One hard truth that tend to be true is that there’s actually no such thing as “playing hard to get.” If a woman likes you, she’s not going to make it “hard.”
This is true, every girl that’s really actually into you makes it easy to talk to her, see her, spend time with her and has a identifiable and clearly positive disposition and reaction to elements of you as she learns them (this last part is the really big one, you will notice is actually very significant with experience). This also happens very early. The “hard to get” alternative is always a waste of time, 100% of the time. These are time wasters and unpleasant, unproductive and wasteful experiences throughout the process. Don’t bother, this is a trap. Note I’m not talking about instant sex (which is not a good sign for anything stable), just how generally open or closed their disposition is to you being very obvious.
That is me, I am happy being single and have even less desire to find a partner now. If men didn't have such a strong sex drive or want kids, there would be no reason to be with a woman.
@rwyo83 Love your wife as Christ Loved the Church.... But if you never want to get married--PLEASE JUST FIND A WOMEN WHO DOESNT WANT MARRIAGE AS WELL!!
Just remember; all these things she says that will turn women on and/or attract them, ONLY works if you are her type. All the confidence, passion, drive, charisma, etc, will not win her over if she’s not attracted to you.
I've been married for 15 years and in the same relationship for 17 years with two teens.... And I still don't truly understand her. I think I'll never fully understand a woman, but a word of advice to young blokes is see what type of character the parents are before you commit. If you don't like them the strong chances are your girlfriend will have the same traits. This is coming from experience, as I really dislike my mother in law and my wife displays similar traits.
Remember gents: If a woman is in to you, there's almost nothing you can do to change her mind. If she's not in to you anymore, there's almost nothing you can do to change her mind.
Ehhh.... I definitely agree with the latter, once a woman emotionally detaches she's done pretty much. But the former, I don't know about that. I'm pretty sure 80% of the subscribers on this channel are here because women who were legit into them switched up and bounced lol If I could suggest a different version of your comment is women are people and people are very finicky, they can change their minds very quickly and for any reason. It's no different when it comes to dating choices
@@PaperRaines I know of many examples where the first one was true. Definitely in the case if you are come kind of Chad. And then there are the bad boys who treat women like complete crap, and they come back for more. But I don't how true it is in other kinds of scenarios.
6 Harsh Truths About Women That Men Learn Too Late 1. Attracting vs. Keeping a Woman “Talent gets you in the door but character keeps you there.” a. Attracting i. Physical appearance ii. Confidence iii. Sense of humor iv. Social Status v. First impression vi. Grooming habits b. Keeping i. Emotional connection ii. Mutual respect iii. Communication iv. Shared values v. Ability to address and resolve conflicts 2. They like guys to take charge (Masculine) a. Leadership b. Decisive c. Takes initiative d. Plans the date e. Dominates in the bedroom f. Self-assured g. Capable h. Shows responsibility and takes ownership i. Mutual effort 3. They know how to swindle weak men a. Takeaway: Be careful with what you lead with. b. Takeaway: Don’t be a sucker c. Takeaway: Set boundaries d. Takeaway: Respect yourself e. Takeaway: What you allow is what is going to continue. f. Takeaway: They will like you for the wrong reasons. Not healthy 4. They want you to be a mind reader a. Not possible. They need to learn to effectively communicate their wants and needs. b. Women want their man to be more attentive and understand their emotions. c. It tends to be a family or social expectation and is probably not a conscious intent. d. This needs to be brought out in the open and discussed. It usually falls on the man to do this. e. You will need to “call her out” on this many times before she can accept it. Start gently and get slightly stronger for each occurrence. She may never accept it completely. f. If you tell me you are fine, I’m going to believe you are telling me the truth. You are an adult and understand if you don’t tell the truth, there are consequences and it will affect our relationship. (It follows for all other statements of fact.) g. It is not the responsibility of the man to decode or interrogate her to find the truth. h. It is unjustified for the woman to be angry at the man for not understanding her needs if she doesn’t tell him directly in words he understands. i. There is a mutual responsibility to understand each other. If one of the partners truly is trying to be understood and the other partner doesn’t. It is up to the other partner to ask questions until they do. 5. They desire security a. Many women desire security and safety in a man because it provides a sense of stability, safety, and comfort in a relationship. These can be emotional, financial, and physical security. This allows them to develop and more lasting and fulfilling relationship. There is also an innate biological drive for women to seek this security. 6. If she likes you, she will want to see you. a. If a woman likes you, she will want to see you. She will want to talk to you. She will respond to your texts. She will make an effort to be with you. She can’t help but make it known by these measures. What type of relationship she wants is “to be determined”. b. If she says all the “right things” but her actions do not match, she doesn’t have enough interest to break through her barriers to be with you. Move on. She may even up her game if she knows she is losing you.
Appreciate going through all this trouble but as we can see, this is far too much to bear in mind. It's easy to see why the dating game in the West is broken
Dude you just aided a shopping list. That's nearly impossible. F** all that where's their Requirements ? You can't have it your way an own it. Not to mention a man, has to deal with Societies standards of him. And if women want all that ? They have to Submit to men, and not be Rebellious. Which non of them mostly want too. The Jezebel spirit is rampant in modern women. You're not supposed to give women all that just because their female. They have to earn that privileged.
I've gotten so much better with telling my husband when something is wrong not holding it in till I explode randomly. I was always afraid of the conflict but its easier dealt with immediately than festering. If he's asking what's wrong that's a great time to say it!
Good on you for recognizing that in yourself. You are a high value woman and you are what the future needs, can I ask. Why do you think you have always allowed things to be held to yourself before exploding? This may sound weird, but I reckon it is related to female sexuality. A lot of women like when tension builds up, the more you build it up the more enjoyable the sex later. I perhaps wonder if this has something to do with women holding in their feelings.
@@BB-xx3dv Roughly 80% of girls are sexually assaulted. At least 25% of adult women are raped. Being unseen and unheard can be subconsciously beneficial if you think about it from that perspective.
This is so important. Goes both ways. The issue is when the partner says "nothing" and pretends everything is fine. Then down the road it all comes out and it becomes such a mess. Since then it's not one thing, but a soup. Being able to have those discussions and conflict resolution is the bedrock of any lasting relationships. It's what makes them bond at deeper levels.
Being a man is not stressful at all. You just have to: - earn more than women (and then listen to them complain about wage gap) - take initiative in the bedroom (then listen to women complain about how horny men are) - be masculine (and listen to women tell you how toxic your masculinity is) - be confident - be tall - read minds - be strong - take charge - look good - take care of yourself & your girlfriend And if you don't have kids, there is no problem, since you have your girlfriend to treat like a child and provide, protect and take decision for her, since an adult woman needs a man to treat her like that. But at least that won't be for nothing, since you'll have a girlfriend who won't do much for you, but she will look good for you (something you also have to do for her, along all the other points). And in the end, she will be the considered the "trophy", and not you.
Dude, women are the prizes. They've been the prize for literally thousands of years, your chapped ego can't undo human history lol. But there's a simple solution, all you have to do is find a woman who resents archetypal feminine, demure females as much as you do. I'm serious, I've been friends with couples who find solace with each other mutually raging against orthodox heteronormative compliance, and they love each other very much Sounds like that's you need, more than listing out all the ways you resent conventional American women and all their demands and foibles
You left out if a woman is consistently keeping up her appearance 100%, then she is probably just advertising for the next dude she is gonna leave you for. Remember, you’re not The One; it’s just your turn.
"take initiative in the bedroom (then listen to women complain about how horny men are" Do nearly all or all of the physical sex work before she asks to bring in HER toys because you are not meeting her expectations of exciting her female bits that degrade over time or never worked that well in the first place
I'm 53, newly divorced, and thus single again. I'm discovering that dating today is just as chaotic as it was 30 years ago. I don't play games, chase, obfuscate, or read minds. I never have and I never will. I'm just going to pull myself out of the dating game and focus on my hobbies and interests, like reading more books. I'm not mad or sad, just realistic. Good luck out there, folks!
The biggest problem being single at that age is the realistic dating pool has so many potential negative characteristics. The chances of finding a wolf in sheep's clothing expecting you to pay for her children's college or batshit crazy about one or more things now ossified in her brain is much higher than a self-aware responsible person. IMO. If they are divorced and cannot tell you instantly what they did wrong and learned after the divorce they are not candidates for long-term, period.
Lol.. you guy's always give me a good laugh. You're all now middle-aged, putting relationships away and focusing on self-worth and hobbies and fun times. I am also middle-aged but the exact opposite. I am putting self worth and hobbies and fun times to the side and am now focusing on relationships. I'm not soured by previous traumas, but at the same time, I'm too old and mature to let a woman ever make me feel that way now.
If a woman isn't 100% consistent in her interest towards you, she's not interested in you. Very simple. Stop wasting time on women who will never give you the time of day that you'd like from them.
@Danny328DT same answer. Why do u wanna date a woman who isn't confident or sure of herself? That alone also causes confusion and a sign of wish washy behaviour. If she's not ready to date, she needs to be at a place before doing so, otherwise time is gonna be wasted.
Here’s one. Don’t save them. Don’t rescue them. Don’t think this girl has had bad luck and all she needs is a nice guy and her life will change. She won’t even understand what you’re trying to do by being decent to her. Lots of us were raised by single women and we tend to think women are kind of blameless for the choices they’ve made in life. But nothing could be further from the truth. Stay away from unhappy or “unlucky” women.
Damn, this hit home at just the right/wrong time! 😢 I was raised by a single mother. She had a gigaton of baggage from a traumatic childhood. Now I have (re-)met a woman that has some kind of issue(s), because we were both in the same group therapy for burnout and depression. In my case it was primarily job related burnout accompanied by depression, while her case seems to be different. But I don't know what it is. Since I can't relate to "normal happy people" much, but a lot to "damaged goods", I feel sort of a deeper connection to her. But I don't know much about her. It's all in my mind at this point. Except that she's been friendly, and also gave me her number. I'm in limbo. I have no idea what to think, feel or do. All that relationship advice on UA-cam is toxic bullshit. Our case isn't normal either and even more complicated than usual, as I'm also an introvert and probably slightly autistic, and who knows what else is up with her. Now I don't even know what I was trying to say anymore. I guess I'll stop overthinking and just go with the flow. Whatever happens was meant to happen. Argh, time to watch stoicism videos. I really wish you are being too pessimistic, and one sided. But maybe you're right. Tell me your story if you want.
Stay away from all women. To be a woman is to be a narcissistic, irrational parasite. Look up the definitions of all three of those words, and you'll see the truth.
As a woman married almost 45 years with 3 unmarried 30 something kids (2 daughters and a son) I can fully understand why they are still single and call bullshit on the ridiculous unrealistic expectations placed on relationships these days and suggest they stay single, make themselves happy with friends, hobbies and career and get a pet - as it’ll be far more loyal and a dam sight easier than trying to meet the umpteen unrealistic expectations of personal relationships these days. Utterly bonkers to expect so much from anyone and a recipe for continual discontent. A successful marriage requires continual compromise and strikes me many seeking a fulfilling relationship wouldn’t even know the word exists. Good luck to you young woman all striving for a man in the top 10% - 100% into 10% just ain’t gonna work.
As Man, ive found it’s better to worry less about keeping a woman and worry about keeping yourself in shape and in line, once you start trying to figure out or worry about how to keep her, it’s already too late.
I was married for 5 years. She always told me she hated being the leader and that I was being too passive but every single time I would try something taking the lead she would throw a fit saying she didn't want to do it or she doesn't like it. So I kept becoming more and more passive because of that behavior. If you want me to lead, then let me do it, stop trying to dictate every little thing that I do and complaining every time. That's the kind of stuff that really annoys me about women. I could even get her flowers and she would not be happy because they weren't her favorite and her favorite flowers are only available one month of the year. So if I don't get her flowers I would get an attitude, but then if I did pick out flowers throughout the year she wasn't happy about it or really grateful just like oh okay nice effort.
It is impossible to make a women happy long term. They will always find something to moan and complain about. Especially after you give them the diamond wedding ring, house and kids. My advice, try to get with someone who is naturally more calmer, peaceful, patient and mentally stable. And do not get married.
Your ex was a total narcissist. With respect, you either missed or ignored red flags. It's essential to study Narcissism, Avoidant Personality Disorder, and BPD before dating again. So you don't miss the symptoms. Because while all not American women have one of these disorders, most do.
@@rickyaz8640 Yes, that is very true. I was an only child who went to a boys school, and apart from a brief period around the age of 16, I hardly spoke to a girl at all. It was a steep learning curve when I went to college, and a a sister would have been so helpful.
The mind reader thing is so true. Sometimes me and my girl communicate so well and other times she's like 'you should know what I want from you and what I need' which is such a frustrating mentality. Plus the 'if she likes you' tip. In the beginning my girl was really into me, super talkative and wanting to make plans together. But she has become more distant. I suppose I've been looking the other way as she replies less and less :/
I have over time come to the same conclusions about women. Basically through trial and error. I once had a great relationship with a woman that had a lot of potential for marriage. But instead of her communicating to me a minor issue she had, she let the problem get to the point that she resented it and she broke up with me. Good communication is a must.
Ok. We met through a dating service. The first few dates we went dutch on the check. Hindsight is always 20/20. Since she initially volunteered to go dutch and never spoke up I figured that is how she wanted it. I think she should have told me when it started to bother her. I was an idiot for thinking she preferred going dutch. Lesson learned. I am older and wiser.
@@stevearnold2456 The guidelines are wavy on dutch treat. On a 1st meet and greet (lunch/coffee shop?), women will often request this. It's fine. But the 1st real date, I'm always spring loaded to footing the bill. If you enter an LTR, such things can be negotiated to each person's satisfaction based on ability to pay. But in early dating, it is a time to schmooze her. Don't get cheap on her, I wouldn't date a woman who I felt unworthy of me paying for her meal either. I never make a deal of paying all myself. If she wants to, don't make a fuss, let her. but I myself wouldn't ask her. I'm not wealthy but I always default to paying for real dates. I'm fortunate in that sense, there are so many more important things to be concerned about, all things considered, it's just easier to wipe away this conundrum and default to paying for me. But I don't date under 40YO women. Could be a whole different scenario.
If she really liked you, she wouldn't let such a minor thing cause so much resentment. Women are often happy to pay when they really like the guy. At least you didn't waste too much money on her. Let her be another man's problem. It sounds like she is entitled and wants to be treated like a princess. If you paid for the dates, she would have started moaning and complaining about something else. It just sounds like she didn't really like you.
@@x-man5056 I think the general guideline is whoever does the inviting pays. I agree with you, if she offers to pay, let her. If she gets angry paying she is probably a future Amber Heard and she should be avoided at all costs. The danger with the man paying for everything, all the time, is that he is leading with his wallet and can come off as a SIMP. If she never offers to pay, that is a red flag.
You left out they are willing to pretend for as long as it takes. Ten years of marriage gone at the snap of a finger. I stopped being bullied and stood up for myself.
Ive learned that who i am at my core, who i enjoy being and what i want from my life and those around me. Is exactly why i will always be alone and why no woman on earth will ever want me.
😂😂 I'm feeling exactly the same. Once I share any kind of true feeling, like truly describing my perception of reality or some desire or theory that I have, the ghosting starts. And I mean really ghosting, ignoring, like trying their best to not look at my direction even for a hello. What hurts is that I only do that to those I like, not to try to throw them off but to actually let them know me. They don't agree, they won't tell me that. They won't tell me why I'm wrong, they will just start hating me. It can be like me trying to open up to a girl and say, I feel like the girls at the university only pick guy friends they can use to get their homework done. After that there's just instant unstoppable and unregretful hatred left for me. Like, just say I'm wrong? Hell, I never even said I judged them, I just said that's the feeling I got! Themselves never have any original feelings they can share and stand up for either, it's like they are aware of their own hypocrisy but would rather have you killed than to admit it. You just need to learn your place in the world, and you need to understand women, no one is interested in getting to know you! Fk that! In the end it's never worth it. Even if you like fall crazy in love with someone, she would never fight for you when your bad times come.
We all get treated like crap by Western women, who've been brainwashed by feminism, which continuously preaches, women good!/men evil. Take yourself out of this nonsense, get a passport and go to Southeast Asia. The women love men, are gorgeous and you will be amazed by how valuable you are to them.
The more i watch Courtney I realize i dont even want to find a partner. Having partner seems so conplicated suddenly. Im already used to live in my solitude and Im prepared to leave it like that forever
Had a GF who always said she didnt care where we ate. So I'd pick a restaurant and she would immediately veto it and tell where she was thinking we should go. Yeah I passed on marrying her.
Big brain move, override her veto. Show her that alpha BDE. You eat where I say we eat, and you know what? You can pay for it, too. Gets them all hot and bothered.
Your response is always "sure, that place sounds great. We'll go there next time." "No, I want to go there tonight." "Nope, you said you didn't care where we eat, so you forfeit" with a playful smile. Benevolent leader. Never a dictator. Never a butler.
That was spot on about values. The old expression is that "opposites attract" but that only applies to personality types (extrovert/introvert, serious/comical etc.). If your values don't align however, there is no way it's going to work - not in the long term anyway.
Great emotional maturity, Courtney. We.. I appreciate you not being purely utilitarian in your comments and approach but also addressing ingredients for a lasting deeper relationship. YOu mentioned having "done the work" (on yourself) and it shows. I'm 55 now, 35 years clean and sober, divorced and dating a new woman for the last 6 months. As a young man, mixed messages were my biggest frustrations about women. A) I'm better at reading women now (my ex's-and-my therapist called it "tuning in") and B) I'm pursuing older women than when i was younger, so they got no time to waste and bullshit and "tend" to be more direct and honest. My fave of your comments were about the diff between finding and keeping a partner. Brilliant! Your videos are so helpful. Thanks. :-)
A friend in her late 40s was dating a guy same age, great guy. We couldn’t believe her luck. He proposed, she said “ no” and told everyone he was not “ man enough for her”. She wanted a man to lead her. She’s still single.
my mindset is, if women don't care about mens struggles, then we as men should not care about womens struggles either. Another thing, i have had this mindset for quite sometime now, as women get older and hit the wall, i feel i should not have sympathy towards them for that, due to womens passivity, on how women have always played a passive role in dating, human mating, and women can get away with being socially inept, women never risk having their social awkwardness or social ineptness be labeled or dismissed as weird or creepy, because a brutal cruel fact of reality is that, tons of guys, men, get labeled weird or creepy just for approaching women, making advances on them due to what nature has dictated of men for all time, and men will get thrown those labels, when they never meant any harm, were never trying to hurt anyone. I don't like it but it will never change, i hate how guys, men, are the only gender that have to screw up or mess up interactions, deal with social failure when it comes to improving on how to interact with the other sex.
I agree. I had an acquaintance I used to work with many years ago. He was young, about 24, and was a decent alright guy from what I could tell. He committed suicide. His note said he was lonely and didn’t feel like he fit in anywhere. The thing is - when I went to his funeral, it was filled with women! Women from work, women he went to school with, friends of his family. So many times that day, I heard different women say “he was so cute/nice, I had a crush on him but I never said anything…” You couldn’t help but think how that information could have changed his life - but no, they’re supposed to be passive. What garbage. So no - I don’t think they can have it both ways. It can’t be “We’re supposed to wait and let you take charge” and “if she likes you, she will show it” at the same time. If they can’t be Big Girls and act like they want something with us, then just leave us alone and let us die
Courtney, I got the chills when you mentioned men feeling like they have to be mind-readers. I said the exact same thing to my now ex. I believe she is/was a good person, but she never told me when I did things she didn’t like, until we got into a heated disagreement, and then I got hit with everything all at once.
To be fair...... those times you got hit all at once, you ever notice a pattern between the grievances? Or hell, was it the same thing(s) over and over? I think when people complain about the "mind reading" thing it's more of a being inflective and thoughtful, making connections between conversations, using some analysis and not needing to have every little nuance spelled out in detail Like if you're with someone for long enough, you should be able to start drawing at least some accurate inferences without being told explicitly. And at that point if you are trying, in good faith, with effort, and some accuracy, I don't think you get killed as much for getting something wrong But if you're obtuse to your partner's non-verbal communication and details about them and their desires and fears and annoyances and whatnot after a period of time and interactions, it can come across as if you don't care, you're not grateful for them, or you're not even trying, ie. you don't think it's worth it to And I'm not saying I agree with that point of view, I'm just trying to lend some functional logic to something that's not entirely logical in and of itself. On one hand it makes total sense to say what you want and don't want, on the other however there's a lot of things in our lives that happen without prior conversations, and we like and value those things too. So I can't totally fault women for adopting that
The whole notion of women being better communicators is bogus. A communicator communicates. They don't expect you to pick up on their body language when you aren't even in the room.
@@PaperRaines Women are terrible communicators. Atrocious is a better term. "I'm fine" A good communicator knows "I'm fine" means "I'm fine". Stop making excuses for women being atrocious communicators. Women need to level up. Women have been pampered too long.
@@ronmexico8383 "women are terrible communicators, and, they need to level up" " Stop making excuses for them, they're atrocious at communicating" " women have been pampered for too long" ...... mmmm..... I can smell your resentment, frustration, tears, and anxiety, through my cell phone screen. Well, whatever lady is with you or ends up with you...... won't she be a lucky one.............. Ttyl pal 👋🏾
I had to break my wife of the mindreading thing. Adults ask for what they want. It took us a while to get there, but she's pretty blunt with me now. She is naturally passive-aggressive, but now she isn't like that with me. I have shown, time and again, that it doesn't work on me, and will never work on me. And I have bent for her here and there, too. I have had to learn how she feels loved, and make sure I am doing those things. At least some of those things, I am not perfect. But yeah...stick to your guns a bit on important boundaries. The right kind of woman will respond favorably.
My sister is the same way but multiplied by 10 times. She was also my "business partner" while building my business. But she never communicated, even work related stuff. So I tried to make her understand by becoming passive myself....2 months of that and still she did not start talking so I kicked her out. Now I am saddled with heavy work and become a one man army :(
Lol... Reminds me of a fight I had with my wife where she thought it was reasonable that I "should just know" what she wants and that she shouldn't have to tell me... To say the least I think, I gave up after that stupidity and went to do literally anything else. You can't argue with stupid.
This is such a healthy, wholesome comment, I'm glad it worked out with your wife because sometimes women give the worst advice to each other. Takes knowing a decent man to reign in some of the passive aggression. My partner realised he could actually tell me if he didn't like something I'd made for dinner. Definitely live and learn without screaming at each other 🙂
I used to have passive aggressive tendencies and expect my partner to mind read. I think I - and a lot of women - were brought up with this mindset of “if I have to ask it doesn’t count” and “if he cared he would know (without me having to tell him).” Partly I blamed all those romcoms, but also I learned later on that there was an underlying reason for this. I had an insecure attachment (anxious preoccupied), and my core wound that “I’m not good enough” and fear of abandonment led me to subconsciously feel that I wasn’t able to express my needs. Something my therapist said really clicked: “you can’t expect someone to *just* know what you want/need, because everyone has a different life history and perspectives etc. you need to clearly and specifically ask for what you want”. Healing my attachment wounds and practising communicating my needs (in a very specific but non judgemental way) were the biggest game changers in our relationship. We are both happier now, and no my partner definitely isn’t perfect either but he is also willing to communicate and meet me halfway most of the time.
@@itsshierlz Oh, I kinda glossed over a bunch there. Sounds familiar. We have been together 25 years and married for 17 of them. It took a lot of heart to heart talks. I just held to my boundaries through it all. It's took us the better part of two decades to unwind the damage her mother caused with her narcissism. This is why I say a wedding is a party, a marriage is work. Many gals today seem to want the party and the presents, but not the effort and the sacrifice. But I digress. We all have baggage. We're all broken. You won't find a perfect partner, but you might find one that's broken in the right ways that you support each other. That's the deal. Congratulations to you and your husband! Putting in the work is the way.
I want to start out by saying Courtney is doing great things by bringing a lot of these topics to light for people who don’t seem to be aware. And I really appreciate the realistic point of view she has on these topics she discusses. I also want to be clear that I don’t mean any hate in my comments I post on these videos. This video is a perfect example of why so many men aren’t dating. Men have the burden of doing everything right, going so far out of their way, dealing with the women who just want to meech off of your success, getting rejected over and over again in the hopes of one day winning the jackpot. Young men have found out that the majority of modern women quite frankly aren’t worth fighting over. In my experience, a large number of women don’t meet the few basic standards that men have (sharing similar moral values, kind, caring, modest, at least some mild level of physical attraction/some mild level of fitness, and an overall easy to get along with/friendly personality). And yes of course, not all women are like this. Just like not all men are trash. But comparing men and women, women as a gender are the ones who have drastically changed in the past 30 years, not men. And you know, maybe this is a man problem and we just have to get with the times or we get left behind or mentally/emotionally check out, which is fine I guess. I just can’t fathom that women really can’t see that this is what’s happening. I really don’t think women are that blind to reality. Now most of these young men have a new problem. Men keep fighting through the intense amount of loneliness in the hopes of a future wife and family, but with many giving up on dating, there is no longer a light at the end of the tunnel for them to keep fighting off the loneliness. Not wanting to get too dark here, but the statistics are what they are.
In general, not just with women, I used to assume people didn't want to talk to me and at the first opportunity I said good bye and walked away. Then I started to do this thing where I said things that people usually say when they are trying to end a conversation, but I didn't end it right away. I was so surprised, that they kept the conversation going even sometimes after several "well, all right then..." and so on from me. They brought up new topics and kept on talking with me and I learned, that I might be less of a nuisance, than I previously thought.
I'm glad you stuck with it, that's awesome to discover 🙂 Men and women both just want someone to be interested in them, in a relationship and their friends too. In some ways it probably can be that simple 😅
Congrats! That was a major step! 👍 Might sound cheesy, but I'm proud of you! Our biggest enemy lives inside our skull. Feels awesome if something turns out positive despite your own pessimism, right?
I’m fine with them having standards but it seems like their expectations are a bit disrespectful. How can you expect something when you don’t even know the person.
@@Dominicanadaa It's a problem. Also, fake profiles. Also, if you are seeking a mature woman, I am, look at the pictures carefully. Do they look 10-15 years younger? Because it's likely an old picture. Good luck with dating apps if you are looking for LTR. Full of yellow and red flags.
I've been growing on my own now. I stopped going to therapy months ago. All of these truths are spot on, based on experience. In terms of mental health growth, I have began writing my own book about men's mental health as well as my experience of what I went thru.
@karuns9500 In Feudal Japan, suicide is an act of honor. When the Samurai warrior lost his master, he had the shame and dishonor of being known as Ronin. He then took his own life.
I stumbled upon this and was curious about what you said. I've been married 21 years to a magnificent woman and I can corroborate everything you say. I'm not perfect in all things, but you give a laundry list of things I strive for in my relationship with her. Both my wife and I are good about setting and communicating boundaries and our boundaries are important. We both come from family environments were mind reading was considered a defining part of love, and we both see the error in that, but we still catch ourselves on this one. We both shine on emotional and financial security. From a man's point of view, this is important in a woman too.
Thank you for this video, I saw a woman a few months ago who I thought at the time 'wow, this woman is incredible'. Turns out, I was not the only man she was seeing, and when shit went south with her other options, she reached back out. And no, I did not reciprocate her false emotions, nuff said
Important thing: 0:20 First Thing - Attracting VS. Keeping A Woman; 1:38 Agree with that (the most important thing is who you are in your head, and your heart); 2:22 Second Thing - They Like Guys Who Take Charge; 4:08 Third Thing - They Know How To Swindle Weak Man; 6:22 Fourth Thing - They Want You To Be A Mindreader; 7:43 Agree with that (do a conversation with our partner); 8:17 Fifth Thing - They Desire Security; 10:34 Sixth Thing - If She Likes You, She Will Want To See You; 11:49 Important wisdom; and 12:23 to summarize all the told here. Among the all mentioned I can add some other things. And those are: 7. You have to be relaxed (or better go with the flow); 8. Nothing is done when you are forcing anybody (and when you are persistent in it); and 9. They desire loyalty. Some of the thing that you have told Courtney can be used in some other life situations, and also when men, and women are behaving to other people. Of course, we would of know if someone has told us some thing a bit earlier, but it's hard to tell. Like one of my professors from faculty told one thing (that I have mentioned in some of your videos): "It's easy to be a general after a battle. Let us see you in the role of the generals during the battle and make some crucial and most important decisions to solve those dilemmas and problems." The color of the nails goes well with the pattern of the dress, the color of the couch, the color of the pillow, your beautiful ring and your beautiful smile 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏. La perfection madam 😉😘😘😘🙂🤓😎❤❤❤.
TLDR Women are certainly not men's friends. Men have to go through hardships not thanks but inspire being with women. And only ready to consume end product, well then don't be surprise that men only ready to consume women: a) for breeding b) for fun
@@toobalkain I was just trying to be polite. Are you jealous of these emojis? Cause if you are I can tell you that you have to change your mindset, and you way of thinking. I respect Courtney's way of living, and I only gave her support, beside's behaving as a polite person (bu that doesn't mean that I don't have boundaries).
@@HarikejnSome of the things she mentioned are contradictory to the state of women of today an unrealistic. You put out a unbearably list which many can not take. If women wants all that ? Then they have to Submit under a man. Now that's Biblical an more accurate about themselves. Stop being Rebellious, Argumentive, stop listening to the "Jezebel " spirit. Women of today aren't fit to have all that. Only some women who earned it. You basically saying they can have their way an we just give it to them just because they're Female. Yeah sure.
Currently watching my friend getting destroyed in a divorce. The system is totally weighted towards the woman. Marriage is madness for men. You're lining up to lose all you have. House, assets and access to your children. Men are realising all this isn't worth it.
It's not only that though, in fact that's literally not even the primary thing; the primary problem is modern girls aren't worth it to begin with. Like if she was actually really compelling let's be honest, you'd take the chance anyway. I know how all guys work and so do you, if we see something we want we don't care if we have to obliterate our members in the process, we are the people who will proudly explain to the emergency room how we got that injury. The real problem with it all is that the women themselves aren't even worth it, I mean, what have you got some obese trump voter, a deranged fat feminist lecturing you about "body acceptance," a heavily tattooed girl whose ass is all over the internet, a girl who's more plastic than woman and leaving up an instagram with no pics of you as a boyfriend. These chicks flatly aren't worth it, and like I said elsewhere, the real problem is there's so many douchebags and thirsty guys that are going to fuck and leave them that they mistakenly presume the pool of candidates is bigger than ever. What they didn't realize is that meanwhile of their selection of 10,000 dicks on the internet next to none of them are going to be willing to marry any of them. That's the problem, is that these women--and the men too frankly--don't understand the difference between "yeah I'll fuck you" and "yes I do I'd marry you." For emphasis, just because she'll shtup you, doesn't mean she's willing to husband you. This is partly why online dating is such an STD laden cesspool, and because of the way the numbers favour women, girls like online dating because they haven't yet realized the massive drawbacks. For one, some of the guys you'd actually want to date are not on there. Secondly, most of the guys that are online are looking to use you for sex and hookups, at least with tinder. So you're going to rack up your bodycount with guys that are basically using you for sex, that in turn is going to severely harm your chances for a lifetime relationship later on. Like I said, you as a woman aren't going to be able to read the real situation with online dating because it's going to *look like* there's plenty more fish in the sea than ever before, but without realizing there's probably not a husband in there. You might get lucky but that's kind of a hitting the lottery thing. And meanwhile guys are so fed up with the stupid shit and the toxic crap with dating especially and the whole Western culture broadly that we've largely stepped away. So from a woman's point of view it's still going to look like plenty of fish even if literally half of all men simply walked away from dating, and yes this includes the guys who are attractive. No attractive man is willing to put up with your bullshit unless he's getting sex out of it, and if he does, odds are he's not gonna stick around. Women don't know this, which is why they still see online dating as viable, especially the super immature ones who are still literally operating off their girlhood checklist, because dating online allows you literally to fill out a checklist like you're shopping for a handbag. What they don't realize, is most of these aren't quality men to begin with, and nearly all the quality guys are not going to settle down with you, and that from the male vantage point tinder is literally just about free sex. Actually it just dawned on me, that women probably didn't even think about what it looks like from our perspective, yes tinder is basically just for "free" sex and hookups to a guy. If you are trying to settle down I'd strongly recommend against crap like tinder. That's where you wade neck deep in hookup culture. The problem is of course outside of those issues, the women of today are not even worth it, and I see Conservative women get on the horn like they're so much "better" than liberal girls because they're not feminists and meanwhile seem oblivious to the fact they're even worse. Seriously, Republican girls are mostly all square jawed mannish and have cruel eyes, at least liberal girls regardless what deranged tranny or feminist ideas they hold are still sweet women (often, not always) whereas Republican girls are just straight up bitchy, and both groups are entitled af. That's the problem. It's the entitlement and self obsessed narcissist celebrity/youtube star/tiktok/twitter culture that's so completely rotten, and now with it feeling like most girls are doing porn, what on earth makes you think I am going to risk half my finances and never seeing my kids for a girl that's basically a prostitute and she's insufferable to be around? A majority of girls (at least white women) are incapable of even being a good friend in my book. It's not even about marriage and wife or mother material at this point, I mean the culture is so sick and toxic that I stopped even being able to look at a lot of women as being friends. We're pulling up our bridges. The nastiness, the entitlement, the princess mentality of girls that are basically hookers, it astounds me. That's why I don't even see anyone outside immigrant communities as viable at this point. I'm aware of how dickish and borderline toxic that sounds, but it's just true, we're risking a lot and for black men with black women, or white men with white women, if you went to a public highschool and drowned yourself on American pop culture and internet culture, then it's like digging for a diamond in sewage sludge. The thing is, so many fuckboys will still be willing to put up with all that to get laid, so these princesses can't even see that, and get this warped, overly inflated, narcissistic self view that they're "baddies" when the fact is a minority of men are still going to have sex with you even if you're below average, but nobody other than needy guys are going to want to be with you and put up with you for a below average woman with below average character (and far as that goes, "average" character is now rock bottom to me).
yes - I went through one four years ago now and it was absolute hell - especially with kids involved - I'm surprised I'm still here in many ways. Thank the good Lord for that.
@@richardthomas598 have you been through a divorce? sounds to me like you're speaking from the sidelines with no real world experience, or you're trolling/trying to be funny...
Women like someone else to do work they don't want to do. Its packaged as leadership, confidence, etc because it is unpalatable to say whats true. Everything boils down to the basics
Yeaaah... Leadership - make all the hard choices and bear the responsibility and blame if it fails; Confidence - manifesting that you've met all the checks on their checklist; ambitious - she wants you to constantly climb the ladder of higher and higher income and status; Safety - money to take care of her and children, even if she doesn't work (because if she does, you better earn a lot more than she does, you won't really see that money anyway, and enjoy the jabs like "well... Susan doesn't have to work :/ ") Vulnerable - so you tell on yourself when you are weak; etc., etc. All of that to make sure the kids will survive, but a lot of them don't want kids, cook or clean anyway - just want to have fun and live rent free, like a big child. And you could be all of that and yet marriages fail so much, because on top of all of it, it's extremely hard to find another person, who shares your values and vibes with you, who is not only your partner, but a best friend, who loves you and enjoys you for you, and not the things you can provide or how that makes her feel.
oh i can do the leadership, go clean the dishes, go to work, prepere me food, i can do all the leadership work ;) women dont want that, they want free stuff, free safty, basicly they want to outsoruce the responibilites of life to sombody else
I once knew a woman who had a thing for the guy who delivered water to her office, and every time he showed up she would get flustered and find a reason to leave his vicinity, then asked us (her brother's friends) why this guy wasn't catching her drift. So no actually, men often have no idea a woman like them, because they act the exact opposite of 'liking' towards the guy they like..
Your videos are really helping me. I have quite a few of the problems you describe, but now I feel much more confident about dating again. Thank you Ms. Courtney Ryan!
I asked a woman out a couple of weeks ago and she agreed, but then had a last minute flake out. I said 'no problem, see you around'. I didn't even get angry or ask her why. Didn't want to give her the satisfaction. The I realised:- she never texted or showed an interest. She never asked me anything about myself, despite me asking her things. There's a theory out there that they love playing hard to get. I've never understood this logic. If they like you, it'll be obvious. If it's not obvious..........they don't like you. Simple. If you must chase them, they're not worth your time. If you're rejected, don't get angry and make a fool of yourself. Be graceful and grown-up about it, and make her see she missed an opportunity. Get yourself to the gym and become a Sigma male.
That sucks, but in a way I kind of get it. Having to tell someone that you’re not interested in them is uncomfortable and a lot of people will avoid doing it, if possible. This girl realized she could take the easier route of feigning interest and then standing you up. If I was female I’d probably do the same thing and I’m sure you would too.
She won't see it as a missed opportunity if she never liked you in the first place. People need to understand that. I've turned down guys that went on to make more money, own a home etc and it made no difference in how I felt. I never liked them. Why would I now? If you upgrade and she comes around she's probably still not interested in you she's just interested in your newly acquired lifestyle.
I most agree with you here but getting lead on isn't okay either, man or woman doing so. It happens a lot and I just went through it. All I want as a man is simple communication and "hey my BF, Fiance, husband, wife, GF" whatever a woman has going on, put it in a conversation as soon as possible. Don't keep smiling, acting flirty, and asking vague questions while not saying a few IMPORTANT things about herself I need to know. It really will go a long ways, ladies. I know some guys are crazy and it's risky but most regular guys will appreciate the upfront honesty so we can move on.
@Alyssawhatever so you’re justifying flaky behavior among women? Wouldn’t it be more honest for the womyn to say “no I’m not interested” at the beginning?
Being authentically myself is the hard part, but I will remain who I am because of that sole reason. The chances of me finding the right person is just as likely as me finding love in myself. I'm very different, and I absolutely love that.
Best part was about the introspective piece that most everybody misses in life. A certain amount of time is needed to figure yourself out before you can be a good partner.
This is why men need to stay focused & in their purpose & passions! Take women as they come & enjoy the moment for what it is. And if/when they flake, free them back to the streets from which they came without your emotions, your seed or your money!! Hard lesson to learn, but one that will save you stress, strain, heartache & money in the long run!
*Men need to hear this - learning to respect boundaries and understanding a woman's needs early on can prevent so many misunderstandings down the road.*
This is one of your better topics over the past couple of years. Many men are problem solvers at heart, and many of us accept and *EXPECT* there to be problems to solve. In hindsight, I can say that every past GF or love interest has dropped clues as to what drove their attraction, or what I was doing that was killing attraction, but I don't do well with indirect communication. Since I didn't identify the problem, I didn't think there was a problem, and a breakup comes out of nowhere in my eyes. Hopefully videos like this will help someone in their 20s avoid a lot of wasted time and missed opportunities.
Same here man, verbatim scenarios. At least people like you and myself bear some of our own responsibility in missing things and getting broken up with, as you can tell from some of the comments in this and especially other videos on this channel there's a lot of men who totally put all the blame on the women who don't "say enough". Well they're saying a lot, if you are listening.... if you _can_ hear them
To go with one of your points (not sure if you’ve mentioned this in the past, my bad if so) but if she isn’t dressed nicely when she goes to see you it’s probably because she’s taking advantage of you. A woman that likes you will put the effort into their appearance.
You're such a lovely force of positivity and growth Courtney. It's hard and frustrating dating in my age bracket but I very much enjoy your perspectives. Especially since they aren't catchphrase advices.
Please, let’s break down this fucking gender stereotypes and expectations once and for all. I was born with a penis but I don’t wanna feel compelled to avoid showing emotions, to take charge and other unhealthy and toxic bullshit like these. If I feel like doing the opposite, I also wanna feel and be free to do it. Period.
- Try but not too hard. - Talk but not too much. - Be emotional but within reason. - Prioritise her but not at the cost of your work, life and hobbies. - Lead but don't control or dominate. - Give her space to breathe and be her own person but don't leave her feeling abandoned when she needs you and reaches out. - Learn from your past relationships to be better and do better but don't let any of those wounds bleed into the present or future. - Remember the little things that matter to her and use those to plan dates, gifts, trips etc. That's the closest you can come to mind reading - anticipating her needs and reading between the lines without making too many assumptions. - Ask. Don't assume. It's always better to ask and clarify and even have tough conversations to get on the same page & match wavelengths. - Take care of your health : physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social, financial. It'll help you be the best version of yourself to show up as confident, secure, reliable and a good woman will be happy to support you on this journey & grow together with you. - Don't miss opportunities to show her you care and that you've actively listened to what she has to say. That you value her inputs and that they factor into your decision making. All these lessons I've learnt from dates & relationships that haven't worked out and I'm still single and unable to find someone who is willing to stay and work things out between us even after years of trying.
And that’s why it’s not worth it right there. They don’t give a shit that you did all this my man, that’s just “what you’re supposed to do” while their list of self improvement doesn’t even exist. You seem like a great catch, the problem is that women don’t fish.
@@Randy-us1ufif that’s the case, then you don’t want that girl anyways. Healthy people are straightforward and honest, damaged people play games and leave you scratching your head. Learned that the hard way.
I hate with a burning passion the narratives that women push. "Oh, we want financial security". You know what? We do too! But we don't moan and complain like women. We work. It's 2023, women fought for the right to work, well, you got it! Now work, and provide for yourself. Don't ask that from a man. You're an adult, not a child!
@@Renatogabriel1221 funny how many things a man has to do to "show his love" compared to women. And how few things a man needs to feel loved, compared to a woman.
True. Getting her phone number means nothing unless you know how to follow up and stay in character. And make sure the "character" is who you are - no one can sustain acting fake in the long run.
Truth 1 - Relationships are hard work and it takes two people who are 100% committed no matter what. 90% on any one side will not last - one of you is holding out because they expect that it will not last. If you plan on things not lasting, they won't. You'll become dissatisfied in some way and then it takes almost nothing for you to break all your promises and teach your kids a lesson that will not be good for them. Feeling like you're fully committed and understanding that the other person is too takes a long time. That's why they used to have long engagements before you wove your truths together in marriage. Truth 5 - Security is important for everybody and hardly any of it is about money. Life is uncertain. One day your up at the top and the next you're on the bottom - that was the medieval image of the wheel of fortune not the TV show version. You need to share your life with somebody who understands that it's the relationships in life that make it worthwhile not the material circumstances. If that's not what you want in a relationship, then you're going to have one relationship after another. Make up your mind what you want in your life and be honest about it with yourself and the people you date. None of this is going to be quick or easy and not having quick and easy is almost un-American. Not having what you want instantly goes against everything we like about being Americans.
All of this embodies why i quit dating and don't really miss it. Women have all these things they want from men, meanwhile most of them can't even do one thing for men - put the fork down and stay a reasonable weight.
Body language and just being able to observe her moods. I hate that I'm a quiet person who tends to be shy only for the first few minutes. I'm short yet I think I'm big in who I am. Learning is my favorite pass time. Yes i have a hard time with signals
I broke up with my girlfriend we were 9 years together so being single right now feels a bit weird. Your videos really do help though they make me even more worried that dating has become a science unlike a few years back 🐱
@mrchaoslordlol not everyone gets to date or have a relationship very young or very early in life like you do, there are lots of people, mainly guys, around your age who have never had a girlfriend before
I'm different too. I can't do 1 arm floor push-ups or lift bodybuilder weights. I also have slightly slower reflexes. I don't like being in men only groups. I enjoy being in coed groups & groups where I'm the only guy.
@@JohnGrigg-gz9gm I understand your point and think it will actually be more like 3 years than 3 decades. But I’m talking about actual human connection; not a terrible copy of such that lacks all soul and feeling. Then again, maybe AI will get THAT good, and maybe even within the few years I mentioned.
One of the saddest things is that many of men have those thing that would keep a women, but, lacking the things to attract her, get little chance to demonstrate them
Give them all 3 million dollars, a Lamborghini, a poppin IG with a blue check and 100k followers, and limb lengthening surgery that makes them 6'5, they'll all be keeping women for sure!
The real harsh truth is that women usually don't take time to grow until they find a partner that has far outgrown them and will teach them how to be a decent adult. So basically, you have to treat them like bigger children.
Do you find this is true for all women across the board, above average looks, average, and below average looks? Do you think it is due to societal expectations for women or how that woman was raised by her father?
@@shaymalchione809 Nothing about his statement implies males are naturally more mature. Just that when there is a mismatch in emotional maturity the "younger" women may have a chance to grow. I personally do not ascribe to this, IMO personal growth happens alone and within oneself. Your partner prodding or expecting you to act a certain way is not going to do it. Only them leaving or the real threat of them leaving may provide that motivation to mature.
uploaded 38 seconds ago. idk if ive ever been this early. edit after watching the video: these didnt seem like "harsh" truths, they just seemed like reality. 1) who you are inside matters. physical appearance gets you there, but character keeps you there. I agree; its the same the other way around too. a hot girl is a hot girl, but a hot girl with a witch personality is still not marriage/long term material. 2) women like men who take charge - i think most men like to take initiative anyway. it's just a generalization, but i believe most men like to feel needed. i dont mind planning dates and whatnot, i actually think that is fun. i just want to be appreciated for it. 3) they know how to swindle weak men - we know lol. or we should anyway; its almost exclusively weak men funding these OF models. having more money is great and helps alot, but if thats a man's only "game," then hes inevitably going to get gamed back. 4) they want you to be a mind reader - yeah... that sucks. not really sure how to get around that. in a relationship, i would like to believe both parties would work on communicating to get what they want/need out of their partner. but for those of us in the lawless, post apocalyptic wasteland that is single life, if a girl is already expecting you to know her before you become exclusive, that just seems like a red flag and we need to run. and if they're all doing it... suddenly MGTOW doesnt seem so bad. 5) they desire security - good. we desire to protect and provide. if true, then this would appear to work out. however there is clearly an increase of women who think they wear the pants so this might not be so true anymore. 6) if she likes you, she will want to see you - ... sigh 😢 lol. it's true though, and the best thing you can do for yourself is move on
100%. I have a very attractive female "friend". She will ignore me for months, then suddenly out-of-the-blue she will blow up my phone with texts and want to get together. Of course, this means she's had a breakup. Within the last month or two, I've asked her three times "When are we getting together?" or "Hey, let's go for a drive on Saturday". She does reply, but never answers my question. I'm done. I'm not going to be the dude who listens to her woes and bad relationship decisions after the breakup. Not anymore. She just wants to keep me in the background for when she's got nothing better to do. I won't play that role.
I was dealing with the exact thing. I recently blocked her on my phone. No more, darling. Good luck with the dating apps. I know that you will find plenty of willing participants.
This is one of the most important videos I've seen for self improvement and and how to maintain a relationship rather than just getting the girl. Maintaining a relationship is harder than getting one. And I think our society really needs more education on these topics
WAY to much nonsense. Not worthy of time, anergy, mental health, financial risk, high liability, severally punished at divorce, a complete waste of everything. No, thank you.
As a married man... all of this is true, but above all, you must have money. If you have no money (this is also subjective, by the way, so good luck), the woman does not want anything to do with you. I'm struggling through a change in career and my wife has no patience with me, has lost respect and holds resentment. Money is the only thing that matters to a woman, don't fall for their games. It's about acquisition of resources, not love. Good luck guys
So not true. I've had relationships with females my entire life, both platonic and romantic, and I've never been the one with more resources than they already have, either through their families or on their own.
I think all these things are fair and valid. Though I think also that there are a lot of men who are so emotionally broken from childhood trauma, missing father figures that it gets too difficult for them to have those qualities. Finding a woman who can be understanding is difficult, because I think people are less compromising nowadays
@@markkillick4925 Younger people may not understand how much aging sucks. 35 or 40 sees a decline in everything but mental acuity. Physically it is nothing but down after 40.
That's definitely not true though. Courtney is at least fairly straightforward and honest, but truly getting the way women think requires either asking really experienced men, or becoming experienced yourself. Key point--the mindreading. Which what this means is, that you, as a 20 year old guy, need to be smart enough to realize not to take half the shit coming out of her mouth seriously, and to instead ALWAYS do "the right thing" as opposed to whatever she's saying. She said "it's ok we can split the bill every meal"? She's lying. Sneak the check if you have to. "No nothing's wrong" means "something is definitely terribly fucked up and wrong and every moment I sit here that you haven't figured that out only makes me madder." Women do not communicate honestly and effectively. Period. At least when it comes to a relationship you literally have to be able to read your partner like a book, and in all ways mind you this includes in the bedroom. It's the mistake every youngboy constantly makes, is to believe what women tell them at face value without stopping to analyze what she's really meant by that. And really, half the problem is women treat communication as a social grooming instrument to make themselves look good and their rivals look worse, so a lot of them have a tendency to downplay negative things that are true of themselves and create a different (at times false) narrative because it socially presents themselves in a better light. This is partly why modern males don't act masculine, is because they didn't have their fathers to listen to or didn't have enough experience to understand this fact and instead just bluntly realizing who women are instead of telling themselves these same lies society espouses.
I have 2 older sisters and a mom, I have learned, hard truths vary in the generation. 1. I grew up hearing, "I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND SPIT IT OUT", my sisters were rather impatient at times. 2. They had no problems telling me, how to be impressive if I ever wanted to be in a relationship. I got more info on the tells and signals, watching my sisters. Now I an not saying my family is the end all be all of how to treat women. Just that they had no problem giving advice on what most of all their pieves were. 2. I am finding that even if you know those things, you cannot expect to ever change how they feel about you. 3. The "friend zone" is real. I have found the only reason women talk to me in general is because they know I listen. So from my perspective if all my life ever offers them is a listening ear! What does that say about men? 3. Many of those truths vary depending on the woman. There are women out there looking for a man who wants more then just a "hook up with them" Sad thing is the nice guys finish last as they say. 4. I'd wager if more men quit being sexaholics, it might change women's perseption of all of us. But sadly, there are a lot of pigs out there. 5. Many men can't always decipher what taking charge means, because it depends on the women. 6. I have been around women so long, I am practically ignorant to whatever tells they may be doing. I grew up watching the hair flips, the adjustments of the shirt and so on, to me I would literally have to have someone "say to my face I like you" Maybe that is a good thing though from what I have seen of women today at least
Congrats you actually got most of it right, like 99,9% right, this lady just like many other like her keep generalising, using broad expressions, speaking on behalf of all women (for some reason), assuming a lot, cherry picking her favourite parts & leaving everything else she doesn't like behind, having 0 nuance in her takes, has rigid & one dimentional views of women.....also keeps infantilising women with odd expressions .
I've been around women too much and understand them too much to a point where I just don't like being around them. If you know the feeling you know what I'm talking about.
And those "harsh truths" are actually not "truths", but an evidence that most women are either genuinely selfish/ mean (that's actually a lot of people) or immature (even more than the former) = not suitable for a healthy relationship. I just dated an incredibly nice and hot girl a few months ago, who was treating me pretty well and putting effort right from the start. The reason why it didn't work out is (although she's 35) she had some trouble communicating, difficulty understanding what she wants (that's why I was making decisions) and most importantly her ideas at the core of what she was unable to communicate were immature. As good as it all started, it had to be finished.
A couple points to remember: (1) Women who are super-attractive are not usually worth the trouble, because they already get plenty of attention, and they spend a lot of time grooming, which may not be the kind of person you are looking for. (2) To impress a woman, present the qualities she is wants to see. “Rich and handsome” may work, but it also may attract the wrong kind of woman. “Helpful, friendly and sincere” usually works better. “Witty and charming” also helps. (3) If a woman is interested, she will ask you questions about yourself. You should answer honestly, but try to turn it around and ask about her. If she is evasive or hesitates to answer simple questions, then she may be trying to manipulate you, and that is not a relationship you should pursue. But most people love to talk about themselves, and this is your chance to find out what she is really like.
These types of women are toxic. They are the type to get married, get you to buy a house and give her kids, then she will try and destroy you in divorce court.
@@timothygibney159In USD?! How on earth... 800k?! 😮 She did at least realize she was scammed, and would never be able to pay it back by going to work, right?
I think it's possible that some women see how their Dad would "just do" things that their Mom wanted done, without having to be asked. They may not realize that Dad knows to do these things because they've been together for decades. She told him things she wanted long before their daughter was born, and they've had time to figure out a routine, chores, etc. Dad did just magically know from the get-go.
Talking things over with a friend got me thinking. You should add: 7. Women want to feel like she is special to you. I asked her why she had put someone in the friend zone, and she got a far away look and said, "I feel like all the nice things he does he would do for any available woman...like he wanted 'a girlfriend' and who she was didn't matter."
@Courtney Ryan Very good, video that I agree with. The only thing I think we all need to remember is that "everyone is an individual, no matter how true these patterns are in general." For example, I once had a roommate who believed that both genders should wait until marriage to sleep in the same bed, etc. He was plenty good-looking, social, intelligent, etc., and had plenty of women who wanted him. Most people would assume he is lying about "waiting until marriage, etc." It may be true in general that "men only have one thing on their mind." But, as we see with individuals, lots of room for unique expression.
Well I lost my girlfriend of almost 17 years for a few of the reasons mentioned. No excuses at the end of the day but I have dealt with mental issues most of my life due to childhood trauma. Ultimately I couldn’t be there for her like I was supposed to. So please, work on yourself first as mentioned. No one can help you battle your mental demons but yourself, seek professional help. Even though I lost a great woman, I can honestly say I’m in a better place mentally ever since I put in the work. My heart still hurts but my mind is getting better. I guess you can’t have it all sometimes. ✌🏼
I'm rrally sorry to hear that. I think sometimes shared adversity with a partner can bring two people together, but I know people it's had the opposite effect on. They got through all the difficult times together, but the process involved them changing and evolving in a way that made them eventually grow apart, until they had to acknowledge they were no longer the same couples. They ended up as stronger people, but the final step was them needing to go their separate ways and start again with someone else.
Not to mess with you or judge you, but have you considered it is possible being with her in some ways could have stifled your personal growth overcoming your childhood traumas? It is interesting you were with someone so long and didn't have this "emotional growth spurt" until she was gone. It is possible she understood your problems better than you did and used that to her benefit.
@@sburns2421 I agree that it definitely slowed my mental growth. I should have been alone for a while and delt with my own mental issues before dating anyone. I guess she really loved me and thought I could have gotten better. We also share custody of two kids so I guess she was really hoping I would snap out of it. But I did not seek professional help until she broke up with me. It was a hard lesson for me to learn but I learned it and would much rather be alone now. I only worry about me and my kids at this point.
@@jonprince3237 yup that pretty much sums up the relationship with my ex. We just grew apart and forgot who we were. I still hurt but I guess it was for the best because my mind is a lot better. But now that she has quickly moved on, I would much rather be alone than date anymore. Heart break hurts to much.
I made the mistake to actually getting married, I was much more happy being single as I don't need company to be happy and when I feel the want to drop everything and do something its sucks to check in and being told NO when its my life and my money.
The mind reader thing is certainly true. Even more so, I have several times talked to women, who explicitly said "People can't read minds, so communication is key" and yet still themselves preceded to not communicate and expected me så know what was going on in deifferent situations.
Thanks for a great video, articulately stated. You are improving people’s lives. I happen to be Autistic, this has always been challenging. Some women will jump to conclusions, however my Asperger’s finds a way: good health, good career, great education & an unbreakable passion for life.
To the first point, I am not so sure that men have not been told how to prioritize things like making a connection emotionally or having a reasonable personality. It seems many men struggle to actually attract women initially, which is why they find themselves rejected or "friendzoned". Think about it: the friendzone happens often when guys make great friends and form meaningful connections, but simply aren't attractive enough romantically or sexually. To the second point, my issue with the idea of men "leading" is that many of the women in my life have been "leaders" in the workplace; in other words, they've had manager positions. So it's hard to imagine a woman who spends 40 hours or more a week telling other people what to do, is somehow incapable of planning out a date or making other meaningful decisions. By all means, I don't mind "leading" if it means having a sense of direction and making decisions. I also don't mind asking someone out if I'm really attracted to them and pursuing the opportunity is out my own interest. It's more so about the pressure of feeling like I have to make the relationship work by always being in charge, because then it also tends to feel like if it fails, it's my fault since I was the one guiding it. As an example, if a man asks a woman out and gets rejected, it's generally on him to reflect on his approach and whether he did something wrong. But apparently, even if a woman likes a man, but does nothing to make her interest known or even pursues him a little (which many guys would love, believe it or not), it's somehow also his fault because it was his duty to be "masculine" and ask her out instead? I'm all for telling people to take charge and take initiative. I just don't understand why it's solely considered a man's place to do these things, especially in modern western culture which is increasingly more individualistic regardless of gender. I just don't feel convinced that this is entirely about women feeling "feminine". It seems more like they don't want to take the same kinds of emotional risks or put in the kind of effort that's expected of men in this aspect of relationships, but by couching it in this idea that it makes them "feminine" to submit, it closes off the possibility that it's more of a personal shortcoming that could potentially be addressed (although, if the guy simply makes up for it in the relationship and doesn't mind doing it, that's fine too). Anyone reading this, feel free to address me if you think I'm wrong. I've been struggling with this idea for a long time now.
I think you’re right some people are just passive by nature men and woman. Just because you’re passive don’t mean you can’t lead been passive my whole life as a manger and a sales lead I only stepped in if I seen things going wrong, if it anit broke don’t fix it has always been my motto and it’s always worked out fine for me. I think the problem is a women doesn’t want a man like that cause she can’t handle making the wrong choices and having the man fix her mistakes all the time.
I think that's a great analysis! Agreed! Or as someone else put it: It's all about convenience for women. Let him pick the berries, let me eat them. Why? Because reasons. Strong independent women bla bla etc etc. (And that shows in many different ways)
Ms Ryan, thank you for taking the trouble to make this short video tutorial. I’m 69 years old and married for nearly 36 years. Everything you have mentioned I have found to be true.
You said something that's very true that's unfortunate- Women initially want a confident, playful, assertive fun guy initially, and once the emotional connection has been formed, they want a gentleman who cares about, supports them, loves them, and treats them right. Women do want to be treated with dignity and respect- as equals. But the problem is most of them want to be emotionally turned on and have a little emotional roller coaster ride with a guy before they settle down for stability. Do you know what this means to us guys from a guy perspective? It means in order to attract women, we have to often put on a false, playful self and play around with women's emotions in a positive way to be even considered for the potential of dating. We have to put on a mask and do an superficial audition to get noticed and to get our chance. What's laughable and hypocritical is that a lot of women want a guy to be good to them and treat them right, but only after he proves that he can engage or manipulate their emotion in a positive way. It is putting the cart before the horse. What is important- a guy who knows how to rile you up emotionally, or a man who treats you right? I was single for 35 years before I met my current girlfiend because most women would not give me an oppurtunity. I wasn't overly passive or submissive, but I was kind, friendly, respectful, etc. Thibgs that truly matter, but don't matter to most women initially. But no- women want to be toyed with emotionally before they commit to a guy. The reason why my girlfriend isn't like most women is because she dealt with her fair share of shitty boyfriends. She knows what "real" value is now, and it's not a guy playing with her feelings all the time to excite her. It is guy who is good to her, cares about her, and does what is right by her and treats her as an equal. Few women really know what value is, or understand it. Their inability to understand this leads to frustrated good men and players who use them for sex.
Regards to 4 being a mind reader -- Thank You! Women are apparently raised to be able to pick up how someone is feeling based on nonverbal cues and think men can do the same, but we are not! If you don't want us to do something or wear a certain outfit, just say it! If she says "Do what you want," guess what -- that's exactly what I'm going to do.
I really wish that I was told some of these truths when I was in my teenage years! Would have been very helpful. I think society does men a bit of a disservice in this way. Most men who were not good with women when we were in high school have to stumble and struggle with dating in our 20's and 30's until we get it right. It is not just a case of 'have more confidence' it takes a decent amount of social calibration as well. This takes endless rejections - often without knowing what we did wrong. Women on the other hand are taught how to filter and test men as early as their early to mid teenage years. A massive head start over us. Courtney, would you be able to do a video on how men should deal with the 'silent treatment' from women. That would be very helpful too. Many thanks, Simon
@simonnaylor7983 Bro, you never put up with that silent treatment bs. Basically, it's an act of passive aggression, emotional abuse and contempt towards you. It means the person dictates the terms on when "talking can happen again". That's taking agency from you because you love them. When that happens (maybe you messed up - but evolved people communicate), you must shake her from that totem pole of power and turn the tables. You tell them once that such acts are display of poor communication skills and clearly tell them that if it happens again, you will not avail yourself to breaking the silence - you're prepared for that battle of attrition. But,bro you must act on those words - hard as it will be. They have to pay with the currency of their own creation. Find other things to do - like hanging with mates, going to gym. You gave to remove yourself from the presence of the person giving you the silent treatment and that will render it ineffective because the bad actor here won't see that you're in misery because they've shut you out. If say you messed up and apologized, then perhaps a day of the silent treatment is tolerable because the anger is still dissipating. Post that it's now cruel punishment, pride and ego. That's not love. Don't put up with that bs - life is too short to be made valueless that way.
All of this is very solid advice. I'm on the autism spectrum. I can read some social cues. I understand some basic things. But there are a lot of gaps in my skills in that regard. But my patience level for the whole mind reading thing would be close to zero. And I will be happy to communicate that in very unambiguous terms. In fact, I even ask people to communicate with me in an unambiguous way in the platonic relationships I have. And I don't waste my time and energy on people unwilling to do that. Because, quite frankly, it's not worth it for me. I don't need that many friends. So, I can be selective. And while neurotypicals may have more of a tolerance for this than I do, they really shouldn't put up with the mind reading expectation either. Everyone needs to communicate their thoughts clearly. At least clearly enough for the average person to easily understand. Even if someone like me might have some trouble with it. If a person isn't willing to meet this basic standard, they really aren't relationship material. And that assessment needs to be made early on in the process.
Completely agree! If even simply talking is too much to ask for, than I don't even want to know what else is also too much to ask for. I'm probably slightly on the spectrum too. But I guess if I wasn't, I'd feel the same about this.
@@shrapnel77 I'm certain you have saved yourself a lot of headaches. Imagine being in a marriage with someone like that? It would be a nightmare that would almost certainly end in divorce. It's simply not possible to have an adult relationship with someone like that. And it would be unwise to even try.
Thank you for this content, it was very good. I am a software developer and by nature I am very analytical and a problem solver. My skills with problem-solving are not just limited to software development but in all kinds of things, like working on my house. I installed vinyl plank flooring in two different houses i've owned and did all the trim, I have fixed my own appliances (thanks to UA-cam), have done electrical work, installed hot water heaters, etc. i'm kind of a jack all trades. I'm somehow just able to figure out how to do things or where to find information on how to do them. With that in mind, at a men's group I participated in a buddy of mine said of his marriage "all day long it's my job to solve problems, but when I come home I am supposed to turn it off". This is where I struggle.
Just follow these principles: 1) Walk with your head high 2) Be joyful and confident 3) Always seek opportunities to connect with loving, sincere people 4) Always remember the source of your peace and happiness resides WITHIN YOU. YOU are responsible for your own happiness! Nothing "external" can give this to you. It is all within yourself!! 5) BE FREE!! "Love is not a possession-it is a state of being." (Osho)
One hard truth that tend to be true is that there’s actually no such thing as “playing hard to get.” If a woman likes you, she’s not going to make it “hard.”
This is true, every girl that’s really actually into you makes it easy to talk to her, see her, spend time with her and has a identifiable and clearly positive disposition and reaction to elements of you as she learns them (this last part is the really big one, you will notice is actually very significant with experience). This also happens very early.
The “hard to get” alternative is always a waste of time, 100% of the time. These are time wasters and unpleasant, unproductive and wasteful experiences throughout the process. Don’t bother, this is a trap.
Note I’m not talking about instant sex (which is not a good sign for anything stable), just how generally open or closed their disposition is to you being very obvious.
You are absolutely right!
Very true they know it as well
@@NerdlySquared Well said dude!
Sometimes you just 'click' with someone
You have successfully encouraged a lot of men to quit dating women.
If so, completely valid!
That is me, I am happy being single and have even less desire to find a partner now. If men didn't have such a strong sex drive or want kids, there would be no reason to be with a woman.
@@ChocPretzel8 We really need artificial wombs so we can have children without the drama and risk of financial ruin.
Another major hard truth of life in general, is that you can "do everything right." and still lose. No one is entitled to anything.
It does take 2 to tango.
Very true...😞
Yep just experienced, nothing means anything
Don't keep woman, just change them for a new one
@rwyo83 Love your wife as Christ Loved the Church....
But if you never want to get married--PLEASE JUST FIND A WOMEN WHO DOESNT WANT MARRIAGE AS WELL!!
Just remember; all these things she says that will turn women on and/or attract them, ONLY works if you are her type. All the confidence, passion, drive, charisma, etc, will not win her over if she’s not attracted to you.
That's a bingo. 1) Be tall and attractive, 2) have money and power, 3) the rest is easy.
@@emanuelmota7217 it's usually enough to be 1 to bed her.
REALLY ??LOL LOL P.S don't forget that they are nurturing too.
Attraction is not a choice.
@user-ez5vq9fd2t True but it can be improved. Muscles, exercised jaw line, a good haircut that fits your face, and nice clothes do a lot.
I've been married for 15 years and in the same relationship for 17 years with two teens.... And I still don't truly understand her. I think I'll never fully understand a woman, but a word of advice to young blokes is see what type of character the parents are before you commit. If you don't like them the strong chances are your girlfriend will have the same traits. This is coming from experience, as I really dislike my mother in law and my wife displays similar traits.
so why are you still married?
Remember the words of Al Bundy, " women understand women, and they hate each other.
Very true
I must say mate it sounds like a bloody mess. Blimey
genetic lies in blood bro, its true
Remember gents: If a woman is in to you, there's almost nothing you can do to change her mind.
If she's not in to you anymore, there's almost nothing you can do to change her mind.
Ehhh.... I definitely agree with the latter, once a woman emotionally detaches she's done pretty much. But the former, I don't know about that. I'm pretty sure 80% of the subscribers on this channel are here because women who were legit into them switched up and bounced lol
If I could suggest a different version of your comment is women are people and people are very finicky, they can change their minds very quickly and for any reason. It's no different when it comes to dating choices
@@PaperRaines
I know of many examples where the first one was true. Definitely in the case if you are come kind of Chad. And then there are the bad boys who treat women like complete crap, and they come back for more. But I don't how true it is in other kinds of scenarios.
“Don’t change her mind, change her mood.”
Unless you win a lottery right at that specific moment in time😂
She loves what you can give her, you a person means nothing to her.
When relationships are all about what the woman wants it really makes them unappealing. Selfishness, vanity, and greed are not attractive.
Japan is working on robots....
🎯
They are snakes in the grass.lol lol lol.
A selfish women lol lol what a concept!!!!
@@machupikachu1085 Don't worry! Just get a dog and you will be fine. Why waste money on a trip to Japan?
6 Harsh Truths About Women That Men Learn Too Late
1. Attracting vs. Keeping a Woman
“Talent gets you in the door but character keeps you there.”
a. Attracting
i. Physical appearance
ii. Confidence
iii. Sense of humor
iv. Social Status
v. First impression
vi. Grooming habits
b. Keeping
i. Emotional connection
ii. Mutual respect
iii. Communication
iv. Shared values
v. Ability to address and resolve conflicts
2. They like guys to take charge (Masculine)
a. Leadership
b. Decisive
c. Takes initiative
d. Plans the date
e. Dominates in the bedroom
f. Self-assured
g. Capable
h. Shows responsibility and takes ownership
i. Mutual effort
3. They know how to swindle weak men
a. Takeaway: Be careful with what you lead with.
b. Takeaway: Don’t be a sucker
c. Takeaway: Set boundaries
d. Takeaway: Respect yourself
e. Takeaway: What you allow is what is going to continue.
f. Takeaway: They will like you for the wrong reasons. Not healthy
4. They want you to be a mind reader
a. Not possible. They need to learn to effectively communicate their wants and needs.
b. Women want their man to be more attentive and understand their emotions.
c. It tends to be a family or social expectation and is probably not a conscious intent.
d. This needs to be brought out in the open and discussed. It usually falls on the man to do this.
e. You will need to “call her out” on this many times before she can accept it. Start gently and get slightly stronger for each occurrence. She may never accept it completely.
f. If you tell me you are fine, I’m going to believe you are telling me the truth. You are an adult and understand if you don’t tell the truth, there are consequences and it will affect our relationship. (It follows for all other statements of fact.)
g. It is not the responsibility of the man to decode or interrogate her to find the truth.
h. It is unjustified for the woman to be angry at the man for not understanding her needs if she doesn’t tell him directly in words he understands.
i. There is a mutual responsibility to understand each other. If one of the partners truly is trying to be understood and the other partner doesn’t. It is up to the other partner to ask questions until they do.
5. They desire security
a. Many women desire security and safety in a man because it provides a sense of stability, safety, and comfort in a relationship.
These can be emotional, financial, and physical security. This allows them to develop and more lasting and fulfilling relationship. There is also an innate biological drive for women to seek this security.
6. If she likes you, she will want to see you.
a. If a woman likes you, she will want to see you. She will want to talk to you. She will respond to your texts. She will make an effort to be with you. She can’t help but make it known by these measures. What type of relationship she wants is “to be determined”.
b. If she says all the “right things” but her actions do not match, she doesn’t have enough interest to break through her barriers to be with you. Move on. She may even up her game if she knows she is losing you.
Appreciate going through all this trouble but as we can see, this is far too much to bear in mind. It's easy to see why the dating game in the West is broken
What if the guy has all that but has terrible genetics?
Sure. No problem. 🙄
@jeffd3492
"6 Truths...."
Any man that has actually dated knows women would never make it that simple...
TOO FUCKIN' FUNNY BRO
😂😂
Dude you just aided a shopping list. That's nearly impossible. F** all that where's their Requirements ? You can't have it your way an own it. Not to mention a man, has to deal with Societies standards of him. And if women want all that ? They have to Submit to men, and not be Rebellious. Which non of them mostly want too. The Jezebel spirit is rampant in modern women. You're not supposed to give women all that just because their female. They have to earn that privileged.
I have a hard truth. Just don’t care what women want and you are good!
They don't know either.... Half the time the things they say they want are completely contradicting...
I've gotten so much better with telling my husband when something is wrong not holding it in till I explode randomly. I was always afraid of the conflict but its easier dealt with immediately than festering. If he's asking what's wrong that's a great time to say it!
🌟 It works like magic 🌟
Good on you for recognizing that in yourself. You are a high value woman and you are what the future needs, can I ask. Why do you think you have always allowed things to be held to yourself before exploding? This may sound weird, but I reckon it is related to female sexuality. A lot of women like when tension builds up, the more you build it up the more enjoyable the sex later. I perhaps wonder if this has something to do with women holding in their feelings.
@@BB-xx3dv Roughly 80% of girls are sexually assaulted. At least 25% of adult women are raped. Being unseen and unheard can be subconsciously beneficial if you think about it from that perspective.
Many women don’t get this
This is so important. Goes both ways. The issue is when the partner says "nothing" and pretends everything is fine. Then down the road it all comes out and it becomes such a mess. Since then it's not one thing, but a soup. Being able to have those discussions and conflict resolution is the bedrock of any lasting relationships. It's what makes them bond at deeper levels.
Being a man is not stressful at all. You just have to:
- earn more than women (and then listen to them complain about wage gap)
- take initiative in the bedroom (then listen to women complain about how horny men are)
- be masculine (and listen to women tell you how toxic your masculinity is)
- be confident
- be tall
- read minds
- be strong
- take charge
- look good
- take care of yourself & your girlfriend
And if you don't have kids, there is no problem, since you have your girlfriend to treat like a child and provide, protect and take decision for her, since an adult woman needs a man to treat her like that.
But at least that won't be for nothing, since you'll have a girlfriend who won't do much for you, but she will look good for you (something you also have to do for her, along all the other points). And in the end, she will be the considered the "trophy", and not you.
You previewing your future wedding vows for us? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Dude, women are the prizes. They've been the prize for literally thousands of years, your chapped ego can't undo human history lol. But there's a simple solution, all you have to do is find a woman who resents archetypal feminine, demure females as much as you do. I'm serious, I've been friends with couples who find solace with each other mutually raging against orthodox heteronormative compliance, and they love each other very much
Sounds like that's you need, more than listing out all the ways you resent conventional American women and all their demands and foibles
You left out if a woman is consistently keeping up her appearance 100%, then she is probably just advertising for the next dude she is gonna leave you for.
Remember, you’re not The One; it’s just your turn.
based
"take initiative in the bedroom (then listen to women complain about how horny men are"
Do nearly all or all of the physical sex work before she asks to bring in HER toys because you are not meeting her expectations of exciting her female bits that degrade over time or never worked that well in the first place
I'm 53, newly divorced, and thus single again. I'm discovering that dating today is just as chaotic as it was 30 years ago. I don't play games, chase, obfuscate, or read minds. I never have and I never will. I'm just going to pull myself out of the dating game and focus on my hobbies and interests, like reading more books. I'm not mad or sad, just realistic. Good luck out there, folks!
ya I have a lot of friends who have focused on just hobbies/career… it seems like this new generation is very hard to deal with
The biggest problem being single at that age is the realistic dating pool has so many potential negative characteristics. The chances of finding a wolf in sheep's clothing expecting you to pay for her children's college or batshit crazy about one or more things now ossified in her brain is much higher than a self-aware responsible person. IMO.
If they are divorced and cannot tell you instantly what they did wrong and learned after the divorce they are not candidates for long-term, period.
Newly divorced also at 33, dating is a liability.. honestly. Best decision is to just not do it.
Lol.. you guy's always give me a good laugh. You're all now middle-aged, putting relationships away and focusing on self-worth and hobbies and fun times.
I am also middle-aged but the exact opposite. I am putting self worth and hobbies and fun times to the side and am now focusing on relationships.
I'm not soured by previous traumas, but at the same time, I'm too old and mature to let a woman ever make me feel that way now.
@@SkuzzelB8 if you have to point out that you're mature, you're not mature. Good luck to you.
If a woman isn't 100% consistent in her interest towards you, she's not interested in you. Very simple. Stop wasting time on women who will never give you the time of day that you'd like from them.
So you're saying if she kind of hesitates? What if she's unsure about dating because she doesn't think she's ready?
@Danny328DT same answer. Why do u wanna date a woman who isn't confident or sure of herself? That alone also causes confusion and a sign of wish washy behaviour. If she's not ready to date, she needs to be at a place before doing so, otherwise time is gonna be wasted.
@@GregXHunterz Good response! Yeah, it's better to be sure and go for it rather than have commitment issues later down the line.
This applies to every woman who “just hasn’t had the time to get back to you yet.”
Wishy-washy is definitely a red flag, especially if her doubts rise up a second time. There will be a third time, and a fourth...
Here’s one. Don’t save them. Don’t rescue them. Don’t think this girl has had bad luck and all she needs is a nice guy and her life will change. She won’t even understand what you’re trying to do by being decent to her. Lots of us were raised by single women and we tend to think women are kind of blameless for the choices they’ve made in life. But nothing could be further from the truth. Stay away from unhappy or “unlucky” women.
Damn, this hit home at just the right/wrong time! 😢
I was raised by a single mother. She had a gigaton of baggage from a traumatic childhood.
Now I have (re-)met a woman that has some kind of issue(s), because we were both in the same group therapy for burnout and depression. In my case it was primarily job related burnout accompanied by depression, while her case seems to be different. But I don't know what it is.
Since I can't relate to "normal happy people" much, but a lot to "damaged goods", I feel sort of a deeper connection to her. But I don't know much about her. It's all in my mind at this point. Except that she's been friendly, and also gave me her number.
I'm in limbo. I have no idea what to think, feel or do. All that relationship advice on UA-cam is toxic bullshit. Our case isn't normal either and even more complicated than usual, as I'm also an introvert and probably slightly autistic, and who knows what else is up with her.
Now I don't even know what I was trying to say anymore.
I guess I'll stop overthinking and just go with the flow. Whatever happens was meant to happen.
Argh, time to watch stoicism videos.
I really wish you are being too pessimistic, and one sided. But maybe you're right.
Tell me your story if you want.
Stay away from all women. To be a woman is to be a narcissistic, irrational parasite. Look up the definitions of all three of those words, and you'll see the truth.
As a woman married almost 45 years with 3 unmarried 30 something kids (2 daughters and a son) I can fully understand why they are still single and call bullshit on the ridiculous unrealistic expectations placed on relationships these days and suggest they stay single, make themselves happy with friends, hobbies and career and get a pet - as it’ll be far more loyal and a dam sight easier than trying to meet the umpteen unrealistic expectations of personal relationships these days. Utterly bonkers to expect so much from anyone and a recipe for continual discontent. A successful marriage requires continual compromise and strikes me many seeking a fulfilling relationship wouldn’t even know the word exists. Good luck to you young woman all striving for a man in the top 10% - 100% into 10% just ain’t gonna work.
More like top 1%z. They’re doomed to failure
As Man, ive found it’s better to worry less about keeping a woman and worry about keeping yourself in shape and in line, once you start trying to figure out or worry about how to keep her, it’s already too late.
Good point. Keep yourself in line first and she'll stay if she wants to
focus increase ur value mann
I was married for 5 years. She always told me she hated being the leader and that I was being too passive but every single time I would try something taking the lead she would throw a fit saying she didn't want to do it or she doesn't like it. So I kept becoming more and more passive because of that behavior. If you want me to lead, then let me do it, stop trying to dictate every little thing that I do and complaining every time. That's the kind of stuff that really annoys me about women. I could even get her flowers and she would not be happy because they weren't her favorite and her favorite flowers are only available one month of the year. So if I don't get her flowers I would get an attitude, but then if I did pick out flowers throughout the year she wasn't happy about it or really grateful just like oh okay nice effort.
It is impossible to make a women happy long term. They will always find something to moan and complain about. Especially after you give them the diamond wedding ring, house and kids. My advice, try to get with someone who is naturally more calmer, peaceful, patient and mentally stable. And do not get married.
Women are absurd, solipsistic little liars and swindlers.
This is why you call your significant other a partner, not an employee.
Your ex was a total narcissist. With respect, you either missed or ignored red flags.
It's essential to study Narcissism, Avoidant Personality Disorder, and BPD before dating again. So you don't miss the symptoms. Because while all not American women have one of these disorders, most do.
Ive been there. Once you get into nothing is ever good enough territory its time to leave.
Like my sister said, she wants the man that makes all the decisions, and they're the same decision she wanted to make.
Lol I hate when they do that, if I'm in charge, don't try and backseat drive
Life is way easier if you grew up with a sister(s). The lessons were always there to be learned
@@rickyaz8640 Yes, that is very true. I was an only child who went to a boys school, and apart from a brief period around the age of 16, I hardly spoke to a girl at all. It was a steep learning curve when I went to college, and a a sister would have been so helpful.
Goes hand in hand with wanting a mind reader, doesn't it?
@@RS-xo7rd meh, sisters don't really explain much. You need a strong father around to demonstrate and explain
The mind reader thing is so true. Sometimes me and my girl communicate so well and other times she's like 'you should know what I want from you and what I need' which is such a frustrating mentality.
Plus the 'if she likes you' tip. In the beginning my girl was really into me, super talkative and wanting to make plans together. But she has become more distant. I suppose I've been looking the other way as she replies less and less :/
And when they have all of that they'll get bored and leave for the excitement of a new relationship.
Best comment
I have over time come to the same conclusions about women. Basically through trial and error. I once had a great relationship with a woman that had a lot of potential for marriage. But instead of her communicating to me a minor issue she had, she let the problem get to the point that she resented it and she broke up with me. Good communication is a must.
Share the issue?
Ok. We met through a dating service. The first few dates we went dutch on the check. Hindsight is always 20/20. Since she initially volunteered to go dutch and never spoke up I figured that is how she wanted it. I think she should have told me when it started to bother her.
I was an idiot for thinking she preferred going dutch. Lesson learned. I am older and wiser.
@@stevearnold2456 The guidelines are wavy on dutch treat. On a 1st meet and greet (lunch/coffee shop?), women will often request this. It's fine. But the 1st real date, I'm always spring loaded to footing the bill. If you enter an LTR, such things can be negotiated to each person's satisfaction based on ability to pay. But in early dating, it is a time to schmooze her. Don't get cheap on her, I wouldn't date a woman who I felt unworthy of me paying for her meal either.
I never make a deal of paying all myself. If she wants to, don't make a fuss, let her. but I myself wouldn't ask her. I'm not wealthy but I always default to paying for real dates. I'm fortunate in that sense, there are so many more important things to be concerned about, all things considered, it's just easier to wipe away this conundrum and default to paying for me. But I don't date under 40YO women. Could be a whole different scenario.
If she really liked you, she wouldn't let such a minor thing cause so much resentment. Women are often happy to pay when they really like the guy. At least you didn't waste too much money on her. Let her be another man's problem. It sounds like she is entitled and wants to be treated like a princess. If you paid for the dates, she would have started moaning and complaining about something else. It just sounds like she didn't really like you.
@@x-man5056 I think the general guideline is whoever does the inviting pays. I agree with you, if she offers to pay, let her. If she gets angry paying she is probably a future Amber Heard and she should be avoided at all costs. The danger with the man paying for everything, all the time, is that he is leading with his wallet and can come off as a SIMP. If she never offers to pay, that is a red flag.
You left out they are willing to pretend for as long as it takes. Ten years of marriage gone at the snap of a finger. I stopped being bullied and stood up for myself.
You're not wrong...
Ive learned that who i am at my core, who i enjoy being and what i want from my life and those around me. Is exactly why i will always be alone and why no woman on earth will ever want me.
😂😂 I'm feeling exactly the same. Once I share any kind of true feeling, like truly describing my perception of reality or some desire or theory that I have, the ghosting starts. And I mean really ghosting, ignoring, like trying their best to not look at my direction even for a hello. What hurts is that I only do that to those I like, not to try to throw them off but to actually let them know me. They don't agree, they won't tell me that. They won't tell me why I'm wrong, they will just start hating me. It can be like me trying to open up to a girl and say, I feel like the girls at the university only pick guy friends they can use to get their homework done. After that there's just instant unstoppable and unregretful hatred left for me. Like, just say I'm wrong? Hell, I never even said I judged them, I just said that's the feeling I got! Themselves never have any original feelings they can share and stand up for either, it's like they are aware of their own hypocrisy but would rather have you killed than to admit it. You just need to learn your place in the world, and you need to understand women, no one is interested in getting to know you!
Fk that! In the end it's never worth it. Even if you like fall crazy in love with someone, she would never fight for you when your bad times come.
We all get treated like crap by Western women, who've been brainwashed by feminism, which continuously preaches, women good!/men evil. Take yourself out of this nonsense, get a passport and go to Southeast Asia. The women love men, are gorgeous and you will be amazed by how valuable you are to them.
Thanks for all this advice. I'm so glad I stayed single all my life without getting too deeply into relationships.
good luck for u brother, its better if u can happy alone
The more i watch Courtney I realize i dont even want to find a partner. Having partner seems so conplicated suddenly. Im already used to live in my solitude and Im prepared to leave it like that forever
Me too! I’m checked out and it’s awesome. Life is more peaceful without women.
Women are only good for sex, that’s it.
Had a GF who always said she didnt care where we ate. So I'd pick a restaurant and she would immediately veto it and tell where she was thinking we should go. Yeah I passed on marrying her.
Low tier woman.
Smart move. Imagine being married to her. She’d feel free to torpedo you at every opportunity.
Big brain move, override her veto. Show her that alpha BDE. You eat where I say we eat, and you know what? You can pay for it, too. Gets them all hot and bothered.
@@Luked0g440 LOL - torpedo. Classic!
Your response is always "sure, that place sounds great. We'll go there next time."
"No, I want to go there tonight."
"Nope, you said you didn't care where we eat, so you forfeit" with a playful smile.
Benevolent leader. Never a dictator. Never a butler.
That was spot on about values. The old expression is that "opposites attract" but that only applies to personality types (extrovert/introvert, serious/comical etc.). If your values don't align however, there is no way it's going to work - not in the long term anyway.
Great emotional maturity, Courtney. We.. I appreciate you not being purely utilitarian in your comments and approach but also addressing ingredients for a lasting deeper relationship. YOu mentioned having "done the work" (on yourself) and it shows. I'm 55 now, 35 years clean and sober, divorced and dating a new woman for the last 6 months. As a young man, mixed messages were my biggest frustrations about women. A) I'm better at reading women now (my ex's-and-my therapist called it "tuning in") and B) I'm pursuing older women than when i was younger, so they got no time to waste and bullshit and "tend" to be more direct and honest. My fave of your comments were about the diff between finding and keeping a partner. Brilliant! Your videos are so helpful. Thanks. :-)
A friend in her late 40s was dating a guy same age, great guy. We couldn’t believe her luck. He proposed, she said “ no” and told everyone he was not “ man enough for her”. She wanted a man to lead her. She’s still single.
my mindset is, if women don't care about mens struggles, then we as men should not care about womens struggles either. Another thing, i have had this mindset for quite sometime now, as women get older and hit the wall, i feel i should not have sympathy towards them for that, due to womens passivity, on how women have always played a passive role in dating, human mating, and women can get away with being socially inept, women never risk having their social awkwardness or social ineptness be labeled or dismissed as weird or creepy, because a brutal cruel fact of reality is that, tons of guys, men, get labeled weird or creepy just for approaching women, making advances on them due to what nature has dictated of men for all time, and men will get thrown those labels, when they never meant any harm, were never trying to hurt anyone.
I don't like it but it will never change, i hate how guys, men, are the only gender that have to screw up or mess up interactions, deal with social failure when it comes to improving on how to interact with the other sex.
Very well said.
I agree.
I had an acquaintance I used to work with many years ago. He was young, about 24, and was a decent alright guy from what I could tell. He committed suicide. His note said he was lonely and didn’t feel like he fit in anywhere.
The thing is - when I went to his funeral, it was filled with women!
Women from work, women he went to school with, friends of his family. So many times that day, I heard different women say “he was so cute/nice, I had a crush on him but I never said anything…” You couldn’t help but think how that information could have changed his life - but no, they’re supposed to be passive. What garbage.
So no - I don’t think they can have it both ways. It can’t be “We’re supposed to wait and let you take charge” and “if she likes you, she will show it” at the same time. If they can’t be Big Girls and act like they want something with us, then just leave us alone and let us die
Spot on
💯 They only care about themselves, & the only option at all, if you want marriage leave the west.
Been there, trying to get out of it.
Courtney, I got the chills when you mentioned men feeling like they have to be mind-readers. I said the exact same thing to my now ex. I believe she is/was a good person, but she never told me when I did things she didn’t like, until we got into a heated disagreement, and then I got hit with everything all at once.
To be fair...... those times you got hit all at once, you ever notice a pattern between the grievances? Or hell, was it the same thing(s) over and over? I think when people complain about the "mind reading" thing it's more of a being inflective and thoughtful, making connections between conversations, using some analysis and not needing to have every little nuance spelled out in detail
Like if you're with someone for long enough, you should be able to start drawing at least some accurate inferences without being told explicitly. And at that point if you are trying, in good faith, with effort, and some accuracy, I don't think you get killed as much for getting something wrong
But if you're obtuse to your partner's non-verbal communication and details about them and their desires and fears and annoyances and whatnot after a period of time and interactions, it can come across as if you don't care, you're not grateful for them, or you're not even trying, ie. you don't think it's worth it to
And I'm not saying I agree with that point of view, I'm just trying to lend some functional logic to something that's not entirely logical in and of itself. On one hand it makes total sense to say what you want and don't want, on the other however there's a lot of things in our lives that happen without prior conversations, and we like and value those things too. So I can't totally fault women for adopting that
The whole notion of women being better communicators is bogus. A communicator communicates. They don't expect you to pick up on their body language when you aren't even in the room.
@@PaperRaines Women are terrible communicators. Atrocious is a better term.
"I'm fine"
A good communicator knows "I'm fine" means "I'm fine". Stop making excuses for women being atrocious communicators. Women need to level up. Women have been pampered too long.
@@ronmexico8383
"women are terrible communicators, and, they need to level up"
" Stop making excuses for them, they're atrocious at communicating"
" women have been pampered for too long"
...... mmmm..... I can smell your resentment, frustration, tears, and anxiety, through my cell phone screen. Well, whatever lady is with you or ends up with you...... won't she be a lucky one..............
Ttyl pal 👋🏾
Weemon LOVE to sandbag and then ambush. It feels empowering to them.
I had to break my wife of the mindreading thing. Adults ask for what they want. It took us a while to get there, but she's pretty blunt with me now. She is naturally passive-aggressive, but now she isn't like that with me. I have shown, time and again, that it doesn't work on me, and will never work on me. And I have bent for her here and there, too. I have had to learn how she feels loved, and make sure I am doing those things. At least some of those things, I am not perfect. But yeah...stick to your guns a bit on important boundaries. The right kind of woman will respond favorably.
My sister is the same way but multiplied by 10 times. She was also my "business partner" while building my business. But she never communicated, even work related stuff. So I tried to make her understand by becoming passive myself....2 months of that and still she did not start talking so I kicked her out. Now I am saddled with heavy work and become a one man army :(
Lol... Reminds me of a fight I had with my wife where she thought it was reasonable that I "should just know" what she wants and that she shouldn't have to tell me... To say the least I think, I gave up after that stupidity and went to do literally anything else.
You can't argue with stupid.
This is such a healthy, wholesome comment, I'm glad it worked out with your wife because sometimes women give the worst advice to each other. Takes knowing a decent man to reign in some of the passive aggression. My partner realised he could actually tell me if he didn't like something I'd made for dinner. Definitely live and learn without screaming at each other 🙂
I used to have passive aggressive tendencies and expect my partner to mind read. I think I - and a lot of women - were brought up with this mindset of “if I have to ask it doesn’t count” and “if he cared he would know (without me having to tell him).” Partly I blamed all those romcoms, but also I learned later on that there was an underlying reason for this. I had an insecure attachment (anxious preoccupied), and my core wound that “I’m not good enough” and fear of abandonment led me to subconsciously feel that I wasn’t able to express my needs. Something my therapist said really clicked: “you can’t expect someone to *just* know what you want/need, because everyone has a different life history and perspectives etc. you need to clearly and specifically ask for what you want”.
Healing my attachment wounds and practising communicating my needs (in a very specific but non judgemental way) were the biggest game changers in our relationship. We are both happier now, and no my partner definitely isn’t perfect either but he is also willing to communicate and meet me halfway most of the time.
@@itsshierlz Oh, I kinda glossed over a bunch there. Sounds familiar. We have been together 25 years and married for 17 of them. It took a lot of heart to heart talks. I just held to my boundaries through it all. It's took us the better part of two decades to unwind the damage her mother caused with her narcissism. This is why I say a wedding is a party, a marriage is work. Many gals today seem to want the party and the presents, but not the effort and the sacrifice. But I digress. We all have baggage. We're all broken. You won't find a perfect partner, but you might find one that's broken in the right ways that you support each other. That's the deal. Congratulations to you and your husband! Putting in the work is the way.
I want to start out by saying Courtney is doing great things by bringing a lot of these topics to light for people who don’t seem to be aware. And I really appreciate the realistic point of view she has on these topics she discusses. I also want to be clear that I don’t mean any hate in my comments I post on these videos.
This video is a perfect example of why so many men aren’t dating. Men have the burden of doing everything right, going so far out of their way, dealing with the women who just want to meech off of your success, getting rejected over and over again in the hopes of one day winning the jackpot. Young men have found out that the majority of modern women quite frankly aren’t worth fighting over. In my experience, a large number of women don’t meet the few basic standards that men have (sharing similar moral values, kind, caring, modest, at least some mild level of physical attraction/some mild level of fitness, and an overall easy to get along with/friendly personality). And yes of course, not all women are like this. Just like not all men are trash. But comparing men and women, women as a gender are the ones who have drastically changed in the past 30 years, not men. And you know, maybe this is a man problem and we just have to get with the times or we get left behind or mentally/emotionally check out, which is fine I guess. I just can’t fathom that women really can’t see that this is what’s happening. I really don’t think women are that blind to reality.
Now most of these young men have a new problem. Men keep fighting through the intense amount of loneliness in the hopes of a future wife and family, but with many giving up on dating, there is no longer a light at the end of the tunnel for them to keep fighting off the loneliness. Not wanting to get too dark here, but the statistics are what they are.
You're like the sister I never had but always wanted. Your videos are just so good.
🥹🤍 hugs!
In general, not just with women, I used to assume people didn't want to talk to me and at the first opportunity I said good bye and walked away. Then I started to do this thing where I said things that people usually say when they are trying to end a conversation, but I didn't end it right away. I was so surprised, that they kept the conversation going even sometimes after several "well, all right then..." and so on from me. They brought up new topics and kept on talking with me and I learned, that I might be less of a nuisance, than I previously thought.
I'm glad you stuck with it, that's awesome to discover 🙂 Men and women both just want someone to be interested in them, in a relationship and their friends too. In some ways it probably can be that simple 😅
Congrats! That was a major step! 👍
Might sound cheesy, but I'm proud of you! Our biggest enemy lives inside our skull.
Feels awesome if something turns out positive despite your own pessimism, right?
I’m fine with them having standards but it seems like their expectations are a bit disrespectful. How can you expect something when you don’t even know the person.
Speaking nothing but facts
Everyone should have standards and boundaries. But we also have to be realistic when we set them
Because many men will give it without hesitation.
@@Dominicanadaa It's a problem. Also, fake profiles. Also, if you are seeking a mature woman, I am, look at the pictures carefully. Do they look 10-15 years younger? Because it's likely an old picture. Good luck with dating apps if you are looking for LTR. Full of yellow and red flags.
@@Jennthegreen Not all of us.
I've been growing on my own now. I stopped going to therapy months ago. All of these truths are spot on, based on experience. In terms of mental health growth, I have began writing my own book about men's mental health as well as my experience of what I went thru.
Very cool. With the suicide rate so high for men, I think a book about mental health for men is a great idea. Stay Strong!
I should too,.. I think it took strength for you to go through it.
@karuns9500 In Feudal Japan, suicide is an act of honor. When the Samurai warrior lost his master, he had the shame and dishonor of being known as Ronin. He then took his own life.
That is amazing! Thank you for the comments yall
Get back to therapy bro
I stumbled upon this and was curious about what you said. I've been married 21 years to a magnificent woman and I can corroborate everything you say. I'm not perfect in all things, but you give a laundry list of things I strive for in my relationship with her. Both my wife and I are good about setting and communicating boundaries and our boundaries are important. We both come from family environments were mind reading was considered a defining part of love, and we both see the error in that, but we still catch ourselves on this one. We both shine on emotional and financial security. From a man's point of view, this is important in a woman too.
Thank you for this video, I saw a woman a few months ago who I thought at the time 'wow, this woman is incredible'. Turns out, I was not the only man she was seeing, and when shit went south with her other options, she reached back out. And no, I did not reciprocate her false emotions, nuff said
You dodged a bullet aimed right at you. Let her target other men for her machinations.
Important thing: 0:20 First Thing - Attracting VS. Keeping A Woman; 1:38 Agree with that (the most important thing is who you are in your head, and your heart); 2:22 Second Thing - They Like Guys Who Take Charge; 4:08 Third Thing - They Know How To Swindle Weak Man; 6:22 Fourth Thing - They Want You To Be A Mindreader; 7:43 Agree with that (do a conversation with our partner); 8:17 Fifth Thing - They Desire Security; 10:34 Sixth Thing - If She Likes You, She Will Want To See You; 11:49 Important wisdom; and 12:23 to summarize all the told here.
Among the all mentioned I can add some other things. And those are:
7. You have to be relaxed (or better go with the flow);
8. Nothing is done when you are forcing anybody (and when you are persistent in it); and
9. They desire loyalty.
Some of the thing that you have told Courtney can be used in some other life situations, and also when men, and women are behaving to other people.
Of course, we would of know if someone has told us some thing a bit earlier, but it's hard to tell. Like one of my professors from faculty told one thing (that I have mentioned in some of your videos): "It's easy to be a general after a battle. Let us see you in the role of the generals during the battle and make some crucial and most important decisions to solve those dilemmas and problems."
The color of the nails goes well with the pattern of the dress, the color of the couch, the color of the pillow, your beautiful ring and your beautiful smile 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏.
La perfection madam 😉😘😘😘🙂🤓😎❤❤❤.
TLDR Women are certainly not men's friends. Men have to go through hardships not thanks but inspire being with women. And only ready to consume end product, well then don't be surprise that men only ready to consume women: a) for breeding b) for fun
dude, we get it, you like the chick, but c'mon, emojis, seriously?
@@toobalkain I was just trying to be polite.
Are you jealous of these emojis?
Cause if you are I can tell you that you have to change your mindset, and you way of thinking.
I respect Courtney's way of living, and I only gave her support, beside's behaving as a polite person (bu that doesn't mean that I don't have boundaries).
@@HarikejnSome of the things she mentioned are contradictory to the state of women of today an unrealistic. You put out a unbearably list which many can not take. If women wants all that ? Then they have to Submit under a man. Now that's Biblical an more accurate about themselves. Stop being Rebellious, Argumentive, stop listening to the "Jezebel " spirit. Women of today aren't fit to have all that. Only some women who earned it. You basically saying they can have their way an we just give it to them just because they're Female. Yeah sure.
@@toobalkain we're all learning, be more supportive or don't comment
Currently watching my friend getting destroyed in a divorce. The system is totally weighted towards the woman. Marriage is madness for men. You're lining up to lose all you have. House, assets and access to your children. Men are realising all this isn't worth it.
It's not only that though, in fact that's literally not even the primary thing; the primary problem is modern girls aren't worth it to begin with. Like if she was actually really compelling let's be honest, you'd take the chance anyway. I know how all guys work and so do you, if we see something we want we don't care if we have to obliterate our members in the process, we are the people who will proudly explain to the emergency room how we got that injury.
The real problem with it all is that the women themselves aren't even worth it, I mean, what have you got some obese trump voter, a deranged fat feminist lecturing you about "body acceptance," a heavily tattooed girl whose ass is all over the internet, a girl who's more plastic than woman and leaving up an instagram with no pics of you as a boyfriend. These chicks flatly aren't worth it, and like I said elsewhere, the real problem is there's so many douchebags and thirsty guys that are going to fuck and leave them that they mistakenly presume the pool of candidates is bigger than ever. What they didn't realize is that meanwhile of their selection of 10,000 dicks on the internet next to none of them are going to be willing to marry any of them. That's the problem, is that these women--and the men too frankly--don't understand the difference between "yeah I'll fuck you" and "yes I do I'd marry you." For emphasis, just because she'll shtup you, doesn't mean she's willing to husband you. This is partly why online dating is such an STD laden cesspool, and because of the way the numbers favour women, girls like online dating because they haven't yet realized the massive drawbacks. For one, some of the guys you'd actually want to date are not on there. Secondly, most of the guys that are online are looking to use you for sex and hookups, at least with tinder. So you're going to rack up your bodycount with guys that are basically using you for sex, that in turn is going to severely harm your chances for a lifetime relationship later on.
Like I said, you as a woman aren't going to be able to read the real situation with online dating because it's going to *look like* there's plenty more fish in the sea than ever before, but without realizing there's probably not a husband in there. You might get lucky but that's kind of a hitting the lottery thing. And meanwhile guys are so fed up with the stupid shit and the toxic crap with dating especially and the whole Western culture broadly that we've largely stepped away. So from a woman's point of view it's still going to look like plenty of fish even if literally half of all men simply walked away from dating, and yes this includes the guys who are attractive. No attractive man is willing to put up with your bullshit unless he's getting sex out of it, and if he does, odds are he's not gonna stick around. Women don't know this, which is why they still see online dating as viable, especially the super immature ones who are still literally operating off their girlhood checklist, because dating online allows you literally to fill out a checklist like you're shopping for a handbag. What they don't realize, is most of these aren't quality men to begin with, and nearly all the quality guys are not going to settle down with you, and that from the male vantage point tinder is literally just about free sex. Actually it just dawned on me, that women probably didn't even think about what it looks like from our perspective, yes tinder is basically just for "free" sex and hookups to a guy. If you are trying to settle down I'd strongly recommend against crap like tinder. That's where you wade neck deep in hookup culture.
The problem is of course outside of those issues, the women of today are not even worth it, and I see Conservative women get on the horn like they're so much "better" than liberal girls because they're not feminists and meanwhile seem oblivious to the fact they're even worse. Seriously, Republican girls are mostly all square jawed mannish and have cruel eyes, at least liberal girls regardless what deranged tranny or feminist ideas they hold are still sweet women (often, not always) whereas Republican girls are just straight up bitchy, and both groups are entitled af. That's the problem. It's the entitlement and self obsessed narcissist celebrity/youtube star/tiktok/twitter culture that's so completely rotten, and now with it feeling like most girls are doing porn, what on earth makes you think I am going to risk half my finances and never seeing my kids for a girl that's basically a prostitute and she's insufferable to be around? A majority of girls (at least white women) are incapable of even being a good friend in my book. It's not even about marriage and wife or mother material at this point, I mean the culture is so sick and toxic that I stopped even being able to look at a lot of women as being friends. We're pulling up our bridges. The nastiness, the entitlement, the princess mentality of girls that are basically hookers, it astounds me. That's why I don't even see anyone outside immigrant communities as viable at this point. I'm aware of how dickish and borderline toxic that sounds, but it's just true, we're risking a lot and for black men with black women, or white men with white women, if you went to a public highschool and drowned yourself on American pop culture and internet culture, then it's like digging for a diamond in sewage sludge. The thing is, so many fuckboys will still be willing to put up with all that to get laid, so these princesses can't even see that, and get this warped, overly inflated, narcissistic self view that they're "baddies" when the fact is a minority of men are still going to have sex with you even if you're below average, but nobody other than needy guys are going to want to be with you and put up with you for a below average woman with below average character (and far as that goes, "average" character is now rock bottom to me).
👍
1980 called. It wants its trope back.
yes - I went through one four years ago now and it was absolute hell - especially with kids involved - I'm surprised I'm still here in many ways. Thank the good Lord for that.
@@richardthomas598 have you been through a divorce? sounds to me like you're speaking from the sidelines with no real world experience, or you're trolling/trying to be funny...
Women like someone else to do work they don't want to do. Its packaged as leadership, confidence, etc because it is unpalatable to say whats true. Everything boils down to the basics
Yeaaah...
Leadership - make all the hard choices and bear the responsibility and blame if it fails;
Confidence - manifesting that you've met all the checks on their checklist; ambitious - she wants you to constantly climb the ladder of higher and higher income and status;
Safety - money to take care of her and children, even if she doesn't work (because if she does, you better earn a lot more than she does, you won't really see that money anyway, and enjoy the jabs like "well... Susan doesn't have to work :/ ")
Vulnerable - so you tell on yourself when you are weak; etc., etc.
All of that to make sure the kids will survive, but a lot of them don't want kids, cook or clean anyway - just want to have fun and live rent free, like a big child.
And you could be all of that and yet marriages fail so much, because on top of all of it, it's extremely hard to find another person, who shares your values and vibes with you, who is not only your partner, but a best friend, who loves you and enjoys you for you, and not the things you can provide or how that makes her feel.
That's biology 101. Man up or stay single. It's all about provisioning and protection for her babies even if she has none
oh i can do the leadership, go clean the dishes, go to work, prepere me food, i can do all the leadership work ;) women dont want that, they want free stuff, free safty, basicly they want to outsoruce the responibilites of life to sombody else
I once knew a woman who had a thing for the guy who delivered water to her office, and every time he showed up she would get flustered and find a reason to leave his vicinity, then asked us (her brother's friends) why this guy wasn't catching her drift. So no actually, men often have no idea a woman like them, because they act the exact opposite of 'liking' towards the guy they like..
Your videos are really helping me. I have quite a few of the problems you describe, but now I feel much more confident about dating again. Thank you Ms. Courtney Ryan!
I asked a woman out a couple of weeks ago and she agreed, but then had a last minute flake out. I said 'no problem, see you around'. I didn't even get angry or ask her why. Didn't want to give her the satisfaction. The I realised:- she never texted or showed an interest. She never asked me anything about myself, despite me asking her things.
There's a theory out there that they love playing hard to get. I've never understood this logic. If they like you, it'll be obvious. If it's not obvious..........they don't like you. Simple. If you must chase them, they're not worth your time.
If you're rejected, don't get angry and make a fool of yourself. Be graceful and grown-up about it, and make her see she missed an opportunity.
Get yourself to the gym and become a Sigma male.
The thing about chasing a female is hardwired. It's like this: The egg doesn't swim to the sperm. Study nature for a couple years and get back to me.
That sucks, but in a way I kind of get it. Having to tell someone that you’re not interested in them is uncomfortable and a lot of people will avoid doing it, if possible.
This girl realized she could take the easier route of feigning interest and then standing you up. If I was female I’d probably do the same thing and I’m sure you would too.
She won't see it as a missed opportunity if she never liked you in the first place. People need to understand that. I've turned down guys that went on to make more money, own a home etc and it made no difference in how I felt. I never liked them. Why would I now? If you upgrade and she comes around she's probably still not interested in you she's just interested in your newly acquired lifestyle.
I most agree with you here but getting lead on isn't okay either, man or woman doing so. It happens a lot and I just went through it. All I want as a man is simple communication and "hey my BF, Fiance, husband, wife, GF" whatever a woman has going on, put it in a conversation as soon as possible. Don't keep smiling, acting flirty, and asking vague questions while not saying a few IMPORTANT things about herself I need to know. It really will go a long ways, ladies. I know some guys are crazy and it's risky but most regular guys will appreciate the upfront honesty so we can move on.
@Alyssawhatever so you’re justifying flaky behavior among women? Wouldn’t it be more honest for the womyn to say “no I’m not interested” at the beginning?
Being authentically myself is the hard part, but I will remain who I am because of that sole reason. The chances of me finding the right person is just as likely as me finding love in myself. I'm very different, and I absolutely love that.
Best part was about the introspective piece that most everybody misses in life. A certain amount of time is needed to figure yourself out before you can be a good partner.
This is why men need to stay focused & in their purpose & passions! Take women as they come & enjoy the moment for what it is. And if/when they flake, free them back to the streets from which they came without your emotions, your seed or your money!! Hard lesson to learn, but one that will save you stress, strain, heartache & money in the long run!
*Men need to hear this - learning to respect boundaries and understanding a woman's needs early on can prevent so many misunderstandings down the road.*
This is one of your better topics over the past couple of years. Many men are problem solvers at heart, and many of us accept and *EXPECT* there to be problems to solve. In hindsight, I can say that every past GF or love interest has dropped clues as to what drove their attraction, or what I was doing that was killing attraction, but I don't do well with indirect communication. Since I didn't identify the problem, I didn't think there was a problem, and a breakup comes out of nowhere in my eyes. Hopefully videos like this will help someone in their 20s avoid a lot of wasted time and missed opportunities.
Same here man, verbatim scenarios. At least people like you and myself bear some of our own responsibility in missing things and getting broken up with, as you can tell from some of the comments in this and especially other videos on this channel there's a lot of men who totally put all the blame on the women who don't "say enough". Well they're saying a lot, if you are listening.... if you _can_ hear them
To go with one of your points (not sure if you’ve mentioned this in the past, my bad if so) but if she isn’t dressed nicely when she goes to see you it’s probably because she’s taking advantage of you. A woman that likes you will put the effort into their appearance.
You're such a lovely force of positivity and growth Courtney. It's hard and frustrating dating in my age bracket but I very much enjoy your perspectives. Especially since they aren't catchphrase advices.
I have watched several of your videos and want to thank you for being intelligent, informative, open and caring. Very refreshing!
As a man I love your message. Society wants to strip men of masculinity and it is reassuring to hear the encouragement for men to tap into it.
If reassurance is required, then masculinity has essentially already been stripped away.
Please, let’s break down this fucking gender stereotypes and expectations once and for all. I was born with a penis but I don’t wanna feel compelled to avoid showing emotions, to take charge and other unhealthy and toxic bullshit like these. If I feel like doing the opposite, I also wanna feel and be free to do it. Period.
- Try but not too hard.
- Talk but not too much.
- Be emotional but within reason.
- Prioritise her but not at the cost of your work, life and hobbies.
- Lead but don't control or dominate.
- Give her space to breathe and be her own person but don't leave her feeling abandoned when she needs you and reaches out.
- Learn from your past relationships to be better and do better but don't let any of those wounds bleed into the present or future.
- Remember the little things that matter to her and use those to plan dates, gifts, trips etc. That's the closest you can come to mind reading - anticipating her needs and reading between the lines without making too many assumptions.
- Ask. Don't assume. It's always better to ask and clarify and even have tough conversations to get on the same page & match wavelengths.
- Take care of your health : physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social, financial. It'll help you be the best version of yourself to show up as confident, secure, reliable and a good woman will be happy to support you on this journey & grow together with you.
- Don't miss opportunities to show her you care and that you've actively listened to what she has to say. That you value her inputs and that they factor into your decision making.
All these lessons I've learnt from dates & relationships that haven't worked out and I'm still single and unable to find someone who is willing to stay and work things out between us even after years of trying.
If you keep catching piranhas, fish in a different pond. =)
Its almost like you gotta pretend not to like her to make her like you. It doesn’t make sense
And that’s why it’s not worth it right there. They don’t give a shit that you did all this my man, that’s just “what you’re supposed to do” while their list of self improvement doesn’t even exist. You seem like a great catch, the problem is that women don’t fish.
@@Randy-us1ufif that’s the case, then you don’t want that girl anyways. Healthy people are straightforward and honest, damaged people play games and leave you scratching your head. Learned that the hard way.
I hate with a burning passion the narratives that women push. "Oh, we want financial security". You know what? We do too! But we don't moan and complain like women. We work. It's 2023, women fought for the right to work, well, you got it! Now work, and provide for yourself. Don't ask that from a man. You're an adult, not a child!
Good luck with that.
I want to provide for my wife… it’s another form of showing her how much you love her. Just dinner isn’t enough.
@@Renatogabriel1221 funny how many things a man has to do to "show his love" compared to women. And how few things a man needs to feel loved, compared to a woman.
@@lilypad7851So true! Both your comments.
Shut up 😂😂😂
True. Getting her phone number means nothing unless you know how to follow up and stay in character. And make sure the "character" is who you are - no one can sustain acting fake in the long run.
Truth 1 - Relationships are hard work and it takes two people who are 100% committed no matter what. 90% on any one side will not last - one of you is holding out because they expect that it will not last. If you plan on things not lasting, they won't. You'll become dissatisfied in some way and then it takes almost nothing for you to break all your promises and teach your kids a lesson that will not be good for them. Feeling like you're fully committed and understanding that the other person is too takes a long time. That's why they used to have long engagements before you wove your truths together in marriage.
Truth 5 - Security is important for everybody and hardly any of it is about money. Life is uncertain. One day your up at the top and the next you're on the bottom - that was the medieval image of the wheel of fortune not the TV show version. You need to share your life with somebody who understands that it's the relationships in life that make it worthwhile not the material circumstances. If that's not what you want in a relationship, then you're going to have one relationship after another. Make up your mind what you want in your life and be honest about it with yourself and the people you date.
None of this is going to be quick or easy and not having quick and easy is almost un-American. Not having what you want instantly goes against everything we like about being Americans.
Huh?!
Easy is literally American. If you want the hard ways take the German way!
All of this embodies why i quit dating and don't really miss it. Women have all these things they want from men, meanwhile most of them can't even do one thing for men - put the fork down and stay a reasonable weight.
Body language and just being able to observe her moods. I hate that I'm a quiet person who tends to be shy only for the first few minutes. I'm short yet I think I'm big in who I am. Learning is my favorite pass time. Yes i have a hard time with signals
I broke up with my girlfriend we were 9 years together so being single right now feels a bit weird. Your videos really do help though they make me even more worried that dating has become a science unlike a few years back 🐱
I assume you are still in your 20s
@@nobodysperfect06 yes you are assuming correctly. I'm 28 right now
@mrchaoslordlol not everyone gets to date or have a relationship very young or very early in life like you do, there are lots of people, mainly guys, around your age who have never had a girlfriend before
I'm different too. I can't do 1 arm floor push-ups or lift bodybuilder weights. I also have slightly slower reflexes. I don't like being in men only groups. I enjoy being in coed groups & groups where I'm the only guy.
I finally left things be the way they are and to accept human nature. Thank you Dear Courtney I loved your video❤️
Roll up your sleeves fellas, because you'll be doing *literally ALL the work*
We were born for hard shit
Love that your message is about bringing both sexes together. Too much separatism is leading to the horrible dating scene and plummeting birth rates.
AI and robotics will make it a moot subject within a few decades...
@@JohnGrigg-gz9gm I understand your point and think it will actually be more like 3 years than 3 decades. But I’m talking about actual human connection; not a terrible copy of such that lacks all soul and feeling. Then again, maybe AI will get THAT good, and maybe even within the few years I mentioned.
One of the saddest things is that many of men have those thing that would keep a women, but, lacking the things to attract her, get little chance to demonstrate them
Give them all 3 million dollars, a Lamborghini, a poppin IG with a blue check and 100k followers, and limb lengthening surgery that makes them 6'5, they'll all be keeping women for sure!
Is that you General Zod?
The real harsh truth is that women usually don't take time to grow until they find a partner that has far outgrown them and will teach them how to be a decent adult. So basically, you have to treat them like bigger children.
Do you find this is true for all women across the board, above average looks, average, and below average looks? Do you think it is due to societal expectations for women or how that woman was raised by her father?
Oh please there are soooo many man babies out there.
@@shaymalchione809there are man babies and women babies. Humans are children. That’s why authoritarianism exists
@@shaymalchione809 Nothing about his statement implies males are naturally more mature. Just that when there is a mismatch in emotional maturity the "younger" women may have a chance to grow.
I personally do not ascribe to this, IMO personal growth happens alone and within oneself. Your partner prodding or expecting you to act a certain way is not going to do it. Only them leaving or the real threat of them leaving may provide that motivation to mature.
Spot on partner
uploaded 38 seconds ago. idk if ive ever been this early.
edit after watching the video: these didnt seem like "harsh" truths, they just seemed like reality.
1) who you are inside matters. physical appearance gets you there, but character keeps you there. I agree; its the same the other way around too. a hot girl is a hot girl, but a hot girl with a witch personality is still not marriage/long term material.
2) women like men who take charge - i think most men like to take initiative anyway. it's just a generalization, but i believe most men like to feel needed. i dont mind planning dates and whatnot, i actually think that is fun. i just want to be appreciated for it.
3) they know how to swindle weak men - we know lol. or we should anyway; its almost exclusively weak men funding these OF models. having more money is great and helps alot, but if thats a man's only "game," then hes inevitably going to get gamed back.
4) they want you to be a mind reader - yeah... that sucks. not really sure how to get around that. in a relationship, i would like to believe both parties would work on communicating to get what they want/need out of their partner. but for those of us in the lawless, post apocalyptic wasteland that is single life, if a girl is already expecting you to know her before you become exclusive, that just seems like a red flag and we need to run. and if they're all doing it... suddenly MGTOW doesnt seem so bad.
5) they desire security - good. we desire to protect and provide. if true, then this would appear to work out. however there is clearly an increase of women who think they wear the pants so this might not be so true anymore.
6) if she likes you, she will want to see you - ... sigh 😢 lol. it's true though, and the best thing you can do for yourself is move on
Wooohoo!
So basically, men should do all the work to have a healthy relationship. Lead, plan, provide and protect.
Yeah....what a 'deal'....can't pass up that offer.
what is given for free is not appresated
Meanwhile what men want
1.Not insane
2.Decent
3.Good looking
And regarding three, we generally are very content with just mildly good looking. An average gal is just fine...
100%. I have a very attractive female "friend". She will ignore me for months, then suddenly out-of-the-blue she will blow up my phone with texts and want to get together. Of course, this means she's had a breakup. Within the last month or two, I've asked her three times "When are we getting together?" or "Hey, let's go for a drive on Saturday". She does reply, but never answers my question. I'm done. I'm not going to be the dude who listens to her woes and bad relationship decisions after the breakup. Not anymore. She just wants to keep me in the background for when she's got nothing better to do. I won't play that role.
I was dealing with the exact thing. I recently blocked her on my phone. No more, darling. Good luck with the dating apps. I know that you will find plenty of willing participants.
This was helpful, Courtney. I like to hear about maturing as a human being and seeing this as a manageable, realistic life goal.
Thank you so very much Courtney for mentioning the autism spectrum, because I am a man who over analyzes and is on it.
Going to assume you have not had much of a dating life
This is one of the most important videos I've seen for self improvement and and how to maintain a relationship rather than just getting the girl. Maintaining a relationship is harder than getting one. And I think our society really needs more education on these topics
WAY to much nonsense. Not worthy of time, anergy, mental health, financial risk, high liability, severally punished at divorce, a complete waste of everything. No, thank you.
As a married man... all of this is true, but above all, you must have money. If you have no money (this is also subjective, by the way, so good luck), the woman does not want anything to do with you. I'm struggling through a change in career and my wife has no patience with me, has lost respect and holds resentment. Money is the only thing that matters to a woman, don't fall for their games. It's about acquisition of resources, not love.
Good luck guys
So not true. I've had relationships with females my entire life, both platonic and romantic, and I've never been the one with more resources than they already have, either through their families or on their own.
@@m2pozad guess I should have said "in my experience"
I think all these things are fair and valid. Though I think also that there are a lot of men who are so emotionally broken from childhood trauma, missing father figures that it gets too difficult for them to have those qualities. Finding a woman who can be understanding is difficult, because I think people are less compromising nowadays
Courtney is so amazing can we all just acknowledge and appreciate all her hard work? God bless you, Courtney 😊
LOL!
Im not being funny Ive spent all day working on a roof in 80 degree heat il swop jobs with courtney any day
@@markkillick4925 I saw guys in Texas working in 100 degree heat. It felt like 114. I felt so bad for them.
When you are in Your 20s its great when you are in Your late 40s it kills you@@crazyzombie9720
@@markkillick4925 Younger people may not understand how much aging sucks. 35 or 40 sees a decline in everything but mental acuity. Physically it is nothing but down after 40.
Thanks, Courtney. Only a woman knows how women truly thinks. A pleasure to hear your perspective.
That's definitely not true though. Courtney is at least fairly straightforward and honest, but truly getting the way women think requires either asking really experienced men, or becoming experienced yourself. Key point--the mindreading. Which what this means is, that you, as a 20 year old guy, need to be smart enough to realize not to take half the shit coming out of her mouth seriously, and to instead ALWAYS do "the right thing" as opposed to whatever she's saying. She said "it's ok we can split the bill every meal"? She's lying. Sneak the check if you have to. "No nothing's wrong" means "something is definitely terribly fucked up and wrong and every moment I sit here that you haven't figured that out only makes me madder." Women do not communicate honestly and effectively. Period. At least when it comes to a relationship you literally have to be able to read your partner like a book, and in all ways mind you this includes in the bedroom. It's the mistake every youngboy constantly makes, is to believe what women tell them at face value without stopping to analyze what she's really meant by that. And really, half the problem is women treat communication as a social grooming instrument to make themselves look good and their rivals look worse, so a lot of them have a tendency to downplay negative things that are true of themselves and create a different (at times false) narrative because it socially presents themselves in a better light. This is partly why modern males don't act masculine, is because they didn't have their fathers to listen to or didn't have enough experience to understand this fact and instead just bluntly realizing who women are instead of telling themselves these same lies society espouses.
I have 2 older sisters and a mom, I have learned, hard truths vary in the generation.
1. I grew up hearing, "I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND SPIT IT OUT", my sisters were rather impatient at times.
2. They had no problems telling me, how to be impressive if I ever wanted to be in a relationship. I got more info on the tells and signals, watching my sisters. Now I an not saying my family is the end all be all of how to treat women. Just that they had no problem giving advice on what most of all their pieves were.
2. I am finding that even if you know those things, you cannot expect to ever change how they feel about you.
3. The "friend zone" is real. I have found the only reason women talk to me in general is because they know I listen. So from my perspective if all my life ever offers them is a listening ear!
What does that say about men?
3. Many of those truths vary depending on the woman. There are women out there looking for a man who wants more then just a "hook up with them" Sad thing is the nice guys finish last as they say.
4. I'd wager if more men quit being sexaholics, it might change women's perseption of all of us. But sadly, there are a lot of pigs out there.
5. Many men can't always decipher what taking charge means, because it depends on the women.
6. I have been around women so long, I am practically ignorant to whatever tells they may be doing.
I grew up watching the hair flips, the adjustments of the shirt and so on, to me I would literally have to have someone "say to my face I like you"
Maybe that is a good thing though from what I have seen of women today at least
Congrats you actually got most of it right, like 99,9% right, this lady just like many other like her keep generalising, using broad expressions, speaking on behalf of all women (for some reason), assuming a lot, cherry picking her favourite parts & leaving everything else she doesn't like behind, having 0 nuance in her takes, has rigid & one dimentional views of women.....also keeps infantilising women with odd expressions .
@@karineaghajanyanthere's nothing with generalizations. it gives you rough estimate of the average.
I've been around women too much and understand them too much to a point where I just don't like being around them. If you know the feeling you know what I'm talking about.
And those "harsh truths" are actually not "truths", but an evidence that most women are either genuinely selfish/ mean (that's actually a lot of people) or immature (even more than the former) = not suitable for a healthy relationship. I just dated an incredibly nice and hot girl a few months ago, who was treating me pretty well and putting effort right from the start. The reason why it didn't work out is (although she's 35) she had some trouble communicating, difficulty understanding what she wants (that's why I was making decisions) and most importantly her ideas at the core of what she was unable to communicate were immature. As good as it all started, it had to be finished.
A couple points to remember: (1) Women who are super-attractive are not usually worth the trouble, because they already get plenty of attention, and they spend a lot of time grooming, which may not be the kind of person you are looking for. (2) To impress a woman, present the qualities she is wants to see. “Rich and handsome” may work, but it also may attract the wrong kind of woman. “Helpful, friendly and sincere” usually works better. “Witty and charming” also helps. (3) If a woman is interested, she will ask you questions about yourself. You should answer honestly, but try to turn it around and ask about her. If she is evasive or hesitates to answer simple questions, then she may be trying to manipulate you, and that is not a relationship you should pursue. But most people love to talk about themselves, and this is your chance to find out what she is really like.
Wife: Will you still love me when I become fat, ugly and grumpy as hell?
Husband: And what do you think I am doing NOW?! ...
- A Russian joke
As the husband of a not so fat or ugly but sometimes grumpy Russian this cracked me up. 😂
I had a girlfriend who avoided talking about SHARED expenses. I didn't force the conversation, but, I knew she wasn't marriage material.
Of course, she wants you to foot the bill
These types of women are toxic. They are the type to get married, get you to buy a house and give her kids, then she will try and destroy you in divorce court.
Same. 800k in student loan debt . Didn't want to even discuss it. She was out
@@timothygibney159In USD?! How on earth... 800k?! 😮
She did at least realize she was scammed, and would never be able to pay it back by going to work, right?
@@allesdurchprobierthe probably meant 80k
I think it's possible that some women see how their Dad would "just do" things that their Mom wanted done, without having to be asked. They may not realize that Dad knows to do these things because they've been together for decades. She told him things she wanted long before their daughter was born, and they've had time to figure out a routine, chores, etc. Dad did just magically know from the get-go.
Talking things over with a friend got me thinking. You should add:
7. Women want to feel like she is special to you.
I asked her why she had put someone in the friend zone, and she got a far away look and said, "I feel like all the nice things he does he would do for any available woman...like he wanted 'a girlfriend' and who she was didn't matter."
stop listening to women. She did not like him or he SIMPed way too hard.
@Courtney Ryan Very good, video that I agree with. The only thing I think we all need to remember is that "everyone is an individual, no matter how true these patterns are in general."
For example, I once had a roommate who believed that both genders should wait until marriage to sleep in the same bed, etc. He was plenty good-looking, social, intelligent, etc., and had plenty of women who wanted him. Most people would assume he is lying about "waiting until marriage, etc." It may be true in general that "men only have one thing on their mind." But, as we see with individuals, lots of room for unique expression.
You’re such a great influence to a lot of people you speak facts especially 😁
Well I lost my girlfriend of almost 17 years for a few of the reasons mentioned. No excuses at the end of the day but I have dealt with mental issues most of my life due to childhood trauma. Ultimately I couldn’t be there for her like I was supposed to. So please, work on yourself first as mentioned. No one can help you battle your mental demons but yourself, seek professional help. Even though I lost a great woman, I can honestly say I’m in a better place mentally ever since I put in the work. My heart still hurts but my mind is getting better. I guess you can’t have it all sometimes. ✌🏼
I'm rrally sorry to hear that. I think sometimes shared adversity with a partner can bring two people together, but I know people it's had the opposite effect on. They got through all the difficult times together, but the process involved them changing and evolving in a way that made them eventually grow apart, until they had to acknowledge they were no longer the same couples. They ended up as stronger people, but the final step was them needing to go their separate ways and start again with someone else.
Not to mess with you or judge you, but have you considered it is possible being with her in some ways could have stifled your personal growth overcoming your childhood traumas? It is interesting you were with someone so long and didn't have this "emotional growth spurt" until she was gone.
It is possible she understood your problems better than you did and used that to her benefit.
@@sburns2421 I agree that it definitely slowed my mental growth. I should have been alone for a while and delt with my own mental issues before dating anyone. I guess she really loved me and thought I could have gotten better. We also share custody of two kids so I guess she was really hoping I would snap out of it. But I did not seek professional help until she broke up with me. It was a hard lesson for me to learn but I learned it and would much rather be alone now. I only worry about me and my kids at this point.
@@jonprince3237 yup that pretty much sums up the relationship with my ex. We just grew apart and forgot who we were. I still hurt but I guess it was for the best because my mind is a lot better. But now that she has quickly moved on, I would much rather be alone than date anymore. Heart break hurts to much.
I made the mistake to actually getting married, I was much more happy being single as I don't need company to be happy and when I feel the want to drop everything and do something its sucks to check in and being told NO when its my life and my money.
The mind reader thing is certainly true. Even more so, I have several times talked to women, who explicitly said "People can't read minds, so communication is key" and yet still themselves preceded to not communicate and expected me så know what was going on in deifferent situations.
I stopped dealing with women. That’s my harsh truth. Not resentful or bitter….just tired.
Thanks for a great video, articulately stated. You are improving people’s lives. I happen to be Autistic, this has always been challenging. Some women will jump to conclusions, however my Asperger’s finds a way: good health, good career, great education & an unbreakable passion for life.
Have you had a difficult dating life?
The hardest yet most important truth is that most women just aren't worth the time, money and effort it will take to get and maintain them.
To the first point, I am not so sure that men have not been told how to prioritize things like making a connection emotionally or having a reasonable personality. It seems many men struggle to actually attract women initially, which is why they find themselves rejected or "friendzoned". Think about it: the friendzone happens often when guys make great friends and form meaningful connections, but simply aren't attractive enough romantically or sexually.
To the second point, my issue with the idea of men "leading" is that many of the women in my life have been "leaders" in the workplace; in other words, they've had manager positions. So it's hard to imagine a woman who spends 40 hours or more a week telling other people what to do, is somehow incapable of planning out a date or making other meaningful decisions. By all means, I don't mind "leading" if it means having a sense of direction and making decisions. I also don't mind asking someone out if I'm really attracted to them and pursuing the opportunity is out my own interest. It's more so about the pressure of feeling like I have to make the relationship work by always being in charge, because then it also tends to feel like if it fails, it's my fault since I was the one guiding it.
As an example, if a man asks a woman out and gets rejected, it's generally on him to reflect on his approach and whether he did something wrong. But apparently, even if a woman likes a man, but does nothing to make her interest known or even pursues him a little (which many guys would love, believe it or not), it's somehow also his fault because it was his duty to be "masculine" and ask her out instead?
I'm all for telling people to take charge and take initiative. I just don't understand why it's solely considered a man's place to do these things, especially in modern western culture which is increasingly more individualistic regardless of gender. I just don't feel convinced that this is entirely about women feeling "feminine". It seems more like they don't want to take the same kinds of emotional risks or put in the kind of effort that's expected of men in this aspect of relationships, but by couching it in this idea that it makes them "feminine" to submit, it closes off the possibility that it's more of a personal shortcoming that could potentially be addressed (although, if the guy simply makes up for it in the relationship and doesn't mind doing it, that's fine too). Anyone reading this, feel free to address me if you think I'm wrong. I've been struggling with this idea for a long time now.
💯
I think you’re right some people are just passive by nature men and woman. Just because you’re passive don’t mean you can’t lead been passive my whole life as a manger and a sales lead I only stepped in if I seen things going wrong, if it anit broke don’t fix it has always been my motto and it’s always worked out fine for me. I think the problem is a women doesn’t want a man like that cause she can’t handle making the wrong choices and having the man fix her mistakes all the time.
Bars 🔥🔥🔥
I think that's a great analysis! Agreed!
Or as someone else put it: It's all about convenience for women. Let him pick the berries, let me eat them.
Why? Because reasons. Strong independent women bla bla etc etc.
(And that shows in many different ways)
Ms Ryan, thank you for taking the trouble to make this short video tutorial. I’m 69 years old and married for nearly 36 years. Everything you have mentioned I have found to be true.
You said something that's very true that's unfortunate- Women initially want a confident, playful, assertive fun guy initially, and once the emotional connection has been formed, they want a gentleman who cares about, supports them, loves them, and treats them right.
Women do want to be treated with dignity and respect- as equals. But the problem is most of them want to be emotionally turned on and have a little emotional roller coaster ride with a guy before they settle down for stability.
Do you know what this means to us guys from a guy perspective?
It means in order to attract women, we have to often put on a false, playful self and play around with women's emotions in a positive way to be even considered for the potential of dating.
We have to put on a mask and do an superficial audition to get noticed and to get our chance.
What's laughable and hypocritical is that a lot of women want a guy to be good to them and treat them right, but only after he proves that he can engage or manipulate their emotion in a positive way.
It is putting the cart before the horse. What is important- a guy who knows how to rile you up emotionally, or a man who treats you right?
I was single for 35 years before I met my current girlfiend because most women would not give me an oppurtunity. I wasn't overly passive or submissive, but I was kind, friendly, respectful, etc. Thibgs that truly matter, but don't matter to most women initially.
But no- women want to be toyed with emotionally before they commit to a guy.
The reason why my girlfriend isn't like most women is because she dealt with her fair share of shitty boyfriends. She knows what "real" value is now, and it's not a guy playing with her feelings all the time to excite her. It is guy who is good to her, cares about her, and does what is right by her and treats her as an equal.
Few women really know what value is, or understand it. Their inability to understand this leads to frustrated good men and players who use them for sex.
Regards to 4 being a mind reader -- Thank You! Women are apparently raised to be able to pick up how someone is feeling based on nonverbal cues and think men can do the same, but we are not!
If you don't want us to do something or wear a certain outfit, just say it!
If she says "Do what you want," guess what -- that's exactly what I'm going to do.
They actually aren't, dude. That's a phony lie. Don't fall for it.
@@mrsherwood2599 yeah right! LMAO
Remember that when you expect your husband to remember something without you having to say anything.
Can they though?If women are such amazing mind readers,as we're led to believe,then how can they end up in abusive relationships?
@@Jonbwriter wait, my husband?
@@mrsherwood2599 well with your screen name, I just assumed you were married. Correct me if I'm wrong.
I really wish that I was told some of these truths when I was in my teenage years! Would have been very helpful. I think society does men a bit of a disservice in this way. Most men who were not good with women when we were in high school have to stumble and struggle with dating in our 20's and 30's until we get it right. It is not just a case of 'have more confidence' it takes a decent amount of social calibration as well. This takes endless rejections - often without knowing what we did wrong. Women on the other hand are taught how to filter and test men as early as their early to mid teenage years. A massive head start over us. Courtney, would you be able to do a video on how men should deal with the 'silent treatment' from women. That would be very helpful too. Many thanks, Simon
@simonnaylor7983 Bro, you never put up with that silent treatment bs. Basically, it's an act of passive aggression, emotional abuse and contempt towards you. It means the person dictates the terms on when "talking can happen again". That's taking agency from you because you love them. When that happens (maybe you messed up - but evolved people communicate), you must shake her from that totem pole of power and turn the tables. You tell them once that such acts are display of poor communication skills and clearly tell them that if it happens again, you will not avail yourself to breaking the silence - you're prepared for that battle of attrition. But,bro you must act on those words - hard as it will be. They have to pay with the currency of their own creation.
Find other things to do - like hanging with mates, going to gym. You gave to remove yourself from the presence of the person giving you the silent treatment and that will render it ineffective because the bad actor here won't see that you're in misery because they've shut you out.
If say you messed up and apologized, then perhaps a day of the silent treatment is tolerable because the anger is still dissipating. Post that it's now cruel punishment, pride and ego. That's not love.
Don't put up with that bs - life is too short to be made valueless that way.
All of this is very solid advice. I'm on the autism spectrum. I can read some social cues. I understand some basic things. But there are a lot of gaps in my skills in that regard. But my patience level for the whole mind reading thing would be close to zero. And I will be happy to communicate that in very unambiguous terms. In fact, I even ask people to communicate with me in an unambiguous way in the platonic relationships I have. And I don't waste my time and energy on people unwilling to do that. Because, quite frankly, it's not worth it for me. I don't need that many friends. So, I can be selective. And while neurotypicals may have more of a tolerance for this than I do, they really shouldn't put up with the mind reading expectation either. Everyone needs to communicate their thoughts clearly. At least clearly enough for the average person to easily understand. Even if someone like me might have some trouble with it. If a person isn't willing to meet this basic standard, they really aren't relationship material. And that assessment needs to be made early on in the process.
Completely agree!
If even simply talking is too much to ask for, than I don't even want to know what else is also too much to ask for.
I'm probably slightly on the spectrum too. But I guess if I wasn't, I'd feel the same about this.
i am not autistic, but have had this mindset my whole life. i have dumped women for the same thing pretty quick. Why complicate the simple?
@@shrapnel77
I'm certain you have saved yourself a lot of headaches. Imagine being in a marriage with someone like that? It would be a nightmare that would almost certainly end in divorce. It's simply not possible to have an adult relationship with someone like that. And it would be unwise to even try.
Thank you for this content, it was very good. I am a software developer and by nature I am very analytical and a problem solver. My skills with problem-solving are not just limited to software development but in all kinds of things, like working on my house. I installed vinyl plank flooring in two different houses i've owned and did all the trim, I have fixed my own appliances (thanks to UA-cam), have done electrical work, installed hot water heaters, etc. i'm kind of a jack all trades. I'm somehow just able to figure out how to do things or where to find information on how to do them.
With that in mind, at a men's group I participated in a buddy of mine said of his marriage "all day long it's my job to solve problems, but when I come home I am supposed to turn it off". This is where I struggle.
Just follow these principles:
1) Walk with your head high
2) Be joyful and confident
3) Always seek opportunities to connect with loving, sincere people
4) Always remember the source of your peace and happiness resides WITHIN YOU. YOU are responsible for your own happiness!
Nothing "external" can give this to you. It is all within yourself!!
5) BE FREE!!
"Love is not a possession-it is a state of being." (Osho)