Why Men Are VERY ATTRACTED to Women Who Don't Try Hard!
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- Опубліковано 30 чер 2024
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I am a woman and I am very direct and psychologically smart. I just don't have the time for psychological games. A man who wants you will make it obvious and do everything he can. He will continue to pursue you even after he got you. A lot of men these days just want you to be the one chasing after them. So annoying.
Yes indeed your very smart indeed
Forgot to say most of them aren't even worth chasing after in the first place.
I am a man and I dislike ladies who do not put any effort for the relationship, this is so annoying. As soon as I spot this, I run away immediately. A relationship should be balanced. It is very exciting for a man to know that a lady cares about him, since we are most of the time ignored. I consider it precious and I will always ensure to care even more, to form like a positive spiral. According to this video it seems that other men do not react the same way, which I don't fully understand. Probably just players.
@@flav6350 apparently there are few men like you. Just because a woman goes out of her way to show a man she likes and cares for him, she is termed cheap and desperate. She is told to act like she doesn't care.
@@donnaatienza8001 exactly
My dad used to give me this advice on dating, “Settle for the guy that introduces you to his parents before he introduces you to his bed!” So no rush, no chasing, no games.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Best advice ever ❤
My ex did, looking back was a little to early. After 20 years he told that he never cared about me, an I was a f...g b..c.
So better to have x with the one who doesn't play games
@@jacklinerabongo5367 I will pass it on my daughter for sure ❤️
Great advice!!!
I’ve just started a dating a man who isn’t like anyone I’ve ever met. He said on the first date that he’s looking for his last relationship. He invites me to events in his world and just recently, he said only three women have met his son in 12 years, including me. He brought me to his temple and said he wouldn’t have done that unless he thought I was a keeper. He drove an hour to my house to install kitchen cabinet handles for me. He paid attention when I was talking and picked up that I enjoy ice hockey so he bought tickets to a hockey game for my birthday…and he just said he is “auditioning to be your boyfriend.” Pinch me! I’m dreaming! After all the losers and con artists, this guy is a breath of fresh air!
So happy for you. I'm experiencing the same thing. It's so nice to be chased rather than chase. It's really how it should be. It wasn't until I worked on my own self-worth and loving myself that I attracted him into my life. I feel so blessed. 🙏🏻
I am in love for you😍
I watch him doing things to get my attention, I've never chased a man it makes you look desperate,men can smell it a mile off,it's a turn off,it's nice to be casual around him, and i think he is around me,he is making an effort,and im pretty sure he did not like me talking to another man,it was his body language very subtle but i could tell,he is impressing me,i wasnt even looking for a man it's been 8 years so having to educate myself on all this
Good for you girl! Hoping it just keeps getting better!
Be careful, this can very well be love bombing (either out of malice or insecurity) and all of this can stop at any time he thinks you won't leave
Ladies - it's simple. Drop the handkerchief, so that he knows that he has a chance. But leave the pursuit up to him. And if he ever stops pursuing you, drop him immediately. That's not saying you don't have to do anything in the relationship, you do. But once a man feels like he can have you without doing any effort, you just reinforce his bad behavior. Men look to us, unconsciously often, to teach them how to treat us. Don't ever sink to his level. Always make him come up to yours, and if he doesn't, then someone else will.
That's how you get them... but then you start taking him for granted once you see he's into the chase and not you. It can get boring, too. These are the guys who whine their wives took half their wealth, if a man like this is capable of accruing it, which maybe if they're Hispanic or middle eastern.
Super agree! I onced dropped the handkerchief to the man i like, yes, i initiated first doing the first move. Everything is ok and smooth at first, but eventually, i got a news, he dated another girl. So now, i distant myself.
This approach along with not exhibiting any jealousy has been a winner in attracting and keeping men interested. Being self confident enough to know deep down that if they want to be with me, lucky them, if not…best of luck to them in their future love lives. Men can’t get enough of this.
How about disrespect of liking h o e s on instagram?
💯
This is so true
some men want a possessive women that’s a bit jealous but don’t want her to be problematic it’s weird
@@Godsfavoritefairy I think what men want is to feel wanted and desired.
My favorite is when they’re on a dating site and say they’re looking for a relationship, but they’re actually…completely emotionally unavailable.
😭 right, they tick those boxes and select the answers then sit behind the walls.
my favorite part is when women say they are fully mature and then they dig thru his phone, social media, computer bc they are paranoid and insecure, and they basically guilttrip the man into giving them attention and validation bc they cant figure out how to be an adult and find their own happiness. but yeah, unemotionally unavailability and all that 🙄
I've met 712,840 of those. Lots of time wasted! Not anymore!
I've learned that when they say they "want a relationship", the type of relationship that they are looking for is a sexual relationship with one person with no emotions or "strings attached".
Because this type of men thought they are looking for love, but they are just looking for someone to validate his ego to make up for his deep insecurity from childhood. They can not handle the actual love and feelings due to past trauma. People can only meet you as deeply as they meet themselves, so don't worry about these type of men or try to fix them. Instead go meet someone at your level.
THIS. THIS IS THE EXACT COMMENT I WAS LOOKING FOR. Thank God someone here has wisdom. Like literally I will give you so many chances until i feel like you're just playing with my boundaries and mercy for the lolz. Then you'll be cut off like you never mattered and I will look forward to the next best thing. Cuz TRUST there will be someone else who will live a far better life and can offer you more than the clown you just serrated. 😂❤
I always had the "we'll see" mentality when I was rotational dating
Completely unattached, open to getting to know men and I was fine with walking away because I knew if it didn't work out with one, all it meant was a better guy was coming along
The carefree attitude is so sexy
👏👏👏👑
❤
Hey,
Could you pls guide me.... I have started complimenting ppl now turned out the more I appreciated a man for wht he did for me the less he did for me... is it that I'm giving too much of compliments/ appreciation and should I just let it passby sometimes or is it some emotional attachment issues / trauma frm his end ( of behaving distant when someone is being good to u/ appreciating u for wht u did)
@@user-eo7bo7ct5dit’s hard to give advice when I don’t know any details! But it might possibly be you are over giving or trying too hard. Men will feel you are untrustworthy if it seems like you are giving more than they have earned. Maybe tone down the compliments a little and see what happens
I noticed you didn't tell the end of the story. Being sexy isn't the end.
In my 40s, I facilitated a study group that included men and women ages 26 to 75.
Over the years, every man in the group confessed his attraction to me.
Except, ....the guy that I was attracted to!
Life!
Lol what was this study group about
@@cutie13581 Bible Study! for singles.
Sods law lol been there in a similar way.
Maybe you were attracted to him BECAUSE he wasn't into you. Ego is a real subconscious thing.
@@cutie13581 funny
When a woman is confident, it's not for getting the men, it's for herself 😊
Unfortunately many times being guarded is mistaken with being confident.
Ahahahaha yessss that's true confidence then! ❤
This is cope
I think im going to die alone. I just can't handle dating now. It's so toxic, complicated and full of people playing games and being shady! So done. 😢
This is exactly why I don't feel sorry for men who complain about their cheating girlfriend, their nagging wife, etc. Only insecure men pursue such women. If you meet this type of guy then quickly cancel him. Really? He's turned off by your kindness and interest? Then he doesn't deserve you and gets exactly what he deserves with the women who don't respect him. Some of these relationship experts are so whack and completely wrong about men and women.
Exactly right. I have lost count of the men who have approached me with sarcasm, insults and general rudeness, and they expected me to return it as some sort of "challenge" to them.
I know of men who insulted my interests and as the years have gone by, I have learned to avoid them completely.
FACTS
@@kdphotos4691Same.
Secure women don’t care about what a man thinks. Start living for yourself first before you live to please a man. A highly intelligent and securely attached will make it easy for you to love and trust him because he really cares about you
❤love this
You just described me! Now, this was NOT me 5 years ago, but after years of deep introspection, research, therapy & healing, I'm not afraid of being alone anymore & as such, I have a very laid back mindset with dating. Men are honestly so attracted to a woman with a "Take it or leave it" attitude. The last relationship that ended in 2017 broke me. I rebuilt myself in the years since & NO ONE will ever break me romantically ever again. I'll be just fine regardless of my relationship status.
How did you manage to stop caring
What did he do in the relationship to make you feel that way? 😢 The “broke me so bad part”?
I was always the kind smart naive girl. The moment I set major boundaries…yea. This definitely works. When u care less, you also have time to get hotter and smarter (get that dream body and achieve all those goals mam 🎉)
@@HisaLight2mypath try to give self affirmation to yourself, in my case I keep repeating to myself that "I love myself more first, I'll protect my heart and I won't let anyone treat me less than I deserve". This work for me before going too deep with someone I'm seeing, to keep my feelings in check.
And you can also make a list of some things bad or you don't like about him (this help me moving on).
@@HisaLight2mypath Remind yourself that everything comes from hormones. It helps me. I'm feeling love and attachment?? My oxytocin is activated. I'm feeling physically turned on, or needy of their attention?? That's your/my dopamine. When I separate my conscious, logical thoughts from the emotion my hormones govern, it helps me rise above it. If I can understand the physiology, and even the psychology of attraction and attachment, I can understand where it all comes from and employ my ego - and tell myself - I am MORE than my hormones and triggers, and I can let go. I'm not saying it's easy. But it becomes EASIER when you can understand yourself and how you're wired.
Boundaries. Standards. Self esteem and self love. Yes! Yes! Yes! Having those things help you attract the right person for you!
Absolutly!!!!🙌
❤
I hate men that flirt with me. They're trying to skip the whole friendship part and jump into bed. Its a turnoff.
flirting is also a method through which we can assess whether or not psychical attraction exists within the other person towards us. Sex is an important part of relationships for many. Sexual tension can expedite forming a bond, even without doing the deed. A man that seeks a partner is best of finding someone he can flirt with ánd be friendly with, for some time without jumping right in bed. Conclusion: flirting isn't just for bedfun
Are you for real? You don't understand flirting is courtship and is not to skip anything! I am a woman and this mentality is going to get you a boyfriend who loves you and is not a match in bed for you! Believe me!
thanks for proving why feminism makes women miserable.
@yvonneschwartz3929 are you kidding. It is not courtship. Ive had men court me with flirting. What world do you live in. You must be talking about a perfect stranger.
@@Jen1112111 In the one everyone flirts as part of the process to develop any human relationship way before you decide or not to sleep with that person. Flirting is how you get to know if a men or a woman can become a team partner without putting them in a friend zone. If you go for friendship many people will never change that in the future. It is not always the result of friendship that you enter a serious relationship!
Yes this is exactly what's happened my whole life because being a nice girl, being honest doesn't get it. You have to act like you don't care. You have to act like they are not worth it and only give them token attention. When you do that for some reason they like you. I always feel that it's that they grew up dysfunctional and that's what they're used to
Mistake number 1: "you have to ACT". That means you're not being yourself to begin with and (most) men aren't stupid. As soon as they realise you're putting on an act, they'll either leave or lose interest. Not to mention that this "game" will tire you out, sooner or later. You either make it a MINDSET or forget about it and continue as you really are.
@@mariapap8962 AMEN! Glad someone said it! You beat me to it. No one, female OR male should feel like they have to "ACT" to get someone to like them. That's creating falsehood from the beginning& "All things hidden WILL come to light"
@@sidekickster8917 yes it's true. As I got older I became confident in who I WAS...and I learned that coworkers, family friends and others had to accept me as I am....nice honest and simple...not vivacious and alluring. Now it's the opposite...I'm alluring in my own way
That's usually a recipe for a disaster. Because if you're trying to play a game, once they win that game, they won't be interested anymore. So you just attract and play with people who are insecure. That's not really someone you'd like to create a healthy relationship with.
@@IEVAKambarovaite well thankfully I never became what they wanted...it was just the realization that men went for the vivacious ones...not the nice ones
I do this unconsciously. I’d a guy doesn’t reciprocate, I ignore them and move on. If men don’t respond or reach out after a date, I don’t try again. If a man does something disrespectful on a date, I cut it off immediately. If I catch him staring at other women or constantly on his phone, done. I’d rather be alone.
My ex bfs tried very hard and always chased after me, but later i was told i am an avoidant type in relationship - I focus on myself and dont get over excited by them.. it's attractive to men in the beginning but i found i had hardship to maintain a long term relationship with them. Now am learning to be "nice" to men :/ . I think it's quite important to be nice to men but in a smart way.
You be nice once a month. That's enough.
@@munix9351 😂
The skills it takes to get a good man is not the same as the skills required to keep him
That’s why hood women who are relationship oriented struggle initially bc they have to hook a man with a different mentality and behavior
You took this video the wrong way. He's not saying to act like you don't give a f, he's just telling us to not try hard, take things slow and know your worth. Nowhere in the video he told us to act nonchalant.
This. I always self sabotage
I have never been clingy or needy with a man. It allows them the freedom to want to do all the chasing, if they truly are that interested. Having sex right away, allows the man to check you off his list and onto the next. I value my time and my body. If a man don't respect that about me, we can just stop playing games.
Yes indeed and I feel that I need to start thinking more like you do. Very sensible and intelligent indeed
Forgot to say there's nothing wrong with a person valuing themselves.
It's very clear to me that men value themselves highly and we need to learn to do the same.
*Love the point about taking it slow.* I think when you're feeling confident within yourself, when you live a full life, when you know who you're, you're not rushing to blindly let someone into your life.
You take your time to see if you truly like this person, if you have shared values and a similar vision for the future.
Easier said than done really, but once you overcome your low self-esteem challenges, everything starts to shift.
Always an inspiration for my own channel. Loved this video!
No you don’t rush or take it slow. You do exactly what feels ORGANIC and true to you, in the moment because love and connections are about the moment.
You don’t need to take time to assess shared values of adults. It’s all in the actions, track record, relationships and words. If all are aligned, then values are clear and you only have to ascertain if they match yours.
@@Ashnesss speak for yourself. There's nothing wrong with taking it slow especially if thats what both parties want to do. There's no right or wrong way and you're not an expert.
That is so true! I do make an effort, but if i don't see reciprocity i'm out without any regret. I know my worth. Also, i am not affraid to get hurt in love. I try again...and know when to continue or not. Still, if men are not stable, honest or don't know what they want, nothing will make it work..
I'm finally there. Nice to meet you here on the other side of the river. Wasn't easy to come over here. Exhausted but happy!
Yes!!! Exactly!!
Simple answer. Women who doesn't chase she is in her feminine energy. And feminine energy never chase. That's why the men is attracted to her "feminine energy". The men sees she knows her worth. Simple Ladies. Don't chase.
It's very true, I have a friend and I tell her all the time that she is masculine in her energy but she doesn't get it. She also pays when she goes out with guys which I would never do.
I have one rule: When I feel that you are cold towards me, I go away🤣. I don't chase anyone.
I've learned in life that it's extremely important to master detachment and to treat people EXACTLY the SAME way they treat you so that you won't feel like you've given too much or too little. when a guy ain't moving to get me then okay lol bye bye. If one man diesnt love me then there's 100 out there that will feel blessed to even be within my radius.
lol mn hate overvalued stuff
i also adapted the tit for tat attachment way (mostly due to some trauma), and while this can work and is definitely a safe approach.. it really thins out your pool of potential partners. example: im trying to date a girl and am putting myself out there. She does say yes, but never strikes up convo or even tell me when shes free. I almost walked away because of this, but now realize that at this point - i shouldn't demand equality just yet. not yet
What he’s saying is so true! At least in my case. I’ve been in relationships, both long and short but I’ve never had my heart broken (not saying I wasn’t upset or it wasn’t hard) because if I saw a man is trying to play games and be elusive I was so out of there.
I hate games. Don’t wait 3 days (or whatever it is now) to call a person or respond to their text. If you like them act accordingly. But don’t be clingy at the same time. Get to know a guy, figure out what pace he is comfortable with and go with that at first. But never, ever waste your time on someone who can’t give you more than lukewarm. I’m honest and direct. I’ve always responded to men I was interested in, I didn’t ignore them, but I certainly didn’t chase them. Been married for over 20 years now and it’s still a similar dynamic: show plenty of interest but maintain your own space and sense of individuality.
Take everything you've ever learned or thought about "how to attract men" and throw it out the window. They got us ladies so young and it's tragic.
Start a whole new train of thought, instill it yourself and the young women you love.
Let's all try this, how bout....don't care what attracts men. Instead entirely focus on yourself and what you want and like. Do you want short hair? Wear short hair. Do you like working and having money, being educated. Owning your own home?? Do that. Don't want to wear makeup? Then don't. You really love blue eyeshadow and red lipstick? Do it up. Be authenticity you. Love yourself. And the right partner comes into you life. And if they don't. That's OK too. Because when you love yourself you tend to only then go for someone that loves you more and you got to spend this very precious time on earth being happy.
How many men do you think read magazines as teenagers to find ways to attract females? Do you think they spend any second watching videos online telling them what they need to do to attract women? Absolutely not. They just get to exist. Stop wasting your time on people who would waste theirs. And just exist.
We used to have to worry about it because once upon a time we weren't allowed to vote, make decisions on our own behalf, couldn't have our own bank account or be educated. That was a long time ago. Times have changed. We used to have to fight for a man affection because we needed a bread and butter. Those days are gone and so too should be "how to attract a man"
But I feel like I get ignored alot
Like recently in uni this guy I liked somehow we were in the same presentation group but then this other girl got me out of that just so they could be together I can't tell if she's being desperate or if he likes her too I saw them sitting together in the classes too weirdly enough she kinda looks like me and is the only other girl who wears glasses 🤧 he's rude at that's all I can say I don't have crush anymore
@@aena5995 well then, good riddance. You know how you make nice with a dog? you keep kibble in your pocket lol Youre in Uni?? thats great. you dont have time to keep kibble in your pocket. Focus entirly on your studies. That dude is too easily gotten. Dont focus on her desperation or whatever, look at the fact that he didnt say anything. Women become enemies over these guy when its the guys we should be holding accountable for their action or inactions.
you got an early preview of what it would be like with that particular person, consider yourself lucky. because there will always be those girls. dont buy into the whole, men cant help themselves. of course they can. If we keep saying that, dont we give them the ticket? of course they can help it. Women will hump your husbands leg with you standing right next to him. You want the guy who tells her to get off his leg.
@@MelodyT78 that is so freaking true he probably encouraged that but this other group "leader" girl got forced or convinced by this girl who's desperate that I should get replaced by her I wasn't really active on that WhatsApp group so I thought whatever but then that girl could have gotten into ANY other presentation group FFS why mine and why trying to "replace" me tf and yeah this guy didn't say anything next thing u know whenever he's sitting she sits right next to him lol idk if she's being desperate or if he likes her too but u r right I should focus on my studies this is too distracting tho 💀 when I was giving my introduction I had an awkward eye contact with this guy plus when it was my turn he started doing goofy things making sounds so definitely toxic type 🙄🙄 but damn I don't like this girl she always gives me the side eye when she's walking past me lol but u r so right about finding the guy who tells her to get off his leg 😬 it seems like this guy is just having fun lol
The point is , women who know her worth won’t try too hard.Would try , but if you take her for granted, leave.
If a man is serious it will only encourage him to embrace relationships. If he starts distancing or is not bothered, it's a sure sign to weed this man out.
A woman doesn’t try hard if he is not worth it. Simple as that🤷🏻♀️
Yep. Very true. I am a woman that doesn't care and I always have men running after me. I am just happy to be on my own and enjoy my own company. I had a good looking friend that ran after guys and they rejected her left and right.
This concept definitely applies towards women as well, just acting friendly towards women on dates and acting like you're catching up with an old friend works wonders. I genuinely require a bit of time to fully know how I do feel myself so, I'm not into the massive romantic gestures early on or trying to persuade somebody to like me when actually I am trying to figure out if I like them too!
Overall, this is just a healthy way to live and to navigate your romantic life.
That is so true. When we don't try to hard to please a guy we like and be ourselves they are more likely to like us and be interested in a relationship. It took me time to accept that. Until 30 I was trying too hard and it never worked out
It’s interesting… I have had three relationships in my 42 years, I was the one who made the first approach. I’m confident and have been told that it’s intimidating, but Men like to know that you’re interested. So if you’re clear that you like someone it makes it so much easier for something to happen. Thankfully I’ve been with my husband for a long time. I’m so glad I made the first move, he would never have picked up subtle signs.
Very simple advice to stop wasting time: ask a man you like things about himself, show interest in his person...if he talks about himself but doesn't ask you any questions...walk away.
Great advice. I’m just so tired of all this dating advice but the ones not listening to it need too!!! Dating is so ridiculously beyond confusing, every man and women is different. Either you’re gonna vibe or not, sick of the damn games, unhealed traumas, and perplexing attachment issues.
I totally agree!! You can't force a connection with somebody, either the spark is there or it's not. You should know just by talking with somebody, or going on a date or two with them if you see a future with them or not. For example, would you want a future with somebody with no ambition whatsoever, or who depends on others to much? You need to know what you want and don't want in a relationship. If you don't see yourself with that person, why waste your time? Also, to tell somebody to give it a chance is very bad advice. As I said, either there's a connection or there's not. People who give bad advice are probably the one's who are desperate and can't be alone themselves, so they push bad advice on others. Just my opinion.
@@jodizellmer994 what if there's a connection but there are issues sometimes? if 80% of the time things are going great and we're connecting well, is it worth dropping them for that 20%?
@@trapsenpai There's no such thing a perfect relationship, you're going to have some issues from time to time, BUT the two of you have to be willing to work on them together, to do that you have listen to the things that bother your partner without judging or putting them down. It's possible to offend somebody without realizing it, but how are they supposed to know that if you don't talk them? There's more to a relationship than just having a connection, if you truly care about somebody you also respect them, and care about their well being. If for example, when getting to know somebody, how is their work record? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with somebody with no ambition whatsoever, or who is just lazy in general? If not, then in my opinion that's NOT somebody I would want to spend the rest of my life with. These days living on one income is unrealistic for the majority of married couples, but a real man still makes sure his family is well taken of financially, even in the event something were to happen to him. Personally, the only way I would tolerate a husband not working is if there's a medical reason from a doctor saying he's unable to work. That would be totally different. If you see red flags almost immediately, then why would you pursue a relationship? Marriage is not going to make it better. Either there's a connection or there isn't. I guess some people have to experience being in a bad relationship before they understand. Some people choose to stay miserable in a relationship/marriage for years.
@@trapsenpai Also, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with somebody who's very insecure? Without trust a relationship is always going to have problems.
I stay in idgf mode and men flock to me.. I don’t go overboard to try and please I just be myself… I look at them as friends it really changes the dynamic and perception of what you think..
Yes I agree with you that men are extremely sensitive and it's a shame.
That immaturity and lack of control is causing harm to many women right now. You need to be telling men that being controlling is pure evil. ❤️
dating a guy that has twice misunderstood something I have said and assumed I said something negative. twice. its weird. makes me realize he's not enough if he goes straight to negative....esp. when I know I had no ill intention....so if he thinks he's not good enough, I suppose I should listen.
@@mmommo10there is truth to what you say, and you ofcourse don't have to like it and can leave. But I must say that many men don't get to practice being good enough. Its a skill you learn through positive feedback, which is what women don't give (see the above video why). This has consequences and your date is 'a' result
Another great video! It's true that you shouldn't have to pressure them. Instead, tell them what you want and need and be ready to walk away if they can't give it. ❤️
greatly explained, graet job, really . then comes relationship, sometimes a few quarells but lots of men think of sex... i don't know who taught them but it's like that, i think most of them or all of them. one even forced spanish fly drops on me, just how it feels for women? but i have to admit that the expereince was absolute top, top
It is too hard . Too many games and people can't just be honest. I give up with men as it is just a head ache.
What i realise after all that time is leave if the man you are dating is playing any mind games on you. Period
I totally agree with you. I never tried too hard to have a relationship with someone and the guy that I liked came to me and so other guys too. I was doing this on accident and it really worked! If I hadn't seen this video, I wouldn't have realised what I was doing. It's actually kind of funny!😂
Don’t waste your breath it’s all a matter of luck like the lottery.
Working on self worth and self respect will go long way. You can still be kind and hold your ground. Not having that attachment...that you *need* a partner in your life is impt. Be a person of substance. Always keep growing and learning. I like this video!
Honestly I think it depends on personality MBTI type as well as the individual's attachment style. I see this applying more to Avoidant Attachment-Style men (who pull away from people who get too close to them), but not so much those with Anxious Attachment Style. Men with Anxious Attachment Style actually probably like the women who try hard.
Good assessment
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽. You nailed it 👍🏼❤️
Definitely!
Interesting, but to be honest I don't want someone with anxious attachment style because I don't dven like that in myself, I used to have it and I was disgusted at how I was, so that's why I worked to now have a secure attachment style but I think it depends on anyone and their personality like you said, as an INFJ I feel like I want my space.
I just think, if you like someone, show your feelings, and if they play, shame on them, walk away, I refuse to play any games. I have a two message rule for friends and dates, I message once, no reply, could b any reason, no problem, I message twice, no reply, then block. No message is a message.
I find that the vibes you give off are really important. I personally, am not interested in a relationship and I believe that I emit that vibe because most men don’t bother with me 😃
My takeaway: “I don’t need you but I want you” kind of mindset makes a person attractive. Also, they have boundaries and they don’t try HARD for people simply don’t reciprocate!
I wish you would have more videos. You make me actually want to go out and date people unlike all the other YT Dating coaches! They make dating sound more stressful, you're the opposite. 💯
Such a perfect message! Anyone who’s been watching your videos should clearly understand the value in what you are saying. Thank you! ❤
Very good advice Brian! But usually we learn that hard way. Thanks for your effort to make our lives so much better
Brian, your advice is always spot on! Thanks for another great video!
Spot on as always!, Thanks Brian 💖
In my experience they’ll seem interested as in staring but never approach if you don’t approach them. It’s the women that initiate or chase that seem to actually get the men. The men that do approach with no inhibitions seem to be creeps, users, abusers
One of the best relationship videos I’ve ever seen! As one of the women you’re talking about I can confirm this is true!
Thank you so much.... I needed to hear this today Brian 👌🤗
Thank you. You are very genuine in your comments. You have said exactly what I did and walked away. I also told him I can walk away from any man and know I'll be okay. Which I am. 🤗
I have a close friend I've known for a couple of years now that I'd like to potentially be with. I try to maintain the mindset that if it's meant to be, it will, no rushing or forcing necessary. I have stopped wondering where it's going and instead just focus on having boundaries (e.g. I want a relationship not a fwb) and being secure about what I have to offer. Over time, I can see him evaluating me and getting more attracted. Still, I am not certain if he's the one for me even though I'd like to try. Not constantly worrying if he likes me and will choose me has been a godsend, and I can definitely see it has improved our relationship. Whatever our relationship is, it has respect, love, and most importantly, breathing room for both of us
That's a Good Approach; and you are Right in being Clear in what you truly want.
That's really fantastic, good luck to you !
Also, better not be waiting around. It's been a few years already. Make sure you're not letting him cloud your judgment as there are actually people who don't need a few years to find you lovable.
@STak-ju7gx oh I don't think that at all. I'm not waiting for him, or anyone for that matter. I'm perfectly happy being friends and either of us could meet someone at any time. It's not a case that we could have been together and he just doesn't like me, there are other factors. He's just someone in my life, that I grow to like more all the time. But he's certainly not the only person in the world I could feel that way about.
@muhcat Good! I thought I just had to put it out there. In what I know of having any kind of feelings for a friend for an extended period is that we might tell ourselves all sorts of stories about not waiting around, but these feelings can be insidious. Clouding our better judgment, unconsciously making comparisons and making other people seem less of an option, in essence our subconscious tries to stall for this person.
Since I don't know your case well, this might not be the case. But I am sharing for your awareness and evaluation. We ladies got to watch our backs and help each other any way we can.
Brian: I very rarely leave a comment, but you truly deserve one. You are one of the best relationships coaches I have ever appreciated and resonated with… your insight is very sharp and most meaningful of all I can hear until now…
Wise words, Brian! Hope all young ladies hear this. When I was a teenager and in my twenties I would pursue guys and give my power away. Gradually I learned the man should pursue and please me! You are awesome, Brian! Thank goodness for your books and these brilliant videos! ❤❤❤❤❤
Brian you’re brains! I love your videos! So much wisdom! And I needed this at this point God bless your heart🥰🌹
That is the exact reason why i don’t like male relationship coaches. First they tell a bunch of true words and then nonsense comes out. They seem like “helping women” giving them the game but really what it does is making desperate women more desperate and profit off of it. If you have a real father figure or someone who really looks at you like a daughter they will tell you the truth that you should never be the one-especially first- to ask out on a date or even text/talk. Never claim men’s responsibility in a straight relationship when you’re already experiencing disadvantages/responsibilites of being a woman. It’s a lose-lose game. It’s not feminism. It’s not having power. It’s not being free spirited. It’s just playing with yourself. You will end up losing yourself and your self esttem in those little doing everything and saying “but i don’t care” games. Because you WILL care once you did it all.
I play guitar in rock bands. I'm around a lot of people, more often than the majority of most people. So this means if you pick up a live performing skill, you have three things going for you:
1) more people around you, far more often than someone with a 'normal' lifestyle - it puts the odds in your favor
2) you will not need to express any interest - you can wait patiently, they will approach you
3) you boost your confidence when you perform live - because you're subjected to far more scrutiny of your appearance/demeanor/etc, and your confidence grows
I never approach women. If they don't show interest, nothing happens. I am 100% sure it's the same for female performers, because over the years, there have been female members in some of the bands I was in.
And one 'bonus' advantage you get: people have a natural curiosity about performers. I have ideas as to why, but I have experienced it. Part of the reason may be this: you're the center of attention, you are surrounded by the audience who have accepted you, so you're no longer a 'stranger', and that 'breaks the ice' for most people.
I tell people to do the following:
- learn an instrument or how to sing - pick a music style, start playing in bands
- or be a DJ
- or a rapper
- or a politician
- or a stage actor
- etc.
Once you actually try this, you will no longer need to approach anyone. The abundance of new people coming into your life is shocking. Most people do not know this, because the majority of people lead quiet lives. Good luck to you!
Absolutely amazing video. Definitely sharing it with a friend. You're spot on. I've made a lot of mistakes that you talked about but that was mostly because I needed to do a lot more work on my self.
this is why i dont date, men do not appriciate a good woman that will love them right and dont play games. A woman who has her shit together, who works hard and give him love and effection and treat man right, is considered boring. then these same men cry when women play games on them, do tricks and treat them cold and would say -why i cannot ever find a good woman.
So true.
Excellent! You always have very sensible, great advice.
This was so on point tysm..❣️
New subbie. This was a great video ❤️. I do find that being secure in yourself gives you natural swagger. 😎
Thank you. Also love your books ♥️
You’re awesome 👏🏽 Grateful you exist, thank you for your help! 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Amazing! I had to replay it 3 times because it was so good!
Excellent video Brian! ❤
Spot on! This guy is gold ❤
Thank you for all your videos! Life changing
Excellent insight!
Great! Thank you, Brian!
I have been watching you for about a year. I really enjoy your videos. I also love your given name. I can't pronounce it, but I love the way you say it.
Everything you had to say was so interesting and helpful! It's so manly for a man to pursue the women and womanly for a woman to allow herself to be pursued honorably! ⚘
Very interesting, I learned a lot with this video... about myself and about my exes
Great point and explanation. Subscribed.
The way you explain things are so beneficial thank you 🙏
I am confident but kind, maintain my boundaries, but am welcoming and curious. I never, EVER get approached by men. My friends say that men notice me and stare all the time but that I am "intimidating" (I never see them so I don't know if I believe them) I also have had guy friends from high school admit that they had crushes on me...but they never said anything because they were too scared. I don't understand what gives people the impression that I'm "scary" or "intimidating" I'm a positive person with a good sense of humor, and am friendly, etc I dont know how to fix this so I just stay single🤷
I can totally relate to this..
Maybe deep down inside you want a partner for yourself and guys can sense that somehow. I think guys are mostly attracted to women who don’t even want anyone in their life and fully focused on their own self-development and happy with being alone. I know this is paradoxical but that's how things often work out...when we totally give up the thoughts of being with someone and instead start working on our personal self-growth, then we get approached by men more and more. And when that happens, make sure to choose the one who matches your standard. Until then, enjoy your own company and make each of your day meaningful.
I don't know either and I don't attempt to understand a guys thought processes 😆 but I legit think these guys are waiting for the women to make the first move. Fear of rejection maybe? Laziness? Already in a r/ship? Who knows. Plenty of reasons
you are not that beautiful that's why they think the risk of approaching is not worth it.. you can be more friendlier with men to minimize the risk.. then they will feel less intimidated and will approach
@@farahfarzana8752 This is spot on. If you have good observational skills you know why. I figured this out by forcing myself to focus on it, as follows:
- how many different friends have I had since grade school? How many am I still in contact with?
- how many times have I moved when the current place was actually fine?
- how many times have I bought a new vehicle when the current one ran fine?
- how often do I buy new clothes?
- do I still eat the same foods as from 10 years ago?
And the clincher: Would I take a vacation to the same city, visit the same tourist spots, stay in the same hotel, eat at the same restaurant, for 2 years? 10 years? 20 years?
*_Humans thrive on variety_* - and I suspect we subconsciously undermine anything that is 'the same.' You said "I think guys are mostly attracted to women who don’t even want anyone in their life" and the reason is (I suspect) most of us like variety not just in clothes, homes, cars, vacations, friends, etc. - we like variety everywhere, in all relationships too. I think the proof for us is, the average marriage in the U.S. lasts 7 years. In this time, we may finally be getting to the realization that LTR should not be the common expectation.
So I think you are spot on. I learned that over 90% of all mammal species (humans being mammals too) do not have a fixed, constant partner. So I don't think it is NATURAL, this idea of 10, 20, 40, etc. years of a single partner. I thank you for your comment.
This one came just in time 😊 Thank you! 😊
This is GOLD 💛
Thank you
😊 great video, thank you so much!!!
This really helps me a lot. Thank you so much! 🙏❤🥰
Great analyses and advice. Wish I had been able to listen to someone like you 60-some years ago. 😅
Ok you win I’m subscribing. Why? Killer advice without being psychologically abusive. And in the end, when you said, I love it when you stay to the end of the video as a fellow creator, and that was pretty awesome I could not drive after hearing that I know the work that we go through so kudos man thanks.
Brian! U r brilliant ! I really agree and love your words
Thank you for this extraordinary explanation ❤
Well said!
Killer explanation about the taxi and not experiencing anything. This is my problem fear of abuse not hurt only but abuse.
Simply put: Men crave to be rejected. They believe they must earn love. And they always wonder why they‘re single or get rejected.
The ones they could have, they don‘t want.
This is very powerful.....it made me have all my power back....
This is Accurate and i love the video and honestly being a young woman my worth and drive come from inside and power I have now its not about the past and there's always someone who will respect and love me for me and i think trying so hard to prove And please other people isn't worth it to me And being angry and upset about little things don't To me no more and I don't wan to play mind games with no one In my life and am glad am moving forward And stepping out of my shell And let him go .😊
GEERT, YOU MAKE ME LAUGH ! Please continue doing that !
I'm totally agree with this topic.
Amen. I’m becoming this woman daily !!!❤🎉❤🎉❤
This is gold
Great advice! Thank you.