Psychiatric Interview: BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) | Part 1 | Dr. Karen Jacob
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- Опубліковано 22 лют 2021
- A first meeting between a person diagnosed with BPD and expert clinician Karen Jacob, who is the Program Director for a Borderline Personality Disorder Treatment Program and an Instructor of Psychology.
Follow-up Session 1.5 years later: • Psychiatric Follow-up ...
You can find Part 3 (Analysis with Dr. Jacob) here: • Psychiatric Interview:...
And Part 2 (Debrief with Client) here: • Psychiatric Interview:...
Playlist of all Charlotte vids:
• Charlotte
This is a long form, minimally edited interview. This is not an acted scene. Please be advised: subjects discussed include self-harm, substance use, death of a family member, domestic abuse and other difficult subject matter.
This video is part of a series of sessions with therapists who work with Borderline Personality Disorder. Playlist of all videos to date is here: • Sessions
Dr. Jacob is at the forefront of treatment for people with BPD, including those who experience co-occurring psychiatric conditions such as substance use, eating disorders, depression, or anxiety. Her short bio:
"Karen L. Jacob, PhD, is the program director of the Gunderson Residence. She received her PhD in clinical psychology from Clark University and completed her post-doctoral training at Cambridge Health Alliance at Harvard Medical School. Her clinical training has been primarily in cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) for patients struggling with mood, anxiety, and personality disorders, as well as in mindfulness, mentalization, dialectical behavior, and biofeedback therapies.
Dr. Jacob has an extensive research training background, having studied topics including diabetes, adoption, attachment, panic disorder, and psychotherapy outcomes. She has authored numerous papers and presentations and was honored with the Hiatt Scholarship. Her current research interests include understanding the effectiveness of empirically-supported treatments in clinical contexts and in elucidating mechanisms of change in treatment. Dr. Jacob has a particular interest in understanding the relative impact of different components of treatment on outcome, as measured by both symptom and functional improvement."
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For more information about BORDERLINE, the feature-length documentary we made about BPD, please visit: borderlinethefilm.com
Our archive of videos on mental health is expanding - be sure to subscribe to our channel here: / borderlinernotes
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Disclaimer: Please be advised this video may contain sensitive information. All content found within this publication (VIDEO) is provided for informational purposes only. All cases may differ, and the information provided is a general guide. The content is not intended to be used as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have specific questions about a medical condition, you should consult your doctor or other qualified medical professional for assistance or questions you have regarding a medical condition. Studio Comma The, LLC and BorderlinerNotes does not recommend any specific course of medical remedy, physicians, products,opinion, or other information.
Studio Comma The, LLC and BorderlinerNotes expressly disclaim responsibility and shall have no liability for any damages, loss, injury, or liability whatsoever suffering as a result of reliance on the information in this publication. If you or someone you know is considering self-harm or suicide, it’s okay to ask for help. 24 hour support is provided by www.hopeline-nc.org (877.235.4525), suicidepreventionlifeline.org (800.273.8255), kidshelpphone.ca (800.668.6868).
"I would hate to pass what I went through onto a living creature."
I felt that.
MY MOM ONLY SAID IT I CANT REMEMBER. .. IM DUMB ANYWAY
E
had same feelings and hence no children.
exact words out of my mouth
I have BPD. I feel the exact same way.
ABSOLUTELY! Good to see I’m not the only one. Greatest accomplishment of my life, not reproducing.
In case this young woman reads these comments, I would like to tell her what I did after I was sick of talking to therapists: I began to record myself talking, and I'd later listen to myself. I did this sober, while drinking alcohol, while stoned...I let it all out. I was my best therapist, because only I could decipher the significance to each rant, each memory. I also got out my anger towards my mother; I yelled at her, called her horrific names, and when I listened later, I felt rather sorry for the woman. It actually reduced my anger, it helped me release my stories outloud and have someone, a slightly futurist me, listen to the rantings. I was able to validate my feelings and my reactions to the abuse and neglect I received. I've moved on quite a bit after doing that. I feel less guilt and shame, I feel stronger. I've realized my areas of weakness and have been working on improving myself. I see your pain and know it well. It does get better; you just need to find a way to love and forgive yourself.
Love this idea! Thank you.
Wow great idea I’m going to try this, thank you so much!
i recorded myself telling my life story for the first time one late night when i was about 14. now my heart hurts because i truly had and still really have no one
@@222cutekitty Awe :/ I know it’s not easy and I’m sure what I say sounds cliche but I’m sure there are someone out there that loves you and cares even if it’s a stranger or people here in the comments. I hope you are doing well and sounding yourself with like minded people. I don’t know you but I do sympathize and feel for you. I hope you take care of yourself and know you are deserving of love
Absolutely love this - both the sentiment for Charlie (a super strong, vibrant and beautifully-spirited woman) and your self-therapy technique is awesome. I've often used journalling in the same way, but might give this a try. Although I find my journals to be excellent therapy, I imagine listening to your own voice would be even more powerful because you would hear the inflections/emotion in your voice, in a way that you can't quite do with words on a page. Love it, Kristina. Thank you
The relentless mind chatter. All day, all night. It never stops and it makes you so tired. Thankyou for being so honest about BPD. I feel less alone.
Ive since stopped but the first time I smoked, I cried because it all stopped and I was so happy. My friend didn't understand why I was so happy, it's because I was able to just be. I didnt have to worry about my trainwreck of thoughts.
That reminds me of adhd. I didn’t know BPD was like that
@@Uhhlaneuh You can also have both ADHD + BPD and since they overlap a lot symptom-wise at the basic level, they amplify each other drastically.
@@IntelligentFlame correct, they can be comorbid like how I have anxiety/adhd
i have a two channel system of chatter going. i haven’t had a decent nights sleep for 27 years
My sister lost her battle with BPD last year. She was sweet, wonderful. BPD is a way to cope with abuse. My heart goes out to anyone with BPD
i'm so sorry, white feather.
May your sister rest in peace. My condolences.
:(
sorry for your loss
It's horrible
she's fucking brave for putting herself out there. I applaud her courage.
Nope, she’s in her glory.
BPDers WANT the attention. The DSM states this explicitly. The user "barbara" is exactly right. The interviewee plays a part for attention, and obviously gets it. There's nothing wrong with that in that it is a symptom of the disease. But it's not bravery. It's a symptom that, if she was well, she would feel like we all do about doing this type of thing. It's not bravery at all.
@@williegates627 I don't necessarily think that BPDers want the attention that a psychiatric interview, posted on-line, would bring. For the most part, Borderlines KNOW they are deeply flawed, but DO NOT want that exposed to the world. In fact, in their own maladaptive way, they do everything to not appear, "unwell". (It's all about appearances with a Borderline!!) Now, walking into a party and being the best-dressed, sexiest, most elegant, ya, I would agree that Borderlines love that attention, but to be EXPOSED as severely flawed and damaged, I don't believe that.
@@williegates627 I find it interesting, and a bit telling, that you reposted this same comment on two different posts...
@@Missditabomb Border personality disorder is highly stigmatized.
BPD is all about separation from your "family". When your parents have discarded you and failed to identify your needs as a baby and child. She is smart, empathic and kind. Its basically grief for all that never was.
chills, you just described me.
@@ontheborderline2012 sending much love. Listen to Marshall Chapmans song "Its never too late to have a happy childhood" Hugs
@@wilsal2485 I think some BPD sufferers are misdiagnosed. Think also that hormone studies are massively underrepresented for woman. Many many woman whom are suffering "BPD" are suffering literal internal allergic type reactions to hormones. Some people are born with DNA issues that weaken certain things like collagen and or may have sensitivities caused by pollutants from the womb. BPD can be inherited by trauma imprints. Remember we were eggs inside out grandmothers as we grow in our mothers ovaries. Trauma and adrenaline of the maternal lineage massively impacts the DNA and psyche. Your "BPD" may be an inherited thyroid issue or endocrine burnout from a grandmothers situation also. War/Poverty/domestic abuse. There are many factors that could be at play. Mind body and spirit
@@wilsal2485 I typed a whole reply and it disappeared. Basically there are many factors We are eggs inside out grandmothers as we develop DNA in our mothers eggs. e can have inherited trauma imprints. War/Poverty/Domestic violence trauma can be held and passed this way. Thats why alcoholism can skip generations. There is also a massive issue with sufferers of mental health conditions whom are actually having totally undiagnosed reactions due to genetic weakness to hormone fluctuations. Hormones for some woman set of an unbridled personality highjack they have no idea this is happening as are not encouraged to even track or examine this possibility as modern medicine is really sexist. Full moons also trigger migrines for some re sensitivities to blood volume increase and paracites procreate on full moon and they might live in the blood brain or lungs or stomach and that may have invaded the immune system . This hormone balance fluctuation re depression becomes apparent as when pregnant there can be stabilisation or worsening of symptoms. Also the grossly understudied post partum issues re depression expemplify this Unfortunately because hormones mostly effect woman there has been massive undervaluation of research of the severity of this issue for sue humans. Many many illnesses (Covid 19 most recently) have a hormone protection factor. Its a mixture of mind, body, spirit. Trauma can happen from conception. A lot of people have no idea about the mind state of the mother and father and their stresses at the time of conception as many people in past generations were mind controlled into compete denial of their true feelings due to survival mechanisms and learned programming. Also we are subjected to a lot of endocrine disruptive chemicals daily. Some souls simply arrive here feeling "seperated" and unless you have a very tuned in parent that can get a lot worse. We are at the first tine i history where people are able to express this feeling of separation and grief. For some the answers are in their PTSD history and for others its a more complex biological and hidden or spiritual issue.
Wow, yes it's true. I always described myself as having multiple personalities as a joke before this was even a talked about thing.
BPD is the best example of why you should never cause a child harm, neglect, or if these things do happen, whatever you do, do not deny the reality of that abuse or neglect.
I am sorry stop this ignorance. One is born with BPD it is not caused by abuse that is absolutely not true and if you tell people like this they are victims you absolutely do not help them.
@@MrMakingwavesmedia literal doctors and scientists(which doesnt include you) are almost clueless about bpd in comparison to other disorders. so get off that like you know what youre talking about its a combination of genetic and environmental. hope one day youre not as ignorant as you were months ago and as you prob still are now
@@MrMakingwavesmedia lol good on you
@@MrMakingwavesmedia you’re not born with BPD. It’s caused by traumatic events in early childhood/teenage years
@@MrMakingwavesmedia I agree that we are the complex genetic amalgamation of our ancestry, so yes, born with the symptoms. This is however further exacerbated by our traumatic abusive upbringings which are devoid of any form of healthy attachment.
"i'm not being super hard on myself, i'm just being honest" . . . that resonated
She looks so tired, so sick of everything, and yet, she seems so sweet!
Yes it’s very exhausting. My daughter has it and every time I want to say how exhausted I am I just try to imagine her daily “hell” as she says.
She is a sweetheart. I can tell that she has a tender spirit and a broken heart. She is living in torment, like so many of us are. But, she’s gonna be okay. She needs to know that a lot of people feel that way. And that friendships are just almost impossible to find after school. And friends are a good thing. And she would be an amazing wife and an amazing mother. Awwwww she is so beautiful. God bless you sweet girl. You’re awesome! Thank you for sharing your story with us. Thank You for being so honest and so open. And her best days are ahead of her. God bless the girl. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I’m sorry for your loss. I’m positive that we will see our dad’s again.
maybe she just has those droopy eye genes. saying someone looks tired does no one any favors.
Not you describing me
Every single day is a fight. There’s never a break….
It hit home for me when she said she felt like a turtle without a shell. I grew up feeling every emotion so much intensely and with no tools to handle it. Thank God for therapy.
NAncy D: Doyou mean that you actually get therapy that HELPS, that the therapist is WORKING with you, with a plan with you, co-working with you?
I literally did a double take when she said that because I used the exact same phrase around 5 years ago when in a Counselling session. My Counsellor said it made him wince at the thought of being that raw.
@@sarahholland2600 Yes, the emotions are that raw with Borderlines. They cannot put emotions into any perspective, so everything is RAW. Your therapist, however, should not have said anything about about how your situation/statement affected HIM.
So you are a psychopath?
What kind of therapy? Regular "talking/counseling" doesn't help.
Wow. She nailed it with the nonstop shame and beating herself up. This is what my therapist and I go through nearly every session. She has to constantly bring me out of a shame loop. Wow. This is eye opening when you see it happening in someone else.
What is the shame loop? How does she bring you out of it? I'm curious because I work with people, in general, I'm not a therapist.
@@beepbopboop3221 Like believing in any given thought/situation that it's ultimately your fault/your the problem, shows in language you use also, for example phrases when describing things like 'Brought it on myself', 'my own fault obviously', 'I'm so stupid', 'should have done better', 'could have done better', 'could have done ... But I didn't' etc etc, things that show as bringing yourself down a lot, shaming yourself for how you handled things/the part you did or didn't play at the time and in every regard, it's ultimately yourself that's the problem/to blame. Therapists/psychiatrists 'bring you out of it' by acknowledging it, pointing out that you've said these sorts of ultimately self shaming comments and making you aware of it too, teaching you to be more mindful of what you say, which in turn forces you to challenge the why behind why you unconscious take that stance (I.e bringing yourself down/assuming its always you that's the problem etc and how that shows through in your words) teaching you to be more compassionate towards how you speak of yourself and to start noticing how you speak of yourself, 'catching it' when you say it and challenging it, thinking from a more compassionate, open, non judgemental way and rephrasing what it was you were saying. Know its long but hope it helps 😂🙂
Btw...the connection between abusive mothers and BPD is very common. My mom is a raging malignant narcissist and I developed BPD as a result.
Felt this it’s something so common!!
Well no, you developed BPD because you inherited the predisposition to develop it because your mother, a narcissist, also has a cluster B personality disorder.
My mother is a malignant narcissist as well it sucks I see so many friends have amazing relationships with their moms and I am jealous. I’m don’t have BPD myself I have been diagnosed with ADHD but I wish you well and hope the relationships with the rest of your family make you feel loved and supported ❤️
yess my mom is the same and my older sister had BPD but neither of them believe they have either disorder
I am so sorry that this happened to you. Knowing you have BPD is half the battle, i wish you incredible fortune and growth on your road to recovery and healing :)
Seeing how she talks, the way she trips over her words as if she’s trying to reassure herself, the jumpiness and lack of eye contact - I see myself there. I see the hurt disparaged and dismissed daughter who only felt safe in her own head
💜🙏🏻🧘🏻♀️your truth is beautiful.
very well put, same
Jenny, you are absolutely correct. It’s exactly how I act. God bless her.
I’m sitting here in my car waiting to go inside to my therapist. My C-PTSD therapist... and there is a pit in my stomach
WE can balance our energy centers and cure these problems.I am doing it and winning.
Thank you,
!! I truly appreciate the willingness to share your story. Hearing your story brought freedom to my n
I feel like I am still a child at 35. I feel everything so intensely that I wish I wasn't here. I dissociate or lash out in anger, and feel like a different person from one minute to the next.
Same 🥺💜
❤
Make sure you can differentiate between
Chemical and emotional.
You are saying you can't self regulate.
Same age, same feeling.
Same here. I think without proper therapy and treatment BPD people are a lot more delayed in their emotional maturity.
What a generous person to allow herself to be filmed during a session/intake/evaluation. Not only for the general public but for other clinicians to learn and improve. I’ve worked with people with BPD and I would be the first to admit that I could do much much better with folks with that diagnosis. Dr. Jacob’s did an amazing job throughout this as well. Thanks.
I have friends who have Borderline Personality disorder. They were abused. I use to set and listen to my best friend in highschool who has borderline personality disorder and I cried with her and made her feel loved. It hurt my heart knowing she was abused and she felt like a ugly useless being. She got mental health services and has been doing well. I am honored to have the time with her. I wouldn't have changed it for the world. She taught me things and I am grateful. ❤️ They need love and support. I myself have DID from childhood abuse. I understand deeply.
Dr Jay Reid has good videos about the Scapegoat child. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
When she was talking about how holidays are hard because it just reminds her of the family she never had... It hurts my heart. She was failed as a child and no one deserves that.
And yet so many children are🤬😭
As someone who suffers from the same disorder, I often times hear this same sentiment of not deserving the pain and neglect I experienced (in relation to my childhood). It’s so sweet of you to share that kindness toward her and it’s so inspiring. Please understand I mean this in the most respectful way, but that concept makes no sense to me, personally. I mean I also want to make sure other people don’t feel deserted or hurt. I 100% feel this way when I seen any child even remotely being emotionally neglected and I want to protect them. BUT if I think about this concept as it pertains to me, I have a hard time reconciling that I (personally) deserved better. In my mind it just feels foreign. What could I have done as a child that would have allowed me to deserve being loved, protected, or cherished? It just seems too inherently entitled of a mentality and it makes me feel uncomfortable (which is a very broken thought process, I know). So that’s just my random share. Thanks for letting me share. ❤️ You are awesome.
I relate to this so much and inevitably spend every holiday by myself. All I ever wanted was to belong to a tribe. I don't have a tribe.
@@pablofurnace I'm so glad you shared this because I have something to say about your opinion on the matter. What your perception is on feeling like as a child you deserving better being an "entitled" thought process, is seriously so broken 😥 You may think, "As a kid I didn't do anything exceptional, or I wasn't even a good kid." But that's where your thoughts are flawed ones. Let me key you in on something. As a child, it didn't matter if you were the best behaved or acted out the most. A child doesn't deserve loving guidance based off that, they deserve love just because they are a child. It's as simple as that. And someone who went through a traumatic situation like you, you would never see it that way because you weren't taught your own value as a child. Look back at little you, and be kind to them. Little you needs to be shown that they do matter, they are loved, and most of all that little you needs to be protected from the bad people that hurt you. The ones you trusted most as a kid hurt you and had no care to teach you your value. They failed you as well, and now you feel like as a kid maybe you even deserved your abuse. But hell no that couldn't be farther from the truth. Start working on self love, because it may be the key you need to start seeing little you in a different light. In a light where little you did deserve better love and guidance. I wish I could travel back in time just to give little you a deep hug and chat about how special you really are, even if it doesn't feel that way.
@@Maddy-mg5cq OMG, 😭 This is just the most kind thing ever. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your life to write what you did. ❤️ It really means so much. I’ll be 37 next week and I was just sitting here thinking about little me when that message notification came through. I may be a whole grown up female whose out here going through life alone…but little me really needed to hear that. Thank you a million times over. You are a beautiful soul. I’m so thankful for you.
xoxo, gina marie 🌻❤️🙏
It is such a pleasure to finally see a sensitive, accurate, real portrayal of BPD. Finally.
Heart (to your comment). Thanks for the recognizing.
Tell me about it.
I Agree!!!!!
As a psychologist, I have to disagree. While this woman discusses BPD symptoms with insight and clarity, she does not display them in the therapeutic relationship. The words, "insight and clarity" are essentially never associated with BPD. I would defer a diagnosis of BPD for now and wait to see if the typical borderline traits will be expressed in the therapeutic relationship.
@@Lehmann108 I think you are making a huge assumption that people with BPD don't have insight into their condition, particularly when they've been through as much therapy as this lady. Myself and my best friend were separately diagnosed with BPD, both of us usually knew exactly what was happening, but had no way of changing it. Please be careful what you assume ❤️
I'm 15 minutes in, and feel like I am watching myself speak.
This relation, and connection - reminder that *I'm not alone in this* is so appreciated.
Words cannot do my gratitude justice.
She is so brave for doing this
You are not alone , we are all here to understand ourselves more💞 it's beautiful. Look to the stars and moon always
Felt that too with exception to the fact my psychiatrist insists I don’t suffer from BPD . Maybe it’s time for a new one? I have Bipolar Disorder 1, depression, insomnia and generalized anxiety.
I completely related to her. appreciate her ability to put to words what i could not
❤❤❤❤❤
This is literally me... Thank you Charlotte
she has been through so much, yet she still seems so kind and caring. it's really nice to see bpd being portrayed in a way that isn't just basically someone yelling that we're all insane. she's super brave for this. wow.
Omg legit I get called crazy when I have my extreme mood swings it’s really bad
This is not bravery, she needs attention.
Part of BPD is abusive behaviour. Of course she seems caring when talking about herself since the disorder comes from extreme lack of received compassion. But what happens when you don't get that extreme compassion, which neurotypicals have no clue how to do, oh boy...abuse and punishment galore.
@@rb7500 That is not a specific criteria. When that happens to me I self harm, use substances, starve and throw up or do something else reckless. I usually shut off from the person.
@@rb7500 Another uninformed spreading in infactual truths. Abusive behavior as a considered behaviour aligns more with NPD, not BPD. What DOES align with BPD behaviour is self blame, to feel upset/deserved of said experienced lack of compassion, and to harm themself as a result. You evidently are not learned in this disorder or have it yourself, it's another thing to comment as such though. Furthermore, not every individual is the same irrespective of a diagnosis - basic concept which applies to all people in general. Still, even if talking "from experience" of say, an ex gf, does not mean every person with BPD is like your ex gf who you maybe experienced what you consider abusive behaviour from... One shoe doesn't fit all. Hopefully most people can see past ignorant, small minded, generally biased comments like this
i watch this in small segments. i stop the video and cry. then i talk to an imaginary therapist, and tell them my "story". then i go back and listen to another segment. and so on.
I do the same thing.
Not sure if that's a good thing bcos I'm reacting to this woman and the therapist on my own. I have difficulty getting a regular therapist for myself. They hear bpd and say no.
@@marykelly1723 Google "Group therapy for Borderline Personality disorder along with the city you live in and make an appointment tomorrow. That way you can start feeling better. Now quit reading this and go to Google, Mary.
@@DavidDouglasZach okay! Thank you!
@@marykelly1723 did you find a group?
❤❤❤
Very few borderlines can afford the kind of treatment they need.
We know. So so true and just plain awful. That's why this channel - the little bit we can contribute to trying to democratize some kind of access to quality information.
@@BorderlinerNotes The only reason I ever had periods of wellness is because I lived in NYC in the eighties and attended open AA meetings constantly.
Agree
Yes. I go to the regular therapist because it's really my only option being on disability. Thankfully, I have done a lot of self therapy on my own with DBT and CBT books. Me being at my therapist is like talking to someone I don't really know about all of these issues and they ask me what do you plan to cook for dinner tomorrow.....I'm like WAY out of their level of consciousness it's ridiculous. I've had incidents where they didn't know what to say. Literally for minutes, sitting there awkwardly. No offer of a solution or further progression of exploring why I feel the way I feel. I know more about my disorder than they do 99% of the time.
I have a spouse that pretty much doesn't want to talk about anything. Anytime I bring up an issue it's my fault because I am BPD. So I am just suffering in silence and tend to isolate myself just because it's easier than to deal with people and have conflict, only for it to be blamed on me, as if no one else can be to blame. So over time I have become one of the "silent BPD's" which it used to not be that way. I used to be very abusive and destructive at one point in time. No more seeking attention as I have accepted my BPD and worked through a lot of my problems. Me getting attention isn't going to fix the problem. What's been most effective has been "radical acceptance" of what is, however it's made me a little jaded to be honest. I still feel empty and lost. Which I don't think will ever go away. Suicidal but not acting, and there is nothing I can do about it but just feel it. Medication isn't going to fix it. I can say I am medication free, besides taking some sleeping meds and Dramamine for anxiety when I get histrionic. No caffeine, or alcohol either. I think one trait that really didn't fit too much with me is impulsive behavior other than anger. I have an insane amount of self-control when it's not fueled by anger. I was never into self-medicating with drugs, or spending $ (probably because I didn't have $ for either). Supposedly I am Diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar. They couldn't make up their minds because I have traits from both groups, enough to get the diagnosis, plus I was raised by my mother who is Bipolar ( the rest of my moms side is Bipolar, or Schizo) and my stepfather who raised me was from my perspective is a Narcissist with BPD or just a very extreme case of undiagnosed BPD. On top of it I have multiple physical medical issues. So it's been a rough life for me. But it is what it is.
@@realmofoz I appreciate what you're saying.
I have this disorder and when she said she felt like a turtle without a shell--raw, I started crying. Yes, that is how it feels.
Everyone pretending to be psychiatrists in the comments is fucking bold. She’s incredible, don’t watch if you think she’s some kind of spectacle.
BPD people are usually tough and intelligent, but they can be vulnerable to their own bewilderment. BPD individuals tend to have unstable identities. Therefore, the individual may make a plan in one particular mind frame or mood, and then find difficulty carrying it forward because they unconsciously migrate out of that mind frame into another one that is not congruent with the mindset that made the plan. Dissociation is a part of this cycle. It's the constant phasing in and out. It's very important that the BPD individual stays grounded to present reality. This can be accomplished through simply using the 5 senses in the moment, not necessarily all at once. For example, name 5 things you see, 4 things you are touching, 3 things you are hearing, 2 things you are smelling, etc. This exercise actively brings the mind back to current reality. It pulls you out of ruminating thought patterns. BPD folks usually have depression in some form. They don't feel good much of the time. I personally feel that it's really a condition of someone who is born very sensitive and intelligent and then encounters significant trauma, neglect and abuse. Research supports my opinion, although I have seen references indicting that not all Borderlines were abused, however, it is extremely prevalent in the vast majority of cases. Be strong, BPD People! You are special, unique, and the world wouldn't be the same without you!
Dissociation is underrated. It's pretty much a form of addiction. With BPD, not controlled or controllable. "Are you here with me" is not a stupid question to someone who is a friend with BPD.
My new word is empath.
A lot of these people feel EVERYTHING. You have to practice to not take on other people's energy. The trauma is separate.
Learning that one thing saved my life.
She's smart.
Beautifully put
@@secaucuss7344 yeah I always wondered why I was never really “here”. 90% I’m not here. And I realised it’s associated with the BPD
So well written!!! I’m saving this!
Thankyou🙏
To the woman on the left. You're not crazy. You have more strength and courage to do this interview than 99.95% of us.
*What you wrote make no sense. What does her "courage" (I submit it's narcissism, not bravery) have to do with crazy>*
@@measl What!?
No, she's definitely a total nutjob
Omg, you are ridiculous.
she is and not admitting this is helping nobody
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after my dad died as well. It triggered the worst time of my life.
The way she criticizes herself when she talks about being a better daughter, and she says it's not a judgment it's the truth, I dont think people get that borderlines genuinely believe their critiques of themselves are the truth. And that's why we're capable of causing ourselves so much pain.
Wow, how is she reading my mind? All I have ever read or heard about BPD is unkind, clinical and hurtful. This is the first instance of BPD portrayal that feels compassionate. I really relate to this woman and it feels like a little bit of a path to healing seeing another person facing the same issues who is also charming and sweet too like how I also identify. Point after point, I felt "same!" Thanks so much for this. We BPD folks need to see this! Wild!
Yess I said this too in my mind !!!
they are sweet natured, its the self centeredness that gets the bad rep.
People with BPD need to be heard and that's not what happens.
Also every woman diagnosed should get checked for Autism.
I am Autistic I have never been diagnosed with Borderline personality but I think that all too often women will get a Borderline diagnosis where males in general get diagnosed Autistic in spite of similarly presenting.
Psychiatry is not based on compassion. Many psychiatrists are compassionate, but that is despite their discipline, not because of it.
@@peaceandhonesty3516 that's very true, I see similarities in autism and BPD
the way she says sorry for her stomach making noises or for the person coughin, saying she’d feel bad☹️ i understand this so much. i’m starting to realize i say sorry for things that are way out of my control. my mental health is so fucked. i’m scared of getting a diagnosis. i feel like i can’t be honest with anyone because they’d make fun of me. i’m thinking about everyone going thru anything right now. stay strong.
I don't know the situation you're in regarding getting made fun of for the diagnosis, and I'm curious why you think people / "anyone" would make fun of you for the diagnosis you might get, but I also think that that's their issue (not yours) and it would be a pity to deprive yourself of a diagnosis that might track you toward the right treatment modalities because of what others think and say.
Thank you for this. Kindness doesn't cost and sometimes can make or break someone's entire life. Be kind, save lives.
@@BorderlinerNotes in the past, i’ve been diagnosed with MDD and anxiety and i’ve lost people because of it. i’ve lost friends, family members and pretty much my entire safety net. i’ve also been bullied by myself (if that makes any sense?). i’ve been putting myself down so much that i’ve became paranoid and always feel judge. i hate the fact that i’m like this and i can’t figure out why people would wanna stay close to me and over time, i push those people away. i’m scared of getting a BPD diagnosis since the stigma around it is way bigger than for depression and i’ve already lost so much that i can’t imagine losing whatever i have left.
Of course, we (who run and operate this channel) are not experts or trained in the treatment of mental health diagnoses, so I would never give any real suggestions that I could empirically stand behind. But your above statement makes me curious to understand your perceptions (people with BPD have problems with perceiving interpersonal dynamics and cues) regarding the actions of the people you are describing and their abandoning you based on a diagnosis. Presuming your perceptions are on-point, it doesn't speak well for them. On the second point, who's to say you need tell ANYONE your diagnosis. It is really intended for you so that you can make decisions on where to go for best help and treatment. I am myself a big-mouth, not good at keeping my own secrets. Maybe this is your fate as well and why keeping a diagnosis mum with those near would prove really hard. Needing to tell, if that is something in you, I get it. Anyway, just my 2 cents based on a very personal (and thus biased) experience of not knowing my diagnosis for WAY TOO LONG. This lack of knowledge that would have helped me categorize myself so I could get the right people on board to help, meant losing years of my life to wrong treatments or only partially correct diagnoses that did not address the core problem. You seem curious about what's going on with yourself, and that's so good, to be curious. So I bow down to your curioisty and hope you ultimately find a way to honor (in your own way) the search it leads you on. That is not easy, btw... it may, in fact, be someone's (or many of our) life's work.
@@BorderlinerNotes thank you so much for this. i’m a big mouth myself lol. i’d honestly feel so much relief to finally have a diagnosis that actually fits how i feel, but i know i would want to scream it out loud so everyone knows. i’ve talked with my social worker since i first made that comment and i’m going to meet with a psychiatrist in 3 weeks to start clearing things up. i’m really anxious, but can’t wait to understand why i feel the way i feel a bit better
Really really impressed by this Dr. She's warm but focused; and emotionally detached in a way that demands respect. And when you need help like this, you don't need a friend or a cold clinician. You need someone you can count on to be kind and in control.
I think we all demand respect. This doctor did not help the client any by minimized the effects of the parent hitting her. Client shared that was the first time she remembers clawing her self and making herself bleed. And the doctor rephrased it as "challenging".
@@sandrameza1644 I agree with @itseemedtoher 150% but you make a valid point. In fact, that phrase also struck me when it was said but I put it in perspective I think. Given this singular, initial meeting...under these circumstances (an educationally-driven super deep dive in only an hour with a veteran patient who is candid, knowledgeable, has excellent introspect and emotional intelligence) how many people would have been able to keep up? I don't expect that I would have and only hope to have that degree of conscious-conscientious-presence in my own interactions. She was right there with the patient during all but one of many turns in a very brief but complexed account of her experience. In fact, though she might never see her again, she zeroed in on tools that might help the patient forward for now. Given time, I expect that suitable attention would be given for all aspects of the patient's experiences. I was really impressed at the stealth and efficacy exhibited by the therapist and the self-awareness and transparency of the patient as well.
@@sandrameza1644 I agree with @RennieB. I think the purpose of this video was to be educational and to give broad strokes of what borderline personality disorder looks like within 1 hour. I don't think the idea was to really necessarily counsel her a lot as much as educate the world. Also, just for my own experiences with some crazy s***, you want a therapist that is there and present with you but you don't necessarily want one that is freaking out or one that overdramatizes your own drama. I will always appreciate therapist you could talk to me very straightforwardly about the severity of the situation but calmly to let me know it wasn't the end. I've had doctors sort of play down things with terms like "challenging" or "not optimal" or "difficult" but nevertheless conveyed their understanding of the situation through other nonverbal signs. I think this doctor did this is a very classic way, with dipping of the head, flexing of hands, eye contact, etc. especially for what's supposed to be an educational video.
@@EllaWatson True, I agree with you there. But it might educate us on the subtle but fine art of listening.
Agree. I don't think emotional detachment in a clinician demands respect. To me this is a very sad interview based upon pathologizing someone in great pain. The expert looks at the interviewee like she's a specimen. Tabula rasa face is a thing of the past--or it should be, anyway. I don't see this as a strengths based interview.
There's an itense sadness in her eyes, she can smile and laugh but the sadness never leaves. As someone who also has BPD, I can entirely relate with that feeling.
She looks so sad, almost seems permanently sad. Heart breaking that some humans have it so much harder. Life's dice can be cruel .
I hope she finds her peace.
People call me selfish when I am triggered and want to self-protect. I know I can be selfish, but calling someone with BPD selfish, seems like a disparaging, invalidating, oversimplification of what is going on in me. Does anyone else feel this?
COMPLETELY feel you on that
Nobody wants to be called selfish. It's not a disorder to not want to be called selfish.
People shouldn't be calling you selfish. Dealing with triggers is so difficult. I've struggeled a lot with a borderline partner that would be triggered by so many things that the whole relationship was like walking on eggshells. I hope they now have the tools to work better with being triggered, as we didn't knew anything about BPD for the majority of the relationship
💯
Absolutely....I have learned that it's almost like self preservation. I spent months and months in hospitals, and IT'S, DBT classes, etc... I finally can recognize when or what "triggers" me. I'm doing very well, minus forgiving myself for being absent during my kids school years and my ex-husband worked overseas chasing the almighty dollar. My kids took the brunt of it.
Back on track here (BPD issue for me is I'm all over the board...lol) I can recognize unhealthy situations for me and I can't go back to wanting to be dead. Therefore, I've told people that if I have to excuse myself from somewhere or stop a conversation, it's about me and to not take it personally.
It's ok to take care of yourself first.....and you shouldn't apologize or feel guilty to do that. It took me years to understand that. Hang in there!!!!
My partner of 15 years has BPD. Her father killed himself when she was 16. He was an alcoholic. One morning they had an argument where she told him he was destroying the family. She went to school and came back at lunch time to find him dead in the garage. He had asphyxiated himself. She found him. Obviously she blamed herself. Her mother is quite a cold person. Never hugged her. Never told her she was proud of her for anything. She went completely off the rails. No one at school, no teachers or friends asked her if she was OK. She had no support from anyone. She went through life thinking she had a perfect childhood. 20 years later we met. One day we were watching a film called Arizona dreaming. It stars Johnny Depp and its about his character falling in love with a lady who clearly has BPD. Half way through my partner burst in to tears as she recognised she was the lady in the film. She had never been diagnosed with BPD, hadn't even heard of it but everything rang true. Our relationship up to that point had been extremely volatile. It was like living on a roller-coaster 24/7/365. She had extreme mood swings. She had an alcohol problem. She was violent. She hurt herself. I was at the end of my tether. We would argue about the smallest things. She would ask me to leave in extreme rage. I didn't know why. I left then she would ask why I was abandoning her. It was impossible. I never knew where I was. Eventually she checked herself in to a residential clinic. She said it was either that or she would kill herself. She stayed in the clinic for 6 months doing all kinds of different therapy. Gradually she learnt how to handle her BPD. We are still together today.
I guess my message is 2 fold. If you have BPD I urge you to get real psychiatric help as soon as you can. It can be treated and you can live a normal life. If you are a partner of someone who has BPD don't give up on them, even if every bone in your body is telling you to walk away please don't. They can and will harm themselves and other people (and maybe kill themselves) but what they do is never because they don't love you. They don't know themselves. Help them get help. It's a long road you have to walk together. ❤️🙏
You sound amazing ... Sending you both love & hugs ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing. My mom was/is the same. She sheltered me up until I was about 6. I remember being with her 24/7. She told me she loved me all day and night, and always made sure I was okay. After that she turned ice cold. She stopped telling me she loved me, she stopped hugging me, she never told me she was proud of me for anything, and never showed up for any of my extracurricular school activities. She was like a completely different person. I couldn’t even remember the last time she told me she loved me; until I was in the hospital 6 months ago. She called to check on me, and before we hung up; she told me she loved me. She hasn’t since, and probably never will again; I’ve just learned to live with her character. My daughter is 10, and I never miss the opportunity to hug her and tell her how much I love her. I tell her so much, it probably gets on her nerves, lol. I adore her more than anything in the world and I’ll never switch up on her. I have no idea why my mom changed, and it used to really bother me; but I think becoming a mom myself has helped me heal.
Lol, the author of this text has narcissistic personality disorder.
Yeah this is nice until they accuse you of rape.
Thank you for sharing this
I love how she uses humour to process these things.
It's how us folks deal sometimes. Sometimes it's just clownish and other times dark humor.
Us
I recognize that tiredness in her eyes. I hope she can accept how worthy she is and retire overthinking.
Cutting pain washes away the mental pain of hating yourself. It takes away loathing and the want for death. It's a way to cope and remain alive another day.
That makes sense. It's like a self harm to replace the emotional torture? An excise of energy? And the deep logic being that any cut will heal faster than the emotional trauma could hope to?
@@EllaWatson The intense physical pain causes my mental anguish to ease. Mental anguish is much worse than self harm to me because it's an itch you can't scratch when I can't find peace. Looping in your mind like a film on repeat to enjoy over and over. I really don't care about healing, pain or the the shame of self harming until I am calm again. Then I deal with it. The pain, the guilt and shame. Then you sleep from the emotional fallout. Painful way to live trust me.
I haven't self harmed in 4 months but I have been suicidal which is usually when I do hurt myself usually. That for me is a win. A small one but they all count for us.
When you have so much self loathing and blame yourself for everything many times I wish so could separate myself into 2 and take a baseball bat and just beat the shit out of the half Some cut theirselves some of us hit and slap and use things to hit ourselves She is brave to do this interview
It makes my mind focus on something other than my mind and thoughts
Cutting for me was a way to remind myself I am alive. Being everyone's rock and not allowed to feel, I became numb. I was just a shell. Cutting and seeing life trickle out gave me reassurance.
I want to thank this woman for being honest and vulnerable in front of us.
Yeah she made me very curious about her age. How she is so genuinely sweet and an open book yet she looks so tired and I recall this characteristic in myself in my teens and late twenties until I wore down by a bad marriage and a bit more trauma added on top of my mother's violent abuse as I was growing up. In my 40s and 50 hahah I'm probably not as sweet probably certainly not an open book about myself anymore. Her tired appearance is really such a mirror of myself at that age. I figure she's about 29 going on 59 .
The unabashed honesty of this poor, strong woman is commendable. And that doctor - such a beacon of what a mental health professional should be. I appreciate having watched this so much.
This woman is so brave, so sensitive, kind, and smart. She is doing the hard work she needs to do to beat her demons.
"beat her demons" how rude.
@@VeroSCIA - why is that rude? Sounds like an apt description to me.
@@VeroSCIA because why? Weird post.
for fuck sake no this is not bravery. Jesus how is her life in danger here? Who is she saving? You seriously disrespect actual brave people by claiming this. She is honest that's it nothing to do with bravery.
I think everyone should pat themselves on the back for getting out in the morning or doing anything! 😊
I do because that’s unusual for me being that I’m an introvert
me too. very good statement.
Thank you 🙏🏼
I Thank God Every morning that he allows me to open my eyes this side of the earth 🌍! Allowing myself to pat myself on the back is and added blessing and yes you are soooo correct we should all be positive to ourselves. Self care is important and a lot of self care actually starts with small notions, just like patting ourselves on the back.
I work and my borderline is a heavy blackberry
People with bpd are hellbent on putting themselves down because the second we forgive ourselves we get looked at like we shouldn't have the privilege of forgiving ourselves. Nobody realizes how much other people effect people with bpd. The stigma has got to stop. We can't get better if everyone around us is constantly verifying everything we are already feeling
It’s so hard for people who are this smart and deep-feeling to ever get proper mirroring. That in of itself is traumatic 😔
Right
Or, when they get the incorrect mirroring through verbal abuse, bullying, envy etc.
It’s strange watching and listening to her while seeing me.
At 61, I can see the progression of my life as if watching a film.
There is a wake of destruction and recklessness left behind.
It’s quite sad, but at least I can see and acknowledge it.
It’s very real.
Me too!!!!
Every day we've done the best we could, no matter how shite it seems in retrospect.
I am 61 too!!! I feel like crying all the time. And its not for me its bc everyone goes thru so much pain and animals too. My depression has gotten worse over the years despite lots of ECT prescriptions for 30 years I really just wanted you and Heaven with my mom and dad and my cat and dog I'm so glad you said you were 60 morning feel like everything is over thank you thank you and I do I like this girl so much I really do
I turned 62 on October 16th. It’s funny receiving your message this morning.
I had a doctors appointment today.
She asked if I felt depressed and I answered not at all.
This is true.
I did say I have two 10 year old labradors and a cat that need me.
Most people sadly, cannot deal with the chaos of this disorder and at this stage of my life, I’d just as soon not put anyone else through it.
I’m loving life with my pets. Once they’re gone, maybe I’ll feel lonely.
Hang in there. You’re not alone.
♥️
But you made it to 61. Kudos. I’m 30 and I’m honestly out of juice.
"I don't think I'm being hard on myself; I think I'm just being honest."
I have said that to myself and explained it to others over and over again. Letting myself off-the-hook just hasn't been an option. I know the pain this woman is living with. Just raw.
This. So much this. Sending you love and support my friend.
Gotta release the trapped emotions, it's not easy and takes work and time
On the self condemnation, “I just don’t know what it’s like [for other people] do they just pat themselves on the back when they get out of bed in the morning?”
I feel this so deeply. I’m always so curious about what it feels like to be someone who grew up with a stable enough childhood that they don’t have the bpd symptoms such as extreme self judgement and security in relationships.
I avoided watching this video for a while but I’m very thankful it exists. It helps me to see parts of myself through my own eyes, not myself through the eyes of self loathing. I’m still being judgemental, but I also find myself having a lot of empathy for her which I’m consciously thinking as I’m watching “ok I relate to this, so next time I feel this way I can have compassion for myself just like I am for her”
Bpd is challenging to cope with and it effects my emotional state every day. I think she’s doing amazing, and I realize my own therapist is right, I’m doing so so much better than I give myself credit for.
I hope you all are well. I wish I could hug you all and give us all the love we needed as children.
You.sound.like.a.very.loving.
Great.person.
I.wish.you well.and..Happy.day,s.ahead
I laughed and the pat on the back part. That’s exactly something I’d say haha
Huge thanks to this woman for being so open and vulnerable on such a huge platform to help people really understand what BPD can look like and come from. All the best to her
You are born with it nothing causes it and people who keep blaming it on other's never overcome it.
@@MrMakingwavesmedia well ok, you definitely CAN be born with it, but I don’t think we know enough about psychology to definitively say that that’s the only way it comes around. Mayo Clinic says that childhood trauma (which I’m sure she has plenty of) as well as changes in the brain throughout life (which may or may not be genetic) are also possible factors in developing a disorder like this. I think ultimately it’s just important to be supportive, and telling people that they’ll never get over something like this doesn’t seem like a great approach.
@@MrMakingwavesmedia lol good on you
jesus, you aren't born with it, stop it , you might have some predispositions to it, but this doesn't mean you will automatically be bpd. Stop spreading this fake assumption.@@MrMakingwavesmedia
you seems to have a fixation with this, might be a trauma..@@MrMakingwavesmedia
This girl is a true trailblazer to put herself out theee like this. So brave. Wow. 🙏🥰
BPDers WANT the attention. The DSM states this explicitly. The interviewee plays a part for attention, and obviously gets it. There's nothing wrong with that in that it is a symptom of the disease. But it's not bravery. It's a symptom that, if she was well, she would feel like we all do about doing this type of thing. It's not bravery at all.
@@williegates627 Interesting. Thank you for that.
I thought the exact same thing, the first few minutes into the video.
Once I realized this person is an actual person reliving this experience (not an actor) it’s absolutely BRAVE.
So grateful for her sharing this with us❤️💙💜💚
@@williegates627 thats not true. I have BPD. not true at all. Youre thinking of Histrionic
Wait.. This sounds like a script, I don’t think it’s an actual real life interview
"To have the family I never had. It's just a reminder that I don't have those things" was so, so relevant :( On another note though, this entire interview is better than any award winning film ever.
Raw and real.
I am a man with BPD. Depression and suicidal ideation began in childhood. Both parents were well educated, intellectual, and sadistic. There is no compassion for men with deep emotions. Zero. I remember having dreams as a little kid. I was gentle…..used to tuck in my two stuffed dinosaurs before I went to school (I was worried they would get cold). I am 48…..I still cannot accept the tragedy of my existence and the malevolence I have known. Raped by a man at 16. Been physically abused in most of my romantic relationships with women. When I say abuse, I mean things like having my head split open, drug by a car, threatened with knives, punched, slapped, kicked in the groin, shoved…….unfortunately, agreeableness coupled with heightened empathy as a man doesn’t work in this world. No idea how two jackals like my parents produced an empath. There was the life I could or should have had……however, I have to radically accept just how scarred and broken I am. Drugs almost killed me. Yeah, I am really tired of therapists.
The fact that you tucked your dinosaurs in and worried for their welfare is the sweetest thing l’ve ever heard. ❤
@sigmarecovery699 How could you be so sweet to protect the dinosaurs? That is so cute !! I hope you can find peace in whatever you choose to do. I find peace in being alone. There is no chaos, no expectations & I can rely on myself. Relying on others is impossible for me. I know I will be let down, so why even open myself to be disappointed? I never went to therapy because I knew I would feel like you do... NOBODY can truly understand, and how can it be undone? Fixed? HOW?. Some of our memories are hidden by our subconcious in order to cope. We use tools to avoid feeling pain (humour, logically diminishing the importance, not remembering, etc.) So NOBODY can truly fix if we don't disclose and disclosure is painful.
"Its so impossible to put something back together once I've been mad" - true statement when a bpd rages
I relate to so much of this... the drinking, daydreaming about if I had done things differently. You can see how much pain she's dealt with, but at the same time, she seems so self-aware, intelligent, witty, and empathetic. BPDs are complex, sensitive, maybe a lot sometimes... but so special.
Yess this is me with bpd
I relate to her so much
I can’t express emotions normal
I think really sensitive and empathic people are more prone to developing mental health issues because they take on other people's energy and emotions of the people they're around that they have to be super aware of that, i don't have BPD but i find myself almost every day taking on aspects of someone's personality and emotions if we interact for longer i guess ones i probably have too somewhere in there so i probably relate a bit.
Very quickly it starts to scare me a little cos i'm starting to not be authentic and myself, so at that point i know i've got to back away from everyone and just be with myself on my own, i'm starting to get overwhelmed by all these energies and emotions of others and i need to be myself sooo being alone helps wash away all those energies and emotions and recenter myself back to myself again. If i'm not acting myself then it just looks weird even to myself and i'm like "what the hell am i doing?" lol people say to not let others emotions affect you but i think we all know that's impossible it just does... cos we all affect each other whether we like it or not, but people like us just need more alone time to remove ourselves from others.
Personally i can feel someone staring at me from behind me, beside me, or thinking about me they don't even have to say a word i can just feel it from their vibes shadowing over me and boring into me lol this sometimes shocks people too if i reveal what i'm feeling but sadly gives more of a reason for them to pick on me for no reason cos they then compare and are thinking "how come i can't do that and she can?" so i only say something if i really need to. I hate people standing over me or behind me too and i realize now how much i can't concentrate during the initial learning stage of trying to learn something when other people around it's just like a switch... if even 1 person walks in that part of my brain shuts off and i can't continue while they're there.
I guess partly i am more guarded cos of teachers in schools i'm more private about things these days cos of how people pick when they don't and will never totally understand my reasoning behind thing which is really anxiety triggering but i'll do things the way i know how to do them, i'm getting it done so What's the problem? lol there are multiple ways to do things not just 1... i guess i hide what i'm doing a bit now i don't want to be secretive in any way but What else can i do?, the rest of it though it's just how i've always been... i can't concentrate around other people cos of the flood of energies and emotions then just so many other situations and biases from people i don't need anything moving around me or other sounds just quiet and stillness.
Intelligence isn't a prerequisite for BPD.. but they seem to go hand and hand
BPDs are boring when you see through their scripted behaviors. Practicing behavior extinction on them can be fun, though!
@@BrObstreperous It's a type of mental health issue a personality disorder they developed it's not something to laugh about, when people develop these personality disorders their brain does it to disassociate from the painful reality they're living in and all the abuse and neglect they've suffered growing up which isn't just at home but in other parts of society too and these days there's an epidemic of mental health issues cos of the abusive behaviors everywhere that you just can't get away from.
My brothers just started with anxiety attacks cos of what they did to him at work and i have depression and anxiety too, but it takes something very traumatic to happen to someone to develop a personality disorder cos they've shut down from themselves even creating a different personality for themselves in order to keep themselves at bay from the world, it's not a funny thing even they wish they didn't act the way they do.
BDP keeps people and everything totally at bay by being as much of an ass as possible and they go after good people cos nobody could possibly be THAT good of a person so they try to provoke to somehow prove you're evil as they come even if they're the ones acting that way. All the more reason to not be able to take it personally cos you know it's a personality disorder.
Bpd is like being set on fire and then being asked to function normally while you are on fire. I relate to the turtle without a shell
Perfectly worded.
The turtles without a shell,Janis Joplin and Amy Winehouse,they are classified as Borderline's.Someone wrote on Quora, that Britney Spears is their favourite Borderline.Dr Jay Reid has good videos about the Scapegoat child. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
*and being blamed and criticized for being on fire all the while
It’s such a relief when the holidays are over.
Having a loving, well balanced parent(s) is so vital to raising a healthy, balanced individual for any society.
That is why I always think that many people shall not having kids!!!
My heart goes out to this young, brave, tortured soul. I can feel her pain. For those of us who weren’t nurtured as children suffer our entire lives. We also don’t have children because we have such bad memories from our childhood we are afraid to pass it on to children of our own. This is so sad.....
...healing is possible.
Same, I want a child so bad but feel like I can’t allow myself to repeat the cycle.
I have BPD, and as an adolescent thought I should never get married or have kids because they would be messed up like me...I had a couple of teenage suicide attempts cause I couldnt cope with the pain of living...I was constantly berated by my parents...nothing I did was ever right, or good enough...I still think poorly of myself at age 61, and never have been married or had any children..
My life
Narcisitic toxic parents
My mom loved to see how abusive she could be with everyone! Neighbors, friends, kids, her family. Nurture wasnt in her nature yet she had five kids. I desperately wanted kids but was infertile for 13 years. I finally shocked the doctors and had my daughter! I adore her. I NEVER asked my mother for her help or advice. I thought what should you do since you love her more than anyone or I would do the opposite of what my mom would do. It worked. She and I are extremely close. Im her rock. Im bragging on her but shes pretty, intelligent, accomplished, has two degrees, has a great job. Im so proud of her!
She is so self aware. It was difficult to watch her be so hard on herself, and I certainly see a lot of myself in her. I wish I could find a therapist that is this wonderful. This is a really great idea- and extremely helpful to people to be able to witness this and draw correlations to their own behavior.
Honest question, what was so great about this therapist.
@@cascadehopsrule She actually brings the patient out of herself and gets her to look at her behavior objectively. You’d think that most therapists would do this as a basic tenet of psychoanalysis, but, in my experience at least, few do.
@@Krnflakgrl71 this is why I have yet to ever go to therapy, it appears most of them are trash. I'm undiagnosed but I would say I'm 42 with cptsd with some overlapping bpd symptoms, I'm going to see if I can setup an edmr appointment, I've been trying to do some trauma release and I took a huge step yesterday. The lady in this video still has absolute rage against her mother and I didn't see the therapist working on healing that whatsoever
how can she be self aware without a self?
@@tinkletink1403people with BPD have a self and sense of self it just more damaged than that of your average person, so they need piles of work
I could watch/listen to Charlotte all day. She’s so real and genuine. She knows that sometimes all you can do is laugh at yourself. I love how she sees through a lot of the hokey therapy talk, but is still open to exploring ideas and learning. I find her really interesting & I hope she continues to feel better.
I felt that when she said she couldnt be in social situations without alcohol
Probably social anxiety. JazzyT.
Did anybody else hear she was traumatized by parent hitting her, when she started hurting herself ? The effects of trauma make for coping mechanisms that separated us from our true value.
When we have restrictions or limiting factors of trauma, we are not at our best authentic self. That's when we feel we are not good enough because we sense we know better but didn't do better. We naturally blame ourselves but we are not functioning as freely as trauma has lasting effects into cognition and function abilities.
Yes, I heard, because my mother is my abuser.
@@rose4490 The reason I think its important to recognize early childhood trauma, is because it is so important for a real therapeutic interaction to occur. I'm sure we don't want to just view what a person looks like or how they present without understanding what the person is saying. When the doctor changed the words to her feedback, there was a divided integration between the interaction.
Such subtle things can have a huge effect on an already vulnerable client. Unbelieved.
Hittting can be used as discipline or trauma , this depends on the relationship between child and parent along with the execution. I think being disciplined is the goal.
My mother's default emotion when she couldn't understand me was rage
This woman seems like such a sweetheart who’s very hard on herself even though she’s perfectly lovely and also very intelligent as well.
Sadly that’s the way we are with BPD
We never show ‘real’ ppl who suffer from Borderline in such aspect...vulnerable. It is a very complex phenomenon. I believe it is so helpful to show this because of the invaluable information it holds. The stigma is sooo strong. And very crude. Thanks for making a difference.
I can relate to her just watching her speak. We’re hurting but still sweet and charming to the person in front of us. We see ourselves in relation to others. That’s why we ruminate so much on the abuse we experienced, and then the painful relationships we got into that further hurt us.
She rationalises the drinking because her life experience tells her it’s fun and her dad drank and he was the better parent, she even speaks about it with a more comfortable language because she clearly has learned to depend on it. Borderlines hold very strong internal principles that are not always right but we hold onto it.
I’m learning to own the painful parts of myself as a true part of myself. Seeing it as part of me and to stop waiting for an apology and acknowledgment from the abuser. All we can do is love ourselves better, as difficult as that is when you were always taught to hate and criticise yourself 🌺
This is extremely sad, I really feel for her. Your regret of not leaving your mom as soon as posible just made a huge click in my mind. I'm already in this process. Thank you so much for all your wisdom, and I really hope you're doing well
I recall feeling at 13 , 14 and up, " I gotta get outta this house" I knew I had to get a job at 15 and save enough money to get the hell out or something would go sideways and someone is going to get really hurt or end up dead under my mom's violent rage and unadulterated stupidity.
I wish to God there was Free treatment for borderlines! My ex of 7 years was one and unless you've seen it up close, there are no words. These people suffer so much it's insane. Its heartbreaking.
yeah but they make you suffer more!!
@@chiefinspector7280 They're sadistic.
There is it's called taking responsibility for yourself.
"What? Do people just wake up and pat themselves on their back when they wake up in the morning?" Lol I love this woman
I’m not BPD, but I’m an HSP, & I relate to her somehow. The black or white thinking. She is raw, honest, and real. I also do the nervous laughter & anxiety driven rapidfire speech. The pain in her eyes is palpable. She is brave for coming forward with her story.❤️
How did you feel seeing Amber Heard on trial denying diagnoses? For me it was traumatic to watch.
I'm both and it's wild lol the amount of feelings us extremely overwhelming. It's hard to manage but I've learned ways to help. ❤️
Traits often float around the cluster b spectrum.
@@agnosticevolutionist3567 It’s a personality trait/evolution - never said it was a disorder - I’m an HSP. I also have MDD/GAD. I know the difference between a disorder & a physiological divergence.
Literally sat through this nodding my head the whole time. Incredibly honest and for me, so relatable. Thank you!
Grief is something western culture really misses the mark on addressing.
This is grief!
I’ve seen it in my family.
Grief is an ugly emotion that we need to address and come together as a community.
We are not a community.
We need community.
Yes you’re expected to get over it quickly and get back to capitalist production and pretending everything is fine all the time.
“God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
We sweep it under the rug. Emotions others don’t understand, get the broom. Feelings you can’t explain? Get the broom
AGREE....AND FEELING SAFE...SAFE ENOUGH TO BE HEARD...GOOD INSITE HEIDI
@@Wilshare “All our anxieties relate to time. The major problems of psychiatry revolve around an analysis of the despair, pessimism, melancholy, and complexes that are the inheritances of what has been or with the fears, anxieties, worries, that are the imaginings of what will be.” Fulton J sheen
:)
As someone with BPD myself, it's kind of relieving to hear someone think the way I think. She thinks of her mental health and traumas so logically and compartmentalized. It's clear she's been over it all and analysed it. And I always felt alone in this. That aha moment when the psych compared cutting to alcoholism. Showing her that sometimes it doesn't all fit neatly in individual boxes. I love those aha moments in therapy. Really really enjoyed this interview. Has been incredibly revealing, insightful and helpful. Thank you both for sharing.
Research ASD!
In my interviewing and counseling class, we just learned how to gently confront a client or point out discrepancies in their words. Dr. Jacob does this so gracefully and effortlessly, like at 38:30 when she draws the parallel between self-harm and alcoholism.
Woah PwBPD here. I could guess her responses like I was there. She sounds just like me and why I struggle with therapist. This isn't her 1st time with this doctor but I have the same energy, am well spoken, and my mannerisms lead each one to think "she's not that bad" when I'm on the inside doing circles and needing them to ask me more direct probing questions like this. I learned over the years all psychiatrist and therapist are sooo not created equally. Keep going until you find one that speaks to all of the yous inside. Great video!!
The client, bless her, has a ‘mother wound’. The impact a narcissistic mother has on a daughter (or a son) is life long. When she said that she could have been there for her father, the answer is yes she could have been, but she wasn’t and this is likely because she was probably trying to cope with her own issues. How can we be there for others when we’re not there for ourselves. I bet her mother’s mother (grandmother) wasn’t so nice to her mother either. I heard somewhere on UA-cam that mother-daughter disconnect can be generational, up to seven generations. I felt for this client, but she is resilient, you can hear it in her words such as wanting to know ‘why’ to things and reflecting on things. I hope this client rises above her trauma, reads up lots and lots on mother-daughter relationships and re-mother’s herself. And maybe one day she can help/support other women who are daughters of narcissistic mother’s. There is such a need for this in our society.
Any parent relationship has a life long impact but you made it sound like a life long curse. People with shitty parents aren’t cursed. I would know.
@@jobunny919 I didn’t think of it in this term, but this is a good adjective. I suppose it is a curse - generational mother-daughter disconnect. And thankfully curses can be broken. But only if the next generation of daughters take the responsibility and say enough is enough. I started my journey by picking up one book. Now I have a bookshelf on the mother-daughter relationship. My relationship with my mother is no where healed. In fact, since I said enough is enough I feel it’s worse. That’s how complex the relationship is. My mother’s expectations of me growing up were low, but my strength and resilience proved to her otherwise. It drove me at times, to prove her wrong. So yes, people with toxic parents aren’t always cursed, but on a deeper unconscious level they are, because emotional reactions can come out of no where, as a result of poor attachment. Re-mothering is a step towards healing, which for me has been quite challenging. Anyway, our journeys are as individual as we are, so I’ll leave it here. God bless🌻
My maternal grandmother was sweet, loving, kind, patient, and a good mother. Unfortunately, my mother wanted to please her strict, very old fashioned, grandfather, who had very strong opinions on the one and only right way to do things. She modeled herself after him and sought his approval long after the death of her mother at just age 49. It did nothing to enhance her motherhood and made her unable to be introspective or take responsibility for her own failings. But I never had children and am so glad. I just know the parts of my mother that were most toxic would have arisen and damaged my children, and I could never forgive myself for that.
@@catherinepatterson4720 My eldest daughter is 17. I felt resentment toward her for a long time. Through therapy I learned that I am both jealous of her, and frustrated at how much she reminds me of myself. I'm sure I have harmed her in her childhood, and I make every effort to repair our relationship now. I also feel like I have been a much better mother to my younger daughters. (Something I'm sure my eldest will have to heal from as well).
@@Rinayplays forgive yourself and keep trying. She will appreciate it someday, even if not now. I wish my mother would do this and reach out, I’m 35 and she never calls me and doesn’t ask me about my life or how it’s going. Your small efforts are better than nothing at all.
It’s pretty normal to dig your nails into your skin when your primary care giver is disfunctioning it’s a way of coping with the trauma of this out of control person who’s supposed to be nurturing you . Many people fail at their roles but a mother , can completely ruin you when she fails . The strength of fortitude you need to be outside of yourself and to protect yourself is enormous , since it seems no one is coming to the rescue .
This reminds of when I was in high school, I was at work and breifly talked to my abusive ex boyfriend on the phone. When I went to the bathroom after I had scratch marks from my throat down to my chest. I had done it while talking to him without even realizing it.
I completely agree
Never allow anyone to physically or mentally abuse you. No human has that right to hurt others.😱
Yup, I did it as well. Became a habit. It was my only way of responding to the trauma to avoid emotional shut down. (Not feeling anything after the incident.)
its not normal. dont say that
I’ve never met or seen someone in the world I relate to more than her. I hope she feels so much peace in her life soon.
damn there is a full crew?! she’s super strong for doing this and I’m super grateful; helped me a lot! we have similar responses and thought patterns so it’s nice to see this as a third party and truly understand it differently
i have borderline and she's a great representative of our people. Thanks, girl.
Well, she seems pretty awesome to me. Going through life like this already sucks. But then to talk about it out loud really sucks, and then to willingly do it on camera? That's a testament to this girl. She probably has no idea how many people couldn't do this like she did. I know I couldn't. But I'm glad she did. Thank you. And I hope it helped you (her), and you (the current reader).
I've never been diagnosed as having BPD but I honestly feel that I have had this all my life. I see the pattern to my whole life. I'm 55 now and have a mental health appointment tomorrow. I'm hopeful to finally get the help and support I need.
I hope therapy is going well for you. ❤️
@melindaunknown6411 thank you but I've not had any yet. My appointment letter was sent to the wrong address and they don't rush these things.
Every mental illness has a pattern
Hope you finally got the help you need.
My daughter has diagnosed BPD. Her mom and I were married but it ended when she was 16 months old, I left because I could no longer deal with the abuse I was taking from my ex, which was a constant roller coaster and so toxic. I left because I felt like it was all my fault that things were toxic, and I wanted my daughter to have a life without parents constantly bickering and arguing.
My daughter is now 18 years old, and long story short, she was used as a pawn to manipulate and torture me and ultimately was alienated from me via multiple maneuvers from not being able to mention anything about me in mom's house, to only referring to me by my first name, absolutely not as "dad"... No matter what I did, I was horrible and evil and dangerous within the stories that were told. This must have been confusing because every time we had visitations, it was stable and unchaotic, we made good memories and got along well.
The hardest reality for me is that my ex used the family court system to her advantage and there were multiple times I had police showing up at my house based on completely false accusations, etc. I had periods where I didn't see my daughter for months at a time, all communications were cut off and police were used as the middle man, to inform me that I'm not to text or call my daughter's mom because asking about visitation schedules was me being abusive. I spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours on attorney fees and court orders to try and fix it because I had no other way. I had no support, I couldn't make any changes to the situation, but had to learn to accept that the system will do nothing to alleviate the way a parent will use their child as a weapon against the other parent.
This, in my view, caused the BPD. It was mentally and emotionally abusive.
My daughter is a beautiful person who deserves so much in life, success, love, peace and stability. I want so much to facilitate these things for her life and to help her see that life isn't traumatic and that dad always cared and has always been on her side and never meant for things to be chaotic. I've never been allowed, I've always been painted as the monster. Like this lady in the interview, this BPD damage is long term, and one can't just snap out of it... It'll take patience and work. Sadly, my only way to provide positivity is to be there, but maintain my boundaries because my daughter, like many with this horrible disorder, boundaries are the biggest weakness and if you let your boundaries down, you'll fall into the trap as well and that helps nobody.
Be careful who you get pregnant
@@sambur6480people with bpd mask well. They'll love bomb you too. So you think you've found someone who worships the ground you walk on when in reality, there l they're love bombing you .
It's easier said than done.
You are not alone. The courts and legal system in the usa is very unjust, law enforcement is often equally ineffective. The entire system is evil. Jesus is the only real peace and relief anybody can get in life. The system wont stay corrupt forever, and evil ex wives will answer to God one day.
@@sambur6480 FOR REAL.
A therapist during an intake has to be very careful not to have a vocabulary which can trigger a patient. The therapist brings up her patient's "avoidance" as a coping mechanism in the first session. This is not helpful, not present, and shows that the therapist is not practicing deep listening. She is in her head, processing data, rather than being a witness.
I like this lady, she has a lot of personality,she's just been beaten down in life like a lot of us.Hope she's doing ok.
This is the most raw interview I've come across and never related to someone more in my life, even though there are a lot of differences between us. Found this super intense and it's not even my session. People with borderline have a ton of courage, more than they'll ever realize and some of the biggest hearts on this planet despite what people may see. 💛
They make the best artisits/musicians, etc :) - absolutely, tons of courage
@D Wilson 🙏 Bless you. You have described it so succinctly, I'm going to copy and paste what you have written, with your permission, so I can explain to ppl what the fuck is wrong with me. Thankyou so much 💗
Super brave as they manipulate and hurt everyone around them.
Look up soft white underbelly.
@@scott1285 hands down the most insensitive comment i have seen (particularly since its contextually inappropriate, being the comments section for a therapy session) but also the most ignorant as well. Surely you're an intelligent and capable human being, I have no doubt. Some compassion may help you. Legitimately not being sarcastic here btw.
When she said how the holidays are so hard for her - I relate to that so much. I feel like I always have a BPD episode on every holiday and It’s so hard living like this
One thing struck me harder than most in this interview, and that is when Charlotte briefly talks about her handwriting changing. Woah! That hit home. I have never heard anyone else talk about it.
Dr. Jacob is such a great example of what a therapist should be like. I really enjoyed seeing the process and I appreciate how vulnerable the client was. This is therapy in real life. No cliches or stereotypes... Just real.
i know some will hate me for saying this but i just want to give her a hug and never let her escape it. her struggles seem so human. these people are not monsters.
...these people? What 😳
Wow! When she says she would scream: “why was I born?” I am in that phase right now… (I know it’s not a mere “phase”, I just don’t know how else to say it.)
Every single thing this lady is saying is me and my life 100%. I’m so thankful for her candid account of her life. Thank you so much x
This is heart breaking. How this gal has suffered from traumatic experiences in her childhood.
Most likely raised by parents that had their own wounding and were not able to meet her emotional needs starting from birth. This is someone who cannot get themselves together even though they desperately want too. So many unmet needs at a young age contributes to these types of problems that she faces. Those wounds are so raw to the soul.. it’s hard to function. Bless her heart.
shes right, cutting releases chemicals in ur brain that make u feel “happy”. not even the happy u want, but just the kind of happy u feel when u dont feel so painfully depressed for a single moment. its addicting just as alcohol or drugs can be.
for me it was for the chronic emptiness but also the overwhelming, penetrating emotional trauma :/
why would your brain reward you for cutting yourself?
I only cut when i was on the 4th time dping cocaine. The come down was too intense and i kept remembering the abandonment
But now its just me maladaptive daydreaming and driving to music on auto pilot - (ive been sober ) but i love music while driving it just helps or during the day, go to the park and just eat a good meal and taking a walk
her wanting what people have in movies and tv shows is such a real thing. i grew up trying to escape and live through those people and i would idolize and fantasize about it and i knew, logically, it wasn't real but i would get so upset bc, why not?? why can't it be real?
The phases. The shifts, short dissociation, difficulty locating self in one position, no solid ground, no clear commitment to momentary perspective. The dissociation and dissembling as standard form communication style. The pauses, redirection, and lack of clarity as if both the speaker and (assumed) listener are bilocated. It's like ongoing fails / misfires of echo location. I feel like I'm being taken down a trick trail in the woods, going nowhere (or nowhere good), and we're going to get lost. Even the use of facts (dates, perspective, temporary lens or take) feels organized to deflect.
Thank you for sharing. Being on the receiving end during a five year relationship, going through 7-8 therapists (after 7-9 sessions or so, when accountability or traction would begin, rapport and then getting down to work, once the tangled webs and contradictions kicked in, there was no commitment to creating safety plan or developing trust, no illusion of progress), and many, many bizarre self-defeating behaviors and episodes, and intermittent abuse, the writing was on the wall for me. Without a clear diagnosis, with the ongoing resistance to therapy or transparency (lots of resentment and repeat), and lots of what I experienced as "always lying," I realized there was not going to be growth in relationship.
There was, intermittently, cyclically, a lot of "crazy-making" and lying (a false police report because she couldn't find her driver license, so she staged a break-in, hid items from the car to fake the robbery, so she could use the police report to fly; she did all of that instead of just locating her license). One example of dozens every three months. Completely exhausting trying to keep track.
Still, it's fascinating. And I'm curious how well she managed to "keep it together" long enough to get married, then was honest / truthful (tactically at least) long enough to "course correct" and keep me involved in supporting (day job, housework, childcare all fell on me). I never could make heads or tails of the abuse she claimed she got from her adoptive mother, or whether, as her father assured me, that there was no abuse, no physical altercations toward her. As a teenager, she hopped the rails (her story) and ran away from home for 6 months on two occasions, was "sent to camp" in Utah, struggled.
She had an idyllic idea of how her family should have been, but seemed unable / unwilling to engage in healthy behaviors (including the boundaries that survivors typically have to learn).
She seemed constantly distracted by "what was going on" at any given moment (stomach aches, itches, twitches, seemed to provide endless deflection and distraction for certain topics). Lots of conclusions and judgments without being able to articulate the process.
Wow! This has brought back so much.
This is real and raw. I see so much self-awareness with her and I thank her for being vulnerable and sharing her story. As a clinician in training...I’m watching Dr. Karen in AWE. She’s amazing and astute.
Self awareness comes easy when you have spent your entire life talking about yourself. She isn't vulnerable, this is how she gets what she wants. I watched my ex BPD trick one clinician after another. If that is your goal, I suggest you leave your emotional reaction at the door. She is a master at using it as a control method.
@@SuperNaturalselector you sound like you're mad she left you. Always bitter dudes who have the worst opinions about BPD.
@@Mom2Goldens Far from it. There is definitely animosity regarding damage she did to me and the children. But I'm the one that filed for divorce. Her absence from our lives has been the one great thing that has ever happened.
It hit home when she said that she thought her mother shouldn't have children because she didn't realise there was something to nurture. My mother has two cluster B personality disorders, and althought she had her good moments, she was very irresponsible. She didn't act like a mother at all, it was like she had us to keep her company and care for her. She even said it to me once "I always wanted children because I didn't want to be alone." There was always a massive boundary issue, manipulation, triangulating, gaslighting and sometimes physical abuse. My sister grew up to be quite narcissistic but I don't think she qualifies for full NPD. I developed quiet BPD and when I got older sometimes I hated my mother for having me because she would act like she didn't want me when I did something she didn't like. I never self-harmed but I still have those patterns and I don't feel like I would be a good mother. I decided to break that circle of personality disorders in our family.
It's like you're describing my own experience to a t. I am so sorry. I hope things improve and you are able to grow from your experiences.
I have 2 kids and I beat my self up all the time but they know I love them . I try to be everything parents were not. Kind gentle. Tell them it's ok to have feelings angry sad. Let them know it's ok. They are just babies now but I'm breaking the cycle
What is it like to be other people? I feel the same. I almost never let myself off the hook for anything. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I see myself in her. I’m a senior in high school right now and I’m terrified to grow up like this, I don’t want to end up in that position. It’s actually SUCH an amazing accomplishment that she got to this place, it’s a lonely and tough road so kudos to her for making it.
Amanda! I wish this will help. Please be gentle with yourself! I also struggle, but I am 60. Please be careful and get support! ❤️
Get whatever resources services you can welfare food stamps section 8 no shame bc if you have family that undermine you or no stable relationships with them you will need to be your safe space and create your safe space and have your safe space.
As a professional myself, I loved this clinician’s style! It was very effective without being enabling. I think the avoidance behavior was really eye opening for the client 🙏
curious as to what would have made it enabling...
Individuals with borderline are so well spoken and insightful ... I think this interview cracked the core about how maladaptive coping mechanisms and avoidance still prevent intimacy, and protect from the pain of lack of intimacy ... Another big insight I see is how they don't let the counselor or other person in a conversation finish their sentences. They are attuned, and good at finishing the other person's sentences, but it still distances them from fully listening, and connecting with the other person in THAT way, which is like meeting them in the middle. They don't want to meet in the middle, actually connect. It's terrifying. 🤔 Another insight is INTENSE shame, around matters they can't take back.
Bpd is one of the toughest disorders, in my opinion, for those inflicted and their loved ones... Wishing everyone out there struggling all the peace and love in the world. Good luck.
I believe many many women are diagnosed with BPD whilst same presenting men get an Autism diagnosis.
Um no tbh I think I'm a bad guy.
I'm a "manipulator"
@jcorb What are these simpler terms?
This is so helpful to know what is going on inside the mind of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, but it is also so difficult to hear how much she is suffering and struggling, and then to try to imagine what it must be like to actually feel all those feelings. Heartbreaking...
Watching Dr Gabor Mate speak about early childhood trauma, has been so helpful to me as a mother. I can see how my childhood experiences affected me as a mother and now see why my relationships with my adult kids are the way they are. I also see how my parents experiences as children impacted them as parents. I recommend anyone to read or watch Dr Mate.
This young woman is very sweet, and I hope she knows that her father loves her no matter what and her not calling wouldn’t affect that. He will be at peace and hope she is too.
I was physically and narc abused by my mum. Grandma was a very difficult woman. I watched Dr Bashir videos helped me a lot. I'll have a look at your recommendations x