - looks have NOTHING to do with this - this is about smart and dumb, not beautiful and ugly - seek out an INTELLIGENT woman - yes, even a beautiful one, and if you're a [nice] guy, you will win. What the Doc is telling you has nothing to do with reality, as what he is saying will gaslight you.* 💡👈💯
I find this interesting. Me and my sister were very late bloomers. I do feel a bit more humble then a lot of other attractive woman out there (yes I know I am attractive and damn I think I earned it from where I started at), and in general feel I have a different insight because of the struggles I went through (very awkward stages lol). I also feel more empathetic towards others because of it. As a woman “ugly duckling” I think this is smart advice. I see a lot of very attractive women out for men for the wrong reasons. I lost a lot of weight and it was actually hard for me to understand for a long time the extra attention I was receiving after wards in regard to opposite sex. I never felt I was anything special. Definitely a different insight now at 33 then when I was an ugly duckling at 10-20
Thanks for sharing, Kate. This sounds like a good example of what I was getting at.
Aww, level up mentality. Men prey on women like you. Never tell a man this story! ❤️
@@MelissaMisinco 🤣
It's interesting sometimes it's putting on some weight or loosing it but many times it's the feeling good smiling more and being more approachable and that they are many times and far less shallow individual because they didn't just depend on their looks !
Now imagine staying ugly forever, being repulsive when you express your needs and no one besides maybe your mom caring about you. That gives you an idea of what being a man feels like. Do you feel empathy towards that?
Excellent points. It all boils down to what we expect from life and what we identify as our goals
Gonna have to disagree here. I've seen friends date conventionally unappealing unattractive women, & there was no beautiful swan inside. They were just as demanding, impatient, short tempered, inflexible as their more attractive counterparts.
It's the same with men.
The funny thing was every one of the male ugly duckling thought they were a stunner & that i should be happy & lucky to get an arrogant arse like them, since they had a qeue of ppl waiting to date them 😂
Too funny
That only means they were never bloomers. That's not what the video is about
😂
@@collller you're a legend buddy, men need to have spine and be decisive, if she demands too much and gives you headache simply ghost them. No explanation.
That’s so baffling to me…
And yeah, I know exactly what you’re talking about.
My 2nd husband and I are friends and have kept in touch since our 2010 parting of ways as a couple. He shares key points of his life with me. His girlfriend recently had some heath problems and he asked me to pray for her. I contacted several people and started a prayer circle for her. He says he will always be there for me as a friend and this is a gift I treasure.
Great video. Reminds me of a girl I was sweet on in middle school.
She wasn’t conventionally attractive by US standards at the time, but today one might refer to her as “exotic”. She was a bit robust then and eccentric, but I liked her nonetheless.
I thought she was beautiful. Nobody agreed with me, and would ask me what the heck I saw in her given the other girls I knew. I couldn’t explain it, she just did it for me. Plus, she was always kind, and pleasant, with a nice sense of humor.
In any case, she was interest in my buddy, who of course had zero interest in her and told her so.
It was funny. I liked her, she liked him, he liked his dog, and his dog liked me 😅. The mutt would hump my leg on sight.
Anyway, we all went to different high schools and that was that.
Decades later a coworker and I happen to be talking about what we were going to do on the weekend, and she mentioned she would be hanging with a friend (same name as my former classmate).
My classmate had a very unique name, so I mentioned her last name. Sure enough, same person.
When I got home, I received a friend request from my former classmate.
We reconnected and I was blown away. Turns out after some prodding in high school she became a model and (later) a fitness instructor. She still had the same awesome personality and way with words.
That was a very long ’i was right’ story
So, did anything happen between you?
@@Ace.0.0.0. tell us what happened??
@@izzyash2031 regarding what?
I was responding to the main comment.
This is so true! I had experience with women like this. It’s totally a different game. Thanks for reminding about it.
I like all of your installments, but this one has got to be my number one favorite. Brilliant! and thanks!!
This is 1000% correct and good advice. My fiance was an ugly duckling filipina and bloomed late. In high school, her focus was not to seek the attention of guys and always stated that she was saving all her love for only one man. Now that she has bloomed, all the guys and girls that used to have jokes lined up are lining up with compliments 😂
The problem is avg girls getting run trought 10 times more than 9-10s
idk man
is being run through all that bad? most people are not sexual freaks, either way
Be careful of stereotyping. I am a physically beautiful woman and been told by many many people that I am beautiful - but I am also emotionally mature and have done years of therapy and work on my childhood traumas to reach a point where I can co-operate in a relationship and love someone in a healthy way. Yet most men are afraid of me, because of my beauty, they think I must be an entitled princess. I suffer a LOT and am alone because of this stereotype. I am only pursued by the narcissists who have high impulsivity and risk taking traits. Please don't stereotype beautiful women as all being entitled bitches.
Understand both of you, we have a problem.
Also feel so alone and never dare to go talk straight the rare times I can for fear of being seen as a perv for wanting to link up, though seen guys and girls been together since 13 I still feel that way at 29 ...
Have missed occasions due to being shy not knowing what to do and been rejected every time I tried.
Ikr! I also get told that "you must get a lot of attention" I respond to it with "yeah... unwanted attention that is" They then pull away even more
Where do you live?
It has always been said that Brooke Shields was always very sweet, had kind words for people, was polite and had good manners, was grounded and modest, was responsible, hardworking and professional on set ( she started as a baby, the beautiful Ivory soap ad baby so she was working from day 1 practically) always willing to listen and to accommodate others. And that she was like this to everyone, including ordinary fans.
And during her busy childhood and teen years, Shields continued to maintain excellent school grades and was a diligent student.
It seems that Shields was forced to grow up quickly and become the breadwinner as well as a carer to her alcoholic and unpredictable mother. Shields sometimes came home from school (at 12, 13, her early teens) to find her mother passed out drunk, and would have to help her mother into bed, get her own meal ready etc.
Shields suffered an unhappy marriage with the man-child tennis star Andre Agassi (himself the product of a hard driving and ambitious parent who wanted their child to be a star). Agassi apparently would get very jealous, had a fragile ego and got furious at Shields for "upstaging" him. Then he'd throw tantrums and smash his tennis trophies etc.
The fact that you consider yourself a "beautiful woman" and blame it for all your problems kinda proves his point. Have some humility.
Just keep going Orion, you are amazing. I just keep learning and understanding relationships from you one step at a time. Thanks for everything
Even if she's an ugly duckling she has to give you the opportunity to get to know her. If she feels she's hotter than she is then she denies you that opportunity.
Well, of course. Just because you find her ugly doesn't mean you're allowed to have her graces.
Respect, kindness are the bare minimum, do you think that just because you're behaving like a decent human being she owes you something?
Or even worse, just because you see a woman below you attractiveness standard, she must settle with anyone and anything? Twisted, very stupid and very convenient for an abuser
if you prioritize superficial beauty when searching for a partner then you deserve the relationship you get.
Absolutely.
Dude this is so on point!! Thank you 🙏🏼🙏🏼
My man dropping gems. Thank you!
I went after them in college. If you're not in the top 1% they aren't easier. Since they are generally better people they might be a great learning experience (less potential pain) while your still on your journey of improvement. Worth a shot for sure just don't get your hopes up. Female nature is female nature ugly duckling or not remember that folks. Great video.
I bet you chased the beautiful women and ignored the ugly women. Typical male nature
There was a quote I heard somewhere, "You can either love a woman or understand them. But you cannot do both."
Same goes for men
@@marte1376i think for women it's a bit different. "You can choose a man who is loyal or one that your absolutely attracted to and if your really lucky then both will be the same one"
@@goofywill90 the means the exact same thing but you flipped it for women
I know why you're 38 and single. "A woman must fit in seamlessly in my life I have a lot going on" That's incredibly self-centered.
You want a relationship it's two people to create one not one working for the other one
Who hurt you?
@@loveleydayIt’s the truth. You can not expect another person to adjust their life completely to yours while not making any compromises yourself. This is very one-sided. You try to find someone who you’re most compatible with and then adjust your lives
You are spot on, Im watching a lot of men remaining single and desperate around where I live, and its sad, but to each their own, he will probably not find anything with this type of personality as long as he doesnt believe it takes 2 to tango.
I met this really good looking man on a dating site years ago. He looked quite a bit like River Phoenix. My neighbors and friends were all saying how handsome he was but I was so unhappy with him. He was mean and miserable. I was relieved when it ended.
Beauty is a form of power. And those who hit the genetic lottery are subject to being distorted by the continued exercise of that unearned power.
Thanks Dr.! I only discovered your channel a couple of months ago but you have great content!
River Phoenix 😍😍
Lol! I loved the real River too! Sometimes no matter the person’s looks, the personality can destroy the attraction!
I think more women should try going on a few dates with average guys that might have some physical thing going for them just to have a differential because sometimes you never know until you try and will make it easier to walk away from the jerks!
I agree, however, I feel like unless men have had the experience of having dated an extremely gorgeous woman, they feel they are missing out. After, I feel like it's possible.
That could very well be the case. I've seen that attitude in some of my younger, male clients. However, it's quite possible, that we all have to learn that lesson the hard way.
@@psychacks what is your advice for women who are not pretty? I.e. a 1-6 on a scale from 1-10? As your advice here is for men to look for a swan who used to be an ugly duckling but nonetheless now is a swan...
@@janinegeorgette3708 Have you checked out my video to women? I published it the other day: "Ladies: find your dark horse."
If a woman is not physically attractive, then she should strive to useful. Learn about a man's plans and help him achieve them. In that way, she can become increasingly indispensable to him.
@@psychacks yes, I checked out your women video and thought it was great. Being useful to a man sounds plausible, however, that seems to be when they are already dating. How can she attract him though (as her looks won't catch his attention), so that he would notice her in the first place and want to pursue her?
I have never gotten with reallllllly hot girls like nines and tens. Maybe sevens and an eight here and there. I'm seeing a girl now that I really like and connect with and feel strongly about her but yes indeed I do feel a sort of sexual debt that I must pay in regards to my lack of experience with really stunning women. It burns me up inside. The F.O.M.O. is real.
I figured this out on my own a long time ago. Women who grew as average or below average are typically FAR better human beings and far better adjusted adults than women who have been pretty their whole life. The difference is usually enormous.
I think this message has a lot of merit. Not sure if anyone else has experienced much of this, but some women got far more physically attractive as I got to know their personalities. Sometimes to a mildly disturbing degree. It may be more common than I imagine. Who knows.
You represent probably the majority of individuals. There are people like myself however who never grow attracted to anything. It's binary either on or off.
It's great kudos to have a beauty on your arm, but believe me, it's amazing how many new friends you suddenly have! Watch your back guys.
This was a good video, doctor. Something I've suspected for a while, that beautiful women do not necessarily have to develop their personalities as much as the plain Janes might.
Ha!
I am a late bloomer, physically speaking. And I had my glow-up phase at the age of 31! It gave me tons of time to be knowledgeable, learn 2 foreign languages, got my master degree in law from Sorbonne University, and develop a really good sense of humor -so I was told-.
In my teenage years and early 20s, my family nor my surroundings never spared an opportunity to make me feel ugly. So all I had to work on is my personality, and it made me somewhat compassionate with a good sense of humor about life.
Interesting theory, Doc!
Thanks for sharing, Shahad!
I love this!
Actually,.....your knowledge, languages, and experience aren't all that important to men. Just be aware that women find these things attractive in a man.
@No One Really Good luck, then.
@@johngalt6838 I wouldn't say that it doesn't matter at all. Looks are definitely a priority for every man, but like the doc said, you can only talk with a bratty cardboard cutout for so long
From my limited experience, I do feel it's exactly like you say in this video.
Being in a first real explorative relationship together can be such a wonderful experience...
Thanks for bringing this up. Man, it is insightful, sadly retrospectively! People often think attention from the opposite sex can only be a good thing.
thanks for putting this in video form, i've had this thought for a while now and i couldn't put it into words, the two relationships i had the most success with were awkward, slightly autstic, cute (not hot) girls with some "flaw" (acne, speech problems etc..).
Not conventionally attractive however they were both very easy to get along with, both relationships ended due to distance drama (school, moving etc...) with very minimal drama, both are still friends.
I think "hot" girls are good for short term, but the ugly duckling will make your life much easier. "The ugly wife is a treasure in the home"
...... absolutely...... Thank you for putting this nicely... this is what I strongly believe as well. There is a ROI for relationships as well....
Seems like a good idea, not heard this before! Gonna try it out.
Let me know how it goes!
Great point I’ve always liked this strategy
Fantastic video! I just found your channel today and agreed with almost everything you said. The term I have been using in this situation is “mispriced asset” - girls with strong fundamentals but maybe not as flashy as the “smoke shows”.
"Mispriced asset" Beautiful 👏👏 You just changed the perspective of this life-long duckling with a broken heart of gold. My respect & thanks to you 🙇♀️
I followed this advise, married a 4/10 and still had 20 years of misery. The problem is western feminism.
You have become my favorite new channel.
Awesome advice. Some of the best dating advice for young guys. The 9’s & 10’s are a pain in the butt. I’ve been much happier with an average girl next door with a nice body than the cheerleaders/models/smokeshows I’ve dated over the years.
You really spoke to me. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and all this time, I couldn't really put in words, and explain to other people exactly why i did it. My friends and family were dumbfounded, because it seemed like we had a good relationship going on. The truth is, it took a lot of effort from me to maintan it, and eventually, it just became way too much. It was inevitable that we would break up. Thanks for validating my thoughts. I can now stop worrying about it and find myself someone right for me.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder !
The hidden deal find is a route to success in life in general. Good talk.
Psychacks, you are no 1 dating advice channel
I had an ugly duckling in the sense that she'd been shy, reserved, and focused on helping her family and on her studies despite being a beautiful girl. It was great, until her dysfunctional female-dominated family and baby momma friends convinced her she could do better because the pandemic prevented me from finding work when I left a toxic job. Last I saw her she was really out of shape while I lost weight, have 3 jobs, and have been promoted in one of them. Never underestimate the power of a woman's social circle gentlemen, the plain old ducks can and absolutely will ruin the swans among them.
It's true I have a relative like this dad died many years ago. Now she is out on her own, and as a teacher, why that.
Woah, situation sounds like my ex. She didn’t have many friends and she was the big sister friend who was helping them out while the friends were just not all that successful at all
“Despite her being a beautiful girl.” Um, that means she wasn’t an ugly duckling. Dumbass
Why should she have stayed with someone who was unemployed though? I can't tell you how many men will criticize a woman for choosing to stay with a broke bum.
didn't have many friends makes her an "ugly duckling"? wow men are pretty shallow@@BassBwoy3
I had the opposite experience, where 4/10 girls are most entitled with tge highest standards, while pretty women treated me like a king.
yeah, I think the video does not take into account today's dating market where even unattractive girls can EASILY get 400+ matches on tinder. Even ugly girls will get pumped and dumped by attractive men and build up huge expectations for their future partners. The message of the video may have been true 30 years ago
Good!! and very practical a approach to Life!
Hey, doctor Orion.
I'm finding your videos pretty good. This is a pretty good explanation about finding a good woman.
Thanks, doc.
This is so true. You need women who have had to develop attractive personalities too.
You're so right about this. Great video.
Great video. Thanks!
This is true of anyone who is super good looking. Super attractiveness is the greatest "privilege" anyone can ever be given. What's different about today is that social media and dating apps have made it so that such people learn that fact about themselves very early and are reminded of it constantly.
I'll never forget an uncle of a friend of mine told me while at said friend's wedding, "go ugly, early". :D
This video has been the final straw. I am flat out giving up for good. I'm too old and tired to go through any more dating.
It's sweet to hear you acknowledge that there are good women ❤
Find an ugly duckling, help her to become a beautiful swan, and she will leave you 😂
That does happen, a well-documented risk. Psychologists have a name for it, where unattractive people become empowered, almost to the point of absurdity, when they finally become attractive, but the name escapes me.
You’re only looking at one side of this. As a good looking woman (also very ambitious, intelligent interesting) I attracted men who prioritised appearances instead of the other amazing things I had to offer. It messed up my self-esteem. I’m now older, less attractive (but still attractive), and a lot happier. I’m a counsellor now too and I sometimes work with young women who believe their looks are everything and they’re not good enough without them. They attract men who abuse them /treat them like shit. It’s really sad. But it’s not all the fault of women. It takes two to create this problem. Society is the biggest problem (especially social media/porn).
Men are shallow
Spot-on once again. I’ve been with my “ugly duckling”-she’s not ugly at all but was a late bloomer in HS-and she’s drama-free, loyal, and true. They are out there bros.
Thank you Doctor...that was all wonderful and applicable information🎉
very solid points but this wasn't always the case in good old days. In this era, a 4/10 lady can apply a filter on instagram and suddenly she gets endless complements from simps then it creates an inflated sense of self that she deserves a 9+ guy.
As a woman, most of this doesn't apply has opened my mind to guy struggles in dating. I hope yall find a good partner 💓
Wish I could like multiple times. Super practical look at something I have considered before, but couldn't come to terms with.
I love your channel. This is like that scene in american psycho, the one where all the guys are gathered round bashing on ugly women who were accomplished, saying that the women who were ugly knew that had to be good at something else, because their looks werent good enough
I absolutely agree with this 100%. 10 out 10 looking girls are a pain. Finding one that has a good balance of good character traits, similar interests, values and wants YOU is akin in to the probability of jumping out of a plane from 20,000 feet and surviving the fall without a parachute. While certainly a possibility, it's effectively 0. Always remember to count those effectively 0 numbers.
Hollywood has brainwashed men for failure.
In the old days men didn't marry super models, men married women who were good mothers and good housewives.
All those men complaining about getting everything taken after divorce are the ones who married the beautiful young woman.
Beautiful young women have options and they can replace you at anytime for a better man.
Absolutely. My GF is 38. I've seen pictures of her in her teens and 20's and, frankly, the 30's version of her is more attractive- she’s pretty hot now…way more than most women her age. Consequently, she didn't get by on her looks and developed a wonderful personality and sense of independence.
🤢🤮 who knows how many sausages she's gobbled by that age. You definitely got spoiled milk. Good luck
sounds like a cope
All that matters is that you are happy.
Don't let insecure people who are lonely get to you.
@@armin3057 cope for what..?
"Sounds like a cope" - 🤓
Yo this guys tips are gold
Absolutely Awesome Advice!🎯💥💯💥🎯
I have some alternative thoughts on this topic -- mostly pertaining to what I call "Cool Girl Syndrome" or "Cool Guy Syndrome". I was scrolling through the comments and came across one where you were addressing outdated self image with regards to dating i.e people still seeing themselves the same say like they did I'm college or even high school. A distorted self image based on the past. I think this could be at the crux of some of the problems we are facing in the dating stratosphere today. Incidentally, I will be turning 30 this year and only a minority percentage of my former classmates are married. Some have bounced around from one relationship to another during their 20s, plenty of them are single moms/single dads. A few of the "Cool girls" got wifed up but plenty didn't. The ones that are married were the normies, unassuming nerdy bookish types, sports girls or foreign chicks who found some guy from their home country and got hitched. Barely any of the "Cool Guys" got married or have any long term stable relationships though.
I think I once read the folowing advice in a newspaper which interviewed older married and divorced people and asked what advice regarding marriage they would give to younger people (for both men and women): For a long-term relationship, pick the person who's the least good looking, but where you still feel enough physical attraction that you can accept them as an intimate partner.
Ancient Chinese proverb an ugly wife makes a good life
@@kevinlow69420 Not very charming, but basically hits the head on the nail. As long as you have some degree of physical attraction, look at other attributes than looks.
I find a good sense of humor (of a certain type) far more attractive than mere looks. A man with that certain sense of humor can be a 4 or 5 on a 10 scale and I wouldn't even notice...
@@reesedaniel5835 Did that change over time? Did sense of humor become more important?
Fair enough. In general the advice of going not for looks and for character is very practical for men and women. Handsome men are a headache too. Pretty and beautiful people can only deal well with other people the same as them.
Although I've seen more ugly men with hot women.
This might be a short video...... but with the GREATEST INSIGHT....... this was what I always felt but couldn't find and articulate the scientific reasons behind it.... perhaps thats why you are an expert... Thank you
Spot on advise!!!
Thank you!!! Im one of those girls! I was considered the ugly one in my family and at sxhool boys hated me bc i was taller than them, and i have a tatoo of an ugly duckling since 23 yo, now 37 yo and i look better than i ever did (no fillers or plasric surgery, just my features finally align with each other :) unlike my barbie-doll wannabe sister I actually have financial independence and i am free to choose a man that I like without caring about what material things he can 'provide' for me, and break up with him if he treats me like crap or take me for granted. I hope my bf sees this , lol😅
Keep his stomach full and his balls empty, and give him quiet time. Do those things and he's yours.
37 and not married? No kids? That must be pretty rough...
sounds like a cope
What Ive observed in my experience, is even if a woman went through an awkward phase or felt ugly or was not as attractive at one point in her life, once she becomes attractive, the humbleness often goes. Its like a guy with no experience once he visits a brothel he usually comes out strutting. A woman who's not use to getting attention, once she becomes attractive usually becomes addicted to the new attention and often doesn't know how to handle it strategically for a promising relationship. Similar to giving a poor child 10 new toys at once.
I imagine this can happen. However, my experience as a therapist has generally taught me that people are running outdated operating systems. Many still feel the same way about themselves that they did in college (or even high school). It often takes years for people to fully adapt to growth and change.
@@psychacks that is interesting and fascinating about how most people are running on outdated operating systems from years back in regards to self image. I can see that point, like a person who never felt good enough, still feeling that way years later after having achieved external success. Seems a person's insecurities can follow them their whole life.
@@modickens1272 If they are not intentionally re-programmed, they will.
People that win the lottery file for bankruptcy years later.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 exactly!
Thank you. İt is great metaphore and i always though about this issue in a similar way with you. Because i have experienced so far that if a person is overly aware of her/his beauty and attach a high importance to it it becomes impossible to get a real, deep connection with her/him. There is a greater chance that this person is superficial or so afraid to open up to you. Either case is not good. Thanks again😊🦆
This is such good advice.
This is gold as it’s confirmed all that I believed. Stunning women are vacuous as a general rule. The women I have met on dating sites have so little to offer.
Alot of those women online are actually men pretending to be women
Maybe they are not vacuous but they detect your judgemental nature and close off from actually engaging properly with you. Society demonises stunning women whilst putting them on a pedestal as an object to crave. Why don't you reflect on your own spirit first
What is it you are looking for in a woman, if i may ask?
Mosr dudes dont even require a 9 or 10 they just want to be loved.
They just "want". That's the problem with most dudes, relationships are not one way.
I'm a late bloomer, and it feels good.😊
You took me by surprise Doc. Looking amazing at 39 💪🏻
That's an interesting point about blossoming early. It would be like suddenly being super rich, like hitting a lottery as a teen. How could you expect someone like that to know how to act?
Makes me think of Elizabeth Taylor. She was stunning from childhood on up. I guess that's why she was married and divorced so many times.
I am glad to be a duckling 😊 (wouldn't describe myself ugly tho. I appreciate and admire every bit of my physical appearance)
I wanted to love with all of my sentiment and wanted to be loved equally! My thoughts about a partner have always been deeply ingrained and oriented into a mutual intellect and compassion. Only never I've allowed that idea of bonding to someone to nag me or stop me from exploring the journey of life. I know if I am to meet my solid peer, then that is so great 💜 if not, then is not so bad to the extent that makes me settle for anyone/anything just to become socially fit.
Very true and informative
What an excellent point. If your time isn't valuable in a woman's eyes, there's no hope for you.
Reminder: This only works when you are good looking/handsome or atleast average looking yourself. I am someone who looks below-average even at his best, and even the "ugly-duckling" or the "girl who never had a boyfriend in HS or was reserved in college" reject me(at times in a really rude and brutal way)
Gym
@@severussin no amount of gyn save you from ugly facial structure, no amount of money saves you from being really short, no amount of personality saves you from your low SMV women perceive you have from the get go based on your looks
Also look into semen retention
@@TicTacc03 it's placebo at best. Didn't do carp for me
Men are often wrong about what makes them desirable. What makes a man desirable is resilience, and respond to intimidating situations with courage and determination. Life is a combination of the ability to face danger, and to exhibit competence.
I think many are interpreting ugly duckling to mean a physically unattractive woman. But in reality, an ugly duckling is someone who was physically unattractive in her younger days and then had a glow up and became physically attractive. Thus also cultivating a personality and humility on the side.