The Grey Area: Perspective of a Masculine Female
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- A documentary exploring the damaging consequences masculine women face for rejecting society’s expectations.
Your contributions help us keep this film accessible:
Venmo: @TheGreyAreaFilm
Zelle: TheGreyAreaFilmLLC@gmail.com
PayPal: TheGreyAreaFilmLLC@gmail.com
CashApp: $TheGreyAreaFilm
Directed by
Keagan Anfuso: keagananfuso.com
Drew Lewis Brown: drewlewisbrown.com
Learn more at thegreyarea.film
SYNOPSIS
THE GREY AREA is the story of Keagan Anfuso, a young adult female who is more masculine than feminine. Since birth, her life has been heavily affected by antiquated definitions and stereotypes of gender in oppressive, strange, comical, and terrifying ways. Throughout the film, Anfuso shares her fears and insecurities caused by bullying and gender stereotyping, as well as her unique and surprisingly simple perspective on her place in today’s culture. Featuring re-enactments of Anfuso's experiences and interviews with other masculine women, THE GREY AREA helps viewers understand gender expression and how to support children, teens and adults to be themselves.
AWARDS
Best Documentary Short | OUT at the Movies International Film Fest
Best Short Documentary | Jacksonville Film Festival
Best Documentary Short | Through Women's Eyes International Film Festival
Semi-Finalist - Documentary Short | San Francisco Indie Short Festival
PRESS
School Library Journal | 18 Films for Young Viewers About Pollution, Native American History, and More: tinyurl.com/5n...
Folio 2.0 / EU Jacksonville | The Grey Area: tinyurl.com/yv...
Seed & Spark | Spotlight on: Drew Brown, Keagan Anfuso & 'The Grey Area': tinyurl.com/2f...
I’m NOT Every Woman | Keagan Anfuso: tinyurl.com/bd...
The Raindrop Corner Podcast | Keagan Anfuso: tinyurl.com/32...
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I can't believe the school called her mother to take her home because she didn't look feminine enough! That's such a shocking thing to do, poor kid.
so disgusting and abusive😢
Wow. Just wow. Absolutely deplorable.
@@TheLordcasio Yeah, or any place in the south where I grew up.
Ick, my folks had different schools talking to them growing up. I did ballet as a kid, but I also repaired a lot of things and welded as well.
Went through high school wearing men's clothes and getting assumed about because I had hypoglycemicia as a bad side effect from one of my seizure meds. I still don't wear much feminine clothes, and now I get less harping to wear make up now that it's been clear my PCOS and tweaked hormone levels being behind the breaking out at the drop of a hat.
already as a tiny kid i couldnt understand why a boy can just take a shirt off like this and a girl cant, there is no physical difference if you are a 3 years old apart whats literally in your pants, i took the shirt off one day in all my good will i was met with a truly evil bully gang assault im glad i was never able to fully recall. biology is biology but there is more to it. "society" took it t another extreme when its literally a worse "evil" to buy a beer when you are below 18 than let your private body parts cut off with an encouragent of a officially approved shrink at the slighest sign of dysphoria. we get it all wrong, herd mentality is your only true enemy nature can be wrong too it still judges less than all the human made "orders" :P
As a masculine teen girl, this really makes me feel seen. It’s good to know that there are other people in the world like me.
same
As an adult this hit home because once upon a time I felt the same exact way you’re feeling right now.
as another masc teen i feel you
Same❤
Same
As a detransitioning butch woman, this video means the world to me. I’m not only naturally more masculine than most women, but I tried to fit in as a man for years and took testosterone, which exaggerated my masculinity. For all the masculine women out there - You’re beautiful. You’re strong. You’re incredible. You’re worthy of love. And you belong. Just because the world doesn’t always see it, or they punish you for being yourself, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. ❤
As a demi-boy I understand the struggle of wanting to fit in but never quite doing it and still feel/being told you should.
It's terrible that just because of our personal style and likes or dislikes we are forced to get into one of the two boxes society has for us in terms of identity and behaviour and if we don't our identity is put in question
I know Demi boy is just my the identity I feel more aling with and I know I don't technically need much in terms of transition to stop feeling dysphoria, but I'll continue being me despite what people say.
Must say you are really brave for detransitioning and accepting your true self.
@@daikiorihara5426 I'm a transguy and I'm demi too. The only difference is I didn't consider myself masculine before transitioning, I am now and I'm so happy with my life and I'm a much nicer person than before. I've been studying the detransitioning fenomenon and it's really crazy. I'm scared that I won't have access to my testosterone in the future. 😰
what is sad is --- this whole seed of transition-destransition-transition is money making-- no overall quality of health mentally or physically by doing illegal drugs etc--- remember- dont let anyone in society to dictate what someone should be --- because as far as i can see no society is 100% awesome-- there are always flaws -- so believe in yourself and dont let other people dictate your life! be strong and realise we are at the end times as this is just pure evil-- corruption off rails
I feel for you❤ I fought my whole life against stereotyping genders... I whas grown up by very conservative parents...they where like old school traditional. They also puched gender rolls on to me. Or even made me feel ashamed that i act wierd for being a girl. I left home with a fight they wanted me to get married. Iff they could they would grounded me at age 23y. Till this moment I don’t feel suported by them. Being pushed into a rule that ”fit’s all” it just doesn’t make sense. No wonder people question their identity... Nobody owns you, but still act like they do
@@butchpeace 💕 I’m glad to hear you’re coming to accept living in a female body with the word “woman”, realizing it doesn’t have to limit the way you express yourself and live your life. It’s the people around us who try to limit us and keep us in little boxes. Not everyone likes that I’m a woman who wears clothes from the men’s section of the store, has leg hair, and doesn’t wear makeup or behave ladylike (at almost 40 years old)… but I focus on connecting with people who don’t feel threatened by my visible gender-nonconformity (some of whom are also visibly GNC) 💕 I am a lesbian, but some of my tomboyish female friends are straight and bi. “Butch” or “masculine” is an attitude, not a sexual orientation.
My daughter was always a tomboy. I remember being rediculed by family, and society in general for shopping in the boys section when she was young simply because she didn't like or feel comfortable in most feminine clothes.
She loved cars, rode bikes ect.
I knew she would have problems in school ect but I always told her "STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF AND LOVE WHO YOU ARE."
Fast forward 15 years and she's still a tomboy ride motocross bikes, has a wonderful group of friends and boyfriend that loves her just the way she is.
I couldn't be more proud of the beautiful woman she is ❤
You're a good parent.
@ThaoBui-bd6un Thank you.
I'll never forget her calling me while she was on lunch break at school because she was lonely. She was hanging around a group of popular girls but chose to be alone because she felt they were shallow and not sincere.
She said, "Mom...I'm doing what you've always taught me. I'm staying true to myself."
I won't lie, I was worried that I may have inadvertently caused her to become recluse.
Thankfully, it couldn't be further from the truth 🤣.
She is who she is and she makes no apologies.
Some people love her and hate her for it.
Either way she's staying true to herself. We all should ❤️
I never wear dresses ever because I don’t feel happy in them But I have never wanted to be a man
@gayeinggs5179 Good on you. Ware whatever makes you feel comfortable, confident, and most of all happy, I say.
We as a society need to wake up and see that clothing is just that....clothing. Yes, it may be a form of expression of oneself, but ultimately, not 1 single inward or outward trait defines who we are and individuals. It's a collective of different unique and not so unique traits that bring us together. Ultimately, though....the is only one you, so one should never hide their beautiful selves. ❤️
Having accepting parents has made a huge difference in your daughter's life, as mine did for me. Watching this video showed me that the narrator's experience was much worse because there was NOWHERE where she was loved for being just the way she was, not despite being weird. I had a sanctuary of love, and so does your daughter, and while it doesn't make everything better, it makes a huge difference.
Very straight 66 year old woman here. The feminine nonsense pedalled is ridiculous. Adolescents are usually terrified of standing out and are desperate to conform, and capitalist marketing leaps on this to market "approprate" product. Conformism is stupid. I don't wear makeup, don't colour my hair and couldn't care less about my body size. It's so refreshing to hear the points of view aired here. Thank you to all the contributors for being so honest.
I feel like this doesn't get talked about enough. It's very suspicious that "femininity" in our culture is inexorably tied to wide range of unnecessary products. Makeup, hair dye, fancy nails, anti-aging skin care, weight-loss products, uncomfortable shoes, and trendy (and often functionally useless) clothes are all things no one needs... So how do they make us need them? By telling us that we're not women, or less than other women if we don't buy their products. The modern definition of 'woman' is nothing more than a costume, femininity defined by superficial products we buy instead of what exists intrinsically within.
Me! Im also 66. Short miserable marriage and 4 fab kids. No longer care what people think.
In my country you are allowed to be a masculine woman . Feminine men dont have it quite so easy but they do get greater acceptance with age .
@@frogmouth thats an interesting way of perceiving gender i have not heard of before... if you dont mind me asking, what country are you from? no need to answer if u dont wanna, just curious
The two-part gender system does a disservice to everybody on the gender spectrum. I don't think that a woman who doesn't conform to cultural gender stereotype is necessarily masculine. Skirts, heels, makeup, and manicures do not define femininity. I'm biologically feminine, not culturally feminine.
I am a happily married woman with grandchildren. I have never worn a dress or makeup. I always wore pants to my engineering jobs starting in the 1970s and gave no notice at all no anybody who objected.
Even without the cultural trappings I'm perceived as a biologically feminine woman. And could care less, no matter what other people think. Thankfully, my high school's "dress code" was shorts, tank tops, and flip-flops, or bell bottoms and tee shirts for both sexes--depending on the weather. Hopefully it is getting better so we don't have to fight an uphill battle to all be our best selves.
It sucks that society thinks they have to bully the humanity out of people rather than nurture the good qualities of life in them.
Well said 👏 👌 ❤
unfortunately we're more visual then we care to admit and if you don't 'fit the part' you're gonna get hassled
Society is garbage
This is because the exploration historically has been moving in the direction of separation and we have reached the extreme in denying our wholeness and interconnections... Now we begin the journey of awakening our humanity.
that's literally what a society is, nothing else
The stonewall era woman regretting that her generation’s struggles did not save future generations from discrimination and pain had me in tears. Powerful film. I love masculine women.
That woman was me. So thank you.
And despite many reassurances that what happened to us made a difference for the generations that followed us; it didn't. Seeing Keagan and the other women expressing the pain they suffered DECADES after I did hurt my soul. We need to do better as humans. I am not that different, as Keagan so aptly stated: haircut and clothes.
I am born female and also masculine.
People disrespect me.
Because I am not either or.
I embody masculinity and femininity.
People don't get it and look at me weird.
Recently I came into a frech area where I live part of the time.
In France there is also strictly
Madame or Monsieur.
(Madame or sir)
But there is a word for people like me.
It is called:
Garçon manquait.
That means a boy who is missing.
It is more likely to be accepted when you are younger.
I am 54.
A woman is expected not to dress like a guy. And also the movements like how she walks or haircut.
I get comments about my hairstyle.
If it is a little longer immediately, they notice it and say, "Oh, you have a new hairstyle.
Cutting hair in general is very tiring.
There is one price for men and another price for women.
The hairdresser is confused as to what price he should charge.
Lady or gentleman?
The ladies price is 3 times higher.
Same 🥲
That part made me cry.
@@Janis_Eventhank you for that descriptor: garçon manquait. It’s perfect. I’m 69 and this all helps me
It's so funny how people will try to force a masculine woman into being "a boy", but then when an actual trans person comes along, "they'll always be a girl" lol
Just like... they don't actually care about anyone... but upholding the norm :/
@Limonmantequilla They don't try and force masculine women to be boys. They make fun of masculine women by calling them boys but they actually think masculine women should be more feminine.
Ironically, they were also the very same people who were panicking a number of years ago that estrogen exposure from the environment (medications, chemicals, etc being leaked into the environment) were "feminizing" and turning boys into girls among other things (gay frogs as I recall?). It's like they can't decide one way or the other because their thought process is utter rubbish. They will rationalize blaming anything and anyone for their fears.
whenever I see a masculine woman i only try to force her out of those work boots and into same fabulous stilettos!!
@@mjones8170 exactly
Her mother saying "I don't know why you're doing this to me" sickens me. I don't know how many times I heard that growing up.
I moved in with my grandparents at 13, same here. Same here.
Yeah… hearing that caused several memories pop up
I think my family of origin still thinks my life is about them somehow, and I'm sneaking up on 50. No, our kids aren't choosing those clothes or that haircut to spite us or whatever. They're just living their own lives.
Your parents may have heard that narcissistic blame game from their parents; I can confirm such narcissistic sayings are not parental norms, because despite me being an androgynous girl refusing nearly every feminine sterotype, my parents never said such things to me or tried to change me. If people ever said judgmental things to them about how they were failing to groom me to be a woman, they never passed such comments on to me. Those mentally ill parenting comments make me sick too, no child should have to go throughwhat the narrator of the video and you have described, where parents are one of the biggest parts of the problems a child is facing growing up; home should be a refuge, not a battleground.
1969. Sent home from school because I wore a pair of pants. I wore a pair of pants because the boys would flip the girls' dresses up at the water fountains, walking down the hall, etc. The principal did nothing to protect the girls. It wasn't lost on me or the other girls that the first time I won at a sports game with boys, I was in pants. The rest of the girls began to wear pants.
So thankful for this piece. I'm the opposite. What is considered a "femboy". I have thick long hair, delicate soft and youthful features, a slender frame with wider hips and I enjoy jewelry, pretty clothing, light makeup and many other things society would deem as feminine. I love forming deep relationships, love talking about beauty, people, aesthetics, as well as thoughts and emotions. And to many people's surprise...I'm straight! Unfortunately I can almost never look the way I actually want or represent the way I truly feel without being bullied, trolled, given terrible looks and assumed I am gay. I'm sure I may have more estrogen than normal but my personality has always resonated with these things and my physical appearance always aligned with it. I hope extreme generalizations like this die one day and we can all simply, just be.
I have to admit, even as a pretty masculine woman who had a mohawk most of my 30s, I still get thrown off when I see men with manicures. Maybe all of our hormones are messed up bc of the food or toxins we've been exposed to - I know I have more testosterone than normal. I'm happy you're happy in the body God gave you.
"i hope extreme generalizations like this die one day and we can all simply, just be." I love this!!!
good luck to you my guy!
My ex-husband often wears skirts and he is 100% only attracted to females. But he finds skirts to be comfortable and doesn't give a crap what other people think. His gender expression had nothing to do with the ending of our relationship BTW .
-
I hope you are very happy 🎉🎉🎉❤
I love when people ask me who’s the man/woman in my relationship. The bewilderment in their faces when I say, “Neither. We’re both women”
I love the cartoon of a fork and spoon talking to a pair of chopsticks and asking “which one of you is the fork?”
@@verdulo Ha! I’ve never seen that before. It’s brilliant!
Exactly right. I'm not a man. She's not a man. We're both women. It feels like they're saying that a relationship without a man/masculine person can't happen.
Same!
That's the point!😂
So many masculine women are also just straight . My sister has 4 kids and is married. Her hubby endearingly says she is both a leader and a "alpha"😉. She used to play some type of ball sport and they were our countries champion year after year when she was on that team. She was also the team captain for years, when she quit this teams success went down the drain.
Very true!
I'm one of those. Mother of 4, love my husband, but I was more comfortable in my army and police uniforms fighting idiots than doing craft nights with the ladies. Everyone is different, and God made me the way I am for a reason.
@@threearrows2248 I happen to be a lesbian but before I knew that I knew I was a kid who wasn't fitting in with the gender stereotypes. I was married before thinking I was bi and that not fitting with gender stereotypes became really evident to me when my ex and I moved away from a university town where I fit in just fine (with all our friends, male and female) to a town where all of his new friends expected me to hang with their women and talk about make up and kids. It felt like elementary and high school all over again.
Thank you! Yep! I'm VERY much "tomboy" and have become more and more so as got older. Well, I was NEVER feminine, but just felt more comfortable with self as you get older like you do. I'm now 38 and I'm a DJ of hardcore music, I'm a biker (motorbike) and a bodybuilder. STRONG. Haha. I also love dressing in joggers, sleevless tanks and trainers and I never wear make up. Yet I'm straight as hell lol
i recently learned about “is that a lesbian or a farmers wife?”
I am somewhat of a feminine woman, and I am a U.S. Marine combat vet.
I was actually asked if I was a lesbian by my female cousins. I am not, but they just could not understand me. I do not dress in bows or carry a purse, so my female cousins tried to get me into clothing with bows and get me to carry a purse. I did not change, but I definitely felt like maybe there was something unacceptable about me.
Right now I wear dresses, but I do not shave my legs or armpits that often. It is still driving my family crazy. Oh, and I have been married for 18 years…but we decided not to have children. F them!
I’m a Marine veteran also. I don’t wear makeup often and when I do I wear a no makeup look. In the past I’ve had a more masculine type haircut. When I was in my master’s program in 😮 32:40 clinical psychology, my advisor actually said to me that I wasn’t a regular girl like my classmates and when I asked him what he meant by that he said I was just not girly. My mom would tell me that I let myself go or she would yell at me to go into the bathroom and put makeup on and curl my $&$ hair in front of our whole family-and I was in my 30s. It took me a long time to be able to not give a f about what others think and be myself.
I was appalled to learn that the school actually sent you home for wearing “boys’ clothes “. If that had happened to my daughter I would’ve been absolutely livid and might have ended up in jail. You be you. You’re the only you there is and no matter what you wear or don’t wear you are beautiful.
@@MaryStiles0120 Amen, sister❣️
Thank you both for your service!
I am a straight female senior citizen who believed that I was empathic to the difficulties of my friends in the grey area. Boy was I wrong! This film should be screened in every senior citizen housing conclave and recommended in AARP magazine. I hope you have entered it for Oscar or Emmy awards in the best short documentary category!
To Susan: You're generations struggles did matter! A lot of us are free today, because of you. I was allowed to wear boy's clothes and play in the mud. My brother was allowed to try sewing and cross stitch. And he was never shamed for crying. You might not have gained that freedom for all of us, but you did make a difference. Because of you, we now have much more solid ground to stand on and pick up the fight, so that future generations will face even less discrimination.
It's true! And women can be openly athletic and strong. There are women's sports teams that are taken quite seriously.
Yes!!! I also wanted to let Susan know that
1. no one should have had to "take" ill treatment, for themselves or anyone; the ones who did that to you are wrong, not you (as Shavone said so well) and I'm so sorry you experienced that; and
2. your struggles DID make a difference, in all the ways mentioned above and more!
Deep gratitude and compassion for you and all who have struggled through pain due to ignorance and oppression and still have a heart alive enough to love themselves and others. Please be so so kind to yourself, dear one. Much love and respect,
💗🙏🏼💗
Your parents were awesome. If you can't freely try things out as a child, when can you? Clothes, makeup, it's all societal B.S. You'd think we'd be past that as a society by now. Being a kind person is what matters, not what you wear or how you look.
My ex partner was a masculine woman and you would have thought I committed a crime. I could only imagine how it felt for her. I truly hate society.
My mom keeps telling me, you could be pretty. If you tried.
I don't have to try. Women all look different. Some are prettier than others. Doesn't matter. I'll be pretty enough for someone. Without makeup and dresses.
@@llIlIlllII as a mom this broke my heart. I would never say this to any of my kids or anyone. You don't have to try to be pretty. Just be yourself. "pretty" is a filter that lets you find the right people. The people who think you are pretty just being yourself are your people. All the love and blessings to you. Dont listen to your mom.
Could you maybe explain this, what crime are you talking about? I can‘t tell from your comment what you did and what you can‘t imagine her to feel about
@@llIlIlllII Wow... if your own mom talks to you like this, that is really hard. I feel for you.
And I hope for you that you were able to realise at some point that she was just completely wrong there. Just wrong. Like a fly hitting the glass straight on - only to do it right again. Stupidly, ridiculously wrong.
@@llIlIlllIII grew up hearing the same thing a lot and i’m sorry. It’s unfair that our beauty wasn’t validated for what it was - internal and without performative gender roles 🫶🏻
Finally someone like me! I'm in my 50s and this hits hard. Being a tomboy as a kid was fine. But I never grew out of it like everyone kept telling me I was "supposed to" do. Growing up in the 70s and 80s and having short hair I fit into society at that time. But as society has shifted and I've gotten older, I feel more and more out of place. I'll never be whatever society has decided is feminine. But I'm just ME. A married woman with children and grandchildren, who prefers short hair, jeans, gardening, hiking, camping... Why does the fact that I don't feel like myself in a dress, heels and make-up have to matter in any way to people around me?
Gardening is the best hobby. And a lot of my features lean masculine.
@@gwynnmccallan8856 I'm with you 100% on this one and can completely relate! I absolutely NEVER understood how anybody could "feel better about themselves" in a dress.
what u say makes me feel inspired. bc when I look around myself or see ppl on the internet it's mostly gender conforming ppl or those who grow to be gender conforming as the time goes. I am 18 and I never did throughout my life. ppl mistake me for a kid and expect me to "grow up", start wearing make up, dresses and carry myself differently. but that's who I am. I will never "grow" into some idea of myself people want to see. I will never be an adult in their eyes. but I love who I am. I love my way of expressing myself and will never betray it
I'm TransFemme... and see it just the opposite. Clothing marketed for the female demographic just feels 'right' to me.
I love being female always have. I grew up a 'tomboy' and loved it as well. Disliking dresses and warpaint (make-up) doesn't make me masculine. Liking math, science and mechanical drawing doesn't make me masculine. It makes me, me. I am grateful for other women sharing their experiences and the struggles they've faced. TY.
My mother was very masculine in her appearance and sound of her voice. She was also intersex. She hid this from everyone and was never supposed to have children. She had me and my twin sister. We are both very feminine. I grew up being asked if my mom was my dad and had to see the pain on her face every time someone commented on how pretty and feminine her daughters were. I have so much compassion for the grey area and am very honored to have been raised by a masculine woman. Although I am feminine, I do not hyper focus on my makeup, hair or clothes. Sometimes I feel more masculine and want to dress that way and sometimes I feel more feminine and dress that way. I also embrace my bisexual nature openly because of my mom. Thank you for making this video. ❤
I am a "classical" female, married, children, you name it. I found your documentary by chance - and I am deeply touched. My family is neurodivergent, all of them. Finding our people has really turned things around for us. No matter in what way we're different, there's more humans like us. I have been a Goth half my life. In my underground club hung a sticker that read "finally some normal people!!!" And that sums it up perfectly. If we don't fit the norm, we feel very isolated and misunderstood. Until we find our tribe, that is. And suddenly what matters falls into place and the impact of the stares and stupid comments is not that big anymore. Thank you for making my day ❤ and greetings from Luxembourg 🇱🇺
This is such a beautiful way to talk about gender without putting anyone down. Props to the filmmakers and the people sharing their stories.
Well said
I'm glad I read this comment - I'm always cautious of stories like these turning into transphobia. Now I can watch without fear :)
Don't need to be trans just cause your gender expression doesn't fit some rule or stereotype!
True! And I’m saying this as a trans woman. Trans is trans and preferring a certain expression (I deliberately leave out the word gender) is just that. Unfortunately, some people invalidate being trans because they think just presenting differently would be enough for everybody.
All of the boxes are make believe. We need to reject them all.
Masculine female and Feminine male are not the same thing as trans man and trans woman.
Gender non conforming people are not experiencing the same discomfort with the body, the dysphoria that trans people experience before they transition.
There is nothing wrong with being gender non conforming or with being trans, but it's still important to understand there is a difference between the two and that one doesn't invalidate the other.
trans people and gnc cis people go through so many similar struggles. gnc cis people get "why arent you trans" while trans people get "why not just be gnc and cis?" i feel so much kinship with this doc as a trans person and it's so important to allow people to be who they are regardless
True, I'm mtf and I like being masculine
I'm a gay man, but this was in my recommended for whatever reason. I decided to give it a watch to expand my horizons. I'm glad that I did! Amazing work on this very rarely-discussed topic. I have a masculine aunt who I'm sure would completely agree with the views you expressed here. I will share this with her!
@@gavins.7165 I love this! So often we stay in our social media silos and just consume content that reinforces our experience of the world. Congrats to you on being open and empathetic and widening your horizons. ❤️ And good job UA-cam algorithm (for once lol!)
I am 61. I was absolutely blessed to be raised by parents who were able to roll with my gender fluidity (I’ve always thought of myself as gender fluid)-my mom’s boy nickname for me when I was leaning masculine was Bruce, my dad’s, sport (short for sport dog). No one in my family had a problem with it, nor did my friends or school mates. Neighbor kids gave me crap about my weight but not my masculinity. I lucked out. I hope all you beautiful women can push past the societal bulljunk and stay true to yourselves. You are very special people.
thank you. i appreciate hearing stuff like this from older people's perspectives
I remember when I was about 12 years old I discovered I wasn't straight, I liked girls. This made me think that I had to act and dress up in a masculine and stereotypical way to fit in, but I didn't really feel comfortable with being a walking stereotype.
Later, when I was about 13 years old, I went back to dressing in a feminine way. I didn't really feel comfortable, but if I didn't feel masculine, then I must be a feminine girl.
After a long time of not feeling comfortable with my identity, I slowly came back to being a little bit masculine. I didn't use flannels, but I had short hair. I didn't wear makeup, but I liked crop tops. It wasn't being stereotypically feminine nor masculine, it was just my own identity, it was a way to make me feel comfortable. It took me years to figure it out, but I'm glad I did, I've never felt more comfortable with myself in my life.
Of course, like most people, I had problems with my family (to be more precise, my mom) while figuring this out. When I was already a teenager (13-14 years old) my mom really disliked the fact I liked baggy clothing because it wasn't "feminine enough" and she constantly asked me "do you want to be a boy" in a disparaging way . She also really disliked me having short hair because she said I wasn't "pretty" and every time I tried to cut it short again after it grew, she told me to keep it long for her. The hair thing still happens, I hope it gets better.
Anyways, thank you so much for this video, you almost made me cry, I already wrote too much (lol) but it was a nice way to let off steam.
PD: Sorry if my english is confusing, I'm Mexican, it's not my first language 🙃
Your English writing is perfect!! Much better that the average American❤
I was a tomboy growing up in the 2000s-2010s and got made fun of. I was always accused of being trans, gay, etc. by others, including the “supportive” members of the LGBT+ community. They were incredibly mean, some tried to force themselves or others onto me, and they spread nasty rumors about my sexuality. As a young adult, I still expect to be met with the accusations and will preemptively apologize for my appearance when I introduce myself if I look more masculine that day. I still find it hard to believe it when men find me attractive even though I only want to date men. My peers used to make up rumors that a boy had a crush on me as a joke, so it’s hard for me to ever believe a man would find me attractive. I also try to appear less competent because it makes the men around me feel insecure. Sometimes making men feel insecure has ended up with them getting aggressive towards me, so I’d rather avoid it. I’m glad this video discusses these women’s experiences.
Crazy that men would get aggressive because you are competent.... however it's the sort of thing men have been doing for generations
@@helendancelot Heavily agree on this. You have to sell yourself as dumb or an airhead to avoid conflicts/aggression sometimes. Which I really hate because it either is being who you not really are and being belittled or being who you are and again, not being taken seriously. I'd cry if it wasn't so comical tbh 😂
It's scary how much I can relate to this whole paragraph. Although no one really accuses me of being gay or trans, there have been times when someone asked me about my gender (which is fine, it just made me feel less feminine) or assumed that I was gay. When I was in middle school, I never fit in with other girls in terms of clothing and self presentation, so then I tried to be more fem presenting and I guess thanks to that I even got a boyfriend for a year and a half. Even then I never really fit in with the fem presenting girls. Then we had broken up and I finally started to dress and present myself the way I always yearned to. That made people believe I was gay and now I find it hard to believe a man would ever find me attractive as I am looking now. And because I often feel like I'm making men uncomfortable just by being competent, I try to hide whatever clever idea I have. I have internalised this aproach to men so much that now I'm sometimes even surprised by the stupidity of some men, because I have kept telling myself that my ideas are not as good as the men's around me. That's kinda bad so now I'm of course trying to unlearn it, because who am I to try to please the men around me just because they feel insecure because of me, that's clearly a problem on their end. Well in the end I'm just trying to unlearn this internalised misogyny. I'm really glad for this comment because sometimes I have problems with finding another masc presenting woman who is interested in dating only men, this made me feel seen.
please consider the study of martial arts. life is a game we are all playing. i step back for no one. i diminish myself for no one. who are they that i should be less than i am. i went to truck driving school as a 28 year old woman. i was the only female student. most men respected me. however one day i got in the truck and the men in the backseat where making jokes and laughing about women drivers. i put the 18 wheeler in gear and told them i would crash the truck on their side and they better remember that their lives were in my hands. they shut the …. up and i drove on without incident. choose strength and power when reasonably possible. switch channels to your inner wonder woman. and if you haven’t met her yet…go in search. onward sisters onward🙋🏾♂️🆗🙋🏾♂️
Growing up as a tomboy, guys used to ask me out as a joke cause I looked like an "it" or a "bigfoot". I feel for the hardships you endured. To this day when people especially guys say I'm attractive, I always think to myself "whats the catch?" First before I can accept the compliment.
Identifying as nonbinary has been helpful for me cause it matches how I feel inside, but I remember getting crap from our local LGBTQ groups way back when for it cause of how more masculine leaning I appear. It’s tough and I want to thank you for sharing your experiences with us so freely. It's not easy to be vulnerable like this.
As a late-30’s tomboyish lesbian, I thank you for this film. I hope we can both set an example especially for younger women/girls, that living in a female body doesn’t have to be what’s expected as stereotypically feminine. We can break barriers with courage ❤
@@exploringdimensions4all853no. Being a masculine woman is not the same as being transgender. Supporting one does not mean spreading misinformation about the other.
@@Sentientmatter8 I don't think you understood what I meant at all. Of course they aren't the same thing. Unfortunately, some young men and/or women, who are not transgender, can easily get confused, because they don't see a way forward for them as people who don't fit into stereotypical gender roles. I've heard a lot of detranstitioners describe this early confusion.
The issue is not the female body (the testimony of grey literally shows that).. the issue is that people don't align with masculinity and femininity, and that peoples' bodies don't match cultural expectations imposed onto them because they're not fitting in due to not having the correct body to be masculine or feminine.. Not because they have a particular body. Moreover, the female body concept misses the point, and explains why you conflated gender expression vs gender identity. To say a person has a female body implies that you know they're female... You know their gender identity.. the language is actually confusing.. saying "female body" in your statement unilaterally defined womanhood by gestation.. the literal thing these women are pushing against. They're trying to critique the womanhood concept.. the body is what the video is trying to decouple from the person's identity and roles..
Yes
@@exploringdimensions4all853 Well considering how often transphobes will insult the appearance of trans people for not looking masculine or feminine enough, I think there is something to be said about the way that transphobes have facilitated this phenomenon.
I remember that exact middle school experience walking into 6th grade. Everyone got an instruction manual over the summer and no one sent it to me.
Starting around 7th grade, everyone around me started becoming a pod person while I stayed the same inside.
"Everyone got an instruction manual over the summer and no one sent it to me"
That hit me to my core
@@Loner-DestroyedWoman The memeplexes or neurohormonal viruses are designed to work on the neurotypical operating system and fail to work on me. They simply result in my developing C-PTSD and are literally a type of virus that hijacks the "immune system" of the body-mind, sort of like HIV, only different. It really shouldn't be that difficult to figure out for anyone having a level of intelligence higher than a common garden vegetable and in writing this, I've dumbed it down about 50 levels.
Yes. Yes. Yes! I was obviously not on that mailing list.
Thank you for this. I am a straight, cisgender old lady who has been actively working in support of LGBTQ+ rights for 45 years. And I have noticed that when I see an individual that I can't tell what gender they are, my first reaction is a vague discomfort, followed by frustration. I don't understand why I feel such a strong desire to be able to assign everyone to their binary box, even if it's someone I'll never even meet. Maybe it's simply enculturation. Whatever the reason, it's my flaw and I see it as my responsibility to try to overcome it, in order to be a better ally and a better person. This video has been helpful. I don't think I'm your target audience. I don't think helping me was the goal. It's just an unintended collateral benefit.
Beautifully stated; I can relate to that.
Wow, I couldn't have said it better 👏
❤❤❤❤ I've been married for 35 yrs. I do the yard, change oil, rotate my tires..My husband does laundry, dishes...
BE YOU NO MATTER WHAT....
LIVE EVERYDAY LIKE IT'S YOUR LAST AND JUST BE KIND ❤❤❤❤ I've been in the gray since 5 yrs old. My step Dad was great man. A master mechanic. He said to me.."I don't want you to ever depend on a man. I'm going to teach you how to be a man and take care of yourself..
And he let me be me. Even when my own mother gave me hell for being a TomBoy..
I played football..I fish, camp, and BRO can get a campfire going in the rain!!!!! Just be you. ❤❤❤❤
I feel so angry that someone tried to make someone else feel like less of a woman due to not being feminine. Being female does not necessitate all this extra nonsense.
Calling it nonsense is putting feminine women down, how about just saying any gender expression is okay for being female
@@francas277she's not saying being feminine is bad, just that it's not compulsory
@@francas277 I don't believe in the concept of gender. Gender = rules and expectations others have about how someone of a particular sex should behave. My experience is female. My personality is whatever I want it to be. I don't have to call myself a man and deny my physical female experiences to be free to be me. My experience is not my identity. My identity does not have to associate itself with a vague concept like gender.
@@shareathought769 and my experience of my gender is very classically feminine and it does feel very innate and not like someone put these expectations on me. Hyper feminity is as much shamed as a more tomboyish gender expression because it's being called rediculous, bimbo, unnecessary etc
@@francas277 I am not against being feminine. I'm against the concept of gender(as an idea separate from sex) because it is unnecessarily categorizing people in ways that are limiting instead of helpful. Also, I believe in maintaining sex-based boundaries and that transition with hormones or surgeries is a form of self-mutilation.
I was the only fifth grade girl wearing football jerseys and my grandfather's army jacket. It didn't even occur to me that the other girls didn't dress like me bc most of them were already so mean, I didn't want to associate with them. I ended up being a cop and a soldier. And a mother of 4, happily married to the father of my children. I've had buzz cuts and long curly hair. I got into makeup for a time but now I wear nothing on my face except sunscreen. I have dresses but I feel most comfortable in boots and pants. Being a woman is beautiful. I'm so grateful God made me this way.
I'm not particularly masculine-presenting looks wise, but I act non-traditional feminine, I have a non-feminine job, and I wear non-feminine clothing. We really need to just let people be people.
Same. As a kid, I was a spitting image of the kid they got in the film, clothes and all, but puberty hit me like a freight train. I still remember the huge fight I got into because my mother wanted me to take ballet, but I wanted to do fencing instead. I won that fight.
Exactly the same!
I hate gender roles.
I haven't worn a dress since I was 8yo. I don't wear heels, makeup, dresses, skirts, or the color pink. None of this is because I'm trying to look like a man or even look masculine. I'm not a lesbian.
At concerts, I have had guys call me "dude" many times when they see me from behind because I wear my hair in a man bun and Im about 6' tall. When they see my face, they apologize and feel bad. It doesn't bother me.
I have never felt like I fit in with women or men, but I feel more awkward in a group of women than men. I resented feminity for a long time. When I date men, I feel I need to preface to them that I'm not a girly girl. A surprising amount of guys are into me being who I am. I'm confident. I sweat, swear, have a low voice, any I cry easily at beautiful things.
I choose to believe that I am feminine in my own way. I love myself now, exactly as I am and exactly as I'm not.
Be yourself. Follow your interests. Be free to experiment. Don't get stuck in a gender role, no matter which one it is. ♥️
I get called "sir" often, and sometimes when I am in a public restroom, other women are startled and some (rarely) even go so far as to make rude jokes or comments. I don't care. I'm comfortable wearing short hair and clothes that I feel comfortable in, I look RIDICULOUS in a dress or skirt as feminine clothing doesn't flatter me at all. I just don'r unserstand why MY appeaeance matters to a stranger, especially if I am not appeoaching or interacting wirh them.....how does it affect them?
Exactly. Move on, people.
As a decently fem person raised male this is sad to hear but good perspective, I think society likes to pretend that masculinity is okay in women now but it's pretty clear how rough it can be
Yes, that's a good point that Society brushes it off as if masculinity in women is accepted. Like it's okay to be a tomboy. But I'm 54 years old and I've been harassed my whole life by other people who think that I am not feminine enough. Sometimes they put it as a compliment, like they are attracted to my masculine energy. 🙄
I remember MY mom looking to me in horror when I was 11 looking over at the boy's section wanting clothes there. I was too embarrassed after that to ask. Just wanted to find stuff that fit. My 9 year old daughter asked me about her own "femininity" given she preferred boy clothes (they are more comfortable) and whether it made her a boy or not. I told her it didn't and that she should dress however she likes. Masculine women are handsome/beautiful the way they are. The IMPORTANT PART is that whatever they wear is clean, fits well, and they look HAPPY in it.
As women we have not come very far at all. That older woman's testimony really made it hit home. I like to project my mind into an anthropology class a century from now when we are all seen as suffering through the very beginning of a revolution in the way our species handles empathy and freedom and whatever else we decide to value and fight for. We are just in the very beginning.
I feel like it was getting better in the late 80's and 90's but then for some reason it started to slide backwards.
@@craftyhobbit7623 Same. I see footage from those times and I see people seeming to express themselves more freely than now, which is odd. I can't help thinking it's partly because of this weird effect social media has had on being obsessed with our image. I just finished reading Melissa Febos' fantastic book of essays, Girlhood. The second one is titled The Mirror Test and it completely blew my mind. All about how this society teaches you as a girl to sort of reverse the way you view yourself, to become preoccupied with how you *are seen* instead of how you see yourself from within. Highly recommend.
@@craftyhobbit7623 agreed.
Acceptance and empathy, or the lack thereof, ride to some extent with the economy. Ronn
unfortunately, I saw many women trying to play the equality card while coming to work looking as though they were going to the discotheque. This sent strange signals to all of us.
Even today, IMHO too many females, especially newscasters, wear exceeding low neckline tops that totally distracts from their intelligence and personality.
It is as if there is a race to the belly button.
If men ever wore clothes like that, they could be considered too macho.
I think everyone experiences similar feelings on various levels. As a fat person “If you would just lose weight, you’d be so much prettier…”. When I was thinner “If you just curled your hair, you’d be so much prettier...”. “If you just…softened up a bit, maybe you could keep a man. Men don’t like feminine women with masculine energy, you know.” There’s always something someone wish you would do or not do to please them or make them more comfortable.
As a women who is in the grey scale i want to say that i dont want to emasculated. Me loving sports, being able to light a campfire dressing in a way that is considered "masculine" DOESNT make me any less of a woman. I feel like some women are playing roles. They feel like they have to wear dresses, be elegant and cook or whatever to be a worthy woman. This doesnt make you any MORE of a woman. What i mean is GENDER shouldnt be measured by clothes, hobbies and certain personality traits. I am NOT masculine for being assertive and competent.
It isn't that you WANT or intend to emasculate men by having skills they want you to need THEM for. That's a them problem.
Wait so emasculated means to DEPRIVE someone of their masculinity? I thought it meant to make someone look more masculine
Two of my teachers were masculine women. I remember being confused about their gender as a kid but later just learned they were women with more masculine styles. Both were wonderful and fun teachers. One of them was a christian as well.
I find that last sentence disturbing…what do you mean by it?
Probably that religious people tend to be conservative and pressured more to follow gender roles, so for a gender non conforming person to be Christian as well was just something they found interesting. @@ankiking
@@ankikingAs a christian living in Sweden, I was confused by that last sentence too. I wondered how they were related.
This brings back memories. I went to USA in the 1980s to attend university. I am a straight woman, had always been feminine in appearance, wore skirts, etc. I felt pressure from ordinary Americans to conform more to a hyper-feminine stereotype - long hair, make-up at all times, be giggly, try to get married. Memorable thing said to me "Oh you're too purty to be a grad student, let me introduce you to some nice boys". I had a short hair cut at one stage which was fashionable at the time, got punched in the street for it.
The hyper-feminine look that seemed to be the ideal for American women was very strange to me. I saw a court case on TV where a woman lawyer had long bleached hair in huge curls, stage make-up and her clothes unbuttoned just about to her navel with a vast display of cleavage. Seriously she looked like a different kind of working girl.
It's not just that you're not allowed to "look like a man", you have to look like a Barbie doll. It's not like that everywhere.
P.S. The older woman here who cut her hair 7 years ago instantly looks to me like an academic or artist. Elegant.
That had to be the South. Certainly not California.
Having a butch hair cut though does MAKE you look male. Why do that?
As a butch lesbian i just watched my life story deadass and im in tears
This is beautiful. Everyone should watch this video
As a closeted genderfluid person, this pretty much brought tears to my eyes, remember to be who you truly are 🖤🖤🖤
Keegan what a superb piece!! My God...the personal testimonials, the group discussions, the statistical supporting information. i am a soon to be 60 year old white male. I grew up with physical anomalies "corrected" by surgery, so i always felt like i lived in a gray area between "normal" and "disabled". My kids are "mixed" racially, my son is neuro-atypical. We have had our struggles with mental health and adddiction. If you pull the lens back a bit, the world is full of gray areas. Your film makes me think about my failings in accepting/supporting my kids, and others in my life , in areas where they think and act in a way that is not necessarily in line with mainstream obsessions with easy categorizations. Such a powerful and liberating and tender message. Bravo!
I really appreciate the video showing the teacher looking the other way as a child is being bullied in the cafeteria. Bullying is systematic and caused by the adults. The adults are not ok.
A lot of men are experiencing the exact same issue, but the opposite obviously. At least the wider society is now being more accepting of "masculine women", for men there have been no progress. In my country, you are made fun of for long or colored hair, some even question your sexuality. I have literally been told that I BREATHE in a NOT MASCULINE WAY. We gotta unite and fight against this BS.
This is a part of feminism. Freedom and equality from all stereotypes. Don't wait to be given you freedom. Take it.
How does someone breath in a masculine manner? 😂
@@gaia7240 from what I understand, you have to groan and growl like a wounded bear, if you do anything other then that, you are literally a woman or even worse ... A HOMOSEXUAL!!!
From what I've seen and heard the world while not being kind to anyone who doesn't conform to gender roles is way harsher to men than to women. Patriarchy is not kind to anyone and while the way in which it controls and hurts women is/was more obvious, it also does the same to men. I think that's at least one of the reasons why women fought against their oppression and did achieve more freedoms and more acceptance for having more diverse roles, because they could feel the oppression more directly. It is in some ways more subtle for men, so a lot of them get fooled and buy into patriarchy instead of realizing how it hurts them. Women get fooled by patriarchy too, but it's more difficult. Or maybe not anymore, the achievements of feminism could trick people into thinking all is good now. The system also often tricks men and women into believing the other gender is the problem and people get distracted by this, so they don't see the actual problem. But as you said, we have to unite to fight against this BS, men, women and everyone outside or in between. Most men who believe the lies of patriarchy won't listen if women or anyone who is not a cis man tries to tell them this. But they might listen to you and other men.
I wish you the best, don't let anyone get you down!
@@NoName-ym5zj I am so sorry you have had to deal with that. I agree with the person who said that this is part of feminism. It’s an area where feminism has only gone part way. In many places, it’s now more acceptable for girls to have traditionally “masculine” traits (at least to some degree-this is not to discount the immense suffering the woman who made this video has dealt with) than for boys to exhibit traditionally “feminine” traits. I remember reading an article by a teacher who lived in the same progressive city that I live in, who pointed out that she had female students wearing t-shirts that said “tough is the new pretty,” but no boys wearing shirts that said “sensitive is the new manly.” So many people don’t understand how much sexism and gender roles hurt boys as well. I will always remember my first boyfriend telling me about his social experiences growing up. I was SHOCKED by how much jostling for power there was among boys-how each had to prove his masculinity to find his place in the hierarchy of power (least masculine boys on the bottom), how rigidly boys enforced gender expectations for each other. It just sounded like such an anxiety-provoking and exhausting way to grow up, never being able to admit weakness, constantly having to guard against showing too much emotion and therefore being perceived as not masculine enough. Not that my teenage years as a girl were any better-as we all know, girls undergo intense social pressure to fit into feminine social norms, in terms of looks and behavior, which often results in big drops in self esteem. But the fact that many feminists don’t consider how much this hurts boys as well is crazy. And the fact that many men cling to this setup because it gives them power, despite the fact that it stunts their emotional growth and leads to so much anxiety, makes no sense. I’m just trying to raise my kids, as much as possible, to see beyond these expectations. My son, for his part, has no tolerance for boys acting macho and trying to prove their masculinity-he will call them out on it or just refuse to take part. He is confident and social, but wants no part of expectations that box him in. That is one of my proudest accomplishments as a parent. 😍
The last time I gave into their "Please, Sara, just wear the dress!" was my older sister's wedding. Our mother died the year before of cancer and my sister was very upset that Mom didn't get to see her get married. So she asked me to grow my hair out and wear a bridesmaid dress "for Mom." This was 2000. I had been living on Capitol Hill since '96 when i went to college and came out at the same time. My mom refused to accept it before her death. But I had finally given myself permission to be comfortable with my shorter haircut and cargo shorts style and here was my sister, who has once been my hero, asking me to once again play a role i wasn't fit for. I did it, but it changed my entire perspective of my family. I had long known that I would need to choose a new family, but this event really hit it home. Six months later i got my first buzz cut.
This video comes on my UA-cam at a time I needed it the most. I thought all the comments about my masculinity were long behind me. Until the other day when I got addressed as “young man”. I still can’t get used to it and it made me feel rubbish if I’m honest. I am a straight masculine woman and I don’t want to constantly dress as a stereotypical woman just to be accepted. It’s a tough journey and I hope everyone gets the chance to be themselves and not judged anymore. Stay strong people 💪
Straight masculine woman here! Good to know I am not alone. Love from Croatia, Europe!
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO! I am a 66 year old straight woman who happens to have a deep voice and some "masculine" mannerisms (genetics, upbringing) and I dress (to many in our culture) not-quite-femininely-enough (choice). This video really resonates with me. Our society is so rigid when it comes to how we look and behave; it's so disheartening. These delineations about sexuality and gender are so arbitrary and, at times, ridiculous.
Oh man the mom who looks at the senior picture saying “That’s not MY daughter” phew that one gets me.
The person who played teenage Keagan said that was the hardest scene for them to do in the film.
At 68 I have struggled with my identity all my life. I am glad that the younger generation is more comfortable with being themselves. This was a great documentary that I wish everyone would watch!
It is worse now. Gender non conforming and same sex attracted teenagers are told they are "non-binary" or "trans" and told they need "gender affirming" medical procedures.
Im a femme lesbian now as an adult, but i was a tomboy who got intensely bullied for "looking like a boy", got told by teachers that i cannot like skateboarding and sports because thats for boys, Girls were somewhat socially expected to be lined up next to the playground, sitting, while the boys played. I have ADHD and ASD and that neurodivergence (then undiagnosed due to medical sexism) was and is a key component of both my gender expression and sexual orientation. This was the late 2000s and early 2010s. I relate deeply to this despite not being butch today, you'd never know from the way i look now, but ive pretty much been through the same thing when i was younger, and it marked me forever.
Similar experience here growing up, it felt confusing and isolating. Also so many don't understand that your sexuality does not necessarily correspond to your identity or presentation
Almost identical experience here ❤️
Oh wow I'm so upset you experienced that so recently, that makes me so angry 😢
What a great relatable film, thank you! I'm 54, and that is my life too. 'Sir' and bathrooms have plagued me my whole life.
Needing everyone to fit in a box is so done. I love you all! I’m glad there’s more of an effort to be open-minded today.
I’m a trans man, and have been living as a man for the past 20 years. I can really relate to a lot of these things about being a masculine woman and people trying to push their opinions on me about what I should’ve been as a female in society. I questioned myself about if I was trying to escape those expectations before I transitioned, but really I wasn’t. As much as I tried, I just couldn’t see myself as a female person. Regardless, I celebrate, and appreciate masculine women for who they are.
❤
I’m also a trans man, I’ve only been living as a man the past 4 years. I’m glad you commented on this video, it’s really nice to see someone else who has felt the same. ❤
It's beautiful how the five women could share their perspectives so openly in a safe circle and hopefully they feel less alone because of it. And the part about the grandmother having the lightbulb moment with the photos almost made me tear up a bit. Also liked when there was the rapid fire common sayings that masculine women hear. Everything about this was just very well crafted with a lot of heart and emotion into it!
How can a man share his "perspective" on being a woman when he has never been one and never will be?
As a masculine teen girl (in the way I dress, the things I like, the labels I like (ex. being called handsome more often than pretty), this hit home for me, it made me feel seen. “It’s time you start acting and look like a young lady” really hit me because I relate. 😢
how do you feel about about the term nonbinary? Personally, I'm not a fan because I don't think the binary exists, even for fem or masc cis people. I prefer genderqueer, but I'm in my mid 30s. Curious about how folks coming up now relate to the terminolgy.
@@emilysha418 Like, are you asking if I’ve thought about identifying as nonbinary? And what do you mean you don’t think binary exists?? I’m just trying to understand.
@@Crazyadventure202
Pretty much what they were asking, yeah. I'm curious too, because a lot of others in this comment section identify as trans or non-binary, but I myself am a masculine woman but I'm 100% fine and comfortable being a woman. I wonder if there are others like me.
@@hidinginyourcloset I’m not trans or nonbinary, I have thought about being grinder fluid because I have become desensitized to being called a boy and don’t care anymore whether it’s “he/him” or “she/her”. But I am very comfortable being a woman and am comfortable being a masculine woman.
@@Crazyadventure202 I think that everyone has masculine and feminine qualities that vary by context, time, and social dynamic. I don't think even cis people exist with their gender expression as a radio button that is labeled Man or Woman. I mean, even cis women will describe themselves as tomboys/butch/masc/androgynous/girlie girls/hyperfem/princess types. I think that my genderqueer friends who are trying to smash the gender binary are misguided because it was never real to begin with. There was no time where it wasn't a spectrum. See Jon Stewart: ua-cam.com/video/Ufwu68pOWBg/v-deo.htmlsi=XYpxsjSGznuejUVd
I'm 63, a straight woman, and very "boyish." I am also a vet. Once the company commander called me into her office and gave me a direct order to grow out my hair because I looked too masculine. I've also had problems in my relationships with men because I like and am good with "guy," things, such as building, using power tools etc. LBGTQ people have been my best friends because they allow me to be who I am.
I look like a "real woman" and I physically am a "real woman" but I felt neutral as a kid and after that I felt masculine for decades. Although I gave birth to 4 children I didn't feel like a woman. I'm 54y. now and I only started feeling like a woman some years ago. ❤
XXY guy here and OMG that first anecdote... I had the same thing happen (although in a department store or some such) when I was 19: "Miss, can I help you? Miss? MISS???"
Much love to the tomboys, who were always protective of me growing up...
❤✌️✨
I'm in my late 40's and had no idea it's still so rough. I was raised in the "free to be you and me" hippie mindset. The Stonewall story had me crying. Very religious metaphor there, to self-sacrifice for the betterment of future generations.
I remember my mum dragging me to shops and letting the shop attendant coo over how small and petite I was. The only time I ever made my mum happy was when I conformed and wore pretty dresses, makeup, did 'feminine' things. I rarely bothered, my favourite jacket was a football jersey she'd bought for my brother who hated it. Growing up, the closest term I had for myself was tomboy, it wasn't until I was in my twenties that I learned terms like non-binary and gender fluid.
I still hate my mum for the way she would nit-pick the crap out of me for every stain on my clothes, messy hair, every pimple, missing button, frayed hems and more.
I'm agendered, female & a carer for an adult son with disability. My son identifies as a male.
Yes - I've nit picked his clothing the way your mum did. Not his style, but yes to the condition of his clothing. I've asked him to change his stained or holey or ill fitting clothes prior to leaving the house. That's because - irrespective of how you identify - there is NO excuse or reason for wearing stained, ill fitting, and/or in need of repair clothing in PUBLIC. In actual fact, doing so says very loudly that you've got no pride in yourself.
Privately around your home - different story altogether. In summer, around the home, I live in bike shorts, stained & holey shirts, no underwear, even my nightie & dressing gown. But when I go out - even if it's just to grocery shop OR if I'm expecting visitors - I'm in underwear and clean, well maintained clothes that suit my body & personality.
That's because we have dress standards. Understandably, we dress differently according to the occasion - minimum smart casual for going out, but it's OK to be a slob in the privacy of your home. Having & taking pride in our appearance is important because it says we value who we are as people.
So sorry you feel as you do. Yet, what you feel does not make it so. There is no world-wide or even national universal dress standard. Every community, group, city, tribe, region, school, culture, and country have different dress and comfort levels. Messy, unbrushed hair is standard in some places or age groups or cultures or decades or centuries-as has acceptable dress. Some people value relationships, time, experiences, and the environment over crisp, ironed, and neat clothes that require upkeep and money.
Beauty and comfort has always changed across the ages and people. No one person can say they are the arbitor of dress standards.
Some people do not feel that makeup or certain clothes have anything to do with their own self worth. I used to work in a swimsuit and ratty shorts and shirts as a professional scientist. I felt no loss of pride in my work.
I know a high school teacher and professional musician who has messy dreadlocks and wears no shoes while teaching. They are very professional and skilled and admired.
My MIL, too, would never leave her house without makeup and perfect clothes. I found it sad that she couldn’t just go out as she was. What kind of pride is that in yourself if you can’t be confident regardless of your appearance? What, then, will you feel when you lose your youth or money or have a stroke and can’t use half your face? Pride comes from who you are that interacts with the world-not your appearance.
I have lived in many places and lived in and visited other countries. This is one thing I learned: We are all different, even in the culture we were raised, we do not all feel comfortable with the same dress or hair as those around us.
I ask you to think how you would feel if others made you feel badly about the way you dress and make yourself up. Suppose you were the only one to do as you do, and others chastised you for it. Think if you lived in a different time period or culture how inappropriate you may seem to others.
I hope you can think on these things, because I hope you feel accepted for you and not what you look like as much as I hope you can understand that your comments and standards can harm people who look and believe differently than you do.
I just want you to know I hear your pain and I am sorry that you did not feel seen or fully accepted.
Coming from a place of understanding, I will say I have been in both sides of your situation.
I don’t know you or your mom, and even if I did, I could never know enough to have any judgements on you or your situation.
So, you can take this as just a thought to ponder. My own child has ghosted me for reasons I can only guess at. They were born female and did all the typical female things, loving girly clothes and makeup and earrings and boys. They freely admit they loved it all.
Yet, they have a female fiancé, have started steroids, but plan to remain feminine in style and body.
Even though I never saw any of this coming, I have been as supportive and instantly accepting as I possibly can, though I have been given very little chance to express this due to their withdrawal.
All I can say is that we have no manuals to be a parent, except for the books and shows that teach us so many things that seem not to fit in this new world. My parenting was vastly opposite that of my parents because I was trying to do better and be more open. Yet, every child is very different. I tried to look for signs from the time my kids were born because I was an LGBTQ+ advocate as soon as I understood what that was when I graduated college and learned how many of my friends had been closeted and suicidal. I did everything I could to be a present, loving, supportive, and encouraging parent.
But, somehow, despite all my research and love and time, I got it wrong. I only wish I could have the understanding and time with my child to learn what I missed and to demonstrate that we can still have a loving relationship so we both could have the support and family and love that everyone needs.
My child may feel they have that without me. I do not have that at this time, so my struggle is painful. But I want them to feel peace and happiness, so I just wish them that.
Maybe none of this applies to you or your mother. If so, I hope you can find a way to each other. If not, I hope you have the support and love you need to feel you have family, community, love, and meaning in your life.
@sherylwillis3991 I read both your replies.
What I have seen happen time & again, unfortunately, in trans circles is that once transition starts, they seem to want a clean slate. They seek to divest themselves of everything associated with that other persona, including good things that that person did - like publishing academic papers, for example. My guess is that such a stance is a reaction to trauma of some sort - to acknowledge that other pre-transitional person means revisiting the perceived trauma they suffered. Because we have to remember - abuse is not just physical in nature. It can also be psychological in nature as well.
99.5% of the slings and arrows we deal with daily are UNintentional
. That doesn't mean, however, that such slings and arrows AREN'T ACTS OF ABUSE BECAUSE THEY ARE. Aa a race - we're not so good at calling out this sort of abuse. Oftentimes, our kids aren't appreciative of the stuff we do for them to turn them into functional adults who can interact with the world. Oftentimes, they're angry with the world for being the way it is AND angry with themselves for not standing up earlier to be who they are.
I'm one of those people who're in that "grey zone". I identify as agender AND always have done so - like ever since I was a child (I'm currently 61). I actually didn't know that this was a thing until I was 52 when I moved to a major city in Australia to ensure my ASD son could access better supports to enable independent living and started mixing with polyamorous people in a big way. Unlike your daughter, I have no angst about accepting my identity - I have a female body I'm happy with & have no desire to alter in any way, & I dress to suit myself & my personality. Your daughter has angst about her previous self that she has to get over, that's why she's no contact with you. It's not about you or what you did or didn't do at a particular point in time - it's about her. She has to own it.
I do think older people are more concerned with the overall condition of the clothing than younger people are, especially in public. I'll admit to living in bike shorts/leggings & shirts (which may well be ratty and / or stained) sans underwear at home - going out is different. Everything is in good repair, clean & neat with underwear - that's just who I am. I used to be anal about matching shoes and bags, but not anymore.
@@bethdumont9020
Agree with all you said. As for my kid, I also suspect that is part if it. I just wish I knew if there was anything I could do to alleviate anything coming from my end and be allowed to express what I have learned or how I have grown. I don’t let it affect my respect for them in my mind or my words or deeds. I still have hope they will later understand. It just hurts.
Even though I am trans (FTM) and could not make myself be any sort of girl (butch, femme, genderqueer, boi, etc.), I am so glad that this video exists, and that people are having these conversations. I think Keegan and all these women are all beautiful points on the spectrum of womanhood and what it is to be a woman. I shared this video to my socials. Excellent job to everyone involved, and thank you for sharing your stories. 💛
I'm a teenager girl in highschool. "Grey area" is something I've felt for so long but not been able to put into words. I feel so inbetween my peers, and that it would be so easy if I was just a lesbian because there is no way a boy would ever like a masculine girl like me. I've tried dressing more feminine, only having female friends, and growing out my hair that I chopped in 6th grade. It only makes me feel more alien. Thank you for bringing light to what I've always thought was something only I experienced. As some other people in the comments said, I'm so glad to know there are others in the world just like me. ♥️
I so identified with all of these women and especially with the older woman who said she hoped our life experiences would have made things different for young women. Just the other day I was remembering an incident where I was mistaken as a man by a waiter. When we left the restaurant, my girlfriend asked, "Why did you dress like that?" That homophobic remark still stings. I know it came from her own issues with gender, sexuality and shame, but she projected it onto me and it still burns.
I have huge boobs and pink hair, and people still ask me if I'm a man
I think being a woman can be filled with anything you want it to be. And I find it painful to watch, she encountered this many problems. The school calling her out is so wild. How could a pair of trousers and a shirt ever be inappropriate, unless the shirt has a super inappropriate print or something.
Yeah. I rarely think about my gender. I am just "me", being a woman is a trivial compared to everything else in me. It's just my biology.
@@kitcat2449 this is where it seems we all should be. so much focus on gender when i agree with what you're saying, we're just us. when many seem to be finding their fundamental identity in their sex/gender or sexual preference, i think that's a huge mistake. though probably because of where we've been, that's the way it's going to be for now.
Thank you for addressing this important issue. Older cis gay man here, and I have had many masculine women friends over the years, as well as masc-of-center trans men. It feels to me that the issues masculine women face are not illuminated often enough, so I appreciate all of you who took on this project!
What is a masc of centre trans man? A trans man is a man. A trans masculine person is someone who can be masc of centre. The words mean different things. Trans men are men - binary men. That's why the term man is used.
What's the centre? @@Ftjxmmged
@@FtjxmmgedYes trans men are men, and they can be masculine or feminine. There are plenty of femme trans men, so I think the original commenter was referring to a trans man whose presentation is slightly masculine. Not really sure why they mentioned trans men tho.
@Unkomfy im aware.
The term 'masc of centre' would refer to someone being non binary. As a binary trans man who is actually feminine, this terminology is misgendering us. We're men. Not masculine. Trans men are men. We can be feminine men, or masculine men, or both. But we aren't 'masc' or whatever the he'll a 'masc of centre' trans man is.
Trans masculine = person whose gender lies masc of centre.
Trans man = a transgender man
A trans man technically would fall under the broader category but nope, none of this shit. Trans men are MEN. call us that. Not masc. MEN.
No one would say 'that cis man is masc of centre' and its pretty accepted that calling trans women feminine instead of women is really naff, but us binary trans men have accepted that most of our community cares more about refusing to use the terminology we need because of hating cis men so much that they absolutely refuse to refer to any transgender man as a man. They just have to say we are 'masculine'
Grew up in the north but my Dad was Southern Baptist born and bred. He said “If it’s the last thing I do I will make a lady out of you”. He said that all the time. Middle school and high school are awful.
Thank you for sharing your stories. Hearing how you are treated as adults hurts and hearing how you were treated as children is heartbreaking. I hope my children are as brave as you.
“It was our job to take it so you could all be free” 😭
💜
I was 4 when I noticed being different. There weren't any women I could identify with. Because of my religion and culture, I started to rationalize. Trying to become more feminine, for my femininity was never enough. My mother was abusive, and used violence to set me straight. Rewarding me with love when I fell within expectations. This reprogramming resulted in chronic stress, depression and suicidal idiation.
It wasn't until I turned 23 that I started healing. To this day, I expect to be beaten for making mistakes and stepping out of bounds.
I ache to hear you went through that! But am so happy you are here and alive and healing!
Not sure if you've heard of it but EMDR therapy has done wonders for me with reprocessing trauma and unhealthy beliefs. I would 11/10 recommend it for anyone trying to deal with a lot of deep trauma
I can relate to this as a tomboy who has masculine features thanks to pcos, it unfortunately kicked in around puberty and made my already masculine features even more so.
I still struggle to think of myself and express femininity. I feel like a trans woman in a trans man body and like I’m a fake female.
It’s hard to overcome those strange feelings
I can relate to this. Let yourself accept all of it as "right" (allow yourself the 'contradictions'), even if you don't know how to fit the pieces together well just yet. Move to a place where you can dress/act/be however you are safely - that could be a different mix every day! Construct the best external life that you can (skills, education, career). Doing that will make you stronger and will build self-confidence. I hope you'll find a comfortable, joyful path to follow.
In light of what's happening in the Olympics with the female boxer, this documentary is timely and timeless and necessary. Thank you and be the you that you ARE.
Says so much about our society that we freak out about what clothes someone wears instead of calling people out on their disgusting behaviour. Fabulous film, thankyou.
I was walking around a spa one time, when the old ladies were whispering among themselves, horrified that there's a man in their part of the building. I had short hair but I was stark naked, with a typical female body build.
Ya know what even if you were a man it's not right to judge unless you actually do something wrong to warrant that
How demented is that behaviour...crazy 😮
How much more proof did they want that you were female? They sound like they were having some kind of group psychotic break!
This resonates with me. It hurts being told you aren’t good enough the way you are. I was always asked to change my style, my hair, etc. Everything I liked was questioned. Per my mother, it was always someone else influencing me. I was treated like I had no thoughts of my own when it came to my appearance.
I like your handle! Hope it was a thought of your own ;) cuz it got me smiling this evening!😁😄
Similar sitch for me growing up in church. You prob'ly look fabulous now! Including your brilliant thoughts!!
So happy to finally see this. I appreciate the higher visibility of nonbinary and transmasculine identities but there is a specific kinship I feel with the few other masculine women I know. Also Keagan you have got to drop the affiliate links for your wardrobe please, hook us up, we need to know.
She never identifies as anything other than a woman
As a transmasculine person, I just wanted to say thank you for this comment without degrading our experience. I think it’s beautiful for women to find confidence in their masculinity. My lived experience is so similar to the discussions in this video but HRT and transition have helped me feel more like myself. We all should be free to be ourselves - wherever we fall on the spectrum. Much love to all of us who share similar stories and have different destinations.
@@Pathfinder11 I am a trans masculine non-binary person and I feel the same
This feels very relatable to me as I grew up intersex "female"
When I was in 5th grade, I started to notice I was different. My puberty was much more masculine, and it was glaringly obvious. One day, when I was 12, I finally said screw it and wore something comfortable to school: cargo shorts and a button-down shirt. I told people I'd be going by a different name, as my nickname outside of school was Greg.
That same night, the teacher called my parents for a conference. She told them she wasn't comfortable calling me by a different name and suggested therapy.
My whole life changed basically overnight. My parents were somewhat supportive, but very hesitant. They made it known that they didn't want me to put myself at risk in that way.
They always knew, but they were afraid of how people would see me (as intersex wasn't a thing people talked about, and being transgender was not a commonly accepted thing at the time)
They warned me that my grandparents would treat me differently, and boy did they. In the following weeks, I went to therapy. I started medication. My "boys" wardrobe was taken from me. I was coached on how to be feminine, all the way down to the way I walked.
I lived like that for 8 years before I finally dropped it. Once I moved away, they couldn't force me to do that anymore.
But I will say, that experience changed me fundamentally. The idea that I always had to be one or the other pushed me into a box, and I now fall into the transgender category, despite it being not entirely true. Being intersex, no matter what gender I claim, it is both true and false. But with both familial and societal pressure to pick one, I chose the one most comfortable, which was male.
Can't help but wonder if I could've been happy as a masculine girl, had I not been thrown into that "intervention" before I even understood myself. Given time to try it on, would I have still felt pressure to conform and choose?
I'm nearly 60 and always felt like I was a boy, from my earliest memories. My father was homophobic and he assumed that I was going to be a lesbian. He made it his mission to 'knock me' into being a young lady; I was insulted, beaten and psychologically abused. Yet the worst thing of all was that I was just heartbroken that my daddy didn't love me. So I grew up terrified of looking masculine and stayed plump to accentuate the curves. I'm attracted to men, they initially like me because I look feminine but after a while they don't like my opinionated, confident personality, someone who likes cars and fishing. I'm so glad that more people these days have the freedom to be who they want to be, naturally.
I’m a masculine female
In my mid 50s. What confuses the general public about myself is that I am not gay. I was raised in a similar situation as you were except I was extremely tall and still am. In the 70s they didn’t make tall clothing so I had to wear men’s clothing because they did not want to wear dresses or skirts. I never was competitive in terms of sports, but I did like to cycle, and heavily into the arts. I do not look at my life as gray matter or a void, I am who I am, I don’t have to explain who I am to anybody and I am damn sure not going to put a label on myself other than my name and that I am an earthling. I have been married twice to men, I have never dated women. I do not have the desire to date women and I think if a person is comfortable in their own skin that’s all that matters. However, I’ve never worn a binder or anything like that. I think it’s OK to be a masculine female and not be ashamed of your body meaning why bind? I just don’t like the gray area. I do not like that term whatsoever. I do not think we as human beings should be defined as something that someone else wants us to be. It’s OK being a masculine woman whether you’re gay or straight. The main thing is loving and accepting who you are and not trying to people please anyone else.
earthling🌼
i don’t think i’ve ever met a woman who’s used binders? trans men and non binary people who are assigned female at birth usually use those. i think you’re maybe confusing the two?
@@albanyn.9305 I am not confused at all. I know exactly what I’m talking about. I have been around the block many times.
@@Tzippi personally i have never met cis masculine women wear binders so i wasn’t sure.
@@albanyn.9305 just because you haven’t does not mean that nobody does. Are you the authority of everything in the universe? I don’t think so. You were thinking is dangerous and the way that you keep telling people that they’re wrong and I’ve never and it’s a never happened and blah blah blah stop.
As a woman with trans experience who tends to fall on the masc side of the spectrum, I resonate with your story so deeply. I tried to reject my desire to be a woman to fit in more with cisgender people for so many years. Since I began my transition, I also attempted to mute my masculinity so I could become more "passable". With the help of learning perspectives like yours, I am starting to learn that there is nothing wrong with my gender, or how I choose to carry myself. I hope that the world one day can get over themselves and learn to appreciate masculine women as we are. Thank you so much ❤
You are not a woman with trans experience. You are a man. That is all you will ever be. You are a man.
Hey that sounds just like me. I'm a woman, I'm trans and usually prefer to dress and style myself in an androgynous or masc way. I very rarely hear from other people with a similar experience so it was very nice to read your comment :)
@@chloefischer8153 Why do both of you men think that the category 'woman' is just yours for the taking? It is not.
How did you get so entitled to believe that something that does not belong to you belongs to you? You must be born a woman. There is no other way to be one.
You are not a woman with trans experience. You are a man. No magic words will change what nature has already determined.
really love the phrasing "a woman with trans experience", i feel like it suits so much better than just "trans woman"
When I was about 8, a bunch of little girls broke into my bathroom stall in a Wendy's. They thought I was a boy and started screaming. They just key coming in my stall over and over pointing at me and screaming. All I could do was cry. This was the first time. Luckily I grew massive breasts and now I look like a man with massive breasts... But at least now people assume I'm a girl most of the time.
Me too, my androgynous phase ended at age 14 with my full C’s
im so sorry that happened to you
Yeah, people ask me how I'm so physically strong for a woman. My response is I have 35 lbs. of breast tissue attached to every movement I make. Squat, bend over, breathe, jump, climb, sleep, and dance with that for a week. Then ask again.
it’s sad that you had to sexualise yourself just so you could live as yourself… that’s really not ok at all.😊
That's so horrible. People always say kids are such angels and I wanna say "you were one of the worst kids and never met one since or sumn?"
23:19 Jesus that unlocked a memory. The rounders team we were playing once when I was 13 were whispering to their coach about something and she came over and said this to my coach. Nothing like people thinking you’re a boy that doesn’t belong somewhere to throw you off the game
I'm so glad her mother finally understood. All anyone wants really is acceptance.
Thank you so much for making the film, I feel people don't talk enough about being a masculine woman in public. I loved the part when you discussed how at the end of the day its just clothes and a haircut, yet people treat you completely different because of it. I feel really seen, amazing film!
I was a tomboy through and through growing up, though because of my genetics, I was very curvy and feminine looking. It was a weird grey area. I wasn't interested in romance until I was almost 20 (and still am not particularly interested in sex to this day). I used to try to hide my body with frumpy clothes, and when I was young I always wanted to BE one of the boys, not have them hit on me. It was a rough and weird time. I still struggle with some of that to this day, and I'm 50.
By the way I wanted to add that I've never been confused FOR a man (it's sort of a non issue with my body), and thus I haven't experienced so much of the bullying and harassment that some of the folks in the video have. That breaks my damn heart. Sigh.
I relate to this. Though I had a very boyish body as a kid, puberty changed that in a huge way; there was no confusing me for male. I'm actually probably more non-binary myself... it was actually a weird relief and joy to have cancer take my DD breasts (the mastectomy was a relief, not the cancer part). I feel like I'm totally more in my own comfortable body now, and actually don't feel as much like I wish I was more male or could transition, like I used to feel. And yes, I was always the tomboy - favorite toys were Matchbox cars, those little zoo animals, and of course sticks in the woods that could be swords, guns, whatever...
That scene with your mother on the floor with the photos broke me.. thanks for making this.
Id been a "tomboy" my whole life. My mother had never had much of an issue with it, as she was kind of a tomboy as a kid, though she would make me dress feminine for church. I thought i may be a man because i couldnt relate to women, but i waited until i was 28 to make sure it wasnt a phase, im not a man, but something in between.
I made the decision to hormonally "transition" in 2022, soon after my mother was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer.
I didnt want to stress her, so i didnt tell her anything.
Before her health slipped in 2023 I told her, i told her that i was transitioning, I told her i didnt tell her because i didnt want to stress her.
She was taken aback, and concerned for me. She wished i wouldnt choose this path but, then she hugged me and told me no matter what im still her baby. and ill always be her baby. that it didnt matter what she thought, or anyone else thought, and that id just always be her baby.
love you mom.
Pushing 60 here and when I was young, I was called a Tom boy. I still am. In a way, I was lucky as my folks did not try and change me. I had the toys I wanted and the friends who shared my style. Today my folks would have forced me to transition so I am very grateful I went through this in the 70's and not today. I'm proud of the woman I am and happy with my life. There is nothing wrong with marching to your own drummer.
Glad this came up . 71 yo lesbian here. Masc trending my whole life. Just did not give a s### what anyone thought. Pretty much out by age 16. Lucky me for the parents i had who loved me no matter what. My partner, now wife, of 34 years a feminine person by temperment and choice. We just live our life as we see fit. I am sorry for those of you who felt so rejected and "unseen". It is beyond my understanding why society puts so much emphasis on gender. So damn unneccessary. Has no intrinsic value of its own. Just be who you are, live your truth. Be well, all.
i agree that the emphasis on gender seems unnecessary, and even harmful. we're fundamentally human beings, not our sex/gender, or our sexual orientation, imo. though i can also see how those who've felt they were in straightjackets might need that to be the focus for now, and how they identify.
My crises point was the first time I was told that I had to wear a shirt on a hot day when we were at our cabin in the woods. I was always allowed to run around there shirtless just like all the boys did when their families were out there as well or lived there permanently. It was the first time I tried my hand at disobedience, stomping around outside and refusing to go in to put a shirt on. I wanted to cry as I realized that boys were allowed to do something that I was never going to be allowed to do again.
Mind you I was still not developed at all, just kinda starting to show some form and thank God, thank God, that form didn't go past a solid A for most of my life, because I was too athletic, too boyish, too uncaring about clothing and wanted to dress like a boy or boyish for most of my life. I worked in a man's career, the first female and often the only one in my crew or that had ever done that particular job before in Aerospace and Defense as an Electro-Mechanical Tech or Mechanic.
My parents never called me a tom boy, never tried to change me and I thank God for that as well. I was just myself. And as mentioned, we all have a balance of what is considered masculine and feminine and that balance is different in all of us. Having both is considered to be healthy. I chose for myself marriage and children and know my sexual orientation is straight. Not that I didn't experiment in my youth to figure it out, I did and my sexual attraction is towards men. My career helped, as I was expected to dress like one of the guys, work like a man and communicate in a masculine manner.
Whoever you are, no matter who rejects you, never reject yourself. You are loved by God just as you are, we all get one life as far as I know and for the one trip on this planet we get to be ourselves. Take it and run with it, be the best you that you can be today. God bless.
With masculinity and feminine being constructed by society... it doesn't have anything to do with health to be balanced in both. It's just people are different. Society just discriminates against people with certain trait COMBINATIONS, because it constructed them as wrong, unnatural, unhealthy. But that's just... yeah, society discriminating against human variance
As a masculine woman in my 40s, Thank you ❤🙏☺️
Effeminate/feminine gay trans man here. I would like to express my solidarity to you folks. And I'm deeply sorry about some of the misguided discussions in the trans community. I think they have contributed to some harmful attitudes towards queer cis women, non-binary people and probably more, as well as for the trans community itself, of course. I hope we can repair some of the damage together.
I can only imagine what you went through as I lived under the radar for a very long time. To most people, I seemingly appeared as a feminine straight cis girl with a few masculine traits.
We need representation for all the different variations of gender expression, gender identity, hormone levels, anatomy, body shape, sexual, romantic and other attractions, personality and so on. And how they can all be like... - incongruent to each other, for the lack of a better word.
Thanks for the amazing, well-made documentation. It made me sad and angry but I enjoyed watching it nonetheless.
Take care!
I completely understand. My partner looks and dresses very similar to the main documentary subjecr. Her experiences in daily life are exactly what my partner has experienced through current day. She's been attacked, beat up, thrown out of women's bathrooms. She hates going to public restrooms and often is scared walking out in public, especially in the current political climate.
As a trans man, I feel so much solidarity with masculine women. I love all of you dearly. I grew up with and lived your experience. Lots of bullying, lots of hate, but my love for masculinity never went away. Every time my family humiliated me for having unshaved legs or dressing masculine it hurt and confused me so much, because nothing made me happier than presenting that way. At the end of the day, the lines you draw with your gender and expression are your own. We can all always learn from each other and uplift each other.
Beautifully documented. To those who feel alone, rejected, or 'too different' when being themselves; you are beautiful, and you are loved. To women in the grey area!
Beautiful! This is me and so many other masculine women being bullied and physically harassed for not conforming to the patriarchal binary! We need more representation like this movie. Thank you for showing who we are 🔥✊🏻💜
Okay when I’m in my workout gear , I get more respect from men and women because they think I’m a masculine woman but I also love the coquette style. So what the hell I think it’s just my small town that just has more masculine women than feminine so they respect more masculine women which is fine but I would feel more like an outsider if I dressed feminine
I'm a transmasc person, but it took me a long time to realise I what the dissonance was and how to start addressing it because I'm not hugely masculine at all in nature, especially compared to my physical appearance. Even dressing in girls clothes my facial and body features would often cause people to hesitate to gender me or gender me as a boy, something that gave me such strong conflicted feelings that I shut it in a box and refused to look inside until leaving the shadow of my abusive mother. It was in transitioning that I realised that the halfway point is the closest thing to natural for me. That if I was born male, I probably would have been just as uncomfortable about that box. I probably would have wanted to walk back to the middle.
I'm still not totally happy with where I am. I think 99% of people would still gender me male even if I wore the flowy, floral fabrics and beautiful jewelry I want to wear. But I'm terribly afraid. I've spent most of my life taking very calculated bets on what clothing is available to me as a very fat individual, trying to avoid as much as I can the things people presume about me when they see that. It's scary to think of flouting gender norms in an explicit way, rather than the safely confusing, ambiguous way I've been living.
I don't know. I wish wanting to wear beautiful things didn't come with so much baggage. I'm tired of gender as a hyper aggressive team sport. I am just me.
The possibility of bullying is real, whenever someone seems to be outside of the norm. But is that a way to live? My father was a straight male who lived in fear his whole life that other men were going to bully him for being effeminate or perceived as gay. It was really sad. There are plenty of accepting people in the world, but usually the best place to find them is the internet. But I hope you will keep trying to find spaces where you can be yourself and express your creativity without being bullied. Also, I found it very helpful to take multiple self-defense classes.
@@ZoeMagnes I do certainly fear bullying, persecution, to a degree, but a large part of my hesitation is that the years since I transitioned, having people address me as he or they and only very occasionally as she is very dysphoria relieving. Even if I'm a little ambiguous on if "man" is a good way to describe aspects of my gender, I do know for a fact that being treated as a "woman" by most people makes me feel really uncomfortable in ways that still don't necessarily make intellectual sense to me, but I still react to on a visceral level. Changing the way I dress to something seen as more feminine would likely make people react to me as more feminine and put me back in that box much more often. So the baggage I was referring to was more a lament at the existence of gendered standards at all for my personal case, because the places I've been the most comfortable are those intimate queer spaces where no deliniation exists whatsoever and I don't have to play gender as a highly complicated team sport 😅
I've never read something that makes me feel so seen before (as a transmasculine person), thank you for sharing your experience
I'm just me is the answer we all should respect. What´s the problem?
@@M_J_nan Because we live in a world where we intersect with each other in many, many ways, and negotiating, intentionally or not, with society and people around us is inevitable. "I'm me" is all I might need for me, but I might be any number of things to others. A lover, a crush, a rival, an object of disgust, a symbol of triumph, a symbol of degeneracy. It's just one of those things that is like everything in life, the closer you look at it, the more details you'll find. Even something as simple as the choice to wear pants or not communicates a lot about you.
Especially if you try wearing nothing else 😂
I have "travel clothes" that are simply more figure forming clothes so that i can actually go to the bathroom without the anxiety of someone coming in after me yelling at me or scaring women and children that dont recognize me as a woman. The difference in how people treat me based on that one simple change is always jarring. I hope for a more egalitarian future. Stay strong ladies!
The part in which the mother ask the child to "give her that" when she was about to take her senior photo killed me... I grew up with a mother that was never on board with my gender identity and gender expression, to the point I had to figure it out for my self as soon as I started living on my own.
She constantly asked that "I give her that", by performing femininity that was just not in me, and it always broke me. The lady that said that those things still hurt even after you grow old is spot on. Nothing breaks you like a parent telling you that they don't like you and that you have to change who you are to win the love of the people who should love you unconditionally. I am beyond happy every time I know that diverse people find each other and become the family that actually accepts you just the way you are. Even more happy when parents come around and start doing their only job: Love their children. But that's a bit more rare.