I wish it was working for my marriage but even with the videos and trying to explain to my husband, he still hasn't changed and we're heading for divorce.
@@rahxasc Same here, my husband said this was just another way for me to attack him, even though Every one I started with was a way that I could improve and then did. He just withdrew more until saying he wanted a divorce, but promised to get marriage counseling first, then dodged every attempt at it. When I caught him in yet another lie after finding his sexts, he promised we would call a marriage counselor when he got home, and then gave me divorce papers instead.
It's amazing the difference clear communication makes. The difference between "you never want to be intimate with me anymore " and "I feel lonely and sad" feels like the distance across the sea. It's heart breaking that relationships can be dismantled for something that in hindsight seems so simple but in the moment can be so hard to accomplish.
It requires both people to drop their ego. How many people look back on an ex and just label them as an a-hole, but in reality, it was differences like the one in the video that could've solved it? We are so harsh with people who loved us, even if they didn't love us the way we wanted.
I said a similar "correct" phrase to my EX (I felt scared that our love was dying) and he countered, "Don't be ridiculous! Of course I love you", and then continued on ignoring me and doing what he was doing. Yup....EX.
Thank you for this important reminder. I think it's so easy to imagine a previous relationship going differently if only we'd said the right thing, when in reality, if the other person isn't actually able or willing to empathise and reflect on the relationship, let alone to make changes to improve the connection, chances are it would have made no real difference other than you working _even harder_ to make yourself heard, making yourself even more vulnerable as you communicate, and still being met with resistance and dismissal.
@@lupakajsalisa3652 Yeah. Generally speaking, even when someone isn't versed in how to resolve issues, or communicate well, and is clearly out of their depth - the difference between a person who is willing to learn how to better show up for you/acknowledging that what they're doing isn't working, and someone who cares more about protecting their ego or living in the delusion that everything is fine/things aren't bad enough to warrant a serious overhaul... is usually CRYSTAL clear.
Thank you for making a video about the woman being the one craving intimacy. It's refreshing. Most the time videos tend to be about men being the ones who want it
Because most of the time it is a the man who has to come to terms with it and change his behaviour to fulfil the needs of the woman before she has to change her behaviour to fulfill his needs from time to time. Here is the same dynamic. She craves intimacy and the man has to acknowledge her feelings and change his behaviour to meet her needs, but nonetheless his needs and current challenges aren't acknowledged. He has to toss himself aside and work harder to fulfill his tasks and her needs as well. It's often the theme in this videos. The man is the bad guy who has to change the most.
@@vogelfaenger6830 ok first of all I am on your side but secondly... what you just said makes no sense and I am questioning whether you have a mental disability
That's because it is normalized in society for men to be the sexual ones while women are shamed for it. In reality, every partner craves intimacy in some shape or form.
@@vogelfaenger6830 The men in these vidoes aren't always the "bad guy" No one is since every thing always boils down to miscommunication. And also im sorry to say that a lot of men do love dismissing emotions for things that are physical a lot more than women. Like how do you expect a women to treat you like well when you dismiss everything thats emotionally and physically bugging her? Like you aren't the only one in this relationship. If Im having trouble especially in our relationship I would hope my partner will be able to listen and help me emotionally so that im in turn am in a good mind set when helping them. It works both ways.
@aditideshpande3050 probably because actions speak louder than words. And people will say things to appease people or get out of a stressful situation. In this case I think what would also help is a plan. So instead of just "I care and I'm here for you" the addition of plans of some kind. Like "I care how u feel and here for you. Work has been crazy. Let me take you out Friday night" or something along those lines.
I think a good way to be intimate while still working on things so you dont end up drowning in due-dates (if your work is something you can do at a desk or couch) Its just having your partner sit next to you, they read a book or watch a movie with headphones, you continue with work. Sitting close enough to touch (either shoulders touching or leaning, or just close enough to be within arms length) And every so often, you just reach out and hold their hand. You still get to get the things done that you need to get done, while showing them that even when stressed and working, you reach to them for comfort. Something as small as a little 2 minute hand hold can show that you love them. Intimacy doesnt always mean “100% full attention” (but it is important to have those totally focused moments). Intimacy can just be you two existing in the same space and being comfortable in eachother’s presents. Nothing is more special than “i need to do this boring thing i dont want to do, but having you here with me, just so i can feel you in the room, makes it all better” Life is 90% boring work tasks, if you can make a part of doing those tasks about spending time with your partner, just having them next to you while they do their own thing, then it makes it all the more better.
@@letticiagonzales6657 oh for sure. But for the times when there is no option of not working, i think its good to be able to fit even a little bit of intimacy in those times. When you can dedicate all your attention, do it, absolutely, but I dont think it should be an ‘all or nothing’ thing. Give your best all the time, that best just may look different depending on the time.
@@diemhummel9420 Agreed! Spent a lovely afternoon working with my partner in the garden today, no time to gaze into each others eyes but we chatted and laughed and had the joy of completing a task together. It made me happy anyway!🥰
Thank you for sharing teaching about feeling, vulnerability, communication and Etc. I found your video and makes me feel I’m in therapy in person. Thank you for the comments. They’re so helpful. One comment in particular confirmed to express yourself rather than holding your feelings. Made it easier for me to express myself in simple words. God bless you!!
Love reading the comments on your videos. I’ve lacked on my communication for a long time, got into a relationship where I tried to express myself better and in return got my feelings invalidated. I had worded it the way it was said in here. People will either get you or they won’t. Hearing these videos help me realize that there are others out there who would also like to learn how to properly communicate. It’s a learning process but glad to know I’m on the right track.
YEEESSS! Best lesson I learned. Never say "you" in a conflict. "You" often leads to feeling like an attack, which makes them dig in their heals and get defensive. "I" changes to to how the person in question feels, which gets to the point without blame. It takes some work but the results are amazing. He literally put this into practice in the video.
I have 6 siblings. My twin sister was the first to seek therapy after our upbringing. When she learned “I feel” instead of “I think” she taught it to me immediately and it reeeeeeeeally changes communication
This right here is what caused my divorce. Husband was extremely passionate for me upon meeting and the first month of marriage; however within 2 months of the wedding all displays of love towards me or any of my advances were met with "Stop" it was horrible. He would never reach for my hand to hold or intiate a hug. Only intimacy was on his terms and time and all about him in the morning before he left for work. I felt so unloved, so used and hurt. I felt like a maid and roommate with benefits for him. I never recovered. The love just wasn't there anymore even after trying to explain my feelings. So sad.
@@inroosee Honestly... Unless you're able to talk it out with them and that they actually change their behavior, it's best to leave. This short kind of made me tear up because this is the last argument I had with my ex I had dated for a year and a half. He wouldn't understand my needs and just told me that "passion fluctuates up and down and it fades with time" but I didn't feel like a lover anymore, more so like just a friend he talked a lot to. Turns out he didn't love me anymore. Try to talk it out but... Watch out.
@inroosee Yes, unfortunately, it IS really that common. Mismatched libido and improper communication is rampant. - Trust your gut, never your heart. - NEVER marry into a dead bedroom (it doesn't improve) - You deserve the same amount of effort, love & respect that you put in (I promise you, your equal is out there waiting to shower it upon you!) Remember that people, regardless of gender, will tend to exaggerate and say anything to secure & get what they want. It's not always the case, but more often than not... that's how many of us get duped *sigh*
@@ShandyCoffin I am already married 😢 … and I was supposed to keep on married until we were really old .. plans we travelled far away and in the country I am with him now, I have no one else.. I thought it was him the one for me .. suddenly changed into someone that I don’t know and that won’t listen to me anymore
I have to say I just now found your channel. Me and my partner watched this short. And wondered if it worked. Well we had a disagreement and I used the tactics from this short. Saying how I feel and not blaming. Now we are closer then ever thank you
God damn bro, you never fail to give me goosebumps. I might be currently single, but I don't want to be forever. Thank you for helping me feel like I might be worth someone's time and attention.
The problem I've seen with this is if one of the partners feels "defensive" and gets almost angry after telling them how you're feeling. My dad would always blow up and yell about "I'm just the bad guy I guess!" or "you KNOW I don't feel that way so why are you acting like I'm doing this on purpose" He'd then rage and pout until my mom was too exhausted to continue the argument/discussion. She'd "give up" and say things like "no no you're not the bad guy, I'm just being over emotional"
@@earlgreyt123 sadly it's too late for my dad (passed last year) but I can honestly say all 3 of his kids learned to be emotionally aware and able to handle "criticism". In my 20's I started being so similar to him that my mom made a comment. I freaked out and literally took emotional counciling classes in college just to be sure I'd not continue the cycle lol.
I love this so much. When my partner and I realized that I always got defensive when he came to me with issues (and of course then tried to flip it on him of how I wasn’t in the wrong, etc), he got into the habit of saying “I’m not attacking you!” Which then allowed me to take a breath and refocus on what he was trying to tell me. Because it wasn’t about me at all, and he WASN’T attacking me. He was just trying to express how he felt so we could brainstorm about how to make it better, together. It really did wonders for us ❤
This guy is giving really great advice. I wish i would've seen this when i was in my last relationship. He never wanted to do anything physical, and i didn't know how to express how that hurt me. Thank you for making these, it's helping so many people!
You cannot make people do things they don't want to do ... and if you force them - they make your time together miserable ... Learned that from My Dad!
I love watching your videos, I love seeing how you don't put blame on anyone (since no one is at fault in situations like this) and how inclusive you have shown to be for everyone's situation. It's helped me learn how to set boundaries and be open with my partner I currently have and I truly appreciate it. So happy I found your channel before getting back into dating again.
What a difference the wording makes . I wish we would have all been taught this early in life. But we just copied our parents way and already passed it on to our own kids in my case I guess. I am finding it very hard as an adult to change now . I have to listen several times and know that when the moment comes, I am still gonna stumble.
THANK YOUUUU! Women get rejected from intimacy, too! Thank you so much for bringing this up! Its been 10 yrs for me. And we've only been intimate a few times before that. Btw, im not old. This has been goibg on since i was 28. Now im 41. Not 95. My in laws have sex more than i do. And theyre in their 80s. .and they hate eachother.
Is it worth it to live like this? Why are you staying with that man who doesn't desire you? I'm a woman and couldn't stand a man who doesn't desire me. Nobody wants that. It's called a roommate otherwise. Never settle for a roommate if it's not what you need. I assume a lot in what I'm saying but sister, you need to feel your body touched, you need to feel the touch of a skin, you need to feel the smell of a body full of sun. Yes you're 41. Time to go sister. Time to go. I wish you the best.
Feel the same. Shared my feelings so many times and he he says he hates seeing me sad but it never changes. I feel so depressed and ashamed for not being touched by my boyfriend. He says that as soon as he loves a woman he doesn't feel the need for sex...more like not capable of True intimacy. Feel very Lonely going through this while I'm young. Feels so superficial to leave 😢
@@jj9501 Every. Single. Word. Omg everything you just said is me and my husband! He also gets emotional when I bring it up. I can tell he feels guilty about it. I know he's not proud of it. But that doesn't change the reality. It doesn't solve the issue. Now I'm conflicted on what you said though. And I'll give you my input , but ofc you can take it or leave it. You said that HE claims that "he doesn't feel interest when LOVE is involved"? That makes me wonder how he views sex? 🤔 Does he think it's something ditty that should only be done to "dirty sl*ts"? Does he think he is "disrespecting" you when he does it? Or is that just what he says because he doesn't really understand what his problem is, either? My husband used to shame me. He would insinuate that "women who want sex are sl*ts, nymphos, or wh*res". Ofc he later said he didn't mean that. He also used the excuse that he "wasn't raised that way". And I was like, do you think anyone is raised knowing about their parents sex life?!? 🤣 Turns out, his parents are in their 80s and they have e sex more often than we do. My mom is 61. My stepdad is 80. They have sex WAYYYYYYY more often. They have both had sex at least once or twice in the last year. And now when my husband makes a half -assed attempt, it feels awkward. Uncomfortable. Like he's doing me a favor. And clearly I'm right because when I tell him I'm afraid that if we do, it'll be the last time for another 10 years, he says "Okay" very quickly. And he doesn't go to the bathroom to take care of himself. He just goes back to playing video games.
Thank you for pointing this out!! WAAAYY you many people make statements and assumptions and put "I feel" in front of it and think that's sharing a feeling. That's NOT a feeling/emotion. That's what you believe, assume, think and you believe, assume, think that because of the EMOTIONS you're feeling. Those EMOTIONS reinforce those beliefs, assumptions and thoughts until we fully embody it and then mistake it as a "Feeling/Emotion". This is was leads up to keep having these kinds of arguments, we don't state our ACTUAL EMOTIONS and then both people end up being and/or believing that they are being attacked and blamed. This is why "I Statements" are SO important. Say "I feel/felt.....(insert EMOTION(S)" and then explain why you feel that way and/or what you experienced to make you feel that way.
Your lady character is so relatable. You play her incredibly well, and I thank you and your partner for everything that brought you to this point in your life as hard as it may have been you are changing lives, for what thats worth!! ❤
You're legitimately the most in touch therapist and MAN out there! I know you've worked at it but you are a MASTER at emotional understanding and communication! Your partner is the luckiest person! Thanks for helping all of us!!! 🙌🤩💜
As a college student who's just getting into dating, these videos show me so much about what a healthy relationship and marriage should look like. Thanks Jimmy :)
The only two times that I told my partner I was lonely, felt so alone and isolated, his only response was that I should find a hobby because I must be bored
these videos make me feel so happy every time. Jimmy is best in his wig (I mean I find him so relatable and funny) and other characters too, but I mean I feel very heard after watching his videos.
Even in the nagging and whining there is an underlying message. Open up YOUR heart/feelings and discern what it is. Then response better. (BTW I can tell you don’t respond well because if the words nagging and whining)
😭😭😭 HOW does he do that SO well?! HOW?! I want a 100% non biased 3rd party that feels safe be able to mediate and tell me where I need to grow too because I’m fully aware that I am part of the problem too. I accept that and take responsibility for my part. 😭😭😭 Is it really and truly possible to come back and be better because of it
Omg thank you for this because i always see this issue brought up for men but women also deal with these same things. Im going onba month and a half now and ive voiced my feelings about it but he just feels guilt and isolates more rather than doing anything about it. And he doesnt even have the stress of work because i take up all the slack at our job.
Oh wow, I instantly teared up. It's been over a year since I moved out and fully moved on from my ex. We were together for six years, and for almost the last four he decided to not sleep with me. I still don't know why. I did everything I could. Mutual friends decided he was gay, but he slept with someone a short while after I had moved out 💔 Sometimes it really is just them. Go be happy. Plenty of fish in the sea, so plenty of chances to find someone better.
When my narcisstic husband was away with friends ALOT. I said i was lonely and was told to "get a hobby". He had no intention to be around any more or even have the children for me to go out.
When I found out I was autistic I started putting more effort into learning how to effectively communicate and I've realized just how bad most people are at it. I still need a lot of practice because it can be hard to remember those tools in a heated moment, but it staggers me the way people talk sometimes. It feels like any casual conversation can turn into a fight when you're dealing with someone who refuses to try and understand. No clarifying questions, no good will, just immediately flying off the handle the moment they interpret something as hostile. And not even an apology later on. All that to say, I wish everyone could see content like this, because I think we all really need it.
If this person is a narcissist cheating on you devaluing you making you feel like you're the crazy one... he/she will continue to treat you worse and worse until there's nothing left of you
I didn't like "self help" type videos, books, podcasts etc but I really enjoy your videos. I feel like I can actually relate to your content whereas with other content I just can't connect with.
Yea my husband’s answer to not being intimate with me was to be intimate with a bar maid. Despite me asking time after time what was wrong the answering always got was “ nothings wrong”. We can only communicate if both partners are willing to communicate
I was a serial “you never…” before I began therapy years back. Nobody took ownership of their feelings in my family. I never saw conflict resolution. Learning how to use “I feel” statements was so important.
Another gigachad advice about how much rizz great communication can have 😎 frrr frrr Or whatever. Another great video on importance of communication and how to do it right.
this was a huge issue for me and my last partner and definitely contributed to our breakup. thankfully we’re still great friends as we were before we dated but i had no idea how to communicate it properly and he just gave up and fell flat. thank you
Whenever this situation happens and I'm feeling scared, I turn to my husband and ask him for reassurance. Like, literally "can you reassure me for a bit?" He hugs and cuddles me and tells me that he loves me and he finds me attractive and it has nothing to do with me I always feel so much better afterwards 😊
Mine won’t do that at all. He calls me needy and then the gap gets even wider. Apparently, according to him, every time I “get like this” it “resets” his brain, when it comes to being in the mood for any kind of intimacy, sexual or otherwise, and he has to “start all over again l.” I find it funny that he was “just about ready to be close again”, when I “pull my crap”…giving me the entire weight of the situation to carry by myself. It’s my fault apparently
@@ryanmcgarry-winne5015 So sorry you're going through this 😢 I love how being 'needy' is a flaw - like, don't they want to be needed?!🤷🏼♀️ Maybe the real issue is he doesn't know how to comfort you? Watching some of these videos might help? Wish you all the best 💓
This is a great tip! Lead with feelings, not the situation (facts), that are causing those feelings. That way the other person doesn't feel attacked, won't go on the defensive. Munching an apple? lol Biblical! 😊
This is the exact problem I was trying to communicate to my ex. Except in my case he was withdrawing affection because he was cheating. The ex before him was addicted to gaming and used video games to ignore basically everything else in his life.
I've seen a lot of women complain about this exact thing. I can't wrap my head around it I can't play games for more than like an hour without getting bored. Don't get me wrong I like them but the whole all day every day thing is nuts to me.
Great video , you are very creative and kind hearted. My wife left me the morning after I refused to be intimate with her for the very first night in our marriage. There is more to it she was planning on running off with the kids , had canceled the lease and not told me, we was in therapy on my request, i got us doing feelings journals, when she left she took all my custody papers and things i made for my estranged son Abraxas. There's way than that, but...
Hmmm... as someone on the spectrum, who has been with people on the spectrum, I think a good way might be "I would like to do this (Thing) so I can feel wanted and close with you, not to turn you on/be intimate with you.
We've tried this in my home. My wife said we didn't spend time together anymore. I said to turn the TV down or off and I'll come out of my quiet room. She then replaced the TV with blaring podcasts instead. She didn't understand why this didn't work to draw me out of my quiet space. I drive equipment, work around machinery. Me ears need a break from racket at some point during the day
You could try asking her if she would be willing to listen to it on a Bluetooth headset. That way, you can have some quiet and she can listen to her podcast in the same room.
Did you explain about WHY you like quiet? Instead of going alone into your quiet space. Ask her to do something together. A walk in the park etc. you two are separating/divorcing while you live in the same house.
@brendarewan7441 it was gone over. We did marriage counseling, that ended when the counselors didn't tell herwhat she wanted to hear. I've been out of the house for 2 years now.
I wish this worked on my fiancé, he gets furious if I say "I'm sad" or imply it. I never blame him and I always use "I feel" statement", but it always makes him angry and he starts shouting.
So...this is maybe what guys feel when their partners don't want to be intimate due to stress as well? They just haven't been expressing themselves effectively so their needs for connection go unseen and their hurt feelings reduced to base physical cravings? This is pretty eye opening opening
bro is saving families and dropping divorce rates out here
I wish it was working for my marriage but even with the videos and trying to explain to my husband, he still hasn't changed and we're heading for divorce.
@@rahxascSome things aren’t meant to be but at least you guys can say you gave it a fair shot! It’ll be ok 💜
NOT, if only women/wives are the only one watching these, like me.
@@rahxasc Same here, my husband said this was just another way for me to attack him, even though Every one I started with was a way that I could improve and then did. He just withdrew more until saying he wanted a divorce, but promised to get marriage counseling first, then dodged every attempt at it.
When I caught him in yet another lie after finding his sexts, he promised we would call a marriage counselor when he got home, and then gave me divorce papers instead.
That sounds very manipulative, im so sorry for your experience@laraj1769
It's amazing the difference clear communication makes. The difference between "you never want to be intimate with me anymore " and "I feel lonely and sad" feels like the distance across the sea. It's heart breaking that relationships can be dismantled for something that in hindsight seems so simple but in the moment can be so hard to accomplish.
Exactly
It requires both people to drop their ego. How many people look back on an ex and just label them as an a-hole, but in reality, it was differences like the one in the video that could've solved it? We are so harsh with people who loved us, even if they didn't love us the way we wanted.
@@UltraGalacticSuperFantastic absolutely
Very, very well said. Thank you ❤
"I feel..." is much better communication than "you never..."
Or to not make that person get defensive, “I want..” is a better term. I want your attention, I want your vulnerability.
@@BrnDm I have been told "I want" sounds "too needy".
Who else loves him eating an apple. That's one of the best parts of this
Apple a day keeps poor communication at bay
irritates me!! It's so disrespectful! I know guys who did this! It's like don't care really 😅😂 I love he shows these things!
I said a similar "correct" phrase to my EX (I felt scared that our love was dying) and he countered, "Don't be ridiculous! Of course I love you", and then continued on ignoring me and doing what he was doing. Yup....EX.
Thank you for this important reminder. I think it's so easy to imagine a previous relationship going differently if only we'd said the right thing, when in reality, if the other person isn't actually able or willing to empathise and reflect on the relationship, let alone to make changes to improve the connection, chances are it would have made no real difference other than you working _even harder_ to make yourself heard, making yourself even more vulnerable as you communicate, and still being met with resistance and dismissal.
This also happened to me with my ex. He took my disappointment as him being a total failure as a husband and made it all about him. 😅
Yeah if you have to constantly look for that affection it's probably not the right place, it should come naturally 😕
@@lettherebelightpink Wow. I mean.. wow. Thank you for sharing your lesson
@@lupakajsalisa3652 Yeah. Generally speaking, even when someone isn't versed in how to resolve issues, or communicate well, and is clearly out of their depth - the difference between a person who is willing to learn how to better show up for you/acknowledging that what they're doing isn't working, and someone who cares more about protecting their ego or living in the delusion that everything is fine/things aren't bad enough to warrant a serious overhaul... is usually CRYSTAL clear.
Thank you for making a video about the woman being the one craving intimacy. It's refreshing. Most the time videos tend to be about men being the ones who want it
I understand where you're coming from but I honestly think that's simply because most of the time that is the case.
Because most of the time it is a the man who has to come to terms with it and change his behaviour to fulfil the needs of the woman before she has to change her behaviour to fulfill his needs from time to time.
Here is the same dynamic. She craves intimacy and the man has to acknowledge her feelings and change his behaviour to meet her needs, but nonetheless his needs and current challenges aren't acknowledged. He has to toss himself aside and work harder to fulfill his tasks and her needs as well.
It's often the theme in this videos. The man is the bad guy who has to change the most.
@@vogelfaenger6830 ok first of all I am on your side but secondly... what you just said makes no sense and I am questioning whether you have a mental disability
That's because it is normalized in society for men to be the sexual ones while women are shamed for it. In reality, every partner craves intimacy in some shape or form.
@@vogelfaenger6830 The men in these vidoes aren't always the "bad guy" No one is since every thing always boils down to miscommunication. And also im sorry to say that a lot of men do love dismissing emotions for things that are physical a lot more than women. Like how do you expect a women to treat you like well when you dismiss everything thats emotionally and physically bugging her? Like you aren't the only one in this relationship. If Im having trouble especially in our relationship I would hope my partner will be able to listen and help me emotionally so that im in turn am in a good mind set when helping them. It works both ways.
"I care what you're feeling. I'm here for you, " that's all I needed to hear! This really hits me. 🥺
I always got told I was " why are you always trying to start something?"
Same, wish I could experience that some day!
For some reason these words mean nothing to me.. words of affirmation mean nothing to me, only actions do
@aditideshpande3050 probably because actions speak louder than words. And people will say things to appease people or get out of a stressful situation. In this case I think what would also help is a plan. So instead of just "I care and I'm here for you" the addition of plans of some kind. Like "I care how u feel and here for you. Work has been crazy. Let me take you out Friday night" or something along those lines.
I think a good way to be intimate while still working on things so you dont end up drowning in due-dates (if your work is something you can do at a desk or couch)
Its just having your partner sit next to you, they read a book or watch a movie with headphones, you continue with work.
Sitting close enough to touch (either shoulders touching or leaning, or just close enough to be within arms length)
And every so often, you just reach out and hold their hand.
You still get to get the things done that you need to get done, while showing them that even when stressed and working, you reach to them for comfort.
Something as small as a little 2 minute hand hold can show that you love them.
Intimacy doesnt always mean “100% full attention” (but it is important to have those totally focused moments). Intimacy can just be you two existing in the same space and being comfortable in eachother’s presents.
Nothing is more special than “i need to do this boring thing i dont want to do, but having you here with me, just so i can feel you in the room, makes it all better”
Life is 90% boring work tasks, if you can make a part of doing those tasks about spending time with your partner, just having them next to you while they do their own thing, then it makes it all the more better.
yes and no, but mostly no.. we have to relearn to put screens and distractions down and be fully present with the people we love.
@@letticiagonzales6657 oh for sure.
But for the times when there is no option of not working, i think its good to be able to fit even a little bit of intimacy in those times.
When you can dedicate all your attention, do it, absolutely, but I dont think it should be an ‘all or nothing’ thing.
Give your best all the time, that best just may look different depending on the time.
@@diemhummel9420 Agreed! Spent a lovely afternoon working with my partner in the garden today, no time to gaze into each others eyes but we chatted and laughed and had the joy of completing a task together. It made me happy anyway!🥰
Thank you for sharing teaching about feeling, vulnerability, communication and Etc. I found your video and makes me feel I’m in therapy in person. Thank you for the comments. They’re so helpful. One comment in particular confirmed to express yourself rather than holding your feelings. Made it easier for me to express myself in simple words. God bless you!!
Love reading the comments on your videos. I’ve lacked on my communication for a long time, got into a relationship where I tried to express myself better and in return got my feelings invalidated. I had worded it the way it was said in here. People will either get you or they won’t. Hearing these videos help me realize that there are others out there who would also like to learn how to properly communicate. It’s a learning process but glad to know I’m on the right track.
Can you just appear in my kitchen when my husband and I have this conversation 😂❤
😂😂😂😂
Bold comment 🎉😂
@@B.Y.B.Y. 😬😂 it's a for real problem! I need reinforcements.
Try communicating effectively and just tell him the way you really feel like they showed in the video and you won't need him to appear.
yes the point of this video was for you to use this info so he doesnt need to appear
Effectively communicating your feelings is so important. More “I”s and less “You”s ❤
YEEESSS! Best lesson I learned. Never say "you" in a conflict. "You" often leads to feeling like an attack, which makes them dig in their heals and get defensive. "I" changes to to how the person in question feels, which gets to the point without blame. It takes some work but the results are amazing.
He literally put this into practice in the video.
I have 6 siblings. My twin sister was the first to seek therapy after our upbringing. When she learned “I feel” instead of “I think” she taught it to me immediately and it reeeeeeeeally changes communication
No longer in a partnership but i still find these videos enlightening
Me too. Wanna sit on the couch together and watch some and make commentary about our own experience? That'd be great honestly
This right here is what caused my divorce. Husband was extremely passionate for me upon meeting and the first month of marriage; however within 2 months of the wedding all displays of love towards me or any of my advances were met with "Stop" it was horrible. He would never reach for my hand to hold or intiate a hug. Only intimacy was on his terms and time and all about him in the morning before he left for work. I felt so unloved, so used and hurt. I felt like a maid and roommate with benefits for him. I never recovered. The love just wasn't there anymore even after trying to explain my feelings. So sad.
I still don’t want to give up … but I totally understand you. Is this that common?
@@inroosee Honestly... Unless you're able to talk it out with them and that they actually change their behavior, it's best to leave. This short kind of made me tear up because this is the last argument I had with my ex I had dated for a year and a half. He wouldn't understand my needs and just told me that "passion fluctuates up and down and it fades with time" but I didn't feel like a lover anymore, more so like just a friend he talked a lot to. Turns out he didn't love me anymore. Try to talk it out but... Watch out.
@@arandomfreak
What a horrible marriage this would have been. You escaped that. Praise God.
@inroosee Yes, unfortunately, it IS really that common. Mismatched libido and improper communication is rampant.
- Trust your gut, never your heart.
- NEVER marry into a dead bedroom (it doesn't improve)
- You deserve the same amount of effort, love & respect that you put in (I promise you, your equal is out there waiting to shower it upon you!)
Remember that people, regardless of gender, will tend to exaggerate and say anything to secure & get what they want. It's not always the case, but more often than not... that's how many of us get duped *sigh*
@@ShandyCoffin I am already married 😢 … and I was supposed to keep on married until we were really old .. plans we travelled far away and in the country I am with him now, I have no one else.. I thought it was him the one for me .. suddenly changed into someone that I don’t know and that won’t listen to me anymore
I have to say I just now found your channel. Me and my partner watched this short. And wondered if it worked. Well we had a disagreement and I used the tactics from this short. Saying how I feel and not blaming. Now we are closer then ever thank you
Holy cow! Jimmy is actually being helpful and offering real advice that could help in this exact situation! A+
God damn bro, you never fail to give me goosebumps. I might be currently single, but I don't want to be forever. Thank you for helping me feel like I might be worth someone's time and attention.
I love these little skits. Very educational in less than a minute 😊😊😊
The problem I've seen with this is if one of the partners feels "defensive" and gets almost angry after telling them how you're feeling. My dad would always blow up and yell about "I'm just the bad guy I guess!" or "you KNOW I don't feel that way so why are you acting like I'm doing this on purpose" He'd then rage and pout until my mom was too exhausted to continue the argument/discussion. She'd "give up" and say things like "no no you're not the bad guy, I'm just being over emotional"
Sounds like an avoidant reaction. Doesn't know how to deal with emotional stuff. Truth is you can learn to become the 'good guy'!😉
@@earlgreyt123 sadly it's too late for my dad (passed last year) but I can honestly say all 3 of his kids learned to be emotionally aware and able to handle "criticism". In my 20's I started being so similar to him that my mom made a comment. I freaked out and literally took emotional counciling classes in college just to be sure I'd not continue the cycle lol.
@@disorderlymatron5534 I'm sorry about your Dad, but well done you!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
We all need a Jimmy pause button at these times! 😂
Very relatable video Thank you.
✨️🕊
This is exactly what we are fighting about. Why aren't you having atleast 20 million followers???
I love this so much.
When my partner and I realized that I always got defensive when he came to me with issues (and of course then tried to flip it on him of how I wasn’t in the wrong, etc), he got into the habit of saying “I’m not attacking you!” Which then allowed me to take a breath and refocus on what he was trying to tell me.
Because it wasn’t about me at all, and he WASN’T attacking me. He was just trying to express how he felt so we could brainstorm about how to make it better, together. It really did wonders for us ❤
This guy is giving really great advice. I wish i would've seen this when i was in my last relationship. He never wanted to do anything physical, and i didn't know how to express how that hurt me. Thank you for making these, it's helping so many people!
Thank you for doing this with these gender roles. It’s very validating. ❤
You cannot make people do things they don't want to do ... and if you force them - they make your time together miserable ... Learned that from My Dad!
I love watching your videos, I love seeing how you don't put blame on anyone (since no one is at fault in situations like this) and how inclusive you have shown to be for everyone's situation. It's helped me learn how to set boundaries and be open with my partner I currently have and I truly appreciate it. So happy I found your channel before getting back into dating again.
What a difference the wording makes . I wish we would have all been taught this early in life. But we just copied our parents way and already passed it on to our own kids in my case I guess.
I am finding it very hard as an adult to change now .
I have to listen several times and know that when the moment comes, I am still gonna stumble.
You try, and follow through. That REALLY matters. When a parent doesn't try, it breaks my heart. You're doing well, keep going.
THANK YOUUUU!
Women get rejected from intimacy, too!
Thank you so much for bringing this up!
Its been 10 yrs for me. And we've only been intimate a few times before that.
Btw, im not old. This has been goibg on since i was 28. Now im 41.
Not 95.
My in laws have sex more than i do.
And theyre in their 80s. .and they hate eachother.
How do you handle it? Is the rest of the relationship worth it?! I would truly like to know.
Is it worth it to live like this? Why are you staying with that man who doesn't desire you? I'm a woman and couldn't stand a man who doesn't desire me. Nobody wants that. It's called a roommate otherwise. Never settle for a roommate if it's not what you need. I assume a lot in what I'm saying but sister, you need to feel your body touched, you need to feel the touch of a skin, you need to feel the smell of a body full of sun. Yes you're 41. Time to go sister. Time to go. I wish you the best.
@Alixir1228 Could be straight, but Ace.
Feel the same. Shared my feelings so many times and he he says he hates seeing me sad but it never changes. I feel so depressed and ashamed for not being touched by my boyfriend. He says that as soon as he loves a woman he doesn't feel the need for sex...more like not capable of True intimacy.
Feel very Lonely going through this while I'm young. Feels so superficial to leave 😢
@@jj9501 Every. Single. Word.
Omg everything you just said is me and my husband!
He also gets emotional when I bring it up. I can tell he feels guilty about it. I know he's not proud of it. But that doesn't change the reality. It doesn't solve the issue.
Now I'm conflicted on what you said though.
And I'll give you my input , but ofc you can take it or leave it.
You said that HE claims that "he doesn't feel interest when LOVE is involved"?
That makes me wonder how he views sex? 🤔 Does he think it's something ditty that should only be done to "dirty sl*ts"? Does he think he is "disrespecting" you when he does it?
Or is that just what he says because he doesn't really understand what his problem is, either?
My husband used to shame me. He would insinuate that "women who want sex are sl*ts, nymphos, or wh*res".
Ofc he later said he didn't mean that.
He also used the excuse that he "wasn't raised that way". And I was like, do you think anyone is raised knowing about their parents sex life?!? 🤣
Turns out, his parents are in their 80s and they have e sex more often than we do.
My mom is 61. My stepdad is 80. They have sex WAYYYYYYY more often.
They have both had sex at least once or twice in the last year.
And now when my husband makes a half -assed attempt, it feels awkward. Uncomfortable. Like he's doing me a favor.
And clearly I'm right because when I tell him I'm afraid that if we do, it'll be the last time for another 10 years, he says "Okay" very quickly.
And he doesn't go to the bathroom to take care of himself. He just goes back to playing video games.
Our intimacy matters!❤ That's beautiful. Lonely, sad, & scared. I'm crying. Thank you ❤
I know how she feels and my husband knows how he feels
Free Conflict Workshop matthiasjbarker.com/from-conflict-to-connection/jimmy?#a_aid=jknowles&a_bid=6d4c9de0
AND YOU SHARE FREE WORKSHOPS TOO?? Dude at this point let me just pay you to be my therapist
Thank you for pointing this out!! WAAAYY you many people make statements and assumptions and put "I feel" in front of it and think that's sharing a feeling. That's NOT a feeling/emotion. That's what you believe, assume, think and you believe, assume, think that because of the EMOTIONS you're feeling. Those EMOTIONS reinforce those beliefs, assumptions and thoughts until we fully embody it and then mistake it as a "Feeling/Emotion". This is was leads up to keep having these kinds of arguments, we don't state our ACTUAL EMOTIONS and then both people end up being and/or believing that they are being attacked and blamed. This is why "I Statements" are SO important. Say "I feel/felt.....(insert EMOTION(S)" and then explain why you feel that way and/or what you experienced to make you feel that way.
You are making a huge difference in people's lives! 🤩🥰🌻 Awesome!🎉
The way this man can be taken so seriously while standing in a dress and a wig is astounding and I wish to be like you 😭😭😭
I can hear your emotions in your voice, you speak through experience and wisdom. Great vids!
Your lady character is so relatable. You play her incredibly well, and I thank you and your partner for everything that brought you to this point in your life as hard as it may have been you are changing lives, for what thats worth!! ❤
You deserve a 🥇 these shorts are priceless 💯🔥
I love how these scenarios are presented. Good on ya, Apple-eating Jiminy! Seriously though, good good stuff. 👏🏼🙌🏼
Out there saving literal lives ❤...
And his hair is SO beautiful ❤
I’m loving this format
You're legitimately the most in touch therapist and MAN out there! I know you've worked at it but you are a MASTER at emotional understanding and communication! Your partner is the luckiest person! Thanks for helping all of us!!! 🙌🤩💜
I just had this talk yesterday!
It really does help to talk about it.
As a college student who's just getting into dating, these videos show me so much about what a healthy relationship and marriage should look like. Thanks Jimmy :)
The only two times that I told my partner I was lonely, felt so alone and isolated, his only response was that I should find a hobby because I must be bored
This is insane. You rarely see blatant disrespect like this... I hope you're doing much better now.
Hahaha I had been told the exact same thing. Do they make them in the same factory?
0:36 my goodness. That’s touching a soul.
these videos make me feel so happy every time. Jimmy is best in his wig (I mean I find him so relatable and funny) and other characters too, but I mean I feel very heard after watching his videos.
Love the "feelings" exchange. Better than nagging or whinging any time
Even in the nagging and whining there is an underlying message. Open up YOUR heart/feelings and discern what it is. Then response better. (BTW I can tell you don’t respond well because if the words nagging and whining)
😭😭😭 HOW does he do that SO well?! HOW?! I want a 100% non biased 3rd party that feels safe be able to mediate and tell me where I need to grow too because I’m fully aware that I am part of the problem too. I accept that and take responsibility for my part. 😭😭😭 Is it really and truly possible to come back and be better because of it
Good way of learning how to relate to others I wish I known that❤
Everybody needs a big color coded 'feeling whee'l diagram stuck to their refrigerator. It really helps in the communication department.
you always slay the wig look so good it’s unreal
Omg thank you for this because i always see this issue brought up for men but women also deal with these same things. Im going onba month and a half now and ive voiced my feelings about it but he just feels guilt and isolates more rather than doing anything about it. And he doesnt even have the stress of work because i take up all the slack at our job.
Oh wow, I instantly teared up. It's been over a year since I moved out and fully moved on from my ex. We were together for six years, and for almost the last four he decided to not sleep with me. I still don't know why. I did everything I could. Mutual friends decided he was gay, but he slept with someone a short while after I had moved out 💔 Sometimes it really is just them. Go be happy. Plenty of fish in the sea, so plenty of chances to find someone better.
I wish I found your videos before my break up this year. I’m learning so much knowledge I wish I had beforehand
That breakup probably did you a world of good though!! Now you have a new start. Now go be great!!
When my narcisstic husband was away with friends ALOT. I said i was lonely and was told to "get a hobby". He had no intention to be around any more or even have the children for me to go out.
When I found out I was autistic I started putting more effort into learning how to effectively communicate and I've realized just how bad most people are at it. I still need a lot of practice because it can be hard to remember those tools in a heated moment, but it staggers me the way people talk sometimes.
It feels like any casual conversation can turn into a fight when you're dealing with someone who refuses to try and understand. No clarifying questions, no good will, just immediately flying off the handle the moment they interpret something as hostile. And not even an apology later on.
All that to say, I wish everyone could see content like this, because I think we all really need it.
If this person is a narcissist cheating on you devaluing you making you feel like you're the crazy one... he/she will continue to treat you worse and worse until there's nothing left of you
And if they haven’t been diagnosed as NPD but are treating you this way it’s still wrong.
I didn't like "self help" type videos, books, podcasts etc but I really enjoy your videos. I feel like I can actually relate to your content whereas with other content I just can't connect with.
Very good example , we often don't explain how we feel.
The. Examples. Are. So. Helpful! Thank youu! 🎉
Dude you're amazing. Facts Truth 💯
You left the most important part out: "...and I'd like to be intimate with you as soon as we get home/right now."
Jumping Gees, may I ask your background (rhetorical question 😊) you certainly hit the nail on the head with your videos, thank you
Yea my husband’s answer to not being intimate with me was to be intimate with a bar maid. Despite me asking time after time what was wrong the answering always got was “ nothings wrong”. We can only communicate if both partners are willing to communicate
I was a serial “you never…” before I began therapy years back. Nobody took ownership of their feelings in my family. I never saw conflict resolution. Learning how to use “I feel” statements was so important.
Another gigachad advice about how much rizz great communication can have 😎 frrr frrr
Or whatever.
Another great video on importance of communication and how to do it right.
wow, that clip was so well done. the messege hit hard. good job sir!
I feel like you were in the room when I said this exact thing to my husband like last week.
I like this format better, pausing is helpful
this was a huge issue for me and my last partner and definitely contributed to our breakup. thankfully we’re still great friends as we were before we dated but i had no idea how to communicate it properly and he just gave up and fell flat. thank you
I really appreciate this account
Whenever this situation happens and I'm feeling scared, I turn to my husband and ask him for reassurance. Like, literally "can you reassure me for a bit?"
He hugs and cuddles me and tells me that he loves me and he finds me attractive and it has nothing to do with me
I always feel so much better afterwards 😊
Mine won’t do that at all. He calls me needy and then the gap gets even wider. Apparently, according to him, every time I “get like this” it “resets” his brain, when it comes to being in the mood for any kind of intimacy, sexual or otherwise, and he has to “start all over again l.” I find it funny that he was “just about ready to be close again”, when I “pull my crap”…giving me the entire weight of the situation to carry by myself. It’s my fault apparently
That's what emotional maturity looks like! 👍🏼 I ask mine 'is this just my anxiety speaking or do you......' Amazing how often I've misread him!😅
@@ryanmcgarry-winne5015 So sorry you're going through this 😢 I love how being 'needy' is a flaw - like, don't they want to be needed?!🤷🏼♀️ Maybe the real issue is he doesn't know how to comfort you? Watching some of these videos might help? Wish you all the best 💓
@@ryanmcgarry-winne5015
Start reverse discard immediately.
This is a great tip! Lead with feelings, not the situation (facts), that are causing those feelings. That way the other person doesn't feel attacked, won't go on the defensive.
Munching an apple? lol Biblical! 😊
Ahh I didn’t see that!! Thanks!! 😊👏🏽
Please be our couples counselor... seriously. Please😊
You and your Wife (your profile Picture) are genuinely EPIC.
Lord I need some major healing to do. All I hear from this is my ex getting angry because my lack of putting out is what caused him to cheat.
Oh my Gosh..🌝 🌞. This is so good. Big smile.
This is brilliant.
With a wig is crazy work
This is the exact problem I was trying to communicate to my ex. Except in my case he was withdrawing affection because he was cheating. The ex before him was addicted to gaming and used video games to ignore basically everything else in his life.
I've seen a lot of women complain about this exact thing. I can't wrap my head around it I can't play games for more than like an hour without getting bored. Don't get me wrong I like them but the whole all day every day thing is nuts to me.
Remember to use “I” and “me” statements instead of “you” statements, takes out all the accusation while adding vulnerability
My first time here and this is everything
Deep insights
I seriously appreciate your videos!
That's a great shift, and technically I don't see undesired and rejected as a feeling, but a thought / interpretation ❤
People from toxic families who watch this channel to learn how to communicate in relationships 👇
Love you 💗
EXACTLY!!!👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👍🏿👍🏿
Great video , you are very creative and kind hearted. My wife left me the morning after I refused to be intimate with her for the very first night in our marriage. There is more to it she was planning on running off with the kids , had canceled the lease and not told me, we was in therapy on my request, i got us doing feelings journals, when she left she took all my custody papers and things i made for my estranged son Abraxas. There's way than that, but...
It is sad 😢 and sounds very painfull. I hope you are and will be better cause i am sure it is not easy.
You REFUSED?!?! Definitely need to hear the other side of this story!!
That helps me a lot!
OMG. This is hilarious! It's too close to home.
I haven't been able to find the right words to get my husband to do casual touching. Living with someone on the spectrum is challenging.
Hmmm... as someone on the spectrum, who has been with people on the spectrum, I think a good way might be "I would like to do this (Thing) so I can feel wanted and close with you, not to turn you on/be intimate with you.
We've tried this in my home. My wife said we didn't spend time together anymore. I said to turn the TV down or off and I'll come out of my quiet room. She then replaced the TV with blaring podcasts instead. She didn't understand why this didn't work to draw me out of my quiet space. I drive equipment, work around machinery. Me ears need a break from racket at some point during the day
You could try asking her if she would be willing to listen to it on a Bluetooth headset. That way, you can have some quiet and she can listen to her podcast in the same room.
@@lindseygregory2304She could also be considerate and not have noise blaring sounds like she's ignoring his needs
Bless!😅 Sometimes what seems so obvious to us needs explaining in small words! 😉
Did you explain about WHY you like quiet? Instead of going alone into your quiet space. Ask her to do something together. A walk in the park etc. you two are separating/divorcing while you live in the same house.
@brendarewan7441 it was gone over. We did marriage counseling, that ended when the counselors didn't tell herwhat she wanted to hear. I've been out of the house for 2 years now.
Vulnerable
Holy, this one hit home a little to hard.
No one will be happy, if you make it a chore.
20 years of marriage, never felt heard.
I wish this worked on my fiancé, he gets furious if I say "I'm sad" or imply it. I never blame him and I always use "I feel" statement", but it always makes him angry and he starts shouting.
The key word here should be EX. Don’t marry this guy PLEASE!!!
So...this is maybe what guys feel when their partners don't want to be intimate due to stress as well? They just haven't been expressing themselves effectively so their needs for connection go unseen and their hurt feelings reduced to base physical cravings? This is pretty eye opening opening
I love the dress 😂
You're amazing, Jimmy! 👌