Understanding EMOTIONAL DETACHMENT: the key to resilience
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- Опубліковано 30 лис 2023
- Emotional detachment is perhaps the most essential emotional survival strategy. Without it, you resign yourself to ride the emotional roller coaster: at the mercy of the ever-shifting whims of fate. However, emotional detachment is often misunderstood. In this episode, I will discuss what it is and what it isn't. Master this skill, and you'll be able to swim in even the deepest waters.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #emotional #resilience
There is always a period of time for mourning of the death of love. Men seem to commit their love to someone. That commitment is a deep emotional part of him as a gift to that person. When that love ends, it's like a death that needs a period of mourning. Even when you know that the end of a relationship is better for you, it still takes time to get past it, even when you are happier.
i think some men, like myself had such a beautiful person as a mother, loosing them is the ultimate loss, my wife and no one will love me as much as that beautiful woman. i have just lost her. i love life and will continue until its end, I dont have room in my heart anymore for another bond of this magnitude. but it is okay.
A wise man once told me: The realities of romantic love is: for men, there are only 2 women that aren’t cunts. Your mother and your daughter.
Is he right? 🤔
@@neomacchio4692Sorry - My mum was a C.
Lol.. Something tells me “cold” and stoic Scandinavian people will probably understand your message better than passionate Latin people;-).
Stoics were great . Sound like you know what they taught .
People use emotions to make decisions and use logic to rationalize their choices.
Thank you Dr. Orion for this valuable reminder.
Insightful!
Correction women (not men) use emotions to make decisions and use logic to rationalize their choices.
@@doggychops7304Generally, everyone does that with everything.
@@doggychops7304men also
Logic is different from rationalisation which isn't concerned with the truth, so in fact they often if not usually conflict with most people. As most people aren't interested in the truth.
Be an observer of your emotion. Understand why it feels hurt or happy. Do not sway away of it and do not reject it. Understand it.
We are like method actors who initially know we’re playing a role but get caught up in the identity of the character we’re playing, in a script (written by the writer/creator) we had no part in writing.
I have been applying your techniques and wisdom for the past year and i have obtained results more effectively than many therapy sessions. My emotions and relationships are more in tune with my life and its goals.
Thank you.
Same. This might be the most helpful channel I've found on UA-cam for personal growth. It's been helping me immensely.
I'm not a THING, I'm a PROCESS. That's the most important revelation I've ever had.
I like the concept “We don’t just have a body, we are somebody”. -Stanley Milgram
This is a message I really needed to hear today. I’m coming up on the two year anniversary of a stroke that has robbed me of my mobility and independence and wrestling with my emotions has become a constant task.
There are times I wish I had not survived to be a burden to my family I know I should be grateful to still be on this side of the “dirt nap” that we all have coming, but in truth I feel so diminished.
Thank you for a new strategy.
Hope there are better times to call brother just know you are loved stay strong love from
houston!
Was it from the vax? You are not alone many people got injured.
@@michelledee2586 I don’t really know for sure. I was vaccinated, but whether that was a cause or not is inconclusive.
I was 57, and negotiating with a school to return to China and teach. If it had to happen I’m glad it didn’t happen there, or else I would for sure be dead.
So instead of doing what I want, I do what I can.
Instead of having a big life that meant traveling the world, I have an exceptionally small life.
It happened to my brother two years ago. A very bad stroke. I’m watching him recover, very slowly, but he now gets the maximum amount of pleasure from the small things. He is committed to the fight and he makes progress. He was 50.
@@leviathon2 please wish your brother well for me.
I see my emotions like a sea, sometimes calm and sometimes with giant waves. Emotional detachment for me is about surfing upon the waves, I try to ride them by maintaining control. The bigger the wave, the harder it is to not topple into the water. If you don't learn to surf or float, you will eventually drown in them. No-one can swim forever!
Much appreciated that there is no background music. Good video, thank you.
Yes!! I cannot stand background music.
Feeling the heat from the fire, rather than being on fire.
Man this guy blew up fast in the last 12 months, subbed when he was under 10k. Good stuff 💯
He is the wisest I ever heard
Interesting. I'd never considered before that emotions HELP you make decisions. I always felt they got in the way of thinking logically.
Thank you for putting your wisdom somewhere so accessible, I've slowly and carefully been implementing a lot of your tips in my life, and there has not been one negative outcome and found all the positive, it’s also allowed me to be more aware. Im only 18 but I couldn't thank you enough.
this is a really late comment but i just wanted to say that it makes me happy hearing you’re pretty young and seeing that you’re developing such a healthy mindset. im 24 and found content similiar to this around your age and i kind of felt isolated since no other guys around me discovered this stuff. not that the guys around me needed to be exposed to it, or maybe they were and i just didnt know, but you get the gist.
anyways i just wanted to really say kudos to you man and good luck in life, im sure you’ll make it far🙌🏻
Very interesting topic. I am right now going through an unhappy phase of my life. And I was trying to completely shut myself down emotionally. I just realised I was wrong in doing so.
This is quickly becoming my favorite channel. This is what MEN need. Practical examples as well as practical methods of implementing the changes moving forward
Thanks! So wise. I have studied the Buddhist teachings on letting go. It does take a strong self-discipline to be aware when those emotions well up, but possible with practice, like you say. Thank you for your messages. I listen and share your videos. You have an amazing mind!! I love listening to you because of your incredible intelligence and your ability to convey your thoughts so effectively.
This was an exceptionally helpful, more detailed description of loving without emotional attachment. Thank you as always Doc.
Really insightful. This is something I have struggled with most of my adult life. I’ve tried to observe my thoughts and emotions almost as a third (second?) party observer would, and while I think that has kept me out of a lot of trouble and harmful relationships and situations, I also wonder if I haven’t played it too safe, crossing over into “avoidance” territory, missing out on opportunities and relationships and adventures. As Dr. Taraban notes, it is a balance. Great video.
Striking a balance is hard.
@@MKULTRA_Victim_this is the goal that needs much tenacity.
For a couple of seconds I almost let loose today. Ive been working a lot.
I bought a new TV and I was selling my old one for super cheap. People are so annoying. They wanted it even cheaper. I almost picked it up and smashed it in front of the guy. Smashing it was flashing my mind and the energy was jolting down my veins but I stopped it.
The guy bought the TV and even sent an email thanking me.
No matter how good a deal is, lots of people will still try to Jew you down. That’d just the way it is.
You're lost. You're very emotional. When selling used stuff ANYTHING YOU GET ABOVE $0.00 IS A WIN..don't benchmark against what you bought it .. benchmark against what you would get if you take it to goodwill or thrash it .and that's $0.00
@@zuibeckpulezon4626 LoL yeah, I get that but the stupid TV was taking me away from work that pays more so I was becoming angry that my time was wasted dealing with f tard.
I always give EBay price. If you are confident enough in your negotiation & willing to leave you should be fine. I’m terrible at deal making, much less under stress from work.
Tv sucks tho should have smashed it on principle.
Thank you. This *does* reflect my experience, and my conclusions. For (blah-blah-blah) reasons, I've spent much of my life suppressing too many emotions, and wondering why I even have to deal with the pesky things. I view emotions as chemical reactions in the brain which occur in response to stimuli, but they can and should be held apart from conscious thought. "Listen to your gut," means your gut is telling that something is wrong (or right) but it can't tell you what is wrong, or why. That is for your conscious (and/or subconscious) mind to figure out using the most logical criteria possible. Deciding how to act in response to the stimuli, is also the responsibility of your conscious mind.
I'm now learning to feel, understand, and express my emotions, and I've realized that they have no inherent meaning. The only meaning (as opposed to purpose) they have, is the meaning I give them. As I explore them, I try to focus on the specific events or people attached to them in my past experiences. Sometimes I find very clear memories associated with an emotion, but more often I find past emotions associated with only vague mental images. I think what this means, is that the "meaning" of each my emotions evolves over the years of experiences and stimuli. The only objective aspect of them is their physiology, so I need to learn to let go of my need to find objective meaning within them. I need to learn to *acknowledge* my gut, while using my objective experiences to decide how to respond to whatever it tells me. I guess that's the "middle ground," and I probably need to learn to trust the judgement I've developed through experience. Sorry for rambling...
Thanks for this, Dr. Tarban! it really clicked for me. Especially after your talk on "how to LOVE WITHOUT emotional ATTACHMENT". 👍
To “love without emotional attachment” is just plain impossible. It would be a contradiction in terms!
Instructions like these shouldn’t be taken literally. They’re like Zen koans-interesting thought experiments, but not realistic guidelines for everyday life.
emotional detachment: while accessing the information of your emotions, you don't cling to them. while feeling the emotions in your body, you have the ability to analyze and control them. you will learn to let things come and go without experiencing an uncontrollable roller-coaster of emotions. you will live more vividly and will feel deeply. emotional intelligence is the key factor for overall success, in any aspect of your life
This was one of my favorites yet. Beautiful way to convey this intersecting wisdom from a deep understanding of Buddhism + psychology.
I’ve watch so many of your lessons and this one is the most enlightening one and put into words the practice of that I stumbled on a couple years ago. It’s always a daily battle and practice but the moments of being still in the moments of chaos around me, remind me in that moment the absolute value in that still awareness. Keep on keeping on Doc, thanks for the wisdom.
That's very interesting. Emotions are almost like a motor to get you to move through life and make decisions. You don't always need to go along with them
There was a time in my life when i had to learn to turn my emotions off just to get through the day, and i never learned how to turn them back on because of how much i depended on that skill. It's definitely a struggle to find peace when you're trying to learn how to feel again.
Exactly, good comment!
Finally someone addresses what true emotional maturity is. not emotional fushion like a kid, but also not like a toxic jack in the box. Thank you
The video being 11:11 long truly add more vibe to it.
Thanks Orion, your episodes always get to me when I'm trying to figure out things that happen to me. I'm apparently seem to be quite emotional detached to ex girlfriend according to her as I always remain calmed when we were basically talking about breaking up in multiple occasions or when we're not on the same page. Inside I felt the emotions and fear circulating my body but I managed to control quite well this in many aspects of life.
Sometimes I wonder If I'm too emotional detached from people and if this is something that will hit me hard in the future, but as you said, everything will be taken from us or will move on as some point, try to enjoy in the present...
This video really helped feel better about these wonders of mine❤
Hi Orion, I just wanted to say thank you for your consistently well-thought contributions to the public discourse. Achieving such a high level of quality with such consistency is very impressive and quite helpful.
Very buddhist concept, observing the emotions and drawing wisdom from them yet not attaching to them and understanding they aren’t exclusive to you. Thanks for another great episode
I'll tell you this for free, for a month or two now i have been listening to the great Alan Watts for wisdom on detachment and letting go, i couldnt wrap my head around what to do still. But listening to this man's one video right here gives me everything ive ever needed to know about really just detaching from my emotions and being a more stoic man. God bless you Orion, remain on your throne king 🙏🏽
Wow! You just convince me to be more emotional detached and also appreciate others that are more distant of their own emotions without seeing them like ETs. Thank you very much. Greetings from Brazil
Wisdom. Thanks again.
Beautifully said❤ you’re like a philosopher psychologist
Thanks!
Thanks! Great words. Now to cling to them until they are autonomic.
I really appreciate your work and professionalism in your channel.
Whenever I had emotional detachment.. I felt numb always.. when he gave that example about the cereal I couldn’t really relate, you feel like it’s pointless to even get cereal so you end up not even going to the store. Emotions give life reason, but they need to be kept under control like he said.. I believe the detachment from my emotions was a great lesson learned because now after I regained them with medication and healthy lifestyle, completely off medication for 2 years.. I go about life scanning my emotions and justifying them before anything.. because when I lived without them I made decisions based on the true value it would bring me. I may not feel better but I will certainly gain something out of it. Helped with quitting a job I hated ended up getting a huge raise to stay with less responsibilities.. since I had no fear I easily took action. So yeah that’s my 2 cents. I love this guy he has some excellent content👍🏾
You dropped some heavy gems in this one. Thank you for this. It's a perpetually relevant message for people to hear
A most excellent description of emotional detachment and the role emotions play in decision-making. Thank you.
Recent "tip" is a small token of the value I received from the trilogy of "how to get any man" series. These are THE most valuable and concise guidance on what a man on his own program looks for from his partner. THANK YOU!
Really insightful follow-up! Emotions as heuristics is really good.
Thank you for clarifying this.
Wow! Priceless! Dr. Orion Taraban yet again with the "Bars!". Much appreciation for sharing your insights. Thank you yet again for another invaluable gem 💎. I can't wait for your book. I will be definitely purchasing immediately.
Thank you Dr. Orion for sharing this valuable information
I love and appreciate his way of explaining things!
i like your genuineness of speaking truth.
Wow such well balanced and non-trivial information! Thank you for your work!
Perfectly explained,hard lesson to learn and transition to....especially late in life.Never too late to learn it
You approach such a sensitive topic sooooooo well! The swimming analogy is perfect!
this talk has been an epic understanding thank you.
Love the perspective, excellent, well spoke.
I’m happy to notice that I have some psyhacks in me I use to tell people to split E-Motion to understand the deep meaning behind
Energy in Motion
Huge amount of informations
That is helpful when we train to channel it instead of being bullied by it
Thank you it’s insightful
Your wisdom is very helpful as always. Thanks Doc!
Outstanding! Thanks Doc and God bless you! 👏
I love love all your videos, I am so happy this is a skill that I already mastered very well, and I love it, its so useful for life. As you say nothing belong to us, nothing is permanent, just enjoy life, live as best as we can!!! Thank you for this amazing content that help us to live in a better way.
This is absolutely the advice men of today need to hear. 🔥🙌
👍 ❤Probably one of your most important videos because it’s practice can be used in any situation: family, career, love, heath care etc.
A great video and reminder. Thanks plenty Dr. Taraban!
Glad there is an update.
Dr. Orion’s back to shed some wisdom.
I think I needed to hear this. Thank you so much.
A very insightful episode , thanks Dr. Taraban 👌🏻😊
I’d really like to say thank you for making this video. I have been struggling to understand this topic. I now know, i am swimming but i am not the body of water. 🌊
Merry Christmas to you and to everyone who sees this 🎄
Incredibly important to recognize emotions as information to how one understands reality, but then to realize that's as far as they go. They are based on understandings and interpretations which gives one fuel for self work and decision making. Not to be induced in shame or believed as truth.
Emotional detachment is definitely a skill I want to cultivate. Thanks.
Absolutely brilliant.
One of my favorites
Team Taraban 🙏
The Hindu scripture Bhagavad Gita talks about emotional detachment.
Krishna teaches in the Gita (Chapter 2, Verse 47): "You have the right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions. Never consider yourself the cause of the results of your activities, and never be attached to not doing your duty."
I have to listen to this lesson again.
Awesomely said.
Wow that sand analogy is mind-blowing
Thank you for referring to the limbic centers experiment. I've heard about it long ago but forgot the source, plus had heard times to apply it.
Letting Go by Dr. Hawkins, great read in regards to surrender and emotional detachment
Emotions are another facet of the mind that needs to be controlled by reason. Emotions are helpful in dealing with issues in relationships but too much emotions tends to short circuit the thinking process.
as does 'blinded' consumerism, btw.
l follow you since a year now. always throwing wisdom and practical ideas. greeting from Morocco.
❤❤❤your is the only channel which I need whenever I am in delimma
I just want to say thank you for this video is my first time on your channel a friend sent me this video and it spoke to me thank you sir.......
Great content and clarity, thank you
Bob proctor talks about something like this. I think it’s called a paradigm shift. Where everything starts from a thought, then expressed as emotions, and actions are demonstrations of what emotions we were feeling. Upside-down, Inside- Out.
Great explanation, thank you.
Dr. You are awesome!
You may have just changed my life. Thanks
Your video explained a lot to me!
Really great video ! Thank you.
I need to hear this. Thank you
Thank you, Doc.
Damn, incredibly well nuanced talk.
Also really interresting metaphor of holding sand.
Practicing emotional detachment is a skill that needs constant practice, but in the end, it's a sanity saver.
For me this means recognizing when my emotions can give me trouble and doing the right thing regardless of what i feel. Feel good and everything going well? Dont let emotions stop you. Feeling angry and frustrated? Still behaving myself and saying what i SHOULD say not what i would want to say. Having control of your emotions.
I teach people the direct tools to do this. Im also a psychologist, but I live in Denmark. Hilarious you brought this topic up. This tool is also the nr. 1# to being an absolute god! with women and pickup. ☺ best regards
I believe you encouraged mediation and stoicism in-directly
Excellent breakdown
Life is change. Always. But. The things and people that improve our lives are worth holding onto.
So well spoken..💯
Love your content man.
Thank you.
This video turned out to described my decision making on a daily basis. I didnt know what being emotionally detached was so I believe I metaphorically cut a piece of me away as far as my emotions. I fail to realize how its caused me to make decisions so slowly though. I thought it would lessen the time involved.
Same thing with me. Good comment.
amazing stuff doc
this thinking made my life 10x easier
Pure genius