Why You Should DETACH from the Man You Want
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
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A clever person told me once, concerning relationships:
Two halfes does not make one whole - but two whole people will make one perfect whole.
Yesss i think the same! Just in a slightly different way. My version of this is that two halves will be drawn to each other because they believe they will make each other whole. On the surface, they will APPEAR whole, but in reality they will be very flimsy and unstable. They may also struggle to leave each other because they have now become dependent on each other and they don't want to go back to being a "half" (despite the fact that staying in the toxic relationship will likely be much more harmful).Two whole people are secure on their own and while they don't NEED each other, when they do come together, they become a stronger version of themselves. However, If they do need to separate for whatever reason, they can, and they will be okay.
Very true, I discourage anyone that wants a relationship to fill the void in themselves is just asking for trouble.
We may assume these days that there are hollow people yes, or broken people. Why are we even talking about two whole parts - you take an apple and cut it i two, you get two halves, right? Shouldn't we just agree that any two halves of an apple would make a whole apple? No, just those that belong to the whole. And yes, you can also get two halves together, that still do not make a whole apple but make it an apple. Like couples, sometime people belong each other and fit just like they were two parts of the whole. Some couples are just parts of a completely different fruit :). Let's not try to be whole where we are not. We are two pieces of a puzzle that even physically fit each other. Why question anything else? And why, on earth do we need, each individually, to become whole - just to say that a half can not be perfect (in its own imperfection:))? Why would you stubbornly need to become whole and never need anybody else? Because it takes courage to open up to someone else, to trust them, to let them into your heart and be as well the one to rely on and support the other in any moment of their life. Has this all of a sudden become a heavy burden to love someone? Does it bother you that someone needs you to rely on you? This is a big problem of today: half of the population are ready to live without loving and needing anyone, happy on their own and detached, as you say - as monks. Are you saying you would like to go the woods or the mountain and look for nirvana? If this is your purpose of life, I agree. But if you are still a part of a society and want to live and function among people - detachment is not the way. Healthy attachment - yes.
@@carromboard3451 how do you know that somebody is looking to fill in the void?? What are the signs?
@@soul-etudeyes, actually relying on and being relied upon IS a burden.
When attached you almost unconsciously make choices you would otherwise not make. That still fascinates me. 😊
That's why it's best to get to know someone slowly so you can walk away before becoming attached. Loneliness can be a vulnerability, we need to work first on not relying on a relationship to fill our loneliness.
any change in life does produce a consequence of making choices differently. Isn't it normal and a result of evolution that we make different choices under different conditions?
It’s so true that a breakup might not necessarily be a bad thing bc it is like a stepping stone to achieving a better relationship with the right person!
Yes. I love this!
"Detachment while dating or in a relationship means that we remain independent... they are a great addition to our life but never a necessity. They don't own us and we do not own them."
"Detachment is never about not caring or shielding our heart... it's all about the full acceptance of whatever can happen."
How to do that 😢
@@Nanaa5972 "Hmm, I suppose that by focusing on ourselves, our lives, hobbies, passions, friends, and family, we become more fulfilled, and consequently, less dependent on a romantic partner."
What if he always carries a strong/military face when he meets with you, ..hiding under the guise of being a force man..
He gives excuses everytime due to his busy schedule and reason why he's not really committed. .
@@mercyoluwatoyin4108 The busiest man will find time for the woman of his dreams. Nothing will stop him. The man who truly wants you doesn't want you to feel neglected. The right man "feels good" and there is no confusion.
@@Nanaa5972practice meditation!! It's a huge help and there's a lot of UA-cam videos out there
Being alone gets lonely, but it's the best decision I've ever made in my life. Thank you God 🙏🏾 Self love is way more important than feeling like you're "in love".
Same OMG😂
Most men have more options ❤
@@karolinah12 💯 and they keep their options open while they're in a so called committed relationship.
Same here . I found so many cool things about being alive x
Best way to find a good relationship too
"My alone feels so good. I'll have you only if you're sweeter than my solitude " ❤
Best point ever ❤❤❤
Did it Totaly lost myself, Then after 27yrs. He left anyway even tho everything was the way he wanted it. Don't Lose yourself in your Relationship, it takes a while to find yourself again.
Sucks. I'm so sorry
I’m sorry 😣 I’ve been there, it gets better sis 🤞
yep don't do everything they ask, don't always accommodate them, it leads to their control of you. And ur self-esteem becomes lower. Then they dislike you for lack of self-esteem !!! oh the games we play
A very important point. You should never maintain a relationship which ruins your self esteem, destroys your dignity and leads you nowhere. A healthy relationships is about uplifting each other, caring about each other's desires and worries, taking them as your own. If there is no balance in a couple and one is completely "detached" (just can't be bothered less) and the other is giving their all, it will end up in a crush for the second person. While the first will still not be bothered, since detached. So, your dignity, self-esteem, personal interests, desires and needs should be a priority for your partner, not just you. The only exception is the time. Because in a healthy relationships there is always a need for a time alone or apart, but not to the extent that it can create a problem. With insecurely attached people, like avoidants, time that they request for themselves is not the real measure of the needs, it's an attempt to escape the relationship as a whole and feel free from it. So, they would not ask for an hour or a day, they will ask you for weeks. And this is not compatible with a healthy relationship. it's unacceptable.
@@soul-etudeTry as I might, I see no reason for anyone to care about my personal interests, desires dreams etc. I care about them. I make them happen. Don’t need anyone else in my way. And oh yeah, my salary is high enough to pay when I actually do need someone, such as a carpenter.
Detachment is hardest thing to do for me. Because I am overcaring everything.
Me too. We need to practice 😊
Find the one that loves you for you and it’s fine your overcaring.
And make sure he loves his mother.
We need to make our lives whole , filling out loneliness with good things and a meaningful life. This way you are a solid secure person who can walk away if things aren't working out.
Communication, coordinating, is necessary in a relationship and takes time and effort. Don't confuse absence of these for detachment..
You have to always put yourself first. When you truly master that, detachment is easy.
Because I listened to you, took your break up course, and followed your advice that any guy that couldn't commit yet wanted to keep me around, I am now married to the man of my dreams. You were right, what felt devastating at the time and like my life was over, a couple of years later has proven to be the stepping stone that led me to the one that not only was what I wanted but he committed fully to me and works on our relationship every day.
We are moving in to the home of our dreams right now, working side by side to make life the best it can be. Detachment to outcome works! ❤
Congrats❤
This is so good to hear ❤
Aw, congratulations! 🎉
Soooo true 👍
Congratulations and best wishes
Great info. Dont chase men and don't over attach to anyone 😊
the only reason you say not to chase men is bc men made it easier for you to work. if not, youd be chasing men all day long. XD
They also made it harder if they seen women as there equal in the first place they wouldn’t have needed to correct their mistake
Ladies, the men are being told on UA-cam to also not chase. If we both heed the advice the human race will go extinct.
I will sure detach.... forever...I do not need to play games. We are either in or we are out. people need to stop listening to all these "relationship" experts. I do not put anyone on a pedestal. I just love.
Perfectly said!! 👌
Exactly. Imagine both detach after first date 🤣 and no relationship happen - safe!
Exactly. Why is everyone acting like love is this diseases we must stay away from? All these games and running in circles screams cowardliness and fragile egos. It takes bravery to fully love. If the other person isn’t fully invested like I am, I’m out!
I know what you mean!
This video should be called how to have an avoidant attachment style
I truly love being alone, I have found that I am my own best friend and enjoy my time without anyone. ❤
I am with you here. I like myself and don't need other's, unless its for practical help, ie moving something heavy. My happy place is open moorland with not another soul any where near or a deserted beach, emphasis on the deserted.
@@violetrose1750 except everyone has a fundamental need to be bonded. You’re just denying it.
@@sethtenrec They do? Says Who? You are havering man!
So true❤!!!
🙌🏼❤😁🥰
This is what I call self-dignity. If you are a healthy secure person you don"t fall for the "coolness" of the other person. You fall for their interest in you. Because cool people with beautiful eyes are millions out there, but the one who chooses to be with you, is just one. So, I understand that he is talking about unhealthy attachment here to the guys who don't invest in their relationship with you, but you do. It's just that people start using the term attachment as a general negative term and are persuaded that they have to avoid attachment at any cost even within a healthy dynamic of a relationship.
Well said and completely agree. I enjoy his videos and I generally do not follow advice when the perspectives seem too extreme.
I have watched this at exactly the right time to inspire me to stay strong and put things into perspective as reality.
I don't believe in love anymore and probably never will. Men aren't men anymore.
It’s sad but true! Ever since my divorce- the men I’ve dated are horrible- just not nice & narcissists it’s best to have peace of mind & love yourself- you will never be disappointed….
@@user-iu6bv8vu8o yes, you're exactly right. They want you to bow down to them and do what they say when they say it, but never want to hear about how you feel about a situation. The single life is the best life. You don't have to worry about feeling like you're walking on eggshells all the time. Power to us single Queens
Thats not true at all .. work on yourself. Love yourself❤
Do great things
Read
Listen 2 music
Train, walk, go into nature
Cook beautiful food to eat
Be with friends
Find amazing hobby's
Love your work
Meditation
❤ life is good an wonderful and by the time you are in that spirit.....
You meet wonderful man
They are women now
No they are little boys, immature and selfish
I'm so comfortable being alone that being around people is sometimes more uncomfortable than it used to be.
I'm going to assume your not in a Bible study or church fellowship. Your comment is a bit disconcerting. God made us for connection. No man is an island. It's really about balance.
Saaaaame, I Love to travel solo, I don't even try to find travel buddies anymore It's the ultimate experience of freedom and independence, no compromises, and hence the best way to wind down and recharge.
@@danilaroche1156 you are 50% correct and 50% wrong
Totally relate. It’s so nice having only oneself to rely on that being around others gets frustrating. Nothing better than being able to think and do and decide and produce at my own pace.
Me tooooo
Nobody needs a detached person. At least not me. Why would I try to be something that I would not accept from another?
It's ok to be attached, it's the purpose of a relationship. What you are talking is not detachment. It's self-dignity. When somebody is not paying attention to you in the way you think you deserve, you are then capable to take the decision to not invest in them any further. But when you are having a relationship with someone who is detached, well that's such a shame for both of you. Attachment is healthy. Just not at the cost of your self-dignity.
Contrary I think he is right especially in the early stages detachment helps you see the person is not for you like I was able to acknowledge that this guy had an amazing personality and I loved his energy but I was also able to recognize he seemed occupied, closed off, emotionally unavailable, was inconsistent and had terrible communication skills and asked myself is that going to work is this someone you can be attached to and the answer was no even tho the guy was a cool person and we had chemistry and compatibility
I think it's just the title that is misleading: you should be able to detach from the man who is not interested in you, not the man you want.
Thank you.
He’s saying relationship or not own yourself. Become the whole person who can love fully 😉
You don't understand detachment since you're denying it. Study Buddhism.
I don’t think it is logically possible to love someone and at the same time not be affected by negative outcomes from your interactions with them. Detachment from someone you love is impossible. You will feel hurt if you cannot be with them or interact with them, that’s the natural way of things.
Oh my God, thank you !! One smart caring soul here!
I have a trick that works a charm. I imagine that I'm already in an established relationship with the person. I imagine the domestic part of the it, and that wakes me up real quick, 😳😳because let's be honest, women are the housemaids. You have great information. Really enjoy your content.
Amen. But we don't even mind being housemaids for the right person 😅. If you're imagining it and it's a turn off that's a clue in itself.
@@wheelchairgeek True
Imagine them being angry lol.
Do you want to be a housemaid?
Totally right approach:) Good luck!
@@wheelchairgeekI mind
Been feeling really anxious over someone I like and this was immediately calming. Thank you:)
Hi Brian, I suffered the ultimate break-up. My husband died 1.5 years ago.
The best thing I have done for myself is to fight the need to have a great guy in my life, so I could be the great girl my husband
fell in love with again. It's a struggle, but well worth it.
Thanks for all you do.
There is a God shaped hole inside of all of us that Only God can fill.Psalm 139 ❤
Absolutely beautiful thank you ✨✨✨
❤
Yeah if you are a brainwashed muppet who still believes in 2000 year old fairytales.
@@deec411 💓💞🙏💥
@@JesuisLord 💞💓💥
This advice is also great for crushes
I hate crushes. A lot of strong feelings felt for someone who may not even know you exist. The guys that I crushed on always chose some other woman to show their attention and affections to--never me.
What a waste of my time and feelings.
@@Areutherehellowatch The Crappy Fairy on Limerence
@@AreutherehelloDo you ever make your feelings known? I’m not saying you should confess exactly how you feel, that would be too much but you should be direct. Tell him you’d like to crab coffee or tacos with him sometime. If he is unresponsive, the crush dissipates naturally and you go on to find your guy. Good luck out there. We are all just trying to figure things out ❤
Would it be fair to say rather than staying in “control” it could mean “not succumbing to our insecurities”? I think the moments I am most tempted to act out when falling in love is when deep feelings are at stake, I become uncomfortable, and if I allow myself I will act out of insecurity.
I actually have detached at that point, when I need to focus on what God has given me today, and I understand that it’s not this persons responsibility to meet my needs…not before they can or they are wanting and ready to; not before God’s timing. When I was able to do this, it gave me a lot of peace.
❤️🙏
I think Buddha said something like ‘attachment is like poison’ 😱 to anything. Detaching allows freedom and flow and with compassion and true love. I know what it’s like to be attached to something material, and yes it can destroy and possess you. It is like a poison.
🌸 I wish he can pin this
Perfect put 🎉
"My precious..."
Um hm! 😂
@@healerscreek yes it’s true! Attached, obsessed, addicted to the point that ‘we even forgot our own name’ !! Gollum sums up the collective very well, we forgot who we truly are and have been blinded by the external world, the material.
Too attached to anything - a parent, a child, a partner, money, a dog, a job.... will only cause us sorrow, when inevitably they are farther from our lives.
"Love is temporary - enjoy it"
Lol it's like you should not love because they will die. What a miserable thinking
Bingo! My daughter is tryin to move forward from a guy she gave her heart to. Shes carrying his child now, hes ditched her. Breaks my heart. So important to have healthy attachments!❤
🎉 I agree.. I am complete.. Alone. . Yes we can't control things..
I *love* it when you say you love it when we stay until the end of the video.
Brian, you're the best. You produce quality content. I love watching your videos.
I love myself. I know what I want. I'm complete. It's not selfish, it's self-love.
I'm enjoy being alone, being my best self and I'm so happy that I made the right decision❤😊❤😊❤😊❤😊❤😊!!
Mr. Nox, why even try anymore though. If you invest all that time with someone and then it doesn't work. I know I know, don't get so attatched to the results, but it can be hard, especially when you're older. Also, what you're saying can also apply to non-romantic things! 🙂
Genius, info: detaching.
I abruptly ended our 8 1/2 months of dating. He was shocked & angry that I found out he was juggling me. (Think he had some narcissistic traits) He figured, I was infomed
later, that I would never leave him & he could keep me as an option. Not happening with me. Anyway, first time I have used my intuition and the smartest move I have ever made. Now, told he wants to come back & reconcile. But, I have bound- aries now and love myself so
much more. Single, attractive and available and I know my worth now. I am out there socializing with friends and
enjoying my life. Looking forward to meeting the "right" man for my life.
Your video just confirmed
the action I took was the correct one. Kudos, to you.
Thank you so much for this video Heath! Solo date time is the best time. Always remember when you start to feel lonely while single, there’s someone else who’s in love and still getting cheated on.
❤
👍
Train yourself to let Go of everything you fear to lose - YODA-
If we want to be detached find something to do . Self- improvement how to improve life.
However I agree that its not easy to detach ourselves to someone we love and care.
We can never thank you enough Brian!, always helpful, always brilliant and fun!, you're genius!❤
Brilliant brilliant practicing this whilst dating and normal relationships and what a game changer. He/they do not own me nor I own him/ them. But be yourself. Thanks
I once read that there is no oneness without attachment. As a spritual sort of view, so as to justify that it is ok to get attached. So many times it is wrong to get attached if you have not correctly discerned a persons character
Amen thank you bc I think it's human to attach. Tte problem is if the other person isn't open on the same level. Then the attached feeling becomes painful and if the situation doesn't improve we are forced to detach.
Attachment develops gradually ofcourse and can be mentally, intellectually, physically and from the heart, love.
Oneness is one person only, not that two people become one bs.
i am tired of doing things alone. and i am tired from men on apps who earn less than me amd ha e no career ambition
Where would this person be your looking for?
Not on a dating app.
Would he be at a sports club?
Not in a bar
Where would he be ?
Why on earth does he have to earn equal or more than you? Why does he need career ambition? Why not just a work ethic? Doing things alone is good for you.
I remembered someone said, a healthy relationship combines of 2 healthy and complete individuals. ❤
I’m completely detached but i have to hold him accountable for his actions like ghosting then comeback apologising and asking for another chance to do it again! I always move on in silence but sometimes they have to hear it. If he thinks he has power over me well he’s so wrong 😊
He has power over you. You are being ignored by somebody repeatedly and giving him another chance. This is not a sensible thing to do.
👍👏❣️
A dude was doing the same thing with me and now, he's blocked. No contact. Giving them another chance makes them feel their behaviour is acceptable to us. So it's better to put a full stop on all of this at once, because they're never gonna change and are very proud of this fact.
@@christinebeames712 it’s a long distance thing and we both had unexpected problems that prevented us from meeting up to make it official, that’s why i gave it a chance but now it’s on him and i ended it yesterday.
@@namreeetaaa true, even though his alibi is always on point im fed up with this and he ruined his chances of doing it right!
Such an amazing video, I was smiling to myself because I felt so validated. A few months of CBT for depression and a 5-day solo trip to a hot country transformed my life into one of detachment. There's so much love inside of me but I am okay being alone!
Usually I agree with you Brian, however the word I believe you’re looking for is discernment, not detachment. Detachment means you’re emotionally unavailable. I’d rather be open & honest, especially in your 40’s. 😂 if he’s not for me, keep it movin!!’
Exactly !
He did use the right word - detachment
Nope you're mistaken
Communication, coordinating, is necessary in a relationship and takes time and effort. Don't confuse absence of these for detachment.
The word is detachment and no it does not mean emotionally unavailable 🤔
Thank you for the wisdom. Sometimes an empath is tied to someone because of absorbing their feelings-- not even your own feelings. Attachment is the cause of all suffering.
Your content is so consistent. A real strength of women that becomes a weakness in the wrong hands is the fact that many of us are nuterers and generally caring people. It is very easy to give our all into a relationship and expect the best of people while thinking that beig the person they need means that they will also become better people for you. But that isn't reality. Giving your all into a relationship that has not yet led to engagement/marriage is a very poor decision to make because you will be blinded by your thoughts and emotions and the fact that you prematurely included the other person far too deeply into your life. Saying that a person being able to provide us with greater happiness but not being the source of our happiness was such a key point. And it's not about cold shouldering the other person as some seem to suggest, but living your life because it's yours and accepting the other person as a mere addition until it comes time to fully incorporate your lives. It keeps both parties safe to maintain such a basic boundary. Not everyone is worth your time and you should always be mindful of that while journeying to find your partner. Thanks for the video, sir!
This video has just confirmed that what I am doing is exactly what I need to be doing. I've had an interest in a friend of mine for a couple of months now. Something in my gut tells me there's a mutual interest, but due to different circumstances I still haven't said anything and neither has he. For about two weeks now I've been doing a lot of inner work and have let go of trying to push for a certain outcome. Thank you for reaffirming what I already know to be true. Because I know that I will be happy either way.
I’m going through this right now, too.
👍
Update in case anyone cares:
I told him a few days ago. He wants to just remain friends. I'm very okay with it because this is somehow already what I expected and I had let go of any particular outcome. It might not have been the outcome I had hoped for, but I don't feel heartbroken or rejected. There is nothing wrong with me, and there's nothing wrong with him either.
@@lovingly_lonni Love this!
The reality is that you can not avoid attachment in an intimate romantic relationship. Love is a process of giving up control. I think you mean being autonomous and self reliant (in a healthy way) rather than codependent. If you truly love someone you won't try to control them, but there isn't much you won't do for them.
Attachment is a biological process that happens in mammalian mating and is intertwined with love. I think we simply have to accept the risks that come with the attachment process.
I feel myself totally complete without relationship, but I live a culture where family is the most important thing, so it's different to feel yourself complete when many people (especially women) say that I am not.
That's their opinion , detach from their idea , maybe you know better.
You don't have to answer to them. You take all the time you need to make the best decision for yourself. I take my time to make the best decision for myself because I am valuable my time is valuable and so is my love and my heart , this is my life
I am in this hard situation right now. And I've been doing things alone a lot more recently. It's too tiring to keep recovering from a hearbreak. Even more tiring when I got 2 heartbreaks in less than 4 months or so. I thought short period relationship wouldn't hurt as much as my longer relationship, but it is still hurts.
They all hurt unless they love us more then we love them but then it's not as satisfying so why bother.
I'm still healing from my last break up and it's been 4 years guess that tells you sometimes you just need to take time for you you don't jump out of a frying pan into a fire
It sounds very good, but I have anxious attachment and I can't get rid of this.. 😒
I can agree, it's very challenging with this kind of attachment
Same 😞
Same....its awful!
It’s hard to change an anxious attachment style, but it’s something that you can still be aware of and try to work on… Good luck
I have done therapy... now happy married. It's possible and these videos really helped me. Today I can watch them for entertainment. Back then it saved me... My advice: Look for a guy who's give approx. the same effort as yourself. Step by step, no love bombing but consistency. This in the first phase of my relationship scared me like crazy, because I always chased the guy and finally get the same intentions (not attention) back was mind blowing 😂
incomplete, not uncomplete in that context 3:25
This is one of the best videos you have made. Always bringing it back to having a really great relationship… with ourselves!
Healthy detachment is key in all aspects of our lives- work, romantic relationships, family
Brilliant!
The best life coach I've ever come across authentic honest No BS wish I could find someone like you
Felt like I was listening to a very caring teacher or mentor. I badly needed to know this. Thank You so much!
With myself I’m in the best companionship ❤
It's really not hard. If after that date you send that message and he doesn't respond like INSTANTLY he didn't feel the same way! So it ends, there!!! Nothing confusing about it, isn't that partly the point if the message, to find out if he felt the same way???
True!
This is so helpful... I really need to detach from my boyfriend. I don't like what I've become now that I'm too attached to him.i became too suspicious, jealous..I lost my happy and cheerful self.. 😢
I love your videos! They are always on point. I think I enjoy being alone too much! 🤣
This video has touched me. My husband and I have been married for 29 yrs. Never got along. He gave me everything I’ve ever wanted or needed without asking. We have had our hard times to. I went to visit my children in another state and he after a while made an excuse for me to stay and live with children and take care of granddaughter so he could be alone. Now I see him maybe 2 times a month if that. It’s hard to detach. This video has taught me different now and I understand. I text and talk with hubby. Miss him still but am learning how to detach after 29 yrs. So hard. I hope I can do this.
If you're currently in a relationship, Brian Nox, tell us how that story played out. How did she act and how did you act and how are you both doing in the relationship, and how did you meet?
I have not learned how to be happy alone. It has been 3 years since my divorce, i have learned how to take care of myself and my children alone, but I am a big ball of anxiety all the time and not feeling happy at all ☹️
watch on youtube "body keeps the score" and also an audio book "Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving "
It's not as simple as that. I think you are oversimplifying human dynamics here
It's better push them away if we have some expectations and wishes and this person doesn't want to fulfill them. Because partnership is about fulfilling each other. Such general statements like you I had 12 years ago and I was fulfilled alone. But such statements have just people who doesn't want to be vulnerable. Can you tell me what is wrong on needing someone? I guess that it's just modern perception which make it bad. Not alone need. Be alone 10 years without any contact with people and we will see how you will not need anyone. It's illusion. All of us need each other. That's reality. But people just act like a independent. But nobody can survive without physical touch or love many years.
Wow. This is the food for thought I didn’t know I needed. Thank you.
I think it's just the title that is misleading: you should be able to detach from the man who is not interested in you, not the man you want.
One of the best content..thanks for it❤
Thank you, very insightful 🎉🎉🎉
I think that attachment is a good healthy thing in a loving relationship. Your brain was wired to be attached to those you love, ever since you were a little baby, its just one of the awesome thing about loving someone. Just dont take it to extreme measures where you need them to function though.
Funny. I don't want anyone if I'm detached.
This hard because he is the most BEAUTIFUL man I've ever seen. He is literally perfect in my eyes as far as looks and personality, values and morals..We are building a beautiful connection . We have everything in common and have strong like and respect for each other. He is a public figure that I had a crush on for 30 years. He is my dream man. It's hard but I'm doing well not putting him on a pedestal. He wants to be with me but is not rushing. He has other options of course but I believe we are soul mates
Hi Brian ! Can you make a video about when a man is serious about you he will do this ? 🌸
Thanks Brian!
I didn’t even realise that I’m already doing this! I used to think that a guy is not interested in a woman if they don’t text back in a certain time.. but it is way different than that.. especially if a guy is an introvert. Those three points really are on point.
Thanks again!
This is all good in theory but it seems like you need to be alone in a relationship. I know you trying to save the hurt but true relationships in my opinion is where you can be vulnerable and honest with your feelings.
Yes!
I started doing this too late, its too late now and am crying on the floor wishing I was well enough for him. I couldn't be the support he needed. he is the right person for me but not at the right time.
don't regret something that did not allow you to be the best you can be. You found yourself crying, this is what he has achieved for you. Does he deserve even one drop of your tears? No, he did not care enough to discover you. He did not even see the real you. since you could not have shown him your shining light. He made you only worry, cry and feel unworthy. Who could possibly be their best self in this situation? I suggest you take a photographer, and arrange for yourself a shooting, in nice clothes, with a beautiful hairstyle, thinking about the right man you are ready to meet. Play with yourself, become an actress. Imagine public in the theatre enjoying your performance. If you are not secure enough to play it out with a photographer, make selfies. Be proud of yourself and how strong you are. It's you who decides if you are worthy, not him. No one can decide anything for you. You decide -that you are lucky, beautiful and desired by many.
@@soul-etudeiloveyouuu😭💗 this is exactly what i needed.🥺
I love your videos Brian, they are indeed so helpful .... And I love your sense of humour 😅😄😍
I need to do this. So sick of his inconsistency, it's tiresome feeling like the conversation is one sided. It's in and out and I told him this was confusing me so stopped making an effort recently but he still comes back. Think I need to just slow fade away as it's a new relationship but I can already see that things won't change.
Let this man go. There is no guessing when a man likes u. He will show it without question.
He’s not that into you, but you can always find someone better suited for you
When you are complete , you have more to bring to the table therefore it is more impactful to the one half of the whole !
It has taken a long time but I have detached from a guy I know. I tried to hard to get him to love me but I'm tired of fooling myself and causing myself pain. I have to say goodbye and get on with my life.
thank you, I've truly learned this over the past couple years. I had a relationship fall apart because I didn't have everything I needed to take care of myself, then I became homeless and had to move cities to survive. So yes, I come first. I've gotta do what I've gotta do. Sacrificing my needs for a partner's is unsafe.
Great advice Brian. I shared with my daughters.
What if we feel the need for a someone to tell us what to do? I'm a leo so I seem domineering and alpha like but I need a man who can take control for me to let go of it temporarily. I don't want to be dominated 24/7 but I need a masculine man who understands how I need a man who will tell me what to do but in a constructive way to guide me to my best self. It's a tough job because I'm a leo but tlc can help me do that.
This is such a good video. It's helping me right now as I'm going through having had a really good time with someone and he has disappeared. I have to say, it sounds like he has done me a favor. Thanks so much as I will apply these methods to 'detach' myself emotionally from him and just move on with life. I believe he is yet again, another narcissist. Luckily I haven't known him for more than a few months. :) Thank you!
Phew !!! That was close.
Good you recognise he was a narc
They either love you or they dont. No games necessary.
This video was very close to the truth in every aspect. In fact, I would say it is relational wisdom at a core level. Just had an encounter with someone, whom I had a very deep alignment with. But, I know that I am called into another person for a permanent marriage. Still wrestling with not having a divided heart when I do marry in the near future. I did notice that several remarks, and statements I used in the meeting were pleasant, not rejecting, but quietly detached. Already applying your suggestions, before I even saw this presentation. Yes, I’m on my way to a “pure heart”, which will be necessary for a full commitment to my marriage partner. Thank you for the confirmation! I find your offerings to be solid, and tailored to truly helpi others!
Your comment is quite intriguing, Hansel. I am evaluating the situation that you presented, honestly attempting to determine the better move, not that you asked me. I know that at the point of attraction, we generally are consumed by the one we 'behold,' how then was did another enter your field of vision? This makes the interest in the original person 'shaky' to me. Unless she was a definite appointment of God, and one whom you have to posture your heart to receive, and the other, a kind of temptation, or gratification that was not divinely designed. You seem to have conscious awareness of what is a-foot, which is good. Pardon my unsolicited inquiry; the human condition in various situations, deeply interests me.
2:07 DONE 😂😂
Never think your significant other can or does complete you. The example he gives, the Jerry Maguire movie line: “you complete me“. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used that when explaining this to my clients and friends. Why?
Why wouldn’t we want our significant other to ‘complete’ us? Well first, because not only is that an impossible task for anybody it’s also unrealistic. What the person you’re in a relationship with should be doing is ENHANCING your life, NOT completing it….just as you should be enhancing their life. We are all human and whether intentional or unintentional, we will disappoint the people we love and WE WILL be disappointed by the people who love us. If you’re with someone who is not enhancing your life - as in being with them is causing you stress, anxiety, worry, and you’re constantly questioning the relationship, questioning yourself, and questioning them; their intentions, what they’re doing, who they’re with. You definitely should talk with them about it. Let them know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling, be honest. After talking with them if your anxieties, worries, and questioning things
gets better or stops, great. But if they don’t, it’s probably time to leave the relationship. You will only be hurting yourself by staying. Yes, leaving will hurt too, of course. Especially if you have really strong feelings for them, if you love them. But ask yourself this. What will be worse in the long run? Going through uncomfortable and likely intense painful emotions for a short period of time or constantly feeling anxious, questioning the relationship, the person you’re with, and yourself for a long period of time? Keep in mind in this scenario both options will more than likely have the same ending, which is the relationship will end. The only difference is how much time will pass before it does. Making this choice is not easy. It’s not easy for most, if not all, of us. It might help to consider your future self - what choice would your future self want you to make?
Great advice! I didn't even think of this,!
I feel like I am there. Single and strong, in control of my life…Very happy. Some man will have to make me happier. I take this new man one day at a time. Won’t be burned again. I will not lose what I have gained to get or keep a man.
Funny how you say I should do things by myself, spend quality time on my own, like go to concerts, festivals, travel somewhere, go shopping, and still
don’t feel complete without love, I’m consantly lonely and looking for relationship, romantic relationship especially, and I genuenly think it is bc I am a Libra Moon. And Pisces Sun. 😕 It is good, but not great.
Oh, plus I have ADHD.
However this speech was inspiring.
With this style of attachment i may just be able to love again...reuit with estranged family too...cause i did lose myself...cant again...but i need other people...connection...so you have given me much to contemplate
Ideally two people should be equally attached to each other. Otherwise what's the point?
yup better to be alone than putting up with rubbish and games
It is so true about sometimes being attached to something that isn't real. Remaining independent is key.
Great advice Brian..thank you..❤
“If my well being is really important what would I do in this situation?? I got sick last week because I saw my husband flirting in front of me. All that cortisol made me sick. Sooo I’ve detached and am on a new path in life .
Ur guidance is brilliant but don't just vanish for such long periods........ and by the way open some tuitions for men
I definitely have had a tendency to loose myself in relationships and get overwhelmed or caught up by my feelings and emotions about the person. However, the last few years i have been learning and becoming self-aware, looking back at how unhealthy it was.. Im currently in a relationship and found myself again in danger of repeating my past pattern but thankfully because i am aware of it i am able to do things differently! My biggest fear is off loosing myself and vulnerability by giving power over to another person but i accept that i am fully responsible for all the choices i make.. I have the mindset which im still working on that all love begins within meaning that i should love myself first and make myself a priority! I am complete as i am and have everything i need that anything or anyone else is just a bonus in my life...
I think the word "detach" scares people and the confusion of maintaining a healthy sense of 'self' without another to "complete" us.
I really needed to hear this today. THANK YOU 🙏
This is also my problem around relationships. It felt like media promotes that you have to be absolutely devoted to your partner. I struggle with the idea of clinging onto a person like it was presented in literatures cuz I hate the feeling of losing control. I am my own person and I can live properly with or without being in a relationship
Sorry for you. You’re missing out on a lot
Your books have helped me so much