Access the full-length, extended version of "How to Get Your Sh*t Together" in my healing membership. Click here to learn more and use code "GYST25" for 25% off your first two months ➡ rebrand.ly/GYST25 Chapters: 0:00 Intro 0:11 Income 0:43 Relationships 1:04 Emotional Regulation 1:23 Unhealthy Coping 2:10 Are You Subscribed? 2:43 #1 Career and Income 4:43 #2 Relationships 6:47 #3 Emotional Regulation 9:00 #4 Coping 11:05 How to Get Your SH*T Together - Three Steps 12:23 Mood Dependent Behavior 13:09 Mood Dependent Behavior - Journaling 13:30 Start Getting Your SH*T Together 14:20 Final Thoughts
Patrick ❣️ It would be *amazing* if you made this available as a standalone purchase. Please think about it? I am an autistic naturopathic addiction and trauma counselor of sorts myself with a close working group already (we heal with the mystery arts) so I don’t spend money on memberships bc I work largely for free and have a sort of monastic life with high remedial nutrition needs. This I need for myself and would purchase for personal use and recommend. For once something superior to DIY! Thank you for considering 😊
@@patrickteahanofficial Update: It finally worked. I had to put in a code that was texted to me after I clicked on my CC information. It was confusing but I'm glad it's done :)
Tired is an emotion? I've been exhausted since childhood. I didn't know it was an emotion because, if you're a child, a wife, or an employee, that's called lazy, even if you're doing more than you're fair share
@@brendamoon2660 I am so sorry you have experienced this and experienced these labels. Chronic Fatigue/tiredness is one of the hallmarks of depression. The more we learn about nervous system regulation- this is now often referred to as freeze or functional freeze - your nervous system is disregulated and trying to protect you by numbing you out to your environment or emotional/physical pain (like an animal playing dead, or freezing from overwhelm). Because yours has been since childhood I would guess that this is your case- you endured trauma and went numb/frozen to survive. It mutes our expressions so people may think we are mellow, calm, indifferent, or even apathetic despite the inside sometimes being a torrent of thoughts and anxiety. The other reason a person may feel excess fatigue is hormonal imbalance, anemia (low iron), low vitamin D (which can in turn disrupt hormones), low thyroid etc.
Stop looking outwards for therapy relief: look in words using UA-cam there are a number of excellent trauma therapist that have helped me tremendously. Often they will respond. They also have other programs. Some are free. Believe that you can find the answer. Believe that healing is possible. Don’t look backwards for answers. Life a journey. We don’t wanna get stuck at a pitstop. We want to keep growing and moving forward. Merry Christmas: your greatest gift is your own ability to heal & thrive.
ANY ACT OF SELF-CARE: wash your face eat take a shower stretch consciously breathe for a full minute rest go to the bathroom listen to your comfort song clean the bathroom do the dishes go for a walk ANY ACT OF SELF CARE will, to a degree, make you feel better and reset the mechanism of your mind. it can be as big as preparing a full meal or as small as walking through a doorway for a RAM wipe of your brain. do something to care for yourself because it is a nice thing to do for someone and you deserve to have something nice done for you.
I had it Baaaaaaad sll year long. I was spplying for jobs but didnt really follow through with going to interviews wnd taking the next step until last month. I finally have a FT job. I start Saturday. 🎉
When I had to write papers at uni, the only thing that helped me was working in a room with people I liked who were working on their own papers/jobs. We'd talk about what we had written/worked on at lunch and/or dinner and how it went.
@@e.458 I just can't tell if this is a handicap or just a coping mechanism. Like idk whether to feel bad or good about it. At least you have friends that have the same hobbies. It's called body doubling and it's a symptom in autism and ADHD. I wish I had friends that would wanna read or paint together 😢
For me the income thing is the worst. Grew up being told I'd "never make it in the real world", etc. Got my degree and it got me absolutely nowhere. Every time I try taking courses online to learn new skills, I'll quit after a month. So the feeling of having no skills and being unable to get/do better is my driving issue.
I get the feeling of being trapped with no way of escaping and getting better, I really do. Sending love, strength and compassion your way. You’re not incapable, you’re not trapped. The box is closed but not sealed, and the possibilities are countless once you realize that. Just take your time and live your process your own way. I believe in you dear stranger. ♥️
I feel you... this situation absolutely sucks. My degree didn't help me make money, either. I even do the online course thing 😅 But it didn't lead up to much until now. It couldn't, because it's so incredibly hard to follow through with stuff, if you get constantly interrupted by PTSD and depression symptoms. I don't have a solution yet... Maybe in your case it's about mental illness too, instead of a "lack of skills"?
It helps knowing I'm not the only one, thought my life was over at 18! Still was wandering at 30, retail and nanny jobs. One day, I saw a woman wearing her uniform in the grocery line. She worked for a cruise line, they were hiring for meet and greet positions. THAT one decision to make that call changed my entire life. Sure, I didn't rise to high ranks, but it began a life I can look back on with plenty of stories, memories and opportunities. I say, always say YES, be the best broom sweeper you can be and keep your chin up, you never know what your heart will see!😂❤😊
There are so many opportunities available to you from just finishing a bachelors! You can be a substitute teacher, for example. Paralegal, there’s more I’m sure too!
Being voluntarily celibate and moving away from where I grew up were the best things I ever did for my childhood trauma. I had to be with me. No one else. Living on my own with only me, no roommate, no family coming over, just me. I truly think everyone should live on their own. You have to sit with yourself and that changes you.
I did this too after my husband died. It was very good for me. My kids lived locally, but they weren't at my apartment much. Holidays, things like that. They have their own lives, and I made sure I didn't rely on them as my only friends like my own mother did. Time alone is good for everyone.
Can’t even find a therapist that’s trauma informed. Been having awful experiences with therapists that have their own issues, agenda, and lack of knowledge and skills about working with trauma issued clients. Ugh!!!
Agreed! Then I realized, people are people and most people don’t give a sh*t about you lol they do indeed have their own problems and agendas and it sucks when you realize it after paying them lol but then again, they’re not God.
Just start doing the things you want to be doing, even if you have to force yourself. There's no right or wrong mood for doing anything, only the outcome may vary. Let go of any expectations for the outcome. Just do for doing's sake. You don't have to commit to it for the rest of your life, just commit to doing it once, then do that again. Done is better than none, and each time counts. Repeatedly doing anything will inevitably lead to progress in some way. Repeatedly doing something different/differently will inevitably lead to change in some way. A colleague told me about their friend, who had chronic pain but decided to start traveling around the world, because they realized the pain would not go away, no matter where they were and what they did, so they thought they might as well see the world in pain instead of staying at home in pain. That really stuck with me. _There are many things we can't do anything about, but it should not stop us from doing something about the things we can._
This is so important and i struggled with this for the longest time (and still do, but im getting a bit better). I don’t do things because my inner child thinks there’s a right and wrong way to enjoy things because that’s what I was taught growing up. It’s turned out to be one of the very deep rooted thoughts that’s the hardest to change. Example- I can’t just do something (like trying a new hobby) because what if I don’t enjoy it enough, or what if I don’t do it right. I struggle so hard to just try new things.
@@zephyr3693 Oof, I hear you. I've experienced the same thoughts when starting new things, especially a new hobby. Thoughts like, what if I'm no good, or maybe I'm just not good enough, and if that's true, should I give up when I fail, or should I even do it at all? 😔 Thankfully, when I've had a sustained interest in a particular hobby (thanks ADHD!), I've pushed through those crappy thoughts and just kept at it. Here's an example. Several years ago while I was on a trip, I watched a young woman making lace by hand and I was fascinated. She showed me how she did it and we talked for a good while. When I got home, I sought out more learning resources and bought myself the supplies to start a beginner level project. After working on that pattern, I was so pleased with my progress that I then decided to learn how to crochet and knit, and taught myself. I didn't put a time limit on learning any of these skills, and I allowed myself to start and stop when I needed. I don't regret any of it, even the nights that stretched into days and weeks of frustration. If only I could capture that level of inspiration and determination and then harness it, like lightning in a bottle! Btw, nice name - nice to meet another zephyr! 😊
Loved your words "done is better than none." I read years ago " Done is better than good." this was referring to finishing a project or an assignment- not being able to hit the submit button because it wasn't "perfect". The lesson was to do your best and then hit send instead of stressing over every word, etc... and never submitting your work. In my art and at work- I've learned to follow the done is better than good idea and it is powerful and freeing. I am so proud of myself each time I hit the send button on an email that in the past I would have re-written over and over- trying to be perfect. Now I do my best- and then hit send. (I'm not talking about a rant/angry email. For those- save the draft and read it in 24 hours before you send or delete.) Again- thanks for your comment and the motivation to take action. Do the next right thing in your day- no matter how small. I've been depressed and stuck on the couch and have learned to do the next right thing- no matter how small. Be kind to yourself and just do one small task. Fold one basket of clothes. Or fold one shirt- celebrate that and then if you're able- fold another one. Take baby steps and be kind to yourself and celebrate small victories. Pick up a few dishes and put them in the sink. Tell yourself that's all I'm trying to do. Best wishes to all of us as we find better ways to take care of our beautiful inner child. May peace and kindness fill our lives. And of course, Thanks to Patrick for his brilliant, loving philosophy that he shares with all of us.
Thanks Patrick! You were basically kind of my rock when my mental health crashed. Little to no support system, made little money, living on my own, having to go no contact w/ family. Now I can proudly and confidently say that I’m doing so much better, and it’s because you made me feel seen through your content when no else could even myself 3 years ago. Genuinely thank you for the content you make and the care you share through them!
I totally agree!!! No one has ever "seen" me in the way Patrick does in his videos. I was just telling a co worked this morning that Patrick puts into words almost everything I've ever struggled with. It's like opening the door to being understood and acknowledged. I am 60 years old and just since I found Patrick's online work- I finally embracing who I really am and why my life seemed so bizarre - like I couldn't understand why I struggled and cried and over-reacted my way through 60 years. Now I know my inner child was running my life because my adult sense of self was never formed. I was living an adult life - but making decisions from a 7 year old's trauma response. Patrick's videos are teaching me to find my inner adult and take care of my inner child. Better living through Patrick's kindness and intelligence! Healing vibes to you, blubird, we can do this! We can do hard things!!!
My greatest discovery of the past decade in terms of techniques that calm and regulate my nervous system - is the sound of rain. When I need to ground, center, focus, and/or invite a state of flow so I can access more intentional productivity... I don a set of headphones and play rain/thunderstorm sounds. It's incredible how quickly it changes my physiological, mental, and emotional state.
I had to pause this video and walk away after hearing the part about "unhealthy attachment to your job". My job is the only thing I am, the only thing I can be proud of, the only thing I feel makes me deserve to take up space on the world, and I've been burning out and crashing this year harder than I ever have. It's been horrible to deal with and I have never been more lost and ashamed of myself for it. It's hard to hear this when I've craved identity for so long and finally thought I had found it in my place of work. But after thinking about it more I find it so incredibly relieving to know this is an unhealthy pattern and not how it should be. I'm returning to finish the video now. Thank you, Patrick.
I'm 40 and can relate to work identity. I am good at it so I stay. It is because sense of worth I believe. My cousin is my boss and it makes for a very unhealthy work environment. I've tried leaving a few times but end up returning. Part of returning is the income. I've become comfortable with earnings, it's a good paying job. I live check to check because of poor spending habits. I'm collecting unemployment now which is nice being away from my cousin, but also hurts because it was his say why I'm unemployed. I'm tired, the holidays are hard. I feel lost. Thank you for sharing, you're not alone.
I’ve been down this hole. I burned out from a frontline social work position that I spent 5 years in. Taken out by Thyroid cancer. I recently called myself a C-PTSD layer cake! YOUR WORTH IS ABOVE, BEYOND AND ASIDE FROM YOUR WORK! I’ve started to be grateful for the hardships because they have brought a deeper regulation and calm, better relationship and I am a better mum. Please take the steps to put your heart and your being at the center of your life and love. ❤️ YOU ARE WORTHY. We were born that way, but many of our parents have just acted out their own childhood trauma, passed along through family’s trees. Life has a way of turning us into the diamonds we were meant for! ❤❤❤
Wow I cannot believe there is someone else that feels exactly as I do regarding their job.. I, too, feel that’s the only place where I feel worth while.. I know I’m good at it.. but in the last 7 years… Aghh some coworkers are just awful- bullying, gossiping , trying to create problems.. I feel like narcissists are EVERYWHERE now - to make us all miserable! Some of them are so awful I fear going to work.😢
Wow, I didn't expect to see my exact sentiments expressed here. On paper, I have a good job and very little to complain about. It's embarrassing to be dissatisfied. I poured all of my energy into succeeding at it because I felt I didn't have any self-worth otherwise. But now, I've reached the limit of how far I can progress without a job change, and I've been spinning my wheels without getting anywhere new for a couple of years. I'm worried that I'm going to age out of making a career shift if I don't act soon. I'm paralyzed because I feel like I'm just going to find out what I've been afraid of this whole time, that I'm just not good enough.
Can I get a do-over? I wish I knew then what I know now! Where does the time go? Time flies whether you're having fun or not! So have some fun with life, wear it lightly, and practice gratitude for all things. You won't regret it. At 60 ive learned that thoughts lead to feelings and behviors so i found for me practicing gratitude daily for my relationship with God, the abundance He has brought in to my life, my Father in Heaven, not. my mothers or my grandmothers 'punishung' god. I had to fire that one If you're a recovering old-school unbaptized Catholic girl, im grateful for what he has given, what He has taken away, and all that He's left. Its been quite a journey of learning opportunities. Uts a roller coaster but we'll worth the price of admission. 😊
I've started over 3 times only to hit the wall and be bedridden from burn out THEN work out I'm autistic and later ADHD too, trying to start over taking this in mind and... There's no path. There's no options. If you're neurotypical and have most your health you'll wrangle it, neurodivergent? Gotta have a lot of luck and support otherwise it's impossible.
@@Onthe9thlife3730I hear ya. Neurodivergent with head trauma resulting in blinding migraines (especially in bright lights) has had me in burnout a lot. People think I'm depressed but I am just exhausted. And the anxiety of being turned down for past seizures is exhausting.
Patrick, you are hands-down the best therapist I've ever known who's able to get to the nitty-gritty root of childhood trauma in a kind, compassionate, no-nonsense way, and I am forever grateful. I'm joining the membership tomorrow. So excited! :)
What's scary is I feel like I have like 90% of these issues, and it feels like too much to handle and there is like no one to connect with as a friend.
Exercise is the best tool I've found for emotional regulation. Force yourself to do it, even on the days you don't feel like it. Especially on those days, you will get the most out it, in terms of noticeably lifting your mood, increasing your energy and self esteem, plus reducing any anger or anxiety. Works better than any antidepressant I ever tried. PS- It helps to have a concrete goal. Years ago, I signed up for an event through Team In Training. The event created a firm deadline, and pressure to train. I also told everyone I was doing it, because I was fundraising. That social pressure made me more accountable as well. I trained for 4 months, which was long enough to form a new habit. In hindsight, it was a real catalyst in getting my sh*t together!
I'm so anxious, depressed, and sick all the time (just learned what dysthymia is!) that it's hard to do the things I know I want to do and will help me feel better... I think just nudging myself little by little can help me stick to routine movement. I've got to find something I LOVE to do, and that feels so hard.
I’m always fighting my toxic workplace 😂 - it’s very unsafe and we have bosses that bully us - our CEO sexually assaulted a couple of workers and was fired - but as a childhood trauma, I did not leave like a lot of people did. I became a member leader, then an eboard member of my Union. I fought them too for better staff and now we have an atty rep. I got us security guards and we are positioned and moving against management now to stop the unfair treatment and worker abuse. My point - trauma survivors oftentimes don’t know how to get out of bad situations- but they know how to fight. If I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know about my trauma, I’d get a nicer Job where I didn’t have to go through all that stress. But I’ve made some really good change.
I experienced this even while volunteering for charities not just as in the private sector. In a call centre job I saw the paid job club leader from one charity turn up to work there and she said something about taking one of the co-ordinators to court.
That’s actually super awesome I’m impressed and really appreciate how you took the negative emotions and made positive action.I hope you’re happier and in a better job now.
@@sophiasometimes9818 Thanks Sophia. I didn't even realize the association with my past - I learned about my trauma through Patrick. I think I just want to say how, when we walk through the fire of our lives, and survive it, we get tougher and smarter. Now we just need to figure out how to take care of ourselves.
I did the opposite and quit jobs (mostly low paying with little training) over and over again. Lacking having my own shit together I had no coping skills. I was my own worst enemy. That you stayed and were able to make positive changes is amazing! Me, I go into flight not fight.
my problem has been finding a job tbh, either i'm too nervous at interviews and bomb it, so i don't even get the chance, or at the odd chance i get a job its so overwhelming i get a panic attack everyday, but i have faith i will find a job that brings me peace, thats all i want in life!
Try to not bring your inner child with you to the interviews and only approach them from your more adult self - even if you feel like that's not there.
I used to have that problem 100%. It was AWFUL. The thing that got me over it was applying for a job I didn’t think I had any shot at getting. Somehow I got an interview at this dream job and I was extremely intimidated by the boardroom table of execs that were asking complex questions. I got really nervous to the point of fully believing I would never get the job in a million years. Then I realized that if I thought I wouldn’t get the job then there was no need to be nervous. So, I just relaxed and treated it like practice for the real thing. I was so smooth, I didn’t even know I COULD be smooth until that interview lololll. I was always so nervous about not getting the job that during my interviewed I acted like my life depended on getting it. Haha, like there was a hitman in the lobby waiting for me to mess it up. Haha. When I looked at the interview as practice, not the real thing, then it was much easier to be myself. They actually offered me a job 😂 Job interviewing is a SKILL, like any skill you have to practice to get good. So, it couldn’t hurt to apply for a job a little out of your league just to practice your job interviewing skills. You never know, you might even get the sweet job you thought you couldn’t get. Just keep at it, every time you interview your get better at it and your confidence grows! Good luck! 👍
BTW, I apologize. I just realized I gave you unsolicited advice! 😅 I only intended to share something that was useful for me, but I got a bit carried away. Whoops! Best of luck to you on your journey. 😊
@@juliaorpheuswow- I really enjoyed it. Please explain to me how this is a faux pas? I’m older and out of the loop. Either way, thanks for sharing it with me.
thank you for all these videos, I can’t afford therapy so I watch these videos an hour a week and journal about them. it’s like my own version of a therapy session until i can see an actual therapist
It’s embarrassing and hard enough having to admit that I have been doing ALL of this, to myself. The fact that you are admitting this so openly and publicly for the sake of helping people like me and your former self…you are so awesome. Thank you for the honesty and the hope that complete change IS POSSIBLE for someone like me!! I’m so proud of you and I hope to have this attitude and self awareness soon myself. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Patrick. I am 24 years old and you are helping me change my life.
“I actually wouldn’t have dated myself back then either if I think about it”. 😅👍💯 This was very helpful for me. You modeled self compassion and acceptance toward a less evolved version of yourself without shame. So, I kind of feel more safe to discuss my less evolved self without worrying about looking bad in the present- which is a thing I tend to do CoNsTantLy 😵💫
Yoga really helpful for emotional regulation. Esp the slow kind where you hold poses. Calms my nervous system. Gets me out of negative repetitive thoughts and makes me feel whole/connected and generally well.
I identify with all of those. Survived the most hellish childhood you could imagine short of growing up in a war zone. From daily beatings and childhood SA, abandonment, neglect, emotional abuse, etc. Life kinda sucks ass.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience! What helps me regulate is actually to isolate myself to “cool down”, especially in relationships I sometimes overreach to little things and isolating myself really helps to process my emotions and thoughts rather then being controlled by them and ending up getting angry or upset..
I can relate to EVERYTHING you mentioned in this video - have been dealing with these things for decades. If you want to take control of your life, you first have to take control of your ENERGY LEVELS. This means: DIET, SLEEP and EXERCISE. Controlling your diet is the foundation of everything! Cut out all unhealthy foods: sugar, processed foods, caffeine... After 1 month you will have more energy, strength and mental clarity. Intermittent fasting is also a good idea. Go to bed earlier and get up earlier. Exercise first thing in the morning as a daily routine. This involves changing your habits, which is exactly what is needed - get out of the comfort zone of feeling bad and helpless. The new year is a great time to adopt healthier patterns in your life!
Id love to hear more about avoiding intimacy entirely (6:19). I wasn’t always this way, but I have been this way the last several years. I’ve started to feel pretty lonely again, which tbh I think is a sign of progress (wanting connections)
I avoided dating and any type of romatic relationship for 7 years until earlier this year. It went downhill fairly quick but I've learned a lot from it, I feel like I understand myself a lot better now, and I know what to look out for next time. I feel like I'd be able to take a much better crack at it but I would need a lot of time and patience. That's something I don't feel I was afforded in my previous relationship, not that I'm blaming her for my issues, but I was pretty upfront about it. There's definitely some things I tend to have issues with like random avoidance, abandonment, ovethinking and overanalysing and jealousy. I think I'm probably a Fearful Avoidant, and that's ok as long as I deal with it.
Oh yes, so much of this resonates! I grew up in narcissistic abuse and neglect, which has definitely led me into some very traumatizing relationships. I also struggle with low energy, too, due to severely painful chronic illness and trauma both. I also struggle with shame and guilt on a daily basis re: my illness and how much it is keeping me from being able to do things I want and need to do, because my pain is severe and way undertreated. Though this is something that is not my fault at all, I still struggle with shame and guilt over it due to my childhood-into-adulthood trauma.
@@Deelitee Aww, I'm so glad that sharing my struggles has helped you better understand your own life and experiences that you have when around your family. I feel that so hard. It's so difficult to be around family who have abused us. Those feelings are very valid. 💜
I have a similar problem in career as I do in relationships, which is feeling valueless and therefore avoiding employment entirely, or avoiding advancement out of fear of failure/perfectionism/feelings of unworthiness. This manifests in taking jobs I am overqualified for and easily bored by, coupled with chronic dissatisfaction and under-earning.
Reminder to myself to get comfortable making mistakes. E.g I went to a pilates class yesterday for the first time and did the whole class with the mat upside down. Feel super cringe now even thinking about it but gee is that a minor mistake, which I probably won't make again. I'm glad I went though.
THIS …. I took pride in “being organized” and vigilant anout literally everything. Righ down to making sute I had set numbers of food items in my pantry so if I ran out of something I eould have extras before having to go to the store. I would bueget eat work slrep wnd live over functioning , too many hobbies, always stufying new “ handy “ type of skills etc… After lesving a marriage and mo longer being a SAHM who home schooled and house hold managing budgeting calender organizing plus so much more, it wasnt until my curent telationship and living as a couple without childten in the house , how isolated, and UN busy I was. I couldnt grt myself to do a lot of things these last three years. I have been feeling really autistic wnd like all my pasr ptsd has been mote pronounced and my dis regulation SURfaced to have to faceeven more
This channel has really helped in a way that i never expected.. The topics discussed, are real and truly helpful in the healing process.. Thank you, all the way from South Africa ❤
What I'd fine really useful is a video or worksheet on how to utilize these lessons and develop a personal plan, and how to make it realistic. I really loved this video and it's exactly what I wanted, but a problem I often have is then working out how to turn it into action and I'd personally find that really useful
career category: actor the second worst part about being a professional actor is how clear it is that you didn’t get enough attention growing up. the worst part is once you figure out why you are messed up enough to want to be an actor you feel so free until you walk into rehearsal and have to work with actors crazier than you
For Emotional Regulation, the two best treatments I've done are: Infra Slow Fluctuation Neurofeedback (ISFN), developed by Mark Smith. It directly trains the brain regulation skills. and Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR), developed by Frank Corrigan, which helps resolve shock trauma and triggers down in the midbrain below the limbic system. DBR has been especially helpful in reducing my reactivity, so I can function better.
Career & Income: I'm on disability and finding an affordable, safe place to live made the world of difference when Relationships: I escaped Intimate Partner Violence and was living in a shelter for over 7 months. It took two years to find the RIGHT, safe HOME. Now that I'm here, though my symptoms of trauma-related mental illnesses have increased, I am moving towards greater healing. I have new, SAFE friendships, an excellent SAFE trauma therapist and great support network. I am able to stay sober. I am working on my physical health as well. Your channel helps me so much, Patrick. Thank you.
Love this! Also love the sweatshirt he is wearing--totally compatible with not having sh*t together. Most people with a title like that in their video would sound condescending and I would pass it thinking they thought they were experts, but with him it feels caring and affectionate bc we are all in this together, helping each other with our sh*t. Like, I mean, when someone puts in a question and Patrick answers it sparks something in me that helps me recover, so as we all recover we are helping each other--a healing circle lol
8:55 I regulate by journaling & talking to my friends/those I trust about what I’m dealing with. I also engage in physical activities (not anything too stressful for overwhelming, things like light stretching, walking, and playing an instrument)
This came at the right time in my life when I really needed to get my stuff together before things really hit the fan. the title is a brutal but loving wake-up call to keep focus. I will pick the most concerning one and see what I come up with.
@@patrickteahanofficial Patrick, those comments might be coming from a place of not being ready to face the ick and do the work. Your teachings are so kind, gentle, and loving, easily accessible and understandable. Please keep being you 😊
I found out in the last few months that the reason certain medications for depression and anxiety weren’t working was because thats not what I have. I found out what I have and have been on meds and doing deep dive for Childhood trauma for weeks. Your videos inspired me to keep digging to get to the root of my issues! ❤
Personal regulation technique: exercise. Working out was never a helpful tool until very recently -- I'm becoming very in tune with my anger, and NEED a physical outlet. It isn't about "getting healthy" or "self-care" for me, it has to be about getting the angst and rage out in a safe way.
I did this for a while but I'm in a rut with it now. I guess I don't feel angry anymore so much as simply defeated. Anger was my primary motivation to work out, so it feels like I've lost one of my main "tools" for self-care. The rest of my mental health has been suffering greatly because of it. Ironically I'm hoping it loops back around and gets me angry again lol
I worked at a funeral home for almost two years. During that stay, two of my coworkers died within the span of a few months. It was devastating. This year alone, I had three different jobs. I left my government job because I was so anxious about our boss who was getting strict on our attendances, only to enter a contract job where I had an even worse supervisor that flared all sorts of unresolved triggers. I was anxious about my health, and still am, a huge part because of the deaths I mentioned above. I recently had some texts with a cousin, and she had to confront me a bit because, well, I won't be getting any better until we move out. Anyway, my life's a mess, but at least on my career part, I am getting out of that "I'm only good at this" mindset slowly.
I have a pet peeve about people that don't bring their own water on a long hike. I will remind people to bring water for the first invitation. If they don't, I cut them some slack that they forgot and will share my water. On the second hike, if they don't bring water, I don't offer to share mine unless they specifically ask. If they ask, I remind them to bring water next time. If on the third time, they show up without water, that's it for me. I don't want to hang out with them. I can't figure out if this is a small thing or not.
If people are too stupid to remember to bring water for a freaking hike, then those are the kind of friends I do not want to be around. They won't probably be able to help in a survivor situation that could occur during the hike
Those people can't be trusted to take care of themselves on a potentially dangerous activity. I think it's actually mature to make a boundary of not taking on that responsibility. Doesn't mean you can't hang out with them, though, but it is understandable.
I worked in a civil service no job, bullied at work, catastrophic relationships with abusive men, crying, depression, one post traumatic breakdown after being assaulted by my mother at 23 and was a shopaholic. Have improved...have a great job, yes, very exhausting..work in the criminal justice system...but adore it..am calmer, now in a nkn abusive relationship. Am getting there.Altogether it's not s***
The final thought about being able to tolerate the discomfort of change now is so true. I tell myself this in those moments, and i know its true because ive done it before, but there is always this raging voice that drowns it all out saying "BUT I DONT WANT TO!"
One scenario is when your family are high achievers, like obsessive compulsive doers, and you're made neurotic, feel worthless and you don't have your stuff together. My first therapist said she had a lot of teen clients in this situation, majority of the cases have high achieving parents thinking the problem is with their kids not having their stuff together, when it's really the parents with unrealistic expectations causing the problems. Accept that it's sometimes ok not to have your stuff together!
It’s such a blessing to have access to these resources for free on UA-cam. I’m so grateful, our generation is so blessed in the mental health department because we can become more self aware. None of this replaces therapy but it’s a first step on the journey ❤
❤Mr. Teahan- I cannot fully express what a profound difference you have made in my life. Salve on wounds I didn't even know I had. Life changing. Forever grateful 🙏
So much wisdom, Patrick. Thank you. Something that stuck out to me the most: "We tend to think we can't tolerate the discomfort we need to go through in order to get our shit together, but that's not true. In fact, the discomfort of here and now changes yield what we actually want in our lives."
The day I was laid off, a year ago, changed so much for me. On that day, my therapist asked what my biggest concern about it was and I said “waking up tomorrow without purpose.” Needless to say, we’ve spent this entire last year working to redefine purpose for me. Your job isn’t who you are.
I don't mean to idolize you, Patrick, but your words are gospel. So powerful and meaningful. it feels energizing to be able to frame my suffering so succinctly using your chart. I'm not sure how I feel right now - maybe it's just a fleeting feeling, but I am excited to take what I learned from your video and apply it to my life.
I’m stuck in most areas of my life. I’ve healed and cleared, and, I swear, I feel more behind many times, and most times. So many self speed bumps every few feet🥺😩
It's been a really difficult year emotionally and dysthymia is REAL and so frustrating. All year I've been so annoyed at how much it's affected my life
I was annoyed at the tiredness, I asked God,”If I have to have something like this dysthymia, can I at least have some variety in my suffering?” A week later, I had my first MS flare up. 🤣 Get your bloodwork done. People with high ACE scores are more likely to develop autoimmune disorders. At the very least bloodwork can be a baseline of health
Hey Patrick, just wanted to let you know that Im an adult services case manager at a CMHC in Kansas City, and I used this with one of my clients today! On one side of the paper we put "currently have" and on the other side we put "want" for the four categories you mentioned (except just put coping strategies and not unhealthy, because they already have some good ones they use 🙂)! I've learned quite a lot from you in the past 2 years and a lot of it has been useful in my career. Thanks for what you do Patrick, happy new years!
I say yes and yes to all your questions, and I see that I have had the same experience with therapists. They like think we talk about what I could do, and what kind of jobs I could consider ect. But that means I have to stay motivated a very long time. And I can not. And I change my mind about everything all the time and I forget and I get in to a fantasy or distractions. I am just not a normal functioning human being. I do belive I am a starseed and I know I am a victim of trauma and emotional neglect and psychological abuse, narcissistic father and asperger mother. No care or love to be found in that household. And it hurts me just as much today.
11:45 I've never wanted a video more than "Subconscious Unhealthy Mission". Doc you've got to lay this out in front of everyone. We can't fix what we can't see~
If you have a friend who can't accept the word 'no' that person is not a friend and never was. It doesn't matter whether it's going to a place you hate or at a time when you are not available, a slice of cake when you are full, another alcoholic drink, cigarettes when you dont smoke or being showered with presents you don' want.
These videos help me so much. I have been working on myself for the past two years and this video popped up just in time to help me reflect on both my progress and also my current challenges. Tyso
the problem with therapy is that it´s really expensive and unfortunately, it depends on you having your sh´t together career wise i had a real good thing with my last therapist : stopped drinking / smoking, stopped hating myself, but the second i had money problems, i got dropped no payment plan, nothing just 'ok goodbye' and now i feel right back at where i started before her.
My parents taught me to acknowledge: nothing in my surroundings! Like in a Crazy Cocoon! No feelings, no say, no opinion. Mostly invisible; yet; burdensome.
@ My Mother passed seven years ago. She had a horrible life, raising seven children alone; without a formal education. Coupled with the fact: that she made horrific choices in partners, that we all suffered dearly for. I’ve always felt the only trauma I was spared: was sexual abuse. Everyone has always told me: I had the worst childhood they have ever heard of. However; I think I’m pretty great! I pray you have grown to the level of feeling and healing? I felt so great verbalizing to you just now! Thank you! 🌈
This is exactly how I was raised. I was thinking about it the other day and it's almost like I was raised to be a doormat. Yet when I became a doormat for someone else, it was somehow wrong. I guess they just wanted me to be THEIR doormat, not someone else's 🤷
The crappy childhood fairy's "daily practice" has fundamentally changed me ! Like honest to god i never thought i could get my brain so be so calm and focused
8:54 - that book “Letting go” by David Hawkins was smth that helped me to understand how to process emotions. Game changer. Before that i did not even know that emotions need to be processed and regulated.
I would honestly skip the relationships. Other people can destroy all other 3 important aspects of your life. Relationships should be the LAST thing you take a chance on.
@@kayligo I've been betrayed multiple times by my mother, cousin, uncle, sister, father, friends, wife, in-laws, coworkers, etc. I have never turned my back on anyone in need. Thanks, but no thanks: I'm done with people.
As an oldest, parentified, abuse survivor of 2 narc parents, there's a weird dynamic of being seen as having my life together on the outside and everyone thinking I was so competent and mature that no one thought to offer me any help. I didn't know better. I just figured if the bills were paid, I didn't have to be bossed around, and I was in a human-services or non-profit job doing service to clients who needed support, I was doing well. Meanwhile my eating disorder was all over the map and my friendships and relationships, while lasting and with truly good people, were, in my mind, dependent on my not costing anyone anything, never asking anyone for everything. Pretending at being needless is something I would call not having your act together.
Brilliant as always Patrick! That concept of mood-dependent behaviour is so important for when we're in recovery. One way I was bad with money when I had some "big T" PTSD on top of my cPTSD and I was very dissociative is I had this airy fairy idea that money was just energy and I didn't need to worry about it because it would come to me if it was meant to. Fortunately my spouse was well and kept us afloat during that time.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for giving this information away. You're saving lives. For me, the first step on the path to repair was thinking of myself as an independent object, like a tree. The push and pull of other people's opinions about my beauty, usefulness, or inherent value is entirely immaterial. I'm alive and I'm out here creating shade and oxygen; take it or leave it, but don't pretend like I exist to make you happy. The next step was to realize that no one is coming to save me. If I want to keep distracting myself with drugs and toxic relationship, that's an entirely valid choice, but I will live and go into the grave unnoticed and that level of simmering dread and disappointment is all I will EVER have. Shall I keep myself planted in the hole, or risk it all for the chance to make it out into the sun? If you choose to fight, this video is how you build a ladder. ✊🖤
Dr. Patrick, I was an elementary school teacher for 11 years before I almost had a nervous breakdown. My husband took over and is a full-time teacher, but we really struggle to make ends meet because the area in which I am trained and got a college degree I cannot function in anymore due to my childhood trauma and highly sensitive nature. I don’t know what to do Because I would have to go back to school for something else, and I don’t have a passion for anything that would help with a full-time or even part-time income… Do you have any advice? I’ve also been questioning if possibly I’m on the autism spectrum but a lot of my friends and family don’t think I am because I have pretty good social skills.But I have mostly masked all of these my entire life and I don’t really know who I am… Your channel has meant so much to me. You are the only person that has ever validated me in my childhood trauma… So thank you so much.❤
For me, this video was very validating!! The area that I don't have together yet, is the income/career area. I have worked hard as hell for several years in healing childhood trauma. I now have many healthy habits, and a notable amount of healing under my belt, and important milestones met, yet I FEEL LIKE I'M FLAILING and I needed this validation. You mentioning that career/income is #1 in a foundational sense and to me that makes a lot of sense. Just how my life was, this area ended up needing to be last in the areas of importance/area where I needed to put my energy and focus into. I have worked like a beast in all other life-areas and since this last one happens to be a 'foundational' area, it makes sense how just this one area not being settled makes everything feel off. I cannot f-ing wait until I get this area sorted out !!!!!!
Thank you, Patrick. I loved this video. So helpful and healing. I'm gonna make a chart! I really appreciate how you share your own experiences. It helps me understand myself. 🙏💙
This video is just what I needed to hear today. I recently left a toxic soul crushing warehouse job just to go to another warehouse that pays even less than what I was getting. I had a great interview for an office job and they want to hire me but I need to submit a drug test. I think I will fail it due to smoking weed daily because I want escape my responsibilities and forget about life but what does that do for me? If I do fail it and not get the job, I will learn from it and have it give me the reality check I need. No more weed, porn and self pity. I am the the only one in charge of my life. I am the only one messing up my life. One positive is that I am able to earn my associates for free so at least I’m doing that. Thank you Patrick and I can’t wait for more videos.
I want to add to the first one about having a job and a good income, I've been mentally ill since I was 13 years old, I had to struggle to finish school, after that I've only had short-time jobs as a cleaner, a phone seller etc, but I've always been too sick to hold down a job or find something meaningful enough for me to keep going to work for. In my country, that means end up on the lowest tier of longterm sickleave, and the funds I get from that every month is not nearly enough to survive on, which definitely adds to the stress of life, never having enouhg money to eat or replace broken stuff or ever get myself something nice.
Thank you so much for making this video, this is the point of my life I'm at and I'm trying to find the way out... In my case, I've just been stuck for years, and I haven't even worked in over a year because I just don't want to go back to the same kind of job but I also don't trust that I can get a better job. For now, I'm getting back into sports, naming my issues as you said, and trying to regulate my emotions by meditating. And I'm also just generally forcing myself to do a few things and to use my time better, if I push myself, I think I'll eventually get there.
getting my career (and life) together, I've had one shitty job after another since I was 16. I want to get my masters and become a therapist; I do believe at my core that I can, but I'm so afraid of unconscious attachment to it 😖 I've begun going to CoDA and addressing childhood trauma, and it's helping, but there's still that fear of losing myself.
During the first lockdown, I took a moment to breathe and confront what was happening in my life. Nearly five years later, I am dedicated to learning more about myself. After receiving a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in January of this year, along with dealing with past trauma and possible ADHD, I’ve gained a deeper understanding of my identity. I started attending sessions with a psychologist in June, and I am grateful for the insight she has provided. I know that this journey will take time, but I believe that everything worthwhile requires effort. Good luck to everyone on their own paths. Thank you for your uploads.
Mood dependent behavior+magical thinking: I'm gonna save money to quit my job, so I can do the right thing to my employers (shame) and survive until finding a new job (anxiety). But I can only save money when I plan my finances (cause I overspend with the anxiety and depression problems). But I can only plan my finances if I feel motivated to do so. So that divine motivation doesn't come, I feel allowed to spend, never save money and make my life an eternal unhappy mess
Very clear and open sharing, for which many thanks! 🙏❣️ To these 4 categories, I would personally consider to add 2 extra: - Fysical condition (health concerns & complaints) - Family patterns (generational dynamics & influence) You totally blew my mind with just repititively mentioning Dhysthymnia. Made me google instantly, recognising personal context. Also recognising extra shame/tension within me... for simply not knowing yet 🤔 never heard the term.... being a therapist myselve for over 10 years, trainer for over 5 🙃 Also being coached, trained & diagnosed with several labels myselve, related to (chronic) anxiety, emotional (dis)regulation, and complex trauma. Still exploring, also struggling and discovering... I totally love the term "mood dependent behavior"! Again, many thanks for sharing your bright gained views on this, openly from your own struggles and experience as well. I made my screenshot, along with personal notes & will work with this 🙏 Great job! 👌🌟
I avoid relationships... mostly because i dont want to get hurt and also because i dont know what a healthy relationship is like and how i should behave in a relationship. I'm scared of ruining the other person's life with my trauma or toxic behaviour
Same. Or just disappointing them. When you've got toxic shame, everyone who appears to like you, in your mind, seems like they're just "slow on the uptake." The people who reject you are simply perceiving you correctly, and the people who like you just take longer to find out you're not worth it. I'm 30 now and my parents were never happy together at any point. Divorced when I was barely a double-digit age, none of the rest of the family really had good relationships to model from. Most of the kids I went to school with were also children of divorce, to the point where you'd actually get made fun of it your parents were still together, as if that made you a spoiled rich kid. I would say easily 95% of the people I expressed interest in rejected me, and usually not very nicely. The two that actually gave me a chance were gone in a flash. If you combined both relationships, the total time I've been not-single is maybe 1 year. It honestly feels like anybody who is in a loving and stable relationship is not even the same species as me, so my brain just discards the possibility entirely. I decided to just wait for women to come to me instead, but that worked out exactly as you'd imagine. They simply don't. At all. It's hard not to let that fuel my feeling of worthlessness, and the fear that if I do make the first move and get in a relationship, it will obviously be the other person that is less interested and less invested since I was the one that had to make it happen. I figure in a situation like that, the clock is ticking on getting broken up with again the moment the relationship starts. If I'm going to get my kicks from something temporary, I might as well stick with what's reliable (alcohol, porn, video games, etc.)
@@LorddOfTheCastle can totally relate to you. The only difference is that my parents never got divorced despite hating each other, which made things worse for me. I spent most of my life chasing people only to get used or rejected. Finally at 30, I have decided to give up on everyone and convinced myself that I don't need anyone
@@DG-kl6ud Unfortunately we do need people. We can resent that fact all we want, but the crushing feeling of loneliness is my body crying out for a need that's been neglected, like starving or being severely dehydrated. The pain's not going away until someone takes it away. I just hate that it's possible, maybe even likely, that everyone can simply say "no" and let that need stay unfulfilled. I think people like us tend to just do everything ourselves since we've been alone so long. The idea that my ability to be a complete human is based on someone else's will and not my own makes every part of my mind scream in frustration, but unfortunately it's just part of the human condition. It's extra hard when it seems to come so easily to everyone else.
Access the full-length, extended version of "How to Get Your Sh*t Together" in my healing membership.
Click here to learn more and use code "GYST25" for 25% off your first two months ➡ rebrand.ly/GYST25
Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:11 Income
0:43 Relationships
1:04 Emotional Regulation
1:23 Unhealthy Coping
2:10 Are You Subscribed?
2:43 #1 Career and Income
4:43 #2 Relationships
6:47 #3 Emotional Regulation
9:00 #4 Coping
11:05 How to Get Your SH*T Together - Three Steps
12:23 Mood Dependent Behavior
13:09 Mood Dependent Behavior - Journaling
13:30 Start Getting Your SH*T Together
14:20 Final Thoughts
It is saying page not found when I try to join the membership.
@@pinkieandpie maybe refresh as it's working on our end (?)
Pro tip: if you put those chapters in the video description, they will appear in the video bar.
Patrick ❣️ It would be *amazing* if you made this available as a standalone purchase. Please think about it? I am an autistic naturopathic addiction and trauma counselor of sorts myself with a close working group already (we heal with the mystery arts) so I don’t spend money on memberships bc I work largely for free and have a sort of monastic life with high remedial nutrition needs. This I need for myself and would purchase for personal use and recommend. For once something superior to DIY! Thank you for considering 😊
@@patrickteahanofficial Update: It finally worked. I had to put in a code that was texted to me after I clicked on my CC information. It was confusing but I'm glad it's done :)
"I had 3 different emotions: numb, angry or tired" So THAT is dystimia real definition, YESSSS
Heeeey, I can achieve all three simultaneously! I'm such an overachiever.😅
Tired is an emotion? I've been exhausted since childhood. I didn't know it was an emotion because, if you're a child, a wife, or an employee, that's called lazy, even if you're doing more than you're fair share
@@brendamoon2660 I am so sorry you have experienced this and experienced these labels. Chronic Fatigue/tiredness is one of the hallmarks of depression. The more we learn about nervous system regulation- this is now often referred to as freeze or functional freeze - your nervous system is disregulated and trying to protect you by numbing you out to your environment or emotional/physical pain (like an animal playing dead, or freezing from overwhelm). Because yours has been since childhood I would guess that this is your case- you endured trauma and went numb/frozen to survive. It mutes our expressions so people may think we are mellow, calm, indifferent, or even apathetic despite the inside sometimes being a torrent of thoughts and anxiety. The other reason a person may feel excess fatigue is hormonal imbalance, anemia (low iron), low vitamin D (which can in turn disrupt hormones), low thyroid etc.
LOLOL this describes SOO many people I know. And for Patrick to lay it out THAT plainly...I love him for it.
Stop looking outwards for therapy relief: look in words using UA-cam there are a number of excellent trauma therapist that have helped me tremendously. Often they will respond. They also have other programs. Some are free. Believe that you can find the answer. Believe that healing is possible. Don’t look backwards for answers. Life a journey. We don’t wanna get stuck at a pitstop. We want to keep growing and moving forward. Merry Christmas: your greatest gift is your own ability to heal & thrive.
I briefly worked in a sewage treatment plant, so I know a little bit about this.
😂
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That's hilarious!
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tell us more
ANY ACT OF SELF-CARE:
wash your face
eat
take a shower
stretch
consciously breathe for a full minute
rest
go to the bathroom
listen to your comfort song
clean the bathroom
do the dishes
go for a walk
ANY ACT OF SELF CARE will, to a degree, make you feel better and reset the mechanism of your mind. it can be as big as preparing a full meal or as small as walking through a doorway for a RAM wipe of your brain.
do something to care for yourself because it is a nice thing to do for someone and you deserve to have something nice done for you.
Splendid list
To have patience with oneself is to have self-love 🌹
Love this advice….🙏🏻
Great list and died laughing at your handle! 😂😂😂🤣😂🤣
i just hate doing dishes so much. its so yucky
Not me stuck in task paralysis for 6 months, need this
💔❤🩹
I had it Baaaaaaad sll year long. I was spplying for jobs but didnt really follow through with going to interviews wnd taking the next step until last month. I finally have a FT job. I start Saturday. 🎉
When I had to write papers at uni, the only thing that helped me was working in a room with people I liked who were working on their own papers/jobs. We'd talk about what we had written/worked on at lunch and/or dinner and how it went.
@@e.458 I just can't tell if this is a handicap or just a coping mechanism. Like idk whether to feel bad or good about it. At least you have friends that have the same hobbies. It's called body doubling and it's a symptom in autism and ADHD. I wish I had friends that would wanna read or paint together 😢
@@carlismycat YAYYY CONGRATS!!! I hope you’re proud of yourself cuz that is a big step in the right direction. 🥳💕
I already love it from the title alone. 😂
And the accompanying photo of Patrick, face-up, staring at the ceiling... PRICELESS!!!
Fr😂😂😂
I love the big Judgemental Judy face he's doing in the background: "**Really,** are you getting up AT ALL today?"
😂❤
For me the income thing is the worst. Grew up being told I'd "never make it in the real world", etc. Got my degree and it got me absolutely nowhere. Every time I try taking courses online to learn new skills, I'll quit after a month. So the feeling of having no skills and being unable to get/do better is my driving issue.
I get the feeling of being trapped with no way of escaping and getting better, I really do. Sending love, strength and compassion your way. You’re not incapable, you’re not trapped. The box is closed but not sealed, and the possibilities are countless once you realize that. Just take your time and live your process your own way. I believe in you dear stranger. ♥️
I feel you... this situation absolutely sucks. My degree didn't help me make money, either. I even do the online course thing 😅 But it didn't lead up to much until now. It couldn't, because it's so incredibly hard to follow through with stuff, if you get constantly interrupted by PTSD and depression symptoms. I don't have a solution yet... Maybe in your case it's about mental illness too, instead of a "lack of skills"?
I’m right there with you! My degree was pointless and having to start over in my 40’s!
It helps knowing I'm not the only one, thought my life was over at 18! Still was wandering at 30, retail and nanny jobs. One day, I saw a woman wearing her uniform in the grocery line. She worked for a cruise line, they were hiring for meet and greet positions. THAT one decision to make that call changed my entire life. Sure, I didn't rise to high ranks, but it began a life I can look back on with plenty of stories, memories and opportunities. I say, always say YES, be the best broom sweeper you can be and keep your chin up, you never know what your heart will see!😂❤😊
There are so many opportunities available to you from just finishing a bachelors! You can be a substitute teacher, for example. Paralegal, there’s more I’m sure too!
Being voluntarily celibate and moving away from where I grew up were the best things I ever did for my childhood trauma. I had to be with me. No one else. Living on my own with only me, no roommate, no family coming over, just me. I truly think everyone should live on their own. You have to sit with yourself and that changes you.
I did this too after my husband died. It was very good for me. My kids lived locally, but they weren't at my apartment much. Holidays, things like that. They have their own lives, and I made sure I didn't rely on them as my only friends like my own mother did. Time alone is good for everyone.
So true. That's how I moved from survivor mode to dipping my toe into thriver territory. What changed for you?
I like your picture. I love calico critters!
Can’t even find a therapist that’s trauma informed. Been having awful experiences with therapists that have their own issues, agenda, and lack of knowledge and skills about working with trauma issued clients. Ugh!!!
It's the worst finding one - don't give up and try to interview them a little before setting up something.
🖐️ I second that. I called 6 and emailed 4. Not one has answered. Any suggestions for one in SE Michigan?
I had awful experiences with many supposedly good trauma therapists, including a semi famous author in my area. Wish I'd never gone
Agreed! Then I realized, people are people and most people don’t give a sh*t about you lol they do indeed have their own problems and agendas and it sucks when you realize it after paying them lol but then again, they’re not God.
This!
Just start doing the things you want to be doing, even if you have to force yourself. There's no right or wrong mood for doing anything, only the outcome may vary. Let go of any expectations for the outcome. Just do for doing's sake. You don't have to commit to it for the rest of your life, just commit to doing it once, then do that again. Done is better than none, and each time counts. Repeatedly doing anything will inevitably lead to progress in some way. Repeatedly doing something different/differently will inevitably lead to change in some way.
A colleague told me about their friend, who had chronic pain but decided to start traveling around the world, because they realized the pain would not go away, no matter where they were and what they did, so they thought they might as well see the world in pain instead of staying at home in pain. That really stuck with me. _There are many things we can't do anything about, but it should not stop us from doing something about the things we can._
This is so important and i struggled with this for the longest time (and still do, but im getting a bit better). I don’t do things because my inner child thinks there’s a right and wrong way to enjoy things because that’s what I was taught growing up. It’s turned out to be one of the very deep rooted thoughts that’s the hardest to change. Example- I can’t just do something (like trying a new hobby) because what if I don’t enjoy it enough, or what if I don’t do it right. I struggle so hard to just try new things.
@@zephyr3693 Oof, I hear you. I've experienced the same thoughts when starting new things, especially a new hobby. Thoughts like, what if I'm no good, or maybe I'm just not good enough, and if that's true, should I give up when I fail, or should I even do it at all? 😔
Thankfully, when I've had a sustained interest in a particular hobby (thanks ADHD!), I've pushed through those crappy thoughts and just kept at it.
Here's an example. Several years ago while I was on a trip, I watched a young woman making lace by hand and I was fascinated. She showed me how she did it and we talked for a good while. When I got home, I sought out more learning resources and bought myself the supplies to start a beginner level project.
After working on that pattern, I was so pleased with my progress that I then decided to learn how to crochet and knit, and taught myself. I didn't put a time limit on learning any of these skills, and I allowed myself to start and stop when I needed. I don't regret any of it, even the nights that stretched into days and weeks of frustration. If only I could capture that level of inspiration and determination and then harness it, like lightning in a bottle!
Btw, nice name - nice to meet another zephyr! 😊
Loved your words "done is better than none." I read years ago " Done is better than good." this was referring to finishing a project or an assignment- not being able to hit the submit button because it wasn't "perfect". The lesson was to do your best and then hit send instead of stressing over every word, etc... and never submitting your work. In my art and at work- I've learned to follow the done is better than good idea and it is powerful and freeing. I am so proud of myself each time I hit the send button on an email that in the past I would have re-written over and over- trying to be perfect. Now I do my best- and then hit send. (I'm not talking about a rant/angry email. For those- save the draft and read it in 24 hours before you send or delete.)
Again- thanks for your comment and the motivation to take action. Do the next right thing in your day- no matter how small. I've been depressed and stuck on the couch and have learned to do the next right thing- no matter how small. Be kind to yourself and just do one small task. Fold one basket of clothes. Or fold one shirt- celebrate that and then if you're able- fold another one. Take baby steps and be kind to yourself and celebrate small victories. Pick up a few dishes and put them in the sink. Tell yourself that's all I'm trying to do.
Best wishes to all of us as we find better ways to take care of our beautiful inner child. May peace and kindness fill our lives. And of course, Thanks to Patrick for his brilliant, loving philosophy that he shares with all of us.
Thanks Patrick! You were basically kind of my rock when my mental health crashed. Little to no support system, made little money, living on my own, having to go no contact w/ family. Now I can proudly and confidently say that I’m doing so much better, and it’s because you made me feel seen through your content when no else could even myself 3 years ago.
Genuinely thank you for the content you make and the care you share through them!
I totally agree!!! No one has ever "seen" me in the way Patrick does in his videos. I was just telling a co worked this morning that Patrick puts into words almost everything I've ever struggled with. It's like opening the door to being understood and acknowledged. I am 60 years old and just since I found Patrick's online work- I finally embracing who I really am and why my life seemed so bizarre - like I couldn't understand why I struggled and cried and over-reacted my way through 60 years. Now I know my inner child was running my life because my adult sense of self was never formed. I was living an adult life - but making decisions from a 7 year old's trauma response. Patrick's videos are teaching me to find my inner adult and take care of my inner child. Better living through Patrick's kindness and intelligence! Healing vibes to you, blubird, we can do this! We can do hard things!!!
Same here. may the force be with us all when we are in a headspace that cant see change and things can get better. Patrick is so on the $$
😂 yesterday my friend told me "listennn... I need you to get your shit together". This is perfect
My greatest discovery of the past decade in terms of techniques that calm and regulate my nervous system - is the sound of rain. When I need to ground, center, focus, and/or invite a state of flow so I can access more intentional productivity... I don a set of headphones and play rain/thunderstorm sounds. It's incredible how quickly it changes my physiological, mental, and emotional state.
love that you found that
Same. I found that I be more active and productive if it is raining outside. So I often play rain sound as background music while doing something.
I hear very often now Sound baths too because i am very sensitive to Sound. And i Thougt when Sound can destroy me it can heal me too
For me it's ocean sounds, but very similar results.
I had to pause this video and walk away after hearing the part about "unhealthy attachment to your job". My job is the only thing I am, the only thing I can be proud of, the only thing I feel makes me deserve to take up space on the world, and I've been burning out and crashing this year harder than I ever have. It's been horrible to deal with and I have never been more lost and ashamed of myself for it. It's hard to hear this when I've craved identity for so long and finally thought I had found it in my place of work. But after thinking about it more I find it so incredibly relieving to know this is an unhealthy pattern and not how it should be. I'm returning to finish the video now. Thank you, Patrick.
Absolutely! I did this for decades. Inside work and self worth- the hardest job but most rewarding.
I'm 40 and can relate to work identity. I am good at it so I stay. It is because sense of worth I believe. My cousin is my boss and it makes for a very unhealthy work environment. I've tried leaving a few times but end up returning. Part of returning is the income. I've become comfortable with earnings, it's a good paying job. I live check to check because of poor spending habits. I'm collecting unemployment now which is nice being away from my cousin, but also hurts because it was his say why I'm unemployed. I'm tired, the holidays are hard. I feel lost. Thank you for sharing, you're not alone.
I’ve been down this hole.
I burned out from a frontline social work position that I spent 5 years in.
Taken out by Thyroid cancer. I recently called myself a C-PTSD layer cake!
YOUR WORTH IS ABOVE, BEYOND AND ASIDE FROM YOUR WORK!
I’ve started to be grateful for the hardships because they have brought a deeper regulation and calm, better relationship and I am a better mum.
Please take the steps to put your heart and your being at the center of your life and love. ❤️
YOU ARE WORTHY. We were born that way, but many of our parents have just acted out their own childhood trauma, passed along through family’s trees.
Life has a way of turning us into the diamonds we were meant for! ❤❤❤
Wow I cannot believe there is someone else that feels exactly as I do regarding their job.. I, too, feel that’s the only place where I feel worth while.. I know I’m good at it.. but in the last 7 years… Aghh some coworkers are just awful- bullying, gossiping , trying to create problems.. I feel like narcissists are EVERYWHERE now - to make us all miserable! Some of them are so awful I fear going to work.😢
Wow, I didn't expect to see my exact sentiments expressed here. On paper, I have a good job and very little to complain about. It's embarrassing to be dissatisfied. I poured all of my energy into succeeding at it because I felt I didn't have any self-worth otherwise. But now, I've reached the limit of how far I can progress without a job change, and I've been spinning my wheels without getting anywhere new for a couple of years. I'm worried that I'm going to age out of making a career shift if I don't act soon. I'm paralyzed because I feel like I'm just going to find out what I've been afraid of this whole time, that I'm just not good enough.
in the career/income category: starting over as an older person
That is very challenging❤❣
Can I get a do-over? I wish I knew then what I know now! Where does the time go?
Time flies whether you're having fun or not! So have some fun with life, wear it lightly, and practice gratitude for all things. You won't regret it. At 60 ive learned that thoughts lead to feelings and behviors so i found for me practicing gratitude daily for my relationship with God, the abundance He has brought in to my life, my Father in Heaven, not. my mothers or my grandmothers 'punishung' god. I had to fire that one
If you're a recovering old-school unbaptized Catholic girl, im grateful for what he has given, what He has taken away, and all that He's left. Its been quite a journey of learning opportunities. Uts a roller coaster but we'll worth the price of admission. 😊
I've started over 3 times only to hit the wall and be bedridden from burn out THEN work out I'm autistic and later ADHD too, trying to start over taking this in mind and... There's no path. There's no options.
If you're neurotypical and have most your health you'll wrangle it, neurodivergent? Gotta have a lot of luck and support otherwise it's impossible.
Same :/
@@Onthe9thlife3730I hear ya. Neurodivergent with head trauma resulting in blinding migraines (especially in bright lights) has had me in burnout a lot. People think I'm depressed but I am just exhausted.
And the anxiety of being turned down for past seizures is exhausting.
Patrick, you are hands-down the best therapist I've ever known who's able to get to the nitty-gritty root of childhood trauma in a kind, compassionate, no-nonsense way, and I am forever grateful. I'm joining the membership tomorrow. So excited! :)
Thank you so much for your kindness ❤
What's scary is I feel like I have like 90% of these issues, and it feels like too much to handle and there is like no one to connect with as a friend.
I’ll be your friend? I’m shocked right now too! He is spot on! And it hurts to see it for the first time! ❤
Same. Wish there was a monthly online get together where people felt safe to share and listen
@ That’s what Locals is. Right?
Trust me I have these issues despite having friends, it doesn’t help. Behavior therapy is your best bet, you may also have ptsd or adhd
Absolutely
Exercise is the best tool I've found for emotional regulation. Force yourself to do it, even on the days you don't feel like it. Especially on those days, you will get the most out it, in terms of noticeably lifting your mood, increasing your energy and self esteem, plus reducing any anger or anxiety. Works better than any antidepressant I ever tried. PS- It helps to have a concrete goal. Years ago, I signed up for an event through Team In Training. The event created a firm deadline, and pressure to train. I also told everyone I was doing it, because I was fundraising. That social pressure made me more accountable as well. I trained for 4 months, which was long enough to form a new habit. In hindsight, it was a real catalyst in getting my sh*t together!
I have no doubt that this is a cornerstone issue for me. It's the task paralysis. Like my brain says, let's go for a walk, and my body just... won't.
I'm so anxious, depressed, and sick all the time (just learned what dysthymia is!) that it's hard to do the things I know I want to do and will help me feel better... I think just nudging myself little by little can help me stick to routine movement. I've got to find something I LOVE to do, and that feels so hard.
I’m always fighting my toxic workplace 😂 - it’s very unsafe and we have bosses that bully us - our CEO sexually assaulted a couple of workers and was fired - but as a childhood trauma, I did not leave like a lot of people did. I became a member leader, then an eboard member of my Union. I fought them too for better staff and now we have an atty rep. I got us security guards and we are positioned and moving against management now to stop the unfair treatment and worker abuse. My point - trauma survivors oftentimes don’t know how to get out of bad situations- but they know how to fight. If
I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know about my trauma, I’d get a nicer
Job where I didn’t have to go through all that stress.
But I’ve made some really good change.
I experienced this even while volunteering for charities not just as in the private sector. In a call centre job I saw the paid job club leader from one charity turn up to work there and she said something about taking one of the co-ordinators to court.
That’s actually super awesome I’m impressed and really appreciate how you took the negative emotions and made positive action.I hope you’re happier and in a better job now.
@@sophiasometimes9818 Thanks Sophia. I didn't even realize the association with my past - I learned about my trauma through Patrick. I think I just want to say how, when we walk through the fire of our lives, and survive it, we get tougher and smarter. Now we just need to figure out how to take care of ourselves.
@ :) true, thank you, I have walked thru fire and survived that means a lot 🥲
I did the opposite and quit jobs (mostly low paying with little training) over and over again. Lacking having my own shit together I had no coping skills. I was my own worst enemy. That you stayed and were able to make positive changes is amazing! Me, I go into flight not fight.
my problem has been finding a job tbh, either i'm too nervous at interviews and bomb it, so i don't even get the chance, or at the odd chance i get a job its so overwhelming i get a panic attack everyday, but i have faith i will find a job that brings me peace, thats all i want in life!
Try to not bring your inner child with you to the interviews and only approach them from your more adult self - even if you feel like that's not there.
I used to have that problem 100%. It was AWFUL. The thing that got me over it was applying for a job I didn’t think I had any shot at getting. Somehow I got an interview at this dream job and I was extremely intimidated by the boardroom table of execs that were asking complex questions. I got really nervous to the point of fully believing I would never get the job in a million years. Then I realized that if I thought I wouldn’t get the job then there was no need to be nervous. So, I just relaxed and treated it like practice for the real thing. I was so smooth, I didn’t even know I COULD be smooth until that interview lololll. I was always so nervous about not getting the job that during my interviewed I acted like my life depended on getting it. Haha, like there was a hitman in the lobby waiting for me to mess it up. Haha. When I looked at the interview as practice, not the real thing, then it was much easier to be myself. They actually offered me a job 😂
Job interviewing is a SKILL, like any skill you have to practice to get good. So, it couldn’t hurt to apply for a job a little out of your league just to practice your job interviewing skills. You never know, you might even get the sweet job you thought you couldn’t get. Just keep at it, every time you interview your get better at it and your confidence grows! Good luck! 👍
BTW, I apologize. I just realized I gave you unsolicited advice! 😅 I only intended to share something that was useful for me, but I got a bit carried away. Whoops! Best of luck to you on your journey. 😊
@@juliaorpheuswow- I really enjoyed it. Please explain to me how this is a faux pas? I’m older and out of the loop. Either way, thanks for sharing it with me.
@@juliaorpheus thats amazing, thank you!
The worst thing for me now, is waiting for my mood and energy to get better, before I do something I want.
thank you for all these videos, I can’t afford therapy so I watch these videos an hour a week and journal about them. it’s like my own version of a therapy session until i can see an actual therapist
That is really smart and something I plan on doing as well!
@ i’ve only been doing it for a month or so and i’m already seeing improvements! I hope it benefits you as well 😊
What about chronic under-earning & taking jobs that no one else wants so you don’t have much competition and won’t get fired?
I can relate.
It’s embarrassing and hard enough having to admit that I have been doing ALL of this, to myself. The fact that you are admitting this so openly and publicly for the sake of helping people like me and your former self…you are so awesome. Thank you for the honesty and the hope that complete change IS POSSIBLE for someone like me!! I’m so proud of you and I hope to have this attitude and self awareness soon myself. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Patrick. I am 24 years old and you are helping me change my life.
“I actually wouldn’t have dated myself back then either if I think about it”. 😅👍💯
This was very helpful for me. You modeled self compassion and acceptance toward a less evolved version of yourself without shame. So, I kind of feel more safe to discuss my less evolved self without worrying about looking bad in the present- which is a thing I tend to do CoNsTantLy 😵💫
Thank you Patrick Teahan. So helpful! You hit this message post out of the ballpark for this newly awakened 62yo. Blessings of love and peace to you.
Yoga really helpful for emotional regulation. Esp the slow kind where you hold poses. Calms my nervous system. Gets me out of negative repetitive thoughts and makes me feel whole/connected and generally well.
Is there a name for that type??
@Deelitee yin yoga, restorative yoga, and gentle yoga all hold poses for an extended amount of time.
The class I go to is called slow flow. @@jennifermargell2681
I identify with all of those. Survived the most hellish childhood you could imagine short of growing up in a war zone. From daily beatings and childhood SA, abandonment, neglect, emotional abuse, etc. Life kinda sucks ass.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience!
What helps me regulate is actually to isolate myself to “cool down”, especially in relationships I sometimes overreach to little things and isolating myself really helps to process my emotions and thoughts rather then being controlled by them and ending up getting angry or upset..
I can relate to EVERYTHING you mentioned in this video - have been dealing with these things for decades. If you want to take control of your life, you first have to take control of your ENERGY LEVELS. This means: DIET, SLEEP and EXERCISE. Controlling your diet is the foundation of everything! Cut out all unhealthy foods: sugar, processed foods, caffeine... After 1 month you will have more energy, strength and mental clarity. Intermittent fasting is also a good idea. Go to bed earlier and get up earlier. Exercise first thing in the morning as a daily routine. This involves changing your habits, which is exactly what is needed - get out of the comfort zone of feeling bad and helpless. The new year is a great time to adopt healthier patterns in your life!
"Leave a comment if I identify with any of these", Patrick I identify with all of these 🥺
Id love to hear more about avoiding intimacy entirely (6:19). I wasn’t always this way, but I have been this way the last several years. I’ve started to feel pretty lonely again, which tbh I think is a sign of progress (wanting connections)
I don't feel lonely, but feel alone with regard to family overall... lack of family
I’m not even that good at the job I’m too afraid to leave.
That phrase might have been the most hurtful thing casual acquaintances said when I was struggling as I went no contact many years ago.
I avoided dating and any type of romatic relationship for 7 years until earlier this year. It went downhill fairly quick but I've learned a lot from it, I feel like I understand myself a lot better now, and I know what to look out for next time. I feel like I'd be able to take a much better crack at it but I would need a lot of time and patience. That's something I don't feel I was afforded in my previous relationship, not that I'm blaming her for my issues, but I was pretty upfront about it. There's definitely some things I tend to have issues with like random avoidance, abandonment, ovethinking and overanalysing and jealousy. I think I'm probably a Fearful Avoidant, and that's ok as long as I deal with it.
Oh yes, so much of this resonates! I grew up in narcissistic abuse and neglect, which has definitely led me into some very traumatizing relationships. I also struggle with low energy, too, due to severely painful chronic illness and trauma both. I also struggle with shame and guilt on a daily basis re: my illness and how much it is keeping me from being able to do things I want and need to do, because my pain is severe and way undertreated. Though this is something that is not my fault at all, I still struggle with shame and guilt over it due to my childhood-into-adulthood trauma.
I wish you well on your healing. I understand and it's one day at a time. Never give up. You deserve a better life.
You just helped me understand so much in my own life and the experience I have when around family! Omg, thank you! ❤ I feel sane now.
@@LimitlessThinker❤❤❤
@@LimitlessThinker Thank you so much, and you as well! None of us deserve the abuse (and other traumas) that has caused PTSD and C-PTSD in us. 💜
@@Deelitee Aww, I'm so glad that sharing my struggles has helped you better understand your own life and experiences that you have when around your family. I feel that so hard. It's so difficult to be around family who have abused us. Those feelings are very valid. 💜
My underlying issue: Avoiding conflicts and trying to have stability at home. CPTSDAF
I have a similar problem in career as I do in relationships, which is feeling valueless and therefore avoiding employment entirely, or avoiding advancement out of fear of failure/perfectionism/feelings of unworthiness. This manifests in taking jobs I am overqualified for and easily bored by, coupled with chronic dissatisfaction and under-earning.
Reminder to myself to get comfortable making mistakes. E.g I went to a pilates class yesterday for the first time and did the whole class with the mat upside down. Feel super cringe now even thinking about it but gee is that a minor mistake, which I probably won't make again. I'm glad I went though.
lol, this is so something I would do!
@ChrisJWinn and I bet nobody noticed but you!
“A mistake is not a life sentence “ this helps me let go of perfectionism and shame
Oh can we have a video for those of us who respond to childhood trauma by being over-functioners?
yes and you can also check this video out (The Doer) ua-cam.com/video/WiGbgKICNEU/v-deo.html
THIS …. I took pride in “being organized” and vigilant anout literally everything. Righ down to making sute I had set numbers of food items in my pantry so if I ran out of something I eould have extras before having to go to the store. I would bueget eat work slrep wnd live over functioning , too many hobbies, always stufying new “ handy “ type of skills etc… After lesving a marriage and mo longer being a SAHM who home schooled and house hold managing budgeting calender organizing plus so much more, it wasnt until my curent telationship and living as a couple without childten in the house , how isolated, and UN busy I was. I couldnt grt myself to do a lot of things these last three years. I have been feeling really autistic wnd like all my pasr ptsd has been mote pronounced and my dis regulation SURfaced to have to faceeven more
This channel has really helped in a way that i never expected.. The topics discussed, are real and truly helpful in the healing process..
Thank you, all the way from South Africa ❤
What I'd fine really useful is a video or worksheet on how to utilize these lessons and develop a personal plan, and how to make it realistic. I really loved this video and it's exactly what I wanted, but a problem I often have is then working out how to turn it into action and I'd personally find that really useful
career category: actor
the second worst part about being a professional actor is how clear it is that you didn’t get enough attention growing up. the worst part is once you figure out why you are messed up enough to want to be an actor you feel so free until you walk into rehearsal and have to work with actors crazier than you
For Emotional Regulation, the two best treatments I've done are: Infra Slow Fluctuation Neurofeedback (ISFN), developed by Mark Smith. It directly trains the brain regulation skills. and Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR), developed by Frank Corrigan, which helps resolve shock trauma and triggers down in the midbrain below the limbic system. DBR has been especially helpful in reducing my reactivity, so I can function better.
Thanks for posting this. Have you ever considered being a therapist? You get this stuff. P
@@patrickteahanofficial My therapist may have suggested it more than once. lol
Career & Income: I'm on disability and finding an affordable, safe place to live made the world of difference when Relationships: I escaped Intimate Partner Violence and was living in a shelter for over 7 months. It took two years to find the RIGHT, safe HOME. Now that I'm here, though my symptoms of trauma-related mental illnesses have increased, I am moving towards greater healing. I have new, SAFE friendships, an excellent SAFE trauma therapist and great support network. I am able to stay sober. I am working on my physical health as well.
Your channel helps me so much, Patrick. Thank you.
Love this! Also love the sweatshirt he is wearing--totally compatible with not having sh*t together. Most people with a title like that in their video would sound condescending and I would pass it thinking they thought they were experts, but with him it feels caring and affectionate bc we are all in this together, helping each other with our sh*t. Like, I mean, when someone puts in a question and Patrick answers it sparks something in me that helps me recover, so as we all recover we are helping each other--a healing circle lol
❤❤❤ ( also, I think I lost my tolerance for the condescending “experts” anyone who acts that way, isn’t really whole/healing imo)
confused because I went back to look at the sweatshirt and he's wearing a a button-up shirt
8:55 I regulate by journaling & talking to my friends/those I trust about what I’m dealing with. I also engage in physical activities (not anything too stressful for overwhelming, things like light stretching, walking, and playing an instrument)
The title is so real
This came at the right time in my life when I really needed to get my stuff together before things really hit the fan.
the title is a brutal but loving wake-up call to keep focus. I will pick the most concerning one and see what I come up with.
Good to hear it - my channel has been called dense and intense...the work is tough.
@@patrickteahanofficial Patrick, those comments might be coming from a place of not being ready to face the ick and do the work. Your teachings are so kind, gentle, and loving, easily accessible and understandable. Please keep being you 😊
I found out in the last few months that the reason certain medications for depression and anxiety weren’t working was because thats not what I have.
I found out what I have and have been on meds and doing deep dive for Childhood trauma for weeks.
Your videos inspired me to keep digging to get to the root of my issues!
❤
Personal regulation technique: exercise. Working out was never a helpful tool until very recently -- I'm becoming very in tune with my anger, and NEED a physical outlet. It isn't about "getting healthy" or "self-care" for me, it has to be about getting the angst and rage out in a safe way.
I did this for a while but I'm in a rut with it now. I guess I don't feel angry anymore so much as simply defeated. Anger was my primary motivation to work out, so it feels like I've lost one of my main "tools" for self-care. The rest of my mental health has been suffering greatly because of it. Ironically I'm hoping it loops back around and gets me angry again lol
I worked at a funeral home for almost two years. During that stay, two of my coworkers died within the span of a few months. It was devastating.
This year alone, I had three different jobs. I left my government job because I was so anxious about our boss who was getting strict on our attendances, only to enter a contract job where I had an even worse supervisor that flared all sorts of unresolved triggers.
I was anxious about my health, and still am, a huge part because of the deaths I mentioned above.
I recently had some texts with a cousin, and she had to confront me a bit because, well, I won't be getting any better until we move out.
Anyway, my life's a mess, but at least on my career part, I am getting out of that "I'm only good at this" mindset slowly.
I have a pet peeve about people that don't bring their own water on a long hike. I will remind people to bring water for the first invitation. If they don't, I cut them some slack that they forgot and will share my water. On the second hike, if they don't bring water, I don't offer to share mine unless they specifically ask. If they ask, I remind them to bring water next time. If on the third time, they show up without water, that's it for me. I don't want to hang out with them. I can't figure out if this is a small thing or not.
If people are too stupid to remember to bring water for a freaking hike, then those are the kind of friends I do not want to be around.
They won't probably be able to help in a survivor situation that could occur during the hike
Umm, no. 3 times is very generous IMO
Those people can't be trusted to take care of themselves on a potentially dangerous activity.
I think it's actually mature to make a boundary of not taking on that responsibility.
Doesn't mean you can't hang out with them, though, but it is understandable.
I'm so grateful for you, Patrick! Really looking forward to this one - 2025 is the perfect time to GMST.
I worked in a civil service no job, bullied at work, catastrophic relationships with abusive men, crying, depression, one post traumatic breakdown after being assaulted by my mother at 23 and was a shopaholic.
Have improved...have a great job, yes, very exhausting..work in the criminal justice system...but adore it..am calmer, now in a nkn abusive relationship. Am getting there.Altogether it's not s***
The final thought about being able to tolerate the discomfort of change now is so true. I tell myself this in those moments, and i know its true because ive done it before, but there is always this raging voice that drowns it all out saying "BUT I DONT WANT TO!"
ok this thumbnail is fck funny😂. anyhow looking forward to the video.
One scenario is when your family are high achievers, like obsessive compulsive doers, and you're made neurotic, feel worthless and you don't have your stuff together. My first therapist said she had a lot of teen clients in this situation, majority of the cases have high achieving parents thinking the problem is with their kids not having their stuff together, when it's really the parents with unrealistic expectations causing the problems. Accept that it's sometimes ok not to have your stuff together!
It’s such a blessing to have access to these resources for free on UA-cam. I’m so grateful, our generation is so blessed in the mental health department because we can become more self aware. None of this replaces therapy but it’s a first step on the journey ❤
❤Mr. Teahan- I cannot fully express what a profound difference you have made in my life. Salve on wounds I didn't even know I had. Life changing. Forever grateful 🙏
So much wisdom, Patrick. Thank you. Something that stuck out to me the most: "We tend to think we can't tolerate the discomfort we need to go through in order to get our shit together, but that's not true. In fact, the discomfort of here and now changes yield what we actually want in our lives."
ER nurse here. Definitely spot on. Been a challenge my entire career and life. 🙏
The day I was laid off, a year ago, changed so much for me. On that day, my therapist asked what my biggest concern about it was and I said “waking up tomorrow without purpose.” Needless to say, we’ve spent this entire last year working to redefine purpose for me. Your job isn’t who you are.
I don't mean to idolize you, Patrick, but your words are gospel. So powerful and meaningful. it feels energizing to be able to frame my suffering so succinctly using your chart. I'm not sure how I feel right now - maybe it's just a fleeting feeling, but I am excited to take what I learned from your video and apply it to my life.
I need this so much
Thank you Patrick! It makes so much sense the 4 are affecting each other. Helps to just pick one. Love that idea!
Glad it was helpful and thanks!
I’m stuck in most areas of my life. I’ve healed and cleared, and, I swear, I feel more behind many times, and most times. So many self speed bumps every few feet🥺😩
I feel the same way, but I you have a much better year ❤
The title is really selling me lol
thank you!
It's been a really difficult year emotionally and dysthymia is REAL and so frustrating. All year I've been so annoyed at how much it's affected my life
I was annoyed at the tiredness, I asked God,”If I have to have something like this dysthymia, can I at least have some variety in my suffering?”
A week later, I had my first MS flare up. 🤣
Get your bloodwork done. People with high ACE scores are more likely to develop autoimmune disorders. At the very least bloodwork can be a baseline of health
Hey Patrick, just wanted to let you know that Im an adult services case manager at a CMHC in Kansas City, and I used this with one of my clients today!
On one side of the paper we put "currently have" and on the other side we put "want" for the four categories you mentioned (except just put coping strategies and not unhealthy, because they already have some good ones they use 🙂)!
I've learned quite a lot from you in the past 2 years and a lot of it has been useful in my career.
Thanks for what you do Patrick, happy new years!
I say yes and yes to all your questions, and I see that I have had the same experience with therapists. They like think we talk about what I could do, and what kind of jobs I could consider ect. But that means I have to stay motivated a very long time. And I can not. And I change my mind about everything all the time and I forget and I get in to a fantasy or distractions. I am just not a normal functioning human being. I do belive I am a starseed and I know I am a victim of trauma and emotional neglect and psychological abuse, narcissistic father and asperger mother. No care or love to be found in that household. And it hurts me just as much today.
11:45 I've never wanted a video more than "Subconscious Unhealthy Mission". Doc you've got to lay this out in front of everyone. We can't fix what we can't see~
If you have a friend who can't accept the word 'no' that person is not a friend and never was. It doesn't matter whether it's going to a place you hate or at a time when you are not available, a slice of cake when you are full, another alcoholic drink, cigarettes when you dont smoke or being showered with presents you don' want.
These videos help me so much. I have been working on myself for the past two years and this video popped up just in time to help me reflect on both my progress and also my current challenges. Tyso
hahaha, I was a bike messenger for 20 years! Answered my radio 24/7 and lived in the back of a bicycle store. That's how everyone in town knew me.
You must've been super fit anyway!
the problem with therapy is that it´s really expensive and unfortunately, it depends on you having your sh´t together career wise
i had a real good thing with my last therapist : stopped drinking / smoking, stopped hating myself, but the second i had money problems, i got dropped
no payment plan, nothing just 'ok goodbye' and now i feel right back at where i started before her.
That really is the ultimate irony. When you need help/hope the most, it's financially unobtainable!
My parents taught me to acknowledge: nothing in my surroundings! Like in a Crazy Cocoon! No feelings, no say, no opinion. Mostly invisible; yet; burdensome.
Same
@ My Mother passed seven years ago. She had a horrible life, raising seven children alone; without a formal education. Coupled with the fact: that she made horrific choices in partners, that we all suffered dearly for. I’ve always felt the only trauma I was spared: was sexual abuse. Everyone has always told me: I had the worst childhood they have ever heard of. However; I think I’m pretty great! I pray you have grown to the level of feeling and healing? I felt so great verbalizing to you just now! Thank you! 🌈
This is exactly how I was raised. I was thinking about it the other day and it's almost like I was raised to be a doormat. Yet when I became a doormat for someone else, it was somehow wrong. I guess they just wanted me to be THEIR doormat, not someone else's 🤷
@ Wow! Great work on your wonderful self! 👏❤️
I’m a 63 year old Momma; and it’s taken me until just the past few years: to STOP trying to fix my broken birth family! Both parents have passed.
This makes sense. Thanks Patrick. This is me ( restaurant worker from age 14) Being a musician was my passion also.
The crappy childhood fairy's "daily practice" has fundamentally changed me ! Like honest to god i never thought i could get my brain so be so calm and focused
8:54 - that book “Letting go” by David Hawkins was smth that helped me to understand how to process emotions. Game changer. Before that i did not even know that emotions need to be processed and regulated.
I would honestly skip the relationships. Other people can destroy all other 3 important aspects of your life. Relationships should be the LAST thing you take a chance on.
Or start with people you already trust.
@@kayligo I've been betrayed multiple times by my mother, cousin, uncle, sister, father, friends, wife, in-laws, coworkers, etc. I have never turned my back on anyone in need. Thanks, but no thanks: I'm done with people.
To me the relationship became the first stable thing and springboard to the others. I needed to be loved so badly
@@kaylahall1219 lucky you. Unfortunately a lot of us struggle to find trustworthy people 😐
As an oldest, parentified, abuse survivor of 2 narc parents, there's a weird dynamic of being seen as having my life together on the outside and everyone thinking I was so competent and mature that no one thought to offer me any help. I didn't know better. I just figured if the bills were paid, I didn't have to be bossed around, and I was in a human-services or non-profit job doing service to clients who needed support, I was doing well. Meanwhile my eating disorder was all over the map and my friendships and relationships, while lasting and with truly good people, were, in my mind, dependent on my not costing anyone anything, never asking anyone for everything. Pretending at being needless is something I would call not having your act together.
I'm so ready.
Brilliant as always Patrick! That concept of mood-dependent behaviour is so important for when we're in recovery.
One way I was bad with money when I had some "big T" PTSD on top of my cPTSD and I was very dissociative is I had this airy fairy idea that money was just energy and I didn't need to worry about it because it would come to me if it was meant to. Fortunately my spouse was well and kept us afloat during that time.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for giving this information away. You're saving lives.
For me, the first step on the path to repair was thinking of myself as an independent object, like a tree. The push and pull of other people's opinions about my beauty, usefulness, or inherent value is entirely immaterial. I'm alive and I'm out here creating shade and oxygen; take it or leave it, but don't pretend like I exist to make you happy.
The next step was to realize that no one is coming to save me. If I want to keep distracting myself with drugs and toxic relationship, that's an entirely valid choice, but I will live and go into the grave unnoticed and that level of simmering dread and disappointment is all I will EVER have. Shall I keep myself planted in the hole, or risk it all for the chance to make it out into the sun?
If you choose to fight, this video is how you build a ladder. ✊🖤
Dr. Patrick, I was an elementary school teacher for 11 years before I almost had a nervous breakdown. My husband took over and is a full-time teacher, but we really struggle to make ends meet because the area in which I am trained and got a college degree I cannot function in anymore due to my childhood trauma and highly sensitive nature. I don’t know what to do Because I would have to go back to school for something else, and I don’t have a passion for anything that would help with a full-time or even part-time income… Do you have any advice? I’ve also been questioning if possibly I’m on the autism spectrum but a lot of my friends and family don’t think I am because I have pretty good social skills.But I have mostly masked all of these my entire life and I don’t really know who I am… Your channel has meant so much to me. You are the only person that has ever validated me in my childhood trauma… So thank you so much.❤
For me, this video was very validating!! The area that I don't have together yet, is the income/career area. I have worked hard as hell for several years in healing childhood trauma. I now have many healthy habits, and a notable amount of healing under my belt, and important milestones met, yet I FEEL LIKE I'M FLAILING and I needed this validation. You mentioning that career/income is #1 in a foundational sense and to me that makes a lot of sense. Just how my life was, this area ended up needing to be last in the areas of importance/area where I needed to put my energy and focus into. I have worked like a beast in all other life-areas and since this last one happens to be a 'foundational' area, it makes sense how just this one area not being settled makes everything feel off. I cannot f-ing wait until I get this area sorted out !!!!!!
Thank you, Patrick. I loved this video. So helpful and healing. I'm gonna make a chart! I really appreciate how you share your own experiences. It helps me understand myself. 🙏💙
This video is just what I needed to hear today. I recently left a toxic soul crushing warehouse job just to go to another warehouse that pays even less than what I was getting. I had a great interview for an office job and they want to hire me but I need to submit a drug test. I think I will fail it due to smoking weed daily because I want escape my responsibilities and forget about life but what does that do for me? If I do fail it and not get the job, I will learn from it and have it give me the reality check I need. No more weed, porn and self pity. I am the the only one in charge of my life. I am the only one messing up my life. One positive is that I am able to earn my associates for free so at least I’m doing that. Thank you Patrick and I can’t wait for more videos.
I want to add to the first one about having a job and a good income, I've been mentally ill since I was 13 years old, I had to struggle to finish school, after that I've only had short-time jobs as a cleaner, a phone seller etc, but I've always been too sick to hold down a job or find something meaningful enough for me to keep going to work for. In my country, that means end up on the lowest tier of longterm sickleave, and the funds I get from that every month is not nearly enough to survive on, which definitely adds to the stress of life, never having enouhg money to eat or replace broken stuff or ever get myself something nice.
Thank you so much for making this video, this is the point of my life I'm at and I'm trying to find the way out... In my case, I've just been stuck for years, and I haven't even worked in over a year because I just don't want to go back to the same kind of job but I also don't trust that I can get a better job. For now, I'm getting back into sports, naming my issues as you said, and trying to regulate my emotions by meditating. And I'm also just generally forcing myself to do a few things and to use my time better, if I push myself, I think I'll eventually get there.
I'm really looking forward to this. Thank you.
getting my career (and life) together, I've had one shitty job after another since I was 16. I want to get my masters and become a therapist; I do believe at my core that I can, but I'm so afraid of unconscious attachment to it 😖 I've begun going to CoDA and addressing childhood trauma, and it's helping, but there's still that fear of losing myself.
Haven't finished the vid, but it's offering a wonderful tool to my lack of togetherness so far, lol
I'm glad it's helpful.
I like your approach to the topic. haven't seen anything like it on UA-cam.
To have patience with oneself is to have self-love 🌹
During the first lockdown, I took a moment to breathe and confront what was happening in my life. Nearly five years later, I am dedicated to learning more about myself. After receiving a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in January of this year, along with dealing with past trauma and possible ADHD, I’ve gained a deeper understanding of my identity. I started attending sessions with a psychologist in June, and I am grateful for the insight she has provided. I know that this journey will take time, but I believe that everything worthwhile requires effort. Good luck to everyone on their own paths. Thank you for your uploads.
Mood dependent behavior+magical thinking: I'm gonna save money to quit my job, so I can do the right thing to my employers (shame) and survive until finding a new job (anxiety). But I can only save money when I plan my finances (cause I overspend with the anxiety and depression problems). But I can only plan my finances if I feel motivated to do so. So that divine motivation doesn't come, I feel allowed to spend, never save money and make my life an eternal unhappy mess
Very clear and open sharing, for which many thanks! 🙏❣️
To these 4 categories, I would personally consider to add 2 extra:
- Fysical condition (health concerns & complaints)
- Family patterns (generational dynamics & influence)
You totally blew my mind with just repititively mentioning Dhysthymnia. Made me google instantly, recognising personal context. Also recognising extra shame/tension within me... for simply not knowing yet 🤔 never heard the term.... being a therapist myselve for over 10 years, trainer for over 5 🙃 Also being coached, trained & diagnosed with several labels myselve, related to (chronic) anxiety, emotional (dis)regulation, and complex trauma. Still exploring, also struggling and discovering... I totally love the term "mood dependent behavior"!
Again, many thanks for sharing your bright gained views on this, openly from your own struggles and experience as well. I made my screenshot, along with personal notes & will work with this 🙏 Great job! 👌🌟
I avoid relationships... mostly because i dont want to get hurt and also because i dont know what a healthy relationship is like and how i should behave in a relationship. I'm scared of ruining the other person's life with my trauma or toxic behaviour
Same. Or just disappointing them. When you've got toxic shame, everyone who appears to like you, in your mind, seems like they're just "slow on the uptake." The people who reject you are simply perceiving you correctly, and the people who like you just take longer to find out you're not worth it.
I'm 30 now and my parents were never happy together at any point. Divorced when I was barely a double-digit age, none of the rest of the family really had good relationships to model from. Most of the kids I went to school with were also children of divorce, to the point where you'd actually get made fun of it your parents were still together, as if that made you a spoiled rich kid. I would say easily 95% of the people I expressed interest in rejected me, and usually not very nicely. The two that actually gave me a chance were gone in a flash. If you combined both relationships, the total time I've been not-single is maybe 1 year. It honestly feels like anybody who is in a loving and stable relationship is not even the same species as me, so my brain just discards the possibility entirely. I decided to just wait for women to come to me instead, but that worked out exactly as you'd imagine. They simply don't. At all. It's hard not to let that fuel my feeling of worthlessness, and the fear that if I do make the first move and get in a relationship, it will obviously be the other person that is less interested and less invested since I was the one that had to make it happen. I figure in a situation like that, the clock is ticking on getting broken up with again the moment the relationship starts. If I'm going to get my kicks from something temporary, I might as well stick with what's reliable (alcohol, porn, video games, etc.)
@@LorddOfTheCastle can totally relate to you. The only difference is that my parents never got divorced despite hating each other, which made things worse for me. I spent most of my life chasing people only to get used or rejected. Finally at 30, I have decided to give up on everyone and convinced myself that I don't need anyone
@@DG-kl6ud Unfortunately we do need people. We can resent that fact all we want, but the crushing feeling of loneliness is my body crying out for a need that's been neglected, like starving or being severely dehydrated. The pain's not going away until someone takes it away. I just hate that it's possible, maybe even likely, that everyone can simply say "no" and let that need stay unfulfilled. I think people like us tend to just do everything ourselves since we've been alone so long. The idea that my ability to be a complete human is based on someone else's will and not my own makes every part of my mind scream in frustration, but unfortunately it's just part of the human condition. It's extra hard when it seems to come so easily to everyone else.