What If You Can't Detransition?
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- Опубліковано 1 сер 2024
- What if I couldn't detransition? Would I be able to live happily as a trans guy?
Welcome to ALA #4. RIP Ask Elle Anonymously, it was too hard to say.
Question timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:46 If you couldn't detransition would you be miserable, or would you keep living as a man?
9:49 How did you deal with emotional backlash from family and friends?
15:57 Outro
Sorry I just kind of fell off the face of UA-cam for awhile. It's been hard to for me to sit down and talk lately, in all aspects of life. I've been creative in other ways, but I'm getting ready for some big life changes, and I think those will help bring some creativity back into my videos. Thank yall for sticking around.
Patreon: / ellepalmer1
Soundcloud: / elle-palmer-294180108
Twitch: / laulypop
Twitter: / ellepalmer1
Instagram: / ellepalmer1
Email (BUSINESS ONLY): ellepalmer99@gmail.com
Hello! I'm Elle. I'm a 20 year old woman who thought I was a man for 5 years. FtMtF detransitioner. I like to talk about the mistakes I've made, and how things will get better.
Sorry I just kind of fell off the face of UA-cam for awhile. It's been hard to for me to sit down and talk lately, in all aspects of life. I've been creative in other ways, but I'm getting ready for some big life changes, and I think those will help bring some creativity back into my videos. Thank yall for sticking around, I'll always be here.
❤️
You really don't have to justify having a mini-break from making videos. Look after yourself first
off subject........ but your gorgeous girl
It is lovely to watch you mature. I wish you the best. Give God a chance. Much love!😊
You’re worth the wait! Keep the videos coming!
There’s a saying i found that was helpful to me in a certain situation. (A relationship)
Don’t hold onto a mistake just because you spent a long time making it.
I’m going to agree, most family and friends who truly love you, will want you to be happy and will want the best for you.
As a mom, I know that’s how I feel about my kids. Whatever they do in life I want them to be happy, I always wish the best for them. I am there to support them and love them.
Agreed!
I absolutely love your channel! I am not even transgender/a destransitioner.
You are just such a lovely soul, and a fresh, honest perspective.
I don't know what it is about your voice, but it is so comforting.
And when I manage to stop getting caught up on how pretty you are, and I listen to what you say, you seem very intelligent (Did that sound weird?..I hope not😂)
I love you and your videos!
Rant over 😂
X2!!!
You may have felt that transitioning was the best thing to do when you started, but you later found it was not going to make you happy. Detransitioning has made you happy even though you are still questioning your actions before, during and after. But you have to be the person you truly want to be. I feel that you are there. Most importantly, don't try to fit in with other people. The only acceptance you need is your own. 💙
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I should think that de-Transition is equal to Transition - talking about your decision with family and friends, changing ID, making arrangements at work or school or going elsewhere, withdrawing from cross hormones.
This is why it is important for people who Transition to fully explore all their motivations, their concept about sex and Gender, their orientation. To delay all irreversible surgeries til they are absolutely certain.
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@ SharonAnne N Amen. And don't be pressured into anything by anyone.
There was this really old song my nana liked "you can't please everyone so you've gotta please yourself" and this reminded me of her. Great video as always! ❤
Elle you’re so intelligent and this might sound weird but I love the way you think! 💗
By chance, I stared watching your videos' cause I have to listen English every single day for keep the fluence. I'm mesmerized with your courageous in share everything about your life in details. I really admire you. When somone is able to cope its own uncertainties, without lying or pretending, showing exactly who is, for me, this is the highest point that a human being can reach in terms of maturity and reliability. Your detransition goes beyond of the contexto, even going through a hard time, the glow that comes from your inner makes you a special person beautiful in all aspects.
For sure, you make all the girls arround over the world very proud.
Congratulations for leaving behind all those sttufs that didn't make you feel complete and happy.
Love and Blessing from Brazil.💞
Elle, I’ve been watching you from the beginnings of your videos. I am so impressed with your ability to express your thoughts in clear thoughtful ways. I have children around your age and I want you to know that your discussions are so valuable. Thank you. I have a distant family member who is transitioning and your talks have given me great insight.
I think you are so courageous, real, and have a purpose now that will be a lifeline for so many living in limbo.
Bless your heart and journey 💝
I think it’s great that you have this Channel to speak to young people about detransitioning. Keep up the good work! You are probably helping out more people than you know. 😊👍🏻
Yo I feel like your voice was a lot higher in this video girl!! But u sound just fine however u sound 💗💗💗
>so what if you can't detransition?
Elle- do it anyway
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Unless I heard you wrong, Trans is NOT a ‘choice’, nor is Transition a ‘choice’.
Gender is who we are. We are Trans when our mind, our sense of Gender Identity conflicts with our biological anatomy. Trans people comprehend their Gender Identity along the same time frame as Cis people, unfortunately their family commonly imposes irrational forces against their Trans child. Thus, Transition is an inevitable imperative.
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Excellent advice. Never go against your own needs. An old friend told me, not about transitioning or de transing but about my mother and then bf not wanting me to move to CA, “You owe to no one your certain unhappiness for their uncertain happiness.”
❤ your rants and talks genuinely make me happy
Wowowow your voice got so so much higher ! I just watched your first video and the difference is so huge Congrats Elle 🥳🥳
Thank you for sharing. Your openness and honesty is deeply appreciated.💜
You are beautiful in so many ways, Elle. I admire your perseverance in finding your true self and the contentedness that you deserve.
I think you are very brave and well spoken, thank you so much for sharing your story here on youtube.
Thank you as always for your testimony and compassionate advice Elle
the way you described you feeling like you had control over your body sounded exactly like i felt in my eating disorder. Do you think there are many people who turn to transitioning for this reason?
I would really love of you wrote a book! You are absolutely inspiring and brave!!❤
You are beautiful! I find you attractive and I am a straight woman. I had a dream about dating a trans man last night. Detrans or trans, what lies inside can never be destroyed. Keep shining.
I missed you, Elle 😊❤️
Elle you should vlog a day In your life or just vlog in general it would be so interesting to see.
My hair is huge for me as well and I was upset when it’s long now finally and starting to fall out- but I honestly really love the way I look and am perceived I even liked myself as a female and that’s the first time I’m admitting this- I thought I looked good either way. I’m much more comfortable as a man so I don’t know what the cards hold for me but thanks for making this video
Please tell me these aren’t the same thoughts most detransitioners start out with......
I feel you, I really tried to be attractive before I transitioned and I think I looked good as a female but I feel even more attractive and more like myself as a guy. I’m also growing out my hair and don’t care to present macho so when Elle first came on youtube that gave me a detrans scare for hot minute but I quickly realized I wouldn’t want to go back at all, I see myself as a long haired guy and that’s fine, I just wanted an out to stop comparing myself to other guys but I would much rather be a nonconforming guy with insecurities than the dissociated, depressed, angry shell of a person trying to be a woman I was before. But that’s just me, if you did end up realizing you want to detransition that is perfectly okay!
So glad you are finding peace. You are a beautiful
You cuttiepie💜💜💜 love your videos, they way you tell your story, thanks for sharing
Does your family (or the ones who truly love you) have to accept everything?
(Thanks for the video Elle, it was very nice and interesting!)
I want to detransition and I’ve had a baby since transitioning. Was on hormones for 3 years and now 4 years off. I’ve also gotten married since my transition to a gay man and I’ve had top surgery. I feel like it’s too late for me to go back even though I really want to. There’s too much pressure and I’d lose everything. I made a mistake when I was a teenager when I should’ve had a good therapist to help me realize it was my childhood trauma that made me think I was trans when I wasn’t. But I thought I knew everything. So now...I’m stuck.
Oh fuck.
So you were a woman who became a man but had a baby because you still had a uterus? Now you are a gay man because you are attracted to to men? Therefore you are a woman attracted to men?
Your voice is getting much more feminine :)
It’s true! My ears are very sensitive to pitch and tone. Her voice has definitely changed since she first stopped T. I find it fascinating! Lol
Stephanie Runcie she’s voice training now I think, she’s doing so well!
I’ve been subscribed for a while. I’ve been very interested in gender theory for almost ten years. I am a bio woman in her late 30s. I feel a kindred spirit with detranstioners ftmtf because I felt a lot of the same feelings in my teens that trans people feel. I have learned over a loooong period of time that I can be a woman that has a lot of masculine qualities.. I have also embraced the feminine qualities of myself as well (which I used to despise that part of me).
As much as I completely support people transitioning.. I do question that the only way to deal with gender dysphoria is to transition. In fact some people end up detransitioning because it didn’t really “fix” but rather “mask” the problem.
Knowing that I was able to move forward without transitioning.. I feel like I have a unique perspective.
I have a question if you feel it may be appropriate: I was wondering if you have thought about the similarities between people who get a lot of plastic surgery thinking that it will fix their problems and those thinking that changing genders will fix their problems?
Thanks for your authentic view and perspective.
Fr, when Elle said transition is a ‘choice’, as a trans guy I don’t really agree with that, unless in the context of choosing to either live as myself or die trying to live as cis. I have much sympathy for detransitioners though, and that’s why I think it’s important to say to people that they need gender dysphoria to be trans. The way I distinguish between someone who wants to transition because they are trans vs someone who wants to transition for some other reason is this hypothetical question: If you were stranded alone on a desert island, would you rather be your assigned gender at birth, or the gender you identify as? I personally think I would still feel like a male and have dysphoria, even when stranded on a desert island with much bigger issues, such as finding food and water and shelter. It’s such a big thing in my life, and I just wish I was cis. Like if anyone can find a cure for my dysphoria that isn’t transitioning, I’d be all over it like a rash lol
Are there any popular culture trans people that was a huge motivating factor in your initial transition? Or did your inspiration for transitioning come mostly from yourself or a trans community?
Hi Elle, I think you are correct. You cannot live your life for anyone else. To transition and then detransition must be some of the hardest decisions to make. But definitely true if you have the love of family, then that is probably the most important bulwark for whatever decision you make.
So I popped in as soon as I got the notification and I noticed immediately that my brain knows this is a woman and has a hard time understanding that you had been dude-identified or dude-passing, ever.
Asserting control over one’s life or destiny isn’t inherently wrong. Choosing or deciding to detransition is also a form of asserting control over an aspect of your life that was going in one direction, changing it to another. If that’s one thing you learned and used from transitioning - the act of taking control, I’d say, give transition some credit. It’s easy to look back and say it was all bad and think you’re doing a complete 180 degree now, but if you notice there was some useful life strategies in changing your life the first time that you will continue to use even as you detrans.
In fact, I don’t think anyone ever detransitions without taking their life into their own hands or taking control. So it’s all about how you use it.
Thanks for making just the video I needed to see, and I’m rooting for you, Elle.
Unconditional ❤️
I haven’t watched many of your videos, only a few, so I’m pretty sure you’ve answered this question in a video before, but when you detransitioned, did you change back to your birth name, or did you choose a completely new female name?
Happy you’re back! I have a friend who is 55, started T in 1999. He’s totally male looking, had top surgery, not bottom, is mostly bald. He’s not happy, hasn’t had a partner in years (he’s bi). When he lowers his T he becomes depressed but the T has given him hypertension. He was born in a state that doesn’t allow changing sex on the birth certificate so he’s had ID issues. It’s sad, he’s very lonely.
She.
@@unruffledaria9643 if you agree with the transitioning of children you need to stay away from them.
Serene Singing what do you know? I’m FTMTFTMTF and first transitioned in 1982-3.
Serene Singing = trøll profile.
NHMO OYTIS
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The 1990s was hardly a Dark Ages of Trans and Transition.
Perhaps that person should have taken more time exploring their Gender, their sexuality, and all the ramifications of Transition.
Didn’t he pay attention to his medical team? Testosterone makes the patient go bald. F-M bottom surgery is not very good; finding a partner becomes difficult. Changing legal documents is complicated at many jurisdictions.
Two decades have elapsed. Why has he not de-Transitioned? Why does he not de-Transition now? Age 55 is still young.
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You are just so adorable!
Love u from argentina!
Tbh I thought you looked feminine in your first video but every video you put up, you can absolutely see your detransition. I love watching your journey
Hi Elle. I'm just curious as to why you did not opt to have Top surgery. Was it because your breasts were so small that it wasn't an issue being a trans male or had you just not gotten that far into your transition where you were ready to do the top surgery. Or whatever your answer is I'm very interested because most trans guys within 3 years have had Top surgery I'm just curious where your head was at. Also do you ever answer any of your comments do you read your comments?
'What would you do if you couldn't have detransitioned..'
3:55
Speaks absolute VOLUMES!
Look after your children. Don't listen to the crazy far lefties, use your common sense and experience.
Good luck Elle. You're making incredible sense and great progress. I think your buggest thing is confidence. You have VERY feminine eyes and mannerisms. You just look like a girl to me.
Are you saying actual trans people don't require medical transition? Because that's what it's sounding like....
No, I don't think so. What I get is that she is saying that today so many people are transitioning that it can't be something they are all born with and that for most of them it is a choice.
there’s so many TERFy people in the comments too, and she hasn’t addressed the fact that her videos attract terfs
Check her Twitter lmao she's super transphobic
youre great
I can actually see you "transforming" back into a real cutie since your first vid 🤭 actually... You're closer to my "ideal" than you were before your transition. Don't regret what you've gone through. It's a part of you.
The idea of getting backlash from family for wanting to detransition is baffling to me. Transitioning, sure, but detransitioning? I'd think they'd be relieved.
One can only speculate, of course, but I've heard and read about parents *really* wanting their lesbian daughters to go on T due to their homophobia. This has been mentioned by several ex-employees of the Tavistock Clinic in the UK. They didn't think it was at all ethical to sterilize gender non-conforming children with drugs like "puberty blockers" and T (because it's not!). Of course, it doesn't have to be all about homophobia. I can imagine that people who have been through immense changes WRT how they interact with a loved one might suffer from a feeling of "sunk costs". It's not fair or reasonable but it's understandable.
I think they’d be confused.
@@lidahall5928 I absolutely agree with you. Many parent enablers of trans kids are homophobic.
A friend who detransitioned said her mum was extremely supportive hahha
I think it would have to do with a social aspect. Some families don’t want to disclose with others that someone did something incorrectly. Like say if a kid goes to a university and parents talk about it with their friends, then that kid gets kicked out. They’re not gonna bring that up. Or they’re afraid about the hormonal aspects of what you’ll get regarded as because of the time spent on hormones. Because it’s socially negative idt parents would want to share that aspect. Some people also probably feel like they’re being “misled” and would get I guess angry because the parents might’ve just gotten around to acceptance? Just thinking aloud here but those could be some possibilities?
Hey hey
Please show us your creativity.
I really feel for those people who have gone through surgeries to have their gonads removed, realize they made a mistake, and then realize that they can't go off of hormones because their body now does not make hormones.
By the way, it's impossible for me right now to imagine you as a man.
I miss you
Dr Dyer would say at the time you needed to transition and it was right and it taught you things about yourself..then it was RIGHT to detransition at the time that you did...any guilt over transitioning then is unfounded guilt
How are you doing today
I imagine that a " You were right, I was wrong" should do it.
You’re sooo beautiful ~
Your voice has changed.
It was an elective decision.
I wanted to speak about this with someone: Recently a famous youtuber who is trans guy announced to his audience that he was no longer on testosterone. From what I know he did that to stop some unwanted effects such as acne. He's been off of T for a couple of months now and I can't help but think that that sounds very... reckless?? Like he wants to be a trans guy still, he just decided to stop taking testosterone and I think that shows how there isn't enough information about the process of taking hormones as a trans person and how cautious and responsible you have to be with it. And on top of that I'm not gonna lie I thought that maybe he has been having doubts about his identity and wants to detransition but doesn't want to say it because of the backlash he will receive (also his whole online persona and his income comes from being a gay trans guy so...)
End of rant lmao I just wanted to share my thoughts here 👀
Whooo is this
Ryan??
@@garax1548 i think they mean miles mckenna
It’s safer to stop hormones cold turkey than to continue them long term, assuming he still has his ovaries. Short term T to alleviate dysphoria should be an acceptable option, as the permanent effects from that may be enough for some.
What is the best advice for guy like myself who likes trans women and want to date trans women in the future
She is a biological female, transwomen are male so she won't be able to tell you what transwomen want.
Gender dysphoria isn’t a choice. Having a male/female brain isn’t a choice. Getting on hormones is a choice. You came off wrong to a lot of people. Next time, specify.
You were raised well young man. One day you’ll find a nice gay man to give you company, and you can both cuddle your beards together; as men. Much love, Matt.
You are way off, buddy.
She is a woman and she was assigned female at birth
Try not to be a dick, Matt.
@@namikotv8562 no she wasn't she became female at fertilization. Nooone is "assigning" babies at birth, believe me I grew and gave birth to 3 and we knew their sex before birth.
Elle, I really appreciate your videos. The topics you talk about are super important and super neglected. I'm a trans guy, but I've always wondered if I could've been happy as a woman. I started T at 15, and I really wished I wouldve waited. I'm happy the way I am, but your videos hopefully will help people like me who are struggling with confusion :)