I think I get it. Often if I express my emotions, they still are misinterpreted. And I really hate that feeling and having to explain myself to no avail, so I'm just either stone faced or hidden behind infinite layers of sarcasm and irony. But I actually feel way too much most the time, they'd just never know for some reason. I am extremely empathetic, yet people never seem to be able to do the same when it comes to me, making me feel even more alien and alone. It's a constant struggle, high highs and low lows, but talking about it makes me feel invalid.
I think a lot of people have trouble understanding plain English. I don't like piling on the sarcasm layers. It confuses me. Sometimes I can't tell whether they're playing along or think I'm serious, which means I don't know what they're really saying. When I'm being sarcastic or ironical, I only put one layer and make sure it's obvious. A lot of the time if I know they're not going to understand no matter how much effort I (or we, because maybe they're actually trying too -- maybe) put into it, I just skip to the end and say something like, "You're not going to get it. We've been down this road," or, "I'm too tired to explain." I used to just keep things to myself instead of trying to say how I feel and maybe wind up things like what I was just quoting. Keeping it to myself is easier in the short term (and often also in the long term). Sometimes I decide someone's worth some risk or effort.
I'm the same, think I've masked so much that I think its deep in my subcontious now and do it automatically. Is a good way of explaining how some of us feel emotions too, is like our emotional volume knob has been broken off and we feel it full force xD
Re: emotional awareness, Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way suggests "Morning Pages", a daily journalling practice which I've found so effective that it's the one thing I've actually stuck to doing every day, for decades: three pages of longhand stream of consciousness writing first thing in the morning. 👍👍
I don't really feel comfortable showing my emotions in front of other people. I feel self conscious and sort of embarrassed about them. I also feel in an all or nothing way, so I'm reluctant to engage with a feeling because I know I'll be sucked into it, and it can be quite painful. I sometimes have a safe person to show my emotions to... it's usually a boyfriend. But generally, I prefer to be emotional, especially sad, alone. Great video! 😊
I totly understand you I've allways been classed of over sensartive with my emotions and like you when my mum passed aay and when my brother passed away. People though it was strange i didnot cry. I just gt on with sorting stuff i needed to do
I'm quite overly rational with some of my emotions (which is different from 'rationalizing' emotions where you TRY to feel logically but having it pan out in a dysfunctional way). When my grandmother passed away, about a month ago, I didnt feel sad, but I had a sense of 'mild' shock (related to a discomfort with sudden change) and overwhelming emotions of empathy for the emotions of my dad, my uncle and my grandfather especially, who had a very viceral reaction. I'm not saying that I never have existential thoughts, but an old person passing in their sleep doesn't stir up that much grief in me, as it seems so natural. I miss my grandmother of course, but I don't have an internal resistance to her passing. On another hand, I feel a deep sense of grief for human trafficing victims, for example. And I feel enormous second hand pain for people who has been betrayed by a partner, even if I dont particularly like the person. These are things makes my emotions sink, even when brought up in passing and I hate when they are trivialized in conversation. Don't think it would be uncommon for a neurotypical to react the opposite way of how I would react to the things I've written above. To bawl over a diseased relative because they struggle to accept their passing, but to feel emotional distance to the other cases as they are removed from them. Maybe I'm being judgemental and unnecessarily so, but these are my experiences. I also feel like I am more easily moved (and manipulated) by people close to me rather than persuaded by mass movements of voices telling me what to feel, whereas with neurotypicals the emotions of the masses have a greater effect on them than the people in their lives, which again, might be an unfair characterizarion, but I've noticed that a lot of people dont belive that the emotions of people are genuine or valid unless they've been TOLD that they are and everyone seems to agree, such as with neurotypical emotions or the marginalized status of groups or peoples.
My therapist recently asked me when was the last extended period of time where I felt happy. I don't have one. Not in a sense of months or years. I think he's insinuating that that's not normal, and that I'm chronically depressed. And maybe I am... I'm willing to engage in that logic, but I don't think so. Because I have really high moments. I've also been through hard depression a couple of times and that just feels different than my baseline. I think, like you said, most of the time I'm at the baseline. And then something will happen and I'll be super happy. Or I'll start thinking about how confusing and non sensical things are and I'll get super sad and break down. And then I'll be up and going again. I also relate to getting over arguments easily after an apology. I find it hard to keep one emotion for too long. I know my brother's girlfriend, whenever they had a fight, she would hold a grudge or not be able to get over it for days! She would sleep and get up mad again. And that's just not something I can relate to at all. It feels like my emotions are in these kid drawing boards with the magnets, where you just swipe and have a clean slate again. It doesn't mean I can't logically know I've been wronged, and be... not in good terms with a person, but after a short while I just can't feel the heat of that emotion. I think my family used to (honestly they probably still do, and friends as well) take advantage of that. Because I can't hold the appearance of anger or sadness for too long, they think the emotion isn't there, and it's all forgiven and forgotten. The minute I get distracted by something or someone makes a remark and I laugh, it's like "see, you're not angry anymore, you're fine." They'd tickle me and call it good because I couldn't bring myself to scowl after laughing from being tickled. Now that I type this out, I realize that's pretty shitty. It shows we have a long long ways to go to understand autistic emotions, how they are felt and how they present on the outside. It's so shitty the assumptions society makes about us because they can't see, because we can't express our inner world in the ways they expect.
That's not just ignorance of things related to autism. Thinking that someone, autistic or not, can be mollified by tickling them is incredibly stupid and disrespectful.
@@thethegreenmachine Yeah but I think the reason it worked for me is because I really couldn't bring the appearance of the previous emotion back on. So in their head it worked, I was better now. But my dad is generally blind to things that aren't immediately obvious. Even when I am depressed, as long as I'm not crying and breaking down every moment and I get out of bed... I'm fine in his head.
The thing you mentioned about new information from a genuine apology creating a rapid change in emotion reminds me of something I heard a different autistic creator say (not sure which one). They described autists as being information driven and that informing our emotions, compared to NTs who are more driven by emotions that influence what kinds of information they retain and how they interpret it. That was a long sentence, hopefully it makes sense!
I think because of alexithymia, I’m not able to identify my emotions until they’re “big enough” for me to really notice - oh, yeah, this is distinct and different, what is this? But otherwise, I always feel “fine.” My therapist says “fine” is not actually an emotion. I think feeling neutral like that all the time is just existing below the threshold of my alexithymia. The emotions are actually there, but I struggle to identify them.
@@DanaAndersen it’s weird, because my friend will be like, “doesn’t it make you angry that this thing happened?” And at no point have I “felt” angry or expressed anger, but logically, I know that I am, and if you get me talking about it, I might even say, “yeah, I’m really pissed I have to deal with this bs. It’s completely ridiculous.” Which might come out in a neutral tone, or it might turn into a frustrated rant, that feels like it comes out of no where, because until I was prompted to reflect on it, it wasn’t really on my radar.
You cannot ignore your emotions. From what ive been learning in therapy, you are most likely just burying your emotions, and then when something bad happens, you are more likely to explode. You have to address how you are really feeling. Your mood might be caused by an event that happened hours, days, weeks or months ago. That's why when you suddenly feel really happy or really sad or angry, it really didn't come from 'nowhere', you've just been ignoring your mood until you end up feeling it one day a bit more than usual. Sounds cheesy, but I recommend looking at a picture of one of those 'emotion wheels' and keeping it in a visible place in your room. Journaling also helps, as long as you do it as soon as possible after an event that shifts your emotions.
I think I get it. Often if I express my emotions, they still are misinterpreted. And I really hate that feeling and having to explain myself to no avail, so I'm just either stone faced or hidden behind infinite layers of sarcasm and irony. But I actually feel way too much most the time, they'd just never know for some reason. I am extremely empathetic, yet people never seem to be able to do the same when it comes to me, making me feel even more alien and alone. It's a constant struggle, high highs and low lows, but talking about it makes me feel invalid.
I think a lot of people have trouble understanding plain English.
I don't like piling on the sarcasm layers. It confuses me. Sometimes I can't tell whether they're playing along or think I'm serious, which means I don't know what they're really saying. When I'm being sarcastic or ironical, I only put one layer and make sure it's obvious. A lot of the time if I know they're not going to understand no matter how much effort I (or we, because maybe they're actually trying too -- maybe) put into it, I just skip to the end and say something like, "You're not going to get it. We've been down this road," or, "I'm too tired to explain." I used to just keep things to myself instead of trying to say how I feel and maybe wind up things like what I was just quoting. Keeping it to myself is easier in the short term (and often also in the long term). Sometimes I decide someone's worth some risk or effort.
I'm the same, think I've masked so much that I think its deep in my subcontious now and do it automatically. Is a good way of explaining how some of us feel emotions too, is like our emotional volume knob has been broken off and we feel it full force xD
For me my parent would always yell at for crying or have a meltdown and then telling me that I'm "kidding" or saying that I'm "too old to cry".
At subscriber milestones like 10,000 creators often ask for questions, then make a Q&A video answering some.
Re: emotional awareness, Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way suggests "Morning Pages", a daily journalling practice which I've found so effective that it's the one thing I've actually stuck to doing every day, for decades: three pages of longhand stream of consciousness writing first thing in the morning. 👍👍
I don't really feel comfortable showing my emotions in front of other people. I feel self conscious and sort of embarrassed about them. I also feel in an all or nothing way, so I'm reluctant to engage with a feeling because I know I'll be sucked into it, and it can be quite painful. I sometimes have a safe person to show my emotions to... it's usually a boyfriend. But generally, I prefer to be emotional, especially sad, alone. Great video! 😊
That explains things well. Thank you.
I enjoyed realising the distinction you made here: being in one emotion Only- solidly and suddenly! Relatable
Yes. That sudden whoosh of intense emotion.
It's that Edward Cullen under the table? It scared me for a second 😅
I think the extremes with no inbetweens (aside from flat neutral) might have something to do with fatigue. That's how it feels to me.
I totly understand you I've allways been classed of over sensartive with my emotions and like you when my mum passed aay and when my brother passed away. People though it was strange i didnot cry. I just gt on with sorting stuff i needed to do
I'm quite overly rational with some of my emotions (which is different from 'rationalizing' emotions where you TRY to feel logically but having it pan out in a dysfunctional way). When my grandmother passed away, about a month ago, I didnt feel sad, but I had a sense of 'mild' shock (related to a discomfort with sudden change) and overwhelming emotions of empathy for the emotions of my dad, my uncle and my grandfather especially, who had a very viceral reaction. I'm not saying that I never have existential thoughts, but an old person passing in their sleep doesn't stir up that much grief in me, as it seems so natural. I miss my grandmother of course, but I don't have an internal resistance to her passing. On another hand, I feel a deep sense of grief for human trafficing victims, for example. And I feel enormous second hand pain for people who has been betrayed by a partner, even if I dont particularly like the person. These are things makes my emotions sink, even when brought up in passing and I hate when they are trivialized in conversation. Don't think it would be uncommon for a neurotypical to react the opposite way of how I would react to the things I've written above. To bawl over a diseased relative because they struggle to accept their passing, but to feel emotional distance to the other cases as they are removed from them. Maybe I'm being judgemental and unnecessarily so, but these are my experiences. I also feel like I am more easily moved (and manipulated) by people close to me rather than persuaded by mass movements of voices telling me what to feel, whereas with neurotypicals the emotions of the masses have a greater effect on them than the people in their lives, which again, might be an unfair characterizarion, but I've noticed that a lot of people dont belive that the emotions of people are genuine or valid unless they've been TOLD that they are and everyone seems to agree, such as with neurotypical emotions or the marginalized status of groups or peoples.
My therapist recently asked me when was the last extended period of time where I felt happy. I don't have one. Not in a sense of months or years. I think he's insinuating that that's not normal, and that I'm chronically depressed. And maybe I am... I'm willing to engage in that logic, but I don't think so. Because I have really high moments. I've also been through hard depression a couple of times and that just feels different than my baseline.
I think, like you said, most of the time I'm at the baseline. And then something will happen and I'll be super happy. Or I'll start thinking about how confusing and non sensical things are and I'll get super sad and break down. And then I'll be up and going again.
I also relate to getting over arguments easily after an apology. I find it hard to keep one emotion for too long.
I know my brother's girlfriend, whenever they had a fight, she would hold a grudge or not be able to get over it for days! She would sleep and get up mad again. And that's just not something I can relate to at all. It feels like my emotions are in these kid drawing boards with the magnets, where you just swipe and have a clean slate again. It doesn't mean I can't logically know I've been wronged, and be... not in good terms with a person, but after a short while I just can't feel the heat of that emotion.
I think my family used to (honestly they probably still do, and friends as well) take advantage of that. Because I can't hold the appearance of anger or sadness for too long, they think the emotion isn't there, and it's all forgiven and forgotten. The minute I get distracted by something or someone makes a remark and I laugh, it's like "see, you're not angry anymore, you're fine."
They'd tickle me and call it good because I couldn't bring myself to scowl after laughing from being tickled.
Now that I type this out, I realize that's pretty shitty. It shows we have a long long ways to go to understand autistic emotions, how they are felt and how they present on the outside. It's so shitty the assumptions society makes about us because they can't see, because we can't express our inner world in the ways they expect.
That's not just ignorance of things related to autism. Thinking that someone, autistic or not, can be mollified by tickling them is incredibly stupid and disrespectful.
@@thethegreenmachine Yeah but I think the reason it worked for me is because I really couldn't bring the appearance of the previous emotion back on. So in their head it worked, I was better now.
But my dad is generally blind to things that aren't immediately obvious. Even when I am depressed, as long as I'm not crying and breaking down every moment and I get out of bed... I'm fine in his head.
@@Hopie_T
Yeah the tickle effect lingers. I still don't excuse them for it.
The thing you mentioned about new information from a genuine apology creating a rapid change in emotion reminds me of something I heard a different autistic creator say (not sure which one). They described autists as being information driven and that informing our emotions, compared to NTs who are more driven by emotions that influence what kinds of information they retain and how they interpret it.
That was a long sentence, hopefully it makes sense!
I think because of alexithymia, I’m not able to identify my emotions until they’re “big enough” for me to really notice - oh, yeah, this is distinct and different, what is this?
But otherwise, I always feel “fine.” My therapist says “fine” is not actually an emotion. I think feeling neutral like that all the time is just existing below the threshold of my alexithymia. The emotions are actually there, but I struggle to identify them.
I think it may be the same for me honestly! I’ve never thought about it like that before, but it’s sitting with me like it’s a truth 😅
@@DanaAndersen it’s weird, because my friend will be like, “doesn’t it make you angry that this thing happened?” And at no point have I “felt” angry or expressed anger, but logically, I know that I am, and if you get me talking about it, I might even say, “yeah, I’m really pissed I have to deal with this bs. It’s completely ridiculous.” Which might come out in a neutral tone, or it might turn into a frustrated rant, that feels like it comes out of no where, because until I was prompted to reflect on it, it wasn’t really on my radar.
You cannot ignore your emotions. From what ive been learning in therapy, you are most likely just burying your emotions, and then when something bad happens, you are more likely to explode. You have to address how you are really feeling. Your mood might be caused by an event that happened hours, days, weeks or months ago. That's why when you suddenly feel really happy or really sad or angry, it really didn't come from 'nowhere', you've just been ignoring your mood until you end up feeling it one day a bit more than usual. Sounds cheesy, but I recommend looking at a picture of one of those 'emotion wheels' and keeping it in a visible place in your room. Journaling also helps, as long as you do it as soon as possible after an event that shifts your emotions.
"Yer knor...?"